The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - How To Tame Your Gremlin & Find Emotional Balance - The Simple Method For Getting Out Of Your Own Way Ft. Rick Carson

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

#490: On today's episode we are joined by Rick Carson. Rick Carson is Rick is a practicing psychotherapist, personal and executive coach, seminar leader, keynote speaker, and consultant to businesses, nonprofit organizations, several United States government agencies. Today we discuss how the world renowned author blends his laid-back style, Taoist wisdom, the Zen Theory of Change, and sound psychology in an easy-to-understand, unique, and practical system for banishing the nemesis within. To connect with Rick Carson click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential This episode is brought to you by CLEARSTEM CLEARSTEM has made a clean, clinical skincare line that is equally effective against acne AND aging. Go to https://clearstemskincare.com/ and use code SKINNY2 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Recreation Sweat Recreation Sweat is a fitness company born out of necessity in the pandemic. They're all about quick and effective workouts that you can do anywhere without heavy equipment. Get 20% off your first purchase with code SKINNY at checkout at recreationsweat.com. This episode is brought to you by LMNT LMNT is a tasty electrolyte drink that has everything you need and nothing you don't. It contains a science-backed electrolyte ratio: 1000mg sodium, 200mg potassium, and 60mg magnesium. Get a free sample pack with any purchase at drinkLMNT.com/SKINNY This episode is brought to you by Once Upon a Farm Once Upon a Farm is the leading baby food and kids snacks brand offering organic, cold-pressed fruit and veggie pouches, dairy free smoothies, overnight oats, plant rich meals and more. Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use code SKINNY at checkout to receive 35% off your first subscription order. This episode is brought to you by Beis People always say it’s about the journey, not the destination. And they’re right. Getting there effortlessly is what BEIS (base) luggage and bags were made for. Beis is there for your journey, wherever your next destination might be. Get 15% off your first purchase by going to BEISTRAVEL.com/SKINNY Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. accessories. And the one that I like and the one I traveled with specifically is called the carry on roller. I went and picked it out on their site and I got black because all my luggage is black, but I also would not be mad at the beige or the Navy or even the gray. Anyway, I got the black, but what I like about it is it has this really cute handle that's nude. I just feel like it's like a really cute detail. And you can tell that Shay had her hand in designing every single facet. It has so many reviews and they're all five stars, you guys. And it rolls so nicely. But most of all, it packed so much of my stuff. Michael always says I pack too much. Now I can hide it in my luggage. How efficient is that? Whether you're on a business trip or you're traveling for fun, whatever it is,

you're going to have chic luggage. Okay. Their luggage comes in multiple sizes, colors, and you guys, their cushion handle. It's just so comfortable. I can't even tell you right now. Base is offering our listeners 15% off your first purchase. You are going to visit base travel.com slash skinny, go to base travel.com slash skinny. You get 15% off your first purchase. That's B-E-I-S travel.com slash skinny. And I'm telling you, check out the carry-on roller. It's major. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

The whole deal about gremlin timing, it's one of the reasons I really love working out. It's been a hobby of mine since I was 15. You start to just see the limits. You don't have to work against them. You don't have to have positive affirmations. Once you see how crazy that stuff is, there's a natural correction that starts to occur. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. Today we have a hell of an episode for you guys. Lauren and I met Rick from Brooke at The Road here in Austin, and it was a phenomenal introduction. So who is Rick Carson? Rick Carson, the author behind the book Taming Your Gremlin, a surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way, which all of us need to do. We are all in our own way. We could all be so much better if we learned how to

tame the gremlin, which we're going to talk about here. So what is the gremlin? The gremlin, you will find out in this episode. But to give a little bit more detail for what you can find in this episode, we're going to talk about techniques for getting a sliver of light between the natural you and the monster of your mind. We're going to talk about the extraordinary power of simply noticing what's going on in your mind and playing with options. And we're also going to talk about keys, six keys to be precise, on maintaining emotional balance amid upheaval in your mind. So for those of you that are in your head all the time, I know I am. This is an incredible episode. Rick really lays it out in a great and profound way. And with that, let's welcome Rick Carson to the Skinny Confidential,

him and her show. This is the Skinon to the skinny confidential him and her show this is the skinny confidential him and her okay how do we tame our gremlin we all have a gremlin it's very true what is a gremlin i mean like a grant like a creature gremlin? No. How do you explain it? Well, your gremlin is the monster of the mind. Okay? You're familiar with it. I am definitely familiar with it.

Yeah, everybody is. It's that part of you that is really out to eat your lunch. It's out to squelch the vibrant thing that you really are. Various names applied to that other thing soul prana rei chi ki the primordial vibration can't circle it with a word at all but it's in there and one book i called it life one book i called it what What else? True Love. So the Gremlin Taming Method is very powerful, but it's not about the gremlin. It's really not. In the same way that a sculpture is not about the stone that ends up on the floor.

The method is about how to get a sliver of light between who you are on the inside and all of that stuff, all that chatter, all those preconceived notions about who you are on the inside and all of that stuff, all that chatter, all those preconceived notions about who you are and about how the world works. It's just to see that, just to see that. And that alone is very, very freeing. At that point, when you start to witness that goings on, there's just a beautiful thing that starts to happen. I mean, it's a sense of freedom.

It's really a beautiful, beautiful thing. So what is a gremlin if you were to describe it in one sentence? All I can say is it's the enemy out to really get you, out to squelch. So your inner narrative. It's the one who issues forth that inner narrative. For example, there are a lot of therapists that use my method and a lot of life coaches that do. And so often there is a misunderstanding.

They'll think, well, you're a gremlin. It's like when you said earlier, which gremlin? They'll think, well, you're a gremlin is your negative past experiences or you're a gremlin. They'll think, well, your gremlin is your negative past experiences, or your gremlin is your fears, or your gremlin is whatever, your put-downs. Your gremlin is not any of those things. Your gremlin is that force that issues them forward. And it exists between that ultimate duality is within every human I've ever encountered. And you've encountered a lot. You've been a therapist for 30,

50 years. 50 years. This is my 50th year. You look great, man. Well, thank you very much. You're not just doing dips in the gym across the way. I was just bored. He's doing dips in the gym. I mean, you got to get at it. Listen, I know guys, I know young

guys aren't doing dips when they're bored. They have to go after you. My first set, we got to get at it. Listen, I know young guys aren't doing dips on their bar. They got to take after you. My first set, we shouldn't go into this. First set, I do 60. Holy Christ. Yeah, and I do it right. I believe it. And I'm 78.

You kicked your gremlin's ass. You're 78? Wow. That's the thing is that the whole deal about gremlin timing, it's one of the reasons I really love working out. It's been a hobby of mine since I was 15, is it's gremlin timing on the spot. It really is. When you start to just see the limits, you don't have to work against them. You don't have to have positive affirmations. Once you see how crazy that stuff is, there's a natural correction that starts to occur. Yeah, not to go on like the full fitness tangent, but I will say in my life when I'm having the hardest time,

it's usually times when I'm not taking care of myself physically. I'm not getting out there and getting that exercise in. Well, it's amazing the number of people who don't attend to that. If I'm working with a client, no matter what we're working on, if they're not taking care of their body, it's in there that you have every experience you have in this life. Really. I mean, events occur around you, but your experience of all those events happens within the boundary defined by your skin. So you got to keep this instrument tuned and toned. But you also have to practice this method.

After 50 years of working with people, when did you discover that everyone has this one thing in them and it was something that you wanted to write about? Before you were born. 1973 or 4. Okay. It's a long story how it happened, but once it happened for me, it changed everything I was doing with clients, with families, with individuals, because I saw that no matter what people present with, whether it's anxiety or an incestuous relationship that they had or the death of a loved one.

That's like a basket of fruit people walk in with. There's all this stuff. But what I'm interested in is the one carrying the basket. And ultimately, it always, it doesn't mean I don't help folks deal with issues, but ultimately it gets down to that inner duality. Because once you take care of how you're contributing to your own misery, it's amazing. Circumstances are important. You're successful. I'm successful. Because we know how to move props and players around

to make a success in this life. But the inner game is a whole separate thing. And the inner game term is not mine. It's Tim Galway's. It's the key. And people are not taught how to do that. It's not taught anywhere that I know about. I was talking to somebody today that's in a high stress situation. And what I realized when I was talking to them is it's not their fault necessarily that they're not able to deal with the high stress situation. Either maybe they lack a little experience, but also the voice. And I started thinking about me in that situation who's been through a couple of these types of business multiple times. And it's, I've just learned how to talk to myself in a way in these situations that doesn't

make it stressful for me. It's like, okay, it's just like a puzzle. I'm like, all right, I'm going to move this piece and that piece. But for most people that haven't been in these scenarios, they don't know how to talk themselves through it and put themselves in a situation where they can find success even in those situations. That's right. And that's what the method is all about.

So if someone's out there and they're listening and they feel like they're carrying a huge basket of fruit and they can't get access to your office, what are some tangible tips that they can use? Very tangible. Okay. First thing is get a copy of taming your gremlin yes get a copy of it i have one you guys because the method is very precise

in there but one of the things that folks can do immediately and it's the thing i get the most emails about and phone calls about is folks saying i don't't get the skin thing. And what I mean by that is weird as this sounds, this is just one tip, staying aware of the surface of your skin, which is a very sensitive organ. It's very sensitive. It's like a vibrating boundary. Okay. So it's not just an organ, it's a boundary. And every experience you have in this life ultimately occurs in there, as I was saying earlier. So that tip, coupled with a lot of people talking about breathing nowadays, the importance of belly breathing, taking in all of the air that you want, exhaling fully, that's important. But what's more important or as important is to recognize your breathing is not just a regulator of your internal experience. It's an indicator. When it gets shallow,

it's telling you. When you cut off your body, your breathing gets shallow, your awareness becomes concentrated in your head, in your intellect. Not a bad place, but some terrible neighborhoods. And even if all you do is spend too much time up there, you're going to get bummed out and anxious. So when you're breathing, get shallow. It's important to note and ask what's going on. Am I doing some constructive thinking like you were saying, moving props and players around? Am I scaring the hell out of myself? Am I miring myself in regret? Anything. Beating the hell out of myself. And then once you notice that, it sounds odd. But what I have people do is accentuate it. In other words, if you're scaring

yourself, scare yourself big time. So give us an example. Is it like fear setting in a way where it's like you talked yourself about how much worse it could be or how, or how like kind of like that. That's a piece of it, Michael, but it's not the whole enchilada. That's part of it. So somebody scaring themselves that they're going to be left or abandoned by a

lover, you know, somebody is going to die or they're going to lose their job. That could really happen. I love her. You know, somebody's going to die or they're going to lose their job. That could really happen. But what I have people do firstly is accentuate the horror movie. I'm not only going to lose my job. I'm going to, I don't know, my partner's going to leave me.

I'm going to end up old and alone and get eaten by rats, you know, whatever. But it's not just accentuating that. That's why I said close but no enchilada. I also have people accentuate as they're doing that, the feeling in their body. Have them accentuate it. Because even if the horror movie is not absurd, what will become absurd every time is I'm sitting here jabbing my own thumb in my own eye.

That's really how I discovered the method. But it's like, you know, there's an absurdity there. When the natural youth spots that, there's a natural correction that starts to occur in the same way that you learn to walk. You didn't know anything about kinesiology, physiology. You learned if you lean too far to the left, you bumped your head. So you started to straighten up. Same thing happens here.

You start to really see what you're doing to yourself. This is the key. In the moment that you're doing it to yourself. It's not about insight. It's about awareness in the moment. There's a natural correction that starts to occur. So with the method, it's very important that people practice. So you basically scare the shit out of yourself and give yourself the worst possible case scenario so your body reacts to it. And you accentuate what your body's doing.

You tighten it. Yeah. So if, for example, you're breathing shallow, you make it shallower. If you notice your head's going down, you really pull it down. And so what does that do to the brain though? I don't have any idea what it does to the brain. I just know there's a natural correction that occurs there. And so it's almost like you're hyper self-aware. Hyper self-aware. It almost is like your body knows this is not a natural state of being so why are you putting yourself in that state of yeah right it's like you're putting yourself unnaturally through suffering that you don't need to suffer through that's right there there's an insight that comes i mean we're not dummies we see my god this is crazy you know what i'm doing to

myself but there's also awareness awareness experience has its own language, and it's not the language of the mind. It's the difference between really knowing something and knowing about it. It's very primal in a way. Animals don't run around suffering all the time, right? As far as I know. Yeah, right? They just go through being like animals.

And obviously they have survival instincts and things that they need to know, but they're not constantly in this frantic state of mind like we are as humans no it's kind of like what's next i mean i assume i'm not a animal i watch i watch you know like these guys don't know what's going on there you know what's an example of something that you can pinpoint of someone that maybe was molested or experienced incest or rape or something that was so traumatic where you saw something shift with the gremlin method gosh there have been so many i mean sometimes i end up taking people back not always but many times i take people back into that experience okay okay i help them get really centered and then very slowly take them back into that experience.

And if that is too scary for them, I mean, I'm right there connecting with them. If that's too scary, if I see them starting to tense, I'll take and have them do something like be on the ceiling witnessing what happened. But I want them to re-experience some of the feeling because that's the way you move through it. The way out is through, always. That's just the way it is. You can form an insight about what's going on and decide to see it differently. And on a scale of zero to ten, that's worth about a three. But when you really dive into the experience and start seeing the effect that from that experience, what you've started doing to yourself, that's when that natural change starts to occur. When I first wrote Taming Your Gremlin, I wanted to come up with a

term for it. And so I called it the Zen Theory of Change, which simply stated is, I free myself from all this crap, not by trying to free myself. It's never worked for anybody long-term. I free myself by really noticing how I'm imprisoning myself in the very moment that I'm imprisoning myself. That's the key. When you talk to, I mean, 50 years doing this, are there some common themes or elements or things that people just inherently need to work through all the time? And that you're like, Hey, this is something that 95% of the people you've seen can start working on today. Yes. Typically what brings people to me, well, what brings them to me really is they want to enjoy their lives and experience some simple peace and contentment but typically if you really look closely it's damn near always

related to a loss or the threat of a loss whether it's of a person whether it's of self-esteem whether it's of a job some kind kind of loss. Body, whatever. Whatever, yeah, yeah. Especially in this economy, a lot of people are scared, you know, really scared. And if you trace it back, typically that's what folks are afraid of. And there's some legitimate concerns. Stuff goes down. You're going to feel stressed.

That's just the way it is. But if you take care of how you contribute to that and how you're prolonging it, if you can spot that, it's amazing how it really minimizes the other. All right. One question that I get asked a lot is about acne. And I do not know a lot about acne. So I went to the acne gurus. I had them on the podcast. You might have heard the episode. If you haven't and you're prone to acne, you have to listen. And basically what I learned is that acne products dry and damage the skin and this causes premature aging. But anti-aging products, which is so like crazy, keep everyone breaking out because they have filler in them. So the founders of ClearStem really streamlined everything.

They created this product line that's made a clean clinical skincare line. And it's equally effective against acne and aging. So it's like everything in one. And why I like this product is everything you find on the site you know will not cause acne. I am personally a huge fan, I've talked about this many times, of their brush on mineral sunscreen. It's like comes in a little brush and it comes with powdered sunscreen so I can reapply. It's super easy. So like if I'm in the car and I just want to reapply really quick without all that like white, nasty, like thick

shit, just keeps things easy. It's easy to travel with. It contains nourishing ingredients. There's zinc and green tea and vitamin E in it and never clogs your pores. Anyways, Clear Stems products, everything on there is not going to clog your pores. It's not going to cause pimples. It's not going to cause acne. This is amazing. Also, whatever your skincare need is, you have to check them out. The acne gurus know what they're talking about. Let me tell you, they have a clinic in San Diego called the Acne Clinic. They just get it. Their formulas keep winning award after award, and the hype is real.

You need to try this line if you want anti-aging products that will not break you out. Be sure to use code SKINNY2 for 20% off your first order. That's SKINNY2 for 20% off your first order. And I'm telling you, check out that brush on mineral sunscreen. Obviously, we are in San Diego right now, if you watch stories and TikTok. And one thing that I had to figure out was my workout situation. I am extremely postpartum still, and I am trying to tighten up. I have no shame in my game to let everyone know that I want to be the best version of myself after baby number two. And one of those elements and one of those tools is working out. So what I did, since I can't bring

tons of weights to San Diego, is I brought my resistance bands. The resistance bands that I have been using are so cute. They look good on your feed, on your TikTok. I feel like they're like hot girl resistant bands. They come in black. They come in like a navy green and a gray, and they are by Recreation Sweat. What I like about these resistant bands is they have light, medium, and heavy. So you can just decide where you're at. If it's a Sunday, I go a little lighter. If I'm hungover on a Saturday, I'll go super light. But then on Monday, I'm like ready to go and I want to go heavy. So I like that I can just carry these in my luggage. They're super light. They're seamless. They don't take up a lot of room. And they're also cute. They're probably honestly the cutest resistant bands I've ever seen.

So who is Recreation Sweat? They're a fitness company born out of necessity in the pandemic, and they empower women to work out anywhere. I think this is so amazing if you're on the go like me. They also have this jump rope that Michael's obsessed with for lymphatic drainage. And I think it's a great little cardio workout. And again, a jump rope's light, you can carry it around. You can use code skinny at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. I recommend grabbing those resistance bands. You can't go wrong. Visit recreationsweat.com for more information and use code skinny for 20% off. So it could be loss of anything. It could be loss of status.

It could be loss of money, loss of a job, loss of a lot. Like you're saying just loss in general is what most people fear. Loss of how you think of yourself. A self-concept about who you think you are, who you think you're supposed to be. Loss of your looks, loss of your-

Oh, sure. Try aging. Try ball-less. Listen, man, if I look like you at 78, I'm going to be good. I'm going to be happy. I'm telling you, the stuff that we get attached to, and I'm not immune to any of this. I'm no master of the process. I'm just a real sincere student because know because the it's been so beneficial in

my life transformative you know but you got to keep practicing because the benefits everything i'm saying to you is from my own experience the benefits keep unfolding it's not just you attain a static state of bliss and harmony or anything but you start having not only more and more moments of simple peace and contentment, your moments get richer. I'm amazed constantly by this thing. What is the foreground of our minds? This is a question from my team to you. Yeah. They want to know what that means. Oh, okay. At any point point in time if you're awake

if you're feeling good you have a sharp foreground and a fuzzy background like right now michael you're my foreground got it now i'm shifting you're my foreground but that foreground is always in one of three zones this is important that that's a great question this is key for for people listening or watching this will really help that foreground is always either from your skin in focal point of that is your breathing your body from your skin in okay or what's going on in your immediate surroundings what you can actually pick up with your senses, your sensory receptors. As long as the foreground of your experience is here or here,

you're grounded in the present. Okay, now the method is not about being here now all the time, but it is about establishing the here and now as your home and coming home several times an hour because there's a third realm the world of mind so if right now i mean i'm really making a bit i see you see you looking at me lauren and i like that what's also true is I'm making up world of mind. I'm making up you're listening to me. I really don't have a clue. But if I imagined you were angry with me, or if Michael was, for God's sake, then my entire behavior would change. But what happens is based on past experiences, many times we tend to contaminate the present with the past and

fears about the future. The method doesn't teach you anything in terms of that, except notice what you're doing. Because if you do that without knowing you're doing it, that's what's called neuroses. It's like if somebody, maybe they've had a past poor relationship where somebody cheated on the list, and then they come into a new one and they're in that relationship and they're putting that past and the behavior of that old partner on this relationship, you're going to have a completely different relationship as if you weren't doing that. It happens all the time. Of course. Yeah. Any insecurity. Or the past behavior of parents or relatives of things you knew as a child, if you're bringing that into

your present relationships or present partnerships or whatever it is. Okay. So the method is existential and phenomenological. In other words, instead of saying, well, let's figure all that out, what I want you to do is become very aware of when you're doing that to yourself because that kicks into play that sand theory of change. I free myself by simply noticing how I'm imprisoning myself in the very moment in which I'm doing it. Because it's not a virus. It's not a virus. You're doing it. So what you're saying is a lot of negative experiences we're actually creating for ourselves based on past experiences.

A lot, not all. But what is true is we are the ones that tend to prolong them. Right. Okay. So you sneer at me. Okay. Or throw me out of the room or tell me that was the worst interview you ever had or whatever it was. Okay. So that hurts. I don't like hearing that. That's a natural fight or flight reaction. My breathing gets shallow,

I tense, my trapezius gets tight, my knuckles go white, all of that stuff. But what I do with that makes all the difference. If I start chewing on it like bubble gum, I can make myself miserable for, and people do this for hours, for days, for years.

Do you think that there's people, though, that are addicted to the chaos? Oh, absolutely. And so what do you do with that? Same thing. Because I can think of people that I actually believe like to live in that state. My job is not to change anybody. Right. my job is not to change anybody right my job is to get them to choice with it by helping basically in a gentle loving way put their face in it look at what you're doing to yourself and

there's a natural correction that starts to curve well i think about this even like i you know we have a lot of single friends that are dating right and they're struggling in the day like it's two two worlds Some of our friends, no problem. Constantly, you know, having a great time, constant problem.

You could take them similar people, but at some point there's a reason you're having problems or reason you're having success. And it's most likely not external. It's internal, right? Yeah. It's something that you're doing.

It's just, it's just recognizing what are those things that are working for you and what are working against you? Well, the latter is the most important okay is because if you can take away if you can really start noticing how you're getting in your own way the sequel is a master class well i think maybe it's a subtitle here. Yeah, it's a surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way. The main thing is not so much to notice the positive stuff. That's nice. What are the things I'm doing that's right?

But to really notice the fears. Fears are poison. Okay? Fears, guilt, putting yourself down, miring yourself in regret. I'm not opposed to anger. I think if you handle it properly, it changes relationships for the better many times. It gets things done.

But clinging to resentment is like acid in a container. It eats the person holding on to it, which plays into what you were saying about people who just really like that drama you know yeah they're addicted to the chaos i would love to do like a little exercise with michael and i sure i like this method because i like that so many people a lot of these emotions you're talking about people are taught to turn away from them exactly right and if you turn and i'm saying let's dive into them. So let's do an exercise.

Okay. What's something that you think that you can work on? And if you don't have something, I have something for you. Okay. Well, that's all right. Well, first let's ask Michael. There's a million things I can work on. Something recently. Say again, there's a million things I can work on.

There's a million things I can work on. Now say it and put space between those words. There is a million things I can work on. Yeah. a million things I can work on. Now say it and put space between those words. There is a million things I can work on. I love that. I'm going to play it on. Stay with it just a minute, just one more time, and really feel each word as you say it to me. No, there is a million things I can work on.

Uh-huh. Yeah. See? Okay, now call me by name. Say Rick. Rick. Rick, there are a million things that I can work on. Tell Lauren. Slowly.

Lauren, there are a million things that I can work on. So pick one. Pick one. Don't you pick. I want Michael to pick. I can be better with my delivery and not as harsh, not as harsh with my delivery. It comes from. Doesn't matter. Okay. When you hear because, or it comes from,

I mean, I'll let people do that sometimes because nobody's going to pay me for 10 minutes so I'll make sessions last 45 minutes. So go ahead and say it again. I can be better with my delivery. I could improve it. Very good. Say it one more time.

I could be better with my delivery. I could improve it. Now call Lauren by name and say, I can be better. Ah, this is like an orgasm. I can be better. See what it feels like to say, Lauren. And I don't want you to fake this. No, no, no, Lauren, I could be better. Yeah. Now See what it feels like to say, Lauren. And I don't want you to fake this. No, no, no.

Lauren, I could be better. Yeah. Now see what it feels like slowly. Let's slow down a little bit just to say to Lauren, Lauren, I will be better. Lauren, I... No, don't film me. No, wait a minute.

Lauren, I will be better. So on a scale of zero to 10, well, tell me what the experience is in the center of your chest as you say that. Say it one more time. In a way, it's actually kind of relieving. And I felt a little hot actually saying it. Right. It's interesting.

More alive, actually. Not that you weren't alive before. I'm dead inside, but yeah. Yeah. But the idea is to be fully human, to feel everything that comes up fully. Yeah. Sweating a little bit, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. So what's scary about that? I don't know. I think that I grew up in a household that was very matter of fact,

this is the delivery, this is the problem, this is the solution type. There wasn't like, you know, and I think Lauren grew up in a different kind of household where it was a lot of words of affirmation. And that is one of her love languages. For me, I don't want to say I don't need it, but it's not something I prioritize primarily probably because I was in a, and listen, I grew up in a, I have no complaints, grew up in a- No, I know.

But it was very much like, that's good, good job, but like, that's also expected or like you know okay great but you know what i'm saying yeah sure right and i think it served me in some ways damn right but it's also probably hindered relationships at times even even in you know my company like my you know it's my biggest feedback even as a manager is would love a little more praise and not so much about the critique or, and, and, and I actually, we just did that. What was the, what was the show we just did were about projectors. And it was saying that, um, basically what they say is someone like myself is able to shine a light onto people, but then see the shadows of where there's room for improvement. And I spend too much time on that and not enough

time on the acknowledgement of the person. Until now. now until now yeah so say again until now until now until now i have had my delivery off but i am going to fix it okay the main part is for you to really notice that until now that's been true so anytime now that because now you'll you know i don't this is not the first time michael but you're you'll notice when you're doing that right and it's not a bad thing it's about correcting it's about acknowledging it when it's happening yes acknowledging a little bit fine-tuning would be acknowledging what i'm doing when i'm doing it because you want to keep reminding yourself, you're the locus of control for all that.

Yeah, I think about in parallel, and this is similar, but maybe reinforcing what you're saying, I used to be an anxious person. And I went through a lot of work on myself to stop having that anxiety. Yeah, good for you. And basically what happened was I started recognizing the moments when I would start to feel anxious and I was able to stop them before they could take over.

This is maybe, what you're saying is you can probably apply that same type of thought process to other areas of your life where you're maybe not performing at your best. Yeah, the only thing I'm adding to that, Michael, is instead of, and I certainly don't want to take away the tool that you've got for switching to another channel. But by the same token, the main thing is to really notice what you're doing and accentuate the physical part of it. Just for 30 seconds or a minute, but really intensify it.

And that really kicks into play, that theory of change. Then the change becomes from the inside out. It's not just a new agreement about how you'll be. It's interesting you're saying all this now because you're getting me thinking about just when I was younger. And when I was young, young, I was known to have a temper. And when I got older, that temper definitely didn't serve me. It manifests in bad ways, fights or stupid things. I haven't had that, I don't think, in a long time. I was able to figure out that. I noticed the feelings that would start to happen before I would have some kind of burst. Now I'm well into my 30s,

so I haven't had it. But in a way, I remember when it stopped for me was when I noticed the moments of when it was about to happen. I was able to be like, nope, not going to happen. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I was able to be like, nope, not going to happen. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I'm just like going back through my life. You did a little of taming your gremlin without knowing that you were taming your gremlin. Yeah. I mean, really.

Maybe subconsciously. It's the process, yeah. But what you're saying is that people, like this is not just, it's not just anxiety or depression or anger or this. This is everywhere you can start to know you have to start paying attention and noticing it when it's happening and shine a bright bright bright light on it that's why i say accentuate it i do the opposite i bury it under the rug until now until now well let's let's do a little let's do a little

let's do a little work with that. I'm like the animal that's sitting in the chair with a fire everywhere saying it's fine. Okay, well, I'm not going to accept I am or I'm like, because it's just until now. So you've got to practice saying, until now my tendency has been, until Michael. Until now my tendency has been to bury things under the rug space between those words until now michael until now my tendency has been to bury things under the rug yeah under the house kind of under the house in the graveyard so what do you want to do i want to acknowledge the issue when it comes up instead of burying it under the rug.

Can you handle it, Michael? He's ready. We got to get a big, the rug's pretty big. You can see that I'm burying things under the rug and he's taking it out under the rug and delivering it to me. Well, in a lot of ways, I think. Until now. Until now. I think Lauren and I are matched in a lot of ways because we're very aligned in principle and character and all the things that we want out of life, but we're very different, right?

Mine is let's hit it in the nose. Hers is let's put it under the rug. Mine's maybe sometimes too forceful and hers is sometimes too subtle, right? Does that make sense? Sure. It makes sense. Absolutely. Until now, though.

Until now. Yeah. That's the thing yeah because every time you make a definitive statement about how you are if i'm hearing it i know it's playing through your head unconsciously probably a hundred times a day and it's been happening for your 30 some odd years so you've been hypnotized well you can decide to be different but that's not going to break that hypnotic message. But you start really witnessing it and accentuating it. There's a definite change that starts to occur.

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nationwide and online. Get started today and enjoy an additional 35% off your first subscription order. Use code skinny at onceuponafarmorganics.com. That's onceuponafarmorganics.com. What about guilt? A lot of women experience guilt. There's a lot of women that are listening. I experienced it with, I work just as much as my husband and I have a daughter and I experienced having mom guilt. And I know that there's a lot of women that experience that. Oh man.

I mean, I just feel like I, like one of the main emotions as a mother is guilt. How do you deal with that? Well, there's this thing called regret. Okay. If I step on your toe or if I stub my own I'm gonna feel regret that's a natural human emotion and it's just dandy but if what I do with that is start to assault my own character and basically saying what's L did you hear what what Lauren just did she made a definitive statement about what she does. That's hypnotic.

In the masterclass, I called it a hypnotic pre-conviction, HPC, they say. I don't know where you got it, Lauren, maybe from your own mom. It doesn't matter where it came from. Your job is to start noticing the difference between regret, a natural sensation, and guilt. And the primary thing to observe is how long that feeling lasts. Guilt is a poison. I don't mean that. That's not a metaphor. It's a poison in your body. You start noticing where you experience guilt. It's in the upper part of your abdomen, lower part of your body. You start noticing where you experience guilt. It's in the upper part of your abdomen, lower part of your stomach. It's a poison. So you don't have to try to change it, Lauren, but I would hope you would really notice when you're doing that to yourself.

It's all you got to do and accentuate what it feels like in your body for 30 seconds or a minute and then to release it exhale hard through your mouth actually blow like you're blowing out the poison like and when you inhale think in terms of oxygenating aerating that tightness okay and if in some cases you'll experience the tightness all over same thing and then do that a few times just play with it you you're not stuck feeling bad what are some tools that you use other than these tools that you've given us in your own toolbox for instance are you into meditation are you oh absolutely you know tell us some tools i feel like you probably have a lot that you've collected over 50 years let me give you at least four i call them the basics of pleasure there's actually six of these and i don't know if we'll get to all of them but number one is to make feeling simple peace and contentment your number one priority other than survival it's a great tip yeah your number

one priority with place reminders around that that's what you want this is where most people break down the second one this is where most people don't get it is to have that to feel simple peace and contentment is primarily, and we were talking about this earlier, is primarily an inside job. It happens from your skin in. That's why I emphasized at the beginning, pay attention to the surface of your skin. So I want to feel at peace, simple contentment.

The beautiful thing, Lauren, is you don't have to create peace and contentment. It's the one experience that's already in there. It already exists. All you have to do is get out of the way of whatever you're putting through it. And a lot of people are looking for outside things to fix it, whether it's drugs, alcohol, people. I would say about seven and a half billion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because when you think about little kids crawling around on the floor, somebody shaking a rattle or a balloon saying, come get it, that's not bad. But, you know, that's what I was saying earlier. We're good at moving our props and players around, you know, and in the circumstances we enjoy, pretty good at it. But underneath, there's a whole other thing going on so are people lacking introspection they're lacking awareness awareness yeah which is different

remember introspection is an intellectual process it's it's valuable it's real valuable for some people but simply noticing when i wrote taming yourremlin, I needed to come up with a term to describe the experience. And I thought, well, it's simply noticing. You know, the whole thing about mindfulness and all that, the Buddhist movement had not really come to the West. So I called it simply noticing. But that's the key, is to notice. So in terms of tools, I want to feel simple peace. It's got to be a priority.

It's primarily, not exclusively, an inner game. That inner game, that inside job, begins with actually experiencing where you end and everything else begins on this physical plane. Everything else. Your skin physical plane. Everything else. Your skin. Fourth one is breathe, damn it, breathe. Remembering that your breathing

is not just a regulator of your inner experience. I'm doing this because your belly goes out. It's not just a regulator of your inner experience. It is an indicator. So pay close attention to your breathing. It's probably really tough for you right now. I mean, being in your condition. I can't breathe.

I can't drink. I can't go in the sauna. I can't bend over in any way. Oh, man. I really appreciate you showing up to do this. I mean it. Yeah. What are the other two?

The fifth one? Yeah. The way I put it in the books is relax your pact to keep your act intact. Is that what I'm going to explain? So think of that thing that's on the inside that feels fine. Soul, prana, ray, chiki, all those things. As I said, you can't circle it with a word. Picture it as the proverbial

heart symbol, the proverbial heart symbol. Just picture it. Wrapped around that is a whole layer of beliefs you have about who you are. You've got beliefs about how lovable you are, how likable you are, how creative you are, how athletic you are. Beliefs, concepts, those beliefs, even the good ones, are just opinions that you developed loyalty to. So there's your heart of hearts. Then there's all those opinions you have. Based on those opinions, you form another layer, your act, your advertising, your style of being. You can get clothes to go with your act.

You can get cars or houses or whatever to go with your act. Don't hear act as a negative thing. It's your persona. So what the method is about is cleansing the channel between who you really are on the inside and that outer ring, that persona. It's about that. So you want to be your best serve when those two things match up. So for example, somebody could have an outside persona say that they've told themselves they grew up and they say, you know, their parents put an emphasis, they're going to be a doctor or a lawyer. They grow up, they wear the suit, the tie, they're a lawyer or a doctor, but that's really not who they are up and they say you know their parents put an emphasis they're gonna be a doctor or a lawyer they grow up they wear the suit the tie they're a lawyer doctor but

that's really not who they are on the inside and this persona has overtaken who they really are happens all the time and the opposite can happen if that second layer those concepts those opinions about yourself you don't like them then your persona you'll develop a counteract, an opposite thing. Think about the number of guys you've known, I imagine, and I have too, who develop a really macho persona because on the inside, they feel weak, feel scared. That's so funny. I was just reading a book about this, about if you're hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine, there's usually a different side to the coin of that, that you're overcompensating. Many times. So the idea is not to get rid of the beauty or the masculine side at all.

It's just to expand your repertoire. Right. To say, hey, there's something else beautiful happening inside. And what's number six? It's establish the here and now, here and here, as your home base. And come home several times an hour from that home base to consciously, with choice, direct your spotlight spotlight of awareness a lot of people are using their phone to tap out of that have you noticed hell yeah i've noticed because in terms of the difference between uh experience and actual knowledge you know information and knowledge

i see so many people that know about life they know about it i tell you i was in this is again in the 70s i was at a place called s1 and you know there were people running around naked and playing flutes and then you're the big sir it's beautiful and there was i never forget this there was a guy walking around and every time I saw him, it's beautiful there. He's reading a book on awareness. So, you know, it's like going into a restaurant and really being hungry and reading the menu. Right. And then getting up and leaving.

I mean, so anyway anyway the sixth one is established the here and now is your home base home base not be here now all the time come home often here and here several times an hour you are incredible i have your book it's called taming your gremlin a surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way. I think everyone could benefit from this book. Well, thank you. Tell us where we can find this book. I know it's available on Amazon bookstores. Give us all the details and tell us where we can find you. Well, you can find me at tamingyourgremlin.com, actually. And also, there's a course. It's not going to begin until January, and it's not on the website or anything, but if people have a sincere interest in learning the method, I'm going to start it mid-January.

So they can contact me through support at TamingYourGremlin.com. You know your shit, Rick. I mean, I picked up a lot of tips from this episode. That's great. Thank you. Yeah, I'm excited to dive more into this. Let me know when that course comes out. Maybe I can pick up a couple more points.

I might get you both in there. Wait, don't go. Do you want to win a copy of Rick's book? It's called Taming Your Gremlin, a surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way. I love this book. It is in my bookshelf. I reach for it a lot. I'll highlight stuff and bookmark it.

It's a good one. All you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode with Rick on my latest Instagram at Lauren Bostic. Obviously, make sure you've rated and reviewed the show too. And with that, we'll see you next time. And I used base. You've seen this all over Instagram. It's Shay Mitchell's brand. You know, the actress. She set out to make sleek, affordable bags, luggage, and accessories. And the one that I like and the one I traveled with specifically is called the Carry-On Roller. I went and picked it out on their site. And I got black because all my luggage is black. But I also

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