The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Hypnotist Kerry Gaynor On The Truth About Addictions, Losing Weight, How To Quit Smoking & Why Vaping Is One Of The Most Dangerous Addictions

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

#773: Join us as we sit down with Kerry Gaynor – a world-renowned hypnotherapist. With years of experience, Kerry has helped thousands of people overcome challenges related to weight loss, anxiety, and addiction, ultimately focusing on helping individuals quit smoking. In this episode, Kerry breaks down hypnotherapy & its common misconceptions, discusses psychological blockages, the power of visualization, delves into the nature of fear, & addresses complexities surrounding control.    To connect with Kerry Gaynor click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   To Watch the Show click HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM   To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697)   This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential   Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn’s favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes.   To learn more about the Kerry Gaynor Method visit kerrygaynormethod.com.   This episode is sponsored by Ritual   Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com/SKINNY.   This episode is sponsored by Branch Basics   Save 15% on your Starter Kit or their new Hand Soap when you use code SKINNY at branchbasics.com.   This episode is sponsored by Primally Pure   Visit primallypure.com/skinny 15% off your order.   This episode is sponsored by Good Ranchers    Subscribe to any Good Ranchers box at goodranchers.com and use code skinny to get a free Thanksgiving ham with your first order plus free express shipping.   This episode is sponsored by Cymbiotika   Just go to cymbiotika.com/theskinny and use code SKINNY on to save !5% off of your subscription order   This episode is sponsored by Sono Bello   Schedule your free consultation now at sonobello.com/skinny.   Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Aha! When a person calls me and comes in, right, they're coming in, they're paying me money, so they're interested. Willingness is another state because they have to give up something. And most of us don't like giving up things, you know, we want to hold on to these things that we like. So they have to be willing to give up that cigarette. I'm not working with people to get them to control other people, right? I'm working with people to overcome something within themselves. No, hypnosis is not a tool for control. It's a tool for empowerment. So what happens is we develop

a relationship together and we work together to achieve a goal. Hypnosis is magical. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. Today, we have Keri Gaynor on the podcast, one of our first hypnotherapists, maybe the first ever hypnotherapist on this show. And this is a wild episode. Anyone that's ever struggled with addiction or habit formation or trying to get rid of a bad habit or just change a behavior, this episode is going to be very interesting for you. Cary Gaynor is a world-renowned hypnotherapist located in Los Angeles, California. In 1975, he graduated from UCLA with high honors in philosophy and earned his certification from the highly acclaimed American Council of Hypnotist Examiners. During his years practicing, Cary helped thousands struggling with weight loss, anxiety, addiction,

but he eventually directed his main focus to helping people quit smoking, vaping, all nicotine-based products because he's always believed that the acceptance and perpetuation of smoking and nicotine is one of the greatest tragedies of our time. He's worked with many famous clients, including Kirsten Dunst, Colin Farrell, and Ava Mendes. This episode, like I said, kind of shocked us. It's really for anyone that is looking for better habit formation to get rid of bad habits. He's helped so many people. I know there's a lot of skeptics out there when you hear the word hypnotherapist or hypnotist, but trust me, you're going to want to listen to this episode, especially if you know anyone that struggles with

addiction, that wants to change, anyone that wants to quit smoking, anyone that wants to lose weight. This is really a mindset episode. Anyone looking to make positive change or get rid of a bad habit in their life. With that, Cary Gaynor, welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Cary, what is the main thing people come to you for at this point in your career? Well, I've worked more with smokers than any other group. People know, they associate quitting smoking with hypnotherapy. So people know about that, whereas a lot of other people don't know what hypnotherapy can be used for.

And my passion is also with smokers because we've got 42 million people in America still smoking, about 1.4 billion in the world smoking, and people are dying. I can save them. I can help them get out before they get sick and die. For people that aren't familiar with you or have not come across you yet on this platform, how do you introduce yourself at this point? I'm a hypnotherapist. I've had my own private practice for about 40 years. I work six days a week, and I've helped thousands and thousands quit smoking and break other addictions. I work with weight loss. I work with actors and actresses that want to prepare for auditions. I work with musicians that have developed stage fright. I work with people taking the bar exam that are terrified of the bar exam. I work with children that are afraid to take tests in school.

And how did you get into all this? And what, I guess I'm going to ask an ignorant question, what is hypnotherapy compared to just therapy? What are the elements that you bring to practice? Well, I'm a hypnotist. Therapists are talking one-to-one with somebody, but I'm a hypnotist. So in every session, we talk for a little while, and then we do hypnosis. And so every single session I do with a client involves hypnosis. And how did you learn to hypnotize people? I was pretty lucky. I was interested in it as a teenager, and so I was hypnotizing my friends because nobody else would love me. And then when I got to UCLA, I got more interested in it.

And then I spent years trying to figure out how to break addictions, because I knew we weren't doing a good job with it. There were too many people going in and out of rehab all the time, and we just weren't doing a good job with it. So I spent years working with clients for free to try to develop my program program because I was trying to figure out how to do it right, how to break addictions. And I did figure it out. And I've helped thousands quit without suffering, without withdrawal, without cravings. You know, most of my clients,

even if they're smoking 40 cigarettes a day for 40 years, most of them have no cravings, no withdrawal symptoms, no discomfort at all. I was working with a woman who's doing crystal meth every day for 15 years. She sat down in my chair, I mean, across from me and said, look, I've heard you can help people, but I feel hopeless. I can't go 20 minutes without this drug. And we did our thing, and she came back.

After the second session, I take them off. So she came back for the third session and she was like a changed person. She was smiling and happy. And she just said, I don't understand. I've had no withdrawal. I've had no cravings. I thought I couldn't live without this drug and I'm totally fine. And I don't ever want to do it again. If you were to explain to someone who doesn't understand hypnotizing from like a really sort of like kindergarten level what what is it that you're doing to them to be hypnotized let's think of it in two different ways first it's an altered state and so i guide them into that altered state it's really very similar to what you experience in your own lives.

Like when you're going to bed at night, if you feel a little bit sleepy, but you're not quite asleep. When you wake up in the morning, you're a little bit woozy. Those are hypnotic states. If you're in a classroom and there's a lecture and you drift away and then there's a sudden noise and you come back, you were probably in hypnosis during that time. So it's a natural state. I don't create it. I just guide people into it. So it's a natural state.

So there's no danger to it. It's a completely natural state. Could people potentially be in this hypnotic state throughout their life or throughout their days many times and just not be aware of it or not remember it? Yes, absolutely. So almost like, would you compare it to a dreamlike state? You're not out of it.

You're not out of it. So if you did see a hypnosis show, like a person calls people up to the stage, and they're sitting in their chairs, and they look like they're out of it, but if the hypnologist said, lift your right arm, what do they do? They lift their right arm.

How'd they know to do it? It's, is it like a theta, beta brain situation? Yes, you're in a state very similar to meditation. Okay. And, but you can hear. And so when the hypnotist says, lift your right arm, they hear them say, lift their right arm. Even though they look like they're out of it,

you can always hear. Is a poor example, maybe when you're reading a book and you know you've read that paragraph but you like completely forget it and can't remember to have to go back and read it again is that it is that a comparison or no well if you drifted off while you were sitting there and you drifted off and you came back a few minutes later meaning like i know i read the paragraph but like then i realized like wait a minute didn't, I didn't remember anything I just read and I have to like go back and do it again. Is that. You might've just not been paying attention. Okay. So it's different. Oh my God. That sounds like when he's talking to me, you're going to blame that on a hypnotic state. I was in a hypnotic state when you were talking about whatever you were talking about. Okay. So, so when you get

them into the hypnotic state, what do you say to them? Or is that like proprietary information? Like what are you saying when they're in the state? Well, it depends on what we're working on, right? So with the smoking, there's three sessions. In the first session, it's all about my confronting them to get them off their spot, to get them to think differently about smoking than they've ever thought before.

So if you look, if you just think about smokers in your mind's eye, you've probably had over a million sightings of them. Do any of them look concerned to you? No. Some look more stressed than others. Well, no, but they don't look concerned about smoking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, cigarettes are killing about 15,000 people a day. So combine those two. How can cigarettes

be killing 15,000 people a day and nobody's concerned? Normally people would be scared out of their minds, right? If there's a serial killer in your neighborhood that kills three people, we're scared of that guy. Well, look at what happened with COVID. Everyone was like out of, out of their mind. Right. People got very scared. So it's essentially what you're saying is the same thing, if not more, and people are not concerned. Right.

And so I have to find a way to get through all their lies and all their deception and all their delusions to impact them in a way that they feel differently. Now, if we wait, then time does that. They get sick and die. But once they get sick, it's too late. So the average smoker doesn't quit smoking until he's forced to, until he gets sick. But it's too late. So my job as a hypnotherapist

is to get him to connect to that state before he gets to that state so I can help him get out before it's too late. So do you just describe everything that's going to happen to the smoker if they don't stop smoking? Yes, I confront them. I try to get them to realize something very dynamic is going on. You're not just getting away with something. In other words, a 40-year-old thinks he's getting away with it, right?

Because he's not sick and he's not dead. But tar is going into his lungs. Nicotine is constricting his vascular system over and over and over again. So he's not getting away with anything. And if I can get him to recognize that and confront that, I can make him Superman. Okay, so let's take alcohol.

There's probably a lot of people that are listening that drink alcohol. I love a margarita. How do you get through to someone who is drinking and wants to stop and maybe has a problem? Well, alcohol is a little different than cigarettes. Cigarettes are a pure addiction. They're not really trying to do anything. They're just addicted. So a person is having a cigarette because the last cigarette he had about an hour ago and now he's in withdrawal. And so he's having that next cigarette because he's in withdrawal. Not because he's in withdrawal and so he's having that next cigarette because he's in withdrawal not because he's trying to you know manage his emotional

landscape or anything he's it's a pure addiction alcohol's not alcohol's a user addiction so people are drinking themselves crazy in order to escape in order to get away now some like to get high and that's one of the reasons but the main reason is to get away from themselves. They want to get away from the bad feelings they have about themselves. They want to numb out. And so I've got to get them to make a choice to, to, to think about the kind of life they want for themselves. There are no proud drunks. And quitting drinking, beating that addiction, makes everybody feel proud of themselves. But the only way they're going to quit is if they can access their own power.

And the only way they're going to access that power is if they can be honest and truthful with themselves about what it's doing to them. Alcohol affects every area of a person's life. So smoking affects health, but alcohol affects relationships, people, you know, marriages break up and it affects relationships between parents and children and it affects work. It affects every area of their life. So could you say it's, or would you say it's fair to say that you can rewire someone's brain through hypnosis? I like to think of it as

the mind rather than the brain. Okay. Rewire the mind through hypnosis? I like to think of it as the mind rather than the brain. Okay. Rewire the mind through hypnosis. Or is it more like you're making them stop, delude themselves? Yes. I'm trying to get them out of that self-delusion. I think what happens is you start off as children lying to your parents. I think all children lie to their parents, even though some parents want to believe their children don't do that. I think all children lie to their parents. And then once we get out of the house, we just transfer it to lying to ourselves. And so I think a smoker is one of the most sophisticated liars in the world, probably better than all the con men you've heard about, because they're actually selling this idea to themselves that they're okay in the face of how many poisons you think are in a cigarette in once i mean one

cigarette i read i read that there's over a thousand different components that go into okay but when i ask that question to my clients most of them will say 10 how much is it really 7 000 okay so maybe I, but I did read something about that. Yeah, so there's some controversy. Some people think it's 4,000, something it's 7,000. But it's not three.

But it's not three. It's not 10. It's not 12. And so a person's putting something in their mouth, lighting it on fire. And if you remember high school chemistry, when you light things, you know, when you heat them up,

they become more toxic. So those poisons become more toxic the moment you light that cigarette. And, when you heat them up, they become more toxic. So those poisons become more toxic the moment you light that cigarette. And then they're ingesting thousands of poisons into their body and not feeling concerned about that. But in real life, we would be concerned about that. You know, most of us, when we shop in a grocery store, we're looking on the labels now and just trying to limit the number of poisons we're putting into our body. Smokers are not doing that. What about vaping? What if someone came to you? I know that you talk- I work with vaping all the time.

All the time. I saw that through your Instagram and your socials. A lot of people think replacing cigarettes with vaping is healthier. And what do you have to say to that? I have a lot to say about that. I'm sure you do. Yeah. Imagine if somebody asked you, would you rather be shot by a pistol or a rifle? What's the answer? I don't fucking care because I'm sure you do. Yeah. Imagine if somebody asked you, would you rather be shot by a pistol or a rifle? What's the answer? I don't fucking care because I'm shot anyway. Well, it depends where and which.

Well, the answer I think is right is neither. Right. And so this whole lesser of two evils argument is, first of all, is a tobacco industry argument, you know, and the idea that somehow they're saving you from the evils of cigarette smoking by getting you to vape is absolute nonsense. And it's killing millions and millions of people because of it. And, and it's ruining children's lives because they're, we've got, you know, I've got 16 year old and 17 year old girls in my office going, uh, I can't put it down. Uh, in the classroom, I, I put it in my pocket when the teacher's looking at me. When the teacher turns around, I take it out of my pocket, put it in my mouth.

When she turns back, you know, and they're smoking all day long. They go to bed at night. They're smoking in bed. They wake up in the middle of the night. They put the vape back in their mouth in the middle of the night. The first thing they do when they get up in the morning is vape. So it is the most egregious addiction I've ever come across, and I've been doing this for 40 years.

I've never seen anything this awful. I think it's dangerous because it's so easy to do. Not for a long, long time, but in college I would smoke cigarettes. And when those vapes came out, I look at it as a very dangerous thing because it's so effortless and so easy to do. They can do it anywhere. Like a cigarette, you got to get up, you got to go outside. People kind of look at you, it smells bad.

What are you doing? Baby, just sit there and sit there and sit there all day long. But even smokers don't do it as often as vapors do it, right? Smokers have breaks. Yeah, vapors, that's what I'm saying. Vapors are doing it more, actually. Right. They're doing more.

And I've had clients say to me, I don't even take it out of my hand anymore. It's always in my hand. That's crazy. I was on the airplane the other day. And there was a guy next to me. It was like a 7 a.m. flight. And he was like in his sleeves doing the vape. And I was like, God damn, buddy.

I think that there's been almost a rebrand of the cigarette with the vape. And the vape companies or tobacco companies are trying to convince everyone that this is a healthier way to do it. And what they've actually done is they've made the addiction 10 times worse because like you said, people are waking up in the middle of the night and it's almost a codependency with how it's in your hand all the time. It is a codependency. And I mean, people are so addicted that they can't imagine life without it. And these are teenagers. And a lot of them say to me, I would have never smoked. But, you know, because of the flavors and because my boyfriend was doing it or my girlfriend was doing it, I decided to give it a try.

But they weren't interested in cigarettes, which means they would have made it to adulthood without smoking if the vape wasn't available. It's like an adult pacifier. Yes, but it's worse than that because you're addicted to the nicotine that's coming in. And what nicotine does is it constricts the vascular system. So imagine over and over again doing this to your vascular system, and eventually the vascular system just gets worn out and it collapses. And that's a drop dead heart attack. So people want to say, well, I thought the tar was the bad thing. So many people have said this to me, you know, in a cigarette and vaping doesn't have any tar in it.

I said, well, there are two bad things in a cigarette. I mean, many things, but two main things that we've all heard of tar and nicotine. They're both bad. The tar goes to the lungs, the nicotine destroys the heart. They're both bad. What do you say to people that use the nicotine patch and those little things in their mouth called zins? Look, the whole thing is harming them, damaging them all day long, every day. It doesn't matter what they switch to. And it's like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. It's just not the proper way to think about it. You have some good analogies. Wait, rearranging deck chairs?

Deck chairs on the Titanic. It's the ship sinking. You're done. Anyway, it doesn't matter what it looks like. No, it's been a few podcasts. Let's keep it up. There's 7,000 points in a cigarette. There's 2,000 in vaping. And so that shouldn't make anyone feel better, right? They're not supposed to go,

oh, I'm doing much better than those smokers. It's only 2000 poisons. What do you have to say about gambling, sex addiction, the other addictions that you're seeing? I don't work with everything, but I do work with gambling. And the gambler has to be willing to give up gambling. In other words, he has to be willing to never make a bet again. And a lot of gamblers are not willing to do that. So you can't manage it. So a gambler that's addicted, everybody has this illusion that I can manage my addiction,

but that's why addictions are here. We don't manage them, they manage us. We can beat them. In other words, we can get rid of here you know we don't manage them they manage us we can beat them in other words we can get rid of them but you can't manage them and so the gambler has to be willing to give up gambling but remember when a person loses money he wants to get it back really fast right he doesn't want to go to work for ten dollars an hour and try to earn the money back so it's self-perpetuating so a gambler loses money and he wants to get that money back really fast. He's in a kind of a bad state of mind. So he's not making the best decisions perhaps. And he ends up losing his family or his home or, you know, just doing crazy things,

emptying his bank account and it's a serious addiction. What are some success stories that you've seen that are like wild stories that you almost couldn't even believe yourself. Well, I've helped people change their lives. And so I had this one girl in high school who couldn't take tests because she was so frightened. They made an exception for her by putting her in a room by herself and letting her take the test. But she couldn't do that either. She would just freak out. We did three sessions together. She went back in and took the test, but she couldn't do that either. She would just freak out. We did three sessions together.

She went back in and took the test and then called me that afternoon and said, I wasn't nervous at all. I wasn't anxious at all. It's like a miracle. I was just totally fine. So it completely changed her life. She could not take tests prior to that.

Are there people you can't help? No, that's a myth. You know, some people think they can't be hypnotized. Those are usually the best people. So, no, there's no such thing because hypnosis is a natural state. So, there's no such thing. So, what happens is people go to a hypnotist, let's say, and they don't get hypnotized and they think, well, maybe I can't be hypnotized. And then the hypnotist who is a bad hypnotist says, yeah, you just can't be hypnotized because he doesn't want to take responsibility for him being a bad hypnotist. And so that person ends up coming to

me going, well, I've been told that I can't be hypnotized. But none of that's true. It's available to everybody. Just like sleep is available to everybody. Hypnosis is available. We have waking consciousness here, sleep down here, hypnosis is in the middle. It's available to everybody. Do you have a multivitamin? Okay. I take my multivitamin very seriously. So seriously that I actually interviewed the founder of the multivitamin I take every day twice. I wanted to know all the details on it. I wanted everyone who was listening to know the details on it. I take Rituals Essential for Women 18 Plus Multivitamin for the last four years. First of all, there's like a minty essence to it, so it tastes and smells good, which is a big thing for me. I don't want to be having burps. And it's also clinically backed.

Everything is traceable, so you can actually trace where each ingredient is from. It's vegan, non-GMO, project verified, gluten and major allergen free. Everything though, most importantly, if you go on the site, you can see where everything comes from. And that's important. I want a high quality and traceable multivitamin. I'm taking it every day. It needs to be clean and bioavailable. And this one is it. I took it through both my pregnancies. I took the prenatal. I took it after my pregnancies. And it's just a great multi. It has nine key nutrients in a two delayed released capsule. You take two. I take it on an empty stomach all the time in the morning. How I remember to take

it as I put it next to my tongue scraper in the morning. So I scrape my tongue. I take my multivitamin and I move on with my day. No more shady business. Rituals Essential for Women 18 Plus is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Get 15% off your first month at ritual.com slash skinny. Start Ritual or add Essential for Women 18 Plus to your subscription today. That's ritual.com slash skinny for 25% off. Quick break to talk about branch basics. We spend so much time on this show talking about what we put in our body, what we eat, supplements we take. We all think that our home is this safe environment, but could it be that your home environment could be causing you harm? Well,

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Ever since Lauren and I made the switch in our home, we've noticed a huge difference. Anytime I walk into a venue or a place or someone else's home where they're using harmful chemicals or fragrances, I automatically just can tell and I just feel like crap. We had Allison, the founder of Branch Basics on this show talking all about the benefits of changing to a clean environment and using clean products in your house. We're eating clean. We're taking clean supplements. We also need to make sure that our environments are clean without these disruptors as well. It's a no-brainer. Why would you not use better products that are better for you? Save 15% on your starter kit or their new hand soap when you use code SKINNY at www.branchbasics.com. Again, that is code skinny for 15% off when you purchase a starter

kit or their new gel hand soap at www.branchbasics.com. Every single morning I missed my face. I have done this for so long because there's something about it that just wakes you up. And this has been even more important to me since I started mouth taping because now when I mouth tape, I wake up, I don't want to rip my skinny confidential mouth tape off my face. I want to glide it off. So I'll mist my face. It's super refreshing. And then it slowly takes the mouth tape off. The mist that I use is completely fully non-toxic, and it smells absolutely delicious. You cannot go wrong with this mist. It's by Primally Pure. It's a plumping mist, so it's going to plump your skin, and it is by far the best way to start your skincare routine. So I'll mist my face, I'll ice roll. I'll relax outside, maybe do some facial massage, and then I'll get into my skincare. They also have some really

incredible products if you're looking to go the non-toxic clean skincare route. This is what you want to do. You want to get the body butter trio and the mist. You can't go wrong. If you're on the fence about making the swap to non-toxic products, especially natural deodorant, check out their five-star reviews at PrimallyPure.com for customers just like you. Once you're convinced, use code SKINNY for 15% off your Primally Pure purchase. That's www.P-R-I-M-A-L-L-Y-P-U-R-E.com slash SKINNY. Use code SKINNY at checkout for 15% off your order. Visit PrimallyPure.com slash SKINNY for 15% off your order. Visit PrimallyPure.com slash SKINNY for 15% off your order. So for the skeptics out there that don't believe in hypnotherapy at all, they don't believe it's real.

What do you say to those people? Because I think there's probably some people listening like, oh yeah, good, hypnotize. Ask them how many people they've helped quit smoking. I've helped thousands. Ask them how many people they've helped quit smoking i've helped thousands ask them how many people they've helped quit drugs i've helped so many so it's it's the most powerful process there is there's nothing more powerful than hypnosis to help people make changes or to help people be in addictions can you hypnotize someone into doing anything you want like could i hypnotize michael into, I don't know,

making me a coffee every single morning at 6 a.m. for the rest of his life? Like, can you pick what you want to hypnotize? No. Why? You can't get somebody to do something they don't want to do. So it's the person who you're hypnotizing has to be willing, like you said about the gambler. Well, it's not willing, but they have to be at least interested. When a person calls me and comes in, right, they're coming in, they're paying me money, so they're interested. Right. Willingness is another state because they have to give up something. And most of us don't like giving up things. We want to hold on to these things that we like. So they have to be willing to give up that cigarette. I'm not working with people to

get them to control other people, right? I not working with people to get them to control other people, right? I'm working with people to overcome something within themselves. And so, no, hypnosis is not a tool for control. It's a tool for empowerment. So what happens is we develop a relationship together and we work together to achieve a goal. Hypnosis is magical. And is a session an hour? Yeah. And most of session an hour? Yeah. And most of them are able to achieve their goal without suffering. Go ahead with what you were asking.

No, I just was, I guess what I was wondering is like a lot, I think a lot of people, when they think of hypnotherapy, they think like of the person in the parlor room that's like, hey, we're going to put this guy out and then we're going to be able to walk and do funny things to himself. And this is like a different way to think about it. Yeah. Well, there are stage hypnotists and they put on shows they're very entertaining and they're good at what they do they're they're masters at what they do stage hypnotists will invite people up to the stage and then he'll weed out some of them and send them back to their seats he's trained to identify deep trance subjects because deep trance subjects are just more entertaining and so if he's got a deep trance and it's about one out of five in the population. So about 20% are deep trance naturally, just they just go into deep trance. And so when he's working with a deep

trance subject, if he takes a person who wouldn't normally sing in public and just sing like Elvis Presley, the guy will do it, but not because he's forced to do it. He's doing it because it's fun to not be inhibited. It's just nice to not be inhibited. And so, but if he said to that same person, slug the woman next to you in the face as hard as you can, he wouldn't do it. Okay. So there's no control. It's just, it's basically releasing your inhibitions. Is that what it is? In that situation? Yes. In my situation, it's about overcoming an addiction by becoming truthful, open, and honest with yourself about the impact it's having on your life. What's one of the weirdest things you've been asked to do? And maybe you didn't do it, but I know you've been asked to do some weird shit

in your day, I'm sure. Well, I had a woman who was afraid to sign a check. That was a weird one. I'd never come across that before. Maybe she was afraid to spend money? I don't know what it was exactly, but she would get... Don't you wish that was me, Michael? Yes, you're not afraid, that's for sure. Wasn't me. Go ahead. Yeah, but I'm working with, you know, pretty traditional things, you know, weight loss, and I don't get

too many unusual requests. I had a client who came to me to pass the bar. You know how long the bar test is? How long? Well, it used to be three days, eight hours a day. So the longest test any of those people had taken prior to that would be four hours. So all of a sudden, they're taking this three-day-long test, eight hours a day, and they were terrified. I think they've switched it in the last few years to two days. But anyway, it's always been three days. And so when people come to me, they're generally terrified.

But they're smart enough to come to me three months in advance, usually. Most of them don't come at the last minute because you have to prepare for the bar exam months in advance. Well, I had this one guy come to me who had failed the bar eight times. After about 15 minutes of sitting down with him, I said to him, okay, I know what's wrong and I know how to fix it. And he just looked at me like I was a crazy person. And he just said, I've only been here for 15 minutes. How could you possibly know? And I said, your father's a lawyer. And he said, how could you possibly know that? I haven't talked about my father. And I said, he's a lawyer, right? And he said, yes. So I said, I want you to go home

and think about whether you really want to be a lawyer or whether you're just trying to please your father and just spend a week thinking about it. And then come back to me and tell me what you find out. So he came back a week later and he said, okay, I've thought about this very carefully. I really want to be a lawyer and, um, uh, I'm committed to this. I really want to be a lawyer. And I'm committed to this. I really want to do this. So I said, okay, well, you got to get your father out of your head. And he said, okay, how do we do that? And I just spent the whole session trying to remove his father from his head.

And he went out and passed the bar. There was a blockage that he was having subconsciously from his father. And when you remove the blockage, he's able to perform. Yes. Something was interfering. On that line of thread, is there a common denominator you see with most of the individuals you help when it comes to those kind of blockages or thought patterns? I do see a common denominator. Most people feel bad about themselves. Most people feel like I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I don't have enough value, or I'm not worthwhile. So, yes, that's the common denominator.

And there's a reason for that. It's hard to get through life without things going wrong. So we could get a bad grade and feel bad, or our parents yelling at us, or somebody doesn't want to be our friend anymore or a breakup or there's just so many things we go through that make us have doubts about ourselves. So it's the tape and the narrative that we're playing in our head that can get in the way of a lot of things that we want to achieve. That's right. Yeah. And a lot of times it's getting reinforced by well-meaning parents. Like a parent might say to a child, if you don't study, you'll

never amount to anything. And what the parent doesn't understand is that child doesn't process information the same way the parent does. So what that child will do is break apart that sentence and just go to the emotional content of that sentence, which is, I'll never amount to anything. And parents behave in a repetitive pattern. So parents are repeating these kinds of things over and over again. So even a very well-meaning good parent is sending a suggestion to that child that is very dangerous and harmful.

I know someone that thinks that life should always be fair. Everything should be fair. And that was instilled by their parent. Their parent told them, you know, everything needs to be fair. Everything needs to be fair. They're going to have a tough life. I'm seeing it come out.

So are you saying there's a way to hypnotize this person into getting that tape playing out of their head? Yes. So in that example, what would your first step be with that person? Look, we develop a lot of false beliefs about ourselves. And we develop these false beliefs because children don't understand adult behavior. They have no tools to understand adult behavior. So it really is a natural process. We naturally develop false beliefs about ourselves.

So I'm trying to, first of all, get them to understand that, to recognize that. And these beliefs seem to be true because they've been there a long time. So I have, I just made this up, but I have what I call squatter's rights. You know, they've just been there a long time. So they masquerade as truth, but they're not truth. But these bad feelings we have about ourselves, these beliefs we have. And so it's very, it's very helpful and useful to get rid of these false beliefs. You know, why would we believe a five-year-old's understanding of what their adults were doing should be the permanent way they think about themselves for their life?

Why would we trust a five-year-old's evaluation of anything? And yet, because it's been in there for so long, and then it gets reinforced because other bad things happen to us. Things don't work out sometimes. Yes, that is the common denominator, people doubting themselves, people having bad feelings about themselves. How do you deal with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder? Well, Trump never called me, so. Trump, you should call him. I don't deal with that. Regular therapists deal with that. I work primarily with addictions and weight loss. So you don't see a lot of like bipolar, depression, anxiety. No, I don't. I don't do

that kind of stuff. Could you, in theory. I try to stay in my lane. Yeah. Yeah. Could you, though, in theory, potentially, I don't want to say heal or cure, but could you work with someone that has clinical depression? Could you, could you kind of snap them out of that state or is that? I get calls for it all the time and, and I don't work with them unless they're, you know, working with a psychiatrist, but, um, but yeah, sometimes I try to help them, but I'm not sure hypnosis is the best tool for that. I think more traditional therapy is better. So is it more of like a behavior-breaking pattern or behavior patterns that you can help with cigarettes and things that someone's doing?

I mostly stick with addictions and weight loss. Talk to us about weight loss. If someone's listening and they want to lose weight and they're in the area of Los Angeles and they come to you, like, what do you do to help them lose weight? Well, first of all, I try to get them to look at their patterns and I try to get them to recognize that most of the things they're doing are working against them. And then I teach them how to change that and how to feel powerful. And there are certain things you hear over and over again from a person who's trying to lose weight. Like, I told myself not to eat it, and I ate it anyway. You've heard that expression, right? Well, once you're already in the moment of eating it, telling yourself not to eat it is, you know, it's kind of like a dollar late, I mean, a day late and a dollar short.

You're just, you're too late. And so what I try to teach them is that they have to get to that place in advance. So before they enter the Mexican restaurant, we know there's chips on the table, right, so they don't get to say, and you know there were chips on the table, and I tried not to eat them, but I ate them anyway, I have them meditate before they go into the restaurant and say, okay, I know what a Mexican restaurant looks like, I know there's going to be chips on the table, if they're alone, I tell them to just have the waitress remove them, but if they're with other people, then they have to have this, okay, I'm on a weight reduction program. It's important to me. And so I know I'm going to see those chips and they're just not on my program. Just not even.

It's almost like you're, you're having them step into their future of what's going to happen and give them the tools of how to react in the meditation. Yes. And in fact, well, I work with, you reminded me, I work with people prior to surgery all the time. And the origin story of this is really pretty interesting. I had a guy call me who had quit smoking with me and he had to go in for surgery and he was terrified. And he just called me and I said, can you help me with my fear? And I said, sure. And so about three hours later, his wife called me and said said, can you help me with my fear? And I said, sure. And so about three hours later, his wife called me and said, they've taken him to the hospital. They're operating tomorrow.

Can you come down to the hospital and work with them? Which is about the last place I want to work with somebody in hypnosis because there's no privacy or anything. But I did. And so I had been thinking about how to help people prior to surgery for a long time, but I'd never done it as a hypnotist. But I'm in the hospital, I've got this guy, and I figured, may as well try. And so I did my thing with him. He called me a day later, 24 hours later, and I'll never forget this as long as I live. This conversation is just locked into my mind.

He said to me, Carrie, if I didn't know I was in a hospital I wouldn't know I had surgery now first of all this guy was not supposed to be calling me he was supposed to be in ICU he just had like an eight or a nine hour open heart surgery operation and he's sitting in a regular room no pain no post-operative pain no discomfort he's fine so my original thought my immediate thought was that this is a fluke i mean it can't work this well this got to be a fluke but now i've done it hundreds of times and it's not a fluke i can if i get to people before the surgery if they come to me afterwards i can't help them but if i get to them before i can remove almost all post-operative pain. So my clients are

being told by their doctors, take these narcotics every four hours because we don't want the pain level to get out of control. They're not taking narcotics. Most of them are not taking aspirin. Most of them are fine. A lot of the things that you're saying, I feel like I've used subconsciously sometimes, meaning I envision myself every morning. I'll spend 20 minutes envisioning myself, where I want to go, how I want my life to look like, what I want my day to look like, what I want 10 years to look like. I think about it a lot, and I put myself in the scenario, and I imagine how I would feel emotionally. Is that kind of similar or no?

I think it's a good tool to use. Yeah. When I'm working with the surgery, one of the things I do with them is I ask them to imagine the end of the surgery and they're under anesthesia and, but they overhear the doctor talking to the nurse. And the doctor is saying to the nurse, oh my God, this is the best surgery I've ever done. Oh my God, she's going to recover so quickly. She's going to heal. She's going to probably recover faster than anybody I've ever worked with before. And just all these positive suggestions where she's just overhearing it. So it's not like I'm a hypnotist giving her positive suggestions.

In her mind, she's hearing it from the doctor. And then when she brings that back to waking consciousness, it's kind of like an inner knowing. There's this feeling of everything's going to be okay. She has this inner knowing. She doesn't know where it comes from and she doesn't know what it is, but there's this feeling of calmness. And so surgeons love people coming to me first because when they come in for their surgery, they're calm. They're just calm and relaxed and ready to go. Do you think a lot of people have negatively manifested outcomes that wouldn't have happened had they had manifested something positive? And maybe manifest isn't the right word. Visualize. I have trouble with that word.

Okay. Visualize. I'm not attached to to the word we could say maybe they've had negative thoughts about something and they've ruminated on those negative thoughts and the negative thoughts end up coming true because they've actually planted those i don't think we're superman i don't think we're we have influence over the world um like a lot of other people do but i'm excited at the prospect recognizing that there are no limits to what we can do for ourselves and so I don't see it as you know like if somebody breaks into somebody's house and attacks them and then some new age person comes up to the woman who was attacked and says to her what were you doing to attract is to attract this negative energy right I think that's awful

I think that's horrible nobody should ever talk to a victim that way, ever. And it's so ludicrous because what we're doing is denying the free will of the guy who went into the house and attacked her, right? If we say that her negative energy, what, drew him in? He had no free will in that experience? So I don't think that's the right way to look at things. But I think there's an unlimited potential for us to help ourselves. Is turkey better or ham? Many families

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It is. So what is fear? And I don't mean what is fear. I'm going to answer. Yeah. Yeah. So what's happening with fear is that I spent a lot of time thinking about it because I get a lot of calls about it. And my initial hypothesis was that fear had to have a lot of tools in its arsenal because

it affects just about everybody. So it must be a really powerful thing. And I was able to eliminate every tool that it had except one. So I think it really comes down to just one thing. And that phrase is, you don't know for sure. So let's say I tell you to be upbeat and positive and just say, you know, I think I'm going to do well on this test. And then fear rises up and goes, you don't know for sure. Well, if you find that a compelling argument, then fear will dominate you. But if you can just tackle that one argument and say, I don't need no for sure. I have faith that I'm going to do well on this test, or I have faith the plane will make it from LA to New York, or I have faith my kid will get into college or whatever

it is. So if we can get past the, you don't know for sure and recognize it's not a compelling argument, we can conquer fear. So do people who need control in their lives tend to have more fear than people who don't? Yes, because look at the responsibility they have. They've got to control everything. That's a big responsibility. We know someone who loves control, control, control, and there's a lot of fear that's coming from this person. Like more, more fear than I've ever seen anything ever. No, but even for me, the reason I asked this is I asked it selfishly because at times in my life when I've been fearful, I realized it's because I've had this great sense of that I needed some kind of control. Well, control, anxiety is about control. There wouldn't be anxiety if there wasn't control issues. And people develop control issues for one and only one reason,

and that's to feel safe. And so we develop control issues usually at a young age because we stop feeling safe. Something happens and we just don't feel safe anymore. And it doesn't have to be trauma. It can be ordinary things like parents arguing or different things. But we just don't feel safe. And so we develop control issues. That can root in very young. And then people that have those issues then can take that and have that fear apply to someone. It can manifest.

It causes fear of flying and driving on the freeway and all kinds of things, commitment to relationships. But it's control. And the problem with it is, I mean, there's two problems with it. The first is that if you're going to control in order to feel safe, in other words, if that's your methodology to feel safe, to control, what would you have to control? Everything. Well, what are your chances of doing that? Zero. And so what I think is happening is that that need to control to feel safe is clashing with that awareness that there's too many things. And I think out pops anxiety.

Because you know it's impossible to control all the outcomes. Right. So I think that creates anxiety for all of us and when it gets more severe panic disorder. But there's a second reason why it's problematic, and that is it creates a need to know. We don't want to just feel safe today. We want to feel safe tomorrow. And so it creates the phrase, how do I know? This is a phrase that everybody uses. How do I know I won't get COVID? Or how do I know I'll have enough money to pay my bills? Or how do I know my parents won't get sick? Or how do I know the plane will make it? Or how do I know I won't get fired to pay my bills? Or how do I know my parents won't get sick? Or how do I know the plane will make it?

Or how do I know I won't get fired from my job? Well, what are your chances of knowing the future? Well, we're back to zero again. So is it better to just say, I don't know? No, it's better to say, I don't need to know. I don't need to know. Yeah. And so is that, when someone comes to you with this kind of disorder or this pattern of thinking,

do you work with them over a period of time to get them to that state and to be comfortable in that state? Yes. It's hard work. It takes, most people hold onto their control because they believe it's how they protect themselves. And nobody's going to give up protecting themselves.

And I've got to convince them there's a better way to protect yourself than control. I'll put myself on the spot right now. I am deathly afraid of needles. Not like an IV needle or taking blood scares me so bad. Is that something that if I came to you, you can snap me out of or no? Well, I wouldn't use the word snap you out of it, but I can help you with it. Yes. Have someone come to you with that fear? Yes. Huh. Michael keeps telling me to deal with it. Maybe this is how I should deal with it. Well someone come to you with that fear yes huh michael keeps telling me to deal with it maybe this is how i should deal well i don't deal with it i just say it's going to be a thing that you're going to pass on to my kids continue to do or not just that but you're

going to you you need to do it at some point right i'm saying you have to go to a doctor and get some blood drawn at some point and so even when you say that it makes me feel like i'm going to faint well but you have to remember the doctor's not a vampire yeah right he's not harming you and you can live without that blood you don't need it if something about it feels um it feels invasive that someone's taking my blood that's mine right that's the control part somebody's taking something from you yeah and so what you have to do is change that around to I'm willing to give it up in order to get the benefit, which allows them to evaluate my health and so forth. So I'm willing to give them my blood to get the benefit of their evaluation. Nobody's taking it from you because

they don't come to your house and tie you down and take it. You give it to them. And so that gives you a sense of control. Yeah, that's interesting. I've never thought about it like that. So in that context, it's then a good idea to give someone a sense of control, obviously? Yes. The anorexic has one of the strongest control issues there is. And so if you just lock her in a room and say, eat this or whatever's it's just not gonna work she you have to find a way to give her some sense of control over her

life that allows her also to recognize that anorexia is fatal it's deadly and she's got to get out of it before it's too late I mean it leads to organ failure and you know heart attacks and organ failure and so so it's too late. I mean, it leads to organ failure and heart attacks and organ failure. And so it's a combination of getting her to take responsibility for her well-being. But at the same time, you have to figure out a way to help her feel in charge, help her feel in control. Have you had a lot of people with eating disorders come to you? Yeah, it's the hardest thing I've ever worked with. Why? It's harder than cocaine. It's harder than drugs. It's harder than Yeah, it's the hardest thing I've ever worked with. Why? It's harder than cocaine.

It's harder than drugs. It's harder than everything because it's really complicated. Well, I think that one of the things about it is it becomes an identity of, I'm just speaking maybe for anorexia. I don't know about bulimia, but it becomes an identity to be thin.

So the identity is wrapped up in it. I think that's part of it. But I think there's an infectious kind of power trip happening. They're discovering that they can control a natural process. They can control hunger. Yeah. And if you can control hunger, you're pretty special because the rest of us can't you know all of us are just eating and eating and eating but the anorexia can control hunger itself and so she feels very powerful when she didn't feel that way prior to that because she developed the anorexia because of other issues where she felt powerless and so now she feels powerful and when people come along to try to help her they're challenging that powerful.

And so she'll resist. I notice on social media, when there is someone who's maybe dealing with an eating disorder, there is sometimes kind of a praise going on. And that's maybe what you're saying to how that person feels powerful. I'm not sure what you mean. Meaning like they get in the comment section, they get praised or people will say, how do you eat like that? Or what's your tip? Right. A lot of people feel special. Right. Yeah.

And that's very dangerous. Yeah. So how long does it take to solve something like that with hypnotherapy? Well, people go to clinics for months. You know, I don't have any answer to that question. It depends on whether I can get through to them or not. And that one's the toughest one. Yes, that's the toughest one. But if I can get through to them, I can help them and get out of it and help them get out of it. If someone's listening and they don't have access to come into

your actual clinic, what would you recommend? They have to get help. I mean, there are specialists in eating disorders, so they should find one. I mean, if they want to do hypnotherapy, is there things to look for? For smoking or anything? Yeah, if they like your practice that you're talking about right now, and they live in Michigan and they can't come to California.

Well, I work with people all over the world. Oh, so you can work on the phone? Yeah, I have clients calling me from all over the world. Oh. I have clients flying in from all over the world. Oh, so you can work on the phone. Yeah, I have clients calling me from all over the world. Oh. I have clients flying in from all over the world. So I work with people in person or remotely. When you work with all these major celebrities, what's a common thread that you see?

Is it the same thing or is it all different? Everybody comes to me for different reasons, but certainly smoking is one of them. But I work with actors to prepare for auditions too, and public speaking, and musicians that used to play in front of an audience of say 500 people that are now playing to 50,000 people, and all of a sudden they develop stage fright. But I can help them almost always in about three sessions usually. You seem so confident with what you do. You must have seen a lot of success over the years. I mean, it's, you seem like almost like it's like

you're, it just works. Well, when you help people and they, you know, are so happy and so relieved and so grateful, um, and then you do it again and again and again and again. You know, that kind of feedback helps you develop the confidence that you can do it with anybody. So if someone's listening and they have an addiction to the vape or cigarettes or alcohol, what would you tell them and what would your advice be? Well, I help people with every addiction. So I would tell them to call me and set up an appointment. Okay. And can we talk about prices on air? I charge $300 a session.

Wow. I mean, that's a lot cheaper than rehab. Yeah. Yeah. They're sending, in a lot of these places, $50,000 to $100,000 a month. Wild. Yeah. Do you get pushback from rehab centers?

No. No. I would think you would because if you're doing it in three sessions. No, I get inquiries from them to come help them. But I don't because I don't want to work for anybody and I won't. So, no, I've always worked for myself and I'm going to keep doing that. But people can access my website or people can access my social media at Kerry Gaynor in my program my smoking program is online so people can if they can't afford to come

to see me or if they're in other parts of the world they can access my program online and that's stop smoking start living and what is the program entail what I do it's an exact session recorded of me working with a client cool so it's an exact session recorded of me working with a client. Cool. So it's an exact thing that I do, but it's not as good because it's not interactive. Right. You know, a tape is a tape,

but working with me is interactive because I can respond to how they're feeling in that moment. And so, but it's the next best thing. That was very interesting. Very interesting interview. I learned a lot. I think it's so cool what you do. And I think that the legacy that you are making is incredible. I mean, you've helped so many people.

Where can everyone find you? I know you mentioned your Instagram maybe one more time. Just tell us where they can find you, access you, all the things. Okay, so my Instagram is at kerrygainer. My quit smoking program is stop smoking, start living or kerrygainermethod.com. I love it. Kerry, thank you for coming on. Kerry, I might have to get over some of my control issues. Oh, really? You're going to go?

Maybe. You never know. You might get a call.