The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - John Stamos Tells All & Keeps Us Wanting More

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

#662: Today, we're sitting down with the legend, John Stamos. John is an American actor and musician, known for his breakout role in General Hospital, and playing the iconic character of Uncle Jesse in the 90s hit television show, Full House. John joins us today to discuss his new tell-all memoir, If You Would Have Told Me, where he reflects on some of the darker moments from his life. We discuss his career, how he remained humble through his journey to fame, and how he's reflected on his life with family, friends, and the press. To Watch the Show click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To connect with John Stamos click  HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential This episode is brought to you by Kerastase Visit Kerastase-USA.com and use code SKINNY15 to receive 15% off your purchase. Offer valid through 5/31/2024. This episode is brought to you by Just Thrive These days, stress seems to hit us from every possible angle in any environment at any time, day after day. Enter Just Calm - the breakthrough new stress and mood support formula from Just Thrive. Get 20% off a 90-day bottle of Just Thrive probiotic + Just Calm supplement at justthrivehealth.com with code SKINNY at checkout. This episode is brought to you by AG1 If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Go to drinkAG1.com/SKINNY to get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase.   This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat-only therapy sessions. So you don’t have to see anyone on camera if you don’t want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy & you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/skinny. This episode is brought to you by Hero Bread Don't give up on being a bread head. Receive 10% off your order by using code SKINNY at hero.co. Produced by Dear Media

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use code DRYBRUSH, and I bet you John Stamos dry brushes. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. I was so naive and I was so, you know, I was a little kid from Orange County that was quite sheltered and it was all sort of a dream to me.

And it wasn't sophisticated enough to go, okay, here's my goal and I can't move that. I just went with what I was given and where my life was taking me. I didn't overthink it. I wasn't that smart. I wasn't that introspective. You know, now I am, I think, you know, therapy and growing up and I never thought I was smart. It was just one of those things where I just felt I wasn't smart enough to keep up with people. And I wasn't, I just wasn't, I didn't go to college and I just didn't feel very book smart. And then I wrote this book and it was the number four bestseller on the New York Times. It's like the Wizard of Oz, right?

Like the Scarecrow. I don't have a brain, but you have it. You just didn't. Here's your diploma. That's what this is. John Stamos is on the show today. John Stamos, guys. I'm excited. Michael tried to get a bag for my head in this episode. You know John Stamos. Everyone knows John Stamos. He is famous for so many things, which we'll get into. But I also want to hit on something that I think is important to note about John. His book, if you would have told me,

popped up on my Amazon Reads and I immediately bought it because I'm a fan of him. And from the first page, I was hooked. His book is so raw, especially for Hollywood. You don't always get that with Hollywood. You know what I mean? You can tell that it really is him writing it, doing it, saying it. Every single page was captivating. It's one of those books that you just can't put down. And what I liked about it is it talked you through his entire childhood into his teenage years. It shows you where his work ethic came from. It talks about his journey with sobriety. And of course, he also goes into the unexpected death of his Full House co-star and longtime friend, his best friend,

Bob Saget. It talks about his past marriages, his new marriage. It talks about all the shows he was on. And there's an extreme self-awareness that comes with John. It feels like he's in on the joke. And in this episode, you can feel it. He's really funny and witty. And there's also this layer of massive self-awareness. And I appreciate that. And if you read the book, I think you guys will love it. And I do have to tell you, he was so fucking cool and so kind to everyone that he met at Dear Media. He acknowledged everyone. He was polite. He was down to earth. And it's not every day that a celebrity is like that. So John Stamos. John is iconic. You may recognize him from General Hospital, ER,

Full House. I mean, Uncle Jesse. Hello, everyone's childhood crush. Broadway. And now he is an author. I hope you love this episode. I loved it a lot. John Stamos, welcome to the show. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. John Stamos in the studio. I don't like being this close to a man who's so handsome, it makes me look bad, Michael. So can you go under the table? I don't know. I brought, hold on a second.

I'm overwhelmed that I'm surrounded by the two most handsome guys I know. I brought a bag for Lauren to wear on her head this whole episode. He wants her to wear a bag. She's beautiful. He wants her to wear a bag. I don't, yeah, I don't get intimidated too often, but I think, you know, Lauren heard you were coming in. She's like, listen, Stan was coming in.

You are my childhood crush. Really? I can't believe that. I think that you're Michael's childhood crush Honestly He's too handsome, thanks for dressing up Michael, the t-shirt works That's Rickles, if you like Rickles I love Rickles

You know what, I don't know, I set off air who has a better hairline I hate to say that to you Michael, normally I would say you I like the way you got it styled Mine's a little stiff, yours is That thing's flowing man Yeah we could do a little more of a it but you normally wear it like that right i read the outsiders when i was like 12 oh yeah right right that's that's it for me that's the look so we're here because i read your book thank you i tagged your wife i tagged you i tagged everyone how do i

i wanted you on the show so bad after this book because this book showed such a different side of you. I had known you, obviously, from Full House, from ER, from all the different things that you've done, Stern. And the book, you were so open. Yeah. Sometimes too open. It was so...

Have you guys written a book? I have written a book. You've done everything. But not like... This is different. This is like a true memoir a book? I have written a book. You've done everything. But not like, this is different. This is like a true memoir. Yes, this is like a memoir. You have to be open.

No, I set out to write like a hero story, and then I was like, this is bullshit. I can't fool people. And then it became a human story, and then I stumbled upon a line like, anything less than the truth is paralysis. So I was like, oh shit, I had to go back to the beginning and try to figure out how to do it.

I thought about writing the, the two hardest chapters to, I started with, which was, um, I got a DUI the day I got a DUI and it was horrible, just terrible. I could have killed somebody.

And my five stages of grief there were, you know, more booze and girls and drugs and remember. And then the second chapter that I wrote, which ended up being the last chapter about Bob called Cake, the day he died. And my five stages of grief there was therapy and family and the program and being sober and stuff, meditation. So first of all, I was in here a couple of months ago on the Josh and Ben show. Good guy show.

And it was really sweet. But I saw all these vibrators and pink things out there. I'm like, what the hell? I'm in the right place. And I thought it was Josh's vibrator line. It wasn't. Then I texted him this morning. I go, hey, was that the studio?

I'm doing these husband and wife podcasts, and I can't wait. I remember seeing dildos and stuff in the lot. Was that your place? And he said, yeah, that's them. Vibrators, dildos, I'm going to give you one. It's the best vibrator I can attest to it on the planet. Let me tell you. Okay, my wife, I guess maybe I shouldn't say this,

but she blew out a power in our house the other day. I was out of town. She has a plug-in one, and it blew the power out of the whole master bedroom area. These ones are cordless. Twice, it's a seven, twice. This is cordless. I'm going to give a cordless one.

It comes in a cute little package. It's rechargeable. It's dainty. It's cute. It's pretty. She's gonna love it. We don't have to worry about 220 volts right now. What did you do when she started coming up with these products? I was all for it. I was like, we'll test them out together. Where did you guys meet? When we were 12.

Really? Seriously? Yeah. Wow. And you've only been with each other? I think what happened is she saw you. No, we have not only been with each other. I think what happened is she saw you. I need to say that before been with each other. Okay, just one. I think what happened is she saw you. I need to say that before, when we say we met. Do you have hickeys?

Are those hickeys on your neck? You did give me a hickey. Oh my God. I think she saw you on Full House and then she got all excited. I told my husband, I said, the reason that I have this type is because of you. Okay. Wow. Thank you.

You guys kind of have a similar look. Yeah. I will take it. You're younger, aren't you, Michael? I mean, of course you are. You guys kind of have a similar look. Yeah. I will take it. You're younger, aren't you, Michael? You've got to be. I mean, of course you're younger. You guys are similar in age. I'm 72.

Wait. No, no, no, no, no. So where did you guys, where did you grow up? In San Diego? Oh, wow. Yeah. I grew up in Orange County, you know. Where in Orange County?

Cypress. It's a little town called Cypress. Okay. And so you guys met in 12, you were 12 years old. 12 years old. And did you like each other then what happened yes we liked each other

at 12 is that right Mike's son who's 6 I don't know but how old your kids are 4 and 2

but my son's only 1 and a half okay my son has a girlfriend for a couple years now I think it's wrong you're 5 and a half year old

yeah and I'm like stop with the girlfriend stuff she's very sweet and you know the neighbors

her dad directs The Bachelor and all the shows, Ken Fuchs. But he's a player. He's a player. My wife said she had boyfriends when she was five or six. You have them when you're little. That young?

Yeah. We were in Paris a couple months ago, and we were at the Disneyland there, and we had a guide. Two days. One day, the first guide was a know a nice normal french woman maybe 50 the next day there's like this 30 year old hot french girl she comes up to the table and and um and he's such an like his here's his move he goes uh so what's my favorite color like you gotta guess his shit you know so uh what's my favorite dinosaur like he's a player he's a player and so it's like right and then she says oh excuse me i

have to go to the restroom and just walks off oh no for first he was doing the questions and then and then i could overhear him saying i have this girlfriend her name is bella and we play down the street and she's really cool and her dad does and then okay and then she walks away to the restroom just as he's at an earshot i swear to god he turns me and goes why did i tell her i had a girlfriend like he had a shot at her he's charming i mean he's your kid yeah but i wasn't like that i was it was cute maybe as a kid and then a guy old dorky during you know junior high especially i talked about being bullied and stuff there were you the stud dude at the no no i got bullied you did bullied. You did? Yeah, I was small. Were,

what happened? I was tiny. I was tiny. So when did you guys hook up then? We hooked up at 12. You didn't have sex, no? Wait a minute.

I might've given you a blowjob on the tennis court. At 12? 13. 13. Is that true? You asked me if I was scared of the one-eyed snake. Is that what the plan was? I didn't know what to say.

I hope my son doesn't listen to this. He's still asking me this to the snake. You know what, though, and I, like, her dad caught us in the, we've told this story, her dad caught us in the closet at 12 with all our clothes up. I saw my life flash before my eyes, and I thought, I mean, thank, it's worked out, like, look, two kids and grandkids. It's worked out. It's worked out. Do her parents like you? Yeah. So when you get, when you

saw the one-eyed snake and the thing, did you say, marry me then, like, right at 12? Yeah, oh, he was like, you've been marrying me since I was 12. It was done. What really happened is she showed up to school. She came in at the end of sixth. She came in sixth grade. She didn't go to the school before.

She was fully developed. And I had little girlfriends that weren't developed. And I thought she was the substitute teacher. I took one look. I'm like, that's the one. Hot for teaching. And I think. Couldn't leave me alone. And then she wore this blue sequins dress in the sixth grade play. And I was like, done. What was the substitute teacher. I took one look. I'm like, that's the one. Hot for teaching. And I think. Couldn't leave me alone.

And then she wore this blue sequins dress in the sixth grade play. And I was like, done. What was the play? The play was Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Are you an actress? I'm not an actress. Really? No, I'm not an actress.

I'm not going to flirt with your wife. I don't care. Oh, please flirt with his wife. Please. No, no, no, no, no. I have a wife and a kid. Please, please, please, please. Listen, you don't get many cracks at Stamos.

If you would have told me that I would be interviewing John Stamos, I would not have believed it. So you started dating at 12 or whatever, and then you broke up for a while and dated other people? We broke up until 21 years old. Yeah, we went off. I went to other schools. She went to other schools.

Yeah, you went to other schools. Is that what you call it? You went to U of A and fucked the whole school. You have to say it like that? No. I went on nice dates, candlelit dinners. Yeah, okay.

Candlelit dinners. Did you, but the candle was in his ass. Yeah. Did you guys, so you got back together at 21? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. How many people did you sleep with, Michael? Two. Yeah. Hundred. No, two thousand. No, really? That much? No. Your dad did tell me 3,000. No. 2,000. No.

Really? That much? No. Your dad did tell me 3,000. No, not him. Not him. His dad slept with 3,000. Did you?

Really? Is he still alive? Yeah, but he's 79. Wow. Can we get him on the phone? Who slept with more? John Stamos? Your dad.

Let's call him. Can we call him? My dad's such a wild character because he was older than me when he had me. And he was nuts when he was a kid. Yeah. And he was like, I remember being like 12 years old and I was like,

listen, when you do cocaine, it's got to be really good cocaine and it's got to be good cocaine. He's like, I had this testing kit. I'm like, dude,

I've never even seen a beer before, man. Did you? And I was like, he like got the age confused. He didn't realize like some of that stuff doesn't come till later. And so he would give me this advice

and it was so, it still is, right? Yeah. You're good with old guys. Good, nice segue. Yeah is, right? Yeah. You're good with old guys. Good, nice segue. Yeah, no, you are. You're good with old guys, Don Rickles. Yeah.

You're good with them. Gary Marshall. My dad, I mean, my dad was alive. He died, I was pretty young. He was 65, too young. And I sort of gravitated towards, you know, that type of guy. My dad was a, you know, my dad was a cool boy.

My dad was my, probably like you. He was- Joking aside, yeah, me and him are like that. I could see he's putting on some of that stuff, but he seems like a really good guy. You were working with your dad in his restaurant when you were on a show at the same time. Right. What was that like? Well, the first job I ever got was general hospital.

You know what is really good about your podcast too, I should say? You let your guests talk for a long time. Maybe you're spacing out. I'm not sure. You know what I'm saying? Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I guess so. Isn't that what you're...

Well, some people interrupt and stuff. But anyway, yes, I worked at my dad's restaurant. My dad was very... Probably like you, he was like, work hard, be a good guy. My dad treated the busboy the same way he would treat his best customer. And I never forgot that. I watched it and he instilled that in me. I did an audition for General Hospital.

Did you, you probably didn't watch that show. No, you didn't. You did? Yes, I did. When I was at home. Yeah. When you were, you were how old? No, I was like five.

80s? You were five? So you haven't met Michael yet. Yeah. Well. I told you, my first childhood crush. Well, you said Full House. Every single girl says that to him.

No, they don't. No, they don't. No, she, I'm not kidding you. Like she, we've had some people on the show. She's like, she's like, hey. Well, I'm Full House. Every single girl says that to him. No, they don't. No, they don't. No, I'm not kidding you. Like, we've had some people on the show. She's like, hey. Well, I'm very flattered. I loved you in Batman, by the way, Michael. Oh, everyone says that to him.

Everybody says that. As long as you say not when he played Dick Cheney. No, no, you're better looking at him. Your dad treated the busboy the same as he treated everyone. Right. He was very much into, you you know discipline and working hard and so i got on the show i auditioned i didn't it was a the the breakdown was a was a a street urchin a new york street urchin kid i never even been to new york i was just 18 i think and i figured how

am i gonna i gotta get i gotta get i love travolta and the first movie set that i ever said first television anything was on the set of gase. I can tell you that story. I loved Travolta, so I thought I need a walk. Like, I gotta get my walk down, you know, like, you know, and a leather jacket. My mom, I took my mom's like a voluminous, long leather jacket, which I was gonna cut it. She said, no.

She sort of feathered my hair. I had sun in during that time. Did you ever use that? What is it? It's you put squirted in your hair and it, you know, it's a lighter. I was walking, so I wanted to find a street that I thought was New York,

which was, I went over here to West Hollywood and I was like driving down, this looks like New York to me and there was a place called Rage. I,

this character needs rage. I'll park there, you know, and I got out and it's like, I'm working on my walk, like walking down Santa Monica Boulevard

over there. A lot of catcalls. There was a lot of outdoor restaurants with mainly men, mostly men. And, whoo, you get it, girl? I'm like, girl, oh, okay, you know. Oh, it was Hollywood. Yeah, this was, I was sort of worked through my walk

and it was sort of silly. But then I walked into the, oh, so I thought, I needed a bandana, like Chachi on Happy Days. He's a New York guy. He has a bandana. So I was trying to, there were a lot of bandana, like Chachi on Happy Days. He's a New York guy. He has a bandana. So I was trying to, there were a lot of bandana stores on the street. And I went into one and I got a yellow bandana. And I'll never forget, the guy says,

today's your lucky day because with every bandana you get a massage. I'm like, oh, thank you, sir, but I got an audition. So I took the yellow bandana and I went. And I came into the audition like a, like a, like bam, like bash through. And I'm doing my walk, I'm moving. And they go, okay. And I'm like, there's two guys, whatever,

baseball bats, stop, stop. Stop moving around. What are you doing with cameras? We can't even catch you. You don't need to walk. Just stay, you know, stand still, say the lines. Okay. So I start, two guys, whatever,

baseball bats in one hand, but stop. I go, what? He says, that yellow bandana, you like to be peed on? I'm like, what? And it turns out there's colors in that community, and yellow was pee on. So that was my first audition. But I got it, and I remember calling home, and my family was all, I would call and say, I got bad news.

Oh, I got their own. My sisters and my mom were screaming. And you could hear my dad in the back going, you can't work on Sundays. Tell them you can't, well, you're my Sunday guy. And sure enough, like I started the show and I still worked at my dad's restaurant on Sundays. And then the show aired like just literally like two weeks after I started.

So I auditioned on a Monday, call back on Tuesday, worked on a Wednesday, and then one week later it started to air. And that show, 35 million people were watching, like Luke and Laura and all that stuff. But I still worked and people were starting to come into the restaurant

to say, can I have a cheeseburger? Hey, aren't you the guy? Nah, give me a... I said, dad, I'm famous. Can I quit? No. And he kept me working there.

And I never you know when you write something like this you discover your story and discover like I had questions like why did he I mean it was either to keep me humble which didn't work um or discipline or it was good for business he came down to the set with me I'll never forget it and he and he watched the way I handled people or worked with people same way he did i was talking to the i was talking to the guy pulling the cords i was talking to the producers and he said you're ready you're ready i go it's your son i love you be a good man be kind work your ass off and uh good luck that's an incredible story we've met so many people and honestly when you came when you came in the room when Burt was here, I could tell right away, I'm like, oh, this guy,

you just seem like a good dude. Like, you just seem, I watch you with Jade in the office, you treat everybody really nice and it's refreshing because, you know, we come across a lot of people

and sometimes you see people reach a certain level of either fame or fortune and they kind of lose sight of just being a human. I mean, there probably were times when I was like that, but for the most part, like, I wanted to be famous my whole life. I wanted to be popular fortune and they kind of lose sight of just being a human i mean there probably were times when i

was like that but for the most part like i wanted to be famous my whole life i wanted to be popular i wanted people the girls that like me and stuff so why would i not like it now you guys talked a couple of the episodes that i listened to we're talking about fame not you guys as much but the guests that weren't famous and they were talking about what it means to be famous i'm like you don't know it's like if i'm in a restaurant i'm talking i don't want people come up to me i don't give a shit i really don't i mean if i want to be private and you know i'll stay home and and and you know people are just it's always something not like they always come up and say something nice right you guys get recognized probably once in a while maybe you know who says what you just said kim kardashian oh really she says i i'll never ever

complain because i've worked so hard to get here and I'll never complain about people coming up to me or being famous. She said, I love every minute of it. I think that's honest too. And also, you're right. If you don't want to get recognized, don't go out. Well, I mean, I think people don't want to live in their house all the time. But I don't know. I can't speak for them.

But for me, it's like, you know, my Kim. She worked really hard. Have you guys had, has she been on here? No? You can't bash me. Open invite. Open invite? She's my neighbor.

Anyway, you look at people that work that hard, and it's pretty impressive too, right? So what was your, who started making the dough first, you or her? Probably me, but we had different like i went straight into the last job i had like mcdonald's yeah how did you know that oh i listen oh wow but my dad and you know it's he's a funny character and he taught me a lot but one thing that i think is a little bit of a strange path is he drilled in my head always that i could never have like a job that i had to go build something on my own, which was strange. You know, I struggled and stumbled with that for a long time because

it was like, what does that even mean? It was a lot of pressure. It was a lot of pressure. Your dad was a lot older than, than like your dad. Well, because he was a born and bred like entrepreneur. And I think I had when he was 42. Yeah. And so I, you know, with that, I had, what I would say is I had a lot of downs first. Like I would go, I would make, I would go up and then I go down and I go up and I go down. I had nothing really stable, but when, when stuff started to hit me, but then, you know, probably at times when I was down, then she started to go up and then vice versa. But I think what's interesting about us, we've been together for so long that we've kind

of been building it together. Right. Right. Like we, we. But no prenup. So, you know. Yeah. No, no.

Thank God. I should have made you sign a prenup. Yeah. Like we, we. Well, no prenup. So, you know. Yeah. No, no. Thank God. I should have made you sign a prenup. Yeah. That was my mistake. But you know, when we, I remember when she was bartending and putting herself through school and starting the blog. I was bartending in San Diego. Hooters? Not Hooters. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I know there's a lot of Hooters down there. Not Hooters. Okay. That was disrespectful. I'm sorry. That was not disrespectful. Yes, it was. You know what?

Michael's getting pissed off. I wish that I worked at Hooters. I wish that I had that moment to work at Hooters and sell wings. I would have sold wings like nobody's business. You would have sold a lot of wings. I really would have.

She got her first boob job at 18 and she got them removed recently, but yeah, the Hooters, you would have crushed it there. I would have crushed it. This is personal. I feel like-

Oh, we talk about it. Oh, yeah. There's nothing off limits at this point. What is that like though? Did that start from the beginning? Like, were you guys just spewing out your personal life? Here's the way that I... Well, yeah. Go ahead.

But here's the way I would... Sometimes people wonder like, oh man, these guys go at each other. Do you guys fight a lot? No. No. But imagine doing something with like your best friend from childhood.

And so like, I think some of the stuff that you would rib, like you would rib your 12 year old... Yeah, but I don't have sex with like, you know from childhood. And so like, I think some of the stuff that you would rib, like you would rib your 12 year old. Yeah, but I don't have sex with like, you know, I don't think, no. Sorry. But no, I don't, I think it's just, it's just the dynamic. And I think what I learned is I used to be a lot more private and then she just started

sharing every fucking thing about our lives. I gotta get, I gotta get a voice here. I've been oversharing actually, which is why I liked your book. Yeah, I'm sure. I liked your book because I was like, this is, this is someone who's telling the truth. Yeah, it was hard you know and there were times when i said i was like i i mean i i didn't maybe one guy one person but i didn't bash it that's not my style to make to say shitty stuff about people when it got really into the weeds of things i had to pretend like i was writing about somebody else like it was me and they're all two stories but then i disconnected from it

somehow why because it was too it was i couldn't believe that i was that i first of all i couldn't believe half the shit i've done i i just writing a book just goes it just made me so grateful for my life and the people that have been in it this is really a love letter to all the beautiful people the you know the rickles and gary marshall certainly my parents i love my parents so much my mom you know wrote me these little notes and I hope you guys do something like this for your kids. I already swear on my life

I'm going to do this for my son and daughter. The little notes she wrote. Let's do it now. We can write something. No, no, no. Talk to us about the notes that she wrote you.

They're so sweet. She would just write these random notes and give them to us sometimes. Sometimes I wouldn't. She wouldn't. And my sisters, when they asked me to do a book,

I was like, no way. I don't have any. I'm not that interesting. I don't, I'm not very articulate. It's very, you know, I'm not a writer like this. And then I was a father. So I was trying to think about what it meant to be a father at 92. An older father, you know, a father in his 50s. And then Bob died.

And I wrote this sort of a tribute to him in the LA Times and my book agent, I guess. And a couple of publishers saw that and they said, well, you should write a book. I'm like, no. But I sort of, I kept saying no. And they said, well, just try. I said, I don't want to try. And then I thought about my mom's letters and I laid them out and I got some for my sisters. I was like, okay, well, that's a good roadmap anyway to start with. Here, let me read one of the letters. And I used her writing, you know, and stuff. Dear Johnny, do not release your memoir on the same day as Britney Spears. Well, thanks, Mom. You didn't.

No, this was interesting. This was the first one I put in here. You did release it on the same day as Britney Spears. I didn't choose to. You know I bought both your memoirs. You did. No, you bought hers first. Well, luckily in that world, you can kind of get both of them, right?

Yeah. The people, I mean. So when I was talking about the, when i was doing the first chapter and i was getting in my car fucked up like an idiot i swear to you i saw this i had it framed this note of hers that says don't ever give the devil a ride because he will end up doing the driving when she died and i talk about losing losing both of them and it's been so it was really difficult and i was at my worst maybe two or three weeks after she passed away. I'm crying in her house.

I'm trying to start to clean up stuff. And I see this little note. She had this, you know, stationery the last couple of years. And I found it. And I looked at it. I said, dear son, life is an occasion. Rise to it. Don't be sad because I died. Be happy because I lived.

I had a wonderful life. She did that. The letters really give your book heart. It's very very very honest and what your relationship with your mother bob and don seems to be a big part of the book you had really deep relationships with those three people yeah bob sort of is all the way through right like yeah uh yeah and yesterday was his two-year the two-year anniversary of his death he seemed like the best friend. You guys would have loved it.

He would have been great on your show because he said it. People don't realize, I mean, maybe they do, how fucking funny that guy was. Oh, yeah. I love, you know, I study these stand-ups. I'm a student of comedy. I would never do it, but I love watching the mechanics of it. You see how these guys, he tells, Bert, it was just in here, right? He tells these great stories

that are so fucking funny but it's timing and words. They're geniuses with the words. And Rickles was, you know, was the greatest ever. But Bob, Bob and I didn't like each other

when I started the show. I came from, I was working with Jack Klugman who was an old famous actor and he really mentored me a lot about, you know, certainly about acting

and life really. Jack would make me, they would have a punch up night a certain day of the week and he would have all these famous writers come in, Jerry Belson or Harvey Miller. I'm sure you're writing something, but Gary Marshall, that's where I met Gary Marshall. And I would sit in the corner and watch how they would construct a scene and fix jokes. So I came into Full House with that. And Bob was coming, he's just a comic. He was a junkie for laughs. I mean, he was like a heroin addict. He had to have them.

And he wasn't really getting them on the show in the beginning. So he had to make the crew laugh, which was fine a little bit at the time. But he was very disruptive. We were talking about it yesterday. So we didn't get along at all. And it took a while before. But once we had locked in, we were just there for each other, all three of us. The third season, I think it was, Bob's sister got scleroderma,

which is a horrific disease that he'd been advocating for and raising a lot of money for until the day he died. And then Dave's sister had a very terrible cancer, cervical cancer. And then my sister had a brain tumor. So now we were three, just the three guys on a show, we were three brothers grieving for our sisters. Bob's sister died, Dave's sister. I thank God my sister made it out alive. She was misdiagnosed and it was MS and she's doing great. From that moment on, I think we were just as one.

And we just, we've been there for each other for everything. All the highs, all the lows, you know, in between. And when he passed, what did that do to you personally? Oh God. Because it wasn't like he didn't have cancer or something long-term. Like, it was just like, bah. You know, I remember it was a Sunday, and I got a call from my press agent. Two weeks before, this is true, he got a call from TMZ.

They said I went down in a plane crash. They had sources that said I- You did. That I did. A couple weeks before, bah, said I went down in a plane crash near San Diego. And so Matt, my publicist immediately called. I didn't answer the phone, but my wife did. And she's like, yeah, he's sleeping upstairs. Don't wake him up.

So that was bullshit. Two weeks later, Matt calls again on a Sunday. What's up? Have you talked to Bob today? No. Why? How is he? I don't know.

I think he's doing a gig in florida but you haven't talked to no why well tmz called and said that he that he that he died in florida i'm like well what sources you know the same bullshit i said well so i texted him texted him and he would usually even if he's on a plane he would text you back he would text or call you and say i'm too busy to talk i said why did you call me then? But he didn't text back. And then I started calling his wife. She didn't answer. Then I got this weird text from Candace and she said, I got this DM that said from some, some woman who said her sister's a police officer and she's sorry that Bob died in Florida. I'm like, oh shit. Oh, this is too many.

Right? So I called her and she, she, she read it to me again. And then as I was talking to Candace Kelly, his wife called me and she told me, and I was in the parking lot. I was driving my son around to sleep and I was in the parking lot of the commons up there. And I just hit the cement. I'd never forget it. He was asleep. Thank God. And then I called Lori and she flipped. She did the same thing. She was on a golf course. Grass was probably softer than the pavement. And then Dave, I called. I said, Dave, Bob Saget died.

I was like, I don't know why I said his last name, but we were all in such shock. It was shocking. You know, it was like, what the fuck? And it's taken me this amount of time to go like, wait a minute now, he hit his head. Like, what was that about? He was bigger than life.

And he was, here's the thing. He always told you, I love you. I care about you. I'm proud of you. Give you the biggest hug, always. And that's something we should keep alive for his legacy. He really seemed like a really great friend. He also seemed, when you write about him,

that he wanted to be telling, like you said, he told the crew, he wanted to be telling really disgusting jokes, but he's like America's father. Yeah, right. Well, he was always, I guess he was always dirty, so we knew it. Yeah, he was pretty bad. But it drove me crazy because I'm in there

trying to work a scene and trying to fix, why is it funny or why is Michelle saying, you got a dude when there's no dude, there's a turtle in the room. Right. It's a turtle. You got a turtle maybe. And Bob would, we'd be at that iconic kitchen table and he would grab a fork and just start

stabbing it. I hate my cock. And just like stab, you know, make a stabbing motion. It was too much. Was he jealous that you were like the ladies man on the show? Well, I think so. I mean, he went, you know, at his funeral, his first wife, Sherry, came up to him. She was hugging me and she was like, Bob loved you so much.

He also hated you. He was so jealous. But, you know, as it turns out that I, it was interesting because I hadn't watched the show in a long time and my son was watching it recently. And it was a scene where Danny and Jesse were talking about how they wished they had each other's they were jealous of each other like I was a rock and roll guy free and he had a family and that's how I was with him I was always first of all I was jealous of his his comedic timing and the way he could just be so brilliant on stage and then also he had a family of three girls and I was out you know I didn't so that all I think. And then we became just really supportive

of each other. That was interesting for me to read as I thought you were like this, I don't know if player is the right word, but I thought like you were like the bad boy. And in the book, you could tell you were wanting a family. I think some of my contemporaries at the time were out, you know, the Playboy Mansion and all that stuff. I didn't do any of that like you, Michael. I would imagine if I was in your shoes and there was that amount of female attention, that would be hard to stay focused at times. You know, I swear to God, I wasn't aware of it.

Like I wasn't, there was no social media. We really didn't know how popular you were. Yeah, you weren't getting instant feedback. No DMs. No DMs. And I really was, it was always just

in high school, in junior, I think it was, no, in high school, it started to change then. And I was this goofy kid. I was like doing like stunts and magic and puppets

and not things that really don't turn girls on that much. I started playing drums, which was helpful. I'll never forget it. Maybe you had this. Were you good-looking forever? I mean, since you were...

I don't know. I think I was like... No, I was never... I never felt like the guy... I wasn't super confident when I was younger. Right. And I got bullied when I was... Why?

I don't know. Probably... I was always like... I've always been headstrong. I've always been outspoken. Smart-ass kind of thing? Yeah. I guess I wasn't that. Probably, I was always like, I've always been headstrong and I've always been outspoken. Smart ass kind of thing? Yeah. I didn't, I guess I wasn't that aware

that girl, he said, ah, with all those girls after you. There was no, you know, social media, so I didn't really know. I mean, I did, you know, appearances and stuff and there was a lot of that kind of thing, but I always wanted to find the one

and settle down. I wanted to be, I wanted a family like my mom and dad. But once you did know and once the success of the show and your platform and you become known, how do you did know, and once the success of the show and your platform, and you become known, how do you even start,

how do you stay focused when there is, when you start to realize, okay, there is some attention here? Here's the honest truth. I felt, I would go to bed too early. And my friends call me the, you know, something waster. Like I would, like there would be girls that would want to hang out,

but I was like, are you asleep? Sorry. You know, I really was. Now I stay up later, but I i was like that but i mean i mean i went i was but it was it was so it was so much more innocent and i and i wasn't evolved i mean i wasn't very much sure i was very as you hopefully you get that from the book like i was so naive and i was so you know i was a little kid from orange county that was quite sheltered and it was all sort of a dream to me right and it wasn't sophisticated enough to go

okay here's my goal i can't remove that you know i just i just went i just went with what what i was given and where my life was taking me i didn't overthink it i wasn't that smart i wasn't that introspective you know now i now i am i think you know therapy and growing up and i never found i never thought i was smart that was the thing and i had a girl tell me that I wasn't. And it stuck with me till to this day, probably. And I think it was just one of those things where I just felt I wasn't smart enough to keep up with people. And I wasn't, I just wasn't, I didn't go to college

and I just didn't feel very book smart. And I would drink to be, you know, come off funnier or maybe smarter, but I didn't. Then I wrote this book and it was the number four bestseller on the New York Times. It's like the, like, like the Wizard of Oz, right? Like the Scarecrow. I don't have a brain, but you have it. You just didn't. Here's your diploma. That's what this is. Did you know water is good for you, but it's actually not so great for your hair? The calcium in our shower water is amplifying the damage that we all have in our hair

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on the looks that like sometimes people didn't take the mind seriously and there's like a complex that gets developed and I imagine if you're on a show

being told like you're the looks guy don't we don't you know we don't want to hear about the mind type thing like that that can reinforce

some of those yeah maybe yeah I just I didn't yes but I didn't think I didn't think

like I didn't I wasn't I didn't think about that kind of stuff. I was like, well, let's make it funny. I was really into acting. I really wanted to be a respected actor

and it's taken a long time just to kind of go, here I am, motherfucker, you know, that's it. And no matter what I did, it was still Uncle Jesse,

Uncle Jesse. You know, ER was a great run for me and some of these things. And I started doing theater, which a lot of people don't know about. I talk about it here. And the last, I did four musicals.

I did Annie. The Sun Will Come Out. Just kidding. The musicals and then the last show I did was with James Earl Jones, arguably the greatest living actor of our generation. And Angela Lansbury was in it. It was a three-hour Gore Vidal political drama. Would be great now. It's called The Best Man

on Broadway. And it was, and I did the run and I became pretty close to James Earl Jones. He called me Little John. I call him Big Daddy. We'd be at a curtain call and I was standing next to him at the curtain call. We'd bend down. Just when he was just out, there's some boobies in the third row. Did you guys hear that? Michael's like, what? Boobies in the third row. Yeah. But I, on the last day, we worked really hard and I worked really hard on that show. The last day,

the show was, we finished the last show on a Sunday. We were walking out and they were sort of, you know, taking stuff down on the stage

and I said, James, I have to tell you, you've done something for me that no one's ever done. You've legitimized me. I mean, to be on stage with you

for three hours and to do this kind of material, I think that people completely have a new respect for me and don't see me the way they used to. Yeah, I imagine at times, even though it was a great platform, maybe it's frustrating to be the Uncle Jesse all the time. Right, and so this was it,

which I thought was the end of it. Just as I'm saying thank you for changing people's perception of me, the stage door opens and, Uncle Jesse, Uncle Jesse, say have mercy. And I'm like, oh my God, like my face, I couldn't look at him. And he was standing there, and I was like,

I'm gonna scoot out in between someone's legs and run the fuck away from Broadway and be done with it. And just as I was trying to like, not look at him, I kind of took a peek and somebody was holding a phone, actually, said, James, say, Luke, I am your father. father luke for my kid and we just looked at each other and just laughed i said fuck it you know fuck it you know i really haven't i took me a long time to learn how to act i think some people know it right away like your guy from batman they come out of the gate like dicaprio or or jennifer lawrence or something they're great some it takes 25 years

and i think i'm in that category. But it really didn't start to hit until I stopped giving a fuck. You know what I mean? And I had confidence. And then I stopped drinking like nine years in June. So that helped a lot too. And I was like, I can go into any room. I can be with anybody.

I'll audition. I'll act. I've done, you have to, I have to just have confidence in everything. And you guys were talking about it. It was so true. It was like, I don't give a fuck if I'm embarrassed myself. Who cares? To who? You're embarrassed? I'm fucked off. I don't mean to be that shitty, but I just stopped caring. And all of a sudden, this respect came and people were giving me great jobs.

And I don't know. I think that's part of my success no i think that i think that's it and we you know for us i used to say like my biggest fear when i was younger was like if i had to speak in front of anybody or public speaking now obviously we do this all the time but i think it's like you get to the point where it's like i don't give a fuck and you realize that most people are just thinking about themselves yeah they don't know yeah i talked about like i auditioned for er early on right about a year after clooney left and i i thought they were going to offer me the role and they said well no there's gonna have a little meeting i thought it was going to be you know john wills who created the show and maybe one other person and uh and they said oh and here the pages pages what do you mean well every

everybody's reading everybody i thought this is my role. And I went in. I was so fucking nervous. And it was the hottest day. I was in the valley. And I was sweating on a black t-shirt. I was dabbing my face in the bathroom. I had a toilet paper. It was terrible.

And I walked in and I literally barfed and shit and threw. It was awful. And I couldn't even talk. I was like, ah, ah, ah. And all these medical jargon. I'm like,'t even talk. I was like, and I just like all these medical jargon. I'm like, oh, fuck. I started sweating more and more. And they're not laughing at anything. Like no sense. And I was just like, oh my God, I gotta get it. I just kind of spoke. Thank you. We should do a show on hyperhidrosis, you know, sweating, remember sweating palm. Okay. Bye. It was terrible. And I was so embarrassed. John Wells was, you know, my idol. I really wanted to

work with him. I just, I went home, I went home and i called the casting director said how how was it he goes i never heard this term he goes you shit the bed i'm like what you shit the bed you know i said well it was hot you know whatever years later they they offered me a part on the show and i was like oh my god what do i say i hadn't seen any of those people, the producers, John Wells. I was so embarrassed. You know, it was just like, it ate me alive. And I'm laying on a gurney with blood all over me, just like the audition.

And John Wells comes up, hey, John, welcome to the show. I'm like, oh, hi, John. Listen, about that audition years ago, I was so sorry. I was so, he goes, what? I go, remember when I came in and auditioned for you guys? He goes, no. Oh, no.

Oh, when you, yeah. I said, oh, I was in and auditioned for you guys? He goes, no. Oh, no. Oh, when you, yeah. I said, oh, I was sweaty. He goes, don't worry. Look, we were worried that you were too much like Clooney. And as soon as you walked in the room, we all said, oh, we're not going to do this to John. And that's why we didn't have you do this. We wanted to wait for something like this new role and let a few years go by without him. So all those years I was stressing about, you know, fucking up in front of these guys. They didn't think twice about it. They made the decision before they even. Yeah. And they think they don't, people don't, right?

You spend half your life worrying about shit that never happens. It's funny. When I told everyone that you were coming in, I said John Stamos, not Uncle Jesse. I said John Stamos. Everyone knew right away. Do you think that this book has, like, I feel like I don't think of you as Uncle Jesse.

I think of you as John Stamos. Do you think that this book has helped with that? I'm not sure. I mean, you, I mean, this is like, I think this should be like,

this is a pretty big moment. The book. I never, I never thought about writing a book. I never, when we made the New York best times, I was like, Oh,

is that good? And they're like, yeah, but it, but it is, but it is because it's, because it's my, you know,

it's my legacy and it's going to leave it for my son. i've got to talk nice about my wife and stuff so yeah i mean thank you i hate being serious can you tell i'm like i have 50 jokes going through my head that's well you could tell by maybe the people that you should like i told you the first i mean i obviously was very aware of you but i was maybe not the target audience for full house and the when i fell in love with what you do and everything is when you had i said i was driving home i was a huge stern fan you came with rickles and i was like and i thought it was such an interesting pairing right but if you now talking to you like it makes sense you oh me and don yeah but it makes sense like just the people you surround yourself with like they're funny fucking people i guess i don't know why some of

these people and even howard like yeah howard i mean yeah i don't i don't i i don't how do you even come across paths and become that close with someone like rickles well rickles you know what i mean like if you were mapping two people like okay let's see like let's see who's gonna pair together yeah did you start you loved him do you watch him i watched all i used to go on youtube and watch all his old things i watched when he roasted reagan i watched the stand-up. I watched his... Remember when he said Emanuel Lewis was introducing him? No, no, no.

Don Rickles. And he walks down the whole thing and he's... And right before Don went to grab the mic, Emanuel Lewis says, be funny. And, you know, the place... And Don said,

I'm not... I'm just... I'm repeating Don. I'm not... This is not my joke. But he said, well, there's one little black boy that'll never play basketball.

I was like, oh. I go, Don, how did not my joke, but he said, well, there's one little black boy that'll never play basketball. I was like, oh. I go, Don, how did you, what, what? He never had writers. He said, I'm just doing Rickles, I'm doing Rickles. I got to show him a bunch of stuff that he did when YouTube came out of one of his house. He forgot about maybe? Well, he never saw, like he did The Tonight Show

so many times, but he never saw him. And I'm like, oh my God, how did you, shut up. I'm just doing Rickles. God damn it, I'm funny. He was, you know, when I met him, he wasn't, people thought he was dead. Like, it was before this resurgence. Like, we did this documentary about him on,

and that won an Emmy for him. Was it on HBO? I think so, yeah. Yeah. It came out, yeah. And Mr. Warmth, great, you know. And then all of a sudden, these tributes started to come around,

and it was beautiful to see him get his due. He would say, John, you know, came over here. Johnny Depp came over here. I said, ohth, great. And then all of a sudden these tributes started to come around and it was beautiful to see him get his due. He would say, John, you know, came over here. Johnny Depp came over here. I said, oh yeah, Johnny Depp come lately. Johnny, I've been here 10 years with you, you know. Well, I met him at a restaurant and we just started talking. And then he was, you know, his son died at a young age and that was horrific.

You know, so maybe he thought of me like that um we we spent a lot of time i called we talked for hours on the phone he wouldn't think right and he was like no but it makes sense now when you're talking i could see that he probably got your sense of humor and obviously howard loved him and said he was the reason why he became got into comedy and so don i don't want to talk about who i'm stupid i'm not going to go on that show i said it's a different, he loves you. Did you tell Howard you were bringing him on? Because I thought it was like a surprise.

It was. I told, it was like, I was bringing a new girl and I wanted their, their opinion. I just kind of, you know, sort of barged in. Now every, it was a surprise for everybody but Howard. Like you don't surprise him, I guess. But Artie and Rob and everybody was like, he walked in and it was an incredible, I don't know if you've seen it. I know you said you heard it live. I saw it and I watched it after,

but I heard it. I was driving home from the desert. Michael is a big fan of you on Howard and Don Rickles. Well, because I used to do these long commutes when I was chasing her and I would drive from Arizona all the way to San Diego. But you didn't grow up there. Oh, you were in school out there.

Arizona State where you had sex with other girls. And that's when Artie was on the show. Right, right. And so those were like, I feel like those were like pretty crazy stern days. Yeah, he was. And then you came on. But anyway.

But it was beautiful to watch because Howard stood up, took his glasses off, called him Mr. Rickles. And the two of them here are bonding on being so unpopular with girls that they had to be funny. And it was a beautiful thing to watch.

And what did he say? He's like, did you, I struggled with women. He's like, did you struggle with women? Howard's like, yeah, look, look. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, no. Howard said, yeah, I did too.

He said, oh really? You look like a Jew Zulu. Jew Zulu. Where the hell did he get that? Well, the cool thing about him was, and I don't know if you could even get away with it these days, but he would just rip on everybody. Didn't matter who you were, background, race, creed.

Yeah. But it was funny. It was a different time different time you know and he was not racist he didn't have a racist bone in his body and if and if because a lot of people oh that's racist look he he was making fun of bigotry like he was he was like doing a archie bunker or something you know it's like look at what you know what they did on that show and the great norman lear like this is here's an example of a fucking moron you know and don would sort of highlight that and you know say it was terrible you know obviously it was one of a kind yeah i loved him i loved him was howard so star struck when he came on with don yeah yeah yeah yeah he just he just loved it so when you did

you guys ever go to sea world? Yeah, of course. Yeah. You went to Disneyland. We just took our daughter to Disneyland. You used to go every single week when you were little. Yeah. And you got engaged there. Yes. What's the stainless experience at Disneyland?

I feel like you're having a different experience than most people. Well, I didn't when I was a kid. You know, obviously I went there to meet, you know, I remember standing in line for the Matterhorn. I had my dad's members only jacket and his shitty aramis cologne i had zits and my head feathered like i look like a dead crow landed on my head or something i don't know about that i'm gonna need proof of that listen i was a the caterpillar and then when i slowly started turning to the butterfly that's when girls started like me and guys want to beat me up like you no i no michael michael, Michael doesn't like bullies.

You guys would have gotten along. We still do. I was standing in line trying to pick up girls and it was like, you know, and they would just

walk right past me and stuff. Oh, did they make a mistake? Well, you go like, man, if you would have

told me back then that I'd be on this show today, I'd have my own stuff and, you know, and girls would kind of like me and and i'd have the disneyland sign in my back i collected disney stuff i don't think they just kind of like you had to turn the fucking ac on in here no it's all it's all weird it's all weird you know it's surreal my yeah that's how it is for you and i always find this interesting because we've had sometimes even like all the time we have moments i'm like man this is really kind of just like like when you and burt came on this was

i'll sit i'm like this is a surreal moment really what do you yeah for sure what are some of the most surreal moments you've had we're like wow like we were talking to janice she dated mick jyer she's like it was we talked to us about the beach boys experience when you first got to go on stage with them yeah i mean like i imagine that's just like even, you know, no matter what levels or peaks you reach, like, there's probably some moments you're just sitting there, like, pinch-you moments. Now, right now. Yes, there are.

And you guys have had them, I'm sure, a ton, right? I mean, you talked about it, but, like, when you first, you talk about, Jesse, when I'm talking about knowing someone's first million. Well, how old were you when you made a million dollars? How old was I? Taylor, when was I, like, 25, 24?

Yeah, in that range. Has Taylor been around that long? Taylor may have worked together for a long time. No old was I? Taylor, when was I? Like 25, 24? Yeah, in that range. Has Taylor been around that long? Taylor and me have worked together for a long time. No shit. Taylor, 12.

Taylor too? Oh, wow. We call him Cucumber though because... Shaves my genitals. If you want to know how fast I made

the first million and then how quickly I lost two, that's a different story. did you? When you loaned it to your dad? No.

Wait a minute, let's go back to Cucumber Dick. Oh, you don't know about Cucumber Dick? No. Okay,

so... He shaves himself bare He shaves himself bare and it causes all this razor burn Oh, okay And then he comes to me and he asks me how to get rid of razor burn Why you? She's my confidant Use an ice roller

And then he also had a problem with coming too quickly Yeah, premature ejaculation Thanks, Taylor, I know what it is We've gone through this. We had to fix that with edging. Okay, yep, yep, yep, yep. We had to work on that. And now he's gotten a little better.

He can last two minutes. Oh, yeah. No, trust me. Now there's no complaints. It's good. Michael just got on these vitamins. I need them. Oh, my God.

They're amazing. Taylor, can you please look up what they're on? They're Andrew Huberman. We'll get back to your millions. Yeah. I want to hear Tell everyone about your vitamins

No, there's Tongat, Oli, and Fidoja It's like a Viagra They're all natural supplements You should get on those It helps naturally boost testosterone Okay, I'm in It's Fidoja Agrestis

How is anyone supposed to fucking spell that? Do you ever listen to Andrew Huberman? Are you aware of him? He talks about it Fidoja? Can you ever listen to Andrew Huberman or are you aware of him? He talks about it Can you tell me after Taylor? Give me some of yours I want it because But I wanted to put on more muscle

Oh you are not Taylor how do you What do you think of He tried The edging worked You go all the way to climax But you don't release. So basically, once you do that,

you build up to that point to where you're like, okay, I've had mistakes. There's a big piece of glass behind as well. There's been times where I've gotten too close to the edge and then just burst it. Did your mother listen to the show, Taylor? No, thank God. She does not listen to the show.

I didn't know it was this... But he told a story about edging with this one girl who did listen to the show unbeknownst to him. And that ended. Oh, it ruined everything. He told a story on the air about edging. Because I went to her. I had edged for like a month straight.

And then I went over to her house. Oh, you'd never had an orgasm for a month? For a month. And then she, her and I, we started to get, she started to like get down, like go down. And I was like, hold on. And I literally like put my, I like, I threw my shirt under. I was like, I got to go to the bathroom really quick. And I was like b hold on. And I literally put my... I threw my shirt under. I was like, I got to go to the bathroom really quick. And I was like busting my load all over my belly.

That's good. He was excited. Get off the mic. Now he jacks off three times a day. Really? I don't know where he does it. I'm sorry, John. This is your studio. This is a lot of information for you. Is he super inspiring? He's a hard-working bastard, Michael? He's a hard working bastard

Right? He's a hard working bastard You are a hard working bastard Do you look at him and go I mean You're more successful But I mean Do you look at him and go

Wow This guy's my man Right? Depends on the thing No she busts my balls Really? I like to bust his balls You should edge his balls

I do edge his balls I do all kinds of things To his balls How many times I've had enough How often do you guys have sex? You probably talk about it We're doing good right now A lot

We're doing good We're doing good With marriage as you know It ebbs and flows We got some good one in last night Yeah Well that's because you're Tom Young

Whatever Jesus Christ Every single guy Needs to be I don't care It's not like It's not a testosterone replacement It's vitamin

Every single guy Needs to be on this. You should have them in the candy jars. You should have them in the candy jars next to the vibrators. Grab a vibrator. The office is going to turn into a, for a girl during sex. Right. Grab a Tom Yum,

whatever. It'll up everything. That's all I need is a charged up man running around. And then Brooke just told us a story about how Leanne licked his nipple and it was the best orgasm he's ever had. So tonight Michael's going to get his nipple licked. Are they pierced, Michael? No, they're not.

Probably. He looks like a pierced nipple. Only three on one. No. What's that? What, what, what? Are you pierced down there? No. Why'd you say what? No, Taylor looks pierced, but it's just razor burn.

Oh, Taylor. Right, right, right. When I was doing Little Mermaid Live, I was playing the chef, and for some reason, so... No big deal. When I was doing the Little Mermaid live. That's my other favorite. The range of this show...

When you were doing Little Mermaid live. Yes. I mean... You're going to sing forever too. Do it. You will do it. I'm not leaving without it. You'll do it before we leave. You sing on every show. I was doing the thing.

I did it at the Hollywood, I mean, yes, it's insane. I can't believe I'm saying half the stuff. I'm telling you. The mermaid is insane. But I played the chef,

like, and I didn't know how I was going to do it, and I thought, I'm going to just play this guy fucking batshit crazy, you know? And I did. And at the end of the thing,

because I'm throwing flour and I was doing all this stuff, and at the end, they shoot this big ball of flour at my face. And the characters, Prince Philip, right, is the young guy in the show. But I had this joke and they said, oh, do it live. And I said, oh, it hits me.

I go, man, I should have played Prince Albert live on ABC. Prince Albert is a piercing down there, right, Michael? Like you have. Show the people at home. No? How come you weren't Eric? Because I'm old. Because Eric was like a young...

He should be Eric. Is that what I said? Prince Eric. But I said Prince... Albert, which is the piercing down there. But you should have put Prince Eric. No. Well, that was a younger...

Of all your gigs you've ever done, what is your favorite? That's a good question. I love doing cabaret on Broadway. Really? You could tell that was your favorite. Oh, man, I loved it. That looks creative.

That's your favorite. Michael, look what it looks like. Well, I got to... Here, let me show you. You know what? I was going to show you. Is that like burlesque? Cabaret?

No. It's a movie about Nazis and Jews. It was controversial, right? Well, it was a movie first with Eliza Minnelli. Is that true? Yeah. Wow. That was your favorite of everything.

Yeah. Because it stretched you the most or just like made you... Well, it was not long after... Doing theater was... I'm not really a great singer. I'm not a really great dancer. But like you guys talk about

on the show, I just worked really hard. I worked 10, 12 hours a day. And I always thought, well, if I could just... If I do that, I can do anything. And I did. You know, the first show I did was, if I do that, I can do anything. And I did.

You know, and the first show I did was had to succeed in business without really trying. I replaced Matthew Broderick. Like, what the fuck was I thinking? Like, I've been dying to get back to that fearless guy, you know, forever. But sometimes I do. But then Cabaret. But, you know, this guy's like a pansexual, you know, gay Jewish guy who would fuck a goat. There is a goat fucking scene behind a curtain.

But I don't know how I was going to do it. And I started leaning into it, and people were walking out. And I was like, oh my God, what am I doing? And the director, Sam Mendes, was directing, and also Rob Marshall. And I said, you're doing it right. You're doing everything right. Don't lean into it.

And I just kept trying to make people walk out. Because they thought they were coming to see Uncle Jesse. I'm like, you're doing it right. You're doing everything right. Don't, don't, don't lean into it. And I just kept trying to make people walk out, you know, because they thought they were coming to see Uncle Jesse. I'm like, you know. Not bad. Yeah, there's Kit Kat girls and I'm dry humping. And, you know, there's a lot of sexual overtones. At this point, are you married?

I was married to Rebecca. You're married to Rebecca. You know, what's interesting is, is everyone in the press tried to make it seem like you were, and you mentioned this in one of your things on Instagram, that you were i don't want to say mean things that you were like saying things that weren't nice about her but you actually were very self-aware of yourself and took accountability of yourself yeah they they didn't really i feel like they just pulled a yeah what do they call it like clickbait they just pulled they just pulled a click. You thought it was this and that? You were really lovely and self-aware on your own end

and took full accountability for your doing in the marriage. Yeah, it was hard because I thought it was all her. She ruined my life. I ruined my dreams of having a wife and a kid. We always talk about having children. And that sort of faded. I let myself get sort of lost in that relationship and a lot of partying.

It just got too much. She could handle it. I let myself get sort of lost in that relationship and a lot of partying, and it was, you know, it just got too much. She could handle it, I couldn't. But it was a time where I thought, you know, I've done enough. Like, I'm going to just prop her up. And it was beautiful to watch her become successful. And then, you know, then when it busted up, you know, it was very difficult,

very hard for many, many years. And I think I felt I just went on too long. My dad died at the same time. I drinking even more and it was this is terrible and i just blamed her for everything bad in my life which was so and then when i went to rehab you're doing the steps and one of the steps is um the fourth step is like you write down all your resentments and and in one column so write down you know what people have done you she did this you did i'm filling the pay. And the sponsor said, you done?

I'm like, no. Give me another pencil. I'm writing. And he said, okay, good. He said, now, in the next column, write down what part you played in all that. I said, get the fight. I'm paying.

He said, even if it's 5%, 2%, just write it. And as I'm writing, and I was really brutally honest with myself at that moment, I realized, oh, realized oh well I had maybe I had as much to do with the demise of the marriage as she did it was just two people you know no good guys no bad guys it just didn't work out I wasn't mature enough I wasn't smart enough I was with her around 10 years 35 to no 30 to 40 a marriage was like 35. I can imagine that you're both such good-looking people, and you're young, and everyone's throwing themselves at you.

It's a lot of pressure at that age. But it wasn't like that. I mean, you two are just good-looking. Do you have people throwing themselves at you? You're like on the red carpet, and you're working with other actresses, and she's working with other actors. It's just a lot. It would would it'd be a lot i think it's different because yeah i mean

you guys as celebrities are also i mean i i watch sometimes producing some of these shows when celebrities come on and like the way like okay we can do a show with an entrepreneur and it's like okay cool every whatever t Tuesday. That's the backbone of the show though, right? Yeah, a lot. And I learned a lot. I like that Jesse guy. He's really good.

He's amazing. But sometimes I see like it'll be a little tiny clip that said in one of the... Yes, these are great. It'll be a small clip that said for one minute in a long show

but it's a celebrity. And I see 18 publications just going in and saying all... And I'm like, that's not really what the whole thing was about. It was just they pulled this... And I imagine 18 publications just going in and saying all, and I'm like, that's not really what the whole thing was about. It was just, they pulled this one.

And I imagine that kind of narrative and pressure from the outside all the time. It's like, what I like about doing this is I can say whatever I want. It can kind of control the narrative. So, but I feel like you guys are at the mercy a lot of the time of whatever people decide to write. Yeah, I guess so. I remember being in here and we had a long conversation about Full House

and how it started. And the first, I talked about it in here, but the first scene that we did with the Olsen twins, I mean, they were babies, you know, and they didn't want to be there and they were screaming and crying and I'm trying to do my lines and they're screaming over my lines.

And I asked them to get rid of, you know, to bring in some other kids because we couldn't get through a scene. They didn't want to be there. It makes sense. And that's all that they took out of that thing. John Stables fired the doles into his wife. Maybe I saw that one too.

Yeah, see? I mean, it's clickbait and it's fine. I mean, Josh and Ben were probably happy. I click probably well on TikTok. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Well, then they, TikTok's getting very, it's getting very mean.

Like I'll go on Instagram now and stuff, but it's getting, it's too much. I think that they've cultivated, listen, the TikTok stream, I think they've cultivated an environment where there's a lot of tearing down on that platform. Yeah. More so than I've seen on other platforms. What's interesting,

I was going to say, what's kind of a, you know, you want to be interesting. You want to be honest about stuff, especially in these long forms, which is so brilliant for you guys to be doing because,

I mean, Howard sort of started, right? Sure, of course. But to sit and talk for an hour, you really get to get everything out. You don't have to, you know, you guys to be doing because i mean howard sort of started right of course but to sit and talk for an hour you really get to get everything out you don't have to you know you guys probably didn't talk shows you see there's a guy you're on for eight minutes a fallon or whatever you got to come up four jokes and the thing so to be able to do this is great but you can get you

know you can get yourself in trouble too but also like i you know like i mean this is all respect if they were like hey john samuels wants to come in and talk about his book for five minutes like that's not what I want that's not the conversation I want to have I don't think there's any you know and I don't think

that's the conversation that but you have to do it on the other shows but that's what's so great about your show anyway why don't you start a podcast

if you would have told me by John Stamos I like to ask questions I like to you'd be good on a mic learn about people you're good on a mic I feel like I could just sit back

and you could just take over right now. I know. Maybe once a month you come in and host the show. Do a co-host thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys should do a co-host on your hair. Would anybody even know that they switched Michael with him because they're both good looking?

I can re-spit my hair back like that. I'm sure you can. Be handsome. Should we call my wife? Yeah, call your wife. Yeah, let's call your wife. I'm dying to hear About your wife now She's beautiful

She is beautiful And the way that you Asked her to marry you You wrote about in the book Is so cute Can you tell Michael The way you asked Can you even explain it?

Don't make me look bad here It's so cute How did you ask You were 12 No, no, you go Don't worry about it You did ask me the second I saw the one-eyed snake

You said, will you marry me? You tell your story. Is it snake talk or is it hip? You tell your story and if it... Did you get jealous? Like, do guys...

Do I get jealous? Yeah. I don't ever get hit on. That's what Kate... That's what my wife says. It's bullshit. I never get hit on. You get bullshit.

Ever. I don't believe it. Do I get jealous? You get jealous? No. Because I don't get hit on. You get jealous? Yeah. I like i don't get hit on you get jealous i like to lead with fear sometimes you what's that i like to lead with fear sometimes

leave with fear lead with fear oh lead okay i like to keep him guessing he never knows oh that's fucked up yeah yeah my wife does that too it's like what are they thinking and then you try to do a couple of things i told him if he ever cheated on me i wouldn't bring it up for two years oh so you'd stay with him? Yep, and I would collect data. Who knows what happens at the end of that two years. Would you? I'm not one of those girls that would call and freak out.

I would just sit and watch. I don't think we get jealous. We don't get jealous in a relationship. I think the reason being is like, sure, I've seen... No, they really don't hit on me. I'm not trying to've seen, no, this is bullshit. Guys hit on you. No, they don't. They really don't hit on me. I'm not trying to get a compliment.

They don't have. I look at it as like, of course they're going to hit on me. Like, what kind of, you know. Let me put it this way. I wouldn't want to be with someone that's, like, nobody would hit on. Of course, yeah. What about flirt? Like, if you saw her flirting with somebody.

No, he doesn't care. Don't care. Yeah, okay, good. You're confident. That's good. He's quietly confident. You're good. I mean, listen, here's the way I really feel. It's like he's quietly confident you're good i mean listen

here's the what i really feel it's like any any other guy you take a good luck buddy you know now this is how long how many years have you guys been together 10 years 17 17 we've been together 17 16. i'm i yeah i don't know the exact 16 but we've known each other for a long time yeah yeah yeah a long time there is one thing that i will never give up and that is bread i love bread i have to have a slice every single day i'm just like a bread person bread with a lot of butter bread with jam bread with nutella bread with cream cheese i'll eat any kind of bread. And there is this brand. It is called Hero Bread, and it's really a hero. So basically, it has zero to one grams of net carbs, zero sugar, and it's high in fiber. So they hit all the points. It's delicious. It's flavorful. The one that I like that I can't shut up about is the hero seeded bread. It is so good. Toasted with grass fed butter and a little bit of jam. Sometimes I'll do like an

egg on top of it. I'm telling you, try it. You will love it. If you want to make a BLT with it. They also have like hamburger buns and tortillas. I'm just really into bread. So I love the seeded bread, but you can go on and just check out all the carbs. They have something for every single craving. Like I said, buns, tortillas, bread loaves, go check them out. They have a monthly small batch two of indulgent favorites. There's like a hero croissant that has two grams of net carbs. And then they also have a hero cheddar biscuit with one net carb. They've set out to make a bread that's low in carbs with no sugar. It's 45 calories, five grams of protein and 11 grams of fiber. Sign me up, please. It's my dream of life.

Don't give up on being a bread head. Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to hero.co and use code skinny at checkout. That's skinny at h-e-r-o dot c-o. Let's go back to Rickles for just one second. I guess go back to Rickles. Because I wanted to show you something. Like you said, he would just take everybody out. By the way, him and his wife were so cute the way that you wrote about them. Yeah, Barbara. They were together for, what, 60 years? A long time. And you'd say to either of them, separately, you'd go, how you doing?

They'd say, we're good. There's always we're good or we're not good. That's cute. For anybody that's young listening, you have to go look up Don Rickles and go watch one of his comedy. You could probably pull your appearance with him on Howard Stern on YouTube too, I'm sure. I'm sure it's on there. I might do a,

I gotta ask you some advice, both of you guys. But I might do a podcast about Don. They're asking me to do that. I might do that. Maybe,

can we do it here? Yes, of course you can do it here. Oh, it's for someone else. I think the girls might lose it though if John Cena

is on the mic every single week. I don't know what that would do. You might need to resurrect DR. We might have to put some floor mats out for all the squirts. Oh, Jesus.

Fuck, Taylor. Taylor. We already have floor mats for you. Well, he spices up the show, right? Well, he spices up the show. How much does he make more money than her? I pay him. Ariel makes more.

Good. Okay. Just kidding. By the way, I talk about it in there. My dad was so, I grew up with my mom and two sisters, and my dad was so respectful to, I mean, no means no. And I really watched the way he treated my mom and my sisters. He thought, you know, my mom was a housewife.

That's what she wanted to do. And he never held it over her head. He never said, I make the money. In fact, he said that her job was harder. It is harder. Right? Sorry to everyone. Being a stay-at-home mom is job was harder. It is harder. Right. Sorry to everyone. Being a stay at home mom is hard.

And it's not a joke. Right. And so we just had our two kids over the holidays and I was like, oh God. In a hotel room. It's hard. Where'd you guys go? It's hard. We went to Santa Barbara for a little bit.

We went to San Diego and Santa Barbara. It's hard. Do you guys live in Austin? Yeah, we live in Austin. Yeah. And you just come out and do some shows once in a while? Come out and get all the good juice. We started this out here.

But Taylor is our producer. And this is your, Dear Media is your whole thing, huh? Well, I guess it's like everybody's thing. When did you own it and you make the money? Did you, is that her? Is that Taylor's thing?

That's for sure. Did you, how long ago did you start this? 2018. We were in another studio and we felt like there was a, maybe a gap in the way they were doing things.

Who runs all these businesses that you guys have? We do. Do you? Yeah. Skinny Confidential? That's yours. This is mine. And you started that with a job. What I sell people is like TMJ or something like that. This is kind of honestly. Oh, TMJ. Yeah. No, I had my jaw broken.

Oh, gosh. Yeah. It wasn't fun. How? How'd that happen? They just broke my entire jaw. They had to put it back into place. Why? Oh, because you're biting something? It was crooked.

My bite was off. Sleep was bad. Was it because of him? Or no? Yeah, it was because of him. His, it's so. Right. The one eye.

If I had to stretch it so much. Yeah, the one eye would stink. That's why. So you, so you had that and then you thought you were getting some ice thing, and it wasn't good on Amazon, so then you come up with that. How do you... What makes this better than... You know what's interesting?

How do you know that? Well, there's a thing called Google. I know, I know. No, I always like to sort of come into these things knowing about you guys. Oh, jeez. So this was that, and this is better. Oh, I know why. Because the other ones didn't stay cold long enough.

The other ones. Because they stayed cold for longer. cold long enough. They stayed cold longer. Look at this. It's not that. John Stamos does not need to ice roll, but he can.

I've been given these before. You put them in your face and stuff. I'm getting ready to do. So I just, I did

a Super Bowl commercial that's coming out. I think I can talk about it. It's called, what? That's amazing. Oh, yeah, it is.

What's the commercial for? I should talk to you guys about it. It's Zim. And it's amazing. Oh, yeah, it is. What's the commercial for? Well, it's Z, I should talk to you guys about this, Zim. And it's a free streaming service that plays like local sports and news and events from all over the country. So if you want to know what's going on in San Diego. Cool. And eventually it's going to be, you know what, I'm not going to, I'm not going to

pull it out there, but it's going to be something that you, it's going to be your home base. And you want to go there and figure out where you're going. But I'm going to, I just did these commercials, which you'll see, but it's going to be your home base. You want to go there and figure out where you're going. But I'm going to, I just did these commercials, which you'll see, but it's a smart thing. And then I'm finally doing a men's beauty line or something.

I was going to ask you, where's the hair and skin? Yeah, well, I would, I'm, there's, it's not, the deal's not done yet,

so I can't talk about it, but what would you guys, so it's, it's, right now they have, it's under eyes and a mask and face, you know, it's a great price point and everything.

It's out there now. Every guy wants to know, because I've done my research, how you get your jawline. Jawline? Yeah. I didn't, there's nothing. How would you even get a fake jawline? You could get, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You should do a product for it to tighten your jaw.

Really? Yeah. What is that? Like there's like a mask that can go around the jaw. Oh. No, but I mean, look at this. I need a neck. What's going on with the neck? No, no, no, no, no. What jaw. What is that? There's like a mask that can go around the jaw. No, but I mean, look at this. I need a neck.

What's going on with the neck? No, no, no. Don't do anything to your face. Don't do anything to your face. Well, the neck is different. We want to know your skincare routine. I think that's so smart

to do a skincare and hairline. I think it's becoming popular for men. It's like the next hottest category is men's skincare. And there's not a lot out there. I take her stuff. Do you really?

I take her stuff. I'm not kidding. Do you make... I don't make. I take her stuff. Do you really? I take her stuff. I'm not kidding. Do you make... I don't make... I take the stuff she uses. Yeah, I understand. But your skin care line would fucking crush it. I think you should do the hair product.

Of course you should do hair. Maybe I'll do it with you guys. I can't believe you haven't done hair and skin. I know. Because even I'm looking at your hair and I'm getting pissed off because I'm like... Yeah, it is good. What do you use in your hair? No, because it's whatever... Yeah, it's good. What do you use in your hair? No, because it's whatever.

Yeah, it's. KMS. You know that little tube of stuff. You need your own stuff. I usually I'll use. Well, look, I'm changing up routine because I'm going to use. I've been using this product that I'm going to endorse. Yeah.

Which ones do you like, by the way? Brands. Yeah. Skin-ceuticals. For men. Skin-ceuticals. Okay. I'll write it all down.

What's it called? Dr. Dennis. No, no, I don't need any of that. I have my own coming up. We're going to make you a whole list after this. Okay. I'll write it all down. What's it called? Dr. Dennis. No, no. I don't need any of that. I have my own coming up. We're going to make you a whole list after this. Michael will use your skincare products all day. So will Taylor. So what are other men's stuff?

There's not many out there, right? No, there's not many out there. Right. It's crazy for you. Out of every single celebrity that I can think of, you should have your own skin and hair care. I was trying to combine the yogurt commercials I used to do and just put yogurt on your face and your hair. Yogurt commercials you used to do. Yogurt, whatever.

I had a Super Bowl commercial years ago. It was Greek yogurt. Yes. Well, you're Greek. What's your favorite commercial you've ever done? The one I just did for Zim. I did some bread commercials. Oh, I did a funny one with Geico. And this woman was, i can't remember how it

goes but she was knitting herself oh no something about john samuels knit you a sweater and they cut to me and i'm like sitting across from her and i'm knitting a sweater and i'm spinning i had like a knitting thing and i played drums so i was spinning the thing about and uh taylor hawkins lived down the street from me it was great you know the drummer from the foo fighters and he sent this video i was like i should have got that, man. You were more handsome than me, but I'm a stick spinner. And you're so sweet. So many people dying.

I fucking hate it. Yeah, he just passed recently, right? Yeah, not long after Bob. What other men products that are out there now? You need a sheet mask. You need iPads. I do those. You need a hair mask.

You need a hair gel. You need a hair gel. The hair gel would sell out. Yeah. You need, there's so many like products. I feel like don't start with too many. Just start with your four core. Is there anything that you've passed on

looking back that you regret? I don't say no to anything really. I love these actors that come in. Some of them do, but they go, here's my career trajectory. I did this and I thought I was going to do this one. Usually they say,

what, okay, that's, okay, I'll take that. Just today, somebody calls, oh,

I'll do it. I said, well, because you don't ever know what's going to really hit. You know, like there's been projects that I've done

that I thought were going to be the biggest thing, and they weren't. And then you go, like Greg Berlanti asked me to do a couple episodes of the show, You.

Did you guys watch that on Netflix? You know, I played the, remember the Dr. Nicky on there? And the thing blew up, like I was just, you know, so you never know, right? I mean, you want to work with good people and everything, but. That's a good one, you.

The, um, I turned down La Bamba, that movie. I like that movie. It was great, and he was great in it, and I thought. You were good in that too. Well, I didn't feel comfortable playing a Mexican character. Even back then, I was like conscious of that, I think.

And my dad was so mad because it came a hit and there was, Zorba the Greek was a big movie that Anthony Quinn did. It was a Mexican, a Mexican played a Greek,

a Greek could play a Mexican, you know. But I don't, I can't think of anything that really, you know, you just do what you do. I mean,

there's a lot of things that I, you know, I auditioned for that didn't get, I'm just waiting, now I'm just waiting for my Breaking Bad,

that's it. I'm not stressed anymore about it. You have to tell me about your proposal to your wife. Our audience is going to freak out for it. I'm sorry. It's too cute. No, I'm all over the place. It's too cute.

We did it at Disneyland. Very early morning, I got an email or a text from Bob Iger, who's the CEO of Disney. Who? Just old Bob, yeah. One of the greatest, greatest. I've known him since the CEO of Disney. Oh, just old Bob, yeah. One of the greatest, greatest, I've known him since the full house days. He was the president of ABC and I remember barging into his office going,

Uncle Jeff, I need more lines. I was like, okay. He hit me up in the morning, like at five or something, I don't know why I was awake at the time. He said, your girlfriend's really into Disney. You know, that's so great. I follow her on Instagram.

I'm like, don't you have anything better to do at this time of the morning than talk about, you know? I said, great. I follow her on Instagram. I'm like, don't you have anything better to do at this time of the morning than talk about, you know? I said, well, I'm thinking about proposing to her. Can you help me? Like, I said, yeah, what do you want to do?

I said, I want to, I want to cut together a movie of all the most romantic moments in Disney animation. And I want to go to the animation building at Disney and I want you

to close it down for me. I'm not telling my fucking engagement story. I was like, just go on with yours though. And I brought her in there. It was a hot day and I said, can we, you Disney, and I want you to close it down for me. I'm not telling my fucking engagement story. I was like, just go on with yours, though. And I brought her in there. It was a hot day, and I said, can we, and they said, no, sorry, Mr. Samuels, close. I said, my wife is pregnant.

I got to get her into a cool place. Okay, okay, I put on a whole act. And we get in there, and we sit down. There was nobody in there, and all of a sudden, the lights went out, and she just grabs my hand. I was like, wow, what's going on? And then all the screens around us,

this movie came up of all the you know kiss the girl and all these really sweet romantic movie and moments in disney movies and then i got down on my knee and i said will you marry me and she's she's literally held the ring and she she's before she said yes you know there's a right she said yes and it was really sweet and then i had all our my fan my sisters and her family waiting for us at this club up there called 21 Royal. Did she watch you? No.

No. She fucking hates you. No, she hates you. Didn't watch any of it. Every boyfriend that is now listening is, girlfriend that's listening is screwed. What do you got? What did you do? No, no, no.

We're not going to what I did. No, yours was sweet. Yeah, concrete. Let me just tell you this. It didn't involve calling Bob Iger and shutting Disneyland down. Well, I, you know. His proposal, his proposal was cute and sweet. Let me just tell you this. It didn't involve calling Bob Iger and shutting Disneyland down. Well, I, you know. His proposal, his proposal was cute and sweet.

It wasn't Disneyland. No, no. It was in one bedroom apartment and just the two of us. That's okay. It was beautiful. It was sweet. It was very sweet.

I met, so, and our first date was to Disney World. She, so I was, I was doing an episode of SVU Law and Order. So I was doing this guest, but I was playing this character. Do you guys ever watch that show, SVU Law and Order. So I was doing this guest, but I was playing this character. Do you guys ever watch that show, SVU Law and Order? Yeah, sure.

I played this character. And my agent called me and said, yeah, they wrote this great character for you. It's really good. I said, what is it? You have sex with all these women and you have 47 children. And you have, you know,

I'm like, why do they think of me for that? He was like a guy who, he was so egotistical, he wanted to spread his progeny all over the place. So he was tricking girls into getting pregnant and poking holes in condoms and stuff. Did you see that one? You look like you've seen it or you've done it.

Maybe it's a true, it's a true story. Yes, yes, yeah, I'm playing you. And Caitlin was one of the girls and I saw her and I was like, oh my God, I'm mad. You know, I'm in love with this girl. And I was so afraid to talk to her. And I finally kind of sort of talked to her at lunch. She was only there one day.

And then I walked into the makeup room. I was like, okay, I'm going to go up and I'm going to ask her out. I walk up and she's like, and then we're getting married right over here. We're at Chelsea Pier, right over there at Chelsea. I'm like, you're getting married? She goes, yeah. I go, don't. And I'm like, what an asshole I am.

And she goes, oh, yeah. I go, don't. And they're like, what an asshole I am. And she goes, oh, okay. But we started talking about like theater and Disney and stuff like that. So she thought I was gay, which, you know, whatever. So we started texting. Oh, no, I pulled a great move. Let's take a picture together. I took a picture. I go, you want me to send it to you?

She goes, yeah. What's the number? And so we started texting for a while. She was engaged. John Stamos. John Stamos got the moves. She was, well, here's the deal. So the guy, the character had like,

they finally rounded up all the women and all the kids and they all came into the precinct thing. And they're like, you've fathered 47 children. And he said, well, you haven't checked Europe. With Caitlin, I was in a bathroom, like poking a hole in a condom. I had reading glasses like a dope. And I'm like this. And I was in the bathroom like poking a hole in a condom. I had reading glasses like a dope

and I'm like this and that, I'm on the show, the character and then, you know, Ice-T and what's his name come bang on the door

and kick the door down and come with me and so, I eventually got her pregnant. It took, she, Not in real life, in the show.

In real life, I did seven, no, no, well, it took me seven years. She was engaged, they got married

and then, They actually went through, they went through? Yeah, I said it was, we texted a. No, no. Well, it took me seven years. She was engaged. They got married. They actually went through? They went through. Yeah. We texted a little bit, and it was wrong. I mean, it wasn't anything disrespectful. It was just like, I'm getting married. Okay, good luck.

And then seven years later, I walk into the set of Fuller House. I walked on the stage, and I saw her in the stands. I'm like, no way. She was with a guy, and I thought, oh, I must be stalking. I said, I walked on the stage and I saw her in the stands. I'm like, no way. She was with a guy. And I thought, oh, I must be stalking. I said, don't flatter yourself. My friend is on the show this week and I came to see her. I said, oh, okay. This must be your husband.

She goes, no, I got divorced. This is a new boyfriend. I'm like, I could deal with a boyfriend. And then I started stalking her on Instagram. It was like, you know, like Willy Wonka. Like he was trying to get that golden ticket and he kept going. And there's pictures of the boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. And then one day there was pictures with no boyfriend.

And I was like, she kind of scrubbed him. I'm like, okay. And we started talking and she said, I want to travel. I said, all right, let's go to Disney World. She loved it. We did Disney World. Now I'm walking around Epcot and I have a hat and glasses and nobody's recognizing me.

I'm like, what the fuck I'm trying, okay. I'm gonna take my glasses off. I took my glasses off. I'm trying to look at, you know, keep eye contact with her, still nothing. And my hair, I got famous hair. I got to take off my hat. Took the hat off and, you know,

can I have mercy to the, and she goes, what are you doing? I go, nothing. She goes, you're Epcotting stop it it was like peacocking but epcot because we were in epcot so she calls it epcot she goes that's not impressive man and that's when i knew like that she's the one i mean she called me out of my shit so fucking fast you guys all love women that call you out on your shit that's the see i want you to come on my tiktok i asked ariel and give three tips for women The way to get the guy is to just not take their shit and to call them out on their shit.

This and you, I mean, you've had a lot of girls throw themselves at you. I'm sure the one, the one that you marry is the one that won't take your shit. That's how this happened. It works. She never,

she never watched full house. How it works. And she didn't watch full house. She was underwhelmed. She didn't give a shit. She still watched Full House. Wait, why? Yeah. That don't work. And she didn't watch Full House if she was underwhelmed. She didn't give a shit. She still doesn't give a fuck about it. She, like, I'll do the weird. She liked you.

She said, that's the best thing ever done. Not you, but I mean the TV show. Sorry. She liked you too. That was cruel. I didn't mean that as a joke, honestly. Look at how successful you guys are. Vibrators and things.

When did you. I liked you. I thought you meant me. Did you start this... Let me know. You started... Oh, my God. Dear Media first, and then she started with the product? It's been like a little bit of like a...

Egg or chicken or... It's been like a little bit of like... No, he doesn't get to change the interview on us. I want to... Well... I want to know how it's been to have your son. Oh, my God. That's the greatest thing.

Isn't it good? Yeah. Yeah. You were talking about Don earlier. You said he just laid out everybody and he did and here he is at my 50th birthday party.

Oh my God. And I just thought, I said, this is going to be, like he's just, like everybody was ripping off, Jeff Ross was there and all these people.

Everybody spoke, you know, Bob hosted it, which was great and here's Don and I thought he was just going to kill me. My birthday,

he said. Okay, what was I going to show you? Oh. The Rickles video. Yes. I thought he was just going to kill me. My birthday shit. Okay, what was I going to show you? Oh. The Rickles video. Yes. I bet it was something sweet. It was, yeah, well. Bert was just talking about how his success,

when he took so long to hit on this podcast. He was talking about how it takes so long and you've put so many reps in. Took him 20 years. And you have to be so militant and so disciplined. And he finally, he doesn't even feel still that he's made it. Yeah, he's so successful. What do you tell people that, I mean, the trick is to rise above the fray, right?

With these podcasts. I mean, Lauren and I have been doing the show now for eight years. This show? Yeah. Wow. But if you think about her, it's 2010. Long time. eight years but if you think about yeah wow but if you think about like her it's 2010 long time it takes i mean it took us three years to make money yeah on the show yeah i mean i think

everything takes everything takes time yeah where's the money come from here the sponsors and yeah i mean just there's that and then i think the products and you know we invest in businesses and produce other people but i mean like how do you find a business that you want to invest in like my my skincare i say i say i say listen i'll accept nothing less for a men's skincare brand except john stamos face on the front i can't believe you don't even like i feel like that you might you do you have skincare stuff that you sell i have skincare stuff what do you use i use skin pseudocles i use colostrum i just got a salmon semen facial. It's not salmon semen. It's salmon DNA. I got salmon semen on my face.

It really works. So his name was Salmon? John Stamos is Salmon Semen. Salmon Janet? Salmon? John Salmon Semen. Okay. Should we go to Rickles? Just to get rid of the boner? This is the headline of the show. You should take it down to Rickles,

by the way, Taylor, if you don't want to have orgasm so fast. You think? That would stop it. Here, let's see. If you want to see. You know what?

I wish that he was around to meet Billy because they would have... And I wish Bob was... Billy has a very... He's a very funny kid already. Very charming. Too charming.

You know, calm down a little bit, like we said. That doesn't surprise me. Yeah. And you're a four-year-old girl. Wait, wait, maybe we should introduce, yeah, maybe we should introduce, our daughter's name's Zaza. Zaza? Zaza's ready to meet Billy. How do you spell it? Zaza? Z-A-Z-A. That's cute. How did you get that?

She was super into Zaza Gabor. Oh, no. Yeah. You were? I'm telling you, I love You like all the old- I love it. I like how you are with Don Rickles. I'm like that with old Hollywood. Really? Like who else? Who do you like?

Zsa Zsa Gabor, Marilyn Monroe. Who was I reading about the other day? Oh, Robert Evans. I just read his book. Yeah, I knew him. He's good. Oh my God, I love him. Oh man, he's the best.

Did you listen to his, he has a book on tape called The Kid Stays- It was a movie. I read it. You read the book. I love- And I fuck her. You bet I did. That's why his he has a um you know book on tape called the kid stays it was a movie i read it i love her i fuck her that's why you did you did such a good job did you see that new show all the time and yours is really good did you listen to the audio i read it oh but i'm saying did you listen to the audio no is does he say the audio did you do the audio yes oh i didn't listen i was gonna get britney spears to do it but she didn't he was great i i spent i just loved those old guys you know and i paid it like but, when I first met him, I just paid attention to him. And Bob, he was hanging around with Brad Gray and these guys,

and I spent time with him. I would go to his office over there in Paramount. One time we were at dinner. I used to have a pubic hair collection. Like, really? Yeah, like little Coke bags filled with pubic hairs on a cork board. My third or fourth wife made me get rid of it. Girls don't have pubic hair now, John.

Okay, thanks, Bob. We're eating. We're having dinner. I think John knows that. I think John knew that. He was great. Do you know what? One of the smartest things I've ever heard,

Bob Evans said that he built his tennis court at his house because and he built it the most magnificent most expensive possible way he could with the most professional everything it was something that money couldn't buy and so what happened is everyone congregated towards his tennis court and would play and he would be able to use the tennis court as a way to network and he said he said it's not that he had a ton of money it's that he had this tennis court that every single person in hollywood wanted to play at the show they just did on the godfather yeah that guy was great that was good right yeah he he he he lost that house it was a really cool house i've been i went there

and then jack nicholson i think bought it back for him. And he lived in that house and that tax car was there. Who else? Oh, I hosted Bob's roast for Comedy Central. And it was the last great roast, I think, because it was all his friends. You didn't watch it? I didn't watch it. Cloris Leach was on there. You would love her. Oh my God, I got to watch it. She showed up, like it was, I think we did it in August. And I invited her to my birthday at my house. And she saw it about midnight. Like, wet. She's just got out of the shower.

Comes in. Hey, Stamos. And she's like sitting next to my mom. I'm blowing out candles. She's like, this is the camera. Flipping on the camera. But she had a great joke on there. She said, I'm not here to roast Bob Saget.

I'm here to fuck John Stamos. That's funny. I remember that. You probably like her. I love it. I need to watch that. It was pretty good. You know who my other celebrity crush was when I was little?

Who? Besides you. James was pretty good. You know who my other celebrity crush was when I was little? Who? Besides you. Who? James Gandolfini. Really? It's a little different, right? A little bit, yeah. My wife, like the guy she had the biggest crush on, and this is why I don't really worry about it, was Ted Danson.

And I introduced you to her one time. Ted Danson? You know, from Cheers. Of course. Ted Danson. That's an interesting one. He's great on Curb too. Yeah, yeah. He is good on Curb.

John Stamos, you're a legend. You can come back anytime you want. I could have looked into your eyes all day. You too. Both of you. Anytime you want. I hope next time you come on, you have a skincare routine that Michael can do. I want you guys to help me do it.

I mean. And I think you should do the Rickles podcast idea. Because I bet it would be awesome. I'm really impressed with the two of you. I think it's beautiful to watch the way you are to each other, the respect you show for each other. I heard on the show. And you guys are like hardworking, good people from what I gather.

Am I right? I mean it. I appreciate that. And I just, it's just, I'm very grateful that you guys have me on here. We're very grateful that you came on. We're grateful you came in. Can I come back some other time? You can come back literally anytime you want. I thought you were taking over guys have me on here. We're very grateful that you came on. We're grateful you came in. Can I come back some other time? You can come back literally anytime you want.

I thought you were taking over as the co-host. You're great on a mic. I'm not surprised Stern had you on so much. We can just talk and talk and talk. It's a lot of talking. I feel bad because as I listen to some of the shows, I really learned a lot. I don't know what anybody learned from this today.

I think they learned a couple. Just be yourself and be a good person, right? You guys, go buy his book. It's so good. I know you'll all like it so much. At John Stamos on Instagram. When I saw that you were following me today, I screenshotted it and sent it to my husband

and thought if he would have told me. I followed him too. Yeah, then I screenshotted it back. Yeah, I said, fuck you. Where's my follow? No, no, no, don't. No, you don't need to see it. No, no, no, no, no. I followed him too. Yeah, then I screenshotted the back and then I said, fuck it. You would have told me. Where's my follow? No, no, no, don't. No, you don't need to see it. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't. I don't want to. Taylor Edges. No, no, no. Yeah, Taylor. Unless you want to just see close-up shots of Razorburn. No.

Thank you. The Barenaked Cucumber on Instagram. Don Stamos, come back anytime. Thank you. Before you guys go, you should know that Michael and I

have launched a Him and Her newsletter. It is all of our favorite products, thought leaders, quotes, things that we're thinking about all in one. You get it weekly. All you have to do is go to tscpodcast.com to sign up and we will send you all the hacks, tips, and tricks straight to your inbox.