The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Lauryn Bosstick On Breaking Toxic Patterns, Morning Routines & How To Stop Attracting The Wrong Partners

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

#800: Join Lauryn Bosstick as she sits down to answer your most thought-provoking “Dear Lauryn” questions, offering raw & actionable advice to elevate your life! From breaking toxic relationship patterns to designing routines for success, Lauryn shares her strategies to help you upgrade your habits, relationships, & mindset. In this episode, Lauryn gets real about setting boundaries, identifying your priorities, & cultivating the habits that will propel you toward achieving your dream life!   To Watch the Show click HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697)   This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential   Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE and LTK page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn’s favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes.   Visit istandwithmypack.org to support I Stand With My Pack’s (ISWMP) mission by donating or adopting. Every contribution helps!   This episode is sponsored by Just Thrive   Visit JustThriveHealth.com and use code SKINNY90 for 20% off your first 90 day bottle.   This episode is sponsored by Domain Money   Get ahead with expert financial planning designed for you and the life you want to lead. Head to domainmoney.com/himandher to book a free strategy session now.   This episode is sponsored by YNAB   Claim an exclusive three-month free trial, with no credit card required at YNAB.com/skinny.   This episode is sponsored by The Farmer’s Dog    Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/skinny. Plus, you get FREE shipping!   This episode is sponsored by LMNT   Get yours at DrinkLMNT.com/SKINNY.    This episode is sponsored by Oura   Visit ouraring.com. Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This episode is brought to you by my favorite non-profit, I Stand With My Pack. Right now, LA is facing some of the worst wildfires in history, and I Stand With My Pack is working around the clock to rescue dogs impacted by the fires and from high-kill shelters, placing them in foster homes for rehabilitation and finding forever homes. They need our support more than ever, especially in this moment. I am someone who supports them wholeheartedly.

I know every single dollar helps the dogs that are in need. I've had the pleasure of sitting with the founders. I have been someone who's passionate about donations myself. I post them all the time. I just want to do everything I can to support I Stand With My Pack, especially during the LA fires. They're a non-female nonprofit dedicated to saving animals and preventing cruelty locally

and globally. You guys can donate, foster, or adopt and support their incredible work at istandwithmypak.org to make a difference. You can also Venmo them. It's very simple. Every contribution counts. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Ah ha!

Hello. Let's do a little solo. Okay. we're going to do a Q&A today. Before we get into the Q&A with me, which we're going to talk about why we attract the wrong partners, morning routines for success, habits that will change your life and breaking toxic patterns, I wanted to do a little call out. So I take a Pilates class every Saturday with a wonderful man named Eric. And Michael and I take it together. It's become like a hobby. We love it. And we've really gotten to know Eric. He's an amazing teacher. So Eric told me about his uncle. His uncle had a natural food store. It was called Oh Happy Days Vegan Cafe and it was in Los Angeles. And unfortunately it horrifically burned down during the Los Angeles fires. I cannot tell you how many beautiful things I've heard about John and his

store. You can go on his GoFundMe and check it out. This was such a family and friends oriented natural food store. People would come in all the time. They would stop in. They would say hi to John. He had nutritious, affordable, homemade vegan food. He always would serve the clients himself. And it's really horrible that it burned out and I was able to talk to Eric about it. And I told him, I would mention this on the podcast. If anyone is compelled to help someone

who's been affected by the fire, this is a really, really unbelievable cause. He is raising money and he essentially has to start over and start Oh Happy Day all up again. Because of the incredible community around John, he's already raised almost $90,000. Anyway, if you want to read the entire story, you can just search Oh oh, happy day vegan go fund me. And you can read everything to know about John and his store that he's hopefully rebuilding. On that note, let's get into a little Q&A with me. I kicked Michael off the mic.

It's just me. And we're going to have some fun. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. Today, we are bringing Instagram stories to the show. So I do this sort of like feature on Instagram stories. I probably do it once a month and it's called Dear Lauren. And basically it's where you guys ask me any life advice and I give you no bullshit answers. So I thought this would be a fun way to like extend what I do on stories. So you guys have actually

asked me these questions. These are from you. I'm not gonna say anyone's names in case they want them anonymous. The first question is, how do you make time for sex with two kids and a huge career? I am a big believer and I'm someone who loves thinking about time in the fact that you make time for what's important to you. So sex is important to me. I prioritize my marriage. I prioritize sex. And I think something that helps sort of give me time to make sure that this happens is I have really purposeful, thoughtful boundaries around my phone. So recently, I have just sort of eliminated TikTok. The only time I go on there is to post, so I'm not just sitting, consuming content and

scrolling. And then with Instagram, I don't watch stories. So this, just this simple practice gives me a lot of extra time. So my advice to you is if you feel like you don't have time to have sex with your partner, is I would start examining where you're using time passively. If you're sitting on Instagram scrolling for an hour a day,

that's time and effort that could be put into your marriage or your relationship or sex. I just feel like if you're saying I don't have time, you really just don't want to do it. And that's something that I feel like everyone just needs to like take a hard look in the mirror. And listen, I've done this too. I'm like, I don't have time to blink. And then I really inspect my day and inspect my week and inspect my month. And I'm like, wait, I do have time.

I just need to be more thoughtful with it. So sex to me has always been really important. It's been important since I started having it. I love having sex. And I also love having sex with my husband. So I think it's not like we're scheduling it in the calendar, but I just try not to waste time, which opens up more time. And I'm not perfect with this.

I don't want to sound like a know-it-all. This is just like the real answer. I value my time more than anything, and ultimately, my marriage is sort of like the foundation for everything. It's the foundation for my business. It's the foundation for my family, my kids. It's so important to me and it's so sacred. And I think a big element of a relationship, most relationships, is sex. And you know, I also want to make my husband happy. I don't know

how we got to a place where people can't say that. Like, I am someone who's very traditional in a marriage in the sense that I want to be courted, I want to be desired, I want to be feminine in my marriage. I'm very masculine in a lot of ways. So being feminine in that energy in my marriage at home, in my simpler life in Austin is very important to me. At home, I'm a homemaker, I'm a mother. I want to curate a really pretty, I don't know, household for my husband. I want candles and I want him to feel good when he comes home. I want music playing, and I just think that sex is an important element. So that is how I make time for sex. I always will make time for sex, hopefully.

Next question. Dear Lauren, how do I organize my life? Day by day, hour by hour? I think this is so situational. I don't know that I'm the right person to answer this for someone's life I know nothing about, but I can tell you what I do for myself and what's worked. And I can tell you that I have spent a lot of time thinking and studying and researching

and reading about time. It's truly, and I know I say this in every episode, but that's because it is, it's something that I think literally is running every single aspect of your life. I never want to get to a place where I don't make time for what's really important. So what I've done with my own time is I wrote down the five most important things to me, and those are in my calendar every single month, every single week, every single day, and I build around those five things. I think what happens to a lot of people

is they will start with the fluff and the sprinkles and the cherry, and they don't put the cake on their calendar first. So the cake is like what's most important to you. And you can write down those top five things. They don't have to be in order. So I wrote down mine for you guys just to inspire you. And something that is like almost number one,

because I think your health is so important, is working out. I have to work out. I wanna move my body every single day. It's a non-negotiable. I don't care how busy I am. Today, I am truly packing four days into one. Ed Mylatt taught me how to do this and we'll talk about that, where you pack four days of work into one day, but I still make it a point to work out. Now this looks different all the time. My other priority that's obviously on my list, it's probably on a lot of your list, is family. So that's something that's in my calendar. Again, we're not putting sex on the calendar, but we have like family time on the calendar.

The next one is creative and writing time. This is a non-negotiable. It's something that I try to do at least three times a week. It will be under writing time or under creative time. So I have different colors for different things. The creative is in like a flamingo pink and then the writing time is in a blue and it's a block on my calendar that signals to my incredible executive assistant that I'm busy and it's a block and don't schedule anything during these sacred hours. What a lot of people do, I think, is they give their assistant carte blanche to schedule

all over their calendar and they end up almost resentful of it when what they could do is they could go build out the infrastructure of their calendar with setting their calendar on their own terms and then the assistant or you builds around that infrastructure. The next thing is still time. I have still time in my calendar. What this looks like is it's categorized. So I have meditating. I don't hit it every day.

I try. And I like squeeze meditation in where I can. Gabrielle Bernstein taught me this. Meditation can be five minutes. Meditation can be a 10-minute walk. It doesn't have to be so serious and huge. I try to meditate the first thing when I wake up because this sort of sets the tone of everything, but also I feel my kids are asleep and it's just a great way to get it in, and I'm not going to

procrastinate it. If I don't do it first thing in the morning, what I'll do is I'll take a walk somewhere in the day, 15 minutes to myself and do a walking meditation. So I try to make that work for me. I have reading time in my calendar. Reading time is typically at the end of the day. So I will actually put in my calendar, read. And people might be like, you're psychotic, but I can tell you that every single night since I've put that in, I read.

And I'm always a big reader, but having it in the calendar, I don't know there's something about it that makes it a priority. And I always end my night with my Kindle. So this is like a really good one to build around. That's a non-negotiable for me. Walking is in my calendar and typically walking is during conference calls for me or doing something else. So walking meditation, walking podcast, you can sort of make it up, but that is in my

calendar every day. My walking blocks are in yellow. I'm getting real detailed with you guys because I want this to inspire someone that maybe doesn't feel motivated or doesn't know where to start. I also have free space in my calendar. And this is just a block. It's a block in red that says block.

Sometimes I will go to the footspot for two hours and work on my phone during that block. Sometimes I'll take my daughter to the park. Sometimes I will literally just hang out with my kids and I don't know, just chill, relax. Today we were doing this like freeze dance on Spotify that you guys have to try if you have kids. It's so cute. But I had some free space and it was awesome. I have Cold Plunge Sauna in my calendar, so it's scheduled throughout the week. That's something that's so important to me.

And again, this falls into still time. Your still time could be different than mine. And then I'll have a podcast like on each day that I like to listen to. So I'll screenshot a podcast that I really want to listen to and I'll try to put it on my day of where I'm listening to it. You guys again, maybe think I'm nuts, but I have driving time in my calendar on my day of where I'm listening to it. You guys again, maybe think I'm nuts,

but I have driving time in my calendar because I'm someone that's really trying to be on time in this moment. And I think having the driving time in my calendar has helped to keep me on track. So if I have to drive somewhere and it's 15 minutes, I'll schedule 30 minutes with Katie, who helps me with my calendar.

And that's in red. And during that driving time, you could just add what podcast you're listening to. One thing that I do not mess around with is a probiotic. I take a probiotic every single morning. I wake up, I scrape my tongue, I open the shades, I go downstairs, I have my electrolyte water, and I drink it with a probiotic. And the probiotic that I've been taking forever, that I cannot shut up about, is Just Thrive Probiotic.

This is one of the only probiotics that survives the trip to the gut. We have interviewed so many different experts and so many of them have recommended a good probiotic and not all Probiotics are the same that's really important to note Which is why I like this one because it really is superior and a probiotic does all the things whether you want to lose weight Improve your energy or beat an embarrassing post meal bloat. It's got you covered. I also notice it's just really great for digestion That's why I like it first thing in the morning

They also have a flavored gummy that my kids love they like scream I also notice it's just really great for digestion. That's why I like it first thing in the morning. They also have a flavored gummy that my kids love. They like scream for this gummy. It's so good. I try the gummy all the time, but I go back to the capsules. So what I would do if you have kids is grab the gummy. And then if you're an adult, definitely try the capsules. I do two every single morning.

You can visit justthrivehealth.com and use code skinny90 for 20% off your first 90-day bottle. That is like getting a month for free. That's JustThriveHealth.com promo code skinny90. That's JustThriveHealth.com promo code skinny90. Here is to your best health with Just Thrive. Let's take a quick break to talk about domain money guys. It's officially the new year and we talk all the time about not just setting goals, but actually turning them into reality. This is why I'm so excited to tell you about Domain Money. What Domain Money does is has a team of experts that don't just give you generic advice for what to do with your money.

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What I personally love about Domain Money is they help you get all of the answers to your burning money questions and help you feel confident that you're doing all the smartest things to build wealth. Finally, you can know exactly what it'll take to retire early, pay less in taxes, afford the new home that you're looking for, and be on track to accomplish all of your other big money goals. No more having to talk to your dad's financial planner and sitting there not knowing what the hell he's talking about, trying to do it all on your own and just being lost and completely in the dark. I know before I personally understood personal finance, I was constantly stressed about money

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not domain money clients and receive cash compensation for this endorsement. Therefore have an incentive to promote domain money. I personally love talking about personal finance. I know that turns some people off or some people zone out, and that's largely because it's a source of stress for many people. They don't understand money. They don't know how to keep money. They don't know how to invest money, and we're never taught about it in school. This is why Lauren and I love talking about YNAB so much. You put so much time and effort into earning money and you deserve to spend it without stress or second guessing. YNAB spelled Y-N-A-B is a life-changing app that helps you do what you want with the money you have. You'll create a flexible plan for your money

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saves $600 in their first two months and $6,000 in their first year. Imagine what you could do with an extra $600 in their first two months and $6,000 in their first year. Imagine what you could do with an extra $600 in two months or even $6,000 in one year. These are big savings and all it takes is just understanding your money a little bit more and having a tool to help you do so. Listen guys, life is short, spend it with YNAB. Of course we have an incredible offer for our listeners and viewers. TSC, him and her show listeners can claim an exclusive three-month free trial with no credit card required at

www.ynab.com slash skinny. Again, you get a three-month free trial at www.ynab.com slash skinny. My fifth most important thing to me is my career and obviously that's in my calendar. Usually that entails conference calls, meetings, behind the scenes stuff, product development, and a lot of show time. So if I'm recording a show, that's obviously in the calendar. Everything else is fixings, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, it's all built around that. And to be honest with you, this gives me a compass of what to say no to.

So let me give you an example. If someone comes into town to Austin, and they're like, maybe I don't know them very well, maybe they've been on the show once or twice and they want to do dinner. And I look at my calendar that has my turkey, my meat and potatoes, and it just doesn't work, I'm gonna say no.

I'm also going to say no if it's not worth being away from my children. Like, I think that, you know, because my career is such a big player right now in my life, that I'm in this season where I need to make sure that my children are equal to that. And if it's an event or a party that's going to take away from my career or my kids or working out or my still time, it's just not worth it to me. And I've gotten brutal with it.

I cannot tell you guys how many times, like, you know, there's been some amazing parties or events and I just, I think about it and I'm just like, you know what? This is not worth it to me. And I'll say no. And I'm okay with that. I'm good. You can't do it all all at once. I love this question because it's one that's asked every single time I do a

Dear Lauren. Dear Lauren, how to attract the right men slash relationship? I'm telling you every single time I do one of these, I get this question. Here is my honest opinion, and it's a little curt. I don't believe in like manifesting the right guy or finding the right relationship. I believe on working on your own garden and working on your own shit. And if you want someone who's witty and charismatic and funny and well-read and this like business person and like makes a ton of money, I think you should go be that and that attracts it. So if I was single right now at this minute, I would go work on myself, work on my own shit, work on my own just life foundation. And I think that that's what attracts.

I don't think it's making a list and putting it out there into the ether and then waiting for someone like Prince Charming that has all the qualities that you want to come to you. I find that to be like ordering a sandwich, right? I would not order a sandwich on a dating app when I'm not all of those things, right? So my three qualities that I looked for

before I found Michael are the same that they are today. And I think three qualities is a good way to start. Pick the three qualities that you're looking for and then go be that. So the qualities for me were someone who is very interesting and interested. That was important. So I went and I got interesting and interested. So I started reading everything I could consume. This is maybe a couple years before Michael. That was so important to me. I got interesting and interested. So I started reading everything I could consume.

This is maybe a couple years before Michael. That was so important to me. I wanted someone that I could sit at a table with and play ping pong with mentally. I need someone that I can go back and forth with. Taylor, my producer, he's here with me right now. He's known me since I was 12. Taylor's so good at ping pong.

Sorry, Taylor, we never hooked up in middle school, but I'm attracted to in friends and relationships someone I can play mental ping pong with. So that to me, you got to be interesting and interested. My next one was integrity. I want someone who has a lot of integrity. That's important to me. It's important in a partner. But I wanted someone who's consistent with that integrity. So, you know, one day they're not going to flip-flop. So again, I went and I seriously like read books on character development and human nature. And I still do it to this day.

I still work on being all the qualities that I want in my husband, in myself. And then the third thing for me, and this one's really important, is I wanted someone in on the joke who's funny and witty and doesn't take themselves so seriously. I think that I've really never taken myself so seriously. I've tried not to. I've tried to be in on the joke. So that one was a little bit more

natural, but it was something that I still, even to this day, like I still work on because I want that in a partner. I want that in a friendship. I want my kids to see that. And so it's like, you have to go be the things that you want. Stop looking for someone to come save you and save yourself. That's my advice. Channel the energy of attracting the right guy into refining your own unique qualities. Go work on whatever you're looking to attract. Dear Lauren, how do I change my life tomorrow?

I'm going to give you the little Lauren Bostic protocol to wake up tomorrow and change your day. We just had Mel Robbins on the show, and she talks about the five-second rule, which is a great basis to give you, go read about that, before you listen to what I'm going to say. Because when you read about her five-second rule, all of this will sort of fall into place. So the first thing I

would do if I wanted to change my life tomorrow is I would wake up and I would earn the day. I've been talking about earn the day a lot. Earning the day is waking up in the morning and earning it. Earning the whole day. Earning whatever you're gonna do and I'm big on this okay. So what I like to do is I like to take a walk. Maybe I'll put on a walking meditation, I get some sunlight in my eyes, maybe listening to an inspiring podcast, Ed Mylet's Great,

Mel Robbins, Melissa Wood Health. And then what I feel this does is because I'm listening to these really high performing, incredible, multifaceted people, is it gets me around the people who are moving and shaking. And it's also like the five people that you're around, it's like what content are you consuming too? Because the content that you're consuming is almost just as important to me as to who

I'm hanging out with. So if you're hanging out with some amazing people, but the content you consume is all gossip or low vibration, I would expect that you would feel like you're on a seesaw. I think the best thing to do is like when you're listening or watching content is to sort of be so self-aware that you watch yourself of what you're consuming. I'll sometimes like take myself like out of body and be like wait what am I doing why am I doing this right now. So I think with content like monitor who you're consuming. Get around

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Each stick pack delivers a meaningful dose of electrolyte free of sugar, artificial colors, or other dodgy ingredients. An element is formulated for anyone on a mission to restore health through hydration and is perfectly suited for athletes, folks who are fasting or those following keto, low carb, whole food or paleo diets. Lauren and I have been taking element for years. We take it every single time we work out when we know we're going to drum up a sweat after a sauna anytime we feel we're going to be depleting our hydration levels. If you're somebody that gets headaches or you feel slow in the day or you feel a little bit of brain fog it's likely because you're dehydrated and drinking water is simply not enough. So like I said they come in these individualized travel packets that you can travel with easily that you can take to the office

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You must go to www.drinklmnt.com. Try it totally risk-free. If you don't like it, we'll refund your order. No questions asked, very low return rate and high reorder rate. www.drinkelement.com slash skinny. I got really serious about my sleep in the last two years. So what I did was I got a state of the art mattress. I made sure my room was pitch black dark. I even got like a chimes machine and then I got an aura ring. And what

the aura ring has done for me is it's really upgraded my sleep, which is no surprise. It tracks a lot of different things. You can track your heart rate or you can track your skin temperature trend. But what I love it for is I've gotten metrics of how to really improve my sleep, which in turn helps me manage my stress. If you have not tried an Oura Ring, you're missing out. What it does is it detects sleep stages and it's really accurate. I think that if you're someone who wants to manage stress like I did or really upgrade your sleep, this is a really great way to start. Oura Ring is the revolutionary smart ring that delivers personalized health data,

insights and daily guidance. AuraRing really empowers women to better understand their bodies so they can be their own health advocate too. So I'm pregnant now, if you're looking to get pregnant, they have something called the Natural Cycles app. And what this is, is it's the world's first birth control app

and it's now powered by Aura. So if you wanna take control of your fertility really effortlessly, you can do this with Natural Cycles, which is integrated into the advanced Aura Ring 4. If you wanna commit to your body yourself, your health, and just improve your overall life, this is such a great gift to give yourself

or a friend. It allows women to deeply understand their unique bodies with data. You can go to Aurarang.com to learn more. Visit Aurarang.com. The other thing I would do is I would lift weights, and that's what I would really do if I wanted to change my life tomorrow. I would lift weights that gets my serotonin and dopamine going, makes you feel good, move your body, have some electrolytes.

And I would plan my day, and you can just start with one day, I'm not going to overwhelm you, like a strategist. Okay? You're setting systems, you're not setting goals. So you could write down your goals fine, but what are the systems you're taking to get there? If you want to write a book, that week to me would consist of, okay, on Monday, I am going to start looking into literary agents.

On Tuesday, I'm going to start crafting the chapters of the book. On Wednesday, I'm going to start thinking about the proposal and conceptualizing it. On Thursday, I'm going to start writing the first page of the proposal. On Friday, I'm going to write the second page. This is how successful people do it. People are like, there's huge amazing people that have come on our podcast. And I can tell you across the board, the common denominator of success is people that put in the reps in a small way. It's not people that said, I'm going to write a book and wrote it all on a Monday.

That's not the way it works. It's someone who took it bite by bite, put in the reps every single day, and eventually that became the book. And I think that I apply that theory to everything. I know that if I go to the gym tomorrow and I lift weights, I'm not going to have the body of my dreams the day after. That's not the way it works. I know it's going to take probably a year to a year and a half to work to get the body

of my dreams. That's just the way it is. It takes time, it's reps, it's slow little things that add up. That is the way you reach success and anyone can do it. It's literally that simple of a formula. And then I would also examine where there's energy givers and energy drainers. So if something's draining your energy, stop doing it.

If someone is draining your energy, stop, eliminate being around them so much. I'm not saying stop being around them because sometimes you have to, but sort of arms link them. Just kind of make it as minimal as possible. Less phone, definitely less phone. The phone is not going to make you feel better. We all know that. And more execution. I would end the day with reading. I would meditate to relax my nervous system.

And ultimately, I would take accountability. I would stop blaming everyone else. I would start realizing that it's your life. You have one life and you're in charge of it and your thoughts are predicting your future and you can create the life of your dreams, but you have to do it. And I think that's how I would start my day tomorrow if I wanted to change my whole life. Dear Lauren, your mindset for everything. I actually wrote this one down, it's on stories. And I have a list of some quotes. I think these quotes are not like cheesy, cheesy one-liner cliches.

I think they're really powerful quotes that I try to look at all the time. Some I have on my bathroom vanity. Some I have when I open a drawer. I have like a drawer down in my kitchen that I'll open my drawer and see some of these quotes. And it just sort of reminds me because these quotes are not like something you look at once and you got it. They're kind of quotes that you study and you go back to. Some are on my office desk, some are in the car. I keep these quotes sort of everywhere. So these are the ones that really resonate with me.

You're a creation of your thoughts and your thoughts predict your future. That's Louise Hay and I just said that earlier. I mentioned it, I'm a huge believer that the way you think is literally building the future that you're going to have. And I think you can control your thoughts. If you guys like these Dear Lauren questions, then I think I'm going to open it up to everyone.

Tell me on my latest post your Dear Lauren question, and then I will read your Instagram handle and share your question on the next episode of this. So go to Lauren Bostic and ask me anything. I love answering your questions, and I hope this episode inspired you.