The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Lewis Howes On How To Achieve Inner Peace & Find Your Passion Or Purpose In Life

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Starting point is 00:01:50 Him and her. Aha! It was one of those fights where it really shook me. It shook me because I could have got stabbed. Something could have happened. I could have lost a lot. I had a lot to lose. And then my friend was like, I don't want to hang out with you anymore if you're going

Starting point is 00:02:07 to be like this. And that was my wake up call. It's like my best friend doesn't want to hang out with me. There's something inside of me that's broken or needs support. That first year and a half, I did a lot of different emotional intelligence workshops to help me understand my emotions, understand my childhood emotions, understand how to regulate emotions, and how to heal different wounds that I had. That's when the journey began. Welcome back, everybody. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. That

Starting point is 00:02:36 clip was from the guest of the show today, our longtime friend and fellow podcaster, Lewis Howes. Many of you may be very familiar with Lewis. He's an OG in the podcast space. I think he's been doing this longer than us. I think we were just talking. He's done over 1,500, 2,000, 3,000, a million episodes. I don't know, Lewis. You've done a shitload of them. And I was honestly just too lazy to go back and see how many. I know you've done a lot. We talk about it on the show. But I'm a busy guy, so I couldn't go back and look at everything. So anyways, guys, Lewis is great. He talks about everything, everyone. He's had all sorts of different thought leaders, experts on his podcast.

Starting point is 00:03:08 It's a phenomenal show, The School of Greatness. He's been doing it for a long time. Like I said, everyone from Joe Dispenza, Kobe Bryant. He's had Huberman. He's had all sorts of different podcast legends on the show. And he gets phenomenal guests. And what I love about Lewis is he's always been hungry and curious for information. He always wants to be the best version of himself. Even when we hang out privately,

Starting point is 00:03:28 he's always looking to learn more. He's always asking questions. He's just a curious person, which is what I honestly think you need to find any kind of success in this medium. So Lauren and I really admire him. He's become a friend. He's become a mentor in ways when it comes to podcasting and really just enjoy talking to him. It's been a friend. He's become a mentor in ways when it comes to podcasting and really just enjoy talking to him. It's been a while since he's been on the show, but I believe he's been on twice before. If you just Google Lewis Howes, The Skinny Confidential, I'm sure it'll pop up. Lauren and I have also both been on his show, The School of Greatness. Love going on there. With that, let's talk about Lewis Howes. Lewis Howes is a serial entrepreneur. He's the host

Starting point is 00:04:02 of School of Greatness. He's a longtime podcaster. He's a speaker. He's an author, three-time author. Now, congrats, Lewis. And his latest book, The Greatness Mindset, Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today is out now. We're diving into it on this show, talking all about it, why he wanted to write this one. And I think it's a really great book. So it out with that welcome our friend lewis house to the skinny confidential him and her show this is the skinny confidential him and her welcome everyone to dear media this is lewis house i'm very excited very impressed by what you guys have created the sexiest couple in podcasting it's fun to be here and i got a i wanted to start it off with michael about something he tweeted i think it

Starting point is 00:04:45 was about a week ago two weeks ago yeah and he checked me he's like hey i want to he made a tweet and you can you can say the whole tweet i'll look it up but this tweet was essentially like if you have to get into therapy in your relationship in the first six months you're in the wrong relationship or the relationship is doomed something like that or you're you're screwed i'll read it exactly giving me the verbatim like because because right away i said i understand where you're coming from and then i'll add to it once you figure out the exact tweet let's see i'm gonna find it but but the read but i'm gonna say there's some nuance to it and i know like some people what i would say the first thing is that i wasn't saying that therapy is bad or couples therapy is bad.

Starting point is 00:05:26 But if we need it early. What I was saying is that here's what I said. I said, unpopular opinion. And then in quotations, Lewis, I said, maybe question mark as if I'm questioning. I said, if you need couples therapy in the first six months, dot, dot, dot, it may be better to just throw in the towel and move on. And what I was saying. Wait, before anyone says anything else, you're in a relationship with me.

Starting point is 00:05:44 Hold on. So how could you need therapy with me? i'm the reason that you don't need therapy okay so here's how this popped up we kept getting people come on the show and they talk about these like very chaotic relationships that take place in like and it's right away as someone who's been in a relationship for a very long time now with the same woman for a long time i was like okay if it's starting out that rocky, maybe there's some misalignment and maybe it's like, let's see what else is out there. Because as you know, relationships don't get easier. In my opinion, they get harder. So I a hundred percent agree with you. If you have to get into therapy after six months, because it's a rocky. Now here's the caveat. I was in a many,

Starting point is 00:06:23 you know, the previous relationships i was in after a year year and a half two years they they started to not work they started like the problems came out the you know the rose-covered glasses like you take them off you're like oh there's a lot of challenges there's a lot of things where we're not in alignment doesn't mean they're wrong or i'm wrong we're just not alignment right we weren't the right match at the year mark every time i don't know nine months a year whatever it was it's like you start to see things come out right again none of them are wrong it's just not aligned i tried to get into therapy with all of them around the year one and a half year mark and all of them didn't want to do therapy instead they were resistant and i'm thinking to

Starting point is 00:06:58 myself first off what man ever says suggests let's go to therapy so i'm thinking to myself a man who's done 17,000 podcasts exactly but but what women get a man that that are open to them wanting to do therapy usually it's the women who suggest that the men are resistant right so i was like okay first off i want to do this i'm willing to they never did which was probably a red flag but anyways entering the relationship that i'm in with martha who's incredible after a couple of months of us kind of just hanging out not exclusively dating right both dating other people and just kind of like being single but seeing each other before i got committed to her i said i have one non-negotiable that we start the relationship in therapy and it wasn't even a

Starting point is 00:07:43 negotiation i was just like the person I want to date, I want them to be open to that and be willing to do it. It doesn't mean we have to do it every week, but I want to be able to go to a third party coach to create agreements for our relationship, to talk about the really challenging things about kids and marriage and money and sex. And what's it going to look like in two years, five years, ten years? What are your values? What are my values? Do you accept who I am or are you going to try to change me? Do I accept you?

Starting point is 00:08:11 Everything. And to talk about it up front and have a third-party coach, therapist, whatever you want to call it, to support us on creating agreements, alignment, and a shared vision for the relationship. And it has been the best thing for me, for us, to minimizing arguments or just minor challenges that don't need to happen. And when there are little things that maybe feel uncomfortable, like let's just go talk about it in therapy and figure out an agreement. And instead of having having expectations we create agreements and it's create harmony in our relationship at least at this stage of our relationship so i'm super pumped for that and it's been a blessing i don't disagree with that strategy at all and i actually think it's interesting especially the coaching aspect because

Starting point is 00:08:57 it sounds like what you're doing is you're getting aligned early on and seeing like is are you synergistic should we be together yes what i'm saying is if you're in something and it's six months in and it is fucking cats and dogs fighting on a tin roof yeah get i agree with you i'm like if you need to go to therapy at that and you've done all this and like you're that misaligned that early instead of the grueling i just what i guess the nuance was like some things is like it's better off to say hey is there somebody that's better and more aligned for me out there you know because it's all context yeah it's all context but what you're talking about is like hey from the early start like i want to make sure that we're aligned we have the same vision we're going to be compatible we want the same thing i want to waste more time yeah i

Starting point is 00:09:36 get it no and i don't disagree with that at all i think this is the problem though with little bits of content is you don't get the whole story and when you show me your tweets sometimes i'm like you need to continue you know how like a thread because like there's you say something it's there's situations that don't always apply to the general thing that you're saying here's the thing content creating in perspective like we've been podcasting for a while lauren's been creating online content for 10 12 years right you guys know that no matter what medium no matter, people are going to take the little context, even out of your hour-long podcast or your eight-page blog post, and they're going to

Starting point is 00:10:13 pull the one line and they're going to run with it. Like I did another thing. I said, it was like a coaching one. And I was like, you don't want coaches, like you don't want a financial coach with broken finances, a business coach with broken relationships. And I said, and you don't want relationship advice from someone with a broken, like a broken home. And people are like, I come from a broken home and I've trained myself and I'm great. And I should, I'm like, no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying if you're somebody that's contributing to a broken home, you're stepping out on your

Starting point is 00:10:35 wife and then you're coaching people how to be in a great relationship. So again, there's nuance all this. I get that. But also some of the best coaches weren't good athletes. You know what I mean? It's like. Sure. But I think that's a little different. Yeah,. You know what I mean? It's like. Sure. But I think that's a little different.

Starting point is 00:10:46 Yeah, that's true. I think that's a little different. Like what, for example, if I was like, Lewis, okay, I've been in a relationship and I'm going to tell you how to do it. And then you knew in the back of your mind, like, yo, this guy is out in the club cheating on his wife and I'm trying to tell you, like, that's the new one. Yes. That's it's a trust thing.

Starting point is 00:11:00 Absolutely. So last time we were together there, you were in a different relationship and now you're in a new one. What does that look like? This looks like a good thing. It's a beautiful thing. Yeah, it's peaceful. I've never felt harmony in a relationship. On a scale of one to 10, how much harmony do you guys have in your relationship in general?

Starting point is 00:11:18 Let me ask you, which day of the week? I'm assuming kids bring in a different element and the business growing and the stresses of life but like in your relationship harmony wise scale one to ten really like honestly what is it i never want to be away from my husband i love being beautiful listen sometimes he's annoying i might get the fuck out of the room leave me alone i'm meditating but i mean i like being around him he. He was away yesterday and I was, I like miss him. I want him to come home. I like our life together. And I don't mean I'm like sappy, like need to like touch him all the time.

Starting point is 00:11:53 I just like our life together. Like it's, it's fun. So when you say how, how harmonious is it? Like, no, it's not always harmony. And like we fight definitely, but it's nice. And it's nice to end the day together And it's nice to end the day together. And it's nice to start the day together. But are the fights like stressful or are they more just like little annoyances?

Starting point is 00:12:12 They're all annoyances. Yeah. They're not like, I hate this person's stress. It's more and like, no, I'm out of alignment with who I am. It's more of just like, okay, we're just disagreeing on this. Like who's changing the baby's diaper right now. I'm tired. I'm stressed.

Starting point is 00:12:23 It's never, no, it's, it's to your point. It's not, we love, I mean, honestly, and this is going to sound savvy, but it's just that we love each other. We love being around each other. We love working together. Like we were lucky that we found each other early in life. And I know that that's not always common.

Starting point is 00:12:35 And we knew each other from a young age, but no, I mean, in our life, I think it's enabled us to have balance and also to be grounded because we know we can come back to the relationship and then the other stuff kind of is just the stuff that exists around it. It's grounding. That's the word. So that's how I feel.

Starting point is 00:12:51 I never felt grounded in relationships before. And again, I don't blame any of the partners I had. I take responsibility for choosing people that I was out of alignment with based on my values, my vision, and the lifestyle I wanted to have in my life. I chose women based on a wound that I wanted to try to fix something in them probably, most likely, as opposed to, is this a partner that I can see myself growing with in the same values, vision, and lifestyle that I have? Not trying to get them to have my values, vision, and lifestyle, or to change mine to make them happy, which is what was happening,

Starting point is 00:13:31 which caused a lot of disharmony. So now that's why I was so clear with Martha in the beginning. I was just like, this is who I am. This is what I value. This is my mission in life. This is what I'm about. This is the role I'm going to play as a husband, as a father, as a leader in my business. This is the role that I'm not going to play. And you can accept it. And if you don't accept it, that's okay. We can be friends or not. But I was just like, this is who I am. I'm not going to change, but I will constantly evolve and improve. What feels out of alignment for you? Give me some examples. Like, does it have to do with drinking alcohol? No, I've never been drunk. Yeah. So I know that's why I was like what is the thing? It was more like, um, my mission was out of alignment for a lot of people. Like it was more dealing with people not feeling insecure, insecure.

Starting point is 00:14:12 If I was going to interview someone that they didn't feel safe with or something, or they felt insecure if there was a woman that I was interviewing or if I was traveling and doing an event, but there'd be women around me. But I'm like, well, there's men and women around me. But let's be honest. You have a platform that I honestly, I would imagine your platform is kind of even, right? Or is it more 50, 50? It's a little bit more women, but it's pretty much 50, 50.

Starting point is 00:14:31 Yeah. And that's pretty incredible. Honestly, when you think about it, this, this one, I guarantee, excuse primarily female, but I imagine when you're dating someone and there's all of these women that are showing up to your events and listen to your show like that, you have to have a secure partner to be able to handle that. But you also got to be, you have to accept your partner for the mission they're on and the job that they have. And so I'll give you an example. Martha is a very well-known actress in Mexico, right? But she does stuff in America as well. Very talented actor, producer, and writer. She writes, she's got a movie coming out in a couple months on Netflix that she wrote, that she produced and started. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:15:08 Right? And she sold it herself to Netflix. Good for her. She's done over 40 movies, most of them in Mexico. Just had the number one show on Fox that was out called Monarch that she was a star in as well. All these things. She's a superstar, right?

Starting point is 00:15:22 An icon in Mexico. We can't walk down the street without people stopping her, the whole type of thing. That's why she loves living in LA because she feels like she can relax a little more. She's been a star since she was 16 years old. I've watched a bunch of her movies. They're amazing. I've watched her make out with men in movies, right? And there are a lot of men that wouldn't feel comfortable with a superstar girlfriend who's also an actress who has maybe you know a kissing scene in a movie or they're on set late at night and there's guys and all these handsome guys whatever might be right i knew that going in that that is a possibility that she might be in a kissing scene in the future i I have to fool. I get to fully accept that about her and not be insecure at all.

Starting point is 00:16:08 If I want to be with her. That was what I said. And I asked myself, am I okay with that? And I've, I don't think I would have been okay 10 years ago. Cause I wasn't a secure man at that time in the way that I am now. Right. I had some security, but I was still insecure in other ways. And so I was just like, I fully accept you for who you are, and I fully trust you.

Starting point is 00:16:28 If you do something out of integrity, that's on you, and we'll handle it then. But otherwise, why would I stress if you're going to live your life and I fully trust you? And so I accept her, I trust her. And for me, that has given me so much peace and not worrying about, well, what if something happens? If it does, then we'll handle it. I think when you're a confident person, it's like a, it's like a firefly, right? They're like twinkling and, and, and all the light goes to it. And a lot of people try to dumb that down. And for me, if I had been in a relationship and a man came in and this has happened before Michael and tried to make me feel like I needed to dumb

Starting point is 00:17:05 myself down to make them comfortable. That would be a non-negotiable for me. And with what you do, you can't dumb the fact that there's women coming to your, I mean, I'm a huge listener of your podcast. I love your podcast. I know you have all different beautiful women on your podcast and coming to your events and for someone to come into your life and dumb that down that you've worked so hard to create isn't fair yeah and just hold me back from putting myself out there to create the life that i want right and say well you can't travel unless i'm with you or you need to call me all the time and check in with me and facetime me wherever you are it's just the level of like insecurities that not everyone in the past had, but those were

Starting point is 00:17:45 kind of the things that would happen that just made me feel like I was restricted. And I don't think anyone wants to feel restricted in a relationship. They want to feel free to be their full and highest self, their best version of themselves. They don't want to feel like they have to be less. Like you said, you don't want to be diminished. And when you feel free, consequently in a relationship, you want to pour more into when you feel free consequently in a relationship you want to pour more into that partner right it's like you want to give more because you appreciate feeling free if it's the right match and if you're in the aligned things like that but yeah i i believe that the right partner should make you feel like more and vice versa and you should make

Starting point is 00:18:20 them feel like more right it's like i think individually on my own, I'm fine. I think individually on her own, Lauren's fine. I think together we can be great. And I'm not saying that to be arrogant. I'm just saying, I think our lives together intertwined make us much better than we would be individually. If you're in the right relationship and you're aligned and you have all these things you're talking about. And I don't know if you agree with that or not,

Starting point is 00:18:41 if you felt that. And when you see people in relationships, I mean, everyone can think of that relationship. We're like, oh, why is that person with that person? It's kind of like it's holding that person back. Yeah. That was me many times. There's something else, though, that you hit on that I think we need to talk about more on this podcast.

Starting point is 00:18:58 When someone is restricting you from you have to do this or I have to be there. I have to come. I need to do this. You can't do this. You can only do this. You can't talk to this person. That's giving desperate energy. Yes. And I think desperate energy is not talked about enough in business, in personal, in relationships with family members, with friends. When someone gives off a desperate energy undertone, it is so off putting. It's not even spoken. It's like that tone of it. It makes you push away. I mean, I'm a big fan. If you're dating someone, go let them do what they're going to do because if someone's going to cheat on me, I don't want to be with them anyway. Exactly. So bye. Yeah, exactly. Like bye. Let them do their thing. It's interesting though. We,

Starting point is 00:19:41 we tend to attract based on where we are internally, right? And I was wounded for a long time. So I was attracting based on a wound needing to either fix or please or do something. So when I would feel like I was being restricted or like someone was trying to hold me back from something, I would try to, I had such a wound to people please that I would try to change who I was to try to make them had such a wound to people, please, that I would try to change who I was to try to make them like me, love me, accept me. And by doing that over and over again, I started to lose myself in multiple relationships, right? It was just a different, different face,

Starting point is 00:20:16 but kind of the same pattern. And it wasn't until I started to heal the wounds that were inside of me that were holding me back. Then I could say, okay, I don't need this anymore. I'm happy completely on my own. I don't need to be with anyone. And I can be 100% authentic to who I am without needing to please someone else and change who I am for them to accept me. So that's been the difference for me is just years of healing. And Joe Dispenza has been really powerful in helping that and all the different people that I've interviewed that I know you guys know as well, but I've just been practicing powerful in helping that. And all the different people that I've interviewed that I know you guys know as well, I've just been practicing and integrating the healing. And that's been the difference. From a micro level, if someone's listening and they want to do some of the healing that you're talking about, what are those specific tools?

Starting point is 00:20:56 You mentioned Joe Dispenza, but like what else, how did you heal actually? This has been a decade. You know, my, my podcast is a, is a decade old. I was going to say that, like, I think, you feel i mean we were shooting the shit before we started and i was like okay 550 episodes that's a lot of fucking episodes and he's like well i'm at 1300 yeah i don't think people really like that is so many hours and so much time talking about being vulnerable that stuff yeah but don't you feel like, and I know this is gonna sound maybe strange or arrogant to people who haven't, but I always say we're learning at the same time as the audience, we may just get it a day before because we get to sit with

Starting point is 00:21:33 the person, but like this education that we've both received doing this show with this many people that are so much smarter, it's and, and I imagine like same for you. It's like, you could not be the same person you were 10 years ago. Think of all the knowledge that's been crammed in your head by like all the different kinds of people you've talked to. There's got to be a study at some point for people that do this kind of thing because it's like you're getting a masterclass from these people regularly. The podcast is obviously one tool that's helped, I guess, three, let's call it four things that I'm trying to think about that have helped me in a big way become, I would say, my most free, authentic self. And we're always at different levels of life and seasons going to need to break through and overcome different challenges and things like that. But I truly feel for the first time in the last two years, it's been a

Starting point is 00:22:26 two years where I felt this, like a sense of like my heart feels free. My heart doesn't feel like a pain in it every once in a while or a tension or a tightness in my throat where I kind of used to come and go. It feels peaceful. It feels calm and it feels loved. And for me, I just never had that feeling. And I, and it, it probably takes, it takes me a lot longer to learn things than most people. So I had to learn through mistakes over and over again, but it started 10 years ago across the street from here as a basketball

Starting point is 00:22:57 court, the mean streets of West Hollywood. I got in a fight right across the street. You can see it from that one on the, on the roof. No, right across the street from here on Sam Asante. it's over there. Yeah. That way, that right across the street. You can see it from- That one on the roof? No. Right across the street from here on San Vicente. Oh, it's over there.

Starting point is 00:23:07 Yeah, that way, that way. Across the street, San Vicente from this building. I used to play basketball in there three times a week, pick up basketball. And I got into a fight one time on that court, the police station right across the street over here too, right? Yeah. For about a year, I was just like getting more and more frustrated in life about a previous relationship. I moved here for a girl that didn't work out. And I started to change myself to try

Starting point is 00:23:29 to make her happy, right? But I was getting my frustration out playing sports because the relationship wasn't working. But I was staying in the relationship even though it wasn't working. So that was on me. There was something inside of me that was wounded that needed to stay to try to make it work because I was afraid of people pleasing, really. And having someone not be mad at me was my fear. Long story short, I got in a fight. And this was the thing that kicked everything off for me. My best friend, Matt, was there playing basketball with me.

Starting point is 00:24:00 After this fight, I didn't get in a fight with him, someone else. But after the fight, he was like, I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Did you win the fight? Big time. Yeah. Big time. Which my ego wants to gloat about, but it's not like, I'm not proud of it.

Starting point is 00:24:11 Well, I mean, I don't want to be the other end of Lewis Howes. You're not the smallest guy on the court. But this guy was bigger than me. Okay. Fashion pass. There is nothing more annoying than going on a trip and you want to do like a color scheme that you never do and you can't do it because you don't want to spend a bunch of money on clothes. Well, I have the actual cure for you. A clothing rental service where you get unlimited rentals for one flat price. So I went down to Cabo. I wanted to wear all these pastels and neons and mix it up.

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Starting point is 00:27:00 two after you eat a big meal. This should be in your bloat kit with your ice roller. I'm just saying. You are going to go to array.com and use code skinny at checkout to get 15% off your first purchase and a free sleep mini. That's array.com. Use code skinny at checkout. You get 15% off your first purchase. Also, these are amazing if you've had one too many tequilas and you ate a bunch of chips. I mean, right before you go to bed, I'm just saying for hangovers, it's key. Long story short, we get in a fight and it was one of those fights where it really shook me. It shook me because I realized I had like something could have gone really bad. Someone could have hit their head or died. Something really bad could have happened.

Starting point is 00:27:47 And luckily it wasn't as bad as it was. Right. I could have got stabbed. Something could have happened. I could have lost a lot. Right. I had a lot to lose. And then my friend was like, I don't want to hang out with you anymore if you're going to be like this.

Starting point is 00:27:59 And that was my wake up call. It's like my best friend doesn't want to hang out with me. There's something inside of me that's broken or needs support. That's when the journey began. And I started doing that first year and a half. I did a lot of different emotional intelligence workshops to help me understand my emotions, understand my childhood emotions, understand how to regulate emotions, and how to heal different wounds that I

Starting point is 00:28:26 had. I'm a lot more messed up than you. So I had a lot of healing to do. Right. And, and that helped me heal a lot of things. I talked about sexual abuse that I went through for the first time in 25 years. When I was five, I was sexually abused by a man that I didn't know. And I held onto the secret and the shame for 25 years. And I was really angry because of it. Which by the way, you've told on the show and you guys should go back, search Lewis Howe's Skinny Confidential. And I think you've been, you've been on twice, right? Maybe before.

Starting point is 00:28:52 Maybe the third, maybe the choice. I don't know. Once, maybe twice. Either way, I know you've covered it, especially you've told the story. And so I started the healing journey on a number of things that occurred kind of in childhood that, that was shamed of, that I was afraid of, that I was insecure about, and all these different things. So that started the journey, kind of these two, year and a half, two years of emotional

Starting point is 00:29:11 intelligence workshops that really helped me in a big way. Then over the last eight years, I've done many different workshops and therapeutic experiences. I went to India for two weeks and studied meditation. I went to Poland and did seven days with Wim Hof in the ice training, climbing a mountain for five hours naked all the way up in the snow with a group of guys that I took out there. That type of physical exercise, but also healing the body as well. I met with different therapists over the last 10 years, tried different therapy modalities. I did body work, all sorts of different types of healing practices, and all of them were beneficial, right? So I had those, let's call it physical experiences

Starting point is 00:29:57 that supported and helped me heal. Then I had the podcast and all the therapists, neuroscientists, doctors, people that you've interviewed as well that supported me with knowledge. So I had the physical experiences and then I had the knowledge. Then I had me repeating things and making mistakes in relationships and in business and in life and learning from real world experience. That was the third thing. Then I had, then I just hired coaches to say, what are my blind spots? What am I missing? Why am I still like messing up in this and this? And how can I become better? So those four things really supported me. But what it was, was just the consistency of doing them over time. But you're saying it's, this wasn't, this didn't happen. Like you did three things overnight. It wasn't some, you know, retreat that like now I'm okay, I'm healed or something. It was a learning, a feeling, an integration practice consistently, and then a coaching and accountability supported. And every time I would do some of this, I saw healing and growth in

Starting point is 00:31:02 certain areas, but there were a lot of things that I personally felt like I needed to heal. And I have a photo of myself on my phone, if you can see this, right? This is me about 16, 17 years old. You're adorable. Oh, thank you very much. So I have a photo of myself here. Two years ago, I had a photo of my five-year-old self on here with my first memory, which one

Starting point is 00:31:23 of my first memories was being sexually abused. So I had a photo of my five-year-old self about that time on my phone for, I don't know, six to nine months, right? Why did you choose that photo? And because the therapist I was working with was like, there's still some wounds that you have that's causing you to repeat a pattern in previous relationships where you're choosing partners from a wound and then you're staying from a wound as opposed to creating boundaries. I wasn't really good at creating boundaries and intimacy. And there was things from my childhood that I still hadn't healed in that area. I'd done well with the business side of things,

Starting point is 00:32:01 with family, friends, but I hadn't done it yet in intimacy. So that was kind of the last thing for me. And I'm sure there's going to be more, but so I had a photo of my five-year-old self for like maybe around nine months and she would give me exercises to practice. So I'd meet with her, but then I'd do exercises where I would have a conversation with my five-year-old self. I would imagine him right in front of me. I would put myself in a meditative state and see my five-year-old self. I would imagine him right in front of me. I would put myself in a meditative state and see my five-year-old self. And I would have a conversation with him from this side of the table, this perspective. And then I would, you know, there's some weird stuff that I would do, but I would, I would imagine him. I would talk to him. I'd say,

Starting point is 00:32:39 I'm here for you. I got you. It's okay now. You know, you've got support now. You carried us all the way here. I'm so proud of you. I just said all the things that I wish I would have felt and known when I was five, six, seven. Right. And then what I did, she had me do an exercise where essentially I hugged my five-year-old self. You know, I imagine myself bending over and giving him a hug and bringing him in, comforting him, loving him, and then integrating him into my heart and using him as one. Kind of this emotional mental practice of reconnecting the five-year-old version of me to the adult version of me. I just changed this photo that had a different photo a week ago of my

Starting point is 00:33:27 11 year old self. So I went from five to kind of 10 and I had a, and I revisited the scenarios, the memories that were painful. I had a lot of beautiful memories as well, right? So it's not like it was all bad, but I visited the memories that stuck with me and caused triggers and that caused fear and anxiety in me as an adult. And I re-wrote the story of those memories to make them more loving, to create more meaning behind those memories, to see this is why they needed to happen so I could learn this thing or so I could remove this from my life. So I created a beautiful meaning from the painful memories. Then I did it from 10 to about 15 and I had a photo of my 11 year old self. That was a period of time when I was stealing a lot.

Starting point is 00:34:18 I was stealing candy bars at stores pretty much every day and cigarettes and all these other things. And I was just like trying to figure out who I was. And I was trying to impress other people by stealing candy bars. So is this a way to acknowledge and then work through the trauma? A hundred percent. It was so, and now I'm doing it from the 17 year old self. And my goal is to go through the different kind of four to five year stages of my life where I experienced pain, trauma, stress, anxiety, uncertainty, and reclaiming the relationship in a beautiful way with that, you know, those memories, which are still inside of us, which are still a part of us. When that happens to you at five years old and you're you now,

Starting point is 00:34:58 is there a part of you that is angry at your parents? Because I don't know the exact circumstance that your parents weren't there, that they didn't protect you, that they, whatever the circumstance were, was there something that you had to let go when it comes to your parents? When that happened, you know, 10 years ago when I started opening up, I was never mad at my parents because it was the babysitter's son. So my parents were just working. And after school, I would go to the babysitter. And then my parents, my mom would pick me up at like 5.30 or something when she was done with work. So I'm not like mad at my mom because she had to work.

Starting point is 00:35:34 It's just, it was an unfortunate event where, you know, it was like a teenage boy who was the son of the babysitter. And later in life, I found out that he did this to many kids right so i when i started opening up about it 10 years ago people from my hometown were like oh this happened to other people in the town as well what happened to him no idea and i had to learn how to forgive i never like tried to find out where he is or anything like that but i had to in my own heart and mind forgive him because I wanted to be free. And also, and I'm sure you've heard this stat, Khalil of Sun Life has been on this podcast

Starting point is 00:36:11 and he was talking about this. A lot of teenagers or young kids that sexually assault other kids have been sexually abused because that's a learned behavior. So you forgiving him was probably very liberating for you yeah and i'm so grateful that i never felt like i i never you know because that happened

Starting point is 00:36:31 to me i never felt like i needed to do that to some kids or something in the future that was never my wound i guess and in fact it was kind of like i want to make sure this never happens again to anyone else yeah you know it's one of the reasons why i'm a big fan of a charity called oh you are which is about ending you know childhood sex slavery because it's like so many kids are being sold around the world for money for sex and it's a lot of it's done by their parents that are selling their daughters their boys at 8 10 12 16 years old like actually selling them away from them? Selling them for sex. No, for sex for the night. But, oh my God. You know, one disappointing thing in the,

Starting point is 00:37:07 so that's why it's, you know, so some people follow into the pattern. For me, I was just like, it was such a pain and such a shame. I don't want any child to ever experience this. You know, it's such one disappointing thing that I get frustrated all the time. It's like, you see these stories

Starting point is 00:37:22 and it happens so frequently and you hear it more and more and more and all these tragedies that happen to kids and it's like there's so little coverage of that and so much coverage on frivolous shit that like nobody cares about really it just it it's disheartening because everybody seems to care about every issue but when it comes to children i was like oh maybe because it's so dark people don't want to acknowledge it it's it's a perfect example as as know, there's been all these different movements in the last couple of years. But then when the Balenciaga thing came out, there was a lot of influencers and celebrities who said nothing. And that's fine to each its own.

Starting point is 00:37:54 And I'm not saying that's bad or good or whatever, that they didn't say anything. But if this was a different issue, there would have been more of a movement, I think. Because I think people are uncomfortable to talk about something that's so taboo. So for you to come out and talk about it is incredible. I have a question too. I've actually just heard a stat and I wanted to know you would know more about this. Is it true that it's that when this happens, it's more family members and friends? I think so that again, this wasn't a family member or friend for me, but it's one in six boys have been sexually abused.

Starting point is 00:38:28 Oh my God. And it's one in four women. So obviously women have experienced more of this, but the, you know, not to say this is, you know, Michael,

Starting point is 00:38:39 when you were growing up, did you ever hear about anyone talking publicly about a man being sexually abused? No, of course not. Exactly. People didn't do, no. I mean, not that it was an added layer for you. So it was just, yeah, again, there were- You would hear about it sometimes with, about women. Exactly. And so, and not that it's okay or anything, but it was more talked about. And so I feel like women had a safer place to speak about it with other women or to talk about it publicly with less shame. There's still a lot of shame associated to it, but at least you had people to talk to. When it happened

Starting point is 00:39:09 to me for 25 years until I hit 30, I thought I was the only one that's ever happened to. And so I thought I was worthless, never going to amount to much. And I had to prove myself beyond in order to feel like I amounted to something because I had the shame inside. But there also just wasn't a space to talk about it. There was no one that I knew who ever said, Hey, if you've ever been sexually abused as a man, like here's where you talk about it. There wasn't a hotline. There was no athlete talking about it on TV. There was no idol that I had mentioning it. So I just felt like, man, I could never tell a soul. Otherwise no one will ever love me. You get to talk to all of these incredible thought leaders. And I think even like I see you periodically and I feel like

Starting point is 00:39:50 every time I see you, like you're growing more and more. And I think it is because it's, but at this point of your show, how do you manage the conversations and who comes on? Because as someone who's done this for a while and you know, there's some redundancy sometimes and you have to be able to be like, who am I talking to? And what have I have not covered over 1300? Like, how do you kind of a year, because I feel like I can never hear the same thing enough of the right things. Yeah. And we all know what we're supposed to eat and that we're supposed to work out. And, you know, especially if you're in the personal growth world, how to think and how to feel like, but we don't do it consistently, all the things, right. That we need to do. So just because like, but we don't do it consistently, all the things, right, that we need to do. So just because we know what we're supposed to do doesn't mean we

Starting point is 00:40:49 always do it. And that's why I love having the reminders and hearing it consistently. So it just becomes second nature for me. And we were talking about this before I created a new show called The Daily Motivation, which is just kind of like 10 minute clips from past episodes, because I'm like, I can't remember everything. I want to keep learning and keep developing and hear it. And I'll listen to the same thing five, 10 times over and over again. Cause I'm like, from your own show,

Starting point is 00:41:12 from my own show, not of me speaking, but of other people. Cause I'm like, this is so good. I want to remember it. And I feel like, again,

Starting point is 00:41:18 I don't, I don't feel like I learn as quickly as a lot of people. I feel like it's harder for me to remember things where other people, my girlfriend, she can hear something and she can remember it like instantly forever. And I'm like, I don't know how you do this. So I just feel like I need the repetitions and it helps me.

Starting point is 00:41:33 I think that's a useful action. I mean, there's no way you could remember everything on 1300. He's probably here. Something's like, Oh my God, I can't believe I had that conversation. But I hear a lot of things that I'm like that confirmed that I'm doing

Starting point is 00:41:43 things right. Right. Okay. This neuroscientist is saying this, this doctor is saying this, this athlete is saying this, this, you know, activist is saying this, this researcher is saying this, they're all saying the same thing in a different way. And I'm doing something similar. Okay. I'm on the right path. And so it's just a confirmation when lots of different people from different perspectives are in alignment. I feel like, okay, we're all onto something. Every morning I wake up and it's light movement and hydration.

Starting point is 00:42:16 I have my specific water bottle with tons of ice. I do water in the morning. And then I also sex up my water with Sakara's drops. So they have this like set on their site. And that is what I would recommend getting. And it comes with beauty water drops and detox water drops. The detox water drops is chlorophyll. So this is going to add antioxidants to your water in the morning. It's going to help rid the body of toxins. The kit also comes with beauty water drops, which are just minerals. So you're just making your water more effective in the morning

Starting point is 00:42:51 when you put those two drops in there. I like to do like three drops each. I keep them in my wellness store so everything is seamless. And speaking of wellness, if you want the best delivery to your door that's healthy and delicious, you have to check out Saqqara too while you're on the site. So Saqqara delivers science-backed, plant-rich nutrition programs and wellness essentials right to your door. So I get my drops delivered to my door and their ready-to-eat meals are nutritionally designed to deliver results from weight management and they also ease bloating and boost energy and give you clear skin. So they've really designed their meals to help you live your best life. And right now,

Starting point is 00:43:32 Saqqara is offering our listeners 20% off your first order when they go to saqqara.com slash skinny or enter code skinny at checkout. That's saqqara, S-A-Q-A-R-A.com slash skinny. You get 20% off your first order. Saqqara.com slash skinny. All right. After I had my first baby, my hair was shedding. It would shed all over my silk pillowcase. It would shed whenever I got a blowout. If I was washing my hair, taking a bath, it would shed. And what has helped me is a couple of things. The first thing is intense scalp massage. I'm a believer if you're washing your hair, get one of those scalp massagers. You can buy them for like 10 bucks and do it on your hair. Boy, girl, whatever you want to do it on your hairline. It's amazing. And then the other thing is I've been microneedling for a while, like around my scalp, and that helps. And then lastly, I am into a supplement,

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Starting point is 00:44:56 Nutrafol.com and entering promo code skinny hair. You save $15 off your first month subscription. This is their best offer anywhere, and it's only available to US customers for a limited time. Plus you get free shipping on every order. This is like a no brainer. Get $15 off at Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com promo code skinny hair. All right. There's nothing more annoying than needing a doctor for something and not being able to find a quality doctor. So if this sounds like you, because it was me when I moved to Austin, then you have to check out ZocDoc. Basically, you go on and you can find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. So say like you have a UTI,

Starting point is 00:45:42 you can go on there and you can find an amazing quality gynecologist. This is so helpful if you've moved new cities or maybe you're living somewhere and you don't have a doctor for something that you're experiencing. ZocDoc really like takes all the pain points out of finding a doctor for you. So there's no more playing Dr. Roulette or scrolling the internet for questionable reviews that you don't even know if they're real. With ZocDoc, you have a trusted guide to connect you to your favorite doctor you haven't even met yet. Millions of people use ZocDoc. It's a free app. So what you do is you can book a doctor in the neighborhood who's patient reviewed and fits

Starting point is 00:46:18 your needs and the schedule. Okay. That's important too. Things are busy. You can book an appointment with a few taps on their app and start to feel better faster with ZocDoc. You're going to go to ZocDoc.com slash skinny and download the ZocDoc app for free. It's so easy to download you guys. I did it in like seconds and then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash skinny. Find and book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash skinny. ZocDoc.com slash skinny. You were talking earlier about getting to this place where it sounds like you almost know exactly

Starting point is 00:47:01 what you're looking for out of life. Maybe not specifically, but in your your relationship was there an exercise you did to figure out because i think a lot of people are confused about what they actually want in life yeah i don't just mean from a business perspective relationship like they just they actually haven't done the work to figure out like what do you really want out of life or who do you want to be the thing that the thing that people are missing is a meaningful mission the meaningful mission when you create a personal one for yourself i feel like life becomes much more enriching but you create The meaningful mission, when you create a personal one for yourself, I feel like life becomes much more enriching. But you create a meaningful mission through figuring out what your sweet spot is, the things you're passionate about, the things that you have power in, and the

Starting point is 00:47:37 things that you can solve a problem with. So the sweet spot is within the three Ps, the passion, the power, and the problem. And the passion is figuring out, okay, what are the things that excite me the most and the things that I have the most interest around? The thing that I can never get tired of thinking about, talking about, or stepping into. Thinking about those things first, because I believe that the world opens up for passionate people. The world makes room for passionate people. So leaning into that first, I think figuring out what really excites me. When you ask someone, what are you most excited about right now in your life? You see people like

Starting point is 00:48:16 think up, they like lift their eyes, they start to smile. There's an energy about it, a lightness and excitement about it, right? When you ask that question. So I think when we're in that energy, we can create in a lot more powerful way. So it's figuring out what the passion is first, or at least the interest. A lot of people don't know what the passions are, but you can think about your interests. The second thing is the power. What are the real skills and talents that you might have that you can start to lean into? For me, when I got out of playing football, which was my dream, I didn't know what my life was going to be like after that. I didn't think I had talent. I didn't think I had skills. I hadn't graduated from college yet. And I was like, my sports, you know,

Starting point is 00:48:56 playing sports is not going to translate into real world business. So I didn't believe that I had skills or talent. And so what I did is I said, okay, I need to write a list of all the things that I'm the most insecure about my biggest fears and insecurities. And I need to make the insecurities, a talent of mine, a power of mine. So I went to Toastmasters for a year, every single week and studied public speaking class every week. And the first speech I went up and I read word for word, a speech that I wrote for two weeks, terrified about. And I couldn't look up at one person in the audience because I was so bad at public speaking. This was back in 2008.

Starting point is 00:49:36 And I was so terrible at it that I would have been the ranked last in all of the speakers in the world probably. Because I could not even look up and pause and say hi like see one person i had to look down the whole time sweating terrified trembling all that stuff but after a year of doing it consistently facing the fear every week i would practice a new speech in front of an audience it was terrifying it was miserable and are other people in the just because now i'm curious about yeah are other people in there facing the same fears trying to refine like do you feel like you're in it with a camaraderie where like, okay, we're all kind of in this? It's a safer environment, but it's still terrifying if you're afraid to stand in front of an audience, right?

Starting point is 00:50:15 But this is such, no, I can't understand this. I was born on the stage. I put out of the womb. I was like, hello, I'm here. Hey, I can speak to everyone. I couldn't stand up in front of my classmates and read like a chapter out of a book that's okay i i empathize with that i can understand that just personally i can't understand that but i can understand it for other people the thing that i'm taking away from this though like as you go on is doing the uncomfortable has got you comfortable well here's the thing if again if you don't know what your power is, your talents and your skill sets, write a list of your biggest fears and insecurities and then go overcome those fears. You will become even more powerful than people with natural talent because you will be able to say to yourself, I just overcame the thing that was holding me back the most. I became Batman. You're building confidence. I was afraid of the dark.

Starting point is 00:51:07 I was afraid of bats. And now I just live in the dark and I have bats surrounding me and I am the bat. I can do anything now, right? You're like, you have this, you feel like you have even more power than people that were naturally gifted in a sense because you overcame so much. So that's the second thing. The third thing is the problem. My friend, Rory Vaden says, you are perfectly positioned to help the person you once were. So figuring out

Starting point is 00:51:32 what is the problem you can solve. And typically it's about people that have a problem that you once had, that you overcame. You know, if you lost 50 pounds, you're perfectly positioned to help someone else who needs to lose 50 pounds. If you're afraid of public speaking before and you've overcame it, you're perfectly positioned to support those who are now in fear of that. So it's figuring out the talents, the passion, what excites you, the power, the talents, and then also the problem that you can serve. And I think that is where you can then create a meaningful mission. And I think a lot of people are missing the meaningful mission. They I think a lot of people are missing the meaningful mission. They're just taking action in life, wandering without being clear

Starting point is 00:52:10 on what's important and why it's important to them. Not just a dream, but a meaningful mission. So if you were to guide someone, and I'm sure this is in your book, to write out right now a meaningful mission, is it a piece of paper? Do they need to write out right now a meaningful mission. Is it a piece of paper? Do they need to write something? So mine is to impact 100 million lives weekly to help them improve the quality of their life. Love it. That is my meaningful mission.

Starting point is 00:52:35 And I didn't always, when I was in college, my meaningful mission was to be a professional athlete. That was my goal and my mission, right? So it's based on seasons of life. Got it. And I developed this mission. It can evolve and change So it's based on seasons of life. Got it. So you can change. It can evolve and change 100% based on the season of life you're at. When I was on my sister's couch, my mission was to get off my sister's couch. I was like, I'm broke. I need to make enough money to get off my sister's couch. This is my mission in life right now. It wasn't like

Starting point is 00:52:59 I'm going to change the world and cure cancer or speak in front of tens of thousands of people. It was like, my mission is to get off my sister's couch right now and make enough money to survive. But the reason that your relationships didn't work out, rounding it out to this, is because they were not aligned with your meaningful mission that you just told me. They were not aligned. No.

Starting point is 00:53:20 They wanted a different lifestyle. They wanted a guy with a nine to five that they felt safe that they could, you know, come home or whatever. Maybe they didn't want to say control, but they were like, they wanted to come home a certain time. They wanted to be a certain way. You know, they liked the idea that I was inspiring people, but not the idea that too many women were interested in me at the same time. It was kind of like, yes, inspire people, but to a extent where I feel safe and comfortable. Well, it's exactly what you said about like being famous. Like, yes, go be a movie star, but oh, you can't have a sex scene.

Starting point is 00:53:51 Exactly. It's really exactly what you're saying. And I also, you know, with Martha, it's like, I, I trust her decision-making that if you're going to choose a movie and a role with this, I trust you that it's the most incredible role in the world. Right. And it's, you know, what's best for your career. And she's already turned down stuff that she's like, this is a cool movie.

Starting point is 00:54:14 It was a good paycheck, but there was some scene in there that I didn't like that they wanted me to do. And it's not part of her mission. Right. Would you be okay with me screwing a guy on TV? Absolutely not Lauren. I'm not. It's not part of my meaningful mission. My meaningful mission was you, and I'm just kidding.

Starting point is 00:54:29 I think like, what you're saying though is that you have to be aligned from the start in where you want to go in life and what you want out of life. And if you're not there in the beginning, you're not going to get there at the end. Well, I think it's just going to take you time to figure it out. It's talking there in the beginning, you're not going to get there at the end.

Starting point is 00:54:47 Well, I think it's just going to take you time to figure it out. I mean, you could, it's talking about in a relationship, you're going to have to create that meaningful mission together in a relationship. You know, our relationship is a story and you got to figure out, are you both writing the story that you want to write together? Or are you trying to write some other story and there's not, there's no alignment together. So for me, I've learned through, again, it takes me a lot. You guys found each other when you were like 12 or something, right? It's like you met each other early and you knew right away that this was alignment.

Starting point is 00:55:13 I've had to make the mistake. I knew. She took a little convincing. She took convincing. But you know, I think this doesn't just apply to intimate relationships. I think this is in business relationships too and friendships, right? You see this happen all the time where you have two co-founders that just completely blow up a company because they're misaligned in what they want and result of that company.

Starting point is 00:55:30 This happened in early business of mine where we got into business, former business partner of mine, not the business I'm in now, but a while back. And we got into it early on because it was like, let's try this thing together. We started making money together. And then a year and a half later, we realized we didn't even talk about what do we want for this business to be? What are our values? What is the mission of this business? What is your role?

Starting point is 00:55:51 What is my role? We're just like, oh, we're making money. Let's do more of this. And eventually there was a lot of friction and a lot of stress to where we just went separate ways. And that could have been minimized had we had those conversations early on. You and I love a morning routine

Starting point is 00:56:08 and a nighttime wind down. I mean, from listening to your podcast. Does Michael wake up with you and do the morning routine too? He has his own morning routine. Let me tell you about my morning routine. No, it's not my energy. I wake up.

Starting point is 00:56:19 Let me tell you, I wake up. Rock music, Metallica, let's go. I wake up. Lauren is doing a beautiful morning routine probably with joe dispenza she's got her lights i am changing diapers i am making breakfast i am running around the house it's it's amazing but uh but one of my things in my life with a partner is that i expect 50 and i'll i i bring% to the table when it comes to work. So yes, I expect 50%.

Starting point is 00:56:48 And I just gave birth and was pregnant for 10 months. Yeah, for sure. It's my time with the kids too. So if you have to wake up a little earlier to change a diaper. No, joking aside, it's like- 100%. And listen, I know that's not for everyone. I told your mom this.

Starting point is 00:57:02 I said him and I would probably have problems if it wasn't 50%. That's interesting because I told Martha that it'll never be 50-50. That's okay. That doesn't mean I'm not going to contribute 100% of my role. That's okay. And you contribute 100% of your role. But I was like, I'm not doing 50-50 of the diapers, 50-50 of the changing, 50-50 of this. I like the self-awareness that you can say that.

Starting point is 00:57:23 Where I have a problem with someone is when they pretend like they're going to do 50-50 or I have a problem too. I would have a problem if someone was like, I'm not doing anything. Here's the thing. Of course. Like we know people. I know guys. Doesn't mean I'm not going to show up for my kid and like contribute. But I like the self-awareness of you saying that I'm not going to change 50% of the diapers.

Starting point is 00:57:43 I like that. I said I'm never changing a diaper. You're never changing a diaper. I'm sure I will. You will. But I said, listen, the expectation, I don't want you to expect me to change diapers. I like the self-awareness, Lewis.

Starting point is 00:57:53 I want to be a provider. I want to protect. I want to do everything else. I will bring my mom in to change diapers. I'll bring your mom in. I'll bring a nanny in. Lewis, you're going to come back here in two years and you're going to have a little kid around. I'm going to to change diapers. I'll bring your mom in. I'll bring a nanny in. Lewis, you're going to come back here in two years and you're going to have a little kid around.

Starting point is 00:58:08 I'm going to be changing the diapers. When you change a diaper, that will be sent to me on Instagram. I know. I said I'd never do this. I'm sure I'll do it, but I just don't want it to be the expectation. I like the expectation being set up for it. There's a famous quote that I live by now. It says, if you want to make God laugh,

Starting point is 00:58:23 tell him your plans. I feel when it's like with kids. I'm like jay did the diaper i do the whole morning routine i'm freaking feeding up like milking i'm doing everything right it's like it's yeah i mean we i thought it's the one area we kind of shy away from when it comes to parenting advice just like everyone do what you want to do yeah exactly whatever makes you happy what's worse for you but with the male friends in my life every time they've had an expectation and told me what they're gonna do and then they have their kid i'm like your script goes out i also feel like if i have a daughter i'm gonna be like just a sucker and just be like i'm gonna be i'm just gonna be like what can i do all day for you you're gonna be like melted ice cream in her hands like i'm gonna do whatever you want 100 i'm gonna hold you all day i got this

Starting point is 00:59:01 baby you take a nap i'm here you know 100 100 100 percent um i want to know what your morning routine is to set but i want to know what you do on a day to really set yourself up to have a great kick-ass day it's i try to simplify it i think like super long morning routine i've tried a lot of stuff in 10 years by all these interviews and trying different things. And I've, and I've gotten to a simplified space. Like the last four days, me and Martha have meditated together with Joe Dispenza. We'll do different kind of 15, 20 minute meditations. And, and then I go to the gym.

Starting point is 00:59:38 So it's meditation. It's always make the bed and then go to gym. You know what I mean? So you've simplified it. I've simplified it. And you know, there's other things I can do. I try to drink water.

Starting point is 00:59:47 I try to take my supplements in the morning. First thing if I can, but it's really, if I can get a good 15, 20 minute meditation, make my bed and get a workout in, that is a great morning for me. You're someone who you were saying is in the cold with Wim Hof for nine days,

Starting point is 01:00:03 but naked doing breath work. How do you go from that extreme? Like why is, why is cold and breath? Yeah, but why I want to know. I do a cold shower after the gym. Okay. So the cold is implemented into your day. Yeah. It's not like a 10 minute ice bath every day because I'm also in an apartment right now. I'm moving into a house at some point where I'll have that, you know, luxury. Okay.

Starting point is 01:00:24 But I don't have like an ice tub I'm filling up every day. So I take a cold shower after the gym. But again, it's not like 10 minutes of like breathing in the ice and the whole thing. But meditation has, has changed your life. I can tell. Huge.

Starting point is 01:00:36 What has it done for you? I think the thing that most people want, but a lot of people don't have is inner peace. It's the, the highest currency is people don't have, is inner peace. It's the highest currency is peace. I will take peace over anything. And meditation allows me to feel so loved in my heart and so relaxed in my thoughts and my mind that I have a deep sense of peace inside. It's really hard to create meaningful, impactful things

Starting point is 01:01:07 from a place of stress all the time. I'm not saying you're not going to be stressed momentarily or go through stressful moments, but it's hard to get in the flow when we're in chaos internally. So creating from a place of peace, I feel clearer, I feel more abundant, and I feel a sense of love that I've never felt before. So meditation allows me to create and sustain peace inside. And that's why it's key.

Starting point is 01:01:36 That was really amazing because I've never been able to articulate that aspect of it. I've always been like, well, it's a strategy session with myself where I can plan my future and be strategic and like execute on the things I want. But that is a part of it that helps me. You can't strategize and stress.

Starting point is 01:01:53 That's what I think. I think it gives me that calm inner peace and I'm able to be more effective. 100%. You can take action from a stressed out state, but you're not going

Starting point is 01:02:04 to be fully present. You're not going to be fully present. You're not going to be looking in your partner's eyes relaxed. You're going to be like, okay, we've got to go. Let's do this. Let's do this. And it's going to be more chaotic as opposed to abundant. And I think meditation allows the space for abundance to occur and for creativity to flow. I also think we've lost the art of examining ourself. And what I mean by that is maybe you acted like an asshole at the gas station yesterday. I think it's okay to step back and maybe be like, you know what? I didn't, I wasn't my best self there. And next time this happens, here's what I'm going to do. And I think that we've lost that because every

Starting point is 01:02:41 time we try to think about that, we're scrolling or we're on social media. So I think that we've lost that because every time we try to think about that, we're scrolling around social media. So I think that this idea of sitting in silence is going to come back in 2023 and on more and more and more. I think it's needed. And one of the things I just started implementing, which we know these things, not to look at your phone first thing in the morning. We know this, but I just started implementing that a couple of weeks ago where I put the phone on Martha's side of the bed, plugged it over there, like by her so that I can't reach anywhere. I have to get up. And even when I get up, I don't take it in the bathroom and look at it. She was like, Hey, you know, just don't look at it. You know, don't step. And it's hard because we're busy entrepreneurs. We've got a lot of problem, a lot of people we got to take care

Starting point is 01:03:22 of. I get it. But that has been effective over the last couple of weeks of just not having it on my side of the room, getting up and saying, let's meditate first thing for 15 minutes, making the bed. Then I can check, you know, before I go to the gym, if I need to check a few things and I go to the gym, I get my workout in. I listened to the daily motivation. Cause for me, it's like just hearing what I need to hear. And I'm like, oh yeah, I need to do this. And then I take the shower. I'll do a steam sometimes. I'll take a cold shower and then I just get in the studio.

Starting point is 01:03:52 I need to get better at that phone thing. The phone, this is the problem. When you pick up that phone, it's a rollercoaster. So if you want to get on the rollercoaster ride, you get on the rollercoaster ride. I've been on the rollercoaster for years, baby. I know that feeling, man. I don't want to get on the rollercoaster ride until 10 o'clock. I don't. I don't want to get on the roller coaster ride you get on the roller coaster ride i've been on the roller coaster for years baby i know that feeling man i don't want to get on the roller coaster ride till 10 o'clock i don't i don't want to get on the ride i'm not ready to get on the ride i want to prep

Starting point is 01:04:11 myself for the ride i also think like the with the phone the routine starts at night it's not in the morning you have i'm now i'm to the point where i'm so disgusted by my phone by the end of the day because it's like work work work work work i work, work. I want it away from me. I want it off. I don't even want it on airplane mode. I want the EMF away from me. I want it out of the room. I want it literally to die. That's great. Be 1%. I'm disgusted by it. Throw it in the gutter, stomp on it. That's good. And I just don't want it.

Starting point is 01:04:38 I think there's something to add there. A lot of people talk about morning routines, but the evening routine, I think it's just as important. I actually think sometimes it's more because it leads into your sleep. Exactly. It allows you to sleep. And I think a lot of people talk about morning routines, but the evening routine, I think is just as important. I actually think it's sometimes it's more because it leads into your sleep. Exactly. It allows you to sleep. And I think a lot of people are up at night because they don't have a good routine that allows them to wind down mentally and emotionally. And like you said, like the meditation is good for reflecting if you were a jerk at the gas station the day before. But I think at night is when you can really reflect and say, was I my highest version of myself today? Thinking about it, reflecting on it.

Starting point is 01:05:07 What happened today? Did I snap at someone? Was I reactive? Was I not present with people? You know, did I interrupt people in my podcast or whatever it was? Did I do something that I shouldn't have done? Or could I have been better at? And I think that allows you at night to keep it close to the attention of when it just happened.

Starting point is 01:05:24 And just give yourself on a one to 10, how did I do? You know, 10 being, I was like, man, that was a great, great day. I was the highest version of myself. Or was I a three or four? And then me and Martha, every night, every night, we share three things we're grateful for to each other. And that allows me, gratitude allows again the space for peace to occur, for abundance to come in. So I feel peaceful when I'm grateful because it puts into perspective your life.

Starting point is 01:05:52 Little things, big things. So I do three things I'm grateful for, reflect on the day, and just try to go to sleep. If I don't hear three things that you're grateful for tonight, you're out. It's something we do almost every morning. I know you're about to jump in there. Something we do every morning. And maybe, how long have you guys been together now?

Starting point is 01:06:08 600 years. Six. Yeah, no. Well. Have you been dating? Since I was 20. Since I was 20. We don't need to do the math. It's a long time.

Starting point is 01:06:14 20? 15 plus. How long have you been married? 2016. Okay. But 15 plus years together. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:21 So we were like 12, we started dating. No, yeah. We weren't together. We had a break there. Listen, I'm a year and a half in, right? So I'm sure 15 years in,

Starting point is 01:06:29 it might be different, but I hope it's not. But every day we say something where we appreciate it about the other person. And it, it allows our relationship again, a year and a half in, you guys got two kids, you're running around with no,

Starting point is 01:06:41 no, no, no, it's still, it's still just i think it's a good your advice is still sound today even in 15 years in it's still good advice yeah like so we say stuff we appreciated by each other almost first thing in the morning maybe more important actually 15 and that's because you know you're in the you're in the first thing

Starting point is 01:07:00 so what's something that you said you appreciate about her today? She wakes up with a smile on her face every morning. And she, and I'm like, and I'm so, I've never, I never experienced that. Like, again, I don't blame any of the people I've been with before. It's all my responsibility for who I've chosen. But I remember dreaming and have a visual visualization 10 years, nine and a half years ago on my podcast. I had a guest on who put me through a visualization, a meditation on my show.

Starting point is 01:07:27 And he had me dream the dream scenario of a relationship. It took me nine and a half years, nine years to actually make it come true because it took me a long time to learn things. A lot of mistakes I make. But I remember saying with my eyes closed, I was like, I dream about waking up next person who is in so much joy and smiles because they're so grateful they're with me.

Starting point is 01:07:49 And every morning I was like, that's what I dream about. Like waking up in peace and harmony and love. And you're waking up in meditation. I know. And she does it with me and she's amazing. She does it with you. She's incredible. So I'm not saying your partner needs to do your meditation with each other, but I chose

Starting point is 01:08:04 her based on that. You know how she found me? How? She actually started following me on Instagram because she found an interview of me and Joe Dispenza. Oh. And she was a fan of Joe Dispenza and she was like, huh, who's this guy interviewing him? He's kind of cute. So she started following me. So it was just like, she was already in that space, right? You attracted that. Yeah. When you guys were 12, you weren't meditating. So you've, you know. of cute so she started following me so it's just like she was already in that space right you attracted that yeah when you guys were 12 you weren't meditating so you've you know we were not have not been together for the record since we were 12 lauren wishes i know with that hair with this body i mean how could you not with with 600 million podcasts everything this is the third book

Starting point is 01:08:41 third book everything you got going on why did you hold on a minute, I need to write a book? This is the book. I had so much healing over the last two years and so much peace that I was like, it all kind of came to me. And I was like, this is the stuff over the last decade is the things I wish I would have had when I was 16. I wish I would have had this information. When I was 21 struggling, I wish I would have had this. When I was 30, now I want to turn 40 this year. I was like, I wish I had this book. So I wrote the book for me. I wrote it for myself in 10 years. I'm still going to want this book. And I just want to simplify this stuff. Again,

Starting point is 01:09:20 it takes me longer to learn. So I need to make it as simple as possible on how to overcome the different challenges we have. And so that's why I wrote the book because I want to bring more peace to more people. What do you think that someone who reads this book will get out of it? Clarity, clarity and freedom. It doesn't mean that it's going to happen overnight, but it's going to give the awareness and the clarity and the exact principles, the exact tools based on sound strategies and science to support them in accomplishing it. Just like you guys, I've had the privilege of interviewing a lot of different people from different backgrounds. So each strategy that helps you on your game plan towards overcoming these things in your life

Starting point is 01:10:09 is backed by different personalities and experts saying the same thing in a different perspective. So there's a lot of science, and there's a lot of proven strategies from so many different people on how to accomplish this. No, why I think you're such a great person to write this book is you are a guide. Like you said, you've had access to so many incredible people on how to accomplish this. No, why I think you're such a great person to write this book is you are a guide. Like you said, you've had access to so many incredible people. You've been able to cherry pick what works and what doesn't because there's a lot of

Starting point is 01:10:32 stuff that doesn't work. You've been the guinea pig. You've been the guinea pig. Made a lot of mistakes. Yeah, but you've also been a practitioner in your own life. I mean, I think that there's no better person to write it. I really admire what you do. I think everyone should go buy your first book too.

Starting point is 01:10:47 Thank you. And this book, The Greatness Mindset, Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today. Lewis Howes, you're so easy to podcast with. I could have gone another hour. You can come back anytime you want. Appreciate you guys. Where can everyone find you, your book, pimp yourself out? School of Greatness podcast, greatness.com, and the Greatness Mindset book.

Starting point is 01:11:06 You guys, I listen to his podcast all the time. I constantly am going back to the one with Joe Dispenza, Robert Greene, I think Gabby Reese. You've had every, I mean, go down the Rolodex. He's had everybody. You really have had, it's a very well-rounded podcast. Is there anybody on the planet left? Yeah, who's left?

Starting point is 01:11:23 They're trying to get the rock, you know? That hasn't happened. That'll happen. He hasn't done any podcasts. on the planet left? Yeah, who's left? They're trying to get The Rock, you know? That hasn't happened. That'll happen. He hasn't done any podcasts. That'll happen, though. Yeah, someday. That'll happen. He hasn't done one.

Starting point is 01:11:31 I want to get The Rock. I really want to have Jim Carrey on. I just think he's a fascinating human. Yeah, he is fascinating. I want Sylvester Stallone, just because my childhood of watching Rocky, I think he's had an incredible career. 100%. It's starting to happen, though, where that kind of celebrity is starting to look at this medium and realize

Starting point is 01:11:46 that, you know, it's a viable medium. Exactly. After they see you doing it, you know, no, after they see me doing it,

Starting point is 01:11:53 they're like, we've got to get the fuck out of here. They see that hairline and they're just like, Oh my God. Gosh. Do you, do you have a product yet for men? No,

Starting point is 01:12:00 but I keep telling these people, these, these, listen, I want to just hymns, you know, you got to be the sponsor. These people in these companies, these hair companies for an hour about how great is these CMOs are asleep at the switch, right? You know,

Starting point is 01:12:12 what he does have that's really working is this scalp massager on Amazon. You go like, Ooh, that's like you're milking a cow and it stimulates your scalp. You have that. Yeah. She just got it for me for Christmas. Oh, nice. No, here's the other thing that actually really does work for hair growth. Here is something I'm learning all about. Inversion therapy. What is that? Upside down?

Starting point is 01:12:33 Yeah, like an ironing board. You know how you sit and your legs are up so it relaxes the nervous system and your head's back? I'm going to blow your mind. During my Joe Dispenza meditation, I put my legs up to help my nervous system and my head back to get the blood flow to my scalp. And what happened?

Starting point is 01:12:50 So I'm multitasking. I like that. Hair growth and meditation. All right. Your girlfriend wakes up with a smile. I wake up with my legs ready. It's amazing. A little up on the wall.

Starting point is 01:12:58 We need you to hang upside down in the morning like a bat. I know. A bat. Overcome your fears. Exactly. You guys, go check out his book. I am such a fan. Lewis, thank you for coming on.

Starting point is 01:13:09 You're amazing. Thank you, brother. Thanks for coming. Lewis Howes is giving away a signed copy, I think a few, of his book. All you have to do is tell us who you want to hear next. We'd love to get your feedback

Starting point is 01:13:21 on my latest post at Lauren Bostick. And make sure you've rated and reviewed the podcast on iTunes. On that note, we'll see you on Thursday with a very exciting guest. Are you looking for the best air dried dog food? So first of all, Sundays. Sundays contains 90% meat, 10% vegetables, and zero synthetic nutrients. Here's my thing. I'm feeding my dogs every single day, twice a day. They're really tiny. They're chihuahuas. And I want

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The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Lewis Howes On How To Achieve Inner Peace & Find Your Passion Or Purpose In Life

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