The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Loren Gray On Blackmail, New Media, Parenting With Social Media, & Managing Internet Fame

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

#577:  Today we're welcoming Loren Gray to the show. Loren became the most followed person on musical.ly (now known as TikTok) at the age of 13 years old, and has amassed a following of over 55 million on Instagram and TikTok. Today we're sitting down with Loren to discuss all things internet stardom: how she handled sudden fame at a young age, the lessons she's learned about friendships & why she likes to keep her circle small and emphasize quality over quantity when it comes to her friendships. We also discuss growing up in the age of the internet and she shares deatils into how her parents supported her career & provided her with space to grow as a young creator, while still monitoring and protecting her as their child. We discuss everything from parenting in the age of the internet & how some parents in Hollywood will take advantage of their famous children, to how the industry sexualizes young female creators and what it's like to be taken advantage of by the entertainment industry. We lastly get into the positive side of social media and how she cultivated a supportive community of over 55 million, how she's taking charge of her singing career, and what's coming up for her in the future. To connect with Loren Gray click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE Subscribe to our YouTube channel HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential This episode is brought to you by Vitaclean Vitaclean is a triple-filter, Vitamin-C infused aromatherapy shower head that removes toxins from your shower, prevents product buildup in your hair, and calms skin irritation. Go to vitacleanhq.com and use code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off shower heads and starter kits. This episode is brought to you by Nutrafol Nutrafol is the #1 dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement, clinically shown to improve your hair growth, thickness, and visible scalp coverage. Go to nutrafol.com and use code SKINNYHAIR to save $10 off your first month's subscription, plus free s This episode is brought to you by Ritual Instead of striving for perfect health, aim for supporting foundational health. Go to ritual.com/skinny to receive 10% off your first 3 months. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace From websites and online stores to marketing tools and analytics, Squarespace is the all-in-one platform to build a beautiful online presence and run your business. Go to squarespace.com/skinny for a free trial & use code SKINNY for 10% off your first purchase of a website domain. This episode is brought to you by 21 Seeds 21Seeds Infused Tequila makes the most delicious and easy margaritas and cocktails so you can focus on the fun! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you & enjoy responsibly. Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Okay, I have to tell you that I woke up in Vegas the other morning and I was hungover and my face was just like so puffy and I used the Pink Balls Facial Massager by the Skinny Confidential. You should know that I designed every single facet of this facial massager to give you the best experience, especially in the morning. So it's going to contour your face. It's going to give you an instant facelift. It's going to stimulate facial muscles and it's going to lift and tone. So the ice roller is more about just like de-puffing. This is going to really sculpt. So yes, the ice roller, get that. You want that. You want to de-puff, but you also really

want to visibly tone and rejuvenate your skin and that is the pink balls she's so cute she lives on my nightstand um and she's pink she's silicone she matches with your ice roller and i'm giving everyone who listens to the podcast a special code you can use code dreamy for 15 off on shop skinny confidential.com we have a de-puffing oil an ice roller a facial massager, driving gloves, even a planner, just like all the fun things. Go shop. It's shopskinnyconfidential.com. Use code DREAMY for 15% off. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic.

And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Labels don't do what they used to do. Back then you'd pitch to a label and then if they liked you and they thought you were marketable enough, they would market you. They would build you. Now what happens is you make you, then a label comes along and goes, hey, I want a piece of that. I'll throw some money at you up front and then just keep doing everything yourself. And the second that you need my help, maybe I'll do it if that's

what I want to do. Your artistic vision completely goes out the window. You're doing things you don't really want to do and everything just feels like you're a cog in this machine when you could have been doing exactly what you wanted to do. And that's what I did because that was what made sense for me. So there are ways to do it without like giving your entire vision away. Hello, Michael and I had the pleasure of sitting down with Lauren Gray. You may have heard of her. She became one of the most followed people on Musical.ly, now known as TikTok, at the age of 13 years old. And she's amassed a following of over 55 million on Instagram and TikTok. I love sitting down with

people who have blown up like this on social media because it's really fun to see the other side and to hear what it's actually like living their life. And I think that sometimes we just see like the glamour and the positive side and we don't actually see the whole picture. So in this episode, we're going to go all over the place. We're going to talk about how she created a supportive community. We're going to talk about being sexualized by the entertainment industry, the positive side of social media, but also the negative side controversy surrounding parents of children in the spotlight, becoming internet famous at 13 years old. And she's really, really going to take you behind the scenes. I mean, I was shocked at how

vulnerable she was on this episode. You should also know that there is a discussion about sexual assault in this episode. And we talk about Hollywood blackmail. There's all different kinds of things in this episode. And I just think that this is someone who knows how to speak on a mic. She really gives you all the details. On that note, let's welcome Lauren Gray. She's a singer. She's a songwriter and a successful entrepreneur to the show. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. When you go out and you walk down the street and you go out to eat, do people just come up to you all the time? Yeah. And what's the energy of it?

Is it like aggressive? Is it nice? I've had every interaction you can imagine. I've had obviously really awesome interactions with people. I've had parents that are like really rude sometimes. Why are the parents upset? It's always the parents that are the most, because they don't know who I am.

I don't expect them to, but they'll come up to me and they're like, my kid wants a picture with you. And just kind of like shove their kid over at me. It's like, I don't know. I think. Oh, I thought they were coming up to you and like yelling at you for their kids watching you.

There could be. I hope not. There could be. I would invite everyone to consider that there could be an underlining energy that the parent, that you're so successful and maybe the parent had dreams and ambitions when they were their age or your age, that they didn't get to live out. And there's almost like a reflection of them. No, I could totally see that, which is unfortunate because it just makes me feel bad i don't know i feel like there's a certain

expectation sometimes when people come up to you and i've i'm always nice not a mean person by any means but there's certain times where like man i have to sit here and smile and you're being well people sometimes too like they don't pick the right pocket of time yeah like i i listen it's not the same level but you know we've been doing this kind of thing for a long time putting ourselves out there for a long time and i i try to be super vocal like again nice people very appreciative of us but like if i'm with my daughter somewhere like i'm not gonna be as or your mid-bite yeah or like i gotta like i got like hanging out of my mouth like i just like they gotta pick the right pocket you know yeah and i

i i really appreciate it but like there was a time where i was at a birthday dinner and it was two really long booths and i was all the way on on the inside and i had to make everyone in the booth get out to like take a picture. It felt so bad. Wrong pocket of time. And it's less that I feel inconvenienced. I hate inconveniencing my friends and people who are with me because I'm like, man, I must be really annoying to be around.

What is it like with all your friends that see the success that you've had at such a young age? I have very few friends. I have two, I would say three best friends that I hang out with and that I see and that I really trust. But outside of that, I feel like everyone's just someone that I see every now and then. But two people that I hang out with every day, my best friend and her boyfriend and my friend from back home and that's it. And so are these friends that you've had for a long time? Yeah. So my friend from back home and that's it and so are these friends that you've

had for a long time yeah so my friend from home we've been best friends since fifth grade and then brooke who's outside we've i don't even remember we met maybe 2017 she would know better than me but we've been friends for a long time too and why do you think it is that you have a few good friends i used to have more friends before yeah but there was like a lot of instances it sounds so childish to say but just like backstabby things and really unfortunate things like i had a friend who her phone broke and she was one of my best friends and i lent her my phone and she leaked like my camera roll to like drama pages yeah so that was really unfortunate I had another friend who like booked a show and then stopped talking to me because it wasn't cool

to be friends with me anymore so there was like a couple just things that really hurt so now I keep my circle pretty small and I like it that way it sucks when things are happening like my birthday I'm like oh I invite to this because I have maybe like four people that I like to hang out with and that I really trust. No, I imagine it's a strange thing and we see it on different levels when you start to develop

a platform like yours and then you're trying to develop authentic relationships and you're constantly siphoning through like, hey, who's here for the right reasons? Right. Yeah, I mean, I've always had this problem like i've and i think it's more of a me thing like i have a hard time trusting people even when i was really young because i was bullied

and there was a lot of things that made me not trust people so i've always kind of been that way and my mom's that way too she has like her two friends my dad has maybe one friend plus me and that's I don't know it's sort of how I was raised and I'm I don't know I'm happy that way honestly though as you get older like the the smaller quality friend group that you have I think it's very mature of you to have realized early that you really have to keep it you don't need to have 600 friends yeah

I mean you have 27 million friends online so I feel like you already get a lot of energy I'm serious you get so much energy from all that like at the end of the day

you probably want to just be around your close friends I like the idea of having like three ride or die friends and like a thousand acquaintances 100% I agree.

You know, it's like when they see you, they're like really happy to see you and you can have fun, but then you leave and you don't have to like do much. It's just like it was good. It was good. And then it was gone. I have that a lot. I have people like there are so many people coming to my birthday party that I only see when I'm like something is happening and it's completely fine.

Like we're happy that way. But the people that are I also feel like my life is pretty intense so I feel like the people that are around me have to be okay and be able to adapt to that in a way and be understanding a lot of times so yeah I'm really lucky to have the friends that I have and I wouldn't have it any other way it's not it's not like I chose to not have a lot of friends. I just it happened naturally. And I also am not the person has the energy to entertain a lot of people all the time. Well, you're I do it all the time. So when I am with my friends, I just kind of want to

just there's no pressure at all. I get it. It's like you don't want to overcompensate for the energy when you're already putting all this content out there for all these people on so many different platforms. You're tired. Yeah. And it's like I'm a personality all the time. I don't have to be a personality with my friends, too. I get it. I relate to this.

Yeah. When did your parents know? Like what age do you have an epiphany of when they knew that you were doing something that was different than the other kids? Okay. I have a really funny story about this. And my mom has always been really into manifesting and her spirituality. And I love her for it. My dad's a scientist and my mom's like manifesting and smudging the house. But my mom, when I was around 12 12 I started modeling and I was acting kind of taking acting classes for fun I lived in I grew up in Philly so I would just go to New York to take

the train and or my mom my mom would drive me obviously I was really young um we would go together my mom was not sending me to New York on my own you have to be so careful you can't say everyone yeah my mom's a great mother you have have to clarify all that. They just come in. All of the time. I have to pretty much clarify everything I say. She was opening the windows when she smudged. Yeah. So I, we were, exactly.

We would go there a lot and it was something that I enjoyed. And I was a kid, so I was having fun. But we were in the car and I think I was about to turn 13. And I remember exactly where we were. And my mom I think I was about to turn 13 and I remember exactly where we were and my mom goes you're gonna be famous and I was like oh I don't want that I don't want anyone my business I would hate that and I was like it's gonna happen and not even less than six months later my all of my stuff on musically is now TikTok, started to happen kind of naturally. And so I feel like my mom kind of always knew in a way. I always performed. I was a cheerleader and I did competitive cheerleading and I sang all the time. And that's just what I enjoyed doing was entertaining. And I used to do like little acting monologues

for my parents all the time. From what age? Like when are you starting to see this? Oh my gosh, forever. I was always dancing, always singing. I had a little karaoke machine. Before that, I had a video game where you could sing along and my parents got me for Christmas.

As soon as I was in sports, I wanted to be the best at every sport. And I've never been good at anything naturally. So everything that I've been interested in, I've had to work really hard at. I'm decent at everything, but to be good at something, it takes a lot of effort for me. So to answer your question, I feel like I always was bound to do something performance-wise. But once all of the Musical.ly stuff started happening and people started recognizing me in public, I feel like that's when my parents were like, okay.

But as soon as I got on Musical.ly, my mom was, take this down. That's inappropriate. No. And I was, I will admit, I was a little out there. But my mom was instantly on it and figured it out and like was monitoring everything all of the time. What's the first video that like went crazy? To be honest, I don't remember because I didn't know that Musical.ly itself was a platform. So I didn't know that it was some, you know, somewhere to post. So I was saving the videos and sending them to my camera roll and uploading them at the same time.

Wait, you were saving the videos on like TikTok but it was musically it was musically at the time and I would save the videos to my camera roll but they were also being uploaded and I didn't know I was uploading them oh someone else told me that they would save the videos thinking they saved it but it was uploading yeah so then my I started getting a bunch of random people following my Instagram and you're 13 at the time yeah I'm 13 and i'm like what is this where are these coming from and then when i finally figured it out i think someone told me i had like 30 000 followers on there and every video of mine was getting featured which is now the for you page so like logistically it's very it's it was different but kind of the same except your videos were featured instead of just being

on the For You page. I have like a personal question. So not for you. This is more like a personal question for me. I have a daughter. Okay. And when she gets on social media, what are things that I can do to protect her space, but also let her be creative? Because I don't want to micromanage to the point where it's, she's not able to create, but I also want to make sure I'm protecting her and doing my due diligence. What's the line? It's hard for me to answer because I don't have kids and I don't know what I would have done differently, but what did your mom do that you think was really great? So I'll give you like, I'll date us a little bit so you can like kind of see some of the,

I'll make the wrinkles on the forehead make sense so we didn't have smartphones until we were graduating college right like we had the ones you flipped open and like played snake on and so we like our gender like we're right on the cusp of obviously we use isn't an understanding but we went through middle school high school college without this so like nobody saw what we were like i remember when facebook came out we would take digital cameras and upload the entire album in of one night yeah onto the whole thing and so i think it's like it's a it's interesting for us to think about like oh my god what if we would have had what you guys grew up with at our disposal like what we have done what we do differently and like yeah it's interesting to think about with kids like i don't know what the balance is i don't even know what i would do with my own

kids to protect them because i was exposed to a lot but i also feel like you can't completely protect and micromanage to an extent i feel like for me it was more so okay how do i go about this knowing that there's going to be people that are weird and like you know there's going to be weird things and there's going to be people saying mean things how do I be the best person that I can be on the internet and how can I use the internet responsibly so I feel like if you're on the internet it's gonna happen and you have to be prepared for those things the thing that worries me the most is like the men and the predators and the like for sure those sort of things that happen because it's pretty intense i was watching like documentaries on it recently no i'm not worried about like i i think that we're equipped especially with what we do to kind of and listen

you never know as a parent but to try to help our child understand and navigate what it means to put yourself out online. We would basically understand the conversations that need to take place in order to kind of like teach them to be responsible. What worries me the most about this is exactly what you're talking about. It's predatory people that have access to young children at an age. We didn't think about that because we were grown adults right like you guys are the first generation that truly grew up with this yeah and if anyone's seen predatory people on the internet i mean like we didn't see no she's so beautiful she's 13 years old you're dancing like how do you even handle that you just block them i mean there are ways to filter and obviously do all of that but i also just kind of became immune to it in a way like i knew people were going to say disgusting things

because and i was just so used to it but at what age oh my gosh as soon as i started yeah see that's 13 14 those are like the prime ages that they love yeah so that's what i'm gonna go to jail no it's so disgusting when you see like someone post their child on tiktok and they're in the bath and there's like 120 000 saves and then like there's like a video of them like just going to school in full clothes and there's like get me started on 300 saves and you're like what is going on this is this is really fucking disgusting i think i for example would post a video in a sports bra not thinking anything my mom'd be like take that down at what age 13 because i was a cheerleader and to me that

was like what i wore to practice and i wasn't thinking but the second i started getting attention my mom was monitoring everything and she i feel like the biggest thing as a parent that really helped and that my parents always did with me was they would tell me why right take that down here's why let's not do this and this is why and I feel like those are the things that stuck with me rather than just feeling like my parents were sort of hovering over me I had the freedom but if I was going to make a decision they were going to tell me why because the internet has I feel like the internet has made children, adults so much faster. I mean, even I still had a chance before phones and things like that. I didn't get a phone really. I had a flip phone when I was like 10 to contact my parents when I was around in my neighborhood. But I wasn't posting on social media until I was like 13, 14. And even that happened really fast for me.

But the landscape was different, right? It was like, I have a private account for my school friends and we're posting like collages and have our besties in our bio. That was the vibe. Now it's very much so. And it's kind of upsetting to see in a way because, you know, there's little girls who are like makeup and outfit and and worried about those things and worried about things that people

my age are worried about because it's all on the same playing field because we're all on the internet so there's no evolution it's just they know what's cool already and they're there and that's really scary to me I mean I guess I to an extent, but I still had a little bit of difference there. I also think it sounds like you had a really good foundation at home and not everyone has that. Yeah, I was really I mean, my parents are great. I wouldn't change anything about them. My they were very protective, but they let me live. They let me express myself and do my thing, but they were still protective and never forced me to do anything I didn't want to do. And that's something I've seen so often with so many kids who are influencers. I mean, there's a whole underbelly that people

don't even know about, about kids who are being exploited by their parents on social media. And it's terrible to see. And I've seen it with with my own eyes and it's no this is going to rub i know this is even people that listen to this show that are probably all right it's going to rub them the wrong way i don't like when people use their children to make an income i guess i am kind of passing judgment i think it's i don't think i don't think it should rub people the wrong way yeah i think it's strange like I understand wanting to share your family. And I understand, you know, there's a lot of money in this space, as you well know. And it's a lot more money than many people seen their entire life.

And when it starts to happen, it's like, oh, this is good. They justify by saying, this is good for our family. But it's at the expense of someone who doesn't really have a say. Yeah. I've talked about this so many times. I've seen it firsthand where parents do not have their children's best interest at heart. And I can't speak on their experience, but from my personal experience, I'm very blessed to be in the position I was in where my parents didn't touch my money. My parents never, my mom never came in my my room and said you need to make a video

like we need to film this my mom never followed me around with a camera I can't imagine how that would have felt because everything that I did was at my own discretion which is why I love doing it because it's always been me it's always been my words and what I wanted to say my parents would monitor it to make sure I was safe but outside of that there's more people I think than the public taking in and consuming these videos even realizes the kids are behind the scenes being like forced into it I don't want to say or bribed or say well you'll get a toy or you get to watch this yeah and even older kids older kids that are like 13 14 15 their parents are sort of like ushering them around to these parties in LA. And the kids are confused and they're not having fun.

And their moms are like, smile in front of the brand posters or else this person's not going to work with you. They're really young. It's almost like the new age Macaulay Culkin parents. Yeah. Like it's essentially the new like child star with the parents that are pocketing the money and then Macaulay Culkin never gets to see it. And then he has to sue his parents and it becomes this whole power dynamic. And I can imagine as a parent that

it works for you until it doesn't. Meaning like you want the kid to work like a workhorse and then you get the money. But if they outshine you, then that's a whole different dynamic. I think it has to also do with, you know, listen, I think there's a few things. I think some people use it as a way to kind of get attention that they may have never had themselves before, right? It's like, hey, now we have this family and we can do that. I think some people, greed plays into it, right? Where they start making money and it's a lot of money they've never seen before. I think that there's other instance of it where parents start to feel and they start to lot of money they've never seen before right i think that there's other instance of it where parents start to feel and they start to kind of again delude themselves into thinking like hey

this is good for the family it's good for the other kids it's living vicariously through their children yeah and so like to me it's just kind of a it's a messy kind of dirty situation when you're using someone who doesn't fully have the faculties to make those decisions themselves to make an income right and they they really can't they don't know what their future is going to hold and you're not setting them up for their future you're setting them up for what money you can make right now and i like i said i feel like i wouldn't be as passionate about it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. But I'm very, very lucky. And it's almost 80% of the time, it's the parents. And I'm very, very lucky to be part of that 20%. My parents protected me.

Now, I was sexualized and all sorts of awful things. But that wasn't at the fault of my parents. They were doing everything they could. And this was what I wanted to do. So, of course, I ran into those things. And it's really unfortunate. I'm really grateful for my parents. And I feel like I have to say that a lot because sometimes people can't believe that, oh, my God, you're on the Internet so young. It's like, that's what I wanted to do. And parents protected me the best to the best that they could and at the end of the day I feel like I came out okay and I definitely got the better under the stick when it comes to being an influencer I don't say this to discourage anyone

but I think you're somebody who's clearly made a career out of it right there's a lot of people that put themselves out in the same kind of way, but they don't get the same kind of following response and they don't make a career out of it, but it's, but that stuff's still out there and there's still these kinds of predatory actions that exist in the world. Right. So I think like it's, it's dicey and I, and I, this is, it's interesting because, and I was not trying to kind of like distinguish between age here, but you guys really are the first generation that grew up with it. And you're the first generation of kids that had parents that had to help them navigate it we're like our parents didn't have to think about this ever which is why there is a part that you have

to have empathy for the parent you know that's what i'm saying like even now that i've become a parent i have so much more empathy for my parents i can look at them and be so much more pragmatic and be like oh i can see why they did that and i think with the same will be with a lot of this generation is like your parents didn't have a manual of how to raise someone oh my gosh no like they don't they did the best they could with what they had even us i mean this is like this outside doing the show obviously we're surrounded by this dude that's professionally managed produce all that's like you know i've been here for a while and we are still as parents confused on how to handle this and what to do like we like i think if we don't have the answers and we're around it all day long and see every angle like your parents it's probably like yeah they were sort of thrown

into it too because it was a i mean y'all have more experience with it because you've lived it but they never lived it so they had to learn alongside me and like I said very grateful and I can't speak on anyone else's experiences or journeys I just know what I've seen and I don't know I feel a little extra like I have to defend my parents because the Brooke Shields documentary just came out and I was included in that and no one talked to me about that. I was like included in the trailer and in clips where I wasn't spoken to about it beforehand. So what are they putting you in there for? I empathize with Brooke Shield's story. It was a lot about being over-sexualized and being a child in the industry and she was speaking on how sort

of I guess things have how it is now how it is today and my a video of me was used in the trailer when she's like going talking about that and a video of me was used in the actual documentary and I had friends parents sending me videos being like did you consent to this and I was like no no one brought that to my attention and I completely empathize with her story but at the same time my narrative is my narrative and it was kind of a weird slap in the face to be included in it's ironic and that narrative right and that's what i'm saying because then there's so she was talking about this narrative but they used you as an example she's talking about she's talking about how she was sexualized as a child and taken advantage of and then she spoke

on it and they included her clip no they included they just included clips of me like on carpets so you weren't talking about the bro Shields situation. It was just you. No, it was Brooke Shields talking. Oh, no. It was just me on TikTok or me on red carpets. But without your consent. No, they were using her

as an example of look what happens to young girls that get sexualized. Right, but without her consent. And absolutely, there have been instances where I've been sexualized and taken advantage of

by the industry. But I also think it's unfair to include me in a narrative that I was unaware of until my friends and family and people that I know and parents of my friends are seeing it on this thing and now people are asking questions of worried and I have to sort of defend myself and my parents and my upbringing and there are aspects that I've spoken about about being you know sexualized and taken advantage of by people in the industry but that's my story to tell just as that's her story to tell and I I just didn't really love being thrown into that

and being a part of someone else's story as like an example as like a look what happens because I'm doing just fine and if we if we would have talked about it sure and it was me alongside of other you know girls and again that's their story to tell but I just I feel like it was a little bit ironic yeah because there's the whole documentary is people being taken advantage of but they're videos of me underage as a child on red carpets and if that's what you're if that's what you're going up against then let's talk about it and let's compare stories and before we just throw a video in of me to like prove your point it i don't know because i i feel like i'm a i have a lot to say and i i have a story of my own.

And then to have to defend myself to my friends, parents and people who have seen the documentary and just randomly see a video of me on there. And I didn't even know about it in the trailer. Then I'm like, man, if that's the point you're trying to prove, then like, let's talk about it. But let's not just throw me into it. It's hypocritical. Yes, it's completely it It's hypocritical. Yes. It's completely hypocritical. And just hurtful. Because I'm like, man, I do things like this all of the time to talk about the ways that I've been affected by the industry.

But then people are watching this documentary thinking that, you know, my parents are bad people or that, you know, this is my truth or you know what i mean it just makes that connection where it could have just been left up to me to talk about my own do you think it's her putting this or do you think the producers just found oh i'm sure it was the producers i mean i'm sure brooke shields doesn't even know who i am you know what i mean i'm sure she doesn't even know but it's also just the principle of like someone on that team if they knew what the documentary was going to be about right it's about the sexualization the the sort of taking away agency from children in in the industry well that's exactly what you just did you that's what you just did and that was kind of like okay I feel like someone should have been you know aware enough to notice

that no there's no consent from them either you're underage it's free like it was videos of me on a carpet right so they're free to use but morally like if that's that's the point you're making then there should I feel like there should have been more and it it wouldn't have been as big a deal to me if there wasn't so many people asking me about it in my personal life and I feel like there should have been more. And it wouldn't have been as big a deal to me if there wasn't so many people asking me about it in my personal life. And I was like, no, I didn't know that. One of my best friend's moms was like, is this true? I'm like, well, no. I mean, I have had those stories, but that's my story. one thing that I feel like people are not talking about enough is their shower head so I'm talking

to all these people behind the scenes and they're saying that a lot of acne dry scalp itchy legs eczema is actually from your shower water and it could be that your unfiltered shower water is contributing to these issues so if you have those issues that I just told you about I would highly from your shower water. And it could be that your unfiltered shower water is contributing to these issues. So if you have those issues that I just told you about, I would highly check your shower head. And the one that I am obsessed with is VitaClean. So it's a triple filter, which we love. In fact, Test My Home, who came and tested my entire home, was like, you have to switch your shower head. And they said, you have to have one that's triple filter. So the triple filter is legit. This one's vitamin C infused. And it's

like an aromatherapy showerhead that removes toxins and like just bullshit nasties from your shower. And it prevents product buildup in your hair and calm skin irritation. And this filters out all the chlorine. So if you're looking for something that's easy to install, that is going to give you the best shower and water of your life for glowing skin, then you have to check this out because I just want to support that glossy hair and skin. The VitaClean shower head comes with a three month supply of filters and a fresh citrus filter. You can go to VitaClean. today and use code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off. That's vitaclean.co, V-I-T-A-C-L-E-A-N.co to get a new showerhead today.

Use code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off your showerhead starter kit. And if you don't like it for any reason, they offer a 30-day money-back guarantee. That's vitaclean.co. Use code SKINNY. Recently, I changed my hair color from blonde to brunette. I'm absolutely loving it, but I wanted to make sure that I did it in the most healthy way possible. And so what I've been doing is three

things. I have been doing tons of scalp massage. Like I'm constantly stimulating my scalp. I've also been really focused on like hair serums and just making sure that I'm using products that support my hair transition. And then lastly, I am supplementing with Nutrafol. Per usual, you should not be surprised about this. So Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement. Everyone is talking about it, like literally behind the scenes. My hairstylists are talking about it. Celebrities, influencers, people are obsessed because Nutrafol supports healthy hair growth from within. So it targets five root causes of thinning. And this is like stress, hormones, environment, nutrition, metabolism. What I noticed personally is that my hair does not shed as much.

And even through this color transition, I noticed that it's thicker and healthier and shinier. So I am about my supplementation when it comes to hair growth. I'm obsessed with Nutrafol. You can grow thicker, healthier hair and support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code skinny hair. You save $10 off your first month subscription. This offer is only available to U.S. customers for a limited time. Plus, you get free shipping on every order. Get $10 off at Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com. Promo code skinny hair. So from your perspective, as somebody who has been doing this now for a while and grown up with this, for the parents out there, what is the safe and responsible way if you could wave a magic wand and say hey i'm cleaning up the internet

and i'm gonna make this safe like what what are people supposed to do or is this just you know something we're gonna live with for the rest of time um i'm not expecting you to know that fully but i just like if you if you're a perfect world there's a few different ways i could go with this for one i feel like a lot of the times, especially with everything we just spoke about, a lot of times it's let's not exploit our children for money. But for the parents with good intentions who, like you're saying, you want your child to have fun and not be left out of the world and express themselves. I feel like you just have to make sure that your kid is as equipped as they can be to handle what's coming at them and be able to tell, okay,

this isn't a safe person to talk to. This isn't a safe person to interact with. And I mean, I think monitoring to a degree, like I told you, my parents did. My parents knew everything that I was posting. Did they always with it no and then they would tell me to take it down and tell me why and it was never I never felt like I didn't have a voice or like I was being you know sort of constricted by my parents I understood what they were saying because they presented it in a way that made sense this is also kind of a controversial thing I don't think it's a platform issue as much as it is a parenting issue and the reason i say that is the platforms obviously have a place to play in this but they're not going anywhere right like none of these platforms you know exactly what

what to expect when you sign up for that you know what i mean it's just another thing now that parents are going to have to they're going to have to parent for like it's it's not's not going away. It's something our children to grow up with. You can't just blame platforms. You have to take active participating roles in your children's life that are, if they're going to be on these platforms, you have to educate them. And again, explain why they should be doing certain things, why they shouldn't. That's all you can really do as a parent. You can't, you're not going to be able to kick and scream and have these things go away. Like this is the world we live in now. Yeah. And I don't know. I just think my parents did such a good job of raising me that I just would recommend exactly what they did because I feel like I did.

I mean, I made mistakes, of course, and they couldn't protect me from everything, but they did the best they could. Your parents should honestly write a book. I'm not joking. This is going to be a huge hot topic, I think, moving forward. How to navigate someone who becomes famous on the internet and how to monitor them in a way that's not overbearing, but that's not too little. Or even someone who doesn't, who's just putting themselves... Yeah, your parents should write a book. It sounds like they're like very I mean my never touched any money ever nothing at all of my money was mine from the moment I earned my first whatever it was a hundred dollars that it

was mine and they never touched it and my mom knew because I had business managers by the time I was like 16 and she knew she was in everything and she could see what was happening and where money was going still to this day if there is something my money's being moved or something's happening my mom what's going on there because my mom used to work at a bank so she's like she's in it but they they protect me from afar my parents do not like being on camera. They, like my, both my parents have the worst anxiety and they have always just helped me from behind the scenes and done what they could.

And that's really all they could do. I mean, they, it's just, I'm very, very lucky to have parents who didn't want to be famous. No, you're right. I mean, I think you're a hundred percent right. There's nothing else they could have done. I think even if you try to take these platforms away from kids, it's like everybody knows the kids growing up whose parents like never touch drugs, never touch alcohol. And like, as soon as those kids get a chance to go off and experiment,

they, they, you know, pedal to the metal. Because they've been told no without being told why. I was never told no, but because my dad's a scientist, it was, okay, this is what this drug does to your body and to your brain. And my parents always treated it as, Lauren, you're smarter. Lauren, you're better than this. And they never knocked me down or made me feel bad when I made a mistake. And I always felt safe going to my parents.

And that's another thing that's really important is your kids have to feel safe talking to you. Because the one thing that saved me in so many different situations was I knew that my mom wasn't going to judge me. I knew my dad wasn't going to judge me or make me feel bad about myself. It was like, Lauren, you're better than this. Let's learn from this and let's not do this again you know so i feel like i was i wasn't really yelled at i was just redirected and i don't know i i don't know my parents are great so what are the like at this point in your life what are the we've been going on all the sexual trauma and parenting and what but what are the things that you're loving right now like what are what are the things that you're loving right now?

What are the things that you're happy about with the success that you've had here on these kind of platforms? I think I'm really lucky that I've been able to sort of grow up alongside people. It's a really special thing to be able to grow up alongside kids my age who have looked to me and sort of felt like they're my friend and I kind of felt the same way because I did feel the same way because I still do because I didn't have a lot of friends so I sort of turned to the internet just to surround myself with that community and I grew up with those people it's opened so many doors I always wanted to make music now I can make music independently and go on tour I'm going on tour with Hunter Hayes, which is like one of my favorite country artists ever so Things like that the doors that it's opened

Writing the music I want to write doing the things that I want to do I just I was just in a movie which was awesome but I think the main thing for me is just the community that I've gotten to build and the I guess the voice I've gotten to build and the, I guess, the voice I've gotten to have. And the fact that I can come on here and talk to you guys and say, this is my experience. And, I don't know, learn from other people who are going through the same things. Yeah, there's a lot of amazing things about it. Well, yeah, I was trying not to paint a picture of just like, you know, terrible things.

It's obviously like you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't love it no i love it i and i always have and that's why i continued doing it and that's why i've been doing it for eight years pretty much my entire life my whole childhood was on the internet i think the number one thing is the community and that's why i couldn't ever just stop because that's what has gotten not just gotten me here but gotten me here emotionally as well just sort of growing up alongside of people it says here that someone blackmailed you yeah what what happened with that is it like through dm like how is someone how can someone blackmail you on the internet like what are the ways yeah i think what you might be referring to is when I was 13, right before I started social media, I was assaulted. And then I started social media and I sort of left everything behind me. That's the really summarized version, right? I felt like I sort of left all that behind me, started anew and moved on and I got a DM when I was 17 so four years later that was like I know you're a whore I know you lost your virginity when you were 13 and all this crazy stuff and it it was

blackmail in the way that it was like threatened to come out and in that way and that was really really scary to me because that's not what happened and so I was sort of pressured into before whatever this person was gonna do I don't know I was 17 so I was scared and so I posted basically like hey I didn't really want to talk about this but just so everyone knows to avoid the questions later. And so this doesn't get put out and twisted in a way that's not true, you know, whatever. It was scary enough to me and personal enough where I didn't even know how anyone knew because, I mean, very few people, like maybe four people knew. So at that time, I was not, did not know what happened or how it happened. But yeah. Looking back, do you know who the person was?

No. So it had to be one of those four people that did that though. Either that or the person that did it. Or was the person. But did the person who DMed you actually follow through with any blackmailing? Or they just they they threatened the threat was enough for me of course the threat that someone knew something that very few people in my life knew and four years later had like had that it's like ammunition of sorts it's your

narrative yeah and that's this is a running theme with me I think yeah it's your narrative but I was like okay I'm gonna I guess put this out there before at whatever before it comes out and I'm gonna guess that the support that you got when you shared that was incredible yeah of course and I mean it's I've never gone to therapy for any of that I've met because i sort of like i was saying it's a really weird thing with like trauma and when things happen and how your brain rewires itself but i genuinely i'm really bad at timelines i had to do something yesterday where they were like what's a song that you associate with this part of your childhood i don't know because i don't remember is that like that's there's a kind of it's a kind of therapy, right? Is it? What do you mean? No, she's saying

she was doing an interview. Oh, you were doing an interview. Yeah, I was doing an interview where they were asking me like, what's a song that you associate with this? I know what you're talking about. He's talking about EM.

Well, we have our friend Dr. Eamon coming on. Was it tomorrow or something? And he was telling me like, I was trying to track into my background. He's like, oh, you got to like think of moments

or stuff like that to be able to figure out what was going on. Yeah, like he thinks together. Yeah. and I've never done that because I just wasn't ready for it because my life basically started over and all I don't really remember any of that so people ask me a lot of questions it's all kind of a blur and until I started doing social media and then I felt like I kind of flipped a switch and okay, this is my life now. And then I left Pennsylvania and didn't go back. It sounds like a little bit of when you go through something traumatic, this has happened to me before, it's dissociation. It's called something.

Yeah. It's almost like your brain just chooses to block out periods of time. And my brain has done such a good job of protecting me. People always say, you need to go to therapy and you need to go. But I don't. I don't right now because I'm not ready to do that. And that's my reason in saying that is because I wasn't even really ready to talk about it, because to me, it feels like a very, very, very, very distant memory that I've my brain is naturally blocked out. And appreciate my brain for that and I like to keep it that way for now because just it's that's very invasive of that person I mean yeah and I mean I have my suspicions not to say that it that that whole experience didn't change me or traumatize

me because there are things now that I think are very different about me and my character than if that never happened but I don't know I feel like I wasn't ready to talk about it then and I talk about it now openly but I'm not I've never really gotten to details or anything because a I don't fully remember everything and b just not ready for it you know what i think it sounds like you are taking control speaking of taking control it says that you said fuck you to label records is this what is it called i'm so old record labels you're not bad i mean fuck you to record label records for real fuck you Fuck you. So record labels.

Tell us about that moment when you sort of took control over your future. Oh my goodness. So my whole entire career has just been one big learning experience. And I've had so many shitty managers back to back. I'm in a great place now and I have been for a few years, but there was a long trial period for me. How soon after you start having success online, do managers start to- Oh my God, you know they're there right away.

Yeah, quick, right? Right away. They're like busting down your door. I had my first manager was basically keeping like 80% of my money and only giving me like 20%. And I knew I didn't know any different because they logged into my YouTube and basically took like most of my AdSense and would give me just enough to where I thought like $200. I thought I was making like good money and this is what it was. These are not like from companies.

These are independent kind of sleazebags or are they? I'm sure they had companies, but like. Yeah, but they're not like, they're not. Okay. Some of them have clients now where i'm like okay my second manager like basically signed me to shelf me so that i so that they could basically keep me from being more successful than one of their other clients and like sort of redirect brand deals to their other client that were coming in for me like oh uh lauren's actually so busy that day but here's our other client that could happily take

that so that was another situation and then I eventually went I had another manager who again not great but took me into the label because I'd started writing music when I was 14 I started writing music and then actually making music when I was 15 so So we went to the label with, I think, one song, maybe. There was no proof that I was going to be good at anything. And to be honest, I really wasn't. I was confused. No one was helping me. It was just like, sing this song. And that's not what I wanted. I wanted to write music because I had always written poetry. So I wanted to write music and I wanted to learn. And there was none of that happening. It was like, OK, you're blonde, you're skinny, you're pretty, you're Britney Spears. You can

dance, you can perform and just be sexy baby. So that's sort of the box that I was put in pretty much right away. And anything that wasn't that was not what anyone wanted to see. So I signed to the label and we would put out like a single every now and then I cried the night my first single came out I hated it so much it was like kids boppy and I hated it and I was embarrassed I was like man I could have done so much better and I just felt very restricted because it's like okay I'm being sort of diminished to like what I look like and what I look like I can do and what I look like I can do is dance and be blonde and skinny and whatever and I kind of feel like that was a theme my whole life

anyway I wasn't happy and then I came to them with a song called Queen and I was like this is this is such a good song I'm so proud of it like please it was very empowering and cute I was 16 and I loved it I was like please and they were like um no not a hit I was like, please. And they were like, um, no, not a hit. I was like, please, just give me one chance to do one song that I believe in. My mom took the picture in portrait mode on her phone for the cover art. Like we did everything. My dress that I was wearing in the cover arts, we ran to like TJ Maxx and grab something quick. I turned it in in it's my most streamed song to this day so after that i was like hmm maybe these 60 70 80 year old men don't know everything maybe i know a little something so we kept releasing music i wasn't happy it just felt like another job it just felt like something

else that i was doing to throw shit at the wall and see if it stuck. Finally, I was like, you know what? It was during COVID. My whole team got changed around. No one knew me. No one gave a shit about me. They were like, OK, what do we do with this? And in the beginning, everyone was so stoked. They were like, oh, my God, we have Britney Spears. Like, that's what we have. I didn't have it in me because it's not what I wanted. I could have done it, but I was never going to do it because it didn't align with anything that I had portrayed myself to be online because people already knew that I had more to say than that. Well, they want to put you in a box. Right. Or they want to replicate a past success. That's what happens with a lot of these guys. They're just like, oh, that was successful. Let's do it again here.

But the landscape's very different. I love Britney Spears, but the landscape's very different. People want to hear more from you. They want to know more about you and they want the story and that's what I wanted to give people and give myself so it was the perfect time I was like okay can I leave and they were like okay perfect so it's actually really easy like but they didn't know what to do with me because I wasn't doing what they wanted and it wasn't you know we didn't align at all so I left and Helen who's like she's my manager but she came into the picture later and she will tell you like there is she's she was like I have never seen anyone be disrespected more in label meetings or in any professional setting more than

you. And I had just kind of grown accustomed to it. I was used to it. But people genuinely, I think, thought that I just had nothing going on in my brain, even though I had marketed myself since I was 13 years old and built what I had. No one helped me with that. So I felt like I deserved more credit. But I was in a meeting once and they said, well, let's hear your take. And they're like, you know what you need to do? What? This is the president, by the way, of the company that's supposed to know things. You just can't make bad music like that. And I'm like, sounds good. And then they presented me with a song that they

wanted me to cut that was a hit. That was about being bisexual. I'm not bisexual. And I told them, I said, I can't sing this song. This song, people on the internet know that I'm not bisexual and I can't, I can't sing this song. It's like, well, it's a hit. And if you don't sing it, someone else will. Well, let someone else sing it. And after that, they stopped bringing me songs. They stopped caring. It was just like, I i'm not gonna do what they want to do you know what's so interesting i'm obsessed with old hollywood biographies and the way you were treated is very similar to a lot of the women in the 50s this is what i'm saying though it's like well because the men that are like doing these things were like born in the 50s. So that's what they're used to.

Also, like people say like we've progressed. There's still so many undertones of what women experienced in the 50s in entertainment. And no one wants to call it out because if you call it out, then you get cut by the studio. It's still the man still has the noose around the woman's neck. Lauren, be quiet now anyways it's a joke no but it's like there's so there's so many vibes of the 1950s it's like we really haven't changed it's just behind closed doors yeah and it's i I was 16, 17 years old sitting in these meetings and I'd worked so hard. And at this point I built like this thing and I was marketing myself.

I had done everything to that point by myself. Here's the thing. A lot of these people that come up in a different kind of way, and we see this, I see this in entertainment a lot. There's like this idea where it's, hey, you didn't go to acting school. You didn't study music. You didn't do this. You didn't go to write it. You didn't put it to the chops. You're the musically girl. Right. But I built a following of 20 million people by myself. Of course. But I'm saying there's certain people that fail to acknowledge how hard that is to do. And they think, oh, you're just the

musically girl. You didn't come up this. So it's a huge- 100%. It happens in acting. And I try to use the examples of like, you see Kim Kardashian now getting cast in American Horror Story.

It's because that group of people knows that she drives attention. You see Logan Paul going in the WWE. He's actually extremely talented, but it's because that group understands that they drive attention. There is a group of people that are decision makers in some of these organizations that fail to acknowledge and move with the times. They think, oh, like it's the musically person, so I don't have to take them seriously. And it's a huge misstep and mistake on their part. And even when I first started social media, I mean, in the past five years, even things have

evolved so much to where I feel like I'm taken a little bit more seriously. But there were times where I was nominated for awards and I went to the carpet wearing my nominee bracelet and a woman who was working the carpet looked me right in my face in front of two boys that I thought were really cute. She looked at me and she goes, this is not the place for you it was i was nominated i i could have been on the carpet but it's so many instances of just being like not taken seriously when i not many people can do or most of those people why don't you have 20 million dollars there's a lot of people that complain about gatekeeping and but now they're actually upset that a lot of gatekeeping is being blown away right does that make sense there's a lot of like and who was it was it jennifer aniston that

was whining about it who was it one of these celebrities that was like mad about jennifer aniston's mad about tiktokers yeah yeah but that's what i'm saying it's because it's some of these people i'm not just trying to pick on her, there's some people that are upset about people being able to build platforms on their own without having to go through the same kind of process or rigmarole that they did. Because they say it's not fair.

Does that make sense? It's actually more fair. Of course it's more fair. But there's certain people, and listen, I don't want to call too many people out, especially, they're upset because it's like, you don't have the credentials, I don't want to call too many people out, especially. They're upset because it's like, you don't have the credentials. You didn't go to the study.

You didn't do an ID. You just got this platform. And they don't understand that it's not easy to do what you've done. Right. Not only is it not easy, it's incredibly unique. It's like what you said. You marketed your own self. You essentially did everything a magazine and a network did by yourself so the way i look at it because i see why people i see why traditional media actors musicians who have been in the industry for a long time i i've always understood

why they get upset because they don't understand how you can just walk in and book a role or book a show because of your following because they had to do it a different way that's why they don't understand how you can just walk in and book a role or book a show because of your following. Because they had to do it a different way. That's why they don't understand it. Because you had to convince some big head of some corporation studio that you were good enough. I had to convince the world that I was good enough. Right. And I had to convince people to like me in that way.

And you've been propelled by the people and it's and it's not who who can do it better or who's more qualified it's just qualified to be in the public eye probably no one I just wasn't given a script I wasn't given a song I had to figure it out and that's the only difference is that I'm just kind of saying my piece and people are listening and you were in an incredible movie and you're a very talented actor and I applaud you and it's incredible and I have people that I look up to who are actors and traditional musicians who went through the process but I don't think you should ever be in a place to knock someone or discredit what they've built discredit what somebody's built because although you might not take them seriously if someone if someone can

build an audience from nothing that's something to be applauded and impressed by honestly my advice to you would just be and not that you need my advice but my advice to you would just be use people underestimating you to your advantage. Yeah. Like use it to squeeze that tube of toothpaste. So there's no more in it. Use every, let them underestimate you. Let them think you're stupid. Let them think all these things because you're going to have the last laugh as you are clearly already having. Well, the other thing is just having, I know this is going to sound strange, but empathy for people that just, they just don't get it. Again, we go back to the conversation in the beginning, a little bit jealous that they weren't able to fulfill their bucket and you have had success

at such a young age. You know, a multivitamin is good when you've been taking it for four years. Not only have I been taking Ritual's multivitamin for four years, I've also just used it every single phase of my life. So I used it when I was trying to get pregnant with Zaza. I used it when I got pregnant with Zaza. I used it after pregnancy with Zaza. And then I used it to support the in-between between Townsend Zaza and then during my second pregnancy and after. So it just really takes you throughout all the iterations of your life and all the chapters. What I love about this brand specifically is it's clinically backed. So you can go and you can actually trace the key

ingredients and you can really see where everything comes from. I just very much like the transparency with this company. I love their protein powder. I make these protein pancakes for Zaza and I all the time. I'll throw in oatmeal. I just think that they have products that have a lot of research behind it. And every single thing is thought out. It's soy-free, it's gluten-free, it's vegan-friendly, formulated without GMOs. So if you're looking for a multivitamin or a protein powder, they really have you covered.

And of course, we have an incredible code for you. Instead of striving for perfect health, aim for supporting foundational health. Great news, Ritual is offering our listeners 10% off during your first three months. You are gonna visit ritual.com slash skinny news. Ritual is offering our listeners 10% off during your first three months. You are going to visit ritual.com slash skinny to start ritual or add essential for women 18 plus to your subscription today. And the one that I'm taking just so we're clear is the essential for women 18 plus. That's the one I'm taking in my postpartum stage. I've

been postpartum for a year. That's my favorite. Check it out. That's ritual.com slash skinny. Quick break to talk about 21 Seeds Infused Tequila. 21 Seeds is an award-winning infused tequila. If you know anything about Lauren and me, it's that we love a great tequila, which is why we are so excited to talk about 21 Seeds. What we love about 21 Seeds is that it's a one-of-a-kind tequila that's infused with the juice of real fruit, which we absolutely love. It's so incredible. It's so smooth and it tastes amazing. Our go-to cocktail has always been a classic margarita. So finding the right tequila to make them is always on the top of our minds. What we love about 21 Seeds is that it's not too sweet. It smells fresh and bright,

and the flavors are just done right. It's also female-founded by two sisters and a friend, which we love. Very aligned with what we're doing over here at Jera Media. Love a mission-driven company. Summer is approaching fast, and 21 Seeds is the perfect infused tequila to kick off the summer right. So check it out. Try 21 Seeds infused tequila for easy and delicious cocktails. Visit 21seeds.com to find 21 Seeds near you. Enjoy responsibly. 21 Seeds, Diageo, New York, New York. 21seeds.com. Quick break to talk about an amazing service and our sponsor Squarespace. One of our favorite platforms is a one-stop shop for everything you need to build online, and it's called Squarespace. Squarespace is the key you have been looking for to develop your online presence, your website,

your e-com site, and so much more. Long gone are the days of working with five different companies to build a beautiful, functional website. You can now do it all in one place, cost-effectively and efficiently, all at SquareSpace. Squarearespace is an online platform that lets you build incredible websites, e-commerce sites, and more all on one platform where you own all of the content. This is a key in 2023, not putting yourself at the mercy of third-party platforms and actually owning all of your content. You can also centralize all of your data in one place and connect all of your social media accounts. If you are living in 2023 and don't have your own online presence, I think you're making a huge

mistake. Some other functions of Squarespace include email campaigns, the ability to collect donations, exclusive membership platforms, SEO tools, and completely mobile optimized websites. And again, you can build all of this in one place cost effectively. Literally anyone can build and control their own websites on anything you care about now at Squarespace. So head over to squarespace.com slash skinny for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code skinny to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash skinny and use offer code skinny to save 10%.

That's squarespace.com slash skinny. Check it out. We just interviewed Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank and she was super just rad. One of her favorite guests. And we were asking like, what would you use if you were starting now? And she's like, I would be using everything. Like she thinks she's like her perspective is like everything that everyone has exposure to now is amazing. Right. But there's a certain camp of people that are going to like, bah humbug about it and say, and they're going to disrespect the platforms.

They're not going to recognize like, this is called evolution. This is called progress. Once it happens, it doesn't stop. And it's sad because you're missing out. Right. And not just missing out on the potential like, clout and money or whatever. You're missing out on opportunities to learn from

people who are new in the space and we're doing something different and who may know things that you don't know and I feel like that's the part that people sort of debilitate themselves by putting putting other people into a box because you're also putting yourself into a box by doing that and sort of pushing away anything new well you could have learned something and i could have learned something from you and yeah it's just unfortunate because you could have you know just never listen to the people that say you don't have the credentials people are out to lunch no no tell me about what you did with the record label so you said fuck you bye i'm doing it myself yeah and then i that's exactly what i did i started writing

my album two years ago and i did it and i wrote it and i learned the most that i've ever learned in that amount of time that i had ever learned in the music industry ever because I actually had people who were willing to listen to me and answer my questions and I mean I also think people just assume that I woke up one day and said I'm gonna be a musician I'm gonna dance I'm gonna sing that's not what happened I'd already been writing music I had already been singing and then when I decided and also what people don't realize is it's 10 times harder for me to want to sing because I know what people are going to say so I have to work 10 times harder to get people to see okay I'm kind of valid I'm kind of I'm kind of trying here and I did I was in voice lessons for years and years for like four years I did voice lessons because I was not the best singer and I worked really hard at it and once I got sort of I already knew how

to write music but once I got into the studio I learned how to use pro tools and I was asking questions and does this make sense and is this stupid and does this how do you use this and what are you doing and those are the things that I never got because what would happen is with a label, they put you in sessions with people who are notable, who have done incredible things. And they say, okay, go write a hit song with this person who also wrote a hit song. And then you get there. I had a man when I was 16, I just started making music. I went to his house to do a session and pulled up in my uber because I couldn't drive and I was like okay and I sat down at his kitchen table

because that's where he took me made a coffee for a really long time like was crushing the beans and everything I was like man just put a keurig pot in for fuck's sake um and then he like made himself a peanut butter and jelly and I'm still like toasted the bread I'm like okay it's a really intricate peanut butter and jelly he's turning the butter like yeah he's like milking the cow in the back I'm like okay so I'm sitting there I don't know I don't I tried to sort of engage with him it's not really working so I'm like okay I'm just gonna sit here so finally he starts talking i'm like okay well i had this idea and he cuts me off and he goes so did you call your uber yet and i was like no and he was like okay you should and i was confused because like we didn't

write a song we didn't even talk so was i just supposed to like accompany this man for like brunch or will he eats his peanut butter and jelly or why am i here so there's a lot of weird moments like that i'm just like what what what what was it good question was do you think he was waiting for a sexual energy i don't know i think it's making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich no but because yeah because maybe he's waiting for a vibe for her to put it out and she didn't put it out there i was just it was just uncomfortable i don't know i've maybe i've never thought about that i've ever heard about no maybe he's just seeing what he can get away with i said wait was you're supposed to write a song with him yes i was there to write music so i sat there for a while like really uncomfortably watching him make

this like peanut butter and jelly sandwich it's the most intricate one i've ever seen like i said it was like you get so many ingredients. And yeah, the second I opened my mouth to like talk about music, he was like, okay, call your Uber by. It's like, okay. It seems to me that you don't need all these like different layers that they used to need. No. And that's the other thing that people, I feel like that are more traditional don't understand is that a record label at this

point is a bank that's what they are they put the money up front and they use it how they want to use it my budget for my first single my budget was blown on a like I'm talking like six figures blown on a vertical video for spotify like you know spotify is the canvases this is this is this is something that i that i've noticed i notice i remember i shot that that thing for that company i'll tell you the brand offline there was a company that i shot that they like directed maybe we need the publicist help to learn careful careful it was a soap company i shot a soap company thing and they had 45 different people on set when i literally could have filmed it on my tripod oh i know exactly what you're sorry i don't need like like someone to like butter my knees like it was just like it was it was so unnecessary the amount of people that they used it was almost

like they use it to make themselves feel larger than life to overcompensate for the inadequacies right and i completely understand what you're saying because i feel like a lot of the times there's just a huge disconnect right there's the way things used to be and the way things actually are now. And the things that you're capable of, you know, like I feel like I saw this video of someone speaking about this and I feel like I have to say it because we're talking about this.

Labels don't do what they used to do because back then you'd pitch to a label and then if they liked you and they thought you were marketable enough, they would market you. And they would make you and they would make you they would they would build you now what happens is you make you then a label comes along goes hey i want a piece of that i'll throw some money at you up front and then just keep doing everything yourself and the second that you need my help, maybe I'll do it if that's what I want to do.

Your artistic vision completely goes out the window. You're doing things you don't really want to do and everything just feels like you're a cog in this machine when you could have been doing exactly what you wanted to do. I mean, like, if you want a bank, if you want money, either get someone to invest or there's distribution deals. Like I have a distribution deal where they put money up front and they go, OK, go do whatever you want with it. And then we'll take a percentage and you can recoup. And that's what I did because that was what made sense for me. So there are ways to do it without like giving your entire vision away for someone who didn't even create it

this conversation is so important it's so important especially for women moving forward to understand that you can have independence and you don't need to rely on all these outside sources because you can be your own brand from your social media platform and i started this show seven years ago with 250 bucks Amazon equipment. That's what it costs to do it. Like that was it. Yeah. There was no like fancy deal.

There's no radio company. There was no plot. There was none of that is needed. Yep. I think so many people get that choice. It's important. I think it's good for people like you to say that because many people probably look at what you've built

and think, oh, like she had this and this and this and they don't realize like you don't need all that i could see you i could see you making your own documentary like brook shields did but on your own thing about this subject i feel like you need to get a whiteboard in your house and be like this is the old way and this is the new way and explain it and this is where we can all coexist happily yeah and everyone can be their own person and do what's best for them at the same time. I feel like you need to explain the old way and the new way because there's a blurriness right now that needs to be deciphered. There is. And I also just hate that people turn their nose up at it because it's like, why? People turn their nose up.

The right people won't. They turn their nose up at things they don't understand and that they feel threatened by. Yeah. Like that's the way I look at that. Whenever I see people kind of like getting in a titty online or getting upset about something, it's more about them than it is about you or me

or whoever's saying something on the other side. There have also been so many things. This is the other thing that people don't realize. There have been so many things that I've turned down because i know someone is and this is going to sound really it might come across conceited but i hope you understand what i'm saying where i know people are just using me for my audience and not because of anything that i have to offer it's just like shoving me in things like they're leveraging your audience right so it's like okay okay, let's throw Lauren into this movie and have her do something really insignificant. So then we can use her to market and to blast on social media because we know that obviously this person gets attention.

But we don't want to admit that that's the case or that there's something about that that people, you know what I'm saying? I totally know what you're saying. And you just have to be really savvy, which it sounds like you are with every single thing and for you to already know this at 20 21 years old is incredible i mean i didn't know this at 20 21 i mean this is like for you to be able to sniff this out you obviously have an intuition for where to steer your ship and i also feel like people have a hard time saying no but there's you have to say no you have to say no and you also just have to know what you want for yourself right like for me if i'm going to be a part of something like there was a movie recently that

i was pitched and i was like okay they always want you to play an influencer in the movie. I'm like, what? Yeah. So I did a movie, but then, so I was pitched that. I was like, okay, not that exciting for me. But like the movie that I just finished was exciting for me because they actually let me act. I want to go in and take as an executive and like rip these people out of their seats and be like, listen, you don't take an influencer

and put them in an influencer role. You take them and put them in something that you've never seen from them before. It's just a position. Thank you. That's why what you're seeing- Like put you in a black wig. And outside of that,

people also hate to admit, God forbid, that I might be good at something. That maybe I do have a little ounce of talent and that I am capable of doing things. Say what you want about the Paul brothers, but one of them is absolutely killing it in WWE. And I'm a huge, I used to be a big wrestling fan when I was a kid. And like, he's actually very, very talented and he's killing it. And I know people get mad about Jake Paul, but like that guy can bust some heads. Like he knows how to, he's, he's maybe like, he's got to work obviously to go into boxing, but like those guys have invigorated

both of those two sports. And so many people, all they do is chirp and doubt them because they come from YouTube. Right? Like it's a hard thing for them. It's a hard thing for people to be like, oh.

I had a friend that was known on Instagram as Dr. Someone on Instagram. And she was put in this box that she was this doctor. Was she a doctor? She was a doctor. Oh, okay. I was like,

is she just like that or is her name? Her name was like doctor something on Instagram. Okay. And she felt she couldn't drop the doctor because she felt like that's how she identified

as a doctor. And that's what people followed her for. But she had evolved. Her life had changed. She was interested in different things. And one day day her boyfriend told

her drop the fucking doctor move on just because you you did something for six years doesn't mean it needs to be the next 60 right and i think that like we as a society with social media just because someone did youtube doesn't mean that they're not allowed to evolve into other things or they're not good at anything yeah we have what i'm saying they want to keep people multifaceted like people are multifaceted yeah honestly a lot of times if someone and this is what i wish people would at least consider if someone has the drive and the determination to post consistently and stay entertaining and stay in people's faces and they're able to cultivate that audience and keep that audience engaged what's's faces and they're able to cultivate that audience and keep that audience engaged.

What's to say that they can't work equally as hard, if not harder, to prove people wrong in acting, in making music? You can. And you're doing it. Absolutely. And I mean, I've seen it with other people, even with myself.

I push myself 10 times harder because I knew people weren't going to take me seriously. I knew people didn't really, people didn't want to believe in me at all. So I had to push it like not even a little, a lot harder to prove to people that this is something that I want to do. I've been making music for, how old am I? I'm 21 today. That's seven years that I've been making music and working at it.

And I'm just now putting out my album and people still don't take me seriously. And so there's always going to be that stigma. And I wish that people just understood that if you took away the influencer label, would you think that someone's capable of pushing themselves hard enough to be good at something? I will say I think conversations like this in long format on podcasts. I don't know if you have a podcast or if you ever considered a podcast, I think would be amazing for you because it's I think it will allow people to hear you talk in a longer form. Yeah. They're so used to the quick beat with you. Yeah. Like for me, even like to hear you talk like this is like, wow, it's like we get to

see all these different sides of you that maybe we can't see from a tiktok yeah absolutely no i agree we've covered a lot of ground we've covered so much ground no i feel like i appreciate you saying that it makes me feel like i'm saying something right yeah no it's like it's it's amazing to hear like hear you in long form content. Thank you. You're very articulate too. Very articulate. I mean, there's a compliment. Yes, thank you.

I got to ask before we go. What does someone do that doesn't know shit about TikTok? It's constantly changing and things are always different. I mean, I've been doing it for seven years or eight years now. And I've seen it change so many times so you kind of have to be aware always of what's happening and constantly willing to evolve and I feel like the biggest part with any social media platform including TikTok is consistency and doing something authentic and if you watch the video you kind of have to think what I want to watch

this and what I think this is cool I feel like that's watch the video, you kind of have to think, would I want to watch this? And would I think this is cool? I feel like that's where TikTok is now. You sort of have to look at it from a third person perspective and say, okay, if I saw this, would I think this is funny? Or would I think this is interesting

or engaging at all? And if the answer is no, then like other people probably won't think so either. That's what I sort of think about when I watch my own videos or whatever. I think it's different for everyone depending on their niche, depending on what they're interested in. As long as it's like authentic and makes sense and it's consistent, then that's what I've seen

work the best. Consistent, you want to watch your own content. It sounds like something different that you bring to the table than everybody else yeah and just being willing to evolve like willingness to evolve is important because I started with lip sync videos and now it's like I've had to constantly reinvent and think of something different and okay what's a side of me that people haven't seen yet and what's a new story that I can tell or what's what's something that people want to know I don't know I just kind of keep those things in the back of my mind while also making content that I want to make because boo I don't want to like sit here and make videos for other people it's my page and I want to make stuff that I think is nice and cool while it's working where can everyone follow you they

already don't oh my goodness my tiktok is lauren gray my instagram is lauren. My Instagram is Lauren. My Snapchat is Lauren. And my Twitter is IamLaurenGray. How often are you posting on Snapchat? All the time. Oh, Lauren, I have to post on Snapchat too? How often do you post on Snapchat? I actually use Snapchat a lot. Snapchat, I feel like,

is my most engaged audience, to be honest. A lot of people have been saying that lately. We started strong on Snapchat, Lauren, and then we kind of just well snapchat is paying people right now which is why people are starting to use it but i've always realized or always noticed i guess that my snapchat audience is the most engaged so if i post something on snapchat and i'm like looking for a response i get the most responses out of snapchat because I think because it's a communication platform, people feel a little more inclined to engage and it just feels a little more personal. So I feel like people overlook Snapchat. Now they're not because now they're making money.

But before that and even now, it just seems like people are pretty active on there. Yeah, I got to get on Snapchat. Where can everyone listen to your music? Tell us all the things how we can support what you're doing. My album comes out in two days now, which is crazy. It comes out on Friday, April 21st. So I'm sure by the time this comes out, it'll already be out. You're a boss. Thank you for coming on. That was such a fun conversation. I feel like it hits so many different things. Oh my goodness. Yeah. That was like, I feel like I've been here for like four hours. Calling you in 10 years when our daughter gets online, we got to figure this out. Oh my goodness. Yes. I would love that. Have your parents write a book. Thank you.

Thank you. If you like this episode, you can also watch it on our YouTube channel. How fun you can see the visuals. So go stalk us on YouTube. Just type in the skinny confidential him and her show.