The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Marie Forleo - How To Discover Your Passion & Turn It Into A Business, How To Live On Your Own Terms, & Breaking Through Fear

Episode Date: March 5, 2019

#173: On this episode we sit down with Marie Forleo. Marie was named by Oprah as a thought leader for the next generation and focuses on showing you practical ways to become the person you most want to be. On this episode we discuss how to discover your passion and turn that passion into a business. We also discuss what it takes to live life on your own terms and how you can conquer fear along the way. To connect with Marie Forleo click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by THRIVE MARKET. We use Thrive for our online grocery delivery on a weekly basis and we also now get our wine at Thrive! They provide the highest quality products and ingredients delivered straight to our door with unbeatable prices.  Be sure to grab our deal by going to to https://thrivemarket.com/skinny to receive 25% off your first order (Max $20) + free shipping and a 30 day trial. This episode is brought to you by RITUAL Forget everything you thought you knew about vitamins. Ritual is the brand that’s reinventing the experience with 9 essential nutrients women lack the most. If you’re ready to invest in your health, do what I did and go to www.ritual.com/skinny  Your future self will thank you for taking Ritual: Consider it your ‘Lifelong-Health-401k’. Why put anything but clean ingredients (backed by real science) in your body?

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This episode is brought to you by Ritual. You guys know I'm a human guinea pig and I'm still here taking Ritual and loving it. Okay, it's filled with iron, vitamin E, magnesium, folate, and omega-3. Kind of everything. It's made in the USA without synthetic fillers. 95% of women do not get the vitamins and minerals they need on a daily basis, so Ritual created a smarter vitamin with the nine essential ingredients women lack most. Go to ritual.com slash skinny today to choose

clean ingredients backed by science. Sign up now at ritual.com slash skinny. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. I feel like one of my greatest gifts on the planet is I really am a relentless motherfucker. When I want something, when something's important to me, I will not give up. I don't care how many times it doesn't work. I don't care how many times I quote unquote supposedly fail. It's really not a failure. I will keep going.

Drum roll, please. Presenting the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. We are back. We are live. It's Tuesday. Michael's had some coffee. He's ready to go. That clip was from our guest of the show today, Marie Forleo. On this jazzy episode, we talk about how to get anything you want, creating a strategic future by design and relationships. Guys, this episode is fire. I'm so excited. Before we get into this episode, since it's an extra long episode, I just wanted to talk about one quick little thing with Michael. Michael's so excited for this one. Michael and I have been going to bed earlier, which is kind of a big deal.

And I just feel like we need to share this with the audience because it's a big difference. And Lauren, look how much energy you have. I do. Wow. He's not slothing around anymore. Not slothing around. An old sloth in a tree. Taylor, can you believe this?

It's like a different person across from me no it's because i've had coffee and you're not trying to wake me up bringing me in here at 7 30 a.m guys full transparency normally during these intros we sit down and lauren scowls and yells at me if it's too early in the morning so i don't know what's going on but it looks like this morning or evening routine yeah i guess sleep it's working for me michael yeah you're all dialed in look you got your crop top on, hits hanging out, eyes all bushy, you know, good for you.

My eyes are bushy and my tits are hanging out. I meant to say bright. Wait, hold on. What? Taylor, Taylor, edit that out. Make me sound good, please. He just said my tits are hanging out

and my eyebrows are, or my eyes are bushy. I don't know, but you know what? You're looking good. Okay, well, Michael has this app. What's it called again? The one where you check yourself? No, well, when we were in Finland with the Four Sigmatic team, Taro and his team were nice

enough to give me this ring called the Aura Ring that tracks my sleep, my heart rate, my heart rate variable. I've been really into it. I've been sharing it on social. It sounds like a ring that you put in your vagina. People keep asking me if it's an app. It is a hard good. I have to actually wear a ring, but the ring comes with an app.

Okay. But is this the app where you track if you compliment your wife? No, that's another app, guys. We've talked about this before. I have to remind myself to do these things. Women need compliments. You know what? Actually, men need some compliments. Lauren, what's my compliment for the day? Crickets, crickets. You look nice in your black sweater. All right. Your chest is looking dusty. Guys, we got an exciting show for you today.

Michael, that doesn't count as a compliment. Taylor. It doesn't, Michael. I'm serious. You better think of something more creative. You've done lips and boobs for the last three days. I'm just turned on right now. I'm fired up.

Okay. All right. All right. Can we go back to my nighttime routine? I'm going to let everybody in on my... Listen, it's one of those days, guys. I'm jazzed up. Guys, so a lot of you have been asking me about my nighttime routine. I did a post on Instagram. It was of my silk pillowcase, very specific about that, and my CBD pen. So I did a whole

little write-up on that. Basically, I've been getting in bed, which is a huge deal, at like 9.45, which if you know me, I used to go to bed at 2am. That's when I would get a creative burst of energy and I would work from 10 to 1 in the morning. I don't do that anymore. So I get in bed at 945. I have my silk pillowcase. Cannot sleep without a silk pillowcase because sleeping on anything else gives you split ends. Michael's proof of that. I don't got split ends. If there's one thing I got, it's here. I was inspecting you this morning when you were sleeping and there's a split end or 10. No, that's impossible, Lauren, because I get up three hours before you, but you want to know what

a good wife I am. Oh yeah. Let's, let's hear it. Okay. I just ordered you a black silk pillowcase. Okay. So now you know what I guys, here's the thing. You know what I don't like about silk pillowcases? Can I be honest? Yeah. My head slips off the pillow. I don't care. Michael, you're preserving your face and your hair. It's like getting into a slip and slide. I'm too slippery as it is. I'm slippery as an eel. Yikes. Okay, Michael. I've been told I'm one of the slippiest, slippery guys out there. All right, Michael, let's not podcast after four o'clock again. Anyways, so I have my silk pillowcase. I have my CBD pen. It's gold. Gold. So cute. And I have two little puffs of it and get in bed.

I have my hydro flask. We turn on our white noise machine, which I've talked about 20,000 times on the Skinny Confidential blog. And then we have a humidifier, which I am doing a post on this week. And it's really good for your skin to sleep with a humidifier instead of an air conditioning. So what we've done is we've really set up our room to be this really tranquil, peaceful, therapeutic area. And it's really helped. We also have a salt lamp going in the corner, which emits all these minerals and ions.

You can read about that on the blog, too. And then we have a salt rock nightlight as well. And then, of course, we also have eucalyptus from the farmer's market hanging in our shower to make it like a full spa experience. So if you do those 48 things, guys, you can get a great night's sleep. It's actually not that overwhelming. I'll make a list on the blog. Okay.

It's Michael. It's not that bad. Maybe a couple of blog posts. Guys, there's also a book that I've been reading called Why We Sleep. I've touched on it briefly on this show by a guy named Matthew Walker. He's a PhD. Trying to get him on the show soon. And it's all about sleep and why we sleep, as you can imagine. One of the biggest takeaways that I found in the book is that you need to be on a consistent sleep schedule. Your body is not able to regulate when you're sleeping

at different times, waking at different times consistently. So what I try to do is pick a specific hour that I go to bed every night and a specific time that I wake up. So without fail, I'm up every day at 5am. And I try to be asleep by 10, 1030pm because it's really difficult on the body when you're going to bed at 10pm one night, 1am the next night, 1130, 8pm, your body gets all out of whack and your mind doesn't know how to process everything. So try to get on a consistent sleep schedule. If you need to use the 48 things Lauren mentioned to do that, be my guest. Michael, once you have these things all at your disposal and they're around the room, you love it. First of all, the chihuahuas are wrapped in their barefoot dreams blankets,

like loving every second. Michael, honestly though, I'm telling you, I've set the tone of our room. Let's just get to an even 50. Okay. You want to get to an even 50? I also have a silk sleep mask. Okay. Jason Naylor made me a sleep mask and I'm obsessed. Okay. So I have 50 things to go to bed, but they're the same 50 things I use every night. And it makes my room a perfect little cocoon and you love it too. Yeah. I just get a quickie. I'll fall asleep real quick. No, just get one of those. You are sexual. Turn the salt rock on, hit the sack. Don't slip off your silk pillow. You love the silk pillow case. Oh, a little notification there. All right, guys,

let's get into the show. All right, guys. Marie is an entrepreneur, writer, philanthropist, and was named by Oprah as the next thought leader. She is major. She is hot. She is cool. And she is confident. With that, let's welcome Marie to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. Before we get into the interview, let's address some of these people that are out there. Dad, this is mostly for you. What kind of people are not getting their groceries delivered straight to their door? Dad. Who's living in 1994 that listens to this show? Yikes. Guys, let's talk about Thrive Market, one of the most efficient, healthy, best services online to date. They've been a partner of this show for a long time. And honestly, I am dumbstruck and so was Lauren, if you are living in 2019 and

not shopping on Thrive Market. Here's what you got to do if you're not shopping on Thrive. First of all, you need to be shopping on Thrive. We've been doing it for the last two years and we're in love with it. So I curated a page for all you guys that have all my favorites, all the things I add to my cart month after month. So all you have to do is go to thrivemarket.com slash skinny or Google Thrive Market, the skinny confidential, and my page will show up. Basically, you can find my favorite organic apple cider vinegar shot in the morning is so delicious.

You can also find my coconut aminos, which I've been using in my favorite cauliflower rice situation. And it's so good. I got rid of soy sauce. Michael, you didn't know this. And I started using Thrive coconut aminos. Can't go wrong with that. Thrive has all these things all in one on my curated page. You can shop, add to your cart. You'll also find things like my favorite Indian healing clay mask, ghee butter. Everything is so specific. So definitely head over to thrivemarket.com slash skinny and stock the situation. They literally take all of the leg work. I mean, literally take the leg work out of the process of having to shop in a store. They deliver all the best ingredients straight to your door. They vet all the products and brands

that they bring on board. Again, if you guys want to try it and get 25% off your first order and free shipping, again, what's to lose there? Go to thrivemarket.com slash skinny. Again, that is thrivemarket.com slash skinny for 25% off your entire order and free shipping. Enjoy easy, effective, and fast online grocery shopping and join the rest of us in 2019. Now let's get into the show. Thank you, Thrive Market. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. online grocery shopping and join the rest of us in 2019. Now let's get into the show. Thank you, Thrive Market. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. So the show started, I think around 2010 or 2011, and it evolved from me shooting into my webcam, no lighting, no editing, nothing, not even knowing where it was going to go. And it was because I did a lot of fitness videos in my past that I love teaching on video and I love that medium. And then it started to evolve.

And I pulled this girl from Twitter that I met on Twitter and I was like, oh, can you start shooting? Because I had other ideas of how I wanted to produce the show, started shooting in her apartment. Then we started to get more people and I just didn't want to figure out what to wear. So I started getting wardrobe and then it started building a complexity. For a few years, we were in New York City and we were like this traveling caravan shooting in photo studios. And there was like a music video happening and you couldn't get the sound right. And then we just said, fuck it. I said, you know, what is the biggest stress point in the business? And we have a virtual team. So there's about 30 of us that are distributed. Biggest stress point was trying to find a place to shoot. And I said, fuck this. We need our own studio. Let's build it out. Let's find a place we can afford it. And it is like one of the most transformative things that we've done. So even though the studio is empty a lot of the time, because I travel a lot and my whole team is distributed, whenever we want to do something, it's there. And how did you even get started in motivational speaking? Like, Oh, let's take it back. Yeah. Take me far, far back. Let's

go way, way back. Let's go way, way back. So this is fun. When I graduated from Seton Hall University, I was a business finance major. I had a lot of energy. The only thing I could imagine myself doing was being on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, which was my first job. And I was really excited to be there. So no one in my family had ever went to college. My parents busted their ass to put me in school. So I had this great weight on my shoulders about trying to make good on that. The challenge was about six months into working on the floor, I started hearing these small voices like in my heart, in my head, just in my soul, like, Marie, this is not what you're meant to do. This was around 1997, 98. And so I'm hearing these voices inside, like, this isn't who you're meant to be. This isn't what you're meant to do. And I'm starting to panic

because A, I don't have a trust fund. I was thousands of dollars in debt after school, like many kids are. I didn't have another idea of what to do. I was grateful to have any job and health insurance and all the normal things trying to be an adult, right? It's felt very, very irresponsible to even consider doing something else. So I tried to ignore the voices for a while until it got to the point where I started to have panic attacks on the floor. One day I felt dizzy. I couldn't breathe. I was like starting to see spots. And I told my boss, I said, Hey, I'm going to run out and get some coffee. Instead of getting coffee, I made a beeline to the nearest church because I had graduated from a Catholic university.

So my go-to in that time was like, if there's a crisis, I'm just going to talk to the big guy upstairs and try and get some guidance. Ask the Lord. That's right. So I sat my ass down on the church steps, Trinity Church, and I just started bawling because I just felt like, what am I doing? The next signal I got was to call my dad because that was kind of the thing that was sitting on my shoulders like, oh my gosh, he worked so hard to put me through school.

Am I going to just totally make these guys upset? They're not going to be proud of me. So I call my dad and I'm blubbering and he breaks in and he's like, Rae, look, you've been working since you were nine. I'm not worried about you paying your bills. He goes, but you're going to be working for the next 40, 50 years. If this job is making you this sick and you'd hate it this much, you got to quit and you got to find something that you love. Once you do that- Dad gives good advice. Hey, dad.

Dad gives the best advice. Love dad. So in that moment when he told me that, even though I had no idea how to find something I'd love that just felt irresponsible, Deep down, it felt right. And I said, fuck this. I'm going to give my notice. And within a week, I quit that job. And I went on a bit of an odyssey to try and figure out who I was in the world, right?

Because there's really no handbook for this. How do you figure this out? So I looked inside and my clues were that I loved business. My dad was a small business owner, but I was also really creative. As a kid, I wanted to be either an animator for Disney or a fashion designer or just some type of fine artist. I'm like, okay, these are the only clues I have. So I thought to myself, maybe the world of magazine publishing. It's like this blends that business side, the ad side, and also the editorial side. I hustled and I got myself a position at Gourmet Magazine, Condé Nast Publications, right?

I'm in the- I used to love that magazine. I love food. Is it still out? It's not. I used to love that. My mom used to love that magazine too. It's good.

And the thing for me as a woman who loves to eat was that I was seated right next to the test kitchen. So all the editorial staff would bring me snacks. And I'm like, this is heaven. I can't get better than this. Anyway, cut to a few months and I start hearing these voices again. Like, this isn't what you're supposed to do. This still isn't it, Marie. This isn't right.

And I'm like, oh God, I felt like such a loser. This felt horrible. Once again, health insurance, steady paycheck, nowhere to go. What is wrong with me? And then I got a little more objective about it. I thought to myself, well, if I don't want to become my boss and ad exec, and I don't want to become the publisher of the magazine, I admired her. She was great, but I didn't want her job. What the hell am I doing wasting their time and mine? What's a smart way to look at it? Because a lot of people get stuck

in a job and they're like, okay, you know, obviously when you're in a, when you're in a career, you have to look at like what the trajectory of that career is, like where are you going to end up? And you can, a really good indicator is to look at what the people at the top are doing and ask yourself if you ask what, how you see yourself yourself progressing or if that's what you want to do in the future. A lot of young people listen to this and they don't ever think about that. I'm just going to stay at this job and keep going, going, going. But do you want to get to the top? That's right.

And so for me, that answer was a clear no. And I kept having these feelings against it. I'm like, OK, well, maybe let me step back. These last two gigs, Wall Street, totally focused on money, totally focused on making millions, even ad sales to a certain degree. It's a lot about money and numbers. I thought maybe I need to lean harder into my creativity. Let me get a job on the editorial side of a magazine because that's got to be it. So again, I hustled. I got myself a position as a fashion assistant at Mademoiselle Magazine, women's fashion magazine. Remember that one too. That's an oldie but goodie.

And I'm like, okay, this has got to be it. I'm going to fashion shows. I'm working with designers. We're doing layout. We're doing all these interesting things, right? You can imagine what happens next. The voices come back. Now I'm like, okay, fuck this. Am I broken? What is wrong with me? All of my friends who graduated, they're starting to build lives. They're starting to get promotions. They're buying houses. They're doing all of these things. And here I am once again, wanting to quit my job with nothing to do to back it up. But you just hit on something interesting. That's where a lot of young people get fucked up because it's not that they're so worried

about what their friends are doing. They see their friends doing this, getting these great jobs. It's that they're unhappy with what they're doing, right? And so they use that and say, oh, my friend's getting so much further ahead. But if you were doing something that you actually like doing, you actually love doing, you wouldn't necessarily care that maybe, you know, Susie got a little bit of an advancement in ad sales, because if you're not in that same industry and that's not your focus, like maybe you're going, you're building a writing career and

you're like, okay, that's a different path. So you have to stay on it. But if you're doing something you don't like, and then you hear that news, you're like, oh man, this is, I'm fucked up now. Totally. When you have your purpose, you're so focused on what you're doing that you're just happy for everyone around you. But I want to talk about a little, I want to go back a little bit, talk about your dad. He was smart and a lot, and we talked about this a little bit before the show started. A lot of young people get messed up because they think, okay, my parents put me through school. They want me to do this.

I have to stay on this path. There's this pressure and they feel like, okay, this was the path that was set for me. And there's so much pressure from my family and friends that if I get off it, I'm letting people down this morning. And really like that's was set for me. And there's so much pressure from my family and friends that if I get off it, I'm letting people down this morning. And really like, that's a formula for failure. Not, I don't want to say failure, but that's a formula for misery. That's a better word because you're doing things for other people then. And then what happens is you don't have the filter to say, is this what I actually want to be doing? A lot of, a lot of young people get stuck. Just maybe it's their parents path, or maybe it's what they think their parents want.

So maybe like go into that a little bit, how your dad had the foresight and then that conversation that unfolded because i'm sure it was not comfortable to begin with but ultimately you couldn't be doing what you're doing without you know kind of saying hey this is not for me oh it was a turning point for me and my dad is just one of those super solid great people like italian american tiny short i gotta tell you guys later talking about working out this i know this isn't a side we'll get back on track but my dad a couple ago, had a health scare and he passed out in a bank, cracked his head on the marble floor. It was just like, you know, growing up again, growing up in the 50s and the 60s, eating pizza, eating hot dogs, eating all the things that you

know you shouldn't be doing. No matter how much I tried to stick a green juice in front of him or a salad, he just wasn't having it until he had this health scare. Cut to, I did a health intervention, got him his first juicer, just took him to enough with the carbs pops. Like once in a while it's fine, but we got to get you on actual vegetables. He had never met them before. Then he's lost all this weight, like almost 30 pounds. Right now at this day, he's working out probably more than all of us. He wakes up every single day, 45 minutes doing this like circuit training class in New Jersey, then twice at night, two different 30 minute sessions on a bike. This is seven days a week. I'm like pops and he's 70. He's a beast. Anyway. So that's the pops coming back to him and

that piece of advice, but tagging off of what you were saying, it takes a lot of courage to step outside of the conventional box, so to speak. So it's understandable for people listening, feeling like, oh my gosh, my parents, my friends, all of these societal expectations. But I think the value in this conversation comes from telling people, you guys, look what you've built. It's incredible what you've done already and where you go. The sky is the limit. And for me, I couldn't imagine my life a different way, but it all came from having the courage to listen to that small voice inside that says, whatever's happening right now

isn't it. And you've got to step out and be comfortable with uncertainty to be able to find it. My team had a meeting the other day here at Dear Media with a very prominent agency. They're basically saying like, hey, well, this is not the traditional way things are done. And I had to basically look at these guys and say, listen, the only reason this business exists is because we're not doing things the traditional way. And I think young people need to understand that like, hey, well, this is not the traditional way things are done. And I had to basically look at these guys and say, listen, the only reason this business exists is because we're not doing things the traditional way. And I think young people need to understand that just because your parents or your peers or you've seen something done a certain way doesn't mean that it needs to be done that way. And I think we're all like us three here in this room are living proof of that. So these conversations could bring any value to anybody listening

is to understand like you can go outside the box and not just you can, but it's probably beneficial to. I think we're living in such a unique time, not to cut you off, darling, but it's like we're, we still have relics from the past, right? From the industrial age where everyone was a cog in a wheel and the world has changed so much. And we'll get to this in a few minutes. But one of the things that was so pivotal for me was, you know, I read so many of these career books about how to find success. And it was all about how to niche down and choose one thing and stick with it. And we'll get to this part of the story. But the moment that I let myself be me,

multi-passionate Marie who loves marketing and sales and business and personal development and fitness and hip hop and all of these things, that was a turning point for me. We'll get there. And that's when my entire life started to fly. So you're at Mademoiselle. I'm at Mademoiselle. And what happens? How do you get out of that? And what's the next step? Miserable. Feeling like the biggest loser. What the hell am I going to do? I was on the internet one day, probably when I shouldn't have been. And I stumbled upon an article about a new profession at that time, get this, 1999, called coaching. No one had heard of it.

So you got to remember, back then, it was not a mainstream thing. No one had ever heard of it. Tony Robbins made this popular, right? Totally. And I mean, there was like Deepak Chopra. There were Tony Robbins. But there weren't just gajillion coaches for everything from your dog to your phone to Instagram to everything. So this article, when I read it, you guys,

something in me lit up. It was like the clouds parted. There was little cherubs, sunbeams shooting out of their eyes. And I was like, oh, I know exactly what you're talking. You're like, this is it. This is it. And it didn't make sense logically. So at 23 years old, the logical part of my mind said, who the hell is going to hire a 23-year-old life coach? You haven't even lived life yet. You have nothing to offer. You're in debt. You're a hot mess. You can't hold down a job because you keep quitting. There's nothing that you have to offer other people.

This is dumb. Yet something deep in my bones was like, you have got to pursue this. So I signed up for a three-year coaching program. It was all done via teleconference and everything was online. And I kept my mademoiselle job during the day. Fast forward six months, I got a call from the HR department. They had a promotion for me to go to Vogue. More money, more prestige, getting on the best fashion magazine sensibly in the world, or I could quit and do this weird life coaching thing,

which I had no idea how to build a business. And that was my proverbial fork in the road. So at 23, where do you pick your, like, let's talk about the proverbial fork in the road. Like, where do you decide to plant your flag and say, this is where I'm going to help people? Before we get into that with Marie, I want to tell you guys about ritual. So first things first. Okay. I just got myself this pink vitamin holder. It's so cute. I'll link it on and the skinny was like, and I put my ritual in it for when I'm traveling. This is so efficient because my rituals already by my toothpaste and tongue scraper every single morning so I can just grab and go. But now I have it even in a little to go vitamin box. So if for

some reason I don't have time to take it in the morning or I'm traveling, I have my pink little vitamin situation ready to go in my purse. For those of you who have not heard about Ritual, you have to get on board, okay? First of all, they have all the essentials that women need in one vitamin. This is just amazing because it's like a multitasking thing. So you get vitamin K2, D3, which I'm low on, B12, omega-3, boron, iron, vitamin E, folate, magnesium. Love magnesium. It gets things moving all in one, which is amazing. So you're not carrying around 5 zillion bottles. They're not all at the bottom of your purse collecting dust and spider webs. This vitamin brand for me has been one that I've been taking for the last six and a half months, and I can tell you that I'm loving it. I feel like my nails have grown stronger. I've been

dyeing and bleaching my hair a lot, and I can tell that the vitamins that I'm taking are really helping to keep it strong. I would highly recommend this. It's amazing for women. They're also chic vitamins. You want them on your vanity. You want them next to your toothbrush. You want them to be seen instead of stowed away in some dark, deep drawer. You know what I'm saying? For anyone who's obsessed with reading labels like me, that's the first thing I look at, Rituals, vegan-friendly, sugar-free, non-GMO, gluten-free, and allergen-free. We love this. You know their sources. You can go to their website.

They have everything laid out for you in very simple terms, and they have their research there. I mean, everyone is talking about these vitamins, you guys. You can't go wrong with them. And of course, guess what? Ritual delivers. So it's a subscription service. It's so easy to start.

It's $1 a day to have all the essential nutrients your body needs delivered every month to your door. Better health doesn't happen overnight. Help fill the gaps in your diet with essential for women, a small step that helps support a healthy foundation for your body. Visit ritual.com slash skinny to start your ritual today. That's ritual dot com slash skinny. You guys are going to become obsessed. All right. With that, let's get back into the show. Well, that was it. It was like I couldn't stomach going to work another day. I couldn't handle showing up and being in a cubicle every single day, having someone else dictate how much money I could make, no matter how hard I worked. That was it. My paycheck was my paycheck until I got that occasional raise every once in a while. I'm a woman who loves money.

I love money. I didn't grow up with much. I saw it create a lot of pain in people's lives, meaning not having enough of it. So one of the promises I made to myself very, very young was that no matter what it took, I was going to create a business or a career in my lifetime where I could earn as much money as I wanted to take care of the people I love and also to take care of other people. On your own terms. On my own terms. And that's something that I really want the audience to take away with this is like there is a way to do things on your own terms. 100%.

So I quit Mademoiselle. I started bartending and waiting tables again and doing everything that I did in college. Great job too while you're building something. It's the best. Yeah. So I was working like seven days a week at night so I could figure out how to build a coaching business during the day. And you're also learning personalities, learning mannerisms, learning people, understanding. You know what though? The story is so aligned in the sense that like, it's okay to have a full-time job, like work in a cubicle or work as a bartender and do something on the side. Yes. In fact, I think it's one of the biggest things that people should embrace. Here's what

people need to understand is their risk adversity. I've met people in my life who will thrive if they burn everything down behind them. They quit the job and they have to get those sales going, they have to do something so they have no safety net. That's not me. I'm the girl who, especially I was living in New York City, I wanted to have money coming in. You know why? What is more just pathetic than a desperate life coach?

So I did not want to need money from my clients. I needed to build up my skillset. I needed to build up confidence. I would coach anyone. I'd coach their frigging dogs if I had to. I was just wanting to get experience and wanting to prove to myself and other people that I could deliver value. And so letting that money come in through bartending, waiting tables, I cleaned people's toilets. I did everything was what allowed me to build that confidence slowly over time until I felt good enough in myself where I could run the business full time. I think that is amazing advice for anyone out there who's listening

that wants to do a side hustle. You make it happen. If it's a priority, you make it happen. If you want it bad enough, a hundred percent. If you don't want it bad enough, you're not going to do it. We were talking, Lauren and I were talking last night and there was an article or a video about Warren Buffett and he was based, people were asking him how to invest. And he said, okay, well you sit down and you read like this stack of newspapers every day and this stack of books and you study this. And it's like maybe 10 hours of studying every single day. And he's like, that's what you do. And then you can be a successful investor. Like Kimmy goes, that's the formula. He's like, but I guarantee a lot of people won't

do it. That's right. Right. All of these things are at people's disposal, but it's like, do you really have the drive to put in the work? Do you want it bad enough? That's the question. I feel like everyone, including me, whenever I'm looking at a particular goal or a project or an initiative, I ask myself, do I want this bad enough? Am I willing to wake up every day at 5am, stay up until as late as I have to stay up, work on the weekends, make sacrifices in order to bring this thing, whatever the project is, to life? And if the answer is no, it's not getting on my plate because I do not half step anything. Well, the other side of that though is if you're fine and you're happy with what you're doing, that's fine, but you just don't have the right to complain that you don't have other things if you

don't put the time in. But you can be one of those people that's like, hey, I'm just completely happy. This is great. Everything's fine. Good. But if you're not putting in the work and you're complaining and whining about why something's not happening, you got to go deep and say, okay, am I actually doing what I can to get everything that I want and everything I desire? That's a hundred percent right. What are some tangible tips and a lot of millennial listeners for getting what you want? Yes. Well, I think first you need to know what you want, right? So you have to actually identify that and not just identify it in your mind, I think first you need to know what you want, right? So you have to actually identify that and not just identify it in your mind. I think there's so much power in writing things down.

When I look back at old journals, when I look back at old notebooks that I've had for the past 10, 15 years, it's kind of miraculous to see things that I wrote down and maybe even forgot about. And then years later, they've come to life. I'll give you a concrete example. I always have these like yellow legal notepads as an aside. When I started my business and I started building my email list in the year 2000, I used to collect names and emails from my bartending customers to get them on my email list. Oh my goodness. I relate to you so much. So even my fitness classes, I would go in and teach a hip hop class and my front row mafia, the people that loved my classes, they'd be like,

oh, so what else are you doing? Where else are you teaching? And I would tell them about my coaching practice. Get on my email server. Yes. I would say, hey, I published a free weekly newsletter. Oh my God, you guys want to hear a cheesy name? So back in the day, it was called Magical Moments. That's what I named my email newsletter. I love it though. That's so cute. It was sweet, but it was like, you start where you are. What I like to do too is I have a notebook every year. Like I have one notebook that I'll put all my stuff in. And in the notebook, I'll start a fresh new notebook on the first of the year. And on that, I'll have my 10 goals that I want to accomplish.

So every time I open that notebook every day, because I use it every day, I see those goals. And it's not about just staring at them every day and reading them. It's just, you see them in the back of your peripheral every day. It's like conditioning over and over and over again. Also, Michael and I do this thing. Sometimes we'll write down our goals on a piece of paper and then seal it with like candle wax and put it away. And then you open it a year later. You're so right about writing it down. It actually, there's studies that prove you're 42% more likely to reach your goals if you just write them down. It's so weird to say that because, you know, we're sitting here in Dear Media. I wrote something in 2015 that Lawrence and I was like, does a network make sense at some point,

right? But this is before we even did a podcast. That's what's weird about it. And then this happens. And so I don't know what, there's a subconscious thing there, what makes something like this happen, but there's definitely some power in like at least putting your intentions out there and be like, Hey, this is a possibility that I want to happen for my life. Absolutely. I want to address something else too, because one of the things that I've seen in my audience and I've talked about it a lot over the years, you know, you were asking about how do we get what we want, right? Part of what I struggled with was figuring out how to fit into this world. So I've always felt a little bit like a misfit. What do I mean by that? In which world? In the world,

the world at large, because when I even started my coaching practice, right. And I was working really hard, so I'm bartending at night, bartending on the weekends, doing this coaching thing day to day, I hit a real rough point. I had basically broken off an engagement, wasn't the right guy, super sweet, not for me. But we had our money blended, and that put me in this financially precarious situation where I actually had to move home with my parents. So now I'm in like my mid- feeling like the biggest loser ever. I'm like, okay, not only do my life coaching business, you know, it's slow, it's slow going. I love it, but I'm living at home and I don't have enough money to really take care of myself. And here was the thing that I was afraid to admit. I didn't just want to call myself a life coach. First of all, I always think that's like the cheesiest term ever. I hate it, but I just haven't ever come up with something better.

But I also was really passionate about fitness and about dance and about the new world of online and digital marketing. And this is getting to be like 2002, 2003. And so I would write in my journal like, what am I really supposed to do here? Why am I having all of these pulls to different careers? I didn't want to give up coaching. So it wasn't like that first stage where I kept hitting a brick wall in all of those different jobs. But I'm like, I don't seem to fit into just being one thing. And those career and success books we talked about that all told you to niche down and

choose one thing and focus on it and be the best at it, while I understood intellectually that that advice made sense, it didn't fit for me at this time. So if anyone's listening right now thinking like, oh my God, I want to do five things. How do I choose which one? Here's something that transformed my life. The thing that really pulled me at that time was dance and fitness. And I said to myself, okay, I'm 25. I've never taken a dance class in my life. I have no training whatsoever. Should I go for this or shouldn't I go for this? I finally put myself taken a dance class in my life. I have no training whatsoever. Should I go for this or shouldn't I go for this? I finally put myself in a dance class, Broadway Dance Center, New York City, took my first professional dance class ever.

And I will tell you guys, the moment I got in there, I started crying because the body recognition of how right this felt was amazing. I see Lauren nodding her head like she's probably had a moment like this before. There's a little mantra that I want to give people. It's called clarity comes from engagement, not thought. Clarity comes from engagement, not thought. When you're considering all the different things that you can do, give yourself room to experiment. I started calling myself a multi-passionate entrepreneur because I didn't want to fit myself into some conventional box. So when people would ask me what I would do, because that's always the question that people ask you, previous to that, I would just cringe at that question

because I hated just saying I was one thing. Then when I started saying, you know what? I'm a multi-passionate entrepreneur. They're like, what does that mean? I'm like, well, I bartend, I have a coaching practice, and I'm starting to take these dance and fitness classes too. And I would get to talk to people about all the different things I was interested in without feeling like I was trying to put myself like a square and a round hole. That makes sense. You know what happens? Why? Cause that happens to me too. When people ask like, what do you do? And I always, I really like, I've always figured out, I'm trying to figure out how to like answer that question, but I struggle with it. It's because when you answer some consciously,

sometimes because you don't answer with one thing, you feel like maybe they think you're scattered and then you start to feel bad about it. Like, Oh, well, like, no, I actually am like a serious person. I'm doing a lot of things, but I know it doesn't come off that way. Cause I, my answer is a little bit all over the place. I struggle with that too. But what I want to get to here is I agree with you that you can be multifaceted and you can be multi-passionate because I'm probably the same way. And I think Lauren is as well. But when it comes to executing with young people, like how do you sit down with them and say, listen, it's okay to have a lot of different passions and a lot of different interests, but where do you, where do you tell them to focus down and target? So this

is where you start, or this is how you start to build. Because obviously if someone comes and say, I want to be a dancer and I want to be in finance, I mean, like that's a formula for a little bit of shatterness. Absolutely. So. So I think that you have to really understand the stages of life that you're at. So for example, there's one stage for most of us where we need to experiment. We need to give ourselves permission to try things so that we can feel from the inside out whether or not we actually like it. Do we want to pursue this? Do we want to pursue it as a passion or do we want to pursue it as a business or as a career? So that's the stage of exploration. And that's the stage I think not enough people actually give themselves permission to do. Work seven days a week. Hell, if there was

nine days a week, I would have worked nine days a week to do all of the different things at once. What that dance class afforded me to do was to know for myself that this was something real. I went hard then, Michael. And within, I think about six months, I started not only just taking dance, but I actually started teaching dance. Before long, I got a gig with MTV choreographing on a show. That led to doing fitness videos. That led to a gig with Nike as an elite dance athlete, teaching hip hop all over the world. But it would have never come if I kept trying to stay in this tiny, small, narrow box. So to answer your question, there's a time for exploration. There was a period of my career where it was probably five or six years where I

juggled both a growing coaching business, growing that brand, and also dance and fitness. But then I hit a point where I knew if I didn't focus in that I was going to be miserable. So I had to step back and go, okay, now that I've experienced all this, where do I want to focus my energy to take this to the next level? And I call this trying on different futures. So I tried on the future of what it would look like if I pursued dance, fitness, and that world with all of my gusto and just put 100% of my energy there. When I looked into the future and saw myself making a living from my physical body in my 50s or 60s, that was not a reality that I wanted. I thought about the fact that in order to make the kind of money that I dreamed of, I'd probably have to create some kind of infomercial with some

kind of gadget or gear. That didn't feel appealing to me. Right. Exactly. Totally. Right. Or like the thigh master or something like that. So when I envisioned myself in that particular future, I was like, no, this isn't it. Then when I thought about writing books, speaking, building a show, doing all of these different things that revolve around coaching and training people. And I, I imagined myself at 50, 60, 70, or 80, where it's about my ideas and the value that I bring to this world. Because all of this is going to go for all of us. We may be kind of cute now, but you know what? And you're still going to be cute in your 80s or 90s, but things are going to change and shift. And I leaned into that future and all I felt once again was an openness and

like the sky is the limit. And that's the beautiful thing about being an entrepreneur online now is that you can take the foundation of what you created and do all different things with it. You can do the show, you can do a podcast, you can do all these different things. So you're essentially still a multifaceted entrepreneur. It's just, it's not like you have to just be in a box where it is with dancing, where your body goes. You can do all the different types of things you want to do online, which is the beauty of the internet. That's right. And so that's what I think people can do is try on different futures, just like you would try on a pair of shoes or a dress and really imagine how

hard it's going to be. What are the income potentials? What's the revenue potential, the profit potential? What's your life going to look like? I know for me, I wanted to be location independent. I was talking to you guys before we started recording. You're like, so where are you based? I'm like, well, I'm kind of bi-coastal, but I'm all over the place. Our team is totally distributed. I can be anywhere I want, generally speaking, save five or six times a year when we record the show. I'm relying heavily on technology for the future. Yeah. Like robot arms and legs. Yes. Are you going to get a robot vagina?

No. Like a robot woman? What happens when I turn 80 and my body gives out? A couple more mornings like we had this morning and I might need like a side robot. But I was thinking like, you know. I was a real bitch this morning. If my, you know, my eyesight goes, you know, I get robotic eyes and like, maybe I'll, maybe I'll like add a little bit of like height.

I'll get a little taller, robotic legs, whatever you think it's coming. I'm, I'm, I'm, that's what I'm going. I love that's where you're leaning into that future. My future that I've thought about is me at like 280 years old, but like part robot. I have to deal with you until you're 280. Well, if you can, if you can hold on for the robotic future, I'm going for one. I love that you guys are pushing it to 280, because I was in my brain going like 120. Like, I'm really shaking. All right, Michael's shaking with that.

120, I think we're going to get there just how we are right now, because I think health just keeps evolving. I don't know if I can handle you for 200 more years. Listen, back in the day, if you lived till like 30 years old, you were like, whoa. That was all you had to deal with. Yeah, 30, 35. If you made it 40, you were an old man. This is a whole other conversation. So this is actually a good one and a fun one. I love it.

And I think one of the things that, um, for me, what I've discovered, especially when it comes to relationships, we are so ill equipped, I think in relationships. So there's a few things that I've done. So Josh, my man and I've been together is going on 16 years this year. Yes. It's a long time. It's a long ass time. And I love him and he loves me, but we, but I mean, we're human, right? I would give two recommendations. If you guys haven't read this book or done work with them, I would highly recommend it. So Michael's looking for relationship books right now. So so Harville Hendricks, getting the love you want. Have you guys heard of this? No. Okay. So I'm giving you a little throwback. So it was really big Hendricks getting the love you want.

So he and his wife, Helen, they're both PhDs. They're extremely intelligent, but I will tell you, I've done so many different relationship modalities over the year because I am a relentless motherfucker when it comes to things that I want. And my relationship with Josh is something I've had to really fight for because we've just gone head to head a lot of times. And getting the Love You Want workshops, I've had them on the show. So we can put a link to that if you guys want. It's miraculous. That's one thing. Second thing, have you guys explored polarity at all? What's that? Oh my gosh. Maybe. Maybe. A little bit. Go into it a little bit. Okay. A little masculine, feminine essence and how, so this is actually really important, especially

for couples that work together and especially important for powerful women because we live in a culture right now that prioritizes and basically values the masculine more. So the masculine is a lot of focus, building shit. It's incredible force and direction and all of that stuff that you and I have in us. But there's this also other beautiful feminine side. I see Lauren's face. Oh my God. This is so relevant.

Keep going. Take all. Listen, I would love to do everything. Michael, you better be sketching this on your arm right now and tattooing it. I am telling you. So what happens, I'll at least just speak for myself. So what can happen for me as a boss is that I'm spending 10, 12 hours of my day really flexing my masculine side, my get shit done, extremely focused. I'm keeping this

team together. I'm doing all the things. But then when it comes time for Josh and I to be connected, he don't want to be with another dude who's got this very fucking forceful directed energy. And it's a complete turnoff, not to mention... Well, this is relevant, isn't it, Lauren? This is relevant. Plot twist. It's this dance though, that most of us who are in relationships have to figure out. And by the way, this is if you are in a same sex couple. So whether it's two men or two women, it's still just about the masculine, feminine energy. Absolutely. It's about those energies dancing and understanding how we both have both. And how do you, I like to think about it like this. So I feel like for a large part of my life, I've leaned so heavily into my masculine because I've been rewarded for it and I'm damn fucking good at it. But it's almost

like you have this incredible keyboard with 88 keys and you're only playing 44 of them. And so the feminine has not been as valued, in my opinion, in our society. And so we have to really learn, I've had to learn how to lean into that because there is a pervasive myth that the feminine can be weaker and that's some bullshit. But it could not be further from the truth. Could not be further from the truth. Can we get a little amen high five action? Listen, women taking over. I'm just hoping that I get invited on the arc. I love it. I love it. I joke with my partner all the time. I said, listen, the arc takes off. Just bring me with you. Yeah, no, but it's, it's really interesting stuff. And I would invite everyone

listening to explore it because it not knowing it for me has created a lot of pain. So what have you done? What have you done? What are the changes that you've done in your relationship to lean in more to the feminine? So just recognizing what an asshole I can be to my man. Well, this is really relevant, isn't it? I was an asshole this morning. Oh, yeah. But we all can be, right? It's like something we all can do in our relationship. So for me, so there are actually three things.

Are we being coached right now? I think we're being live coached right now. No, I actually just want to share. I always think of myself as a guide on the side, not a sage on the stage. I'm a girl from New Jersey. If I find out about the best pizza ever, I'm going to shout out about it. If I find out about something that can actually help people, let me just share because I'm like, oh my gosh, I've slammed my head into the wall with this so many times. Let me save you. But that's a quality not everybody has. You have it in terms of wanting to share.

No, just in terms of like, there's certain people that are in positions to help guide people. Right. I firmly believe that. And like, not everybody has that. Yeah. I think you have that. Oh, well, thank you. Okay. So here are the three C's that I've discovered basically what can close off my man. So the first one is if I criticize Josh. So the moment, the moment I criticize him, it's like, that's it. I'm cutting off our connection. Does not work. The second one, if I close off my heart. So if I'm in uber focused mode and like my heart, I'm basically all up here in my head and I'm not connected to the softness and the love and the compassion and the empathy

and all that good stuff that is really me, but I just cut myself off from it, it's it. It's done. And then the other one is if I try to control him. So I'll give you an example from what happens when we drive around here in LA. I think I know the best way that we should go. Like the GPS sucks. Cause it's usually wrong. Nobody knows. But when I'm telling like, Oh, don't you think Josh, we should turn there. It's like, I'm trying to control him as though he's like my little puppet. So I have to stop doing that. So the three C's, if you don't want to turn your man off or create a fight, don't criticize,

don't control, and don't close off from your heart. I was criticizing and controlling you this morning. And Michael, how much fun is it? It's so much fun. Listen, because- Don't play the victim here. No, I'll tell you this. I'm going to beat your ass if you play the victim if you play the male the male female perspective is an interesting dynamic

we are talking about this like it's an interesting dynamic because we can get into some interesting subjects on this show yeah but i think speaking as a man yeah there's a primal thing that you know and i think men should be confident connecting with the feminine side right and like and i think they should and you need to and i try but there is also something that's primal and masculine where you where when something like your wife or your significant other tells you to start criticizing you or trying to control you it's like there's that primal side that comes out and you're averse to it you just don't want to deal with it and it's a turnoff and it's not a turnoff because you're not attracted the way the person looks or the way the person is yeah it's just it's attacking your manhood yes and there's

something inherently in us that's primal as men where you just shut down and then become non-responsive and then you become combative. And then what happens is everybody becomes unhappy. And that's something that I think a lot of women should hear from a man's perspective, because a lot of times a man's trying to communicate that, but it comes out in anger or it comes out in frustration. And so you don't get to the core of issues. I think if you just do the things you said or recognize those issues, you'd have a lot more progress in that relationship. Let's talk about the other side of the coin. Yeah. What is the three C's for men? It's actually three U's. And this is something like literally Josh and I review this every night. Cause it's like, no one teaches you this shit. So the first you

for women. So this is how women's femininity gets shut down. And by the way, when either one of us goes into a stress point, so when naturally, when I say naturally, I just mean like a woman who predominantly is feminine in her essence, right? If that's kind of her nature. When she gets stressed, she'll go to the masculine. And a man who's primarily masculine in his nature, when he gets stressed, he goes to the feminine. So it's really good to know for you and your partner that if something's happening business-wise or something's happening in our life, when they get stressed, they're going to go to the opposite essence. So men, the three U's. The first one, and this is how men shut down the feminine and basically drive her to be like masculine and fucking want to kick your ass.

So the first you is unseen. If a woman doesn't feel seen by her man, and I don't just mean physically seen, although it includes that. Not just like complimenting the look. Yeah, but it's not just like, oh, you look great today. It's like, hey, Lauren, God, your eyes are incredible right now. Like the blue is just beyond anything I've ever seen. It's like noticing something genuine and real. Her eyes are like the White Walkers in Walking Dead, huh?

Are you kidding? Okay, so that's so shitty. And your eyes are ridiculous. So unseen, if a woman feels unseen, but it goes beyond the physical because it also encompasses. So for example, Michael, you might say to Lauren, like, God, honey, you are doing so much between what you're doing on Instagram, what you're doing with your brand, what you're doing with like all of these sponsorships. I don't even know how you get it all done.

When a man, I could see her smiling. When a man notices and really sees a woman, she comes to life. And again, this goes beyond the physical. The second you is unheard. There's sometimes when women, we want to talk and we don't want a man to come in and just fix it. We really need to be heard the fullness of the emotional experience. We just want you to take it in, not fix it and

really empathize with us. It's hard to do. I know, but this is what we're talking. I'm talking about like, I agree with you, by the way, formula that helps us stay connected. That helps that polarity stay rich, which helps our sex lives stay rich because they will go down over time. They will, if you don't get this shit right. Even if you love someone. The third U is unsafe. Anytime a woman feels unsafe, whether it's physically unsafe or just that someone's not keeping an eye on everything, any woman, especially who is a leader, is going to step up and take charge because she fucking has to. And for many of us, depending on how we were brought up, we kind of had to do that.

So there's a lot of training in there. So if we don't have a man who's keeping our eye out, it's like, hey, look, somebody's got to fucking do this around here. So I might as well do it. And that's when the balance goes off. That is so interesting. I've never heard anyone describe it as that. Oh, and by the way, so let me give credit where credit is due. I did not make this up. This is something that I actually learned at the last Tony Robbins event that I did. And you know, you guys, when you hear something and it just hits you like a ton of bricks, I was at this event with my best friend and we both like we're grabbing each other's arms because we were recognizing A, how much we criticize and really understand how to really take care of us in a way that would make us come to life. If that makes sense. So we're like, this is useful for all of us. But it's so useful to sit in the room as a couple and hear it, right? Because like you can recognize that, but if you're sitting up there doesn't hear, Oh, like there's two sides of this.

Yes. So I think that's extremely beneficial. I thought it was all just your fault. And what I was trying to say lauren i didn't i didn't mean the walking dead i meant the white walkers in game of thrones you know their eyes are like piercing blue that's your that's like how your eyes are the walking dead not the walking dead walkers let's game of thrones yes the compliment and go back to the drawing you're talking about how the taylor yeah he's gonna need some uh because we were just in finland and everybody up there has like piercing blue eyes. And then Lauren's never been up there and we've never been up there.

And I looked, I was like, holy shit. I was like, I knew they were blue, but go ahead. Yeah, no, your eyes are ridiculous. They're beautiful. Thank you. What are some tips that you've picked up from Tony Robbins that you've sort of applied to yourself, but then filtered through and taken and I don't know, sort of regurgitated in a way that's maybe more feminine. Yeah. Well, I mean, obviously, like I said-

I love him. I think he's like so spot on. And I would love to know as a woman coach, how you've sort of translated that. Yeah. So, I mean, I love Tony to death. He's been a mentor of mine. I've loved every time I've got to spend time with him and work with him. I think he's incredible. I think one of the things that's so wonderful about Tony and in terms of tips, this idea of really just being clear on what you want. You cannot get what you want unless you identify what that is. I think the other thing is just consistently taking action towards it. I said earlier, I feel like one of my greatest gifts on the planet is I really am a relentless motherfucker. When I want something, when something's important to me, I will not give up. I don't care how many times it doesn't work. I

don't care how many times I quote unquote supposedly fail. It's really not a failure. I will keep going. And I feel like Tony teaches that he embodies that. And for anyone listening, I would just highly recommend like, you know, if you haven't gotten to one of his events, have you guys, do you guys go to his, we did the UPW. Whatw what's that one what's it called you guys got to do date with destiny you should come with me next year what's upw upw is unleash the power within oh yeah that's the difference oh my gosh it's big so date with destiny is like his kind of six or seven day thing and it is full fucking that's a long time it is is. It's a suit. And you need a strategy. Like you need to go with someone who's been before.

Yeah. We didn't have a strategy when we went. I threw my back out there. Oh, his back was thrown out. He had like a paper cut and I had to hear about it for like five years. It was like, whoa. It was good though. I love Tony.

I love that stuff. Yeah. You know, Michael did it for one day and then he was sort of checked out. I feel like sometimes that's what I could have. i feel like i got what i what i needed yeah like i consume a lot of his content i've read his books um still i think no i could see the benefit of it let's send you off for seven days here's what i'll tell you can i i'll say what it is i got into a space i'm like i looked around and a lot of people are gonna like this what i'm gonna say i know i'm gonna get myself in trouble i looked around and i saw all these people hyping

themselves up and high-fiving and hugging and patting each other in the back and i said 90 of these people are going to go home and do the exact same thing that they've been doing yeah but 10 aren't but 10 aren't and so like for me i was like i got what i needed i'm ready to go back and do what i need to do and take action but tony said don't complain and then you complained about your back well i thought you know what i'm saying i listen i'm not trying to knock anybody there and this is why i'm gonna get in trouble but i looked around and i could see it clear as day that a lot of these people were very hyped up very excited amping themselves up but you could just tell like a lot of these people were just we're not going to follow through okay but this

is a good question to ask you how can you take the inspiration that you get from a life coach or a book or a podcast and continue to apply it day after day after day. Because I believe motivation is temporary. There has to be purpose. Absolutely. I agree with you a hundred percent. I think it comes back to that question that we asked before. How bad do you want it? It all comes back to how bad you want it. How important is it to you? Why do you want to reach whatever this goal is? I will tell you this, that anyone that is striving to look good, to be kind of self-important, that's looking for just tons of fans or tons of followers, or they're chasing vanity metrics, you're fucked. You're totally fucked. There's no

happiness. There's no satisfaction. So the frame change I would give people, and this is how I've just built everything. And it's the most satisfying. it's the most joyful, it's the most fun. Make it about what you can give, not what you can get. Can you be of service? Can you just look out into whatever it is that your business is, right? It doesn't have to have an online component. Who are you there to take care of? Can you connect with this human being from your heart to theirs? Can you listen to them and be empathetic? Can you try and go above and beyond? When you have the frame set on how you can be of service, you don't give a shit about all the other stuff. I mean, metrics are fine, right? And I think another thing that's important for people is you have to decide what metrics matter to you. Like I've had people ask me, I remember earlier in my career, maybe like five

or six years ago when Facebook was still super big. I'd have students say, Marie, you know, I looked at all the analytics and my page is more popular than yours. I'm like, good for fucking you. Right? I give no shits because what's important to me. Who says that though? You guys know. I get it.

You know. I'm sure you hear loads of things. But my point is this. It was like, what's important to me? The metrics that matter. What is really important is, do I have a profitable business? Hell yes. Do I have financial freedom?

Yes, because I fucking worked my ass off for it. Do I have a team that I care about and that I will go to the mat for day after day? Absolutely. Are they living great lives? Yes. Are we proud of the work that we're doing in the world? Yes. Am I challenging myself with new projects that I give a fuck lives? Yes. Are we proud of the work that we're doing in the world? Yes. Am I challenging myself with new projects that I give a fuck about?

Yes. Those to me are the metrics that matter. Then on the personal side, it's like, Josh, are we still together? Do we have a healthy relationship? By the way, just because people are together doesn't mean a relationship's a success. So for me, the metric is, are we happy? Are we connected? That answer is mostly yes.

Everybody has problems, but it's a yes. Am I healthy? Am I having a fucking good time? Yes, because we're only on the planet for a little bit of time. Yes. Yes. You mentioned earlier that you have to be uncomfortable with uncertainty. Yes.

Can you, you have to be comfortable with uncertainty. I completely agree with you. I think you have to get uncomfortable to become comfortable. Can you kind of speak on that? Absolutely. So 99% of the things that you need to do in order to grow your business or grow yourself as a human, you have never done before, right? So it's going to be uncomfortable in order for you to do that. So stepping out, whether you want to start speaking, whether you want to start making videos, whether you want to launch a podcast, whether you want to

start approaching different brands about sponsorships, you're going to be uncomfortable as hell. You're going to be terrified. But 99% of the things you need in order to grow, you've never done before. So you've got to get comfortable with that uncertainty. And the more you can tolerate uncertainty, the more exciting and passionate your life is going to be because that's where all the good stuff says. I mean, think about it Groundhog's Day wise. If you knew what was coming every single day of the week, you'd be bored out of your fucking brain.

You would be. Some people aren't. We know a few people that like the certainty. I think they're kidding themselves. They like it for a little bit. Yeah. They like it for a little bit, but then they start craving something different. Yes. I would agree with you. What is something that you see across the board with the successful people you work with? An ability to focus and say no.

Good one. That was a quick answer. Yeah. Well, because I think, you know, you were talking about Warren Buffett before. I mean, disciplined as all hell. The ability to say no to investing in things, everybody else could say it's the hottest thing since sliced bread. And he's like, nope. Yep. I think as folks get more and more successful, the temptation is to take on more and more things to have all of these plates spinning. For me, I live by a mantra that's called simplify to amplify. I find that for me specifically, I thrive when I have just a handful of things that I can pour everything into. And when I cross a threshold and there's one or two projects, I start feeling stressed, which means I'm not going to give my best.

So I think the ability to focus and also to say no to things, to not try and be like Superman or super woman. That's what I think. When I first started having success i started saying okay like i'm gonna at one point i own like a men's boot company fashion boot company we had like these weird lockers in vegas we had about like i would say 80 of the stuff ended up being a disaster we ended up you know consolidating but it's because you start to have success like wow i did that real well so i think i can go and do everything it's like no wait what is your expertise and what are you actually passionate about what do you actually want to do yes it happens to a lot of very successful entrepreneurs. Maybe they sell their company like, okay, now I'm going to be a nightclub owner. I'm going to have this

fashion line and do this. It's like, that's not what made you successful. Lauren says, she always quotes this book called The Slight Edge. Yes, I know that one. Absolutely. Yeah. You forget what made you successful in the first place and you start doing all these other things and it ends up being a disaster. It's like, you got to get back to your roots and focus on like, what do you actually want to do? What are you actually good at? Where are you going to be focused? I think a great question for people to ask themselves before they say yes to something is why are you saying yes? What is it that you really want to get out of this opportunity, this meeting, this product launch, whatever it is. I think a lot of times people are chasing

vanity metrics. I think they're also perhaps chasing what other people do that they think, oh, because X person who's so successful or so popular is doing this, I should do this too. And it's like, you have to have enough courage to step back and say, what's important to me? And let me stay focused on the one, two, three things that I do better than anyone else on the fucking planet and crush it. It's the same thing with mediums, by the way. A lot of people, they look at, you know, maybe an Instagram and a Facebook and a podcast and YouTube. I got to do all of those things. It's like, are you really going to be excited and passionate about doing all those things? Are you going to maybe be better at one? Yeah. I always say that when I first started out, the medium for me to go into in 2010 was blogging.

That was where I knew to go. That was where I was going to build the foundation of the blog. But if I were starting today, it would be completely different. I would start on Instagram. I would micro blog. I would scale out to Instagram story. But the core is always writing for you. Yes. The core. Well, that's what I was going to say is it's like still the slight edge. I'm still across the board doing what I'm doing, just knowing which medium to play at. I want to talk about what you said about society. And you said this before we started. Yes. You said how important it is to beat to the tune of your own drum and not do what everyone expects you to do. Yes. If someone's out there and they're listening and they feel like they are listening to their, and we touched upon this a little bit, but their

parents or their boyfriend or their husband, how can they put their laser beam focus on doing what they wanna do, sort of getting selfish to become selfless? You have to remember that the more you care about what other people think, the more they own you. So if you don't wanna be owned by anyone, you need to stop giving a fuck about what everyone else thinks.

It's a place of living where you're in your joy. And I think one of the healthiest things to do for people who find themselves feeling like they give too much of a shit about what other people think is get off social media for a little bit to leave their phones alone. I think that these things, as glorious as they are and as many benefits as they bring us, there's also a lot of downsides that people aren't really being honest about. There's a lot of studies out there that talk about overall, when people use social media, their wellbeing goes down a little bit.

And so for someone who is in one of those places of struggling to find their own voice, to figure out who they want to be in the world, I would say to step away from comparing yourself to others and just express yourself. You don't have to capture everything for the fucking world. You don't have to put it up constantly. Spend a little time between you and you and stop caring or checking in with what other Just express yourself. You don't have to capture everything for the fucking world. You don't have to put it up constantly. Spend a little time between you and you and stop caring or checking in with what other people think about, is it good? Is it okay?

Whatever. And I think that exercise just starts to flex your own courage muscles and then you can go back in as much as you want and share and check out other people. I also think too is everyone says you're the top five people that you hang around. I am going to say that you're the top five people of who's constantly consumed. Absolutely. I pick three people that I know that are going to uplift me and better me. And it's a very strategic train of thought.

The way I've picked these three people that I like following that add value to my life. So what I've done is I've actually like muted so many Instagram stories and muted so many posts to just focus on the people that I feel like are adding value to my life. A hundred percent. So I think you should really like analyze whose content you're choosing to consume day after day after day. Cause even if it's three minutes a day, that's three minutes a day for a year, for two years, for three years, it's important to dissect, I think. Absolutely. And to be discerning too, because there's some folks that you may follow that you're like, Oh my God, they're so wonderful.

But for whatever reason right now, where you're at in your career, when you are finished consuming their concept, their content, you wind up comparing yourself or feeling like shit. And I think that you have to be really honest with you and you about that. Doesn't mean that person's bad. Even if the person's positive. Exactly. Even if they could be wonderful. So it's not that they're a bad person. You just have to really pay attention to what's happening inside for yourself and honor and be responsible for your own attention and your energy. I think that's good advice.

I want to end it with a book, a resource, a podcast that you would recommend to our audience that's been life-changing for you and you think will be life-changing for them. Okay. So a book, my all-time favorite book is The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Yeah. I just interviewed him on my show. That is the best book ever. Best book ever.

Ever. Ever. Like I read it multiple times a year. I'm so jealous you interviewed him. He is the fucking best. Oh my my god that is the best recommendation he also has a lot of really good historical novels too yes and it's by the way it's not the art of war because people have come to me and they said you said it wrong no there's two there's the art of war and the war of art the war of art by steven pressfield and i would say for anyone who wants to create anything

whether it's a screenplay a novel or even a nonfiction book, his other book, which is called, um, I know what you're talking about. No one wants to read your shit. That is. Yeah. And it's got the crumpled paper on it. It's, um, yes, we have that book, honey. We have that. It's awesome. They're both, I mean, all of Pressfield's books on creativity. That's why you don't know where it is. So I think that if people just went there and just read and actually activated and executed on that book, everything would change. They don't need 50 million things. What does he describe it as?

Resistance? Is that what it is? Yeah. Resistance. Okay. It's a force. Yeah. It's a force.

I'm going to pull out that book and reread it. It's one you can go back to, like you said, and you can also just read one page a day. Yes. You can flip it open. You don't even have to read it front to back. It's so quick. He's so unbelievably good. As you guys know, everyone here should listen to that. That's, that's a really, really good book. I think everyone should read that book. I don't think we've talked about that on this show. That's a strong recommendation. God, I like feel like I need to copy you when someone says that. I forgot I've read that book and it's so life-changing and

transformative. It's my favorite literally of all time. There's never been another book that's topped that one. And I've read my ass off and will continue to. Where can everyone find you? Pimp yourself out, share your Instagram. I know everyone's going to want to consume tons of your content because it's very positive and uplifting. Oh, thank you. So you can find me at marieforleo.com and on Instagram at marieforleo. We have an online business building program called B-School. You can check it out at joinbschool.com. And then this fall, maybe if I'm good enough, you guys will have me back on.

I have a book coming out in September called Everything is Figureoutable, How One Simple Belief Can Change Your Life and Change the World. Awesome. Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you.

Gotta study my three U's. Yeah, study your three U's. Get on it. I'll think about studying two of my C's only. I'm going to study my three U's. Yeah. Study your three U's. Get on it. I'll think about studying two of my C's only. I'm just kidding. Guys, if this show or any of our shows have brought you any kind of value, please make sure you subscribe and rate the show on iTunes. It helps us grow and helps us grow the community. So we'd really appreciate it. And as always, thank you for listening. Thank you for being a part of the community to win this week's giveaway.

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