The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Ms. Pat - How To Heal Trauma, Learn To Laugh, & See The Bright Side Of Life In Dark Times

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

#720: Today we're sitting down with Patricia Williams, AKA Ms. Pat. Ms. Pat is a comedian known for her dark humor and incredible resilience. She joins us for a hilarious conversation covering multiple topics, including her dark past, where she finds inner strength, and how she cultivated the dark humor she's known for.   To connect with Ms. Pat click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To Watch the Show click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn’s favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes.   This episode is brought to you by Nutrafol Nutrafol is the #1 dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement, clinically shown to improve your hair growth, thickness, and visible scalp coverage. Go to nutrafol.com and use code SKINNYHAIR to save $10 off your first month's subscription, plus free shipping.   This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat-only therapy sessions. So you don’t have to see anyone on camera if you don’t want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy & you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/skinny.   This episode is brought to you by Alastin Visit www.alastin.com/skinny for 10% off your ALASTIN purchase with code SKINNY   This episode is brought to you by Pique Visit piquelife.com/skinny to get up to 15% off and a free cup and frother + free shipping for life.   This episode is brought to you by The Farmer's Dog   It's never been easier to invest in your dog's health with fresh food. Get 50% off your first box & free shipping by going to thefarmersdog.com/skinny.    This episode is brought to you by Amazon Kindle Vella Introducing Kindle Vella: Readers’ interactive gateway to episodic stories, available anytime, anywhere. Start reading today for free.   Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Aha! The reason why I'm sitting here in front of you today, because I come from a background when I thought nobody loved me. When I started loving myself, I put so much into my first kid's father. Everything was first with him. Oh, I just love you. I just love you. Then after being beat down and drugged down, and I said, why the fuck am I being treated like this?

I was like, fuck that. So I started to love myself. And when being treated like this? I was like, fuck that. So I started to love myself. And when you love yourself and you put yourself first, you become happy. Fuck. This episode is funny. You guys, if you want to laugh your ass off, this episode is for you. Not only is this one of the funniest episodes we've ever done on the show, but it's also about a story of incredible resilience. I was so inspired by Miss Pat, but also I just could not stop laughing. I would recommend not listening to this episode with kids in the car because we really do talk about it all. We're going to get into a review of fast food restaurants, her experience of becoming a mom at 15, why she became a drug

dealer, finding humor in dark experiences, what it's like to get shot in the boob. I learned all about that. The truth about aging and how she feels being famous. This is going to inspire you. It's going to make you laugh and you're going to fall in love with Miss Pat. I have harassed Miss Pat in the DMs since this episode because I just found her to be so fucking hilarious. On that note, Miss Pat, welcome to the Him and Her Show. This is the skinny confidential Him and Her. So explain the crystal light thing. You just like you just feel like it adds a little zhuzh to your water? It's probably really unhealthy because it got ascertained or some shit in it.

Some of you shouldn't be drinking, but I like it. So when you're young and you ain't got no money, it was Kool-Aid when you was poor and black. So when you grow up a little bit and get a little money, you go to Crystal Light. It's like going from Church's Chicken to Chick-fil-A. You know, I won't eat Church's Chicken. I make too much money. chicken to to chick-fil-a you know i won't eat church's chicken i make too much money so i eat chick-fil-a i eat with the good christian people eat now what's the chick-fil-a order chick for anything on that damn menu it's all good in jesus name really good lauren guys i i'm gonna say if i'm gonna eat in and out it's or if i'm gonna eat fast food it's in and out so i don. So I don't know. In-N-Out? Yeah. That is garbage. Why?

I tried. Those, that patty is so damn thin. It's all bread. You're going to double double. No, but you're going to get a yeast infection. Just go to fucking Chick-fil-A and eat the Christian chicken. Oh, I'm sorry. Should I be cussing?

Oh, cuss away. Keep going. You can eat Chick-fil-A and it's all in Jesus name. But there's nothing that I should try as my first virginity breaker. For Chick-fil-A? Yeah. It's chicken, girl. Just chicken.

Just ask for anything you want on a menu. It's good. I'm going to fucking Chick-fil-A and get in a crystal light after this show. They got good milkshakes, too. They do got good milkshakes. You don't eat Chick-fil-A. Uh-uh. If I'm going to eat fast food, it's Taco Bell, it's In-N-Out, or McDonald's.

What? Happy meal, just cheese and meat. I can tell you got money. You beautiful. Who eats McDonald's? You don't like McDonald's? What? Happy meal? Just cheese and meat? I can tell you got money. You beautiful. Who eats McDonald's? You don't like McDonald's? Fuck no. I don't eat no McDonald's.

That's dumb. You are disgusting, Lauren. You got to eat Chick-fil-A where the bougie people eat. Is it that good? Yes. I'm going to get me some Chick-fil-A. It is really good.

Can I Postmates it? Yeah. Them little things get stuck in the street all the time. Okay. I have a confession. That is one of my guilty pleasures is actually Chick-fil-A, and I will sneak over to that drive-thru.

You eat Chick-fil-A and she don't. She doesn't trust me on it. Maybe she'll trust you. I didn't trust him on it. You never had Chick-fil-A? I'm not against it. I just think if I'm going to eat fast food, it's going to be— That's not fast food.

That's like top-notch. It is? Let me tell you something. Black people just started eating Chick-fil-A 10 years ago that's like top notch it is let me tell you something black people just started eating chick-fil-a 10 years ago that's how good it is we had to discover it like columbus did a miracle it's that good i'm going to chick-fil-a it's better than papa this is an amazing commercial they should hire you i told him that all the time but they say i curse that's what it is it actually is a very christian very christian and i'd be like the fucking chicken

is good and they won't let me they won't they could bleep you out well i don't need their promotion i just go all the time you're doing good you're doing okay how much have she not had chick-fil-a listen she does a lot of things maybe you can come here and educate her but for you to not take me on a date to chick-fil-a and know that it's so good is unacceptable. Yeah, I, you know, some things I just, if you don't want to listen, I just keep it to myself. I mean, the chicken, you're never going to have a chicken breast done that way. Okay, I'm going to Chick-fil-A.

You sold me. They don't have no dark meat. Okay. They only have white meat, which is a chicken breast. Okay, I'm in. The fingers. Do I need to get the dip? Yeah, just get barbecue sauce or either the Chick-fil-A sauce, the Polynesian. I've never met a white person that have not been to Chick-fil-A. Really?

Have you been to a real? White people took over the Chick-fil-A market? No, they started it. We didn't. It was too expensive back in the day. I didn't discover Chick-fil-A until I was a drug dealer. Okay. Wait, wait, wait.

I need to unpack this. I want to go back to before you were a drug dealer. Before? Yeah, before. Because I want to get to the drug dealer part. Okay, okay. before you were a drug dealer. Before? Yeah, before. Because I want to get to the drug dealer part. Okay, okay. Before you were a drug dealer, how'd you grow up? What was your childhood like?

What do you remember? Give us the whole spiel. I grew up in the inner city of Atlanta. I had three brothers and a sister. I grew up in a single parent household. I had two kids by the time I was 15 by my married man. Traffic, cocaine, forced checks, and got shot a couple times. And during that transition of getting shot

and being a drug dealer, I discovered Chick-fil-A at Green Bride Mall. You're going to round the story out with Chick-fil-A. It's not good. Wait, hold on. You had two babies at 15? 14 and 15, yes. That is wild.

With a married man that was not married man. That was not married to you. No, he wasn't married to me. He had a whole wife. Did you know? No, she knocked on my door and she said, you're sleeping with my husband. And I didn't know what her husband was. And I said, how is he your husband? He got to be your boyfriend first.

So you're sleeping with my man. Oh, look at. And then what'd she say? I'm going to kick your ass. How did you have a baby at 14 how did you like know what to do but how did you know what to do i didn't know what to do it came out of me they put it in my arm figured it out i had to take yeah i knew to take care of it yeah what did your mom say my mom my mom actually said when so we was on welfare and back in those days when you had an extra child

they only gave you $32. So my mama said, since you had this baby, all you're going to get is $32 because the rest of the check is mine. So I got $32 a month from my mama for a baby. And I realized that wasn't going to take care of a baby. So what'd you do? I was stealing milk out of the convenience store up the street and all kind of little shit. And then I got into selling drugs and that really helped out. If selling drugs was legal from the people we've had on this podcast,

it seems really fun. Well, I saw crack. So weed is legal, but I don't think they ever make crack. Why go straight to crack? Why not start out with weed? Ma'am, I was in a black community. They had just dropped crack in the black community. That was the hottest shit going like New Jordan. Nobody wanted weed. You can get weed anywhere, but crack was new. Not even go to Coke? Well, let me explain something to you.

I like you because you don't know shit about being black in America. Black people don't do cocaine. It was very expensive. That was white people drugs. So we did crack because they cooked it. So in the justice system, you're probably too young. What are you, 21, 22? What are you?

You know what? I'm going to keep her around. But anyway, when drugs first hit the community, cocaine would give you hardly no time in jail. But crack would give you a life sentence because black people did crack. And that was just how fucked up the justice system is.

I'm not blaming it on anything, anybody. But that's how it was. So when crack hit the black community during the Ronald Reagan era, it gave it put money in the community. It put all people on drugs, empty fathers out of the household. But we made a lot of damn money. And crack was the was the one out of all the drugs? Yes. So how did you initially start? Selling crack.

Yeah. So my kid's father was a drug dealer. That's what they called him back then. He was a drug dealer. So he sold crack. He went to jail and I had nobody to help me with those two kids. So what I did was I took my welfare check was $230 at the time. I had two kids and that's all they gave you.

And I bought me like an eight ball and I cut it up and I sold it. And I think that I spent like 200 for that. I made 400 and I was like, damn. So I took the 400 and I bought a half an ounce and I made a close to a thousand. I just kept flipping it. You know, we just interviewed a guy named Arthur Rapkin. You would have liked this guy. He's about 75 now, but he was one of the original cocaine traffickers that would go down from the U.S. to Colombia. And he would bring all these pounds. But there's a time when you could put it in your suitcase, but there was no TSA or crazy. Right before they got, what's the big drug dealer name? Pablo.

Pablo. I remember this like hell. It was a couple of drug dealers before Pablo. It got so bad to get drugs in America, they started putting it in tractor trailer gas tanks. So we got a whole batch of crack one time that tastes just like gasoline. And all the crack is, how on earth that shit tastes like gas? So they were being picky. Well, that's all we could get over in america at the time because you know they

weren't being picky but you you smoking crack and it tastes like gas you think you're gonna blow the hell up when you so when you start making that much money and you have two kids to support does it get addicting the amount of money that you're making and how do you how do you start checking yourself well i was 16 making that kind of money. And I had my first hundred thousand dollars at 16. Wow. And so I made a lot of money selling crack. But I didn't I didn't realize the value of money. I did what most people did in the hood when they made that kind of money. I bought dumb shit, joins and calls. And I didn't think about the long term of life. You never do. You just flash and having a good time.

So here I am, 16 years old, living in a thousand dollar apartment back in the early 90s. That was expensive. So I lived in the same apartment one of my teachers lived in and I had dropped out of school in the eighth grade. And he was like, how the hell do you afford to live here? I'm like, how the hell do you afford to live here? Did he know? Do you think he knew? He knew I dropped out. Yeah, he knew. Most of us was dropping out at the time to sell drugs. So were you dipping into your supply? I never used drugs.

I eat Chick-fil-A. I don't get high. I don't really drink. I grew up, my mama was an alcoholic. And I grew up around people using weed. Then when crack hit the black community, I grew up around all of that. And I used to say these people stole me. This is not my family.

I know Oprah Winfrey is my mama, but she don't know that she had me and left me here with these crazy ass black people. So I never got into using drugs. My sister got on drugs. My brother got on drugs. Aunt, uncle, never. You probably saw a lot of people where it didn't go well for them. It didn't go well for anybody. I always tell people, if you can remember this, this back in the day we all had jerry curls remember

that yeah i think i know what you're talking about when your hair had that greasy curly look okay when crack hit the black community it ran the jerry curl out of the black community because why because nobody was buying activated to keep our hair moisturized say we're buying crack. I like your wife. I need to take you on a Negro field trip. Take me on a field trip. I love taking a Chick-fil-A.

I would pay money to see that field trip. Why? It'd be fun. It's funny watching you, Lauren, talk about it. Because it's just like, it's so like, it's shocking to you. It's a different lifestyle. It's not shocking. I actually, it's shocking to you. It's a different lifestyle. It's not shocking. I actually find, I find it fascinating.

Thank you. I think it's cool to hear her story. Well, it's, I mean. It's beautiful. It's interesting to hear you talk. And I've seen you talk about a lot of different things. You have obviously a very strong sense of humor while talking about a lot of tough things. Have you always had that mentality and been that way?

No. So one of the things I always tell people because I go deep, I talk about being molested. I talk about being shot. I talk about a lot of things that a lot of people keep their mouth shut about. And I tell my audience, the only way you can heal is to speak it. And I say, you know, when you, when you can talk about it, then you have control of it. So I don't cry about it. So if you're laughing about it, there's no you can talk about it, then you have control of it. So I don't cry about it. So if you're laughing about it, there's no space to cry about it. So I laugh about being molested, being shot in the head, being shot in the titty, being whatever. I find anything dark.

I take it and make it funny. I think that that's a really good outlook. I mean, it's very profound and wise. Well, you can't change the past, so what are you crying for? What am I crying for? I can't, what am I gonna say? Oh, my mama's boyfriend molested me. That man been dead now for 20 years. What am I gonna do? Dig him up

and stick a dildo in his ass? No, but I'm gonna find some great material about it. I mean, that's great material. That's, stick a dildo up his ass. What are the circumstances around you being shot twice? Sounds like...

Well, once I got shot in the nipple. This guy shot me up under the arm with a.45 and he blew my areola and my nip off. Lord,.45's a big caliber gun. Yeah.

I'm telling you, if I had your titty, I would've died. So, you know, I'm a.48. You're a.48? Yes. That's Taylor's rock hard in the back. Our producers rock hard over a 40-H.

40-H, Michael, that is 40-H. She had breast implants where she took them out. But how big? What was it? Those were big, but not that big. Not a 40-H. I think they were double D. Double D, okay.

Yeah, she's like, that's a fucking... But a 45 caliber could still blow that off. Did the person who shot you in the nipple do it on purpose? Yeah, he was trying to kill me. We were shooting at each other. Why? What was the circumstance of why you wanted to kill him?

He spit on my car. So I had a Cadillac. That's what drug dealers drove. And it was a Fleetwood, an old school. And I just got it painted pearl white with all these little... It was white with all these

gold flakes in it. That's what we did back in the day. Cute, though. Yeah, it was really cute. And I was a girl. I was right. Put the flip down radio and the remote control. And he was like, fuck your car. He spit on my

car and I pulled a gun on him. Was it loaded? Yeah, it was loaded. My kids was in the car. And he was like, when I come back I'm going to kill your ass. And you know when black people tell you that they're going to come back and kill you. He came back down the hill. He was just running and shooting. And I was shooting back and I reached for the door and he hit me up under my arm and I didn't even know I was shot until I got in the house and I was like damn I snagged my

nipple on the dojo and I looked down there and it was just all big ass holes so would you go straight to the hospital yeah I just called a hospital and they don't sew you up they don't sew that kind of tissue up so the hole came out through my areola and all they did was put this plastic thing on it and told me to keep it clean and it healed. Oh, man. Wow. It didn't hurt. Honestly, it's crazy when your adrenaline is going like that. You cannot feel gunshots until the next day. All these guys that try to act so big and mighty. We know someone that accidentally shot himself in the foot and I've heard that story many times

and she's telling me it doesn't hurt. No, no, no. Well, I'm telling you when I got shot, it didn't hurt. He said the same thing.

It was so much shock. And the next day it hurt. Yes. Because I have big titties so I had to pick my titty up to clean it off. Is it a cute scar now? It's a very,

you got to suck my titty to really know you're not going to suck my fucking titty, lady. Taylor will suck your titty to see the scar. You're not gonna suck my fucking titty, lady. Taylor will suck your titty. Taylor ain't sucking my fucking titty. Okay? I am not the nanny. And who the hell is Taylor?

Who the hell is Taylor? Who the hell is Taylor? Taylor's in the back beating off to this conversation because he's getting so horny over your aged food. I'm licking my lips like I'm about to eat some chicken. Oh, shit. I hope you like your chicken salty. Oh, my God, you're salty.

The guy we're talking about that shot himself said the same thing. He said when he first did it, he was putting a gun in a holster. He forgot his finger was on the trigger. So when he jammed it down in the holster, it went boom. And it was a.45. I went through his foot straight and he said the same he didn't notice he's like oh what was that like went off couldn't find the bullet and then realized there's a fucking hole in his foot yeah and he said the same thing like at the time didn't feel anything but then after days after couldn't walk did you feel when you got shot that that was something

that was like normal and not out of context and weird no because i got shot twice when i was 15 my kid's father hit me with a piston and went off and cracked my skull so it took some part of back of my head off oh and so and i just remember saying lord you got to get me out of this shit they just keep shooting me i'm tired of being shot i got shot twice in one year so no it wasn't normal but i mean that is like the craziest shit i've ever heard you get you get shot twice in one year when you're 15 years old where you're making a hundred grand a year at 16 you have two kids i mean this is wild how do you start to transition out of that i met a good black man with side teeth and a job. Side teeth and a job. Yes.

You are funny. Side teeth. Why? Yeah, they're important. Side teeth are important. Yeah, because I wear a weave. And when they don't have no side teeth, they should come out the side of their mouth and get into our hair.

I'm just saying Taylor does have side teeth. Yeah, he looks nice. No, no, no. Hi, Michael. This is Taylor. Taylor's back here. Taylor, pop your head up. Taylor's the creepy producer that's like.

I don't want to fuck Taylor. Stop trying to give me Taylor. I'm married. What do I do with Taylor? Use him for a tampon? Taylor, I need somebody who don't work. Taylor didn't work. I don't got time for that.

I'm going through menopause. This is so hard to enter i heard you talking about this on jimmy kimmel the other day menopause um why do you feel like this is such a you know this this is something you're talking a lot about right now well you're gonna get every woman gonna go through it so is some women ashamed to talk about it because they feel like we we're gonna be dried out you don't be dried out you just get hot and shit you know so a lot of women get embarrassed about getting old a lot of women don't want to get old I don't have a problem getting older I don't give a fuck I've been I've been sexual active since elementary school I don't need no dick I need my back teeth fixed and more money. How did you, you said you got out of the life you were living with the guy that you met.

I got married. Okay. And where did you move from there? Did you stay where you were? No, I moved, we moved into a two bedroom apartment. And then I got six months in, I got custody of my sister kids, which took us from two kids to six kids. And he had no kids. Oh, wow.

Yes. I'm sure he was excited. No, he wasn't. I got back. He was packed and ready to leave. And I just told him my sister was on drugs. And I was like, I can't pick between you and my nieces. You know, I don't want them to go into the foster care system because I knew he grew up with his mom and dad.

He grew up going to church every Sunday. So he didn't really have any struggle like that. But I know what it is when a child don't start off on a solid foundation. So all I was trying to do was say, look, what little family that I had. So I just told him, I said, we're going to take care of these six kids. He's like, you don't lost your fucking mind. I don't got no kids by you. But he stayed. It was 31 years later, and he's still there. Now I have custody of the nieces

that I raised. My sister got them back after 11 years and got on drugs. And she put the kids on drugs. So now I got their kids. So what did you do? How did you manage that with your own kids and their own drugs? Well, no. Well, my nieces wasn't on drugs when I had custody of them. Their mama came back and terminated my temporary custody, and she got them back. Then she got them on drugs and the prostitution. She did everything to her kids my mama did to us. That's very common.

It's called a cycle. A lot of, but it sounds like you broke the cycle. I did. I want nobody going to pimp me out. I was sick of that shit years ago. And I just said, when I had that baby, when you have a child, do you have any kids? Two. When you have a kid, you automatically know something wakes up and you call it mother instinct.

And I knew right then and there I had something to live for. Because before those kids, I was like, it didn't really matter. You know, I was running wild and acting crazy. But when I had my daughter Ashley, I knew I had to protect her. I knew I had to make sure she didn't go through what I went through. And I remember holding her in my arm on August 9th, 1986. And I said, I promise you, everything that I went through, you would never go through. You would not be molested.

You would not go to jail. And you would not drop out. And she's the first one in three generations to graduate high school. Wow. That's cool. Yeah. It sounds like you are sort of use visualization manifestation. I don't know what you want to call it to sort of you're like you're not doing this. You're not going to be molested. You're not you're going to you're going to graduate. And it seems like you've done that really well in your family life do you do it in your career too yeah well you know I tell people I say everything anything you want in the world you don't have to pray every day

I mean I'm not crazy I mean I ain't gonna say I'm not a Christian but I know it's a higher power than all of us but I tell people all the time if you want something in life you put it out there in the universe do the work and it will come back so like I tell people I said I'm gonna buy me this they're like you fucking crazy I'm gonna buy me this and I keep telling myself that because that make me work towards what I want a lot of people say they're gonna do something they just gonna sit the fuck down because they didn't say it enough they didn't put it all the way through their bones they said oh I want this but i don't know how i'm gonna get it there's not a such thing as is is i don't i don't know how i don't say those things i tell people you can't say i can't

because i can't hinders you a lot of people are scared to just even speak it into existence in the first place yeah i speak you know i built i just built a house with no contractor 15 000 square feet i don't call it a mansion but that's what i wanted to buy but i didn't want that note so i bought a little ragged house and tore it down i was like how the fuck are you gonna do this square feet. I don't call it a mansion, but that's what I wanted to buy, but I didn't want that note. So I bought a little ragged house and tore it down. My husband was like, how the fuck are you going to do this? I already had it manifest. I said, I'm going to buy me a little house, own some land. I'm going to tear it down. I'm going to hire me an architect. And people's like, where you get this stuff from? Because I believe in me when nobody else believed in me. And I just put it out there. If I say I want a car, I go buy me a car.

Where do you think that came from? How do you think you got that kind of confidence, especially growing up in the circumstances you grew up in? That's pretty powerful. A teacher called Ms. True. She said, Patricia, you can do and be anything in the world you want to be. All you got to do is dream. And that's all I do is dream. I have been on a journey with my hair, let me tell you. So when things started getting bad with my hair was after I had a baby, my first baby was Saza. I noticed shedding, shedding everywhere, shedding on my pillowcase, shedding when I got a blowout, shedding in the shower. It was just like a nightmare. And so I set out on this really gnarly journey to sort of healing my

hair. And this involves scalp massage, microneedling, a good hair serum, eating lots of meat. It's been really like a whole 360 of a journey. I also sleep on a silk pillowcase. If you want all my tips, you can head to my latest Instagram where I'm wearing denim. I talk about it. And one thing that I have done is I've been very thoughtful with my supplements. And the supplement that I take is Nutrafol. You guys know this. You've heard me talk about it a lot. Nutrafol helps with hair thinning, shedding, hair issues. It has a really proactive approach and it targets the root cause, which I think is really important. What I've noticed is I've seen improved hair

growth. I don't wear extensions anymore. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement with over 1 million people seeing thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding. Get results you can run your fingers through. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code skinny hair. Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend Nutrafol for skinny hair. Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend Nutrafol for healthier hair. That's Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com promo code skinny hair. That's Nutrafol.com promo code skinny hair.

The Skinny Confidential Him and Her podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is always a great time to share your feelings, your ideas, get whatever's on your chest off your chest, which is why we love BetterHelp so much. And we've loved them as a partner for years now. I think this is one of the greatest companies that we work with because it gives people peace of mind in the ability to talk through whatever issues they may be having with licensed therapists online right from the comfort of their own home. And what we love about therapy is therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have so you can start living your best life today. Lauren and I have had so many high performers on this show and a common theme across all

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Use code skinny for 10 percent off your first order. The career you've created is incredible. At what point in your life did you start manifesting, visualizing and thinking about what you have now? Day one. Day one. You always knew you were going to be famous. I don't consider myself. I consider myself. I got a job. You don't consider yourself famous? No. I say I got a job. You don't consider yourself famous? No.

I say I got a job. Yeah, but if you went back to your hometown now. I go over there sometimes. People say I'm famous. I am famous. But to me, it's just a job. So I remember when I first became a comedian, I had a friend named Tom Simmons. I'm probably six months in.

I said, I'm going to have a TV show. He said, yeah. Everybody said that. I said, no, I'm going to have a fucking TV show. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to have a TV show. So when I got the Miss Pat that. I said, no, I'm going to have a fucking TV show. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to have a TV show. So when I got the Miss Pat show and I called him to LA, he said, what's crazy is I thought you was crazy when you told me 15 years ago you were going to have a TV show.

I said, I told you I was going to have a TV show. I see it. I already seen it. What was your first touch with fame? When I did the show with Roseanne Bacall, The Real Funniest Mom. I did that show. And did youacall the real funniest mom I did that show and did you know that there was something real special there no I just

I didn't win I just knew I had something but I didn't know how to control what I had like I didn't realize that I'm from the inner city so when I started to tell these stories about my life on all of these podcasts,

I was like, why are people so fascinated with me? Because I thought everybody had a baby at 14. Everybody had been molested. Everybody. Then when I started telling my story, I was like, well, damn. Well, why my mama wasn't no good? But I started to connect to the people

who understood where I was coming from or what I had been through. And it was so many people out there that was just like Miss Pat or like the little girl that's in me called Rabbit. And I was able to connect. Where is your mom now? Dead. Daddy dead too. And were you able to repair your relationship with your mom?

My mom died at 39 years old. Wow. I've never dealt with depression, maybe a little bit, but I saw depression, depression, one-on-one, cried all the time. How old were you when she passed? I was 16. She had a stroke right before she passed. Right after you had two children. Yeah, she had a stroke and I'll never forget it. I was asking my mom, I said, mama, I want to eat your Rice Krispies. She used to love Rice Krispies treats. She used to like to pour milk on them, water, because we on the fucking milk, and listen to them pop. So to eat your Rice Krispies. She used to love Rice Krispies treats. She used to like to pour milk on them, water, because we on the fucking milk, and listen to them pop.

So if you eat Rice Krispies with water, they pop like a motherfucker. If you do milk, they pop a little bit. So she used to love Rice Krispies treats. And so I said, Mama, let me have some of your series. And she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck wrong with you, Mama? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she was having a stroke, but I didn't know it.

Two blood vessels hit her in the head. I waited an hour. So I said, well, I think I better call the ambulance. You up here bullshitting. You won't talk right. I called the ambulance and they said, you probably waited too late. She probably going to pass because the blood vessel hit her in the head. And I prayed. And this is when I know that God is real. My mama's bottom mouth was twisted damn near to her ear. She could not talk, and they told me she was going to die. I remember going in the hallway at Great Hospital, and I prayed, and I said, Lord, I'm 16 with two kids. I have nowhere to go. I have nothing if you take this lady. Within a week, my mama's mouth turned back around. She was fine. The doctor was like, we didn't do it. But I knew who had done it. So she lived and her mouth was back to normal.

Back to normal. And then she had another stroke later? No, she died in her sleep. She was 39 years old. She was an alcoholic, but she was very depressed. To her, she was about, I would say my mom was about 70.

That's why I can't stand to see people cry. To me, when you cry, it shows weakness. And it always reminds me of my mother. What are you crying for? Why are you crying? Do something about it. Crying ain't going to fix it. I think that's good advice.

If someone's listening and they've been through a lot as you have, how do you find inner strength and resilience? Learn how to love yourself. The reason why I'm sitting here in front of you today, because I come from a background when I thought nobody loved me. When I started loving myself, I put so much into my first kid's father everything was first with him oh I just love you I just love you then after being beat down and drugged down and I said why the fuck am I being treated like this and I was just telling somebody else when

that's that movie what's love gotta do with it yeah I was like fuck that you're not hearing me no more you're not you're not dogging me out no more so i started to love myself and when you love yourself and you put yourself first you become happy if you unhappy is because you putting people before you fuck your kids fuck your husband fuck everybody you hear that michael put yourself first and you love yourself then you know how to learn love yourself. Then you know how to love Michael. Then you know how to love your kids. But how can you love them when you don't love yourself? Do you listen to Louise Hay?

No. Oh, wow. Who the hell is Louise Hay? Louise Hay is... I was going to say, I doubt that, Lauren. A lot of people that come on the podcast do. Louise Hay's been passed for a few years now, right? But she says the same things that you are saying. It's very similar's got a very nice calming voice yeah it's a he it's a woman

she's dead now but she's she says a lot of the things you say that's why i just wonder if you know wow a lot about loving yourself i love louise hayes by the way well thank you and she says the first thing is to love yourself you gotta love to love yourself. And I just learned that over time. I learned for, you know, we the people could try to be people pleaser. You know, for years I wanted best friends in school. I wanted people to like me because I was a poor kid with no clothes. I just wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be the cool kid. I wanted to have what the other kids had.

But so I would allow other people to jump in front of my happiness. Yeah. I don't play that shit no more. I tell my kids, fuck y'all. I'm going to do what I want to do. Y'all grown. I bet you've raised some really cool kids. They ain't perfect.

None of them are. I got some good kids. You know, my kids did not go down the road that I went through. One of the biggest things I told my kids in life from being a teenage mom, I said, all I want y'all to do is graduate. I want y'all to do something I never done. Every time you get a diploma, it's a puzzle to my heart that is filled. So I have four kids that graduate and each one of them hand me their diploma. Every time they went to prom, they let me dress them because I never got a chance to go to prom. I dropped out of school

in eighth grade. So I appreciate my kids because they let me live through them. So sweet. So I got to go to prom four times. I got to pick my daughter to date because she was gay. Thank God. I got to pick my fat daughter to date because she didn't want to go with nobody. I picked both of my sons

to date. What do you mean? You're picking? You go to school and pick? How does this work? So we did an episode about this on the Miss Pat show. My niece, I wanted good people to take my kids to the prom. So my niece, I walked in Subway one day, and I said, oh, you're a good-looking black dude. I said, well, how old are you? And he went to another high school.

I said, will you take my child to the prom? And he said, yes. He was the most beautiful black boy. I laid eyes on that subway. So he took my daughter, took my niece to the prom. I had a customer at that time. And my daughter, she was gay, but she hadn't really came out yet. So she just went with all her friends. And so my fat daughter. What do you mean your fat daughter? She fat as fuck. She, she a virgin too. Oh my God. How do you get away fat daughter she fat as fuck she she a virgin oh my god how do you get away with calling your daughter fat does she get mad fucking fat what are you talking about don't nobody cry about being fat and how's everybody fat my husband fat so so you say my fat daughter what does that mean your other daughter's not fat

yeah she fat too oh yeah i'm the one in the one who lives with me she she i call a virgin i said if you're gonna use that pussy give it to me because uh my leaking she gonna cuss me out but she she went to the prom and i got to help her pick her outfit and she and when she graduated she had me on the diploma actually got like two degrees so all your kids all four of your kids you're very proud of they all got their diploma and you got to pick their prom date yes and my my two girls went to college well my son went to college to be a nurse but he quit that's my son Junebook that's my favorite you're you say your favorite fuck yeah you got a favorite uh don't

do that no don't say that in front of him look at him smiling i have i have favorites for different things okay do you know what i mean like my daughter's really bossy and my son's a little bit more easygoing so i have like it depends on the energy of what i'm doing no the boys are mama's boy yeah boys are usually mama boys. And let me tell you why. So when you have a girl, the older she get, how old is she? She's four.

So the older she get, the more she's going to connect with you. Yeah, I noticed that. Eventually, your periods are going to come on at the same time because you're young. And you're going to find yourself moody at the same time. So women connect.

That's why you like, if you ain't no grown bitch staying in my house. You ever heard that before? No. One pussy at bitch staying in my house. You ever heard that before? No. One pussy at a time in my house. Oh, Michael screwed. Well, so when you grow up with a daughter, it's kind of difficult because y'all either you become her best friend or you her mother. And a lot of time when you be a mother, they don't like that shit.

Were you mother or best friend? I was mother. You know, they don't curse in front of me a little bit. Now I still have to pop up in the fucking mouth. You was not don't curse in front of me. A little bit now, I still have the pop up in the fucking mouth. You was not allowed to dance in front of me. You was not allowed to drink in front of me. None of that shit. So you had strict rules.

Yes. I just thought dancing was a form of disrespect. And let me tell you why. Because I grew up in a bootleg house. Any kind of dancing? Yes. I grew up in a bootleg house. And a bootleg house is where they sold moonshine at.

So all of these grown people being there. Youleg house is where they sold moonshine at. So all of these grown people being there, you seen black move where they tell a black kid to get in the floor and dance? Yeah. So we always had to dance for the old men. And they'd be like, shake that ass, baby! And you'd say up in the air, so I was like, I fucking hate you old summer bitches.

And so if you look at it now, you could get arrested for it. But we always had to dance for the old black men. They would always say inappropriate shit. So when I grew up, I didn't allow my kids to dance. And I think it was a form of protection. It makes sense what you're saying. What I love about doing the show is we get to interview so many different people

and you get to hear why they are the way they are. And it's so interesting to hear. It's like an onion. Because when you say, I don't allow dancing, and then you explain why, that makes total sense. Well, it's interesting to, like, walk through why people decide to do the things they do. Like, because that's, like, a deeper root.

Like, when I hear you can't, you don't let your kids dance, like, it sounds strange. But when you explain it, it doesn't sound strange at all. Yeah, so my son, Nakia, he's my second born. And one day I saw him dancing. He's grown with a family. And I was like, damn, you can dance. But that was the first time I saw him dancing.

He had to be in his, he's 30-something, 35 now. And I think he was in his late 20s or early 30s. Because I didn't allow him to dance. Now he's probably dancing at his house all the time he fed his hair he could dance but he really could dance I mean if he can dance yeah and it's okay now I mean I'm okay but to me that was a form of that was a form of protection how did you break into comedy people always told me I was funny I thought I was always just blind well that's apparent yeah no you're you're Thank you. I mean, real funny.

Thank you. I went to a welfare to work program when Bill Clinton became president. I voted for Bill Clinton because he was sexy, white dude. You think he's sexy? Fuck yeah, back in the day. Really? What? It's not giving sexy to me.

Well, you're looking at him now. You're 35, ma'am. I don't know. I don't think he's sexy. Ma'am, I'm talking about early on. He was fucking fly. Really? I'll't know. I don't think he's 35. Man, I'm talking about early on, he was fucking fly. Really? I'll go look at old Bill Clinton photos later today. Everybody was throwing vagina at Bill Clinton.

Well. I'm not talking about no fat chick like Monica Lewinsky. Monica Lewinsky. I'm talking about beautiful women. Really? What? Bill Clinton was gorgeous. Apparently, I don't know about Bill Clinton and I don't know about Chick-fil-A.

Apparently, you don't. Bill Clinton was drop-dead gorgeous. Apparently I don't know about Bill Clinton and I don't know about Chick-fil-A. Apparently you don't. Bill Clinton was drop dead gorgeous. Okay. So I went to prison. I didn't lose my right to vote. And at the time I wanted to do something different. I had never seen my mama do, which was vote. And I didn't know nothing about Democrats or Republicans.

So the flyers used to come in the mail. No internet back then. It was just getting out. And so the way they reach you was knocking on your door, giving you a flyer. So I got a Bob Doe flyer and a Bill Clinton flyer. Bob Doe was all wrinkled and white. I was like, I'm not wasting my vote on this ugly-ass white wrinkled dude. And Bill Clinton was beautiful. So I just told my friends, let's go vote for this sexy-ass white man.

And I became a Democrat. And when I voted, Bill Clinton got into the damn White House and started the welfare to work program. I was so mad at him. I could have killed him. And explain what that is. If someone doesn't know what that is. of welfare not working uneducated say hey it's time for y'all to go out and get a job and take care of yourself so they did this through if you dropped out of school they made you to go back school to get your GED and they paid you for all of this through through programs and they will help you with a job a career if you want to go to school to be a nurse they'll they'll put you in school to be a nurse so I want to be a nurse but I had I'm a convicted felon. So I missed that part of the story. Why did you go to prison? Drugs. I went to prison for selling crack. So how long? A year.

So I couldn't be a nurse because I was convicted felon and it was narcotics. So when I went through this program, I got a GED and I met a caseworker who said, you're funny. You shouldn't be trying to go to school, be no nurse. You should really look into comedy. And she told me I reminded her of Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby because they had a crazy story. So I started just Googling them. And I said, oh, he made money telling his business. Oh, I could do this shit.

And so I went to open mic. What is prison like? It's not like TV. I mean, it looks like TV, but you get locked down for somebody telling you when to wake up and go to sleep. Just really sitting around watching TV all day. Really? How did you occupy your time?

On the phone. Back in those days, the collect call class all day. You could call, collect and talk to your hunger, hang up. Now it cuts you off in 15 minutes. Huh?

Yeah. So would you be Googling how to be a comedian in prison? No, I wasn't. I wasn't funny. It was after I got out. It was after. Yes, way after I got out. And it's after you got out when you stopped doing dealing drugs. When I met my husband. Okay. That's when I stopped because he he didn't deal drugs. He had just got out of the military, just came back from the Persian Gulf War. He's a good guy. Can I ask you a strange question? Maybe not so strange. When you're used to making money that fast, that quickly, is it hard?

It was so fucking hard. Because when I got with him, I had to get a regular job. So here I am with an eighth grade education. Who's going to hire me? I don't even have a GED. At that time, I didn't have a GED. I got my GED, you know, when I got married. That's when I went through the program.

So I'm sad now. I go from making all this money from stealing and selling dope to making $4.25 an hour at McDonald's. Oh, that's why you don't like McDonald's. No. No, I'm a hustler. So what I would do is I would steal from McDonald's. I stole from everywhere. But you liked the food at McDonald's when you were—

At the time, I was young. I'm 52 now. So you come through the drive- McDonald's when you were... At the time, I was young. I'm 52 now. So you come through the drive-thru and you order something. One thing I can do, well, I used to do, Namos was my thing. I could see your credit card and remember that bitch and go use it. Oh, shit.

That's why when I hate... Now, I got all of these, I got all of this street knowledge, and I only see this shit with white women. Y'all were walking around with the clear purses, your ID showing with your fucking credit card number let me tell you about a killer they can if a killer can look at your address and show up at your fucking door I see it all the time at football game I'm like turn your fucking ID over turn your credit card over you stupid bitches I've been on a plane with white women who was ordering something,

credit card. I said, ma'am, let me tell you something. I used to steal. I know your credit card number just by looking over there. What'd you say? Oh, my God, I didn't think about that. Well, the world don't love you like your family do. Pay her fucking attention.

The clear case thing is really real. I don't have to worry about it because I don't carry my credit card or my ID anywhere. I make Michael do it for me. Yes. Or put it in your titty. I put my shit in my titty and I don't. Well, you have an H. I don't have an H.

Where is mine going to go? Put it in your panties. You got a vagina. Yeah, I'll put it in my vagina. Yes. But never just walk around with your ID or your credit card showing. Because somebody back in the day, I'm not, I can't fucking see no more. But back in the day, I could look over there and bam, your whole number's in my head.

And what can you do with that number? Yeah, but I go through my credit card bill. Back in the day, credit cards was easy to afford. You had a friend to remake them. But what if you go through your credit card bill? You can find fraud. But baby, I done fucked you up before your bill got to you. Got it.

And this was before you got all those pings and dings on your phone. Yeah. You know, the same way with a check. By the time you caught it, it's like. Yeah, it took you 30 days to catch it. So it sounds like you used McDonald's as a way to steal the credit card numbers. No, I didn't steal the credit card number. I stole the cash.

I don't want no fucking credit card number. So when you came through the drive-thru, I would promo your meal, calculate in my head, and give you the correct change. At the end of the night, I knew how much money, calculate in my head, and give you the correct change. At the end of the night, I knew how much money I was supposed to take out before I turned in my register. I don't get it. She would be able to discount through some of the orders by promo codes. By the way, I used to work

at McDonald's, so I know exactly what you're talking about. So you get the promo code, and the food is free. I used to work at McDonald's also. Or you kept your register a little open, so when they ordered a number one, back in those days, it was $4.25. Number one's a big Mac Miller. Yeah. If you calculated, you knew how to get a change back.

And that's what I knew how to do. So when did you stop stealing? During my marriage, my husband was like, you're going to have to stop this bullshit. You're going to go to jail. And by this time, I got cussed at my sister's kids. And he's like, what the hell am I going to do with all these fucking kids? These folks are going to come out and get their kids. I can't stop your baby daddy from getting your kids so I stopped selling crack and I just went straight it was rough it was rough because everywhere I went

for I went to school to be a medical assistant everywhere I went they checked my criminal background history and wouldn't give me a job and they said no you're convicted felon so you can't work here and then I found a doctor off that would allow me to work there. And it was like eight dollars. Try living off eight dollars with Section 8, which your rent is discounted. But you got eight kids. It was rough. That is so many kids for your husband to go from no kids to that many amount of kids.

Well, six kids. Now, mind you, I hadn't had a baby by him yet. So by me having an abortion when I was 16, I fucked up my uterus because I went over there and got it on the free, the low, low on Medicaid. They don't give a fuck how they grind the baby up out you. So I have an abortion that fucks up my uterus and stop at one of my tubes. So I meet a good man and now I want to have a baby by him. So now I got to go and they got to dig all this old shit out of me to make me have a baby. And did it work? I had a baby and it was a miscarriage.

And so then. You've got a lot of tough shit. No, no, this is funny. Listen to me. So I have a baby and I have a miscarriage. I'm about four or five months pregnant. My husband crying like a bitch. And I'm on the street.

Oh my God, she doesn't like crying. She's like, weak bitch, you're crying. I said, and I had it on his birthday to me. I said, shut the fuck up. We can do this shit again. I'm a hood bitch. I get pregnant real quick. I got right back pregnant and had my daughter. He was boohooing like a hoe. Cause it was like, you gotta push you gotta i love y'all reaction all of these podcasts are so fucking different i feel like i'm in it's horrible what you're like what you went through i'm just saying it to say that you're crying like a bitch to your husband i'm trying because it's so funny it's i'm inspired i'm pinning this to my pinterest board if michael

ever comes to me crying i'm gonna be like listen you're a weak bitch you're crying like a bitch and i was like why are you crying we can do this shit again tomorrow he was like what because he had never been through no shit like that well i mean you know in the hood you drop a baby you have a baby who gives a fuck so i got right back pregnant and I realized my uterus was weak. So they put a piece of a white sheet in my vagina. It's called, I forgot what it's called. They tie your fucking vagina up. They keep your fucking, not your vagina, your uterus to keep the baby from falling out.

So I had that twice with the two kids I had by my husband. Does that hurt? If you stick your dick in me, it did. Oh, so you can't have sex no it really sounds like a fucking saint he is a saint i don't even think he cussed is the husband the same husband yes 31 years that's cool and is he funny to me he is he cracks me the fuck up. Why? Because he he say he's pretty funny and he's crazy. He because, you know, everybody. Oh, Miss Pat, Miss Pat.

He was just a stupid ass up. That's what I know. He's serious. And sometimes I get home and I take my wig off. He's going to sit up here next to me looking like a real nigga. Which is really funny. I love him because he's honest. He's honest.

You know, and I don't like to be pampered and like treated like, who just treat me like whatever. You know. Are you like the entrepreneur in the family? He's retired. That's nice. My husband worked at general motors for 21 years and he always took care of me he always been there no matter every time i thought we thought

we were down he always had something saved so and i told him i said if i don't get nothing out of this comedy career one thing i want is i want you to retire from general mode because it's kicking your old ass and so he was supposed to retire when he was 31, 30 years in. He retired at 21 years in. I got the second season of The Miss Pat Show. I said, OK, it's time for you to give up your fucking job. I got it. And you've just taken the baton. I've taken the baton. Every night, every night, every night I end my night with a cup of tea. And the tea that I love is Peek's Ginger Tea. I just love ginger for digestion, and this tea does not disappoint. First of all, there's no teabag, so you're not getting any microplastics in your water. So what this is,

is Peek has these skinny little packets, and you you just open them up and you pour the tea in hot water. The ginger tea though is the best ginger tea I've ever had. It's a digestion elixir. And what it does is it helps to support a healthy response to inflammation. Now, you know I'm about anything that's anti-inflammatory and this is it. Ginger has been used for centuries to support healthy digestion and to help with inflammation. So to end my night with this is really great. And I just like the taste. I enjoy it. If you're on peak site, I would also get their Sun Goddess Matcha. Their matcha is amazing. And it's organic, ceremonial grade and quadruple toxin screen for purity. I like this with a little bit of raw milk,

some hot water, and maybe some raw honey, and it's absolutely delicious. It gives you like a calm energy too. It's not like coffee. It gives you like almost like a mental clarity with a zen-like focus. Head over to peaklife.com slash skinny spelled P-I-Q-U-E-L-I-F-E dot com slash S-K-I-N-N-Y. You get up to 15% off and a free cup and frother. I love their frother. Plus free shipping for life when you start on any of my peak favorites. Peaklife.com slash skinny. Quick break to talk about the farmer's dog.

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go to thefarmersdog.com slash skinny to get 50% off. That's thefarmersdog.com slash skinny. The kiss isn't the typical first kiss. It's carnal and dirty and makes me excited for more. Oop, hold on. Kindle, Velo, what do we have here? What's all this about? Okay, wait, here's another good one. The monster couldn't find me here. I was free. What monster? Free from what? I need details. Those are a couple of quotes from stories on Kindle Vela. And believe it or not, those are the juicy parts you can read for free. And if those aren't your speed, you can definitely find your own Vela vibe. If you don't already know what Kindle Vela is, it's stories that are broken out into short form episodes right from the Kindle app. Since the stories are in episodes,

you can binge them like you would your favorite TV show or podcast. You can start reading completely for free and read from anywhere while you're waiting for your coffee in between errands or right before you hop out of bed. The episodes are short but full of excitement and lines that leave you wanting more. It can be hard finding a time to read and committing to a book that might just collect dust. But since your first 10 episodes of each story are free, you can read from your phone or tablet. You get all the benefits of reading without any of the discouragement. Buy Doomscrolling, Hello Sexy Vampires, or Meet Cutes, or Freedom from Monsters. Still wondering what that's about? I actually read Grateful Every Day by Deborah Hurst, which is stories about gratitude and appreciation. So

they have a ton for everyone, whether it's humor, science fiction, fantasy, comedy, they've got a ton on the Vela app. Another great part of Vela is I'm never reading alone. The author leaves notes throughout the story and I can even comment on each episode and talk with other readers about what's happening. It's easy to use, but the stories are hard to put down. If you're looking for short episodes, you can read in pockets of your day. Download the Kindle app and scroll to the Kindle Vela tab and start reading for free. How do you look at your day every day? You're obviously so busy.

Do you like have someone managing your time? Are you really stickler about your calendar? Do you have things every single day? What does your day look like now? Every single day we got something. I have two assistants to keep me on track. Jasmine does the most where I say, we got to do this, we got to do that. I have a manager,

I have a lawyer and all of that. They keep me pretty tight along with the PR person. Five days a week working? Seven days a week. Yeah. I think that's so incredible to hear at the stage that you're at in your career. You are still working seven days a week.

Well, I go out on the road and then when I shoot the Miss Pat show, which was we had to rehearse and shoot, it took five days a week out of me. And then I would go on the road Friday and Saturday, come home Sunday and go back to work on Monday. So when I say now I just finished the second season of Miss Pat Settles It. So now we just touring. So right now I'm on a promotional tour and I'm always working on the next thing. I got some things in development. I'm writing another book, trying to sell other shows.

So I'm just busy. So and I tell him, I said, I tell my sister, I must talk to you every day. Work don't stop. When I was a drug dealer, the early bird catch the worm. I don't mind. They were like, do you sleep? I can sleep when I'm dead. You're not a big sleeper. No, I'm a big sleeper. No, I don't. No. When you sleep, you lose money. I know, but I feel like this is so weird. I feel like sleep makes me prettier. I look like a pig without putting makeup on me without sleep is like a pig. It's like it's not good. I got to sleep.

Really? Yeah. I wish I could. My dad like runs like you. He like he's like, you can sleep when you're done. I've never been that pretty chick where I care what I look like i would take my wig off well you are too but like i can go to the store looking like shit i don't care like to this day so could i yeah i go like schmeagle from the rings yeah i go through the car wash when i get to la you should see me in austin michael has a

whole different wife it's disgusting he's like whoa, like I like to go into the store with Walmart with no wig on, no bra. I just fit right in. So I, all of this makeup shit and like, I like to skip a bath, you know, I like to skip a bath too. And you know, I'm not like most women are into that going and letting people shave their vagina. I shave my vagina one side at a time. You shave it one what at a time? One side. One side. So you'll just leave the other side grown out?

Yeah, because I'm fat. So my stomach is heavy at the bottom. So when I get tired of holding up my stomach, I just let it go. And then when I get in the next shower, I shave the other side. Don't you wish there was like a service like Drybar that you could just go and get your vagina shaved? I don't want anybody looking at my pussy. I ain't got that kind of pussy. What a husband.

I mean, what? One of my favorite things about this episode is how many times Miss Pat has shut you down and not been interested whatsoever in any of these things that you're talking about. I love you. No, I mean, what about my husband? Pussy is pussy. That's you young girls running around here shaving all the half of y'all vagina. You know, I was just telling somebody, the only time

I ever shaved my vagina when I was young is when I caught crabs. Y'all just running around with bald head pussies for no reason. I will say, as I've gotten older, I care less and less. Yeah, who cares? As I've gotten older. Don't be careful what you say. You don't care i mean

it's i we got to move it along you know you got to move it along you don't care i don't like when a guy trims too much the good thing about it she's a white woman so her her hair doesn't get excuse my language nappy a black woman got an afro down there like the jackson five so you just stick your hand in our drawer, it'll break your fucking nails. At least your shit is soft. My shit is crunchy. It'll take your nail bed off. You got to poop, poop, poop.

This is the funniest person that's ever been on this podcast. You just can't finger me. You got to spread that shit like the Red Sea. See, she black. She know exactly why. Why don't you black? See, that's, she black. She know exactly why. Don't you black? See, she know what I'm saying. See, that's why she laugh.

She ain't laughed all day. She's like, she was on her body crying. Oh, the dick rope been through some shit. When I said we got nappy pussy hair, she fell out laughing. Yeah. Her pussy probably look like your hair. But my shit like the Jackson 5 afro. You just can't go down in there.

You got poop poop. Your fingernail get caught. Break your fucking knuckles. That sounds like the Jackson 5 Afro. You just can't go down in there. You got poop, poop, your fingernail get caught, break your fucking knuckles. That sounds like a real bitch to shave because you got to like get... Yeah, it is. It is. I mean, that's a lot of work.

I don't blame you. That hurts your arm. Yeah, that do hurts my arm. And I'm not letting anybody get between my leg and shave that shit. So I shave it when I get... It don't really bother me until it's getting to my navel

or get on my thighs. It get on my thighs and it's fucking rough. TikTok is going to have something to say about that, Cliff. We've covered a lot of ground today on this one. It's a lot of ass I got.

Miss Pat, you are fucking funny. Miss Pat, you have an open invite to come back anytime. You can come on anything you're promoting, anything, anytime. You can come and we can talk about vagina hair and Chick-fil-A anytime. Oh, good. Do you shave your booty hole too? Yeah, you got to shave it all.

But I don't, let me ask you something. Yeah, ask away. Why do y'all shave your booty hole? Who the fuck back there? I didn't even know I had no hair in my ass. When you're in doggy style it's you can see the butthole you ain't my homie never told me he seen my butthole he's lying my friend no hold on let me tell you you ain't got no ass i got some ass i got some ass not like mine my my my

ass eat my booty hole i'm like who cause I had a friend who told me she dyed her booty hole yeah so it looks what

they bleach their butthole that is fucking too much I don't bleach my butthole because I'm sorry I cannot do eyebrows nails hair

spray tan shave my vagina shave it's too much like I cannot add bleaching butthole but does it matter? That, I think, is, like, maybe taking it

a little step too far. Do you look at her boothole and say, well, that is pretty hairy back here? Well, I try, you know, not to think... No, but it's not hairy back there because there's no hair. I don't got no hair in my boothole. I think that Jasmine should check later to see... You crazy as hell! Jasmine needs a raise. I'll check. You can spread

it. I'll check it. No. I don't want you looking at my booty hole. People do bleach their butthole though. I feel like you've come on to Miss Pat this entire episode. You're going to check her ass. You're going to kiss. This whole time. I'm coming on to Miss Pat. No. I don't want you. My daughter will eat the fuck out of you.

Yeah. She loves you. You're beautiful, but I i don't want no pussy i don't like my own pussy you hear me pussy do too many tricks for me i don't like it where can everyone go watch your comedy special my company special you what is the call what is it called oh y'all want to hear something crazy on netflix but you can watch season one two, and four Of the Miss Pat Show on BET Plus Don't be scared to come over there It is fucking hilarious

I have a judge show called Miss Pat Settles It It comes on tonight And every Wednesday night on BET Cool Yeah You've got a lot going on I don't know why you don't have a podcast too You should

I do have a podcast called The Pat Down With Miss Pat Can I come on your podcast? Fuck yeah, come on. I would love it. You should go to the hood. I could Instagram story. We should film that.

That would be... They would love you. They would love you. I want to go if they would love me. You're so pretty to go on a Negro field trip. She's told me I'm pretty. That would be hilarious. That would be the best content.

You take... I'll be on the show. Take me on the show. I don't live in the hood. I live in a nice neighborhood. I know, but let's go... I'm going to take you to where the crackhead's at. Let's do it. And they're all going to run because they're going to think you on the show. Take me on the show. I don't live in the hood. I live in a nice neighborhood. I know, but let's go. I'm going to take you to where the crackhead's at. Let's do it.

And they're all going to run because they're going to think you're the police. Really? Fuck yeah. Are you a white woman in the hood? Oh, my God. You're so sheltered. You need me in your life. You need some help, Lauren.

I'm in. You need me. You need me. You know what? I'm not afraid to look dumb. No, you're not dumb. You know, you're just easy to kidnap. So let me say this to you.

If I was stealing from somebody, I would come to you. Really? Because it's written all over your face. No one does. No, no, no. They don't. Ask my husband. I would.

A guy, one time, a guy tried to stick his finger in my butthole. Well, I'm not trying to stick my finger in your butthole. I'm not trying to stick my finger your butthole I don't give a fuck about your booties. No one's ever stole my credit card. Yeah, you haven't had me in your life 20 years ago today. I got the same cause you got it doesn't matter She's that she's the type of person at the end of every month She goes who the fuck stole my credit card? Who did these charges? Every time we go through it, it's her every time. Every time it's her.

Every time I go, who's, someone stole my credit card. She gets the whole, everyone riled up and we all go through it. We spend an hour going, it's her every time. I'd like to go on a field trip. I'd like to come on your podcast and you can grill me on your podcast. I would love for you to. I think you're fabulous and you can come back anytime you want. I think you're fabulous too. Cause when I, i when they first said what's the name of this podcast

skinny confidential skinny competition i said now why did they invite a fat bitch on skinny confidential it's not about being skinny it's about i didn't know getting the juice and then i got here and you gave me this healthy shit that was and i was like this is gonna be rough you know what though i'm gonna give you an ice roller have you ever tried an ice roller what's that oh my god she's gonna love the ice roller. Have you ever tried an ice roller? What's that? Oh my God. She's going to love the ice roller. What's that? Show her the ice roller.

You got a lot of fucking merch. Is that a dildo? No. It's designed after a dildo. It's designed after. Let me see that. I don't want no dildos. No, no, no, no.

Because I can't get it out if I put it in me. You know when you. My arm's short. Now, if it was a dildo, I'd give it to my gay daughter. She love dildos. I do have a vibrator for you that I'll give to your daughter. Your vibrator? Yeah.

It's a sex line. But this is designed. You got a sex line too? This is designed after a silicone dildo, but it's an ice roller for your face in the morning. I get puffy. I get puffy. I'm not putting a big dick in my face in the morning. I'm telling you.

You got gotta try it miss pat you're on film like don't you feel like when you like i i wake up and i'm puffy i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck i'm 52 years old i thought it was gonna get some say at least out my thigh this shit heavy as fuck you can fuck. You can use it after you shave the one side of your vagina. If I rub this, this will black

your fucking eye. This thing is heavy. No, it won't. Trust me. You can rub it on your boob. This is a click stroller. On the nipple wounds.

You just take that thing out. Okay, I'm going to try anything. I also brought you mouth tape, but I'll explain that to you off air. Mouth tape, what? Mouth tape? Wait a minute now. That's kidnapping.

The fuck is mouth tape? The tables have turned. Maybe we're going to kidnap you. You know what? Miss Pat is already a nose breather, so maybe you don't need mouth tape. That's the mouth tape right there. This is the mouth tape. What do you do with it?

So you put this over your lips when you sleep, and it's going to encourage nasal breathing, which is really good for you. That's for fat people. Give me that. My hubby needs that shit. Does he snore? Yes. This will shut him up.

It will shut him up. For real? Swear. So you do this? Yep. He ain't not going to do this. You know why? He's going to say this is gay.

No, tell him that my husband wears it all the time. He don't give a fuck about your hubby. He won't? He's a black man. It's pink. You got to get some blue for me. If it stops him from snoring. He's not going to wear it.

Now, if he's sleeping, I put it on his mouth, it might work. Sleep it and send me a picture of it on his mouth. Is he a big snorer? You know, when you said mouth tape, I thought it was going to be something to make you hold your mouth open for penises to go in. I can invent that too I like your wife freaky as fuck when I was your age I used to be so freaking like that I like oh my god penis in between the titties now I can't do it because God is looking that's such an old sex move they don't do that no more

they should bring that move back though I like that no more. I'm a penis in between the titties. They should bring that move back though. I like that move. And I have big titties, so they wouldn't yank off of me. Thanks a lot for reminding my husband of that move tonight. He's going to harass me for that move.

I can see it in his eyes. She's an A-cup. You better be careful. You know what though? She used to have, I told you, the boob job. She got them removed.

Do you miss them? I've had five versions of titties with her. Five versions. Really? So these are you now? Yeah, these are her now. miss them? I've had five versions of titties with her. Five versions. Really? Because I had... So these are you now? Yeah, these are her now. These are Moe now.

Your real titties? Yeah. Four versions. Yeah, you're good. It's proportionate. They're not hard, Ellie. Hard? Yes.

No. No. Because you let fake boobs be... When them black girls be getting them over there on the low, low, behind the church's chicken house, they be like bricks in their fucking chest. I was like, bitch, I won't walk around in my hard-ass titties. No, you gotta go to a good person. Let me feel them.

How do we get to this? This is... I don't like titties either. Be careful now. Oh, they real. That's a little hard. No, she had, I knew the high school ones. This is the high school titties.

So I knew those, then I had the first boob job.'s the high school titties. Well, no, because I knew those. Then I had the first boob job. Then she got those out. Then got a new boob job. Why did you want a boob job? She never really needed it. I know. You're so pretty.

What do you do other than this? You act? No. I didn't research you. I didn't want to research anybody. I act on Miss Pat. Put it in one of your television shows. This is my podcast.

Yeah. Put her in the show. We it put her in the show that's what put in the show you're so pretty there you go okay well all right good you know what we're gonna talk about your podcast too yeah go to miss go to make the pat down on miss pat it's a pat down with miss pat the reason why it's called the pat down because i used to go to jail they used to pat me down so pat down nice that gives me so much anxiety when i have to read about being like people patting you down like in jail yeah that's like no you know what will give you anxiety because when you go to

prison when you go to jail just get locked up and you're gonna be in there for a while they make you bend over and you have to and so if you got any drugs in your pussy it'll fall out does that actually happen yes and some people had grip they will hold it i don't got no grip you know what maybe don't sneeze when we're having sex okay thank you for telling me all of these because it make it wetter oh look at these tips that she's giving the grip the make it wetter with a sneeze that i'm going to chick-fil-a i'm glad i met this version of you but there's also a part of me that wants to meet Miss Pat, 20-year-old version of you,

because I feel like that would have been a whole wild story. Miss Pat, thank you for coming on the show. Thank you, Miss Pat. You are a legend. Got me a dildo and a lip setter. You are so funny. Thank you.