The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Nicole Byer - How To Develop Confidence, A Positive Body Image, Manage Criticism, & Use Comedy To Heal

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

760: Join us as we sit down with Nicole Byer, an actress, comedian, podcaster, and writer. From navigating the stand-up comedy scene to getting real when dealing with online trolls, Nicole opens up to us about her career journey. In this episode, Nicole sheds light on the inspiration behind her book #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE & how she confidently embraces body neutrality. To Join us in New York City for Dear Media IRL with Lauryn & Michael and some of your favorite creators click HERE To connect with Nicole Byer click HERE To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To Watch the Show click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn’s favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes. Produced by Dear Media

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for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. I hate the word body positivity though because it's like be positive at all times about your body but you're going to feel like shit about your body sometimes sometimes you're going to look in the mirror and be like I actually don't like what I see but then it's like put on a nice outfit do your makeup and like go live your fucking life like it's okay to not feel great one day

I'm all about like body neutrality like like the body you're in but if you care to change it do it. Get a BBL. Get your titties done. Cut off your chin if that's what you want. Get the tiny little nose.

Do whatever the fuck makes you happy and makes you OK looking in the mirror every day. Nicole Byer, actress, comedian, podcaster and writer is on the show today. She hosts The Baking Show Nailed It, which is currently streaming on Netflix. She was also nominated for an Emmy for her work and just published a book. Her book is called Hashtag Very Fat, Hashtag Very Brave, The Fat Girl's Guide to Being Hashtag Brave and Not Dejected, Melancholy, Down in the Dumps, Weeping Fat Girl in a Bikini. She also hosts many podcasts, Why Don't You Date Me, Newcomers, Best Friends, and 90 Day Bae. You also might have seen her on MTV's Girl Code or 30 Rock. She is busy. Nicole, welcome to the Him and Her Show.

This is the skinny confidential Him and Her. So why don't you shake hands? Give us your theory on it. This is going to go viral. I almost came in aggressive and then I peeled back. I want to know everyone's opinion. Why do you shake hands? I don't really want to either. But why do you? Because I feel like it's maybe socially like polite, but I don't really want to be socially polite.

Yeah, but like what? Maybe I don't think it's socially polite. I think you're like you're asking for something immediately. You're like, shake my hand. My whole thing is I don't know where the fuck your hands have been. I don't know what you've been doing. And then I go out into the world after I shake your hand. I touch my face. I'm touching my things. I touch my phone. I don't want that. off three times a day like who wants to shake oh that's so sweet three times a day yeah so you're like self-love he came up to me today he saw me he gave me a big hug i was like ah yeah but then that's just on your clothing that's not on your hands that's actually pretty polite maybe in your hair so when did you decide not to shake hands after covid okay i mean it's still going on but we don't care um i heard it's rampant right now in LA. It's not good.

My grandpa currently has it. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay. He's thriving. He's 95 and he's been gardening. So, you know, he's got time for himself now. He doesn't have to deal with people. He could be alone.

But yeah, like COVID, we stopped shaking hands. And then I was like, oh, I like this. But it is funny because people will go to shake my hand and I just won't move and I'll smile or I try to have things in my hand. And then I just sometimes will just say, I said to you, I said, I just don't I don't shake hands. I'm so sorry. Do they ask why all the time? Sometimes.

Yeah. A germ. Well, I think it was such a social norm for so long. And then there was a period where obviously during COVID was like, do not even come close to me. But now we've gone back. People quickly forget. I think it used to be, Taylor, didn't it used to be like you'd shake hands to confirm that the other person didn't have a weapon on them or something like that?

I think that's how it originated. You're supposed to shake. Then I should be shaking hands here in America. Because now you don't know what I got. No, I don't. And you could shoot me dead in the... Or I could just pull out a giant sword and you'd never know. And decapitate me.

I mean, I had a good life. Whatever. I think that's how it started though. It's my time. I want to know what the audience thinks about not shaking hands. I'm all for it. I don't need all those germs on my face. I don't want periola dermatitis or Taylor semen crusted on my head.

Well, let me ask you this. If you say you know someone, do you give them a greeting of a shake or a hug? I'll do a hug. If you know somebody. Yeah, a hug's fine. Even if I don't know you, a hug is fine because my hands aren't touching your hands. I'm touching your shirt.

That's fine. Our faces aren't really getting too close. No, but it would have been very awkward if I just saw you in the hall and went aggressively in for a hug. No, because a hug, it's a greeting. Oh, should have hugged. Should have hugged.

Hand shake is no longer greeting. Hug is the move. Taylor's taking notes. Okay. I mean, it's a greeting. Oh, should have hugged. Should have hugged. Handshake is no longer greeting. Hug is the move. Taylor's taking notes. Okay. I mean, it's just me. I'm going around giving everyone hugs. Yeah, you're trying to give hugs left and right. Taylor, you are not allowed to hug anyone in this office.

Poor Taylor. For any of the listeners who want to get to know you a little bit better, give us a little bit of an introduction, what you do, how you started. Give us the whole spiel. Okay. I am an actress. I do podcasts. I'm a comedian. I do improv. I write. Yeah. And I got started at UCB, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City. Then I moved here. My first show that I got was Girl Code on MTV. And that's what a lot of people know me from. And then it was just like bippity boppity. And I had a show at MTV that six people watched. And then then I got nailed it. And then I was on a show called Grand Crew that I think was prematurely canceled. It was on NBC. So yeah, I think that's pretty succinct.

A lot of people don't understand how gnarly being a comedian is. It's a lot of work. I cannot imagine the pressure that you feel to get on stage and have to make people laugh. How did you even get yourself out there to do that in the first place? I guess it's just one of those things where you come up with an idea and then I have a ton of comedian friends and I'll be like, is this funny? And they're like, yeah, it's funny. And then you get on stage and hopefully it works. Honestly, I think doing comedy is a cry for help.

You left your house at 8 p.m. because you need attention. That's sad when you get up there and something doesn't land what do you do do you have a pivot do you have a plan sometimes i'll go why don't you like it what do they do um i mean i've gotten an answer a couple of times uh they're like stop and say i'll tell you like not relatable i'm like oh okay or like i don't we don't get it and i'm like oh maybe i just phrase it differently I'll answer a couple of times. You'll be like, stop and say, I'll tell you exactly. I'll be like, not relatable. I'm like, oh, okay. Or like, we don't get it. And I'm like, oh, maybe I just phrase it differently.

Or if I go, why didn't you like it? And then I'll start riffing and figure out why they didn't like it. And then once they laugh and I record my set, so then I'll like listen to it back and I'll be like, oh, they laughed at that part. So maybe if I put that part in the beginning and then put the beginning at the end, maybe that works better. And then you try it that way and you're like, ooh, solve the puzzle. Or you're like, ah, maybe I put it this way. It's just like, it's like a Rubik's cube until you get all the colors right. What I find most interesting about comedians and the work that you and other comedians do is it's

like one of the only mediums where you don't have a choice but to go out and fail a bunch of times right yeah like we've had a lot of comedians on and i think people don't understand how i mean most people are so scared to even share an idea or ask the girl or guy like you have to literally go out and fail over and over and over and get comfortable with that i think that's the most interesting thing to me about it is like most people just aren't conditioned to deal with any kind of micro failure let alone doing it consistently many times over yeah and then you learn um like you'll do a club and you'll have five or six shows in the weekend and the show will work on say thursday both shows it works friday the first show works the second show doesn't work because everyone's like too drunk or whatever you can't get in your head and

go oh my material is not working it's just the circumstance of the night it's the people who came in with their own shit and then you do it again on Saturday and you're like it works and it's a real mind fuck but yeah you just kind of the shows that don't go well on the weekend you can't beat yourself up about it and then you can't just be like well how do I like tinker this that it's like no it's just it is just the time of day, the type of people is something just isn't working. But yeah, you do have to kind of like kind of sit in a bomb. I've bombed so many times. I don't like it, but it doesn't bother me. I'm not going to like freak out on stage. I'll just I'll pivot to crowd work or maybe I'll do older stuff or I'll tell a story or I'll

just yeah tell a story of something that happened like that week that's not a part of my act but yeah you you do have to fail a bunch what was your childhood and upbringing like I always I am always curious about comedians with it because sometimes you'll talk to people like oh it was like the greatest thing ever and I never and I just laughed all the time and some people like they come from a real like we just had miss pat on and she's like i have a real dark place oh yeah she been shot a whole bunch and them titties saved her yeah i love miss pat she's so funny she's the best i love her so much time with her she's great oh wow haven't really laughed with me okay um i guess i'll try harder don't worry don't worry no that's okay i laughed by myself. My upbringing was fine. I had parents and then, oh, I guess it wasn't fine. They died.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. I shouldn't be laughing at that part. Well, I mean, the way I presented it was wild. My mom died when I was 16. My dad died when I was 21. Oh, man. so like that wasn't fun but before that it was pretty fun I have a sibling a sister we're like a year and a half apart so like we did everything together but she's not a comedian she just she teaches and she likes children and I don't get it you know what I said to my friend who's in here today I said you know she's like I don't like when kids like giggle

I said I get it I don't really like it either but it's your own kids it's different it's different with your own kids isn't it i like when kings who i think you guys are just dark okay i i like when kings i like to hear kids laughter she's saying like when they talk sorry when they make themselves known when they show no i get it i don't like children you know what a lot of people don't i get't. I get it. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. When you look back at what happened to your parents, did you use comedy to get you through their deaths or was that not even a tool that you brought out? I think most people use comedy to get through tragedy. I think there's a really fine line between comedy and tragedy.

When my dad died, we spread his ashes at a beach, which I don't think you're supposed to do, but don't tell nobody. And it was my sister, my grandmother and me. And we were like, who's gonna spread it? And I was like, I'll just fucking do it. And then I like opened the lid and then threw the ashes and a gust of wind came as my mouth was open.

And I don't think I've ever seen my grandmother laugh harder at that moment. So your dad went down your throat yeah I deep-throated my dad I mean you set it up maybe that's why you don't want to shake hands that's a lot yeah so I think yeah when tragedy arises there's there's also like comedy like me and my sister used to say like the darkest shit to each other and make each other laugh. And when I first started doing stand-up, a couple of my jokes were about dead parents. But I was also like 25 when I started doing stand-up. So like it wasn't relatable. People were like, my parents are still living.

This is sad. You're really bringing us down. How many times does it take to actually put yourself out there to become comfortable on stage telling jokes? I think it's different for everybody because there is a lot of people who are confidently bad and keep getting up. And like, I don't know, you'll come across on Instagram. Sometimes you're like, wow, this person has a lot of clips of them being very bad. And they're like, not only do they get up, they tape themselves and then edited it and then put it up for more people to see.

And it's not good. I'm going to say someone's name, but we have to edit it out. I came across Profile. I don't know anything about comedy like that. I don't know. I'm just like, we have to cut that out what I just said because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Just beep the name. I was like, this isn't funny.

Do you know who I'm talking about i do it's just not funny you know uh everything's not for everybody do you think it's funny we don't have to say his name um or am i missing something i don't think you're missing anything okay that's a nice way to say no it's not funny we have to obviously cut his name out i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings yeah and that's like but everything isn't for everybody but like there are universal themes where you're like oh this person i can see why they're funny yeah there's people where i'm like i don't find your material funny but i can see how other people find you funny you're just not for me but like sometimes there's a person where you're like i don't get any of it yeah i simply don't yeah it's funny what's the strategy like behind the scenes to make sure you're doing what you need to

do to evolve as a comedian? That's a good question. I think like constantly writing, listening. I don't think you need to like write your material for people. But if people are like, hey, that's that seems mean and you're punching down. I don't think you should double down. I think maybe you should ask why and learn and evolve. I think everything needs to evolve. I think you can joke about anything as long as you have a perspective that's unique and that people haven't heard. And when you think about punching down, what do you think an example of punching down is? Or maybe give me one.

I think punching down is talking about marginalized give me one i think punching down is like talking about marginalized people when you don't have any experience with it when you just like have a thought and it's like well why are you even thinking about it why why do you why do you feel the need to say this like what what what is your hot take and is it different than everybody else's or if someone's just being mean to be mean yeah Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like, it lacks cooth. I don't know. You know what I mean? Yeah.

When it doesn't have that finesse. Because that's what I think is so good about the best comedians is there's a finesse. You know what I mean? And some of them just don't have it like the one I just mentioned. Well, I think the best comedy is the stuff that gets you to think about real serious issues by first making you laugh about it but then making you think about it later yeah weird way maybe it doesn't be so much later but it's just like something that's like oh that's funny but it's also like there's some truth to that yeah i think so i think yeah there's truth in comedy and it's like if you're just talking about

i don't know but also i love silly shit that's about nothing i like i don't do political stuff but like i admire comedians who do who can make it very funny. It's a lot of work. Yeah. Why did you decide to write the fat girl's guide to being brave and not dejected? Melancholy down in the dumps, weeping fat girl in a bikini. That is a title. But I don't mean why did you just decide to write it? What was the eureka moment to write this? what happened that made you just even have this thought in your head? I take a lot of pictures in bikinis and I was hashtagging it very fat, very brave, just so people who saw the pictures realized that I knew I was fat.

Because sometimes people in comments go, hey, you're fat. And I go, oh, yes. Like, I just I don't really get it because I have a mirror and like I walk past a lot of windows every day. So like I know. And my friend Allison was like, why don't you do like a coffee table book with like pictures, like professional pictures of you in bikinis? And I was like, oh, OK. So I pitched that. And then they were like, well, what if you wrote a little bit? And I said, oh, OK, maybe I'll make it a guide. And it's a very tongue in cheek guide. The whole thing is just like, just wear a bikini. If that's what you want to do, wear it. But all like there's little captions and stuff. And it's it was a labor of love. It's it's dumb. It's the dumbest thing I've ever written. And I'm so proud of it. But I also think there's an undertone of body positivity in it, like for people to just wear a bikini if you want to wear a bikini and who cares what other people think. Sure.

I hate the word body positivity, though, because it's like be positive at all times about your body. But you're going to feel like shit about your body sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes you're going to look in the mirror and be like, I actually don't like what I see. But then it's like put on a nice outfit, do your makeup and like go live your fucking life. Like it's OK to not feel great one day. I'm all about like body neutrality, like like the body you're in. But if you care to change it, do it.

Get a BBL. Get your titties done. Cut off your chin if that's what you want. Like, get the tiny little nose. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy and makes you OK looking in the mirror every day. Body neutrality. I like that. Yeah, just you're neutral about it.

Did you coin that word? No. I've never heard that word. Really? No. I don't think I did. I think it's a great word. It's yeah. You're just like neutral. It's like you're indifferent. You're just it is what it is. Like when a car is a neutral can go forward and backwards. I like kind of go forward and backwards in your thinking. Yeah. As long as you don't stay in the negative. Because sometimes body positivity can feel a little virtue signaling. Do you know what I mean? Like it just feels like sometimes it's like a little, I don't know. What's your point? Like sometimes you can't just like put a smile on your face at all times if that's not how you really feel.

Yeah. And it's okay to feel your feelings. It's going to be like, I don't like the way I look today. I like it. Okay, great. How do you deal with the people that comment stuff like that? Do you zing them back? Do you ignore it? do i'll just like heart it just just so they feel heard because there's a reason why they're commenting and it's so they can be heard you want to hurt my feelings and to hurt my feelings you have to be heard but you can't hurt my feelings i posted it

i don't do you know what i mean? I thought I look good. I don't really care if you think I don't but I will, you know, heart it to let you know that I saw it and that your feelings are valid and hey, whatever. I think I told, I was telling this on another podcast.

You were on the podcast too where I said like, they either want to be acknowledged or they want to just get you riled up. There's no, there's no, there's nothing in between. And when, when you acknowledge them, they usually reply, sorry. Yes. They, they, they want some kind of human interaction. Like the handshake going back to pull it all around. They want some kind of human interaction and that's just what they're looking for. And when they're acknowledged,

they apologize. Yes. And I'm fine to give that to them. I'm fine to let them know that I saw it, that it is what it is. But also it's like, you're not telling me anything I don't already know.

I did have someone DM me that they said something real nasty. I can't remember exactly what it was. And I was like, hey, I read this. I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope you find a comedian that you like more. And then they replied. They're like, I'm really sorry. I was having a really bad day. Keep making people laugh, but not me because you're not funny. You know, it's so

crazy. And it made me laugh so hard because it was like they were having a bad day, but they that's how they feel. And I don't it really made me laugh I was like way to double down it's a view on your wheel yeah I I simply don't care if you find me funny because some people do and I'm not for everybody but children like me and children tell the truth ah how do you know children like you what happens with that is um this show that I'm on or that I hosted called nailed it kids love that. Kids like go bananas about it. So I don't know. Kids tell the truth.

So I'm like, if kids think I'm funny, I think I'm funny. So you like kids then? No. What if a kid comes up to you and wants to shake your hand? No. You won't do it?

Absolutely not. Kids have the most germs. Let me tell you about kids and germs. They're disgusting. You want me to touch a sticky little gremlin hand? No.

Those little goblins? Absolutely not. I'll take a picture with one. That's fine. I'll say hello. We'll talk, but I'm not touching one. Taylor has goblin hands.

That's a perfect sign. They're just, they're sticky. I was a nanny for a long time. Kids are dirty. Yeah. It's clammy. Like I said.

I've never, not now, thank God, but I never have gotten more sick in my life than when we had kids and they started going to school. And then he's trying

to shake people's hand. See? See, you're a super spreader. I probably probably have a super spreader you're trying to spread what those kids gave you how many kids do you have um like eight no he doesn't have two he has two kids he's like well two each their own yeah no no seven too many yeah what do you think what's one and done kind of tell us like what a day in the life is for you because i think some people think you just go on stage and tell jokes like there's so much more in the behind the scenes it really isn't for me personally well you don't you have to write it you have to practice it right or do you just improv it so sometimes i'll write a joke top to

bottom that's like when i'm feeling inspired and I'm like, okay, go do it. Or I'm driving to the show and I go, all right, this is funny. Is this funny? And then I'll call someone and be like, is this funny? And then I'll ask the comics backstage, is this funny? And then I'll go on stage with my premise and then whatever comes to my brain from the premise

and then I record my sets. So like when things hit, I'll listen back and then I can write it all down and then I can start rearranging it. Quick announcement, everybody that wants to get live in person, interact with people, have a good time.

We are coming to New York. And when I say we, I mean, Dear Media, a lot of the companies coming out there. Dear Media does these amazing events called Dear Media IRL, which stands for In Real Life, where we have incredible lineups of the Dear Media hosts come out for a day of programming. We have activations, we have happy hours. It's really an awesome networking event. It's also a great social event and we have activations we have happy hours it's really an awesome networking event it's also a great social event and we have a ton of fun i also like to think that they're jam-packed with value for example this year the lineup in new york if you're out there includes amanda hirsch taylor strecker shannon ford caroline budino remy cruz alicia marie lauren me whitney port pia we have an incredible lineup lindsey metz, Brittany Xavier. Like I said, it's just

jam-packed. It's a day of incredible programming with incredible hosts and talent. And it's a great place to meet people and have just a really productive day. So with that being said, I want to make sure anyone that's in the New York area or that's been thinking about traveling to the New York area, Dear Media IRL should be on your list of things to do. It should be on your stop. It's something you should even plan a trip around. It takes place this year on November 2nd. And like I said, in New York, the last two we've done have been in Austin, Texas. So this is going to be the first time Deer Media does an IRL event in New York, big, big city. And we're super excited about it. So tickets are on sale right now. If you just go to deermedia.com slash IRL, you can find them there.

They have all sorts of packages and hotel packages, but the tickets are going to go fast. So make sure you check it out. Again, that's dearmedia.com slash IRL, or just go to dearmedia.com and you'll find it. And we'd love to see you out there. Lauren and I will both be there as well as some incredible hosts. See you there. Woo more play. You have to try this. You can eat it, lick it, suck it, fuck it. You can use it for all different kinds of things alone with someone, with a friend, whatever you want to do. It's the best. Coconut oil has really helped me. I used to get UTIs. I don't anymore because there's something in the coconut oil, I swear, that is really good for the bacteria. I love this lube. It's the only lube that I will use, but I also am a fan of their vibrators

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and code vagina gets you 20 percent off. That's WooMorePlay.com. So it sounds like you throw it on the wall, you put it out there and then you go back and you refine it. Yeah. And I kind of sandwich it. So, like, I'll start with bits that I know work, and then I'll do the new stuff, and then I'll do something old to end with, so you end on a good note. Wait, that's crazy that you can just drive to a set and just try it without, like, having this whole wild plan.

It's called talent, Lauren. Some people, well, some people write top to bottom jokes i work better with like a loose structure like an outline if you will like bullet points when you talk to other comedians behind the scenes what are they all doing some of them do that some of them write top to bottom uh some just do crowd work um and sometimes that crowd work is planned bits and sometimes it's not the magic of stand-up is just like making it feel like it's coming off the dome i cannot believe that people go on stage without having something planned that sounds like i i mean that is like so wild to me it's like telling me to fly to the moon well it is it is a plan. Like, OK, so I want to talk about

smart water. I don't know. And then I'll be like, well, why do I want to talk about smart water? It's because I have these three ideas about it. So I want to talk about smart water. It X, Y, Z. That's your plan. But you kind of like as it comes to you and like if someone laughs at something, then you're like, oh, I can tag it with this. So it's like it is a plan but it's just not written when you're on a set like at MTV do they give you your jokes or do you have like help in the writer's room like what is the background of that look like so girl code uh is a talking head show it's like like, I love the eighties. Like the H1 had a bunch. Uh, that is, we sat in a chair with a producer next to the camera and they'd go, what's your, what is your, your view or what do you have to say about this topic? And I didn't know that girls were writing jokes because I wasn't a standup at that point. I'd only done improv.

So like, I would just say things. I would just talk. And then Laura, one of the directors on the show, would be like, OK, well, say it like this. So it's like clippable. And I go, oh, OK. And then you just kind of like repeat it. Give us an example of a word that they would give you that you would have to go off on. It'd be like. Breasts or like periods or getting into a relationship or like when to say I love you because it was just yeah, it was like coming of age shit for girls. So I'm on my period and you have to just make a whole joke out of it. Yeah, I'd be like, what what do you think about periods?

And then you just kind of like I would just talk. And do they clip it up afterwards and edit it? So it was kind of almost before social media, similar to content creation a little bit. Yeah, all those talking head shows, I think, were like. Pretty TikTok. Kind of like reels because it would just be like short bursts of different people talking. How do you plan all your content for social media? Do you have different strategies that you do for each platform? You just do it. There's you just do it. So like if I do a show

like I did a crowd working special, so I just like clip that up and posted those to like drive traffic to my YouTube to watch it. And then I just like post my podcast shit I should post more on TikTok I simply I don't really get TikTok it's hard I know and I feel very old I also

okay so my phone is not in dark mode it's in light mode because that gives me more dopamine yeah but isn't that normal my phone's

what is it isn't everyone so you can put it in dark mode TikTok is perma dark mode the interface is dark so it doesn't give me the same dopamine that Instagram gives me So you can put it in dark mode. TikTok is perma dark mode. The interface is dark, so it doesn't give me the same dopamine that Instagram gives me. Why does TikTok do that then?

I don't know. Because other people don't mind dark mode. I don't use TikTok, so I don't know. Wait, I never even noticed that until you just said that. Yeah. So like if your phone is in dark mode, you probably love TikTok. I don't like it because it's not giving me. That's really weird because I really don't like going on TikTok. Sometimes it has like a weird frequency. Maybe it's because it's in dark mode and I'm used to my phone in light mode. Baby. That's weird. And if TikTok wants me to get on it, they should have me be

able to change it. You need to go on TikTok and you need to make a campaign about how it should be switched to light mode. I guarantee you that would go viral. I'm not joking. There's a setting. I was told that there is a setting, but I don't think there is. Arielle, can you look to see if there's a setting on TikTok for light mode? That's actually very, very interesting. I never click TikTok. I'm always going to Instagram. Have you ever put your phone in grayscale? Yeah. It's upsetting. Have you ever done the red one? Do the red one at night? No. You do the red one at night? I'll show you. Yeah, he does. He lines his phone down. See, yeah, that doesn't give me happiness. Well, that's the point is it's supposed to get you out of it. I know. I know what our audience wanted to ask you. I want to know too.

Michael, I don't know if you want to know this, but I do. If you need some extra TLC before doing a gig, what are your wellness products, your beauty tips? Well, you're wearing beautiful lashes, right? Yes. Give us like some beauty. You have beautiful skin. Like, it's just funny because like before a gig, I'm on a plane and then I land and then either I get to nap or I don't and I go do a show. But do you put makeup on?

Yeah. Okay. So what's your tips? I just put the makeup on. You just throw it on? Yeah. You're very like fly by the seat of your pants, like at it as I go. Kind of. I mean, this is like, if I want to like get into it, I can do like an hour beat, but this is like a 15 minute beat. But I'll like go in and, you know, I'll do my makeup.

But that's just because you paid money to see a show. So I should at least look like I tried. I mean, your skin looks beautiful, your eyelashes, your eyebrows. You don't have one tip for us. I feel like you like, you have some beauty tips going on. And you said you came here late because you knew it was going to be filmed. So you were doing something. Because I was doing my makeup.

Let's see. What do I do? I use an exfoliator thing. It's Crave Beauty. It's like a little liquid exfoliant. See, I knew she'd have a tip. Here it is. I use their sunscreen.

I wear sunscreen every day. Okay. I also use Cornhusker's oil or Cornhusker's lotion on my arms. What's that? It's not lotion, but it's like glycerin lotion or something. I don't know.

My arms are, I didn't put it on today, but my arms are very soft. I'm scared to touch your arms. You can touch my arm can touch your arm i offered it yeah isn't it soft feel really good here feel my arm don't touch your hand hey wait hold on that's a soft arm isn't it isn't it shocking i would tell taylor to come touch your arm but we don't want his hands on your arm let me tell you something i was like oh god i gotta touch your arm let's see everyone says they have that's a soft arm learn Yeah. Taylor, would you like

to touch my arm? I don't mind your coming. Let's do this. Are you sure? It might get stuck to you. That would be funny. Okay. I can't resist the soft thing. Oh, Jesus Christ. Isn't it soft? Soft and smooth. Now you can think about that for your fourth time today. Okay, so your wellness hacks, your beauty tips. Do you do anything for mindfulness or skincare? I don't do anything for mindfulness, but I try to wash my face at night. Nothing? No meditation?

Nothing? Manifestation? Visualization? Nothing? I can't meditate. Why? I have ADHD. So if I'm sitting trying to not think, I'll be'll be like, oh, there's a lot to think about.

Yeah. It's just hard for me. Do you run anxious? Sometimes, but not really. Like the way I fly is insane. Like if my flight boards at 7.15, I will leave my house at 6.30 to be at the airport by 7 you are a full psychopath listen there's always more flights that's how i feel there's always another flight you're the only person i've met that's exactly like that we're the exact opposite i gotta i can't i can't you know i just feel everything's happening for me if i miss my flight then

yeah there's a reason to take It wasn't meant for you. I think I have ADHD too. Okay, hold on. We got to break that down. She does this to me and she says it wasn't for me. I'm like, well, of course you say that when you try to go there 30 minutes before it goes. There's no way. It's not humanly. Time is a real thing. Here's the thing. If I arrive to the airport at 7,

we board at 7.15, I still have 30 more minutes past 7 15 because the door doesn't close until 15 minutes before departure um also i have clear i have pre-check you got old stuff i have no qualms about saying to somebody my flight's leaving in 10 minutes can i go in front of you and then people are like oh leave, leave earlier. And I'm like, I know, but you'll be me one day. And that gets them every time. I might steal that. I just missed my flight. I thought Michael was going to have a full blown meltdown. But I really did feel like it was happening for me. Yeah. But you know what you had to do? Because you say there's another flight. Guess what? There

was another flight for her. Yeah. But it was a Southwest connecting flight through Phoenix that took her seven hours to get there. And then she missed all of her meetings and so she's like every so i'm like maybe you didn't watch housewives maybe you didn't need those meetings but we turned a two-hour journey into a nine-hour day not to mention wait that was the only flight available yeah it was only one he's acting like he was on the fucking flight it was only one. He's acting like he was on the fucking flight. It was just me alone by myself. And he was literally projecting his own anxiety onto me because I missed my flight. And I go to the airport 10 minutes before my flight. I don't want to be there for one second longer than I have to be.

I like to get through security, walk to the gate, get on the plane, sit down and have them close the door and go, we are leaving. That's my favorite thing to do. And what about when you miss it? What do you do?

I get on the next flight. Yeah, but don't you, then you have to like sit there for hours. No, I go home. If my flight was at 6 a.m. Oh my God. If my flight was at 6 a.m.

and I miss it and the next flight isn't until 3, sitting there until 3, I'm going home. Okay, but what if the next flight's at like, what time did you say I miss it and the next flight isn't until 3. Sitting there until 3. That's different. I'm going home. Okay, but what if the next flight's at like

what time did you say 10? What if the next flight's at like 12.30? Well, then I go to the lounge and have a nice time and I get drunk. I kind of like your style. This is how I like to travel.

He likes to be the first fucking one on the plane. No, no, no. For what? For what? Because I can't stand in the tube.

In the tube? Oh, he has a thing with lines. I can't stand in the tube. Well, then, no. For what? For what? Because I can't stand in the tube. In the tube? Oh, he has a thing with lines. I can't stand in the tube. Well, then arrive late. That's what I did. Everyone's on board and then you get on. Yeah, but I also don't like to stand in the area. No, the real reason is that he doesn't want to shove his shit up in the thing with other

people's shit in there. No, no, no. He wants to have his own spacious thing. Be real. No, I don't need to be fighting for bag space. I don't need to be, oh, can I move my shit? I don't want to deal with any of that.

I want it to be smooth sailing, sit down, get going. There's nothing more pathetic than someone fighting the bag space. You know when you see those people and you're like, yeah, because I fucking do it. Yeah, I don't notice either

because there's always space for me. I always just put it in the overhead bin and I always sit in the bulkhead. So both of my things go up. You guys are. No, but I also think like I have to always be like there's always space for me. That's how I look at life. That's you're thinking abundantly.

You guys are also. You're thinking you have a scarcity mindset. Listen, I don't want to be sexist but this is very different for men and women nobody when a woman doesn't have the everyone's all the guys like let me help you

exactly nobody helps me on a plane are you kidding you know what happens to me everyone just gives me a dirty look and is like you idiot you should have got here earlier

that's what they do and they don't help me and if I say can I cut I have a flight they look at me like no you can't I'm glad that I've met someone that's exactly how I think

about flights get there the latest possible be the last one to get on so you don't. I'm glad that I've met someone that's exactly how I think about flights. Get there the latest possible. Be the last one to get on so you don't have to wait in a line. We just got through all this. And also, it looks a little desperate energy, in my opinion. You're just thirsty for a vacation or something. It just looks like someone's sitting, waiting on the plane. It's like, chill out.

I do have a bone to pick, though, at the baggage claim, if we're on the topic. I do not do have a bone to pick though at the baggage claim if we're on the topic i do not understand the people that get right up against the baggage claim that's you on the plane no no that's your energy on the plane but i don't get in anyone's way i'm just doing my thing i'm going like baggage have you seen people they won't move and then people like dragged along with their bags that's wild wild. I don't check my bags. I agree with that. It's annoying. I simply don't get it. Anything you need that you forgot, you can go to Target.

Yep. Right. Or Amazon. Yeah, I just, I don't want to deal with them losing my bag. I don't want to deal with waiting. I truly, I get off the plane, I order my Lyft or Uber

as I'm walking to the door. So it's right there when I'm out the plane, I order my Lyft or Uber as I'm walking to the door. So it's right there when I'm out the door and I'm gone. No, no, no. Okay. You can't argue. What do you mean no, no, no, no? That's what I do. Don't tell me no.

I think it's very, very passionate about the airport. I hear what you're saying. No, she's saying it's called efficiency, but not if you have to miss these flights and times and go to Target. That's inefficient. Yeah, but you could also, you can order stuff. Like that's what I do. I have order stuff there.

What are you checking in your bag that you need? You need those extra pair of pants. Are you going to wear them? His Esmeraldas. What? What are Esmeraldas? Espadrilles? Whatever.

That is funny that you said Esmeralda. I was like, I don't know what an Esmeralda is, but I guess you need it. Lauren, you should see, don't know what an Esmeralda is, but I guess you need it. Lauren, you should see. Don't even bullshit me. Lauren, you have our whole fucking house when we travel in your bags. In all different colors, lined up. Do you check your bag too?

Yeah, because he makes me. I would rather do what you do. Lauren, when we travel tight, we usually take carries. But right now we have the kids and this and that. It's like, it's insane. We have half the fucking house with us. I think that you need to work harder so we can fly private at all times. I mean, yeah, yeah.

Fly private. But I went to Europe for two weeks with just a checked bag and a backpack. That's impressive. That's impressive. That's impressive. Did you have shows? No. But if you had shows, would you have done that?

Yeah. Okay. So you're just kind of like go with the flow. Well, for shows, I just wear my little uniform, which is just a striped shirt and jeans. Always? Yeah. That's good for branding. Oh, I just wear it because I like colors and it's easy.

And it's the same shirt every single time. I have a bunch of different colorful striped shirts. And then I have multiple pairs of jeans that I know fit and I can like move around in. You know, someone was saying that this is also good for decision fatigue. Yeah. I don't have to make a choice. I just, if I have three shows or five shows, whatever. Will you change it between every show?

No. No. There's two shows a night and I'll just wear the same outfit. But it's like, so it's like three days of shows. There's three striped shirts and then an outfit for like before the show. But it's like you don't have to waste your capacity of your energy on making any decision that's not having to do with the show's material. It's the way it seems like.

Is that like, is that strategic? That sounds kind of strategic. No, because I'm wearing it right now. It's just, it makes my life easier and if i like go to dinner then i'll wear something fun okay it seems like you're everything that has happened to you is very like fluid which i think is cool because a lot of people come on here and they're like i have a 5 a.m wake up with a meditation with a and you're not it yeah you just like go I have ADHD I'm bippin and boppin it's it's talent thank you yeah but also I've just like made things easier in my life so it's like this makes my life easy I just know what I'm wearing it's fine I don't have to

like freak out I just know that I'll have a pair of jeans clean and I'll have a striped shirt clean and that's what I put on I like the the decision fatigue thing. So what are the things that like rattle you? Things that rattle me? You don't seem very rattlable. Does that make sense? Yeah. You seem like pretty like you're not going to be thrown off too easily. Even keeled. Dumb shit rattles me. Like if I'm in my house and someone's in there and they're in a different room and they enter that room that scares me. What do you mean? Like if they come from behind me and ask me a question that's scary. Oh.

So like if someone's in the other room in your house and comes from behind so do you tell them to not sneak up on you? I should. But then I'm like how do you not sneak up on somebody? If an ominous voice is coming towards me that might scare me too. I'm rattled by dumb shit like that.

Let's see. What really rattles me? What rattles you? Well, someone in the other room in the house doesn't rattle me too much. Hold on, hold on. My husband. Pull out your pet peeve list. No, I get a lot of peeves. So we do this thing when we travel called prompts.

And sometimes they're called pot stirring prompts, but sometimes they're called prompts. And we ask, like, say we are traveling with like 12 people. We ask a question and you have to go around the table and it's like Jeffersonian style and everyone has to listen to the person answer it. Okay. And it could be things that like,

like whoever's asking, you could ask anything. Like it could be like, what do you, it could be something like, what do you want your legacy to be? Or like, what's your biggest pet peeve? Like it could be like, what do you, it could be something like, what do you want your legacy to be? Or like, what's your biggest pet peeve? Like it could be anything. Or like you could be like,

you know, we sometimes will be like with couples and be like, what is your greatest sexual experience you've ever had? Not even in the relationship. Like people have to go around and answer.

Not in the relationship. And it's like, we do those ones and be like, oh, this shit's going to get interesting at dinner. And then you have some wine, some tequila. You see what happens.

Yes. It's like throwing a... So one of the ones that we just did was what's your biggest pet peeve and everyone went around. We get to him. I had to take the phone, the notes out.

Larry David. Larry David. What are some of them? I don't know. I have to pull them up. I don't know if I still have it. I like that you write them down so you don't forget what bothers you.

Well, we were drinking and there were so many peeves that I just had to. Read us a couple of your peeves. I don't know if I can find it. So what's your peeve while he's finding it? I don't love when people chew with their mouth open, but I feel like that's universal. It's kind of gross.

Taylor's out. Nicole, where can everyone support what you're doing? Where can they find the fat girl's guide to being brave and not a dejected melancholy down in the dumps weeping fat girl in a bikini i think it's on amazon okay i think i don't know my instagram's at nicole byer my twitter's at nicole byer my tiktok is nicole byer as well because nicole byer was taken my website is nicole byer was taken.com because nicole byer that's funny that's that's the actual handle that That's amazing. Yeah.

And can you give us a little peek of what's next for you? I have a podcast called Why Won't You Date Me? I have another one called Newcomers. I have another one called 90 Day Bay. I have another one called Best Friends with Sashir Zameda.

Why won't people date you? Listen, I've been doing the podcast for like six years, seven years. There's been no answers. But is there a common theme? Like when you date, is there like something that's going astray or something that's... I think I'm just a lot and I'm a little weird. And if you're not on board with that, then I'm also fat.

I'm also a black woman. So it's like there's a lot of things. No, I think we can get to the bottom of this there's got to be you know there's people out there for sure i'm sure there is you know the search continues you live in la i do live in la i will brag that this show has set up a lot of people some people have gotten married from the show people really yeah we had people come on the show kids literally kids yeah people have kids i was like what are you doing with people come on the show. Kids? Literally. Kids? Yeah. People have kids. Oh, have kids. I was like, what are you doing with these kids on the show? I'm just confused.

I was like, should I alert the authorities? He's here. How Nicole has four podcasts. Is it weekly? Have you ever thought about consolidating some of those podcasts? No, she has 80. I can't. Because one is about love.

One is about friendship. One is about movies. And one is about 90 Day Fiance. Let me tell you something. We talk about 8,000 about friendship one is about movies and one is about 90 day fiance let me tell you something we talk about 8 000 topics on one show yeah anyways this sounds like a little this has adhd but it's also diversifying your assets yeah ah yeah but aren't you the same but you're the but you're okay you know what what it's fine i love that you're like, don't make it one. But one is by myself and one is with somebody. And then the rest are with people.

Oh, they're with people. Yeah. I thought you were just like, I have four podcasts by myself. That would be insane. That would be actually unhinged. Do you record every single week for all of these? Mm-hmm. Damn.

I stack them. So why won't you date me? I like record three in a row and then best friends will record like two two in a row newcomers will just record we try to stack them but sometimes we can't because my co-host has kids and you know kids are unpredictable and then 90 day bay is weekly because episodes come out last question do I Do I need to watch 90 Day Fiance while I marinate? OK, listen, it is a whole universe now. So you have 90 Day Fiance, 90 Day the other way before the 90 days. You have 90 Day the single life. You have 90 Day Happily Ever After. You have Darcy and Stacey. You have the family Chantel, which just ended.

Is it that good? What's so good about it? That's why there's six spinoffs. Wait, just give me a... No, but it sounds like it's a little bit like Housewives. Like if someone asked me, do I need to watch Housewives? I'd be like, wait, wait, wait. Like, it's so overwhelming.

There's so many different directions. There's a lot. Wait, but what... Just give me a one-sentence blip on what it is. So there's an American who meets somebody foreign to bring over to america they're worried that the american or that the foreigner is going to steal their money but as you watch you're like what money you live in a trailer like what money okay um and then everybody like everyone

is crazy and then their families are all like why are you doing this and they're like i'm just in love okay it's delightful and just any of the relationships actually like make it through very few okay all right i guess i think you already missed it lauren i think it's too late i don't think so it's not too late start with anfisa i think that's season three or four okay that's when it becomes less of a docu-series and more of a circus okay can't wait nico, we got a lot covered in this episode. Thanks for coming on. Thank you for having me.

Taylor is horny, inspired, all the things. Thanks, Nicole. And who knows? Maybe somebody will listen to this and date you. And you'll find... Find love on the skinny, confidential him and her show. Is it women who are finding love on your show or men? Men. Both.

No, it's more men. She's right. She's right. it's more men. She's right. She's right. It's more men. It's the men, the single men who come on my podcast. You never know. People sliding in those DMs. Be abundant.

You never know with the space that you have on the airport above. That's the way that you should look at dating. What if this entire time, if you showed up to the airport earlier, Mr. Right was just right there. We're not compatible. No. Why is it there so fucking early? And also like. she went for you if she was flying private maybe all right nicole maybe there

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