The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Open Relationships, Mental Institutions, & All Things Sex Ft. Eileen Kelly

Episode Date: July 25, 2022

#481: On today's episode we are joined by Eileen Kelly. Eileen is a digital creator and host of the Going Mental Podcast. On this episode we discuss Eileens time in a mental institution. We also discuss if open relationships can work and if so how. We also dive into sex and all things sexual health and relationships.  To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) Check Out Lauryn's NEW BOOK, Get The Fuck Out Of The Sun HERE This episode is brought to you by Homesick Candles. To Try Homesick candles and receive an exclusive offer click HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential  The Hot Mess Ice Roller is here to help you contour, tighten, and de-puff your facial skin and It's paired alongside the Ice Queen Facial Oil which is packed with anti-oxidants that penetrates quickly to help hydrate, firm, and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, leaving skin soft and supple. To check them out visit www.shopskinnyconfidential.com now.  Produced by Dear Media 

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. A big theme of my pregnancy was evaluating everything I was eating or putting on my body. I wanted to make sure this pregnancy that I was pretty clean. I wasn't going to be a freak about it, but I didn't want to put a bunch of chemicals on my face when I was carrying Towns. And so what I did is I took all my products that had the harsher chemicals and that were more aggressive, and I put them away. And then I brought all my clean products out. And I have to tell you, I've kind of fallen in love with the clean products. Sure, I'm going to implement a couple of the more chemical-heavy products into my routine now that I'm not pregnant, but I am

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They have like a seaweed mist. I would get those two products, those to start at least. And then just check out their whole line because I think you're going to love it. They have like a body oil, a scrub. They even have this lotion that I love that comes in like a big tub. All of their products are just amazing. They're so clean. Find your new skincare and body care favorites at OseaMalibu.com and get a special discount

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A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. A little bit of my backstory is I grew up Catholic in a conservative bubble in a very liberal city. And my mom passed away when I was eight years old. I was kind of a lonely, depressed teenager. And so that's where I got my start on Tumblr because I would come home from school and I'm like, I don't have many friends.

So let me make friends online. That was kind of where it came from. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her show. That clip was from our guest of the show, new to the Dear Media Network, Eileen Kelly. Eileen Kelly gained fame during Tumblr. Do you remember Tumblr? I remember Tumblr, but I wasn't active on Tumblr. You weren't? No. Okay. I had a Tumblr when Skinny Confidential just came out and hers was super popular because she gave real deal advice, kind of like Dear Abby, but for her generation on boys dating sex and more.

And it actually gained so much notoriety that Bella Hadid reached out to her back in the day and they became friends. So her Tumblr account was very, very popular. And now she has a podcast, which is so exciting. It's on the Dear Media Network. It's called Going Mental. And in this episode, we go all over the place. She opens up about her five-month stay at the most infamous mental hospital in the United States. She is so open about her experience with depression. She also talks about being a sex educator and a social media darling. You may have seen her on Instagram. She has a very well curated Instagram grid. I have to say too, just meeting her,

she's very poised, sweet, well-spoken, and I enjoyed this interview. And I think you will too. So on that note, let's meet the new host of Going Mental, Eileen Kelly. Welcome her to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her. Okay, I stalked Eileen on Instagram because I found her so compelling and interesting, you guys. So this episode, hold on to your seat. It's going to be a roller coaster ride. Tell us about your blog that you launched in 2016 because you were young. How did you even decide that you were going to launch a blog and why? Honestly, I had started on Tumblr.

How old on Tumblr? 16. Okay, start there. Yeah. It's funny. I was talking to a friend who also was like a Tumblr girl. We got dinner a couple nights ago and we were we were we were just joking about that period and internet like subculture it will never be repeated because it was kind of before instagram

or like right at the brink of the creation of instagram like right after myspace facebook's just coming out kind of that timeline and i so my a little bit of my backstory is I grew up Catholic in a conservative bubble in a very liberal city. So I'm from Seattle, Washington, but I kind of came from this sheltered bubble there. And my mom passed away when I was really young, when I was eight years old. I had a single dad who never remarried to this day. He's not remarried. And I just spent, had a lot of alone time. Like I had a single dad. Like I said, he wasn't remarried, but he's working a lot.

So he's out of the house. So I would say my high school experience was a lot of time alone. And I did ballet really intensely till I was 16 so I didn't have any social life ballet can be intense that's what I've heard with like eating disorders and yeah body stuff and just like comparison and and this reaching for perfection constantly like I think it's kind of a toxic environment obviously there's positive parts of it, but there were also negatives. And I was kind of a lonely, depressed teenager. And so that's where I got my start on Tumblr because I would come home from school and I'm like, I don't have many friends early on in high school when I

was doing ballet. So let me make friends online. That was kind of where it came from. And what was it like growing up with a father? Did you have like just having your father and not your mother? Difficult, but also I'm like, I feel like I don't really know any different. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was also kind of the push to start my Tumblr, to start the blog. I had no one to talk to about like my body changing, like middle school and going through puberty.

It was a really difficult time for me yeah I was embarrassed to talk to my dad about like getting my period for my first time and you know so what do you do like talk to friends of mine or sometimes like maybe close friends like moms would kind of talk to me about it but it was just very awkward and I felt very alone and so I started this tumblr awkward and I felt very alone. And so I started this Tumblr account and I would talk about my life really openly. Okay, so this is what we have to tell the audience. You were super open at 16 years old on Tumblr. Super open. Explain what that means. Like I would just share everything almost to a fault. Now I'm like, oh no, I have so much out there just like just floating on the internet about me. But I would talk about like I lost my virginity and like here's my new boyfriend and this is what I'm going through.

And then it started kind of this ask Alice type of mentality with my followers back then. And they would ask me questions. And I'm 16. Like, what is a 16 year old? No. But at the same time, I had lived through some shit. And so I would just talk and kind of answer these questions

and really started this community. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. On one hand, I think it's good for you to be talking about this at 16 years old and opening up dialogue to probably other people your age. But I imagine having those type of open conversation

also invites a bunch of creeps in. You would be surprised. Really a bunch of creeps in. You would be surprised. Really not that many creeps found me back then. That's good. He has a daughter, so I can tell he's processing this. I think a lot of it for me, though, wasn't so sexualized because no one taught me. Once I learned this information or I would read, find stuff on Google and then share it on Tumblr. Like I taught all my girlfriends how to use tampons for the first time. Like I was very

adamant of like, I want to go in birth control before I start having sex with my first boyfriend. Like I was like, no one cares about my sexual health, so I'm going to care about mine. And then I'm going to make my friends care about it and I'm going to care about their sexual health. So I'm going to care about mine. And then I'm going to make my friends care about it. And I'm going to care about their sexual health. And it kind of became this domino effect. It's almost sounds like you mothered yourself. Does your dad start to rely on you as like, I know this sounds weird. I lost my mom at a young age, too. So you almost develop this like wife relationship with your dad. That sounds weird. But I noticed my dad would like call me for things that maybe he would call a wife for. Does that make sense? Yeah. That wasn't my experience with my dad. We weren't that close when I was younger. So I feel like more so I was

leaning on friends or honestly just a lot of alone time. When you say a lot of alone time, are you meaning like you're in your room on Tumblr? So it's interesting because I feel like your generation lived a lot through the internet almost. Yeah, well, it's also like the emo phase. Like I wasn't really a part of that, but I think about like MySpace kids who would like go home and like be on the computer all day. Yeah. I'm trying to think like right around the time I was in middle school, like we had a desktop computer downstairs. Like I would play Sims and like go on Tumblr. That was my childhood. It feels like. And then I read this or I heard this. Tell me if I'm wrong, but Bella Hadid became a fan of your Tumblr account. Yeah. And so we became friends on Tumblr. And this is before anything. Yes. How do you guys

like become friends on Tumblr? And I became friends with other people too. Like are you guys meeting in real life? Is it just over the internet? It was all over the internet. It's weird because Tumblr is different than Instagram. Like you can't see how many followers someone has, but I guess you can see how much interaction and I would post so much about my life that she followed me. And then we started talking on Tumblr. Also started talking to this girl, Gabby Westbrook, who became one of my first friends when I moved to New York, Addison Rae. And I met for the first time like a week ago and she came up to me and she was like, Eileen, I used to follow your Tumblr. And I was like, that's so crazy. So you had like people like that you didn't even know following your Tumblr that

now, I mean, Madison Rae is like obviously huge with, yeah, so successful. It's almost, it sounds like an Ask Alice, but like with a twist of Dr. Laura sex advice. Yeah, kind of. And, but a lot of it was also, I guess, mental health before I knew it was mental health. Like I would talk about being depressed and I would talk about being anxious and going through these periods in my life. I wasn't so vulnerable or open. It was difficult for me to talk about the loss of my mom. And that's something I've kind of come to terms with more recently as an adult. But I would talk about kind of these open taboo subjects. What advice would you give to someone who lost

their mom at a young age? Do you have anything things that make you feel better? Therapy? Yeah. So I see a therapist. I see a therapist twice a week. It has been phenomenal. I recommend therapy to everyone. I actually feel like that's one of my dating rules now is I don't like to date guys who aren't in therapy. Oh, you're out. You're the fuck out. Taylor's out. Okay, elaborate.

Why do they need to be? I mean, I'm sure you... I like this. Because men have a difficult time communicating already. So it's like you need to be working on yourself for me to want to date you. And like I'm sure someone's going to listen to this and be like, well, therapy is really expensive and like you sound elitist and blah, blah, blah. And I don't think it necessarily needs to be like going to a normal session once a week with a therapist.

But just that you are trying to, I guess, like work on yourself. What if you meet someone that you really like and they're like, listen, therapy is a no-go for me. So my ex, my most recent ex-boyfriend wasn't seeing a therapist and it was, it became a thing. Was the ex for a reason? No, he got into therapy while we were dating and he still sees that therapist. Looks like it's time for you to see a therapist. No, Lauren, this is what I tell you is like The reason I'm so glad I'm locked down and out, one, I don't understand any of the dating apps anymore.

Two, these new benchmarks, I would be done. I would be done. I'd just die alone. No, because it doesn't, like I said, I started dating my most recent ex-boyfriend and he wasn't seeing a therapist. And I told him, I was like, it's really important for me, for you to see a therapist.

Does it have to be with you or it can be alone? No, no, no, alone. I was like, I don't want to be with you. I want you to work a therapist. Does it have to be with you or it can be alone? No, no, no. Alone. I was like, I don't want to be with you. I want you to work on yourself. And I don't know. I like people who are introspective and figure out. Yeah. He had a lot to figure out as everyone does. Why do you do the things you do? What are your goals? What motivates you? What's stopping you from reaching your goals? How do you see your life unfolding? All these kind of existential questions that I'm like, you need to go figure this out. I actually helped him find a therapist, a referral through my therapist, and he still sees her or still sees him to this day, even though we broke up like a year ago. This is pretty profound for your age to ask these

questions to a man. I actually, this is interesting to me. The only reason, so I'm just gonna play devil's advocate and give you pushback. Oh no. Do you believe you can't be those things unless you're in therapy? No, but I think it helps. Sure. But if somebody like, if somebody is introspective and working on themselves and they have clearly defined goals, like maybe it's somebody that just kind of has their shit together.

Do you still say, well, I still need you to. I don't agree. I think that's like a stigmatized thing of people who are in therapy don't have their shit together. I think you can totally have your shit together. It just almost is you have the tools to be even a better person, a healthier version of you. And maybe you go to therapy and then you're like and you try it out for six months, a year and you're like, OK, I feel like i i don't need this anymore i do agree though that men do have trouble communicating like what if i and it's like a third party it's someone who it's not like you're going to a girlfriend or a friend or family member talking about your problems like it's someone who's so unrelated to you that they can almost mirror this shit back to you no i get the point i'm just thinking about and listen i actually believe in therapy and think everybody should kind of maybe think about. I'm just thinking about, and listen, I actually believe in therapy and think everybody should kind of maybe think about it. I'm just thinking about it selfishly. I don't have the fucking time right now. Honestly though, coming from a family,

so my family's like kind of anti-therapy and my dad's never seen a therapist. One of my brothers, I have two brothers. One of my brothers has. My other brother is honestly kind of against therapy. And I'm just like knowing men in my personal life who are not therapized or don't, I feel like, have a great understanding of them. It's like that's not who I want to date. So I need a guy who is willing to take a look in the mirror. And that's really fucking hard. I agree with you. This is what's hard a look in the mirror. And that's really fucking hard. I agree with you.

This is what's hard for me personally with therapy. I haven't met the right person that I have chemistry with. I think if I met the right person, a therapist that I jived with, I think it would work. Oh, you have to 100% try them. You have to try them out. And that's something I didn't.

So it's like I got to go date a bunch of therapists to see who I'm going to fuck? Yes. Who you're going to mentally fuck. Sure, we can use that. I know, but is there like, is there any way I can like, Fast track it.

Like, can I hire a hooker? Like, how can I like hire someone to like, like that I'm just going to know it's like it's it's hard to like a lot of dates with a different therapist it's a lot of work i agree with you totally but that's something i didn't know when i was younger so i saw my first therapist after my mom passed away and it was actually my mom's therapist which i feel like as i'm older, I don't know how ethical that was. But we were not a good fit. She felt kind of like Freudian, psychotherapist. It was not emotional, not warm.

And as a child who had just lost her mother, it was a poor fit. But I didn't know any different, and I didn't know I could be like, hey, I don't like this. I want to try something else. So I kind of just stuck it out for a while, and then I stopped. When I was living in New York by myself in college, I started seeing a therapist. Again, not the best fit, but a better fit than that. Saw her for a few years. And then I did this program, which I'm sure we'll get into at McLean, which is a psychiatric hospital. And I did a psychiatric program there for a few months. And now I work

with my same therapist from the program, even though I left over two years ago. And she's like, I want to hold on to her forever. You love her. I love her. We text every day. Oh, yeah. The amount of times that we have talked about the gut on this podcast is wild. So many smart people have come on this podcast and said that it all starts in the gut. So obviously, after listening to my own guests, I was very, very particular about the probiotic that I was taking. And also, I wanted to give Zaza a probiotic. And I take Just Thrive. And the reason I take Just Thrive is it's one of the only probiotics that actually has survivability to the gut. So a lot of them you take and they don't even survive to your gut. A lot of them too do this marketing thing that I'm learning about and they

say, oh, you have to refrigerate the probiotic and it's a gimmick. So be aware of that one too. This one by Just Thrive does not have to be refrigerated. It survives to your gut. And they also have a bunch of products that are just scientifically proven. The ones that I would check out by them are obviously the probiotic, like I just said, but also check out Just Calm. This is another one that I have added to my routine that I think is amazing. And it's a psychobiotic. So it works simultaneously with the probiotic and it just supports good bacteria. We actually had someone come on the podcast who's a microbiologist and discuss how the two in tandem work together.

The psychobiotic is absolutely amazing for your mental health, which is very fitting for this episode. It also helps with your mood and your emotions. And then the probiotic, as you know, brings a lot of good bacteria to the gut. So both of them together are amazing. And they're just a great tool to have in your toolbox, especially if you're very into your wellness like me. Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm make the perfect combination. And right now you can get 15% off site-wide. Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm make the perfect pair. And right now you get 15% off sitewide when you go to justthrivehealth.com and use code skinny at checkout. That's justthrivehealth.com slash discount slash skinny or use code skinny at checkout. Let's segue into that program. What were the, what was the circumstances behind going and checking yourself into that program what were the what was the circumstances behind going and

checking yourself into that program okay yeah so i was running a fairly successful had a podcast had a business this blog website and my mental health started to deteriorate more so from my personal life and just issues i had had that I had never dealt with. Issues from losing my mom in a really traumatic way, just all these things that had built up. And I was struggling really poorly emotionally, but I was a high functioning person. I go to work every day, I could get my shit done. But emotionally, I was like very suicidal, like so anxious, debilitating anxiety like not really eating so I lost a ton of weight and just not doing okay and so I decided to take

some time away from work and I had met someone around that time who had gone to McLean hospital themselves a few years earlier and they told me like I had it really it helped save my life. And where is this place? It's in Boston it's part of Harvard Medical School. and you were living alone at the time in New York yes okay okay and I decided to go to that program and I thought it's a two-month minimum so I was like okay I'm signing up for two months like if this is gonna change my life or make me not suicidal obviously it's worth it and then you get there and it's actually a six-month program. So can you...

Wait, they lie to you? Kind of. I mean, I wouldn't say they lie to you. Like you can leave. It's two-month minimum. But the actual program and to go through the entire program, it is a six-month program. When you say hospital,

the way my brain thinks because I'm so scared of hospitals is I think... Like a ward and like, no, like I think like almost I almost think like one flew over a cuckoo's nest. No, it's not like that. Can you can you break that stereotype for us? just goes to the psych ward and they're on a 72-hour hold or let's say you're having hallucinations or something, then yes, it may be more like one flew over the cuckoo's nest where it's just in the psych ward. It's a normal hospital setting. You're in a gown. My experience was very different. You can't be like actively wanting to hurt yourself to be in that program. You can't have an eating disorder. Basically, I lived in a normal house off of the main hospital campus. And you do group therapy every day. And you have a group of like six doctors that take on your case. And you learn,

it's a DBT program. So that's a specific type of therapy that I do now called dialectical behavioral therapy. And basically it's behavioral therapy. So you learn that by changing your actions, it actually helps change your emotions and your thoughts. So you can't go in there in a position where they feel that you could be harmful to yourself. Yes. So because they don't want to have to monitor, if you are in that position, they have to actually monitor you. It's like, yeah, we could watch TV, but I didn't have a phone for five months.

I know. That's what I was going to ask you. I heard you say that. Okay. Do you think that part of the reason that you were able to heal is because you didn't have a phone? I mean, the phone is giving, I think, us crazy fucking anxiety. Oh, 100%.

I also was going through a really toxic, abusive... I'd been in this really bad relationship and was going through a really toxic, like abusive, I'd been in this really bad relationship and was going through a horrible breakup with someone who I felt it was driving me crazy seeing Instagram on the phone. Like when it's back when I always talk about this, back when Instagram had that feature where people you followed, you could see what they were liking. Oh yeah. Remember that feature?

That was a wild feature. Yeah. That made people go crazy. You could see who they followed or could you see who they unfollowed? Yes. You could see what they were liking. Oh, yeah. Remember that feature? Yeah, that was a wild feature. Yeah, that made people go crazy. You could see who they followed or could you see who they unfollowed? Yes. You could see who they followed. Or see who they followed.

So I was going through an on and off relationship and I could see every day what the fuck my ex-boyfriend, like what, you know, bikini photos he's liking or who he's following. So I'm like, oh no,

he's fucking this girl now or he's fucking this girl. And it was just like, non, that's not normal. You shouldn't be able to see that. Go back before

you entered the hospital. That was a wild feature. Yeah, they took it away because I swear I was making so many people crazy. The one good thing that they did for mental health.

You know what I did? Just a tangent. I just went on his phone at three in the morning, one night, and followed like 6,000 Chihuahua accounts. So all he gets served is Chihuahuas. So if's liking anything it's like two chihuahuas cuddling in the sand i like chihuahuas good like like them up that's what

that's what you're getting served bud yeah i don't do i don't i don't follow any of the that's a that's a dicey move as a guy in a relationship i don't go into any of the bikini stuff i don't do any of that shit that's just that's just you're just asking for trouble you're asking for trouble but then also now that i'm older and i and i feel like i've healed a lot emotionally and mentally there were so many red flags that i just couldn't walk away from i think too as you get older and you're outside and you can see like looking back for me, it's like and I know you said X, so I don't know. You don't even want to be with someone that's going to be that energy, I feel like. Yeah. But at that time, I think I had such low self-esteem and self-worth that I was like, well, we have this history and you tell me you love me but so why are you chasing like everyone that's not me

and it becomes this really horrific cycle of like i know i shouldn't be with you you don't treat me well but i can't leave you because i feel like ashamed and i really love you and it's this really toxic push and pull what was the final straw when you broke up with him before you went into the hospital probably some cheating thing. He's always cheating. Always cheating. Yeah. And how did these people think they're going to get away with cheating in 2022?

Can we talk about that? No, no, but that's not the problem. The problem was like he would cheat and I still didn't leave. Like it's not all his fault, you know? Like I have to take some accountability. Like I wasn't exactly walking away from this relationship. I was putting myself actively back into the situation. I didn't have the self-esteem or self-respect to be like, fuck you.

And like, don't talk to me again. It was like, no, no, no, no. I love you. Like. How would you find out he was cheating? One time I went through his phone. Love it. And he had this text message from his roommate at the time being like you need to tell

eileen and i'm not gonna lie and what was his response was like i really love her like i feel so guilty but so just don't tell her and she's like okay i won't tell her but if someone asks me i'm not gonna lie for you you know i have a i have a strong perspective on this because i had two younger sisters and i would always tell them like, you know, it's not your fault if you get cheated on. It's your fault if you stay and then complain about it constantly. And unfortunately, and not to be sexist, I think I'm just saying this from an older brother's perspective. You know, I was like, you can be mad at the guy, but if you stick around and continue to validate it, at some point, like you have to take accountability that you accept that behavior.

Oh, a hundred percent. And you've kind of okayed it in a way. Like you can do that. I'm going to stick around. If you do it again, you basically put yourself- You're condoning the behavior and then it becomes a cycle. A hundred percent. Yeah. And that's what was so crazy making. And also I feel like what was fueling the anxiety and issues that I already brought to the table like I'm an anxious person is I knew this relationship was toxic and I knew I needed to leave it I felt like I didn't know how I didn't have the tools to and that made me feel like I

can't trust myself and it really alienates you when you're in a toxic relationship and you feel like holy should i you know i'm not going to leave them so my friends are my friends are really sick of hearing about this it alienates you we get we sometimes get pushback when we talk about this subject like i call it like a tough love topic on this show because i think some people are in are currently in relationships like this and when you say it's like they get angry right it's like you get angry people get angry if you shine a spotlight on maybe a vulnerability in the relationship. But it's, I really believe it. I believe if you condone cheating, then you can't

later than complain to all your friends and your family and everybody because you're still bringing that person around, guy or girl. And we're all sit there and we all have to sit there with a smile on our face and act like this isn't happening. But it's like, you know what I mean? There's nothing worse than going to a dinner when the relationships like that and everybody knows it's like that. And you kind of have to put this weird false smile. And then the next day they turn around and they're complaining about that same person.

I agree, but I almost view it as like an abusive relationship, like emotionally, you know? And what is it? I had someone on my podcast the other day who is a domestic violence social worker and she was saying that most people try to leave a toxic emotionally abusive physically abusive relationship like seven times before they leave that is the average so it's like you don't want

to alienate your your friend or family member because yeah it's like a lot of emotional work for you to keep hearing about this and yet they stay and they don't listen yeah it's like a lot of emotional work for you to keep hearing about this and yet they stay and they don't listen and it's like talking to a brick wall so what i'm saying there has to be yeah you don't want to condone it but i also think i've seen people who have stayed in toxic relationships and then their friends ditch them they're like okay i can't be there for you so i need space from our relationship well because here's why it becomes toxic to the person hearing it at some point right like if my friend

comes to me I'm just playing devil's advocate here if my friend comes to me it's like I'm getting cheated on I'm in such a terrible relationship and I say well okay like I'm going to give you advice you got to leave I can help you leave all these things and you turn around the next day and you're back with the person having sex and it's all great and it's all fun then you come to me again you say the same thing at some point I'm actually the one

being abused right because you're coming i wouldn't say i don't agree i am i am being abused you know what you know what he's doing right now too it's true he's talking about a specific person it's true i know he's making it about himself no i know exactly who you're talking about but it's you're you're not being abused no it is youusing my friendship. No, because you're allowed to have a boundary. Like you can have a boundary. I agree with that. But I think if you've ever been in that situation and you have that empathy towards that situation, you shouldn't, if you're in your true friend

or you love that person, you don't up and leave. You can say like, hey, I can't talk about this anymore with you, but I'm here when you're ready to leave. This is what I do with a person like this because I'm dealing with a person like this. It turns out I have no empathy. I'm not a true friend. Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. No, I mean, sometimes you need to work on your empathy.

I think that there's a way to finesse it where for the first time, I'll be there for you. For the second time, I'll be there for you. For the second time, I'll be there for you. By the third time, I'm going to take a step back and I'm going to let you come to your own conclusions. And what I do with that is I just ask you questions and listen. Because at that point, by the third time, I just think that you want someone to listen to you. Then if it's the fourth time and the fifth time and the sixth time, I'm i'm gonna say and I would say this to the person I'm, probably not the right one to talk to because

What my advice has not worked. I'll tell you why it's abusive Because if someone comes to me and I say this person is such an asshole get rid of them Fuck this person then they go back and says michael says this you're an asshole Fuck this person and then they don't and then i'm says this, you're an asshole. Fuck this person. And then they don't. And then I'm forced to be around that person. Well, you're not forced. You get what I'm saying?

It's like, you don't want to be around that person. Oh no. My friends. See, you're thinking of a really specific situation. They keep bringing it around. You are.

You are. Gotta go on a double date. You are thinking. And by the way, you, you can remove yourself from the situation. But then, but that's what I- I feel like you have a little bit of post-traumatic stress.

You know what? Just fucking leave everybody. Everyone break up. Just done. I also think too that some people have open relationships where it's okay to cheat. Oh God. No, because that's not cheating. If it's an open relationship, that is not cheating.

Okay. Because you have like a consensual agreement to sleep with other people got it so so that's not necessarily cheating that's not cheating do you think those work i think for some people i've met people who are i i had someone on a podcast i did years ago who was in a non-monogamous marriage married like not even polyamorous like they just had an open marriage and it worked and she was like i've cheated on like honestly every partner like i just can't be monogamous so i decided at this point in my life and she met someone who also is kind of like that and it works for them for a period we had oh here he goes here we've got a lot of those people on really for me could

never work i'm way too jealous i'll tell you i'm being honest sorry i mean i'm like go through fucking phones. I'm coming in on you. I'm sorry. I'll tell you why. If Lauren and I were in that agreement, that's one thing. But then if you join and then you catch feelings, it's like, how do you get multiple people all on the same page?

That's the difficulty. He asks this question all the time. I think that's difficult, but I don't think it's impossible. I don't think it's black or white. I actually don't think it's a prescription one size fits all. I think that not everyone is like you and not everyone is like me and not everyone is like Eileen. I think everyone is different.

I'm just saying people are problems and everyone has complexity. That is true. The more people that you bring in, there's going to be more issues. That's the numbers. It's harder and harder to get. It's hard enough to be in a relationship with one person, then you add another person maybe it works and you add another person So you have multiple dynamics that you got to manage for a long period of time I understand so for me polyamorous where you're like in a serious or you're in a relationship

Like an emotional and physical relationship with multiple people that to me feels way more complicated than if it's just like Okay on friday nights I go with my friends and I fuck someone else and I don't even like get their number and I don't stay in contact with them. And that's the kind of open arrangement we have. It's like once a month I can go fuck someone. That to me feels like, okay, would it work for me? No. But could that work for someone? Yeah, because I feel like there's a little less baggage if it's not an emotional thing. Also, I think a lot of people too,

a lot of people are bringing other, like having threesomes. Or swinging. Or swinging. Isn't that big in this town? Listen, Michael, you're like a little old, a little boring,

a little retirement. I'm done. You are. You're like, oh no, do I need to play therapist? Michael's a little like not, like I feel like Michael's in bed by eight o'clock. He's like. Here's what it is.

I have, we've had like 600 of these things now, 500, whatever podcasts. And we've had all of the, like we've had these conversations and I always leave an open space for these people. We've had like, you know, therapists come on and talk about this. We've had people that are married. We've had other people that were engaged. We are basically 10 for 10 on all of them not working that doesn't make that doesn't mean though that they all don't work you can't say that i'm saying on this show and this these blanket statements today are like i'm not i'm saying on this show okay on this control

10 for 10 none worked this control group okay let's do this with the audience let's tell tell us someone it has worked for there's someone listening it has the worst is when the guys come in and i'm like hey like you guys in a relationship and the girl's like oh yeah and he goes we're partners like this is my partner and i could tell like a lot of the other person's like kind of been bamboozled into this like they're not but she just said she has an experience with a woman who's like i want to fuck other people oh yeah she she's a woman she teaches at nyu she's awesome and she's like, I want to fuck other people. Oh, yeah. She's a woman. She teaches at NYU. She's awesome. And she's like fully non-monogamous and it works for her. And it's funny, though, because one time I got lunch with her and she was like, Eileen, like you can't because I think it was when I was going through that breakup. She was like, you need to like not be so jealous or

so attached. And I was like, OK okay your brain is very different than my brain because that's just not going to work for me. I think that's the whole thing isn't it and not everyone works for everything. Yeah and so figuring out what works for you and then doing that and not kind of settling for something because like to please a partner, I guess. There is one thing that I could not stop eating when I was pregnant. You saw it all over my Instagram stories, and that is dough. Dough is so good. I cannot even explain it. They basically took cookies and chocolate spread and made it healthy. They have like this healthy version of Nutella that is so delicious. So here's the move. Here's what I did. I took a piece of sourdough toast and then I put a layer of their drip

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go to their site and get this. It's the best treat. Zaza loves it. And they also have cookie dough and I'm such a fan of their cookie dough because it's vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, no BS ingredients that I reached out to them on Instagram and harassed them to send me some. So we have an exclusive discount. They never do this. 20% off and free shipping with code skinny at eatdough.com. That's spelled E-A-T-D-E-U-X.com from a code skinny for 20% off. The drip line you can buy exclusively on their site, but you can find their vegan cookie doughs at Target across the nation. Trust me, it's to die for. You guys ended up breaking up. Let's go back to you and your boyfriend. The final straw was that he was just cheating and you couldn't deal with it. Yeah, it was like on and off. Like, oh God,

we'd actually broken up like a year before I went away. And then it was kind of like this promise of we're going to get back together, but then he's hooking up with people. It was just really toxic and not a fun experience for either of us. So when you enter the hospital, do they take your phone or do you leave your phone at home? So that was actually part of the reason I wanted to go to the program. Yeah, I can see why. Yeah. So exactly. So I had done an outpatient program first in New York City at Columbia. And it's where I would go to group therapy all day with like, yeah, four days a week. And then I would come home and I lived alone and I could see what my ex-boyfriend was up to. And I just felt crazier because I'm like, holy shit, I'm in therapy all day with these people and then I come home and I'm alone with my thoughts and I'm not doing okay and I

need a higher level of care. So I kind of had to convince them to allow me to go to this program at McLean. You can't just like show up at the doorstep. You have to apply, you have to do intakes if you've ever been hospitalized. Like there's only so many slots. And it's like a serious residential program. So I got a phone call saying, we have a spa opening. Can you be here in one week? And listen, I'm picking up my life. I have a cat.

I live in an apartment. Like you're gone for, I thought, two months. But I'm like, holy shit, I have to get my life together and make this decision in like five days. And so I showed up with a suitcase and I handed them my phone. Because some people keep their phones. It's depending on kind of what you need. And I was like, literally take this thing away from me. It's ruining my life. So what's the protocol with the program?

Is it therapy? Is it medication? Is it all different kinds of things? You mentioned a specific therapy. I would love for you to talk more on that. So it's DBT, which is dialectical behavioral therapy. And as someone who had done talk therapy for years, I felt like I was talking around in circles. Like I knew my problems. I knew where they stem from, but I didn't know how to change them. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Like I don't know how to actually like leave this boyfriend. I know maybe why I'm insecure or have attachment issues because of my mom and X, Y, and Z, but I don't know how to actually change my life. Like I felt like I was on a hamster wheel. And so I did this program where you learn all of these like researched and studied tips and skills is what they're called on how to put stuff into action. I don't know if you guys are on TikTok at all. But there was this TikTok challenge going viral like a couple of months ago where people were sticking their head in the ice water yeah so that's a dbt skill so for someone who's having a panic attack it's like a studied

research thing if you put your face in ice water you dunk in an ice water it slows your heart rate and it can actually stop a panic attack that makes total sense don't mean to brag but you got to try the ice roller i'm gonna give you one i'm obsessed with ice and michael is a huge when he annoys the fuck out of me i just throw him in an ice bath we talked about this recently in an episode the benefits of doing ice bath every week right and you do it like but basically don't do forever like 11 minutes per week and it's the same thing like it helps with the nervous system helps anxiety helps depression helps your hormone response that's interesting though that that just by sticking your head in it you can also get very similar benefits i i'm gonna start sticking my head in ice there's a certain nerve in your face huh i forget what it's called it's like the

symbiotic nerve or something and all animals have it too and when you do a dive into really cold water it that's what kind of makes it work. How long do you leave your face in ice? I'm like, if you're having a panic attack, like we literally had to practice the shit. Like even if you're not upset, just like so. Obviously, if you practice doing it when you're not upset, then you're going to know how to do it when you are in that moment of crisis. But like, yeah, if you're having a hard time breathing,

then you're putting your head in for like count to 10 and then out breathe and go again that's a really good tip for a panic attack that's actually like one of the best tips i've ever heard is to stick your head in a bowl of ice yeah water right ice water uh so so when you're there is there any point that you're like i want to leave and i want to go on instagram and I'm over this? A hundred percent. So what do you do? Well, I couldn't go on Instagram. Yeah, I didn't have a phone.

Like I also coming as someone who like I had a lot of friends. I ran a business. I lived alone. I had a cat. You fell off the face of the earth. I fell off the full face of the earth. Like no computer, no iPad, no phone, no email, nothing. Pausing for a second. Do you remember what that first week was like off the phone? Because I imagine, you know, we're all so

connected and I think about this all the time. Like what if Lauren and I went somewhere and just left the phone for a few days, like what that would feel like? I mean, I can't even think of the last time we did that for multiple days. Do you remember what that felt like? I think the first week was relief. Like I, it had been causing me so much turmoil or honestly myself, I had been causing myself turmoil by using the phone as the tool to do that, that I was just felt so relieved, like no responsibility. No one's like emailing me 50 times, you know, I'm not getting anxious that I'm not responding to an email fast enough. I just felt like, oh, I can sit with myself and breathe. And then maybe a month in or a couple of weeks in,

I'm like, oh no, I really miss my best friend or I miss talking to my dad or I miss my ex-boyfriend, whatever it was. I imagine you could sit with your thoughts a lot better because with this thing, we're constantly up, down, up, down, up, down. It blocks that path multiple times a day. I think I wouldn't have had the same effects and or like positive results in the program if I had a phone. I'm sure. So what are some other tools that you picked up from this hospital? Like were you doing tapping?

No. Meditation? Like what are the things? Yeah. So you do mindfulness which is kind of like meditation and we would do that daily and we had a class once a week on it so that's kind of you're in class all day i like joke that i'm like i have a phd in mental health in myself so it's like a class where you're sitting down yeah so you're not how i envision this so i'm in class from like 9 a.m. to like 1 p.m. usually.

Or it's group therapy. So it's like one hour or 45 minute to an hour increments. And you have a psychoeducation class. And the research on this is fucking amazing. It's one of my favorite things. That the more people know about their own issues, and even on like a science scientific level like what is anxiety what's going on in my brain or what the hell is depression way higher rates of like

getting through it and recovering because you under because they actually understand like they make you understand what it is yeah so it's not just like what what am i doing this for what am i working on what the fuck is this you know stuff that we're doing all day every day I don't really understand it or how is this gonna help me? They like drill it into you and you learn like this is what's going on in your body when you're having a panic attack People go in to the emergency room thinking they have a heart attack Like more often than not and it actually turns out just to be a panic attack huh when you when you left the program did you feel healed and did you still feel suicidal

at times no never again it's it's actually crazy and my therapist and I talk about this all the time because even this week I was going through something in my personal life. And she was like, Eileen, if this had happened when I met you, we would be having a phone call right now from like this psych unit at the local hospital. Like you would be in such crisis or you would have to go to the ER. And she's like, you're calling me from home and you're calm and you're explaining the situation. And she's like like this is like I just want to take a moment and pause and show you how much progress you've made in two years when you started opening up about sex I know you you did it when you were very young was this

after or before the hospital that you started creating this platform where people could talk about sex before before and so when you came out of the hospital did you continue to talk about sex so openly yeah i mean i still talk about sex definitely on my instagram and stuff but i've more pivoted towards mental health but i also think the two are so interconnected right but it was never really like as much as i like to talk about dating and like fun sexual stuff it was really more like the sex education, the health, like what is a period, getting my IUD put in. Like I share all of that stuff very open online. And that to me felt very interconnected to like my sexual wellness is connected to my

mental well-being. What's a common denominator that you see people asking you about when it comes to sex? Is it protection? Is it swapping partners? Like, is it they don't like their partner? What do you see a lot? Oh, everything. But I think people come to me for more serious things because they know I'll talk about it. So, like, I get messages about, like, oh, God, sexual assault, like, you know, more intense kind of subject matter but I also get stuff of like how can I give a good blow job and I'm happy to answer both of those questions or talk with my followers and I'm like I don't know everything but I can tell you what I know I got a really good tip on how to give a good blow job the other night when we were out to dinner I want to hear it oh God sorry Josh Black oh yeah oh yeah it was from josh flack he said you probably already know

this tip maybe maybe you don't taylor do not get a hard on so he said that it's really important a lot of girls are ignoring the gooch okay you cannot ignore the gooch like with your fingers or lick it like he said lick it he said gooch josh is wild though gooch all the way up the scrotum to the tip he told me that that is that is the move i'm not going to say it's not the move but i would just say that he's on the wild end of the spectrum is the scrotum or is the gooch sorry actually have that much sensitivity so they say yes and he said

that he well I would like to know again go for it well listen tell us about your gooch well Lauren listen after this show

we'll go we'll figure it out no I I imagine listen I'm telling you Josh is on the aggressive end of the spectrum and Lauren was talking about

you're not answering the question this reminds me of is your gooch sensitive I'm sure it's yes what do you mean i'm sure you don't know you've never touched it it is but i've touched your gooch multiple times do you want me to give you the answer yeah it is but it doesn't mean every guy's going to like that spot okay right oh so it's like it's gray it's not black and white it's gray like everyone's different i don't know if i need you down there right now.

Why? Because I don't know if I do. I just like maybe sometimes it depends. Oh, I'm getting down there after you told me that. Okay. So like we can try that. Does it freak you out? No, it doesn't freak me out.

I touch your gooch all the time. It doesn't freak me out, but it's not something that's like a requirement for a good blowjob. Does that make sense? How do you know? Because it's mine. I know. But I think like some guys have certain requirements to call it. Like that's not one of my requirements.

Okay, but he wasn't saying that. That's like saying like, do you want a cookie with frosting? Like the frosting would be nice. And like maybe I do want a cookie with frosting, but like- Taylor, what do you think? Weigh in here.

For me, I don't think it would be something that's going to blow my skirt up. Well, you last a minute, so you don't count, number one. I just, for me, because I was thinking about it, and I'm like, I don't know if that's sensitive for me or not. I'm going to say this. I'm going to take my thing that's supposed to make me horny just to add to this conversation.

I'll only take a sip first. So hold on. It has kava and kratom, and it's all natural as plant, but just warning you, maybe take half if you want. Okay, why? It will make me anxious? No, it won't make you anxious. It's a heart opener.

It's going to make you feel euphoric. So I'm going to get high in here if I take the whole thing. I told her off air that we're going to have a five-some in here because we have the baby. Hi, I'm here for the gangbang. I'm sure you are. It tastes like... Some people don't like the taste. I don't mind the taste.

I don't mind the taste either. You know why the sediment you taste? I don't love it. Yeah, it's the plant. It's the sediment you taste. I like it. Some people are like, oh, I can't even taste it. It opens your heart.

It tastes like stevia a little. Yeah. There's a little stevia in it. Okay. There's a little stevia in it. Yeah, you'll feel good. It's not like crazy. I mean, it's not like crazy.

Wait, hold on. Let me stay on this subject here. Sorry. Okay. Of gooch? Of gooch. Okay, what about your asshole? See, okay, so here's what I'm telling you.

I am not one of those guys. Okay. And again, people are going to have different takes on this i feel in some ways like i don't need to have my wife do that right like it doesn't make i don't think that's like i don't want to have to have her do that it doesn't turn me on some guys really like it but again i think this goes back to preferences like for me if she's asking should

i do that i'm saying no like it actually doesn't turn me on i don't want that okay it's not that i'm not open to it some people what if she's like it really turns me on to be all up in there if she was like it's like it's a deal breaker I don't need to lick your asshole like I didn't say lick I just meant a finger up there oh yeah if she was like this is something that I think it's kind of like

what if I was into anal all the time it's like maybe it's a once in a while thing but I'm not gonna be like every time because she's like maybe doesn't like that every time. Hold on. If I wasn't your wife though, like, do you want me to change?

I'm imagining that website, that red flag guy. Okay. My personal preferences is I am not an anal guy. Okay. My personal. Anally.

Anally. Have I partaken in that activity before? Yes, it does. It's not my I would rather go the traditional way That turns me on more personally Why is it like a cleanliness thing?

Kind of that He's very clean, he's cleaner than me Also I'm just more attracted to the female vagina Okay that's fair That's my thing I don't think there's anything wrong with everything But if I have my preference of where I'm going to What my default is

there's that. Yeah. Taylor are you going to buy a whole? I've actually never had any girls go down. I also think guys that haven't had that

it's like this guys that haven't had threesomes or haven't had that experience are way more excited about those because they haven't experienced them. If you have it's like

to me a threesome now is it seems like a lot of work. It's a chore. It's like oh god I gotta do two people here. You know, because if you've had that experience, it's like once you've had it, like, okay. But again, some guys are like, that's my main thing.

Same with anal. Like, if you haven't had it, like, I need it. I've never done this. Let's ask the expert. Yeah. I mean, though, what if someone's on and they just, they like the feeling of anal sex? Or it feels more taboo. It turns them on in that way it feels tighter well you're not doing anything you're dead you're in bed by eight o'clock looking at

chihuahua accounts so let me clarify there's nothing that's happening for you if my wife was like i'm so turned on by that activity i'd be all for it okay but i could tell she that's not like necessarily her activity either so i'm like i'm not pushing for it because I also want my partner to be turned on. I'm going to give everybody listening the ultimate hack. We talk so much about health and wellness on this podcast, and we give all these supplements and all these minerals and all these things that you should take for your body. But listen, everybody's body's different. So here's the hack. A while back, I did all my blood work, got all my vitamin levels, all my hormone levels.

You can do this with your doctor. You can go in, you're yearly physical, or you can just go in and ask for a blood panel, blood work. But then the question is, what do you do once you have all that information? And here's the ultimate hack. When I did mine, I figured out exactly what vitamins I was sufficient in and what I was deficient in. So this will enable you to actually supplement for what your body needs and not overdo what

you already have. This is the ultimate hack. So many of us go through life and we have no idea what our vitamin levels are, what our hormone levels are. And so we just go blindly. It's like going through life without any of the data about what works for your body. And keep in mind, everybody's body is different. For example, Lauren and I have completely different omega levels, but we were supplementing the same. So once we figured out who was deficient and what and who needed more, it was a game changer. And once you know this stuff, it optimizes your supplementation, which makes everything better. So what do you do when you have the results?

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and supplementation for your body. And when you connect InsideTracker with your Fitbit or Garmin, you'll also unlock real time recovery pro tips after you complete your workout. It's like having your own personal trainer and nutritionist in your pocket. Like I said, guys, this is an amazing tool. Once you get that blood work and you want to know exactly how to optimize your body, this is the platform that you use. And for a limited time get 20% off the entire inside tracker store. Just go toTracker.com forward slash skinny. That's InsideTracker.com forward slash skinny. I think though, back to the blowjob question, like, does that excite you or make the blowjob

better to be getting a blowjob and someone's going around your butt and putting a finger in it? Not really for me. Okay. That's not for you. And the rusty trombone. And listen, Lauren's tried. No, wait. That's where they do analingus. I'm always going to try.

From behind. I like to test limits. Listen, Lauren. I like to test limits, too. I'm a try anything once girl. Yeah. I'm a try anything once girl. I'm a try anything once guy.

Okay. But I guess what I'm saying is like, it's not my life. Besides open relationships. Yeah. Or no no because i'm telling you for you i i don't want to deal with a bunch of people's emotions i can't do i can barely do with my friends i'm i'm emotionally closed off that's why we need therapy yeah probably hey around full circle and by the way i'm not saying you're wrong on the therapy subject i actually fully agree that if i was in with a good therapist it would probably

do nothing but enhance my life so i want people to hear that it's same with meditation right it's like i know if i could get into a great meditation practice there's things like this i mean like everybody knows if they worked out if they ate better if they were positive they got into a good therapy if like all of these things could do nothing but help i'm trying to talk about therapy why taylor pulls up rusty trombone on the internet is interesting. Oh my gosh. Do you know... There. The rusty trombone. Oh. So it's like a hand job while they're eating their ass?

The trombone is the shaft of the penis. I've never heard that before. Oh, that makes sense though. It looks like she's playing a trombone. Everyone should Google it. So let me explain this image to you. There's a woman eating a guy's ass with her hand around grabbing his shaft. I love my wife

and I don't ever want to put her in this position. Well, I think though that if I was your mistress, you wouldn't mind it. I could degrade the mistress? I don't know. I just think you wouldn't mind

if I was your mistress. I don't think, but I'm saying like, I think about these things. I'm like, if somebody was filming my life on TV. I just feel like

fecal matter is not sexy to me. Yeah, but I don't think you do this after you just went to the bathroom. No, but there's bits. Here's the thing. No, not if you, what do you mean? I'm not saying on him. He's probably clean as a whistle.

Soap up there. Taylor, our producer, for sure is having jingle berries. Here's the way that I feel about this. No, you clean. You get clean. No, you take soap, especially if you know you're going to have anal sex. You could. No, you clean. You get clean. No, you take soap, especially if you know you're going to have anal sex. You could also use an enema.

You're clean. Here's the thing that I believe. I don't worry about the cleanliness. If somebody, if I'm having... I love that our conversation got here. We've been on this for like 10 minutes. If I'm having an encounter

and somebody is pushing for that, I'm like, okay, this person knows what they're doing. They've done it before. They're probably clean. They've probably taken the steps. If in the reverse, I'm the one pushing for this person knows what they're doing. They've done it before. They're probably clean. They've probably taken the steps. If in the reverse, I'm the one pushing for this

and the person's not sure and they haven't done it, I'm backing off because I don't know what kind of accident we're going to have. That's fair. No.

You definitely have to prepare with anal. I don't believe that anal is like a spontaneous thing. You need lubrication. You should use a condom because like most people don't want to finish in the ass like that's a long time to be like fucking in someone's ass

i think if you like fucking in the ass you should fuck in the ass all day no definitely but i'm saying for okay in my experience when i have had anal sex i let's say we have anal with a condom and then they take off the condom and then they can have sex in my vagina got it so that's a quicker turnaround than like you have to run to the bathroom wash your dick off before you have vaginal sex or else hello yeast infection okay let me tell everyone who's listening do not ever let that penis even touch your butthole even let it touch your butthole and think about sticking it in your vagina. Yes, there we go. Yeast infection and UTI.

UTI, BV, it's just like, hello. But here's my point. I'm going to extend my point. You said that you think it's clean, the butthole, because we clean the butthole. But if we're still getting a UTI or a yeast infection, there's a little fecal matter happening. That's when that's yes

no but you were saying like deep into the anus you were saying yes okay i agree with taylor if michael's penis touches my butthole for one second i feel like and this isn't like by a lot of experience because i'm not a butthole person i feel like it's uti.com like i just i just think anal sex is very different than like licking someone butt. Eileen, it's so nice to meet you. You know, when you're going internal. Wait, okay, so I have to tell you this because it popped into my head. So you guys said that you haven't ever in a long time been off your phones for a couple

days. So I went to this place called Canyon Ranch last month and they don't take your phone, but I asked them to and I went by myself upstate new york or it's in the berkshires and i said can you take my phone and the woman was like sure and so when i checked into the spa weekend for two nights i didn't i didn't use my phone for three days two nights i think it's smart i think it's really smart and i was by myself and it was

fucking awesome i literally felt like so refreshed i was like i need to do this once a year i'm gonna take my go what did you do did you wake up like masturbate for an hour read a book watch a show what do you do so it's it's like a wellness retreat like spa so i went to the spa all day i would like sit in the sauna steam room i got got a massage. Like there's all this healthy food there. You can go on hikes. I did Pilates. I swam every day. Like I was very busy and tired by the time I got back into my room. And what time did you go to bed and did you talk to anyone while you were there? I did have the phone number to my best friend, Sean, who was watching my cat. But I wrote it down on a piece of paper and there was like a hotel phone in my

room and so i would chat with him and what time did you go to bed probably 10 so normal time yeah here's my plan learn i've thought about this i want to get one of those burner phones that you can plug a phone because we have kids right so sometimes you gotta have yeah be reached and we can go somewhere and just bring that and i'll give you And I'll give you a rusty trombone. We'll get the burner phone and we'll go have a bunch of anal sex. I'd rather lick Gooch. But yeah. He told me to lick it from the tip

of the Gooch. The tip. Josh did. What is the tip? Like near the butt cheeks? Near the butthole. Lick it all the way Because it's too underneath. I don't want someone sitting on my head. No, you don't have to do... I feel like if they're on a chair, you can just Like, I don't want someone sitting on my head. No, you don't have to do. I feel like if they're on a chair,

you can just spread. I don't want to get on the chair and spread. You know, I just don't. I just, I don't. Call me old fashioned, you know. I just don't need to be there with my legs up in the air. Like, nobody needs to see that.

Yeah, I don't know how hot I think that is either. You know what? I'm going to try it out once and you're going to see that you're going to like it. So that's the tip. That's the tip. That's our tip of the day. Literally and figuratively. I do think you are onto something though with this no phone.

I think it would be very helpful for many people because- Even just one day, like off for 24 hours and like maybe you have a pager or something if you're the babysitter needs to get a hold of you could you do that no i think i really want to do that i think it takes a little preparation though like obviously i went on a weekend so it was fine for emails but you can't just like if you have responsibilities or you own a business like you can't usually just fall off the face of there what is your relationships that you've been in since you left the hospital? Like what's the differences between the ones that you had before? Yeah. So I dated someone for a year. I mean, I've had like a

few flings with people. I used to be a serial monogamous, monogamist. I was always in a relationship since I was 16. I had a really difficult time being single and being alone. And that was something I wanted to work on when I went away. Like I would jump into a relationship, settle for a relationship with someone that I'm not that into, but I'm like so scared to be single or alone. Like it's a really depressing state to be in. I feel like I had the opportunity to date people and I was like, you know what? I feel finally like okay with maybe I'll hook up with this person but I'm not gonna make them my boyfriend and I wouldn't have done that before

what makes a good hookup let me live vicariously through you you can't be too drunk because then you can't get off well I can't I oh I can't come when I'm drunk yeah no I prefer sober sex I like someone who's adventurous I like someone who I'm comfortable communicating once again communication like what feels good and it needs to be continuous meaning like you got to keep hooking up yeah yeah it always gets better I had one one night stand I remember which isn't I I was I'm kind of monogamous too i've had a lot of different boyfriends but i had one one night stand and i remember leaving and thinking i will never do that again that is so pointless because you don't know each other's body and the sex sucks

i mean i've obviously met people and have shitty and have friends who have like oh i had an amazing one night stand but to me i'm like i like to be comfortable like we could joke about doing some of the like you know something like that or like hey let me go on your gooch or whatever you know what i mean so and you you don't do that with someone you just met every girl every girl is going to their guy and i'm like fuck like the gooch. This is a whole mind thing. The best tips for a blowjob are from a guy. Always. In my opinion. I don't even give handjobs because I'm like, you can do

that better for yourself. No, let me tell you. For everyone out there, I would hate a hand. There's no hand that's going to be better than my hand. I practiced my whole life. I gave you handjobs before I blew you when I was 13. No, you didn't. Wait blew you when I was 13. No,

you didn't. No, you didn't. And yes, I did. Wait, what do you mean? 13?

We hooked up. That sounds very, Michael was my first blowjob. Wait, stop. How long have you guys been together? Not the whole time. We've not the whole time.

I keep trying to shoo her away. Not the whole time. That is crazy. You came back together. We came back together. That is so romantic. I used to give you hand jobs and you liked that. Yeah,

but I was 13, you know, like I've had a lot of, yeah, he he wasn't having sex i know how to flick the wrist yeah but you're gonna say that i'm not good at a hand job but let me tell you something if you're a 35 year old man like i am and you're still getting hand jobs you gotta go then you're then i'm going to therapy i love hand jobs of course of course case in point that's the guy that loves the hand job wait that hand job while you're blowing is a great that's different that's that's the guy that loves the hand job wait hand job while you're blowing is a great that's different that's different

okay what are you you're not 13 anymore I'm trying to think what are some of my favorite tips I'm trying to think of like some of the best sex I've ever had

maybe someone yeah I need someone who's adventurous like if I tell you like hey I want to do this role play or I want to fuck like this guy that I was hooking up with actually right after I got out of the mental

hospital that I that I had I had hooked up with him a couple times right before I went in didn't speak to him for half a year and then got out and was like hello I'm alive and he was like oh I would love to see you so we started hooking up for a bit. And we, I would love, used to love going out to like a dinner or restaurant and we would have sex in the bathroom. That sounds fun. Michael's too private. We also had sex in Central Park. Right after you first had your orgasm, did you whisper into his ear?

I just got out of a mental hospital. We had sex in Central Park. Where, where were you like on the boat area? Were you at a hot dog stand? I didn't grow up in New York, but apparently it's like this. He did. It's this. Oh, my God.

He's going to probably hear this and be like, what the fuck? It's this notorious spot that people who grew up uptown, like Upper West Side or Upper East Side, who like don't want to go home and hook up in their parents, you know, if they are not allowed to, they would hook up in this spot in Central Park. It's like notorious. He used to fuck there in high school. And he was like this is the spot and so we kind of just did it as a joke it was like when the sun was starting to set and we just decided to have sex in the park you know what a bucket list this is bringing up a little bit of nostalgia for me because i did forget that i gave you a blow job in the mcdonald's balls

she did remember that no listen this is ajob in the McDonald's balls. She did. Remember that? No, listen, this is a fucking- Hold on. Excuse me, how old were you? We were young. 13. Just so we don't get in fucking go to jail. We were kids, okay?

You're like, this is like three years ago. Were we in the balls or the- This may be an area- In the slide? We're in the gooch of the planet. We were giving blowjobs at 13. Yeah, I was. We were-

I was a fun time. We were having fun. Here's the thing, Lauren thing Lauren this is maybe arrogant to say this was all possible before all of this now you can't do this kind of thing publicly

and get caught giving blowjobs and McDonald's balls we're going to jail if that happens yeah right and you're a sex offender

for life we also there was a couple different public places but we were kids you know warehouse the movie theaters

down to you remember that movie job in the movie theater i've never done that it's funny on the list i was like i've done taxi cab okay let me see i did a lot with this guy actually like i was just i was like oh i just got out of the mental hospital like that doesn't sound so no i know it's fun it's kind of funny and it is, I'm owning that narrative. And I was just like, I want to do everything and anything. Like I haven't had sex for five months. Like that's crazy.

That's a long time. This guy with his friends was like, this is the greatest thing ever. This girl just got out of the mental institution. She's fucking me all over the city. We had sex and I lived in like a doorman building on like a high floor. And we had sex in, not in the elevator, I wish. But we had sex in the stairwell, which like, I'm like, oh my and we had sex in not in the elevator I wish but we had sex in the stairwell which like I'm like oh my god my neighbor could walk in at any second like we did a lot of fun stuff he sounds fun hit him up I actually and I do talk to him still what's your

craziest sex story leave us with something funny minerals are becoming all the rage they should always have been the rage but now i feel like everyone is learning the benefits of minerals we had robert on of water and wellness and he and if you guys have not listened you have to go listen to this episode and he explained how important it is that we get minerals if you listen to that episode you realize that all of our soil is becoming more and more compromised, which disables us from getting the proper mineralization in our body.

So because of this, we're all walking around lethargic, tired, inflamed, so many things sick. And this is why it's so important to get the right minerals. So this is a product that I actually discovered like seven years ago. I used to push it in Michael's face.

And now I take it on a day-to-day basis and it's Kintan. And it's 78 trace elements, minerals, and electrolytes. And it helps us remineralize. And what you do is it's like a glass little vial and you crack open the top, you put it in your mouth, and then you crack the other side and you just drink your minerals. I give it to Zaza in her water. It's so easy to implement. It's so easy to take it on the go. It's fast acting hydration and it replenishes the minerals. This is something that's a no brainer for everyone because we all need minerals. And Michael, really interestingly, when he started taking these, he immediately stopped getting headaches. I've tried everything my entire life to get rid of these headaches and I've had them for as long as I can remember. And since I've started implementing

these minerals, I don't get them anymore. I can't remember the last time I had one. You guys have probably seen these Kintan minerals everywhere. They're in a lot of health food stores and they are legit. And like I said, I like to take them on an empty stomach in the morning. You could take them whenever you want though throughout the day. Water and Wellness has some amazing Kintan bundles. You're going to visit waterandwellness.com slash skinny to shop and use code skinny to save even more on top of the already discounted price. This is such a good gift, by the way, to give someone. It's like, hey, you need your minerals.

So here you go. I gave it to my dad and I was like, you're taking minerals. Again, visit waterandwellness.com slash skinny and use code skinny. I'm telling you, Quinton is the best for minerals and go listen to that episode with Robert. I've had a lot of threesomes. Okay. Give us the dynamic of that. Like what's a fun... I used to hook up with this couple in LA. That was a really fun dynamic. I lived in New York and I would come sometimes and hook up with them. How did you meet the couple? My friend was hooking up with the guy in the couple's roommate.

Your friend was hooking up with the guy? With the roommate of the couple, essentially. And then the couple approached you? Yes. So is this a conversation before you hook up with the couple? Yes. How do you lay the grounds i mean they were kind of just like i could tell they were flirting with me and i was like oh they're like she's gorgeous and he's really hot and i was like i'm so down and it just kind of went down like that and no one was ever mad no oh yeah i know

so that's why i think i believe in being the third person in a threesome always like i've never had a threesome in a relationship i've had a threesome with someone i'm hooking up with actually the guy mr central park and i would have threesomes all the time because i didn't feel like i respect him and we have a great relationship i wasn't like emotionally in that invested or like in love so i wasn't jealous i couldn't do it with like a boyfriend that i'm in love with but as a third you're like okay i show up i have a great time and then i leave and you two can clean up the mess and deal with it you see there's always someone clean up how do you know that they're they were cleaning up the mess because they ended up

breaking up actually after our last threesome and i know and i remained friends with them both separately because i met them at the same time do they blame you no not at all they just blame what i think they blame him i think i think maybe she wasn't as comfortable and didn't want to really have they had had a bunch too it wasn't just with me and i feel like that was a kind of dynamic she was doing it to like make him happy i I just want to say Lauren 11 for 11. No. 11 for 11. Oh he's saying no. He's saying 11 for 11. So the next person that comes on he's going to do that.

I'm looking for the winner. I've done it with friends. That's kind of weird. Like I don't recommend that for people. Girlfriends or guy friends? That's in the dynamic now. Like I've done it with one of my best friends. Like you and a girl

have hooked up with a guy. Yeah. And like we fully like had sex with each other. Taylor, are you okay? I'm busy right now. And then is it awkward

to go out with your friend after you? No. So, but I think I'm a freak in that way. Like I think most people

it would feel awkward, but I don't look at my friend any differently if that makes sense. But also I have a, with this particular friend way like i think and most people it would feel awkward but i don't look at my friend any differently if that makes sense but also i have a with this particular friend i'm thinking about i feel like our relationship is not just a clear-cut friend relationship like i wouldn't just have it with any of my random girlfriends it's like i almost have like kind of a romantic ass relationship with this girl i love your generation because it's so open open i i just love it like it's so refreshing to like i told i said this about harry jousey too well listen the

way he came on he's like he's like hey what's up like pass the water i did a sex tape do you guys want to see it well there's a reason i pushed back on you a little bit too because i think at the same time like opening other people's minds, including myself, I like, you want to hear this information, hear the perspective. A lot of, I mean, I got the best compliment ever after that threesome. What was it?

What was the compliment? It wasn't sexual. Oh, it was, I felt so safe and so comfortable with you. Wow. That doesn't surprise me though. Cause I feel like it was her first threesome.

I had been hooking up with that guy like a couple years prior and we just were like, we went to dinner and we were kind of like, we want to do something fun tonight. And she thought he was attractive. And so we just texted him like a selfie saying, do you want to fuck us tonight? I'm sure he was like. Yeah, he flew right over. He flew right over. The guy's like, hold on, I'm in the park.

I'll be right there. He was ready to go. Well, no, it's not park guy. It's a different guy. I just have been an overshare since i've been little and i feel like maybe i was born in the wrong generation because i talked to people that are your age and they're just free and open and liberated and i wish i wish that our generation had a little bit more of that i mean listen this is just how i mean this was a very puritan i mean you grew up catholic like this is just how, I mean, this was a very Puritan. I mean, you grew up Catholic. Like this is, there's pockets of this country that are still living in that world, which is fine.

I feel like majority, actually, if you go outside of like the big liberal cities, a lot of people are more closed minded than you think. I mean, these are even conversations I wouldn't really feel that comfortable having in front of my dad. Like, I, I don't know if my dad listened to this episode or like my dad's listening my dad's having these conversations with her dad my older brother like no that's just not my family dynamic do i wish it was different honestly yeah well listen i mean i don't want to have these conversations with my younger sister not because i don't want her to

be open or them to be open and do all these things i just don't need to envision that but if my daughter comes and has these conversations with me you know i'm going to be open and do all these things. I just don't need to envision that. But if my daughter comes and has these conversations with me, you know I'm going to be very open about this. Sure, but I also like, I want my daughter to be able to come to me, but I don't want to hear her about getting fucked. She can tell me. She can tell me. I just, I...

Yeah, I want to have super open conversation with my kids one day. Ever since I was little, Thanksgiving dinner, like... I want to reserve space for them to feel comfortable to come, but I don't need. You don't need all the details. Yeah. Is that why you married me to use me to do it? Yeah.

I'm like, listen, good luck. Go to your mother. So you want me to like teach all the things. I just, I mean, listen, I just think that there's certain things that like, you know, you have a relationship with your, like, I don't know. There's certain things I don't need to hear about or see. I know, but I kind of wish I had that closer bond. But also, I'm missing the mom piece of I don't really have someone in the unit to go.

And it's uncomfortable to talk about my dating life. I just feel like I don't have that place to go. And I wish I did. I don't need her to come to me like, I'm trying to do this rusty trombone. No, that's different. But what if she's like, Dad, I have this. You can literally Google how to give a blow job by the skinny confidential so if my daughter comes to me and she wants to talk to me about these things i'm going to create a non-judgmental

space if she wants to come to me and say i want to talk about safe sex and guys and this and like yes of course but i'm saying what are you going to do you're going to be like so let me show you how to put a condom on a banana. What the fuck's a condom? You're going to go, say, go to your mom. Hey, listen, I can't do condoms. I'm sorry. I can't do them. Listen, I was with partners that didn't, you know, we didn't, you know, I'm a sailor.

It's a different time, I think, too, when you went to college. I don't know. So I made the sweatshirt years ago. That's from an old AIDS poster from the 80s. And it says, like says like i've only i've fucked two people and then those two people have fucked two people and then those two people have fucked two people and it goes on and it goes i've fucked 742 people just by sleeping with two people so it's like for me stis stds whatever is just like you know it's it's bacteria or it's like

microscopic it doesn't give a fuck like you know it's bacteria or it's like microscopic doesn't give a fuck like you could be the hottest person the richest person the cleanest person in the entire world and still have an STD

and most people who have one don't know that they have one well yesterday's gone down the river and it ain't coming back anyways for our listeners for our listeners

I think condoms are important also I just got off birth control for the first time I've been on birth control since before I started having sex for 10 years For 9 years You're going to feel better

I just got my IUD out I don't use condoms usually because I'm always in a relationship And tested But now I have to use a condom Because I'm not getting pregnant Everyone should use condoms Until I want to Except if you were with me in the back of the day,

then don't worry about it. Oh. Right? Okay. First of all, I can confirm you don't have any. Do you know what? It feels like when you're drunk and you have a condom on, it feels like putting a bag over your head and doing pushups.

Really? I think that's dramatic. No, it's not dramatic. Taylor, chime in. I don't mind condoms because I'm currently, I'm not married. I think condoms don't mind condoms because i okay i'm currently i'm not married so i think condoms like don't feel that great like obviously everyone would prefer to fuck without a condom like sometimes they just like the lube is like weird or it's just like it rubs a little course i'm not saying that i that i i like them but i'm saying for me i i'm not married so i can't have

kids so have you tried woo Lube? Woo Lube? No, what is that? I'm going to give you some. It's coconut oil lube. Okay. And I got a UTI every single time I had sex for like years. Really? And I haven't gotten one since.

Okay, so I use silicone lube. I'm a silicone girl. Why? It's the most slick out of anything. Okay. And it's actually what my gynecologist recommends because I used to get a lot of UTIs so i hate water-based lube i think it should get chucked in the trash this one's this one's not water-based at all wait i'll have it out there we'll give it to you okay yeah

water-based though it gets tacky and the reason it's called like water-based is you're supposed to add water or saliva to keep it slick which i'm like defeats the purpose of lube but the reason people use water-based is because you can use it with silicone toys and like butt plugs and all the shit. You can't use silicone lube with silicone toys. I know it's a lot to remember. You can use this oil-based lube with the silicone toys that we also make for it.

Can you use it with condoms though? You cannot use it with condoms. Yeah, see, that's what I mean. There's always a weird give and take. Yeah. You can't use it with condoms. Perfect for me. Yeah, we got it.

I think that you are incredible to normalize this conversation. You can't use it with condoms. Which is perfect for me. Yeah, we got it. I think that you are incredible to normalize this conversation. You can come back anytime. I feel like I could have asked you so many more questions. I think these conversations need to be had because there are people that are not talking about sex and it's really just not like it's normal. So let's round it out. Don't do anything I do.

Have sex with condoms. Go to therapy. Yeah. Probably invite another partner into the relationship. No, she didn't say that. Do it if it works for you. Yeah, if you want to do any anal stuff, I'd say a condom and make sure you take a shower

or do an enema, like prep. A shower would be great. And also definitely get off your phone. Yeah, get off your phone for a little bit. And Google Rusty Trombone. Thank you so much for coming on. Where can everyone find you? Pimp yourself out.

You have a new Dear Media show. Tell us all the things that you're working on. Okay, so my podcast is called Going Mental with Eileen Kelly. You can find it everywhere. You can find podcasts. You can follow me on Instagram, at Eileen. Like the song, Come On Eileen. So E-I-L-E-E-N.

And yeah. You're really good on the mic. Thank you. She's very good on the mic. And I don't say that to everybody. Excuse me. Really? I actually, I'm like, I was really anxious about, I don't love my voice.

I mean, people. You have a great voice. I love your voice. Really? I always thought I was too nasally. It's very like soft. It's nice. And by the way.

It's a stop and listen voice. That is so sweet. You guys are making me blush. Oh my God, my thing is working. Oh yeah. Is that kicking in? It's kicking in. It's actually drugs.

Imagine. You do have a great voice. And I just want to say, I have to say, who screenshotted her instagram and was like you got it she changed my life no no no you would have gotten on the network they would have found you trust me they they do find the diamonds in the rough thank you thank you thank you who wants to try the skinny confidential razor i'm gonna gift one of you the face shaving razor it's so amazing and it exfoliates the skin so well and just sets you up for the best foundation for makeup. It also removes all peach fuzz. If you have a little

mustache hair like me, it is legit. It's thick. It's beautiful. It's silicone. It goes on your vanity. You're going to love it. Of course, it's pink. All you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode with Eileen on my latest Instagram. And if you want to check out what the razor looks like, go to shopskinnyconfidential.com. Thank you guys so much for listening and make sure you rated and reviewed the podcast on iTunes. See you next time. A big theme of my pregnancy was evaluating everything I was eating or putting on my body. I wanted to make sure this pregnancy

that I was pretty clean. I wasn't going to be a freak about it, but I didn't want to put a bunch of chemicals on my face when I was carrying towns. And so what I did is I took all my products that had the harsher chemicals and that were more aggressive, And I put them away. And then I brought all my clean products out. And I have to tell you, I've kind of fallen in love with the clean products. Sure, I'm going to implement a couple of the more chemical heavy products into my routine now that I'm not pregnant. But I am obsessed with certain clean products and I will not give them up. And one of them is Osea. And you've seen this, I feel like everywhere, but there's specific products that they make that really, really have upped my nourishment game. They've softened my skin. They keep me glowing from head to toe.

So the two products that I would recommend from Osea that I use on a day-to-day basis still are the Hyaluronic Sea Serum. This one is a really beautiful serum. It lays so nicely under makeup, and I feel like it really works for fine lines and wrinkles. The ingredients are amazing. There's seaweed and snow mushroom and marine elements in it, and my skin feels so nourished after it. I absolutely love it. The other Osea product, and I have raved about this for a long time, is the mist. They have a seaweed mist. I would get those two products, those to start at least, and then like just check out their whole line because I think you're going to love it. They have like a body oil, a scrub. They even have this lotion that I love that comes in like a big tub. All of their products are just amazing.

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