The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Sahil Bloom On How To Take Back Your Time, Own Your Future & Tap Into The Greater Power Of Your Mind

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

#805: Join us as we sit down with Sahil Bloom – author, entrepreneur, & investor, who created a groundbreaking blueprint for building a fulfilling life through, The Five Types of Wealth. Backed by s...cience and filled with actionable insights, this transformative guide explores: Time Wealth, Social Wealth, Mental Wealth, Physical Wealth, and Financial Wealth. In this episode, Sahil shares how to redefine wealth beyond money, the importance of time wealth, & dives into the understanding of wealth through the human experience. From embracing life's waves of balance & imbalance, the four types of professional time, & the impact of mindset, Sahil gets real about guiding & defining personal success!   To Watch the Show click HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM   To connect with Sahil Bloom click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697)   This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential   Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE and LTK page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn’s favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes.   To purchase Sahil Bloom’s book, The Five Types of Wealth, click HERE or visit thefivetypesofwealth.com.   This episode is sponsored by YNAB   Claim an exclusive three-month free trial, with no credit card required at YNAB.com/skinny.   This episode is sponsored by AG1   Go to DrinkAG1.com/skinny and save $20 when you subscribe!   This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp   Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SKINNY and get on your way to being your best self.   This episode is sponsored by Squarespace   Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/SKINNY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   This episode is sponsored by The Farmers Dog   Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/skinny. Plus, you get FREE shipping!   This episode is sponsored by Hiya Health   Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/SKINNY. Produced by Dear Media

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The following podcast is a Dear Media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. Today we're thrilled to welcome back our friend, a guest who never fails to inspire and transform the way we think about success, happiness and fulfillment. Our friend, Sahil Bloom, has joined us again on the show to talk about his new book, The
Starting point is 00:00:39 Five Types of Wealth. Many when they think about wealth, they think just about the financial aspect of wealth. But in his new book, we talk about time, social, mental, and physical health as well, and how all of them together are just as important as the next. Some may be a little bit more important than others, but we dive into that. Every time we sit down with Saul Hill, we learn something, we get something. We love having him on the show. With that, our friend Saul Hill Bloom, welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her
Starting point is 00:01:03 Show. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her show. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her. You have the most value packed newsletter I've ever read. Your newsletter does not waste my time. I appreciate it. That's my goal. I don't want to waste your time in anything that I do in life. You don't. I get a lot of emails, as you can imagine. I actually am in focus mode right now for about the last few years. I think you've been at it for two years, because every time I send an email to you, I get that message back. And I respect that so much when people do that kind of thing too,
Starting point is 00:01:37 because I get it. I know what you're trying to do. So I appreciate it. Setting a boundary. And if I want to respond, I'll forward it to someone on the team. Like we wanted you on the podcast, so you forward it and they can respond. And it just, for something I don't want to respond to, I don't respond. So your newsletter, I get it, I read it, I consume it, I love it, it doesn't waste my time.
Starting point is 00:01:59 So the fact that you wrote a book, I'm pretty excited about that, because I'm a huge reader. I think it'll do the same thing. I don't think it'll waste your time and it will have a high density of ideas per page. I want to get into the book and welcome back to the show by the way, but to start, if someone were to strip away your financial wealth, which of the other four pillars of wealth would you put as the next priority?
Starting point is 00:02:22 I think time wealth is where everything begins for everybody. Time wealth is really about freedom to choose how you spend your time, who you spend it with, where you spend it when you trade it for other things. And it really begins with an awareness of the fact that time is your most precious asset. That time is the only thing that you can't ever get back. And that's really hard to get through to young people in particular, because time is one of those things
Starting point is 00:02:51 that we basically don't think about our entire life. And then at the very end, it's the only thing you think about, but it's too late, then you're dead. And one of the things that I just wanna get through to people with this book or with the ideas that I share in general is just take advantage of the time that you have. Like if I were to ask you,
Starting point is 00:03:08 would you trade lives with Warren Buffett? He's worth $130 billion. He has access to absolutely anyone in the world. He flies around on private jets, has all these mansions, all of these things. You wouldn't trade lives with him though, because he's 95 years old. There's no way you would agree to trade the amount of time you have left for all of the
Starting point is 00:03:27 money that he has. And he would give anything to be in your shoes, trade away all that money. So you know in the back of your head that time has this incalculable value and yet on a daily basis, how much of it are you just wasting? Yeah, you know, it's funny. Like I was, I think about time differently now as I get close to my forties, I'm still obviously young, but we've been doing this show for almost a decade and I was thinking, and you'll relate to this, our daughter's turning five.
Starting point is 00:03:53 And then I was starting to think how fast, like a blink of an eye, we've done this show for almost 10 years and now she's five. And I was like, okay, in another 13 years, potentially she no longer lives with us. And when you contextualize it that way and you've got a little bit more life and you realize that 10 years of doing this felt really quick, like, I don't wanna say it depressed me, but it was like a punch in the gut to realize like,
Starting point is 00:04:16 oh my gosh, this like comes much faster than people realize. Yeah, and that's the most beautiful thing if you allow it to be too. There's this chart that I show in the book of the amount of time you have with your children. And it's that whole idea that those years that you have are truly magical and they are so short. But that impermanence is what makes it so special
Starting point is 00:04:41 and beautiful. Like the reason moments are beautiful in our life is because they are impermanent, because they won't last for long. The reason you appreciate a sunset is quite literally because it doesn't last forever. And that's sort of the same thing with all of these windows of time
Starting point is 00:04:57 that we have with people in our lives, but we have to take the pause. Like we actually have to give ourselves the space to zoom out and appreciate them along the way. On a personal note, how do you manage, handle, think about your own time from a really granular level? I am very big on thinking about energy on a daily basis. So I do this exercise, I call it the energy calendar.
Starting point is 00:05:21 And it's basically an idea that the things that you are energized by tend to be the things where you create the energy calendar. And it's basically an idea that the things that you are energized by tend to be the things where you create the best outcomes. When you like lean into things that you're truly interested in that lift you up, that make you feel excited, you create those 10X, 100X outcomes. Same rule applies to people. If you're leaning into relationships that energize you, good things happen and leaning away from things that drain you, good things happen. And so what I do just tactically is if I'm feeling out of sync in my own life, at the start of a week, like on a Monday, I'll color code my calendar after every activity.
Starting point is 00:05:54 If it was energy creating, meaning it made me feel energized, I'll mark it green. If it was neutral, I mark it yellow. And if it was draining, I actually felt physically drained from the thing, mark it red. If you do that for a week, you have a very clear visual perspective of the type of activities that are lifting you up that you need to lean into versus the things that are draining you that you maybe need to lean away from.
Starting point is 00:06:15 And you can make slow and steady changes over a period of a few weeks and months to get to that space where you have more energy creating activities, which will really improve your life. What were the things that gave you energy and drained you? Give us some examples. In-person meetings, spending time with people in person,
Starting point is 00:06:32 massively energy creating for me. Okay. Creative work, when I'm actually creating things, like writing, you know, crafting things, whatever it might be, the book writing, all of that super energy creating. Draining for me is like Zoom meetings and phone calls are my number one. I would rather staple gun my stomach
Starting point is 00:06:52 than sit on a day of Zoom calls. So would I, and people are like, why don't you get on video? I'm not ruining my eyes, like, sorry. And it's just like, do a Zoom call in the afternoon and you're not falling asleep. You're just like sitting there staring at a screen. And so, but like the pushback that you get
Starting point is 00:07:06 when you say that is, okay, well, I have to be on those things. And the first time I did this, I was working in my 80 to a hundred hour a week finance job. And I had that same mindset, but the reality is you're actually in more control than you think. And so what I did was I noticed that walking phone calls
Starting point is 00:07:21 were actually pretty energy creating for me. Cause I could be outside, I like nature and just like fresh air. I was more present on the call. I wasn't multitasking. So I turned half of those phone calls into walking calls and my whole life changed. Like I still had to do the same number of calls,
Starting point is 00:07:34 but now half of them were actually lifting me up and I felt good. And so it's like push back a little bit on those assumptions you have over the amount of control you really do have over the things on your calendar. Sometimes you can make tiny tweaks like that that actually dramatically change how they feel. When you do your nature walks, are you on video or are you off? No, I don't go on video. Okay, so you and I are the same. That's what I like to get outside. I like
Starting point is 00:07:57 to move my body. I like to be in nature. At least you can kind of habit stack multi-task, passively multi-task what's going on. Most people don't want to be on video either. You're not going to get a whole lot of pushback saying that because it's like on video, I think they've actually done research on this. 90% of the time people are just looking at themselves because they're worried about how they look
Starting point is 00:08:18 and they want to see how they look when they're talking. Or they're on their computer doing other shit, which is so obvious. I kind of like, I agree with you about pushing back just because everyone's doing something Doesn't mean that I have to like I just I don't want to be on video. I just don't Michael gets mad at me It's just get mad at you. Sometimes you do. No, I get a full-blown Diva light Michael has a little good on the movie set set up in his thing with like lights and Diva lights and like hey listen man light boxes so like Jesse in full house listen, I'm wheeling and dealing I'm closing deals. I can't be coming on there looking dusty
Starting point is 00:08:56 I like listen It's also unfair because like for men to show up on a video is a very different thing than for women to show up on A video like just the time required into getting ready for that video is very different. I also wouldn't do much of a job if I'm like pitching, like, Hey, we can do great production for you and all this. And then I come on, like I need to have the setup like, uh, you got to be able to show that you can do it. I got you.
Starting point is 00:09:18 He's like an influencer upstairs. I do think though, that. Zooms in general, like as someone who runs a company, like I don't find them to actually be that productive. I think like you see half the people zoned out, you see people disinterested. It's like, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:09:35 running a company in a time of COVID and moving to this, like I encourage as much as possible people to come in because I just see a happier environment. I don't see video being productive. I don't personally like conducting meetings. Sometimes it's necessary, but I don't know. It makes everything transactional too. And when you think about your own learning experience
Starting point is 00:09:53 in your career and your past years of your career, a lot of it comes in the liminal moments, like those side conversations that happen in between meetings. It's not the actual meeting that was valuable for the learning. it was the side conversation like at the water cooler or getting pulled into coffee or getting pulled into your boss's office.
Starting point is 00:10:10 And that can't happen in a Zoom environment. So it's also finding that. It's just, I don't know. We've refused to do this show on Zoom. For a minute there, they were trying to, a lot of people were trying to do that. And they honestly were just not good episodes. Like they just, even with great guests, it's just, it wasn't the same.
Starting point is 00:10:27 Okay. Let's talk about your book, the five types of wealth. Congratulations. How did you come to choose these five things? And maybe we can go through each of them quickly and then kind of dive in there. Yeah. I mean, my, um, my journey to writing this book really was a manifestation of my own personal journey. And that was one where I spent the first really 30 years of my life chasing a definition of success that was just handed to me by the world, which is that more money is going to make you feel like a success, that you're going to impress others enough that suddenly you wake up and you feel good. And unfortunately, what I found along that journey
Starting point is 00:11:05 was I was sort of winning that game, but every other area of my life had really started to suffer. And that was everything from my relationships with my parents, was never seeing them, my sister, my relationship had ground to a halt. My wife and I were struggling to conceive at the time, unfortunately, which was really a strain on us.
Starting point is 00:11:24 I was drinking seven nights a week. My mental health was all over the place. So all of these other areas of my life had started to suffer. And from the outside looking in, I was winning the game. And I started to have this sensation of if this is what winning feels like, I have to be playing the wrong game.
Starting point is 00:11:42 And it all came to a head for me with this one conversation when my parents' mortality was sort of brought and shunned into the light, just the recognition that they weren't going to be around forever. And that was when I stepped off the track. And when I stepped off the track, the first thing I tried to figure out over the coming months was what is the right scoreboard to measure my life around? Like if this was the wrong one, if just focusing on money was not working in terms of where I was headed, what was the right one? And the way that I did that was I went and talked to hundreds and then thousands of people
Starting point is 00:12:17 across the last several years to try to understand what were the things that actually contributed to a meaningful life. In addition to money, what are the other things that lead us to a happy, fulfilling life? And four things basically came up over and over and over again, and that was time, people, purpose and health. Those are the four things. Money was an enabler to some of those things, but it was never an end in and of itself. No one ever said they wanted to be on a private jet by themselves.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Just doesn't happen. People want to experience these things with others. And so that was when I started to have this framing of these five types of wealth, that if this is the kind of set of pillars that contribute to this life well-lived, we need to measure around that full set of pillars so that we can actually take action against them and then go build a life around them. So when you started doing the research for the book, how did you go about, you know, kind of not only just like your own experience,
Starting point is 00:13:15 but I see there's a lot of different graphs and charts and I just got the book today, I'm going to dive in, but how did you kind of go about actually pulling these data points and proving some of these things that you're trying to articulate? It was immersing myself in the human experience. There's a lot of research, there's a lot of data, all of that stuff is included in the book. There's, you know, science backing all of these different ideas around, you know, our relationship with money
Starting point is 00:13:39 and how it impacts our happiness. All of these different types of wealth have a variety of science that supports their impact on your life. But the reality is that the human experience is what matters most. And to understand something deeply human,
Starting point is 00:13:51 you have to immerse yourself in the human experience. And so what you'll notice as you dive into it is you will find yourself in one of the stories of the different people that I spent time with to understand these different types of wealth. I mean, the parents that I sat with who had tragically lost a child and come to understand the impact on their life
Starting point is 00:14:12 and how to navigate that grief, the people who had stepped off the track to spend more time with their kids during these years only to go back and realize in the next season of life, they could focus on their professional aspirations. Just the people building their life in different ways and finding their version of a wealthy life. Because that was really what I was after.
Starting point is 00:14:32 The whole idea was like, you will never feel successful unless you create your own definition of success. And that's what this is all about. It's not, it is about identifying what truly matters to you. That's exactly what you just said is why I like your content.
Starting point is 00:14:50 You don't preach at the person who's consuming it. You allow us to come to our own conclusion of what the definition is. And even if it's a newsletter, it could be like a small piece of content that you do. You don't say this is what you're supposed to do, which a lot of people do, as you know, they preach at you. You just say, here's the information. And then the, the person who's consuming it sort of comes to their own deduction. That's what I love about your content. And you just, I didn't know that's what I loved until you said that.
Starting point is 00:15:22 I say in like the first few pages of the book, this book will not give you the answers. And that is like a terrifying thing to say at the start of a self-improvement book. You're like, oh, the publisher was even just like, wait, are you sure you want to leave that in there? And it's so important because the greatest discoveries in life come not from finding the right answers, but from asking the right questions.
Starting point is 00:15:44 And this book is about asking the right questions because then you can uncover the answers that make sense for you. It's not me giving you the answers for your life. My life is totally different than yours. I have a totally different set of lenses and considerations. I wanna arm you with the questions so that you can sit with them,
Starting point is 00:16:00 ask them to yourself and come to those answers. So when you asked yourself these questions that you've put in the book, what did you find as your definition of success? I want to be able to take my son in the pool at 1 p.m. on a Wednesday. That is basically the wealthiest I ever feel is when I can do that because it means I have the freedom to decide that I can, out of 1 p.m. on a Wednesday, I can go outside and take him to the pool. It means I have the level of financial wealth to have, out of 1 p.m. on a Wednesday, I can go outside and take him to the pool. It means I have the level of financial wealth
Starting point is 00:16:27 to have a pool, which is nice. And it's like a nice thing. And it means that I'm healthy. It means that I have a bond with my son. It means that I have a feeling of connection and purpose to my family. It means that I am literally filling my cup across this entire five types of wealth.
Starting point is 00:16:40 And when I think about my version of enough, like when I feel like I have that beautiful feeling of enough, or I'm not chasing more and more, it's in those moments when I'm getting to spend time with him. Time. Time's a big... It's the foundation of time, having the time to be able to do what you want. Time's a big one, you're right.
Starting point is 00:16:58 On the reverse of that, as you were writing this book, did you find one of these types of wealth to be kind of the one that stood out for most people to lack the most? I don't know if that's the question, right? But essentially, was there one of these things where a lot of people are just lacking and they have a regret because of it? Time is the biggest one. Time is the biggest one.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Yeah, time. And that is because we live in a culture that prizes busyness. I mean, you go to a cocktail party and people ask you how you're doing and everyone says like, I'm busy. They like have this real pride around it and people are supposed to come pat you on the back because you must be impressive if you're busy. And we use it to protect ourselves at work. We say we're busy so that no one gets on our back or wonders what we're doing. And that kind of keeps you on this treadmill. Because what it means is that you say yes to absolutely every single thing. We do the opposite of what you're doing. We don't create the boundaries around the things. We say yes to everything to
Starting point is 00:17:53 fill our schedules as much as possible. And when someone asks us to do something a month from now, we default to saying yes. Even if we know that that thing is going to come and we're going to say, damn it, why did I say yes to doing that thing? I didn't want to. We fill our schedules with a whole bunch of these like one-for-one time for money or time for whatever trades that actually just keep us still.
Starting point is 00:18:15 Like you become a rocking horse where you're just moving around and not getting anywhere. I have a little tactic that I do for that. It's a podcast guest or a dinner date or a event and someone asks me to do it, and let's say it's a Monday and I don't wanna do it that night and I don't wanna interview that person that day,
Starting point is 00:18:36 I say no. It's the best. But it's taken me years to get here. If I don't wanna do it in that moment, in that day, I'm not gonna wanna do it in a month. I'm just not. That's my little set. It's a hundred percent true.
Starting point is 00:18:48 And the other one, so I do that for personal, and I think it's a great hack. For professional opportunities, the one that I share in the book is, if you think about it and you say, let me assume that this is going to take twice as long as I currently think and be half as profitable, do I still want to do it? Ooh.
Starting point is 00:19:07 Because we are so wired to be overly optimistic at the start of something. Like you take on a new project, new opportunity, you're like, this is going to crush it and it's going to take a year to do. Now, assume it's going to take two years and it's going to be way less profitable. Do you still want to do it?
Starting point is 00:19:20 Because if the answer is still yes, you should lean into the thing. It's going to be incredible. You're going to feel energized around it. But if the answer is no, just don should lean into the thing. It's going to be incredible. You're going to feel energized around it. But if the answer is no, just don't do it. Don't take it on. What is the surfer mentality concept? This is one of my favorites.
Starting point is 00:19:34 I've dated some surfers, so I think I know. I know the end of the show. Are you a surfer? Not me. I'm scared of sharks, so I don't even surf. The surfer mentality is the idea that when a surfer gets up on a wave, they enjoy the present moment, even though they know that the wave is eventually going to end, and maybe even crash down on top of them.
Starting point is 00:19:58 They're able to actually just enjoy this wave with the knowledge that there are always more waves coming in the future. And they know that the most important thing is that you can't catch any waves sitting on the shore. You have to put yourself in the water. That idea, as it applies to your life, is essential because the knowledge that there are always more waves coming is what allows you to just embrace whatever wave you're currently on. You may find yourself in this wave of grief, a wave of struggle, a
Starting point is 00:20:31 wave of challenge. You may find yourself on a wave of growth, a wave of creation, this wave of incredible things happening. That wave is eventually going to end and either way, whether it's good or bad, and recognizing it and being able to just appreciate it for what it is rather or bad, and recognizing it and being able to just appreciate it for what it is, rather than trying to struggle against it or fight it, is such a calming and peaceful mentality for just navigating these natural seasons that your life has.
Starting point is 00:20:56 What's a wave that you were on recently? Like what's your recent wave? I am very much in a wave of unbalance right now. Okay. This idea of balance has been hijacked. Everyone that talks about balance has convinced you that your life needs to be balanced on like a micro daily basis. Right. Like I need to have the perfect amount of family time and health and personal time and work in order to feel like I'm balanced.
Starting point is 00:21:24 That's not how life works. You are going to have periods, seasons, waves of unbalance that you need to just lean into in order to have the waves of balance later. And struggling against that actually just stresses you out and creates anxiety. It's okay to have a period, a wave, when you are unbalanced, as long as you have the knowledge that you are trying to work towards a macro view where you have zoomed out more balance in the long run. Michael and I look at our whole life like that. That's literal. It's literally how we look at our calendar. Like we'll go to LA for a week and interview, you know, 15 people.
Starting point is 00:22:02 And it's it's literally like balls to the walls, work your fucking ass off. But then when we come back the week after, it's like, we'll have slime at the library, or like Lego, it's just, you're so right. It's not necessarily balance on a micro level, it's the macro level that you really should look at. Even the counter to that, I always kinda,
Starting point is 00:22:22 I mean, Lauren and I have been together for a long time now, and we've worked together in different capacities for a long time. And I always find it funny when I see these couples talking about how you need balance and like, we carve out time to talk about the business and then not. I'm like, there's no such thing. Sometimes something is going on with the business and we want to have a date night, but something needs to be addressed and it derails the whole thing. Or sometimes, you know, we want the, you know, something happens with kids.
Starting point is 00:22:46 The whole idea that, like, everything needs to be in balance all the time is actually more stressful. More stressful, 100%. And even for the parents out there, and you're, you know, a parent yourself, like, if your kid gets sick in the morning, that's what happens. -♪ MUSIC PLAYING. -♪
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Starting point is 00:24:29 www.y nab.com slash skinny again. That's y n a b dot com slash skinny Quick break to talk about a g1 guys if you've been listening to our show then you've heard about a g1 for years now We've gone on and on about why we love AG1, all the benefits we get from it. So today I decided we want to do something a little bit different. I'm going to call our assistant Katie, because she's also a huge fan of AG1, and I'm gonna get a third-party review. Here we go. Hello. Katie, welcome to the show. We're talking about AG1 here and I got you on speakerphone. What got you hooked on AG1 in the first place?
Starting point is 00:25:09 Was it me? Was it Lauren? What was the thing? Well, I mean, you guys are high performers, so anything that you're doing, I'm usually all bought in. I put fresh berries, I use chocolate protein, and then I use a big scoop of AG1. It's super efficient because it's all just in one smoothie right after I get home from the gym.
Starting point is 00:25:28 And any specific benefits you've noticed since making it part of your routine? For sure. I have definitely more energy in the morning and I don't have to go back for a second cup of coffee which is normally my go-to and I'm definitely less bloated when I go to eat like a breakfast after I have my morning protein shake. It's the best. Thank you, Katie. Alright guys, so if you're ready to level up definitely less bloated when I go to eat like a breakfast after I have my morning protein shake. It's the best. Thank you, Katie. Alright guys, so if you're ready to level up your health with something simple and effective, check out AG1. I've been drinking it for years now and that's why I'm always so excited to share this partnership with you all
Starting point is 00:25:55 and everyone else that I can talk to. So go to drinkag1.com slash skinny and save $20 when you subscribe. That's drinkag1.com slash skinny. It's time to simplify your morning routine with AG1. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com slash skinny and get on your way to being your best self. For years now, Lauren and I have had the privilege of talking to all sorts of different high performers on this show. Entrepreneurs, athletes, thought leaders, doctors, you name it, business leaders.
Starting point is 00:26:27 And one common denominator that many of these high performers use throughout their life is therapy. This is why Lauren and I love being partners of BetterHelp on this show, because BetterHelp lets anyone access therapy right from the comfort of their own home on any of their digital devices cost effectively. We often hear about red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for green flags in friends and partners? If you're not sure what they look like,
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Starting point is 00:27:32 betterhelp.com slash skinny today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash skinny. betterhelp.com slash skinny. I am in this period where I am very much focused on trying to share the ideas of this book and have it be as successful as possible and reach an impact as many people as possible. And that necessitates certain things about how much you're traveling, how much you're away, how much you're talking to people, how much you're working. That is very abnormal for me relative to how I would normally like to live my life.
Starting point is 00:28:06 In particular, as it relates to the amount of time I'm getting to spend with my son. He's two and a half years old. So like every day is precious with him right now. And so I'm hyper aware of when I'm away, he's old enough now that he actually understands it. And that makes it tough. But to your point, for me to try to fight against that and stress over it
Starting point is 00:28:28 rather than just being aligned with my wife, that this is a one-time push that you really need to do. And on the back end of that, book a week where we're gonna go to Naples, Florida and be totally off the grid and completely away and shut off. Know that the wave of unbalance is going to come to an end and that you can embrace this wave of balance. That very much is a mentality that helps. It's also, it's all of these areas.
Starting point is 00:28:53 Look, we live in this like optimization culture now where everything is about optimize every area of your life perfectly. Optimize all your routines, all the health biohacking stuff. I spent time with Brian Johnson, interviewed him as part of this book. And while I think that stuff is incredibly important because it expands the window of what is interest, like is what acceptable discourse on a topic, getting too routine oriented around everything can be more harmful than good.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Because as soon as your kid gets sick and you're not able to do your cold plunge in the morning, you freak out and you can't get anything done. That's not super helpful to how you live your life. Yeah, we love Brian and we spent a good amount of time with him, but he, you know, he's got a very strict routine. Yeah, but he has his mission and I admire it so much that he is sharing what he's sharing
Starting point is 00:29:41 and documenting it in the way that he is. And I think he's remarkable. I don't want to live the way that he's living, but I think he does a great job of sort of distilling down the basics of what you can do, like what you can take from this and learn from it. His message is phenomenal. And he's a, he couldn't be a nicer guy. Um, but yeah, I think like to your point, his, his definition of success is what
Starting point is 00:30:04 he's doing. If you look at the time he's spending his time, what he's doing. If you look at the time, he's spending his time when he wants to. Totally. The social, that's how he wants to be. The mental, the physical, the financial, he's hitting the five types of wealth in his version. I was gonna say, I actually think that the reason
Starting point is 00:30:19 society has such a hard time with someone like him is because that is somebody living life on their terms, the way they define success. And we as a population have got it in our minds that success looks like one thing. Yes. And it's in a lot of cases, it's, it's not that they like, like I could say for me, one of the, like my definition of success is that I can work with my wife. And when we go on day and night, we're talking about the business and we never turn it off. And then we go to LA and work like fiends
Starting point is 00:30:47 and that we don't, I'm not saying that's what it is, but the point is some of the people are like, that sounds like a miserable life. And so I've always like throughout my life, I've been fortunate enough not ever to play the comparison game. Cause I've recognized that in order to play that game, you have to be willing to 100% change every aspect of your life for someone else's.
Starting point is 00:31:06 What's, what's your definition of success? My definition of success has always been to have autonomy over my time and to be able to say yes and no to things that I want to say yes and no to. I don't like to be put in a box. I like to be able to have fluidity. I like, I love to simple. I love the idea of simplifying it to just like you jumped it up nicely, which is being able to just jump in the pool with your kids at one o'clock.
Starting point is 00:31:30 Like that's a very, um, clear and concise definition, but it's similar. Like I want to be able to control my time, do what I want, when I want without stressing over that decision. And I would maybe add to that without being in a situation where I feel undignified, and this is going to sound like an asshole thing to say, about thinking about the cost of doing that. Meaning like, if I go to a dinner or I go to a trip or I travel a certain way, I don't want to even spend time thinking about what it costs. I just want to do the thing. It doesn't have to be extravagant. I just want to be able
Starting point is 00:32:03 to do it. I think the way that you articulated it is perfect too, which is to say, so much of the debate that we have over other people's lives, when people on the internet get mad about Brian, or when, you know, someone yells at me, or I yell at someone, like, it's always because I'm trying to take my map of what success looks like and apply it to someone else's terrain. Projection.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Yeah, you're projecting, exactly. So part of what's so empowering about this idea is that there are a lot of people out there in the world who do not feel successful based on the traditional definition, but are crushing it according to this definition. One of my good friends from my college years moved back home after getting a Stanford degree and became a gym teacher and coaches the high school sports teams. Traditional definition of success, it's like you got a Stanford degree and now you're coaching
Starting point is 00:32:52 high school sports, probably making $50,000, $60,000 a year, not really doing great, but he lives close to his entire family, has two beautiful children. He's super fit because he gets to work out all the time. He loves working with kids, loves coaching, has tons of free time because he works like nine to three on a daily basis. He is living a very wealthy life in my perspective and according to his he is very very happy and fulfilled. And so just because the definition of success doesn't line up with what I would want or what you would want doesn't mean he's not successful. We're
Starting point is 00:33:24 applying our map to his terrain. And I think guys like that really win in life because they have the mechanism and the muscle to not compare themselves and think that they're lacking something. I have a friend just like we have a friend and beautiful kid, beautiful wife, works out all the time, gets to play golf, gets to hang out like stable, doesn't think about what anyone else is doing. I'm like, that person is genuinely happy. Now on the flip side, I know other people that are absolutely killing it.
Starting point is 00:33:50 They're financially better off than anyone. They've got a wife and kid that they don't really spend as much time, they're not in the best shape and they're miserable, but on the surface, they have all the credentials and all the degrees and all the businesses and all things, but they're miserable. This is a hard thing to say for people that have not experienced financial wealth yet,
Starting point is 00:34:07 but Jim Carrey said it better. Like I wish everybody could experience that to realize that like it's really like, I know more unhappy rich people than I do happy rich people. My entire life changed when I realized that the people that I read books about, I would never trade lives with.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Seriously, I mean, I would read all of these business books about these successful billionaires, all of these things, and I would think about their lives, and I would never trade lives with them. You couldn't pay me any amount of money to trade lives with some of these people because I'm not willing to pay the cost that they had to pay for their success
Starting point is 00:34:43 because in life, there's kind of like, there's the list price that you see for achieving that success, which is like the hours of hard work that you have to put in, the good idea, the good luck that you had. But then there's the real price, which is all the trade-offs of other things along the way. And there is a lot of things in life that look like a good deal based on the list price, but are a ripoff when you consider the real price. Or I'll give you like another thing to think about. What if I told you, hey, Sahil, you can go to all of the best parties in the world whenever you want.
Starting point is 00:35:12 I will pay you hundreds of millions of dollars. You can fly private anytime you want. In exchange, when you walk out of your house, there's going to be 30 camera people. They're going to take pictures of your kid. When you go to eat with your house, there's going to be 30 camera people. They're going to take pictures of your kid. When you go to eat with your wife, they're going to be somebody snapping and asking you questions. If you say anything that's out of context at any time, every publication is going to write about it. You will have no privacy for the rest of your life. People will, as you're swimming with your son, will stand in your bushes and take pictures of your house. Like, would you want that? That's what many A-list traditional celebrities go through
Starting point is 00:35:46 and people, we glamorize these lives and we've met many of these people. But to your point, I wouldn't trade lives with these people. I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't want my children at the mercy of that. And again, like we think that these things, we put these things on a pedestal and we think that they're so important
Starting point is 00:36:01 and then you get faced with the reality. Like most people would say, that's great to have all those things, but what if every party you went to and every restaurant you went to, somebody was standing there taking a picture and waiting for you to slip up? Oh, you drank a little too much?
Starting point is 00:36:15 Oh, you did something you shouldn't have done? We're watching. Sucks. I wouldn't want it. Yeah, people want the good, but they never consider the bad. And so it's another reason why I think this whole idea of thinking about these different five types of wealth is important when you make a decision in life,
Starting point is 00:36:30 because the traditional scoreboard in your mind is just money. So if someone were to come offer you a job and they're gonna pay you $10 million a year, you would be like, yeah, whatever, whatever you want me to do, I'm taking that $10 million a year. But then when you start to consider these other types of wealth and the impact, you you want me to do. I'm taking that $10 million a year. But then when you start to consider
Starting point is 00:36:45 these other types of wealth and the impact, you might have a different decision. Cause if they tell you, okay, you have to move away from your family, you're gonna be 300 days out of the year on the road flying around. You have to work 80 hours a week on something that you hate doing.
Starting point is 00:36:57 And you're gonna be stressed out of your mind all the time cause it's something you don't love. Then would you do it? Well, now it's a different consideration because I have this different framing that I can look at it on. Yes, financial wealth is going to be a big positive, but my time, my social wealth, my mental wealth and my physical wealth are all going to take a huge hit. So now I can actually evaluate the trade-offs that it's going to have on my
Starting point is 00:37:20 entire life rather than just this one area. The problem is, and you know this, and I think this is, I don't want to say it's not for women as well, but I think young men in particular, and I can easily say that I was one of these, when you have less experience like that and someone says you're going to get $10 million and you're going to start, a lot of these guys are like, I don't care. Like for sure. I'm like nine out of 10 dudes are like, I'll take the wealth.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Well in your twenties, I actually think you should. If someone gave you that opportunity. But then by the time you get to your thirties, if you've sacrificed your health and your mental wellbeing, like now you've got a decade of cleanup. And I think that that's something that you can't experience unless you go through it. And unfortunately, you know, financial wealth is one of those things that until you obtain it for yourself, you can't understand that it actually doesn't solve
Starting point is 00:38:08 as many problems as you think. Yeah, money solves money problems. It doesn't solve any of the other ones. And it turns out that most of life is other problems once you get past a certain baseline level. And that's the whole ethos is like, money isn't nothing. It simply can't be the only thing. And you need to focus on building financial wealth at some time in your life. Ethos is like money isn't nothing. It simply can't be the only thing and
Starting point is 00:38:29 You need to focus on building financial wealth at some time in your life. It does have a big big impact It will buy you happiness in the early years of your life that's why I think that concept of the waves or the seasons is really important because what it means is that you can have a Season of life when you are focused on building financial wealth in your 20s and early 30s That's a great time for most people to focus on building their career on building financial wealth. In your 20s and early 30s, that's a great time for most people to focus on building their career, building that financial wealth base that will compound for the rest of your life. But as you get into future seasons of life,
Starting point is 00:38:53 starting to think about these other types and starting to prioritize others potentially is a really healthy and fulfilling pursuit. I am a big fan of thinking time. It's my favorite time. I carve time every single day to just think. And I got the idea from Keith Cunningham. I still want you to read that book.
Starting point is 00:39:16 Or maybe you did read it, The Road Less Stupid. You talk about- I read that whole book. It's a great book. It's a great book. You talk about Think Day. Talk about that. Tell us about that. The Think Day is an adaptation on Bill Gates's Think Week practice. So in the 1980s Bill Gates started doing this thing where he would go off the grid for an entire week and he would just bring a
Starting point is 00:39:41 bunch of reading and he would basically just read and think and learn for a week. And the whole idea was that it allowed him to zoom out, see the bigger picture, and he ended up crediting it with a lot of the transformative decisions that they made at Microsoft over the years. My own adaptation of that was, I don't have a week, but a think day is a nice way to force myself to zoom out on a regular basis.
Starting point is 00:40:06 So the starting point for this is once a month, carve out two hours, get out of your normal environment, which is very important, get out of the headspace that you would normally be in. So go to a new coffee shop, rent a house or rent a space for a couple hours, go somewhere that's different, bring a journal and a pen and basically nothing else. And go through a few question prompts that you can think on that force you to zoom out from your current position and see a bigger lay of the land.
Starting point is 00:40:36 My favorite one right now is if you were the main character in a movie of your life, what would the audience be screaming at you to do right now? We've all sort of had this experience that you're watching a movie or TV show and you just want to jump through the screen and like shake the main character. Chase the girl to the airport or don't go down into that basement, whatever the thing is. You are that main character in the movie of your life.
Starting point is 00:41:05 And there is something that the audience would be screaming at you right in this moment. Something blindingly obvious that you are just choosing to ignore as you're sitting on the ground. What is it and what do you need to change? Was yours to write this book? Because people don't write books for money. I don't think people write books for money.
Starting point is 00:41:23 I think the people that I've met that come on this show write books because they have a book in them that they cannot comprehend. They have to get, they have to let it out. That's the common denominator. I think that's true. I think that's true because it takes too long and it's just not profitable at some point.
Starting point is 00:41:41 I think there are people that write books because it's like part of their business ecosystem. Right, it's like a business card. I just wanted to write this book. As you said, it was like you had to get it out. Yeah, because the ideas had changed my life. Yeah. And I wanted other people to share that benefit. So were you shaking your main character? Is that what you were shaking your main character about? That was one of, that was definitely mine three years ago when I started this project. I mean, this has taken three years. So three years ago, yes. More recently, it had to do with this book as well,
Starting point is 00:42:09 which was I realized that there are times in my life when I don't give 100% effort to something because I'm afraid of what will happen if I do give 100% and still fail. Give an example. I was not going all in on the marketing of this book because I was trying to create an excuse in my mind if it didn't go well that I could say,
Starting point is 00:42:36 well, I didn't really give it my all. So of course it didn't do all of my expectations. I was sort of self-sabotaging through this like, it was like a self-protection mechanism grounded in fear. By the way, I think that's a lot of people. I think that's a lot of people with a lot of things. Well, for me, I can relate to you because when I did my first two books,
Starting point is 00:42:59 you're nervous to like shove it in people's face because you don't want to be like, buy this, because that feels a little bit cheesy. But then as an outsider, as I look at like Amel Robbins, she's so behind her book. And I think what it is that translates is she's behind her message. And I think that with you, like I,
Starting point is 00:43:23 and we could talk about this on air or off air, I think that you are so behind your message. So I think that's what the audience would feel if you talk about your book. But I relate to you though, on the other hand, because with my first two books, I didn't want to be like, buy my book, buy my book, buy my book. But what I've realized with my next book, I am going to be like Mel Robbins because I do want the message of my next book to be in people's faces. And it's not to make money and it's not to hawk the book.
Starting point is 00:43:54 It's because I really want the message in these people's hands. And I think your book has such a great message that you should get behind it and whore it out. But I think people do this. Well, now I'm empowered. So now you're going to... Buy this book. Buy this book. No, but I think we do this in all sorts...
Starting point is 00:44:12 We do this... It's why we don't launch businesses. It's why we don't quit that job. It's why even simple things like we don't post on social media because we're worried that it's not going to get as many likes or as many comments or as many shares. You do these things and you hold yourself back so that you, to your point,
Starting point is 00:44:28 you have the escape hatch of saying like, oh, well it would have worked. You get to maintain the illusion that you are great or better than or capable without having to take the plunge to fail. But go look at, Mel is a really good example because go look at her Instagram
Starting point is 00:44:42 and every single thing is a post of her book and she's posting on every podcast. She went on like 20 podcasts and it's not even shameless. It's that she just wants the message in everyone's hand. And I think that that's why I don't feel like I'm being sold too. It's like, she's excited about the message and your message is so great.
Starting point is 00:45:01 You aren't afraid of failure. You're afraid of what other people will think of you if you fail. Sure. It's like the spotlight effect, right? There's two big mistakes in life. One is worrying about what other people think about you. And the other is believing that other people think about you
Starting point is 00:45:18 in the first place. Right. Because no one is thinking about you. Everyone's just worried about themselves. Exactly. At my next book though, I'm gonna be like spreading my legs on social media with my butt full out.
Starting point is 00:45:29 I don't care. I'm gonna be like, I want every woman to have this book in their hands. I'm gonna be like obsessed with it all over. I do think if you're proud of the thing that you've created, that you should feel proud to put it out into the world. Like if you truly put your heart into something,
Starting point is 00:45:45 and you can tell that Mel feels that way about the things that she's done, and that's inspiring. I, and I do feel that. I mean, I spent the last three years, every single day working on something for three years. Like I do, I feel like at some point you owe it to yourself. It's not like you owe it to anybody else. You owe it to yourself to put your heart into something
Starting point is 00:46:02 after you've put that energy towards it. I think you should get on and say, Lauren Bostic made me get on to do a two minute reel to tell you all the takeaways of this book when this episode goes live. And by the way, we're doing this show and we were talking about this off air before we started. And it's been, like I said, 800 of these things.
Starting point is 00:46:22 And if you go back to the early episodes, honestly, they're atrocious. Episode one is still up. It is so bad. It's so cringy. Like we're- Who's it with? Just the two of you.
Starting point is 00:46:30 No, Lauren. It was bad. I mean, everything was, it was, I mean, we're in our kitchen. I'm my own biggest fan. But the point is like- That's a skill in life, by the way. I am. And I guarantee you could go-
Starting point is 00:46:40 You're lucky to be in my presence. You could go through 800 of these. And if you're determined enough and if you look like you'll find a lot of not great episodes. Like it's just, and I think as I look back now, I look back fondly on those because it's just like, you never know when something's going to resonate with something. And what we were saying earlier is it only takes that one or that two for people to be like, oh, this thing's great.
Starting point is 00:47:04 And they completely forgot how shitty episode one was. You know, and honestly, even if they broke, if someone came to me and I was like, hey, I listened to episode one and it was so fucking, do you think I'm gonna go like, oh my God, somebody came in there? I think you're only good as last week's episode too. But the point is is that-
Starting point is 00:47:17 I keep that in my head all the time so you don't get cocky. My old baseball coach used to say that, you're only as good as your last pitch. It's true. But I don't look at it like, if somebody came to me and be like, it's so bad, like, I would kind
Starting point is 00:47:25 of just laugh about it at this point. That also should be a point of pride because it means that you've made progress. I always say that, that you should always cringe at the six month ago version of yourself because that means that you're growing as a person. That cringe feeling is actually a sign of personal growth. I was in the aviation space before this and I just tell this story, we made these beds for it's super tangent. But anyways, one of the first initial products we did, I remember I was on somebody's
Starting point is 00:47:47 private plane wearing some stupid polo, trying to like act all official. And I go and I lay on the bed in front of him to give him the demonstration. And we had not, like it was our prototype. The whole thing burst at the seams and I flew on the floor and was laying like crumbled up in a ball on this guy's floor. And it was one of the most mortifying experiences ever. Cause here I was saying like, this is a groundbreaking product. It went on to be a great success, but I just, I look back on that and I laugh. And the point is, is you have to go through these renditions and these iterations of, you know, whatever it is, a relationship or a business or a content.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Um, cause you don't, you don't get to the other side without those experiences. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your own terms. For years Lauren and I have been building online businesses. We've been investing in them, we've been partnering with them and of course we've done our own. What I love
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Starting point is 00:49:57 Let's talk about the farmer's dog. We're in a new year. We're all making resolutions, how to take care of ourselves more, how to get better health results, how to perform better. We also need to make sure we're also taking care of our dogs. This is why we love the farmer's dog so much and have loved them for years. What makes them so different is that food from the farmer's dog is developed by on-staff board certified vets and veterinary nutritionists to be complete and balanced. Ever since Lauren and I switched our dogs to this kind of food from the farmer's dog, they are thriving. Their coats are shinier, they're healthier, they're happier,
Starting point is 00:50:26 and they just feel better. It's made from human-grade real meat and veggies that are gently cooked with the safety and quality standards of human food. Even the best traditional dry and wet dog food options are highly processed, and because pet food is very loosely regulated, they can use much lower quality ingredients than they claim to. The farmer's dog does not do that. The farmer's dog delivers their freshly made healthy dog food right to your door on a schedule that works for you and can be adjusted anytime within their 24 hour customer support period. The food is nutritionally complete for all life stages, including puppies.
Starting point is 00:50:55 So you can start at any time. It's just real healthy food designed to meet their unique nutritional needs. We have an older dog and a younger dog. And like I said, it doesn't matter if your dog is young or old it's always the right time to begin investing in their health that means more happy healthy and full years together and we have an incredible offer for our listeners get 50% off your first box of fresh healthy food at thefarmersdog.com skinny plus you get free shipping just go to thefarmersdog.com
Starting point is 00:51:21 skinny to get 50% off that's thefarmersdog.com slash skinny to get 50% off. That's thefarmersdog.com slash skinny Quick break to talk about high health one of the top questions Lauren and I get in our DMS and on this show is what supplements do you take? What's the best for me to take? What else would you recommend? One question we don't get nearly enough is what should you be giving your children? What supplements or in vitamins are great for them? This is why I'm so excited to talk about high a health children, which supplements and vitamins are great for them. This is why I'm so excited to talk about HIA health.
Starting point is 00:51:45 Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy additives growing kids should never eat. That's why HIA created a super powered chewable vitamin. While many children's vitamins are filled with five grams of sugar, which is known to contribute to a variety of health issues, HIA is made with zero sugar and zero gummy additives. We give our children HIA every single morning. They ask for it, they look forward to it, and most importantly they enjoy it. It tastes great and is perfect for picky eaters
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Starting point is 00:53:05 Again, highahealth.com slash skinny. What are the four types of professional time and how do you manage your professional days for the highest quality outputs? You're going to love this one. I can't believe we've never talked about this actually. We have not. I haven't sent a newsletter on this either. This is good.
Starting point is 00:53:25 So I had this realization that the way that most people spend their time in their professional life is effectively one thing, which is management time. Management time is emails, meetings, processing shit. It's the like boring basic business things. And the vast majority of people end up spending like 80% of their professional life just doing management tasks.
Starting point is 00:53:48 It bleeds out all over your calendar. But there are three other types of professional time that are actually the things that drive you forward. Those are creation. That's when you're actually creating things, building things that could be coding, writing, creating presentations, whatever those things are, creation. There is ideation, which is the thinking time that no one has in their calendar. things that could be coding, writing, creating presentations, whatever those things are, creation.
Starting point is 00:54:05 There is ideation, which is the thinking time that no one has in their calendar to actually zoom out and think about the bigger picture questions in the business. And then there is consumption, which is the idea of actually consuming new ideas, reading, listening to things, having conversations, with the idea being anything you create is downstream from something you consume. So bringing good ideas in the top is what allows you to put good ideas out into the world. The message there is you need to first figure out what is your current mix of time in your calendar. Go look at your calendar. You could do the color coding again and color code according to those
Starting point is 00:54:41 four types, management, creation, ideation, and consumption. Look at what your calendar looks like and then figure out how can I batch management time a little bit more effectively, like squeeze it into blocks so that I can create time for these other types because your entire professional life will change when you find a way to carve out better windows of time for those other three types that are getting squeezed. I am so happy you talk about this because I, what I've gathered talking to people is they think it's lazy to have thinking time. They think it's lazy to have consumption time.
Starting point is 00:55:21 If I don't have those buckets, I cannot effectively do any kind of management or talk to employees. I have to have time to wrap my head around it. Sometimes I take my thinking time as a workout. Like I'll go work out and use that whole time to think. I think it's so important. And I think it's also important to know it's not lazy. It's essential, in my opinion.
Starting point is 00:55:46 The most successful people in the world, billionaires, on through like historical figures that thrived in their various jobs. Every single one of them has this one common thread, which is they actually have time dedicated in their calendar for thinking and learning. I think on the first podcast, and I could be wrong that you came on,
Starting point is 00:56:03 I think it was you that said that there was a billionaire that you knew that took two hours of his day. Was that you that said that? It could have been me. It might have been him. I know a few billionaires, unfortunately. Was it him?
Starting point is 00:56:16 I don't know. It was earlier. Okay, someone said exactly what you just said, this billionaire that they knew, he has two hours of every day where it's and it's not together. He has 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the middle of the day, and then like two hours at night where he, I didn't do the math right, but you get it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:36 Where he has spaces throughout the day just to do nothing. I mean the best, the most successful CEOs in the world all do that. You can look on the back cover of the book. Tim Cook is the first blurb on the back of this book. He's been a mentor and friend for 10 plus years. He creates space in his life on a daily and weekly basis to think about the bigger picture questions that are facing Apple. Otherwise, he would just be caught in this infinite loop.
Starting point is 00:56:59 There's always work he could be doing. There's always emails he could be responding to, things he could be doing, but then he wouldn't get to read and understand some of the bigger picture strategic things that they're facing, which for the size of that company, there's geopolitical things, there's all sorts of stuff. So for him to actually have the space in his life, part of that can be working out. You don't have headphones in and you're just able to think while you're on a run or while
Starting point is 00:57:22 you're working out. That is space that you're creating in your life. It's the reason that space as an idea is such an unlock for your professional and personal life. I think it's like being it's like being proactive as opposed to reactive. What are who are other people that have been featured in this book besides Tim and Brian that really resonated for you? Normal people. Right? I think the most impactful story in the book is a woman named Alexis Lockhart,
Starting point is 00:57:54 who actually came to me with her story about a week before I was supposed to turn in the final draft for this book. And it ended up delaying the entire book because as soon as she sent me her story, she responded to one of my email newsletters and wrote this long piece back to me telling me her story. And I realized this, I have to explore this.
Starting point is 00:58:14 So we ended up spending time together. And her story was about an incredible tragedy, which was her son who had just turned 20 was killed in a car crash. And her message of the importance of time and of this idea that it's always later than you think, that the amount of time you have left with the people you love most is so much more finite
Starting point is 00:58:40 and countable than you appreciate. That message inspired me so deeply and made me want to share it with the world. And I just can't imagine anyone reading that and not feeling sparked to action, to text the person that they love, to get together with that old friend, to cherish that one moment they have with their kid, to go and see their parents for that visit that they weren't planning to take. All of these things are actions that build your wealth, that compound in your life in the same way any financial investment does. And that message, I just think, is one that needs to be spread. You have been very open about you and your wife's journey with infertility.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Talk to us about that. This is a topic that a lot of people don't talk about publicly, especially men. It's rather stigmatized and it's one that people typically choose to suffer with in silence. This monthly strain of getting your hopes up that it's gonna be the month when things worked and then having the letdown and then the struggle that you experience around that,
Starting point is 00:59:53 waiting for the next month, that was a really painful and challenging experience for us. And it was two years of really feeling that and feeling it in a very lonely state because it was during COVID in a time when we lived in California where we were really locked down and not able to be around people that might've brought us some of the uplift.
Starting point is 01:00:16 What area were you in? We lived in the Northern Bay area. And so tell us like, you decide to get pregnant and tell us how that works, and to walk us through the timeline. Yeah, we were, let's see, this is like 2019. We had been married for, at that time, three plus years. We started to think about having children.
Starting point is 01:00:39 We'd been dating since high school, so this was like, you know, a long time coming in some ways. And if I'm being totally honest with myself, which I've never really said publicly, we decided to have children. I would say my focus as a human being was still so narrowly and myopically focused on making money.
Starting point is 01:00:57 And I think that that impacts your ability to get pregnant. I don't, I have no science to support that idea, but I think that the energy that you are putting out into the world gets reflected in what you see and what manifests in reality. And I think that the burden of infertility is something that the woman carries, and not rightfully so in many cases. And in our case, I would place that burden on myself because I think that my headspace, my stress levels, which stress levels are proven to impact infertility, my health, inner and outer health,
Starting point is 01:01:37 were not in a place that would have been conducive to us getting pregnant. And the reason that I feel I have definitive proof around that is because in May of 2021, when I had that realization about our lives and we decided to make this change, we, within 45 days sold our house in California, I left my job that I was in and we moved to the East Coast
Starting point is 01:01:58 to be closer to both of our families. Within two weeks of getting to our new place, we found out that my wife was pregnant, naturally. And I'm not a particularly religious person, but it was one of those moments in life when you just feel like God winked at you. Like when things fall into alignment, everything just falls into place as it should. And that's been the greatest blessing in our life. That has been our center and our true north, our son, and the journey with him.
Starting point is 01:02:30 And the amount of gratitude that it brings us to have been able to bring him into this world and be able to build that relationship with him, I can't put it into words. I totally agree with you, and I get in trouble for this, but one of my girlfriends came to me and she's like, I totally agree with you and I get in trouble for this but One of my girlfriends came to me and she's like I've been trying to get pregnant For five months Lauren and I can't get pregnant
Starting point is 01:02:54 And I was like that's an affirmation she's saying I can't get pregnant I can't get pregnant and Listen, I don't have anything to scientifically like tell anyone anything, but with my three pregnancies, I have gone into it saying I'm going to get pregnant. I'm open. I'm ready to get pregnant. And I believe that your mindset or your stress or your stress around getting pregnant impacts what happens. Or even like, you know, for people that are, you know, what have we been called? Woo woo before?
Starting point is 01:03:30 And, you know, I think, you know, we're spiritual in that way. We're like, I think energy is a real thing and stress is a real thing. I think like the counter to all of that is even if you don't believe in some of the things we're talking about, like asking yourself, are those other thoughts and ideas serving you? Like, is it really worth it? Do you think being that stressed
Starting point is 01:03:50 and focused on things like finances is helping you achieve a goal of fertility? Or do you think telling yourself you can't is going to help? It's like anything else. Like, I guarantee you, if you come in and say, I can't make money and I'm gonna be poor forever, like you're gonna not make money and you're gonna be poor forever. Also're gonna not make money You're gonna be poor forever I also how many times have you heard stories yours being one of them where where people have so much stress around the pregnancy and then They do IVF and there's so much stress around that and every month It's not pregnant not pregnant not pregnant and then they get off IVF and they stop stressing and they get pregnant naturally We've heard so many stories like that
Starting point is 01:04:23 It's you you almost have to like go into it being like telling yourself what you want to happen as opposed to what you don't. Stress does, scientifically, stress does impact fertility. I mean, it lowers sperm count. Like there is real scientific backing to some of what you're saying there.
Starting point is 01:04:36 And I look, I mean, one of my favorite quotes, there's this beautiful quote, Mario Quintana said, don't waste your time chasing butterflies, mend your garden and the butterflies will come. favorite quotes. There's this beautiful quote. Mario Quintana said, don't waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden and the butterflies will come. And the whole idea is that your internal reality creates your external reality. So mend your internal reality, focus there. The things that you want in life will come to you when you are ready for them. Yeah. You know, we were talking to Tony Robbins, as you mentioned, we were coming here and
Starting point is 01:05:05 one of the things he said is, your focus is your reality. Like it's just the human mind, what we focus on becomes true for us. So you and I can be looking at the same, like we can be on the same financial plane. And if I'm saying I have so much and this is such an abundant life and everything in my life is so great. And you're looking at that same picture with the exact same financial circumstances saying, I don't have enough, other people have more, I'll never be enough.
Starting point is 01:05:30 Like that's your truth and this is mine. It's the same picture, same exact circumstances. It's just you get to choose how you look at it and I get to choose how, not that you do, but that's the same thing. It's like if you're constantly telling yourself, I'm so stressed, I don't have enough, this isn't working, it's never gonna work, I'm never gonna be I don't have enough. This isn't working. It's never going to work.
Starting point is 01:05:45 I'm never going to be happy. That becomes your reality. It is. I mean, we're narrative creatures. We're storytelling creatures. That's actually what allowed humans to survive and thrive as a species, but it has a dark side, which is you just seek out evidence that confirms the story that you're currently telling yourself. And if that story is a positive one, that's a great thing. But if it's a negative one, which it is for many of us, we have these stories that we tell ourselves that do not serve our life or where we want to go. These stories that where we say we're not smart enough, we're not capable of these things, we're not able to do this thing that we want to do.
Starting point is 01:06:19 You will find evidence to confirm that story around you and you will ignore every piece of evidence that would refute it. Yeah you know and I also like and I've caught flack for saying this in the past like I think as a society we glorify being humble to the point of where people feel they can't celebrate themselves so listen it's a great human virtue to be humble I get all that. What I've said on this show like if people heard the way that I talk to myself in my mind they'd be like this guy is so arrogant and so full of himself and so overconfident. But the way I view it- I do hear it when you're in the shower.
Starting point is 01:06:50 But the way I view it is if I'm not- It's a narration. If I'm not gonna- Monologue. Inner monologue that I get to hear. Shut your mouth for a second. If I won't talk to myself like that and I won't be my biggest fan, why can I expect everybody else to do that for me? And I think people are not as kind to themselves as they should be. Like I don't mind being delusional in some ways
Starting point is 01:07:12 to tell myself that I'm great and that I'm enough and that like I can do anything because I don't think anybody else is gonna do it for me. And so when I see sometimes, especially young guys that I talk to and they're beating themselves up or they're trying to quote unquote humble themselves. And, you know, maybe they have a partner that's saying they need to calm down. I'm like, it's okay.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Like, like push yourself up a bit because we have enough people in the society and enough people telling you you're not enough. And so like my perspective on that is like, you should be somewhat delusional at times in the support of yourself because that's going to propel you to think in an abundant way all the time. Now, you don't want to go to the point where you are so arrogant that you are making people feel bad or being delusional to the point where that arrogance is shining in a way that's being destructive to others.
Starting point is 01:08:03 But I don't think there's anything wrong with being your biggest cheerleader. I think Kanye West once said... Well, now we're gonna... Yeah. No, I do think Kanye West once said something to the effect of, everyone's always telling you to be humble. When's the last time someone told you to be great? Yeah, that's... He said it better than me. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:21 But it's true. I mean, how many times has somebody told you to humble yourself? And listen, there's probably been rightful times where you should, but to your point, how many times has someone come to you and said, like, you should talk to yourself, like you're the greatest champion? Like, people just don't do that.
Starting point is 01:08:36 Yeah, you hope you can tell your kids that. That seems like a great message to tell your kids. I always love those videos you come across every now and then of like someone telling their little kid to look in the mirror and fire themself up for the day. It's so cute, but you're also like, what a great message to send your kid. To just look at themselves every now and then
Starting point is 01:08:55 and just appreciate who they are and what they're strong, what they are grateful for, what they feel great about themselves, because you get beat down otherwise. Of course. What do you hope that people get out of your message? I hope that people take the time to think about what they truly want out of life. Not what the world tells you you should want,
Starting point is 01:09:19 not what your parents tell you you should want, not what social media tells you, not what your friends tell you, but what you should want, not what social media tells you, not what your friends tell you, but what you truly want. And then I hope people take one tiny action to go and build towards that life. Good message. The five types of wealth, a transformational guide to design your dream life.
Starting point is 01:09:39 Where can everyone find you? Buy the book, pimp yourself out. Really pimp the book out. Yeah, I love it. I love it. You can buy the book, pimp yourself out. Really pimp the book out. Yeah, I love it. I love it. You can buy the book anywhere books are sold. You can find more information at thefivetypesofwealth.com and you can find me at Sawhill Bloom on any major platform.
Starting point is 01:09:55 And subscribe to his newsletter. My God, it's a good one. Controversial newsletter. Congratulations on this. Three years in the making, not everyone can do this. It's not an easy task. You should be proud of it no matter what happens, but I know it's gonna be a great I'm just telling you my energetic channels are feeling New York Times bestseller. Well, I hope your energetic channels are right
Starting point is 01:10:14 Yeah, I'm feeling it for you. And I think that you just keep telling yourself that that's what's gonna happen. I I think this is gonna be up there. I like it Come back anytime. There's so many different tangents to go off on with you. I mean, I have like a hundred more questions. Yeah, we'll text about it. Yeah, you're totally, totally welcome to come back anytime on the show. I really enjoy following you and I love your content.
Starting point is 01:10:39 Thank you. Thank you brother. Thank you. And go listen to his first episode too, cause that's good too.

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