The Sloppy Boys - 1. Tom Collins

Episode Date: October 23, 2020

In this premier episode, The Sloppy Boys (comedy rockers Mike Hanford, Tim Kalpakis and Jefferson Dutton) try the lemony drink known as none other than the Tom Collins.TOM COLLINS RECIPE Gin - 1.5oz/45ml Lemon Juice - 1oz/30ml Simple Syrup - .5oz/15ml Soda Water - 2oz/60mlPour all ingredients directly into highball filled with ice. Stir gently. Garnish with lemon slice and maraschino cherry.Recipes via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the sloppy boys a podcast that takes a deep dive into the drinks that you love I'm Jeff Dutton along with Tim Kalpakis. Hey everybody and Mike Hanford. Hi, and we're your hosts the sloppy boys once a band and now And Mike Hanford. Hi. And we're your hosts, the Sloppy Boys. Once a band, and now still a band. Still a band. And now also hosts of this podcast. A lot of people, I've gotten some emails saying, you know, could you stop being a band? Please stop doing it. We're not stopping being a band.

The band's the thing. I got a lot of emails that were not related to either. Just sort of, you know, hey, Amazon has this new thing you might like. I only get just the don't be a band thing anymore. How are you guys feeling about the inaugural episode? The first one? Oh, the first. Cracking the champagne bottle on the back of this one and sending it out.

I'm all amped up. I'm going nuts over here. Listeners, you guys can see me on a Zoom, but I'm going nuts. Yeah, this is wild. I've had a full day of partying and getting people excited about the whole thing. People getting me excited about it, actually. I didn't want to do it. They said, you've got to get excited

about this thing. You have to. You're going to love the podcast. You had been kind of pouting around. I don't want to do the podcast. I think podcasts are for interviews. I mean, it is a good point you made it's a lot of interviews a lot of podcasting is interviews well what are we doing on this podcast one might wonder let's get into it i think a listener right now is saying okay i'm hearing three people talk what the fuck are they gonna talk about here's how the show works you ready guys this is this might be new to you too

you gotta listen. I know what's coming. I know what's coming, too. I got a good idea. I won't spoil anything, though. I think it's great. Here's how it works. Every week here on the Sloppy Boys, we will prepare, drink, and discuss one cocktail. The heart of our list are those drinks recognized by the International Bartenders Association for their use in the annual World Cocktail Competition. This is like the standard. We didn't want to come up with our own cocktails. We didn't want to see the newest craft cocktails. The IVA, that's official, man.

They're legit. It's like if you wanted baseball and you went to the MLB. Yeah, these people are swinging the drinks around like bats. It's a tightly edited list too this is 89 drinks total divided into three sections did we wait did you say what iba means yeah international bartenders association you gotta love that go ahead you just want to hear him say it again i'm i'm i'm uh moving windows around on my screen here to make sure everything fits so there's three sections on this list, and there's not a lot of description about why it's broken down like this.

But the first section is called Unforgettables. Unforgettables, no regrettables. Described as timeless, boozy, great pre-dinner cocktails. In this section, long drink mixers are limited to fruit juices soda and cream this is like this is like when you uh like when you think of a cocktail like the martini is in this list right it better be uh one of them is there's several martinis and they're all throughout there's one that's called the monkey gland yeah i'm looking forward to the monkey gland yeah that's that's a weird one but these are classics old-fashioned i one that's called the Monkey Gland. Yeah, I'm looking forward to the Monkey Gland. Yeah, that's a weird one.

But these are classics. Old-fashioned. I mean, that's Don Draper himself. Come on. Manhattan, classic. Daiquiri, and I assume when they say daiquiri, they mean lime, rum, sugar. Well, Tim, hold on. We haven't gotten to that one yet.

Would you stop it? I feel like I could do my own side episode. No, Tim, you're part of us. You're part of the thing. But that would be kind of cool if everyone knew in the middle, Tim has his own little daiquiri kind of a thing. And it becomes like everyone's sort of looking forward to, oh, is he going to do the daiquiri again?

Oh, is he doing the daiquiri downtime? What's happening on the daiquiri downtime? Oh, the daiquiri downtime kind of is boring after a while. He's kind of going through the list of how to make a daiquiri every single time. All right. We'll do Tim's daiquiri corner later. Let me get through the sections of the IBA. Yes. We also got contemporary classics.

Now these are drinks with a more modern origin. More sparkling cocktails. More long drinks than you'll find in the Unforgettables. Like modern, so these are like invented by your Elon Musks of the world yes the lab okay uh you'll find your long island iced tea you got your bloody mary you got a harvey

wallbanger in there so they said that a lot of these that you'll see a lot of long drinks and then their first example was a long island iced tea so basically it's if it's a long if the island that the drink is on is long that counts i think counts. I think a long drink is just a tall glass, Collins glass, highball glass. That's a long drink. It has a lot of fluid as opposed to just a little beep beep. Yeah, so I think that means the Unforgettables are kind of more like liquor. Liquor. And the Contemporaries are going to be a little bit more like a big old drink, a refreshing drink.

Well, what's that old saying? I'm always saying liquor Liquor is quicker. You do say that. Sort of my thing. I think they're also going chronologically. The Unforgettables, they're talking about the old stuff. Then the contemporary. I find the word contemporary to be more modern.

And so that's those Unforgettables. That's like a bartender who's got little black rings around his elbows and he's kind of wiping on the bar at an old timey kind of a joint. Oh, yeah. And then we got our new era drinks served in a baseball cap. Almost nothing said about this section. This is described as something different suited to today's palates. I don't know how that's different from the modern origins section, but, uh,

this is where you'll find your dark and stormy, your kamikaze, your espresso martini, among other delicious drinks. If, if, if I can give them notes on this list, I would make the dark and stormy,

a contemporary classic kamikaze. I get it. That's like a weird college shot that feels like new era because it's just a little bit of whimsy. And then over the life of this podcast, we'll work down the entire IBA list. But, you know, we're going to throw in some surprises of our own. Off the slobby boy list. If the list sucks, then we ditch it.

There's some big time drinks on this list. Yeah. Some kind of some good ones. Some things I've heard of but never made before. Like a grasshopper. I've never made that before. Yeah. And it's like an Alabama slammer.

It's a margarita. Was margarita on there? Margarita's on there, yeah. So like, we're not trying to get into any kind of weird mixology. We're talking about, these are the ones. These are drinks you could walk into a dive bar and ask a bartender for and trust. I mean, I don't ever do that. If I don't look at a menu, I'm not going to just say, can I have an espresso

martini? But in theory, these are all ones that if someone went to bartending school, they should be able to make it for you without complaining. And if you at home want to drink along with us, we're going to be posting these recipes ahead of time on our socials at The Sloppy Boys. You can also find them in the show notes for each episode. Yeah, so drink along but here's the thing. If you don't want to have the

drink, you're still just having a blast listening to us. Let's say you don't drink at all. This is still fun. Yeah, because we're a fun band. We're good kinds of band. We're good. We're good kinds of guys. We're going to talk about other stuff besides drinks, whatever comes into our minds.

It's a lifestyle podcast. That's what category they should put us in. Yeah. Apple. I bet Tim Cook is sitting up there in Cupertino being like, oh, I'm going to put them only in the cocktail section. No, no. And then Steve Jobs' ghost comes by.

I might consider putting them on a different sort of category. I wore a turtleneck. We know, we know, Steve. He came back from the dead just to

tell us the shirt that we all know about. Are you guys using, we're all on Mac computers, right? Well, I'm part of the cult of Mac. When that new iPhone comes out, I'm waiting in line. I don't think I've seen like, I haven't seen

a Dell computer in a long time. I did one time see a funny commercial with a certain dude. Well, he was telling, did he say you were the dude? Oh, yeah, he was talking to me. We are pretty cool dudes. But he was the Dell dude also. We're both dudes. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. He didn't say you're getting a Dell dude, or did he? He said, dude, you're getting a Dell. That's his tagline. Dude, you're getting a Dell's new his that's his tagline dude you're getting adele's new album great 21 when's it come out okay so let's talk a little bit about how we're going to do these recipes we got a lot to get through let's keep going and with these recipes sometimes they're annoying and they got a whole lot of weird ingredients yeah we're going to try

to track them down but you you can always just... Look, when you're making cocktails, you take... When it says you have to have the nectar of one black licorice clove, get the next closest thing, get whatever. We're not going to be all picky about it. We want you to just have fun when you're mixing these things up. It's about fun. You're going to have fun in the beginning, you're going to drink some, and you're going to have fun afterwards.

Yeah. So if you have the right kind of liquor and maybe the main mixer hop on board yeah get into it today's episode is kind of a uh kind of a softball i would say oh yeah baby tom collins we're talking tom collins you guys that you've had tom collins's before right i think i had one yes I had a Tom Collins many years ago so I'm excited to make it today because uh you look back fondly on it no that was a bad time well the Tom Collins here's uh you know a lot of people know this but the history of Tom Collins is uh I was um about 20 years ago I was at the Hudson Valley Mall seeing a movie in Kingston, New York. And it was Meet the Fockers.

No, it was Meet the Parents. Meet the Parents. And Ben Stiller says, hey, we're all out of Tom Collins mix. And that was the first time I ever heard of it. I said, hmm, Tom Collins mix. Oh, he's looking for an excuse to get out of the house. And he dumps out the mix and i believe he goes to the oyster bay something in sundry is that uh the name

this is pretty good i think that is the name of the place he goes but would be oyster bay is in long island and that film takes place on long island home of the long drink itself um cut to me hearing about it for a second time i'm reading catcher in the rye and old holden caulfield makes fun of a lady because she's drinking a tom collins in the winter okay so i think we know that this is a summery drink that you drink when you're meeting your parents yes right right and originally this is an old, this one's 100 years old. All the cocktails basically are cataloged by this guy, Jerry Thomas. It is.

From New York. Oh, my God. Jerry? Jerry himself? Yes. It took me a long time to write this book. Oh, no. It took me 100 years.

It didn't take you 100 years. You did it 100 years ago. Yes, yes. But it took me 100 years. No, it didn't take you 100 years. You did it 100 years ago. Yes, yes, but it took me 100 years to do it, and it came out 100 years ago. Oh, wow. So he wrote it in the 1700s, and then it came out in the 1800s. Sorry that we got that wrong. Why, you sloppy boys are getting it.

Tom Collins, so basically, I think there's a lot of gin cocktails going around and they're similar but then it's like a new york guy goes to london and then like a london guy goes to new york eventually in london they have a drink called john collins and it's the same thing in fact on the iba list that we found they refer to the tom collins as the john collins but here's the kicker if it's made with old tom gin it's a tom collins which we couldn't find but no one can find and also in the past century everyone makes it with the same kind of different you know whatever dry gin you have and that's a tom collins but tim let me ask you this about the Tom, what's the Tom Gin called?

Old Tom. Old Tom Gin. Old Tom's. Is that the brand name? This is a really good question. I think it's the brand name. It's not like a, like Dry Gin is, a number of brands do Dry Gin.

And so why is the IBA list insisting on calling it the John Collins when it seems like the world has moved on to Tom Collins? I think this is our problem with the organization. The IBA has to get out of the past. Hey, wait, did they list this as one of the old unforgettable? I mean, if it's 100 years old, they probably did. Yes, it is.

They probably did. So, yeah, it's from London and New York 100 years ago. We're talking about a drink that is gadoosh. York a hundred years ago, we're talking about a drink that is gadoosh, gin, lemon, simple syrup, soda water. So that's as simple as we're going to get. Uh, uh, because when we say simple syrup, you know, you don't have to buy that. That's sugar and water. One, uh, one part of each. It's a long drink, Jeff. You may remember those from- Oh, from five minutes ago. Yes, because it's in a Tom Collins glass. And this is when you don't shake it up.

You don't shake it. You take out your tall glass, you fill it with ice, and then you go shot of gin, ounce and a half. And then you squeeze in your lemon, an ounce of lemon. And then you put in your simple syrup, half an ounce. And then you, the rest of the way up the glass with club soda. Our recipe here says that it's two ounces of club soda, but it could be however tall your glass is, I guess. And that's kind of a funny open-ended thing. Because if you have a giant glass, you're going to be drinking a weak one.

If you've got a short glass oh good night nurse i got one of those uh i got one of those mardi gras plastic yard long drinks oh no you're gonna be hydrated by the end of this hell yeah i'm making mine to the letter of the law i like them um well those drinks that you you guys have had at once each did you like it and do you think back fondly on it or were you like, whatever? I did like it because it's like the lemony. The one I had was very lemony. So it was like more of a lemonade tasting thing. Yeah.

I remember it being like maybe too sweet and then deciding like, oh, I don't like these. But I probably, you just don't make it as sweet. Well, I think it's like one of these drinks that's almost always made wrong like you know when you go to a normal bar and you if you ask for like a mai tai and it's all orange juice or whatever this drink it shouldn't be lemonadey and i don't even know why gay lord falker in meet the parents had mix because that mix is like is too lemonadey you should be able to see through this drink and i think the more i i think that this is calling, is too lemonade-y. You should be able to see through this drink. And I think the more, I think that this is calling for a lot of simple syrup.

I'm going to do it the correct way today. But I think in general, you can almost skip the, the sugar is just there to take a little edge off the sour, sour lemon. And that lemon's only there to chill out the gin. So if you were just basically having a bunch of gin with a squeeze of lemon and a lot of soda, that is a Tom Collins still. Ooh, it sounds so good. I ordered one to test. I think they're

all bad at bars. I was recently at the Polo Lounge and I thought this is kind of a place I would expect to make a really good Tom Collins. And I ordered one and it was limey. It was made like with margarita mix and it was all off. Shots fired. We don't like that here in the Sloppy Boys.

No, we want our mixes to be perfect. Not unlike our albums. That's what we always say to the mixer when we hand off the tracks. Let's take a little break as we prepare our drinks and maybe we should have some of those Requiem for a Dream sound effects to denote a drink being made.

We'll be right back. That's a good Tom Collins. All right. Welcome back. We got our drinks all made. We got some Tom Collins. Looking good. I'm stirring mine still.

Hold on. I'm still stirring. Okay. I'm just done stirring. Well, Michael, it said stir gently. Don't over. Don't over stir. Don't put it in the Vitamix.

I put this. I whipped this thing. I got a cake mixer in. How do you get it that frothy? A lot of people find eating on mic to be offensive. I hope that drinking on mic is okay. I think people love it. Because you're going to be hearing a lot of it.

No, it should be fine. It should be fine. I'm going to, here we go. Oh, no, I'm going to throw up. No, I was slurper. Ooh. So good. Did you do yours to the letter? I did mine to the letter of the law, and it's not too sweet.

It's perfect. I think mine might be a little too sweet. I think mine, I don't know what perfect is, but this is not it. Oh, no. What do you got? What's the problem this is not it. Oh, no. What do you got? What's the problem? Just a tart. Oh, yeah.

A real tart lemon. See, Jeff, I went and did a double two ounces of gin. Very nice. Were you guys using like a cocktail jigger when you were measuring it out? Yeah. Pretty much. Were you guys using like a cocktail jigger when you were measuring it out? Yeah, pretty much.

The standard one is an ounce and a half on the top and three quarters of an ounce on the bottom. I have multiple, but today I just found out the one that I always use was actually two ounces up top and one ounce on the bottom. So I've been making myself some strong drinks. That explains your behavior. It explains the big red nose. Look, Tim, I already, I even did the maraschino cherry in this guy. And what I like to see is that delectable maraschino syrup just dropped right to the bottom of my dang cocktail. Oh, you put the syrup in?

I just did the, like, I put two cherries in. Well, I just did a, you know, it got a little on the spoon and it just kind of went in. I put my cherry on the toothpick right up top. You see, that's what you do. Yeah, yeah. I saw that in the picture. I didn't have toothpicks hanging around. I plunked it.

I think I put too much lemon in here or something. Me too. That's how I'm feeling. I think this could be sweeter. I might go put some more simple syrup in this. What? Did you use fresh lemon? Mm-hmm. I used bott bottled lemon juice but good stuff i think that would probably be the way to go um i could i bet the bottled lemon juice is pretty strong i i like my thing lemony because i just don't want it to be sugary well that's why we call you lemony snicket

hey to each his own huh to each To each his own, that's right. The Pizza Hut Calzone? I do like having a cherry in a drink, though. That's nice. I normally, not a cherry guy, but once I tried one of those expensive maraschinos, ooh la la. Oh, they're so good.

I eat them as a dessert. I put a bunch of those on a scoop of ice cream and i say hey it's like i'm having cherries jubilee up in here that is a good cherry this is a good porch drink folks i i think i'm turning around on it i i take back my two tart criticism yeah uh that cherry is good and you're right jeff the cherries were i think i got mine today and it was in a $14 jar because it could only be found in like a nice grocery store you got the Luxardo's

the dark yeah those are the legit ones we got like yeah I think mine was like 24 bucks but they're dark and dank what is Maraschino is that a type of is that a place that would be a good Sloppy Boys album name the hills is Maraschino? Is that a type of, is that a place? Probably.

That would be a good Sloppy Boys album name, The Hills of Maraschino. Now, why'd you throw in the hills? You don't know what the hills are. Because you can't just say Maraschino. Oh, the hills of Maraschino. I think that Maraschino might, there's a liqueur that is a cherry liqueur, and that's Luxardo maraschino, but who knows what came first.

I have... Actually, I put one maraschino cherry and then one maraschino bean. Oh, God, Mike. It sucks. Oh, a maraschino bean? Oh, God, why did I do that? This is a train wreck. Episode one one you fucked it up with a bean

Yeah and the simple syrup was Beanie syrup is that wrong Oh I've never even heard of beanie syrup I'm not going to lie to you I opened up a can of beans and I stuck a Straw in it Well if you like it.

I don't. I think this is a summery drink. And I understand why Holden Caulfield made fun of that lady for drinking one in the winter, right? This is a, you want to be out sitting on a porch? Yes. I wonder if the great reclusive author, J.D. Sounder. Sorry, I'm just always... I'm kind of a nerd.

But anyway, if you're new to the podcast, if you're new to us, the Slav Boys, I'm the nerd of the group. I love literature. Anyway, I wonder if he picked that drink specifically as some sort of literative device. Oh, my God.

He wouldn't. I just wonder if there was a purpose behind it i don't know he's a smart guy i'm a smart guy whatever so you're a smart guy but you don't you you don't have a theory as to what the purpose was or what he's saying you know you wonder if an author did something yeah so a lot of people read a lot of dumb people uh read a book and they see something like a tom collins in the winter okay no big deal i look at that i said that's probably done for a reason yeah because if you're gonna go through the work of typing it yeah and printing it you probably had something to say and this book is like in the author this is one of the best the greats so i'm thinking there's probably stuff behind each decision made whatever that's that's what you say that sound is one of the greats

i mentioned catching the ride what other works of his do you enjoy you know he was such a reclusive guy yeah um but salinger i think he did something he helped Dr. Seuss before he got into his whole thing with fake animals and all that crazy rhyming crap. That Seuss stuff is kid's crap. You don't like it. I'm thinking maybe you don't like this Salinger. I hate the Seuss crap, but I think maybe Salinger maybe helped him out with some of that stuff. Yeah, I think that Holden would say Salinger's a bit of a phony man.

Unlike Ackley, kid, he's not a prince. Oh, man, you lost me. Well, Ackley is his roommate who has pimples. Oh, no. Yeah, but he's a prince. Poor Ackley.

What a... Ooh Poor Ackley. What a... Ooh, this is tart. But I mean, I think what I like thinking about when you're having a classic cocktail is what is the scenario? What kind of a person do you think is drinking this these days? What's a good...

Who and when and where is this the cocktail for? Oh, that's an old Southern man. Yeah. I was going to say, this seems like an older person's drink. A Southern man who says, get rid of my bourbon, my favorite drink. I'm an old Kentucky man who drinks Tom Collins. I went to New York City one time. And there was a man from London there.

And Tim saw Meet the Fockers one time. You try giving a Southern man a drink with a lemon in it, he'll love you for the rest of his life. Well, I like it because it's so sour. I think it's more of a tennis lady. What? She's hitting the court. Not a clay court, not a grass court. I'm talking to hardcore. Right.

She's getting, people are acing on her all day and she's exhausted and she's at the club playing tennis is like a thing to do rather than really enjoying tennis. Yeah. You got to get the tennis done. Yeah. She says I've had 200 sets today, not to mention all the games and matches. I think you're right. It does seem like a sort of country club type.

Whereas like I think of like a Manhattan, for instance, maybe this is because my grandparents used to drink it. But Manhattan seemed to me to be like a more of a rougher around the edges drink. Whereas this seems like we're having fun type of thing. Because Manhattan is whiskey. Yeah. So he says maybe more of a southern man. Oh, a southern thing. Oh yeah, a southern man might be

that. Give me a Manhattan. Since this is our first episode and all. Yeah. Can you guys recall what your first drink was? Oh. First mixed drink ever ever ever alcohol any alcohol oh and am i drinking it all the way is am i getting drunk and being a bad boy or is it just a sip that i stole whatever's the better story for the podcast oh so you want me to spin a yarn yeah maybe i think i was at a wedding and there was

uh and it was like a polish wedding where there's a lot of vodka around and i think i ran around the tables going oh no how old were you well maybe you can't say on the podcast if we have ads i was 18 to the minute 18 21 the drinking age is 21 no here's the thing this happened in montreal i remember i was at my neighbor's house once he and i were hanging out and uh his parents were having a party in the back with like their adult friends and there was wine and they gave us a shot glass of wine and uh a white wine and we like like okay you guys can have this but that's it and uh greg and i went uh and like took it off like into his like tree fort or whatever. We're like, oh my god, we gotta drink this thing.

We went back and forth on a shot glass. Oh my god, we gotta get this drink. They told us we gotta drink this thing. Oh my god. That's great. That's cool though for parents. I remember my parents never really

gave me a shot of anything. I did lick a bottle cap one Christmas as like a baby, as like a kid. They were like, you don't ever want to drink beer. Here, lick this bottle cap. It was like Michelob, and I hated it. Hey, you know, I love those old,

do you remember those Michelob bottles? They were kind of like lanterns. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The only Michelob beer left is Mic Ultra, the the low carb one and it's mainly that aluminum can i say bring back the old bottle like that's primo uncle beer right there that's the stuff stunk i love yeah i do love that name that word mickel lobe too yeah because it sounds like michael michael it reminds me of you yeah i don't want to get into linguistics and etymology,

but Mike, you're kind of a nerd. You're going to love that. I love that type of shit. You get off on it. The first real booze I had, I remember it fondly. It was parrot Bay.

The like low proof captain Morgan. Like I want to say pineapple or coconut. There's probably like probably both, but coconut I've definitely had but you know it was like uh friend's basement i uh going into i think maybe senior i forget what year of college i worked at a uh steakhouse as a bus boy and at the end of the season at the end of the summer like the owner at the bar was like getting rid of all this vodka. And he gave me two bottles, like two cases of vodka or like a case and a half.

So I went to school with, I think, 15 bottles of vodka. Holy shit. Yeah, it was nuts. You must have been the king. No, I hoarded it all to myself in my dorm room. I'm the king of this small kingdom. And you still have a lot of it left, it was great yeah it was great it was totally like hey we still we got a ton of uh vodka here sure take a whole bottle do you guys remember when uh in our sketch group days we were subcontracted

by jose cuervo to make some videos oh yeah of course and everybody remembered that campaign oh yeah cue the cuervo everybody and they sent a representative to give us a tour of like the cuervo uh line of drinks yep the whole the whole line from the from the shitty stuff up to the expensive stuff and then after the video shoot because when you shoot in a bar the alcohol brand wants all the liquors behind the bar they don't want any to see any competitors back there so the family of brands you know this branch is beyond just jose cuervo tequila everything back there was their affiliates. And when we wrapped the videos, they let us take nearly all of it. And one of those upside down bottle machines that gets the shots really, really cold.

Oh yeah, I still have it. Do you? Yeah, it's above my fridge. Does it say Jose Cuervo on it or was that a Jägermeister one? You will frequently see Jägermeister ones, but this is a Jose Cuervo one. Nice try, Mike.

I haven't used it since Dave Ferguson's bachelor party. Did things get wild? I remember that session where we sat down and the representative went through all the shots with us and going through the lower brand of Jose Cuervo all the way to the top shelf $100 bottle. And on each one, we were like,

yeah, this is a little better. And he's like, so this, uh, like he was treating it like a wine tasting. And he was like, what,

uh, what hints of, uh, what are flavors do you get in this? And we were like, I don't know, grape. He's like,

yeah, grape. Sure. You can say anything. You morons. This guy was so just like, I'm doing this. Uh,

this is going to be 45 minutes and i am out the door well because he worked for diageo like a giant conglomerate so it's not like he's the guy who's raising the agave himself right but the problem i i loved that tasting but remember he started with the cheap stuff and moved up so we had each had seven shots of tequila by the time we got to that fancy reserve sticky stuff and i mean we were all it's like a business meeting we're all cross-eyed drunk yeah it was the best he gave us we had chips we had chips and salsa we could order and we brought our producer lee along with us who didn't drink and just observed that's how we got home right because

grown men just getting fucking shithouse during the day downtown in LA yeah I was gonna because I was thinking about this I was telling someone about this recently and I was wondering who got us home because that would have been you can't just like bring people out for tequila tastings and send them home I think we drove home in bumper cars yeah oh another fun drink i remember from my childhood i mean um my young adulthood is uh aftershock did you guys ever have aftershock no it's like basically um fireball oh uh i remember i only had fireball kind of recently i had a shot of fireball and uh i loved it i i think that comes across as a thing where people think of it as like a disgusting shot.

It's like a college kid. It's like a college kid shot. That tasted like candy to me. Yeah, we missed it by a couple of years, but it's good. It's very low proof. So you're just having a lot of tasty cinnamony sugar when you have that. I still acted like I was like trash sugar when you have that. I still acted like I was trashed when I had it. We could do... See, we said that

the IBA list is only a guide, so we're free to do a Fireball episode, folks. Oh, we should find what Fireball mixes with and do that. Yeah, what would it mix with? I know. It seems like it's already such a strong flavor. You got to cool it down with some milk. Every... Well, here's my idea.

Horchata. Okay. On its own or to mix with something? With Fireball. Aha! You thought I was saying, oh, change the subject. New topic here. You know what?

I'd do a Pepsi on its own. I was just going to say, I just Googled Fireball. It's only 66 proof as opposed to whiskey, which is 80. What's gin usually? 80. And Parrot Bay is 40, I want to say. Maybe less. That's funny.

And folks, you might be able to... It might be obvious that we're getting a little tipsy here. And that's one of the functions of the podcast. is yeah this is not a bug this is a feature i'm i'm completely blackout the function is uh to we put the fun in function let's say that um yeah you know what's funny about this drink i don't really taste the gin much in it even though i put two two uh ounces in yeah yeah i finished mine i i finished mine right away and it mainly was just very sour lemon but i like that

you know what maybe i went a little too crazy with the um with the club soda or the was it sparkling soda i say go crazy it's. I polished mine off. Hold on. What was I going to... Oh, yeah. Tim, didn't you... Did you have a song you were going to do along with this? Oh, thank you, Mike. You're welcome. Well, I do. I had a song that I wanted to... It's a bit of a mashup. You guys know

mashup culture. Yeah, you take a little of this, you take a little of that. It's a Danger Mouse kind of a thing. Basically, I was thinking about this problem that I know you guys are familiar with. I know the listeners probably bored to even hear me recount this. But you know when you're drinking a... Let's say you have a gin drink, right? And you tell people, oh, I'm drinking a gin drink. What do they always think? They always start to jump to conclusions about which gin drink you have.

So on a day like today where we're drinking Tom Collins' right, it can be very annoying for a Tom Collins drinker to deal with all the preconceived notions swirling around you about which gin drink you ordered. I know exactly what you – when I'm at a bar or something and I announce, as anyone does, whatever drink, I'm drinking a gin drink. Well, I bet it's – and it's just the onslaught of the gassing gassing I want to get off this topic thank you so you I mean I'm preaching the choir with this but

I saw I made this this is kind of like on the topic of because you know music can have a lot of relevance in the world if you write it about something that's important so so this is a mashup and i hope you guys listen closely to this to the spirit of the meaning of the lyrics if the taste of your drink is lemony. It's sour, not bitter. It's citrus color.

A glass that is tall and thin and nice. It's a Collins, you fool. Don't you know it's not tonic? And I love yellow goo. Don't you know it's not tonic? That's right. Yeah. Hey. That's very good That's a good way of getting the information

Thank you Such an easier way than fielding a bunch of questions after you announce Just so you get right into the song And you hear the whispers Oh it's tonic, that guy's drinking gin and tonic Gin and tonic Usually I know I would make a fool of myself in that situation. No, no, no, it's not.

And make a big stink. Oh, yeah, I know how you get. Yeah. No, I can't do that. Run out of the bar upset. Yeah, come back in the morning, get your card. Yeah. I'll embarrass.

I was the guy. I was the guy who said no, no, no, and I ran. I wept. Now, Tim, first of all, this is Mike, by the way. I love the song. I absolutely love the song. What type of legal did you have to clear with this? Because that was a Britney Spears song.

Well, here's the thing. I reached out to Britney's people. I got heard zero, nada. Really? Yeah, not even a peep. I thought at least they would say, Tim, thanks so much for reaching out this is awesome you rule your friends mike jeff these guys are the bomb well that that but you didn't hear anything so that's just i i think i think the way with uh the legal end it would be just like, if you don't hear anything, that's a yes, definitely.

Tim, this is Jeff here. Word. You got a lot of heart, and there's a lot of positive energy in this song, but it's a little pitchy. And I got to say, it's a no from me, Doug. Wow. Now, when you say pitchy, you mean the pitches, it's so pitchy it's right on the note. Yeah, yeah. It was too on the note. Yeah, where's the fun?

Where's the punk rock of it all? Yeah, give me a couple bands. I'll leave some wiggle room next time. Yeah, okay. Good. Well, okay. Good. Well, hey, I'm going to keep sipping on this drink. I might put some more simple syrup in mine in a second. Let's take a break.

There will be more Sloppy Boys after this. Okay, we're back. We're doing it. Hey, I got to say, putting the simple syrup in here has changed the drink a lot. How much? Obviously, my drink is down a little bit from when I started. Halfway from when I started. And I just pushed like another,

probably half ounce of that stuff in there. And they could do sweet. Yeah. What I, what I thought was too sweet or what I thought I didn't like about it was that it was too sweet. What I didn't like about it was that it was too tart. So you can definitely kind of like tune this up and down to your liking. It's kind of cool that it's interactive,

you know, it's customizable. So whatever works for you, that's the cocktail you drink. We could make a Tom Collins app where people get to... That could be kind of cool. Yeah, like, how do you Collins?

Yeah, exactly. And you just text in how you made your Tom Collins? Text. Just small variations of the same four ingredients. And we post it on Twitter. The app just displays our phone numbers. You text us and we text you back. Barry in the lead here, we didn't even talk about,

we have a song called Tom Collins. Do we ever? To those people just coming to the podcast, they're like, I just want to hear a podcast about mixing up drinks. The band, the Soppy Boys, has a song called Tom Collins, and it's a rocker and a ripper and played live. Ooh, that'll get the room going.

Yeah, I was curious. Should we talk about the band at all, or do people know, or do people care? Like, if people come here for drinks, do they want to hear about a couple of guys playing the drums? How about this guy? You are new to the podcast or the band.

We don't all play drums. Right. We have different instruments. I think here's what we say. You're listening to this. We're the Sloppy Boys. We're a band. We're going to talk about the band from time to time.

So listen up. And if you made it this far into the podcast we got you you're on board baby you're watching and you're signing up for the patreon to get some bonus episodes hold on mike we haven't gotten there yet let's do that at the end well guys final thoughts on the old Tom Collins. How does it suit you? FT's on the TC. I think I need to have this drink made by a professional with the right ingredients. I think maybe the straight-on lemon wasn't good for me, but I'm enjoying it. Mike, let me ask you, what brand of gin did you use again?

Oh, God damn it. I think Bombay something. Bombay Sapphire. It wasn't Bombay Sapphire. It wasn't Bombay Sapphire. It wasn't Sapphire. It was like- Was it normal Bombay? Yeah, I think so.

That's what I use, normal Bombay. What? I'm the outlier here. I use a little Tanqueray. Fancy. That's funny because my favorite character in a hockey movie is Gordon Bombay. So that's- This is insane that that would have just-

Do you think that name came up because of Gordon's gin and Bombay gin? Oh, my God. Oh, he's a drunk at the beginning, right? He's a drunk. Holy shit. You're absolutely right. Gordon Bombay. Well, I heard in the original draft, his name was Captain Morgan Tangare.

Yeah. From Gordon Bombay to Tangare. They're like, that's not believable. Captain? What would he be doing? Yeah, he's captain. I heard in an early draft that all of the kids on the hockey team were named Seagram. Each and every

one of them. There was only seven kids on the team, so it was the Seagram seven. Guys, how do we express our final thoughts here? We don't have a method figured out. do we give it a thumbs up thumbs down i think it's a simple thumbs up to say this is good and it's worth it right because you say get it into your this is one of these classics you want to know you're at a bar you're gonna are you gonna order this i think i am i'd like it it's funny though because you're

basing it on how you made it yourself so that that's an interesting thing to throw in there, too. But we followed the IBA recipe. Right, right, right. So if you really dislike it, I don't think that even the greatest mixologist in London. Save it. I think what we should do is, am I getting a second round of this? Is this a second rounder? Yeah.

For me? That's pretty good. Yes. So do we go for a second round, yeah for me pretty good yes so do we go for a second round and we all just say yes or no yeah i'm a big yes it's refreshing it's cool it's tart and tangy that maraschino cherry was a nice surprise and uh i'll say if your collins ain't too sweet you've got a drink that's tough to beat. Right, right, right, right. Yes, I think I would say for this type of drink, if it is too sour, don't be dour. Grab the simple sugar and give it one more power poor okay i would do the same one as mike

that's what i would say yeah and a lot of i know we're gonna get shit for this on twitter wherever people are gonna chime in uh as a sort of a literary smart guy uh people did pronounce poor power a certain right that was kind of uh you have to be sort of a smart guy wow well that does it for the old tom collins hey guys i hate to break it to you we had a little write-in this week really yes on the first episode did we solicit write-ins? I did. You dog. How did you? But where?

Jay Kulari writes, Hey boys, I'm a big fan of your music and I'm really looking forward to the pod. Okay. My question is both music and booze related. Jimmy Buffett has built an empire around and becomes synonymous with margaritas. If you could base your career around one drink what would it be slophead for life jay oh damn huh this is good well we

as as the band you think well we can answer individually i think as the band obviously we have a song called tom collins but we do talk about like, we got a song about beer. Yeah, I mean like this guy's saying like if you could pick one drink to base your career around, we're trying to base it off all the drinks and it's not going so hot. And we want to be a big head of an empire like Jimmy Buffett. So this is going to be restaurants, retirement homes, merch. What drink has appeal that you think you could like ride to the top? I got to say, I think I'm kind of a Mai Tai kind of a guy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Mai Tai is fun. I think, yeah, some type of like, well, now I'm just following the footsteps of him and doing like a beach party type thing. You can't copy what he did. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to get into that hole.

So are you going to list off everything you don't want to do before you get to the one you't want to do i don't want to get into that that whole so are you going to list off everything you don't want to do before you get to the one you do one of these before i finally narrow down yeah this will be over the the life of the podcast uh i will be narrowing down what i don't want my career beverage to be um you're like well i don't want it to be like uh sammy hagar's cabo wabo cantina tequila he's's done that. Hey, you know, Gene Simmons is an owner, the owner or an owner, I don't know, of Rockin' Brews. Are you guys familiar with Rockin' Brews? I've seen it at an airport.

Yeah. It's funny because Gene himself does not drink, but he's happy to make money off us barflies. Yeah, that's weird. He never drank? No. In fact, that's why he would fight with band members back in the day. Because they were drinking?

Because they would be like partiers, and he would be like, we're in a band, okay? We're a rock band. Put your makeup on. And I'm the demon, and oh, I'll be tuning my bass. If this demon gets too drunk, he's not going to sleep well. I think I would go with simple syrup. Does it have to be a full cocktail?

No. That would be mine. It can just be sugar and water. Simple syrup and ice and it's ready for anything. Well, if you've got a question for the boys, email us at thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com. We'll be waiting. Any final thoughts here before we sign off, fellas?

Thanks for listening we just want to give a huge shout out to everyone all around the world wow that's really touching stuff we want to thank john collins for bringing this drink into tom collins's hands and we want to thank um jay roach for making the film meet the parents i saw that movie probably uh 10 times when i was in high school very funny funny owen wilson yeah funny guy that's our show baby episode one nice in the hopper thanks for listening out of the hopper out of the hopper follow us on social media at the sloppy, where we release these recipes ahead of time. Also, be sure to check out our Patreon, where patrons can unlock The Sloppy Boys Blowout,

our weekly bonus episode. Now, in honor of our first podcast episode, we'll leave you with the first song off our first album, Tom Collins. See you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye Bye To me and my buds, I sent a PayPal to the Grey Cow to the Costco store And the lady with the grape tree on the vineyard tour All I wanna do is show my gratitude

And if I ever meet Tom Collins, I'd like to shake his hand You got me drunk, man You got me sloshed, dude You got me tanked, Tommy You got me flatosh dude You got me tank Tommy You got me plot old buddy boy Oh you got me Right where you want me In the drunk tank Home sweet home I go to hell and back for a Sazerac Oh, I'd thank you warmly for a dark and stormy

I'd slip you a fiber for another screwdriver And leave a Mondo tip for a mid-julip If you know what I mean, I know you know what I mean And if I ever meet Tom Collins, I'll kiss him on the lips And squeeze his little hips Do some twirls and tips Hold him in my grips To thank him for the tips

Because they got me Oh yeah, they got me Three sheets to the wind Land ho! Land ho! I'll send an edible arrangement to my travel agent Cause they had free booze on my carnival cruise Hey kid, can you tell me what's Australian for beer? And then what's Australian for puke? Cause I just chundered here

If you know what I mean dear God do you know what I mean and if I ever meet Tom Collins we'll have to get a room and I'll make him my groom

with a big house full of children and a future that we're building We'll grow old, God willing Cause you got me Oh yeah, you got me Got me drunk now, Tom