The Sloppy Boys - 111. Cranberry Margarita

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

The guys discover an unlikely, festive twist on an old favorite.CRANBERRY MARGARITA RECIPE1.5oz/45ml Cranberry Juice (unsweetened)1.5oz/45ml Tequila (blanco or reposado)1oz/30ml Cointreau.5oz/15ml Lime Juice5oz/15ml Simple SyrupPlace all ingredients in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake and strain into an ice-filled margarita glass rimmed with salt. Garnish with cranberries and a rosemary sprig. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford. Merp. Oh, God.

And Tim Kalpakis. What is up? Tim, thanks for bringing the energy, man. No, come on. Hold on. What is up, holiday stylies, by the way? Yeah. Oh.

No, but hold on. You know when you're just like full-on awkward sauce and it's like you're in a room with people, it's like a party and you're like, what am I going to say next? Yeah. I do know. It's just, you know, that feeling. It's adulting sort of stuff. When you first heard about that party, were you like, I want to say next? Yeah. I do know. It's just, you know, that feeling. It's adulting sort of stuff. When you first heard about that party, were you like, I want to go to there? Yeah.

I was like, wait, do I have to change out of my sweatpants? Merp. Merp. I'm fucking merping when I go. Merp. Mike, I don't want you to be one of these merp guys, okay? We're a cool party podcast. You can be merping all over the place. What's the merp? What's going on with the merp guys okay we're a cool party podcast you gave me all over

the place what's the merp what's going on with the least of all at parties i know i'm awkward okay piggy oh you know what i was speaking of holiday stylies you know i'm around the house here singing that uh singing that song from the muppet Christmas Carol. There's one more sleep till Christmas. That's good. That's good. Good impression. Thanks. You know, Kermit the Frog,

I think my voice sits right in a nice Kermit level. You should get in there. Talk to Henson. I bet I could do Kermit's voice. Brian. Brian Henson. Brian Henson, of course. He's probably tired of doing the voice.

I'll say you can move the mouth as much as you He's probably tired of doing the voice. I'll say you can move the mouth as much as you want, but I'll do the voice. But you got to keep up with me, bucko. Yeah. And guess what? I'm going off script. Oh, God. Mm-hmm.

And I'm going to have a rant. I got Dave Chappelle's notebook. Hey, I have a funny Muppet story um well hold on a second jeff what we can't breeze by that kermit doing dave chapelle style jokes well i hope no not happening not happening yeah i hope he doesn't do it yeah i have you guys seen those wired autocomplete interviews on youtube where it's just like a celebrity will have a placard and be like, where is Hugh Jackman from? Australia. They answered the most

Googled questions about them. I edited the one for Kermit and Miss Piggy. So they gave me the raw footage and I was just waiting for them to break and to see the puppeteers. I had all the footage and they never just waiting for them to break and oh yeah tears because i could i had all the footage and they never did they would even reset in character that's like they would flub a line

and be like take that again piggy yeah there's they keep a run a tight ship over at henson that's the coolest i don't know if elf was a Henson creation. Remember Alf? Yeah, he was not. There's a thing online, but I've seen the Muppet ones too, but I've seen an Alf one on YouTube where it's like his bloopers where he's kind of swearing a little bit or being a little crass. He's like, all right, who fucked up that line? Oh, right, right, right. It's really funny to see him behaving the way he would.

But at one point in front of the crew he took his hand out of valve's ass and they never did that on on this like even for the crew they kept it in well uh somebody i forget who it was they didn't work we we know someone who worked for like a disney thing once and it was like mickey mouse if somebody in a mickey mouse mascot was going to be on set and that person didn't even like between this is just a rehearsal for something mickey didn't like get out of the mickey character yeah like he showed up in the helmet the helmet the head and like you know something was taking long he like tapped his watch you know and it was like it wasn't like the guy inside was like okay wait what are we doing

again right man or no lady i think it's a lady that that works to me i forget but uh yeah he And it wasn't like the guy inside was like, okay, wait, what are we doing again? Right. Man. Or no, lady. I think it's a lady that works. I forget. But yeah, he said it was really weird. It was just the whole time. It was so secretive the whole time. Yeah, you never see one take the head off. Yeah.

When I do appearances like at a birthday party or something like that, the second I step out of the T-Bird, I'm like, what is up? Yeah. Hey, everybody, who wants to have a calpe cordial all right and then people are like you know do you ever let the let your let your guard down man and i'm like who me what is up that's your cover who me what is up oh a few yeah how old are these uh birthday parties these these the people in their 20s and 30s, or are they kids? Yeah, it's a lot of 36-year-old men. Who, me?

Oh, shit, they caught him off guard. Do you guys want to get into a little booze news? Sure, I thought this was more going to be about talking about mascots and party favors and stuff. But yeah, let's do booze news. Tim? Hit it! Okay, thank you. People are going to hear this episode and be like,

this episode's stacked, stacked. People are going to hear this episode and be like, this episode's stacked, stacked. That's probably going to be the one word they use to refer to this episode. Stacked. Stacked. Stacked.

Stacked. Oh, I love this. Stacked. Stacked. Great. Okay. okay stacked boys was sent to us by bobby govea and if you have a booze news theme email it to the sloppy boys podcast at gmail.com that was referring to a particularly stacked episode we had with you know here on the sloppy boys show there's a lot of content one week we had all kinds of segments all kinds of songs and it's kind of a bummer to be bringing it up

here on an episode that is a grade a stink bomb so far so far it's a lemon this have you been listening to this i don't listen to this podcast that was a good uh good not drop good booze news theme yeah good booze news theme original music i would assume original beat uh it's funny jeff hearing your voice in like that affected thing the little vocoder yeah like stacked stacked that was a good one and if you have a Booze News theme. Did that. Okay, here we go.

Top story in Booze News. Coors Light Chill Polish. You've seen? No, what is this now? So you know how Coors Light, the silver bullet, they have a lot of innovations about the cold can and like how the mountains will turn blue if the can is cold.

of innovations about the cold can and like how the mountains will turn blue if the can is cold well slophead little latin lupe sent me this link and then a few other people did as well there's a new thing a new product available on um shop.coorslight.com which is their store and there's a new thing available did you hear there's a new thing for purchase there's a new thing out it's in the marketplace um have you guys seen the side note have you seen the jack bensinger video uh sensory deprivation car yeah there's a good one so funny probably the funniest it's it's on his instagram it's one of the funniest sketch videos i've seen in years and it's like a parody of a now this video but he always he whenever he does it his text is just not written in news with the way the news writes so it'll it'll say it'll be like there's sensory deprivation cars now like like these days and just in general it's like you didn't take that that journalist uh

headline uh tone it's just like but it's just in that font yep anyway back to booze news. Hit it. Chill polish. Okay, so they had the cans that turn blue when they're cold enough, and then they had those aluminum bottles that did so. Right. Now, there is nail polish. You put on this nail polish, and I believe it's like silverish at first, and when you're holding a beer, if it's cold, the beer is cold enough to drink, the polish turns blue.

That's wild to me. So wait, your nails don't really touch the can, so you've got to be holding on. Also, and your fingers are 98.6 degrees. It's got to go through your fingers? It's got to be one cold can. Cool in theory. Wait a second.

Wait, maybe I'm... Maybe this isn't... Maybe I got too excited. Maybe it's possible this is just blue nail polish because it says the mountains turn blue. Now your nails can too. It's a $7 thing. Maybe it's just...

Just that blue color? No, CNN says, Coors Light's new nail polish changes color if your beer is cold enough to drink. I don't... This is kind of crazy. I don't know if this works. Yeah.

Well... I want to buy it and buy many bottles of it so i can test each one and not to genderize uh nail polish or beer but um how many women are are lining up to do the coors light nail polish i think probably no yeah i don't know if they lined up per se but um enough people ordered it that it's sold out but this was probably a limited run corporate shit yep promotion get the press get out we need to find a website or something that lets you know when these things are going to drop so we can get our hands on some of this stuff like when we you know we hear about a booze news it's too late right it could be like an app that's called like heads up funny beer drops uh right reminder exactly it could be an app that

says that's called that right yeah or it could just be a reminder uh just r not er dan or just r reminder arminder arminder armando That could be the Armando app. What's that do? It lets me know when funny beard drops are going to happen. The Armando app does that? That's right. It does. And I just got it.

And guess what? I'm buying the pro package with all the add-ons. What the fuck? I'm looking at your phone. That's the only app you have? Tell me what i need no gmail no messages hey listen this i was just talking to somebody and she was saying she has on her phone she has to pay extra for voicemail no does that sound does that seem crazy to you

yeah for voicemail yeah doesn't voicemail seem like it's like, the phone is like the most basic thing your mobile can do. And then like the voicemail is the thing. I don't know if I, maybe I've just been paying out the ass my whole life, but whenever I see commercials that are like, unlimited talk, text, and voice, I'm like, don't you get all that? Then it comes with the phone, right?

I thought so. I mean, I'm always checking my rollover minutes day to day oh did this minute roll over yes it did singular or like metro pcs or whatever wireless i i am always making room for more versions of that fun fun angry birds game jeff i know yeah i'm not trying to impress you i don't want to be in the next one. Oh, but you are. You are. But I love that game, and they do all different versions. Yep. Oh, yeah.

How do you do it? How do you keep up with them? Hey, Mike, do you have any booze news? Yes, I do. This is booze news of a different color. It has nothing to do with booze, but it has something to do with a candy we love on this podcast. I was walking through the supermarket today and I saw this and I said, my God, I got to get it and try it here on the podcast.

Sour Patch Kids All Grape. Whoa. Now, do they even make grape in the regular one? I've never seen one. I've never seen one either. It's a pretty big leap to all grape from no grape. Maybe all along we've been buying the no grape pack. We've never had grape, but folks, all we're doing is grape.

Wait, what was the weird thing you bought on tour? Oh, Starburst Softs. Starburst Softs. Oh, these are good. Oh, yeah? They weren't called that, but they were soft. I forget. I think they were Starburst Softs.

They were like puffs. Starburst Softs. Look, the candies themselves are little grapes. Oh. They're not even kids. No. Well, I guess they did that with the watermelons, too. They look like watermelons.

These are really good. I like grape stuff. I like grape candy flavor. I think it's good. So, folks, go out there and get yourself some Sour Patch All Grape. I also went through, I was going through the aisle, and I saw a Lucky Charms. I didn't buy it, but a Lucky Charms that was like Lucky Charms honey. It was...

Eh? So like probably the little things that are on the marshmallows are like Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So this was a cereal that was honey flavored, or this was a honey that was Lucky Charms inspired? Sorry, this is cereal. It was Lucky Charms cereal, honey version.

Ew. Yeah, that's what I thought. So I thought you'd say. So let me ask you one quick thing. This is booze news. It tends to be sort of like news about booze. And now we're talking about Lucky Charms honey. Well, you know, I thought you're right.

You're playing the part of the audience member who doesn't have the Patreon. So we just did Best Cereal recently. But the Patreon, that's all the Patrons know what I'm talking about and why I would be talking about this. But the rest of you who just kind of float on this free one, you're not getting the full effect. And booze news doesn't always have to do with booze, right? No, sometimes it's just news. Well, sometimes it has to do with us personally sometimes. Like, for example, we all had a good Thanksgiving, right?

But we all agree the time of thanks is over. I think it's done. The time of gratitude is past yeah it's time for a new segment oh shit whoa it's time for dude it's time for a dude what do we got here give me that dumbass it's time for a dude. What do we got here? Give me that dumbass. It's time for

Dutton's Demolitions. Oh yeah. Dutton's Demolishments. Oh shit. Holy shit. Dutton's Demolitions. This is great. Welcome to a new segment.

This is the opposite of Dutton's Delights. This is Dutton's Demolitions. Damn. Holy shit. This is stacked. This this is stacked this episode is stacked this is great here's where we permanently demolish one thing on dutton's don't list meaning what exactly well we touched on this particular one in the past but i wanted to bring it up again because I don't think we thoroughly demolished the idea. You want to demolish it. We're musicians, yes?

You agree? Yes. Yes. First and foremost. And thus, we write songs and we have a lot of opinions about songs, yes? Yes. I have a pet peeve I want to air, to demolish. I present it to you now.

He won an F.R.P. Uh-oh. A.K. The new Nicki Minaj, Super Freaky Girl What are you noticing? Jack Harlow, First Class Spelling? Spelling, Michael!

You don't like the spelling? Do you remember Gwen Stefani? We're going back three more times Spelling in songs The worst of all sins We're going back That was old Spelling in songs The worst of all sins You gaga This is but a sample

Even the good songs Always do Yeah These are good Looks like this These are good. That's not good. Cameo. But, but, but. It's safety dance.

This is a good song. These are all good songs. No, no. They can be good songs. Oh, this is good. I like when they sell this one. This is just a montage of good music. No, no. They can be good songs. Oh, this is good. I like when they sell this one. This is just a montage of good music. No, no. It's not that it's a good song or a bad song.

Do you know what I have to say? No, you haven't. Here's what I have to say. Go for it. I have to say A, B, C, D, E, F, U, dude. No, Timmy, you haven't heard my whole thesis. Yeah, we kind of jumped on you there, Jeff. This is your segment segment isn't it

Well I should have I should have mentioned that we were going to play 10 minutes worth of songs or a straight Minutes worth a straight minute worth of songs Some of those songs are good Some of those songs are bad However can't Stand spelling in Songs I've never liked it

The first one I remember was safety dance And I remember thinking like, ooh, are they spelling safety? That's gross. Even as like a sixth grader. And then Word Up. W-O-R-D Up. Ugh. The worst part of that great song. Now, certain songs

don't trip my little wires. I wonder which one. Yeah, baby! Gail is not spelling. She is doing the alphabet. She's not spelling. She's reciting the words, the things used for spelling. The YMCA.

It's not spelling. It's an acronym. And it's the name of a proper noun. Snoop. This one's trickier because he's just doing his own thing with it. Same with... Beyonce's husband, Sean. Ah, you're splitting hairs on some of these, Jeff.

No, but he didn't go out there and say S-N-O-O-P. He said S-N-O-O-P-D-O-O-Z. That's cool. He's making his own thing out of it. Letter grouping. There is one song that breaks the rule that I love. Okay. Can you guess it?

It's kind of the OG Big Mama. OG Big Mama? Of spelling songs. L is for the... Oh. Oh. For whatever reason, that one's fine.

Now, here's you, Jeff. Oh, that's an Aretha Franklin song. Here's me. Actually, it was written by Otis Redding. I knew that. I knew that because I came across it today in my search. Here's my thesis, folks.

It's lazy, it's gimmicky, it's coy and twee, and most of all, it's cutesy. Folks, spelling in songs is demolished. Whoa, damn. That's fucking crazy. No one's going to do it anymore? I don't know. I mean, I still like him, though. I still like it.

You can. Okay, I still can. So that's just a Dutton demolish. Yeah, yep. Yeah. How did you get Beavis and Butthead in there? That was great. You know, you ask nice.

You'd be surprised who kind of can show up and do it. Although, to be fair, I asked Beavis to do it, and it seemed like he couldn't get through it. Right. Now, Jeff, was this whole thing inspired by that Nicki Minaj song? Because it's a truly terrible to the core song and it makes you walk around

with a bad, it's not like, Hey, it's an earworm. It's like F R e a k yeah i think i've always thought of it as a lazy thing if you're doing a song and you're like my name's tim t i am uh that's kind of cool but but um but it's just like you don't have anything else to say so you just spelled the thing um filler yeah it's funny it's like uh i think i think it might be with you because

even on the good songs you're like s a t u r d a y it's like why are you spelling it come up with what else would you say there hey we're gonna go gonna go out tonight that's yeah spell it out that's great oh all right i like it too it feels like juvenile like what is it is it supposed to remind me of kindergarten? That's not cool. Oh, shit. You know? You think I want to be back in Mrs. Ketchum's class?

I'm out of there, and I'm not going back. I'm not spelling anymore. I'm on to division. What do you think? I'm going to sit right next to Michael Carboni? Not to mention Angela Stange. Garboni, I've heard that guy's name come up way too much in my life

for a guy I will never meet. You know what's funny about Nicky? You'll meet him. I'm going to arrange something. I'm going to fly you guys. I don't know where he is, but I'll fly you guys to the same city and have a nice weekend together so you're Michael Carboni

it's nice of our friend Tim he's like I haven't talked to Tim in years and years I haven't talked to him since Ketchum's class maybe I'll throw in a little Sam Daggermanjian while we're at it I'd love to meet that guy not to mention Lane Kanak

Lane Kanak! Lane Kanak. I used to work at a place where the receptionist was named Lane, and I would tell you so I was like, oh, so then I had to go and I had to get this address from Lane, and you'd always be like, Lane Kanak? Yep. The old

Kalpaka's brain's stuck on something the old brain always makes me say a thing but the thing isn't a joke the thing is a joke but it's said hold on going back to nicki minaj you know it's what you're thinking about you think about uh taylor swift and she's sort of stuck on the the critique i don't even listen to her new music anymore, but it's like, oh, all she does is write breakup songs about guys she used to date. That's one thing. And then you got Nicki Minaj.

Seems like when she comes out with a song, it's like, okay, how can I talk about someone going down on me in different ways than the last time? Yeah, sure. That's the writer's room for those songs. They kind of got a list of stuff and they're like, okay, what if

a hand goes in an ass? Yeah, that'll be good. What else is a wet thing that we can talk about? How else can we say a deluge? That song in particular feels just very obligatory. It's the most archetypal, like, yep,

another one of these. She hasn't had one in a bit and here's one. It does feel like, yeah, I think we talked about that on maybe the blowout, but it just felt like, oh, I think I made this point. It seemed like she has a lot of stuff going on in her life and it was just like, alright, I gotta do one of these. Okay, let's ride this, this,

and this. Yeah, great. You'll put a beat under that? Okay, good. And here's the thing. This supports Jeff's theory. In that genre, the raunch genre, a very good song, WAP, by artists. WAP had some good jokes in it.

Good jokes and artists that we prefer, a little more clever with the lyrics. But let me tell you this, they're doing the opposite of spelling. They're a acronym so all the words are getting shrunk into the letters as opposed to spreading out the words with their letters this is interesting saving time not wasting time yeah this is good stuff you know what i always will regret is the time i had you to do the uh the uh wop dance and i had my you know when you have

your phone out and you accidentally hit record when you meant to hit stop and you hit stop and so i got after the whole thing and you guys did it so well yeah i couldn't believe it yeah i remember that sorry when you said hit record there i started thinking about my favorite tv show there, I started thinking about my favorite TV show. Hit record? That's a TV show? The Joseph Gordon-Levitt website? Yep.

Yes! Tim, you are an F-R-E-A-K-A-K. Is that it for Booze News? Are we done with all the segments? Sure. All right, that's it for Booze News. I wish... I wish I wish Did you just demolish something?

You demolished boozness. Well, anyway, I was going to say that I wish that you, Mike, would be a better F R I E N D once in a while.

That's good. That's good. Every little once in a while! That's good. That's good. Every little once in a while. Why doesn't Bob Dylan do more songs? What are you talking about? I just kind of did a Bob Dylan. Yeah. I'm looking for the thing I'm going to talk about here next.

I don't know. I'm saying whatever. All right. See, these are moments where you leave it to your co-host to talk. That's why I was leading you into something. Why doesn't Bob Dylan do more songs? You were supposed to take that and run with it and not go, huh?

What? What's he talking about? So me and Jeff will yes and you here. Oh my god! He should do so many more songs! He hasn't done enough in his 50 years of recording music. And then i come back and go what are you two losers talking about anyway let's talk about the drink of the day all right all right all right all right all right all right all right i do want to hear

about the drink of the day the christmasy decembery drink of the day the drink of the day is a Christmas drink if you've ever heard of one. Yeah. Today, we're kicking off the holiday, our holiday episodes here with a drink called the Cranberry Margarita. You've had? No. Damn. You've heard? Not really.

I've heard those two words. Right. And I have mixed feelings about the legitimacy of the cocktail. I do too. I do too. There are so many kinds of margaritas you see in the wild. So many. I know. Jalapeno, watermelon, whatever.

Yeah. Never have I come across a cranberry marg. Never? Because a lot of the time, you know, we have a problem on this show. We were trying to figure out a drink to do. Because we have some good drinks coming up, holiday drinks coming up in the rest of the month of December. But for this kickoff, we were trying to find one, and we couldn't get a good drink. So I was searching and searching, searching high and low on the internet.

And I was looking up, I was trying to find remember uh over halloween i was trying to find like the vampire cocktail or the mummy or something right i was trying to find something a little more like party festivy right you know what i mean and i was seeing like the peppermint martini the uh cranberry martini i think that was one i found cranberries seem to be a big part of this holiday because i looked up holiday drinks and cranberry was in a lot of them it's amazing to hear you know behind behind the curtain what's going on with the process well you gotta fill out really he googled holiday drinks i never would have thought that no no you just type it in holiday cocktails but here's the thing.

Now, I'm also trying to fill up the hour here. I want to fill up the hour. And you probably wondered, why would Mike bring on, even during Booze News, grape candy? Well, because he doesn't have much to say about this drink, so he had to talk about other stuff. Oh, but the grape candy thing was so cool on its own. No, it wasn't cool.

Stacked, stacked. It wasn't cool. This episode is stacked, stacked. This episode is going into the ground. Mike, you don't have anything to say about the cranberry margarita because you couldn't find anything, right? There's no history. No, the history is just the margarita and somebody put cranberries in it.

The margarita, if you go back to our episode. But it does exist. 1930s. But it does exist yeah and for these types of drinks i was looking for this is the one that like comes up a bunch and there's you see the the uh the ingredient sorry the recipe for it a lot but when you see a recipe it's like i you said you pitched this as an episode idea and then i googled it as well and i agree with you that when you see a recipe it's like i you said you pitched this as an episode idea and then i googled it as well and i agree with you that when you google cranberry margarita you get dozens if not hundreds of results but they don't have anything to do with each other just each of those bloggers this is kind of what i said in our uh around the the halloween drinks i was like it's like mommy

blogger lists of like, here's something you could do. And there's something you could do. Yeah. But like, if you're talking to a bartender at a restaurant. He'll make you a cranberry, Mark. If you walk him through it, if you show him the craft blog. If you say, make me a margarita and put cranberry in it.

But like. And some rosemary. Ooh, we're going to get to that Christmas department. Someone can make up a cocktail and say, hey, it's the Bloody Witchy Martini. And you put it online and then Hanford makes it. He goes, oh my God, I made a Bloody Witchy Martini. No, Hanford doesn't just make it. No, he does.

Hanford is trying to do something with this podcast. We have so much potential here. You guys know, you've been a physics class. You understand potential. Potential energy. You know potential. Spring is pulled back. That's potential energy.

I'm trying to make the energy kinetic. I want it to move. Like Gambit. So we've been for two years, for over 100 episodes, we've been pulling it back and you're ready to go. For for two years we've been standing still as far as i'm concerned now let me ask you this off man uh mike you know some of our listeners uh might side with you so i'm just voicing what i feel i've got this conundrum in my head like i don't know the answer of at what point does a conundrum in my head like i don't know the answer of at what point does a cocktail become like an accepted cocktail you know because sometimes one guy's making a thing at a bar and it becomes

very famous at that bar and it's a destination you go there and i would say like yeah that drink exists other times somebody makes a thing it's it's at a few different places and then it becomes generally accepted now the the this big stamp of approval on this show is if you're on the iba cocktail list international bartenders association sure and they have the margarita which is a everyone agrees that is tequila triple sec and lime and then there's even the iba has uh the tommy'sgarita, which has some agave in the mix. And we all know Cadillac Margarita when you drop a little floater of Grand Marnier in there. Don't forget me, you know.

Sir Paul, Paul McCartney. Now, that's interesting. We did that on the show, and I didn't grump about it. Sure, sure. You didn't grump or gripe. I didn't grump or gripe. Because you know why? Because it's grump about it. And that was just a little shoo-shoo. You didn't grump or gripe. I didn't grump or gripe. Because you know why? Because it's got name on it.

If you could get a rock and roll Hall of Fame inductee to represent the Cranberry Margarita, maybe I'd be okay with it. Hey, who's to say you're not talking to a future one right now? Holy shit. You never think. You never look around you and wonder. You don't know what people are going through. You never ever know. You never think. You never look around you and wonder. You don't know what people are going through.

You never ever know. You're right. Exactly. So be nice to everyone. Mike, you've seemed a little stressed and quiet lately. It's because you're going through the induction process. Yeah. It's a whole thing.

You got to meet Sammy Hagar. Oh, God. No. That's the first boss. You got to go to lunch with him. Oh, no. And he wants to sell you his old. Oh, no.

The Red Rocker. Yep. Oh, why don't you buy some of my shot glasses? I got a whole collection. Hey, the Red Rocker could be perfect for this. Red. Hey, wait, go ahead. I'm not... Yeah, go ahead.

This is more legitimate than the crafty ones because there's consensus among all the different craft blogs that this is how you make this, right? A little bit? Not really. It's a margarita with a splash of crayon in it. Yeah, it's not much. Talk about what's in it because I know what it is.

I'll tell you. Want me to show you its true form? Yeah. Hold on a second. I got to say something here. It's not like I'm... You had your chance. No, I've not had my chance.

You said you wanted to talk about grape sour patch kids. I've been talked at for the last 10 minutes, and I don't like being put in that position. Okay, you have my back up against the wall, and now I'm in flight mode. What? When you brought up Bob Dylan so that you could look something up, what did you even look up?

What have you even said about this drink? I just looked up the recipe because I'm going to have to talk about it in a second okay no there's nothing to say about look would you listen to me for a second there's nothing to say about it here's the problem drink for people that want to have a christmassy looking drink you know what why do i even show up to these uh podcast recordings i'll just go to the meet and greets and to the concerts and say hello to people. In a few years, it's probably going to be three AI versions of us hosting anyway. That'd be nice.

Here's my point, though. It's not like I'm defending this drink. I'm not saying this is a great drink or going to be a great drink. My thought is we've done some standard eggnog-y stuff, and I wanted to do something that was like the mommy blog stuff, something that's just like a bright, festive-y, dumb drink

that idiots would serve. Not idiots, but people would serve because it's simple to do. And you know what? I think that also we could legitimize a drink, the three of us, if it's good enough. That's what I'm saying because this doesn't need to be – if it's good enough because this doesn't need to be this might not even be like it doesn't need to be a christmas drink but on a lot of the christmas things i saw this was lumped in there because it's got like cranberries in it and some people

put the sugar around the rim is like or the salt around the rim is like the snow and some people uh one of the recipes called for taking cranberries and freezing them into the ice cubes. So it's very Christmassy looking, but it's not a legitimate drink. Well, it's good for podcasters who need to have seasonal content. And who are we? Thank you, Jeff. And who are we to, oh, poo-poo a non-legitimate?

How legitimate are we? We don't know half of the things we're talking about. We don't know the difference between rye whiskey and canadian whiskey that's the crux of the pod the pod is hey here's the legitimate bar world with the iba cocktailist and here's three goof balls trying to make it now if you have goof guys making a goof drink what do you have this isn't that goofy of a drink what's in it fuck you no um now i am defending it last last thing i want to say is just that maybe you're right maybe i mean it's probably going to be good i i do think uh this could very well be good i just wonder like for our podcast for the future you're like you wouldn't

want it to be this podcast where we're like hey this week tim made a gin and tonic but he put a little extra tonic in it you know this is not going to be you know this is not going to be how we do things around but we were having a difficult finding a difficult time finding a drink were we not we have some very good ideas we have some other holiday drinks that are a little have a little more work into them and we have to plan a little bit more for sure yeah so what so what i did i climbed up on the cross and i took this one you are jesus like i'll give you a good december reference wait a minute all right so it's a margarita baby uh we're looking at an ounce

and a half hold on i got an idea maybe Maybe somebody listening could post like a Photoshop job on Instagram. And it's Mike on the cross. And then his thought bubble is like, forgive them, father. They know not what they drink. Yeah, forgive them, father. They couldn't find a drink either. But I had to be the one to do it. I'll get a little longer.

Now, wait a minute. Okay, let's get through the fucking ingredients and go make this thing, because I think it's going to be a hot, hot drink. It's going to be a great drink. People are going to be drinking it all December long. Trump. It's going to be a hot, hot drink.

People are going to be making it. It's going to be great. It's going to be tremendous. This is a tremendous drink. An ounce and a half of 100% cranberry juice, not sweetened. I'll get back to that in a second. Yeah. Stay where you are.

Ounce and a half tequila blanco or repasado. So that's tequila. One ounce, Cointreau. Half ounce, fresh lime juice. Half ounce, simple syrup or maple syrup. Oh. Oh, interesting. Kosher salt or flaky sea salt for the rim, optional.

Ice for serving. Try clear ice. I don't understand this. Try clear ice. For the garnish, cranberries and a rosemary sprig. I didn't get cranberries. I don't think that's possible. I don't have a sprig either.

I'll tell you that. I got myself a rosemary sprig. So that't get cranberries. I don't think that's possible. I don't have a sprig either. I'll tell you that. I got myself a rosemary sprig. So that makes it Christmas. That's good. That really worked wonders on the poinsettia punch. I think clear ice is this fancy ice that is like debubbled so you can just see right through it.

It's just like glass. Okay, so the steps are salt the rim and by doing that you take the I don't know if people know this. I didn't really exactly know this. You cut a notch in the lime, wing it around the rim of the glass, and then dump the rim in salt. I didn't really... I think I was wetting it with water last time.

No, you used the sticky juice. Yeah. Place ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Fill with ice. Shake until cold. Strain margarita in a glass with salted rim. Fill the glass with ice. Shake until cold. Strain margarita in a glass with salted rim. Fill the glass with ice. Jeff.

Garnish with cranberries and a rosemary sprig and serve. So, I think this rosemary is going to really do wonders for your... It is. For your festive needs. Festive and what was the... Suede by the smell. Oh, yes. But here...

So, if you didn't get non-sweetened cranberry juice, I, in this little article about it. Yeah, I saw this. Yeah, that little article. Don't worry about it. Just don't worry about the simple syrup. Oh. If you've just got cranberry cocktail.

So I'm eschewing the simple syrup. So why did I run out and get the fucking unsweetened because i got like 100 juice but it's ocean sprays version which like somehow still has sugar in it i bet it's just like less than a real ocean spray um you got langers you know what this sounds like to me what this is a tequila cosmo I like it. That's all that is. That's all that is. Nothing to be scared of. you're right.

It's the only different ingredient. Mm-hmm. But hey, I love a Cosmo, so I stand to, I stand to gain much pleasure. Yeah. You know,

it's, you know when you go to these ingredients, or these recipe sites and stuff? Yeah. And there's like a huge fucking article and like all these pictures leading up to it. You know what that's for? It's for like the algorithm.

Yeah. It's just so people like it shows up higher in the Google thing. It's wacky. Oh, so that they click? Yeah. Just so there's more like things to like search. More ads. Like if there's more characters on a page, they can put more ads in.

Ah, interesting. Are you guys doing Simple or Maple? I'm doing none. Because you have Sweetened. I have Sweetened. Jeff? Simple or in the juice. I'm going to go Simple.

Maybe Round 2, I'll go Maple. Maple sounds not good. Maple sounds weird, but it's worth a shot. Well, with Cranberry, it could be something. But with Tequila, it sounds nasty. I'll tell maple. Maple sounds weird, but it's worth a shot. Well, with cranberry, it could be something. But with tequila, it sounds nasty. I'll tell you one thing. I have, normally I like Blanco more than Reposado. In general, I don't get all revved up about smoky liquors the way a lot of people do.

But I have this bottle of kardashian reposado 818 and it's got that it's got a little bit of a vanilla-y kind of a taste to it and i think it could go well with the crayon okay i like this all right well let's uh make these up yeah great all right folks why don't you uh get your stuff folks we'll be right back right after this i was like i started talking not knowing where i was going uh okay And we're back with Cranberry Margaritas in Hand. Not so bad. Not so bad.

Mine doesn't really have the red look that it... Yeah. Also, the Cosmo is like pink, red, purple. Yeah. Pretty bright. this doesn't have that but the the one the picture that they have on the uh oh i should say the website we got the uh the um recipe from is from a couple cooks.com a couple cooks and there's the gold standard for cocktails a couple cooks um well i will say standard for cocktails. A couple cooks. Well, I will say the salt around the rim looks like a freshly fallen Christmas snow. Oh.

And my sprig of rosemary looks like a sprig of Christmas tree. Oh. Sips? Yeah. Sip it. Sips. Hmm. I got too much salt yeah me too way too much salt

well I am the wiser because I skipped the salt I went with the big old chunks too these are like pretzel chunks that's a good drink though A that vanilla thing from my Kardashian teardashian tequila is coming through like i hoped b this bitter is better it works i feel i almost feel like i'm not tasting

cranberry per se yeah but i'm getting a tart tanginess in the way that I like Campari. Okay. I'm getting that kind of a bitter. Bitter. I like this drink. This is good. Yeah, I'm tasting a lot of tequila. I used Espolone. Not getting that crayon. Just a splash of crayon.

The tartness of it. Tart and tangy. I mean, it's like a tequila cosmo man yeah that's good yeah the the uh i will say when i drink a cosmo i get more of the cranberry flavor this feels like i'm getting like uh the tequila more but it's it's just kind of smoothing off that tequila oh you know sometimes you get a tequila and you say, I could really taste that shit. All right. I get the natural crayon too.

Like I used Ocean Spray 100% juice. It still has like 30 grams of sugar in it. Yeah. There's no sugar added, but I guess there's plenty in there to start. All right. This is a winner in my book. Hold on.

Is that my final thought? Preliminary thought. There's a lot of, of you know when you're looking at a cocktail list and there's fruit variations on things like if there's a margarita menu yeah i'm typically only going to have oh the the house marg or the scratch marg or the skinny marg i'm not really going to get into all the watermelon you're not going to do the cadillac oh yes i'm going to actually you're not going to do the Cadillac. Oh, yes. Actually, I'm definitely going to do the Cadillac. What's scratch mark me? But that's not a fruit variation.

That's not like the blackberry pear. Right. When there's a whole menu of watermelon, strawberry, mango. There's too much mango. I love eating a mango, but there's way too much mango flavored things in the world. Agreed. I blame the jewel pods. Oh, yeah, probably.

Why don't you put it on your Dutton's Destroyers or whatever? Mike. Demolitions. Whatever. Whatever? Why are you being so pouty about Dutton's Demolitions? Because I hate it now. This drink is the only thing I care about.

Mike, you're out of here. Put me in the... Damn. You blew me up, Tom. Tom Lakers? Tom Lakers show. damn he blew me up tom tom likas tom like a show blow me up tom no i'm kidding i liked uh dutton's destruction um that uh by the way for anyone that doesn't know tom likas was a shock jock who's like this kind of like misogynistic like hey i'm uh tom blake is he was the evening drive guy evening drive guy in la but it was so funny it was yeah when people said they wanted to when they were done with their call he would hang up with uh the way that jeff wraps up booze news

essentially he had a few different sound effects and they would request how they want what i how they wanted to be taken out but most of them were blown up yeah and i just normally like the baseline one was just blow me up tom and it was the explosion yeah but then there were like a ton of variations funny how vile it was because it was basically like a men's rights podcast but it was on fm radio but it would be like a shaky voice nervous 14 year old boy being like oh so um my girlfriend she was mean to and i dumped her and then he'd be like yeah that's what you gotta do uh anything else and then he'd be like okay oh well no that's it uh blow me up tom here you go or or there'd be like serious conversations that would end with blow me up.

Blow me up, Tom. Sometimes it'd be like blow me up bong style. And it would be like a weird little bong sound. And then it would end in an explosion. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Damn. This is a good show. We should maybe host it. We kind of ripped off his whole stylies thing, but that's okay. Yeah. That's all right. Wait. Oh.

Ooh. This weekend, you two, I was up north in the Catskills, and I went to, it wasn't the hotel I was staying at, but I went to the bar of this very nice hotel. It was like one of these, like, everyone I looked around looked maybe like a tech bro or something like that. Like me, yeah, crypto. Yeah. But very nice.

And the bar, I had this drink. I meant to say this before when we were talking about the maple syrup in this drink. It was a bourbon old-fashioned, which old-fashioned is usually bourbon, bourbon old-fashioned with burnt maple in it. Ooh. And then another, it was another nutty liqueur. I forget what nut, but like an almond liqueur or something. But the bartender was explaining to me, I was like,

what does this burnt maple mean? And I didn't exactly, she was kind of busy, so she was kind of rushing through it. But I was like, but I need to know. she's kind of rushing rushing but i was like but i need to know and uh she like burns she like burns maple or something like maple wood yeah like the way you would like mesquite something like a mesquite oh yeah smoke it or something smoke it but i i don't oh the wood of the maple tree i assumed it was the syrup within no no right that's what i couldn't i couldn't tell like what she was talking she was like i just burn it she said it so i didn't know if it was wood or the syrup within. No, no, no. That's what I couldn't tell what she was talking about. She was like, I just burn it.

She said it, so I didn't know if it was wood or syrup. And somehow she got that flavoring and put it into the drink. But I don't know what she actually took to put it in there. Hmm. But it was really good.

Here's what I do. I liked... you know how maple syrup is it's it's the sap from a maple tree but then they kind of combine it with some sugar and they boil it down a little bit yeah what i will do is i'll fill my mouth with like some domino brand sugar, just straight sugar. Then I go walking in the woods, and if I see a tree, take a little sip here, a little sip there, a little... Okay. And then I hold it all

in my mouth, and then I walk down to the pancake house. Squeeze your cheeks. Yeah. Breakfast is served, bitch. Is it your breakfast? Yes. Oh. He says it to himself.

You say it to yourself. Yeah, I'm the bitch. Are you cooking the food at the pancake house? Yeah, I work there. I see. I see. Well, I get this story. That makes sense.

Makes sense to me. You know that Mitch Hedberg bit about pancakes, you get all excited for them, and then after two bites, you're fucking sick of them that rings true so much for me and i've been kind of on a kick of eating diner breakfasts and i love going to a diner and boy i can take down biscuits and gravy and so much shit seen you do it but two bites of a pancake it's tough timmy gotta go back to bed for the day hey Hey, Timmy, just look across the table at your friend Dutz and just slide those cakes over. I will. I do

like to do a pancake for the table. Everyone can kind of have a quarter of it. I like to do a pankeetsa. Oh, yeah. That didn't work out so good. Have you talked about that on pod? Probably not. Like, back in the day where we were too poor to, like, buy real meals, you tried to... Was it you or Chris?

Me. You tried to make a pizza out of a pancake? A pancake pizza. Pancake batter. Yeah, pancake batter pizza. So did you make the pancake first and then put the pizza stuff on it? I made a giant pancake in a giant pan, and then I also didn't have tomato sauce, so I used dinosaur barbecue sauce. Oh, well, that's the problem.

I put some shredded cheese. Something like that I had this weekend. Mike, I also went upstate this weekend, but in a certain more westerly state, California. I was in Santa Cruz. Oh, wait. What was I just saying? Santa Cruz. Oh, wait. What was I just saying? Santa Cruz. Perfect for Christmas time.

I went to BJ's, the brew house, the chain, because my niece wanted to get a pizookie or a pizookie. It's like a pizza cookie. Oh, I don't know what that is, but I've heard that word before. It was like a pan pizza, but made out of cookie. What? And it was. So was like a pan pizza, but made out of cookie. What? And it was... So it's a large cookie. Yeah, but we got the pizookie...

But wait, wait, wait. With like mozzarella cheese and pepperoni on it? Can't be. Nope. Just a big cookie. Was that no or yes? I don't know what's going on here. He's not making any sense.

Jeff knows what's going on. Jeff, can you explain to him what the hell is going on? So you got a big cookie. You know at Lou Malnati's when they have the cookie dessert? No. Where did you start with that? I've been to Lou Malnati's. I bet you they just present it.

Some of the best pies I've ever had in my life. They present it like a cookie, and they probably cut it like a pizza. I'm sorry. They present it like a pizza, and they probably cut it like a pizza. And you dunk it like a pizza and you don't get like i'm not proud of myself for bringing this up but i we have a little left turn here uh while i was up there i was in santa cruz walked to the end of the boardwalk and there's this new kind of tiki bar called makai island kitchen and groggery and they had a rotating bar hey just like the carousel bar i always talk about at the monteleone in new orleans i sat down at the bar and it spun around and it took 25 minutes to spin

around and i had a mai tai and then i had another tiki drink now you told us about the the one in new orleans how does that 20 minutes as well? Is the idea there? That one was 16 minutes. This one was 25 minutes. Is the idea you're supposed to finish a drink in one rotation? That's a good amount of time, 20-ish minutes. Yeah.

The bartender at the 16-minute place said, yeah, give or take. It kind of lets you know you should have your round. I think it's a little fast. That's why they call it a round probably. Yeah. Back then, all the bars used to spin. Yeah. Give us another go-round. Hey, you know what we got to do?

We talked about this, but we got to do it. The one where you pedal. Yes. You're drinking. What's it called? Soul cycle. No. I know what you mean. The bar or the bike bar. Tim!

Blow me up, Jeff. Yeah, what's it? Pedal pub. Pedal pub. Something like that. Yeah. We should do that. That's a really good idea for a Patreon episode so that these freeloaders have to take out their wallets for once. One of my favorite jokes ever on television is uh in detroit when uh tim sees that sam has been going out with the the employees the co-workers on a different floor and he sees it's an act break he sees sam

having fun with a bunch of other people and he's watching from his car by himself and he goes i'm mad it goes to commercial because they're on the pedal pub right yeah yeah and just like the idea of like if you were writing an outline for for a four act episode of tv you'd put like tim is mad and oh that's her act break and we'll eventually write the line of dialogue that's funny and he just said i'm mad that's good that's good yep why don't we uh would you guys make any tweaks i might try the maple syrup version just because i'm a curious cat yeah i'll do that and you have it i don't have maple this i've got a little tin of the Vermont log cabin style. I'll tell you a maple syrup story when we get back. Coming up, Mike's maple syrup

story. Hell yeah. When we come back after these messages. And we're back with round two of Cranberry Margaritas. I just did more cran this time. Did it give a better color? Yes. Barely. Yes.

Barely. I did the maple syrup. I want to try that. Me too. Bottoms up. Bottoms up, of course. Ooh! A little maple syrup in there. That's good. I like that. And you don't really taste maple. It's just a nice kind of rounder,

warmer sweetness. Yeah. That's good. You guys want to hear my maple syrup story? Oh, yeah. I thought it would be a good idea to try to make I was trying to make a cocktail drink. I now remember, Jeff, that you were making a cocktail drink, or it's a cocktail drink, holiday cocktail.

I forgot about that, so I don't have to worry about doing a holiday cocktail. Because you got one in the chamber, it's coming at us hot. It's coming at us hot. It's coming at us next week, if you want to believe it. That's great. But, so, I was trying to make something. I made this awful, disgusting thing, but I used

maple syrup. Yeah. And I was like, oh, you know what I should do? I should freeze some of these cubes and have maple syrup ice cubes, and that would be a fun thing to do. Maple syrup does not freeze, my friends. Not at all? Not at all. It's been in there a weekend two weekends it takes two weekends

well that's why take it out monday to friday that's why the maple syrup in vermont keeps flowing because it doesn't freeze mike you're right i come from the land of apple trees apple orchards syrup orchards my beloved max apples in londonderry new hampshire that they would take the kids you know grade schoolers hey come out you know we're gonna do a field trip we're gonna come see where the sap turns into maple syrup they're gonna see the sap flow in the winter time you haven't seen the sap flow in the wintertime. You haven't seen the sap? That sort of thing. You haven't seen sap flow?

Well, what are your final thoughts on this very real cocktail? Order again. Mmm. Timothy? Order again. Order a gherkin. Order a gherkin. I love it.

It's delicious. Put a little splash of cranberry in your margarita for a christmasy tartness and this this maple is really good it's fucking me up because in general i think of maple like yeah i've had a maple old-fashioned or put a maple in some kind of bourbon drinks but like tequila yes we're talking about a tequila like a limey yeah tequila drink and the maple's working i'm sort of confused it works you know this does feel like um you know when you're throwing together like oh what do i have i don't have x and y and z but i do have this

weird a b and c you you start to realize i could put crayon in almost anything. Wow. That's the takeaway. Yeah. The Swiss Army knife. The high point for me is now I got a big bottle of cranberry juice in my house. One of my favorite drinks. So that is, I'm going to be sucking that thing down for the next week. Good for your UTIs.

Yep. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to be pissing some of the best piss we ever had when you said you're kind of scrounging around the kitchen making what you can make it gave me a little flash of a really good joke from Malcolm in the Middle a show that I never watched

well I guess I'm quoting good jokes tonight I talked about the Detroiters joke I talked about Jack Bensinger's sensory deprivation car sketch there was even some good kermit and piggy talk up top that's true yeah um one time i caught just the cold open i don't i didn't watch malcolm in the middle but like it would the reruns would come on after seinfeld or something like that and i saw the cold open and he was talking about like

every sunday night we have leftover casserole and it's all the all the dinners mom made all week and uh and it's it's the leftovers and they're pushed down to casserole but the worst part is the bottom layer of the casserole is last week's leftover casserole that's funny come on it's funny and it's really gross to think that leftover casserole seven days later would be in another leftover casserole it's like the mother dough the mother dough there you go uh well one last thing yeah about uh scrounging around the kitchen i thought it was gonna be about malcolm in the middle no no no i wish by the way we met dewey and we partied in the hot tub withcolm in the middle no no no i wish by the way we met dewey and we partied in the hot tub with him at the oakwood apartments yeah i remember that

all those malcolm kids were at the oakwoods when we were there now which is now called ava or avalon yeah um there was another thing i made in the Fredonia kitchen. It was bagel with hummus on it. You remember that? Too much carbo. Too much beige, we decided. It didn't taste good because it was too much beige. I got roasted for a toasted bagel with a side of corn.

All you had going. Nothing on the bagel. No butter. No cream cheese. Side of corn. And I rose to culinary prominence with Raiko Chai Chi in that same era. That's true. When everybody else was putting corn on a bagel, Hanford was- I said, hold my beer. Yeah.

I always marveled at how square Hanford's meals were and how you got the food groups in there. Because I, at that time, 22, 23, living the house i used i was a telemarketer and i for lunch would walk over to right aid and buy a box of wheat thins and eat the whole box that was a lunch break for me yo yep that's why we teach how good nutrition in our schools. It starts in the schools. Yeah. And now we eat caviar every day. Lobster Thermidor. Mm-hmm. Duck L'Orange. These guys are talking about...

Lobster Newberg. These guys are talking about the fancy dinners they eat. Merp. I'm still eating Raikou Chai Cheese. No! That's our show. Follow us on social media, at The Sloppy Boys

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Our weekly bonus episode Where we talk about the show We really care about For example Best Christmas aspect Best Christmas aspect If you just have to slow down a little bit you can say it best christmas aspect starburst softs best christmas yeah what's what's an aspect of christmas that's the best well we talk about it yeah think of all your favorite aspects we talk

about them and we determine the best the best one good all right well folks why don't we meet you back here same time next week yeah later bye bye Give it up for your boys