The Sloppy Boys - 114. Mulled Wine

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

The guys convene in person for a classic hot pot shared at winter gatherings.MULLED WINE RECIPE2 Large Oranges4.25cup/1L Red Wine1.25 cup/10oz Brandyhalf cup Brown Sugar6 Whole Cloves2 Cinnamon Sticks3 Cardamom Pods, slightly crushedPeel strips from one orange and juice the orange. Slice the other orange into rounds for garnish. In a nonreactive saucepan, combine orange peel, juice and remaining ingredients. Stir over medium heat until the sugar dissolves (about 2 mins.) Increase heat and bring mixture to a boil, then reduce heat to low. Simmer for 30 mins. Strain and discard the solids. Ladle into cups or mugs. Garnish with orange round.Recipe via The New York Times Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, joined in person with Mike Hanford. Oh, hello. And Timothy Kalpakis. What is up, holiday stylies? Oh. I-R-L. What do you think?

Worth it? Not a fan. Not a fan. Not a fan. I get that a lot from people. I walk up, hey, IRL, what do you think of this? I'll tell you one thing, Mike, that Zoom really filters out the stench. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it.

I know it. I talked to my doctor. He says, I said, what's going on here? Is this chemical? He's like, you eat too many onions, and you got to wash your hands after you eat. He's like, at this point, just stick to Zoom, really. Hey, is this an aging thing? This is really about smelling.

I don't know. I know you're joking, but I noticed I was putting on deodorant the other day coming out of the shower, and I was like, I still stink. Oh, really? Even after... I'm talking armpits. I don't think that's an aging thing, because I think it's like teenagers with a stenchy BO.

But I'm using Dr. Bronner's right to the armpit. What are we talking about? Peppermint? Peppermint. Yeah. I do almond, because it's like Orgeat. It reminds you of a little DeSarona in the shower. I'm just drinking it.

Now, didn't one of you say you can use that to drink, like mouthwash? It says on the bottle 18 in 1, 18 uses. So in college, I brushed my teeth with it and I washed my clothes with it. Weird. Weird, weird. Yeah, it just recommends different dilutions, right? Yeah, but you remember that semester

where my teeth fell out and my clothes fell apart? Your clothes smell like orgeat? Well, you know what you were saying, the thing about smelling, Jeff? I don't know what that is, but the smelling and the shot. You gotta scrub it out. I think you just scrub harder. Yeah. But I never used to be a smelly guy and I was just worried, like, did I turn a corner

to now I smell? Well, you know, like, older people, like in their 80s, it's like, oh, there's an old person smell. I think there's a tooth rot. What? Oh. For old people, breath. You don't think old people have a stinky breath?

Oh, that's not what I was going to get into, but are you sure? They can... Dentures. The dentures. You mean just the smell of their skin? Because I've never smelled BO from an old person. No. The thing that was told to me is as you get older, your nose starts to go a little bit.

So, you know, sometimes grannies put on like, ooh, they got way too much perfume because they can't smell it. That makes sense. They put too much on. Hmm. So just remember when you're getting older, just say, just the cap full of cologne, like always. Splash right in the face.

Gadouge. Have either of you guys continued to use the cologne you bought in our Patreon episode? Yes. I use my aftershave. I'm the one who spent $100 and I have not used even one spurt of Mont Blanc Explorer. That was

a huge... I forget the size of the bottle. A huge bottle or a small bottle? It was kind of a smallish bottle. It was a huge... I forget the size of the bottle. A huge bottle or a small bottle? It was kind of a smallish bottle. It was a gallon tank. No, it was... I mean, in the world of cologne bottles, it was big, but I wouldn't call it a bottle.

How are you supposed to do cologne? Like, spray it and then walk through it, right? Yeah, airborne. You want it to disperse, and then you sort of like let it blast you. Blast you. I do miss the Tom Ford tobacco

vanilla. Oh yeah. I sort of have second thoughts. Go back and get it. Well maybe Christmas is still there's still a few shopping days left. Slopheads are willing to pony up the bucks. What do you think of this? Maybe this is opening us to get

too much anthrax but we recently got a po box oh and over the years over the years slopheads have always reached out and said hey i'd love to send you stuff and i've been like uh hold on a second now we have a po box if we gave that out on the show do you think people would try to kill us or is that a safe thing to give out i think it's a safe thing to give up but not not quite yet. Maybe it'll be a new year surprise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So why not yet? Each year we'll give you a number of the box.

What's going to change? Yeah, but like when you say not quite yet, what's the difference between now and us giving it out in the future? I don't know. I don't know. It just makes me nervous, Tim. Well, lucky for you, I don't remember our address, so I'm not going to say it.

But also, I don't want to be checking that thing every week. I was going to say, what if there's all kinds of free stuff? Hmm. Right. Like, for example, somebody on Instagram was going to send us some THC seltzers. Have those arrived? Have you checked? No.

I haven't checked. No, I haven't checked. No, they haven't arrived yet. Oh, God. He drank them, and he's euphoric. Wow, man. Euphoria. Golden Globe knob or

Golden Globe nod or no? Jesus Christ. Jesus. Did they get any noms? I'm sure they got noms. Is it nom or nod? Both. Nom, but then sometimes they call it a nod. Like, I'm nodding at you.

I don't know about that, but what I do know about is the Grammys. Yeah. What about the Grampies? We've made that joke before. It's really not a joke. No, it's just a little playful wordplay, which I think is fun for a lot of people. Makes you laugh. Makes you smile.

At least it makes your heart smile. Your face might not change at all. It makes you, I mean, at the very least, it makes your heart completely sing and you feel joy for the rest of the week.

A guy in a podcast changed a letter. What I was going to say about the Grammys before I got sidetracked by ultimate joy. That was me. Drake has never been nominated

for a Grammy. Doesn't deserve it. Really, Tim? I'm not putting up any arguments here. But then also, so he... The money is the thank you. That's what the money's for. Don Draper meme.

The Weeknd was all pissed off. Remember when he was like, I thought I was going to get a... My friends told me I was going to get a Grammy, and I didn't. That one year, he put out one of his shitty albums good singer bad musician anyway honestly that's an ht from tk um uh the weekend is is uh he he so he uh like there's a lot of artists that uh uh silk sonic lots of people boycott the grammys um and i i wanted i i think the the larger point i think is sort of like a grammy so white type of a situation yeah sure um but in the case of drake specifically a funny thing happened this year where he he's boycotting

as usual and he had never been nominated but he finally got his first nomination in a year where he put out two albums um he got nominated because he's an executive producer of euphoria oh that's interesting so it's like he did get the nomination but in the way that probably means the least to him yeah right right he's not going anyway interesting with all these people boycotting maybe we should go if If there's empty seats, absolutely. Hey, the sloppy boys are not scabs. I'd sit front row and watch all the winners and losers. Yeah, all the winners and losers.

Let the losers come up, too. We want to hear from them. I thought I was going to win. My parents used to love those Grammy nominees CDs that would come out. And it would just be like, you know, you get Gangster's Paradise, and you also get Goo Goo Dolls all on one album. And Bocelli. All on one wonderful album.

Bocelli just reminded me of Music Italiano. And, you know, I love the film uh big night i was recently on ryan perez's podcast i talked about big night is that the never seen tucci film tucci and we should watch it somebody else is on it too right tucci and shalhoubby that's right oh right this has come up yeah yeah um well i just got a text from my brother that he had like a Secret Santa type thing at work and somebody gave him the Big Night soundtrack on vinyl. Whoa. Nice.

See, that's a gift I would like because I have that record player, no vinyl yet. So maybe we should open up that P.O. Box and people send me vinyl gifts. Announcing the P.O. Box It shows like How What Like not a real celebrity I'll ever be Like I got a P.O. Box Should I Tell the public

Here's the thing We just shouldn't tell everyone If somebody's like Hey We hit you up special And we want to send you something Where can we send it We would say

Here's the P.O. Box Right You don't want to send it out To every Tom, Dick and Harry Because then you get weird shit And on Instagram It gives us an opportunity To like scope the people out

and make sure that they have family but I do think just that if anyone if you have previously DM'd us asking to give us free stuff and we never got back to you

now's your chance to re-DM us wow how exciting i bet they fucking love it i get to go to the post office i get to re-dm no people have like legitimately a lot of slop heads have made some amazing art over the years and i always make a point to say this is very cool and then they pretty much always say want me to send you a print and then i forget to get back to them right sure if you are a picasso-esque painter send us your stuff why not authenticate it for us too put a little serial number on there oh yeah send it straight to our accountants you know what's funny there's maybe tuck a little dollar bill in the back for

us yeah line the whole back of the thing with dollar bill. There's something funny in the art world that people do. Big art, some big art collectors will do this. They will buy Picasso's

Guernica. Is that the name of that big, huge one? Which I don't think you can buy. It's so big. Anyway, Picasso,

they buy a Picasso, a Matisse, a Dali, anything. Wow. Monet, perhaps. If they've got the cash Picasso. A Matisse. A Dali. Anything. Monet? Perhaps. If they've got the cashola. Mike was just making a stretch movement.

So you're saying that people buy art. Where are we going with this? Yes, they buy art. People buy art. We know this. Okay, good. We know that they have money when they do that. So we're halfway there, because now I'm going to give you this, though.

That was the setup. Here's the punch. So we're halfway there, because now I'm going to give you this, though. That was the setup. Here's the punch. People who buy art, sometimes expensive art, they will put remakes of it up in their homes and keep the original tucked away. I've heard about this. Isn't that funny?

Like, I don't know, like Jay-Z types will do this. Right, right, right. Just to have it, because that's where the money is. You don't want your friends coming over and spilling the wine. And they'll make a great dupe, and you put it in your foyer. Your foyer. Not foyer. Foyer.

Plus, you can do a thing, like if you've got friends over, and it's like, oh, yeah, this Matisse is pretty good. I've always wanted to take a Sharpie and put a little ad something. What are you doing, Jay? Oh, no. That's perfect. It was always missing that. Beyonce's going gonna kill you.

Well, I feel caught up. I don't have any domestic grievances to air. Michael, you've been very good these last couple days. I'm staying with Jeff again and on this one, no complaints. I did... What's the breakfast situation?

I haven't... Today we had breakfast at a bar, too. Yeah, we went to watch a soccer game to give you an idea of when this recorded. Kick, kick. Only complaint, I'm reaching, I'm really stretching here. When I walked in, a lot of dirty dishes.

Ooh. And, you know, I just, the way I was raised, you have people over, you sort of get the house nice. Especially, and Tim, you only have one chance to make a first impression. Right. For this trip. Someone you've known for 19 years.

This trip. I botched that one. Yeah. Again, I'm not one of these guys who's like, oh, it's got to be so, I'm staying at the right hotel. And I'm doing my best to live it down. Yeah. But clean up

the shitty crap clean up the shitty crap no i'm doing a great time uh it's great here love hanging out jeff's house the couch is great uh new uh showerhead in the shower is exciting yeah a lot of power back nice oh yeah really juice right through the skin. Yeah. Knocked me over. Jeff, hey! Because before it was like a thin stream, right? Like a quarter, a quarter's width. And you're moving your whole body around where the stream goes. And I get out of the shower, I'm worn out. You know it's a bad shower when you turn it on and you hear the water hitting the base

of the tub more than you hear the stream. It's just like... You only hear the gush, not the mush. Thank you. That brings us into... Booze News?

Booze News. Hit it. I think in classical music, this is going to be like... This is good. This is good because now people know what not to do. Oh, that's the one. That's the one I had. That's the other morning one.

Yeah. No, no, no. Will you tell that apple-headed freak? I think that's not good. Good one. 1812.

When it gets to the end there and they're shooting the cannons off. I was really hoping just for some strings. No wub wub. No techno.

No techno. Getting closer to what the request was. Slap one of them with just the actual classical compositions. That seems like computer music or like video games. Does it sound like Sigur Rós or something? Browsing. browsing we already covered that let's get into the booze news here folks a toad number seven in c owed to a s a Slobhead by the Duke of Drops. And if you've got a Booze News theme, email it to thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com.

Nice job, Duke. A little long. Well, he understood the assignment. Yes, he did. I've never, ever when we've been recording, had to get up and change the page on my fucking calendar. How long was that song? I didn't mind it because it was our music.

I want to hear, that was Slobhead. Yeah. I want to hear an orchestral rendition of that song that song? I didn't mind it because it was our music. I want to hear, that was Slophead. Yeah. I want to hear an orchestral rendition of that song. Oh, I didn't realize that. That whole back half was Slophead. See, I love that. I've also got a real, hit it. I have a real affinity for MIDI digital orchestral sounds

because it reminds me of Mr. Show, Eben Schletter's marching band music, Falooza and stuff like that. There's a specific fake trumpet that just makes me so happy. That was full on understood the assignment. Thank you, Duke. That was great. Nice job, Duke. Really good work, Duke.

Tis the season, right? It has been for the last month. Tis the season right it has been for the last month tis the season for hellman's mayo nog that's right i don't know about that sent to us by bill on instagram plus a bunch of slop heads on the discord and twitter and stuff a recent instagram post from hellman's mayonnaise you guys are aware that on the west coast they call it Best Foods and on the East Coast they call it Hellman's. It's the same brand. People always think that it's a Greek thing.

Not Greek like you, Tim. I'm sorry. You know in movies and TV where you're like, hey, that looks like the mayo I buy, but it says something different. It's actually a regional thing between Hellman's and Best Foods. Right, like it's Hardee's and Carl's Jr. But it's weird because Hellman's and Best Foods. Right, like it's Hardee's and Carl's Jr. Yeah.

Same kind. But it's weird because Hellman's, fantastic name, Best Foods sounds like a store brand. Sounds like Select Essentials or some bullshit type thing. Hey, anyway, I love mayo. It's good. And I'm mad. I'll get to this recipe in a second.

But yeah, I hate the comedy trope of like. Mayo's too spicy. Mayo, well, yeah, like- Too spicy. I think there's, yes, there's a very popular punchline of like mayo being for white people. And I get that. It works perfectly because it's white. But that aside, like mayo is an interesting, weird food.

It's whipped eggs that we spread on sandwiches. It's kind of sour and weird. Like, I do think you're not bland if you eat mayo. You're kind of brave. It's like an interesting, weird food. Yeah. It's a French egg sauce, you know? That's what, yeah.

The brand I get is, I'll pick it up, and it's like, Marmon's French Egg Sauce. Marmon? Mar sauce. Marmon? Marmon. Barmon? Hey, what about Miracle Whip is one of those things that's like, it's not quite mayonnaise. Is that right?

Right. Where it's like- It's like fake? I think it's the equivalent of like Cheez Whiz versus cheese on a cheese stick. I think that Miracle Whip is a very 90s thing where it was like the healthy alternative to Miracle Whip, but with our new science, we know it wasn't because it has sugar. It's like a little bit less fat, but it has sugar in it. Miracle Whip is a very 90s thing where it was like the healthy alternative to Miracle Whip.

But with our new science, we know it wasn't because it has sugar. It's like a little bit less fat, but it has sugar in it. I got light mayonnaise recently. It's just like you can't. It's not good. It's like sweet tasting. You saw me buy light mayonnaise an hour ago. You didn't stop me. Oh, shit.

I didn't put it together. It's not my preferred egg sauce. You're not going to have good time. Normally, I do full strength best foods. Yeah, that's good. This time, I said, maybe I'll go light, and I thought you saw me. Well, mine was like off-brand, too, so maybe you'll have it. You might be all right.

All right. Well. This is Merriman's. Well, Hellman's says that they're excited to bring us what may be the most creative and delicious eggnog holiday snickerdoodle cookies ever what the fuck is wait follow the recipe basically here's the thing uh this mayo the mayo company is they didn't make a product the way that uh a lot of this like twittery type stuff is but they wanted to get in the game and make a splash so hellman's put out a recipe for eggnog

that's called frozen mayo nog. It makes three servings and it's basically mayo, whole milk, heavy cream, simple syrup, nutmeg, cinnamon, apple brandy, rum, cognac. It sounds like their product is a very small portion of what's going into this eggnog. Yes. A quarter cup goes into, oh, for three servings and all this other shit. But people online have... The snickerdoodle thing is weird. Basically, this just... It has

cinnamon in it, so they're calling it snickerdoodle cookie nog. They don't need that. They should just say mayo nog and try to go viral. Do less. This is advice for a lot of brands out there. Do less. When I get dressed in the morning, I put on a fabulous Luke,

and then I take off the last thing I put on. Yeah, yeah. And usually that was my pants in a while. They're sewn together. They're sewn together. Who's those? I'm still wearing a big fruit, Carmen Miranda fruit hat and cowboy boots.

Shoes on your hands. Anyway, this one, I did poke around and people made this and they said it's good. So, folks, if you would like to make eggnog diddle, gross people out, but then surprise them, mayo. Put mayo in it. Put a little mayo on it.

We here at the Sloppy Boys prefer coquito over eggnog. That coquito is so good. Did you, I kept mine and I've got it. How long will that keep, do you think? It's in the fridge. It's probably rotten. That can't be good for long, right?

Well, I mean, everything in there was like canned ingredients. It was. Now it's out of the can. Now the secret's out of the can. The drink is delicious. Hey, we saw some Coquitos at C Cantiki out in the wild the other night. Love that. Yeah, that's nice.

And folks, you might be hearing a barking dog going, absolutely ape shit. Sorry about that. It's your neighbor, and he or she must not be home because every time you walk past the door, the dog barks. And it's like, I think what we should do is go to the neighbor and say, hey, did you know when you're not here, your dog goes crazy? Right. Because that's not good for the dog.

Here's what's weird, though. It's like you share a wall with this neighbor, but I'm hearing the dog like out their window, around the block. It bounces around the corner. It bounces off over there. And also, it's not just when people come and go. It is when people come and go, but it's also when a car passes or a leaf falls.

It's like the clockwork of walking past a door. Is that it for Booze News? Wrap it up. I have nothing more to add. The drink of the day is mulled wine. You've had?

I have had. I don't remember where. I don't remember when. But I remember having. Am I happy about it? No. Is it wassail? Be honest.

I'm going to shoot you straight. I think there's a difference. And we've done wassail on this. There's also something called like groog. Yeah. Groog? Grog.

Not grog. Groog? It's like from like Groog. Yeah. Groog? Grog. Not Grog. Groo? It's like from the Minions? Yeah. Well, when I was looking this up, it was separate from Groog and from Wasail, but Moldwine. Jeffy? Moldwine. Never had.

We've all heard, though. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, let me spin you a tale. We've all heard, though. Yes, yes, yes. Well, let me spin you a tale. I think we all know that back in the B.C. era, before Christ, not British Columbia.

Or my favorite comic strip. Ugh, B.C. Ugh. Bad pick. Yeah. Of course, the Romans used to warm up their wine and spice it, and they conquered around so that they spread that around Europe. But actual mulled wine doesn't, as we think of it and called such, it doesn't pop up until in the 1300s, medieval England, there's a cookbook that mentions it. That's crazy a cookbook in

that seems uh I don't know that people there were people writing down recipes at that yeah you order on ye olde amazon.com I know that's what it was like yeah and King Bezos yeah

yeah two day ye olde delivery but and also ye olde prime also that right um it's very big then in victorian england mike you might call it dickensian england yeah the dickensian time just because i'm such a book nerd um Also, very popular, stays popular in England. To this day, this is a popular Christmas drink in the UK. But then also, it is a staple of German Christmas markets. That's where I would... What's German Christmas market?

That's the phrase I read on Wikipedia. German Christmas market. This does... Mald wine feels German to me. Yeah. The spices, the oranges, everything. When I think of German Santa, I don't think of ho, ho, ho, red suit. You think of those weird international Santas.

The pre-Coca-Cola Santa. Yeah. Where he's wearing brown overalls. We were just talking about this last night. Isn't it funny, the Santa Claus that's like... You see a lot in sort of folksy country-ish, like knickknacks that somebody might get. It's like a Santa Claus who's wearing a long coat.

Stringy long beard. Stringy long beard. Gandalf beard. He's walking into somebody's home with a staff and a little sack of gifts, and the kids and the parents are up welcoming him. It's like, come inside. Walking in the front door.

Have some mulled wine with us. And he does this at each home. He's like, I brought you a PS5. He's got the mistletoe and stuff stuck to his clothes. He's a wanderer, not like a magic elf. Yeah, he's a drifter. He's not a jolly elf. He's a drifter.

He's sort of a Lebowski. Yeah. Well, mulled wine, in my experience, in the modern era, I think of it as I'm at somebody's Christmas party in their one-bedroom apartment. The lights are on. That's a good detail. The lights are on. And there's a. That's a good detail.

The lights are fully on. And then in the kitchenette, there's a crock pot with something that's either spiced cider or West Sale or mulled wine. Nobody's sure. And the host is saying, check it out. I'm steering you towards it. But everyone is really just hitting the Miller lights all night. And the host is like, yeah, but I did this. Right. Do you have cold wine? I can put some cubes in the crock pot. to urinate towards it. But everyone is really just hitting the Miller Lights all night. And the host is like, yeah, but I did this funny thing. Do you have cold wine?

Yeah. I can put some cubes in the crock pot. That's, yeah. Nobody's drinking that stuff. It smells good, but you don't want to, you don't want to drink it.

Hot wine? I know. Who's drinking this stuff? I don't, it's not appealing to me. I think it sounds appealing. Let's say I'm sitting in the back of a sleigh

being pulled by a mayor yeah mayor of east town oh wow mayor cook to the next crime scene yeah you gotta be and she's like no we're gonna go hang out with phil and ape you gotta be outside for mulled wine it seems like yeah that's that's right it's putting us your feet in the snow that's why i'm thinking wassail yeah we did wassail didn't we i forget i i feel like we must have done wassail on this show i think we just talked about it when we talked hot toddies yes oh Speaking of hot drinks outside, Mike,

you just pitched to me the idea of doing a polar plunge when we're in New York. Yeah. New Year's day. That'll keep, that'll wake us up for the whole year of 2023. Yeah. Or give us a heart attack. Yeah.

I think I, the people were going to the fish show and the people were going with, I was hanging out with them. We were talking about doing this. And, uh, one of them was reading like about like last year, somebody did have a heart attack,

I think. Yeah. So, you know, my concern, I love that type of thing. They survived. I like a real shock to the system.

My issue is the run to the water, you know, like you take the clothes off and you're going, here we go. And then the feet you're stepping and it's 30 degrees water. You know, like you take the clothes off and you're going, here we go. And then the feet, you're stepping and it's 30 degrees out. And like, by the time I get to the water, I've lost my nerve.

Every little pebble hits the foot harder than it did in those June to August months. Yeah, and then speaking of little pebbles, the nuts shrink. Yep, yep, yep. Wait, are you nude? No. The nuts can still shrink.

Oh yeah, yeah, right. I'm in my BBDs and BVDs, too. You know what I'm thinking about? I got Crocs. I'm going to wear those so the pebbles won't hurt my feet. Oh, I'm going to wear Balenciaga head to toe. Tim, that's good for your rise and grind sort of Sigma grind set. Tony Robbins does the plunge.

I love that in his documentary. Yeah, I guess it's not exactly like the polar, like the snowy version, but he's got an ice. It's like a 50 degree cold water plunge to wake him up. Yeah, and it's basically, he's got a pool, or it's basically the size of a manhole. And he just pencil dives into this cold pool. That's what, who's the big wave surfer?

Laird Hamilton. Kelly Slater. Yeah, the two, everyone knows. That's what, who's the big wave surfer? Laird Hamilton. Kelly Slater. Yeah, the two, everyone knows. Laird Hamilton and his wife, Gabby Reese, do that. Gabby Reese does that? If she's married to Laird. Kind of comes with the territory.

You want to marry Laird? Sorry, Gab. In health and in plunges. Okay. Moldwine is not an international Bartenders Association cocktail, but we wanted to do it on the show because tis the season, tis the very week. Sure.

And also, tis the day we're together. Tis the day we're together. That's what it was. We wanted to do a communal drink while Mike is in town. And this feels like a communal thing. Right, because it's scoopy. Scoopy, scoopy, dude.

Okay, so we pulled a nice straightforward uh recipe from none other than the new york times mike mike your hometown i've got the app yes yes i got the app yeah the failing new york times oh why don't you try running it i like to see that they got off their ass from all the wordles they write every day and had the time to write up a recipe for us. Yes. Hey, I'm glad that wordle kind of petered out on Twitter. I'm happy people can have their fun,

but I didn't like seeing the tweets. It is funny on Twitter, seeing people post their wordles every once in a while. Actually, that would be funny. I'm going to start tweeting them now. Yeah. Okay, here is the recipe from the failing New York Times. their wordles every once in a while. Actually, that would be funny. I'm going to start tweeting them now. Yeah. Okay. Here is the recipe from the failing New York Times.

It makes six to eight servings, folks. So invite the family over. Two large oranges. Four and a half cups, a.k.a. one liter of red wine. A cup and a quarter, a.k.a. ten ounces of brandy. Half a cup dark brown sugar. Two cinnamon sticks. Six whole cloves.

Three cardamom pods. Are those podcasts? Slightly crushed. Folks, I made that joke pre-show and I made it again mid-show. Okay. I laughed harder now. I get it now. Yeah. Well, it's a thinkshow. Okay. I laughed harder now. I get it now. Yeah.

Well, it's a thinker. Here's the preparation. Using a peeler, remove the peel in strips from one orange, then juice the orange. Slice the other orange into rounds and reserve for garnish. Step two.

In a non-reactive saucepan, Jeff, how reactive is your saucepan? Very, unfortunately. I looked this up. It just means like stainless steel or not aluminum or cast iron. Copy that. Combine orange peel, juice, and the rest of the ingredients. Stir over medium heat until the sugar dissolves.

About two minutes. Increase the heat to high. Boom! Bring mixture to a b-b-b-b-b-boil. Then immediately reduce the heat to low. Immediately. You see one bubble. It's done. Simmer gently until

flavors meld. About 30 minutes. Did our flavors meld? Oh yeah. Strain the mixture, discarding the solids and any solid waste you may have produced in the back of your underwear. Getting excited. Step three, ladle into cups or mugs, garnish each with a reserved orange round. Now, I wasn't here when we were making this you guys prepared this pre-show how to go we prepared it well i took it upon myself i said oh tim's coming over soon let's get this thing going

so i looked at the first thing read the first direction too quickly and uh peeled both oranges so our our garnishes kind of look like stars it's kind of neat. I like it. I think we're the three stars of the podcast. Yeah, yeah, good. I like that. But, you know, that was the one mistake I made. And maybe I let it boil for... I didn't turn it down immediately. It was maybe boiling for 15 seconds.

God. You did good. I did well. Now, in those 15 seconds at the bottom, I've become caked with burnt wine. Yeah. Sort of a black smoke came out of it. You ever burn food?

It's so weird. One time my mom made a big pot of spaghetti sauce, and she's a fantastic cook, and she makes the best spaghetti sauce. But she accidentally went on left to go, and the bottom of the pan of the pot is black and sometimes you can scoop and save but this we ended up eating spaghetti just tastes like cigarettes this is why i always say you don't cook while you're distracted

no distracted cooking watch that pot watch that pot boil don't text i bet her son was too funny and she was cracking up at someone hey mom i'm I'm going to Hollywood someday. Mom, I made a back pants mess again. Oh, now check the front. It's wet too. It's wet, but also brown. Yuck.

It got up front. Mom, it's back with front. It's in my ear now, mom. Mom, can you please burn the sauce? Okay. Um, you guys please burn the sauce? Okay.

Are you guys ready to... I guess it's been nicely simmering for half an hour. Oh, yeah. Oh, you want to get to scooping. I want to get to scooping and pooping. And while we take a little break here, I need to adjust my microphone. It's slowly been lowering. I'm getting lower and lower in this seat. You're getting down there. Low rider. All right, folks.

Well, why don't we take a little break, and when we come back, fresh mulled wine in hand. Mmm. And we're back with mulled wine in hand. Oh. It looks kind of thick, like it's simmered down. And I'll tell you one thing, I put my orange round on top and it sunk like the Titanic. If you take a big noseful, it makes me cough. Clove.

Clove. That's the clove and the cardamom. Gotta be the clove. Shall we sip? Am I recording? I'm recording, right? Yes. Okay, good.

Perfect. Sips. Sips. Okay. I feel like I'm at a country fair. Very fragrant, very clovey and sweet in all of it. Spice. Yeah.

This feels like the equivalent of it. Spice. Yeah. This feels like the equivalent of a gamey meat. The drink version of a stinky meat? Yeah. You know what I mean? It's got a real hearty taste to it. It's briny. I like it more than I thought I would. It does feel like I'm at a parade

or like I'm at a church thing I didn't want to go to as a kid. Yeah. As a kid and they're giving you boiled wine. Is that a smell thing? No. Interesting. Interesting.

A parade is interesting. Yeah. I wish I had a... What do you wish? I wish I was a psychologist, because I would love to unpack what you're talking about. The parades when it's cold out, I was in marching band and shit, you know? Oh. Macy's parade that's cold there.

Okay, okay. When I hear the word parade, I think 4th of July parade. You have to stop with that, Mike. I know, I know. You have to stop. I have to be more open-minded and think other people have different parade touchstones.

Now, let me tell you something. Jeff ladled us full mugs of this stuff, and I was like, this is like a mug of wine. That's not a lot of wine. And then I realized, no, it has brandy in it. And I'm looking, 10 ounces of brandy. So this is six to eight servings, and there's only three of us. And we got it all into our giant.

So this is 3.3 ounces of brandy per glass let's say that's more than you would have like a serving of brandy would be two ounces normally sure and then wine plus wine and wine i uh to say nothing of the cinnamon it was a whole bottle of wine right did you was it basically a whole bottle kind of more than more than yeah it was it's it was four four and what it's four cups and four and four it It's a liter. A bottle is 750 milliliters. Yeah, which is annoying to call for a liter for a recipe. Yeah. The funny thing, you know, when you're making something like this

and you're just dumping cups of wine in, it's like, wow, I usually don't do that. Cups. It's a funny measurement, like with the Coquito. Anytime you're like, a cup of rum, you're like, the fuck? It looks weird. It feels weird to do. The fuck? This is tough to drink i don't uh

how so you know when i usually drink i fill my whole mouth up with the liquid and swallow it you can't fill your whole mouth with this it's not good tasting what's funny i i think i think the taste is very good but it is is a pretty thick, intense dose. Yeah. With a normal drink, I would say, ooh, on the rocks. But are there hot rocks I can use? I mean, I'm not talking about the Rolling Stones CD compilation of hot rocks. No, no, we know. I owned that for sure.

I bought it when I was at Times Square. You know what? We're due for a best of, I think. Yeah? Yeah. From a band? Yeah. You don't have to have that much work to do a best of.

Oh, you mean our band? Yeah, put all of our tracks on there. And then we make three more records, do another best of. Fuck you. You know what's a funny thing? I never really thought about this, but when you say best of it's different than saying greatest hits because greatest hits are implying like these singles charted well right whereas best of you could just pick album tracks and be like yeah that's kind of what beastie boys did like it's

a bunch of weird odds and ends as well as their hits intergalactic planetary did they have a famous lactic danger danger did they have a famous compilation come out i don't remember yeah it came out when we like right after hello nasty when we were in high school it's like a nice big thick white beastie boys anthology b-e-a-s-t-i-e oh like they're they're punk right but i remember that but now i feel old and lame because that cd came out 20 years ago and i'm sure they've come out with like other official bc boys best ofs bc boy it's in the meantime this thing when a best of is a hit like um you know elton john's greatest hits you can picture that that was a big hit album uh bruce springsteen's greatest hits that was a big hit album and probably the biggest one jesus this one's going on this there's a ghost of christmas slam present um the biggest one being uh

the eagles greatest hits for a time was the best-selling album of all time because it had been heavily plugged on a tv i love hearing that shit because that's where you get into the malcolm gladwell of it all when you're like did you know that the biggest seed selling CD of all time is the Eagles greatest hits? And it's because it coincided with this cultural moment of selling albums on TV. Yeah. The same way that like, like lazy Sunday was huge because YouTube was YouTube was happens to be blown up. There's just this weird right place place right timeness to some pieces of media it's like us with podcasts we were one of the first podcasts yeah we were right there

eight years late yeah hate famous story you guys know this but i don't know all the listeners if they know some people call this calpe's folly oh but a young tim kelpakis uh slim tim kelpakis. Slim Tim Kalpakis. Was approached by a young Scott Ackerman. I remember this. And he said, Tim, would you and the Birthday Boys, are you guys interested in doing a podcast on Earwolf? It's a brand new network. He said, never heard of it. I was doing, you know, comedy bang bang radio.

The wolf is alive? What? He's like, Tim, you know, Comedy Death Ray Radio on Indie 101 or whatever in la well i'm doing a podcast network and i'm gonna do this as a podcast would you like to do a podcast it could be with your friends you the birthday boys and i said no yes yeah and now i don't know if you've uh if you're aware of the wealth disparity between me and Scott. Oh, yeah.

But I feel like that moment has something to do with it. But I think he owns the company and sold the company, and you just being on a podcast. You just would have been in on the ground floor. Hey, here's what's weird. Did you guys know that I don't read podcasts weekly or anything. Did you know that How Did This Get Made is a bigger podcast than Comedy Bang Bang? No, I did not know that, but I know that it is huge. Well, I know it was huge too, but like Comedy Bang, I was just thinking anything that's

like the flagship is going to be the biggest thing. Right, right, right, right. But that's the bigger show. What do you- I mean, they're both huge. Right, they're both huge. And we're probably blowing them all out of the water what is what is like the listenership for something like that i don't know uh high hundreds of thousands probably wow that's cool they should uh donate some of their listeners to our little show

yeah hey don't listen this week we're gonna send you on over you know a lot of a lot of times you don't realize how many how many shows are in need actually yeah yeah yeah especially this holiday season the time of giving yeah we've never done that appeal like we have a patreon and we have fantastic programming over there the sloppy boys blowout is a very funny podcast questions for lennon very funny podcast and we always promote like, Hey, if you want to hear those shows, subscribe and hear them. Like we're just saying as a product, but we never do the other appeal.

Some people with their patrons say, Hey, support us. You like what we do? Sure. Support us. Think of it more of a, you don't have to listen to the blowout.

You don't have to listen to Len and you just have to pay. Yeah. I think a lot of people here support us and they say Sephora. Okay. They go, they get all the lotions and hair. They got a face full of hear Sephora and they say, Sephora. Okay, they go there. Yeah, they go there. They get all the lotions and hair. Next thing you know, they got a face full of makeup.

They're all contoured up. And I'm out with a fucking... No, here's what we do. We get Sarah McLachlan to sing a song and we have black and white pictures of us. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dressed as dogs or not dressed as dogs? No, we're as humans.

Gotcha. As podcasters. Dressed as humans. Hunger takes many forms. Yeah. I often get hangry. I'm going hungry. That's when I reach for a Snickers.

Well, I've been hangry myself. Have you heard that Temple of the Dog is updating that until I go hangry? I'm going hangry. A little late for them, but I say they go for it. Temple of the Dog. That was a good song. I'm going hungry. I don't mind stealing bread.

I am fugly. Oh, yeah. I am fugly. I am fugly. I am fugly. I am fugly. We should do that. We never do the octave thing where you hear one guy go, I'm going hungry. And then you hear a guy way in the background going,

I'm going hungry. And we don't do it with that exact song. I'm going hungry. I am fugly. Yes, he's a fugly. And we don't do it with that exact song. That was a big Creed thing, too. He would do the octave. Can you take me? And then we also double track it in the way back.

You know, the octave up. Yeah, yeah. And his voice is like. Can you take me higher? That's good. I feel like my voice sounds really good there, but I'm doing like, I'm not belting it out. You don't have to. You must belt.

Well, if you got the pipes, you don't have to belt. But if I belted, I don't think it would sound good. You have to lose in your belt if you're doing the same. I'm going to grab the belt if you guys don't stay on task. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. The mulled wine. Mulled wine. Mulled wine. Are you feeling a't stay on task. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. The mulled wine. Mulled wine. Mulled wine.

Are you feeling a buzz yet? No. No, because I'm not drinking enough of it because I don't want to. Pass it here, my brother. Pass it here and know me better. Speaking of holiday drinks and speaking of the Patreon,

folks, if you subscribe to our Patreon, you get access to our discord where you can hobnob with other slopheads and i was on there recently and i saw the slot sword oh discord oh boy def edit that out i take out the bad jokes i only leave in the good ones so don't leave that one in okay get that out of there um there's all these different channels on the on the discord where you could talk about you know uh i talk about tim talk about jeff talk about mine i haven't been on the discord in forever and there's one you should go in there every morning i gotta go on and stay on there all day till night i gotta say hi to the gang well the a topic we

like to talk about here on the every year on the sloppy boys show is holiday gift packs liquor gift packs you know when they give you a there's like a bottle of kovasie but then two kovasie glasses yeah yeah yeah yeah and the slop heads have started a channel and when they're out in the stores they've been posting pictures and it's it i really feel that like the holiday packs have you used you always saw them at right eight or wherever but i feel like they're getting they're getting more ambitious and you really see like oh there's like you know this bottle of rum chata comes with like 10 glasses and a punch bowl it's kind of going crazy and then here's the thing folks wait till after christmas then pounce because they're going to be getting rid of those

you gotta get yourself a cheaper bottle of whatever it is, Jägermeister, and get yourself some nice branded glassware. Was that your hack or Tim's hack? Somebody did that, right? The day after Christmas? Yeah. Do you remember at one point, Alan McLeod got us each one of those for Gentleman Jack? Yeah, it was like honey flavored.

Yeah, maybe it was like, and it came with a heavy bottom old-fashioned glass. Oh, yes, yes. I remember the one that came with a shot glass. Oh, yeah. That one I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. They're great gifts, but folks, they're also a great scoop it up after Christmas

because they're trying to get rid of them. Yeah, that's when I get my wreaths. You know what I did? A brown-ass wreath after Christmas. I had that thing up until July 4th. I think what you're thinking of, Jay, is I got a rum chata kit and it came with a big bottle of rum chata and then a little bottle of rum chata lemon and rum chata peppermint. But it was after Christmas and it was discounted and I didn't really want to drink the peppermint post Christmas. It was like early January.

So I held on to it for all of 2021 just waiting for december and then december came well i thought maybe you you for i think you brought it here well i remember yeah i brought it here and i forgot to drink it and then i surprised you guys with it i made a big meal i can't isn't it funny we have enough episodes that they're finally foggy? I have a pretty good memory for that type of shit. Like, oh, we've done this many episodes. Tim, you're the memory man. Once we hit like 80.

I'm the mammary man. Mike? I'm not the memory man or the mammary man. I'm trying to think of another. I'm the mummy man. Yeah. You love that movie. I'm always traveling off to Egypt to

search for mummy! Mums, man. Don't unwrap them. For real though, Tim, I said it as a joke, but your memory is top notch. Thank you, but I do hit like a... In general, stuff like that, like episodes of our show or back in the day when we would do like, we had a monthly show at UCB where we did a new Birthday Boys half hour every month. And I would, we'd be like, where's the script for that sketch?

And I'd be able to be like, May 2009 or whatever. But then once I reach a point where we've done too much of a thing, then it all topples down. It's not like anywhere. And I think with this podcast, I, in the last two months, have now forgotten anything we ever learned. And I tell the same stories over and over again. And you guys just look at me dead eye.

No, it's good to do that because you never know who's just tuning in. That's true. Could be, I don't know, Meghan Markle and her husband, Harry. The drinking doesn't help the memory on this one. It works against each other. Tim always knows the birthdays of people. Spoken like a May 8th birthday. Oh!

And I'm looking at you, November 3rd. And I'm right back at you April 30th Yes Is it 29th? Yeah No no no no no It's 30th Hey I gotta say this

I'm starting to feel the buzz Me too I like it And I ain't talking about the face cheeks, folks. Your ass? That's right. I'm talking about the seat of the Levi's. Ow!

No, but on a serious note, would you guys mind if I shared something sort of personal? Please. On Christmas? Near to Christmas. Near to Christmas. Sure, sure. Near and dear. Yeah.

Well, I just wanted to say we're having fun and we're drinking the drink and we're being hilarious as hell but i also wanted to talk about how for me this uh time here can actually be a little bit stressful yeah tense oh yeah yeah a lot of pressure a lot of expectations around christmas yes and do we put them on ourselves or who's doing this right to us yeah i mean it could be the media yeah yeah consumerism corporate shit for me for me the pressure all comes from my dad i want this present it better be the right size you didn't cook the ham yet cook the ham oh god dad why didn't you cook the ham yet i've met your dad beau yeah and i never And I never took him for such a tyrant. He wants his gifts right when he wakes up.

He wants the tree lit up before he gets downstairs. I'm making the ham. Plus the ham, yeah. I'm making the breakfast cookies. He wants his gifts and he wants his gifts, too. I've heard him say, Michael, where is Dancing Leo? Where's Leo pointing at the TV? Send me texts of my gifts in animated form.

Where's Leo toasting his champagne? Dad, the internet's down right now. It's not down. It's wireless. So that's what's stressful for you. For me personally, yeah. A thing that has been really getting to me this year, I mean, it happens every year,

but it's this thing, and I think you guys would agree, there are so many Christmas movies. Oh, yeah. And there's really only one time a year to watch them. There are all these great movies, but there's not a lot of time. Are there really, though?

I mean, because Home Alone isn't really a Christmas movie. It takes place on Christmas. Die hard. Die hard. No, let's not re- of time. Are there really, though? I mean, because Home Alone isn't really a Christmas movie. It's kind of takes place in Christmas. Die hard. Die hard. Die hard. No, enough. Let's not re-litigate all that stuff. Okay, but Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is a Thanksgiving movie.

Thank you very much. I have this annual thing where December hits, and I get excited because I want to watch all the Christmas movies that I love so much. It's my only opportunity. But there's not a lot of time you can't dilly dally so you gotta focus and start what make a plan and stick to it watch those films oh yeah but then what do i do i make the same mistake every year and i end up blowing it yeah and i i'm sure a lot of people can relate to this, but it's a mistake that I make every year.

And I made it again this year, and I got to say, last night, I was just having sort of a dark night of the soul about it. I was really sad. So I went for a walk. I wanted to collect my thoughts. Is that Phantom Menace? Yeah, it's called Duel of the Fates from Phantom Menace.

Right, but you said Dark Knight. That's Batman, of course. I was in Dark Knight of the Soul more as phantom menace right but you said dark knight that's batman of course i was in dark knight is still more of a more as a joseph campbell reference right sure sure but i'm jumping off the hero's low point right oh yeah um the belly of the beast yes oh yes oftentimes um sure it's after the call to adventure and the crossing of the threshold but seriously folks for me i i was like really, I'm totally serious. Yesterday, I was really sad. So I went, I did what I always do. I went for a walk on the Sunset Strip to sort of clear my head and kind of ask some questions.

Oh shit, down the Sunset Strip. Sunset Strip. Yeah, fucking awesome. Calming, reflective. Thinking this over, lamentful. And who did I bump into? Who? But Donald Fagan from steely dan

whoa can you believe that i believe it yeah sunset strip sure i can see not pass away or was you're thinking walter becker okay so that was the thing uh donald was missing walter so he was having kind of a sad stroll yeah okay because he always does a white elephant thing with Becker. And they watch the TV show Becker, which is weird. Anyway, not at all. But I was sad. And I told him, I love your music. He said, likewise, you are a technician on the guitar.

My God. I told him I was down in the dumps. And he was like, well, what's the problem? And I was like, well, I had this problem. And I made the same mistake I make every year. And he's like, well, what's the problem? And I was like, well, I had this problem and I made the same mistake I make every year. And he's like, well, tell me about it. And I told him I wanted to tell him, but I wanted to do it in a way that he would understand. You know, I want to put it in his words that he would he would get. So I turned to him.

I said, Donald. Times are hard. There's so much I want to see Should I watch Christmas Vacation or perhaps Love Actually? When I need a holiday movie, cause that's what December's all about I peruse my DVD cabinet, But you know what I pick out I'm a fool to re-watch dirty work, oh yeah Really shouldn't re-watch dirty work no more But I wanna re-watch Dirty Work, oh yeah

I hit play and I know what's in store I just might see Artie Lang, I might even see Norm Sure I should be watching Rudolph, Fred Claus or maybe Scrooged But I prefer the guy who played Shooter McGavin, so what am I to do? I'm a fool to re-watch Dirty Work, oh yeah I threw out my copy of Dirty Work. Oh, whoa. But Roku and Tubi are streaming Dirty Work.

Oh, no. Damn. Yeah. So you can see how that all made me sad. And then that Roku and Tubi are currently streaming. That makes it difficult because you lost your copy of Dirty Word. I threw it out. You threw it out because you don't want this to happen anymore.

Well, it's not a Christmas movie. No. It shouldn't be. I can watch it 11 months out of the year. Fine. Yes. I've seen it a hundred times. It's directed by the late Bob Saget.

That's right. That's right. That's too bad. And starring the late Norm MacDonald. Yeah. Wow. And probably soon to be late Bob Saget. That's right. That's right. That's too bad. And starring the late Norm MacDonald. Yeah. Wow. And probably soon to be late Artie Lang. Oh.

What? I can't be a shock jock? He is. He's gone. Yeah, he is. Artie would laugh at that, dude. He would. Artie would laugh at that.

So anyway, that was, like, I feel so good to just have shared that. And hey, Tim. Maybe next year. Right Tim maybe next year right maybe next year I won't rewatch Dirty Women it's such a solvable because you have so much time to watch any movie it's solvable but is it soluble

that's always the question much like this orange peel that has disappeared into the wine damn well why don't we take a little break and when we come back, final thoughts. Love it. Thought bot.

Yes, that new character. He's a three-mice with no thoughts. Thought bot, take it away. We'll be right back. He's dancing. and we're back with our final thoughts on mulled wine i love it i uh this is maybe most improved in my mind like uh i mean look it's not an a it's not an a drink but it's a solid b and uh i don't know if i'd go through the trouble of making it but now when i go to a house party and i see the mulled wine in the crock pot i'll say hand me the dipper excuse me a little mulled wine went down

the wrong um hand me the dipper uh jeff you say it's a solid b i've always wanted to have a solid bm one of these days god what a lot of uh scatological humor you know what that stands for oh gee no it's christmas week oh um yeah i think it's great i i love brandy i love cognac i love brandy so if you dump it into the wine this is on the sweet side so i'm not gonna drink this it's much like uh how december is a time for not watching dirty work it's a time for indulging in some high calorie drinks and it's a sugary affair but i really like this and i'm hoping next time that i'm outside say I'm watching a hockey game that's outside.

Ooh, the Winter Classic. The Winter Classic. And I'm playing center forward for the New York Rangers. Wow. Slap shot. I'll bring a mug of this on the ice with me. One-handed slap shot

with a mug of wassail. Order again. Delicious. Okay, you guys said B-level drink. I agree. It is a B drink. A B, B, B, bad drink.

I do not enjoy this. Every sip of this was not good to me. I did not like this. I finished my cup. I tried big sips. I tried small sips. I don't like this. I don't even really like the smell.

Did you think the big sips went out? The big sips were like, get this out of here. Yeah, you're just drinking it to get it out. Not for me. Not a mulled wine, my man. Ooh, a divisive drink here on the pod. That's good. That drives engagement.

And it drives it forward. We'll each write articles to be posted, maybe in the newspaper you were talking about, Tim. Right, New York Times. The New York Times. The New York Times. That's our show. Follow us on social media, at The Sloppy Boys,

where we release these recipes ahead of time. And hey, if you can't get enough boys, you can always saunter on over to the patreon.com slash the sloppy boys and unlock that sloppy boys blowout, the show we really care about. More than the cocktails. We talk about topics such as the Tam O'Shanter restaurant.

That's right. This week we did a big fat Christmas dinner. We ate the Christmas goose. And if you're online doing the Patreon, wander on over to sloppyboys.com. We got the website now. For all the hottest shirts. Hottest shirts and other Oh We got the website now For all the hottest shirts Hottest shirts And other stuff

Going on the website Yeah If you want Your fit to be lit Go to sloppyboys.com And that's it Thank you Tim That's a good drop

That's good That's a good sign off Let's go out on that Energy Bye folks Ring dong ding dong Ring dong ding dong Ring dong da ring do

Give it up for your boys Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys.