The Sloppy Boys - 116. Water

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

The guys take a break from the booze to celebrate one of the building blocks of life.WATER RECIPE2 atoms Hydrogen1 atom Oxygen Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford. Yoo-hoo. And Tim Kalpakis. What is up? 2023 style is coming at ya. Can you believe it 2023 I've been writing 2022

and a half on all my checks I was just as just as you were saying that Tim right before you said it word I said there's always a new take on that still writing the blank on my checks so this year's new take was 22 and a half?

Well, I guess that's, I haven't heard that one before, but people are, you know, people are like, I've heard one that's like, oh, it's 2023. I'm still writing 2019 on my checks. Like, you know. Right. Or have you heard ones where they flip out checks and they're like, I'm still writing 2022 on my ass taxes

or whatever it is. Taxi pads. I feel like I tweeted a funny one at one point what was it hmm well i have to go to twitter for that elon musk's twitter i'm excited for the new year but doesn't 2023 feel like just an awkward number no 2022 yeah that's a number 2024 like oh that's that's even better 2023 is like this clumsy in between 2023 is good that's the one that's interesting that's the one for us one okay um okay let's talk resolutions what do you got i'm still talking about i want to weigh in if i think jeff's idea is right not. Is 2023 a lame, awkward, in-between year? I say yes. It doesn't seem like an exciting number, 2023.

No, no. Numerically, it's just awful to look at. Jeff, don't do this to us. We need an exciting year. We've had a lot of boring years. Stop this. That's true. All right, all right.

I take it all back. Resolutions? Ah, yes. What will I resolve to do this time around? You know, I'm going to... You know, I'm, you look at me, I'm growing a beard. I saw Tim's mustache and it said, I said to myself, I remember when I had that mustache over the summer, I'm going to do that too. Yeah, it's fun.

Maybe, maybe by the time we all go on tour in the spring, Jeff will have a mustache. Ooh, that'd be fun. It'll be ZZ Top. ZZ Slurp. I will, I'll, I'll only shave this if it's like, hey, you got to do this for an audition or something. I'll say, yeah, right away. No.

That's good to tempt fate like that. You know what I mean? Like everything seems to happen. Anything good that comes down the pike seems to come at the cost of something else. So you might as well get that beard going to temp fate for a role that you got to shave for. I got a job as a model at Smooth Face Industries. Well, resolutions, Tim, normally I'm a 1080p guy, but this time I'm looking at 4K this

year. Stop! Geek shit, man. That's just one for the geeks out there, baby. What are you talking about? Oh, resolution. Take that shit to Comic-Con. Hanford is taking out his earbuds.

Don't know why that's happening. We're in the middle of a record. I'm seeing what they seem. It seems quiet in my left. Oh my God. Is this my new 2023 thing? Is my left ear seems quieter than my right? No, that's cool. No, it's not. It's good. It's a sign of maturity to have one good ear and one bad ear.

Mike, you know your 2023 thing and all all the slop heads who subscribe to our Patreon, the sloppy boys blow up. No, did this week we had an astrologer come read our charts. And yes, we found out that the sloppy boys band is going to have a really big year this year and even bigger, 2024. So what it might be is us putting ourselves out there, trying things, doing collabs, getting out there, hustling, hustle culture, M Drive. Sigma grind stuff. And then 2024 is where the windfall of money

finally comes in. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, so Slopheads, look forward to that world tour, international tour in 2024. I mean, we've already done that. We played Vancouver. Yeah, we're an internationally toured band.

That's true. So let's not even work towards that. We already did it. Should we not do work towards anything on a day-to-day level? We shouldn't really grind? Well, 2024, no. You grind in 2023. 2024, you just let the riches pour in um i'm gonna continue on with my grind set mindset it's paying off so good hustle culture

oh what's gonna happen in 2023 i always feel like around this time of year you look you're like oh my god it's 2023 next year will be 2024 And then all year I don't even think of what the date of the year is. Not writing a lot of checks, huh? What do I give a shit? Well, do you guys want to get into some booze news? Sure. Booze news!

Hit it! Well, we had a big show today. You guys want to get into some bibbit bit? Let's do it. Well, we had a big show today. You guys want to get into some bibbit bit? Good bibbit bit today. Bibbit bop. Mmm, bop, dip it up. Bibbit, bibbit, bib. I'm the booze news. Hit it.

Bibbit, bibbit, bib. Bibbit, bibbit, bib. Bibbit, bibbit, bib. I'm the booze news. Hit it. Bibbit, bibbit, bib. Booze News. Hit it. the words come to mind wonder what that could be

scatman booze news was sent to us by HGH Wells from the sloppy boy the sloppy boys discord which you can gain access to if you subscribe to our patreon and if you have a booze news theme email it to the sloppy boys podcast at gmail.com i tell you i thought i thought he was going to get into the cat man saying the cat man there because you started the you know we don't we don't call tim cat man as much on the pod as I thought we would. I don't really call him that much. Mike Mitchell calls me Catman.

Yeah. It's really funny. He can do that on Doughboys. Here we call you Timothy. You know when you have a nickname and then the person's mad at you? It's kind of funny. There have been a handful of times where Mitch is like, Catman. He used to call me Catman when he's mad.

Catman. Catman. Oh, you're such a cat. Okay, folks. Top story in booze news. Ooh. Yeah. Hard Arizona iced tea.

You've heard? No. I've heard. I've heard. They did it. We don't talk about too much of these hard sodas and hard seltzers and stuff like that. But Arizona, the beloved iced tea company, has put out hard iced teas. It was about time.

I mean, there's been Mike's hard iced tea, but then there's the White Claw teas and there's all the teas and stuff. So we got, you know, lemon and peach and green tea and half and half, like an Arnold Palmer type of thing. 5% alcohol. I don't even care too much to talk about it, but here's what I wanted to bring up to you guys. It's the top story of Booze News. You don't care too much. You don't care about the top story. What type of news man are you?

Here's the thing is I'm the editor in chief and I want to get kind of editorial on this one. Wow. Oh, okay. Take an interesting direction. Mm-hmm. Arizona iced tea tall boy cans. Is that a part of your life? Does that mean something to you?

Do you get those at the gas station? It did when they like, maybe when I was in like high school or middle school. That was the thing that was like, whoa, look at this fucking huge thing. It's cheap as hell. The 99-cent can, right? They still do that.

That's their calling card. That's what I was going to bring up. The price has been 99 cents since guess what year? 1999? 1997. Ooh. I read an article about this, and they did the math. And if you don't raise your prices, you lose to inflation.

And that can of iced tea should be, by 2023 standards, $1.84. So it's half price. So they're just kind of taking that hit and um it reminds me of you know the thing about the costco hot dog and soda yeah yeah it's a dollar 50 for a jumbo hot dog and like a medium soda and the ceo has said they will never change it they have no plans to change it it's always been that way yeah it's just that it it's like uh that's the advertisement for it right like it's cheap gets the asses i think that the guy who the guy who said it too i think also is famously like threatened the person who who pitched raising the price like i think something along the lines of like if you

raise the price of the hot dog i will fucking kill you or something like that there is something nice though about that constant i i don't i've maybe i've had that hot dog at costco once in my life um and i've had definitely had some cans of arizona back in the day but um i i think for me when i'm doing like fast food drive-through i like the stability of those 99 cent burgers at like, uh, every burger chain kind of keeps one burger. That's 99 cents. And I like one in the back.

Yeah. And it gets worse and worse over time, but we don't worry about that. I'll tell you one thing that makes me feel fucking old. Is it just inflation? That's probably the number one thing that makes me feel old because I remember when my dad would say like, damn,

I'm a gallon of milk used to cost 50 cents when I was a kid. And I would just, it meant nothing to me. You might as well be like speaking a foreign language. And now whenever I get a Starbucks thing and I'm like, damn, when I first moved to LA, a large iced coffee was $1.99. I just feel like such a fossil. What is a large iced coffee nowadays? It's like four bucks. Damn. Now that's's i don't even think

about prices i've sort of uh i feel like this is a very generational thing for us where i'm just like hey man i'm just living but i'll drink a nine dollar coffee i'll have a twenty dollar beer i don't give a fuck i'm not there's no part of me that's saving or dreaming of a future i'm just sort of like that looks good good. I'll take it. Agreed. There is something where I've only noticed prices recently because of just sort of the immediate inflation because of the pandemic. I don't really know what the problem is. But you look at Uber.

The pandemic changed so many things about life. We couldn't go out. We couldn't gather together. Like we did this Christmas. We had to wear masks. A lot of people were wearing masks. Some people said, I don't want to wear the mask. I have never Zoomed so much in my life.

Yeah. You never Zoomed before the pandemic. Crazy. Actually, the pandemic came along. I was Skyping everyone. Skype, Skype, Skype this. I've never gotten Skype to work. I don't think I've ever had a successful Skype.

Even in a day-to-day. Never worked. Never worked. I try to Skype with my tax lady every year and she's like, what's your Skype login? I'm like, I think it's my email. And she's like, not working. I'm like, I think it's my phone number and not working.

I think it's my username. Can you just FaceTime me, you accountant? You s-s-s-accountant? Wait, I was going to say something about inflation. Oh, yes, yes, yes. There's something out there that's happening these days known as shrinkflation. You know what that is?

Oh, yeah, I think I know what it is. The pool was cold. Watch it, Jeff. We don't want to talk about that right now. Shrinkflation. Say say you got a bag of doritos right they keep the price 3d or what yeah these are 3d no no no these are uh the regular nachos spicy nacho i got it do they say in small print on all the bags now 2d yeah just to let everybody know like legally these aren't the 3D ones. I remember

when the 3D Doritos came out, the big commercial for it was like, they were shooting around maybe a laundromat? Like, someone opened them up and they... But it was like, why... They're 3D so they, like, zip around the room and, like, they bounce off of stuff? Yes, yes. Yeah, why

did they bounce it everywhere? Also, didn't they come in, like, a plastic Pringle can? Like, didn't they come in like a plastic Pringle can? Like, they had to be in something that would protect it. Because if you put it in a normal bag, they'll get crushed. Oh, so would regular chips. 2D chips get crushed, let alone 3D. They're that much more vulnerable. I feel like their reference point for them bouncing around was like Matrix, bullet time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I remember them bouncing off of some lady's butt in the laundry mat. Damn. So they were able to sustain a butt bounce. Anyway, so you say you got a bag of Doritos, Cool Ranch. No, what do we say? Nachos, spicy nachos. They don't change the price, but they just give you less of the chip.

Shrinkflation, yeah. I've heard it. Right. Give you less. Not even mention it. Well, that's what's happening with the arizona teas and the costco hot dogs and the 99 cent burgers and stuff i'm sure that that is just simply the laborers are getting less wage that's all that happens you know like or the ingredients are bad yeah it's

more drier lint um you know arizona is one of those companies i'll see like a a can of it somewhere an ad for it or something and i'm just like oh that now i just associate that i associate that with like 90s throwback clothing oh yeah well there was a thing for a while with the arizona art on the cans where you could get like streetwear sweaters that looked like it yeah yeah the same the same way that like fuck jerry stole the 90s cup with like the, the sort of, like, teal zigzag. Oh, yeah. It's, like, out of fashion now, but it does, it hit me a couple years ago that I was like, oh, Arizona.

Now, every time I see that, I think of shirts. You'll still see it occasionally. Somebody will have, like, a pair of Jordans that are, like, the Arizona iced tea edition. Sure, but they're falling way out of fashion years later. I prefer a fruit to a... Way out of fashion, Michael. I've never seen you take such a hard stance on fashion. Well, he's at Paris Fashion Week every week.

The color scheme. Every week I go down there and they say, not yet, not this week. Damn, I'll be back. Would you just let me know? Speaking of fashion, you know what's really funny to me is, you know how Van Arsdalen,

when everybody started wearing like tighter jeans when we first moved to LA 15 years ago. And he said, I don't like it. I'm waiting it out. No, no, I'm waiting this one out. Oh, it works. Because everybody was getting away from the baggy jeans, away from the bootcut jeans,

into the Strokes jeans. Yeah, yeah. And then I told him the other day, I told him, you did it. You effectively did it. I'm seeing the big jeans are back and you look great. Do you think that during that whole 15 years, was he just thinking about that all day, every day?

That's what he was doing? Yeah, probably. You know what I'm doing here, right? He goes on dates and like, you know, you're probably thinking my pants look stupid, but you know I'm doing something great. You may think I'm stupid, but... I remember my dad as a kid,

when I was a kid, he was like, bell-bottoms. He was like, bell-bottoms, they're going to come back. They're going to come back. And then the 70s look came back and people were wearing bell-bottoms. He was like, see?

Son, son, see? Son, look at that person. Dad, I gave you no resistance on this. It's fine. I asked you to just stop talking about pants. Ah, yes. Dad's talking about pants. Is there anything more 2023?

Yeah. What's going to happen in 2020? So much happened in 2022, didn't it? I can't remember. Yeah, but what's going to happen in 2023? I know. What's going to happen? What's going to be the craziest thing that happens?

Well, is that it for Booze News? Wrap it up. Now I would love to hear about the drink of the day. Well, the drink of the day, I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to let a friend of mine, Brad Paisley, tell you about the drink of the day.

Jeff, why don't you go ahead and play my rule? Nice. Love it. Inflatable pool, full of dad's hot air. I was three years old, splashing everywhere. And so began my love affair with water. We're talking about water today. We're talking water.

What is that song? It's ridiculous. That's the song Water by Brad Paisley. From his album, let's see, American Saturday Night. That came out in 2010. Is there a verse about owning a boat and stuff? Yeah, it's like standing next to, getting a place by the water, being down there with your friends.

Really? Just water. Brad Paisley. Country music. Any call to action about there's too much plastic in the water now or something? I don't think he gets there. He just waits. It is a four-plus-minute song, though.

But I didn't listen all the way through it. He's a guy who, you know, huge country star, but he's got songs like about the internet or like celebrity. He kind of strays from the like talking about broken hearts and booze type stuff. Yeah. But yes, folks, the time has come. We are talking about two H's and an O. Oh, wow.

Okay. An oxygen with two hydrogens stuck right to it. You've heard, you've had. Yes, for sure. I've heard, I've had, and I'm not doing dry January, but to the people doing dry January, this is a building block of life. This is for them. This is the building block.

It's also kind of the building block of um all the booze cocktails and stuff hey you can't make ice without that cold hard water ah yes h2o we love it it's made up let me let me give you to run some facts uh by a great great 60 of our bodies are made up of h2O. I always thought it was 80%. Wasn't that always the kind of the running thing? 80%? It used to be 80, but it dropped down to 60. Inflation.

Inflation. Shrinkflation. The earth is 71% water. The earth. Wow. Remember that? And how about this? I looked it up.

You know, usually when we do a cocktail, you say, when did it start? How long has it been around? Yeah. Water has been on the earth. You just look up, how old is water? They had an answer for you. 4.4 billion years. Ooh. Doesn't get much further back than that. Nope. But here's the thing. It's a number that I don't really understand. 4.404. And then there's a plus and minus over each other. Does that mean just like basically like give or take? But then there's more 0.008 billion years ago. So people are saying, you know, nearly 5 billion,

which I think that, wow. But I don't understand what that number means. That's some science, some math numbers we didn't have where I grew up. Oh, so 5 billion years ago. I guess that's the you're talking about probably around the birth

of Joe Biden. Nice. I hope this is a political year for you, Tim. I hope you get political. I hope he's listening. I hope he heard that. I don't care.

Yeah, he probably heard Craig through his million megawatt ear plugs. Ear, what are those things called? You listen on the old phonograph, huh? What they say! Hearing aid. Hearing aid. Hearing aid. That's what I'm fucking trying to say.

Jesus Christ. Well, yeah. So, water. How did it get here? That's what the big question is. That's what we want to know, yeah. I was reading about it, and it seems to be the prevailing theory seems to be asteroids that had frozen water on them,

smashing the Earth, and it was left there. Ice cubes? Yeah, flying ice cubes around. But my real question is, how did water even start? And I couldn't really find that. There's signs of water on Mars, right? We found a water morsel there once. Yeah, and I drank it up.

Stop. But I think I can't really tell. And maybe I was reading this. Some of these articles are so dense with what they're talking about, like astrophysics stuff. Surprise, surprise. I don't understand a lot of it. Well, asking where water came from is pretty –

that's like a question a four-year-old asks. It's nuts. We have it, but – It's just like water, like oxygen and hydrogen were zipping around and it's just smashed have it but it's just like water like oxygen and hydrogen we're zipping around and it's just smashed into each other i don't understand like where because you think we would always have the same amount of water right because like it evaporates it collects in the clouds it rains back down you drink it you piss it out goes in the sewer it comes up in the lake you drink it but we are we lose it right like is some of that evaporation

gets zipped out in space or something i don't know i yeah there was this this one thing i was reading was saying that like when the earth was still forming when it was smaller it didn't have a big gravitational pull so we lost a lot of hydrogen that way but i don't know if we're still losing hydrogens nobody would tell me You're making phone calls? Now, are we going to start talking about water as a beverage? We could. Yeah, I would like that. I'd like that, yeah.

Let's do it, because I think I've run out of the little fun facts for this thing. But I will say this. Go onto the, like, just water Wikipedia or, like, the the origin of water it's just uh even if you don't necessarily understand it or care it gets you thinking about like wow where did everything come from man oh man i know a certain type of thing that you can smoke that makes you have those type of thoughts yeah water out of a water bong now what are your feelings on water he's got you know there's people that are like uh oh i don't uh it's rare but there's there are people that are like i don't drink water and then there are people

that are like hell yeah water uh as a beverage what do you how do you feel about it i like it and i will say this i know i don't drink enough of it yeah you know when i drink the most water is when i have a good water bottle that i like. The analogy kind of tricks you into chugging. Yeah. And you just wake up and you're like, that's my water bottle. I fill it and I take it with me. Because I've done the thing, Jeff, what you're talking about, where I'll be like, I want to have water more. So I'll find a nice water bottle somewhere.

And it doesn't like, I don't like the way it like fits on my mouth. I was like, eh, this is kind of, I don't like this. Yeah. And like, you definitely don't want to be chasing just individual glasses around. That's too much yeah i do i'll tell you that's my i don't i don't do i don't have a i don't do the water container and um what i the i really like like a restaurant water more but here's my main water and i'm gonna do this when we get into uh when the time comes i've made my recipe for my my special water oh yeah that i do this i i work from home i'm a writer so i gotta create a day for myself sometimes you know you gotta create some structure around here

and one thing and i like to chug of the water. Speaking of which, there was an article recently about rethinking hydration. Like you, coffee is not as diuretic as we think. And if you drink a nice coffee, you might be hydrating. Anyway, that was a side note. Here's what I do with water. I have this water that gets me very excited and I'll keep it as a little treat for myself, which is, you know, there's a pint glass, right? A glass pint glass.

Yeah. But do you know, you know, a British pint? It's got like a little curve up top. Yeah. It's got the little curve toward the top. So I have one of those glasses.

Yeah. And what I do, I don't use a Brita. I just go straight from the tap, but I put a couple, a few ice cubes into this British pine glass. Then I go to the sink, fill it up with water. Now, what you're thinking here is, oh, well, the ice is cold, but then the tap water was

warm. So there's that tension between the cubes and the room temperature water. You don't want to drink it then. You don't want to drink it. You need to let it sit. And now a lot of people will just think oh well maybe i let it sit for a second no i place the glass on the kitchen counter i go back to sit in my office and then 15 20 30 minutes later oh whoa. The cubes are fully gone. The condensation has built up on the outside of the pint.

And I pick it up and I drink it. Okay. And it's so, I don't know why, but it's so pleasant to me. Maybe it's even gotten a little bit warmer in the meantime, but it has no cubes in it. But it's a cold, drippy, condensed glass. And I do think that that maybe i think of that as like i'm out at a restaurant and i haven't been drinking my water

because i had a cocktail or something but then at the end especially like let's say you're at a sushi bar or a chinese restaurant you had a lot of soy sauce so it's salty you need that water but the cubes have been melting the whole meal and now finally oh yeah so you like to drink melted ice specifically. That's your preferred form of water. I like melted ice more than I like straight water. Who was it who was just telling me, I gotta remember who this was, who was just telling me Tim is an interesting person.

I gotta go find that person and slap him in the face. Rub him up a little bit. You misled me. I'm kidding. That is exciting actually to have a way to enjoy water. That's like... I love it. It gets my hand all wet.

It's cold in the hand. It's drippy. It drips all over. Tim, here I was waiting for like a lemon to come out or something. No such thing. Just time. I told you this, that I had a whole segment of my life before M Drive where my... Oh, no.

That's how I think of you is pre-m drive and post-m drive when i would get home from a jog i would have water with uh a little bit of apple cider vinegar in it right and then because my mom was like apple cider vinegar is good for you and i like it how big is that is this a big glass or you just this would be the same giant glass that i love so much and then just the bottle like a like a little tablespoon probably of which are really sitting with that flavor huh yeah i like apple cider vinegar flavor but i like anything that taints the water makes it weird makes me think i'm doing something um but then i eventually was like i should google and see what uh apple cider vinegar is

like when you drink and so i googled like drinking apple cider vinegar and i found all these articles that were like yeah you you can drink apple cider vinegar just try not to have too much and it was like if you want to put apple cider vinegar in your water try not to exceed two tablespoons and i i did not find anything saying like yes you, you should do this. It was like saying like, you're allowed. It's non-toxic. Yeah. If you insist. You're allowed to do that.

Now, Tim, when you're on a run, do you bring water with you? No, I don't either. I wait for it. That's my treat when I get home. I'll tell you what I do with water. I do bring it on run sometimes, especially if it's hot, hot, hot. But I don't like coming home and getting the bread out of the fridge and pouring it and then drinking the water then because it's so cold.

Too cold. Oh, okay. You know, like it seizes your throat up. So I'll sometimes do half of the bread and then half out of the sink. But you know what I love? We were talking about water bottles before. You know, you got a Gatorade bottle. I'll buy a Gatorade, drink the Gatorade.

I'll keep the bottle around for a little bit because for some reason I like the way it fits in my hand, and I like the mouthfeel on it. You're talking about the wide-ish bottle, the step guy. Kind of what I would consider the classic looking bottle. I'll fill one of those up and just have it by my desk when I'm working and glug it away. Let me ask you this. A bottle of water, let's say an Arrowhead or a Poland Spring bottle of water. You're working an office job.

There's no big cooler. So you're going to go and you're going to drink one of those. I can't really drink them straight out of the fridge. It's too cold. I reach for the room temperature arrowhead bottle and I rip the plastic and I pull it right out of the stack because I don't want the 40 degree one from the fridge. I can't chug it.

Yeah, you can really chug a room temp. Yep, I like that. Hey, on Birthday Boys, remember they all gave us, they gave us all Contigo water bottles with like the trigger on it. Yeah. It's like a seal trigger. It like flipped it open, right?

Yeah, because you could drink it that way from any direction. Like I'd be laying in bed and just like, you just put the water bottles to your dome and hit the trigger and. Contigo. You see some of those people, those were good. Some people have those water bottles like their desks that's like giant. It's like a gallon and a half. Like a hydro flask.

And it's like, drink this, and then this. You're almost there. It has like a little. Keep it up. You made it. Yeah, yeah. Well, Neil. There's also an app like that.

Yeah. Oh, really? That just like chimes in? It sends you a notification like, hey, you're cool. Drink some water, why don't you, dude? I think it was at Neil's house. He had one of those on top of his fridge. I was like, whoa, is that like really how much you're supposed to drink a day?

He's like, no, because there's other ones. I think he got it as a gift or something. He's like, then I have this other one. It's a different size and says the same stuff on it. You know what I heard is that you're supposed to have. I need my water now. Yeah, go ahead and take a little sip. No, you can't get into the drink of the day yet.

No. Hey, that doesn't count as first sips. We do first sips during segment two. This isn't my first sip because I've got different water for my first sip. Okay, okay. Yeah, but it was the same number of hydrogens and one oxygen. Yeah, but this one is a strawberry mango water. Oh, we haven't even gotten into that.

Those are, watch out. Those are good. You know, you're supposed to have, you take your weight. You take that number in pounds. 150. 123. Cut it in half. 75.

And then you're supposed to drink that much in ounces. So me, 160. I'm supposed to drink 80 ounces a day of water. Damn. Too many. That's what I heard. One. Yeah.

Water. It's supposed to help you lose weight. You're supposed to, uh, good thing is like wake up and chug a whole bunch of water right away. Hmm. Well, I don't know.

That's hard for me. My stomach doesn't like that when I do that. Yeah. You're not supposed to drink two, uh, hot cups of coffee in bed looking at your phone for an hour before you start spilling them all over your face do you prop yourself up in in bed you sit up in the bed jeff or you yeah you gotta prop up in bed to drink anything unless you have the contigo then you got 360 drink available the The Contigo, I think, did hots and colds very well.

The Contigo was great, and it's when I drank the most water consistently, and I did it for a long time, but I had it for too long, probably didn't clean it right, and when I got into the lid one time, I was like, oh, I think this is not clean or cleanable. Not cleanable.

You know what I don't like is when you're going through one of those phases where you're like, I've been doing pretty good on water. This month I've been drinking my 80 ounces. You fucking piss all day. All day you're pissing. Oh. Yeah.

I got to get up. I'm sitting at my desk. I got to walk. I got to take out my dick. Yeah. Yeah. I got to unzip my Levi's's slide down my bvds part my pubes oh yeah and pluck that's the left side and then the right that's me searching around for it oh man there it is. Shh. That was, I love that in the,

uh, the, the dick shrinking race sketch we did. Somebody's looking in somebody else's pants for their dick. Cause they claim that it was shrunk. And then we have, um, the script called for pube rustling noises.

Like the guy's like pawing around another guy's waistband. And you hear like dry leaves. Very good. Very detail oriented. Yeah, detail oriented. Well, hey, all this pube talk has gotten me really thirsty. Do you guys want to take a break and when we come back, we'll have waters

in hand? Yes, and I can't wait to get into my kitchen and see if my cubes have fully melted and condensed on the outside of my British pint. Okay, great. Okay. This is good. See you back here soon.

Folks, we'll be right back after this. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. And we're back. Water in hand. I went on the rocks. Oh, nice.

Now, Tim, you're from the tap. Yep. With cubes almost fully melted. Jeff, you're Brita. Yeah, I'm Brita. And I'm at a hotel, and I went tap as well. No ice. Ooh, served up.

Served up in a paper cup. And I don't think it's going to be any well. No ice. Ooh, served up. Served up in a paper cup and I don't think it's going to be any good. All right, for sips. No. No. Not cold enough out of the tap. Yeah, well sometimes you, well what, like sometimes it's too cold, sometimes it's not cold enough out of the tap. Yeah. Well, sometimes it's too cold.

Sometimes it's not cold enough. I feel like this is a user error. Yeah, for sure. This is... It tastes bad, too. Ah. Oh, okay. Chlorine-y?

Huh? Chlorine-y? Not even chlorine. Just like... Does it taste like hair? You're going to hate me when I say this, but it tastes a little ashy. God damn it. I hate you for that.

It's, you know, sometimes you get tap water and it kind of like coats your tongue. Like it feels like thicker than it should be. Yeah, it shouldn't coat your tongue. No, it shouldn't coat your tongue. You know, there's hard water and soft water. I don't like all that stuff. Water should just be water. Yeah, what makes that?

The pipes? The source? What? I don't know. The heat? It's the pH balance. It's the pH. Yeah, that's what it is.

Oh, the pH. Acids and bases and such. Well, what do you got going over there, Jeff? I got Brita with some ice in a big plastic tumbler and plastic starbucks reusable venti star yeah i don't know why i ever bought this glass but i do use it do you ever bring it to starbucks for refills um there was a time when i did yeah and now i'm like why was i thinking at the time of your life you've closed that chapter of your life yeah i'm less of like a a Starbucks fucking simp these days.

You put away childish things. How dare you say that to me, a sous vide fan from way back in the day. Yeah. Those are good. Tim, are those cubes melted yet? The cubes are, there's like three little soft baby cubes up top. I'm having a bad water experience and i'll tell you why this here's this is an interesting thing about water i hadn't thought about this pre-pod i thought i was gonna chug this and love it but then i remembered

water it's a crapshoot it's not until as will ferrell would say when it hits your lips right right i sort of lose track of my hydration and sometimes i start drinking water and i my body like sucks it down wants it good and it tastes so good and it wants it i'm like oh i was dehydrated and my peristalsis was taking over and i needed this water you your hand wanted to come down off your lips but your lips grabbed it and then the suction of your like esophagus was like just pulling it we're not done that happens to me a lot and then especially yeah like after a jog or in the summer or whatever you you drink water and you're like wow i'll tell you this on a day like today um i'm feeling a little under the weather and i was actually drinking a hot toddy when we started the pod which is whiskey

and uh hot water whiskey lemon hot water i put a little uh sugar and clove in there too so no tea wait a minute wait a minute i thought hot toddy was tea i know we covered it but that was like two years ago people make it with tea but that's a that's an expanded lux package it doesn't need tea but um i don't know whether it's just me. I think, A, these were big hot toddies I was drinking, filling them up very high with hot water. Plus, I drank water earlier today, so I'm hydrated. But here's the thing, guys.

My mouth, being that I'm a little bit sick, my mouth just didn't, this water was sort of like, you know when you're like, you got a sick mouth? It's got kind of like sores in it. And I drank this water was sort of like you know when you're like you got a sick mouth it's got yeah yeah sores in it and i drank this water looking for refreshment yeah and all i'm getting is like the the cold temperature this water is just sort of like upsetting all my mouth sores like the cracks of your mouth this part of my tongue is like i don't like that and then the top of my mouth is like don't don come over here. I don't want that. I am sick.

And all I'm sort of getting is just sort of, it just made me feel kind of confused and scrambled. It's not, I'm not going to be able to get this pint down. I'll tell you that. Damn. Damn. I'll tell you, I have a water horror story for you. A couple days ago, a week, I'm doing hard-boiled eggs in the morning.

Boiling up some water, boiling up a pot. And I must have been distracted, right? This is early in the morning. I'm dumping out the boiling water, trying to keep the eggs in. But I'm, like, multitasking. I forget. And I get a little splash of the boiling water

on my nude belly. I had boxers on. I had boxers on. I had boxers on protecting my little dinger, but it didn't save the belly button area. I don't know if you can see it. I have like, I got like a full on like burn on my stomach. Oh yeah.

Is that still there? Yeah. It's just like, I got like a, I got like a red mark below my belly button. And I panicked, but I just froze. I was like, just don't move. Don't let it spread.

And then when I put everything down and I rubbed my stomach, like there was like a little bit of a film. And I was like, oh, did part of the egg get in the water and get on my stomach? No, no, no. It was the top layer of skin I just like wiped off. It was so nasty. Gruesome. Nasty. Nasty boy. So water can be your friend and also your foe here's here's something crazy let me ask you this you know when you boil up

water for tea let's say usually my case it's tea and you pour it from the kettle or the pan or whatever into the mug yeah do you do you think it makes a different note like hot water makes a different sound when it's being poured it's like a it's like a deeper like lapping sound is that crazy lapping it's like yeah i don't like the sound of it now look yeah i may have just outed myself uh as someone with a very acute mental problem. You got some low sanity levels over there. I wonder if you have the normal pouring of water sound, but you also have a very subtle steam sound.

Whatever it is, it's specific to me and I dislike it. Damn. It's one of my things, I guess. One of my little quirks. One of my nice little quirks. I don't like your quirks. Now, you probably saw me drinking that water and I finished it. And I knew it was going to be bad because I'm in a hotel.

But I also got some other type of water that I think might be pretty good. Evian! Wow. The handman picked himself up a one liter bottle of Evian. That was the first bottled water I ever heard of. And it was name brand. Like, oh, would you like an Evian? I was like, what's an Evian?

Oh, my God. Yeah. And it sounds rich. It's the expensive one. But I don't think. It's luxury. It wasn't the most expensive. I went to Target and it was like $2.75 or something.

I think it was expensive. Like back in the day when we just thought of the concept of paying for water as being expensive we're like evian is for rich people yeah but now waters are all the same fucking price and i'm sure i've had this before but i haven't had it in a long time usually if i get a bottle war it's like the the cheap like pulling spring it's so funny how many luxury ones have kind of come and gone to like do you remember Voss that came in like, it was V-O-S-S, it came in like a ooze cylinder. Oh yes, yes, yes. And the cap, it was like a big thick cap. Big thick cap.

And then also Fred water, which was shaped like a, kind of like a carton, like a milk carton. Or no, no, like a, it was shaped like a flask. It was like flat. It was like Fred. And they used to have them at Ace Hotels. I used to use one of those jogging.

It was the perfect holding your hand jogging. Or for sneaking into a haunted hayride or something. Yeah, they don't let you bring your own water to a haunted hayride. And then finally, talk about the Evian. This is great. This is so much better than the crap I just drank out of the tap. Made by the French Alps. And you know that's gonna be good melted this is melted snow basically damn you don't even taste it it's just like it's in your mouth and then it's in your stomach there's no mouth feel there's nothing that's good good ph balance i bet the best um you know

jayden smith was like the founder or maybe not, but he's like the hot shot behind Just Water. The one that comes in like a paper carton. Oh, that's what I was thinking of, yes. It's funny to start a water company. It is, it is. Maybe we should. Slop water. Hey, that Liquid Death is doing pretty good.

Yes, it is. Yeah is yeah shit they really got something going for themselves and they got flavors now and i heard it's like good it's great because they don't sweeten it too much it's not like a spin drift or whatever it's almost like they it's almost like they expressed a lemon over the water just the essence you know what that like the liquid death the whole thing with it is it's supposed to you know

it looks like a 16 ounce can of like a craft beer yeah the idea was to like or the appeal of it is like people get it

at concerts and you just kind of look like everyone else and you don't like it's for sober people you're not holding the water yeah and you don't look like

you're holding the water bottle because you could be like oh that's kind of lame looking. I look like everybody else. But now the secret's out. You see a liquid death and you say, dork. Well, you're not tricking anyone. But also it's like, well, why does water have to look like the lamest possible thing in your hand? You know, this could be kind of cool.

You know what I hate for water containers is if you pull it out of a water dispenser and it's like the cone shape. That's so stupid. I like that as a little challenge. The paper cone, it's melting, it's falling into my hand.

I better drink fast. Whoa. Well, it doesn't like fit in my, it doesn't sit in my hand well. Now the onus is on me. Plus to pull them out, you have to like smush a whole bunch when we get them out.

I feel like you see that at a Jiffy Lube and nowhere else. Who's got the cones anymore? Now I've got to put it down. It spills all over the Jiffy Lube paperwork. Alright. For second rounds, would you do anything different? Oh, I kind of did my second round. It was the

Evian. Oh, okay. And from this, no, I would do nothing different? Oh, I kind of did my second round. It was the Evian. Oh, okay. And from this snow, I would do nothing different. It's perfect water. I'm going to pour a room temp water, and then I'm going to compare room temp to cold. Ooh. Nice. All right, folks. We're going to take a little break, and we'll see you back here

after the ads. See you soon. Our bag with round two of water. I filled up my big old glass and I squeezed a quarter of a lemon in there. You don't want it to be lemonade. You don't want it to be lemon flavored. But with this much water, you're going to want about a quarter of a lemon in there. You don't want it to be lemonade. You don't want it to be lemon flavored, but with this much water, you're going to want about a quarter lemon. That's kind of a restaurant water, but if you'd done cucumber, we'd call it a spa water.

I like that cucumber. When you go to a water tap thing and there's cucumbers in there, I don't really like when they do the strawberry in there. That's a little much. Michael! But the cucumber, it's just enough flavor. I feel like the strawberry one's for show.

Yeah, yeah. I did something interesting this round. I did two things. First, I got a pint of straight from the tap, lukewarm water, no cubes or anything. But then, even better, I got a package I got a package of moon cheese crunchy cheddar bites. Whoa.

These are really good. What does that have to do with anything? Well, it's just what I got from the kitchen when I went in there. Oh, okay. Wow. Moon bites. Moon cheese. Oh, there's moon cheeses.

Don't shoot on the mic. They don't like it. Oh, how could you? Jeff, I think you just went way up in your volume, did you not? I shrieked. Okay. Wait, here's my lukewarm sip. You know what?

I have to rethink my whole water thing because I think that my melty cube thing is better in the hot months. But here we are, the cold months. My tap is nice and cold, and this was great. Great. I love it. Nice. And my Evian's fantastic, and that's all I know. Well, would you order it again?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Water, you have to. It's a Stone Cold Classic. I agree, Mike. It's an order again. It has to be.

Stone Cold Classic. Tim? Nothing to it. Do you agree, Mike. It has to be. It's an order again. Stone Cold Classic. Tim? Nothing to it. Do you agree? Yep. Order again. Also, remember during the drought days in LA where they weren't allowed to bring you water unless you ordered it?

Yep. Oh, really? Yeah, that was... Yeah, they wouldn't just bring water for the table. You'd have to say, come on. I got to go to a restaurant. We had that a little... We also did it with napkins, remember?

Where it's like, no napkins unless you ask. Yeah, and now they're taking away my straws? Show me the turtle that got... Stop, stop, stop, stop. It's just too much. It's too much. Well, that's it for water. That's it for water, but I was thinking maybe you guys,

as we are finishing our waters up, might be interested in something known as the water quiz. Oh! Jeff, maybe on that in post, maybe put in like a splashy sound or something, like something water related. A toilet flush. Okay.

Here we go. These are questions. I'm going to reorder it here because I think I don't want to open with that question. Okay. Okay. It's really cool to get this peek behind the curtain. The Quizmaster. It's a real thought

behind the water quiz. Last minute edits to the quiz. Here we go. The water quiz. It's a blurred out. I'm not sure if there's any bonus points or anything yet. We'll see how the quiz goes. I think maybe it'll be revealed. Okay.

Okay. When one is said to pass water, they are actually passing this. Urine. Urine. I have piss here, but yes. Urine. Jeff with the urine. What?

That was a tie. No. It's a most fleece drag. I said it at the very same time. No, you didn't. No, no, no. If you did, it was an illusion. Well, you know what? The listeners know and time will tell.

And then I shall have my day. America's Cup is a prestigious event for this water sport. Water polo. Hmm. Regatta.

Sailing. Sailing. The T-man has been out of the water. Tim owns his own. He has a sailing license. Do you not? I own my own sailing license. You own your sailing license.

I don't own a boat, but I own. I'm the sole proprietor of that license. This chemical compound is frozen to make ice. Water. H2O. Jeffy. H2O. Chemical compound.

I'll give it to Jeff because the answer is water. I had water. Because the answer is. They had water because the answer is they that's not fair you're gonna call water a chemical compound hey what are you drinking oh water what's that a chemical compound no it's a liquid no no you should have said liquid when you say chemical compound you entered a verbal contract that the answer was H2O. Tim, you gotta understand, Mike is so familiar with this stuff,

he's got a shorthand. Oh, okay. Jeff, you know what's interesting about the water quiz? You're not gonna like this. But if you argue your point, you get a point! It's 2-2! No! You know, I didn't even know that. He didn't get the initial point

I got the point but then he he argued so he got a point as well he argued his point so he got a point but here's the thing

you can't just make that the thing now right okay because then we'd get nowhere okay okay what happens if you make it the thing do you get a point deducted

if it's made the thing but you don't but if you don't make it the thing? Do you get a point deducted? If it's made the thing, but if you don't make it the thing, but it's like made the thing, you get another point. Oh. That one's very tough. It's made the thing. Oh, it was made the thing, yes. Yeah. You just get that feeling that it's like made the thing.

Okay, question four. They are associated with the way of water navi that's right jeff the navi associated coming at you this have you guys seen it yet i still gotta see it no i still gotta see the way of water i guess still gotta do that it's something i got to do. All right. So now, okay, now that's the thing. The Inavi, that's the answer.

He holds the record for most goals played in a sport on frozen water. Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky. Jefferson. What? No. Timid. Timid, but he got it.

The timing is fucked here. I said that at the same time as Jeff. No way. And I said it louder. And I'm making a thing out of it. You said it more confidently. I'm making a thing out of it. I'm making a thing.

Tim, I wish you hadn't said you're making it a thing because it proved to me that you're trying to make it a thing. And that is no way to that is no way to get a point in this game but Mike is it a way to lose a point no no no just because I'm just asking how the quiz works

no but you asked it in this way that's like oh maybe I can influence the judge which is a way to get the other person a point no 4 to 3 it other person to point to the board. Four to three. It is four to three. Neck and neck.

Neck and neck. And it shouldn't be this close, Jeff. It should not be this close because you're doing so well. Yeah, no, I agree. It's like you don't know all the different rules of the water quiz. These three songsters suggestedgested we not chase water That is falling in their hit song TLC? TLC!

Fuck! Songsters! The songsters But the way that was worded It kind of seemed at the end like we were looking for the song name I thought you were looking for Their individual names, their individual artist names. And I said, you know what? Just say TLC,

see what happens. Yep. Just get something out there. That's a good way to do the water quiz. The ocean is made of water. Yes. Sure. Name the world's smallest ocean. Indian Ocean. Arctic.

Arctic. Fuck my fucking life. arctic and everything in it your boy knows water doesn't take the arctic plunge if it were up to me this whole quiz would take a titanic plunge never to be seen ever again. All right, hold on. What is the score here? Let's see here. We got to... Go ahead and tally it up. One, two, three, four, five, six to three.

Six to three. Okay. I'm hoping Tim can... Because he's had some luck on not getting points here. The quiz master shouldn't hope anything. I don't know because I want to. The quiz master should hope for a good game. Yeah, yeah.

A fair and even sport. The quiz master shouldn't hope anything. He should hope that his questions relate clearly. Stimulate the minds of the players and listeners. All right. Here we go. This is a way, this word I'm looking for,

is a way to describe a person's impressive and trendy appearance. Wet. Dripping. Drip. I'm looking for drip. Tim got it. No, I don't know. I think Tim, I think Jeff gets that one.

But Tim, I'll give you a couple, I'll throw a couple points on for you. Boom, boom. Wait, wait, wait. I'll throw a couple points on for you. Boom, boom. What does that mean? It means, it means I forgot what the... It's chaos. I forgot what the score was, so I've got to count again.

Jeff has 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. And Tim has 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I feel like I had 6 last time we counted, and I got like two questions since then. No, it was 6 to 3, and now it's 7 to 5. Are you quite sure? I think so. Well, Jeff, for questioning, Tim gets another point. And Tim gets two points, and now it's all tied up.

Whoa, Tim is doing good in the water quiz. It's tied up here at the end. Because, you know, I realized, as the quiz master, I sort of realized this quiz was sort of basic and bogus and lame. So I need to think of some way to make it exciting. You see? All right. But you don't have that fear about the whole episode being kind of basic.

No, I think this episode has been exciting. Oh, boy. This is not one of our best episodes. Also, usually I can lean on the fact that we've had some drinks and I'm not making any sense, but this is just... I had a hot toddy. The way I am, I guess. It was the way I am.

All right, here we go. Last question. Yes. This hydrated band uh wait okay this hydrated band made an album

that sits at number 8 on the Guardian's top 50 albums of 2022 Wet Leg whoa Jefferson wins you win the water quiz! You win the water quiz. Yes!

You won the water quiz. That's exciting. It's only right. That's exciting. My God. I did rather poorly. You like to see that. Yeah, you didn't really get many of them at all, Tim. I think maybe you had none. I think I had one early on. Oh, come on. It was a

good quiz. I got on the board. You did and then you made a lot of your points by making it a thing and just being at the right place at the right time. Yeah. So, Jeff, you get the scratch off. Scratch away, my man. Nice. That's our show.

Follow us on social media at The Sloppy Boys where we release these recipes ahead of time. And if you want more boys, go to patreon.com slash thesloppyboys and unlock the Sloppy Boys Blowout, our weekly bonus episode. And Questions for Lennon, our monthly bonus episode run by our very own Mike Hanford. Yes, yes, yes. Folks, we just want to let you know we are going to get back to business as usual next week. Yes. Oh, yeah. We're drinking cocktails next week, folks. we are going to get back to business as usual next week. Yes. Oh, yeah.

We're drinking cocktails next week, folks. We're going to get blitzed. We're going to get shit. Bye, folks. Bye. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys.

Give it up for your boys Give it up for your boys