The Sloppy Boys - 153. Porto Flip

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

The guys fetch the eggs for a frothy cocktail first appearing in Jerry Thomas' 1862 The Bartender's Guide: How to Mix Drinks; A Bon Vivant's Companion.PORTO FLIP RECIPE.5oz/15ml Brandy1.5oz/45ml Red Tawny Port Wine.33oz/10ml Egg YolkPour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker, shake well with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Sprinkle with fresh ground nutmeg.Recipe via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford. It's raining here. And Tim Kalpakis. It's raining here. What is up? Ooh, nice.

And we are your hosts, the Sloppy Boys, blasting into the stratosphere fresh off of Hopscotch Festival. That's right. Ooh, what a time. Thanks to everyone who came out who was a Slophead and anyone who's now a Slophead who's never seen us before. Yeah.

That was a fun, fun show. That was a fun festival. That was a well-done fest. We had a sold- out show Saturday night, midnight at Neptune's. Waiting down the block. I knew that we hit capacity, but did you guys know, yeah, that there was like a bunch of people outside that didn't get in?

Like a whole ton of people didn't get in. We were too popular. Now, some might say that maybe the festival mismanaged it and that those people should have been able to get in. But I'm just saying, no, we're too popular oh my god perhaps that would kind of suck if you paid for a bracelet to see a weekend of music and then you couldn't get into one of the things you're like well i didn't choose the club size yeah you couldn't get into the one band you wanted to see more than any other yeah fuck

dinosaur junior japanese breakfast pavement come on come on i think the thing the thing with those Yeah, fuck Dinosaur Junior Japanese Breakfast Pavement. Come on. Come on. I think the thing with those festivals is just like, everyone can fit into the big shows, and then it's like, fend for yourself for the smallies. Yeah. Oh, and fend you do. Smally Wallace. Smally Wallace. You know, I think I named that character on Comedy Bang Bang.

Anyway, the thing that had me laughing, me and Jeff were talking, like, recapping some of the, I guess our wacky hijinks at the fest. And one funny thing was how Sloppy Boys all in one hotel room. All stacked up high. Oh, yeah. Nice. We did it well.

Yeah. We had Tim. Tim's nose was not making a peep all night. Can you believe this, folks? Yeah, you cracked the case there, Tim. It fucking worked. Whatever apparatus you're using is working. This is not livable, but if I'm sharing a hotel room with you guys, I did a nose spray,

a throat spray, a nose clip, and a mouthpiece. And I don't know which one of them was doing the trick or they all did a little bit of the trick. No, no. It's all of them. You got to hook them up, hose them down, give them all the sprays. They only work. You take one piece out the car the tower of cards collapses if my whole head i felt like i was on pimp my ride i

had so much uh pimp my fucking esophagus exhibit oh and i even i recorded the night of sleep with the snore lab and you could hear at one point i snored a little bit like a normal guy but not as like a guy who was dying the first night jeff and i came in a little like a little bit after you tim you were already in bed could you hear jeff and i uh chit-chatting on the uh on your snore app um oh you know what when you hit i mean i don't think we were saying much but i think it was like hey look tim's in bed okay you know you when you start the app it doesn't actually start recording for 15 minutes. So in my memory, we were in the green room hobnobbing, schmoozing. And I was like, it was like 2.45. I was like, I got to go to bed.

Bye, guys. I'm bailing. And then I got into bed. I went back to the hotel, got in bed. And I feel like you guys were two minutes behind me. Yeah. So I feel like we were all settled in within that 15-minute window. So the answer is no,

there was no chit chat, but I have in the past, you pick up some funny things on there and it's quite novel. I like a nice sleep talk. It's a nice, it's a nice window into the mind, you know? Me too.

Me too. No, Claudia Schiffer. No, Pam Anderson. Don't fight over just me. Yeah. Not,

not over little old me. And, and don't fight me. Just not over little old me. And don't fight me. Whoa! Stop that. I'm doing the sound effects too. I think I got a recording of myself talking in my sleep because I kept saying honk shoe, honk shoe.

And I was like, is this like some sort of car and footwear dream I was having? I was going to say a goose wearing sneakers. Sure, yeah. And I heard a little me, me, me, me, me, me, me in there too. Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, he's such a narcissist.

That was a weird weekend. I was telling Tim, normally I'm staying up till 3 a.m. one night a year. Really? I get like one crazy night where I'm up until like 3 a.m. It's not very common for me. This weekend, every night. I'll tell you what is going to blow your mind, Jeff. It's because everything started so late. I mean, not everything, but they continued going late.

It's because we just got there from LA and we're on LA time. I thought I was like, man, what a weird trip. I'm staying up till three and I'm sleeping till noon. Yeah, because it was a short trip. We never got off of West Coast time. Well, sure. But also like when I'm on my own i make my own poor decisions you know and when you're when you're with your buds your party dudes you make your own poor decisions and then also the ones that your friends make as well yeah it's sort of a multiplier they're sort of they're sort of uh fortified yeah yeah three people doing it this is a good idea that is very funny because you. Because we're all like three peas in a pod. Instead of being like, I drank too much or I ate too much.

You're like, we drank too much. We ate too much. It's like, well, I drank any time I wanted to drink or Mike or Tim. And then I ate every sort of crazy food that anyone wanted to eat at any point. I told Tim, when I go home, just normal foods, just normal amounts. Yes. That's the new rule. Normal foods, normal amounts.

The Dutton Kitchen. I ate a normal amount of chicken tonight. But I brought up the hotel was this Saturday night after our, because we, I don't know, I don't want to sound immodest, but we played just like the greatest show anyone's ever played and we're the best musicians ever so we're riding high sure that was high up there on the sloppy balls sloppy boys sloppy boys all timers list sure that was a high up on the sloppy balls the sloppy balls no you can't say the word all timer after sloppy boys mike are you gonna screw it up? I said that to myself all afternoon. Practicing.

The thing... Whoa, Michael, you got a fucking storm there, man. Yikes. My hair's standing on end. Are you scared? Ow. It felt like the thunder and lightning happened at the same time, which means it's really close.

It's close. Thunder really... If you really get a big thunder clap, it is a little... It takes you... J jumps your heart for a second Sure it's a primal reaction we have It's only natural to fear the lightning and the thunder Time to get my crafts back into the cave Thunder

What do you guys like better? Thunder or Thunder Thunder The first one There you go Thunder. The first one. Oh, there you go. So you're more of an Imagine Dragons guy than an ACDC guy.

Yep, always has been. I'd love to see those two form a super group. Hey, we should come up with some Imagine Dragon type songs. Yeah. You know, like some shitty ones, but everyone likes them. Well, we got the shitty part taken care of. With some slow stomps. Drink that beer, then you gotta have a cup of wine.

Yeah. Big old stadium rockers that make a lot of money, even though they're not so good. This is quickly becoming sort of a sleep sound app over here. Yeah.

We're picking it up, too. I'm hearing it. Alright, Tim. Finish your story and then let's get on to the booze news. Well, first can I say a thing about soundscapes? Please. You guys are like, yeah. I was listening to some white noise trying to sleep on Spotify and I was like, I bet they have white noise

on here. And I eventually found good ones, but I found some white noise. It was like nine hours of white noise white noise aka heavy metal stop it you know that's not what i meant i don't know they i found it's an album that was called like nine hours of white noise and uh but then the tracks were only one minute long this is like a lot of tracks so when i put it on oh yeah i'd start to fall asleep but then the tracks were only one minute long so it's like a lot of tracks so when i put it on oh yeah i'd start to fall asleep and then the sound would end and i'd wake up and then the next track would start and then this isn't that odd silence was deafening yes oh tim that's good silence is the great wakener this night on this night is that why you said that i heard you

say that in your sleep yes silence is a great way for this night and finally my story i was gonna say real fast was just that i was recalling to jeff we hung out in on another room on our floor with thomas and his band uh bud and clay and jeremy and stuff oh yes we ate some of their food so then i ordered pizzas and then pizzas came and we ate some of the pizzas and i just we were so we like kept them up late and then when we left we were like 4 a.m this is so this is the latest night of all we kept them up this is us like juiced off of the show and be like okay come on guys let's party like we are all in bed they're settled into their beds and we're just like riding high and they're like okay okay but when we finally left they were like hey uh don't forget your pizza

and i remember us being like keep it like like we were being gregarious like oh we know you want this keep it and then the next morning i sang to jeff like we went in the room stinky disgusting pieces of 4m that they didn't want but then and we dumped them with our garbage. I thought we were being so nice to them. Keep it. Oh, eat, eat. Please, you beautiful boy. It was great seeing those guys. I always like seeing them.

And it was nice to, because I usually see them like one at a time. And I like seeing Clay, Bud, and Wit, the Power Violence guys all together. Yeah, man. Fun group. Well, is it time for Booze News? Yes. Hit it. Ooh. To any Booze News theme Yeah, man. Fun group. Well, is it time for Booze News? Yes. Hit it. Ooh.

To any Booze News theme makers, you can use that. Sample it. Ooh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Damn. That makes you want to dance. I like that hi-hat song. I like that. It's boosters, you sample dudes. Boomer Beats was sent to us by King Kang, Eric Kang, the Kangar. Hey, subscribe to the Sloppy Boys Patreon if you want to gain access to our Discord and befriend Kangar himself.

And if you have a booze news, email it to thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com. Yeah, when you sign up to Discord, Kangar is standing there ready to shake your hand and welcome you and embrace you in the community. you out to lunch he takes you out to dinner it's part of what he does i uh that was great kanger um i like a nice soundscape every once in a while like just something that grows and pulses and shrinks very fun well i was trying to listen to white noise on spotify recently but no when it comes to the track links... Oh, dear me. You guys want to hear the booze news? Oh, now you're giving Kanger more beat material. Yeah.

Here's one for you, Kanger. Yeah, throw that in there. Beat material, you mean like... Easy. Buddy boy, we're on a good track so far. it easy alan ginsburg's jizz that's beat material i was trying to think of a different way to say the vegetable beat but no no the beat material is the fucking july issue man oh oh beat off yeah yes yes yes i was thinking material because on the show mike

says material in reference to sperm the results yes the result the result oh my gosh what the result i need to change you know how the word like climax is like a normal word that's coming to come to hear it in that sense. That would have resulted. That's what people call it. People start calling semen a result. Yep. Well, that's my ultimate result over there. Over there.

You and your wife are trying to conceive and you want a sperm count? Okay, well, give me a deposit of your result. We'll take a sample of your result and see if you got what it takes. I'm about to resolve. That's climax. I'm closing the chapter on this. Turning the page on this chapter. I'm closing the chapter on the pumping portion of my life. And now for the result.

The results are, I don't want to say. Okay. All right. to say. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. Today's Booze News is an update based on some real life experience. Michael, you remember one of the biggest stories really ever broken on here on Booze News was about fireball nips, right? You love the nips.

You get the fireball nips. And then we found out. No, I don't. How does that screw you i'm fucked no you were buying them gas stations and then we were like how is it i love the nips i love the fireball how is it that mike buys them at at uh convenience stores of their liquor and then we looked into it and we found out there's there's fireball cinnamon whiskey which we all know and love but then there's also fireball cinnamon which

is technically not whiskey it's a malt product but it can be sold at gas stations and bodegas and corner stores right yeah because it's low proof now cut to me driving on the five coming or the 101 driving down the 101 um but on a serious note driving home from santa cruz and i stop off at a gas station and what do i see on the counter a big pile of fireball nips and i said yeah yeah yeah i'm familiar with that what else do i see boosh look at this 99 bananas nip oh look at this 99 watermelons nip and finally boosh okay 99 apples these are all malt beverage with natural flavors so this is has now spread from fireball cinnamon to other liquors are now making you guys i know 99 bananas right it's like i've never had it but i i It's supposed to be 99 proof, I think. Right, right.

It is, and it's classic. So it's literally undoing the premise. Yeah, they're probably going to pivot and say, no, it packs the flavor of 99 bananas. Shut up. Well, you know, we all know Nintendo started out as a playing card company, and look at them now. They are making movies. I wish they'd go back to playing cards.

Yeah, well, how about Pokemon Go? the polls hey how about it how about pokemon go hey i had a friend who lost a lot of weight playing pokemon go really like it was always a bigger dude my whole life he was also a very tall guy and he got shorter after playing yeah he shrunk he lost a lot of height weight my friend lost a lot of height. But the gamifying of exercise was like perfect for his brain. And that's like what really got him in the right step. Now, Tim, you just mentioned Santa Ana Freeway. Is that what you were talking about? You were on? Well, the word Santa made me think that when I was at the airport coming back to New York.

Okay. I saw a guy. He was dressed as Santa would be on vacation. He had red pants and green suspenders over a red shirt and a big white beard and a red, what's it called? A scully cap or something. Oh, yeah. And I was like, that guy must be a Santa Claus, if not the Santa Claus.

Would you describe him as droll? Jolly, I'd say. Oh, okay. Yeah. Even better. I took a picture of him if not the Santa Claus. Would you describe him as droll? Jolly, I'd say. Oh, okay. Yeah, even better. I took a picture of him if you want to see. Actually, I'll show you right now. Like, look at this guy. Oh, my God.

He's got a big red roller duffel. Well, it's funny that he's like, he's extremely Santa'd out except khaki pants. Red shoes even. You know what he looks like? He looks like, you know, when you see a Christmas ornament of like Santa Claus playing golf? Yeah. That's what he looks like he looks like you know when you see a christmas ornament of like uh santa claus playing golf yeah that's what he would be wearing

almost exactly i sent it to my uh i sent to the family text thread and my mom was like oh look at that guy in the background there's a guy like noticing a guy who looks like santa claus his eyes were wide open he's lit up with cheer and here's me without my list oh you know what i'm putting on my list this year xbox and ps5 sure that old bastard figured out so was was he rushing to catch the uh was he late for his sleigh no this guy wasn't rushing anywhere that's what what I liked about him. He was getting a coffee and moseying on. I said, wow. He said, yep, I don't start rushing until

I'm done with that Macy's Day parade. Harold Square. Well, is that it for Booze News? Wrap it up. That's it for Booze News. Well, well, well, it's time for the drink of the day And who holds the fate today? Me, Mike Oh, God Oh, boy

Today we're doing a drink called the Porto Flip You've heard? I've heard of a porno flick, but not a porno flip This is, from my understanding I've never seen a porno flip. This is from my understanding. I've never seen a porno flick, but it may be very similar. No, I saw a porno movie online once. It's a feature.

I sat down and mirrored my laptop to my TV and watched a whole feature porno. Made popcorn. That'd be a good blowout. Best feature length porn. It's kind of weird. They haven't in the modern era that there wouldn't be like a Debbie does Dallas,

like a winky, like maybe I'll be the one to do this, but some comedy people get together with some porno people and like, they make a feature that's like funny and campy. And, but here's the, you put it behind a paywall. Like that would be huge.

If you found out like, oh, there's this porno. It's like supposed to be funny. It's got like TJ Miller in it. That's exactly what it would be. We're going to get bombarded with, you know, fact checker reply. People being like, actually, Jenna Jameson did a lot of comedic work in the 90s. There was a series of Ghostbusters parodies.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so we're not talking about Ghostbusters porn parodies this round. We're talking about the Porto Flip. A drink as old as the Jerry Thomas' 1887 book, Bartender's Guide, How to Mix Drinks, or the Bon Vivant's Companion. Oh, right. Damn, classic.

It's one of those drinks that doesn't really have a history. It's just like the first time it was seen was this book. I also like when books or movies or something have the name, a subtitle, and then a or subtitle. Yeah. Oh, yeah, like, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. Yeah, or how the Sloppy Boys recorded an album in West Texas. That's right.

The film Blood, Sweat, and Beers, of course. Directed by? Robert Olguin and premiering September 29th. That's soon. Hey, we're going to have to walk the red carpet. At the El Paso Film Fest. Yes, we should get the Dumb and Dumber tuxedos. Yeah, I haven't decided on my Luke. Ooh, yeah.

Yeah, you got to put together a Luke book. We should all wear the orange Dumb and Dumber tuxedo. Okay, so where do I want to start with this drink? Well, since there's not much about it, I'm going to talk about what port wine is and also what flips are. But this drink is a variation on something called the coffee cocktail oh which uh i think k was in another jerry thomas book but like i want to

say 1860 something um where it adds a whole egg same same uh recipe but they add a whole egg and simple syrup let me tell you what the recipe is before I continue so we can kind of... This is the coffee cocktail? Had an egg in it? Mm-hmm. Oh. Mm-hmm. It's like part of your complete breakfast.

The ingredients of a portal flip are 15 milliliter brandy, 45 milliliter red tawny port wine. I will get into that soon. Don't worry. 10 milliliters egg yolk. Yolk! Wow. All right. Method, pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker.

Cocktail shaker! Shake with ice, strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish, sprinkle with fresh ground nutmeg. Just like the drink we had last week. The painkiller had nutmeg. So this... Where's my goddamn notes? So my fucking tab's open.

So port wine. I've never had port wine before, but it comes from Porto, Portugal, which is a northern city. It's one like it's the second biggest city after Lisbon in Portugal. And it's a fortified wine produced in the Douro. How would you pronounce this? D-O-U-R-O. Douro Valley in the northern part of Portugal. Typically sweetened wine often served with desserts, although it comes dry, semi-dry, and white varieties. Porto is just like Champagne in certain regions of France. Port is produced from grapes grown and processed in the Douro region.

Cool. So all ports are made from a blend of grapes grown in that area. And there's two kinds of port wine, tawny, which we're dealing with, and what? You seem stressed out. There's a battle happening between just you, where you're getting mad. You're mad at your notes, it seems. Here's what I'm mad at. I did what I usually do.

No, I didn't do what I usually do. I usually just read an article and go, I think I can remember this, and then open the article and try to pick out parts. You're mad at your brain. It's not that you're mad at the article. You're mad that you weren't recalling what you thought you were going to recall. Well, no, because this time what I did, I copied and pasted things I read. It was like, oh, then I'll move on to this.

Then I'll move on to this. And I'm like doubling up stuff. And also I didn't make them. From an outside observer, you're doing fine. The only strange thing. This is like, why are you so mad? The only strange thing is that you're mad. Well, I did this thing.

You know when you copy and paste from Wikipedia and you put it in something and it's got a bunch of like, the spaces have like gray lines in it. Look, Tim, everyone you meet is fighting a private battle that only they know about. You never know what someone's going through yeah mine are just wildly unique to the human experience well mike look i know you're going through a lot and uh hey we're here if you need any help i do need help okay so tawny and ruby let me Ruby. Let me relax here. You're doing good. I'm following. Tawny, we're using today. And Tawny is different because it's aged in wooden casks and released ready to drink.

In contrast, Ruby ages more in the bottle than the wood. Generally requires many years of cellaring. But with Tawny, Tawnys are released in 10 20 30 and 40 year versions meaning that's just how long they've been in the barrel damn whoa and it says i don't know if mine's tawny enough i yeah i just got poor i didn't couldn't find tawny and uh i didn't know like but but uh you know it's a deserty wine i was seeing it's a deserty wine yeah as an after dinner drink like uh at a fancy restaurant sometimes you look at the dessert menu, flip it over to the back, and there's those little after dinner drinks. And I've had it.

I can't say I'm a fan. It just tastes like red wine with a lot of sugar in it to me. But yeah, it's just like crazy. Do they serve in a tiny little glass? Yeah, a little snifter type of thing. Also, I guess I first had port wine cheese, and I always just thought that when people said port wine, they were just talking about it. Oh, yeah. One of my absolute favorite foods, port

wine cheese, like the Karuta. Kakuna? This guy pops that stuff on a Triscuit. Yeah, it was something. Oh, yeah. Triscuits. Sometimes I make a little Triscuit sandwich. Orange juice. It's all in my mouth at the same time. I'm so glad you brought up the orange juice because I didn't know if that was Cheez-Its and orange juice. That all in my mouth at the same time i'm so glad you brought up the orange juice

because i i didn't know if that was cheese it's an orange juice that's that too okay so but specifically the tang of cheese and the tang of orange you like to combine but yeah when i'm eating plain potato chips it pairs with milk you see oh all right, you just mentioned, is Tim frozen or? Nope, right here. Nope, I was waiting for a blink. I was resting. I kind of just had a giggle fit and I feel exhausted. That's all right. You sit back.

You just said you flip to the backside of the- We're in good hands. Flip to the back part of the menu. That's a great segue for, I'm going to talk about flip cocktails. That's a great segue for, I'm going to talk about flip cocktails. Oh. Now, a flip cocktail is any combination of raw egg, either yolk, egg white, or whole egg, heavy cream, or simple syrup to create a creamy, frothy, topped concoction.

Like egg noggy is kind of like a flip drink. Velvety. Is a whiskey sour a flip? It's got egg white. Yeah, but I don't think it has that froth. You know what I mean? I think like us shaking this drink up, the flip comes from you take everything in one glass and like dump it back and forth to like flip it back and forth. And now people just shake it.

But the first reference of a flip drink comes from 1695. Jesus. Where it's used to describe a drink made with beer, rum, and sugar. So that didn't really have eggs in it. Although I guess they could. But they were mixed together in a tankard. You know what that is? It's like a big stein, basically.

Oh yeah, with like a metal flap on the top. Yeah. In which a red hot iron was placed causing the drink to heat through and bubble. So that's what it was like flipping that way. We gotta do that! Isn't that crazy? Yeah, that's good. And that was like during a time when you'd go into a place and like

you'd get a flip more as a drink to get drunk, but also like a part of your meal. Just so you could have some food. Because there was a lot of food going on back then the 1600s sure yeah uh that's all i have to say about that i gave you the recipe and i think it's time to flip flip flip out so we talked about okay we talked about port porto we talked about flips yeah let's just talk about yolks real quick because we've come across whites fucking quite a bit um and we joked for a minute about like hey let's do a drink where

there's a yolk right and that's funny because we were like hey but what if like the sloppy boy sour is a drink and has a whole egg in it ha ha i'm googling flip right now and lots of them have whole eggs we're not as funny as we thought yeah who the hell's laughing now? Not us. Damn. This 10 milliliter of egg yolk too is like Why do they? I'm just putting in a yolk. Just give me the fucking yolk. Yeah. I can't parse that out. Yeah.

Damn. Well, do you want to get started? And when we come back we'll do first sips? That could be perfect. Yep. I'm going to pour mine into a wine glass. It's the picture of the Port-au-Flip on the IBA. This is an IBA drink, by the way, an unforgettable. Love that. It's in what looks like a wine glass.

Okay. It's a chilled cocktail glass, whatever you want. All right, folks, we're going to go fix up these drinks. And while we're gone, why don't you open up your ears and open up your wallets and take a gander at these ads. These are good ads. Open up your hearts to these products. Open your fucking mind. We'll be right back.

And we're back. Porto flips in hand. Let's see them. Mine did not yield much. Mine neither. Should have been a double. Yours looks about good, though, there, Jeff, because you're in like a kind of a spread out coupe glass. You too, Tim.

Like, it kind of fills it up nice. This is like not even halfway of a wine glass. Yeah. Damn, dude. I feel like I'm not going to like that. I took a sip of that port, and I did not enjoy that. Wait, I forgot my nutmeg. Dude, shit shit me too

fuck geez oh that's okay i'll vamp oh hey folks that's here um just wanna make sure everybody's having a good time i'm sure my co-host will be back any minute now oh i forgot my nutmeg but here it is thank god oh that's now that smells better. The nutmeg. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. We just had the nutmeg on the painkiller folks. This is very frothy looking, very velvety, very inviting. It looks like a holiday drink.

Sure. It's a little purple brown. Yeah. The purple is nice. I don't know. It looks like some type of like baby food drink or something. Yeah. I feel like i've seen something

like this uh baby drinking it all right all right bottoms up oh no thank you you know when a drink is from the 1800s and it tastes like it i mean it really does taste like that's like getting in a time machine there this This was, the things I was reading too, this is like a, so we're now more of a holiday time drink. Yeah. That kind of makes sense. Like something you have once a year and people are like,

oh, I like it because my granddad liked it. I was expecting it to be a little more eggnoggy. What if you just took eggnog and put the port wine in it and the brandy? Oh. I don't know, man. Because my tawny port wine, I saw a bunch of really expensive bottles, and I was like, oh, no.

And then I found a $10 bottle or a $20 bottle. Yeah, I think I did exactly that at Albertson's. No, mine was at Cap'n Cork. So who knows if you made this with fancy stuff, if it could be amazing. But I don't dislike this because there's something about about if you think of it in a holiday context the red wine and the egg there's it is it tastes like a good cold weathery thing yolk is i'm tasting yolk for the first time here and it's not it's not like a it's not like egg white that just brings the frost to the party but no taste like i'm getting an earthiness.

Don't you taste yolk when you think about it? Yeah. Oh, my God. With the nutmeg, it almost starts to taste like a brandy old fashioned. It almost is going to have a chocolatey taste. And then it just takes a hard turn into red wine. Okay. and then it just takes a hard turn into red wine. Okay, I said brandy old-fashioned, but I meant brandy Alexander. It's really just that, because I'm not a huge fan of red wine

unless I'm, like, drinking it with something. Yeah. So I'm not liking this really much at all. Weird. Weird. Because I'm a red wine guy. If we're talking wine. You know, over champagne and over wine. I'm a red wine guy, if you're talking wine.

If we're talking wine, I'm going red. Yeah, well, you are. Well, I love split a bottle of red with somebody. Anytime you're talking red wine, you're talking wine. You can't really get one. Yeah, hey, to be certain. But yeah, I don't know. Maybe I just don't like deserty wine.

I don't like the sweet stuff. Right. I mean, did you take a sip of this straight? did you sneak one up when you're making the drink no but i remember thinking the snoop wine was too sweet well yeah and that was just a cabernet this is like intended to be a port i think we've talked about this before but port to me feels like something you would people in like the 70s at like a big uh you know dark wooden paneled restaurant with a carpet on the ground like a ron burgundy drink port yeah yeah exactly cigarette smell everywhere mm-hmm like we talked about before but the uh the restaurant in uh licorice pizza yeah we should go there port there um when i flip to the back of the menu and i order off that after dinner drink uh menu it's uh doing that is new for me so i feel very cool when i'm like you know what i'm gonna have a

little snifter of grand marnier or or whatever and i usually usually have fernet grand marnier port and then like a couple like weird italian ones i haven't heard of sometimes galliano even but when i've done that nobody says i'm cool no one thinks i look cool but i feel cool doing that and then i've enjoyed having port drinking the port wine but to me there's not really something it's not like drinking this sweet wine at the end of a meal is having me go like oh yeah you know like i understand why dessert's dessert but if i just had a steak and a martini i don't think i necessarily need to then have that i feel like what more do you ever need i don't like dessert period right forget dessert wines dessert drinks

are any of us hankering for dessert when they come around i don't think i don't think any of us are i eat too much i like dessert when it I like dessert when it's like at home I eat dessert or like ice cream or something. But I don't – after a meal, I never eat dessert. Right. Like sweets are fun when you just say, hey, let's have some ice cream or let's have a slice of cake or pie. But I always feel dragged into dessert. Dragged through dessert. I just like – maybe would have like a scoop of vanilla ice cream or a slice of key lime pie, something that's like cold.

But when I am ordering and I usually am ordering it for the table just to keep the night going for another 20 minutes. You know what I feel happens a lot of time when I'm at a dinner, at a restaurant for dinner. And I'm with people and be like, oh, do we save room for dessert? And usually I'm like, no. And then somebody says, oh, yeah. And we like, he says we have, or we look at the menu and the waiter's staying there and then more times than not it's like no i think we're good like we entertain this idea of dessert and then just waste this guy's time yeah no i love doing that i don't like the i don't like the little dance of like

we shouldn't but then people look around the table and I will, if you will, and all that shit. I was like, no, I said I'm full and I meant it. I don't have an there's not an imaginary space that's opening up in my stomach for more food. I filled it with fries. I like when all of a sudden a dessert shows up and you say, where'd this come from? The waiter says, I just gave this to you people because I like you. Oh, sure. And you did great. You did great.

We ate at a place in, not Charleston, Raleigh, where we had the Hopscotch Fest. We ate at a place. It was a nice restaurant called Pools. How did we do that? We kind of all got a bunch of stuff. We kind of did exactly what we were kind of talking of. Because I remember I look at a menu. If I'm eating group dinner,

I like to just throw out my ideas and step back. See if, if the, if there's any Venn diagram overlap with what other people want. But I, I was like, Hey, I could do the,

it was like the liver to chicken liver pate or the, the pimento cheese. And then you guys kind of quickly pointed out that those are two very similar, like dippy dishes. And then I sort of resc quickly pointed out that those are two very similar like dippy dishes. And then I sort of rescinded. I said, Tim, you've made a...

Tim, you're not needed here. But at the end of these are not the meals you're looking for. Star Wars reference. The true Star Wars fans will understand. Yeah. At the end of the meal, the waitress came out and she said, and these are on the house. Yes. Whatever.

And it was like a mushroom medley in this nice sauce and then these deep fried okra things, which were good. But after I ate them, I said, oh, I bet these were just kind of the night was about to end because we ate late. Yeah. And she was just like kind of pushing them out and getting them rather than put them in there. She pulled them out of the garbage? You love the taste so much. And then when you're leaving, you really are singing a different tune.

You're like, wait a minute. Yeah. They were just trying to get rid of extra okra. They were using us as garbage cans, basically. Am I your mushroom dumping ground lady? I heard her say on the phone afterwards, she was saying that she saved money on waste management disposal this month.

Yeah. What the fuck? By feeding all of her leftover vegetable sides to party rockers. Shit, man. I heard her whispering. I went to the bathroom. I heard her whispering like, hey, mushroom dumpster is table four. About us.

All the other waiters look up like, ooh, I got mushrooms I can get rid of. Those dishes were great, and what really happened was we were eating with Adam Schatz, the sax player from Japanese Breakfast, was getting the star treatment. That's why we got those free dishes. Because now, on the next Japanese Breakfast album, there might be a song, you know,

mushrooms and okra, you know, you never know. You never know. Damn. I feel, I just took another sip of this drink. I am like, I have to consciously think like, okay, I gotta take another sip of this. Yeah. I don't want to, but I have to.

That's a classic Hanford test. When he likes a drink, he says, my hand keeps going to it. Yeah, I don't know how, I don't know where this all went. Yahoo! This one you need to exercise a little, that Hanford discipline. You know? No, you got to use that Hanford stick-to-itiveness and finish.

Yeah, that perseverance. Yeah, that's what you got to do. Yeah, which I'm so known for. I don't like the taste. No, me neither. You know, normally I save it to final thoughts. Well, we don't know. All we know now is that you don't like the taste now you know normally i save it the final thoughts well we don't know maybe all we know now is that you don't like the taste but we haven't heard you know you're complete appraisal of the drink yeah you want to get it again maybe you like it's so nice and foamy in that cocktail

that coupe glass and maybe the the nutmeg smells so good maybe you're going to give it a say it's a stone cold classic order again yeah maybe oh huh would you change anything yeah i would change a an ingredient and i can't figure out what you know it's like i like the egg because it gives the frothiness i like the port because it gives that little red wine aftertaste and i think the brandy is smart because you don't want it to just be a wine drink you want it to be strong enough so it's the the problems in the port. It's me. I feel like it's my cheapy port.

And if I had a delicious port. Yeah. It would have been so nice to have a egg yolk drink that we like. Yeah. You know, because we're a bunch of nasty boys. We like it when we, there's a something weird.

Yeah. You know, I like to say like, Oh, I like liverwurst. I'm a little nasty. I like funguses. I put a little nasty. I like funguses. I put a little egg yolk in my ramen, for example.

You know, I'm cooking up some ramen. The last minute you crack an egg in there, you lid it, and it sort of like cooks or half cooks. So it doesn't like, usually when you get ramen from a restaurant, it's like a hard-boiled thing. Yep. But this just becomes kind of like a fried egg on top of it. Yeah, what's it called?

Poached. You're basically poaching it. Yeah, yeah. I know you've done that before. egg on top of it. Yeah, what's it called? Poached. You're basically poaching it. Yeah, yeah. I know you've done that before. I gotta try it. Ooh, that's good. Damn, I gotta try it. So I'd love to have

like a cocktail with a nice yolk in there. Thicken it up. Get yoked. Just not this one. Yoked by Yoon. We're gonna take a little break here, folks.

And when we come back, we'll give our final thoughts on the Porto flip. We'll be right back. And we're back with our final thoughts on the Porto flip. Guys, I had an idea during the break for a, like an album title for us or a song, you know,

people, you know, if you're a rock star and you, and you tour around and you got groupies in every city, people will say, Oh, he's got a girl in each port. Oh yeah.

It's a sloppy boy song about like a life on the road or you think or something. And it's a girl, it's called a girl in each port, but then it's a revealed that it's girls sitting in barrels of port one. Could be funny. Could be kind of a funny of port wine. Ah. Could be funny. Could be kind of a funny thing. Could be good.

Could be good. What about a yolk in each port? That could be good. And it would be a yolk. It would be a yolk. But the journey of my song is kind of funny if you really think about it, because it could be about life on the road and going on the road. And then you mentioned that you've never had sex on the road. Then you get back home and just in your house, there's a few girls, a girl in each different type of port.

In every port. They're all in at home at your house. But all the different types of port wine have a girl floating in them. Like you have these barrels, I guess. They're alive. They're alive. Whoa, my God. They're in the prime of their life. floating in them like you have these barrels i guess they're alive they're alive whoa oh my god they're in the prime of their life it becomes more of a song about lamenting that you've got

all these sticky people in your house yeah the album's called sticky peoples sticky peoples jeff that could be a good thing for the duds album girl in every port think about it think on it yeah all right yeah i'll think about it could be girl in every port. Think about it. Think on it. All right. Yeah, I'll think about it. Could be girl in every portos, and it's about that Cuban bakery. Just think on it. Oh, that's good. Think on it. Or a girl in every pork.

Yeah. Portos is Cuban? Hold on. I'm talking about one thing. You keep going with your idea. No, no. All I have is pork. A girl in every pork session.

Every time you do some porking, there's typically a girl involved. But Porto's Porto's Bakery. The bakery. That's Cuban? I thought so because they've got a Cubano. That's not Portuguese? Let's take a look. I just say Portuguese because of the port.

You know, our friends of the pod Neil and Fran went to Portugal once and Neil was telling me about a Negroni he had made with port, I think, port wine. Whoa. And he said it was so good, he went back the next day. I think he asked for the recipe and they gave it to him. And he's going to, I think he's planning on making it. I don't know if he's done it yet.

Maybe I'll give him this bottle of port that I'm never going to touch. Yeah. Because it sucks. So he'd be subbing out champagne for the tawny port. Negroni champagne? Spagliato? No. Fuck.

Fuck. Wait, I wasn't looking. I was Googling Porto's and it is, in fact, Cuban. What were you saying? You guys on a podcast? What's going on? Yeah, we got this cocktail podcast we like to do. Well, sort of

weekly do you take a deep dive into the drinks you love jeff answer the man yeah you know we do you know that we do uh i was saying how neil was in portugal once and he had a port wine negroni i think i think that's what oh it would be instead of the sweet red vermouth there you go red vermouth but he said it was really good and he found the recipe so this is only good for tim who didn't hear the story first now the listener is getting is that is that good podcasting that the listeners the thousands of listeners are having a bad time but one of the pod hosts got one of the hosts is getting caught up um uh i recently had and jeff was there for this we were at a bar in highland park called nativo

and the bartender was very educational and talked to us a lot about the drinks and she asked have you ever had a perfect manhattan and we're like no and she was like i'm not saying like it's the perfect manhattan i mean it's called a perfect manhattan it's this drink and instead of using sweet red vermouth you you split it between dry vermouth, like you would use in a martini, and sweet red vermouth. And I said, I'll have one. And she made one, and it was fascinating because it didn't go all the way to that

Manhattan-y taste. It kind of stopped right there with the dry stuff. Very interesting. Very interesting drink. You say Natiro was the name of this place? Nativo. Nativo. Very interesting. Very interesting drink. You say Natiro was the name of this place? Nativo.

Nativo. Nativo. My neighbor used to have a Super Nativo. He used to play Mario Kart. Okay, knock it off. Knock it off. What? Don't train me. You should have known something was up when I really wanted to know the name of that restaurant.

The star of the show over at Nativo was the Milk Clarified. What the hell was it? Milk Punch. So good. Milk Punch. It was clear. clarified. What the hell was it? Milk punch. So good. Milk punch. It was clear. Ooh. Ooh.

Or, hey, clearer than milk. Interesting. We need to do, Martin, the guy who ran, I think owns the venue we played our show at for Hopscotch, the Neptunes,

was telling us all about milk washes. We had to try milk washes sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. It's like a whole science. It's like you put citric acid and milk into a liquor and it pulls out the bitterness or something. It was a whole.

Would it be the citric acid that you got us? Yeah. Yeah? May as well use it. We got it. I got it on my kitchen counter. Don't hate that. We got to do it.

All right, guys, what do you think about this drink? I know you don't like it. Nobody likes it, but let's eulogize it. No, not order again for me. No way. Okay. No way. I mean, I don't hate it as much as you guys, because I think I do like I'm enjoying the red wine twang.

I would say that, like, if I were, let's say it's Christmas Eve and I wanted to make a round of these. I could see that. And it's an interesting thing. If I wanted the people to enjoy it, I'd probably make them a brandy old fashioned. I mean, I keep saying that Randy Alexander, like Hanford getting mad at his notes. I got,

I'm going to, I'm just going to delete that whole document. You know what, Mike, that why I was laughing so hard. It was reminding me of your Snickers sketch, your audition sketch, 13 stickers.

It's like, this guy's getting mad, but he's got no one to be mad at but himself. He's created it himself. So I don't dislike this. I would love to make it for friends around the holidays, but I would more likely do a Brandy Alexander. So therefore, I guess technically this is not an order again because I'm probably not going to do it again.

Yeah, there's a lot of holiday drinks you'd rather make. Probably a Yule Mule, top of the list. Yeah, tip top of the list. Or maybe even a, oh God, Poinsettia Punch. That was good. Get people excited about the holiday drinks. A Santa's Russian Root. Oh, Santa's? Yeah, it's served

in a red glass. Oh, it's Santa's now? Yeah, well, when it's served in a red glass. Oh, it's Santa's now? Yeah, well, when it's served in a red glass. Oh. Okay. Fucking, I'm trying to think. There would be something like a splash of red wine in a Brandy Alexander or something else that was already delicious. Could be kind of a nice vibe. And this is putting red wine in things is reminding me we still haven't done the New York sour, which is on the IBA list.

But it's a whiskey sour that's topped with red wine. I had one at an airport once and I liked it. Damn, that's on the IBA? You better believe it. That's one of those ones that's like, how have we not crossed that yet? This is one of those things, almost appointment only-ish, where if I was at a party at a nice bar and they hired a cocktail specialist and he said he's making these. I'd say, I will have one. Thank you. Take one sip and leave.

It's appointment only. I'm upgrading it from not ordering it into appointment only because that's a good appointment. Yeah, I will join you in that. And hopefully when Mike goes to that party, the fancy bartender is me because I've become a mixologist. You and Giuseppe uh gonzalez working together yeah yeah i'd like to see that yeah it's good like to see that that's our show

follow us on social media at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time and if you can't get enough you know it's patreon.com slash the sloppy boys where you can get the bonus and the bonus bonus and just laugh all day long. Now, this was not a great drink. But it's got me thinking about the future. Oh. Other drinks that could be.

Like Marty McFly. It specifically got me thinking about the third anniversary coming up. Coming up. You guys got any big plans for me? I wonder if our old friends the Trickster or the Twizzler will come by. The Twizzler. I hope not.

Twizzler the Freezer. I mean, we'd be done with the IBA if it wasn't for those types of guys. Unsavory figures. I propose we do a drink called The Three Wise Men. For three of us, three years. It's a shot, basically. Half ounce of Johnny Walker, half ounce of Jack Daniels, half ounce of Jim.

Oh, fuck. You combine them? In a shot. Oh, that's fun. Oh. Just a half ounce of each. Oh, well, I thought it was a shot of that, a shot of that, a shot of that. You're split base.

Yes, it's split base. Okay. They're all whiskeys, so to me, with the guy who doesn't have a real palate for whiskey, I'd probably just be like, okay, tastes like whiskey. Yeah. But I love the idea, and we are three wise men, wise beyond our years. Sure. Three years, three wise men.

Well, but that's not set in stone. We might come up with another good three drink. So keep listening. Next week, we'll have more clues and things to figure out. Ooh, more clues. All right. Good episode, dudes. Yeah, good episode.

Thanks for listening, folks. We love when you tune in. We love when you tell a friend. And we love when you go to sloppyboys.com and buy a little t-shirt. That keeps the train moving. That's good. Yeah, chugga-chugga-choo-choo. Choo-choo-choo.

Bye, folks. Peace. Bye. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys!