The Sloppy Boys - 179. Daiquiri

Episode Date: March 22, 2024

At long last, the guys conquer the final drink on the IBA list, mixing up a Cuban classic supposedly invented by American mining engineer Jennings Cox in 1898.DAIQUIRI RECIPE2oz/60ml WHITE CUBAN RUM .6oz/20ml LIME JUICE 2 barspoons SUGARCombine ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Stir well to dissolve the sugar. Add ice and shake. Strain into chilled cocktail glass.Recipes via the International Bartenders Association | www.iba-world.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford and Tim Kalpakis. What is up? And we are your host, the Bay and the Sloppy Boys with a lot of shows on the books. Yes. Yes. There's much cause for celebration on this episode. I got them right here. Saturday, April 6th, Lodrum Highland Park with Don't Stop or We'll Die and Lar Woods. I'll go to that. April 25th and 26th, Thursday and Friday, Beat Kitchen Chicago with Dear Blanca.

That Saturday, April 27th, Cactus Club in Milwaukee, Wisco with Dear Blanca. Ooh. That Saturday, April 27th, Cactus Club in Milwaukee, Wisco with Dear Blanca. Nice. May 10th, Littlefield in Brooklyn. That's news. That's a new,

that's a biggie. And finally, May 11th, Rhode Island, United Alt Comedy Fest with Big Grande. That's going to be exciting. It's all very exciting.

Let me tell you about that New York show, though. That's a two-set night. For us? That's a two-set, big, fat show no opener what are we doing for the second set more songs my boy we gotta learn more of our songs most bands they know you know they don't just put them on the album and say all right I knew it then

vaulted away salted away we don't have to worry about that anymore remember when we pretended to take requests but it was just because it would be like songs that were on the set list and they were just coming up and we were like, ooh, yeah. Somebody yells it out and we're like, yeah. It makes us look very spontaneous. But I mean, we'll play every song we know. And then some. Every song we know?

Probably. I know. The drummer, now he's thinking, I gotta get ready for this. I gotta practice bare-niddles, man. Well, I think also maybe the audience can figure this out, but we are in. The same room. The same room. Mike is in L.A.

It's a special episode because we're finishing the IBA cocktail list. Yes. Tim is in L.A. I'm in L.A. And I'm here too. But we got're finishing the IBA cocktail list. Yes. Tim is in LA. I'm in LA. I'm always in LA. And I'm here too. But we got him in the same room this time. But yes, this is the end of an era.

End of an error. Mm-hmm. The curse will be lifted today. Mm-hmm. End of an error. Yeah, that's about right. And to that, why don't we reach under our chairs? Ah!

Ah! Nothing. I! Nothing. I can see. Reach a little deeper, Tim. Yours is like behind your chair, Tim. Way down and around. Let me get mine here. Hey, Kenny, I'm ready. You might have to sort of scuttle

around. I still have my shoes on. Dang! He got them! So much different. He got us some! Yeah! They're fireball nips, folks. Now, to be perfectly transparent here,

when I first got to Jeff's house, I was sitting where Tim is sitting, and I saw mine and me, and I said, oh, I gotta get that. And Jeff went, wait, wait, don't go in there! I didn't bury you deep enough. I saw mine and me and I said, Oh, I got to get that. I didn't bury you deep enough. I thought somebody may be giving you a hand for a holiday handshake. Well,

what happened was I think it was maybe Hawaii. I saw a 10 pack of these and I said, well, a lot of the useful. Yeah. I've been trying to get rid of them for like two years. Really? Yes.

And they're the gas station ones, cinnamon whiskey. Oh no, no, there's a non gas station ones. 66 proof. 66 proof yeah i'm gonna do just a little taste so that we're celebrating because we're finishing the international bartenders association cocktail list of drinks that we set out to drink all of on the pod 88 88 of them fireball was uh really not on that list very much. Not very much.

We didn't put them in anything. This doesn't make sense as a toast. It just makes sense as a thing we love. It's a celebratory thing. Well, do you guys like... You guys like Fireball, right? I do. Yeah, I like it.

Yeah? Okay. But I think there were up to 100 at one point. Or like Wikipedia said there were more than are on the site. Weird. And the site changes every couple of years. They refresh it. And some drinks have gone and been added since we've been doing the pod. But it's funny like, it's funny how much we veered away from it.

We started episode one. We're like, we're going to drink all these drinks. But this is like episode 177 or something. 180 maybe? So it's funny that we that many times we did something dumb. We also used to do a lot of like, like there's a new seltzer out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've, we've learned our lesson on that. Um, end of an era, end of an era Jeff said

fuck what was I going to say about this I'm excited to move on bigger and better just new something that's exciting to us because I think here at the last few episodes on this podcast and folks I don't know if you're feeling it but there's been a little bit like

let's just get these done I want to be happy about my job again drinking alcohol sad it is funny we were just trying to pick up the weird pick off the weirdies by the end of it and uh we're like well what do we end on daiquiri at least it's not the it's solid but it's not like we saved it it time. It's like a classic, though. Yeah. The daiquiris. I mean, I think I've heard it referred to as like one of the six essential cocktails. Ooh.

Let me, do you know the other ones? Let me guess. I know that, I know two of them. Old Fashioned. Yep. Martini. Yep. Bloody Mary?

Gin and Tock? The only other one I remember is Manhattan. Ah. And of course, the daiquiri. Yep. Daq. Now, I don't know if anyone, ah, never mind. What? Just say Ah. And of course the daiquiri. Yep. Now I don't know if anyone, nevermind. What? Just say it.

I don't want to say it. I'm just going to say somebody's name who nobody knows and rhyme daiquiri with it. Zachary. Sure. Quinto. Let's leave it at that. Daiquiri Quinto. Well, you know, a few weeks ago, I talked

about how I had a dream about my college roommate Cliff Sosis. Yeah? I name dropped him. I've got a good one. I remember we were just trying to keep our, to write our dreams down. I had a really good one the other day. I wrote it

down, but I don't have it in front of me, so I'll have to remember. It was me, a lordy, that guyacob lordy in a uh men's golf club locker room like you know when larry david goes to his locker room in his golf club like that like wood and this thing we're standing in front of a full body mirror nude we have no dicks we're like ken barbie dicks and we're uh practicing dunks like what we look like dunking and playing basketball he's really tall that's probably what did it i'm like why didn't you say something like that for behind the paywall you know because i'm not trying to get people into the paywall come in this is the type of fun stuff we're talking we talk about our personal lives. We talk about things

we care about on the Patreon. It's funny. It's a glimpse into your psyche to know that you went to bed that night being like, I probably can jump as high as Jacob Lordy. He might be taller than me. Sure, he's tall, but I put a lot of work into that jumping. No, it's

the locker room thing. It was definitely because I just watched the disgruntled episode of Curb, the most recent one. Or second most, whatever. It's where he's like, they're putting up a disgruntled sign in the locker room and it's where I got that.

Damn. It is fun when you have a dream and you go, ooh, where did that come from? Ah, yes, it's because I saw that person today. Yeah, but it's weird when it's a buried, far away. Well, here's one that I had. Well, around the time I turned 30, I had several different dreams about finding out that I had to go back to college.

That I was short of credits or whatever. And it's funny because I think it was just like your brain thinks you're crossing one landmark, but then it's like, i think it was just like there your brain thinks you're you're crossing like one landmarks but then it's like no you haven't done the previous yeah yeah that's weird i've had that dream where you're back in school you have a dream where i'm back in school where's tim back at school like it's it's always like i'm i'm late to go somewhere and like i don't have my schedule like i went to the wrong i gotta go to the lady who knows where i'm supposed to be mine is i've had uh i'm in high school and i don't know my locker combination oh i think that's i've

heard that one from other people too so i'm like really smart people um you know my big recurring one is i'm the the musical guest on snL and I can't read my sheet music. It's me as a solo act playing guitar. With sheet music, it's so funny. Yeah, why didn't he memorize his own song? Were you playing like classical music or is it like? I have an electric guitar and I'm singing, but I'm playing something kind of fancy. But it's like I'm hanging. This says a lot about me.

I was having too much fun in the green room. I was hanging out, says a lot about me. I was having too much fun in the green room. I was hanging out, eating a lot of food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go like, oh, it's an afterthought to just actually play on the show. I can't read. It's an afterthought. I can't read. You know what we should do for the blowout?

We've done this before with the, we had someone who reads your signs. Astrology. Astrology. We did an astrology on. We should have a dream person, a dream weaver, dream, dream,

we person. You're a person. We'll tell us about our dreams, but we got to tell them first. Yeah, that's true. I want one day. I want a dream analyst who can,

who already knows the dreams. You don't have to go through them. You got to deal with the computer. You know, with the new uh you know that new apple watch i think it does that yeah you can rewind and play your dreams yeah it sends it sends it over to your dream counselor oh this is a good one it's a good one it means you're late for work they're getting carried away with this tech shit Don't you think Apple, this, iPhone Tesla, this, and Apple Tesla, Apple, iPhone Yeah Well, do we get into some booze news?

Robot Booze news, hit it Making that way to the IBA takes everything you got We'll learn the patience of Bear Roshino, don't forget our shot Life's gonna make it his own way Somehow we're good again, through the whole damn IBA We're good again through the whole damn IBA. With hand-made duds and Calvary cake. Drinking the weak but loose news first.

So shit chat along the way. We're making our drinks and making it through Friday. That's pretty sad. Cheers to the end of the IBA was sent to us by Lamonta Bob from the sloppy boys discord. And if you have a booze news team, email it to the sloppy boys podcast at gmail.com. And if you want to be friends with Lamonta Bob, you sign up for a paycheck. You get access to the discord. You're chopping it up. That was good. That was really funny. And that synth sounded cool.

I would love, you know, we have a geez, I'm blanking on names. The guy who makes the funny like movie posters for us all the time. Kyle Hilton? No, no, no. Ghost of Craig T. Nelson. Yes, the ghost of Craig T. Nelson. That would. Nelson, yes. The ghost of Craig T. Nelson.

That would be great if you put together pictures of us as like the cheers. Yes. In that old-timey cheers logo font. Get on it, dude. We take this, we put a, we make a little music video. Oh, that's good. Just images shooting by, nothing big. And it comes up as one of our songs.

Yes, right. Does it go viral well if uh craig t nelson can do his job right get on it craig yeah i won't say job because we do not pay him we do not pay any of these people paid opportunity opportunity yes okay well just real quick news today which is do you remember i believe it was last week um we're talking about how mike when you put tahini on the rim of your tahini you you were kind of ahead of the curve and then we we since found that a lot of drinks are having that and then last week on booze news we talked about a tiktok trend called uh but there's

tahini on the rim right and i kind of gave you props i said mike you you were on trend you tapped into the zeitgeist you really gave it up i i yeah i gave up on my boy but when after that episode was over i wanted a break from it i was like that's enough uh hanford and then i'm listening to the spotify top 50 tracks in america and a song what's that billboard no it's just uh spotify and uh there's a there's an artist named bryson tiller and i think I can listen to this song and it won't remind me of Hanford's cocktail predictions. Wrong. Hit the track. Don't know.

Grimace Piss. This is the Grimace Piss Shuffle. She don't hold a damn thing. She spicy like Tahini. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Ha, yeah, she spicy like Tahini. Hey, look, bae, don't make no sense. I'm finna take her bougie ass to Rodeo. Oh, Rodeo Drive.

Hey, get some Von Dutch stuff for me. I'll tell you what, Tim, that's exciting. I think I learned about tahini, though, from you guys. I never used it. And you would, because you like the fruit cup with the tahini. And then, Tim, you just tahined out all the time. So maybe you're the common man. Maybe me and Jeff were early adopters.

And then by the time, we're like a microcosm of America. And if it makes it from Jeff and Tim to Mike, it means it's also going mainstream. That's exciting. Taheen, Taheen's out there. Also, but he's saying hot like Taheen and I'm hot. Yeah, I'm fucking toasting. No, I'm fucking a beautiful man. Also, but he's saying hot like Tehin. I'm hot. I'm fucking toasted. No, I'm fucking a beautiful man. Yes, yes, yes.

Tehin's not that spicy. No, it's salt. It's more salt than spice. It's funny, of all the references, for him to say spicy like Tehin saying a girl's hot. He should have said that bomb hot sauce. He should have said, she's hot as the second to last wing on hot ones because the last one's the last dab which is a d heightened oh right right right right where does apollo fit in there

where's the one i'm into that one that's the last dab that's the last dab ah i haven't put apollo on everything now tim i thought you were going to point out the new song Von Dutch by Charlie XCX. What? Talking about us being ahead of the curve. I didn't know about this. It's the new single, baby. The album isn't out yet. Shit.

I can't listen to the radio anymore without being reminded of my podcast. It's essentially what's going on. Which is, so the audience knows we do not want ever to be reminded about this this no no i'm trying to get it off my mind please i'm here one hour a week and the rest of the time i'm please unwind well that was just a quick bib just to say tahine it's all over the place out there i i uh folks let us know if you're doing anything fun with tahine also didn't we send a uh a little assignment out to order this drink or something at the bar and see and record it no one did that which one any of them that we did like the tahini one or that reminds me of a different call to action that somebody came

through on which was a dude named josh howd from instagram messaged me and said he went to the new don the beachcomber uh restaurant in florida you know we said tampa yeah or madiera beach oh yeah um and we were saying hey it looks kind of uh cheaply decorated it looks like party city he said no he said he went there it's good they did a good job they did a good job but that website like the pictures we're looking at were taken during the day and the door was open oh yeah it's got to be a dank dark thick so apologies to that restaurant for thinking that they had poor decor do you remember we we uh we shot something it was the jose cuervo thing which i think we talked about we shot that at at... Roxy? Yeah, Roxy.

Rock Club on the Sunset Strip. And during the day when you go in those places, it is like the lights are on and you see how the vinyl furniture is rubbed down. It's like black spray paint fixing spots on the bar.

When that door opens and that hot blue sunlight cuts in all that black spray paint. Nasty. It only looks good at night with the laser lights flying. Yeah. I saw a drawing room

during the daytime. It was nasty. I do like the drawing room though. I've turned. I love it. Yeah, drawing room's fun. I feel like places... Cash only though, right?

Cash only. But they got an ATM. We got to give them a square. Maybe for Christmas. Zip, zip, zip. The smallest thing that you could wrap up and give them. What's this? You got to put it on your phone,

I think. It's your phone? Is that it for Booze News? Just a quick bit. Wrap it up. That's it for Booze News. That's a classic classic i'd love to hear about the drink of the day well it's been a long ride yeah on the iba and we have finally made it to the final drink and it's entitled the daiquiri you've had oh yes of course. Of course. Now, what do you think? When someone says daiquiri, what comes to mind?

What do you picture? What are your thoughts? I always think, I mean, it's a pretty simple recipe. I always think of it as like a daiquiri. I always look, in my mind, I'm picturing like something in a,

like a pineapple. Frosted guy. Yeah, frosted guy. The stuff coming, like umbrellas and straws coming out the top. But I don't think it's that complicated. But the Dak is stripped down in fact when I make them it's because I got not much else you know right I'm down to the dregs I'm like oh I got a lime and some Bacardi and we'll find out and we'll find out we'll find out so remember we talked about when we went on doughboys we drank

the grog which was also a rum lime sugar drink and that's from like the 16 or the 1700s so this stuff it starts with like you got the british navy trying to make their sailors not get scurvy so they give them rum where i think you're just allowed to have rum if you're in the navy like it was like rationed to you because your life's shitty and then because the rum was harsh they gave you sugar and then to make you not have uh scurvy they gave you lime so we talked about that in the grog episode of the doughboys double but then we also did uh in our whiskey sour episode mike you talked about a similar thing where it's like sours came from punches. You know, so that was another thing where it was like spreading from the Caribbean up to America is like punches.

And those could be rum, lime, sugar. But all of those have no ice. So the punches and grogs are just like in a cup on a boat. You're drinking it. Good luck having ice on a boat. Yeah, true it sad. Good luck having ice on a boat. Yeah, true. If you're a pirate drinking on the deck. What if your boat is up in

the North Pole area? That's true if you're trying to cross the straight there. Yeah. If you're on a fucking boat and you look over and your captain's a penguin you may just be up in the Arctic somewhere. Are you doing a whole stand-up bit about like you must be up in the arctic someone it's gonna be it's it's gonna it just got whittled down to a tiktok series but

yeah it's it's a lot of that stuff um so if that stuff's floating around for hundreds of years but then then it eventually like in america we start making cocktails we start to have ice exist so then you get the whiskey sour. You get all the gin sour. You get the sours happening. But Dan, you have an American guy go back down to Cuba. And his name is Jennings Cox. And in like 1898, he was like, I want to have a whiskey sour, a gin sour.

But we don't have whiskey or gin here so i'm gonna use rum which is what we have in cuba so he makes himself a sour and he shakes it with ice and he names it after the town he's in which is daiquiri so unbeknownst to him he's basically making a thing that was already there like a hundred years before him but he went and he came back and he shook it with ice and then he said i created something how the hell did anyone make ice to begin with get it real cold man in this old saloon days in the old west they just did not have i mean i feel like they originally they were like going up to a cold place and transporting it down like yeah you go up to canada and you chop a bunch of ice you put it

on a truck and you bring it down to people's ice boxes oh yes the ice bag insulated they didn't have freon no they certainly didn't have room how are they keeping it cool they call freon just because it freezes stuff you can't call it freeze on freeze on freeze on frozen anyway i i have the same thought as you about daiquiris where I grew up thinking like strawberry daiquiri and stuff like that. But then I finally had a daiquiri at a place in New Orleans in like 2015. And I was like, this is a little stiffy and this is good. And I like it. And then we're going to drink it today. And here is the IBA.

Wait, this is a little stiffy. Isn't that what the prostitute said to you, Dan? Stop it. Stop it. You know what I'm talking about, Jimmy. She's all confused. Wait, this is a little stiffy. And then also, folks, I want to highlight, this is the last time you're going to hear those words. Here is the IBA recipe.

Good riddance. 60 milliliters, two ounces, white Cuban rum. Actually, ounces, white Cuban rum. Actually, they say white Cuban rum, R-O-N. Is that something I've never heard of or is that a typo? I think that is correct because remember Rumchata said like Horchata con Ron. Oh.

Okay. 20 milliliters, fresh lime juice, Joie de Laime, two bar spoons of super fine sugar. In a cocktail shaker, add all ingredients, stir well to dissolve the sugar, add ice, and shake.

Are you sure that wasn't stir well to dissolve the sugar? Stir, comma, well, comma. This is interesting, right? Why stir then shake? I guess to dissolve the sugar. Oh, because it won't dissolve as well when it's cold with ice maybe

oh wait oh maybe wait wait stir then add ice then shake in a cocktail shaker add all ingredients stir well to dissolve sugar add ice and shake yeah so it's just the room temperature stuff dissolves better. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. So that is the IBA method. But for a little more color commentary, because this is such a special episode, here is a little surprise from a member of the Sloppy Boys extended family. Hit the clip. Hey, Sloppy Boys. Celebrity bartender Jack Schramm here to congratulate you on finishing every cocktail on the IBA list.

I'm thrilled that you can finally put this dubious organization behind you and use real recipes from reputable sources. He hates the IBA. And I'm extra thrilled that you chose the absolute best cocktail of all time for last. Whoa! It's right up there. Martini and daiquiri are one and two for me. And depending on what day of the week it is,

it'll be in a different order. So my personal daiquiri recipe is use simple syrup instead of raw sugar or granulated sugar just because it's so much easier to measure accurately every time. So my best recommendation for you is to use two ounces of rum, three quarters of an ounce of fresh lime juice, and three quarters of an ounce of simple syrup in your cocktail. And what you

should really be playing around with are the proportions of that lime juice and simple syrup. Now, if I'm making a daiquiri for myself, I like to go all the way up to a full ounce of lime juice and stick with three quarters of an ounce of simple syrup, I like to go all the way up to a full ounce of lime juice and stick with three quarters of an ounce of simple syrup because I like it a little tart, a little juicy. But I know plenty of people who drop it all the way down to half ounce lime juice, half ounce simple syrup because they want it more bracing and rum forward. So play around with those proportions and find one that you like. But the real down-the-middle choice is three-quarter, three-quarter. Now, if you've got some fun rums on hand, that's another place to play.

Stick to that two-ounce structure, but within those two ounces, you can go hog wild. I personally like to do three-quarters of an ounce of a Barbadian rum, white rum, like a real McCoy three-year, three quarters of an ounce of a white rum agricole from Martinique, one like maybe a Neeson Blanc, if you've got that on hand. Who has that on hand? I'm the only one in the world who has that on hand. And then a half ounce of a really funky Jamaican rum, like a Smith & Cross.

So you've still got that two-ounce structure, but there's so much interesting interplay between those three styles of rum go nuts have fun i'm proud of you enjoy your daiquiris jack's actually got a new column on vine pair.com and it's called technique so check that out thanks jack thanks jack that's great i didn't know that was his favorite drink Thanks, Jack. Thanks, Jack. That's great. I didn't know that was his favorite drink. Yep.

He loves it. But he made one mistake. He said that if you're mixing two rums, he mentioned two fancy rums. But we have learned, what he doesn't know is that mix any two rums on earth, the two cheapest rums in the world. Even Jack doesn't know this, folks. And this guy is our go-to guy. Not anymore. But it's crazy mix two rums together two different rums and suddenly it's like oh my god this is amazing but i do think um when he's talking

about the ratios that's the thing we've learned with like sours in general it's like you kind of start with like if you're using simple syrup it's like two ounces liquor one ounce one ounce but then everybody has their own little things that they like to it's customizable well yes because you like lime mike like sweet yes this is true you've tried to have a bit of sweet tooth we're here now but what about this so that's a great i'm so glad jack uh phoned in he called in oh are we going to do his recipe though or stick with the iba just because we're doing the iba tough i would honor the iba this one last time i think i think so and then then go tweaks crazy yeah yeah yeah i yeah and then and just i it helps to know that's in our

mind as we taste the iba recipe and say i'd roll back the citrus a little bit i'd actually roll back yeah and that's good. Cause I do have white rum and I have a couple of weirdies hanging out. I got some Appleton hanging out, maybe some agricole. That's good. I love that. Well, you want to get into it? Let's get into it. Folks, open up your ears, open up your wallets. Here come the ads. We'll be right back after this. and we're back with a daiquiri in hand looking good looking very good shaken up by jefferson dutton so simple so simple simple syrup folks you got the stuff. Let's do sips, huh?

Sips. Oh, yeah. Hey. Hey. Salud. That's right. Salud. Salud to a good finishing up of a bad time. A list well done.

Yeah, a list well done. A bad list done well. No, it's not a bad list. It's so funny to hear Shram, too, and they'll be like, that wretched I. He hates it more than anyone. He was the first guy we asked. We're like, yeah, well, we're doing it for the International Bartenders Association. And he just returned a blank stare.

We did a fancy bar crawl in New York with him. a fancy bar crawl in New York with them and we were talking to a bartender at is it PDT? The downstairs place by the hot dog place? Yeah. And then Jack was like, these are my friends and hey, meet this bartender

and Mike was like, we're doing the IBA cocktail list. And the guy just stared at us blankly and Jack was like, pfft. But we've chosen because it's just it's what's on wikipedia for every drink it's like uh it sounds official doesn't it but yeah i think that it is like even if bartenders don't like it it's like wikipedia supersedes grumpy bartenders to me you know like if wikipedia says what a drink is then like more people are probably

right right that's making that than anything else standard we heard it's barely recognized in california it's more of an international thing if it sees any recognition it's in california it's a it's a british based thing i think that's where they meet up I think it's because one podcast kind of made it their whole thing. This is good. You know, I don't know if we're on round two ideas yet. No. But I have one. Okay.

What is it? A pineapple juice. Oh, my God. Splash a pineapple juice in there. A whole new drink. A whole new drink. I'm just saying if you want to spice it up, splash it up. Sure.

You could, but I do think the fun of this one, well, we'll do that, but the fun of this one is like dialing back and forth. How much sugar do I like? How much lime do I like? Up and down on those. But no, Mike's thinking bringing a different fruit. I will say this, though. No, I would keep the lime.

But I would also say this. I like this ratio you did, Jeff. That's IBA, baby. God bless the IBA. It's strong, and I can't tell whether that's a lot of lime or a lot of rum. Yeah. But it's like it's just perfectly balanced. It is making me do this a lot.

It's funny because you normally don't do that at all got him known for not doing that i was hanging with a whole bunch of friends doing that one time and i was like can i invite mike and they're like nah he's always not doing that he's not gonna do that he doesn't do this i was hanging with a bunch of lizards we should check in with lazyazy Guy from Neil's backyard. Well, I was, so I'm in LA and I was just staying at Neil and Fran's house. And they said Lazy Guy's probably been dead for about two years. Based on what?

I asked. Did they find him on? It's like a Jimmy Hoffa situation. He's buried somewhere under some building. He's missing. Yeah. But, but but yeah maybe he just got not lazy maybe he it was his new year's resolution to get got motivated motivated he might have migrated that's true maybe either way he's just not around he maybe even moved to highland

park a lot of people doing that yourself pasadena he's a gentrifier. He's gentrified. Ooh. Let's say you have a lime. One lime. To your name. What'd you do with it? It's got to be a drink. It's got to be a drink.

Okay, this one then, man. It's the only one I can think of. You're probably saying mule, mule. Mule, mule mule Mule mule I don't know In Little Women one of the Victorian girls Gets a lime And it's like a prized thing

It's just a thing and she doesn't eat it or squeeze it or anything She's just like I got a lime from school And I think maybe she gets sick because she's like No that's Zuzu She didn't eat it she didn't squeeze it She just has a lime it's just an exotic item She's not even rolling it around. I have to say

the best use of lime to me is squeezing it onto salty carne asada. It's not a cocktail. It's not a drink, but yeah, that's good. I know, but a taco, an asada taco with cilantro and diced onion. And then I take one of

those really little limes. Yeah. I've been doing it at home. I bought some of those little tiny like hot dog taco tortillas. Me too. I like a little taco truck over at my place. It's a corn.

I think so. Huh? Are they yellow? Yes. Corn. corn corn corn's yellow or flour with yellow food color or white corn um i've been doing um breakfast tacos and the other day i was like what if i like scrambled up eggs for the week so that they're like in the morning i'm just like kind of scooping a little taco and nuking it tim you gotta start your own home state that's basically what i did and then but i was like hey i want to add some meat to this egg and then the only meat i had was like a bunch of meat sticks like slim jim not slim jims but like off-brand yeah so i diced them up and i but they wouldn't really dice up so now there's just like you'll be eating these eggs

and then you like bite into a slim jim every once while. That's not bad. I kind of like that. Yeah, it's kind of good. I do like that Slim Jim taste. Cured, smoked, hard. Cured, smoked, hard. Egg. Cured, smoked, hard. That's the Tim Taco way. I'll do a little lime spritz on a fruit cup. You know, you get the fruit cup from the guy.

Oh, well, you get the one where you put the tea on it. But they always take that lime and that's a good use of lime. I put lemon on a lot of stuff. My chickens, my rices, my Chicken needs lemon. Everything nice. Here's a good use of lime

that might blow your hair back. You know you got a big bowl of guac and you mash it up fresh and you're proud of it. You know how fast the top goes brown? You know, got a big bowl of guac and you you mash it up fresh and you're proud of it you know how fast the top goes brown you know you're like a picnic yeah if you squeeze lime over the top of that it won't turn brown oh really you leave the pit in there too isn't that i've heard that yeah yeah i think if you cut i've done this before where you cuddle uh i did this recently cut a guacamole uh avocado in half eat one half and

leave the pit in the other half but it still got a little after like two days was still sure you probably gotta eat it quicker than that all the avocado i don't eat avocado out of season every avocado i've eaten this winter when's the season turned summer june to september but uh i feel like anytime i i'm like sure i love the blt with avocado then it's that when avocado is like one minute past ripe it's fucking nasty sure the blt have you been eating blts lately no but jocelyn ate one at uh you rustic and got food poisoning from a blt avocado you rustic is yeah well that was funny because we went went there and i only ever order wings or chicken strips yeah maybe mozzarella sticks she got a blt and i was gonna make fun of her i was like i guess a blt is safe

and then the next day she's like i was barfing all night from avocado or bacon or could be any of it but i guess because when she took a bite i said this thing i'm complaining but i was like is that avocado fresh and she she was like, no. That's nasty. I think this might be my first trip out here in a while that I don't go to eat rustic. I was taking a jog pass the other day and I was like, oh. Really? Because I always get fucking sick after I eat this.

It's so good. I eat too much. It's so good. But I eat too much of it. I have a little Pepto. Here's what we do. We go there, we eat the wings and you like it.

We just don't have to be inside. There's something grunge-ified about it. Let's go, let's eat a lot and then we don't go next time. I like being inside. I'm going next time. You know what's funny? I hate the front area because a lot of restaurants did this thing where they added... The outdoor dining front?

Yeah, yeah. They added covid seating that should be long gone by now but you ever go to a place that you've been to 10 000 times and sitting in a new seat and it's like a whole new place i went to ye rustic for the 10 000th time and i sat at the bar but all the way at the far far end of the bar into that corner with stuff in the corner but on a stool at the bar i but all the way at the far, far end of the bar into that corner. We're doing stuff in the corner, but on a stool at the bar. I was like, I'm seeing this room from a new angle. I like that weird cozy cave-y over there. Yeah, and I ate at the bar. I was with Jocelyn this time, too.

And we ate, but we were instead going to take a table. And nobody bumps you and nobody bothers you because you're way over there. You're in that weird little angle. They couldn't find me if they tried. I was there once in that spot for some big game of some sort i the super bowl no no but i posted up there and i did me right uh but going back to blt i had one recently at a diner i got one to go oh yeah and i said to myself why am i doing this one it's fresh isn't it it's good it's not a fucking heavy thing it takes me two seconds you finish a blt and you're like you're rearing to go yeah i finish i have to stuff i eat like a big old i'll get a burger

and it'll be like a big old savory smoky burger with like blue cheese and bacon and crap on it and i just want to go to bed after you know or fucking die i've been trying to you know i'll like get a pack of chicken or something make it for dinner and kind of eat the whole pack of chicken because i make it so good you know the air but these days i've been saying don't eat all of it put one piece of chicken on your plate and then see where we're at portion control portion control porsche control i i don't like that yes i don't like Porsches? Come on. The Porsche Control. 911.

Porsche 911. Porsche 911. Oh, that's a model of Porsche. That's the probably. Oh, yeah. Wing, wing. Oh, that's a model of Porsche. I'm sure they were not too thrilled with Osama. I don't think a lot of people were when they had thrilled with it all went down.

Yeah, no, it was bad. This is what I'm thrilled about is this drink, though. I feel like i saw something recently online where a guy was eating raw chicken like doing those things like i'm gonna eat raw chicken for 30 days it was at hamman.69 on tiktok i didn't put it together it was because you know we're all like oh i eat my beef rare i eat my well i guess that's all that we eat rare but but we were like oh cook your chicken sushi sure sure uh uh cook your chicken all the way or otherwise you get salmon isn't that like a what's it like the caveman diet or whatever like they're paleo yeah

don't paleo people want to eat like raw steaks and shit they want to i think you just don't want to eat processed foods i didn't know that you have to eat there's raw raw diet but i don't think they eat chicken i think they eat like whole foods they eat that whole food anyway this dude on instagram was eating a bunch of raw chicken and he seemed fine it tastes bad but he didn't die okay that's was it fresh i don't want to start eating chicken it was fresh also wasn't there a guy like a year ago that was like, I'm going to eat a whole rotisserie chicken every day for 30 days? Like one of those grocery store ones. What a flex.

Yeah. That's a great life. That's not a social experiment. A whole one of those things? He was doing more of a community building thing. Like he went out and sat in public at a table, and he would eat a whole chicken every day, and people started to gather to watch. I don't think he was making any point other than like can i do it i'm doing this but every time i get one i eat half and then i'm like i gotta stop

myself from keeping going those things make me shit all food does really well not that not at this rapidity. When you guys are eating chicken, you go to the grocery store, you go to the hot table, you get one of those, what is it? It's $8.99 for a whole rotisserie chicken. You bring it home. Are you eating the skin? Yes. Me too.

I eat the skin. I love the skin. And, in fact, I eat all the skin. eat the skin i love the skin and in fact i eat all the skin right like that chicken might sit in my fridge for days but i try to get all the skin off it and eat it right right away when it's still hot because it's not going to be as good after it goes in the fridge and gets nuked again so i'm just skin to the dome but then when i eat with like normal people yeah uh i see people like pull the skin off their chicken and put it the side of the plate. And I'm like, Oh, I know you're supposed to do that. I mean, when I eat wings,

that bone is dry. I eat all the carbs. When I eat a steak, I eat the fat. A lot of the thighs. I don't put the fat to the side. I don't really do the fat on the steak. I I'm I'm.

Ooh. Did I happen to graze up against it and carve a little bit of it? Oh, the graze is fine. I'm not taking a big mouthful. Maybe I had that graze was good. Now maybe the knife is grazing just straight into the mouth. Whoops.

Maybe he's grazing right through there. Okay. Now my fork's kind of jumping onto some other plates. I am going to say something that's going to make your wigs flip. I'm going to put a little dash of fireball in here. Okay. We got the fireball. If it's an imperceptible dash, I could imagine it complexifying.

It's going to be perceptible. No, but you know how Don the Beachcomber would put like a little clove in a fruity drink? Okay. That was perceptible. That's a nice little dab. Now, do you ever see cinnamon and lime in nature commingling? I was in Griffith Park and I saw a cinnamon stick and a lime on top of each other. I was, when I first moved into my new apartment, I went up to, I was a floor below.

I forgot. I just got a little lost. I opened the door. I saw a lime and a cinnamon. 69. Oh my God. That's not cinnamon. What is cinnamon?

Is it a stick? It's a stick. It comes in a mat that they roll up. A small mat. You know. not bad it just gives a little um that cinnamon taste you know probably reminds you of the yule meal that had some lime and some cinnamon yeah that's not bad i had goldschlager the other day at uh red lion the german restaurant yeah and uh i was like this is the original red fireball i mean oh yeah because i drank that in high school and we were like we thought it was fancy because i had real gold in

it you drink it now it's just fireball you had a flight of some fun liqueurs there yep walmart name them schnapps schnapps fucking fig fucking plum fucking i don't even give a fuck one was kind of uh bubble gummy or something right yeah they were they were all i think i had that one this was fun who was i sitting with like whoever i was sitting with encouraged me where the two other guys were getting like they're like all of a bit burger and a schnapps you know so it was like okay we're drinking so then you know me then i got a whole and then shoot it is fun when that like oh just kind of hanging turns like oh shit oh yeah i love that this was the weekend but i love if it's like tuesday night and you're just having dinner with a friend and then you're like i might get a fourth drink and they're like but i feel like once once i've decided to get drunk i'm going all the way

well one time very recently tim after the pod which is already a red flag we're like let's go to chai dynasty just to meet up with muki for one my time yeah and one my tie turns into two and they're like let's just walk over to rustic and see what's going on those are strong drinks over there and then when we finish the rest they were like well let's go to drawing room also food is food as well where it's like at the bar at chi dynasty i'm like oh well i ate a poopoo platter like a whole flaming poopoo platter so we'll go to resting i'm not gonna oh, well, I ate a poopoo platter, like a whole flaming poopoo platter. So we'll go to resting.

I'm not going to get the wings. But then after a couple of drinks, I'm like, oh, I think I'll have the wings. It is very funny. As you drink more, you're like, your brain is just like, yeah, you can handle one more. And then you, it's the drunkenness is getting you, it's working on it. I did a number on myself. Last Saturday night, we did a little bar crawl in echo park and we started at uh me and jeff were at low boy yes and we had smash burgers and yes so i like

started the night with some wings and smash burgers so that was my dinner and it wasn't even early it was like nine by the time i'm eating that but then we were out until like bars were closing and then i went to a taco stand and i got a kind of a funny thing i got like the hot dog like the mexican hot dog yeah all good and then i inhaled that and then i went back and i got a pork papoose no there was mitch and i were standing there and all of a sudden it was like all right i'll be right back this is when my like 3 a.m. Uber showed up. Yeah. Oh, shit.

Oh, you were stranded there for a while? No, no, no. Because the bar closed and we left. Man, I haven't like closed the bar down in a while. The bar closed and then also I want to say it like closed early. I think it was like 1. Really? I don't think it was like.

I went to bed at like 3.34 in the morning. So I thought we were like kind of walking around out front for a bit. Okay. Anyway. Hey, well, what about back at going back to Red Lion? That shot Mitch got us. Did you guys have that?

It was called Stoll? Skoll? That was Beck Bennett got those. Okay. Yeah. Skoll? Stroh.

He was called Stroh. S-T-R-O-H, right? Well, there's a beer from the Midwest called Stroh. Let's see what... It was... I think it was 160 proof. And I had like half of the shot.

It smelled kind of good. And then you take a taste and it was a second of a good taste, kind of like a fruity taste. And then the worst like... It was like no alcohol I've ever tasted before. It wasn't like that. It wasn't that sharpie type smell that a scotch does. We were taking them. Beck was like, oh, this is like, this is disgusting, but we should do it.

Yeah, yeah. And so it's kind of in the spirit of like a Malort shot or something where we knew it was going to be gross. I felt like it burned my throat. And, you know, I've had 160 proof rum. It's probably the harshest thing I've had. It's burned my throat worse than that. proof rum is probably the harshest thing i've had is burn my throat worse than that and then when the pain subsides the the most inoffensive flavor in the world which was uh like werther's originals like butterscotch i was getting that which is so weird after being like whoa we're doing shots oh

it burns oh it takes like it takes a lot of grand fire for me like did that thing where you'd feel it go down your throat and like kind of boom in your stomach yeah yeah now i'm seeing an austrian spirit but it's it says it's a spiced rum but austria would make sense for that place but do you think that could have been spiced from who knows i have no idea it was called what strom strom s-t-rO-H. But Stroh was the name of the spa that I went to in Quebec. I am always flip-flopping those two. Yeah, they're very easy to confuse. All right, round two. What you gonna do?

What you gonna do? I'm still working on my first. I would say this. I'm gonna have another. I think it was perfectly balanced for me. It was nice and dry. I would say we do a split base of rums. Yes.

Agricol and Appleton or something. Great. Oh, both. Amber. Oh no. Maybe we cut it with a. I would say a little bit of Bacardi and then. But don't you have like Ray and cousins, Ray and nephews or whatever?

Speaking of overproof drinks. Ray and nephew. That's like really. The LMFAO of rums. The Junior Junior. Junior Senior. Are they Uncle and Nessie? I think they were. But

then I think that what it could use, it was like it could use a little more water. So let's really shake the shit out of it for a long time if we use these fancy rums. I think that will be the trick for us. Okay. Folks, we're these fancy rums. I think that will be the trick for us. Okay. Folks, we're going to make round two. See you in a bit. See you soon. And we're back with round two of the daiquiri.

And now what did we do rum-wise, Jefferson? We did a three-way split, Timmy. We did Bacardi White, Ray and Nephew, Overproof Rum, and some Rum Abracol. Abracol? Agracol. Agracol. Rum, and it's R-H-U-M, so you have to say Rahum. Rahum? Really? Abracol. Abracol? Agracol. Agracol. Rum. And it's R-H-U-M.

So you have to say Rahum. Rahum. Really? Agracol. This is from a French colony instead of a Spanish colony. Ah. Rum, Rahum, and Ram. Ron.

Ron. Ron. Ron, Ronnie, Ron. Ron. Ron, Rummy, Ram. Sips. Zip. Ron Rummy Rom Sips Zing Wow Wait I'm realizing that

Mike's not having a round two But we didn't cut these in So these are just these are drinking a halves Yeah I guess it's like a frisbee it's really Deceptive how wide the top of a daiquiri or a cupola is. That's the reference point. You know you can fit six beers in a disc. Wow, that's a really different taste than this.

Yeah. Interesting. Three rums, man. Mm-hmm. Ooh, earthy. So fancy. It's got a bit of an earthy thing. Eartha Kitt. Mm-hmm.

Ooh, I'm scared to finish it. Yeah, I can't be too tanked up. I know. Tim and I were doing a show later. Oh, we have to wow the public. Comedy show. I just have to go laugh. Yeah. Laugh too hard on that stuff. Yeah! Jeff, that's just the announcement to take

your seat. I had a little idea. Oh, God. If you just want to wake up. If you just want to wake up if you just want to wake up in the morning yeah or now you might remember the martini episode i remember it remember it got a little zappy got a little zappy that episode like drunk no electric like electric like electric zaps like oh you're your collar the collar. Shark collar. Not my collar. Like I'm some kind of freak. One of you mentioned at one point in the episode

of those tennis rackets that zap. I got one of those. You do? Yeah, you want to try it out? Put it on your tongue. No, not me. Yes, you.

The people don't want to see Dutz get zapped. That's like the last guy they want to see get zapped. I think they do and I think they want to quit because this episode is almost over. Mike, we have all of our final thoughts to parse through painstakingly.

I love it. It's an order again. Me too. It's a Stone Cold classic. Me too. This is a Stone Cold classic. I wonder, what have we done Stone Cold classes on? Martini, this, maybe old-fashioned.

Mai Tai. Stone Cold, Mai Tai. Wasn't there one? There was one that you were like, I don't like it. we done stone cold glasses on martini this maybe old-fashioned my tie stone cold my tie wasn't there one there was one that you were like i don't like it it's not an order again but it's a stone cold i just don't get it i'm gonna grab the zapper but i'm only doing it if one of you also does do my toe your toe my big toe why don't we all do it yeah i'll do but well what it just i mean can i just touch it with my finger does it need to be like um it doesn't have to be like on your but don't you need to be like not grounded like bugs are floating in the air this will be a good experiment okay yeah you know what mike i have i think i'm gonna put on your balls that could be good boy today yeah you think that could

be good i'm right you want to put it on my bulge? Fry off those pubes you love so much. I do not love those. You're always talking to your barber, Silvio, about how he needs to style them differently. The wax, the amount I spent on waxing for years. My accountant is going to lose it. Oh, we got to do some taxes soon. I did mine. Oh, you lucky guy.

Yeah? It's a mess now with Sloppy Boys LLC, Tim Kelpack is Inc. I don't know what's what. Oh, you've corporatized? What's it called? Incorporated. You didn't corporatize? It's out of batteries, folks. Wow.

We'll do it next week. We'll do it next episode we're getting zapped that's wild great episode dudes you too hey and great finishing this uh iba list i couldn't be happier this is fun we got a new what's gonna be our drink next week that's gonna be i don't know about next week but can i say a drink that i've been itching to do yes mudslide yeah you mentioned it it's a classic i'd like tgi friday's fern bar we should go to tgi friday we should top load all those fun drinks right up front let's not save anything and also we're talking about we're going to go to the venice room in monterey park which will open us up to the the iba sort of ignores the dark ages of cocktails. We are stupid and we like drinks.

Give us the fruity drinks. Give us the drinks that aren't named very appropriately. Give us the shots shot. The red head is what the weird ones. The dirty alligator. The yeah, the red head. There's a lot of them. They keep going

and going. Tim, you sent me a clip from Blues Brothers recently where they're like, orange whip. Orange whip. Yeah, we should do orange whip. Now, I thought, I was like, oh, we've done orange whip. No, we've done the golden dream, but we haven't done the orange whip. Yeah. I didn't know if you saw that. You didn't text me back.

Well, I saw it and I was like, what's this referring to? And then I kind of forgot. Oh, no. It was because, hold on this referring to? And then I kind of forgot. Oh, no. It was because, hold on. Let me look it up on our text chain. There was something Hanford related. But I feel like an orange whip. I don't know what it is, but I'm thinking it's going to be like an orange Julius.

Julius. Mike, that was the video, but you didn't read the tweet. No. Fishman hit the John Candy three orange whip sample from Blues Blues Brothers in the middle of a jam if you're wondering why I love this stupid band so much Oh, that's cool They played that sample Let's all make a pact

We're done with the IBA list, we're sort of graduating We're going to be mature adults When someone texts you a tweet Don't just watch the video of the tweet, read it Actually, open it up look at it respond appropriately i like this i didn't like this uh folks we did basically did the sign off you know it's patreon.com slash the sloppy boys

and you know we got a bunch of shows coming up you want to come to that you want to come to the shows more than anything we got the shows are the real sloppy boys. This is a sham. This is a sort of a tax loophole. This is basically an advertising platform for the Patreon blowout. And the shows. I think what's cool. The live shows. I envy the slopheads right now To be fans of us

Because What a time What a time To be a slophead And the momentum To know Oh my god These guys

They're playing A bunch of shows live Plus Hanford's doing A stand up show In Chicago The 13th The 14th At Lincoln Lodge

We've got a Documentary That everyone has been Begging us to watch. And we've been like, no, no, no, not yet. Soon, soon though, soon. In general, we're just crackling with creativity. And it's kind of awesome.

And I would give anything to be a listener, but I don't listen. I do feel crackling with energy. As a creator, though. Yes, yes. And we're free from the clutches of the IBA yep finally yeah Tim and I and maybe Jeff are going to the sphere to see fish not me me confirmed no you should order a couple orange whips when we're in Vegas we should yeah we should we'll gamble we'll Vegas let's go to the Golden Tiki ever been there no off the strip uh amazing tiki bar at a

strip mall. And then right next door, a really good Vietnamese sandwich shop. You get a little banh mi. So good. The suds. Maybe now you're coming up. A little banh mi. This is off the strip.

No rules. That's true. Just come, Jeff. You don't have to go to the concert. I'm thinking about it. You should. Skip the concert. This concert's 200 bucks.

Skip the concert and just hang around. Oh. Yeah. Folks. it you should skip the concert this concert is 200 bucks skip the concert and just hang around yeah folks uh we love you and thanks for listening and tell a friend next time and what i have to say yes is that um we are drinking and somebody mentioned the daiquiri yeah yeah there's a sloppy boy song that says uh You know We're like the wolf of Wall Street But instead it's Duval Street And rather than stocks it's daiquiris Just like Jimmy Buffet But our songs never play

And our credit cards always bounce back at me So we should have We should end this show with that song One Last Bender Track one off Paradiso Oh that's a good one There you go folks Bye folks Love ya thanks for sticking through the IBA One Last Bender, track one off Paradiso. Oh, that's a good one. There you go, folks. All right.

Bye, folks. Bye. Peace. Love you. Thanks for sticking through the IBA. Home You say we've hit rock bottom And we should go try out You say we have a problem We say we have our doubts

Let's make sure Before we get dramatic Before we throw around words like wino and attic We'll go out tonight, we'll make totally certain So if you weren't right, you won't live with the burden Let us test the max of our BACs Let us tap the last of these Rockies Give us just one day, give us back our keys

We'll make Buster and Dave look like Charlie Cheese Just one bender Just one time Just one quick one Then we'll go dry It'll be like Ephraim Love But no prayers, just drugs And three jackasses instead of Julia Three little Houdinis

Disappear in martinis In our mouths and it doesn't even fool ya We're like the Wolf of Wall Street But instead it's Duval Street. And rather than stocks, it's daiquiris. Just like Jimmy Buffet, but our songs never play and our credit cards always bounce back at me.

Cruisin' all around, duck back down every alley. Comin' more ground than Sir Rand McNally. Coaster to coaster, mile after mile, and like Robin Leach, we're gonna go outside. I got a Gucci full dome and a Paxon sash. Louis Vootin barf bag full of Hasbro cash. I'm out. Just one bender

Just one time Just one quick one To say goodbye One last bender One last bender One last try One last relapse Then we'll go cry Bye.