The Sloppy Boys - 190. Pornstar Martini

Episode Date: June 7, 2024

The guys revisit the tacky 2000s with this vanilla-passionfruit "martini" from London's Townhouse bar.RECIPE: 1.5oz/45ml VANILLA VODKA .5oz/15ml PASSION FRUIT LIQUEUR1oz/30ml PASSION FRUIT PUREE.5oz/15ml LIME JUICE .5oz/15mlVANILLA SIMPLE SYRUP2oz/60ml, chilled SPARKLING WINEAdd ingredients (except sparkling wine) into a shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a chilled coupe glass.Garnish with a passion fruit half.Serve with a sparkling wine sidecar (on the side).Recipe via Liquor.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford. Hi. And Tim Kalpakis. What is up? And we are your hosts back in our respective homes and on our good microphones for the duration of the show. Listen to me. That's right. Oh, Tim, that's right. You've been it. You've been away. You're not a guest anymore. You're back to host position. I don't

like this. I liked I liked being a caller. Yeah. Now you don't mean caller. You're on the air. I do mean caller. You're on the air. I do mean collar. You're on the air. I do for once. Folks, that's a call back to our champagne sabering video. Watch it on YouTube. Ooh. Mike.

Yes. You have the floor. This is the sloppy boys pod. Remember, this is where we expand, ascend and conquer. That is our new. Good. Remember, this is where we expand, ascend and conquer. That is our new. Good.

That was, we heard us. You heard us mention that in the last episode. We're really holding on that. Ascend. No, expand. Great. Ascend higher and higher.

Yeah. Conquer the pod world. That's great. It's like X axis, Y axis, and then a whole nother axis entirely. And this means we no longer have timeless integrity and we don't take a dive into the drinks you love. No, we do neither. No, we'll still do those things and do the cocktails,

but the motto now is expand us and conquer. We want to conquer the other cocktail podcast it's not enough that we win they have to fail yeah they must be crushed um wait we're coming up on this is episode 190 how about that well we have 200 coming this is a pot is this a podcast number or my weight i don't know what you weigh it's kind of the perfect number to confuse i tell you somebody weight 190 a true i probably weigh like 215 but i like if you're saying it to someone like who's less than 190 it's like well i don't know like it sounds like a lot of weight to me that's conceivable to me tell you what i weigh 184 just weighed myself okay that's a good weight that's a good respectable weight at the time of this record i am entering into abs by july wow abs by july abs by july folks

you have 30 days i got a long way to go how do we judge if they're visible they have to be visible you have to see them how far away and and you have to be like. You have to see them. From how far away? You have to be like, it has to be like an x-ray machine. You have to be so close you're inside the body. Past the skin. Damn, dude. Are you doing crunches? That's the goal. I did push-ups and crunches today. I'm running

tomorrow and I'm back on my bullshit, man. No keto, though. I'm not doing keto. Nah, that was last year. Keto was last year. And you know, it's kind of fucking... And you want to eat some bread. I want to eat some bread, yeah. The good thing about doing crunches,

you're talking about aesthetic, optic reasons for wanting to do your crunches, but you're going to strengthen that core and it's going to impact your whole body and your whole livelihood. Yeah. Posture, your posture is going to be on point. You guys, all I want is a good posture.

I've got two funny stories, two medical stories today. So I went to, going on the posture thing, I went in to get a massage today because after the touring and stuff, you know, you're just kind of like hunched over all the time, I'm sleeping in disgusting, terrible

springy beds I mean hunched over when you're like flying traveling, anyway went to massage get a massage, the lady there best massage I've ever had in my life my life. Deep tissue.

She was a sports, what is it, sports therapy? Like that was her background. And we had like a five minute conversation. And like, she asked me questions that were like, do you, are you on a computer all day? Do you ever feel bad here, here, here? I'm like, I run and yeah, computer. So she, she did a great job.

Got another appointment with her in two weeks. Did she ask you any stage dive questions? No, I told her about it and she didn't seem to know what I was talking about. Didn't care? Yeah, yeah. You know, you mentioned us having to be hunched over when you're like traveling and stuff. I had a quandary. When me and Jeff were flying back to LA after the tour, I had the luck of a lifetime. I had a whole row to myself.

Ooh, that's been, I haven't had that in a long time. And it was a nighttime flight and I was so happy to be, like I was on the aisle and then there was nobody in the middle. I was like, that's nice. But then there's nobody in the window. I'm like, well, I don't even really know how to make use of this, this space because I'm an adult where I, but a boy, I would have laid down and treated like a bed. And I used to do that when I was a kid. Like I remember being on an Amtrak down to Florida and just fully sleeping across the seats. But now I thought that that was like maybe a little undignified,

especially for a rock star like me who just had rocked the east coast yeah you don't want to end up on dumois curled up in a little ball on a flight i shouldn't be flying private i shouldn't have the people seeing me at all let alone sleeping laying across coach seats i've had people out in public be like we shouldn't be seeing you at all i was like oh yeah right because the band like yeah more for the look for the looks um paul f tompkins had a stand-up bit about how once you're an adult you can't fall asleep in public like like if you're tired i remember i was at like at the end of a wedding waiting for the shuttle to pick me up i like sat down in a chair and just not even drunk just let myself fall

asleep and then i was ashamed because i was like i don't think PFT would like this. Anyway, on this flight, it was weird because I didn't, I put my chair back and then I was like, had the middle seat to kind of curl up to, which is nice if you have your chair back in the next one. You get that six inch little buffer that you can like, I can lay against the non reclined seat with my head. So I did that for a couple hours and that was nice. And then where all the dust and gunk settles. Truly.

That's another reason I didn't lay down is I didn't want to put my face where 4,000 asses have been. But then I was like, Tim, now you're getting really tired. You got to take advantage of this, but I just didn't know what to do. So what I did,

Jeff, I don't know if you saw this. I, I scooted over to the window seat. I spotted, I clocked you the whole trip. I saw everything you did. I was getting a little restless leg syndrome going on. So I scooted over. I hate that. Jeff, did you see what movie I watched? Yeah.

Anyone but you with Sidney Sweeney and Glenn Powell. Tim, you old sweetheart. The whole thing. Anyway, I scooted my butt over to the window seat and then i just sat in the window seat but i kicked my legs up straight and i put them across the other two seats i'm sideways and my my my little feeties are kicking over toward the aisle and what i did was i i kind of pushed my heels out really far stretching out the hamstring and that was kind of nice but it wasn't really like a sleeping position it's not relaxing yeah it was not relaxing at all it was a good stretch and then i was just your whole body is at a hard 90 degree angle yeah and then i wanted to put this

window seat back but the people behind me had seen me like already put the aisle seat back and make this move and i felt like i was being monitored i didn't know what to do so i i just disappeared in the dreamland of sydney sweeney and uh what's his name glenn powell and powell glenn powell i don't know about that guy no i liked him in maverick i haven't seen him in anything else but no i don't like him he seems like he would be good in maverick but uh let's just put it this way he has not a funny bone in his body nor even any rom-com charm to his eyeballs. Wow. I've cause I,

the only thing I read about that was Glenn. This is Glenn Powell's star making vehicle. Ooh, didn't work on Timmy. No, not when you run the studios, Tim, this guy is shit out of luck.

This rom-com wasn't really for Sydney Sweeney either. I, I, I like her on, uh, uh uh euphoria because she's like at wit's end and she's like in love with a guy who doesn't give a fuck about her and she's like trying to get his attention she's really good at that but she's not really a good meet cute lady sorry sydney i heard that they um they both those actors acknowledged that they were

leaning into the cheating rumors to sort of like goose the publicity of the movie because that was that was a big thing like oh these two are shooting a movie together isn't he engaged doesn't she have a boyfriend and like they would allow themselves to be photographed like holding on to each other's like hips uh out in public and how did that go over with the old fiance glenn well but see i think like, wink, wink, we're trying to sell a movie here. Yeah, I get it. But, come on. Don't trick me. Entertain me. Don't trick me.

How would you make a good movie? We should do that with a pod. I want us to have the reputation of Fleetwood Mac, where everyone's like, oh, Sloppy Boys, aren't they? Isn't it everybody fucking everybody in every which way? They hate each other, and they fuck each other, and they yell at each other. They hate each other for fucking so bad?

You didn't get me off last night. Well, neither did you. Before I went to the massage, I had some blood work done at the blood area. I'm not going to say where, so by the way, I want to go get my blood. I went to I switched

doctors and I have a new uh pcp a primary care physician and he wanted me to get some blood work and a urine sample i said sir we barely know each other that's a little uncouth so i get my blood done everything's great four big vials of blood i said that's a lot right here you need all that can i ask uh when when they were taking the blood when they when they pierced your vein uh knowing your blood pressure situation did it shoot out like old faithful yeah the lady the technician was like yeah they only needed one but they got four they were they were just trying to like cork him up she gives me the little it was really hot yesterday and today and i was i like woke up like sweating you know it's one of those types of nights i get to the place i get the little

urine cup i go in the bathroom and i you're not to get so graphic i pee the most amber looking you've ever seen and like orange brown like like and like barely any oh no i had nothing in my butt and i'm like trying to try and then finally like this is just taking so long i go out i give it back to her it's getting darker and darker as you push it's not a lot is this good enough she's like yeah that should do and i left a phone call like two blocks away i get a phone call it's like hey mike this is the technician who just took your blood that actually isn't enough urine because you need more of a sample okay all right i'm not far she's like you reschedule i was like no no i'm not far i'll be right back i go into a bodega which for some reason in brooklyn every street corner has a bodega except

where i was i couldn't find the thing but i eventually found a big arrowhead water drank that whole thing go in there again cannot pee anything out like your but your body just sops it up thank you like like like again's just, like, nothing in there. A little tiny amount of pee. I'm like, well, I'm not going to sit in the waiting room with this, so I dump that out. And I'm just, like, waiting around for a while, drinking, like, cooler, like, water after water.

And finally, I peed and still, like, only halfway to the line that she needed. And I was like, I went in and and i was like i think i'm dehydrated she starts laughing she's like that's enough i promise this time it's enough we were like it was the strangest feeling to be like laughing with a stranger handing your like you're laughing at your pee doing piss bits with us with a stranger it was just yeah i was like just even having my pee in a cup like around people is just a funny thing to me oh yeah you feel the warmth in your hand that's odd but it is it is uh you feel kind of exposed to be walking down the hallway with that cup

sometimes yeah but i do like any other time i needed to give a urine sample it's like i walk in there right even if i don't feel like i have to like go to the bathroom it just comes to be the lord works in mysterious ways i always have this thing happen where i'm trying to fill the pee cup and i can't i don't really have enough pee and then the nurse starts squeezing on my lower back on my liver and pushing the bladder and then and squirts out a bunch of piss i'm like oh lady whoa You have that? Yeah, she sneaks up on you and milks the bladder. I didn't do that. I did have a funny situation, though.

I was waiting to ask a different lady, like, if I could get to tell the, I don't know how to describe this, but asking one lady in a little office area to tell the other person that I was back and I needed that cup. But before I did that, she was talking to another patient who was like, couldn't find her results. It was like, is there a number I can call? Cause I called all these numbers. And the other technician was just so like, yeah, these are the numbers we have. None of the results come here. So you have to do whatever you want. And the girl was like, all right, well just this place is not doing a very good job. I'm sorry. I could tell she was frustrated and she left and I poked my head and I'm like, I think you're doing a great job. Hey, I have to get a cup for another sample. And she did not like that at all. She was like, what do you need? It's like not into, uh,

not into any complaints or jokes about the complaints. Have you guys ever seen the little courtesy window that you put the urine samples in or it's like in the bathroom and like you're doing your business you're like oh this is kind of fun i get to pee in a little cup and i finish in the bowl whenever i put the little plastic thing on it having a great time then i open the little courtesy the stainless door there's three more jars in here are Are these going to the right places? Who else is coming in after me and mixing them all up? I don't know.

Before it was fine when it was my, my jars, but these aren't my jars. These are other weird jars. And you're looking at the names on the label. Who's this one? Peter piss, uh,

Yuli urine, Marvin yellow. We shouldn't be here. Uh, I, I, when I hand my urine in two I give it a nice shake I foam it up There you go Shake it like that

Give it a nice shake You ever see anything this foamy? Alright that's disgusting That's enough Yeah that I was gonna You know what I was gonna make a joke

That was even more uncouth than that But I'm gonna go the high road i almost took it to turd talk i was gonna i was i was gonna go into more of a jizzy direction with him yeah me too i'm not gonna it could go either way i think yeah it could go either way we're at a crossroads here maybe at the crossroads but you know what guys if we if we did that type of talk we would no longer be ascending expanding and conquering that's true yeah eac eek we're eking by on this one all right let's get into some booze news please hey what's the secret to this strange wine? It's kind of like the color of a grapefruit's rind. It came from Georgia, not the Atlanta kind.

The grocery store is not the right place to find. Go ask Lou, they've got one. It's a white grape with skin content. Catchy. It's a white grape red method. It's a white grape with

skin content. Alright. Ow. white grape with skin content Orange Wedding was sent to us by Trey Diamond and if you have a booze news theme email it to the sloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com that's a cool name have we heard that name before Trey Diamond it's a stage name I won't name before trey diamond it's a stage name i won't i won't dox is really but trey diamond um i loved i chose that one because i was thinking of you guys about how we always talk about when you i'm pretty sure trey diamond

lives in an apartment or had a family in the next room because a wife or a neighbor singing kind of quiet up to the microphone and then when the chorus comes you have to you have to yell you're trying to summon like a quiet yell he should have summoned a rebel yell come on i'm sorry i i if those as listener if that's over your head i'm very familiar with the billy idol catalog got it cool right on um wait i had another funny observation about that oh yeah i like so it cuts to you and what was it white grape red method process yeah or i said process and you said method like keeping the over talking is so clunky iunky i had an opportunity to say that mike

that that did stick in my head uh and someone asked me what's the deal with orange wine and i said well you use the white grapes but you you make it in the way you would make a red wine and they're like okay i was like i answered did they look at me did they know about the skins thing or or did they they didn't know jack shit but i answered so confidently that the conversation moved on that's what you want or imagine if i was at a vineyard and it was a sommelier asking me he's like it's my first day man i'm so fucked here okay booze news this is when you guys see saw this because it was bouncing around our our text chain but also ow it was it was buzzing my phone from all kinds of directions right and we established that your phone has

like loose wires right and they kind of like rub up against your your butt that's mike's i keep my phone up my butt mike oh he's apart and it's a loose my casing fell all off yeah so there's like loose circuit board yeah dangling around to make a phone call. I have to hold like one wire in one hand and the other one's up to my ear. Now, why did you do that? I'm curious, man. I'm curious about all this tech stuff, especially the Apple stuff. I want to get in there and just see how they make it because they make it so nice.

Well, that is the origin story for like inventors. It's always like, oh, he was always taking apart his radio and see. Yeah, you just got to get past that damn touch screen. Imagine taking apart your iPhone and then understanding how it works. That's all. I was like, oh, yeah, OK. It's like that. Yep.

That's what it is. Fully understand. Head back to the Apple store guy. Yeah yep that's what it is fully understand yep hand it back to the apple store guy yeah that's okay i got it oh oh it's yeah that's okay i was wondering if this was what it was um okay this is this was one i wasn't going to touch on because it was it was such a uh um you know kind of kind of a clickbaity trying to freak us out type of thing but then it really did get for real pickup news coverage all across the net it is the cicada infused malort shots oh that was brought to my attention by uh slophead uh tim garvin fish buddy tim tim garvin garvey garvey himself my sister told me about i

think it was coming uh but that i was weird to see it rise like people from chicago were sending it and then people from the mars um so wait malort's malort's not gross enough. They need to infuse it with a big bug. Right. So there's a cicada. Yeah, I got to look up what a cicada is. Infestation happening in Chicago, quite frankly, throughout the state of Illinois so far this spring. You've heard them if you haven't seen them. They're the ones that go.

Yeah. I love that sound. It's like the night, right? i associate them with the south but we had them in upstate new york when i was growing up i know these are big boys big um but like yeah so so a brew pub in suburban chicago was you know just uh to be weird started infusing their malort which is already a gross drink wormwood liqueur um they were they're putting these cicadas in it and infusing it and i guess the taste it's it comes out they said it tastes like lobster because cicadas are essentially the type of insect that they get that exoskeleton

so it's like shellfish in fact if you have a shellfish allergy you can't have this stuff uh because it tastes like shellfish and it has the same like chemical in it that shellfish has in it wow you know what i heard about a year or two ago especially when um well even before marate we'll get to that about a year or two ago, I saw some thing. It's this right-leaning conspiracy where they're trying to get ahead of food shortages. So people on the right fringe have put forth that the elites are going to try to make eating bugs fashionable to acclimate the masses to the idea of eating bugs. So now our hamburgers and hot dogs are made of bugs. I think it came from that movie Snowpiercer. There's a reveal in Snowpiercer that they're actually eating like roach bars

or whatever. And it's like this, it's like this gross thing. And I was like, that's far fetched and that's weird. And it, and it is. But since then Marate,

the restaurant down the street, Tim, they have fashionable bug salt and worm salt around the rims of their margs and stuff. Worm? I asked for it by name. I want the worm salt. What do you mean? How does worm salt work? They dehydrate worms to the point where they're just powderized,

and you're getting that mealy, earthy salt around the rim of a drink and then but like i asked for i said like do you have any worm salt and they said oh we don't know and then they came back and said we were able to find you some worm salt worm salt wow and now with the cicada infused thing i'm like man there's really something with this eating bugs i cicada cicada with it with this what did i say right yeah but also you tell you what cicada is acceptable as well cicada some some people say cicada some people say tomato um i looked it up they're both allowed to be said doesn't it feel like ancient we've been doing this podcast so long i just remembered that jeff i like sent you some chocolate grasshoppers to eat on the pod that feels like a hundred years ago why was that what was I like sent you some chocolate grasshoppers to eat on the pod. That feels like a hundred years ago.

Why was that? What was that? Like episode one? It was for the grasshopper. Remember? Yes. Oh, yeah. Drink the grasshopper.

I sent them to Mike too, but they were like stuck in his vestibule. Well, mine were good, but they just texturally, I could feel like a leg or an antenna stuck between my teeth. And I don't like that. Like a fibrous little pesky thing. texturally i could feel like a leg or an antenna stuck between my teeth and i don't like that like a fibrous little pesky thing i'm sure if i would like the worm salt is so gross to me but i does it taste like salt like it's you don't like uh mike there's a thing that people might not know about you you have a particular aversion to lizards snakes the squiggly things yeah so i i jump when i hear worm worm

salt i'm all ears you don't like the lizards at neil and fran's house lazy guy you don't like lazy guy i like no tail i don't like it like lizards i don't like because i would see him when i was like jogging and it's that type of thing that moves out of the way right before you step on it. So it'd always be like, That's a problem? Jarring. I think deep down, I think deep down,

I think the lizard is going to like, because I thought about this, I think the lizard is going to run at me and run up my shorts. I think that's the thing. like run at me and run up my shorts. I think that's the thing is like, it's going to get freaked out and like, like grab out of my pants or something. I'm like,

ah, he's going to be swinging from your penis. Like Tarzan. Yeah. Yeah. Tarzan. That's funny. I had a similar thing where I,

when I was at my parents' cabin, when I was sleeping, sleeping, they're like, you know, in the woods. So I, I, one time I heard a little mouse, like teeter little scampering across the floor on his little nails. And I was like freaked. And I was like, uh, I started like slamming the pillows on the couch to make some noise. Like don't come near me, near me. But then it was funny. Cause I was like, I was trying to fall asleep and I couldn't

sleep. But I was like, what is it that I'm afraid of? I know that this small mouse a doesn't bite B is fucking so frightened by me. What is it I'm afraid of? But it was just merely sharing a room with a, with a small creature. I didn't like it. You're like cohabitating with a small creature. I didn't want a roommate. No roommates dude.

Hey, buy me some dinner first there's the other thing too with uh like rats in new york city if i'm walking down the street at night and one like scoots in front of me oh that was just yeah if they run if they're like far away from me and i see them like great they do whatever you want but it's when they just get too close yeah you're like walking past some trash you're like please don't anything jump out and it does it's like oh my worst fears realized yeah in in la in 2024 i've seen two new york style rats really new york style rats like new york style pizza coming out here in la we're starting to get bugs and we're starting to get rats it's weird wow um we should get to the drink soon but i will say this one last thing a funny new york thing again today i witnessed i was on the subway and uh this lady

was sitting on the um platform just like on a little box you could tell she'd like had a long day and was like sitting on her like grocery uh box carrying thing an older woman and this mom and her son walked by mom didn't see this but the son who was holding mom's hand little kid probably like five years old looked at the lady who was sitting down like made eye contact with the lady sitting down and the lady sitting down looked at him for a second and like scowled at him and the kid like kind of like got spooked yeah but didn't say anything it wasn't like whoa mom just kept like looking back at the lady i was like whoa that lady just like scared that little kid gave that

kid a core memory of something it was really it really made me i kind of laughed too because it wasn't like so mean but it was like she wasn't joking around the older lady yeah she like bared her teeth a little bit it was like we gotta bring back that don't talk to strangers thing you know it's good to have a stranger scare a kid every once in a while spread the word yeah don't talk i'm gonna start scaring kids is that for booze news no wait wait oh the reason we're talking about this story for me also. Okay. So some weirdo in some weird place did a weird thing and it goes viral. Okay. For Cicada.

I wanted to. Yeah. Cicadas, as you call them. Never let you live that down. No, I wanted to talk Chicago because we have a huge announcement. Do we not? Oh, yes. It's the biggest news of all, Tim.

This is huge. This is huge this is huge and this is news with about a certain booze band and podcast july you folks you thought you this would never happen this is by popular demand we we didn't think such things could come to be but on july 25th in chicago at io improv olympic the sloppy boys are going to do our first ever live podcast followed by a rock and roll music concert show as well all happening god july 25th now that type of shit like. Folks, you have to come out and see the first ever live podcast, podcast we don't care about, and it goes into a band show? Or are they two separate events?

How does it work, Tim? Two separate ticketed events. Buy both tickets, but it's up to you. It's customizable. How do you sloppy? Do you like to listen to a funny comedy show and watch us drink booze on stage? Or do you want to see us bring the house down with our guitars and drums? Yeah, I had to write down.

I did. What is you said that day, Tim? And I said, I need to write that down. I haven't done it yet. You're getting this news from me. I'm like, oh, shit, I got to be there. We got to do what? No, it's like too far away or like I'm never going to remember.

Our shows, we mentioned the tour of the top bishop briefly but our shows have been unbelievably good uh crazy good pittsburgh and philly add them to the list of other cities that uh were fantastic and it was like we had people bringing jello shots We had people making Error's Tour bracelets with our song lyrics on them. It was amazing. And most importantly, we have been electrifying on stage. We've been so charismatic that the masses love the shows. It is a full comedy show. And we've been playing like two-hour sets, too.

Or two-hour shows. Yeah, love that show. Two sets. Look how easily we clicked into gear playing i think we should have been playing longer sets this whole time like it's it's it's intimidating you know in the beginning you're like well we do we even have enough songs but now we do have enough songs and we know how to play a lot of the songs and we have a little fucking roland drum machine that we can play songs, add instruments anytime.

Yeah, that's great. And we can leave the stage. Um, it also gives us wiggle room to do weird shit. We're fucking like, uh, uh,

Pittsburgh. Somebody requests college night. We've never played that live before. We do it. Uh, fucking Philadelphia. We've got some leftover Dorito liquor from Jack Schramm. We do a,

we make you drink it. We do a taste test live on stage. Yeah, that was fun. That was really fun. That was good. What was interesting about that nobody on the stage guessed it as Doritos where when we took it, I immediately was like, yep, that tastes exactly like Doritos.

And I was asking the guy, one of the guys after the show was like, really? You didn't, you couldn't tell that was Doritos? He's like, I think just because you, if you don't see what it is, he's like, I i knew it was weird but i couldn't put like it's so far afield from what you would expect to taste from true yeah a liquid and blind taste tests are just really hard i like i i pride myself on my palate and one time i did a blind taste test and my thing was cinnamon and i couldn't guess what cinnamon was. And then one time I tasted five beers with a blindfold on and I got all five wrong.

Well, one time at the old house, we, we tried to do a taste test between Budweiser, Bud Light, Bud Select, and I nailed it. Nailed it.

They do taste different. But folks, you can get those tickets on our socials or at the sloppy boys.com. I'm going to put a link up there myself. How about that? I got handcrafted link. That's pretty cool. Well,

folks, that's it for booze news. Touch, touch, touch stone, touch stone. Television. Is that what that was?

Oh, television. That's the end of, um, Seinfeld, right? That's the end of Seinfeld, right? That's the end of Boy Meets World. I thought it was Castle Rock. Castle Rock as well. Which one is

Rob Reiner? That's Castle Rock. Castle Rock. That's the town. Sit, Ubu, sit. Sit It's like, sit, sit, sit, sit, not a doctor.

Get your castle on. I remember ours on the birthday boy show. It was Mike. You wrote like the birthday boys on a post-it and we didn't have any sound for it. I liked that a lot. Yeah, that was good.

That was good. You guys both just started wiping your faces both your you guys just went to town wiping your eyes balls and faces what happened we don't have to and it's we there's no video we can wipe whatever we want to yeah i'm gonna get in on it oh yeah i said to myself oh tim's gonna introduce the drink i get some time to wipe down my eyes we're all a little haggard from the road still i know i i am we gave ourselves a little buffer zone but still um speaking of buffer zones i ate a buffer zone calzone from dp dough in pittsburgh and i hadn't had it since oh i wanted to get one now a buffer zone that's a buffalo chicken calzone if i'm'm not mistaken. Correctamundo. Ooh.

Oh, hey, little tech thing here. I've had my AC on this whole time, and I'm leaving it on for the rest of the summer. Tsk, tsk. No, you know what? That's just how it's going to be, folks. And, Meeland, if we want to figure out something where we get a plug-in that takes that sound out, I will pay for it. But right now, this is happening. We haven't looked for a plug-in for this sort of thing. I don't even know what a plug-in that takes that sound out i will pay for it but right now this is happening just we haven't looked for a plug-in for this sort of thing i don't even know what it is i've heard that word

for 20 years i'm like ah we need a plug-in right it's like a glade plug-in well i'm not hearing it that's good um i'm not hearing it sounds good to me and but look how deep we are in the show fuck what's the difference we're giving the people. Fuck. What's the difference? We're giving the people the same amount of time. Because we're a band. We don't have time to be doing all these podcasts. What about the person who doesn't listen to the show and they just search their podcast app? They're like, honey, for dinner tonight, we're going to make porn star martinis.

I'm going to search on the podcast app to see if there's instructions on how to do so. And then they have to listen to 34 minutes of urine sample talk. Ugh. Not to mention bug talk. Those are stories you could tell at dinner with the martinis. Hey, honey, did you know about the amber piss?

Oh, did I tell you about this funny thing my friend did? Oh, Mike's piss was dark and there was barely any. You have a friend, honey? Oh. Oh, barely any? I'm proud of you, dear. No, no, no.

The seasoned Sloppy Boys listener would just go to SloppyDrinks.com and check out all the recipes for the latest drinks. We met the person who made that. Yeah, thanks to Emmett. Emmett, he rules. That was a thrill. Emmett Smith. would we kept being like that's it was so awesome it's so pretty he's like oh it was nothing like it's everything it is everything okay the drink of the day the porn star martini you've had no not had you've heard heard back then i'd have been drinking new castles yeah right and

thinking that's the fanciest thing you can order um but what do you know when you hear porn star martini have you had you heard do you what what i think of because the word porn star, we've discussed it, the Von Dutch era. Yeah. Back in the early 2000s. The aughts. The other side of town where Indie Sleaze is happening. Yes. Or on the other side of town, Indie Sleaze is happening. The mainstream counterpoint to Indie Sleaze is Von Dutch culture, early 2000s.

It's like porn. Yeah. Porn was like, was this around when like the playboy the bunnies had that show yeah it's girls girls next door girls next door it's just yeah playboy it's ham and tommy it's paris hilton sex tape it's this in this mainstream embracing of porn it's girls gone wild lindsey lohan howard stern i think howard stern too had a lot to do like his tv show and girls gone wild right the girls gone wild guy was like a celebrity oh yeah yeah remember oh right i was probably seeing all my my conduit to this culture was probably

me watching howard stern on e and then the commercials uh like and everything else on e was like talking about this type of shit um anyway so yes that's what that's that is the era that this drink is from and we've been talking about it on the pod because there's like a tinge of uh y2k um nostalgia that's been happening in the air it's it's been happening in like fashion for a few years but it's making its way to cocktails this year and this came up on booze news because a couple of articles were predicting the drink of the summer and this was one of the drinks batted around i said unlikely the drink of the summer is this like martini but uh passion fruit has been on the rise i'm seeing passion fruit popping up and stuff and this is not a

martini martini and not a proper martini this is from the era this is not a martini martini not a proper martini this is from the era where anything in a martini glass is called a martini um but here is the backstory it was invented in 2002 in london at the townhouse bar by hot shit bartender douglas Ankra A-N-K-R-A-H Ankra Never heard of him So he's a very much Von Dutch era, he's like a bartender but he's like sexy vibes, horny

vibes kind of What's his name? Douglas Ankra and he first called this drink the Maverick martini and he named it after a strip club he went to a lot in cape town and called the maverick so it was always a raunchy drink but then he was like oh i think i'm gonna i'll call it the porn star martini because i think this is the type of drink a porn star should be ordering so he's he's infusing it with this type of uh culture

yeah the thing i saw was that on touching on the on the um stripper thing was that it reminded him of a stripper's perfume right and i believe where would he have smelled that very perfume jeff the maverick club in cape town gentlemen there you that he frequented. The vanilla and pomegranate notes. Oh, yeah. Passionfruit and vanilla coming together. Hey, come on. Passion? Passion? Where is there

not passion but in a club of stripping? Yeah. Okay, so he invents this when he's a bartender at townhouse but then he also opens his own bar called lab all caps l-a-b uh and this was uh london 2000s you know the the aughts hot spot and that's where this drink really got popular and and uh this guy if you want to know more about him like he put out a a book called shaken and stirred uh in the like 2000s and it's got a horny vibe to it man shaken

and stirred okay shaken and stirred and which is like a bond reference saying like we're going you know taking this to the max and it kind of has like it's like kind of bond girl inspired but it's sexy like there's sexy pictures in the book and the photography sexy and the one amazon review user review that i saw on amazon said that it was a sexy book so sex sells when it comes to douglas ancra and yes it does we were very excited to make this drink because we saw it has an ingredient that's been gathering dust on our shelves. Not unlike the way Jeff gathers dust from his beloved pretzels. Um, uh,

what do we have? The absolute vodka leftover from, I thought it was the mudslide, but it wasn't. Cause that was a round two thing. We did. We had this same, uh,

conversation we were talking about this last time. Vento? I think it was still on the IBA. Well, we need Emmett's thing. I'm looking up sloppydrinks.com Vanilla. Come on, don't fail me now. Emmett is creaming his jeans right now.

The Spicy 50. Yes, the Spicy 50, which we liked. It was vanilla and, and chili pepper, elder flower, chili pepper, honey syrup, lime,

a weird one. I remember. Damn dude. Um, yes, yes, yes. Okay.

So here is the ingredients for the, the recipe for the porn star martini as told to us by liquor.com because we are not beholden to the iba anymore it is yes one and a half ounces of vanilla vodka half ounce passion fruit liqueur such as de kuyper or posoa um jeff did you see the name of the one i bought at cap and cork i forget uh no i saw that it wasn't the Kuiper. It looked fancy. I think I may have gotten the same one, and I cannot see it right now. I can see the top of the bottle, but there's another bottle in front of it.

Wait. You got to drink that front bottle, Mike, so you can see through. I bet I texted a picture. Let's see if it's in the text chain. Yes, I did. Yeah. Chinola. Chinola.

C-H-I-N-O-L-a um hold on I need to see this picture it looks good that looks quality to me um okay and here's the thing that's half an ounce but then you're going to do one ounce passion fruit puree and I had a bottle of uh like bartender's finest finest hour or whatever yeah right um and but I gotta say I tasted both of these and there's a little redundant so folks if you can only find one or the other here you're you can you can improvise that's where I'm sitting oh finest call could not find the fucking passion fruit from and I couldn't even find a passion fruit I was in the like went to a couple different produce sections and I was just gonna mash it up i found one i found one last passion fruit it was the last one at albertsons and this thing was demented looking and it had like a dust on it like i think of passion fruits

as they look like a plum they're purple and this had like a green powder on it that i just scraped off i don't know if it's i don't know if it's pesticides or mold or what i've never had a proper passion fruit i had passion fruit juice from albertson's one time but it was like mainly white grape with a little splash of passion fruit um i think wait i think that this puree that I had, this like electric orange bottle of bartender's finest, could it be left over from the hurricane, which was like two years ago, three years ago, corn syrup. It's fine. Anyway, wait, did you say pog? Yeah. Passion orange guava juice. Passion. That's the thing you see. Um um half ounce juice of a lime freshly squeezed half ounce vanilla simple syrup once again i don't like this repetitiveness when you when you have

vanilla vodka and then you say vanilla simple syrup if you have passion for liqueur and then you say passion for pure i hate this thing of anytime that you put triple sec or Curacao into it, orange juice, you're like, what are you doing? Why are you showing off? Yeah. Yeah.

Douglas Ankra. You're on watch. Get your house in order. A little note on, um, I don't have vanilla simple syrup, but I have simple syrup and vanilla extract. So I'm going to kind of fake the funk on that.

Um, yeah. The liquor.com said to like scrape a vanilla bean and and uh infuse it but that i have i have so many vanilla beans over here you're like my pockets are full of vanilla beans um i just put two drops of vanilla extract into uh an ounce of simple syrup and it tasted very vanilla and just fine to me. Um, two ounces,

sparkling white wine chilled. We'll come back to that. And for the garnish, you're going to want half a passion fruit fresh. Okay. Here are the steps. Add all ingredients except sparkling wine into a shaker with ice and shake vigorously until well chilled strain into a chilled coupe glass garnish with a passion fruit half serve with a sparkling wine sidecar on the side stupid why ounces in a little shot glass

like the way that a minnesota person would drink their bloody mary with a little bit of beer on a shot glass interesting Interesting. What's the reasoning behind that? Douglas, you're pushing your luck here with us. Too many weird things. I didn't know it was going to be on the side. Okay. You get one weird thing. Eel sauce.

And then you design your rest of your drink about it. Yeah, you're not going to like that back. Eels. Now, eel sauce. There's a good american uh weird thing yeah one curveball this is like three curveballs i don't like it it's a lot but he's trying to be sexy he's mr sex porn star martini remember now when when i was looking for the passion fruit puree which i couldn't find uh I looked up what I said, looked up what his passion fruit tastes like.

And I thought maybe a grapefruit was close. So I got pink grapefruit juice. Should I not put that in or? Okay. So I'm going to say, I'm going to say no, because it's bitter and citrusy, but this is a really hard thing to think of a fruit and then think of like

what the taste is. Like nodding. Nodding. You're nodding as I say no. Okay. I mean, I guess Jeff's on the right case with Pog. Do you have any Pog? No, I don't have any Pog around here.

Fuck. I'm just going to do what I can. You're going to make the grapefruit variation. Well, but it's going to be bitter. You don't want it to be bitter. This is going to do what I can. You're going to make the grapefruit variation. Well, but it's going to be bitter. You don't want it to be bitter. This is going to be a very sweet drink. Yeah, I think I'm going to not put that. You got OJ?

What do you drink with your Cheez-Its, you freak? Usually OJ, but I just got home a couple of days ago. I got jack shit around here. I don't even have Cheez-Its. All right. Well, let's go make these drinks. And when we come back, we'll discuss what Mike came up with. Okay.

I love that for us. And in the meantime, they can listen to the ads. This is perfect. Perfect. Oh, man. Cool. This is great. All right, folks.

Get your wallets ready and perk up your little ears. And we'll be right back with more sloppy boys after this. And we're back pouring star martinis in hand. Ooh, did anybody do the half passion fruit in the drink? No, I got no garnish. Jeff, look at that floating in there. Beautiful. I got one. Yeah, it's dumb. It's like half a golf ball floating in the middle of your drink. And of course. Oh, because you can't

just do a slice because all the gunk in the middle would fall through. Ah, that's why it says half. Maybe there's a method behind the madness after all. You would hope so. Well, I will give Douglas Ankra this. I groaned when I saw that there was a champagne sidecar because we have to make it. But I do think if I ordered this at a bar, anything that comes with the sidecar does get me excited.

And it kind of looks cool right now. I'm like, that's fun. Anything that comes with the sidecar does get me excited and it kind of looks cool right now. I'm like, that's fun. I predict this is going to be like a sweet puree thing and you're going to want the sparkling wine to do a little. Yes, a dry shing. I know I'm sitting here saying, you know what? I'm just not going to do my champagne or my sparkling wine thing.

But I probably will just because I want to see if it adds to it. Like if it a and you're a mini bottle i hate yeah i got the mini um i'm poor i'm doing a live pour of my champagne here yeah i got a little two ounce shot glass i'm excited these little lamarca prosecco three packs are a godsend for the pod because for the pod yeah just enough for two rounds and then you can be done. This one is funny because we're tasting it straight. Normally cheap champagne is fine for a cocktail because you're going to gunk it up.

Tim, this is La Marca. It's La Marca. And me, I got a... Martini Rossi. Okay, sips? Sips. All right. Ooh, the smell is nice.

Hmm. Waiting for my vanilla to hit. Yeah. Okay. Me too. Hits real hard with passion fruit up top. And I guess I have some vanilla breath. I should have done more vanilla extract

in my simple syrup i think no but that's not fair to blame yourself for that because there's no fucking such thing as vanilla simple syrup yeah right and like if your drink is hinging on vanilla extract that ain't good and also then why have us buy vanilla absolute vodka? If there's extract involved, just make this drink and then put, say, 10 drops of extract. Yeah. Well, it's not a bad taste. I mean, it tastes like passion fruit, which is delicious. Yeah, I like this a lot.

It's delicious. I do not like the sip afterwards. The sip. Oh, I got to do the twofer. The champagne sip. I keep saying champagne. Sparking wine. Mmm. Do you just dump it in?

Do you dump it? No. Dumps for chumps. Well. It's a chump dumps for jumps well it's a jump dump i do get it i'm again i'm drinking corbel here so it's not good champagne but this is a very sweet drink uh and i wouldn't say like too sweet because well yeah maybe you didn't need the simple syrup maybe you just let the passion fruit puree be the sweetness um but anyway a very deserty fruity drink it is nice to follow it with something dry and it is shinging a little bit shing shing you're getting some of the shing okay yeah i mean how different uh if it is a passion fruit based cocktail and you're putting vanilla in it with some lime

you know it's not it's not tiki territory but it's like a tropical something it is tiki-ish though if they had more spice and it was rum instead of uh vodka i i'm glad i have this uh passion fruit liqueur though now because this that it was i took a little sip it was really good oh yeah i need to do a sip on its own i got the i got the kind that uh tim suggested it was or that took a picture of let's see can do you have it it was well it's over there i'm looking at it over there well it's the one i have if it's the one tim has it's the one i have chanola yeah hmm okay so i was wondering i was like is we're using liquor.com's recipe and i have to say i i kind of think this is delicious a delicious drink but annoyingly made and then i was like maybe that's not fair maybe that's just liquor.com's interpretation

the drink so now i'm looking at punch which is very legit and they have an article about it and and like where they seem to have talked to douglas ancra and they are saying yes indeed he does use the vanilla vodka and he does use both passion fruit liqueur and passion fruit puree so uh liqueur and passion fruit puree so uh and then the simple syrup he makes it by blitzing blitzing two vanilla pods and five cups of sugar but i don't know a lot of work for something that just tastes like passion fruit puree i wish i would have had for more vanilla coming through if it was like a creamsicle but a passion fruit puree i wish i had more vanilla coming through if it was like a creamsicle but a passion fruit creamsicle but oh yeah but to say this tastes bad is rather incorrect i mean it tastes very good it's rather tim i'm looking up i want to see a creamsicle cocktail that would be

oh orange whip oh they're out there baby orange creamsicle cocktail orange whip is that we did the golden dream on the pod but yeah yeah golden dream yes we did golden dream which was a like a 50s drink from florida but in the movie blues brothers john candy the cop orders orange whips when he's watching the show all right we All right. We should do that. I'm seeing some creamsically type things. Yes, we should do that. I've never had an orange whip, and I've always wanted to try one. We should do it next.

We should. No, wait. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. We have a special next. We won't say anything. We won't say anything. It's special next.

But orange whip will be fun for summer. That is fun. And it reminds me of my, my, my t-shirt, the Maria Sonando. Yeah. And you love to be reminded of your t-shirt.

I do. I'd love to be reminded of any of my beloved shirts. Anything that can remind me of my shirt. It's like, I'm wearing a King touch shirt right now. And if one of you guys were to remind me of ancient Egypt, I would love that. Yep. Jeff is doing a pyramid with his hands yep i i will say i also want to do a drink i was going uh cleaning out my liquor cabinet

and i have a uh banana liqueur i want to do another banana thing yeah we should have like a uh an episode where it's like getting into the weirdies where we clear out some of the weird crap we've accrued over the course of the pod yeah we should make that a category of uh of episode a weirdy i i stopped by tens for that puree today yeah you know a whole shelf full of weird crap this is my life because you know my fridge has the condiment creep majorly it's all hot sauce and condiments in there and now my cabinets are filled with this but guys we were talking about doing a shot that was banana liqueur and screwball

peanut whiskey and calling it an elvis shot yeah they had that at the tiki there was a tiki place who made that up was that us or did somebody tell us? No, no, no. Oh, oh, at Lucky Tiki, there's an Elvis drink that is a big peanutty Tiki drink, but we were talking about just a shot. Yeah.

That's a good idea. The Elvis shot. Let's do that after we do the special and then after the orange whip. Right. But this is good summer shit. This is, this is a good, these are good summer drinks.

These are good. Fruity. Fun. Mmm. Fruity. Fun. It's nice to be off the IBA and it's like, Hey,

let's actually do some summer drinks. Not being like, um, the, uh, Barracuda is like a quintessential summer drink. I guess that might actually be, but you know. All right.

We gabbed so much in segment one. What would you change about this for round two? Are you getting around to? Are you sucking it down like I am? I'm really enjoying this, but I'm not ready for round two. I'm still half, not even half done. I have a couple of sips left in my round one. I'm going to add two drops of vanilla extract to

this because I want the passion fruit creamsicle I so desire. To that. To that. You're going to add to that. To that. To that. Do it. Alright, cool. Well, folks, when we come back, our final thoughts. What do I say?

We're back with round two and our final thoughts. I just put in a couple more drops of the vanilla and I did a little too much. So I tried to balance it out by adding a little bit more of everything else and i realized around one i used tito's not my absolute vanilla how do you make a mistake like that so i corrected on that front i know they're right next to each other in my fridge and then um since i was just adding them into the same glass to try and goose it up folks you do need to shake this one otherwise you get what looks like a half scrambled egg in that glass with that thick puree nasty i can imagine separating pretty easily jeff i put a big plop of vanilla extract into my round two and i did actually have a whole second round let's see here much better i am getting a little more vanilla. Nice.

You like it? Man, I can't believe you were able to get... You got too much coming through. I can't seem to get my fucking vanilla to come through. I'm saying, hey, vanilla, come through, dude. Come through. I didn't... I just used simple syrup, not vanilla simple syrup, and

the... But I didn't use the puree. I just had the passion fruit liqueur i added a tiny bit more just to maybe hopefully make up for the uh lack of puree but uh the vanilla is i can taste the vanilla just the way it is so without adding the puree i think the vanilla comes through a lot more something's wrong with my vanilla extract so for final thoughts i would say like you know you can dial this up or down, right? If you want more vanilla, add more vanilla. Try it until you like it.

We definitely got a sense of what this is. Yeah, we got a sense of what this is. But what does Douglas Angra want? He probably doesn't want us to taste vanilla. He's probably using it to- Then why is he having us add two vanilla ingredients? I know. Well, look, he's a redundant little dude.

Let's be honest. The dude's redundant but um i i have this thing happening where it's it's i wish i could taste some more but but it is softening it there's a the vanilla bumping up against a sharp fruit taste and especially your sharp lime the vanilla vanilla is very rounding oh i forgot about the sharp lime yeah so maybe vanilla there's you know when we were in pittsburgh i was drinking those cartons of uh schneider's iced tea and i kept saying it's got a soft mouthfeel thanks for bringing that up tim those

were great that that's yeah the the crown jewel of pittsburgh is those damn iced teas those little cartons of iced tea i i got i have them. What were those called again? Schneiders. And then they also told us to get Turner's, but we didn't get it. But look, hey, Pittsburgh, I love you. I did the obvious touristy stuff like Promantes and Betos, and I didn't quite need them in my life. But Schneider's iced tea was very good. Also, Hofbrauhaus.

That was a blast. Yeah, that was a blast. Also, Pittsburgh blast also pittsburgh is such a nice town i couldn't believe i don't know what i thought pittsburgh was but it was like blue skies white puffy clouds birds chirping 80 degrees like i'm sure it's not like that year round but um i couldn't believe like better weather than la yeah it's like the perfect time it's like the the best time of year on the east coast right now where it's like not too hot but you're kind of getting all that good stuff great crowd at bottle rocket oh yeah that was super fun but to all yins out there from the bird you need some better pr because the rest of the country i always i knew that i was

gonna like pittsburgh i always have wanted to go there but i thought it was gonna be in the way that i like utica new york where it's like this is this industry town is down and out and there's some fun divey spots to go to but it was just glorious it's a very clean city and then you cross any of the bridges and you feel like you're out in the country easily and uh yeah that's nice i really liked when we were, when we were going down into where we got pizza that first day I was there and, uh, you could like, you see the whole Valley, uh, and, uh, it's very nice. Beautiful. It feels like seeing the Hills of LA, um, through the eyes of our beloved Seth Armstrong, you know, like these, these Hills, Hills dotted with, uh, buildings and apartments and homes.

If you enjoy the album cover of our third album, Paradiso, you got to follow Seth Armstrong on Instagram. He's a brilliant artist who does these amazing oil paintings of Los Angeles. And Hey, while I'm giving shout outs to friends of ours, I was reminded that celebrity bartender, Schramm who brought us the Doritos liquor last week. I forgot to plug again. He's got a new column on Vine Pair.

Sometimes he's writing for Punch, sometimes but now he's writing for Vine Pair. The guy's got solid wiggles. The guy's got stuff and you got to buy it. Solid giggle. You got to buy it. Solid gigglesiggle. You got to buy it. Solid giggles. He writes for hello giggles.

Jeff, take it away. Jeff. No, leave it. Leave it. That's our show. Follow us on social media at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time and if you can't get enough of our sparkling banter go to patreon.com slash the sloppy boys plunk down the five and get two episodes a week that means you get to listen to work and fro to and fro to and fro honey today they talked about a porn star martini. Oh, great. I know, I know.

I listen too. Aren't they great? Aren't they both great? They're both great, honey. Let's go upstairs, make love, and start a family. I'm ready. I'm ready now. I'm ready now. Let's have three boys as sparkling as those.

You think we could have three boys as sparkling as they? As they? Folks, that's how you talk. That's how you talk, folks. That's how you talk when you're getting intimate with your wife. You talk like that to us? When you're planning,

when you're family planning with your spouse, that's how you talk. Alright. If that's what you want to do Always