The Sloppy Boys - 199. Chicago Handshake (Live in Chicago)

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

The boys take the stage in their first-ever live podcast, recorded at iO Fest in Chicago! They celebrate the Windy City, drink Jeppson's Malört and Old Style, and just absolutely crush.pint OLD STYLEshot JEPPSON'S MALÖRTPour Jeppson's Malört into a shot glass and Old Style into a pint glass. Take the shot in one go and then sip the beer.Recipe via Chicago, IL Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up Chicago? What's up IO Fest? What's up, Charna? Welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a live dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, a.k.a. Dutz. Remix album streaming now. I'll be your host along with Henny Boy, the handstand. Mike Hanford!

Hi, folks! Hello Chicago! And who could forget the Catman Calpy K one-time Emmy nominee, two-time WGA award nominee, one-time bought coffee for the cast and crew of an entire music video shoot folks Tim Kelpakis

what is up? I could get used to this. That is not bad. That is a nice little welcome. Hey, folks. Live pods. That's the way to do it from now on, baby. Can I ask? I was backstage.

What happened to that duds chant? That was sort of short-lived. Duds. Duds. Duds. There it is short there it is there it is it's got a nice ring to it oh baby boy did you guys think everything we do a live pod i didn't think we do a pod but here we are this This is the first ever.

Do you guys know that the first in the history of podcasts is the first one and episode one ninety nine for us. Holy smokes. The almost kind of the Wayne Gretzky.

That's that's like the super Wayne Gretzky. Yeah, this is super Wayne Gretzky. While Wayne Gretzky on acid. I would love to see that fucker skate around on acid. It's one of my biggest wishes of my life. Let me tell you, Mike, that's kind of a faux pas to Doug Gretzky in Chicago.

They want to hear about Steve Larmer. Was he? He's a black duck. Yeah, sure he was. Hell yeah. Chris. Brett Hull. No, not exactly.

Bobby Hull. Bobby Hull. Bobby Hull. Bobby Hull. You gotta give him that one. You gotta give him that one. God, Bobby Hull's my boy at this point. Fuck.

This is so nice. How are you doing? Doing well. All right, all right, all right. That's enough of that. Jeez Louise. Oh shit, Ted. Slaphead Ted.

Listen to this, guys. So we fly into O'Hare yesterday. We go out to dinner at Pequod's. We stay in the Magnificent Mile. A guest of the Oprah Winfrey show stay on Chicago's Magnificent Mile. That's where I know her. Did she show up? I put a ticket

in her... She hates me. So, this morning around noon, Mike is still sleeping. Sleeping the day. And folks, dreaming those dreams. You know what I'm talking about?

Me on a yacht. Jeff's up, but he's procrastinating. He's like, I can't really do anything. I'm just going to hang around. I get to prep the computer for the show. You had quite a tempting offer, Tim. Yeah, because here's what I do. I wake up early.

I go out on a boat and learn about architecture. I have a lot of questions about that. Art Deco is the answer. But here's what's great. I go there. He knows me very well. I go out on this boat by myself. I'm like by yourself well there there were many

other boat mates i guess but i go there i'm looking for a spot and then i see an empty spot i go sit down i sit next to ted and he's a slob head do you believe that ted ted the guy who wouldn't shut up on the mic? Yeah, he's getting a little overconfident. Yeah, wait a second, wait a second. But let him do it every once. He flew in from Kansas City for this show. You're kidding me. God, I wish I knew that when I put the mic in his face.

Damn it. Damn it. So tell, now my question. You're enjoying the city. You're enjoying the city. Yes. From a boat did you see any egg and dart on the top of the columns ted did we see any egg and dart it's a column it's about it's a green column thing that's the only thing i know about what really happened was the top of the boat was too sunny, so I went down below

to the shade, and then I learned that you couldn't hear the tour guide at all down below. And me and Ted are like, which was it a Ted the whole time?

I think that was... Oh, another thing about Kansas City. Shut the fuck up, Ted. Did you know that Travis Kelsey's dating? Yes, I know. Fuck. But no, did you know that uh travis kelsey's dating yes i know fuck but no we'd heard that one ted but we uh we couldn't hear the it was like truly like the

peanuts teacher like and we didn't hear anything and then we went under a bridge and like the bridge like echoed the sound back down to us. And all I heard was anybody here ever hear of Lady Gaga? So I guess Lady Gaga lives here. That is such a funny like, huh? The thing is, the person said Lady Gaga. She must live on the river. And she lives on the river. God, she dresses.

I don't know if she does this anymore. I haven't kept up with her. She dressed so fucking nuts at certain points of her career. I thought't know if she does this anymore. I haven't kept up with her. She dressed so fucking nuts at certain points of her career. I thought... I can think of one particular night. Uh-huh. So, Tim, do you have any idea

of what Mike and I did in your absence? I feel like I heard rumors about a donut shop. All right. Stan's Donuts and the Weed Store. That's right, folks. We bought pre-rolls. And that's, everyone knows, you got to go to that donut place first

and then get your joints. The perfect day. The perfect green day. What kind of donuts did you get? What kind of pre-rolls did you get? Well, this is interesting. We got no donuts at the donut shop. I had a croissant with some egg and bacon in it.

That was a nice little guy, though. I loved it. I had an egg sausage cheddar bagel bun. Now, did I have a drink? I don't think I did. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Well, do you feel caught up with your voice? No. Hold on. I want to get this thing out of it. Did I have a fucking drink, Jeff? I feel like I had a Gatorade. No, I had a nice coffee. No, you had a red Gatorade.

That's right. I had the red Gatorade. Two red Gatorades in two days. You think my urologist is going to be happy with my piss sample when I get home? He never is. He never is. I'm running the numbers. You're averaging

one red Gatorade per day. You sound like my urologist, to be honest with you. Here's what I want to say, though, is I wanted to say this festival, they booked us to come here. Did they not?

That's why I'm here. Do you guys remember how this came to be and how they reached out and the whole thing? I remember somebody was rude to somebody. I couldn't even remember what I had to drink this morning. Well, because, you know, I was a little grumpy. I didn't even want to do live pods, right? You didn't want to do pods at all. I didn't want to do pods. Still don't. This sucks. I wish I was on a boat with Ted right now.

That's my boy. That is my fucking boy right there. I'll take a bullet for him. When I hear a cruise with Ted, I'm like, I'm not doing any of this Texas governor bullshit right now. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Just as those two words flipped is a different thing altogether. Absolutely. I have to agree with that. So wait, Tim. Let's say you're on this boat. It's you and Ted.

Boat's going down. Yeah. Only one vest. I'd give it to Ted in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. In fact, tell you what, even the boat's not going down, I'm jumping overboard. I would try to find Gaga's house and throw it up to her. She might need it.

In case you're on a boat that's like... She could wear it on the red carpet and be weird. I know, I know. She probably would. I like also her house. It's like down, you know, the river. It's just all these like huge skyscrapers and then there's just a house where Lady Gaga lives.

A little suburban house right in the middle. No, but the reason we're here tonight is did anyone come to our show at beat kitchen in april sold the place out two nights in a row. No problem. Yeah, that's so on record time. I forget what's that. Did it sell out in record time? I forget what's that. Did it sell out in record time? I forget. Yeah, it did. Does anyone know the record for beat kitchen sellouts? Anyone? I'm seeing a lot of nods. I wish those people had microphones, but they don't. Yeah, they don't. They're all talking. They're all saying no, no, no, you're wrong. Anyway, we we rocked the house like we always do and then um we were at the the merch table

uh you know selling some t-shirts and stuff and then i'm uh three sheets to the wind people people there you go we got we got a sloppy boys fan in the audience um and because people brought us up a lot of shots during the show so it was a little blurry but, uh, a guy comes up to the t-shirt table and he's like, Hey, um, my girlfriend is the booker for IO. Would you guys ever want to do a show there? And, uh, I said, uh, the only way, the only way the sloppy boys are going to do a show at IO. I had this man in a headlock, but at this point, the onlyoppy Boys are going to do a show at I.O. I had this man in a headlock at this point.

The only way the Sloppy Boys are going to do a show at I.O. is if we get a personal letter from Sharna fucking Halpern. And Sharna, who started the theater like 40 years ago. And then I went about my life and forgot about this interaction. And then a few days later, uh, we got a, uh, an email to the sloppy boys podcast at gmail.com where you send your booze news themes. Um, and it was Gretchen who books the, the, uh, the theater. And she was like, Hey, sloppy boys. Uh, I, I hear that you met you met my boyfriend um and we would love to have you come to a show here and um uh my boyfriend said that tim said that the only way that you guys

would do it is if you have a personal letter from charlotte halpern so we can arrange that and like and like like cc'd is the people that can arrange it and stuff. And then the wheels are in motion for this letter. And I, I was like, I'm humiliated. I'm so sorry. I'm a drunk.

And I was acting up after a show. So then, then we were like, yes, anything you want, want us to do a show? Our first ever live pod. We're there.

That's how it happened. That's why we're here. This is so, I let this set up. You can't see it. Obviously, if you're listening to it, thanks for coming folks. You can see this is such a great little set up. We're on couches. I'm not. It's not improv chairs, no fold out table. No, this is wonderful. Like a it's like a puffered couch. I'm in like a rocky sort of a lazy boy couch. I'm in like a rocky sort of a lazy boy chair. I can't figure out how to sit, though. Jeff's

got a good thing. Yeah, Jeff's got it going on. This is good lumbar support. Oh yeah, just the little tubes. Jeff, I for the audio listeners, he pointed at a pillow and now Tim has his hand up and I my hand is on my okay my thigh and Jeff is sitting cool Jeff I got I got a ass mine and Tim's feet are almost touching I gotta ask Jeff what fucking planet did that fucking jacket come from my man

come on I like it it looks no it great. It looks like a hologram. I feel like an X-Men card. Yeah, yeah, that's great. You've got it's like a silvery jacket and then you got the purple hair, big purple pee back in the house, but

then these glasses that you're wearing they the there's a gradient to them and the frames, the lenses, they stop, up top, they're purple, and then they fade

to the color of the jacket. So it's nice. I hate when you look at someone's hair, and then you look at their jacket, and you're like jarred by it. Yeah. Like me, you look at me,

you see, you know, brunette, and then yellow. Oh! Mike, Mike, Mike, you gotta get rid of that shirt watch yourself buddy boy that may just do you guys who listens to the podcast here i probably oh right right every single person i think i've mentioned yeah i've never heard wait

but do they know about your shirt policy that's what i'm wondering when i go on uh do we know about my shirt thing when i travel i i just a piece of clothing i leave behind throw it away it's my last time wearing it and that's what's going on with this shirt it's done he likes the shirt it's a nice shirt this happens a lot he'll he'll take a beloved clothing item doesn't even have to be a shirt out on the road sort of as like a goodbye yeah last chance i do with shoes too one last walk around buddy goodbye yep i'm taking you on the road but then that's it showing you everything you can see before i throw you in a garbage can spit on you no it's just this shirt's great look it's a great shirt it's a great fit i like the

pocket here but there's just too many pictures of me in this shirt. I've all I it's the only thing, huh? What shirt is he wearing? I know I can't see. Oh my God. It's a coochie shirt. He's upset. Come on stage. He's approaching the stage.'s your name anthony anthony anthony i'm mike nice to meet you yeah let's switch shirts let's i love you this mike you looked out because anthony anthony is wearing a pink hawaiian shirt wow

they're switching shirts. You've got Anthony has an upside down cross tattoo on his chest. He says it's not religious. Mike, you look handsome as hell in this pink Hawaiian shirt. Anthony's inside out. There we go.

Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah. Okay, there was a proposed pass swap. Thanks, buddy. Thanks, Anthony. Very good trade. Very good trade. Anthony from Chicago.

Oh! Holy shit! Anthony, what did you do to my beer? Jesus Christ. Anthony, this is a great shirt. Yeah, Mike. You're getting this bag. I'm not taking this from you. No, no, no. It's a trade, man.

Damn. Anthony's right. It's a trade. Mike, it's a good... I've never seen you in a nice loose fit. It's right. It's a trade. It's also, Mike, it's a good, I've never seen you in a nice loose fit. It looks hard. This is what Jay-Z is doing. I feel like I can like come up the arm hole and pop up the thing

and see what's going on. Your head's allowed to go into whatever hole you want. I turn around and the shirt comes out. It's like the shirt's on a delay. Mike, come over here and bring the shirt comes out. It's like the shirt's on a delay. Mike, come over here and bring the shirt. All right. I'm realizing we're talking too much about our fashion

that the listener can't see. Yes, you know a pretty good job describing it. It's always new shirts and haircuts with you. Can we please get into some? It's what I find most interesting about both you guys. Yes, yes, yes. Booze News, hit it. City of wind,

city of wind. Hey, what's the scoop in the city of wind? The bear. The bear. It's booze news And the devil is in the white city City of wind was sent to us by T-boy And if you got a booze news theme

Email it to the sloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com That was really good That was good Very good Pretty good And if you got a booze news theme, email it to the sloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com. That was really good. That was good. That was very good. Weird. Pretty good. We could crank that music, though, a little bit, though.

I was trying to hear it. I couldn't really hear it. Could the audience hear it? Could the audience hear it? Play it again. I want to hear it again nice and loud. I'm not going to touch my volume. I swore I wouldn't hit it city of wind city of wind hey what's the scoop in the city of wind

the bear the bear The bear. The bear. It's booze news and the devil is in the white city tonight. Yes. Perfect. There it is. And thank you so much to Hulu for licensing that clip from the bear.

It's from the pilot when everyone's like, what's this new chef's name? And he goes, the bear. He's the bear. Don't you know that? Is his name the bear in that? Their whole family is named the bear. Their last name is the bear family? The football team's the bears.

The chefs are named bear. Everything here is bear, I think. Hey, yay, yay. Well, what is the booze news? Does anyone want any huge booze news you've been waiting for your whole fucking life? About a certain booze band? Yeah. They're not prepared, Tim.

They're not prepared. Probably you guys have been watching this. They're hitting the film festival circuit with this documentary that's been made about them by director journalist, Robert Olguin. Yes. It won the audience award at the El Paso film festival. And yes, Robert won El Paso director of the year. Well, he's the principal of El Paso, so there's no, you should be getting that every, the year. Well, he's the prince of El Paso, so he should be getting that every year. Well, we got some pretty big news that the film has secured distribution. Oh, wow! And we'll be getting a wide release

on August 13th, Blood, Sweat, and Beers. The movie's coming out, folks. Now, where... Congratulations. Congrats. Congrats on the distro. It's sort of a Hollywood thing to say. Congrats on the distro.

Because so many films go by undistributed. Undistributed. And then in that case, you'll hear a lot of like, oh, condolences on the non-distro. Yeah, yeah. I've had people take films I've made and destroy them, but not destroy them. Wait, now, where can we see

this? VOD. VOD. You're gonna buy it. You can rent it. You can buy it. You do whatever you want, quite frankly. Put it on. Just leave it on. Don't even watch it. Do whatever you want with it. Don't even buy it. I don't care.

Yeah, we don't give a shit. We're just giving you the information that it's going to be out there. We don't get the money. Robert gets the money. We're the subjects of the film. We get the notoriety. Well, and Robert, I want him to get a nice new castle so everyone watches.

Honestly, his old castle is pathetic. It sucks. It's in shambles. It's so drafty. You should see the, the drawbridge is dusty. The moat is dry. How's this first live one going, folks?

That's all I needed. Damn, I'm not going to say it, but we got some good hats and stuff out here, but I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, we got some real good hats. Yeah, we got a nice good hat up front. I see that. Ooh, the house lights.

I like that. And you know, whereas you don't see a good hat, you're seeing a great head of hair on everyone. You always hear about those Chicago follicles. I never knew what that meant for a good hat. You're seeing a great head of hair on everyone. You always hear about those Chicago follicles. I never knew what that meant for a long time. Well, and then we got we got a we got us some nice mutton chops here. I've seen

these. That's a good look. You look great. Damn, we got some good corrective lenses. Is there any other boosters? I can't imagine what would compete wait for it Perfect Yeah Dang I noticed a lot of

Jeff you made that I assume A lot of your stuff Ends with that echoey Little fart It's not echo It's reverb Damn

I would love to That's echo I would love to... Cat's Echo. Oh, there were some seagulls back there, too. That's good. So the precedent has been set that every audio clip will be played twice. Played twice. You've got to see the Sloppy Boys live, okay?

Yes, we've set the president, and that's good. Sorry, I've been watching so much CNN. I'm a news and booze junkie. Well, with booze news out of the way, we can safely turn our attention to the drink of the day. Ooh!

Yes. We got some drinks on stage, but they're not the drink of the day. Yes. We got some drinks on stage, but they're not the drink of the day. No, no, no, no, no. Does anybody know what it is? Did the word get out? Did you tweet it? It was kind of dramatic. It was a notes app post.

Posted on X? Yes, it was a post on X, yeah. Folks, the drink of the day is the Chicago handshake. You heard of it? Sorry. You've had? Boys, you've had? I've had and heard.

You've had and heard? Heard and had. I heard first and then had. I've had and heard. You've had and heard? Heard and had. Oh. I heard first, then had. I've had Malort. I've had Old Style, but never within, they've always been minutes apart. Yeah, I'll see you go into a Chicago bar and be like, get that Malort bottle over there, and I'm going to be over here with the beers. I do not want to see that stuff.

But no, I've heard of the bartender's handshake and all those other handshakes, but I was unfamiliar with this particular handshake. Folks, a handshake is a kind of a boilermaker. In America, a boilermaker is a shot and a pint. And I even Googled like, why do they call it a handshake in Chicago? Why do they call a boilermaker a handshake? And all the answers were like,

they just always have. It's so funny when we do these drinks, you look it up, it's like, that's just, they just always have. It's so funny when we do these drinks and you look it up, it's like, that's just, it just showed up. I'm going to say one day and a bartender gave it away. I'm going to say, I'm going to date it around

the resurgence of Malort in like late 2000s hipsterdom. Because as we all know, Jepson's Malort debuted in Chicago in the 20s to skirt prohibition as a token. To eschew prohibition. To eschew the constricts to skirt prohibition as a to issue prohibition to issue the constrictive laws of prohibition. It was sold as a tonic to

cure stomach worms and parasites. That's great for us. We got both those check check in the 40s. It was sold legitimately in bottles, but they mostly gathered dust for about 50 years. They were so it was in the back of like, you know, American Legion's VFWs. It was sort of like a funny dare shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A challenge shot. A challenge shot.

Or like an end of the nighter. Yeah, and then so in the late 2000s, it kind of became more of a thing, and then you'll see that there's been, it wasn't just a spike. It's been steady growth since the 2000s. So I'm going to say it became the handshake right around there. I want to say that too. 50 years, no handshake. Let me ask you folks out here.

Do people like, do you guys drink Malort on a regular basis? It's a joke, right? You like it, but you like to give it your friends visit and you make them do it, but you don't like on your own. You don't just do you do it yourself friends visit and you make them do it. But you don't like on your own. You don't just do you do it yourself with them or you're just like no,

do it. Okay, it's communal. Okay, it's a parasites in the things out of you worms. It's a wormwood liqueur.

Yeah, so the worms are like, oh, I know part of that. I'm going to go to that and then you shit them out. How you shit them out. How are you going to go to that?

You piss them out. I guess you're pissing the worms out. Also, Jeff, we should clarify. We're not just talking about any Malort here. We're talking about Jepson's Malort specifically. He said Jepson. I heard Jepson. Yeah, I know, but I just want to make sure anyone else's Malort is not allowed.

Because I'm selling Jefferson's Malort and just to try to get a seat jetsons my lord and you like the font is like hard to read on purpose. I'm like yes, probably nor so normally you pale you pair it with a with a Chicago beer and you know we're doing old style because that seems to be the one huh. and you know we're doing old style because that seems to be the one huh yeah um we all know that i took a tour of the pabst brewing company uh last summer and i learned that they they now they own they they also make uh these days they make lone star they make all the cheap beers across the land but they may and they make old style and it's made in wisconsin

are they ham lacrosse wisconsin oh do they do hams too make old style and it's made in Wisconsin. Are they hams? Lacrosse, Wisconsin. Oh, do they do hams too? Who's hams? That's just his own thing. No. Just ham makes it in his basement. John Ham,

that's what's weird. He should talk about that more. I know, he's always like, hey, did you see Mad Men? Yeah, dude, that was like a hundred years ago. What drinks do you make now?

Yeah, but I was Don Draper. Oh, what? You were? You didn't know that. You're telling him to shut up. You were the fucking best on that show, man. Well, we're going to take a little break, right? We can't just jump right into it.

I got a question before we get to it, which is, it's not like it's... We do the shot of Wormwood liqueur, and then the beer's a nice little chaser you hang out with, right? It simmers. It's not a shot chug. No.

Nor is it a drop chug. I wonder if there's a... We should do a drop bomb, like a bomb adverse. Well, that's round two. I don't want to do one. All right. Do whatever you want. You do whatever you want.

I'll be over here drinking Jager bombs or whatever. I mean, I would do a chug just as a podcast thing, but it's optional. Well, I also like the idea of like a as a as like a popo no, no type of thing. Well, not like you can walk around like you can walk around with a beer and you're like officer. There's no more

in here. Hey, that smells like wormwood liqueur. No, you got a bad nose man. Not this time, but last time we went to Pequod's. Oh. We did get spotted open container by some cops, dirty cops. Chicago's finest.

Chicago's finest. I say with a rolling eye. We're on our way out there. We have no, we have never dealt with. I got a lot to say about the police department. These guys are going in trying to get free Pequod's at the end of the night.

It was a shakedown. We witnessed it. And here's the corruption. They should have arrested us because they saw us leaving with beers, open container, walking out to our car

with beers. But all they cared about, they saw it and they were like, well, we want to get the free pizzas. That's the problem with this city. You can't get arrested for... I think, also, I do want to say, we didn't drive that night.

We didn't? One of the Dear Blanca guys drove us. And they were sober. I mean, this is important. Don't drive drunk folks. Thanks. Thanks. Thank you. Live audience.

You chill home audience listening on their device. Fools, by the way, but go ahead. Idiots. Well, unless you're, unless you're a patron,

that's you're doing it right. We love the patrol. Love the patrons. We're going to take a little break. And when we come back, Chicago Handshakes. Now, we're not actually really going to take a break. Right now, the ads are playing. Those fucking fools at home listening to this bullshit.

But yeah, do BetterHelp, do Manscaped, do whatever else we do. Yeah, do them. Do them. Buy them. Do AdamandEve.com. We don't advertise them, do we? I'm trying to get them in. Well, that would be cool. They're like, you know, your whole listenership is old versions. Why

would we ever they can buy the karma suture books and read all about it? You want me to put that away? We had a Caitlin was going to bro, but it's going to be on the show. That should, that what I just said should be on the show. That was funny. This could all be in. You know what?

It's decided. This is staying in the show. Yeah, we did it folks. Well, in case we beat Jeff. No, no,

no, no, this is a meal and problem. See, if Milan isn't listening carefully, so we need to all say like me, Lynn, it stays in the show. Me,

one more time, because we do this three to one damn. That's going to be a fucking t-shirt. I just know it. I just know it. All right, here we go. You know, probably like sloppy code sloppy Adam and Eve dot com. I gotta say You can say it I just gotta say this crowd is electric

I'm just saying Tim and I were back here When you were opening the show It was like the curtain was like blowing This was crazy The curtain blew into my, it was like the curtain was like blowing. It was this was crazy. The curtain blew into my mouth. I was like yeah, we got to get you

ready for the show, buddy. It can't be choking on the fucking furniture. And we're back talking Chicago handshake. They're not in hand per se. Not yet. We do have our friend Caitlin somewhere right

Kay. Come on out, Caitlin. Yeah, wow, it's in a nice little. Caitlin has a John Draper style cart. Oh, and a bottle of Malort. She pulled it out of one of those fancy champagne buckets. It's beautiful. That's, that's really.

Okay, now she's got a speed pour on top of this bottle. She's pouring the shots of Wormwood liqueur. She's handing out the pints of old style. This is good. Narrating the actions. Yeah, this is real good. Oh my God. Are you going to do one too, old style. This is good, narrating the action, Tim. Yeah, this is real good. Oh my god. Are you going to do one too, Caitlin? Yeah. Okay, she's going to do one too. Oh boy.

These chock glasses look huge. They're not. They're fine, but like... They're good. It looks like a lot... No, that's good. It's a heavy glass bottom. I'm just saying for myself, I don't want to do this so We wait the whole reason we went on tour is so that people could drink the drink we're drinking but in this case It's nasty is anybody doing Malort right now Holy shit great great great. We got a but yeah hold them up if you're doing them more. It's up all right here We go first sips

Whoop shit three Three, two, Bill and ever one more. Okay. Oh yeah, yeah, we love it. Yeah, we'll keep doing shots of it. Caitlin, everybody. Thank you. Thanks, Caitlin. of it Caitlin everybody thank you thanks Caitlin okay I took my shot of Wormwood liqueur now I'm chasing with my light beer but not a joke there's a sir that's a Pilsner right yep it's so I do still fully just only taste my lord. The old saw ain't poking through there.

It's like I can taste the beer, and then the Malort's hanging way back in the back of the tongue. It gets you in the back of your little giblets of your throat. When I first took that shot just now, I was like, hey, okay, I'm getting used to it. This is good. And it's not good. My brain caught up with it.

It was like, we don't like this. But it's thrived because it's an acquired taste. Mike, do you don't think you could acquire it? I could. I would be so mad. Mike, if you grow to love, enjoy Malort, but you don't like champagne, you think Campari's ashy? Why am I on this show? Why do you keep bringing me back? Well, every week I get an email. Hey, Mike, do you want to do the show again? Sure. I don't like any of the stuff we do, but I'll do it. I got the night free.

I like the night free. I like hanging out with you guys. So yeah, I'll do it. Well, we were talking one time. We were talking about it. If you had one wish, if you could like learn something in an instant. Piano. You were like, yeah, piano. Mike was like, if I could learn, I wish I could just play piano. And I said, well, what

about like, you know, cocktail knowledge, know everything about cocktails. And he said, I'm not interested in that. I'm not interested. I don't have an interest in it. Whatever we're doing here, I have, it doesn't interest me. So any knowledge, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It interests me. Any knowledge that's worked its way in has been against your will. Yeah. And it falls right out immediately because I'm one of these guys who, if they get drunk, they don't remember stuff. Right. Well, that's, yeah, that's the irony of the whole thing.

You're learning while you're drinking. And then it's, it really, like, I don't remember any, like any of the drinks we've made that are not like the obvious one, like the gin tonic or a martini. Like, I don't know how to make any of these drinks. Tim, you ordered a brandy crusta last night and i was like i know we've done that and i could not tell you what it nope uh brandy boom uh luxardo maraschino orange juice and some citrus juice yeah it's either oj or or i think

it's lemon juice but you could use some acid adjusted OJ if you want. Ow, ow, ow! Lose the flab, adjust your orange juice. We should make commercials for acid adjusted OJ. I smell another t-shirt. Yo, no, we had really good cocktails last night at the California Clipper. You guys ever go to that bar? That's a good spot. That place was cool, man.

It was karaoke night. I got a beef with this town, okay? I thought you guys partied. We're from LA. That's an Italian beef? The bear. Thanks, folks. That is so bear.

That is giving bear. That is bear coded. Come on, Carmi. But Carmi. Hold on. His name's car me who's the bear his nickname's the bear the football team's the bear there's an animal called

the Muppets done a joke where Miss Piggy's like come on car me yeah yeah they have that one bear episode they did come on car me I thought I was the bear oh my god the fucking Muppets are coming in today. We gotta get ready for them. They love certain

things to eat. The Swedish chef's gonna make a fucking mess. Do the puppeteers want to eat? No, no. The Muppets are coming. There will be no puppeteers. My Italian beef with this town

was that, you know, we're from a wimpy town los feliz we get tucked into bed around 8 30 p.m but when i'm in chicago i'm like i want to party all night and then we had a black california clipper it was karaoke night and everyone was a professional singer they wowed us right some ladies sang a vampire by a liverod and i loved it and somebody's saying one of my faves, If I Ain't Got You. Alicia Keys. We had some Florence and the Machine we had. The dog days were over

last night. You're going to hurt him. That's why he's wearing metal clothing so he doesn't get hurt. Metal clothing. Metal clothing. Jeff went into his store and was like, hi, do you have any garments that would protect me against Tim? One of my best friends keeps hitting me.

Are you sure you're friends with him? Yeah, just give me some metal clothing. He went and brought coffee for the entire... Okay, my beef though. We had a blast at the Californiaifornia clipper recommended to us by comedian eric rayhill very funny guy told us to go there yeah then we said many bars we we went to we walked to this is my beef we say oh it's only 12 30 we're in chicago we have got many bars ahead of us we try to go to the rain no of us. We try to go to the rate.

No, we go there. We try to go to the Gold Star Bar. It's closed. We try to go to the Sportsman's Club. It's closed. We try to go to the Chip Inn and it's closed. Locked tight. I saw some guy counting the registers.

Yeah, that's closed. He's probably stealing it. We should have called the cops. He was counting the registers saying, this is money I'm going to steal. or something. Yeah, that's probably stealing it. We should have called the cops. He witnessed a break out in the registering saying this is money. I'm going to steal. I'll buy a new pair of pants with this new house with and Chanel

number five with this but no, then we ended up at the Rainbow Club and it was great. Yeah, that was cool too. We was like last calls. We had to go home. Yeah, they made us go home. Yeah, like we'll drive you guys home. It's last call. too. It was great. It was like last call, so we had to go home. Yeah, they made us go home. Yeah. They're like, we'll drive you guys home.

It's last call. Which I thought was nice. What did you guys think of your Chicago handshake? I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I'm liking this. You know what, Gabe?

I don't drink before shows just because I don't know what's going to happen. Concerts, concerts. But once I get on stage, the limiter's gone. Our band shows. Right. I was kind of doing this. I was having fun, but that Malort really put me into a nice sort of vibe. It's those medicinal elements.

All their parasites are dead. All my worms are scooting out the bottom of my pants. Yeah, catch those worms. See you, Mike. The thing that I had heard about Malort is the gross taste, which to me, the main taste I get is grapefruit peel. You guys get grapefruit peel notes of grapefruit?

No, I taste like turds. No, I'm going to pour us some more. Take a minute. I'll take another one. Just to sip and discuss. This is a round two. Because I get here. I get something funny. I don't say something funny I don't think funny yes that counts give me that back thank you

thank you I'm sorry I really nailed you with that I threw a microphone at a guy here folks like set me up he's got a cool hat, though. Just a little halfer. Yeah, I'm going to do it. Oh, shit. So, guys, the gross taste, which to me, I think that I'm mainly getting grapefruit rind and like a little bit of that, the original Listerine that was brown that

looks kind of like Malort. Oh, I like that. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Brown Listerine. My dad used to drink that stuff. It kills gingivitis. Yeah. You drink it. My dad, he would just drink it.

Oh, Hanford? It's right. How many grapefruit rinds have you bitten? One, one time, but it was a core memory. From Inside Out 2? But it was a core memory. From Inside Out 2? I'm glad, Jeff, you've gotten over the fact that you were cut from that.

Thank you. What were you? You were horny? Horny was the character? Yes. Who did they end up going with? They cut the character. The whole character's gone. Oh, shit. You can't have a Pixar movie where Riley is horny. Riley.

It's funny that you know her name. You guys, you poured new shots and we're doing two rounds. We're playing a concert after this. Are we agreeing that we're just going to be drunk for this? We're just going to have a bad show. I mean, I think so. If anyone is coming back to the show, you'd have to just be very forgiving. If you hear a note that is flat or sharp,

just be very forgiving. Please. Blame it on the malord. I'm with you. Blame it on the malord. Is everybody here seeing the show after? Yes, they are. Everyone is.

Yeah. Hold on, hold on. is anyone not coming to the they're not gonna cheer for that i just want yeah oh i gotta get these two in uh no they're gonna they're watching this show and then they got the concert later but in the middle they said everyone's gonna buy so much merch out of that fucking lobby they said that they said that we got stickers new merch We got stickers. New merch items. Stickers. Stickers? Wait, individual stickers or like a four pack?

Two different four packs. Eight original stickers. Fuck! Too much? Too much? I think we should stop selling them. That's perfect. School time's coming up soon. You get a sticker, put it on your trapper keeper.

Put a sticker of a martini on your trapper keeper. Yeah, I'm going to do my second Malort. Okay, but now let's look for notes of grapefruit this time. I'm just sipping it for taste. No, I'll do a half of this shot with your boys. Huh? Now, what are you getting? You're not getting All right. Here we go.

Now, what are you getting? You're not getting turds. Star anise. No, you're not getting star anise. I'm not getting grapefruit. Well, I don't know. What about Listerine? Original Listerine?

Listerine, yeah. But that could also just be the alcohol. And it's just the same color. It's brown. Yeah. No, I don't get the grapefruit. Shit. I get dandelions. What about dandelions?

Dandelions? Interesting. What if I wanted to be more funny and I said it like I was like, it's grapefruit and it's Listerine shoved up Satan's asshole. You guys like that type of joke? Yeah, I liked it.

It tastes like grapefruit and Listerine barfed out of Osama Bin Laden's asshole. It's as if you're uh yeah as if you're uh uh yeah yes yeah the worm

would work in its way it's worming its way in there oh you can feel it worming its way all the way down to your wood oh

our boners I was gonna say it's as if my dental hygienist and my grocery store's produce manager had a baby. Had a baby. No new notes? Oh, but you're not getting any new tastes.

I'm getting a G-shard. Oh, fuck. That did pass. You are music pills. There are some people not going to the concert portion of this. I don't want them to be left out. Hey, I'm Brat. What can I say? That's what this is.

You can't call yourself Brat. That was a trick. God, do we just love that please, please, please song? I can't get a fuck enough of that thing. Oh! Sarbeni Carpenterini. Go golly she's good at what she does motherfucker sarbeni sarbena carpenterini my god so barry kyogen kyogen yes i think it's keegan i've heard him say keegan he's

wrong barry corndog. I think that song... Barry Corny. He is her boyfriend. We know this. Yes. Let's raise a glass. Come on. They're a beautiful couple.

Beautiful couple. Put a ring on it, my man. Lock it in. What is that? Thank you. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, see? Go for it, Mike.

See you on the cruise. We'll do the motherfucker part. Keep it going. Okay, are you warmed up? Do you know the song? All right, cut it. We got to release this shit. I don't. You don't know the song? I'll help you. Okay, are you warmed up? Do you know the song? All right, cut it. We got a release this year. I don't.

You don't know the song? I'll help you. You said there's a motherfucker in there? I know, it's kind of nasty. It's what we call the nasty part of the song. So I think the song is a hit for her, but also I think it's got the dual purpose of she's kind of mythologizing the bad boy quality

of her up-and-coming actor boyfriend. Do you not agree? Because I've heard that just like, oh, he's kind of like a bad dude. He's kind of like

one of those scary actors. And I like it. That's the thing. She's saying this. I love it. I love the bad boyness of him. I don't know what he's going to do,

but I love it. I say it's just your culture. What's Barry Akio going to do? He drinks my piss. His culture is piss-free. Is that true? what I hold. I say it's just your culture. What's Barry Akio? He drinks my piss. His culture is piss free. Is that true? Is Keegan drinking Carpenterini yellow?

Oh, great. Let me ask you a question. What the fuck are we doing here? Okay, wait, hold. I wanted to, I had something I want to say for a while. If I could ever get a word in. I told you, I had something I want to say for one. If I could ever get a word in. I told you, I had to let the worms worming through me. Tim, the floor is yours.

The mayor of Chicago said I'm supposed to speak 33%. Bogoyevich, was he the mayor? Bogoyevich is the current mayor, yes. Did Obama run this town at one point? Did I tell you what happened to me at O'Hare Airport yesterday when I landed? No. Now, a lot of people are thinking I would have went to Midway. Yeah.

Who here was thinking he went to Midway? Midway's too mid for me, man. No, but so I was really excited for this trip i've been looking forward to it uh for a really long time and i had a lovely flight out of lax i land at o'hare airport d plane uh walk out uh to the you know out to where there's the ground transport get outside and i step outside and tim so far i was with you. I remember all this. Oh yeah, this is all news to me. Jeff was Jeff was there, but I kind of was like charging ahead and he was like, I have your bags.

So me and Jeff Jeff's carrying my bags and I'm passing the shop. So I'm like, buy that, uh, go to, I want that from Hudson news. And I want that from the duty free. I want a neck pillow till we got off the plane. I want one anyway. I want Sour Patch Kids and melons. And Turkish delight.

So I step outside and it's like it's beautiful here. The weather is beautiful. I've been to Chicago many times, but always in the fall winter. You didn't enjoy the 79 degree beautiful day? I'm being snarky. I've never been here in the fall. I bet this is a nice cozy fall town.

Am I wrong? It is. I'm old. You know me. I like to be wrapped up. If you think the leaves are green in the fall around here, you got another thing coming, dude. I hadn't even given a thought to the leaves. But yeah, I guess they would be different then. So anyway.

Mike, are you interested in what happened to me at O'Hare? I'm getting myself. I know you are you interested in what happened to me at O'Hare? I'm getting myself. I know you're not interested in cocktails. All you seem to care about is Anthony's shirt. Golly. Anthony, how are you doing over there with that shirt? I'm okay. Anthony left.

Anthony is gone. Anthony's gone. He's laying face down. I bet he's at a fucking consignment store right now selling that shirt. I'm a fucking idiot, man. Is consignment a fancy word for pawn shop? No, I think consignment is when you bring

your clothing and they resell used clothes. Yeah, it's like thrift, but fancy thrift, right? They've kind of picked through it a little bit, maybe? Crossroads, Buffalo Exchange. Yes, that's what I'm thinking. You guys have that? Yeah. Damn.

It's cool. I don't have shit. Tim, you have the floor. I don't have Buffalo Exchange in LA. Go ahead, Tim. I'm at O'Hare Airport. Filming location. Hey, Gretchen, ladies and gentlemen.

All right. Gretchen, let's hear it for Gretchen. Gretchen, you... She says she wants to come out and tell a long joke. Jeff, I'm sorry. This just got here. If you could... I think it's for Tim.

If you could just... Oh, my God. Jeff. Tim? No, she said you go for it. Is she going to do a joke? Wait, she said this just arrived for Tim. Oh, my God. Jeff. Tim. No, she said you go for it. Is she going to do a joke? Wait, she said this just arrived for Tim. Oh my God.

Okay, what do we got here? Let's take a look at this. What is that? Oh shit. Holy shit. Okay, listen to this. Dear Tim. Dear Tim, please come to the I.O. Theater

to do your Sloppy Boys podcast. Love, Sharda. And now wait, here's the kicker. P.S. Do you want to be on Saturday Night Live? Tim! You should do it!

Ever since I was but a boy, I used to stay up late till 1130 on Saturday nights, and now it's happening for me? You know what I love? Because I was the same way. Stayed up, watched on Saturday. Those like 10, right at the end, the 10 to 1. That's where all me and my buddies love that shit.

Yeah, after a few pre-rolls. Hey, Gretchen, is this real? Oh, it's real. Holy shit. Oh, it's real. That is fantastic. One of her dogs just delivered it. Oh, one of her dogs delivered it.

That's how you know it's real. Damn. Well, I feel very vindicated. And this actually ties kind of right back into my O'Hare airport story. Jesus. Can we get to the O'Hare punchline, please? No, it's kind of like the aristocrats. You know, it's more how I tell it.

Anyway, I'm at O'Hare I step outside Jeff's behind me I breathe in the air all these people milling around I go oh my god it's so great to be in Chicago yeah yeah great to be here in Chicago Chicago oh my god I'm here in Chicago Illinois Chicago are you saying it Chicago Chicago. Chicago. The CH sound at the end. Or at the beginning. So I say, it's great to be here in Chicago. Everyone stops and they look at me weird. What?

Yeah. I say, it's great to be here in Chicago. Yeah. Everyone's like, this guy's a little bit effed up. And I'm like. Are you saying Chicago? Yeah, Chicago. Hitting it hard

and I remember squinting and being like what's going on up ahead there they're all looking at my boy weird but you couldn't hear because you had

a lot of news I couldn't make out anything was going on up there I wonder if my boy's being weird I can't believe I'm going to be

on SNL you gotta do your I'm going gonna be the next Vanessa Mitchell. What was your famous birthday boys character? Hampton

Wallace Hampton. You gotta do that on the show. Pioneers of Flight. Yeah, I'll do that as the cold open. That could be perfect and maybe I'll bring it around during update. And Mike, maybe I'll get a little weird in the 10 to 1. This is perfect. 10 to 1s. Oh, I love that weird shit at the end.

I say, it's great to be in Chicago. Yeah, yeah. Choke. Everyone at O'Hare is looking at me kind of weird. And I'm like, what? What? I'm really excited. I'm here in town because I'm going to the theater started by Charna Halpern.

Yeah. And everyone's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, Char by Charna Halpern. Yeah. And everyone's like, what? I'm like, yeah, Charna. Everyone's looking at me. Just a little bit, Mike. Just a little bit. Mike's massaging Jeff. He's on the pressure. My man's foreign alert listeners. I

might dump this. Should I drop this? But here's the story. Sorry. Let's do it as a drop in. Yeah. Oh, okay. Or a poor. We don't need up as a poor in. Okay. Is it just a poor in?

Oh, it's a poor. Oh, nasty boy. Nasty man. He's splattering all over the place. Sir Spill. No regard for his surroundings. I couldn't do it. Mike, you

spittled up half your beer and your Malort all over the coffee table provided by Charna. Yes, Charna's coffee table. Okay. You might have cost him his big break. No, no, no. That is written down. That's an ink. He's going. I'll be lucky to get in the 20 to 1 slot at this point.

Tim, take it away. This these shots are hitting me, you know, I know. Well, that's why I behave the way I did just now. Malort gives you odd behavior. Malort gives you wings. Malort, it gives you wings. And we hope no one's used that yet.

Oh, we haven't Googled it because we're too afraid. All these people at O'Hare are looking at me. I'm like, I don't know. All I said that I'm happy to be in Chicago and I want to go to the theater founded by Charna Halpern. And then I get a tap on my shoulder. I thought it would be Dutz because he was following me. A T

on the S. I thought it would be me too. It was Bjork. The singer, the Scandinavian singer. Icelandic singer Bjork. Bjork? At O'Hare? She's on tour.

Oh, that explains everything. She's playing the Chicago Theater. She is? Yes. Soldier Field. Anyway, Bjork's like, hey, Tim, I work in the music industry huge slob head how's it going i'm like yeah of course obviously and and uh she's like i think i know the problem and i'm like yeah well here's the here's what's going on everyone is is i think maybe that i'm making the wrong

sound at the beginning of these words i thought so too i thought that was and she and she smiles and i'm like yeah but what sound should i be making at the beginning of these words? I thought so too. I thought that was what she was doing. And she smiles and I'm like, yeah, but what sound should I be making at the beginning of these words? Right, she smiles. She smiles. You know how she gets that knowing look? Oh my God, that Bjork look. That knowing, rueful grin.

You work your whole life to get that Bjork look. That knowing, like almost like Santa Claus has that like knowing smile. I know what Xbox version you want, boy. That's Santa Claus has that like knowing smile. I know what Xbox version you want, boy. That's Santa Claus. Ho ho ho, boy. Ho ho ho, bitch. He's so coy. Ho ho ho, bitch.

I know what you want. I even told you. I magic remember. Fuck. So you're talking to Bjork. So you're saying it wrong according to her i was i was making the wrong sound at the beginning of those words and bjork she seemed to have gave me a knowing glance and i was like are you gonna tell me what i should be saying and then she nods and i reach for my phone and i hit record on my notes app thank you oh. Thank God. iPod 14 X Max.

Tim, this is great for the live show to have one of these artifacts. And then it happened as you came in. This is great. It's great. So I say, what sound should I be making? Record. Hit the track. Shh.

Oh. Shh. It's spelled C-H. Shh. Shh. But not said like C-H. Shh. Shh. But not said like C-H It's actually said more like Yes, much more like S-H

It is not chuh No, no You'd think it'd be chuh No, no Because it's not chuh No, no, you'd think it'd be chuh No, no, because it's not chuh No, chuh You've got to say it like it's S-H Even though it's spelled C-H You say it shh, and that's the way

In Chicago And so Shh You've learned the sound. Shh, shh, just think of it this way. Shh, shh, it's a lot like champagne. Orchard de Claire Rock and doodle

Or like chauffeur Beep beep But those are all French S'en fait bleu Whereas Chicago's Algonquin Wow Wow That was fantastic She sounds great Wow. Wow.

That was fantastic. She sounds great. Bjork sounds great these days. And like really deeply reasons too, because I'm not going to go out there and order a cheddar cheese. What was, what did she say? What was, she said beep,

beep, beep. What was before that? Well, she said, cause it was like champagne. And then she mentioned, I think at one point she said something about like Chanticleer, rock a doodle Well, she said, because it was like champagne, and then she mentioned, I think at one point,

she said something about like Chanticleer, rock-a-doodle. And she said, or like chauffeur, beep-beep. Chauffeur, that part I didn't hear. So beep-beep was elaborating on what a chauffeur does. Yeah, that I got. Now hearing it, I'm like, okay, the beeps make sense. And I was like, but those are all French. And that's when she was like, well, those are all French,

but Chicago's Algonquin. That I did not know. Right, right. That's exciting. Huh, that's what she's like. Well, those are all French, but Chicago's Algonquin that I did not right. That's exciting. Huh? That's very cool. Why? Thank you, Tim, obviously for getting that recording. Thank you, Bjork for yeah, thanks to miss doing your thing. Just being a

weirdo for all of us. Just being the weirdo out there for all of us. Remember when she wore that weird outfit? The swan? Yeah, I mean, she I bet she got that. I bet fucking Lady Gaga gets goes over to Bjork's house and pulls outfits out of her closet. I

saw that idea hit your. No, you did. No, you didn't. I saw your your forehead wiggled. What do you thought? I saw I saw a vein carrying the thought through the your body and then they're probably a little tiny little smiles like I'm gonna be funny yeah and then it was so weird cuz your your brain of the thought and then it was sending

it to your mouth and I saw like it was going a vein was bulging it took the thought out to your mouth. Pushing that thought, that square cubic thought out of my face. No! I'm pure cake! My gaga! My gaga wore the meat dress. All right, enough non-dress. Sorry, Jeff. Meat dress!

Enough nonsense. Sorry. What would you change about the drink? Its existence. No, I mean, this is very fun. This is like, it's an, oh, wait a minute. We're not doing that yet. I was going to say AO.

Anyway. A-A-O-A-O. Well, now we've really magnified my screw up. A-A-O-A-O. I will do this again. I like this. What I change with it, Jeff? That's what we're doing.

Nothing. It's great. Okay. I'm just saying. I would take the bee sting option maybe. As we head into round two, which we're already kind of privately amongst ourselves on. Tim's asleep.

Well, I poured it in this way. I was like. Are you just casually drinking it with the Maloney? Yeah, I'm chilling with it. How is it? I thought you were chugging. What was I doing? Did you get splashed?

I'm sorry. I splashed you. Are you wearing Crocs at least? Well, Jeff, do you agree that this feels like more of a thing that is like, I'm a little confused by the handshake culture. It's like you take a shot and then you're just sipping on a beer. It's really not one drink. It's more like a

it's like a special. It's like it's on the board. It's a deal. It's a deal. And the California Clipper did have it on the chalkboard for $8 and amongst other handshakes. So it's a deal. It's a deal and the California Clipper did have it on the chalkboard for $8 and amongst other handshakes. So it's a deal. Would you say that a burger with fries and a large Coke is

it's a value menu deal is a Ronald hug is one bite of food. It's a deal is what your hands off. It's a deal. It's a deal. Get your hands off of him. It's a deal. So if I were to change, I like pouring the Malort into the beer. It's gross, but at least

it's something. All right. Something. Something to give me a fucking rush. We're not going to make a big deal like we normally do, but we're coming back with round two. I just want to know. We're just going to be constantly drinking this the whole show. But if you were to change the Chicago handshake to make it something that could maybe... That's what I'm saying.

If you were going to make one change, you get one more shot at this. Or is it just... What could you do? I don't know, because Milord... Me Lord. Milord. Milord is such an odd thing. I don't know what to do with it.

I want to learn about mixed... And I am interested now. Now I'm interested. He got bit by the cocktail. All it took was a worm. I like worms. How come there's no worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle anymore? I wouldn't change anything.

Would you rearrange the stars in the sky? You can't. You can't. Would you change the recipe of Carmi's Italian beef? Would you tell Lady Gaga, don't wear that meat suit on the hottest day of the summer?

Which I think that's when that picture was taken. It was the hottest. She was on a red carpet for the hottest day of the summer, which I think that's when that picture was taken. It was the hottest. She was on a red carpet for the hottest day of the summer. They were showing off the sun that day. But Lady Gaga's a huge sun fan, I think. Folks, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back with more

Sloppy Boys. Woo! We were just saying we are so grateful for this crowd. We had a moment of gratitude. And I had one fun fact I wanted to say is that in 2018, Jepson's did finally trademark the word Malort.

So anyone else making warm water liqueur has to now call it Besk. Oh, Besk. B-E-S-K. You have Besk? Low-key. Low-key Besk. Oh, this is a taste test. Get this shit out of here.

I'm trying, though. Hold on, hold on. We're back, by the way. We're back, by the way. Okay, we're back, by trying though. Hold on. Hold on. We're back by the way. We're back by the way. Okay. We're back by the way. This has to be on record. Pour us some.

Here's the double shot of Malort for you. Now that's Jepson's Malort. This is Leatherby Besk. Besk is spelled B-E with an umlaut. I had written this down. Malort has an umlaut too. What's with these fucking wormwood liqueurs? Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim.

No, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim. I would love to have one fucking wormwood liqueur without two fucking dots over every fucking letter. This is my fucking night last night. Making, getting this guy fucking relaxed. We're up till four out in the balcony. It's fucking, it's not fair. Folks, a best is a a bitter, Swedish-style liqueur,

also known as a Beskbrandvin. And this was brought to us by... Sam. Sam! You're one of my what? Here's the thing. Oh, shit. with my what? Here's the thing. Oh, shit. Wait, what?

Sam, last time we were in town, he taught us about the Fernet and Gaparin. We did an episode about it. Oh, that was good. Hell yeah, Sam. We owe this man quite a bit. Sam, you just got promoted to being a name brand slob hat, man. Sam, you got to give it up for Sam.

Sam, a cool hat, too, on Sam. Mike, sit your ass down. All right, Ted Cruz. You see what Sam did there? He was actually being... He brought something. Now, you went on a cruise ship or something with Tim. That's not enough.

That's not enough. Sorry, Ted. I fucking love Ted. That's the thing. I don't know. I love Ted, so I don't know how to deal with him, so I kind of make fun of him, but I love Ted. That's the thing. I don't know. I love Ted, so I don't know how to deal with him, so I kind of make fun of him, but I love him.

Ted can be a lot. You should see him on an architectural cruise. What did he say about that flying buttress? What was that, Tim? Cruise, Ted, you got to listen, man. All right, go ahead, Jeff. Oh, let's take best shots. Bottoms up.

Can I go right from the thing? Is that going to gross anybody out? It's not gross at all. It's a... That tastes like chartreuse. Oh, it's a little better? I like this better. Yeah.

Got to say, stardust. I mean, that tastes like, like when you taste a liqueur that doesn't taste like black licorice, there's a different taste that's like chartreuse and Benedictine and 500 other fucking things

and that's best. That's best? That's best. That's best. I don't know. I, I'm, now I'm getting the, the aftertaste. I'm not a big fan of best. That's best. I don't know. Now I'm getting the aftertaste. I'm not a big fan of basking. The worms are worming their way back in.

Scooting around my teeth. I like it all. I got a problem with my palate where I love everything I taste. I know. It's funny because you're the foodie of the group. But a foodie shouldn't like every bite they've ever had. No, but you have a sophisticated palate, but yeah, you do everything.

Did you hear this? He said I have a fizz. Yeah, I heard what he said. He said I have a fizz. Yeah. Yeah, but do you have a discerning... Why is everybody's mic louder than mine? Because we project.

Do you have a discerning palate if you like all the food? No, I'm a fucking idiot. I don't think that's true, Tim. You remember every single thing we do. All right, this brings us down to our final thoughts. I'm so sorry to say. We've had a great time tonight. And there's quite a bit more show to go.

This is so fun. For the listener, we're doing this on the West Coast in November. This has been great. I feel... I officially enjoy doing live podcasts. People can change. Chicago, you've made Tim's heart grow two sizes. We owe it all to you.

You hear that, Ted? People can change. There's hope for you yet. Michael, your final thoughts. Submit them to the trial for it. It's an order again because it's fun. It's a fun thing, and it tastes weird, and it's like that's the point of it is to be like, I'll do it together and be like, oh, what is this? It's a fun thing and it tastes weird and it's like

that's the point of it is to be like I'll do it together and be like, oh, what is this? It's wormwood. And like everyone gives the fact

and then everyone... Don't change the point of it. Huh? Don't change the point of it. Yeah. The point. Huh? Before I was like,

what would you change? And I'm like, well, don't change the point of it. The point is it tastes weird. You're making Tweek the drink like I well, don't change the point of it. The point is it tastes weird. You're making Tweek the drink like, I'd like to change the whole point of it. The point's to get you a little loose. It happened here tonight.

Or again. I got lost where we were, Jeff. You don't have to applaud every opinion, but Tim, go ahead. I got lost where we were. You don't have to applaud every opinion, but Tim, go ahead. I, you know, the thing you said about the taste, the bad taste being the point and part of the thing, it actually. That was me.

You. Well, in fact, this is going to be a great show. This concert is going to be so fucking. It's no, I mean, this is going to be wild. This concert. if you guys have time we're getting you two in they're doomed we're gonna have fun um no yeah we'll have fun but the thing about the bad taste it's not just like oh my lord happens to taste bad it's when you were saying the thing about how it was uh sold during prohibition yes Yes. As a cure-all.

The bad taste is the reason, like, cops would taste it, and they'd be like, oh, that's not, like, no one would drink that. That's for real. It's a Popo Nono by itself. The original Popo Nono. But, like, Chicago allowed it because they're like, oh, they're like, yeah, right, that's medicine. Ooh, that's medicine. Look, if you want to get drunk drunk if you're willing to go that far

fine right you've earned it so the idea that then like that there was a generation of people that then were allowed to drink that and then acquire a taste for it now 100 years later we're having it that's cool and i like it and it's an order again it's fun you froze them i'm buffering You froze him. I'm buffering. Folks, first time I had Fernette, I said,

ew. Now it's one of my most beloved. That's my fucking boy. Okay. It goes number one is Ted, number two is Jeff, number three is Mike. Those are my boys.

Hell yeah. Fucking bronze medal on this motherfucker. Malort is only slightly grosser than Fernette. Only slightly. I could get used to Malort. I have gotten used to Malort. I have gotten used to Malort. I know. We've been to Chicago so much this year that I'm now like,

because when I come here, people are like, hey, do a shot. And I do it. Yeah, and at first you're like, this is a weird cartoon prank drink. But then you do four or five or six, and you're like, I get it. I think I'm sort of in this thing. Folks, it's not just an order again it's an order again and again

that's that's that's that's that's jeff jeff jeff are we saying jeff or duds on that channel uh i'm gonna go i'm even gonna go farther and look haters are gonna say i'm pandering to a Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. Are we saying Jeff or Dutz on that channel? I'm going to go. I'm even going to go farther. And look, haters are going to say I'm pandering to a live audience. Well, they're drinking the hater. Haters will say this. This is a fucking cult.

Stone. No! No! No! So what we've learned is when we go on the road, every drink we review, because of the Bob mentality, order again and again. Cold glass. is when we go on the road, every drink we review because of the Bob mentality. That's right. Order again and again. Coke.

Coke. We love you. Like, hey, Albany, New York, it's a classic. Yeah, all right. Well, that's, I couldn't think of anything.

I couldn't think of anything. But this, I do think this is a SCC just because it's... Where else are you getting something like this? You know what I mean? Like, this is only... Nowhere.

It's like its own thing. I think it's a classic. That was not... I wasn't blowing smoke. Thank you. Well, that's it for the Chicago Handshake, to be sure. To be sure. We're done. But the show's not over. No.

Far from it. No. Would you guys say that you're ready for the... Sorry? Would you say that you're ready for the... Chicago Challenge? No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No! No! No, Jeff, the answer's no. My co-host shrieking in pain and shock. Can I say something?

Huh? Before we get to the quiz? Sure. I'm having a great time. I really, this is so fun, and this is so fun to be having fun with a group. We're just goofing around and everyone's having a great time. I know, I've really warmed up to it. I love it. I love

this. Do you want to know how the challenge is even gonna run? Who the fuck said no? We can hear you. I think it was one of Anthony's friends. Is Anthony still here? You are? Okay, good, good, good.

Anthony has awoken. Sure, you're about to play your big show. Yeah. And, you know, sure, you've drank a little too much. That's for sure, too. I had two beers pre-show

is the problem. That's the thing. It's going to be a long night, Tim. Given all that, given all that. I had a ribeye for lunch. Do you think you could go on? You what? Wait, what? What did he say? What did he say? You had a ribeye

at lunch? I had a ribeye at lunch. Tim, Tim, Tim. You know... Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim. Now, Tim, is that... Okay, okay, okay. Tim, Tim, Tim. But guys, you know,

that heart that grew three sizes today is about to fucking pop. Yeah, I think it heart actually... Get on a treadmill. The heart grew from the ribeye, not from the chip. Yeah, I know. If I'm going out the ribeye, not from the cheek. I know. If I'm going out,

I'm going out on top, baby. Tim, if you go out, man, I will be so pissed at you. If you fucking go out because of this, it's going to be your eulogy for me. Yes. Oh, fuck that guy

down to that ground. My eulogy. I'm going to borrow the eulogy from the fart skeleton sketch. Written by Mike Mitchell? Well. With help. Yeah, yeah, a little help.

Wait, am I wrong that actually Brett Gelman? He was involved. We were at some taping of... Andy Dick podcast. Andy Dick pilot. He did a show. We were all... All the birthday boys were... We showed up to be on the Andy Dick show. It was a new

pilot on Comedy Central. It never aired. Not the one we did. And then we got there. We were excited to be famous and they gave us masks that covered our faces. We were like... All seven of us were the guys who like moved stuff out of the way. That was like the fun thing of it. And then during lunch, I was just mowing down my sloppy joe, but I feel like

you and Mitch and Brett Gelman were chit-chatting and you guys came up with that idea. Yeah, we were joking around and it came out of a group of funny guys being funny. I gotta tell Charna about this. Tim, did you learn nothing? Charna.

Oh, God. You're incorrigible. Isn't he just? All right, go ahead, Joe. Can I get on with the challenge, please? Okay, that's good. Okay, just so you know, the show was supposed to be over

16 minutes ago. So, the third thing I've heard is like, the only thing we have to do is finish by nine. We're going to use it up, baby. Here we go. As far as I'm concerned, this is sloppy boys night at the IO. I agree. We will do whatever we want.

That is true that the next show is us, so if we bump the next show, it's okay. Okay, Jeff, continue. Tim? Michael? Yes. Tim? Michael.

Oh, Mike's still here. Do you think that in your current state, you can go toe-to-toe with Chicago's finest? Yes. Yes.'s finest? Yes. Yes. Musicians? Yes. Yes.

Yes, yes. I didn't mean the police department, folks. Very confusing because you said that exact phrase earlier tonight referring to them. But that's neither here nor there. It's not? I'm going to play you some clips

from famous Chicago musicians, and I want to see if you can hit them notes. You want us to sing it? We're not naming them. We're singing it. You've got to sing. You, Jeff? Okay, let me try.

Tonight, tonight, all night, Billy Corgan. Tim? I'll give you a point for that. Damn, damn, damn. Damn. Come on, Anford. Well, what do we do? What's the challenge?

Well, hold on. You let me fucking... No. Do what I did. Just yell a song by a Chicago artist. Now I'm very concerned about the time. Hey, have you ever heard of Lady Gaga? Ted has. We heard a whole fucking cruise about her.

I've got snippets of songs, but I'm going to tell you what lyrics you're accountable for. Okay? Great, great, great, great. So on this first one, you're accountable for... And they get harder as they go.

I wish they got easier. You're accountable for Ah-hoo, Werewolves of London, Ah-hoo. Oh, Warren Zevon is from Chicago? Is that a Chicago song? He is.

I mean, he's certainly moved to LA. Big Angelino transplant. This was a quick Wikipedia on a plane. Was it the same plane ride where afterwards Tim met Bjork? Look, definitely most of these musicians have strong Chicago roots. Okay, so here's your little sample because you get to hear it because I'm telling you, they get harder. This is what you got to hit. Ready? And here's you guys.

There was a time when I thought this song was Werewolves of London. No, sorry. I got to say for me, that time is right now. The time was July 25th, 2024. It's going to be a great show. I'm telling you. I was going to make a joke. Could we pump the volume a little bit? Do I sing it now?

What's going on? Okay, Mike, I think you're going to go first. You're good. And so you're going to hear the same cue lines, but like I said, you're only accountable for these, you know, ah-hoo, ah-hoo, here we go, here we go. One of my favorite artists. I'm a huge Z-Bomb fan.

I love the first two albums. I'm going to make this your big child only. Ah-hoo! That's what I'm going to do. Ah-hoo! How'd it go? How'd it go? I was going over to Ted to talk to Ted for a minute, and then I had to do the song. Tim, your rebuttal?

Hit it! I made it. He got me on that one. He got me. That was no good. That was good, Tim. That was good. Tim, why don't you stay up? We're going to go right into the second one. What, but do you want to, that was, Tim won that one, yes?

Yeah, he did. Okay, are you keeping track? I'm keeping notes. I don't, he's not, I don't, I don't trust him. The lyric you are accountable for. Ooh, no, baby, please don't go. Here's your little reference track. If you leave me now,

you'll take away the biggest part of me. Ooh, no, baby, please don't go. That's a tough one. Are you ready, Tim? Peter Satara at his best. Hit me with it. Ooh. Take away the pain that's part of me. Bad, bad, bad. Bad news. He's a bad news boy.

What? Did you psych him out? What was that? He fucked up, man. He fucked up. Play it, Jeff. Spin that thing, Jeff. Ooh, baby, please don't go.

No, you did exactly what I did. No, you jumped the gun, man. You jumped the gun. You did what I did. I went too early. We both did the same thing. I think it sounded pretty good, though. We got to be out of here,

so I'm just trying to get things moving. No points awarded. Jeff, God, jeez. Jeff, you fucking asshole. Just please tell me Ted didn't see that. Ted left. Guys, we have a lot

to cover. You don't think it's Ted Lasso, is it? I still think it's Ted Cruz, so I don't know what's going on. Number three.

Trying to get over. Trying to get over. Trying to get over. Trying to get over. Should get over Trying to get over Trying to get over Should we just play the song and we Take it all that we can take Yeah, we're in the odds of fate Trying to get over

Trying to get over Trying to get over Trying to get over Who is this? Curtis Mayfield. Yeah, that's right. Trying to get over. Should we just do them like this? You know what? I didn't make you stand up and dance around.

You said we have to stand up and do funny dances you're right you're right it was the funny dance michael you want to start yeah point to me when i'm supposed to do the thing here you go trying to get over Trying to get over, trying to get over. Ooh, trying. You're up, Tim. Okay, the last one, I took away points for for like you're off, you know, I didn't award points last time because you came at the wrong time or whatever. Yeah, that was a screw up.

There was just so much style this time. Too much, too much. Jeff, you would fit right in in the Paris World Games with judgments like that. I love it. Tim, are you ready? I love it. Yes. Yes. Werewolves of London.

Werewolves of London. Werewolves of London. Werewolves of London. Werewolves of London, bitch. Damn. Now Jeff. Now Jeff is right. He's making fun of the thing. He's making fun of the thing. He's making fun of the challenge, man.

He is. And that's like, I respect the challenge. I love the challenge. He's acting crazy, Tim. Look at him, look at him. I mean, you were both off the map. Yeah, yeah. But Mike, you were sort of more like in the spirit. I was doing the lyrics of what we the map. Yeah, yeah. But Mike, you were sort of more like in the spirit.

I was doing the lyrics of what we're doing. Yeah, yeah. I think I got to hear from the audience. Folks, Curtis Mayfield, Superfly. Does it go to Superfly? I didn't recognize. Mike Hanford. Does it go to Tim Kalpakis? Yes! I think I'm going Mike on that one.

That sucks for me. Awesome. Awesome. That's awesome sauce for me. Okay. Tim, you have two points. Mike, you have one. He had that smashing pumpkins thing.

Oh, golly. That was your side point. He had werewolves of London. Nobody had Chicago. No, and you got here's the thing. Yeah, the last challenge. Are you involved? Is actually worth 14 points. I did not know the last challenge was going to be worth 14 points. I did not know the last challenge was going to be worth 14 points. Okay, audience members, whoever's team Hanford, this could be big for us. But I need your

word. But I need your word and both your words. No funny business. No, yeah, let's do this one for real. You're in the splash zone, my man. Mike smashed his beer down and smashed the same guy over and over again. We got to talk.

You, me, and Anthony need to talk about our wardrobes. Get these things cleaned. Jeff, I give you my word. I'll play honestly. I won't try to be funny. Even though I'm an Emmy-nominated comedy writer. Go ahead. Go ahead.

There's an Illinois former senator, Barack Obama, that I once wrote jokes for. Some people in this room thought he was the Chicago mayor at one point. No, that's Bogoyevich. Fools! What's this last one, Joe? We gotta wrap this up.

Yeah, we do have to wrap this up because we have to rock the house. The last challenge in the challenge. You are accountable for do-do-do-do ah. Ah.

Ah. Maya Rudolph's mom. This is a hard one. That's going to be tough. Jeff, admit that you thought of this one first. No, I didn't. The whole challenge was building up to do-do-do-do-ah. It was not.

I was on the plane and I searched Chicago musicians and I was like, this fucking one? Oh, it's going to be last. This fucking thing. And Tim, for that, for calling me out, you're going first, bro. And do it real, Tim. And do it real. Don't do it.

Fuck up. Am I not allowed to do a funny dance? No. Hey, you can dance, but I want you to hit the fucking notes. I'm not going to dance. I'm just going to vocalize. I really don't know if I can hit the notes, so I'm going to try really hard this time.

Zee-ya. Elephants flying around. One, three, five, eight, five, three3-1 to all the music heads out there. Ah, yeah, I love that. La-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Do-do-do-do-do

Ah! You went for it. You gotta. Michael, how you feeling? I'm ready. I'm ready. Let me stand so I can get my everything going here. I'm going to stand over here. I'm going to face the wall. That's my fucking boy! That is my boy right there! That's the fucking boy! That is my boy right there!

That's the fucking Mike Hanford, Rochester, New York's finest baby! Hell yeah! I've been waiting my whole life for that, Jeff. Thank you. Michael, you win. I'm the winner. That's our show!

Follow us on social media! Thank you, folks. That's our show. Follow us on social media. That's the Sloppy Boys. If you can't get enough, go to patreon.com slash the Sloppy Boys. Plunk down the five and get the blowout. Chicago, thanks so much. Woo! We're going to turn this stage around. We'll be back up here in, what do you think?

The next show's at 9.30, so we're going to set up our gear, give us a half an hour, go buy some merch, have some drinks, have a fun time. We've got to thank some people. Thanks, everybody. Thanks so much.