The Sloppy Boys - 24. Aperol Spritz

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

The guys try a bright orange aperitif born in Italy that's taken the world by storm.APEROL SPRITZ RECIPE3oz/90ml Prosecco2oz/60ml Aperol1oz/30ml Club SodaCombine all ingredients in a wine glass filled with ice and stir. Garnish with orange.Recipe via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford. Dutton, my man. And Tim Kalpakis. What is up? And we're your hosts, the Sloppy Boys. Hi Jeff. Hi Tim. What is up? And we're your hosts, the Sloppy Boys. Hi, Jeff. Hi, Tim. What is up?

Wow, another episode. Not only another episode, but get a load of this. Spring has sprung. Ooh, you don't say. Yep. It does have a way of doing that, don't it? I don't know about you guys, but I've been spending most of my days, I put on a white suit and I

walk into the park and I smell flowers all day. I pick a daisy and I raise it to my nostrils. Ever seen these in about six months, you'll say. Well, in the winter I was doing the same thing, but with snow. But wearing

a white suit so people could see. That snow smells beautiful. Cupping a bunch of snow in your hands and bringing it to your lips. You guys ever drink a Cronenberg 1664? I'm drinking one of these right now. Oh, yeah. Good looking bottle. Is it the beer by David Cronenberg?

Yeah. Body horror auteur? That guy's got problems, man. Yeah, he's a little twisted. I saw one of his movies once. I was like, this guy's got problems. I was saying that to the ticket taker on the way out. That movie, that guy's got problems in there.

Did the ticket taker run in there? No, he's like, well, do you want your money back? I was like, no, no, but you got to warn people. That guy's got problems. I'll tell you what I want is I want some of what that guy was smoking. Yeah, really? No, he's like, well, do you want your money back? I was like, no, no, but that got worn people. That guy's got problems. What I want is I want some of what that guy was smoking. Yeah, really? No, thanks. I saw a movie recently called Jeff, you saw it too. I believe it was called

Possessor. Possessor by his son. Yes. His son made it and it's wild. I liked it a lot. It's kooky. A little rough. Hulu, right? You know, I don't recall. Well, people, lot, but it's kooky. A little rough. Hulu, right? You know, I don't recall. Well, people, you can find it if you want.

Possessor. It's a scary thriller. And then while you're doing it, get a Cronenberg 1664. I don't know what this tastes like. This is like a very, it's an imported from France beer, and it's very Pilsner-y, and I don't mind it at all. Pilsner-y. Listen to this guy.

He's getting notes of Pilsner. I'm getting notes. I'm happy you like the 1664 because the 1665, dog shit. The 1663 makes you want to spew. It's not quite there. It's not the 1664. You guys want to get into news oh yeah hit it all right oh danny boy i don't know if i like this call me

from glenn to glen And down the mountain The mountain side The summer's gone And all the roses Fall in Tis you Tis you

Must go and I abide All right, Jeff. Beautiful. That was sent to us by Andrew Pottle and he was using a little audio from when we forced Jeff to sing Danny Boy without knowing how it goes. Yeah, thanks, Daniel.

Wait, what's his name again? Daniel. Andrew Pottle. Andrew Pottle. Thanks, buddy. Oh, I thought Jeff made that. This I have to share. That was really funny, Andrew.

I'm going to call that guy, I'm going to call Andrew Daniel for the rest of my damn life. Knock it off. You know, just some easy breezy quick booze news today. One, you know, Topo Chico hard seltzers dropped. We talked about them.

They came out. That's how it goes. You know, Mike, it's Coca-Cola. They're out. You know, we're always talking seltzers here so we don't have to do the biggest deep dive but those are out if you want to go and drink them. And another thing on the seltzer front, I had one that I liked called Hoppy Refresher by Lagunitas.

Have you guys had that? Oh, I've heard of that. No, I haven't had it. Oh, I should clarify. It's not hard. It's a non-alcoholic. The first non-alcoholic product of the modern era that I thought was worthwhile.

It's a seltzer that's made with hops. It's just kind of nice. It tastes like you're having a little pine cone. It's got like a little bit of a beer-y taste? Yeah, it has a little bit of an IPA aftertaste and it's in a nice glass bottle and it gives you a little bit of the vibe

of having a beer without having to have any alcohol. It makes your breath kind of hoppy. All right. I'll go for it. Get on out there and check it out. Now, Mike, I understand you had some booze news. Yeah. Well, I got something a little different than booze news. I'm introducing a new feature here on booze news. It's booze news fun facts.

I've got a little fun fact thing. But, you know, our guys put together some, our team, whoever, puts together a little opening package for Booze News Fun Facts, and I'll launch into it. Booze News Fun Facts. Because facts are fun. Brought to you by Apple TV+. It's TV with a plus. Whoa. Okay, this is Booze Do's Fun Facts.

You have such a big sponsor for this segment that me and Jeff are not a part of. Yeah, it's FootWise. I don't get the ad bucks by bringing YouTube bozos around. Yeah, that's true. Fun fact time. So, Matthew McConaughey, he's got a brother who's older than him, I think, and his name's Rooster. And this guy, he's a businessman from Texas. He started an oil pipe business and he made his first million by the time he was 30. He's got a show called Rooster and Butch. I don't know if it's on anymore, but it's kind of like a shark tank thing down in Texas. And he loves, he's this big, like drinking Texas millionaire guy who always has a Miller light in his hand. And he named one of his sons Miller light.

No. Yep. And light, light is spelled L Y T E. And that's the kid's name. I get, they probably just call him Miller, but,

uh, and for the brand, the first brand loyalty, the, uh, Miller light company sent him a year's supply of Miller Lite. Holy shit. It was 24 cases, I think.

It was 576 beers total. So it's like one and a half beers a day. Oh, boy. So yeah, you name your kid after a beer, you get that beer for a year. I wonder if they had a family feud over the fact that in True Detective, Matthew famously drank Lone Star, the Texas beer. It ended the family. Oh, it ended the family.

The whole family, yeah. I was right. Each piece of the family divorced the other pieces and now they're just a bunch of people. And so this article I was reading too says, and although McConaughey loves his beer, it turns out he has a major soft spot for another one

of America's favorite adult beverages. Miller Lite has an older sister named Margarita Olympia. But it turns out this was actually a family name great coincidence. Oh!

Because not only is Margarita a cocktail, Olympia is a beer from Washington State. That's right. That's right. So yeah, that's the

booze news fun fact of today. We're just going to kind of keep it at light, something fun that's not really news, but it's something you like to think about. Truth be told, Mike, that at light. Something fun. That's not really news, but it's something you like to think about.

Truth be told, Mike, that was fucking awesome, man. That was great. Thanks. I was nervous. I thought you were going to take Boo's News in a wacky direction. No. Me too. I was scared that maybe like a Zuby Condorino was going to show up or something like that. You were scared of that?

Yes. My teeth were chattering. I thought we talked off pod and you said we loved Zuby Condorino. We want to see more of him. Just because we love him doesn't mean we're not scared when he appears on the pod. What's so scary about him? The reason that he doesn't need to be on the podcast at all? The reason that he's a long segment? I just don't think I know.

I mean, to anyone who didn't hear, this was a guy that came on once and did a film review for us. And I think my thing was, I just don't know what his whole deal was. Yeah. I mean, he showed up and he talked about a Tom and Jerry movie. Yeah, he showed up on a Bruce podcast and he was an eccentric who talked to... He's a character!

He's a character, Zuby Connery. He's such a character. He talked about Tom and Jerry for about six and a half minutes. It wasn't that long. It felt longer. So yeah, maybe Zuby's going to come back. Maybe somebody else will come back. I don't know. That's up to the fans. Either way, this was good, Mike.

This was very good. This was good. This was a refreshing. This is what we're going for. Yeah. Yes. In general, if you need a little shorthand like, just think Tim and Jeff like when things are good. we're going for. Yeah. Yes. We're like in general, if you need a little shorthand, like we're just like think like Tim and Jeff like when things are good. Gotcha.

All right. Well, let's, uh, let's wrap up, uh, booze news, fun facts.

All right. And quite frankly, this wraps up booze news entirely. Well, hold on before we, before we wrap up booze news entirely,

I have an update about the IBA website. Still down. Oh. Booze News fun facts. I like this NPR. Because facts are fun. Brought to you by McDonald's.

It's Donald's with a Mc. McDonald's now? McDonald's? Yeah. How much are you pulling in off these deals? I'm not pulling anything off. I told them, I'll buy some of your hamburgers or I'll watch more Ted Lasso's

when it comes out if you just let me use your name. And they're like, fine, you have to watch 200 Ted Lasso's. So you're indebted to them? Yeah. Because that's big for us. Yeah, because when a McDonald's lends their name to you, it really legitimizes your fun fact. Right.

Well, in the whole podcast, all rising tods raise all ships, as they say. Like, I got to say, it is so refreshing in this era to hear actual facts because we live in a time with like alternative facts. Yes, yes, yes. Now it's like, oh, who's facts? Yes. Who's science? Right. Yes.

You know? Sure. So we are all in agreement. Crazy. Just crazy. No, that's crazy stuff. You guys want to get into the cocktail of the day? Sure.

The drink. What's day in French? Le beverage du jour. Le beverage. Here's what I would like to do. I'm going to paint a few pictures for you guys, okay? And these, all of which, these are scenarios that took place within the last calendar year. And you listen to them and you tell me if you could see what they all have in common.

Okay? Sure. Okay. Yeah. First up, Pop Sensation Dua Lipa is photographed by paparazzi doing yoga poolside with a certain colorful cocktail

at her side. Interesting. Next, the hip young ladies of the Drunken Canal come up with the idea for their underground newspaper while sitting in Tompkins Square Park, sipping on a certain cool, bubbly beverage. Oh, I'm not familiar with it. Sprite 7-Up? I don't know what he's talking about.

It's collective. Stanley Tucci is in Milan shooting an episode of his CNN series Searching for Italy. He stops into a bar for the perfect afternoon aperitivo. Mm-hmm. What do you guys think

these three things had in common? COVID. COVID. COVID era. Yes. I'm curious what soft drink it is, if it's even something we can get from the U.S. All of these things that happened last year that were written about in articles that I just read included a certain drink called the Aperol Spritz.

Oh, the drink of the day, the beverage de jus. This is the drink of the moment. Oh, the drink of the day. The beverage de jus. This is the drink of the moment. This is the drink of the moment. You've had? Have not had. I've not had. Neither of you have.

You've had? I feel like that was a fun one. Let's bring that back. You had? You have had. I have not had. It's a normal way to talk, to turn to someone and say, you've had? Yeah. You have had? I have not had. It's a normal way to talk, to turn to someone and say, you've had. Changing the tenor of your voice.

So yeah, this is you've had. Well, I like that you guys haven't had it. I've had it, but I'd like to know, having not tasted the thing, who, what, where do you associate with this beverage? I associate this with West Hollywood, WeHo, you're out at brunch, you're out on the veranda. Oh, the veranda. The veranda. Yeah, like Dua Lipa, the poolside. I don't know about doing yoga with a drink like this, but poolside, poolside.

Oh, that's why that went viral. She's doing yoga, but she's wearing jeans and she's got an Aperol Spritz going and she's taking sips during yoga. This was just this past Christmas. Apple bottom jeans? It says boots with the fur. No. We can only infer. Duddy, what do you think about when you think Spritz?

You know, this just, we're getting back into this territory of the Red Bitter Brothers. And you know, I kind of, I've got cautious optimism going into this episode. I think I'm going to like it. I think I'm going to like it more than the others. But I just don't know. It seems like something that you would like, that I would like, that one would like,

because it's spritzy, it's appareoli, it's sort of in the zeitgeist. Yes, you do make a point about it being spritzy. Jim, would you cut me off, please? Just get to the facts about this goddamn drink. No, but okay, you mentioned zeitgeisty, but you guys are aware that this drink had a mega boom fairly recently, right? Huge. And? Let me hear you say yay. Oh, there we go. Yeah. Yeah. And now Jeff, it's appropriate that you brought up the bitter brothers and I, and I think you're kind of

winking at Campari. Yes, I am. And, and Mike's old sister drink Luxardo bitter. Um, Sister Drink Luxardo Bitter. Because that's going to come into play. Here's a little nutshell history of this drink. It is an old one. In the 1800s, right? Northern Italy. Yes. 1800s?

That doesn't feel like the drink of the moment. Well, that's why you got to listen close. So there's a, there's a war going on and there's Austrian soldiers occupying Northern Italy. And Oh my God, we're there. It's 18 guys. It's 1800. So there's no automatic weapons or,

uh, sirens. There you go. And, and okay. So there's Austrian soldiers occupying Northern Italy. Or sirens. There you go. Hand to hand. Okay, so there's Austrian soldiers occupying northern Italy, and they don't like, the wine is too strong for them in Italy. They want to sip a low alcohol, gentle wine.

These are some Bavarian dudes, and they, what do they do? They splash some sparkling water into their wine. And then the spritz is born. Spritz is like a German word for splash. And it's just when you put water in wine. It's that simple. Don't spritz me. I was at a pool in Berlin once. That's what they gave the owner.

Don't spritz me. Don't spritz me. So you were spritzing everyone, and then they were trying to put an end to that. Yeah, spritz everyone. I't spritz me. So you were spritzing everyone and then they were trying to put it into that. Yeah, spritz everyone. I didn't know. Having some fun. So it's just water in wine or when you put anything in wine. But then that catches on in Italy and it's a daytime drink.

And we know that from the Negroni, these Italians, they like to while away the afternoon at a cafe. So from that spritz, then they've got other ones. They start putting the bitter brothers into their prosecco and by the 50s there is like okay the aperitifs are officially going in the prosecco and this is this is a thing here when you come to italy the tourists are seeing it they're loving it it's sweet it's low alcohol. It's gentle. And it remains very cool in Italy for decades until 2003. The Campari company acquires Aperol. I didn't know that.

Campari owns Aperol. This whole time we've been comparing and contrasting. The whole time? It owns them, but has it pwned them? No, it says here own but not pwned yet. It says that? Yeah, that's the official hashtag. So when Campari gets in control of Aperol, they say, well, the spritz is going to be our way to get Aperol big in America. And they start advertising it. And then in the 20 teens,

when Americans are into cocktails, Campari does like a full court press and you could have guessed this this is another one of these like ad campaign drinks but but the ad campaign worked we've seen it before you've seen it before and it always works and what did we see the the um the fireball right yeah the fireball guy these guys target rich people specifically. So they go to the Hamptons and there's like a little cart driving around the summer, giving out free spritzes to people at the beach in the Hamptons. And the bus that takes you from Manhattan out to the Hamptons on the weekends has a huge Aperol logo wrapped around it. And on the West Coast, you got- I've never had a drink like this before.

That's a New York guy on his way to the Hamptons. Yes. It's absolutely cracking. And now let's hear this one. On the West Coast, Mike... Yeah, dude. At the Pool Party Music Festival Splash House in Palm Springs. That's sponsored by Aperol.

Never heard of it. Splash House? They probably don't advertise to guys like me. How the hell have we not been invited to the splash house wait have we checked our emails well it could have been it could they could have gotten word of what i was up to in germany in berlin that one time we don't want this guy spritzing out here don't spritz me um and the advertising works because this drink is so damn instagrammable.

It's a nice pinky orange. You hold it up to the sun. You take a picture. It's viral. Then the celebrities are getting in the mix. Benedict Cumberbatch says that he loves them. Matches me hair, it does. You know that they're drinking them in the second season of Master of None.

They wouldn't let that trend slip by them. Right. And eventually 2018 is kind of like officially amongst bloggers. It's the summer of the spritz. It's everywhere. Everybody's drinking them. But then as the summer of 2019 is coming and you remember the summer of 2019 sloppy boys are releasing their hit album, dancing on the wind.

Sure. Uh, Trump era. Anyway, just as that summer starting the New York times puts out a big clickbait article that says the Aperol spritz is a bad drink. And then by the end of that day, every single newspaper has weighed in saying,

actually the spritz is actually kind of good. Uh, and, single newspaper has weighed in saying actually the spritz is actually kind of good and and it's a whole fucking pile of opinions and some people are saying you should have different spits maybe the Campari spritz maybe the Amaro spritz but it kind of did become a thing that it was getting shit on very hard so I was almost very interested to see that Dua Lipa and Stanley Tucci are still promoting it because at this point, we're kind of three years into peak Aperol spritz, and it's time for the sloppy boys to mix them up. Yeah, baby. It's time for us to give the final. Is this thing going to continue on for this summer?

Are we done, done, done with it? Maybe we're kind of making a ruling here. or are we done, done, done with it? Maybe we're kind of making a ruling here. If you want to have a sloppy spring with the sloppy boys, you have to adhere to what we decide here today. Yes. I like that.

And if you're caught having one, if we don't like it, you're out. We'll whip your bony little ass. We're going to encrypt our show so you can't listen anymore. But we might like it. We might like the drink. We might love it. And then

drink it all you want. I've had them before and I like them. But I haven't made this recipe. Here's how you make this thing. I like this recipe because we're big fans of equal parts and this is not equal parts, but it's easy to remember. Three, two, one. Blast off.

Three ounces of Prosecco, two ounces of Aperol, one ounce of club soda. Add ingredients in a wine glass full of ice and stir. Garnish with an orange slice. Ooh. Very cool. Very cool. Very chill. In a wine glass.

In a wine glass. So we're not shaking this thing up. We're not doing that stuff. Not shaking because it's bubbly, Michael. You don't want to shake up bubbles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys going stemless? You got stems on there?

What are you doing? Mikey, what crestfallen? I'm rolling with it. I'm feeling good here. All right. Well, anything else? No, I think we go mix them up and then we see whether

the Aperol Spritz is Crapperol Shits. Great. Folks, we'll be right back. Hey folks, it's me, Miley. Sorry, Mike. It's Mike. Anyway, a lot of people ask me what I do when I'm not whipping up cocktails. Well, I like to

listen to podcasts just like you. And me? I love a good music podcast. And there's this band, Don't Stop or We'll Die. They're a weirdo rock band that the Sloppy Boys actually tour with, with weird, funny songs like I Got a Perm for My Camping Trip and Where Can a Nerd Find an Egg That's Square, a personal favorite of mine. So you're asking, what are these maniacs up to? Well, they got a new weekly podcast called Song A Week, where co-hosts and Don't Stop or We'll Die songwriters Michael Cassidy and Paul Russ debut a brand new, fully produced song every Wednesday.

Crazy. Every. Single. Week. We're talking new songs like A Flower In My Garden. I got a flower in my garden. He got a little bit of ash. And all songs are produced by Amin Zaroukian. Song of the Week comes in bite-sized episodes that are less than 20 minutes, and it's produced by Tony Thaxton. And check out their Patreon over at patreon.com slash don't stop or we'll die

for extra special goodies like monthly bonus episodes, downloadable tracks, and more bizarre, funny, rocking gems. So check out Song of the Week from Don't Stop or We'll Die. You will love it! okay ooh Tim I like how you did the orange there you got the whole wheel yeah big ol' wheel

not me I went with the wedge a chubby wedge you went with the wedge? I went with a little slice of skin i'll make an old-fashioned that's right oh cool i went with the wedge salad i kind of went a different way oh they meant to they meant to do like a big thing of orange like that oh they didn't specify did they yeah i think i think it's usually like, I did a full wheel.

I think it's more like a half wheel just dunked in there. And it's kind of like the Negroni where you could use your orange to stir it up a little bit if you want. Ah, yes. Wow. Well, this looks fantastic. Ready for sips? Yeah. Ooh. I can see yes, okay. Yep.

Come on now. I feel like Dua Lipa. Mm-hmm. Bending up. Yes. Okay. Yep. Come on now. I feel like Dua Lipa. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Bending up like a pretzel. I feel like Benedict Cumberbatch in that one interview I read. And I feel like that person in the 1850s. I mean, that is a daytime drink, right? Yeah.

It's a day timer. Yeah. This is a, boy, this doesn't even taste like any alcohol in here. I mean, it? Yeah. It's a day timer, yeah. This is a boy, this doesn't even taste like any alcohol in here. I mean, it's low. I think Aperol is like 11% and then, you know, Prosecco is just like champagne percentage. So we're getting

down there. This Prosecco is also 11%. Yeah. This is La Marca Prosecco. And we determined last time that the Aperol is like a sweeter lighter Campari yes so this is even sweeter and lighter than Aperol

and if you don't have Aperol and you want to make some we said mix Campari with simple syrup this you know what's funny is I also think I'm loving this and it makes me want to do a real daytime chug. But the soda is important too, because if you just had like champagne and then you added something sweet to it, it would start to be like a sugary gross thing.

But watering it down a little bit is nice. Just watering bubbles. I got to say, keep talking. I got to see what I use. Hold on. What did you use, Jeff? I didn't, I just had Brut. I didn't have, keep talking. I got to see what I use. Hold on. What did you use, Jeff? I just had Brut. I didn't have any Prosecco.

Did you have Prosecco? I found some Corbel Prosecco, I think. And, you know, I wish they had smaller bottles of Prosecco because I'm not going to go through that. I think, is Prosecco just that champagne's from France, whereas Prosecco is from Italy? I believe so. So I used sparkling seltzer water for this. Was that right? No.

Wait, for the soda part or for the wine part? For the soda part, for the soda part. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Our recipe said club soda, but, you know, if you're in Italy, I bet they're using San Pellegrino. Right. That's what I thought when I was in the grocery store aisle trying on my phone seeing,

is club soda the same thing as sparkling water and not getting a signal on my phone? I got a little Schweppes. This is good. I just took a little taste of the Prosecco on its own, and I do not like it. I don't really like champagne very much. Yeah. We talked about this in the mimosa episode. Hanny does not like champagne.

But this is... I mean, I'll drink this. I'll drink this stuff if we're raising a toast on New Year's Eve. Sure. That's a good point, though. I prefer mimosa to this, personally. You know? Because it's just,

it's this without the bitter. You like mimosa more than this? Yes. You're getting pretty bitter over there, I see. Well, I think I did it properly. I did it to the letter of the law. Yeah, yeah. I'm starting to think that you have

the most bitter thing present is Jeff's attitude. You know what is might be getting me here? Because this feels pretty like light to me. The ice cubes I'm using. I did. I've done this before. I put them in the tray, you know, and put them in the freezer.

And I brought them out and they still had like water on the inside of them. They were cubes, but like with waters. Yeah, they're like little aquariums. That's right. We have talked about this because I remember you saying little aquariums. So that's what's going on over here. There's a nice big hole one right there. I don't like those aquariums, but I think that warm

ice is actually a thing that can, I was just watching a YouTube video with this Japanese cocktail master who was making some sort of whiskey cocktail. And he had this big, a big block of ice and he brought it out and he says, the ice is too cold. So I'm going to warm it up. And he wanted it to get more see-through and more kind of glassy. And he was, he was like pouring pouring water on it and like hugging it with a towel. Is that how you drew it?

Well, because he wanted to chop it with a machete. Okay. And he couldn't get the knife through it. So yeah, he was like laying a towel on it. It's like massaging it. I mean, I guess you could just sit it out on the counter for a long time. Well, like ice sculptures

are like ice luges. They're all usually clear ice. Yeah, they yeah they're not like a big i don't know if that's a different type of water or what but huh now here's a question for you japanese what are like japanese cocktails that would be interesting high balls like sake is the only thing i know uh they make really good whiskey in japan so so a nice tall high ball that's just a little bit of whiskey with a lot of club soda. That's popular over there. Japan would be fun. We got to do a drinking trip out to Japan. That would be fun. Three of us?

Dude, they've got that. If somebody pays for it, we should do it. That's true. If it's a free trip to go have the time of our lives in a cool country. Then we should. Visit their whiskey distilleries and they put us up at this nice hotel. Maybe the one from Lost Translation,

something like that. We should definitely do that. There's that one neighborhood that's all these little bars that only fit two or three stools and you can go to like 20 bars in a... That's good. I've seen pictures of those. They look neat. And there's three of us, so we'll just stand outside and be like, Everybody out!

Get your butt out there right now! Oh my gosh! It's the sloppy boys. They came from America. We're paying for it. The Japanese taxes are paying for this. Why did we fly them out? The Japanese government flew them here. We love them.

This was our big diplomacy move of the century um our buddy jack shram was also saying that uh shaken cocktails with that like snowy you know when you shake uh when you shake a cocktail and you get those like crystalline bits on top of a drink that's a big japanese move oh yeah that was another thing I saw is a Japanese guy was making a martini and he had invented the extra hard shake and he shook the shit out of it. He put it in like a home Depot paint shake. Yeah.

And he, his, his martini had a whole layer of those shards on top. Like, Oh, like a slush puppy. What was his, we gotta get,

we gotta post a video of like his extra hard shake. Yeah. I think it was, um, at the slush puppy. What was his, we got to get, we got to post a video of like his extra hard shake. I think it was, um, at the shaky shit head. Well, like, which is weird because he was a great guy. Yeah. Yeah. And he named himself. He named himself that. All right.

It's up to him. It's weird. You've seen some people, they, they have like a triple shake. Like they do like a, they do like a shake up above their head. And then as they bring their whole arm down, they get like a mid-body shake and then they have like a down by their hip shake so it's like i know yeah i can't do that it seems like the same rhythm as doing like a speed bag a punching bag yes yes yes which you're which which you're really good at but you just can't think of doing that with a yeah i've seen you with the box i'm really good at, but you just can't think of doing that with a, yeah. I've seen you with the boxing.

I'm really good at the timing of the speed bag, but I can never reach it. I can never get up that high. I'm 4'9", by the way. That never really came up on the podcast before. Yeah, we haven't set our heights. 4'9 for Tim. Jeff? All 4'9", right?

You wouldn't believe it. 7'11". That's fun. Because, obviously, the store. And yes, 4'9 for me, too. So we got two 4'9s and a 7-11 that's that's fun because you obviously the store and yes 4-9 for me too so we got two 4-9s and a 7-11 i didn't know about the whole height thing until fairly recently like there's so much talk on on twitter and stuff about how women like like tall guys and then tall guys on Tinder will be like, uh, six, four,

if that matters to you or I was, I was oblivious to the whole, cause I'm sort of that height where, where it doesn't, I'm not tall or short. So I don't, I don't ever think about it. It's just not on my radar.

You're six feet tall. Yeah. I mean, four, nine. You are like six feet though, right? I'm, I'm six feet so that means anyone taller than me is tall and people shorter than me are not necessarily short but it's almost

just like it's kind of just plain you know it's just like original recipe and mike you're five i happen to be six feet myself are you six five eleven but i'm starting to say six and you know what i actually kind of like it tim and I think it's pretty neat. Are you getting that growth spurt? Yeah, I'm standing up straighter these days. I'm working on my pasture. That late 30s, that very last growth spurt. Yeah.

It's a funny thing about height that it's all about the proportion, too, because, like, from a distance, like, I think of Mike as being way taller than me because you're lanky and I'm wider. I'm like my whole body is a square. But you know, it's like think of John Lennon, who we one time played some authentic audio of in the Brandy Alexander episode. We know him from the Beatles too. Yes. Think of John Lennon in the Beatles and then the middle era Beatles, he got a little pudgy and he kind of looks like a short

guy. But then when you think of like seventies, John Lennon with the long hair hanging out with Yoko, he looks really tall, but it's just, it's just because he got thin. It's the clothing. It's the Ichabod crane effect. So if I didn't eat for a few months, I could, I would look like the world's tallest man. Wow. Cool. This drink is great. I finished it. Yeah.

I really want to drink it in the afternoon. I feel like outdoor cafe kind of a thing. Maybe watching some sort of outdoor event. Maybe somebody's playing a sport. This seems like it would be good at a racetrack or something like a Kentucky Derb. Or like the cemetery screening at the Hollywood Cemetery.

That would be nice. Give me an outdoor thing. You know, you're digging up some corpses and you need to cool down. You know, picking off the jewelry. Yeah. I would like this with a little more flavor to it it probably is the ice or something

or maybe I put too much the ice is not fucking up no the ice I think the aquariums are opening up and they're gushing water but everything else was to the letter of the law I feel like I want more of a kick on that flavor

maybe a little more I have a pitch for you. Campari spritz. It'll be less sweet and it'll be more bitter. And maybe more ashy. That's not the taste I'm after though. I'm after this orange taste that's

right behind my tongue. You don't like mimosas though. But it's like this taste. There's something there. It's like an orange soda. maybe i want orange soda in this put in some slice yeah michael you are an enigma you can't pin me down uh i want to ask you guys about uh something i don't know if you heard this but you hear, this was just in this past year too, Faith Hill came out with an Aperol Spritz song?

No! Faith Hill, yeah. I know Faith Hill, country star. Yep, country star. She came out with a song, it kind of, I think it was like on a big, I think she came out when the election results also came out.

So I know what what happened is for me barry i was yeah because i'm sort of like a um political junkie yeah so i feel like that day i was really watching the election yes and and she was like she planned it so it's like i'm not gonna come out on election day but as we know you know right who It was that was Kornacki's week. It'll go down in history as Kornacki's week. You know, I hope that Kornacki got to have a few Aperol spritzes after all that. Kornacki. I can do a whole podcast on that guy. Maybe that'll be a blowout.

It's knack week. It's knack week. But yeah, so this song she did It came out People kind of went unnoticed But we'll take a listen to it in just a second There's something The producer she worked with You'll see what happened

Something kind of weird goes on with it But yeah, this is Faith Hill Her Aperol Spritz drink Oh wow Yeah It's a drink that's yellow her Aperol Spritz drink. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's a drink. That's yellow with an orangey tip.

It was big enough. And in 2019, it's that popular cocktail. It's served with some ice. This Spritz, this Spritz. It's Aperol ice This spritz, this spritz It's Aperol This spritz, this spritz What?

Remix Oh no, no Oh god Here we go It's coming Chugging on a spritz, getting rowdy at the club Aperol, bitch, raise the roof like a thritz, getting rowdy at the club. Aperol, bitch, raise the roof like a thug.

App, app, app, Aperol. Spritz, spritz, spritz, spritz for all. Oh. Oh. Still down, still down. Oh. It's times like these. We wish we had a big crew Oh, they don't?

We buy them all drinks No IOU Drinks are on us tonight We'd be gracious with a Monday Aperol Spritz tonight Faith Hill Why do they sound like little gremlins? Okay. Oh, boy. Uh-oh.

Oh, God. It's gross. Oh, Faith's still there, yeah. You wild faith It's gross You are too guys Oh she's Faith's still there Yeah One small step Oh no Your pen out

Always One giant leap Miss Lewinsky Miss Lewinsky These guys Oh they ruined music. I mean, that was a good song. Faith Hill had a great song. Yeah.

We were having so much fun listening to Faith Hill. Little Thriller and Dr. Benedicto. We've had them on the show before. They're just awful, awful, awful artists. They're weird. They're off-putting they use too many samples of like historical 20th century president stuff right and and then also like their kitchen sinky and their songs just they just do too much they stop and get into a whole different yeah thing and i

gotta say you know it makes me nervous that they've they're working with bigger artists now like me too you know how annoying it is to see somebody like fail up oh we're like like well that guy you know he sucks or whatever he gets a lot of attention but it sucks and then suddenly they keep getting more and more chances and they become more and more legitimate it's like these guys aren't good did we ever stop to think that they were any good right and it's just a runaway train. No, Jeff, when I was listening to the Faith Hill song and those guys came on, I had a panic attack.

Oh, I totally know what you mean, Mike, because me? I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Yes. Yes. I was like, this is not chill vibes. Faith, if you listen to this podcast, we just want you to know you're you're a great pop country star and you don't have to like if you want ideas for people

to collaborate ask us and we'll pitch you some better people yeah but we're all spritz tonight i mean it does yeah if it just wasn't those two guys it is kind of a cool song but i hate they are i'll give them this like they are gifted with melody. Like you can tell here and there, but they're just, they just rubbed me the wrong way. They're just bad. Bad. Do you guys want to go make another round? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Let's do it. We'll be're back. Drinks in hand. Okay. I did a funny thing. Did you guys try something new?

I tried a little, yeah, a little something new in my spritz. What do you got? I did the same ingredients. Three, two, one. And then I added a half ounce of lime juice. Oh. And what's the verdict? Hmm.

Oh, shit. Just a little bit of, a little bit of what? I'm going to do that right now. I love a lime. Were you just doing the regular Aperol? Yeah. Spritz? Yeah. Hmm. Were you just doing the regular Aperol? Yeah. Spritz? Yeah.

But you've become inspired. It gives a little, go ahead, Jeff, go ahead. A little kick. It gives a little bit of extra sourness, which is nice. You know, I've realized too, like when there's like takes on drinks, you don't have to go like some crazy wild thing. Like a lime fits nicely into this. I don't know why, but it seems. You don't even have go like some crazy wild thing. Like a lime fits nicely into this. I don't know why, but it seems...

You don't even have to change the name of the cocktail. It's just like you could be at a restaurant and order an Aperol Spritz with a splash of lime. They say, yes, Mr. Hanford. Yeah. Could I have a... Mr. Hanford, you've already had 12. Well, I'm

staying at this hotel. Sir, this is not a hotel. Then who did I give my luggage to, sir? Sir, this is an Arby's. Ooh, this looks good, Mike. This is... Ooh, honestly, Mike, that counterbalances the bitter for me real good. Nice!

There you go. Real good. I hope you remember that when you were grading this drink at the end. Michael Hanford's Test Kitchen has cracked the case on it. Open for business. Here's what I did. Did you guys see

when we did the Negroni on the show, we had some people send us this variation on it, which is, there's this funny drink. It's got a bad name and a name that is better, but have you heard of the hobo Negroni? No.

I've heard of that. What is that? People don't say, cause there's, there's no reason to make fun of the unhoused well drink and drink, but basically what it is, is a Miller high life that you take a sip out of it and then you top it off with Campari and it turns, it turns it red

and gives a little bitterness. And then I was just reading about those and you can make it with Aperol as, as well, if you like a little sweet and it's come to be known as the Spaghet, like the Tim Heidecker character. Wait, is it related after him to Spag do think so i think that it's like it's a it's you're putting in a italian aperitif into your beer so it's like spaghetti so i think people are thinking of like what's a funny low class spaghetti when you think of spaghetti the spaghetti he eats is disgusting and it's probably like college kids doing that stuff anyway. I didn't have any, I do think it is a college thing.

I didn't have any Miller Highlifes, but I had a Michelob Ultra and I just made an Aperol and Michelob Ultra spaghetti. And it's fantastic. That's cool. If you've got a really light beer, it's a great thing to do. You know what?

This drink just reminds me of how far we've come. What do you mean? In this pod or in human existence? This is a new drink. This is nothing like we used to drink back in the old stink house. So you're kind of saying like started from the bottom, now we're here. Started from the bottom, now the whole team's up in here. It is, but also Tim.

All my friends are here. Also, Tim, it reminds me of a story from the good old days. Oh. Here we have a classy, refined Italian drink. Yeah. But things weren't always that way for us, were they? No. No, no, no.

In fact. I feel like you should be whittling a stick will you tell us this continue i remember one time our boy timmy was forcefully removed from a bar oh boy was this sorry not forcefully removed chase chase out is this different than the time that i had new samba i just bought some new Samba. You know, you're going to have to comment on the Samba. I don't know if we, I've ever heard the Samba's in this story.

Well, I'm going to start, maybe it's different. This will be sort of like a Rashomon thing. I'll tell the story from my point of view. And then Tim can jump in with like his whole thing. Yeah. I have to say Rashomon is like one of my favorite plays,

but that's perfect. Um, so this was a bar in, uh, Echo park. I want to say so this was a bar in echo park i want to say still is a bar in echo park and we were there all of us and dave ferguson was there and it was towards the end of the night and i was talking to a young woman jefferson And all I remember hearing was, come on, Jeffy, we gotta go.

And I saw, I saw a flash. And Tim ran down the bar and swept the glassware off the bar onto the floor. They were, they were cleaning up for the night and like all the empties up on the bar. A lot. It was a lot. Now, what I've come to realize

is that there was an altercation beforehand, right? Yes. What if there wasn't? What if that wasn't? It was just you being a fucking prick. Wait. So, but finish from your point of view. You pretended you didn't know me

i just uh pretended i didn't hear you because i was i was spitting game and uh i've seen you spit game and it's i not not pleasant you know i'm thinking about starting a podcast someday it's awkward yeah and i don't need any help or distractions for my friends who are getting into tiffs with you know a lot of people thought grito shot first but i have a heavy evidence that that's not the case well uh the night did not go my way but i do remember driving around on side streets after the bar was closed looking for tim yeah tim ran Tim ran up into the hills and the bouncer chased you. He chased you through the neighborhood.

Tim, take us through your account. Well, it's very Rashomon-esque because there is so much context where you mentioned our friend Dave Ferguson of Birthday Boys fame, the TV writer. I was defending my boy's honor. Here we are at this dive bar our friend Dave Ferguson of Birthday Boys fame, the TV writer. I was defending my boy's honor.

Here we are at this dive bar and a place that I liked and actually... We can't say the name because you were told never to come back. It was old management back then. I don't know. Is it still even the same place? I was banned, but I've

been back and they didn't notice me maybe because I had such a glow up. They said, don't, don't come back unless you have a glow up. Um, I know. So, you know, when you're at a bar and it's the end of the night, it's after last call, they're closing down. And you know, when the guys kind of are like, get the fuck out of here. We're closing down. And, when the guys kind of are like get the fuck out of here we're gonna yeah closing down and um hey i respect i worked in food service for seven years so i know what it's like to be at the end of a shift and wanting to get home but some bros tend to get a little aggro at the end of the night but uh it was a very chill night and then when they started to

say hey everybody we're closing up some bartenders were totally normal yep hey we're closing up can you guys finish your drinks and let's move out and then there's this one guy i don't know if you saw him but he was bearded and kind of crazy and and i don't know if he worked there oh i hope he worked there well because he didn't look like okay go on but he didn't look like that's a whole nother rashomon let's stick with this maybe he's an undercover agent he this guy walks up to dave ferguson is still sitting on a stool and the guy walks up and goes you guys got to go and he grabs the stool that's under dave's butt and he pulls on it like pulling his stool out from him and then dave

stands up kind of just in the nick of time and not full over. And then most mild mannered, nice guy you could ever meet. Dave, um, was pissed off that the guy pulled the stool out. So Dave kind of kicked the stool as he was, as the guy was pulling it out from under him.

And like, without missing a beat, the guy took a swing at Dave, like threw a punch at Dave. Missed him. Right. Dave ducked. This is big at Dave, like threw a punch at Dave. Missed him, right? Dave ducked. Dave, Dave, wow.

This is big Dave. Peter Parker reflexes on this guy. Yeah. His spidey senses were definitely tingling on this day. He kicked the shield, ducked the punch. It was a big haymaker, like huge punch that the guy missed. And it was just crazy that he threw a punch. So I was defending

dave's honor and i got up in his face and when i do such things i'm also being a little weasel so i didn't say normal things like you can't do that uh i was being like you fuck listen the customer is always right you know you know the customer is always right. I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then before this guy could punch me, another, like some employee of the club held him back. So, and was putting out that fire. So as on my way out of the club, now very pissed off, I noticed end of the night, they had piled 200 glasses on top of the bar and I held out my, I held out my arm and I ran down the bar and swept it. Hey, no other way to say it. I swept it. You swept the bar. But you did spot your boy, Jeffy out of your left eye. But that's what's funny is I, I do remember this part where

I looked at you and I, and in my mind, I think like, Oh, everyone's going to know Jeff's my friend. So we have to get him out of here too. So as I'm getting to the end of my sweep, I go, Jeffy, we gotta go. And I was expecting it would be to be like Batman and Robin and we run out together. Jeff having nothing to do with any of this. It should have been Dave we have to go. Jeff did not look up, did not make eye contact. I was like, who is that Greek guy? I don't know him. We don't know him. We don't know him. Jeff did not look up, did not make eye contact, acted like, who is that Greek guy? Don't know him.

We don't know him. So back to Greedo. I ran out by myself without my boy by my side. And I don't know what happened to Dave either. He was still in there. But the sad end of the story is I walked up the street for a little bit, hung out in Echo Park

like a block away from the bar. And then when I thought the coast was clear, I was like, oh, those guys are my ride home. So I got to go find them. It's after two now. So they're probably outside. And as I was walking up to the bar, I was like, oh, Tim, you can't go back toward the bar. They're going to beat the shit out of you if you go, if you go by that bar. So I was wearing a flannel shirt and I took it off.

Smart. Like a blue flannel shirt and i just had a red t-shirt underneath and i was like they won't recognize perfect i'm pretty indistinct other than this shirt and i really shouldn't have done that because the bouncer who was if you close your eyes and picture a bouncer it was like exactly like one of those guys was looking for me and he saw me and not he was mad to see me he was like walking through the neighborhood looking for me but the fact that i had taken my shirt off like to fool him he was he was like you think you're gonna fucking fool me by changing your shirt and he fucking beat the shit out of me and just truly trounced me he was bigger than me and

madder than me and just tackled me and i hit the ground and then he just kicked me in the ribs but what's funny was i still was being a little weenie because i was i was drunk enough that it didn't hurt so uh i was going you're hurting me you're hurting me he's fucking kicking me in the ribs as hard as he can i'm going you don't understand well tim he has to he has to avenge 25 worth of glassware yeah i know exactly and he's like insane uh i mean i don't blame that guy because if he had to clean up the shards and stuff that's that is a rough night and i was being a weenie but it's funny to take it into your own hands and actually beat the shit out of someone. You think you would call the cops or, but to just be like, I'm going to kick this guy in the ribs.

And it was that funny thing. I never felt any pain until the next day. And then I woke up and I was, I was like truly pummeled and all black and blue, but it didn't hurt at all on the very night. I do remember when we, we, we were sort of like cruising the streets, cruising the nearby streets and we did find you and you were up on your feet and you got in the car and we went home. But yeah, I don't remember it. Like that bouncer kicked the shit out of me. Literally because I didn't have, he didn't punch my face. So like, I didn't have any, like there was no blood or anything yeah yeah he tackled you down to the ground he's not trying to injure you he's just trying to teach you a little lesson he did what i did to the glasses like he like strong he like ran at me with his

arm out and like knocked me down with the arm and i went down so you and did he say he, don't come back. Yeah. He, he, he, he amongst some expletives. Sure. A few four letter words were thrown about that night. Yeah. He said, don't come back. And then I was scared to go back. And then it's got a whole different vibe these days. And I go back a lot and I like it.

It's been 10 years. So did he, so when, when he was done like kicking you, did he was just like, okay, don't come back. And then like walk to it. Like, yeah, I mean, he was, if you weren't fighting back and he's just kicking you did he was just like okay don't come back and then like walk to it like yeah i mean he was if you weren't fighting back and he's just kicking and then it's like all right i'm not just gonna kick this guy to death yeah i don't think he wanted a murder on his well nobody's record but he fully walked back to the bar like i just yeah beat the shit like it that's what was so weird about it i haven't really like been in fights so it was weird that it was such a like on paper like i got the shit kicked out of me like i got like he just beat the shit out of me for like a solid minute i love this story is so funny because

of just like the actions of it but like i don't remember i must have been very drunk and i don't remember i wasn't even like talking to anyone i didn't see what happened to dave all i remember is like in my sleepy ways just be like who's going on over here and this the bar the bouncer guy who was being held back says i don't think he was a bouncer he looked very like he didn't look like he would be in the front maybe if he was a bouncer i think he was just like one of those guys who helps out at a bar or something a bar back something yeah maybe something like that and uh i just saw him being held back and dave being like what's up man and then seeing you saying we gotta go and pushing all the glasses and then you running out and then

me running out by myself and like doing circles and be like what do we do i'm not running anymore this is like i'm not really sure what's happening here so you're just you're throwing air punches into the night i ran out and like ran across the street and just like did circles in the in the street and then i didn't know where anyone was or what was going on yeah you were kind of out in the street doing some like jumps and kick flips and stuff yeah i was like if anyone wants to try something with me come at me now now yeah that was a oh boy that's a classic i'll tell you what it makes me happy to now have an aperol spritz a nice low alcohol drink that i'll drink as an adult. No more getting drunk and beaten up. Jeff, I see what you're saying.

We've come a long way. And we've got fancy Italian drinks, but also it's nice to have one or two in the afternoon. Don't drag it out into a late night where you're in a place where you might get your ass kicked. Right. Drink the same amount of drinks, but earlier in the day. Yeah. And then the only one beating you up is just the

people you live with man um i think we can rank this drink pretty quick for me yeah it's an order again i'm ordinary uh this is this is like a uh i would do this for brunch because i i know that i have a tough time finding a brunch drink yeah michael i, I'm with you. It's an order again. Yes. With any appointment? I came around. No appointment necessary. Wow.

Nice. No certain distinction? No, no distinctions whatsoever. A little splash of lime juice, though. Even better. Yeah, that did help. I like that a lot. It balances it a little bit just because like you

know you get that there's there's a nagging quality to aperol and campari that um just balances a little bit i mean it will say now it tastes more just like anything else like a refreshing fruity thing but maybe that's jay's way oh. I also would have many rounds. Great drink. I'm looking forward to having a few of these during the spring. And, folks, try the spaghetti. Put a little dash of Aperol or Campari into your beer. It's fun.

Tim's drinking this poolside. That's right. Much like Dua Lipa. I'm going to get my jeans on. Yeah. Have a little future nostalgia. Folks, that's our show. Follow us on social media at the Sloppy Boys,

where we release these recipes ahead of time, but also be sure to check out our Patreon, where subscribers can unlock the Sloppy Boys blowout, our weekly bonus episode. We just welcomed our newest subscriber, Matthew Forbush. You can join Matthew and other slopheads at patreon.com slash the sloppy boys.

Thanks for listening, guys. We'll see you next week. Spring has sprung. Stop spritzing me. Give it up for your boys Give it up for your boys Give it up for your boys Give it up for your boys