The Sloppy Boys - 305. Madras

Episode Date: August 21, 2026

The guys stay on the cran train and make a sweeter version of the Sea Breeze!MADRAS RECIPE:2oz/60ml VODKA3oz/90ml CRANBERRY JUICE2oz/60ml ORANGE JUICEAdd ingredients into a shaker filled with ice. Shake and strain into an ice filled glass. Garnish with orange slice.Recipe via Difford'sWANT MORE SLOP? Check out:PatreonSHOP the webstore at:The Sloppy Boys WebsiteLISTEN to The Sloppy Boys hit songs on:Apple MusicSpotifyYoutubeTOUR DATES, SOCIALS and more at:LinktreeT H E   S L O P P Y   B O Y S   L L CExpand Ascend Conquer Retain Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the sloppy boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford. Hello. And Tim Kalpacis. What are you? Oh, and we're the sloppy boys. And me personally, I'm fresh off two hot dogs. Shit.

What the hell? Off a grill or boiled in your kitchen? Heinz, Frenches, and two Vlasic stackers per bun. Ooh. Wait a minute, Jeff, you're fresh off this? When does this happen? Before we recorded, I crammed two dogs. Okay, okay. Because right before we recorded, you and I were traipsing around Fortnite world. And boy, oh boy, we're serving some people their asses. Ooh, and Mike, I worked up an appetite out there, man.

Wait, between Fortnite and recording, you ate two hot dogs and four stackers. Just now, Jeff? That's crazy. Those stackers make a dog, though. That's a fun act. Because here's the thing, if you get a... Stackered? A normal bun.

A normal residential, non-recreational bun at the grocery store, not like a... The ones that come in the mail. If you get a cheap bun, a normal spear is going to ruin that dog. Two stackers, two stackers actually line up pretty nice at a cheapie bun. Do you still taste the Nathan's Frank when you have that much pickle going on? But see, the stacker is thin, Tim. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yes.

But here's what I would suggest. Just to make sure you get all that beef dog taste that you want, you take a stacker, lay it on the cutting board. Cut it long ways. And you got two longs. Do you what I'm saying? So it's not one. two fat ones on each side, but it's like one at a lot. Now you got a pickly cutting

board, who's going to deal with that? Well, then you got to deal with that, Jeff. Who's going to deal with that for you, Jeff? Who's going to deal with that? I got to say, you guys coming straight from Fortnite, this is episode, we're probably going to, it's going to be a weird one because I can't relate to you guys because you, oh, we

play in the digital world. We're glued to screens. We're glued to screen. Oh, and we live in the city. I live in L.A. Sounds like you get it, Tim. Yeah. You'd fit right in, man. But what you don't realize is I've just gotten back fresh from the mighty rivers and streams of Utah. Ooh, I want to hear about this, too.

Is that what they call you touch grass, Tim? It was funny. There was a moment this morning that I was like, I'm going to step on that grass before I put my shoes up. Yeah. And that's why I'm so much more grounded. You're like standing out there with a coffee. You know, I'm really doing it. I'm touching grass.

I'm doing it. Also, it hurt my feet. Oh, that's sharp grass. I heard, I heard actually just today, I was walking down the street and I heard, you know, a little brunch group, two couples going to brunch, it seemed. And I heard, you know, I really haven't touched grass lately. I said, oh, God. I said, get a life.

Hey, I'm about to touch grass soon. I ordered myself arriving tomorrow. So I'll be able to report next week. Rick. Brick. Brick. Brick? Brick.

Brick? The phone brick. You've heard? Oh, you're brick in your phone. Brick in my phone. Got the little tile, the productivity tile. Oh. You turn off, you tell your phone, I don't want to be on Instagram, TikTok, whatever,

because here I am uploading hilarious birthday books. But then I'm glued to my phone all day seeing how they're doing. Do we have a million hitter on our hands? Also, that's the worst feeling. Because there is, especially those birthday boys clips, they're all really funny. So they all will do well eventually. I'm rooting for each and every one of them. Yeah, but like the three hours after posting, that's an ugly feeling being like, is this taking off?

I hope this takes off. Oh, we got followed by a property brother. Ooh, ooh, that'll sustain me for the next 20 minutes. Oh, the bad one. Oh, the one who lost all the houses. I've never seen that. There's one is the plumber and the other's the electric. Those are guys like there's so many examples of this but like especially in the reality TV world where I'm like, oh, property brothers.

I hear about them, you know, a little bit here and there. And then like 10 years goes by. It's like, oh, yeah, the property brothers have all these spinoff shows and their hosts of their own shows. It's like, what the fuck happened over there, Bravo or wherever. They build empires. That's what we should have like a line of stuff at Walmart that you buy. I know. Stuff.

That's what I'm saying. Well, Jeff, what about the glass collection or the wood selection? I know, I know. That should be in there. See, we have a line of stuff at the sloppyboys.com slash store. And that's just going to have to do for now, Tim. Yep. I mean, what's really keeping a wall, one of these big box stores, Walmart, Target,

why don't we just go in and say, hey, look, we've got all these designs. We have the T-shirts. Do you want to sell them? What's it to you? Either it's got a sloppy boys logo on or like, you know, an, icy polar bear logo. Who gives a shit? Ooh. I like that icy polar bear though. But you know what I mean? They're just going to put anything on any of the teasers anyway.

Why not just have it be sloppy boys? That's why we have to get in there and talk to him. Mike, I like the Bacardi rum t-shirt wearing as we speak. Yeah, this was a gift. Is that a D-pop? This is, no, this was a gift on the road. Remember a couple tours ago? Yeah. There's a flea market guy that gave us a box of teas. I made out like a band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a hell of a guy. Box of teas.

Tiger Woods is a, what? Mm. Is it up for grabs? Shot-hop. Not those teas, you asshole. Well, do we get into some booze news? Bib, bib, bib, bib, booze news, hit it. Sips, Sips, Sips, Sips, Sips, Sips, Sips, Sips.

You don't have to drink it. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips. Sips, Sips, sips, sips, sips, sips, sips, you can if you want. Yeager bombs.

Lenneman drops. Buttery nipple. Jello shots. Comacazi. Three Wiseman. Everybody take a sip of gin. If you want to. Sips, sips, sips, sips, sips, piss, piss, piss.

Piss, piss, piss. No, no pressure. Piss, piss, piss, piss, piss. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss and shit. Sips was sent to us by Tom Hand. And if you have a booze news theme email it to the Slobby Boys podcast at gmail.com.

The hand job. The hand job. All right. He's back, baby. I like that little lead up note to the end. It was like, blup. Lay up. Okay.

The booze news. Well, guys, I'm texting you a picture of a drink that everyone's talking about. Oh, my phone is almost out of juice. Oh, man. Oh, look at that gradient. It's called the badger. The badger? Badger.

And it is Guinness and Smearnoff ice layer in the same glass. You pour the smear enough into the bottom of the pine glass. Then with a spoon, you pour the Guinness on top, black on top, white on bottom like a badger. Reach for the Badger. That looks pretty cool. Reach for the Badger. It's too bad we can't make this. I mean, Badger Beves makes a lot of good stuff and some new stuff, but we can't put that in here.

Sad. Badger Bebs just doesn't make Guinness or Smyr-R-N-R-A-W-D. It's kind of pretty, it's sort of specialized stuff. Speaking of Badger-Bevs, isn't it funny? It was so recently, but like, isn't it funny that we went skiing in Switzerland? This year? This year. Yeah.

That was not a long time ago. And it's funny that it's like, that was such an extravagant, like, a left field moment of our lives. And it's funny that it happened. Like, I hurt myself saying to someone that I was like, oh, yeah, in Switzerland they do this. And I'm like, how do I know now? Well, I don't know.

Switzerland. Oh, right. I've been there for a week. Oh, yes, yes. It seems like a dream, doesn't it? God. It probably does. It was a dream.

That was a crazy. I think a being part of it was the, uh, the altitude kind of made it all feel kind of woozy. in dreamlike. Well, folks, Badger Bev's cocktail mixer's wonderful product, get them and reach for the Badger. Now, this Badger novelty drink we're looking at

this was invented in the pubs of England a couple years ago, but then sort of resurfaced this summer online and is viral right now, people making it on TikTok and stuff. It's supposedly stupid to drink. It looks cool. It does look like incredible. The separation is incredible to have like milky white on bottom and then like dark on top.

Because like anytime you're layering any drink, you know, I feel like this is just like the most contrast I've seen. It looks like a science experiment. Yeah. It feels like in like some like sci-fi movie, people would be quietly drinking this and not mention what it is. And you'd be like, ooh, the art department made a cool choice there with that. Ooh, they got badgers for everybody. this is did you say this isn't a like it's known as a not good tasting drink or just i mean it's it tastes like you're drinking ginnis and then then you're smearing off ice it's drinkable and stuff but um i don't know

the consensus on on ticot is that it's uh you know it's a fun thing to look at but well i bring it up to say the the drink of the summer is the piss and shit shot invented by the sloppy boys but now if you i can draw a parallel layering huh everyone's layering out there there. That's right. Well, you're going to have to be layering up soon with this fall weather. Ooh, maybe I'll get myself a badger. I'll tuck in with a badger this fall.

And speaking of this fall, which makes me think of the month of September, September 16th in Hollywood at the 4,000-person capacity venue, the Hollywood Palladium, the sloppy boys are playing as an opening act. Did you know that? Yes. Yeah, we do that. But that's good you said it for all the new year. All of L.A. is excited.

I don't even know if there's tickets left, folks. Get it? Go get your tickets for that now. And do you know about the year end celebration, the New Year's run, Boston, Brooklyn, Philadelphia, the 29th, 30th, 31st of December? This, I'm hearing more and more about. Rockwell, Littlefield, Milk Boy? Bing, bang, boom. That's going to be fun. Shit.

It's nice. It's nice having the year kind of figured out because this is about the time of the year when it starts to go down. down. Well, there's still some stuff for you to figure out between September 16th and December 29th. You got a little time there, so you're going to have to figure out something, you know, maybe like what, what am I going to get my parasycial buddies for Christmas this year? And bring to all three shows.

My three weekly friends, what do I, I'm going to save up all my money and get them nice gifts this year. Yeah, they give me so much every week. That's true, folks. Think about it. Something to figure out, folks. Maybe it's time for me to give back. Maybe I don't need to be the year-round Scrooge, Grinch-like person,

taking, taking from all these poor three boys putting everything they got out there. The Three Wiseman in a way. Oh, I like that. This December, let's do a whole Three Wiseman thing. That would be very fun. We've done Three Wiseman drink, haven't we? Instead of frankincense, gold is gold schlager, mer is midori, merr is.

Medori. Medori. Frankencence is Franzusconer or, oh, wait, no, what's that liqueur, that monk liqueur? Goldschlager, Midori, and. Are I blanking on the name of that, that hazelnet liqueur that's shaped like a monk? Oh, for Angelica. Frangelico, gold slugger, and Murdori. I call not Midori.

Murdoory. What do you mean? Not Midori. We have to drink them all. This is a we're not going to dress up like him, Jeff. We're going to drink them. I wanted us each to dress up in those old timey king outfits. For the whole month of December?

Well, I guess it wouldn't make sense to do with the New Year's Ed and shows because people are sort of done with the wise men. Yeah, they want to see us in the New Year's baby. Diapers. diapers We should come out We should come out in diapers for the encore That's a good idea

Like the big 2027 sashes Ongo Goooo everybody Goooo I bet you'd ever see Three bad boys like us We need their diapers Changed

All right Is that it for booze news Wrap it up Lock the game Are we doing this Wait for it. Wait for it. Get over here.

You listen to the Milan Minute. Hey, what's up, everyone? This is Milan Patel, editor of the pod. I'm here in beautiful Ohio, California. I'm here drinking bureau, which is actor Tom Holland's signature non-alcoholic beer. It's a Pilsner. I'm going to take a sip and see how it is. Good? We're doing good. Thank you. It tastes like a pilsner. It's fine. Nothing special. I do feel a little bit more like Tom Holland after drinking it. I'm starting to feel like I'm transforming a little bit. I feel like I was bit by a certain bug.

Maybe the acting bug. And it's turning me into a huge, Dushbag All right Over and out You just listen to the Milan Minute Pizza time Well with that out of the way We turn our attention

To the drink of the day I hear it's a good one The Madras You hear that? Mm-hmm The Madras you've had? No You've heard

Me neither I've heard on the text chain Have you heard of Madras the fabric. Yes. No? Michael, tell us about it. I am reading a book right now called the electric

Kool-Aid acid test, all about the beautiful people in the acid movement in the 60s. And they mentioned Madras all over the place. And I think it's like those kind of tapestry things with like almost like star-shaped looking patterns all over. A madra. Star-shaped. It's yeah, it's like really thin, thin, breathable light cotton. Thin like a Vlasic stacker pickle. Jeff, you got a one-track mind, my man.

The, but then, you know, it's like, it's often like pink plaid. Like so, because like it's, it's, it's, it's, Madras is up is a place. It's current, like modern day Chennai India. Uh, during British, uh, uh, colonization. They went there and then they were sending back all of the, I guess they changed the name or something. And they were sending back all the fabric.

But yeah, it's a very light, breathable cotton you see. And the color is kind of like pastel colors and it'll kind of bleed sometimes. I first heard the word in the movie, The Outsiders, the Sochas wear Madras. And in the Vampire Weekend song, I forget what song like, dress yourself in bleeding mad dress. It's like, I think it became associated with like waspy Brits and East Coasters and golfers and stuff like that. Yeah.

It looks Cape Coddish or something to be. Yeah. Pink plaid is the main look. I am so embarrassed. I was talking about a mandala tapestry. You see a lot of those at Ithaca College. If you go into the dorms. Yes, yes.

Yeah, if you go into Little Jeffie's room, I had a. blue one. Madras, yes, I know this type of... This is a plaid, baby. Oh, yes. Good, good. So that's the namesake. But basically, you know,

we just covered the vodka cran and the, the woo-woo. But in the whole 70s rise of the dark ages, sweet, juicy cocktails from the Cape Codder to the fuzzy navel to the woo-woo, as we heard in the fatini-wini.

teeny woo-woo. Sea breeze, bay breeze, sex on the beach, all of them toward the beginning of that. Somebody, I mean, I guess he would say this is a mashup of a Cape Cotter and a screwdriver, but somebody put a splash of OJ into their vodka cran. It was pink, so they called it

the madras. And the recipe we're going to be using today comes to us from Divids. And it is. Two ounces, vodka. Right. Two ounces, OJ. Joace de laurenche. Two ounces cranberry juice.

Equal parts. Eiki peas? Eiki peas. This is Eiki pee pee. Right. Okay. Now that's, and you can always assume with these drinks, it's going to be cranberry juice cocktail with, you know, sweetened. Not that bitter, bitter bog ball.

Bog ball? It's that bitter, bitter bog ball. Um, yes, so here's the method. Shake with ice, pour into a Collins glass full of ice, garnish with an orange slice. Ooh, we. Oh, nice. Now, the, the picture of it on the difference guide is, it looks really cool. It looks kind of like one of those egg canister things from one of the alien, one of the more recent alien movies.

But it's like kind of a, got a weird shape to it. Yeah, they have like a stylistic glass and then like a big hunk, a big, a big, half, you know, like a wheel of orange capping off the top. Oh, yeah. I did, it, it says here, it says shake on ice and then strain into one of those things from the more recent alien movies. What the hell? I mean, Differt is always so specific with its glasses. One of those

things from one of, wow. The more recent, pick a film, man. Oh, yeah, geez, pick a film and pick one of the better ones, too. Jeez. Come on, Differ. Come on, Diverd. Come on, Divid. Oh, wait a minute. No, it's not, it's not Eiki P. It's not equal parts, folks.

Wait, no. Two, two vodka three, cran, two OJ. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Shit, good catch, Jeff. It's an Eiki P plus one. Just so far off the beat, bad.

I can get my eyeballs checked, man. Yeah, three ounces of the cram, folks. Okay. See, Tim, this is why you don't go touch grass. You stay home. You look at your phone screen. The grass knocked the ounces out of my brain. You've been away from your screen.

Your eyes don't know how to adjust the screen anymore. Instead of touch grass, C-phone screen. See, phone screen, do eyeball. All right, folks, we're going to go shake these up. And when we come back, first ifs, Madra style. Madras in hand. Madrasi. Madrasis is an hand. Madrae. Madrii. Madresey. Now, see, I saw it called for a Collins glass, but I actually wanted mine to look like one of the things from one of the more recent aliens movies. Oh, yeah. That looks good. More of an orb, yeah. More of the recent ones, yeah. This looks like a ruby red, which I don't mind either. Yeah. Shall we? Shall we go for it? Sips. Hmm, interesting. Kind of did make Ruby Red.

It's cranberry. Cranberry plus oranges. How you make grapefruit? I think, yeah, when you take an orange seed and cranberry seed a grapefruit. So this is just a, it's a greyhound, which is a vodka grapefruit. When we were kids, wasn't there like a drink that was like Ruby Red and Tangerine or something like that? Am I dreaming? Yes.

No, you're not dreaming. Ruby Red was hot shit in the 90s. It was. And I do feel like there was a ruby red tangerine. I mean, tropicana ruby red, but then it was, it was,

you know, dipping around all the, you know, the Sobe's and the snapples and the, oh, so be yourself. Man, Sobe,

soby doesn't exist anymore. Does it? That's too bad. That's a strong brand. Sobe feels like fuel TV to me. And I don't know if those have any crossover, but they just don't feel like the same. To me,

To me, in my brain, the same thing. They're different. I know, I know. I remember fuse. I don't remember fuel. What was like extreme sports? Well, there was both, but I didn't watch fuel. Oh.

My favorite band is fuel. I remember that. Your current favorite band. Current favorite band, yeah. It goes fish. No, it goes fuel, fish, and then Bell and Sebastian. Bell and Sebastian takes third. How often are you listening to fish in your daily life?

Oh, given Rand and. week in the dog days of summer, August 2026. You know what's interesting? Not much these days. I usually am on, for my jam band stuff, I'm either on a Grateful Dead or Fish sort of kick. And this whole summer has been Grateful Dead. And even that I haven't listened to too much. It's funny that you don't cross the streams with the two big jam bands.

Yeah, it's weird. I don't know. I don't know. There's one, it gives me a totally like different, not totally, but Like, it's a very specific, but different feeling. Yeah. And for me, Soundtribe Sector 9. Is that from one of the more recent alien movies?

Yeah, good one. No, that's a jam band, Timmy. Oh. STS9? Never heard of them. Soundtribe number nine? Wow. It's like string cheese.

We're like, you know, that sort of shit. Well, like, umphrey McGee, widespread? You know, like a big ass. explorative band. Ooh. Damn. Um, hmm.

I like that, like the clunk. I love the clob. It's funny. You shake up OJ. You expect, because there's, there's so much viscosity

with a shaken OJ. You're going to get that froth. Hmm. Yeah, this is certainly, I mean, now this is, the spec is from Differt himself,

which, you know, we've always used this difference guy. It's a guide online. Um, when we're not doing liquor.com or IBA world. And it's, you know,

to me it strikes me as a respected old standard, but I kind of thought that Diffords would have been some time honored thing, like Mr. Boston cocktail guy to whatever, but like, differed is a guy who was alive and he's in poking around his website still. And he's like, he's making little notes and stuff. He's out there.

He's updating. Well, it seems like, like same things happen over IBA, but IBA just has a team of lunatics working for their, they're fools. Since we left the IBA, they added a drink to their cocktailist called IBA Tiki. Like they launched their own drink.

Nice try, dudes. Nepo. That should be the last drink we do of this podcast is the IBA Tiki. And it's so good. It inspires us to keep going. But this different spec, this is fairly juicy. I think that with these dark ages juicy drinks, the way to change people's minds is to have it be stiff.

and people say, that's actually could kind of fuck you up. Yeah. Yeah, right. But I feel like this is a juice, belly, sweaty sleep for me. I love that attitude. A, uh, the dude who's like, oh, that could fuck you up. It's like, yeah.

It's got alcohol. And it's like, oh, yeah, that'll fuck them. It's like, yeah, drink enough of any of these things, it'll fuck you up. And why are you so worried about me being fucked up? I had a bunch of my ties in the wake of watching the Don of Tiki. Mm-hmm. Doing the, uh, Dawn's mix. sorry, the Don's version that we covered on pod,

just because I had the ingredients. Normally, I'm doing a simple, uh, marg or Paloma when I'm watching movies with Kelsey around the house or something like that. But I didn't have any of the normal citrus. The, and, and, uh, my,

my tequila. I did have the eight ingredients for Don's Mai Tai. So I made a bunch of, you know, I had my, all my, all the crazy weird shit. I was like,

sorry, I don't have any. lime. I have all this fucking weird shit. And then, you know, you make a bunch of those. You're watching movies. And the trap that we fall into is when a movie's over, we play music videos and just go back and forth.

And nobody wants to give up next ups. So you're up till 2.30 in the morning. Just drink and watching music videos. Just because that last music video gave you an idea for a music video? Yeah. And when there's only two people in the room, you're always watching your video or up next. It's real crossfire back and forth. Back to you.

And man, the sweaty, sugary sleep after like a night full of Lytize, I was like, I love these drinks, but I have to, I have to like go in there with respect and be like, it's two max. Yeah. That's not just a zombie rule. It's kind of a teaky rule for like these super sugary, juicy drinks. Sleeping is, uh, sucks after that. Like a sweaty. Yeah. Nasty sleep.

Yeah. Even if I'm going to have like a heavy drink a night, I feel like I would switch. a Mai Tai type of thing like yeah one or two and then maybe I'd switch even if it's like I'm still out for hours I'd switch to like something super strong like a zombie but like I'm gonna sip this for the rest of the night but you can't get just keep me like be like pounding

yeah juice juice and sugary dark rums I went to a birthday party a couple nights ago at a bar and it was so hot outside and like I took a bike to get there and I was hot I went through I drank a gin and tonic and two beers, like, within a half hour. It was so quick.

I was so thirsty and hot. It was the craziest thing. I didn't even, like, feel it. I was just sweating it out immediately. But you needed booze. Yeah, I needed booze to keep it going. Ooh, I went to the top of the show. I was on the mighty rivers and streams of Utah.

Oh, yes. I want to hear about this. Yeah, I heard you getting whipped and ripped around. Is that true? Yeah, it kind of was. Ooh, the whip rippers back. But then you whipped. and rip them right back.

You must have to fight nature off. You know what I mean? You stand up to it. It's tough to do that. Not that I need a, like a reason to fall back in love with booze. But you know when you have like a real, when something just hits you right, you're like, oh, that's perfect. I did. Like I had to like river float beers like floating on an inner tube.

Okay. And like Tim. Did you do the thing? Did you do the thing? That's great. That's my dream. I never did Kern River. Did you guys do the Kern River float?

We were there. That's, I felt. I fell in love with that river rafting thing. Oh, boy. The idea, one thing I didn't get to do is getting like the perforated mesh laundry bag. Yeah. Onion bag I brought to Kern. Onion bag or something like that.

Fill it with like cheapy bud lights or whatever. Tie it to the, to your snow tube or whatever. So that the beers are chilling with the onion in the cold drink in the river. And you just reach into that bag. You pull one out. And it's so funny that the very water that you're floating in is also cold enough to get the drinks really cold. We did that. I was with our friends Tristan and Kristen, who we stayed with on our tour.

Tristan, former dead guy who we've talked about him about. But fully recovered, corpse. Recovery. He's sort of reanimated. But he, but yeah, he did, he had one of, he had like a bad. that you could submerge and just crack it was a 96 degree day but like 60 degree water and we're just like floating and I'm just like I I feel like again I shouldn't be putting work into my relationship with alcohol but like maybe since like uh Tim Tim Tim if it's a good relationship

it doesn't even feel like work you should see me I'm I was drinking those three so fast at the end I was like wow I'm getting paid for this. I was being paid to be at the party. I feel like when we got back from our July tour, I was sort of boozed out for a while and just naturally, like, found myself not ordering drinks. Right. I'm sure I drank, but.

Can we do a little departure right here? Yeah. We've talked about, or at the end of the I.O. show, people came up to the merch table and asked me like, hey, so for real, how do you guys drink that much during the show? and we had just kind of all talked about how, I don't know if we've said this on pod. There is a degree of athleticism

that goes along with doing a show like ours. Yeah. And so when people bring shot after shot after shot to the stage, all different boozes, if I drank like that on a normal night at a bar or at home, I would be dead and not wake up in the morning. Yeah, just the night we're like, oh, I have a fireball, then a Yeager,

then a funny shot of gin, then a piss and shit. Like, oh, and I'll be jumping around a lot. So that it'll get mixed up nicely. The fact that you're like sweating profusely, like joking around. I don't know if they're joking around is part of it. Hey, it's a fun time. We do like, we do sweat like crazy and it's like kind of a workout. And so your body is chugging along like a furnace.

And so you can just kind of like throw shots at it. And we essentially, you can drink like Superman. You can just drink like two or three times. where you're normally able to drink. Right. And it's like doing a, like a furious workout at the gym. Which, but it's weird, though, because I agree. And I think that's what's happening.

But it feels like sweating and working should make the booze hit you harder because you're dehydrated. Because I don't piss all night. I've noticed that. I never go to the bathroom. When we realize what I'm like, do you ever pee on a show night? Never. Like from the moment the show starts, do you ever pee?

And it's like, no, not until the next day. Yeah. crazy sweaty sweaty freddie um it's but yeah i i i have a side theory that i'd like to group onto your theory jeff i think it's adrenaline from the the what's the positive version of stage fright stage delight i think that uh that when you have like i don't know a hundred eyes on you and you're having a fun time and you're you're entertaining i feel like your body like we don't have time to get drunk. You know, like we got to...

Oh man, imagine 4,000 eyes here at the Palladium. That's going to be crazy. Jesus Christ. I'll feel it shows like, yeah, like, ooh, I'm a little tired or out of it or I got to go to the bathroom or something. Once we hit the stage, it's like, woo, this is great. I don't feel anything. And then separate it.

I'm like, I got a shit. It's it's adrenaline. And also, I said that like maybe the joking around doesn't have much to do with it, but I think it does because you're also got that dopamine. You're like, my boy just made a funny joke. I'm laughing. I'm releasing those pleasure chemicals on the brain. The audience is laughing too, so it makes you say like, oh, yeah, I'm getting that thing I wanted. You know, I'm getting the, that's the dopamine hit.

What if we make a scientific breakthrough? Now, one time, a Joey Chestnut, the competitive eater, he was watching like Kobayashi and all these guys who were really skinny, get eat a lot, 50 hot dogs or whatever. And then he was like, he came up with his theory that was the belt of fat theory that skinny people can eat more food than fat people. And he wrote it up as like a scholarly article for like a for like a medical journal. He's uniquely qualified, Tim. Is he not? But it was rejected. It didn't get published.

I could imagine the sloppy boys are the guys that find out that laughter, laughing helps you process alcohol because you're happy. Ooh. I think that's right. Dopamine serotonin. Remember these, Jeff? And the oxytocin from sexuality on stage. Here's what we do. We find a funny, charming, swashbuckling group of people.

Get them drunk. Three Jack Sparrow's, okay? Three Jack Sparrows. And then we find three sad, old, sad, like three real-life Johnny Deppes. Three Jack Sparrows, three real-life Johnny Debs. You get them drunk, and you see how the alcohol affected each group. But I bet you the happy, the happy. the happy go lucky swashbucklers

pick that booze in stride. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think it's better to be a happy swashbuggler than a washed out, sad, man. And what happens? Think about when you sip, you're sad. You have your first drink of the night.

It hits you, and then you're kind of like, you're happy of your first drink of the night. Hey. Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you reach for the badger.

That's all. And then Tim Taylor's like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, Tim. And then, meanwhile, Wilson is like, uh, madros is invented in India. And then the British colonization, shut up, Wilson. Listen, shut up. It's so funny. I used to watch that show every single week for years and years.

And every single episode, like Tim went out there and the writer's head to come up with like a funny way to mismatch what he said. Well, Tim, women are like tomatoes. And he's like, when he learns exactly the wrong lesson about how women are like to be like. But it like, almost like what's that show? Big Bang Theory is like they had a whole department of like people who knew the science

and made sure the science was correct or whatever. Like somebody had to like cross check Wilson's like, oh yeah, that was a tribe that existed and that's what they talked about. Okay. They had on, I'm sure they had on staff researchers that like, that just do that.

Speaking of home improvement, did you see that the forever reclusive Jonathan Taylor Thomas has resurfaced in a new photo I thought he had a new project No, no, a photo came out He looks like shit

He looks like Oh, JTT Did he want to be photographed Or is this like somebody on Dumois? You wanted to be photographed He went to Sears He's 44, he's one year older than us scroll to the bottom of the BuzzFeed article I texted you he looks fine I was talking shit

my phone's over there because it's being charged I'll have to look at that later I'll describe it okay I got to scroll past a lot of cute young photos of them now well he was young simba remember this is one of these like long ass fucking AI like 20,000 ads I'm not going to go to the bottom of this that's so funny to see you know to Tim's thumb it's just like been like ring ring He didn't still nothing. Jeff is it where he's posing with these other people and he's got glare on his eye glars? Other people, that's the mom and the other brother, dude.

Oh. You don't recognize Taryn Noah Smith and Patricia Richardson. Now I do. Was he the younger one, right? He was like a goth kid at the end of that run of that series. It was very weird. Mike, he's got a fish head look now. He's got a long hair and a beard.

Yeah. And, uh, and, uh, patricia Richardson, remember? She did a UCB show when Armand White's With Armin. Yeah.

With Armin. Yeah. Well, JTT looks great. Great. The JTT won't let me be. JTT is snatched. Yeah, he's pretty snatched. How's Zachary Ty Bryant?

You know, we're a big fan of Ha Ha, ha, you clowns. And, you know, there's sort of, it's like, ambiguously like the dad from two whole time and the four kids, or the three kids. I do think it's loosely based on a home improvement because

Joe Kappa has another home improvement type short that predates you clowns and it's sort of the same dynamic in the same way that like Doc and Marty became Rick and Morty. I didn't even put it together that they the boys every so often talk to

their neighbor over the fed like I didn't even put that together that's their wills and that's really funny. Oh that's funny and it's like Jennifer Tilly or someone like that isn't it's a lady it's like a lady playing pool all the time. But it's like a Celebrity. It's a real life pool champion, I think.

Oh, it is? I thought it was like an actress. Oh, no. I don't fucking know. I don't know. See, we need... She's a pool player. Oh.

We need a researcher on this show. She's a real pool player. Yeah. Damn. I hope that show comes back soon. It's a funny one. It was renewed, right? I think so.

I believe so. Oh, yeah. It's just tough because there's only six. you know, 11 minute episodes. And one of the nights on tour, Tim, I think you went to bed earlier. Jeff and I put some on and like, damn, we're almost done with the season in the half an hour. That's the first time I saw the show was in Columbus.

Yes. On Gordon night. Ooh, memory man. Yeah. That was great. Oh, man. That was a fun lady. Isn't it so fun when you find a show that's like, wow, we're laughing for real.

I think that is strange because I, I, I will say, you guys were on the couch watching and I walked over, like, I think you guys will open your heart to like adult swimming shit more than me. Like I love, I love the great adult swim stuff. But like, I kind of thought like, what are these stoners giggling about? And then you're, we're like, you see the first funny thing happens and you laugh and you're like, oh, wait, I actually laugh. And there's something I play here. Oh, fuck. Oh.

That does that does feel like adult swim. when it was like in its heyday was around the time we were like high school college looking for new funny weird stuff and I do remember that like adults who went specifically like really delivering on that every so often

you'd be like what the fuck is this time goes to the mayor who are these guys delivering on effed up and unusual videos was it the UCB show it wasn't unusual was it effed up and illegal illegal oh okay okay

Unusual. Oh, I got to go to UCB for unusual video night. That's funny that there was a time when that, like, you could do that as a live show and be like, well, I haven't seen these videos. And now it's just like, you just see video all day. Everyone's seen every video. Shit. Damn. Every video. Well, do we take it back to the drink just for one second?

Wait, this whole thing was a departure because Tim, you were telling a story. Were you not? Oh, you were on. Yes. You went to the, you were down the river rafting. I mean, long story short, just laying on a tube, a bit beer hit me better than, I had three beers and I was like the happiest ever been on my life.

And I think it had to do with like 96 degree air, 60 degree water, then 98.6 degree Tim in the middle there. You're where the rubber meets the road, but in a good way. Yeah. It's like a, it's like a temperature version of that Badger split drink we just saw. And Tim, you're the, you're the thin miniscuit. right. The membrane

holding it off together. That can't be right but damn it seems right. This drink's good. Is meniscus a bone? Meniscus. Yes. No?

Well, well, anyway, those three beers made me very happy and their temperature was nice and I think that we should go on a river float.

I think we should get up to Kern and we should float. The problem with Kern. Not on the main pod though. No, no, no. Patreon.com slash Sloppy Boys. The better show

to Sloppy Boys blow. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where we have exciting experiences and we talk about real life things, actual things we care about. Right, right. The tricky thing about Kern River is one time we went, water level is high. So it's like, ooh, a lot of rapids today. This is kind of scary. Then another time I went water level low, you're like, this will be safe.

Nope, bumping into rocks all day, rocks up your butt. Ow, another rock. When you, oh, Tim, I was going to ask the river, the tubing thing you just went on. Was it a group of people or just like you two? YouTube. It was the three of us. It was one of these things. They have this back where I'm from there on the Osopas River where it's like three of us bought tickets.

And then it's like you go to a river spot. Tickets to nature? Oh, no, not tickets. We pay, we rented our tubes. Ah, okay. But then they load you on a school bus. They drive you two miles upstream. They drop you off.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And back at your car like three hours later. That's cool. Cool. I had a daydream once in my car when I was living in L.A. I went over the L.A. River. And I was like, man, if somebody could turn that into a fucking tubing park, the whole L.A. River, God, that would be fun. Every once in a while, some jerk will get me excited on Instagram posting.

Like, the Silver Lake Reservoir might be turned into this. And then they make it like a beautiful, like, swimming, diving facility. And you're like, this is a cool thing. Oh, it's just an idea of somebody. That's the tough thing with AI is because you could see like finished products and be like, this would be great if we had a billion dollars to spend. Yeah. AI, man.

Well, I don't know what I'm going to do different with this drink. I think I might. I think it was just too OJ. Just OJ? I think it was like, it's juicy in general. And I'm going to blame the OJ. So I think I'm going to go back to, I'm going to do equal. school, ekey peas, for real this time. Okay. Okay, so.

For fucking real this time. I'm going to do a vodka crann with a splash of OJ. Oh, even less OJ. Oh, ooh. Well, he was just going down the, you know, Utah River. He's used to splashes. Yeah. I'm accustomed. What river was that? I wanted to. Provo. Provo. Provo is the funniest name of a town. It sounds like it should be an acronym for something but provost. That's just the name.

I'm going to do more OJ just to sort of fly in the face of whatever you guys are up to. Shit. Well, Mike's cutting back on his cram and doing equal parts, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. I'm keeping the OJ the same. Well, I'm going to do basically a flip of what you're doing, Tim. I'm going to do a screwdriver with a splash of cram.

Smart. Smart. Real quick, since you were just in Utah, Tim, when, say, because your parents owned a pizza place, if you wanted to open a pizza place in that town we were just talking about. But you need, you know, you had all the money, but you needed money just to get the cheese. It was the cheese you needed to go to the bank to get. Now, I'm wondering in that specific town, it's a pizza place if you would end up getting a provol loan. But I don't really know. Let's let's jump to the break here.

Maybe when we come back from the break. Can we think about that while we make our drinks? When we come back from the break. I don't want to go off. I don't want to have cocked on that one. Okay, great. And we're back. Madras round two at hand.

Ooh, yeah. Yeah, I did mine with the OJ splash of cram. Four ounce OJ, one of cran, two ounce. Whoa. Wow. You made a whole different drink over there. I mean, it's pointless. It's fine.

It's, it's, it's, I just wanted to be different. It's not good. No, that's, I think that's important, Jeff, to try stuff like that out. I think it's cool. If Mike did equal parts, you did OJ with a splash of crayon. I did cran of the splash of OJ. I think we got the field covered here, you know? And Tim,

I bet yours is fucking delicious because I've been enjoying having crayon at the house. I can feel the last of my weeks long UTI being vanquished with every single. Yeah, I've had one for like four or five years and it's finally going to roll back this a little bit. Yes, this is better. I think that what's nice about this is it's a little bit like. like thinner because it's it's it's or crin like the Stephen King film. Starring by the way.

I only know that though, I think I don't think I only know that from like what the trailer for like South Park to do it like thinner or something like that. And then I remember on the box art and then the poster the title thinner starts with thick text and the text gets thinner as it goes. T-H-I thick. And again, the Texcus thinner. It's like fat blobby letters. That film featured my, my childhood crush.

Love interest. Carrie Wur. The babe in that was, I brought her up on the pod before. I had an obscure celebrity crush. And she was in the film. Carrier. Worre. Carrie, Weber.

So Tim, who's this? girl, you like, Kerry, Oh, he doesn't have any crushes. Let's move on to somebody else. It's weird. I don't know if there's a word for crush that's more sexual in nature,

but I think I brought up on the pod once because I was standing in front of UCB and she walked past. Oh. And it kind of blew my mind. And it's like when you, same feeling is when we went in Dallas to Dili Plaza and saw where JFK got killed.

When you're like, I really live on the world that was promised to me. You know, like the earth that I was told about, this is that earth. So when, when Carrie were walked past, I was like, God damn. This is the place, man. You don't, you wouldn't call her a crush though. You'd call her like a fixation. I would call her an obsession.

Not that it was obsession, but it was, it was a lustful distraction. It was lustful. It was, well, I was masturbatory. That's what I'm getting at. Well, Jeff. Are you happy Jeff? You had to dig. You had to dig, Jeff.

What did you think he was doing? I hope you're happy. She's sort of crown jewel of the spank bank, really. She knows. She's like sitting on a throne and she's the queen. And like, you know,

down below is like Alyssa Milano and my other crushes looking up, Natalie Portman. You're going through like, hmm, who will I spank to today? Somebody else is like, how about Carrie Worry? Like, no, you don't spank to

carry words. You don't. You don't merely spank to carry word. This isn't, you don't just do that on a whim, okay? That's you set the whole scene. I put candles out. I think that's a, that's a, it's a Chris Rock joke where he's like talking about,

like, jerk it off when nobody's like, you have a good jerk when no one's in the house. He's like, I said, candles. He left for work early. Hey, wait, we should talk about the birthday boy sketch. Do we talk about this? a dude gets hit on the head with a coconut and it clears out his spank bank.

Yeah. So his friends reenact all the sexy scenarios of his youth to join refit to refill his spank bank. We never made that, right? That is never. No, no, we had talked about it for Horny Beach and we didn't do it in our web series, Horny Beach. Then I pitched it in the birthday boys' writers room and Bob liked it. Bob was like, I like that coconut thing.

And then we It just sort of I wrote up a draft For it that was sort of a shoe leathery draft It just wasn't super funny But but you know So such as life We can break into IFC and get those pages back

Um Mike your drink You're round two Your equal parts drink And it'll lead can I Can it lead me into my final thoughts Because it's It's time

It goes there What I'm gonna say now Jeff Is is big. I equal parts I think is better maybe. Yeah, I think equal parts

is better just because you can taste that that orange a little more. Before when I had this, I was just kind of like, it was kind of nothing. You know what I mean? What am I doing here? Yeah, what am I doing here?

And these guys, I got to say, I would give this if we hadn't already done the vodka cran and then the woo-woo I would give this like oh an order again but it's not an order again for me because of those other ones

those because you have you have the context you have the that's good that's good podcasting Mike thank you thank you I hope the awards committee here is this one there's something special about cran and vodka

yeah and it's a timeless thing and I think it's gotten a bad rap. We've talked about it a lot lately. And Olivia Rodrigo, I think, is doing the nation a solid by kind of using her platform to shine a light back on the vodka crane. Very admirable, yeah. My buddy Keith did say he hit me up and said vodka crann, yeah, like my then-girlfriend, now wife, drank those in college and she would get into altercations.

All right. Altercations in the bathroom line. that's a reputation. Because we, yes, we did realize that it is masked, that the vodka is completely masked. It's too good of a mask. It's one of those masks from the Mission Impossible movies where Ethan Hunt looks completely like a different guy. And then, wow, it's him. And it's like a mask in those movies where you can do anything you want, apparently, because everyone's wearing a mask.

I don't know if that's a great idea. I don't know if that's great screenwriting. Tim, what do you think? I think it's very good screenwriting. Whoa. Okay, so my final thoughts, this is not the best execution of these things. It's a juicy, strong drink.

If you're throwing stuff together, you could be worse off than having cranberry and orange juice and vodka. But I would say start with literally any of the other, a bay breeze, a sea breeze, a vodka cram. Cape Cotter or what was the last one we did? Didn't we? Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo.

Tini wee woo woo. Because that had the peach tree which makes it a whole thing. It did work. And then also my intrepid invention where it's just all sorts of schnapps. That schnapps ounce can be a catch-all of all the weird shit you have. Yeah.

That worked out really well for me too. Tim, your final thoughts, please. The Carmen Miranda ounce. All the fruits you got. I'm going to call it an O-A. No, no. I'm going to call it an appointment only. A-O.

A-O. Oh, Scott. It's an A-O-Skot. Really making it easy for the new listeners. This is a real movie review drink, as they say. Go ahead, Tim. Yeah, movie review. Go ahead.

I like thinking about all the new listeners. Like, I love to. hearing about Tim cranking off to carry word, but now I've got to hear the O-A and A-O. All right. A bastile drink? No, it's appointment only because I'll say of, we did, I think we've done both the C-Breeze

and the Bay Breeze. I know we've done the sex on the beach. We've done the woo-woo, the fuzzy navel, the Cape Cotter. Of all the those, I would say this is my least favorite, but there's There's two, it's an appointment only in that there's two reasons for, two occasions for the appointment, which is, you can have two appointments in life like Mrs. Doubtfire and have to like satisfy them both. Yeah, if that's the life you want to live, go ahead. You can do it.

Let's say you're Mrs. Delfire and you're at the restaurant bridges and you're having that situation. One of the dates, I think should be a brunch date because I think this is a great brunch drink. and I always struggle. I'm not a mimosa man. I love Bloody Marys, but sometimes that's not what the doctor ordered. Not a mimosa man, a Bloody Mary boy.

I think that this is on the juicy side and on the unadventure side. I do think it's weird that Cran plus OJ makes grapefruit because even with this ratio, it tastes even more like that. But I could see myself, I wouldn't be confidently just say, hey, can I have a madras?

I would say, can I have a screwdriver with a splash of crayon or vodka OJ with a splash of crann. But I do think this is a good morning drink. And then my other appointment when Robin Williams runs the other side of bridges is just the only thing in your fridge is OJ. You know, like you got Kran and OJ's just easy things to have. So, you know what? You brought up the screwdriver, Tim, which is just orange juice and vodka, right?

There's nothing else. Right. No. I, when I think back to like times I've had those, It's only been when I've been like, oh, what do I have here? And I don't like, I don't really like him. So I don't think I like orange juice in drinks. I feel like I've maybe only even had one on a plane because I was just like, what's the easiest of things?

Yeah. But what this is missing, like, I don't know, orange juice. Not great in the drink. Flabby. I guess if we did the, the greyhound, we'd find this as well. But like, this is not tropical, right? And I think that the sex. It's Floridian.

It's Floridian in nature. but like I feel like the other 70s party drinks are like feel more fun because they're like trooperable whereas like as a disco drink this is bad I'm not a studio 54 drinking this yeah this doesn't you're right flabby I forgot about that word flabby Jeff

you're right Flabby is not for the disco floor Mike you've been going to the gym too much you forgot the word even yeah but if you look at the logo for the film thinner the first few letters are pretty flabby. Jeff, here's what you got to do. That's the first thing that got thin and my brain,

that part of my brain got so thin from working out that it, that memory of saying flabby for the drinks is scone. Week one is mainly brain gains and then the rest is spreads. Yeah, yeah. I've done a lot of brain losses. I think acid adjusted OJ and then what about some tart cranberry juice that's not cocktail?

Oh, yeah. And then you make a stiff little stiffy, like a little too. Yeah, see, that's what, if you went to like a cocktail bar and got this, they do it that way. You'd be like, this drinks great. Oh, A, oh, A. But now, no. No.

No. That's our show. Follow us on social media at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time. Uh-oh. And if you can't get enough boys, Patreon.com slash the sloppy boys. That's where we really got it going on. Got it going on. Got it going on.

And hey, we got a lot of sports. Fun stuff you're happening at the LLC. Good shit happening at the store. Great shit happening live coming out to the palladium if you're lucky enough to be in sunny Southern California. And here's the other thing. Oh, I wanted to thank Adam from Way of the Headband for sending over some righteous vices coffee. Ooh, we love Way of the Headband. We got some grounds, some grinds, some grounds, and then also the new cold brew.

I got it in my fridge. And it's got me thinking about some of those. We were talking about a coffee cocktail last week, weren't we? It was like a cold group. Carahillo. Carahillo. Yeah, I think that would be fun. Also, I bring this up a lot.

Nobody pays attention to me. The tequila version of the... Fucking espresso martini. The espresso martini with tequila, because just pair the stimulants together. Just pair... Yeah, very nice. Keep the uppers.

Going up. We're going up. You should call it a golden. That was a good song. That is a good song, that golden song. Tequila and espresso should be called a golden because it's up, up, up. Ooh. Looks like we got the first dibs on that one, ladies.

Sorry. Oh, no, we're rich again. Oh, no. We got Netflix money coming in that one. Palladium money coming in. We're going to have to clear out our bank. to make room for it. The plaladium money's going to intersect with the Netflix money or whatever we just said.

We're screaming at our accountant. Keep them separate. You gotta keep them separated. Do an offspring situation. I'm trying to. What the fuck do you think I'm trying to do an offspring situation. He's red in the face sweating. I got checks coming in from Bladium and Jake goes, of course I'm doing an offspring situation.

I'm tying up the line. It's a financial term. All right, we love you, folks. See you next week. And hey, hey, come out and see, coming out and see me sometime. May West. Ooh, yeah, get your, do yourselves a favor, folks. Get your New Year's Eve run tickets figured out now.

Tickets will be cheaper for flights, hotels, get that all figured out. And guess what? Don't sit there and say, oh, I think I'm just going to wait and see what happens on New Year's Eve. You know what you do? Nothing ever happens. It fucking sucks. Here's what you do. Folks, you have a hot date this weekend?

Tell that hot Saturday night date. Hey, what are your plans for New Year's Eve? Really? That sets the hook. Now, they're in. You got five or six months. To do whatever you want. They're yours.

I'll do you one better. Have that be your opening line on the apps when you match. Hey, what are you doing New Year's Eve? New Year's Eve. But, and if they say nothing, be like, you really have to explain what we are because we don't want people coming to the show. We're like, what is this?

This sucks. Why do I agree to this? I agreed to this five months ago. We're on stage. We're trying to have a good show. And people are like, oh, you're a podcast? What are you? The podcast.

Between each one. You're a podcast. Like, where's Nick Weiger? That's not, don't boys. Wiger the Tiger. Bye, folks. We love you. Bye.

He's out.