The Sloppy Boys - 313. Cutwater

Episode Date: October 16, 2026

The guys sample a fleet of ready-to-drink canned cocktails!WANT MORE SLOP? Check out:PatreonSHOP the webstore at:The Sloppy Boys WebsiteLISTEN to The Sloppy Boys hit songs on:Apple MusicSpotifyYoutubeTOUR DATES, SOCIALS and more at:LinktreeT H E   S L O P P Y   B O Y S   L L CExpand Ascend Conquer Retain Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the sloppy boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. Coming at you from JD's Place. J. J. J.D.'s place. Ooh, I'm feeling it here in J.D.'s place. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Michael Hanford. Ooh, feeling it. Tim Galpacus.

What he is up? We're your host live at J.D.'s place. J.D.'s place, the place to be. You don't want to pod with the three. I'm into it this time. I feel like I've pushed back on J.D.'s place in the past, but I feel like the vibe is cool. You gotta win him over at JD's JD's place. People don't like us right away.

It's like the drawing room. Come down and get one over at JD's place. Tim and I stopped at the drawing room. The night I popped into town here, folks. We are at JD's Place. We're all live together. LA stylies. LA stylies. And we went to the drawing room and, boy, they pour off big Furnette for you.

You get a Furnet and Coke. And I mean, it was the class. use of that wonderful dive bar, which was Vandelle's too busy, Little Dom's too busy. Well, okay, fine. We'll just have $10 goblets of Frenet. Hey, Vandals, too busy? Also a little fru-frou. I need to get to Vand-Dose. Can we say that, fru-fru-frew? I could probably pull it off. I don't think coming from you, it feels toxic. No. I don't know. That might be one on the line. You know, woo-woo, fru-fru-s-s-s-she.

Wait, but it wasn't Frou-Fru-Fu-a band that had a song on the Garden State soundtrack? Yes, let go. So. Hmm. So. This song's going to change your life. Do you need a pillow mic? No.

What do you mean? We like to make sure you're comfortable here at Jee's voice. I feel kind of good. I feel like I'm sort of really listening to you, lean in here and so what are you up to? Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, how are you guys living? Living large. I got, Mike is my house guest, so that's fun.

Oh, boy. Um, he's seen me. He's seen every inch of me. I keep forgetting I got a guy. I'm at somebody's house, so I'm walking around nude, walking from the fridge to the bathroom. Oh, wow. I know. I've seen it. But you know, from my point of view, it's always that Austin Powers thing where like a teapot is blocking your dick or something.

I've never caught a... I've been trying to catch a glimpse. A mosquito flies by. Because I'm a little teapot. Short and not so stout. Well, it was weird. You were walking by, so then there were... I was eating some candy and then I spilled it.

And then two jelly bellies and a good and plenty covered up your balls and dick. But here's the thing. the good and plenty was one of the balls. Whoa, Michael. Oh shit. Jelly belly. Jelly belly. One long ball, one short ball, short little guy.

It's like everything just kind of got twisting. Click to one side. God got a little confused. They broke the mold. One of one. Other than that, I feel like it's grumpy season in L.A. where it's, oh, yeah, there's pumpkins around. And everyone's talking about Halloween, but it's 98 degrees.

It's fucking hot season. about Nick Lachey's band. Oh, folks. Though we do have tickets. It's funny. I was driving around today doing stuff and I was like, I can't talk about the heat wave on the podcast. Nobody lives, people who live here don't care.

Who don't live here. Well, that's why I'm saying some specific, which is not, I'm whining about the current heat, but it's an annual grumpy season in L.A. And just so the context, they know, it's grumpy season. You can go out for maybe 40 minutes before you get thrust back inside by the oppressive sun. We noticed something. Tim and I went out to his car to get over here and the battery was drained. We think. We think the battery. Your car battery was drained. So it wouldn't start. So we had to get an Uber. But when you go outside, it's like, you feel like, ooh, I'm going to get into an AC. I feel good. And once it's like, oh, we're not getting in the car. You're like, oh, it's so much hotter all the sun already. All right. It's if you psychologically, if you don't know there's AC in your future, you start to panic. It's bad. Like right now, I know there's plenty of AC in my future. It's a right future.

It's a windy future, hopefully. I had friends in town and we went downtown just to be like, yeah, yeah, we go downtown. We'll check out the Capcom store. Hanford, you know Capcom. Of course, Capcom versus Marvel. Yes. Tim, you know Capcom? No.

Okay. They sort of are the company. Let me handle this one, Jeff. They're sort of the video game company that came up with the Street Fighter guy. I do know Capcom, but when you said versus marble, it made me think Marble. The Marvel man. I don't even need to finish that. Some of the Marble Men is Marble.

You know what I was that one. So we go downtown to check it out, and it's like the morning, because I don't want to be too hot. We get food at Grand Central Market. Smart. That's a cool place. By the time we're eating our egg slut, it is 100 degrees. And normally, any other situation, I would like walk to where we were going to go downtown. And I said, no, no, no, we're going to go get the car, repark it at the new destination.

I don't have like 20 minutes of battery in me. to walk to the next destination. I need all that energy. So we're going to take the five minutes of AC and we're going to repay to park and we're going to go check out the new spot. But even that, I was just like, I'm fucking dogging out here.

That was tough. Very tough. Downtown L.A., let me ask you about that because years ago it wasn't anything happening. Then they were trying to make it a little bit. Is it bustling and is a fun place to be? Cool, cool bars, cool spots? I still think...

Cool people, cool vibes. I still think it lacks culture. You know, you go down there for like a thing you want to do, maybe a Howland Reyes or a Kazunori or something like that. But it's just the one stop kind of. It's better. Like the ones that he like a Howlin Raises Chinatown and there's a cluster. Arts District. There's some breweries and there's a cluster.

So the stops have become clusters. But it's not like you still go to these places like, look at me. I'm going to the arts district. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I'm being a good Angelino. I'm going downtown. It doesn't naturally present itself unless you're like, me and you're going to raves every night.

Sure. I got to go to the afters, Matt. Sure. But it's funny there are so many L.A's. Like, there are banker dudes who move here when they're 21 and they go live at the U.S. Bank Building or wherever. They work at the bank building. They don't live there.

But like, I don't know. There was like a prominent UCB New Yorker who, when they moved to L.A., we're like, yeah, moving to L.A., I got a great spot downtown. And people were like, huh? We don't go downtown. We're not going to say his name, but we will say his rap name as childish Gambino. It rhymes with mildish Bambino. We told you what his rap name rhymes with.

The rest is on you. You can't get any more on us. He'd appreciate it because it rhymes to him. Yeah, rappers love rhymes. But just because I don't know anybody down there, and I think everybody that goes to live down there is a little weird, doesn't mean that there isn't a whole other L.A. With all those other stories down there for people who aren't like me. Jeff, you're sort of a filmmaker.

Maybe you kind of take some of those stories and put them together to a narrative. And it's like, what happens downtown? Jeff's version. Multiple stories fused into a narrative. Yes, yes. No way, man. And the sun's beating down. And it's like, oh, it's so tense.

Can Mega Man be in it? Yes, he can. He'll be down the Capcom spot. Every time I see a bunch of stories fused together than when I just want to defuse them, get them back where they were, you know? Like, this thing's a mess. I'm picking apart Christmas lights here. This is a fucking job. I want eight different movies that are 10 minutes long each and that's that.

Leave the theater. Pay again. Come back again. Tell one story. Finish it. On to the next. You know what there's like these alternate cuts of movies like Tofer Grace's Star Wars Episode 1 or whatever or prequels?

What if I... Yeah, or whatever. What if I took like Magnolia, separated them all out and released them as short films? You're welcome. Edited by Tim. Eight short films. They don't intersect.

They just happen to take place in the valley. And they're not going. It's funny. I never really think of Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction is a, what's the word? In con. Non.

What's the word are out of order? Non-congruous. Non-linear. Non-sequential. Non-linear. Perfect. That's the word of moly. Inconsequential.

It's an inconsequential movie. That's like a, you know, a hallmark of a non-linear movie. But when you watch, you don't really feel that way. But then I saw a poster that was a map of all the different kind of like time cuts and stuff. I'd like to see Tim, you smooth that one out too.

It's funny to bring this up because I actually am in the process of, I wrote a first draft of a pilot that was just old-fashioned writing. And then for the first time ever on my rewrite, I'm making it out a sequence. I see why people do it because, ooh, you feel like, God. You're like, no, you don't get to see that yet. As you guys know, from blabbing on the podcast. You don't know this character owns a cat. It's all pet reveals.

But like, that's actually funny because there is a thing about you don't know that someone is talking to a dog and then the reveals they're talking to a dog. Is that in yours? Yeah, in mine. Wow. Do you get that idea from obsession, which we talked about last week on the blowout? It doesn't talk to. It was a cat. He doesn't talk to a dog.

I don't listen to the blowout. No, the dog's name is lady. So early on you hear. hear somebody scream lady and you're like, what the fuck? And then you find out she's just calling for her dog. That's great. Because not only is lady a dog's name, lady is a famous dog's name. Yes, the tramp's girlfriend.

Traump's girlfriend. Lady is also a very famous type of human. Tramp's sidepiece. I was looking to myself. I'm thinking, does Jeff think Lassie is called lady? But I forgot about lady. But you know, not on this show, which is sort of like shoveling shit to the pigs, but over at patreon.com slash the sloppy boys on the blowout, we'll get in the weeds on film stuff. And that's more of a prestige thing, right?

Yes. Okay, yeah. I have whined to you guys about, I don't like when you're watching a movie and there's reveals that are not motivated by the protagonist finding something out. Yeah. Because if you just show me something, you didn't show me before, I'm like, well, why did you show it? Like, thank the editor for showing it to me. Yeah, right.

And I have, like, lived my whole life hating that. And now I'm doing it. I'm like, he's going to be. And my thing was like, oh, it's calling attention to the filmmaker. I'm like, well, yeah, now I'm the filmmaker. Well, yeah, let's get a little light on the T-man. And when I'm typing, I put a big spotlight on me. Have a look.

Ooh, we. Well, do you guys feel caught up with your boys? I think so. Yeah, me too. I feel pretty good. I don't want to go too much further yet. I'll save it for the blowout. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Save the good stuff.

It's good stuff. Folks, it's time for booze news. Bip, bit, bit, bit, booze news. Hit it. Yo, let me tell you about this dude named Bond. Yeah. 007, he's living in heaven. The name's Bon James gone, hi.

His girlfriend wants to squish him with a leg. Shake a knots too, a little fucking dude. You better watch it. Bon's going to get you. You better watch it. Bonn's going to get you. They should have me do the music for that way. Yup.

Yeah. Yeah. Sloppy James Bond was sent to us by Count Dropula, and if you have a booze news theme, email it to the Slopi Boys podcast at gmail.com. Oh, the Count. The count used the N-S, the N-E, what is it? N-64. Which you said was better.

It is better. The video game music is better than the Golden Knife film score. By far. But the Golden-Nive film score doesn't go ding-da-ling-ding, ding, ding, ding. It does, but it also does like weird soft-core porn synth. It's funny because this was like a, what do you call those little chimes, xylophone. Yeah, like MIDI, yeah. But it's fun to see that bond theme.

We all know elements of the bond. theme, right? Yeah. Weirdly, you have a surf guitar in there. He surfed, didn't he? I don't know. I don't know if Bond surfs. Did you guys?

No, he doesn't. He doesn't. He drinks martinis, man. You know the oldies song, uh, secret agent man? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I grew up. I played that at a talent show, Tim.

Go on. On what instrument? Saxophone. Oh. You're like vocal only. I don't remember there being a saxophone in that song. Not so cool, Jeff. Did you guys always know that that's just a song?

When I was a kid, I assumed it was a theme song for something. I thought it was a TV theme. How dorky is that? James Bond was a popular thing in pop culture, so then somebody else just wrote a song. He was like a rock song on the radio, Secret. Was it also Ray in the Mysterios or is that like too crazy to be like Mysterios singing about a secret Asian guy? That would fuck my brain. That would fuck me.

Have you heard that song? It's another oldie song that's like talking about the Red Baron fighting Snoopy. 10, 23rd, 40, 50. That, I mean, I know the Red Baron was a, like, historical figure in, like, World War I maybe. But why were they singing? Snoopy. Wait, is Snoopy a historical figure? We didn't know them?

Snoopy sometimes envisions himself a fighter pilot sitting on top of his doghouse. But, but for an art, for a band to be like, okay, we're going to sing about the Red Baron, and we're putting Snoopy involved, you know, from that movie. I agree, it's weird. It's weird. Well, Paul McCartney wrote about Magneto and Titanium, man. That's a good one.

Well, anyway, there's all these sort of tropes from James Bond's songs. It's probably just a key signature or something like that. But that like, don't da-da-da-down-down-down-down-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You've heard that a million different ways. You've heard a million different ways. It's probably coming off of one theme that one guy did whose name I don't remember. But you get it all Not Henry Mancini, is it?

I think it was James Bond. His own theme. He wrote a character to do the musical He was figured out. Bond featuring Albert Broccoli. But it's fun when you hear the non-score songs, you got your Paul McCartney one,

you got your Tina Turner one, you got your Billy Elish one. You got Jack Black one. They always do a little interpolation. Yeah, there's always little suggestions. Was Jack Blacks with Alicia Keys maybe? Yes. What about Jack White's?

That's that's what was. Jack White would be better, maybe better suited for it. Yeah, I'd love to hear a Jack Black Bond theme. Me too. Ski-dip-dib-dib-dab-dab-Bah-Boh. Okay, Tim, hit us with the booze news. Okay, so Mike's in L.A. We're at J.D.'s place.

It's a West Coast edition of the show. So I wanted to do some L.A. Boos News. That's good. Love that. Here's a follow-up story. Do you remember there was an. incident at Dodger Stadium last year and a lawsuit filed at the beginning of this year involving a buzz ball.

Fell on somebody's head from the upper deck. An errant buzzball. Yes. A buzzball dropped from the upper decks, hit a lady in the shoulder. She had to cancel her. Cancel her Disney trip. That's right. I thought it hit her in the head and it cleaned out her spank bank.

That happened to a lot of other people, but this was. That were also in the news. This lady's spanking bank is overflowing still. It's all thoughts of her husband. Well, she hurt her shoulder and then there was a lawsuit, blah, blah, blah. And then we were at the time of Boo's news, we were like, what will become a buzzballs at Dodger Stadium? So I'm going to break. No one has put their finger on this before, but I figured it out.

I'm like an investigative reporter. I saw on Instagram, Dodger Stadium at the concessions, multiple spots serving buzzballs cocktails as in, hey, here's an orange buzzball poured into a globe. with ice and then here's some sprite and then here's some like whipped cream or whatever weird toppings went. Or there's frozen buzzballs cocktails where there's like frozen buzzball they're pouring into

they've made their own globes. Right. Their own version of a Dodger buzzball is bigger. The problem was the container. Yeah, wait a minute. Are our buzzball is plastic anyway? Or are they glass? I think that a closed buzz ball is heavy and hard and small and that's what did the

damage to the third. Interesting. So now we have like Dodger Stadium has, they didn't put out a press release. They quietly stopped selling buzzballs. And then they probably have a deal with the buzzball people. So they've pivoted to their own weird receptacles. Don't you think it would have been, you don't hear that on the normal news.

You do get that here on the sloppy boys podcast. You get that here. Don't you think it would be easier just to like put up extra railing around the, like rather than like do this whole thing that's going to take forever? I think there should be a thing is like if you're planning on going to Disneyland with your family, they should have shoulder pads they give out. And that way... Or stay away from Elysian Park altogether.

And there's going to be baseballs fly around. You fill out a form showing you have tickets. Because otherwise people are going to go and say like, yeah, I'm going to Disneyland because I want to wear the shoulder pads. This is not that. You fill out the form free hand. You don't actually have to show the tickets, but you have to promise.

Yeah, yeah. I love that crazy mouse. Currently at Dodger Stadium, and again, I'm breaking this news here. There is no official buzzball container in the stadium. The ones they're making these cocktails and now are these very light plastic like big globes. Okay. And if they were to fall on someone,

they would get caught by the wind. They're like, caught by the wind. It'll all spill out. It's like a plastic like a soccer ball or a canelope. Let's call it an upside down astronaut helmet. Okay. That's huge. But there is a geeky world on Reddit and stuff

of people geeking out on concessions and really, after the lawsuit, it was like, oh no, no, does that mean no more buzzballs? And it kind of does mean no more buzzballs. Because I don't want a bunch of sprite poured into my buzzball. Or whipped cream, like you said. Or whipped cream.

I want a nice strong buzzball. But here's the thing, even if it is the same weight or density of the globe. Yeah. If it's open top and it drops and all the liquid is flopping out of it, you get hit with an empty one. Nuisance. I just said.

Not a big deal. Big open top. It's going to, it's going to slosh all over the rest. I was saying it too. I'm saying it again. Yeah. He's helping rephrasing it. When you were saying it, I was lost.

Plus, I was like just, I was like, you know, what could happen. Let's see, this one, this one, it's, it's lighter, but wet. I'd rather get hit by the heavier and stay dry. Really? Stay dry. I like that. Depends. Depends what I was doing after the game.

This is a mess. This is a buzzball mess. Is that it for booze news? Wrap it up. Oh, now that booze news is out of the way, finally. Oh, God. Oh, I got some quick booze news. Folks, check out Mike Hanford live in Toronto on my brand new comedy special on YouTube.

Now, that's good. That's good. Yeah, and while we're at it, Sloppy Boys are going to be in Boston, Brooklyn, Philly on December 29th, 30th, 31st at Rockwell Littlefield Milk Boy. Ooh, memory man. Let me tell you this, too. Tickets are going for those. those those I mean milk boy is get those tickets folks if you want to go for those those those milk boy in particular is going to be gone gone gone that that's already selling very well

uh hey we sold it out when it wasn't a year end smash spectacular I know so random ass night yeah random ass night we sold that thing out yeah that was fun that's a good place I they're all good places I can't wait milk boy that's the udders milk boy milk boy little veal they do that welcome to milk boy can I take your order a milk boy um milk boy one of these places it feels like there's a we don't know we're just we're just rock stars rolling through town yeah we got to ramble no idea um milk boy i i follow their instagram now it feels like it's like

the bartenders are making ticot videos the trends and it feels like there's there there's some pride at the place and oh yeah like it's a good place to spend a holiday proud yes yes proud proud you're like oh i want to go out but i want to make sure i get my instagrams taken and people put they'll be doing that at milkboy Let the pros handle it, folks. Just come out and celebrate, okay? Celebrate the pros. Okay.

All right, is that it for Voo's News? Wrap it up. Let's wrap it up one more time. Ooh. Thanks, Kurt. Filling in for Meeland. All right. Now it's time for the main event.

Folks, here at J.D.'s place, it's the drink of the week. This is sort of what everyone tunes in for. You know, you skip the beginning of Marin, or you used to? A lot of people... It's sad these days we can't skip the beginning of merit anymore. I miss skipping the beginning of merit. This is sort of what everybody tunes in for, folks. This is when you get to crack open the drink of the week.

If you're lucky enough to find one or make one yourself. Ooh. Cut water, ready to drink canned cocktail you've had? Well, I had it recently. You haven't had? Never had. This is all brand new to me. I've never intentionally bought and thought,

but I know that they've made them way through. my body. They make their way into your hand. When did you have recently? I had the teaky rum hurricane. That's one of the ones we're going to get into, touch. At the damn pool this weekend. Oh,

nice. And I needed it because of the heat. Now, did you purchase or somebody else purchased? Girlfriend purchased. Yeah, how did they get your hot little hand? Showed up in a cooler.

Okay. Now, and you drank straight from can not poured on ice. Went a little something like this. That's the sound of it pouring it. So good. What was the end there? They gave him gas.

Gas. But water. Um, well... Water? But water. They've been rebranding and I don't like that. That's fucking weird. It's stupid.

You drink it at the end, it farts. I think that can't be helping them. The hell? Okay, well, let me ask you guys this. You're familiar with blast point brewing beer, correct? Yes. What? Ballast?

Ballast? You're familiar with Ballast point. Oh, yeah. This might be a sailing term. Yes, ballast. It is. Ballast. Ballast.

It's my ball. It's a microbrewery. Okay. Okay. So that was invented in the 90s in San Diego. And the guys that started that, hey, we're craft beer guys. Oh, you know, everything, all that type of thing. They're making all this beer.

It gets really popular. They, in the 20 teens, sell their little microbrewery to. I watched 100 channels in the 20 teens. Big Screen TVs, lifelong vacation, the Slobie Boys. Track number? Five? Seven? Six, seven.

Hey, nice. All right, sorry, Tim. I just throw one of your own songs back at you. You never do that to a lyricist. That microbreu ballast point, it sold in the 20 teens to like a big constellation beverages or whatever for a billion dollars. That's crazy. A billion dollars. A billion dollars for a, how long were they accompanied that point?

A beer that I can't even pronounce right? I'm putting the emphasis on the second syllable. Constellation Brands is going to put their money on something you can't even pronounce. They invested a lot of money into also like syllable emphasis training for the ballast. Now wait, so how long was blast a thing before Cutwater bought it? 20 years.

Wow. Okay. Before Constellation. A constellation. Well, they put in the time. But that's, that's a lot. They put in the time. But it's some surfer bros like at the beach. Like, hey, we found a hop. Let's combine it with a barley. Ballast it. Now, in the meantime, when those guys,

guys, they were selling it off. They were like, this is fine because we already have our next thing in mind. We want to distill our own spirits and make canned cocktails. So when that sale happens, they take some of the billion, they invested into cut water canned cocktails. The billion, I'm still shook. I'm shooketh. I'm shooketh and seated. I am sat. Do you know who invented that term? What? Shooketh? Iowa Debrie. Oh, really? Seated? She tweeted that.

She tweeted, I am shooketh and seated? Not Shook. Jeff started that. Well, not Shook, but Shooketh. Okay, well, so here's the thing. Here's the original flavors, and they're making their spirits in-house. They're distilling, okay? Lime Margarita, Vodka, Mule, Rum, Mojito, Whiskey Lemonade, Tiki Rum, Maitai.

Oh, that's what I had. Tiki Rumi Mait. I thought there was a hurricane. Well, that was the classic core lineup, the originals. Yep. Now, they start with their, the image of this company is like, real ingredients, craft, all that type of thing. Because they used to, oh, shit, or maybe this is a later collab thing, they would put the brand of like using this kind of tequila or this kind of. Oh, like a brand of tequila.

It's going to be on, like, would be like part of the Cutwater collab. Well, like Cutwater, they own, they also make three sheets tequila. and rum and stuff like that. Oh, okay. So I don't know. Because I also saw, remember when we did the Incredible Hulk was a parody of like, Cutwater is selling Incredible Hulk's with Hennessy. Oh, that's what.

And that's where all the comments were like, crime rate about to go up. The Incredible Hulk. I like that Hulk. Was it called Incredible Hulk or Purple Hulk? Incredible Hulk. Purple, but Perper is what I said when I was a baby. Yeah. Sure.

Okay. So. Sure. They're saying, A, it's real. It's craft and everything. And then they're kind of having this image of like. like nautical outdoorsy is the vibe, but really what cutwater becomes known for as being strong

because this is not a malt beverage. This does have actual liquor in there. So we're talking 12% ABB in a can. So that's like we're talking like two and a half beers worth of booze. Are these going to be regular like soda size cans or the small type of cans? There are both. There are both. And there's also tall skinnies.

I have soda size and then a couple of the skinnies. Folks, I was talking out my ass about the real brand collabs. Cutwater does all their own licking. Well, thank you for correcting yourself and being held accountable. We're doing this on the pod today because we have done buzz balls. We recently did beatbox. Yeah. And we're completing the BBC.

Well, then we did Franzy, another boxy thing. And we did Francia who makes fuel. But remember I talked about there was a TikTok trend where people are drinking, mixing a buzz ball of beatbox and a cut water and getting all fucked up. BBC. Call it a BBC after the British broadcasting. Yeah. So these do have a get you all fucked up type of reputation.

Now, then they had another big sell of these guys in 2019 sold Cutwater to Anheiser Bush InBev and for an undisclosed amount. Oh, man. I bet it was less than a billion. I think it was 999-99. That's nuts. That's South Park money right there. We were watching a little video about this last about Cutwater, Tim and I.

And the amount of stuff. stuff they have is nuts. It was endless. It was like you could do these cut water drinks and then like these mixes. Sorry, you probably get into that. Well, just, I couldn't find all these. But the slate right now is lime margarita, mango margarita, spicy mango margarita, pineapple margarita, peach margarita, strawberry margarita, tequila, paloma,

Long Island iced tea, vodka mule, espresso martini, lemon drop martini, white Russian, chocolate espresso martini, banana mudslide, pumpkin spice white Russian, spicy, Bloody Mary. Vodka transfusion, Long Island iced tea. Tiki rum, Mai Tai, Pena Colada, Tiki Rum, Hurricane. Okay. Gin Collins.

Wow. It seems like the things that get big, are either like, we do one thing, like we're a smash burger who does one smash burger, one fry. Yes.

Or this one's like, we do everything you want. You could, we'll, it's a one stop shop, cut water. I prefer the first. I like the confidence.

Do one thing, do it well. Bring some value to the world. I do feel like it with a big, like, list like that. I heard a few of them, but there's just like too much to, it's like when you go to a diner and you're looking through like so many pages of food. You're like, I can't, I can't do that.

I saw an interview one time with a famous brisket guy, Franklin from Franklin's barbecue. Oh. He is a famous brisket guy. He is in Austin, Texas. But he makes brisket, but then they also have like all these sausages and ribs and all this shit. Sausages and ribs and all this shit. But I saw this interview with him and the person was like, Franklin, if you could just do brisket, would you? And he was like, I don't want to answer that.

Because obviously the answer is yes, but you can't tell your customers. We love all our products. I'm begrudgingly making sausage. Shareholders are actually forcing me to expand. I would love to just make brisket. So I bought a selection that was available at Albertson's supermarket. I don't remember what I bought. Let's deal with that in segment two.

Ooh, it's a segment two. What are we going to do? We're going to take a little break. and when we come back, we start cracking them. Stay tuned for more sloppy boys. After this. We have on the back! A stack of cutwaters lay before us.

Too many cutwaters. This is going to get us drunkified. What are we looking at? Tequila, Paloma, Tiki rum, Mai Tai, Tiki Rum Hurricane, Lemon Drop Martini, and then Little Cans. I have the flagship original lime margarita, mango margarita, and Long Island Ice Tea. The Long Island Ice Tea.

was interesting to me. Yeah, that's an appealing sounding thing. You want to start with that? I think we should start with the original. Okay. Lime margarita. Lime margarita. Now, these cans, they all say chill or drink on ice.

These are really just cocktails, right? This just has tequila, triple sec lime juice. We're gonna... And that's a little can of what? Eight ounces? Ten? It feels... It's like, I would say like probably like six.

It's like Buzzball size. Here you go. It's a little splasher there, Jee. My, being not too familiar with these, I feel like probably they are way better on ice. And my problem with all this shit is about coming from the can. So I don't want to drink them all on ice. I want to try some from the can. And these little cans, I think, are one serving.

Is that right? Because the bigger cans say like two drinks on them or two shots. Oh, they do. the franzi, right on the bottle had like equal to, uh, you know, six bottles or 34 glasses. So the cutwater, Tiki Rum, Hurricane, this is a strong one, 12.5. This says on the box, two plus shots. Shots. Yeah. Perp can. This says rum, aged rum, passion fruit, natural flavors on that one. Let's go. Lime margarita. I'll give me a one margarita. Okay. Yeah. You can see why it's the cornerstone. You can. And again, I think it's very much helps by being on the rocks here. The lime, you know, I can tell that I'm not drinking fresh squeeze lime, but it's not, it's not like bud light lime, faky lime. Right. Yeah. It's not, it's not beatboxy chemical aftertaste, but I'm getting a little bit of it. You know what I mean? Right.

I'll tell you what, I like it on the rocks. I feel like this has also come from the tiny can. I can see myself by a pool crushing that can happily. There's something about that big bulky soda can that I just don't want to drink a margarita out of a 12. Yeah, I'm surprised these are so popular because of that reason. Like it just doesn't feel it's so unnatural to have like a can of. And like you would you would wield it differently. You know, you would chug that thing.

You'd get all fucked up. Right. When you have a can, my, my instinct. does it chug, you're right, because that's like what beers are. Not that I'm chugging beers too much, but like, you go to it more. When I have a, like, a martini, I'm not like. Yeah, exactly. It's precious.

You get one of these tiny cans, you babysit it. You baby it. Ooh, that had a nice, that last sip had a nice, you know, that warming effect on your stomach. Yeah, it's hit me, oh, so nicely. Oh, yeah, man. Off to a great start here on the lime margarita. Now, let me ask you this, Jeff. Tim and I were talking about this last night.

Margarita, lime margarita. When you think of a margarita, what flavor do you think of? Lime. Yeah. So do you think it's like redundant to put lime margarita? Maybe it's because they have so many other margarita. It's to differentiate it from the strawberry and the mango, but I still am embarrassed saying lime margarita. Yes.

And I'm embarrassed for the server whenever I say, Margarita, please. And they go, what flavor? And I go, lime. I say, oh, you want to know what flavor I want. Agave. Mmm. Now, should we get into Mike's beloved Long Island ice? Yeah, let's do crack that thing.

See, this is one that I think would come out of a Canwell because it's such a stupid drink. Canwell? Canwell? Stop that, Canwell. You do a really tiny, okay. Okay, see, not everybody has a cocktail podcast, so they don't know that Margarita means slime. That's sad. Yeah.

Okay, Sips. Mm. I'm getting cola on the nose. Oh, they hit really hard with a cold. cola. Hmm. Like harder than a Long Island

Ice tea does. That's interesting. It's like a... Hmm. Hmm. Huh. What is the Long Island Ice tea is... Cola splash.

All the clear liquors. Right. Sour mix and Cola splash. Don't forget a twist. That's pretty good. I'm not tasting like any liquor in this one. That's the problem. Yeah.

That's the hallmark of a good Long Island Ice tea. It really, it tastes like a weird cola. It's not doing the iced tea thing that happens with the lemony sour mix, but it's almost like a, do they make their, like I would almost guess this is this fake cola flavor hitting really hard, or like natural cola or something that you would have in New Hampshire when you were a kid. Have you ever had La Croy Cola?

Have you talked about this before? It's disgusting. Is it cola flavored shelter? Yeah. Nasty. This cutwater says Long Island Ice Tea with cutwater vodka, rum, gin, and tequila. So they really are doing the devil's alchemy here.

No, I said they added one. No, that makes sense. Those are all the clearies. I prefer the margarita. As far as execution, I prefer the margarita to the Long Island iced tea, but I would still say, especially in this small can form, I would crush that by a pool. Yeah, this makes me think of when you get like a cola-flavored gummy.

Yeah. Like, you know, it's like a heroboo like style. Cola is such a strange taste that it's like, Like, Coke is the most famous drink on the planet. And it comes from a weird plant. It's like, it's not cacao, but it's, it's some. Coco, is it the cocoa? Cocaine.

You know the coconut coal out. Yeah, all right. Hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know people are doing cocaine. I want to get into the mites. And oh, because of my tie is my favorite of the cocktails, I'm going to take it. I want to take a whole, have a can experience.

To the dome. That looks like a cool. That's the coolest looking of the designs, I think. I like that color scheme. On the tiki rum, my tie. Now, this is the one you just had, Jeff, or was that the hurricanes? I had hurricanes.

So, Mike, you just want another splash of this, right? Yeah, please, please. Let me just make sure I get the rest of this up. I'm going to, I'm splashing them all, but this one, I wanted to have one that I at least take can to lips and see what that's like. Can to Lips. And I, because of my tie is a beloved drink of mine, I figured this is a good opportunity for that.

You know it's hit me when I started singing the canned lips song. Which doesn't even exist. I know. What's that melody? Can do do do do do do do do do do do do do. It makes me think of like from the Dumbo cartoon or something. Or like when you see a dumb animal, it's like do do do do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do do do do. Okay. My time. My time. Ooh. Okay. Okay. I want to say they've got a hint of horsget,

but maybe I'm just doing a little coconut. That's the dumb taste in the coconut. Coconut is the sort of round. You know what that tastes like to me? The taste is like bringing me a sense memory of like a being like a county fair or something. And it's like a cotton candy smell taste. Yeah, yeah. It's cotton candy.

sugary. Not bad. This might be my favorite one. I'm getting gotten candy. I'm getting sunscreen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the coconut. It's the fake.

I'm not getting the almond orange of a Mai Tai, but I wasn't expecting to, really honestly. That's the thing. This doesn't taste like a teaky drink to me, but it is a pleasurable taste. Jeff can be a little splash to that again. Now I'll say, this one being my can to lip experience.

and two lips. I would still take two sips. If I'm floating in a, in a, on a tube in a pool, I would, I would crush this. They're strong,

though, is the thing. This would be a great, Jeff. You should have had me and Tim come to that pool this weekend. We would have had a fun time chilling in that cut water water.

Cut water water. What is, do we know what cut water refers to, like what that name is? Much like ballast point. It's another nautical term. The cut water, I think,

front of the tip of the front of the bow of the boat cuts the water I gotta say seeing the seeing the cans and the the boxes of the cans coming the design is nice I just like cut water doesn't just that name doesn't it makes me think of something more technical or something

yeah but it's nice and neutral don't you think no see I think it's like precision and like I this is what I picture Jeff you'll like this one of those super jet planers that can cut water planers and cut right through a piece of wood. Piece of rock even. I like that's fast water. I didn't know what it's got water,

what it meant, but it does, it brings to mine a drink with some bite. Yes. Yeah, it's like the water that cuts you. I poured some Mai Tai out onto the rocks and I'm drinking it. And once it's opened up and aerated and hydrogenated,

um, I am getting not like Trader Vicks, 1944 Mai Tai, but I am getting like the Mai Tai mix that you buy, which I like. I'm getting the taste of a kind of orangy Mai Tai mix. Getting it in the cubes for a second, a little water takes away that cotton candy taste. I was, not that takes away, but just...

Well, you mean the water cuts right through it? Yeah, the water cuts it out. Tim and I watched a video last night, this guy. His name was the famous, what was the big influencers? and he was doing cutwaters and every time he said cut water because he was like, I hate this cut water crap,

I make real cocktails. And every time he said cut water, he like almost like spit it. I was like, yeah, so I'm going to make it like cut water. Which was his way of lampooning the product. Yeah.

He was having a good time. What do you say we get into a tequila poloma? I love it. Ooh, Tim, could I have you put a coaster under that can? Yes. Ooh. It's Marble.

folks. But here's the thing, Jeff, I got my glass and I got my can. I'll give you another coat. You know, here's something about marble. People don't realize very porous. I didn't know that. Extremely porous. I'll admit this wasn't ignorance just like I accidentally. I thought, oh, it's not wood so it doesn't need a coaster. But the thing is with when you, when I think of like a marble or something, I'm like, oh, that's in kitchens and stuff. That can't be porous? I don't know. I just think you could wipe it down. Like that would leave a ring? And like stained it, right? I guess, yeah. I was in, I went to the, where the fuck was I?

In New York City, there's a... New York City! The guy who makes the J.P. Morgan, who's... J.P. Morgan, I guess. It's like his old... Hold on, I still got something. It's his old library. So it's like the J.P. Morgan House Library, whatever.

Okay. But it's got these giant, like, marble bricks. Huge. Like the size of that TV right there. Just got a big old TV. Nope. for the walls. And they were so heavy

but so like perfectly made that they didn't even like use any type of thing to glue the bricks together. We call that like the cement between bricks. Yeah, grouter. They just put like this piece of metal and a little thin piece of metal and just put it right on top of there.

So all the bricks essentially if you're strong enough you can just push off. Nobody's that strong. Wow. But it made me think like, man, back in the old days, how precise things were for the old days, man. Um, I've got, I was, I'm going to follow up on that after we have a sip of our next drink. Paloma.

Tequila Paloma. Tollama. It's a, it's a Paloma. It's a Paloma. It's for the Normies. It is for the Normies. It is for the normies. It is for the, I have high hopes for this.

Smells. Smells, smells like blue cheese to me. That's funny. I'm getting pompomous, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, LeCroy. Not aged milk. Yeah, it's, There does seem to be a little like dairy. Yeah, when I think, when I think Roqueford cheese, I'm getting it.

You know what falls a good time for, folks? Getting yourself into a cheese club. I've always wanted to do this. I've always wanted to get it. You haven't tried to get, but you're recommending it to our listening. It doesn't it feel like the time? I want somebody to do it and let me know what. Yeah, hold on, Mike.

What is a cheese club? What is a cheese club? Well, in my mind, I don't know if they exist. But you go to like somebody's rich walk up in New York City. It's a very sort of wood panel dark, maybe a fire. Some cheeses are out. We try the cheeses. We discuss them.

We talk about last week's cheeses. And then anything goes. Then anything goes. Most likely we go home because I bet this is a very old crowd. I remember 20 years ago or so reading that Dave Grohl was in the cheese and he would fly to France and do cheese tastings. It was like the first time I heard of a rock star having. having a hobby that didn't fully align with what I thought. It was like girls and drugs and gambling.

Right. And you're like, I mean, he likes those things too. Sure. Dave girl, these days, I don't think he's going to hear this.

I don't think he's a slophead in any way shape or form. His hair is, well, he's a slaphead in the sense of his hair is all over the place. He's got like the long hair. It's funny when someone just starts. I don't know how it starts. They start rubbing you the wrong way,

but that's a guy that when I was young delighted me. And now I'm like, ugh, this fucking guy. And I don't know how the tide turned. It was something about. him becoming aware that he was funny maybe? Yeah. There's something too in just like doing rock and roll. It's the tough thing to say, but yes, when you're doing rock and roll as a skinny, young,

like, punky looking dude, it's cooler than when you're a rich guy that we all know is very this is what I would lob at you two back when we were in high school. I would lob at you two. I would love it. You too. I would be like, oh, I love, you know, like Green Day and Weaser and, hey, presidents of the United States of America. And then there would be you too.

And I'd be like, oh, that just feels like rock for rock's sake. Right. It's just like taken for granted. You're resting on your laurels. You have like, you have the infrastructure behind you because of your past wins. And it's kind of for nobody. Like, even if you're a U2 fan, nobody loves like, elevation.

But I'm talking, I mean almost more the cult of personality, because I'm like, for food fighters, I love. He's Bono now is what I'm saying. He's the Bono now. And Bono, it was like, there was a moment where people were like, Bono's going to change the world. And then it just became like, look at me. I'm Bono now. When South Park made fun of Bono, I liked it because it was like, oh, yeah, they're kind of calling out this. This guy kind of is annoying.

I bought the season pass for the new South Park. It's good. They still, they're doing some funny stuff. They still do, they still got it. They had this one thing where the billionaires, like, the billionaires were taking over, but the billionaires were all like, they're all dicks, they're pricks. Billionaires were these, this little, like, South Parkway and this, like, funny little society of, like, tiny little.

Tiny little microfetus. And they were outside of tiny. But they were, like, photoreal that all talked with the midas at the top, like, hey, wait on the other. Good for that. It's so. It's funny. It's still good.

Cartman still makes me laugh. Those guys, though, are, you know. They're billionaires themselves. They're billionaires themselves. Yes, that's interesting. Class traders. They could have bought that cut water. Back in the day, or ballast, I should say.

Now, Tim, now, Mike, look. Tim's cracking a freshie, man. I just open up. Now, this is a whole new genre for us. Lemon drop martini. Lemon drop. Lemon drop. Lemon drop.

Three for one, lemon. Now, I feel. Jeff, would you stop? I'm saying all the damn lyrics. We've got a lot of songs to play at the end of this one. This is interesting. The other ones so far have been like, well, I guess we've done, like a Paloma is a in a Long Island ice tiera, a bubbly soda type of thing.

And then the margarita and the Mai Tai are classic cocktails. Lemon drop martini, let's see if they actually made a stiff martini or if it's just going to be like a hard lemonade. Now, when I hear lemon drop, because there's a lemon drop shot, is the lemon drop shot just, Or the martini is just a bigger version of the lemon drop shop. Yes. Yes. Because we've done lemon drops.

Have we not? Yes. It is vodka, triple sec lemon juice. So picture you have a steak in your belly. You need to zing it. Is this going to do it? Let's find out. Shit.

It's a lot of taste, but I can't tell if it's the alcohol or the lemon. I, uh, this is good. It's kind of a subtle taste on each thing. I like it, but it's bound to. right off that steak. Flabby? I would say it's, yeah, it tastes good, but it's more reminiscent of a Mike's hard lemonade than.

Yeah, yeah. You're not getting that. Right, because a lemon drop martini, I believe was on the IBA list and it was kind of a little stiffy. I will say, though, that I'm taking little sips because we've got an event tonight, but I'm still like feeling it. What, it's just an exclusive comedy event? Well, here I'm screening Mike Hamper live and.

Toronto. It's on YouTube now, but we're having a little event for it. Live in Toronto in LA. What the well, Tim, let me tell you the amount of confusion that is struck for a lot of people out there. Okay, so when we did the lemon drop martini, I believe this is a Dick Bradsell London concoction, sort of sex in the city drink. Okay. The spec from the IBA is 30 milligrams. Milliliters.

30 milliliters Vaca, 20 milliliters triple sec, 15 milliliters. lemon juice. So that would have been more of a little stiffy than what we're tasting here. Which is a crushable Mike's hard one. This is very crushable. What's the ABV on that is 11? It says the ABV is the most

popular Stranger Things character. Finn Wolfhardt? God. It says no, not characters actor name. I feel like we went over or I at least jumped over tequila Paloma to

quickly. I didn't like that one. Don't love that one. Yeah. What was with the weird vanilla marshmallow round note? That was the one that you said tasted like dairy. Dairy. Yeah, yeah. That was that was the one I think so far that's kind of missed the mark completely. It's funny because you would think a paloma is fucking tequila and squirt. It should be the most exocutable one of them all. Just don't put the blue cheese in at the last second. They should call this one Pennywise. Welcome to Dairy. They should call it that? They should, especially this month they should.

Put that clown on that box. Put that clown down. It's the mayor who's friends with Pennywise. Put that clown down. I'm working on a... Finn Wolfhardt is holding that clown in the air. And he is in both fringize. Tim, go ahead.

I keep cutting you off. Tim, take it away. Pennywise. What do you got to say about Pennywise? I don't have anything to say, but Pennywise. Mike, I think we're taking small six. It's gotten into you. I've lost it here.

His small. Sips are big. Wazzle! Jeff, this weekend at the pool, did you have Hurricane? Yes, that's the last one. This is the story of a hurricane. Bob Dylan, the only ones we have left are

Hurricane and Mango Mark. Sad. Sad, we're down to the last two. Hurricane and Mango, oh. Let's end with Hurricane. Because I feel like it's going to be good. I feel like it's going to be great. I don't want to end on Mango anything

ever in my life. Now, that's funny because we tend to on the pod say there's too much mango flavored bullshit, fuck it. But I feel like we recently had a well-executed mango fucking fuel

or, or, oh, it wasn't B-box. Maybe it was B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Begs. Because we noticed that their citrus was bad, but their citrus was stinging. Wait, no, but their lemonade was good. I don't remember. What taste would you... Those beatboxes are terrible.

How would you describe, like, the taste of a mango? Like, you're right, citrusy is the, citrusy. Catan. ask. Don't mess it with a mango. Hey, don't mess with an Amber. Mike, you brought up an interesting point, though.

Hang on. How would you describe any flavor beyond like likening it to other flavors? Yeah, right. The way that a mango hits my palate, I would love to know the words for how and where and why it makes me taste. I bet this cheese club I'm talking about has a lexicon of adjectives they have for the Roqueforts for the Camabels. Mango's sort of in a no man's land.

It doesn't, it's not all sharp like a citrus. Yeah. Mango's a tough one to cut up. It's a tough fruit to get at. But I like it. It's delicious. I tend to not like mango flavored stuff.

Fleshy. But I like mango. Wait, back to the roquefort. Jeff, do you remember a couple years ago we did Thanksgiving at my place? My dad's favorite show. Was that the one where we had a turkey

that wouldn't cook for like, We had to throw the bones back in there. Yeah. Yeah, it was like we ended a tour the night before Thanksgiving, so we were just kind of lazy at my house. It was a graze in Thanksgiving, which I thought it was a very good idea. You got a grace. That was fun. You don't sit down and say dinner is at five.

You just graze. Who's out all day long? The all day grace. So you were there too. I don't know if you got into it. I went and bought some like five or six very weird liqueurs to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The weirdest of which that nobody liked was Rokeford cheese.

Oh, yeah. I don't even... I think I smelled it through the bottle and it was like, I don't want one. Through the glass? Like with a top of it. I mean, it was very similar to the Doritos Nacho cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spirit that we had on tour.

That was Schrammer brought that cheese. You don't want to taste cheese in your liquor. I thought Schrammer liked us and he brought us that fucking... He tried to chill us. That bottle was fucking nastified. Schrammer from the solid wiggles? I was looking at your, uh, your solid wiggles. recipe book tip.

Those little solid wiggles. Shrammer, you did it. Those are fun little fucking things. They photograph, nice. This thing about Schramer is a good businessman, too. He's got business acumen. I feel like between Badger Beves, between our inroads

to Badger Beves, Luxardo, Solid Wiggles. Wait a man, and you just got some T-shirts from something? Fachi Abruto. Do I get one of those? Not mine. I dazed it. Mike, I got a swag bag at my place. I'll show you.

I'm going to take a look at that. But between all these connections, we should, why aren't we launching a canned cocktail or a solid wiggle with a guitar, an edible guitar pick inside of it? Oh, that's a good idea. You joke on it?

That is a good idea. And then you realize, no, just swallow it's good. I, uh, yes, I've got, I've, I think us with a canned beverage is, is a step in the right direction. And I think it is doable. But you're a day and age.

Here's my issue. Ah, yeah. Oh, you know, Constellation comes along. They want to buy it for a billion dollars. Do you think that that'll change us? That's fine. I think I think we would all benefit from the three of us being million. Well, think of it.

A billion dollars split three ways. There was only 33 million. I can make that work. You really can make that work. I mean, yeah, if you invest that, yeah. I'm going to get that money. I know I'm going to blow it on the next avatar. Seeing it.

Not funding it, but seeing it. I just say buying every theater. I want to see just by myself a hundred times. I would love if all the avatars thus far have been James Cameron and then the new movie is produced by my camera. I was watching Avatar on somebody else's screen on a plane coming here. And I was looking at it. That's how you got to watch it, folks.

It really is. Not in the IMAX 3D on someone else's screen on a plane. Sound off. But I was looking at it, I was like, man, this is just aesthetically not a fun franchise. or property. It's, I just, it's so funny to be like,

all right, we're putting a billion dollars in this next, you know, five movies or whatever, for something that just, to me, and it just doesn't look fun

to look at. Yeah. I don't know. Can I have some of that? Yeah, of course. This is sort of a stale take, but for somebody who,

like Cameron has given us so many cool different, uh, things in cinema, like aliens and Terminator and stuff, when he comes out with Avatar and it's not exactly, your cup of tea when he's like, my future is five more avatars. You're like, oh, I'd rather

do all the dice on like anything else. And I'd like to see you do five different moves. Yeah, yeah, five different things. Premises or whatever, fine. And similarly, people were saying that about Fincher, who just recently got out of his Netflix deal. They were like, can you believe that David Fincher, of all people, hasn't had a proper theatrical release in 10 years? Wow. Because all of his stuff has just been first look Netflix type stuff with like a cursory theatrical release. Right. So it can be nominated. But we all definitely, we're all going to go see Cliff Booth, are we not?

Oh yeah. Yeah. I still need to see Digger. I'm excited to see Digger. A different guy, but go ahead. Wait, and that's In Eon, Enre2 and Cruz, yeah. Shit. Devisive. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm going to catch up. Keep spinning. Keep spinning. No, no, I was going to keep talking to cinema. Let's drink the mango margarita. Okay, I'll say this. Wait, but a smell. I find the smell to be abrasive.

Ooh. Ooh, that's mango all right. I like it. It smells refreshing. It smells, I got to say, bodily. It smells bodily. Oh. When you said that, I can smell.

Wait, wait. Bodily, not bottly. No, no. It smells like, like, VO a body. That's bad, huh? Let's sip. Nah, no. Not good.

When I said fleshy earlier, this is taking it to the next thing. That ain't it, boss. That ain't it. It's got a weird end bite or something. Yeah. Hey, it falls well that ends well. The mango margarita does not have it. But your,

mango margarita is playing to a, a tough audience with us. I think we are. Sure. This is for the underage. The fools. This is for the jewel pod freaks. Yeah.

This is for the swine. This is for the piglets. This one's for the teeny little pink peas. Okay. Take that out. Go ahead. Go ahead and take out that. Big, long, deep belt shot of my camera.

Bleep it and then let's so that the people know that it happened. You know what? It's rude. Bleep it and then put it in. After the bleep it in right now. Now. This is what we were just talking about. That got believed.

And we're back. Jeff, you really, it reminds me of our friend Chris Van Ardalen from the Bird De Bois said he used to eat apples long pattage. their prime and then he heard the word mealy and then he no longer liked mealy apples. I feel like I wouldn't have liked this, but I wouldn't have been repulsed until you said it was bodily. I'm repulsed. This was which one again?

The mango. Mango marg. Yeah. But now we get to end on a good note, do we not? Well, we'll see. You know. But I don't remember. The problem with the cut water is you never remember.

You don't remember that. That's why they do so well. What did that taste like again? Oh, yeah. You gotta take diligent notes and look back and go, oh, yeah, tequila was weird in Roquefort. I'm looking at these. I'm still thinking tequila polona is my low, then this mango one. Your personal low?

Mango's my low point in my life. Yeah. Interestante. This is a story of hurricane. Dylan. A cut water tequila, rum, a hurricane. Are you going to the can on that one? I don't need to.

Okay. But no. Let's have it. See you going. Right to the dome. Ooh, man, I had a sore stomach because of some coffee on an empty stomach this morning. Ooh, and then this is helping. Mixing all these.

Folks, if you ever do that and you have a sore stomach. You have a problem, but coffee on an empty stomach is every morning of my whole life. I know. It used to be fine for me. Is it a heartburn thing? No, it's a belly burn thing. You shouldn't have belly burn. I know.

But I'm, here I am. I'm setting up. I'm running around, setting up cameras, mics. Oh, and all the hors d'oeuvres I set out for the, for the host. for JD's place. Oh yeah, the hors d'oeuvres, the fun, the guest. I did notice there was some marble

and the big TV. We also have hors d'oeuvres. There were some like sour gummy worm troughs candies, but they're tucked underneath the... We've got sort of off-camera. We've got a bevy of good-looking people. Nice suits, dresses.

Very nice. But so there I am sore belly. Oh! Oh, I hope they enjoy J.D.'s place. Oh. The cure to the belly was eight different cutwaters. Oh, there you go. It worked.

It worked. You should switch from coffee to Irish coffee. It worked. Doctors are saying that these days, they're saying, you know what, folks, if you wake up and have a bad coffee stomach, just drink eight sips a cut water. Wait, that is an annoyance, though. If you, from this point forward, can't have coffee on an empty stomach, what does that mean? I eat a banana first and I wait 20 minutes and then that's... Potassium on an empty stomach?

That's fine. Hey, we talked about the substance of a, or like the mealy texture of an apple. We talked about the texture of a mango Would you call a banana doughy? I think I'd call a banana doughy, yeah, ooh. And that grosses me out. See, doughy, I think of like you can, like is more elastic. Yeah.

Okay. It doesn't. I guess I was thinking more cooked dough. Also, we're all referring to Cavendish ab bananas. That's true. Who knows? Gros Michel bananas were more chalky, we've heard. Chalky.

I don't know if I heard that, but. I'm going to try this teaky road hurricane. Yeah. Bottoms up. Here we go. Wow. Oh, that's pretty good. The sway by the smell is giving me a little banana.

Tropical. Tropical. Pineapple banana. Yeah, maybe pineapple. I got to give them credit for, you know, there's basically two different types of hurricanes. There's the classic original recipe that we made on the show. Then if you go to New Orleans, you tend to get these kind of like red, red 40, I love them too

but that's not what this is this is a little bit more of a citrusy cloudy I like it Passion fruit My passion is fruit Ooh that's good I wish it was in a big

Big hurricane glass You know Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-now With the curves With the curves With the swirls I like that Hurricane

Hurricane glass Has the curves Because it used to be Hurricane gas lamp you know? That bulbous look. That's a Nauolins thing, yeah. That's a Nauwins thing.

Protect the little flame by putting it in this big fluted glass. And then they said, hey, let's serve up a strong cocktail in that same fluted glass. Put them on the map. Are either of you taking the hurricane to the lip from the can? No.

No, do you want it? I want it. I would see what the experience is. That hurricane is good. Now let's imagine I'm floating in a tube Oh Here's something Speaking of tubes I can picture it

I discussed on pod That we all went to Big Bear Together yes Yes And when we're on the lake I had ordered from Amazon A six man Float that we fall in

Oh yeah Chris popped it Yeah I rolled it up He popped it trying to save it Save himself Okay yeah Same the weekend

And then I rolled it up Covered in algae And full of lake water Put it in a box Sent it Amazon It cost me $179 originally. Yeah.

And I was waiting to see, am I going to get my money back or am I going to get a return? Is it going to be an exchange? They made me an offer. They were like, could you refuse? Could you refuse? They're like, how we made him enough.

90 bucks. 90 bucks? And I said yes. But what a weird thing to be like, look, we sold you a thing. If it's not great, that's on us. you clearly wrote it in a lake, filled it with lake water, covered in an algae. The evidence is all there.

And I just didn't know that was one of the options. We like settle out of court. Especially for a company that is so algorithmed out, it just feels like there is somebody there be like, yeah, okay. I think you settled with like not Amazon, but like the manufacturer or something like that. And then ultimately they broke even. They were like, we'll give, you know, it maybe takes 90 bucks to manufacture and ship that thing. Right.

Or, or, oh, I would say even less. It was just a plastic like. Or the difference. But think of all the, the genius engineering, Mike. Yes. But. And those,

and those, uh, yes, yes. This means that, wait, 179 is what I paid. And they gave me 90 bucks.

Was that $89? I spent, we got $89 of fun out of that thing. Okay. So they give you nearly half back. Yeah. It's like, okay.

Pretty good. Pretty good. But it's, it's like, more important for them probably to like, make the customer happy. Here I am on a hit podcast. Yeah, especially this customer, okay?

Also, not saying the brand name at all. Folks, support floats. Get out there. Yes, and support. KovTech. What do I try to say, Jim? Yeah, every Amazon fly by night where Chinese manufacturer we're in.

Flow tower adapter. Folks, we're going to take a little break. And when we come back, final thoughts on the Cutwater Fleet. Of can cocktip. It's Fleet Week here on the pot. Talking cut waters. JD's Place. J.D.'s place serves up to a nice cut water.

This has changed my whole idea of J.D.'s place. I thought he used to think, oh, JD's place. Kind of a shithole. Kind of boring. Kind of a shithole. He just makes up the drinks that he had. I never get lit, you know. No, you never get lit up here. Yeah, this has lit me up a little bit.

But now you got the big TV, the most. marble, the hors d'oeuvres. Your d'oeuvres, right? The stack of hors d'oeuvres. Because I'll be honest, the problem with getting lit is I still have to record a sloppy boys blowout, patreon.com slash sloavois. What's the problem with that? Jeff would probably that.

The only thing on my mind is what I'm going to eat. Because all I've had today is a banana. Jeff, I had my coffee before my banana. Don't kill me. Don't at me. The other day, this guy makes me a steak, right? Oh, wow. Listen to this.

Makes a steak taste great. Then last night I've come home, I was doing something else. I come home. He's eating steak. I said, I don't know. State great. He says, yeah, you want one? Like, he just makes up steaks.

I said, no, no, no, I'm going to have the ice cream. In concurrent nights, steak after steak? Jeff, you're probably thinking ribbyes. No, I bought a pack of New York strip steaks because they were on sale. Now, my friend Mike is staying with me. You probably thinking, Tim, you made him steak and salad. Yes, of course. I made a Caesar salad with some croutons and stuff in the sake.

But it didn't end there. Mike, tell them about the two extra things on the plate. Mike, it didn't end there? Did not even close. We had peas. Now, you don't think of peas. Well, you think of peas. Jeff, you don't think of peas.

You don't think of peas. You don't think of peas. You never want to see them. But, oh, wait a minute. What do you put on top of the piece? A little bit of gravy. Onion gravy. Onion gravy.

So a boring. plate of just steak and salad suddenly becomes McCormick onion gravy packet, you know? Interesting. And a boring, I mean, I'm already pretty wowed by a steak and a Caesar and this guy blows the roof on. The steak and a Caesar to me is like, yeah, that's like kind of like what guys might make each other. And it was a low carbureb work gym guys. Right. But when you bring in the peas and the gravy, suddenly it's your grandma.

Peas and rich. It's sort of a decade. But it was homie and it was rustic. Yeah. Welcoming. Yeah. welcome in when Mike arrives

welcome in I did text that when he said can I say your place is welcome in and I say like just looking not buying

I hate that when you're at a store I'm just my word is scoping that's good that's good I'm scoping checking the scene

scoping the merch maybe I'll perch oh god maybe I'll fucking chat all right Let's turn our, if we're scoping, Mike, let's scope the line of cut water beverages. I need to retry one of these.

This is the benefit of doing all the different flavors. It's like, what are you reaching for now that you've had everything? Yeah. I'm trying the lemon drop again. I've toured the world. I've had it all. What am I reaching for now, though? That it's time to settle down and end the episode.

This isn't going to be my favorite, but lemon drop martini is pretty good. Very good. Very, like, inoffensive. Like, the taste is there, but it's not hard on anyone. It's not pulling back on any. It's achievable. Some of these other ones, you're doing passion fruit, you're doing mango and stuff. Yeah.

Lemon drop martini, that's straight ahead. That's a line drive. Can I try, Jeff, can you hand me that teaky rum mitai one more time? It's by your, yeah. One more thought I want to put in your heads before you evaluate is, weirdly, buzzballs, beatbox, cut water. the price we've landed on for all of these is $4. What do you mean?

Oh. A buzz ball is $4. Oh, individual. These were like $12 for a four pack. They sell these at bars, cut water's? Wait, $12 for a four pack is cheaper. That's three bucks.

Oh, okay. Sell these what? At bars, have you seen these at bars? Yes. I don't believe I have. Man. I bet I'll see them a ton now because I don't know.

You don't see them at bars that also make real cocktails, but sometimes it's like, it's like a hotel pool and then they have a liquor license because of their restaurant they're not making drinking drinks up by the pool

is just beer and wine and no glass no glass and I think like Cutwater has the most elevated brand I would say like the art on the boxes the high quality

it's a classy looking it's a more classy affair in the BBC realm and I will say it's a classier affair and the drinks match the look as as did Beatbox match Like it was kind of that was those were kind of like exciting and loud and the like for

teens for kids yeah yeah it's like they're doing a lot with the not kids we don't condone that obviously no no not children but in the big can you must admit the first cold sip is nice if you were to drink down to the warm bottom of a 12 ounce can it's it's it's a homework assignment to finish it sucks yeah swad man sucks sucks let me try one more the Hurricane? It comes a story of the hurricane. Mike, reaching for the Tiki rum versions. Tiki rum.

Oh, yeah, the other one was Tiki. Tiki rum, I-tai. In the conversation of rocks versus can, you got to hand it to them that they made these little cans that are little bangers that are buzzball adjacent. Because I guess most of my complaint about the can has to do with the temperature. Right.

And the dilution. but mostly the temperature. Sure. And at least Buzzball, with Buzzball, it's the ball, you can stack. They sort of invented a ball,

you can stack. Stack the ball. Cans, they've been stacking a bowl for years, man. Adam and Eve were stacking cans. I just cleaned out the little can,

lime margarita. The flagship. It's good. Yeah, lime margarita was fine, but I'm not. It was just nice to start there. to get a little taste on the lip and gone. Yeah, Mike, it's great to hear your opinion,

but Jeff is the Margarita Man. He's the Margarita Master, the Master of the Man. He's the Margarita Master. He's the Master of the Man. The Man. Okay, enough nonsense. Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

It's time to sort of take our keen eye and set it square on cut water. Your final thoughts, Timothy? Well, I'm going to say, I'm judging this in terms of, R. T. D. Canned cocktails, right? It beats beatbox by 100,000 dollars.

Yep. So it's main competition. You know, I think that they, they're in that category, but really, the king of the crop is like, as far as liquor in a can, High Noon sells the most, but they just do, it's basically vodka sodas. And I feel like High Noon was first on the scene. When COVID came around and they were like, okay, maybe we will allow. cocktails in a can to be sold.

Right. Well, and they're not too cock. They're like an answer to, um, they're like, they're like white claws. What white claws,

white claws are hard celtzers, but they're malt beverages. Yes. So then high noon came along and said, we're actually vodka sodas. Yes. Same form factor though. You got to agree.

I do agree. But I would say in this whole, uh, realm, look, buzz balls were better than I thought. They were going to be. Beatboxes were as terrible as I expected.

My preconceivable. notion was once again confirmed that these cutwaters on ice are delightful, wonderful drinks. So what I was really here today to learn. How close is it do you think to a properly made cocktail? Is it, for me, I'm thinking it's like, it's three quarters of the way there in a lot of cases. And I think the shortcomings are understandable because like the guy that me and Mike were watching on YouTube last night who said cut water. He was like, I'm going to make this, make my own margarita and see how it stacks up.

But he used the bottled lime juice. Yeah, he was still using the, yeah, right, right. I feel like that's a draw. Bottled lime juice. Like, fresh squeeze is great. Yeah. These do feel like, I think my, my biggest, like, uh, excitement about these is that they're much better than I thought they'd be.

Yes. You know what I mean? Like when you're saying, like, compared to it actually, they probably, if I did one to one, they probably don't even taste similar, like exactly the same. like exactly the same, but this just does, like kind of like the cotton candy vibe I was just saying. It's like, I like that taste for this. It doesn't taste like what I,

it's supposed to be, but the cotton candy tastes is fun. I just feel like it's, it's impossible to downplay the, like, as much as these drinks. And nobody's trying to downplay it, Tim. People are, are invalidating my feelings.

And they're saying, yeah, drink from can or pour on the rocks. It's an entirely different experience. I would say all of these are great on the rocks. and all of them on the can are like a little bit of an assignment. But I would say the revelation of today is that I love the hurricane. The hurricane poured out on the rocks. That's a wonderful drink. I would say they're a little intimidating in the can.

If I'm floating on a float, I would do it. Overall, this is a strong order again. Cut water. I thought there's a chance I could poo-poo you. But instead, I will celebrate you. That's an order again. Wow. drink you.

What a glowing review from the... Did you have a... What would you say your favorite? The only one that I would... I love is Hurricane and I want to pour it out on the rocks. The rest of them, solid. Nice. Michael?

Well, yeah, like I was just saying, my biggest thing is that these are good drinkable. It's an organ for me. Because I would say Pete Fox is like... Biggest drink for me a drink. You deal with a bubble over there? The fucking dot-com bubble. This is going to bust. Soon.

Order again for me, and my fave is, I was been going back between the Tiki Rum Hurricane, Tiki Rum, Maitai and Lemon Drop. The Tiki Rum, Maitai is my favorite of the bunch. Yeah, that's right up there for me as well. I liked the other ones other than tequila poloma I would not do again, and then the mangoi one.

Mango Marri wasn't terrible. I think that for the Paloma, you're counting against them that it tastes like dairy, like funky cheese. I don't think that's fair to hold against. stuff. That's true. What are you talking about? But it does taste like funky cheese. If you're at a bar, can I have a poloma? They pour tequila, top it off with squirt, and then sometimes a blob of Gorgonzol. It's over where they're doing the melty Gorgonzola plate. Man, what do you expect? You can't

be the Gorgonzola house. Tell you what? If you had people over to your house, you said, guys, I want to make hurricanes, you go in the other room. You have hurricane glasses. Yeah. They're filled with ice. You pour these on there. They wouldn't know. You wouldn't fucking know. And you get that crushy ice. Oh, God.

And then, hey, you really fool them. You put a little, oh, God, I got the bubble, the dot-com bubble as well. If you put a little pineapple wedge on there, you're covering your tracks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't know shit. How would I even, how would they even fit a pineapple slice in the can? What are you talking about? You go, you come out immediately start yelling at him.

Gotcha. Gotcha. I'm looking at your guess. I'm looking at this. I'm looking at the can Tiki Rum Hurricane and Tiki Rum Mai Tai. They both say made with cut water white rum, cut water, barrel-aged rum, and then the juices and natural flavors. And that's one thing you want in a Tiki is you're mixing rums.

Different frequencies of rums are hitting the body. It would be, you know, another thing we should do is get a cut water just the alcohol and see how it stacks. Cut water, give us just your base spirits. Yes, send it to us. We've got a P.O. box. check us out. Check us out. And for me, it's an order again as well.

I would nix mango margarita. Nix Paloma only because, like, I've made so many just. It's easy to make. Just quick and easy pull-mas with like squirt and lime juice and tequila. It takes more time to open a fucking can. Cuervo and squirt is better than us. They beat the hell out of these.

Lemon drop martini. The rest are very serviceable, especially on ice. I think it's an order again all around. Yeah, cut water. They're doing something. That's our show. follow us on social media at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time or products ahead of time and if you can't get enough boys patreon.com slash the sloppy boys

that's the show where we sort of get to let our hair down a little bit. It's sort of sloppy boys after dark. Too hot for TV, too hot for pot. Too hot for for me we got to those as well. I'll say this we have been on a roll with the the blowouts because we recently did one, the star-spangled banner sing-off to celebrate our nation's 250th anniversary. We each sang the national anthem as pure of heart as we could.

And it's a really good episode. It was good to do that. Hey, not to mention we're in October month over on the blowout, where we're talking scary movies all October, celebrating October all month long. We've discussed obsession, which we loved, and then we've discussed

hosts. Hosts, not the host, not Bongju Ho hosts. Nope. You know? Host. The Savage's host from 2020. October month has been so well received we might go all through November and December of October month. It's that good.

He jokes, of course, because we all know November is month of the ring. And December is spaghetti months. That's right. We're doing all things long pasta all December long. Folks, check out the sloppy boys. Linguine, Bucatini. Check out the sloppy boys on the 29th in Boston. Oh, sorry, 29th of January in Boston, the 30th.

of January in New York City, Brooklyn. And the 31st of Jan... I keep saying January, Jeff. Damn it. That's your fucking problem. Well, it's gonna be the audience's problem now because it's not gonna come. December, folks.

The end of the year, bash. Check us out. The year end shows, folks. Oh, I don't have any plans. You do now, bitch. Put on that little black dress and come on out. Oh yeah, we're also saying this is dress up with a costume

for any of these shows. But more specifically, we were saying the milk what? Costumes. It was like a fun, fun night. Wait, is it formal dress up or dress like me, Tim, I'm asking for myself. Should I wear my like velvety plush black blazer with a tie or should I wear like a hot dog outfit? I feel like first set you're going to be in that tie look. Second set, you're in a hot dog.

Perfect. Dress it up, dress it down, night at home, night on the town. And I want to add extra points. All you people that need holiday plans, you're done. You've found your plans. Yeah. Extra points for coming alone. I, myself, I see movies alone.

I go to concerts alone. Show up to the Sloppy Boys concert alone. You're going to make friends. You're never going to. You ain't leaving alone. I'll tell you that. Oh, no, no. Yeah, I'll tell you that.

Here's my impression of your hotel bed. Because they're jumping with joy. Jumping for joy. It was such a great show. Can you believe they played that song? You couldn't think of one song of ours. Now wait. John Collins.

John Collins. We mentioned two songs here on Pod. Do you remember what they are? Big screen TVs. What was the other one? Ah, I remember. Was it inspired by one of the cocktails? Mm-hmm.

Somebody just randomly said something that was... It was... We were talking about Gardens of Gamora, but I forget what the line was. No. Wasn't it? Folks, enjoy big screen TVs by the sloppy boys. Love you.

Playing right now. See you next week.