The Sloppy Boys - 32. Long Island Iced Tea with Jon Gabrus

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

The guys welcome their first ever guest (!) as they stir up an infamous intoxicant created by Bob Butt in 1972.LONG ISLAND ICED TEA RECIPE.5oz/15ml Tequila.5oz/15ml Vodka.5oz/15ml White Rum.5oz/15ml Triple Sec.5oz/15ml Gin.75oz/25ml Lemon Juice1oz/30ml Gomme Syrupdash ColaAdd all ingredients into highball glass filled with ice. Stir gently. Garnish with lemon spiral. Serve with straw. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford. Oh yeah! And Tim Kalpakis. What is up? And joining us today is a very special guest. Oh shit. Our first ever guest on the pod you know him from high and mighty and action boys the number one fuck boy john gabrus

fuck yeah thanks for having me this is so exciting it does wonders for my ego to find out i'm the first guest number one guest i can't believe it now uh gabriel is this the first when i texted you about this was this the first time you had heard about this podcast no he reads the trades exactly i get variety and vanity fair delivered and i saw uh your the oral history of the sloppy boys i read that that was great a lot of lies mostly you three in the interview so can you believe can you believe sorkin wrote that for us he took an interest he typed it typed it up yeah i uh i changed out of my master bong ripa t-shirt into a shredded fleetwood mac crop yeah bands of similar pedigree. That should have been a credit.

You're the only person who get a tank top, a bong rip a tank top. A night shift shirt. That's right. Special edition. Made specific. They threw one in because they recognize my name as the kind of guy whose arm should be exposed.

I believe they were right. I remember seeing the exchange on Twitter. They were like, we'll make one. I was like, yeah. I remember seeing the exchange on Twitter. They were like, we'll make one. I was like, yeah. I'll wear it. He had to weave one. They took it off. It was on the front of a sports car.

It was like a bra, and they fucking ripped it off and stamped it. It was like, oh, it's actually a Gabra-sized tank top. How perfect. And he always wears kind of a rough rubber, so yeah. It was a hammock that they cut two holes in and i can drape over my fucking arms now gabrus you how is your uh quarantine going because pandemic because i haven't seen you in a year and a half two years uh anytime i see you on instagram it's smoking weed and out on the beach yeah or playing video games it is

living a life out there or promoting a podcast with fun sponsored ads living it up sponsored ads betsy podcast stanger pockets other funny fun people and you're on the beach i fucking hate social media but i learned in the like last year and a half, you can get free shit and make a little money playing around on it. So with nothing left to do, no live performance, without dedicating two and a half hours every weekend to free shows of improv and shit, I had some free time and I was like, oh, let me tweet about this weed I like.

Hey, slide into your DMs. We want to drop off a bunch of weed because you'll do that i'm like uh wait a minute and now i know why all these people are crazy like selling fucking tummy tea like i don't want to sell shit i'm not into but getting free weed that's fucking currency did you get house plant you know are you that kind of influencer no see and that's what i i'm glad to tell you guys i'm not. I am way lower tiered. You don't want that Hollywood weed anyway. You want the weed of the people.

What's Houseplant? Houseplant is Rogan's Weed Company. Seth Rogan. Nacho? Oh, yeah, we talked about that. Somebody told us about that. His is forthcoming. One of you guys mentioned it.

And his comes with the record that you listen to. Here's the Indica record that you spin, all kinds of shit. We should get into a sponsorship with him. And he like, this is the Sloppy Boys episode you should listen to with this cigarette. Oh, this strain of weed pairs well with this cocktail themed podcast. Maybe there's somebody else to aim for. Maybe in a slightly more similar space. No, at this point, everyone's so high.

They just love to suck up all the content. Oh, yeah. I'm so baked. I can't wait to lock into $5 a month forever. And forget about my password and never turn off that $5 box. As a Patreon creator, you hope for nothing more. We always joke. We just want to erase everyone's

memories. Just keep, I don't care if you pass away, just keep that fucking debit card open. Keep that $5 a month pumping, baby. We should try to kill them all off so that the credit cards just stay open that could be a good movie yeah i've instantly become like the 24 hour

fitness of patreon i'm like we gotta lock these people in and have them forget about it and just accidentally pay for five years um okay so let's talk about a certain lengthy island called long island where you're from you know we as we mentioned we don't have guests on this show but when we talked about doing a certain long drink we all said you got to get the number one fuck boy in here because a you're the king of that he's long yeah he's long but b because we don't even really i've had this drink a few times but we we we don't even really know if this is something that is near and dear to the hearts of long islanders because sometimes we do drinks on the show that's called like the Arizona juice and people in Arizona... The Cape Codder.

Yeah, exactly. Right, like Cape Cod people don't like cranberries. They ship them away as fast as they can. Too many cranberries out there. It's how you guys in Hollywood don't watch movies because it's just all over the place. You guys in Hollywood. I hate...

I'm too inside the biz to ever watch a feature. I don't have a TV. Buy my TV pitch, I don't have a TV. I don't watch television. I'm a working TV writer. Do you watch TV? I don't watch anything. No, never.

I only watch black and white documentaries about myself. It all sucks. And I don't read, and I can't read. I make fucking seven grand a week. I can't read. I don't watch anything. I hate't read. I make fucking seven grand a week. I can't read. I don't watch anything. I hate this industry. I hate the show I work for.

And I make more money than doctors. You're from what? Massapequa? I'm from Belmont. Oh, I'm from Freeport, which is like two towns over from Massapequa. Here, look, I'll give you guys the map. Look at that, right on the bison. Right on the old gun.

This is to scale. And so, Gabriel, what's the scene like there? Because I've never been, in my mind, I'm conjuring up like a Jersey Shore boardwalk situation. Was that your summer, like doing the Springsteen on the boardwalk with the switchblade type convertible? Long Island's not exactly that.

Long Island has one entire coast is the ocean and the other entire coast is the sound. But it has a big beach culture. But there's a lot of people who live on Long Island and going to the beach means going to the city of Long Beach and drinking at bars that are near the beach yeah yeah just like you know you and i thought i thought always thought that was insane and then when i moved to los angeles i have dozens of friends that have like what do you you go to the beach like you drive your fucking like car yeah to the beach and like get out and you like have stuff and you like bring stuff from your car to like the sand like i can't

wrap my head around what you're doing over there it was just like what the fuck we you live in los angeles you live in southern california go to the fucking beach people but that same shit on long island there are people who are like nah too many fucking people down there you know they're always fucking uh they they got the fucking city people come in and we know what that means. You know, like city people come in and they fucking fill these beaches up. And so, guys, just fine. Stay in your above ground pool in your fucking yard. Long Island iced tea, not a major Long Island drink.

But it is like, do you guys consider it like the rookiest of all cocktails well i i consider a drink that i actually like it but i haven't had it that many times because i'm embarrassed to order it because of the look from the bartender sure who knows that it's like oh you are either you're cheap and this is the only drink you're going to drink all night or you're just gonna you're looking to erase your brain in my bar right and you're gonna you're cheap and this is the only drink you're going to drink all night or you're just going to you're looking to erase your brain in my bar and you're gonna you're gonna black out and you're also asking them for and as someone i bartended on long island too so when you request a long island iced tea you're asking for six bottle bowls too right like if you ask for a vodka soda it's just boom the bottle and the gun yeah if you ask for to vodka soda, it's just the bottle and the gun. Yeah. If you ask for to make a Long Island iced tea, the recipe I was taught at the bar was

like all the liquor, just like straight down. It's like vodka, tequila, gin, rum, whiskey, and triple sec. Then you fill it with sour mix and then a splash of Coke at the end and you stir it up and hand it off. Yeah. And it's like for someone to order that, you have to go to the speed rack. If you're not one flair bartender, like four at a time,

you have to go to the speed rack like three separate rounds and then double mixer. It's so time intensive, and it just tastes like sour mix. There's so many other drinks. You could just have a vodka sour, and you would get the same exact effect. Yeah, exactly.

This has five half shots. I could give you a double vodka sour and it'd be just as good. It always seems to me like a drink that like a group of kids, like their first time out or maybe they're, you know, 18 posing as 21 year olds being like, yeah, four Long Island iced teas because they know like if this doesn't go through or they get caught they got to drink these fast and that's going to be the night

also it reminds me of cruel intentions it's in cruel intentions isn't it I don't remember but I believe Selma Blair is drinking is drinking and I and she's like it's iced tea it's from Long Island and everybody's like oh shit she's getting fucked up it's from long island but uh i've never had also so i'm in there with

selma i've never had either i don't think i've ever had oh damn oh geez you guys have never had it i'm sipping on one right now i jumped the gun and made it before the show i'm sipping on one right now and you can look at my face and see my minimal enjoyment. Oh, I thought that was because you were guesting on the pod. Yeah, I was once I realized what the fuck this was going to be. Get me on. I got to drink this thing down fast. I love that I emailed you yesterday to be like, hey, man, we're going to make this drink on the show. So I'll swing by your place and drop off all of the because there's so many ingredients.

I'll bring you some stuff. And then you you were like i got it yeah i got it all yeah you have you have all nine bottles were already in your house this is humiliating to cop to because we are like like a hosting type of couple i'm imagining i don't know everyone else's personal life but like uh i think tim and jess might live a pretty similar life to me and tiffany just based on yeah yeah like our specific married lives of like the vibe so we have every fucking liquor so i actually did the tackiest move ever and this is a top shelf long island oh my god it's every because we only buy we don't have like rack vodka at our house we're not drinking it that much so i have a long island iced tea here with like kettle one

casamigos like this thing costs like 48 dollars in a bar but it's smooth as sin it has never been made before yeah it's wero, not Triple Sec. It's insane how everything is named. And I'm like, if I had to make this for someone at a bar, you would know that they were the most rookie drinker. Wait, Gabrus, put that tattoo up again. The Hamptons, where are the Hamptons? The Hamptons are all the way out here on the southernmost tip, the furthest east, that's Montauk.

And the Hamptons are on your way to Montauk, but they're out here on the south shore. The fanciest part of your tattoo. And there's like the Hampton Bays are up here and stuff. Is Montauk like a rich area? Hamptons more so. Hamptons is more so the rich area. But Montauk growing up was like

a fishing and surfing town that was like a vacation town for every long island but like for like the long island people who drove for vacation which was like a you know class thing my family we spent uh seven nights like every summer in montauk together like that was like our big summer vacation and in the last like 15 years 20 years it became like just another set of the hamptons where yeah i'm uh for my first big trip we're heading back east we booked like a a week and five nights in montauk at the same hotel i like first stayed at in like 1988 oh damn it was like it's six hundred dollars a night now or something it's saying shit it's like really my whole family stayed here for like two

hundred dollars a night now where my whole family is blown up to having like grown kids and a grandma and like all that shit so it's like now we're dropping like you know three thousand dollars a night for the family to have four or five rooms it's insane and it used to be like the most blue collar shit ever the reason i ask is because like the montauk beers are are big and is that like is are they promoting like a rich lifestyle or uh that's more of like a summer montauk energy is still not fully rich like rich douche lands on the hamptons yeah not fully on montauk yet montauk is still like where a bunch of 24 year olds get a house like you know and sleep like 20 people for in a house that sleeps 12 and they party all night

it's pricey as fuck like in a long like in a vacation town kind of way. But the energy is more like summer party than bougie. It's not like sailing as much as it is getting absolutely loaded with no shoes on. And then sailing. I've done a weekend in Montauk. Loved it. And then my only other excursion there was, you know, I had to see Weezer play Jones Beach in 2002. Ooh. Holy shit, man.

Which is a great show, great venue. Green album. Yeah, I want, it could have been an early Maledroid show. But. Interesting. What about that up, I was looking at, because I'm going to Cape Cod this summer and then I'm going to New York City and I said, maybe I'll swing by that lengthy, lengthy island. And what's the deal with North Fork?

They make it sound like it's a wine country. Does it seem like North Fork is a legit wine country, or is that just trying to get off the ground? There's a lot of vineyards out east on Long Island, and the North Fork is like a bougie little wine town. It's budding. and the North Fork is like a bougie little wine town. It's budding. I'm hoping that the cannabis legalization makes some pot farms pop up there too on Long Island.

That would be like a real prideful thing to have like a strain from Long Island. This family smokes this strain. Look, we keep it fucking in the family, all right? We smoke Long Island weed. We drink Montauk beers. We only eat at All American, all right? We smoke Long Island weed. We drink Montauk beers. We only eat at All American, all right? That's it. Oh, shit.

Speaking of weed, you reminded me that we have some related booze news. Jeff, hit the booze news theme. Ooh. Those two special words that send you reeling. Those two special words that send you reeling. You know what to do, so you do what you do. Shout it to me. Before this is just one of our songs. And I'll shout it at you.

I said, I'm a fan. I've been talking about you. I've been talking about you. I've been talking about you. I've been talking about you. I've been talking about you. I've been talking about you. Got it. Now, if you want my personal review. Crisp cock scraping against the asphalt.

All right. All right. There you go. That's for Gabrus, the first time on the show. That's the asphalt. All right. All right. There you go. That's for Gabrus, the first time on the show. That's the news, the theme song we use every time. Okay. That was sent to us by Gavin Hangle. And here's today's booze news. I flagged this.

It came across my desk. The Long Island Brewery Blue blue point brewing in patchogue hell yeah has just come out with a new beer uh called legalize wheat and listen to this beer it's a seven percent abv okay with pineapple express terpene i didn't i had to look this word up. Terpenes are like a weed comp. Terpen? Oh, fuck! No, no, no. You got it.

You got it. But there's an extra E at the end. It's terpene. It's terpene. But does that mean there's THC in it? Well, it says that it has therapeutic benefits like relaxation and stress relief. Like CBD or what? Is this just a CBD thing or does this get you high?

and stress release cbd or what cbd thing or does this get you high uh terpenes are like the different flavor like molecules that make up like an endocannabinoid so it's like you can get like pi nine is a terpene that gives it like the piney scent that's in like a jake uh jack harrow then there's like the lemonene which is in like a lemon diesel and all that stuff like uh so i think you can pull flavor extractions deep on that level and it sounds like if they're gonna tout therapeutic it's probably in the cbd or cbg see this is why you get gabrus to get into the molecules baby of the taste we got bro drinking long island ice teas for entirely too long to be speaking with authority on anything, even weed at this point in my life. If Gabrus

wasn't here, that would have been us going, so you pour it into a bong, so now this is the bong where it replaces the bong. A bong is like a bowl, but it's got water in it. Have you had any weird weed beers that you like? Is this a thing that's going on that's good

or is it just kind of like, and whatever? I've had some weird THC white wine, THC rosé. But the highlight thing for me, and I think I recommend this to everyone, is Hi-Fi Hops. It's not exactly beer, but it's hoppy, sparkling water brewed by Lagunitas, so it's pretty flavorful. And there's three different flavors, quote-unquote.

One has 10 milligrams of THC, one has five THC and five CBD, and one is just CBD. Wow. And they have zero calories, zero sugar, zero alcohol or anything so they are fucking great beach drinks damn bring two bottles is it essentially like eating a weed gummy then

yeah it's exactly except like one beer one drink is a weed gummy it was worth yeah like a weed like depending because some gummies are 10 and some are 5 yeah depending on what it's exactly that the future is now man drinkables i think are processed you know hit you a little faster than edibles as well that's like the only like i think because of the liquid it gets digested faster damn and tim you had a hoppy refresher right that was that lagunitas what is that yeah and that was nothing that was non-alcoholic and and no cannabis no nothing and I liked it just as a... It's like hoppy, sparkling water, right?

Yeah, it tasted like pine needles. It was like a pine LaCroix. But it was in a nice glass bottle. It was very refreshing. I know a lot of my buddies in recovery really enjoy... I'm sure they'll never be guests on this podcast, but they enjoy the hoppy waters. They're a big fan of like...

Because they're like beer adjacent, more so than the NA beers because they don't even have the calories or anything. You can have like six of them and feel, and piss your pants or whatever. I always feel like if I were trying to not drink, I wouldn't want to be drinking something that is flirting with booze and wetting my appetite you

don't want to get too close to the flame i've said this before on the on the pod here i went i was doing like a non-drinking month once and i was at a bar like somebody's birthday party and getting non-alcoholic beers and i think i had like six or seven and i was only there for an hour and a half like it was just i drank them so quickly because it was like oh yeah this is this is what i remember oh jesus this is what i've got to do that i went to a like premiere party for some bullshit thing i had like one line in and i was trying not to drink so i took a couple hits of weed and then had like 11 seltzers the way because like i guess i learned that i'm like an anxious drinker at events where i'm like if i'm trapped in a conversation that i way because like i guess i learned that i'm like an anxious drinker at events where i'm like if i'm trapped in a conversation that i don't like i just like

uh well i need another cocktail like i just like drink three quarters of a pint glass of tequila soda and walk away like well i gotta go fill this up sorry i'll be right back you know and then i did that with seltzer for so much but i still have to take a lift home because i was baked and the lift driver was like you're not gonna puke in here are you man and i was like yo i didn't even drink tonight he's like you don't look great i'm like i think i had way too much carbonation i was like the whole way home so gabriel you got that wiring though where you can be so you're at this event and you decided i can't drink here. I shouldn't drink here. So you got baked instead.

And that works for you socially. It works for me socially, yes. I mean, I can't, I have to do something to deal with people. You can't just be out there. On that level, I'd rather just be home. I'm jealous. You're like the TV stoner. You're like the Spicoli Michelangelo stoner, not like the shaggy stoner. Yeah. I've become like a little bit in my,

in the quarantine, I've slowed down my drinking even more than I've already slowed it down because I'm not good at drinking at home. I mean, I am arguably very good at drinking at home if you work for a company that sells alcohol. uh if you are a person who's trying to avoid depression and diarrhea then you uh i'm not a good drinker at home so i'm more of a bar guy so this last year i was way off it so i learned to be a very social smoker to like hang out with people it's just like i don't want to drink because i'm getting miserable easily but i'm ready i've been out. I drank a few beers at a live sporting event this week.

Things are new. I went to SoFi Stadium, and I saw LA's own rugby team, the Guiltinis. Speaking of cocktails, poorly named cocktails. Guiltini. Let's grab a Guiltini, which I guess is adam gilchrist is like a famous cricketer or something gilchrist and he owns the team and he sells canned cocktails in australia and that's what he's famous for so he has two teams in the league that he owns one's called the guillotines and one's called the gil gronies oh my god yeah it's two awful names and of course la gets like a fucking team and i'm like yes a new sports team for me to support.

A sport I get, blah, blah, blah. It's like, I don't want to fucking wear a shirt that says guillotinies. I got to wear a shirt. It's like, why has it got to be this? Like, anything would be a better name. Like, LA rugby team would like go the fucking Washington style would be better. Oh, my God. It feels like it's the type of nickname you wait for other people

to come up with a term of endearment for your team, but to just be like, we have a joke name for our team. We're promoting people with our team. I'm excited for that stadium, though. That's like brand spanking new. It was weird. It was wildly futuristic. The screen is insane.

That's where the Rams play? I think so, yeah. Yeah, I remember seeing that on TV, and it was just like, holy shit, this is a humongous place. It's like the most expensive stadium ever built or some shit. Yeah, how did they make their money back last year? Let me see what happened. Oh, yeah. Mike, nice.

Michael. Got him. back last year let me see what happened oh yeah mike nice michael got him that's right hey i'm not paying the taxes anymore all right you're going full tax evasion these days you should stop saying that on the podcast oh yeah yeah oh you know what don't edit that out don't you know what leave it in butter leave that one okay so we've been dancing around the special beverage of the night but now let's just dive right in and gabriel's typically what we would do is one of us would have had to learn all about the drink and then you know tell the history of it to the other dudes and we all say oh that's where's where it came from. But this week we got something very special because why listen to me summarize history when we can listen to the inventor,

Bob Butt himself. Oh, wow. Talk about this drink that he created. Hit the clip. Oh, yeah. Hi, my name is Bob Butt, a.k.a. Rose Butt. I invented the Long Island Iced Tea. This guy's historical. This is the man right here. The Long Island Iced Tea. The iced tea was invented at the OBI East in Hampton Bays. OBI East. Back in the 70s.

Life was good in the Hamptons. It was beautiful. Getting some of that nice Long Island reggae. Authentic. It was just a really wonderful place. It's the island of jams as we call them. We had a contest at the bar that I was working, the OBI, and they put a bottle of Triple Sec on the bar and they asked us to make something out of it. So 20 other bartenders and myself, we went to work and I came up with this drink. I never really thought about the money-making aspect of it. I invented it for fun.

It was part of my job. And I think I always did my job well. Yeah, Bob. It says I did my job well at the time. You know, I think I did my my job well. And this is a, it says I did my job well at the time. You know, I think I did my job well. This is a good one. This is a real good drink. Okay.

So I'll summarize for Gabrus who didn't hear a word of that. Have you ever heard of that? Oh, our tech is a mess over here. We don't know. I think it's something i did wrong lock again but yeah i didn't hear the song before or this so i was just like nodding but what is there any why we're just we're just we're in over our heads we're not used to guests we're all flipping that's fine but you picked the perfect guest, a guest who's so comfortably being unwelcome somewhere. I could just roll with it.

Bob Butt in the 70s was working at a place called the OBI East. So I guess that there was an Oak Beach Inn in Jones Beach. But then there was also Oak Beach Inn in the Hamptons, Hampton Bays, and he was working at that one, and it came from a triple sec competition. The boss said, who can make, which is so weird because there are 100 ingredients in this drink, and triple sec is the last one that I think of.

Yeah. But they were all, 20 bartenders all made their triple sec beverages. Bob Butt made this drink, and it was a big hit, and it spread throughout the world. Crazy. That's crazy because it's like a go-to reference drink. You know what I mean?

People might not even know what's in it or what it tastes like, but they know that Long Island Iced Tea is a cocktail, and most people even know that Long Island Iced Tea is like a fucking high-octane cocktail. It's so crazy. Oh, yeah. It's just known as a warning, as a red flag drink. That's what I was saying for like the teenager kid who wants to drink ordering that just

because like I know the name and I know one thing about it. It gets me. Gabrus, have you had the Adios motherfucker, a close relative of the Long Island? No, I have not. Please. It's another one of these. It has like five liquors in it but it's it's blue and it's got like curacao in it or something to give it oh blue curacao that shit is

yeah yeah i one time drank a full bottle of that because we were when my friend's dad was a bartender at the bowling alley and he would steal liquor and bring it home uh the dad and then we would steal from him yeah that's it i realize i'm like now with telling that story i'm like oh that's not as cool of a perk as i thought it wasn't dude your dad gets to take home the booze from the bowling alley i don't know if he gets to yeah but i drank like a full bottle of that blue curacao one night because that was like the one thing that we were like i think we can get away with stealing this my dad never drinks it so we're drinking and it tastes like orange peels that's what it is flavored like and it will turn your puke and your shit bright blue

that's perfect we've been meaning to get our shit to be blue that's great yeah i saw all your research papers and I was like, I think I have a fucking shortcut for these guys. We're reading up like, okay, shit number 84. Still brown. Still brown. Tim, I was waiting for Bob

Butt to give us the recipe, but he didn't do it. So do you have that handy? Well, he actually did if, guys, that audio was from the PBS Inventors series. And if you go on YouTube, it's there. And Bob Butt mixes one up. And it's so great because he seems cool. Like he said, he wasn't in it for the money. So he seems like he kind of I don't think that bar is still around, but he's still like in Hampton Bays at like living in a in a condo. And he mixed up a Long Island iced tea for the camera

crew. And he's just sort of like, he didn't squeeze any lemons. He used sour mix. And he just, he lazily pours himself one, and he's getting liquid all over the counter and doesn't really care. It's like, what do you do? I'm Bob Butt. I made the thing.

What do you want? I'm Bob Butt. But he puts a shot of everything we're going from the the our beloved iba for some reason and they say and this is uh this is the recipe i'm going to follow here half an ounce of tequila half an ounce of vodka half an ounce of white rum half an ounce of triple sec half an ounce of gin one and three quarter ounce lemon juice fresh a lot of lemon juice very fancy right yeah that's a lot of them i think it's trying to get you to make sour mix more or less right because the next thing you're going to say is probably who would be squeezing it's a waste of fresh fruit uh in this potion i feel like well

let's talk let's let's talk when you're making a top shelf Long Island iced tea at the Gaber's house. Guess what, baby? You use a full fresh squeezed lemon in there with sugar in the raw because the only simple syrup we had was mint and I didn't want to like take it to that level.

Well, in the Gaber's house, the lemon is squeezed after or while you're yelling at Trish to do it, right? Yeah, yeah. And Trish is my daughter that Tiffany and I had years ago. Tiffany! But Trish best fucking live. Well, Trish is the daughter we pretend to have so our upstairs neighbors think we're fucking living like in a room type situation.

I do fake school lessons. living like in a room type situation. I do fake school lessons. I do an hour long language lesson every day for my mute daughter, Trish. To keep my neighbors confused. Why won't you ever speak? So it comes out, so it sounds just you yelling at nobody.

I rate. To speak. I never taught her to speak. Okay. Never tell your wife that I made that blunder and we should not have any problems. She has no idea who you are. I met her once or twice.

Seriously. She's not great with names and a lot of my friends are four-year-old white comedian guys. We blend together. No, no, we're all very unique. Yeah, we're all very unique. I do like, Jeff, for the listeners, I'm getting a visual experience here.

Yes. Tim and Dutz got some serious, like, sun-kissedissed like vacation vibes looking to them. And then Hanford is clean cut in a white-out room with glasses on. Like he looks like the guy who storms into our music video to knock it off. I got a job interview after this. I got a backwards hat and a tank top on. I'm applying for a bank manager position immediately after drinking a long island iced tea yeah they keep weird uh weird hours 10 15 on the east coast yeah i'm

gonna be a little buzz but it gets me loose they gotta expect at that time that you're gonna have a couple yeah you're giving out midnight loans or job interviews you gotta be fucking half in the bag um so then and then this recipe said uh an ounce of gum syrup that's like fancy sugar we're not gonna do that well gabers you got sugar in the raw which is pretty fancy i'm going yeah simple syrup same yeah that's smart i wish i had it i would have done the same in in the bar you usually usually just hit the mix gun button, like that gross sour spray. We got to get that. I want that gun in my kitchen so bad. It would make me

so happy to just fucking just attach to like the faucet. So it's attached to my dick. And then when I have to be and there's nothing, nothing fancy, right? You just mix it. it you stir it well well don't forget jefferson we're topping off with really not even for taste but for color to make it look like a long island iced tea one dash of cola doesn't really dash is open to interpretation i'll give

you a little um follow through here up to like two ounces of soda you still not fuck it up after that it starts to just be like you're drinking an alcohol and coke gotcha but you can go it does add enough sweetness and effervescence that it really lightens it so you can don't be you can go a little more than a dash uh i'm gonna do two dash, you're nuts. I didn't say go two dashes. What are you, five? I said a little more than a dash, dude. Maybe dash and a quarter tops. I was talking dash, dash and a half. You're talking two dashes? Christ fucking Christ.

What is this, Oak Beach Inn West, bro? We're making the Oak Beach Inn East style, bro. I like to kind of think of this as the OBI West around here. Sloppy Boy should open up our own OBI. Damn. Okay, so your dashes,es of your cola and then it says add all ingredients into highball glass filled with ice stir gently garnish with a lemon spiral serve with a straw so we're not even shaking i feel like bartenders usually sometimes will shake the booze and and ice and then top with soda but i'm just i'm going to do what they say.

I'm just going to pour it in there. And that's that. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Gabrus is finishing up his first and we'll make our first. Great folks. We'll be right back. Let's make Bob butt proud.

Listen up. Slopheads. Lucy nicotine is a company founded by big brain caltech scientists and former smokers finally there's a better cleaner tobacco alternative that doesn't well quite frankly suck their gums come in wintergreen cinnamon and pomegranate. And as for their lozenges, well, those come in chetty ice, citrus, and mint. Lucy lozenges and gums are FSA and HSA eligible, so you can use your FSA cards to purchase Lucy now. And it's convenient and discreet. Products can be enjoyed anywhere, on flights, at work, on the go,

even in the gym. My uncle Darius Dutton is going to love these. He's a lifelong smoker, but look, you're not going to find a cigarette that tastes like cinnamon or pomegranate. It's a superior taste, folks. And look at the flip side. There's a reason there isn't a cigarette flavored gum. Make the switch. It's 2021. Get rid of the cigarettes, unplug your vape, throw out your dip, chuck your Sherlock Holmes pipe Watson, and get some Lucy nicotine gum or lozenges. This is the real deal. A subscription to Lucy comes directly to your door each month.

It's so simple. And you don't have to leave your house because Lucy has delivery down. Sloppy Boys listeners, go to lucy.co and use promo code sloppy to get 20% off all products on your first order, including gum and lozenges. Also, I have to give this disclaimer. Warning, this product contains nicotine derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. That's lucy.co. Check it out and make the switch. Mine's not even that dark. I got a light beige.

Mine is a little darker than most because I don't have white rum. I only had mine. Oh, that's a good rum. Great glass, though. Perfect glass. You know what that is, right? That's a Palm Wonderful, baby. No, I didn't.

Yeah, I would have taken many guesses to have gotten down to. You know what that is? Yeah, I think so. No, never mind. No, Palm? No, I had no idea. A couple years ago, they used to sell these. That was way off. Samsonite? Yeah, I think so. No, never mind. No, Pom? No, I had no idea. A couple years ago, they used to sell these. That was way off. Samsonite?

Mike, what do you got? Let's see it, baby. Not very impressive. It's in this little hotel cup. Hey, that's impressive. Right, John? That's super impressive. Making Long Island iced teas in your hotel is such a specific type of alcoholic.

I don't have any measuring stuff, so I was doing the cap of the Bacardi, and I was like... Well, you're meeting up with people later, right? This isn't just you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. My little nips, my nips in the ice bucket. You got bottle service for the table in your own hotel. Does anybody call you John Gabrus or is it just Gabrus?

Most people call me Gabrus. A few people call me John still. Hanford is actually one of them. He frequently calls me John, yeah. Which I don't mind. It is my name. I don't think we're on that type of level. Mike calls me

John all the time. Not Mr. Hanford as I've been referring to. I told you this. The T-Man. Oh, that took me way too long. Whoops. Yeah, it's me. It's the same here. You know what it reminds me of is when you go to like a tiki bar.

What's the tiki bar up in the valley? Tonga Hut? Tonga Room? Tonga Hut Valley? Or Tonga Room? I just said Tonga Hut Valley. Tonga Hut Valley. You're like, what's the name of that tiki bar?

And I'm like, tiki bar valley? Got it. I'm just half a Long Island iced tea in in and i'm the smartest person on this fucking podcast and i belong every time like i made this mistake once and i will never do it again at a tiki bar it's the same thing you're saying where you pull just a million liquors where like the person in front of you gets a mai tai and then they get all the stuff out and they make one and put everything down you're like i'll do one of those like hey this would have taken two seconds if I made them at the same time. But no. I feel like tiki bartenders, they know they're in for the bomb-diffusing job of bartending.

You don't take that job if you've got a problem pulling out 12 bottles for every drink. It's like, this one you light on fire. This one you put a scuba man in. This one you have to fucking... You gotta wind him up. This one you dress as a scuba man in this one you have to fucking yeah wind him up this one you dress as a scuba man to do it the the tiki bar bartender the ones that i've encountered you'd think they'd be like hey yeah let's all have some uh island fun they're not but it's just like i'll make this here you go uh you little scientists yeah well there's just so there's like such a rush on

everything man i felt like such a little dork using my half ounce measurement you know the way yeah yeah a bartender would be just going like you know uh ideally multiple bottles at once you're going wow but i was in my kitchen with a little one One Mississippi, two. I was going, one Mississippi, oh. Spilling it everywhere. Mr. Dork. But look at this, guys. Check out my... It said...

You did a lemon twist. Lemon twist. Lemon spiral. Or spiral. There you go. Not so bad. Cheers. Oh, shit.

Did you try what you're doing? All right. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Okay, bottoms up. Bottoms up? All right, I know how to drink these. You just chug one the first sip, right? It's a shot, right?

It's a really tall shot. Hey, that's pretty. That's brisk, baby. It tastes like a sugary Lipton. Yeah, it does taste. Bottled brisk. Yeah. Nothing's's over just give me something to drink that's in i have not thought of that brisk commercial in 30 years and i can picture exactly the claymation stallone nothing's black and white claymation it's just in my fucking medulla i can't get it out like if i if

if someone says brisk just like that and i say that's brisk baby and then i eventually get to nothing's always getting some to drink also helps if you're boxing i'll say that a lot too you know if they're telling me that they're the the match the fight's over match oh boy here we go um it's very weird that this drink is like like um i've never like had one while relatively sober before i as of now i've had um i had one cacti a travis scott sparkling seltzer earlier so i'm not a hundred percent uh undrunk but this isn't a virginal sip, but it's still pretty raw, if you will. It's just weird thinking that, like, I kind of thought that the whole...

I remember the whole thing about this being, like, it just... It's called iced tea, and it just, like, looks like an iced tea because it has a dash of Coke, but mine is so lemony that I am like, yeah, that tastes like... I'm fooled.

I'm not... For the amount of liquor you put in these, I'm not tasting much of it. That's the trick. Yeah, that tastes like... I'm fooled. I'm not... For the amount of liquor you put in these, I'm not tasting much of it. That's the trick. Yeah, that's... Therein lies... Yeah, that's the greatest trick the devil ever pulled. Trick.

Oh, and you know, for the cola that I used, cherry cola. Cherry cola. Ooh. This guy is making little changes. Can you taste cherry? I don't know. There's so much other stuff in there that I can't

pick out the cherry cola part of it. I can't believe you didn't use cherry wine. How dare you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How dare you not keep the brand popping strong. Suck it on that cherry wine. How dare you not keep the brand popping strong.

Suck it on that cherry wine. I did the one shot of everything rather than the half shot because I had a big glass, and I was like, fuck it. And I made it before, so I was like, oh, this will last me the full hour. And I'm actively trying not to finish it. It really does go down smooth. I know. This is nice and cool, too, and it's kind of not to finish it. It really does go down smooth. I know. This is nice and cool too and it's kind of in a warm room.

I was just about to say, I'm looking at everyone's drinks. Love that. Ice is crucial to a Long Island Ice Tea. Ice is very, because you're arguably drinking like five liquors on the rocks, right? So you need as much fucking ice as possible

get that sour mix to just make it tolerable but you need the ice to help the sour mix taste more tolerable and then you just need the coke so it looks like iced tea so it hits your brain in like an iced tea yeah yeah i should have did more coke and the glass yeah yellowy mine's mine's a little yellowy oh yeah yeah but uh i did i did quantro it looks like i also did some quantro i got some 80 proof triple second there oh yeah yeah this is this is casamigos kettle one some weird rum that was a gift like the only rum i have is like a dark rum that's like in a weird bulbous gift bottle hendrix gin quantro a fresh fresh squeezed lemon sugar in the raw and again i had to walk the only thing i had to pick up this is

the like this is how embarrassingly bougie my life is the only thing i had to go pick up was a can of coke the most common place of all i don't keep that in my home every other ingredient to make a top shelf long honesty and i was like i have to walk to the market and pick up a cola. You take a six pack. You're like, do you sell these in ones? Yeah, they did. I bought one can of Coke and walked out with it. I looked like a teen after school.

You're like, I'm doing this lobby boys. I was like, I gotta go straight to soccer. A teen after school. Have you guys done back-to-back tastes on ever on the you know people swear by the mexican coke that has the real sugar and not the the corn syrup i have one of those and obviously in this drink i'm not going to be able to tell um but uh are any guys like that's a thing where you say no the mex you like the mexican one more i've never done back-to-back tasties i've never done back-to-back but i unpopular opinion i like i think i like

regular coke better oh see i can't tell if it's the glass bottle that's doing a lot of lifting when i enjoy a mexican coke and if i had a coke classic in a glass bottle i might just like it as much but the psychosomatic element of like it's real sugar instead of corn syrup I'm like that's what I like about it and I like cannot place that you know what I mean like I can't even tell the difference between red and white wine

I'll tell you John there is one dead giveaway that you're missing my wife is constantly like have you been eating this yogurt and i'm like yeah she's like it's gone so bad how have you not i'm like i've had it the last three days she's like really am i like i'm like brain is so fucking weird like i'll she's like how many of these have you eaten it's like oh i don't know a lot she's like these have all gone bad i wake up i eat one of those yogurts i throw up all day i go back to bed is that why i'm in the emergency room then all right that makes a little more yeah oh okay that

puts it together that's all right i heard the difference between the cokes is that functionally sugar tells your body i've had enough and corn syrup is just as bad for you but it circumvents that alarm in your body so you so you just keep drinking more so you might find that you get sick of a mexican coke with real sugar faster and that's your body doing its thing wow and and america normal american cokes you know they got that corn syrup you just keep drinking nothing like american technology to prove we were able to circumvent your biofeedback that keeps you alive to make more money for a corporation. Well, you know, you see, we all want to live in this capitalist country.

Well, you got to drink the corn syrup. I am already feeling this drink. Me too. It hits fast. Whatever I just tried to spit out of my mouth made no sense. You know in movies when a business executive or Don Draper just walks into a room, opens that one weird glass flask, pours it into glass, and shoots down hot scotch in the middle of the day. Imagine if someone came in and was like,

after witnessing a car accident or just escaping from like they come in and they just make a long island ice tea pouring all from those wiping shit up and stuff yeah exactly spilling all that fuck fuck okay hold on i just need a drink yeah i just need a complicated ingredient drink have one sip and be like, okay, send her in. We just... Send her in. We just did the whiskey sour, too.

That's a fun thing to get involved. There's a little bit of egg white. That's not something you tread into lightly is cracking some eggs when you're mixing up a drink. Dude, I put like three or four yolks in this one. And it's just... It binds it together just right.

That's the Philadelphia iced tea. Yeah. Coffee style. Nothing is over, just give me something to drink. Nothing's over, just give me some of that fucking raw eggs and five different liquors. Actually, it's not that healthy, be careful. Hey! That's your body telling you to stop.

That's pretty good. Sly knows a lot. And you were never on Mad TV? I was. Do you remember Artie Lang? That was my Tony Clifton. You did him for 20 years on the radio. A couple movies.

I did Artie Lang at all of the read-throughs for Crashing in front of Judd Apatow and was like, eventually I'll get a role on the show. We're doing these table reads as Artie, a part you can't just accidentally book by impressing. So I'm like hey put me in as another guy who says hello to pete over here no okay never mind hey season two you want to play arty lang yeah of course man love to love to starting to like know the writers of the show

well i'll talk to you guys season three will definitely pop off you're gonna need an arty lang that is arty lang's country cousin thank you what a the sad thing to think i've been there too yeah doing doing the table read and i'm like you know if i give a real good read here they're gonna find something for me i just know it i mean even if arty lang was just playing a guy named Bruce Lang, you run a risk of Artie Lang is very potentially not going to make it to the shoot. That's like a thing he's unreliable. So even if he's like, Artie Lang's playing the role of Bruce, but can you read him in the table reads?

You'd be like, well, I could. But it's like, you can't, I can't just be Artie Lang, the character in this episode. So it's like, there's not even like a fluke of a fluke that could get me in there. Well, Tim was hoping to be cast as Reggie Watts at some point. I don't know if you stood a much better chance at that. Oh, dude, I read all five seasons of Comedy Bang Bang. I always read the Reggie rolls at every table read i was

really pleased with my performance and i did some beat boxing i did all the loops and everything but and you never got that understudy call huh it never happened but he's another guy that like would sleep through a whole day of shooting shooting uh and you're kind of hoping if you're reading for someone you're right like if arty lang had been playing a fictional character that you you want to be understudying for for andy dick for for all the people that are most likely to maybe not make it to shooting it's like i've just blown past like 25 references i was like no don't say that don't say that my brain was just like oh like i'm like i'm like just keep thinking of like this would be a funny actor who died in a way that isn't like like you know and i was like stop can't say any of these out loud and i just i was like but you have to let yourself know you have

12 awful ideas and just you have like an in memoriam reel running through your head through your head yeah cackling at bob but what i'm sorry what i can't hear any of that stuff sorry i was listening to my own fucking in memoriam in my head set to down easter alexa in memory of when you're talking long island and you're talking alcohol it's crazy that you don't talk about billy joel he's sort of the venn diagram of both those circles legendary long islander legendary fucking sauce man i didn't realize that he was such a like alcoholic oh yeah like until recently i read an article that was like have you not seen his big red nose well i i just thought that was him like getting older but has he always been like like when he was a big... Mean.

Mean drunk. I can't imagine someone from Long Island who's not... Drinking is so inherent to the culture. For me, I met a lot of people later on in life who I was like, oh, I've been drinking every weekend since I was 13. And they were like, really? I'm like, yeah, every Friday and Saturday night from like eighth grade through, you know, I'm 35 years old that I found started smoking more weed and less alcohol. But like,

and everyone's like, really that young. It was like, yeah, bar mitzvahs in like seventh grade. Then like an eighth and ninth grade, you started partying on the weekends and not everyone had that. But like,

I feel like long Island, a lot of towns, people, parents are drinkers there. It's like that. It's either, you're either you're either poor or blue collar or like that level of rich that's a different kind of alcohol you know it's like wine alcohol that you're allowed to like get away with but everyone's fucking banged up going to bars is a fucking disaster people just go out to get fucking loaded you know

i can imagine the the thanksgiving eve in long island after just what you told us was would be crazy it's a fucking legendary go to effing grooving on sunrise highway every thanksgiving eve just get fucking effing grooving yeah this was the bar i started sneaking into when i was fucking 14 years old with a fake id that said i was 22 and they were like i was drinking there for like six years and it was a bar for they they the bartenders wore t-shirts that said we don't serve but they serve budweiser down the street this was all like belgian hipster beers and they like uh they didn't have any like domestics and shit only domestics were like sam Adams, cherry blossom. Like they just like only.

So that was my drinking experience from like 14 to 18. And then I drank there when I came home from college all the time. Real idea all of a sudden. Yeah, but the thing that got done, you're exactly where I, me and my buddy Sanford, who've been partying at this bar for fucking eight years are sitting at the bar we have come from my graduation party at my mom's house and we're

like after party at fucking f and we're sitting there and it's like can you believe fucking john's graduated and the guy's like from what it was like from it was from college but we were like oh my god we're supposed to be like 27 according to this dude and so we just panic and my buddy goes he's a fucking doctorate of and i'm like yep scrambling to be like, yes, I'm a 20. The guy who you've watched drink every weekend wearing a Hawaiian shirt is a fucking doctorate of literature now. They're probably so proud. They helped you. Oh, man.

The fake ID that I had when I was 19. Tim, you had a fake ID that I had when I was 19. You had a fake ID? Well, it wasn't fake, but it was my, my, you know, my friend's brother, older brothers, older friends ID that he wasn't using anymore. And, um,

it, uh, the name was Trevor Fowkes. So I was used to answering to that, but he, um, Oh, I remember that.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cause when we were in LA, like interning in like junior year i would have been using that but um what's funny is that like if i was 19 and the guy the id said that i was 29 and uh the guy looked like me but he was 29 and i remember being at college bars be like yes i'm 29 years old i'd like to go into ithaca's fucking wing yeah there's a

lot of 29 year olds like on in in the commons of ithaca but i remember i was like so worried that it wouldn't work and it always worked and then i was bummed out that everyone thought it was 29 that no no doorman ever once looked at 19 year-year-old and doubted that. Like, yeah, come on in here. Right this way, Mr. Fowkes. Yeah, you're like going to pull out your IDs. Like, yeah, your 40-year-old's coming in here. Oh, we're not carding you. You look like shit. You're like, this doesn't bode well for the rest of my life.

If I'm at 19 passing for 29, I'm not looking forward to 49. Yeah, and I still use, you know, like I wanted to get into AARP, so I used Trevor Fowkes' card for that. It's good to get discounts, you know, dinners and cheap hotel rooms and stuff. Oh, it's fantastic. I had a great fake ID when I was younger because, and this is the grossest way to get a fake ID, is I stole jackets from a party at a bar

and one of the guys had his wallet in there and he kind of looked like me and was 21 and then I had an ID from like 17 on like a really good one I don't know anyone who ever had fake IDs that were like somebody takes your picture and it's like fake information

like I only have heard of people grabbing someone else's and it's like passing what's the statute of limitations on forging government documents like that because uh i'm uh i got some stories antford for after we're done recording do you think that anyone ever did the thing i've seen in a movie where you just pose for a picture and you hold up like a big poster board that looks like an ID and you just take a picture of that? Have you seen? Yeah, I know what you mean. Did that ever exist where it's just like a photo? You cut the hole out, Jeff, of where your face would be and you just hold up a big board that looks like an ID.

Then you shrink that picture down to wallet size. I think it was in maybe Freaks and Geeks or Undeclared or something like that. The people I know who made fake IDs in college did that method and then eventually did that method for New Jersey because New Jersey was very easy to fake. And then as we got older, New Jersey changed their id like in the early 2000s so we had to go back to try uh they had to go back the people had to go back to trying to make new york ids and those are super way more complicated and then those people uh fit like

eventually were figured that out but then they changed the material on those around the time that we all turned 21 so we were like we don't need to keep buying fake ids from these other people at our school wow it's so like i don't think you can you can make a fake id anymore there's so many like my id right now has so many holograms and things on it and now they even have them like vertical right like if you're underage or, I don't know. No, no. I guess that wouldn't come into play. But like I've seen weird vertical IDs for like underage kids. But I feel like girls always had them before the guys I knew. Girls didn't need them. I never saw a doorman bouncer care. Or like they didn't need to be nearly good at all. Yeah. Like it would just be like, all right, you have a piece of

laminated plastic. Go ahead and. i remember that with with with college friends if girls walked right in and then they'd be like okay trevor fowkes let's take a look at this thing and then they bend it and then actually i did lose mine eventually in la do you remember um miyagi's it was it used to be miyagi dough i used to take lessons there i used to take uh karate lessons yes that's where you would train with your sensei that's where you got tricked into doing all those chores for that old man that old alcoholic who was like a war vet i went there for the all valley tournament and i got they did chores well at the sunset Boulevard, like douchey 2005 club Miyagi's. That's where I lost that.

A bouncer like looked at the card and was like, that's not you. And he just put it in his chest pocket and and kept it. I was like, why do you have to keep like I understand. Don't let me into your bar. That's fine. And I'm not going to push back or whatever. But the idea that you're like trying to make a change in my life is very weird. Saturday night at 1 a.m.

That's rude to the service industry. And Tim, you know why? Small dick. That's why I took away from Tim. Because of Tim's small dick? No. How did he know that Tim had a small dick? Oh, I wasn't wearing any pants.

He's like, this is bigger than your dick. And I'm like, okay, this guy took my ID and wouldn't let me in because he didn't think I was this guy because I was showing off my pubes to prove that I was of age. And he kind of glimpsed that a little, that little.

Tim, I remember Miyagi's was a place where I, maybe it was you. I, it was you or Eric or one of our friends. We were all kind of standing there and this guy was making out with his, I think maybe it was you. I, it was you or Eric or one of our friends. We were all kind of standing there and this guy was making out with his, I think wife. They were, they were kind of older and he stopped making out with her and looked over at one of us and was like, you like what you see?

No, were we, were we leering? And he was saying like, leave us alone. No, it was like, you want to- He was inviting you to watch? Are we, like, going to make this a threesome type of thing or what's happening here? Yeah, he was like, he was looking around the room. He's like, yes, that group. What is, well, they call themselves the birthday boys.

Yes. They all have backpacks full of comedy props. Yes, let's invite one of those guys as our third. We just came from a show. You know, those middle-aged swingers all have that fetish of the young sketch group. I want either a skinny guy with glasses or a heavyset guy with a beard,

but they have to be white. I will not take anyone between 140 and 240 pounds. Tim, we were at a bar one time, and I think you were there. Dude, if it was a bar, I was there. We walked in, and some girls were like, oh, let's get out of here. All these white dudes are ugly. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, it was. That was, I remember that. These white guys are so fucking ugly. Not what you want to hear. We were standing there like. Hey, but we're funny. We're funny.

You'll be attracted to us eventually. Engage with us, you'll see. The girls are like, send us your reel and we'll take a look. To hear it to hear it nearby nine seconds after you enter it's tough to not take it personally no no no you guys

should have taken that personally they were talking about you guys I don't agree we're looking at us talking about we had a great comeback we had a comeback of a lifetime we said hey more room for us spread out on the bar we owned that whole dance floor the rest of the night just the two of us nobody interfering just us guys us ugly fucks dancing the night away oh man that was also that

thing of remember that this is a thing you don't do as like an adult, but just, I feel like if I'm at a bar, it's either like a bar I like, and I'm meeting a friend or it's like somebody's birthday or something. So there's like a thing going on, but like back in those days when we were 21 at that moment, probably, and you would just choose a bar as a destination for no reason. We'd be like, we're getting in a cab and we're gonna we're going to howl at the moon yeah exactly or we're just like barney's beanery yeah party can i just they have video games like let's all go to this spot one person lives near there or one person's like my cousin is supposed to be bartending and you're like all right look

16 of us everyone take four separate cabs to the next location it's like we're all gonna be there for five hours yeah has anyone been here before and when we all lived together it was like okay who can drive and then getting five people to barney's beanery or no six one person had to go in the trunk was a thing that happened semi-often. Often enough. And then the driving back was just its own discussion much later in the night. Like, okay, now who can drive back?

Yeah, you figure that out when you get to it. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Dude, there's not supposed to be a bridge! Shit! Oh! What bridge? And Lord help you, if you were the trunk guy and the driver driving home shouldn't have been driving oh my god dude my buddy took a piss in the back of a friend's pathfinder because he

was in the trunk for too long like but it wasn't like it was a trunk he could have like foreseeably gotten out of it wasn't like a sedan trunk but he took a piss back there because he didn't want to piss his pants and it started to smell so and like he thought he was going to get away with it then it started to smell so bad in the car someone was like it smells like piss back here and the driver the one sober guy

who's driving us Alejandro was like what the fuck it smells like piss in my car and it was like dude and I was like it's not it wasn't me dude my friend in the back of the truck was like it's not me and he just p, dude. My friend in the back of the truck's like, it's not me. And he just pukes on himself because it smells so bad. And he's in the middle of denying it. You would think the piss smell would be several feet behind the moving vehicle

and that you could discreetly piss in the trunk of a car. Oh, yeah. You would think. Of course. The stink lines would be moving backwards. We didn't have the stink goggles to eyeball them, so we didn't know what was going on wind-wise, vacuum-wise. Maybe we had the rear windows open but not the front.

Something was going on. You got to get that air engineering just right to waft it away. Oh, but a Pathfinder, that's like an SUV. Yeah, you're in there with the piss. You're in there with the piss. That's a big boy. I understand, yeah. Same room. That'd be funny because're in there with the piss. You're in there with the piss. It's a big boy. I understand. Yeah. Same room.

That'd be funny. Cause otherwise you have to be like lying down, peeing like kind of on himself. More or less next to himself. Yeah. A freshman year of Ithaca for, for no reason. My,

my high school friends called me and were like, Hey, we're going to, we're going to Penn state, uh, this weekend. And I was, it was like one of their sisters went to Penn state or something. So I was like, okay. And then my high school friends picked me up and didn't bring me to Pennsylvania. They brought me to Rochester, New York, home of Mike Hanford, um, where I, they, their own, their plan had fallen through and we had no place to stay in Pennsylvania. So they instead called my brother who was going to university of Rochester and brought me as a,

as a prank to me, brought me to a different city than they told me that we were going to. And, and I didn't notice like the whole drive and i got all the way to rochester and i was like oh weird okay different town but hey my brothers are great anyway but speaking of uh of gross gross smells in cars my we went out for the the classic rochester new york dinner of um the garbage plate filet mignon yes oh yes with french fries chicken tenders and a buffalo wing bone in on it bone in yes yes we were in a big chevy suburban and we all got garbage plates and you can choose between macaroni salad or beans hanford is this like a is beans i i hadn't seen that it's like the nick tahoe's original one, I think, has beans on it.

But most places... No, you do mac salad. You do mac salad because it's the creamy with the crunchy fries and it's delicious. Yeah, you can have beans on it if you want. Well, the drunk friend whose car it was and was now riding shotgun was the only one of us to get the beans. And it made him sick. And then we were driving. He's sitting shotgun in his own car

and he was like oh fuck oh fuck and he puked straight onto the floor by his feet and then it was just it was disgusting but it was also so funny to be like typically someone else pukes or pisses in your car and you yell at them but he he puked and he goes, oh, it's so gross. And then he puked again and he was like, oh, it's disgusting. And it's like, we have no dog in this fight, so we're just like, oh, that's a bummer. It is disgusting. Crack the windows. Get the stink lines moving, baby. Yeah, he'll deal with this tomorrow, but I don't know.

I remember. No one was in trouble. He just mad at himself. I remember when Uber was new. I got into an Uber and two of us, a friend of mine and I were getting into an Uber

and the guy was like, hold on, hold on. One of you guys sit up front and another one sit in that seat because somebody just puked in that one. And we were like, okay. Yikes. And you rode with him?

Yeah, he was right there. It was time to get out of there. He had to go. And I sat in the wrong seat. I split the diff and sat in the mids, baby. Hey, guys, wait. We mentioned Billy Joel earlier. Yeah. Right?

Bill Joel. I mean, this is the prodigal son of the Long Island scene. For sure. Did I ever tell you guys about the time that I went to his secret underground lair? What? You? Yeah. When was this?

When? When was this um this was like maybe a few years ago but um i i mentioned that i've been to montauk once for vacation and then i saw weezer at jones beach but i forgot to mention adding up yeah there was kind of a lost weekend in the hamptons one time and um that'll happen that'll that'll certainly happen and i bumped into billy joel and you know he was out with jerry seinfeld and the boys and uh what about george costanza was there the character costanza was there jerry seinfeld out of character george such a new york night jerry seinfeld in character 16 year a New York night. Jerry Seinfeld in character, 16 year old girl on his arm.

And yeah, he was also like in character. Specifically, he was doing a lot of lines from the coffee and cars show, but he wouldn't do any quotes from Seinfeld. Anyway, so he, you know,

Billy Joel invites me back to his complex, and we're having a blast. He's dancing on the piano. Everybody's having some fun. But did I tell you this part about how I snuck downstairs to his vault where he keeps all of his secret old demo tapes? No. No. Okay.

Well, I should have told you. You told us everything else but this part. This seems like the part that you should have started with, maybe arguably even this time around. You know, I get so scrambled, and I blame it on this cocktail we're having. So I go downstairs at Billy Joel's secret compound lair, and I'm poking around the vault,

and I find this early demo. You guys know his song Piano Man? Have you have you ever heard that yeah i've heard that song yeah it's like which one's that that's the song he's the piano man it's pretty it's paper says i've heard of it but oh yeah i know which one you're talking about i know which one you're talking about yeah it sounds a little familiar anyway i found this demo where it was like apparently start the piano i'm the piano man jfk blown away piano man has to say well we all love that melody and we all have it stuck in our heads all the time but i guess before he he had like an earlier version before he was really famous he had an earlier version of the song that was like pretty

good but not quite as great but the thing with it is like he i guess he hadn't yet settled on what instrument that the the main guy in the song should be associated with right right um so it's just like not quite as good as the thing that we know and love but i don't know i shouldn't shit on it because maybe you guys will like it but i i just wish you had the demo i do mike oh you do you're cutting me off again michael you should have led with the part where you stole from billy joe we're gonna do we're gonna do a take two of all of it where i'll just you, lead with what you guys think is interesting. But I got the master tape. I walked out. I put it down my pants and I walked out.

And I wanted to. If you guys want to hear an early Billy Joel demo, that's like just a little bit off. We should play. Now we should definitely. Yeah, sure. Now, I mean, let's just wrap up the podcast and cut it. See you guys next

week. We're drinking beer. That's right, because gamers can't hear this. Wait, wait, hold on. Let me see. Fuck, there's got to be a way maybe we can trigger gamers to be hearing this shit. I'll listen to it when it comes out. That's alright. Alright, here we go.

Blow us a note, you're the oboe guy. Honk a few long ones tonight. Yes, we're all in the mood for some blasters. And you've got a big breathy neck. Not the same, huh? Mm-hmm. Oh. No, it's just not.

Oh, shorter, too. The oboe guy. Oh, yeah. Play us a note you're the oboe guy. I don't know. Big, breathy neck. Yeah, that doesn't sound, that's not cool sounding. No, you want to hear about the piano man.

You also want to hear about, you know, John at the bar and the real estate novelist and all that stuff right that guy who's still in the navy right he's davey probably there you go yeah yeah and the real estate novelist but just those long honking oboe notes are not well you can't dance to that it's definitely not destined for the top of the charts no no but no i think we could take inspiration from it that it's like, you know, if you're an artist, you know, you got to start somewhere and you can keep working on your craft until you perfect it. I'm going to take that advice

Tim and do that for my next drink. Oh. Hell yeah. You're going to perfect it for your next drink. I'm going to work on my craft, craft beer, and get a new drink. Let's mix up another round of these. Okay, cool. BRB.

Just came back into my office and realized none of the windows were... I didn't notice while I was in here because of the alcohol and weed, but none of the windows were open. When I came back in, I was like, oh, shit. You're not supposed to do this anymore when you're an adult. It was like... Full hot box. Yeah, we can't see you through the smoke. Spicoli falls out of your closet.

I don't have a candle. I'm supposed to light a candle. I'm supposed to open the... I have a fucking air filter I'm supposed to throw on. I'm just getting caught up in the fucking sloppy boy's potty. Yeah, you're acting sloppy, man. I've got no smoke in here, and even

my little home office has no ventilation whatsoever, so it just turns into a little sauna while I'm podcasting, and then I just don't realize I'm dripping sweat, and I step into the hallway, and it's freezing in the rest of my place. And then I just don't realize I'm dripping sweat and I step into the hallway and it's freezing in the rest of my place. And it's like revitalizing.

You run out to piss in the middle of a podcast and you're like, oh, it's so much better out there. Jessica is casually up front watching 90 Day Fiance and it's like cool and calm and a normal night. And I step out like, woo!

Oh! What is going on? You step out, five half shots of booze and one hour of screaming with your buds in a hundred degree room. Step out, you're like, ah!

She's like, Jesus, these white people are fucking ugly. These white husbands are ugly, man. My wife keeps saying that to my super handsome black neighbor. It's getting frustrating. I did less lemon this time. I think that my first one was almost like a lemonade, and then I scaled it down, and I think I love this drink.

I think I actually really like the taste of it. This is a great drink. This one, I tried to do the, Gabrus, what you were talking about, as a bartender. I just kind of like eyeballed each one. But they're all different size bottles, so they pour all differently. Yeah, that's about it. This is rum heavy because it's got a bigger mouth on the bottle.

I went out to go make a second cocktail, and I had a full shot of each in the tiki glass over there. And I went outside, and my wife had put them all back in on the bar cart that we have in the right order, how she keeps it. And I looked at that and didn't want to take out all five. And then also went, I don't need another one of these just go back and hang out with the guys and i'm just like oh it's they're put away perfect fuck it i'm not having it you also made a mega mondo one to start with yeah so we're just catching

up to you yeah that's all i want i needed that on the record thank you you got it thank you where um wait gabriel where tell us about your your bartending career was how long um it was like uh four or five summers more or less and then a couple of 16 to 20 masters of cop yeah it was like it was like from 18 to 22 or like uh 19 to 22 or like 19 to 22. I was bartending before it was legal to both. Oh, I was joking. Is that for real? Yeah, yeah.

On Long Island and then at school. At school is when I was doing most of the underage bartending in Poughkeepsie, New York in the Hudson Valley. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Was this Marist? Yeah, that's right. Marist 04 over here. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Was this Marist? Yeah, that's where I... Marist 04 over here. Damn, dude.

Well, I'm here to go 05, but also I'm from the Hudson Valley. I'm from the Kingston Woodstock area. So a lot of Maristy friends. That's cool. You work in... I'm from Long Island, so a lot of people from Marist

are from Long Island as well. It's like weird. Because it's a Catholic college. So it's like the three huge Catholic high schools on Long Island all just like ship kids to like the five Franciscan schools around the Northeast. This will turn you into a priest and then you'll come home and make me proud. But that's cool if you're in if you're going to college and then your job you're bartending while you're in college you got to be are your friends are coming in and they're at they're begging you for drinks and you're saying no my boss is here tonight you can't yeah it was kind of like uh

i had two different bartending jobs at the college one of them was more like a bar backslash assistant when one of the other rugby guys was a bartender he was like a saturday night guy and i would back him up on two of the shifts and make but i got to make drinks and that's when and that bar was like the rugby team's bar so that was renny's so i could really fucking be friendly at rendy's and then uh at foxhole which was the one that served pizza and that was the one i was an upperclassman because you had to be 21 more or less hang out this one that's the one where the albanian owners used to fucking like physically assault me like weekly they would come in during my shift and like wrestle me and insist and like punch in the arm in the chest and like

insist on like wrist locks and make make us grab make me grapple them all the time they were just they were just like super aggro dudes because you're like a rugby guy like they wanted to like because they are assholes i think and part of it is maybe part of it is that i was like a big rugby i think they disliked me because i was confident i think and i didn't like cow tap and they were just like those type of shorter Maybe part of it is that I was a big rugby. I think they disliked me because I was confident, I think, and I didn't like cow tap. And they were just like those type of shorter alpha, like first generation dudes who have shit to prove

like every step of the way. And so they were super aggro and like, but there I couldn't really hook people up. But like the best thing I could do for you is if you liked whiskey Coke or gin and tonic i can like get you your money's worth for sure oh you got a heavy pour or if you're the type of person who wants to come in and watch a college student get beat up by somebody i could be that guy too yeah i could get punched yeah i mean if you if you want to tip me for just getting

uh armbarred by a 30 year old man as a 19 year old fucking bartender see all my pressure points get uh pinched and then on long island i worked at like the most collegey fucking party bar oh wow in the non-college sessions so i worked there in the summers and like the winter home when i was home so it it was not, I worked at a Hofstra bar called McHebes because it was owned by an Irish guy and a Jewish guy, their name. Oh boy. And it was absolute trash.

I worked Bladder Buster, which was $10 all you can, and penny beers until the first person uses the bathroom. And so people would be- What? I've never heard of that. I mean, across the whole bar? In in the whole bar so then when someone finally has to go to the bathroom everyone else is like boo no and then they stop letting you come you

have to pay re-entry fee because people started like going out to be going outside well that well this was pre uh smoking you could still smoke in bars at the time so that happened in the course of my bartending and changed my job like market is like yeah when they eliminated indoor smoking i was like oh my god this job is way less fucking stressful and i feel much better the next day that i'm not in a fog of fucking tobacco every night uh but um where was i Tea, dude. Dude, you can't spell lit without L-I-T. That's on the flag, right? Yes. That's what it says on my other bicep.

That's so funny. So this bar you had to pay an entry fee to get into? That's like, man, I haven't thought of that in a long time. You had to pay a cover charge and then pay penny beers for as many drafts as you want oh and here's the fun thing about our bar we had uh on draft we had bud bud light mgd and miller light and all four taps went to bush light like they only had bush light gangstas did anyone ever crack the case i'll be like oh mgd is uh is all foamed up do you want miller light and people be like i really prefer mgd to miller light i'd be like just drink the fucking miller light you

fucking idiots i used to tell my friends i'm like if you order uh mixed drinks for me i can really hook you up if you order multiple like rounds i could sneak a lot of free shit in that way and then i was also like but also for yourself only order bottles are canned because everything else is a fucking lie at this place like the gray goose is fucking crystal palace you don't even want to know what the crystal palace is like everything is fucking married and fake and everything is all fucking whack you know it's like people come in it's like huh i want to have and i'm like no no no just get a bottle of beer only thing I can guarantee what's inside of it hold on a second so how did this penny beer thing work so you so people would come

in and like there is a bouncer at the bathrooms and people would be like if you were participating in it you could not pee and so but there would be like a hundred people in there and if someone went to go break it people would like boo fuck you or people or like some dudes because people would come like prepared to try to fucking go ham and some dudes would go i'll give you ten dollars to re-enter go pee outside and the bouncers would be like that's legal as long as you pay another cover so there's no re-entry fee so dudes would be throwing because they were like seriously sitting at the bar going like i'll take 10 cups of beer and then they would give you a dollar and it would be like a 90 cent

tip and you're like thanks but people are just fucking smashing like nine ounce cups of fucking foamed up bush light guys here's what we do the sloby boys, we go to this bar, but little do they know, we put little catheters of our dicks. Yeah, we got our catheter bags for our buddies. It's probably not legal anymore, I bet.

Dude, I had friends, and I feel awful admitting this, but before I worked Bladderbuster, you would sometimes go to it, and then my friends would do this when I was a bartender. admitting this but before i worked bladder buster you would sometimes go to it and my friend and then my friends would do this when i was a bartender if you went up to the bar and just waited long enough for a drink no one really knew what was happening like below the bar i multiple times would just go up to the bar and talk to the bartender and just be pissing on the bar

so i knew other people were doing i knew other people were doing that shit when i was not into a bottle not into a cup just on the wood on the wood just just right it's like i can't you don't want to be the guy that ruins it you know like because everyone fucking roasts you you have to leave the bar truly because people just shit on you the whole yeah i'm sure that's it's so funny to run a business if you own if you're the owner of that place the like yeah the the later that night or the morning after the bladder buster you're like yeah well we with this this floor is covered in urine and we made a lot of money so we're doing bladder buster yeah we made a lot of money, so we're doing bladder busting. We made a bunch of pennies.

You need to tell me that gets called out in a moving pathfinder, but you can't smell somebody taking a hot piss next to you at a bar? Dude, bars, the fucking kind of bars that I'm talking about this place is trash. It smells like piss. Oh, like the drawing room. It's default. Okay. Yeah, the default is kind of a nightmare.

And then like it can't get too much worse. And the reason the whatever 29 year old owner doesn't notice is because he's downstairs with like a 20 year old woman having sex with her in the walk in. Oh, and he's also the DJ with his own music. Any camoos. Maybe you've heard of them um i had one uh i can only remember one real sneaky piss which was in ithaca college uh uh the wine tour no oh mike had a mike pissed in a champagne bottle in a limo in the back of a limo two two sneaky pisses go ahead with the first one well my sneaky piss was you know the big Ithaca is not a football school it's like d3 and nothing matters but we would have this big

football game every year when Ithaca played Cordica yeah there you go the news traveled this guy knows all about Cordica my brother went to suny courtland for one semester oh we're gonna have to fight your brother that pisses me off that really pisses me off guys you're all steamed up please cool it yeah our webcam's all fogged up in that moment um i i feel like a lot of the years it was at Ithaca, but then one, maybe senior year, we got on little yellow school buses and rode out to Cortland to watch the Cortica jug game. And, um, I had, uh, I was at the football game and there was like a long bathroom line

and, uh, I couldn't get into the men's room. So I snuck into the school and, and I w I I was walking down the hallways of one of these buildings, and I was like, oh, man, I got to piss. But I couldn't find a men's room, and I just found a grate in the floor, like a vent. Yeah. And took a big old hot one. I was with you, Tim. I was with you there. Big old hot one?

In the middle of a hallway? Where is this? It was one of my hottest with you, Tim. I was with you at that. They called the hot one? In the middle of a hallway? Where is this? It was one of my hottest whizzes ever. Yeah, but no one was there because it was the weekend. Where's this grate? It was in a hallway with a grate in the ground. It's a Saturday morning. It's a darkened hallway.

In case of a flood or something. Right. There was a flood that was coming out of my little pecker shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was the flood that was coming out of my little pecker shirt. Yeah. No, it was like a great air conditioning vent grate type of thing. But it's in the ground, not the wall.

It's in the ground. And that was their mistake. You should never put them in the ground because the little Ithaca kids are going to come in there. You know they're going to tinkle. You just know they're going to have a hot tinky. Ithaca kids are famous for having to whiz. Tim, didn't we get there and not have beer and try to buy beer? It took us forever.

And then we got to the game eventually, and it was like, oh, we missed it all. Yeah, but then also the starting quarterback was hurt, and then you and I came into the game, and we threw it through the way to pass. Well, look, look, look. Guys, enough of this football shit. I'm talking about the time we went on a classy wine tour and we got a nice limo. And then I remember somebody trying to pee in bottles in the back of the limo when there were like girls around and stuff. Yeah, I had to pee and I went to a... In front of girls?

He had to pee through his boner because he saw the girls. I had to hold the bottle upside down jim cares fucking me myself and irene but it was definitely one of those things where i was like i got this this is a big full or a champagne bottle and it got to the top and i was like oh fuck um my main memory from that day was just that we did a wine i had never had wine i mean yeah so it's like senior week of college you're 21 i guess and um oh we didn't know anything about wines and then we did all these tastings and there's like you know the feeling when you're at a vineyard and you taste wine is that you're supposed to at some point buy a bottle and i remember sure the only

the only wine uh i tasted we went to four vineyards and i just drank all the free tastings and then the the wine that really got me that i responded to and i bought a bottle of was called radical And it's like a fucking Gatorade. Yeah. A code red. Raspberry fierce. Also, the first stop on the tour, they were like, yeah, yeah, here's the wine. And we all held it up and swirled it and stuff. And they were like, and now you can taste all of them. And some of them were grappa.

Are you guys familiar with? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like boiled down. So it's like high proof liquor made from Yeah. Yeah. It's like boiled down. So it's like high proof liquor made from wine. Yeah. It's like port.

It's like Italian port. And as soon as we discovered what grappa was, every stop on the wine tour also had grappa. And we were just like, oh, we'll just drink that. Do the grappa. That'll be what we do. We love grappa. We learned what it was one hour earlier. we do hi we love grap we we learned what it was one hour earlier so like no surprise that 16 kids piled in a limo started pissing in the fucking empty wine bottles in the back of the limo

yeah that's bound to happen at that point uh on uh i played men's league rugby in new york city for a few years in my late 20s early 30s oh can you give me those guys uh emails i want to i want to join you want to join the Village Lions? Yeah. You know, there's no tryouts or anything. They're just happy to have bodies. I'll send the handman down. Hi, guys.

He's got wheels. He's a fucking weirdo, but he's got wheels. We'll take him. He's a fucking weirdo. Is Trump on the team? I fucking wish, bro's fired but uh we we used to play these rugby matches and like all around the eastern seaboard tri-state area and we would party with the dudes afterwards part of like rugby culture is the home team hosts the opposing team right after with drinks for you know and they don't

they're not supposed to pay you're supposed to treat them to drinks for coming to play against you so and we did that in in new york city but they did that for us and all these other and so we'd be you know four rookies who had who are forced to be the designated drivers for four 15 pass vans that we rented as a club then would just be full of absolutely wasted dudes who had just been played rugby for uh 80 minutes then partied for two hours then stopped at a convenience store got a bunch of beer and we would piss in the water jugs that we drank during the match yeah we would save those big gallon jugs and be like leave those for the drive home and this is the craziest part we would pass them around like we would like piss into one and be like all right and be like all right here you go calvacus and you would take it like hot from

another dude put the tip right as close as you were comfortable and just fucking just go unleash the beast just go in that wide mouth hole. Just choke up on that thing. It doesn't even have to be wide mouth for old man Gabriel to slide in a fucking slide in a Coke can. I've been inside a Topo Chico.

Topo fucking Chico. I got my dick in a fucking Topo fucking Chico. I got my dick in a fucking topo fucking Chico. Okay, pal. Can't spell it without L-I-T, alright? Hey, it's me, Andrew

Dice Gabrus. Alright, let's get our final thoughts on the Long Island Ice team. Get the fuck out of here. Alright, Let's go to the feedback. I think you got your answer. This is order again for all of us. This is order again.

We love it. If you guys just heard me, we were like, all right, well now it's third round time. I'd be like, guys, when is this podcast over? Please no. All right, well now we make a third round oh all right you guys are doing something different with this podcast maybe you don't need guests yeah yeah we're not recording any of this yeah we should record this cool i'm gonna release this as high and mighty it's just

me talking but i'm sure i talked enough that it counts as a fucking monologue i know how how i understand conversation but it is great we this drink is i i'm uh you know it's it is it tastes better than you give it credit for you say you say yeah the whole point is like oh it's the it's the strongest drink there is and uh if you're it's a little embarrassing to order it because you're trying to get fucked up, but I think it tastes good. That's weird. Order it. It's not a gag drink. It's not like a punchline. It's not a guilty pleasure. It's a real drink and it deserves your

respect. So pay up with the respect everybody. But like also don't order it ever. No. It's a drink. It's like it's pretty good it works really well and it's fucking legendary but don't fucking drink don't be caught dead drinking this fucking thing i do want to get to a top shelf uh lit you got to that's i'm like halfway there i'm not like

rocking gabriel's levels but i have some good shit in here oh here let me here i got uh kettle one some weird dark rum hendrix gin oh i did this already costumigos to kill now this sounds familiar yeah now you're bragging we get it but we're impressed that we recognize any of those words i'm more like hornitos picardi tang. That's sort of my mid-range. No, no, no. I'm more like Kirkland's signature across the board, baby. Come on. I basically opened up a Bud Light and put some lemonade in. If I go to a bar, I'm going to do the top shelf and be like, eh, bottom shelf for three of them and, you know, Casamigos for the other one.

You're like, don't fucking bend me over a barrel. I don't got $42. I'll pay fucking $16. And I brought my own glass, so that's got to do something. Dude, when I was a lifeguard, one of the things we would just fantasize was drink specials because when I was a lifeguard, I was a bartender and we were all just party animals.

And one of the dreams we always had was like opening a bar where it was like Monday nights is like, whatever you bring in, we'll fill up for $5. People bring garbage cans and shit. It was so fucking awesome. Going in with everyone has a Home Depot bucket full of fucking rolling rock. If you want to drink out of a garbage can,

we'll fill it up. He's got to turn on all the beer taps at once so it fills up faster. So you got to just drink a fucking nasty concoction of like. Yeah, all the different bush lights that you have there. Five forks. Hey, we don't do that here. Yes. Yes.

Nice try. It's five straws and lemon spirals. we don't do that here yes yes I nice try it's five straws and lemon spirals that's our show thank hold on wait that's not the right one

here we go hey hold on I know I got a third one going let me pop a third one then we'll get this I need it

I need it back follow us on social media at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time also be sure to check out our patreon we'll get this outro. I need it. I need it bad. Follow us on social media at The Sloppy Boys where we release these recipes ahead of time. Also be sure to check out our Patreon where subscribers can unlock

The Sloppy Boys blowout, our weekly bonus episode. That's patreon.com slash the sloppy boys. Hey, Gaber's is a patron. You know it, brother. Yeah, baby. He's in there.

We got him locked in the debit card. He can't stop listening. If I'm going to benefit from that economy, I got to participate. He signed up as a Patron and then snapped his debit card in half. Let it ride. I sent that message to Bank of America. It's like, never stop this charge.

I said, trust. Leave it open. This is locked in titanium. And, Gabers, you got high and mighty. Leave it open. This is locked in, titanium. And Gabers, you got High and Mighty, you got Action Boys. Oh yeah, check out my podcast, High and Mighty, Action Boys. That's a Patreon, but we have free episodes.

So just open up whatever you're listening to this in and check out and search Action Boys and there should be some free episodes that give you a little sniff, get you hooked, give you a little taste. Oh yeah, that's how you get them. And you're on Twitter, Instagram as, what are you, just as John Gabrus?

I'm at bdayboysgabrus. I'm at gabrus on all platforms, or two of them. You find a platform, this guy's on it, trust me. He's out there. Trust me. He's big into Periscope these days. He's just getting into Periscope. I am on Letterboxd, and I have rarely updated.

I don't see you on Chatroulette anymore. It used to be just you and me, and now it's just me. I started just jerking off for nobody. You know what I mean? It just became easier to jerk off for myself. I'm going to try that. That sounds awesome. It takes a pandemic to figure that out it ain't all yeah you know removed to put like i lost performance space and i realized you know i don't love to perform as much i'm more of a

joi writer than anything else sure sure dude if you write down any of your joi instructions, please email them to me because I would love... Of course. I'm lost over here. I'll share you into the folder. Yeah, yeah. Share me on the Google Drive. All right, gang.

That's going to do it. Goodbye. Bye, everybody. We'll see you next week. Boys, give it up for your boys