The Sloppy Boys - 37. Sex on the Beach

Episode Date: July 2, 2021

The guys indulge in a guilty pleasure from the "Dark Ages" of mixology.SEX ON THE BEACH RECIPE1.33oz/40ml Vodka.66oz/20ml Peach Schnapps1.33oz/40ml Orange Juice1.33oz/40ml Cranberry JuiceBuild all ingredients in a highball glass filled with ice. Garnish with a half orange slice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford. Yo! And Tim Galbakis. What is up, 4th of July weekend stylies? Oh! Oh! You know, I feel like we've been saying it for a month now.

Summer has sprung. Yeah. Summer has sprunger. Spring really paved the way for it, don't you think? Yeah, it's true. Every year, it's always spring first. I'll give you a little heads up, guys, about this episode. Just so you know, due to the drink that we're doing and the topic at hand,

I might do a little bit of some kind of innuendos in this episode. Don't. Don't and just don't because you don't need to do that. I don't need to. You don't need to. It's not fun. The cheap laughs. It could be funny.

The sex stuff, the boobs, could be funny. The sex stuff. The boobs. The penises. All that stuff. Hey, penis stuff. Or boobs. Well, you know, what goes where type of stuff, Tim. We don't need it.

You know, I'll tell you who's going to love this episode. Who? That promiscuous Paris Hilton. Oh, no. Why? promiscuous Paris Hilton. Oh, no. Wah! Promiscuous? She's too promiscuous! Tim.

Not to mention Nicole Richie, her little compadre. I don't think... I know you're referring to the... I don't know if it was feature-length film, but a little video, One Night in Paris, that was put out years ago. Yeah, it was feature-length. I saw it at AMC in Burbank. And it was a sexual tape, and that's fine.

And I don't know if Nicole Richie had a sexual tape. Did she? No, but she was on The Simple Life. Yes, that's true. That is true. And I saw her at Good Neighbor Diner. Oh, good for you. I saw pro skateboarder Andrew Reynolds there, and I said,

hey, I recognize you from the Tony Hawk video game. Yeah. And he said, please, not while I'm on my omelet. Speaking of Tony Hawk, I've been re-watching jackass from the beginning and uh it's very fun but you know when you get from the beginning like it's sopranos yeah you're really gonna take it all in um i i watched the documentary uh dumb about big brother magazine yeah it's great but isn't it funny when all that stuff came out of skateboard videos so it makes sense that uh tony hawk would

be around and do cameos but isn't isn't that such a specific feeling when you see sleazoids like rab himself and uh and uh chris ponies or whatever and then when when tony hawk is there like i'm goofing around too and you're like it's like seeing uh you know mickey mouse yes yes with a bunch of punk rock guys well it's also like it feels like the the jackass guys were like all right tony hawk's gonna be here today let's not like punch him in the balls nobody touch him and that it is sort of it's the gentler pranks like no one's like yeah shitting or jizzing it's just sort of like this is the day when we're gonna be on a boogie board yeah i remember i used to watch like those cky videos in college and um there was one shot of

like tony hawk in a headlock or whatever uh in a bar where they're all just kind of like drunk and yelling at the camera like and it just is like tony hawk under it and it was so it was the one time i've seen him not be like i'm a professional skateboarder and i should wear a helmet and uh and i brushed my hair this morning yeah totally excellent i feel like he's he's uh they use him in commercials just to kind of like skate by something and go oh wow that was good that was good that thing back there if you recall it it was good this product will help you do what i do yeah well well well okay well we've done this before we've gotten off topic we're not a tony hawk podcast no nor are

we a more generalized board sport podcast right yeah but one of us at least has wakeboarded have you guys wakeboarded one of you guys wakeboarded? No. Is wakeboarding the one where you're kind of on your knees behind a boat? That's kneeboarding. Wakeboarding is kind of like water skiing, but almost like snowboarding. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, I can do it, and it's fun.

Why don't we hit up some booze news? Yeah, yeah, all right. Hit it! And now, back to the beautiful world. You are Tim Kavakis, Nick Ganford, and Jeff Dutton. This week, we will learn more information about the El Dorado. And if you have a new product in your favorite bistro, maybe a new offer from our friends at Bud Light, stay tuned. Say booze News.

It's Booze News, you nasty little simp. That was Booze News en Francais sent to us from north of the border Canada by none other than slobhead Liz. Hey. Liz. Now that was French. That was French, yes.

En Francais. En Francais. Oui, oui. That was pretty cool. And to the Conan theme Doesn't that old Conan theme Remember how it started with the drum

Max Weinberg drumming That's like the I just remember that sound being so Amped for Conan to start Waiting through the end of Wasn't that your favorite song to start waiting through the end of... And then... Wasn't that your favorite song? Remember we did the favorite song blowout?

TV theme, not favorite song. TV theme. TV theme. Yeah, that's a blowout, folks. If you don't know what we're talking about, that's a blowout. You got to get on the Patreon to listen to the blowout.

Get on the Patreon to come up Patron. Who's got the booze news okay this is rather electrifying there is a don the beachcomber documentary in the works oh okay you're film freaks right tim are we appearing in it um yeah and i i checked the nudity clause they want full pube oh god i don't know if i'm ready to show it um it they said they wanted to do one long tilt shot going all the way up your long one pube oh no no no no no head mark garcia on instagram sent us this uh link so there's a trailer that you can watch great title it's called uh the dawn of tiki d-o-n-n that's how don beach spelled it so it's like don i am the don corleone of tiki but then it's almost like the dawn like the dawning of the tiki beginning yeah that's

good and it's the fucking guy's name so you know triple meaning um but i watched the trailer and it's really cool it's got interviews with the tiki t guy and uh the lady from the tonga hut who jeff that the lady that seated us the other night at the tonga hut is the lady i remember because we were trying to coax her into letting us seat one more person at the table and then you really greased the wheels by saying hey hey did i see you in that donna beachcomber documentary and she was like why yes you can all sit and then the cristal was flowing all night long and we were like but we wanted tiki drinks she's like quiet and drink it up oh you've really taken a turn ma'am but here's

the thing so uh i got all revved up and i clicked on it and uh this this movie has been shot but it is not finished um it looks really good but there's still it's a crowd-sourced movie right let me guess stuck in post-production they're in purgatory hell. Post-production hell. They still need the scoring and finishing touches on the editing and stuff like that. And there is like, you know, you can go to their Instagram and donate. Now, I didn't give them a fucking dime. No. Right.

I don't think you will. I certainly won't. But what I will do is plug it on my hit podcast. Right. Sure. Blast around the globe and say, if you're a slaphead. Go watch this't. But what I will do is plug it on my hit podcast. Right. Sure. Blast around the globe and say, if you're a Slophead, go watch this trailer. It might get a little revved up. And then if you have any money left over from subscribing to the Sloppy Boys Patreon, give it to the Don of the Tiki movie.

And then we get to watch a cool Tiki doc. Yeah. Now, Tim, you said they might need some music. Yeah you know that for a fact are you guessing the lady at tonga had said that they were still scoring it well did you happen to mention that uh maybe a local band has the rights to their songs what's the matter with you this is i'm out there every day trying to sell this stuff making the rounds at different bars and talking to the hostesses anywhere Anywhere. Anyone who will listen. When the credits roll, I want to hear fucking Lifelong Vacation

cranked all the way up, baby. That's where it belongs. I want to hear them be like, it all started when Don Beach was born in 1894. And it's like, I like to party! It works! It works. And I don't know who's directing that film or whatever but it'd be a fool that could be a good slogan for the movie too tagline it just works yeah the music in this

movie it just works yeah maybe you should make a tagline more about the cocktails or the man no no no the music it's just music it's the last thing we did so it's the last thing we're thinking about it's the last thing we remember and it's the last thing we're thinking about it's the last thing we remember and the color correction on the film was done correctly and that was you know that was kind of some filmish so I wonder what Zuby Condorino will have to

say about the movie when it comes out oh that'll be interesting if Zuby wants to end up going to see that or maybe just reviewing the trailer as it seems to be his thing and his we don't know what Zuby wants to end up going to see that or maybe just reviewing the trailer as it seems to be his thing. We don't know what Zuby Condorino is up to. Yeah. And with that, it is time to wrap it up.

A little booze news. Wrap it up. Hey, that's good. Yeah, that's good. Here's a little technical question for Jeffy over there. Sure. This, I got my AC on. I'm not turning it off, but can you hear it?

I mean, if it's a problem, it'll be a problem for future Jeff. Yeah. Future Jeff. Current modern day Jeff doesn't have to worry about it. Yeah, right. Future Jeff. Well, okay. Tim, you made mention of something uh you were going

to do some innuendo this time around that's fine yeah Tim good luck dude yeah do whatever you gotta do I'm working on it I'm already the wheels are already spinning oh yeah uh we today are talking about uh something you two dorks probably know nothing about. A drink called Sex on the Beach. Oh, Michael. I have no proof that you two have ever made love. You say that shit to me on my podcast? Jeff, what's the wildest place

you and I have ever made whoopee? The beach. Sex on the beach, first of all, that would be awful. It's all when you see people in movies and stuff rolling around on the beach. Sex on the beach, first of all, that would be awful. It's all when you see people in movies and stuff rolling around on the beach. Yeah. That's a lot of sand in a lot of spots. You don't want it!

My urethra! Oh, one single grain of sand in my ureter. Even my knees hurts. Yeah. Imagine the rest. Okay, so here we go Yeah. Imagine the rest. Okay. So here we go. That's the worst.

If even your knees hurts, then you could imagine. Imagine the rest. To say nothing about your partner. Yes. Anyway, so we're doing a drink called Sex on the Beach. Sex on the Beach. Now, this is a drink that you had? Not had.

Not had. I've not had. I only know it as a reference. It's a drink you say, and then you giggle, and that's that. Yeah. I had no idea it was in this damn thing. It does kind of feel like exactly what I thought it was going to be. But funny little story on this one. So in 1987, they this company called National Distribution wanted to boost sales of its new peach schnapps product. Right. So what do they do? They go down to Fort Lauderdale, Florida during spring break and they have this contest. Which who can like make the best drink and sell the most. And if you do, your bar gets a thousand dollars. That's like how all of our drinks start. i know it's just another company become the majority at this point yeah because yeah the long island i see was also a it wasn't sponsored but it was

a competition just like that so this guy ted pizio hell yeah he incorporated the schnapps he was working a bar that i think probably the coolest bar name I've ever heard, Confetti's. Sounds like a blast. Oh, that's a really good name. Confetti's. I want to go to Confetti's, man. That does sound like a blast. We were supposed to start a bar called Parties.

Yep. P-A-R-D-E. Apostrophe S. Yeah. So he, was it P-A-R-D-E-E. Yeah. So he... Was it P-A-R-D-E-E? Not Y? Yeah. As weird as we could possibly make it

so people have no idea what the fuck's going on. But when they get in there, they get a bunch of confetti. So, yeah, he made this drink and he called it the sex on the beach because he thought, what do spring breakers want to do when they come down here?

They want to have sex and go to the beach. And he smashed them both together and he won the prize. And just like every other stupid story, every little article I read about this was like, well, that's a good story. But the other story is that in 1982, in like the bartender's cookbook, bartender's school cookbook or whatever, it was already in there. And it's probably because people in bartending school made the Fuzzy Navel and the Cape Codder and mashed them together.

And that's basically what we're dealing with here today. Right, because that every single ingredient would be represented. Fuzzy Navel and Cape Codder, they're each two ingredient drinks and it covers all four of this one. That's interesting. And Fuzzy Navel is the peachy one, right? Peach and OJ. Fuzzy Navel is OJ, yeah, and schnapps,

and then the other one is vodka and cranberry juice. Man. It's the Cape Codder. All of these are associated. Those names, especially Sex on the Beach, comes up a lot. You know, like I only have heard of it. It's in the movie Cocktail, and then you hear a lot of bartenders

like say it as a joke or whatever. But it also comes up in YouTube videos and stuff with like pre-prohibition era fancy cocktails. They always refer to the dark ages, you know, like the 70s, 80s, 90s. And when they're shitting on the dark ages of cocktail culture, they always say like during the dark ages when people were having sex on the dark ages of cocktail culture, they always say, like, during the dark ages

when people were having sex on the beach. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it does, like, when I read that it was 1987, it was like, oh, that makes perfect sense. Yes, of course. And the story was exactly what I kind of thought it would be. Like, why are all the peach drinks sexy? Yeah, because the peach emoji is shaped like a butt.

Yeah, Jeff, come on. Yeah, but I mean, like, come on. Yeah, but I mean like, come on. It's not like we got a lot of egg. We don't have eggplant drinks. Hey, I know. We should try it. Give me the eggplant. The eggplant drink.

Give me one eggplant drink. I'll have two dick drinks. So, yeah, I guess like the first time I noticed that the peach was sexual was in Face Off. You guys ever see Face Off? Oh, yeah. Oh, he's like, I could eat a peach for hours. Yeah. And that climaxed Face Off? Oh, yeah. Oh, he's like, I could eat a peach for hours. Yeah. And that climaxed in Call Me By Your Name.

Yeah, it sure did. Sure did. Whoa! Yeah. Hey, Jeff, put a big echo on this. Ooh, nasty. Ooh, that was some good echo work, Jeff. I am assuming.

I assume. I assume that will be happening. If you got off your ass. If you would listen to the notes. So there you have it. Now, I'm not going to just say, okay, that's it. I got to tell you what's in this thing. Oh, right, right, right.

It's a very easy drink to make, which also kind of feels like, yeah, you'd make a quick drink at spring break because you're just dumping the stuff in and getting as many drinks out as possible because these party animals want to partay. Partizzle for shizzle. You're going to use 40 milliliters of vodka, 20 milliliters peach schnapps, 40 milliliters

fresh orange juice, 40 milliliters cranberry juice. So it's kind of a what is it so one to two to two to two yeah love it the one being the peach schnapps so i think i'm gonna do that i'm not really gonna measure it out as much as michael would no i mean i'm not gonna do 40 milliliters i'm gonna do my oh yeah my own thing mike i would never hold you to milliliters no no no although i did just order a a measuring cup that has milliliters. More on that

as the story develops. Method. We are tracking the package. You might hit me with the method. Yeah, this is a build all the ingredients in a highball glass

filled with ice. That's it. Oh, wow. That's it. Stir? That's it and that's all. Don't even stir it. It doesn't even say stir,

but don't do it. I think we want a multi-level. Because I have seen some of these where the crayon goes in last, and there's a bit of a sunset. All right, well, let's try that. And then the garnish with a half an orange slice. Okay. That's one of those sentences that sounds like it's not over, but it's over.

It's done. Mike, I got a question. You said a highball glass. I just assumed hurricane glass. I don't know why. I assume that too, but yeah. I guess I got to go looking for a highball glass. I have no idea where my highball glasses are.

They're probably with the maraschino cherries, but I'll see what I can do. Tim, I wouldn't ding you if you put that bad boy in a hurricane glass. Yeah, no way. It feels like a hurricane-y kind of thing. I think I'm going to do it. Yeah. It'll be more dynamic. Okay, well, we got out of this

first part without any of your disgusting innuendos from the both of you. They're coming. What? What? innuendos from the both of you. They're coming. Thanks. Okay, okay. Enough. Enough of that stuff. You want to go make it?

Yes, we do. Tim, do you want to go make it? Par-tizzle for shizzle. Joking, of course. Yes, joking. Tim, do you want to go make it? Par-tizzle for shizzle. Nice. Joking, of course. Yes, joking. Alright, folks. We'll be right back. See you soon. Hello,

slopheads. Seinfeld reference. Okay, here's something we want to talk to you guys about. A friend of ours has a podcast that we think you should listen to. Her name is Allison Rosen and her show is called Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend. It's really great, and it comes out twice a week. Monday is a one-on-one with notable guests like Tim Heidecker, Tiffany Haddish, Scott Aukerman, Paul Rust, LeVar Burton, Fred Armisen, Bobby Moynihan. Whoa! She just had Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator

on. How about that? And the second show of the week is Thursday. It's a group show that is silly and fun. We've been on it. We've been on it. You sit around and you just chit chat. She comes up with topics. You're laughing, you're living, and you're loving life. And she is the host with the most.

I'm talking about Alison Rosen. And she's got a Patreon where she puts out weekly bonus episodes and more. So subscribe to Alison Rosen is your new best friend wherever you get podcasts because it's good. See ya!

Folks, we're back. Hey! Sex is on the beach in hand. Sex is on the beach? Sex on the beaches. Sex on the beaches, I think. Sex is on the sandy place. Much better. Tim, I'm admiring your cocktail umbrella.

I just got a pack of a bunch of bamboo straws and and uh bamboo twists and cocktail umbrellas and uh the first time i ever saw one of those was at my grandmother's house and i was so enamored with the little cocktail umbrella really uh chichu had those at her house oh yeah chichu and tamuhi and Rummy. What was your grandma's name? That one was just Grandma. Ah. What about Skipper Dan? Skipper Bill.

He's on the other side. Sailor Dan? My grandparents, on my mom's side, Polish grandparents from Montreal. In the suburbs of Montreal, they had a very classic suburban mid-century house with a basement that had a little wet bar in it nice awesome the fucking you know uh veneer wood veneer basement and then a mirrored corner and the bar was upholstered brown leather it was so yeah yeah and i remember where your like legs go like that

part um yeah actually the whole thing yeah yeah it kind of went up around the lip and then wood on top and i remember going back there and drinking cherry seven up did they have a gun um yeah my grandfather pulled a gun on me no they didn't they didn't use it at all it was just like mid-century basements came that way in montreal so they just had it but like i was the only person ever went back there and there was no gun do you guys know what makes it a wet bar sink sink hey but now i know no that's okay i'm i asked for it uh tim your cocktail umbrella it's got the little thing where you can put it up, but it doesn't have the little rubber band

that secures it up. That's such a funny thing. The little one that's on the shaft that you slide up. What a marvel of engineering. And in fact, I got too excited. I pushed it too far. I blew it back like it was a real windy day, and then I had to flip it back down.

When I first saw one of those, I was probably a little, little kid, and I was like, i'm gonna like can i keep this i'm gonna take good care of it and uh my grandma was like okay like these are a scent it's gonna be like my gi joes will use it oh michelangelo would love this it is funny like i had the same thing where it's like maybe not that exact thing but you like take it home and it kind of sits on your dresser for a little while. It's like, wow, this thing. I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but it's so neat.

I still have some of that shit. I've got this little fake treasure box in my office here where it's like my passport and my vaccination card and then like 2,000 little trinkets that I thought you just couldn't throw away. A flattened penny. Yeah, I, like, you look through those, it's like, ooh, it's good to, it's gonna be good to have

this around to remember what this thing was. Yeah. Well, in this case, you want to have that umbrella around to remember the work of Harry K. Yee. Oh, that's right. Oh, he invented those? He popularized them. Oh, okay. He he made we did this drink two drinks ago what did he uh the blue hawaii the hilton hawaiian village had because

those those they were using them for their dishes that's right that's what that was they were putting them on like the chicken skewers or something as a garnish because it's it's kind of a chinatown classic and then i think harry brought it into the cocktail world um you know what i have in my little uh kitchen is i've got cocktail straws just the short thin they're they're white with a red stripe on them oh nice and that really makes a drink feel like it was not made in my home just that teeny little touch yeah you know what you know what i don't have is any more patience for this chitter chatter hold on I want to tell my life story I put mine in a big

Budweiser mug nice I like thinking that you have like the contoured colors inside that opaque mug I wanted to show you guys this thing and I was like I'll do it on the podcast I remember that mug from when we lived together I love that mug

I couldn't get a gradient going for my damn life to show you guys this thing and I was like, I'll do it on the podcast. I remember that mug from when we lived together. I love that mug. Oh yeah, this has been around the block. I couldn't get a gradient going for my damn life. Yeah, you did. I see a gradient. It's yellow up top. Well, that's what's weird is I think we did it backwards. We were trying to make the cranberry go up top, but it fell to the bottom. So let your orange go up top.

Well, sip time. Sip time. Mmm. Mmm. Oh. Fantastic. Fantastic. I feel like I'm on an episode of Crossfire with you guys having opposite opinions. Woo!

Woo! This is not bad, man. Yeah, it's not. And I'll tell you what, I was talking a whole bunch of stuff about, eh, I'm going to go my own measurements. I went letter of the law. I did 40, 20, 40, 40. You got it.

And I'm not regretting a thing. You ever have that thing where the drink isn't enough liquid to fill the glass, and then you're like, oh, add more ice, and then ice just piles on top? I got like eight dry cubes on top of this drink yeah this isn't like uh 40 milliliters uh wait let's see it would be 80 milliliters total is not that much no stuff yeah i made i guess i made a big one because i did like i did one ounce two ounce two ounce two ounce oh wait was i reading a different recipe than you guys? I put 40 of the crayon and the OJ.

Yeah, you only do less of the peach schnapps. Which, I gotta say, peach is coming through. It's coming through real good. I'm getting most of the juices, I think. Yeah, but I mean, I know what orange juice tastes like, and I know

what cranberry juice tastes like but you don't know what peach schnapps tastes well now i do my god it's you know it's funny i went i got the peach schnapps and it was uh that lord's brand that was the same thing as that uh i think the creme de menthe i got for the grasshopper it's just like lord's makes peach schnapps amaretto schnapps all types of cran, every type of like. Yeah. Liqueur. I got, wait, who's the other guy? Hiram Walker?

Hiram Walker. And then I've got DeKuyper. Me too, DeKuyper. Do you know DeKuyper? Do you think Johnny Walker knows Hiram Walker? I think it's his son. I'm going to make, I'm going to be like my dad and make fruit drinks we're like of course I know him he's me

you know what that's from yeah what is that old Obi-Wan Kenobi yeah there you go he's me old Ben I want to say something yeah DeKuyper maker of pucker they know they no longer market it as pucker but

the sour apple flavor right next to the peach schnapps says pucker on it it's like sour apple pucker in tiny little letters i didn't know schnapps was i thought schnapps was a brand but it is not it's a type it's this is lordnapps. You know what I know the word Schnapps from is Seinfeld. When Elaine spills all her secrets when she gets on schnapp junk. And Jerry's like, nothing's staying in the vault because too many people have the key. And then they whisper like, Schnapps. I love when they show her drinking it too. It's like one bottle that she's got in her mouth and she tips show her drinking it too it's like a one bottle

that she's got in her mouth and she tips her whole head yeah it's like in her teeth wait is it a specific flavor of schnapps i think it's peach schnapps oh my god yeah i think so which is something you don't drink on it so is that the joke yeah i mean that i i've never heard of anyone just having like a straight you you wouldn't have schnapps on the rocks? Schnapps on the rocks. We should do September schnapps. There's peppermint schnapps, isn't there? Yeah.

So wait, what's the distinction? We should tell the people because we have a booze podcast. Right. Well, peppermint candy is like a hard candy and schnapps is like a liqueur. The difference between a liqueur and a schnapps. Yeah, thanks for getting us set up to be fucking fucking reamed here jeff because i don't know i i always thought that liqueur and schnapps were interchangeable i'm gonna guess the word schnapps is german

so maybe yeah don't don't spritz it oh don't spritz me that's right uh wik Wikipedia says schnapps is a type of alcoholic beverage that may take several forms including distilled fruit brandies herbal liqueurs infusions and quote unquote flavored liquors made by adding syrups spices or artificial flavorings to neutral grain spirits I mean it seems like any

liqueur it seems like they're interchangeable I mean I would guess it's usually low ABV, you know? Yeah, and inexpensive heavily sweetened form of liqueur. I always thought that it was just the small... Yeah, I got a big old bottle for like $7. Oh, yeah.

My DeKuyper was similarly cheap. DeKuyper. But I used to think because of Elaine, I used to think that schnapps meant that bottle size. Like, could I have a little schnapps of vodka? Instead of nips, I'd say I bought some schnapps. Oh, so for my vodka for this one, my nip, I got a little, I went over, I went and I treated myself.

I got myself a Grey Goose nip. Ooh, Michael. That's one of the higher end nips. Yep, yep, yep. Oh, that's one of the higher end nips. Yep, yep, yep. I said, and I'll take this huge bottle of schnapps and a tiny Grey Goose bottle. So what's the occasion?

It must be something nice. A solo occasion. It's nice to unscrew the nice Grey Goose vodka and pour it into the plastic tumbler, the plastic Budweiser tumbler. Yeah. Ooh, this is a great drink. You really like it?

I love it. Here's why. Go ahead, Tim. You think you know a guy, Tim. No, I got to hear this. I better hear this. So I got the Grey Goose. So happy for myself.

Then I went and I got an orange juice. Whatever orange juice. I think it was the Simple Made or Made Scent, whatever it's called. Then I went and I got an orange juice. Whatever orange juice. I think it was Simple Made or whatever it's called. And I got that. That's fine. I got the schnapps. And then I'm thinking I'm going to get some cranberry juice and I'm doing Ocean Spray, the real deal

and I'm getting a big one because I forget sometimes that I fucking love cranberry juice. It's good. And when I see it, I go ooh, I'm going to have this all week. And so I'm going to be drinking that cranberry juice all week and I. And when I see it, I go, ooh, I'm going to have this all week. And so I'm going to be drinking that cranberry juice all week. And I taste it in here, and ooh, I like it. I like it a lot.

This is a guy who craves the wave, Matt. Man, I think I got bad cran. You got bad cran, man. I got a shitty bottle of Langer's. Langer's? Yeah, that's bad cran. That might be part of my problem. But, Dutz, did you get, you're supposed to get cranberry cocktail, which does have sugar. Yes.

If you just, if you get straight cranberry juice. It's too bitter. That's too bitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like cranberry cocktail is only like 2% juice anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I'm having fun with this drink, but I am kind of struggling with this peach schnapps.

It's a candy-like flavor. Yeah. And I understand this is a drink. We don't like to think of our cocktails as gendered here on the show, but the classic thing is that this is a drink that you recommend to a young lady who doesn't like to drink liquor. And I do think that the vodka has disappeared in here but the but the peach schnapp it's like if this was a vodka and peach juice i'm on board right but i've had apricot schnapps i've had peach schnapps they're they're they're like they're sicky they're cloying yeah and i think that they're used to flavor other things and so i'm i'm like tasting

it and i'm like, oh, is this like some like weird fragrance in somebody's stinky living room that they sprayed on the carpet or something like that? Stinky old living room. I think I also chilled everything. I kept all the liquors in the freezer for a couple of days. So that's like, I'm really enjoying the coolness of this on this hot day.

I remember I talked about my AC earlier. It's warm where I am. And hey, let's be honest, peach. You're talking about getting into July, the dog days of summer,

sitting on a porch on a rocking chair. Peach, that's what you want to be. Squeezing a peach into your mouth. Letting it drip right down your throat.

See a sucker squeezing the juices and sucking on a pit did i tell you so did i tell you guys about uh podcast fave tig hanford yeah uh when it was um april fool's day this year no did i tell you guys about this so she she had been like i went up to see my brother and sister-in-law and consequently her as well. And the other brothers. Oh, sure. Right around on actually April Fool's Day.

And she had been apparently planning like tricks and stuff for like weeks. Like she got the idea of April Fool's and loved it. And I got there and she's like, I see her like messing around with some Oreo cookies. I was like, what are you doing? And she was like, I'm going to ask you if you want a cookie. Just have one. I was like, okay. She said, do you want a cookie?

I said, great. And I had one and there was toothpaste in it. It was Oreo with toothpaste and something. So, you know, I got the idea. She's setting me up. There was a lot of just like jumping out from behind the wall and scaring me and it worked a lot of the time but by the end of the night before she went to bed she was getting like kind of down and she was like nobody will uh nobody will april fools me like what do you mean

she's like i've done i've done tricks on everybody but no one will april fools me so we're like all right well maybe it'll happen and i kind of let it like sit for a minute and i went in the kitchen i mixed up i mixed up uh orange juice lemon juice and a whole bunch of uh vinegar and i told her i was like hey tig uh do you know um she's she likes uh uh taylor swift i said you know what taylor swift's like favorite drink is don't you she's like no i was like oh it's princess peach juice have you ever had this she's like no i was like oh i got some right here if you want to try it but it's like it's yeah taylor swift's favorite and she took a sip of it i was like hi we got you that's so fucking mean vinegar yeah well she wanted to be she wanted to be tricked i love wanting to be tricked it's like yeah i i perform the service service of pranking other people,

and no one is paying it forward. And she's like over the sink, like blah. And then, you know, once she like got some drinks of water, she thought that was really fun. I once had a practical joke book that I got from the Scholastic Book Fair. And they had a whole section of like bathroom ones and uh i was in like grade school let's say and one of them was uh you take saran wrap and you put it on the toilet bowl like under the part you sit on so that if somebody pees on it it just like bounces and sprays everywhere and i was like that one

sounds messy i'm gonna do this other one where you just take vaseline and you put like a thin film of vaseline on the this toilet seat itself and so i did this i was like we have vaseline fantastic and this is the upstairs bathroom that's like i share with my sister like my parents have their own bathroom had own bathroom, and then there was a bathroom downstairs kind of for everybody. Anyone could piss or shit in that one. But upstairs, this is where I put the Vaseline. And then I forgot all about it

and went to my aunt's. And then, so I'm at my aunt's and I'm like, whatever. Have an ice cream, watch a movie, whatever. I get a call from my parents being like, our ass is our slimy. They'd be like, what did you do to the toilet? And I was like, oh, yeah, it was a prank from the book.

And they're like, well, your dad slipped off and he hurt his ass. Oh my God, he slipped right off. And my dad was like, buddy, what are you doing? It's like, sorry, I read it in a book and then i forgot all about it anyway goodbye why did you do that i'm eating ice cream and watching a movie that's so that does feel like a very like your pants are down and you're slipping off on this fucking home alone shit i i feel like i never followed through i i bought a bunch of practical jokey type stuff i feel like i had a whole little rubbermaid thing full of like little gum packs that snap your fingers and goofs and i feel like i never i never got around to using them on anybody ever even once

did you ever have like a hand buzzer like ring yeah yeah and you like go to like shake someone's hand which you never do anyway at that age so it's like hey shake my hand and then just goes like and then you like look at the person they're like well you did okay and you want it you want it to be a shock buzzer so bad but it actually just like rattles it goes like right yeah it's just like fuck it and and yeah your dad is like why is my son shaking my hand when you're a kid there's not a lot of reasons to shake did this is a little more uh this is a little more advanced but in like junior high did you guys ever come across like the anarchist cookbook or whatever

oh yeah i remember in junior high like uh someone printed that out at the school and we had it i never read it but i was like i have it yeah me too it was just like it was so forbidden i had like a floppy disk with like, I have it. Yeah, me too. I was just like, it was so forbidden. I had like a floppy disc with like, Oh my God, it's the anarchist cookbook. And it just like, I have access. It does teach you how to make like pipe bombs and shit,

which is not, not good for a young New Hampshire, right. With access to pipe bomb materials and nothing else to do. Nothing else to do. What's the one, what's the one, what's the one that has like a bottle full of gas

and you light it on and there's like paper in the bottle and you light the top Oh, Molotov cocktail Hey, we should do that for a blowout Make Molotov cocktail We're like, we don't like them Too flamey They made a mess

I did one time when I was a kid take a tennis ball, and I took an X-Acto knife, and I cut a U-shape in the tennis ball. You puncture it because there's air in there, but it's also very rubbery. And I cut a little opening, like a flap that you could peel open, and I plucked off match heads, and I filled a tennis ball with match heads. A bomb. Thinking that I would throw it and then like when it hit something the match heads would strike each other sure and it would explode uh after numerous attempts to do this i mean it's funny when you're a kid the stuff you want to catch fire never catches fire uh-huh like like if you when you when you try to like

light a campfire when you're a kid it it's like impossible to do unless you're an Eagle scout or whatever. So what we did was we took a, a Jaram clove cigarette and we made like a wick that, that would go down into the tennis ball. And boy, how did that thing blow? It like, it took off like a rocket. Like it went in a direction. It didn't just like blow up. Oh yeah. Cause of the, where you would cut it.

Yeah. And like, for whatever reason it like propelled. Uh, but anyway, try it out at home. Folks tweeted us. No,

no, no, no, no. My, uh, my biggest antics with as a little pyromaniac was, um,

what, what age were you? You were probably young when you did that, right? Oh, not that young probably in high school yeah i also i feel like i got into kind of pyromaniac stuff a little late but there was a time where so i'm not young maybe i'm in high school but my sister is who's five

years younger was probably young and we were like um there was a big like a wasp's nest like a big fat one at our house like the kind you could see it looks like a big beehive and yeah and i think i think maybe one of them stung me so i was mad so i was like let's we're gonna go and we're gonna we're gonna torch that thing so uh i cooked over this thing my sister helped me and i i took a broomstick and at one end i wrapped a uh wrapped a newspaper around the end and like wrapped the newspaper with uh uh like you know tied it up with twine so newspaper stayed on one end of a room stick and i lit that on fire why didn't you like the broom end on fire oh because it was my mom's broom use okay so you literally

you let the handle on fire okay cool the handle got a little charred but so so i can use that as a torch right the newspaper is on fire and it's like you know six feet from i'm holding it in my left hand down by the the broom head in my hand so i've got like this big torch then with the other hand aerosol hairspray. Oh, boy. A big fucking Aquanet can. Yeah. And I went and it – I can't believe I cooked this up in the moment. But I held that fire up with one hand and with the other hand, shot it. And it was like a flamethrower.

Yes. Fully shot and I torched the hell out of the wasp nest. And I committed genocide. And like 4,000 of us. But the funny thing, I also remember that in the middle of, I was so excited about the plan. I'm not young. My sister was young.

In the middle of us cooking up this plan, some friends called, like high school friends. And I'm like driving age and stuff. And there was like a party or something and they were like inviting me out to go do teenager stuff. And I was like, no, no,

I'm good. I'm good tonight. I got stuff I gotta do. And I remember like choosing to stay home. I'm revenging the bees. I've got to revenge the bees. Tim, my buddy,

Adam and I, uh, who's engaged now. Congrats, Adam. If you're listening to be well, Oh, um, good for him. He and I have all the near-death

and pyromaniac-type stories together. And one time in his room, he lived on the third floor of an old house in Londonderry, and we put nail polish remover in a spray bottle, like a normal spray bottle. And you know, with a normal spray bottle, you can twist the tip to be more like a jet or more like a spray and we had a candle and we were playing with like oh when you put it on the jet it makes this like dragon tongue fire of like

or if you put it on the spray it makes like a bloom right in front of your face so you have to like hold it away from me when you go like and we and he fucking did did the bloom and was like seeing how much he could take holding it away from his face like indoors this is fucking indoors everybody people are home his parents are home and he goes and we're like ha ha ha and we see this ghostly bluish flame not unlike the flaming Dr. Pepper, rise up to the ceiling. Ghostly, yes. And then on the top, he has that like popcorn ceiling

that's like common in a lot of homes. It just goes, foomp. And basically like a six foot square flame patch appears on the ceiling. And we freaked out. It goes out right away? No, no. It had to be beaten out with towels and t-shirts and uh and

we were like okay because our hearts were fucking pounding and then the fire alarm goes off no no sorry before the fire alarm goes off he stands on his desk chair and starts painting the caramelized ceiling with his white deodorant to try and change the ceiling back to white colored and then the the fucking fire alarm goes off and his parents like are like what's going on kids we gotta get outside and and we're like no no it's okay and they're like what do you mean it's okay and uh miraculously uh we got away we scot-free damn yeah i guess that deodorant was the perfect they never looked up at the toasted marshmallow colored ceiling above his bed that's so funny like what do we have right near his deodorant grab that act fast yeah let's get back to that let's get back to the drink here

i'm i'm done by the way i i need second round big time. Yeah. Well, these are, I have to say mine got so predictably, you'd think after all these episodes, I would know that after it gets melty, it gets delicious. Yeah. Even the peach schnapps, like the exact flavor, I don't have a problem with it anymore. It's really good. But enough about that. I wanted to ask if you guys mind if I change the subject. Away from the drink.

Yeah. I don't have a problem with that. sure really oh thanks guys well uh we we've talked before on the show about my lifestyle and uh you know this weekend was no different uh the other night i was on the sunset strip uh-huh walking down open back up and bars are open i'm making i'm hitting the scene yeah all part of your lifestyle yeah um the lifestyle and uh you know i kind of bump into a lot of uh celebrities from time to time and this time i'm kind of making my way down this trip who do i bump into the fucking lonely island guys oh wow No shit. So I pulled the guys aside. They were trying to get somewhere,

but I pulled them aside. I says, guys, I love your work, but there's one song I really love, and I went on this whole tear about like, you know you got that one song that is so great, I love it so much. And they kind of,

they clammed up a little bit. And I was like, what's, I was like, what? Why? What? You know? How? They was like, what? I was like, what? Why? What? You know? How?

They were like, well, Tim, this is kind of, you're bringing up a sore subject, because that song you love so much you're talking about, that was actually a typo. So I'm curious about what song you like so much. I know. But you know, like on SNL, they put it all in the cube cards

and you read off the cards. Right. And you can imagine how you might sometimes write a script to be some way that you really intend for a bit to go, but then due to, you know, like just a clerical error,

like a big typo, the thing comes out different than you want it to be. It's a bummer. A lot of reasons something different ends up on the screen than what you intended. And for it to be something It's a bummer. A lot of reasons something different ends up on the screen than what you intended. And for it to be something like a typo is just like,

I understand them being kind of bummed out and kind of ashamed. Right. And we in the entertainment business, a happy accident, we like those. We like those. Oh, yeah. This is an unhappy accident, it sounds like.

And we do not like this. No, we hate sad accidents. Like the happy accidents or like hate sad accidents like the happy accident or like the sad accident okay so i told them i said guys i've got great empathy yeah for your plight empathy sympathy all of it and then they they found out i kind of then you know schmoozed them a little bit told him i had a podcast and they're like oh why don't you play because we have the version of our song that we intended to do before the typo oh um and if and if you could play it on your podcast we'll finally

set the record straight with the real song the way we meant but now tim before we listen to this i just got to say i'm happy that you were able to like bring something into the pod that doesn't involve you like stealing yeah from somebody's fault i I asked them, I was like, hey guys, do you have like, do you have a lair? Do you have a vault of tapes? And they're like, no, we'll just give you the MP3. And I was like, oh great. So like, this is completely consensual.

Awesome, great. So you give it to me and I'll put it down my pants and walk away. And they're like, yeah, you don't probably have to do that. I took the one MP3 on a flash drive. I put it down my BVDs and I fucking booked it. Home down on my BVDs, and I fucking booked it. Home. Yeah, BVDs, let me guess, extra small.

Yeah. You know me, BVDs down below and BVTs up top. Hanes, sponsor of the pod. Hey, it's a winning combination. Let's hear that track. BVDs aren't Hanes, they're BVDs. Yeah, fuck. Let's hear that track. PVDs aren't hands, they're PVDs. Fuck! Hey girl, I got something real important to give you.

So just listen up and listen. Girl, I know you're being thirsty. Such a long, long while. And now I'm ready to give you something cold. Wow, you know it's summer and my mouth is rather

dry. Gonna make you something that's wet and orangey red. A liquid so good so take out your straw. Take a sip of it. It's a sex on the beach.

It's a sex on the beach. A sex on the beach, babe. It's a sex on the beach. A sex on the beach, dude. See, I'm wise enough to know when a drink is orangey and this one is that. And now you can tell everyone that you have had. To all the fellas out there with ladies to refresh, it's easy to do. Just follow these steps.

One, vodka, crayon, orange, and rocks. Two. Motherfucking peach schnapps. Three. Good. Garnishes on the top, and that's the way you do it. It's a six on the beach. Been a one on the top? Wow. Garnishes

on top. Garnishes on the top. I'm so glad we got your hands on that track, man. That's awesome. That was some typo they had going on. Yeah, when they say typo, they mean several typos. Front to back typos. Full sentence typo. It was a big typo, but you could, you see

the thing is like blank in a blank. Yeah. Said blank on a blank. It's all... I see that. Tim, we just think it's weird that they said a typo. That's what they said to you. So you think I'm normal

and you think they said typo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if they know what a typo is. Yeah, I think we think you're very normal. I think, yeah, the only thing that sort of remained was the word A on the... Well, because it was... I guess the typo version that unfortunately went on TV was dick in a box. Right.

Oh, yeah. This is sex on the beach. So that doesn't even work. You know, I'll be honest. Not that it matters what I think, but I'll admit that I had not considered that too much before. Yeah. Well, that was exciting. And you say this was done before Dick in the Box,

or they made this afterwards when they got the cue cards, right? This is the original version, I think. No, this was them trying to set the record straight. I see. So it aired first as Dick in the Box. They woke up on Sunday morning, kind of hung over, like, what happened? And then they were like, we got to do the real version. Gotcha.

So this was probably after the SNL, the taping, the whole party and stuff. And you got to imagine Timberlake is feeling bad and his voice just isn't there. So that makes sense. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Because he's got a, you know, say what you will about him and the whole boy band thing, but he's got a good voice.

Normally, normally, normally normally normally normally great yes yeah normally and then also here too yeah like yeah yeah and then and hey and that goes without saying that normally would include this track yeah oh oh i don't see it that way but i you know i've got such a tin ear i don't know what's going on yeah yeah that's what it is it's the tin it's the tin and probably yeah the tin. It's the tin, probably. Yeah. Well, guys, do you want to make another round, and we'll wrap up this motherfucker? I'm going to make another one,

and you know what I'm going to do on this one? I'm going to add a little more peach, a little extra peach, because I want to get that peach flavor you guys have been talking about. You want to take a trip down to Georgia. I'm going to do the same thing, but, like, no peach.

Ooh. That could be its own thing, too. You've got to come up with a name, Jeff. When you come back, have a name. Okay. Folks, we'll be back. Alright, here we are with round two and our final thoughts on sex on the beach. Well, before we get to final thoughts, you guys do alts?

I did some alts. Nope. Yeah, I just did more peach. That's it. Man. I did one to one to one to one. I did the same thing, and I ate a mouthful of chicken. But here's my trick.

With my straw, you know the way in your mixing glass when you make a martini, you stir it around and around and around, and it gets real cold, and it melts the cubes? And I'm doing that with a drink, and that's what you do. That makes that peach settle right into that crayon. You know what I did is I had the remnants of round one, and I just sort of gave myself a little boost, and I made it to the remnants of round one, and I just sort of like gave myself a little boost, and I made it to the letter of the law,

except I swapped out the peach schnapps for triple sec. I was like, that's the closest cousin I've got to the peach schnapps. Kissing cousin. I gotta say, it's like, it's okay. I still, I mean, I still don't, I still don't love it. It's not my favorite. I can't believe this. But I'll tell you what, if we're looking at alts,

and I bet you that's probably an alt, so I'm not even going to name it. As far as the variations on this drink, I'm seeing that a Sex in the Driveway is sex on the beach with orange juice and cranberry replaced by blue curacao and Sprite. And then there's another one without orange juice that reminds me of you guys. This one is called a Teenie Weenie Woo Woo.

Alright, you're so... I made one crack at the beginning of this podcast about you not knowing what sex was. That hurts my feeling you talk about that. You can also call it a Woo Woo, it says. Does that suit you? Yeah. Yes, it's fine. I love woo-woo.

That's great. That's vodka, peach schnapps, and just crayon. No OJ for miles. I was clicking around, and I saw, if you want to fancy up this sex on the beach, some people put a little topper of either Chambord or creme de cassis, like some kind of like a raspberry liqueur up top to really hammer home that red top what's what's the first one you said not creme de cassis chambord now what is that black current i think it's black or or it might be raspberry but it's

you've definitely seen it because it's a small bottle that's a little round globe with like a gold uh cap on it portly i i think the original one that ted pizio made had a little grenadine in it but i think that's phased itself out well ted pizio is really starting to pizio me i'm getting i can i get back to you on you guys on No, I get it. You're P-O'd. I'll just text you guys about that. You're P-Z-O'd off. Yeah, take it off, Pod. Well, final thoughts. I'll start. This one's fine.

I would even do a second round. But don't love peach. Don't love peach schnapps. I think I maybe shorted myself with some bad crayon. And maybe also maybe the Kuiper doesn't make the best peach schnapps. It's fine. How about you? I did.

Top shelf ingredients. This is an order again and again and again. I am chugging this thing down. It is so good on a summer's day. I want you to take that Lord's peach schnapps bottle right to the dome. Yep. Yep. I took a little taste of it. It's day. I want you to take that Lord's Peach Schnapps bottle right to the dome. Yep, yep. I took a little taste of it. It's good.

I can see what Elaine's doing there. Yes, I like this drink. The name is a little hokey-cokey-keeky, but I don't mind. I'm sure that there's a bottle of, yeah, we have Lord's and DeKuyper. I'm sure that there's some 45 dollar peach liqueur that makes this amazing what's the quantro version of peach liqueur right

what's the name brand top shelf peach liqueur or vodka cranberry and peach juice because peach juice is good it's just like rare sort of a twist on a cosmo i'm i this. I can't order again as in two rounds on the same night. No, but if I were in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on spring break and I was getting my Mac on, you know, you guys know how I like to

kind of spit game. It's like poetry. Yeah, Jessica knows big time. She hears it every night. Hey, come on. Hey, smile for me, baby. Come on. Come on.

Women love that, by the way. Guys, try it on your partner if they're frowning. Go. Smile, baby. Come on. Why are you so pretty? Why you got to frown? Yeah, try it on your spouse everyone then uh you know check your finger and see if that rings me then you're a lawfully wedded spouse

uh michael okay you you gave your thoughts and tim so did you so i guess we're done we're done that's it uh we've had it we We've had it. We've done the sex on the beach. Yeah. Yeah. But if some fancy bar owner wants to give us their great version, again, I mentioned this last week, we're interested in being wined and dined for free. Right. In the Big Apple. In the Big Apple. I mean, also down in Florida would be fun, too. I mean, truly any city. If you wine and dine us, I will go to any city.

Hey, our resident expert, Jack Schramm, weigh in on this. Email us or something. If you like sex on the beach or have a cool version. Also, if you can think of an innuendo, weigh in on that because I'm striking out over here. Yeah. Hey, what's the... Okay, I think this is peach related. And then I promise we'll be done.

The pod will be done. Thank you. What's the... It's like a shot, but it's got whipped cream on top. So when you take a shot, it's supposed to put white cream on your face. Blow job shot. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's what it is.

But that's also like peachy. Hey, we'll cover it on the pod. You know what? That would be a little tease. I think next up for us with this drink is we get on down to Confetti's, see if it's still open, and do a podcast from Confetti's. Live from Confetti's! We got Pizio pissing us off!

Pizio telling us to leave! Here's what I really want to do. This is a combo of the Fuzzy Naval and the Cape Codder. We got to do both. I don't know if they're IBA or... Cape Codder is IBA. I think so. I told you I'm going to Cape Cod. Maybe we do the drink so before I can arrive.

Okay, okay. I like that. You guys are dragging your feet on this. I got a bone to pick with the IBA. I know we're going to cut it short right here. Don't cut me off, Jeff, in the edit. The IBA, you go on there and it gives you the thing. You know, are you over 21?

Yes or no? You click yes. Freezes. The first time, it just stops. You got to reload the page and do it again.'s running the show over there get your act together you're bringing down the pod that's so funny because that happened to me every single time and i was like my phone is on the i would refresh and you hit yes again and it like somehow works or like i don't know it took six months to redo their website? That's what I'm saying.

All right. I don't know. Folks, you know that's our show. We wanted to end it a long time ago, and it dragged a little bit. It took us a while to get out of here. Yeah, but Jeff, this episode was funny. Yeah, it was pretty good. It was a good one. You know what?

It was a little quirky. Hey, follow us on social media at The Sloppy Boys, where we release these recipes ahead of time. Also, be sure to check out our Patreon, where subscribers can unlock The Sloppy Boys Blowout, our weekly bonus episode. That's patreon.com slash thesloppyboys. And you know what? You guys, we're seeing a lot more Patrons these days. Oh, yeah. We sure are.

The Patrons, man. The Patrons, it's all happening on the Patreon. People are lining up for bullshit over on the Patreon. guys we're seeing a lot more patrons these days oh yeah we sure are the patrons man the patrons it's all happening on the patreon people are lining up for bullshit over on the patreon dude but you got the people the generations i'm noticing new patrol it's it's nice to see the circle of life that the the original patron subscribers are passing away and the new people are subscribing to take the torch from yeah no it, no, it is nice. A tradition. But the people who have passed, they have not, you know, they just leave their debit card going.

Yeah, yeah. It's every month. Gone but not forgotten with their $5 a month. That's right. That's right. Hey, look, I fucking cracked my glass. Tim, you cracked my glass. That's my glass.

So you got a crack in the glass and a crack in your ass. That's it, folks. We're done. Goodbye. Folks, good night. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. Peace. Give it up for your boys Give it up for your boys