The Sloppy Boys - 39. Espresso Martini

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

The guys try a new-era martini that aims to wake them up and f*ck them up.ESPRESSO MARTINI RECIPE 1.66oz/50ml Vodka 1oz/30ml Kahlua .33oz/10ml Simple Syrup 1 strong EspressoPour all ingredients into cocktail shaker and shake well with ice. Strain into chilled cocktail glass.Recipes via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford. Hi Jeff. And Tim McAlpacus. What is up, Espresso Stylies? Ooh, very nice. Very nice indeed. Mike, why do they call it

Expresso? I think they call it Expresso just because it zips you up. Gets you moving. Gets you moving. Puts you on that fast track, that express lane. Yo, zippy go. Yeah. Yo, zippy go. Yo, zippy go. Hashtag, yo, zippy Go. Yeah. Yo, Zippy Go. Yo, Zippy Go.

Hashtag Yo, Zippy Go. Have an espresso martini. Hashtag Yo, Zippy Go. Yeah, the X is silent, I've noticed. Yeah. It's weird. I've noticed some Italians will say the word wrong and say espresso, and then I have to kind of step in and correct them.

Yeah, every coffee shop, too, same thing. How authentic do we need to be here? God, it feels like I'm the only guy saying espresso around here. Well, you got us, Jeff. Don't you worry. Well, we got a big show today. You guys want to get into some bibbit-bip? We got some good bibbit-bip today. Let's bibbit-bop.

Mmm, bop, dip-a-dop. Hit it! The latest headlines tonight. Disruption has drunken bar fighter ruffs and glassware smashed. The assailant was described as being a little weenie. A lost Feliz man arrested today

with suspicion of consuming bugs. And finally, missing Loxado cherries still not found. But first, it's business, you bloody rancors. Oh shit, that was good. found. It's Booze News. You got it, Rancous? Oh, shit. That was good. Was that one of our English Patrons?

Yes, BBC Booze News was sent to us by Miranda from Across the Pond. And you know that she had production help from Harg Labargue. Nice. These are beloved members of our Patreon Discord community working together, making art.

Friendships have been forged on that Discord, and God, you love to see it. You love to see that. And if you have a Booze News theme, send it to thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com. GML. GML. GML, yeah. Well, what's the top item?

Who's going to say it? Well, speaking, I mean, we were just talking about Miranda and Hargelberg and, you know, the Discord community, the Patreon community. It's almost as if we have a big announcement to make. This is big news today. Booze news, too. All right, I'll say it. Folks, we're coming out with a new Patreon tier.

Holy shit, I didn't even know about this. In fact, if you're listening to this, it's live. Oh, I'm going to subscribe. I am doing it. I know, I want to hear this content. See, Tim puts his money where his mouth is. I like that. He subscribes to his own Patreon. Yeah, I puts his money where his mouth is. I like that. He subscribes to his own Patreon.

Yeah, I put my money where my butt is, my wallet. Yeah, right by the right cheek. Folks, it's important in life to write checks with your mouth and then cash them with your ass. Yes, there it is. And hold the check in your ass to get to the bank. Yeah, and if your banker says it stinks, just be like, we're a fucking nose plug. Here's a clothespin.

You know why it stinks? Because I'm filthy fucking rich, asshole. Folks, what do you get with this new tier? This is the, we're calling it the Big Money Hustlers tier. Oh, yeah, baby. It's a $10 tier. And with it, you get access to the Sloppy Boys Blowout, our weekly bonus episode. That's a good show. I've heard that.

That's a good show. I got good friends of mine are on that show. People say that it's as good, if not better, than the Main Feed podcast. It's looser. This show's too uptight. Yeah. This tier also gets you access to the Sloppy Boys Discord. Also, you get ad-free main feed episodes the show you're listening to right now i hate hearing these fucking i could go on and on i hate corporate

shit if you don't want to hear the the anchor thing and whatever else we got going on this tier is for you also mp3 downloads of the songs we make for this show and for the blowout show the mashups? The mashups. You get them. You download them onto your hard drive, your thumb drive. I like that. Whatever.

That way you can walk around. They're on your iPod. You know, when you're listening to your iPod, you own them. And we take out all the little bullshit of us talking over it. Oh, yeah. You don't want to hear that. You get them pure. There is a lot of that sort of, I notice I'll

especially be laughing very hard at my own songs sometimes. Drowning out my own lyrics. And finally. Oh no. You couldn't be. The big boy. A monthly bonus episode of Questions for Lennon.

Whoa! Oh, my. Questions for Lennon is coming back. If you've heard it before, we're doing more. This is a hit podcast that I didn't even know I was going to get. New episodes ever again. People ask me about it all the time. If you don't know what it is, Questions for Lennon is, well, John Lennon comes around and he has a guest on and they answer advice questions sent in from the listener.

Oh, my. And we got a good one coming up. The first one is funny, famously funny, Betsy Sedaro. That's a good guess. Famous for, Betsy's famous and I have to say the reason probably her humor is probably what brings her a lot of the attention. Oh yeah. Famous,

famous for funny. So if you want that monthly bonus episode questions for Lennon, that's going to drop on the first of every month from now until eternity. But right now we got the, the Betsy one is live and you could sign up today and get that right. Yeah. That, that one will be live on launch,

but then, and then August 1st, brand new one. Yeah, baby. Love it. Yeah. Never before heard, not even from me. Whoa. Whoa, really?

I don't listen to it. I keep my headphones off and record it. It's so cool that it's almost like we're becoming like a, I don't know if you guys watch Succession, but I'm starting to feel like the Sloppy Boys are like the Roy family because we're an immediate empire. If we're launching new shows that have the Sloppy Boys banner on them, this is like we're almost like fucking,

like turning into an evil corporation ourselves. Yeah. It almost is like that. L to the OG. So folks, check out our Patreon. That's patreon.com slash the sloppy boys. And that new tier, $10. Big money hustlers, get over there, baby.

It's all happening on the tier. It's fantastic. It's all happening on the tier. The new tier, the big money hustlers. Okay, what do we got for normal world of booze news well i got uh this isn't well it's booze news because it relates to a guest we've had on before uh niece of the podcast tig oh um is involved in this one so you probably saw a couple weeks ago i i made a funny a funny little video on july 4th i was at Coney Island and I went into a haunted house situation.

You sit in a little bucket and you drive through. And if you haven't seen it, it's on my Instagram and Instagram TV is probably the best way to find it or Twitter. Go watch it. It's very fun. He's at Mike Hanford, right?

Yes. Yes. Well, I sent it to my brother and sister-in-law cause they're not on the socials. And I guess unbeknownst to me, they sent it to Tig. Or showed Tig. And I look at my phone. I come home the other night.

I look at my phone. And I have a message from Tig. And I have it here on this show if we want to play it. Oh, hell yeah. A message from Tig. I have no idea what to say. You better not say those bad words. Hmm, we're going over the top right now.

And by the way, some things are not even scary. Like those ghosts back then, not scary. The skeletons, not scary. Those skeletons, not scary. Show us the whole thing next time. And I dare you to go in there again. Love you, Mike. Bye. Geez, are you like... You must have a different mind than me.

Way different. You think that that's scary? I don't think so bye and by the way one more time you better not say those bad words at all you will be in big big big trouble oh shit you'll be in a million. That's the number. So you have to be in your room once you get home. FaceTime me and we'll have consequences. Bye.

Whoa. Oh my God. Sorry, Mike. You are in a tough spot here. It's tough stuff. I really got... She really talked to me. She dressed me down. She are in a tough spot here. It's tough stuff. I really got, I really got, she really talked to me. You got reamed.

She reamed you. Reamed. I, she, I apparently didn't find the video funny at all. I thought it wasn't scary. There was no scary things in it. What she was talking about, Jeff, with the million. I think that was when I, like when she has to go into time out in her room, it's like a certain minute amount. I think my minute

amount because then she was saying I have to come home and go to my room. Oh, yes. Yes. For I think a million minutes. Oh my God. Yeah, I love she was so revved up that that like and another thing where she starts off. She's mad. She this call was to tell you she's mad about the profanity

and then going, oh, and by the way, that stuff wasn't scary. So go back in there because it wasn't even scary. Yeah, and your brains work different than mine. Yeah, my brain works different. You seem to think this is entertaining.

Yeah, the thing about the scary thing, though, is I've seen Night at the museum with her and she was terrified of the T-Rex. So if she's scared of the T-Rex in that, she will be scared of that. I've never seen this side of her. I know take this be sort of like, hello love or saying like pomegranate. I've never seen her go off. Yeah. I've never seen her go off.

Yeah, I've never seen her call her uncle over the top. Right, right. She did say goodbye three times and just had to keep bringing herself back in to keep reaming me out. She's like Columbo. Yeah. Well, there you have it.

That's just an update with Tig. Right on. And I think that's it for booze news right yeah do you have a sound effect to wrap it up i do uh this is what i was thinking just let me know uh if you think it works yeah yeah and that's it for booze news there you go is this was was that a birthday boy's reference yeah but i mean... Good, good, good. I love classic TV. I mean, it's not from a TV show.

It's just from like some weird old stage bullshit. I love the theater. I love the theater as well. Oh, good, good, good. This is that. Perfect. Yeah, let's use that for now. Consider Booze News to be wrapped up.

Do you guys want to get into the drink of the day? Yes, please. Yes, I do. The... You guys and... Well and the three of us say espresso, but I'll say this the faux Italian way. Um, the espresso martini. Mm-hmm. Apparently. Mm-hmm.

Apparently. I once saw a kid. Enough about that. That kid's great. I fucking love that kid. The espresso martini you've had. Have not had. Not had.

Not had as well. You've seen, do you have feelings? What do you think when you hear about this? I think I get the, I get it. You know, it's a martini with a little espresso in it. But I don't, I don't think it sounds good to me. I, it's not something I want to drink. Okay. I got to win you over. Yeah. I I'm always, uh, I'm always charmed and allured by the idea of caffeine and alcohol in one go, but I haven't found the mix that really

works for me. You know what I'm saying? What about Four Loko? See, it doesn't really hit the spot. Like I'm like, I want Tim. It would be so weird if that was like your go-to drink was a big can of four loco. Do you remember sparks? I never had it, but we did at some, um, one of our, our drink histories about something at some point on this pod, we talked about how, uh, sparks was discontinued because it was marketed as like keep it in your purse and it was like marketed to teen girls and so it got shut down holy shit oh yeah um i just remember it i just remember it from college i would get it and it looked like a battery it was like an energy drink size can and it was malt liquor but it had um you know had like red bully

type crap in it and it tasted like sweet tarts. And yeah, that will black you out, man. I never get to try it. You know what? I think it was, it was because when we're talking Budweiser, Spuds McKenzie was like the first, there was like a legislation that was like, stop doing Spuds McKenzie because you're marketing to kids.

And I think that that was the precedent that then took down Sparks. Did Joe, Joe Camel must have been the same thing too like yeah old penis nose he's a whole penis nose himself long snoot oh yes for anyone listening who doesn't know old penis nose you may even know it depends where you grew up it's a regional thing yeah okay so for the espresso martini, I mean, I mainly know it as like the, one of those non martinis that's on a martini menu. Don't you hate a menu when they're like,

look at the martini menu. And you're like, this is just a bunch of stuff in martini glasses, but it's like one is a raspberry and one is this one. And they're not, they're not martinis. But so, so I,

I would say I often dis this drink. I'm just dismissive. That's what this must mean. this drink. I'm dismissive. That's what diss must mean, not disrespect. Oh, really? Okay. No, no. Disrespect. But if I ever made a diss track aimed at you guys, it would be a dismissive track.

Because I remember once I was at Dantana's, great old school Italian restaurant in LA. And then I thought they had a house martini. And I said to the waiter, do you guys have a special martini? And he goes, espresso. Uh, we don't, we're out of espresso tonight. And I was embarrassed. I was like, no, I would never order an espresso martini. Yeah. Little, little do I know this, it comes into style. The, you know, I'm thinking this is, I think Jeff, you mentioned that the espresso martini sounds like something that Chandler Bing would drink. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. Ross and Joey. I kind of think in its heyday, it's sort of a spa go sex in the city type of a drink.

And it's something that tough guys like us would often make fun of cause it's sweet. Um, but recently there have been kind of whispers about this drink i started hearing i feel like on just from friends or like on instant and not friends the tv show right friends the from life relationship status the people in our lives or like uh maybe a few months ago my brother mentioned that his friend pete loves espresso martinis and Pete's a big muscle man. So I was like, really? He drinks pizza.

Pete himself, Pete likes little drink. Wait, but was it last week? This, this came up last week during, was it, was it booze news during booze news?

Because there was eventually, um, uh, a New York times article that just came out a couple couple weeks ago that said the espresso martini is everywhere. And in parentheses, again, they're saying it's a 90s classic that's back. And they pointed out that the show Below Deck. Have you guys seen that? You've seen?

I have seen Below Deck, yes. No. It's one of those Bravo shows. Jessica watches tons of Bravo shows, and that's one that I will enjoy watching with her because it's one of those bravo shows uh jessica watches tons of bravo shows and that's one that i will enjoy watching with her because it's like well you're a seafaring man now right i'm a seafaring man but then also i love i love rich jerks and like the charter guests on that show will be like obnoxious like jose can say go on once yes that was a good one that was great he's yeah he's a treat He's a real wild Twitter guy.

He's one of my favorite Twitter guys, yeah. Wait a minute. I'm thinking not of Jose Canseco. I'm thinking of Johnny Damon. Johnny Damon. Not Canseco. Another big bicep. Ball thrower.

Long baller. Yeah, he got real. Johnny Damon, for a celebrity, you would think you wouldn't want to get all drunk on TV, but he got pretty hammered. He went for it. So they make, on that show, you would think you wouldn't want to be like get all drunk on TV, but he got pretty hammered. He went for it. So they make on that show, the charter guests order them, but even more so the employees drink them. And the reason is because they're tired.

They work long shifts. They sleep down below, below deck. And then they want the caffeine. And then also on the show, Bravo show Summer House, which is, I have not seen this one, but it's kind of like a Montauki Hamptons kind of rich people reality show. And there's a couple on that show that drinks a lot of espresso martinis and they're coming out with a canned version, the Loverboy espresso martini now. So with all this TV talk, it's been popping up on more menus. It's kind of a thing that's happening on in New York. It hit booze news last week and sent shockwaves around the

journalism community. And we said, we got to get right into it. But a very brief history on the drink is that it was invented in the 1980s in London. Ever hear of it? Interesting. Ooh. Dick Bradsell, who's this famous British bartender I kind of recognize from documentaries and stuff. There's a YouTube video of him explaining that he was working at Fred's Club in Soho

and a model who is now a famous model, but he didn't say her name, came into his bar one day and said, Claudia Schiffer? I want a cut. Probably. Or maybe Kathy Ireland. Cindy Crawford? Then again.

Yeah. Tyra Banks? 80s? Maybe. Was it when Brinkley was about? Yeah. He said an anonymous model when Brinkley was about. Anyway, so this young model saunters into the bar and says.

I bet she did. She says. She slinks into the bar. Hey, big boy. I want a cocktail that's going to wake me up and fuck me up. Wow. She said that? Sounds like a DeSarono commercial.

Did she really say, Hey, big boy? I added the big boy, but she said, I want a cocktail that's going to wake me up and fuck me up. And he made her this drink because at the bar they had an espresso machine and he was always like working around it being like, Oh, there's so much espresso here. I don't like to deal with this. And he said, maybe I'll take the express lane and make this chicken drink. I'll hide it. I'll hide some of this espresso in the this martini here. To get it out of the way. I'll hide

it in this model's stomach. She'll get it out of here. The drink takes off. It becomes a big hit. Eventually, I mean, it's on the IBA list, baby. So we're talking about a drink that is 50 milliliters vodka, 30 milliliters Kahlua or similar coffee liqueurs, 10 milliliters sugar syrup, you know, simple syrup, and one strong espresso.

Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker. Shake well with ice. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. IBA says no garnish, but I've seen people put little coffee beans on top of this one. I've seen that too, yeah. Oh, that's nice. Or maybe like a little cinnamon stick.

How about that? Yeah. Hey, yeah, sure. Or take a cinnamon stick. We of this one. I've seen that too, yeah. Oh, that's nice. Or maybe like a little cinnamon stick. How about that? Yeah, sure. Or take a cinnamon stick. We like this idea. I might put a cinnamon stick in my mouth, pretend I'm Groucho Marx while I'm drinking this. Oh my god, I had a dream last night that I bought a big cigar.

You a stokey man. Or did I buy a big cigar? Hold on a second, maybe I did. Was it a Macanudo did I buy a big cigar? Hold on a second. Maybe I did. Was it a Macanudo? Was it a Winston Churchill? When we break to make the drinks, I'm going to go check my bag. Maybe I did buy a cigar.

Uh-oh. In a fugue state. Did you go sleepwalking to a smoke shop? Yeah, yeah. Sleepwalking, Tim. That's what it was. I drank all day. I drank sleep all day.

Well, hold on, T, before we go. Oh, let's not go yet. That was apropos nothing. No, no, no. Well, I want to make this drink. I want to get fucked up and wake up. And zooped. Yeah.

Zonked and zooped. I saw the recipe. It says one strong espresso. I don't know how much that is. Like what is a normal shot of espresso? A shot, right? That I went to Starbucks, uh, uh, by my house. I said, I'll have one espresso. I don't, I don't drink espresso. I've had my fair share of, uh, Americanos, which adds water and lattes, which add milk. But I said, espresso. And they're like, it's funny. Cause that's, you know, that's like what they got famous off, but not too many people are just getting the espresso. And they asked me back a shot. And I was like, yeah, I guess so. One shot. And they poured me into kind of a big coffee cup. They poured me what appears to be one ounce of espresso.

I haven't measured it. Yeah, I had the same experience of coffee bean. And tea leaf. And tea leaf. Must have forgot. I went to some place around here, and it was two ounces, I think. But what he gave me in this it is funny it's because they don't have just like little tiny cups they just had like a small cup and it's just a

little bit on the bottom yeah uh and when i went to the lady i said two espressos please and she said single or double and i said whatever is normal and she said they're both normal do whatever you want and so i said okay like to get out of here two singles but you see in a in an espresso machine when they make it for whatever reason it pours down the thing and it goes into two shot glasses generally really yeah it like yeah it's like it like falls in that thing like breaks apart yeah and don't know like why, I don't know if that's the standard on everything, but I do see that a lot. So I don't know if it's just like, well, when you make these, you make two. Wait, now here's my big question.

Tim, you were saying Americano is water, latte has milk. What is an espresso? Just the bean juice. Just the bean juice. Oh, fuck. What does that oh fuck mean, Michaelael what do you what do you got over there no i got the stuff i'm fine i'm just thinking like that's concentrated coffee oh yeah oh yeah they squeeze the beans like they squeeze it out the hell out yeah so we're gonna have this like this one little

martini it was gonna be like an Americano's worth of java, as opposed to when we made the Irish coffee that had coffee in it, but we didn't get a huge caffeine rush because it was like a little portion of coffee. Right, right, right. Now, did you guys I brought mine home and I put it in the fridge because I wanted to be cold. I didn't

like the idea of a hot, same hot thing. I don't want to melt my cubes. Yeah. I forgot mine on the counter, so it's room temp. And room temp is 68 in my place. Oh, great. Well, shall we get into it? Let's do it. Folks, we'll be right back.

See you soon. Hello, Slopheads. Seinfeld reference. Okay, here's something we want to talk to you guys about. A friend of ours has a podcast that we think you should listen to. Her name is Allison Rosen, and her show is called Allison Rosen is Your New Best Friend. It's really great, and it comes out twice a week. Monday is a one-on-one with notable guests like Tim Heidecker, Tiffany Haddish, Scott Aukerman, Paul Rust, LeVar Burton, Fred Armisen, Bobby Moynihan.

Whoa! She just had Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator on. How about that? And the second show of the week is Thursday. It's a group show that is silly and fun. We've been on it. We've been on it. You sit around and you just chit-chat.

She comes up with topics. You're laughing, you're living, and you're loving life. And she is the host with the most. I'm talking about Alison Rosen. And she's got a Patreon where she puts out weekly bonus episodes and more. So subscribe to Alison Rosen is your new best friend wherever you get podcasts because it's good. See ya! Folks, we're back with espresso martinis.

Oh. And they look good. Yeah. They look great, guys. Mike's got a wine glass. Jeff's got a stemless martini. I've got a stemmed martini glass. My shot was exactly one ounce. Yeah, mine too.

I measured it. Why doesn't mine have the frothy, frappy thing at the top? Did you put your heart into the shake? You know what? I didn't have my tin, so I was just kind of mixing as hard as I could in a cup. Mixing as hard? That's all right. Listeners wouldn't know that you just kind of performed a little shimmy for us in the cup.

Your body was doing most of the shaking. Well, I put the cup in my pocket and shook it around the horse. Shaking little hips. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's good. Van on my hips, can on my lips. Hey, hips reminds me of sips. Oh, perfect.

Sips reminds me of first sips. Oh, wow. Perfect. Oh, yeah, me too. I can see the connection there. Here we go. Shall we? Bombs away.

Oh. Okay. Yes. Yes. It is that simple syrup. That's. I forgot the simple syrup. Damn. Tim uh... I forgot the simple syrup! Tim, go now!

Fuck! Oh my god, I'm a royal fuck-up. Well, he could do round two. He could. I'll do it in round two. Yeah, with all the espressos he has lying around the house. Um, uh... How much syrup do you put in there? Ten! Ten mil.

You guys talk shit about me, and I'll go do it in 10 seconds. Great. Well, this is something I hate to do, but he really... We got to talk shit about him. He fucked up. He fucked up. Timo. Yeah, he sucks.

You're white knuckling over there. I'll fucking I'll fucking kill him no seriously if he does pull this type of shit anymore we will have to talk to him about him not out I mean that's extreme this is maybe a first time a warning yeah a warning and three warnings

a mild warning you're done well we'll have Tig talk give him a call she'll fire him well I want to talk about this drink but it seems Well, we'll have Tig talk. Give him a call. She'll fire him. Just set him straight. Well, I want to talk about this drink, but it seems pointless. No, because then I'll be like, oh, yeah, it really does taste like a cold brew coffee. And then you'll understand what I'm talking about later.

He'll be like, hey, doesn't this kind of taste like a cold brew coffee? It's like, yeah, dude, we fucking covered that when you were running around your house looking for syrup. Ooh, he took a big gulp. Look at him go, folks. Now, you like the coffee. You like... Oh, yeah. And you like cold coffee.

Yep. I do two hot in the morning and then one cold in the afternoon. Ooh. Two hots, one cold. Two hots and a cold. Guess who's back?

Oh, Timothy with his syrup in hand. Now try that. I imagine it's definitely yeah, I mean, it's probably fine without the syrup, right? Without the syrup, I was going to say, wow, this is a strong drink because I was getting a lot of espresso.

And then now it chilled it out. This is, it's, I mean, the main flavor I'm getting is Kahlua, but it's not too sweet. It's nice that this isn't creamy. You know, sometimes we do these deserty drinks that are creamy. Yeah. Yeah.

This is, this is, it's a very, it's a big sip drink here. This is not, I'm not like filling my mouth with this. It's, it's robust and dark. I'm not gargling and gulping. And like, you know know you feel it in your throat it's got a little espresso grit to it yeah i'm it the espresso is uh because i'm i'm a coffee drinker but not an espresso drinker i'm excited to see how when the when the alcohol and the caffeine starts coursing through my veins i'm I'm excited to see what kind of like funny riffs I come up with.

Oh, sure. Yeah, me too. I'm wondering if it's like you'll be like a funny guy or an amped up nut. I hope I – what if I just kind of turn into a guy who's like talking a lot about, you know, like GameStop stonks. Good. Sure. That'd be something.

I need a personality of some sort. You gotta talk about something. Well, to go back to a story I was telling before, I did, in fact, buy a cigar last night. Oh my god. It's a Romeo and Juliet

1875. Wait, so when you thought you had a dream, were you picturing this transaction? It was reality. Oh, no, Michael. So I'm out there, and I do remember now, I stopped on my way home to get a water, a bottle of water, and it was like a dollar. And he was like, well, I didn't have any cash, so I was like, I'll pay with a card.

And he's like, yeah, but you got to buy something else. And then right next to it were these cigars. I said, I'll pay with a card. And he's like, yeah, but you've got to buy something else. And right next to it were these cigars. I said, I'll do the cigars. The guys will think it's funny. So you thought you had a dream where you were buying a bottle of water and you didn't have enough money. No, I just had, I thought the dream was that I bought a cigar. The reality was the water.

Oh, yes. Yes, yes. You know, it was a full Sunday of hanging out. I can't believe a guy sold you that i can't believe a guy sold you that cigar drunk he should have looked in your eyes and he said i'm cutting you off you've had enough well i'm sure i wasn't like stumbling around like you gotta give me this thing ah you could have been so you had you had you had uh fallen in a barrel full of ale right before walking into the story yeah i think this is an unreliable narrator situation. You had the hiccups.

You're like, I was having a blast. I went into this bodega last night, had a blast, and then this Killjoy buzzkill clerk. Let me ask you this, Michael. In reference to this espresso martini, you are a guy who, at your doctor's office you're affectionately known by the nurses as the blood pressure guy and and he's back he's back oh fuck what do we do yeah holy shit did you go full strength espresso here?

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Because you've been kind of off the coffee, right? I haven't had coffee for, I don't think I've had a full coffee for like three years. Holy shit. Yeah. I wonder if this is going to zoop you. Did you have the cartoonish withdrawal

that they depict on television? Yeah, just kind of like the restlessness and like uh and like oh i'm like i'm so tired all day i haven't had coffee in three days yeah like did you have to like that was a thing push through like a week of shit uh-huh maybe not a full a full week but um uh it was definitely a thing like i was like why the fuck am i so tired like last two days like oh because i stopped drinking coffee when did you start drinking coffee because for a lot of people it's when they start working in offices yeah that's that's when i started it was just something to to get away from the desk yeah oh it's so fun in an office just to have a place

to walk to and then to be like i gotta go to the fridge and get the milk well i gotta go to the cabinet and get the sugar yeah and uh it also like i I never really drank coffee during high school or college. And then I did in LA, Mike, when we were at Buster. Right. Even at my job before that. It helps fast forward through the afternoon. You know, you get a nice strong coffee at three and suddenly you're like, hey, I'm headed home. Hey, getting this coffee poured took me 45 minutes and I might as well leave early.

I mean, it zips you up, Mike Yeah, yeah We're not even talking espresso What did we say before? It's zip-zo, here we go Zip-zap-zop Rock around the clock We did zip-zap-zop before we started the recording here so we could be

loose and ready to improvise Tim, are you a coffee guy? I'm a one cup in the morning out before we started the recording here so you could be loose and ready to improvise um yeah tim tim are you you a coffee guy um i i'm a one cup in the morning i i love that afternoon i mean the afternoon coffee run because i my i love i like starbucks and i like coffee bean i don't like fancy legit fancy well you live in a bad neighborhood I know, but, but I've, I've got coffee bean and, and, and multiple options in the tier I like, but I love the afternoon, the get in the big, huge green straw at like 3 PM, but I don't allow myself to do that too much. I have one cup of coffee from my Keurig right away when I wake up in the morning, but you know what I've found?

I, I can, I'm no Hanford, but I've got borderline high blood pressure, you know? So I, it's a good idea for me to not be drinking multiple cups or whatever. And just to make sure that I'm not addicted to caffeine, I will experiment with only drinking it. Like if I have work to do, or I have a job that day, or I have a place to go, I'm like, I'm allowed to have a coffee. But if it's one of these days where I'm like waking up and I'm writing a script or I'm like kind of dicking around or I'm on some dumb shit podcast like this one. This. I'll experiment with not drinking coffee and just getting through my day.

And so multiple days a week I'll forego the coffee. And so multiple days a week, I'll forego the coffee. And I found a substitution, which is a little bit of the teeny adrenaline serotonin dopamine boost you get from vanity of a social media post. Here's what I do. You're not going to see these because they get deleted a lot. here's what I do you're not going to see these because they get deleted a lot I'll wake up in the morning and instead of a cup of coffee like groggy from my pillow I'll tweet a joke

and then the feeling of like I can't believe I just fucking wrote a new joke it's at 755 and tweeted it right away and then that the worry or pleasure from whether or not that joke was funny can wake me up.

So it's just like my own vanity, my own thought of, am I a funny little dude? That can replace caffeine for me. I mean, phone use in the morning is supposed to wake you up. They say don't look at your phone before bed because it'll keep you up. You're shining that bright light in your eyes from four inches away from your face. That's not a good thing to do. But for me, it helps. If I ever take a nap and I'm grogged, if I do look at my phone for 10 minutes,

I will be right as rain. Back to my scrolling times. Back on the streets. Scrolling times? What am I talking about? Scrolling times could be like a digital newspaper. Ooh, that would be cool. All things that are

happening on Instagram and TikTok. It's like a full bullpen newspaper room full of journalists writing about what's happening on Instagram. A print paper, a print newspaper. What'd you guys use for vodka? Tito. Tito's.

Stoli. Jessica likes Tito's, so we normally have Tito's. And then I like Kettle One. But I happen to just have Stoli in the house. I read that when Dick Bradsell originally made this drink, he used Russian vodka. I don't know if it was Russian standard vodka or some other Russian vodka. And that's what he always used. But then he won a cocktail competition with the Times newspaper.

And because Russian vodka wasn't politically correct in the 80s, it was Cold War and the Soviet Union was communist and the Times didn't want to print a recipe that included Russian vodka. So they were like, can you use a different vodka? And he switched to Weberova, which is Polish, and happens to be the vodka that I, young Tim, was sipping off of tables at a wedding in Quebec one time. I told you guys. What's it called? I've never heard of that.

It's spelled like Wyborewa, but you say Vibrova. And how old were you when you were sipping this stuff off tables? Thirteen. Oh, Tim, you bad. Who was I talking to who was sipping on a chili dog outside the...

Sucking on chili dog. Sipping on... I like to hold a hot dog up and then from the hot chili on top, just... Oh, boy. Sucking on chili dog. John, can we maybe rethink this lyric? No, it's good. No, no, no.

It's the first lyric. Okay. I don't know that I've been to a tasty freeze have you guys been to a tasty freeze no i love foster's freeze oh yeah oh yeah i was gonna say we we have but it was foster freeze foster's freeze oh foster's freeze we were we had a good run of ordering uh foster's freeze but when you go there it's a little bit uh grimy oh that's too bad um yeah for a while there mid-pandemic we were you and i and little mookie b would hang out in a backyard and order foster's freeze

it's such a fun thing to get delivered because it's such silly stuff it's like what did you get well i had the oreo blizzard and the teeny little hot dog and the big burger and the silly stuff. It's good though. Damn good. Um, how do you, are you guys feeling zipped up? I'm feeling, uh, the vodka,

maybe a little more than the zip. Yep. Yeah. I'm wondering what the, how it levels itself out. Yeah. I gotta, I gotta level out,

you know, like, you know how I'm always kind of doing one drug to bring me up one drug to bring me down. He's always on edge, you know, uppers, downers,

zippers, laughers. This pill does this, this pill does that. He's always on edge, you know, uppers, downers, zippers, laughers. This pill does this, this pill does that. What's why I got a moment confused? I mean, this is sort of a poor man's speedball, like the upper and the downer in one go. Sure. I'm feeling my booze buzz faster than usual. Maybe it's because we're recording a little early today.

And the only thing I had to eat, severalfuls of brussels sprouts all day several i had two hard boiled eggs i had two i had a big plate of fusilli pasta uh the corkscrew noodle ah that's right, no, I ask about how you're feeling, because we always say the espresso zips you up. Why are they called espresso? Right. But yeah, do you know Madonna, the material girl? Absolutely.

Oh, like a virgin Madonna. Right, right, right, right. Ray of Light. Great, great album, great tour. Cone tits shooting fireworks. Sure, sure, sure. She's known to do that, I guess. A certain Vogue-style hand gesture comes to mind.

Yeah, Vogue-style-ies is what she was doing in the 90s. Yeah, she liked being on tour and everything in the 90s, late 80s. She had to get herself zipped up as well. And I think she took to drink these. And there was a time when she did a version of one of her popular

songs before she recorded the popular version. She would do this version about espresso martinis. Did you guys know about that? No, I hadn't heard about that. Major blind spot. But the thing is she's such a chameleon and she reinvents herself so much that i have trouble keeping up with a lot of her stuff no she really does it's like she reinvents herself like right away after she's

done with one thing's like done she's moving on she's reinventing which i think is so fascinating for an artist yeah uh and it really helps to explain her longevity in such a tricky industry. Yes, yes, Michael, yes. Also, you know, did you guys see the Taylor Swift documentary? The Netflix one? I think I did. Miss Americana.

Yes. She talks about, like, it's great. And, you know, it's propaganda, like all those things are. But I love all those music uh music startups um but she was talking about how like how hard it is to like reinvent yourself but like stay within the realm of palatability for like men and all that stuff and madonna really did it like really tap danced over all the trip wires was constantly just keeping people on their back foot being new and fresh all the time for like decades. She wrote her own rule book.

I mean, she really said, she said, this is the way I'm doing it. Do you want to come with me or not? Yeah. And I was like, yes, Madonna, yes. Yes, we want to be on this train because it is moving, which is so exciting. But yeah, so I got this version of the song here

that we're going to listen to. I managed to find, I was at some vintage shop and found an old reel-to-reel, and I was like, what is this? Awesome. The reel-to-reel is what was on it. I was like, what the hell? You're going to sell me this?

So wait, Mike, do we have to digitize this reel-to-reel? I digitized it. I sent you the MP3. Oh, great. So did you kind of by hand go through and write down a bunch of ones and zeros to digitize this? Uh-huh, yes.

I got a really tiny pencil and did that. You're like, okay, 001. Okay, 110. Hold on, I lost track. Was that 20? Alright, folks, here we go. So yeah, this's material girl herself.

Don't drink a sleepy drink, baby. You'll fall asleep at the bar. You know I gotta ask you, why do they call it espresso? Guess it's cause it's sensual. Wake up yourself. You've got to order Espresso, guess it's cause it's Sips You Up. Wake up yourself.

You've got to order Expresso Martini. Eyelids are starting to sink, but you still want a drink. Expresso shot, baby, ready or not. Expresso Tini. Wow. Thanks, everyone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go reinvent myself. Oh, that was the moment.

Wow, that was on the tape. Yeah, that's on the tape. This tape was rolling in the very moment she reinvented herself. Yep, it sounds like she got on a rocket ship and shot out of the atmosphere. We don't know because we don't have a visual, but it definitely sounds like. No, it's what that sounds like to me. Mike, I got to say that song zipped me up more than the drink. I was over here and my heart rate increased heart i said my my heart rate increased good

good and i was bought i don't know if you saw me bopping around in my chair i really i saw you moving a little bit i felt that you're kind of wagging your finger around like oh yeah yeah yeah but it's it's just so interesting to see this uh huge mega star she doesn't know why it's called espresso either but she's willing to kind of admit that to her fans. You know what I loved was there's a good life lesson in there about don't order a sleepy drink at the bar because I've made that mistake. I'll be out there on the strip sometimes

and I'll walk up to the bartender, what would you like? And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to get fucked up tonight. Give me some chamomile and warm milk I'm fucking work hard play hard baby oh man this is happening on the strip the sunset strip

every Saturday night on the sunset strip like clockwork I did that last weekend I went to a bar and I was like we're finally out like bars are back open and I was like give me a whiskey and Z quill I'll take a chicken leg bigger than a chicken leg. Bigger than a turkey leg, in fact.

In fact. For me and all my mates. I remember hearing that. You heard about that? You heard. You said that and I heard it. Damn, that was cool. I love that song, though.

That was, like, Madonna's great, man. Madonna's great. I can't wait to see what's next for her. Does she still make music or has she done anything? She had a big performance at Pride this year on Fire Island and made headlines. She's still doing it. Good. I think she's 60. Wait, didn't she get in a little, she was saying the wrong thing about the pandemic or the vaccines or something?

I think she got a little hot water for being in that movie Dick Tracy, probably. Oh, Tim, we've talked about this. Yeah. I've never seen Dick Tracy. Oh, Jefferson. You have. You've seen. I have.

Well, I was Dick Tracy for Halloween one year. My mom made me a big yellow coat. Tim, you gotta get pics of that baby. You gotta post it. You gotta get a picture. You gotta post it. We should watch that movie for the patron because I haven't seen it since back in the day, but it's one of those weird things where like when you're a kid, you don't always know.

Maybe we've talked about the rocketeer that I loved the Rocketeer and I had no idea that that was a flop financially and Dick Tracy I bought all the toys I was in for Halloween I had no idea I don't know that it flopped but it wasn't it's not a hit

it was huge for me The Rocketeer directed by Joe Johnston I want to say director of Jurassic Park 3, but he was also an effects guy who created Boba Fett's costume. Ooh! Boba Fett uses a jetpack much like The Rocketeer himself! This guy fucking loves jetpacks!

Could he fucking do one other thing other than a jetpack for once? Well, let's make another drink and find out. Love it. We'll be back. Okay, folks, we're back. Second round. How you feeling, guys? Well, to be truthful, this isn't even a second round for me it

was that my shaker didn't i've got a small old timey 1930s circa martini glass and it didn't it couldn't hold all the contents of my shaker so this is really just kind of a second and here content is king yes absolutely i made another one made another one here with just a little less vodka, actually. Okay, good. And hey, you know, the taste is great. I just, we're recording earlier today, and I want to have the rest of my day. That's all. I forewent the second one because I already feel jittery as hell.

I'll alert the nurses. The veins in your face are bulging. I do feel like my pupils or my contacts or my eyes are just going back and forth. Expresso, it zips you up.

For the taste that zips you up and never lets you down. Alright, well what do we think final thoughts I mean I'm ready final thoughts go for it Jay this is in order again it's good it's fine

I think that I used premium ingredients coffee bean Tito's, Kahlua. I don't know if you could make this better than what I made, but I would try. If a bar said we make a good one of these, I'd do it. I'd try it. There must be brands of alcohol and coffee better than Tito's and coffee and tea leaves.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, do you remember when we took a cocktail class with celebrity bartender Jack Schramm? Yeah. We were kind of, it devolved into us like throwing out brands because we're like, you know about booze and we're dumb. Yeah. It tells your reactions to these things. And we mentioned Tito's because Jessica loves Tito's. And he was like, don't get me started on Tito's drinkers.

And we're like, get started. We want to hear this. Yeah, that's what we're here for, yeah. And he was like, if you're a bartender in Manhattan, your image of a Tito's orderer is someone who's just like very entitled, comes to the bar like, okay, I need a double Tito's with two limes. I need a single Tito's, little bit of ice, extra lemon, and just a loud guy who's like, because I'm saying Tito's,

I think that I am very cool. I have choices. And like specific, little specifics on very simple Tito's drinks. They did a smart thing though, because vodka really is the most interchangeable drink. It's the most simple spirit. It's like the most, it's just alcohol. That's why, you know, it could be made from potatoes or grain or whatever.

And it's not barrel aged and it doesn't have all that shit. So like most brands of vodka taste very similar to me. But what Tito's did is they were like, we're from Austin, Texas. And our label looks like those whiskey labels you like, and we're, we got a little orange cap, and we're good. It is smooth, though. I don't know what they do, because like,

I mean, I think... Carlos Santana. You keep talking, Jeff. I'm just gonna keep it underneath there. You know that there's, you can tell shitty vodka like the difference between a good vodka and a bad vodka is palpable you got a charcoal filter it i guess i agree in the way that it much like a tequila like the mouth whether it burns you or

not pop off and crystal palace is are harsh fuck you up it like changes your breath for a couple breaths for a couple breaths i really i really like kettle one kettle one is the only vodka that i can taste and identify and be like i like that sometimes i buy belvedere just because i love the name and i know that it's fancy yeah did you hear that mr belvedere won't once sat on his own balls i did yes i read about it in gasping for Airtime. Folks, look it up. We're not going to get into all these fucking pages.

And if you're a Tito orderer, that's fine. You can just keep ordering what you order. Jack Tram's just giving you a tough time. Well, a lot of the Manhattan bartenders do not like when I come up. Oh, yeah. Because I'm the same way. I come up. I bet not. Hey, okay, I need a Parrot Bay on ice.

I need a Parrot Bay shaved. I need a Parrot Bay and Tito's. Let's go, asshole. Yeah, they don't like that. You know, my thing, I kind of belly up to the bar. I'm like, okay, I need a can of MGD. I want a bottle of MGD. I want a draft pint of MGD. I want a bottle of MGD. I want a draft pint

of MGD. Line them up. And I need three shots of 99 bananas. Oh my god. Man, I've been asking for fireball shots out here, but not a lot of places have. Not a lot of places do fireball.

I can't believe you've got such a strong relationship with fireball. Fireball. It's not just a joke. It's not a joke. No, I love it. I like getting people involved. I like saying, hey, want to do fireball?

And they're like, ha ha ha, okay. Well, once they see the look in your eyes, they go, oh, okay. I'm not fucking around here. No, no, no. You. I'm not fucking around here. You're either doing that or a 99 bananas. Are you guys going to prattle on all night or can I do my final thoughts? Please. If you must,

I guess I don't must, but I'll say this. Um, this drink, the flavor of it, you know, this is generally wouldn't be my style coffee types if stuff is it's it's kind of sweet and it's candy-ish if i'm gonna have a kalua thing i maybe prefer the taste of a white russian uh that get once it gets a little melty on the rocks and chills out a little bit but flavor aside i must admit that i feel fantastic right now and i got the the vodka

buzz first but i am now feeling the caffeine and and i get it i normally don't i feel like with the irish coffee i didn't get it and this is maybe the first time in my life that i feel a little bit uh you know uh i just kind of want to a party you know i feel like uh a party to you know you know we don't you know the chris ponnius character party boy yes i want to party like him cool oh good order again in my life yes absolutely two rounds might be a bit much that's true drink of the summer i don't know about that that i don't know people because that that's how this came up was like is this the drink of the summer. I don't know about that. That I don't know. People because that's how this came up was like, is this the drink of the summer?

Because there's obviously we got the seltzer wave happening and, and the pops and the, and the ice creams and stuff. And I would even rather be out of step and have an Aperol spritz from a couple of years ago or a white claw from a couple of years ago and, and not need to jump on the bandwagon with this drink just just to do it i would do two then maybe cap it there but i do like it more than the irish coffee i like it cold yeah i don't that's what i was worried about

starting with this is uh i did not like the hot irish coffee so or like the hot toddy i don't love same don't like the hot stuff. The Irish coffee didn't have enough coffee in it to feel the caffeine buzz. I'm, I'm feeling this espresso right now. And now I get it. Like the chemicals are present. You know, we've talked about, uh, last couple episodes, we've talked about, uh, brunch drink. This could be a brunch drink. Why not? It's coffee. Come on. Perfect. Especially that you're doing a hungover brunch and you're afraid to drink a Bloody Mary and get sleepy. You have this. Your teeth are chattering in fear. Yeah, you don't want to fall asleep.

Just like Madonna says, you don't want to fall asleep at the bar. Here's my assessment. This is a don't order again, no second round. This for me, I have heartburn and i'm jittery you think that's fun scathing and you're gonna be scathing spend the rest of the evening in the icu with the nurses whispering about you i think that's a good time i'm not having a good time now mike make sure you don't uh bump any hard edges around your apartment or break your skin, because the blood will just come shooting out of you. Yeah, try not to break your skin.

A fucking super soaker over there. Jeff, I am... Every day is what I... I'm always trying not to break the skin. Mike, you weren't planning on going for a bloodletting today. This man is a water balloon under pressure. That's our show. Follow us on social media at the sloppy boys,

where we release these recipes ahead of time. Also be sure to check out our Patreon where subscribers can unlock the sloppy boys blow out our weekly bonus episode. And Hey, don't forget about that tier. We told you about this. Ooh, the new, the big money hustlers tier.

You got to get in there, baby. Yeah, man, I'm going to sign up. I'm going to do it today. And that way I'll be listening and laughing at Betsy Sedaro tonight. It's a great idea.

She's so funny on that one. I was very happy to have her. Thank you, Betsy. She's one of the best. What a great get for a first episode, Mike. Yeah. That's patreon.com slash the sloppy boys. Thanks for listening, folks.

We'll see you next week. What was up? Hey, we never talked to me. Oh, come on. Bye, Tony. Bye, Tony. Bye. It's okay.

I got to go get this. Yep. He's got to go. He doesn't have time. Maybe next time. Maybe next time. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys