The Sloppy Boys - 44. Suffering Bastard

Episode Date: August 20, 2021

The guys test a tiki "hangover cure" created in Egypt by world-renowned bartender Joe Scialom in 1942.SUFFERING BASTARD RECIPE1oz/30 ml gin1oz/30 ml brandy.5oz/15 ml lime juice2 dashes Angostura bittersTop up with ginger beerShake everything but ginger beer with ice, pour unstrained into glass, top with ginger beer. Garnish with mint spring and (optionally) orange slice.Recipes via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford. To the left, to the left. And Tim Kalbac is... Everything you own in a box to the left. Yeah, he did it. It was worth it. Yay. And Tim Kalbac is everything you own in a box to the left. Yeah, he did. It was worth it. Hey, he's blushing now.

I feel gross. I feel like I feel like a fucking pawn in Mike's chess game. Well, no, because you didn't really go with it. You didn't seem excited. You were like, oh, got to do this thing. So I wasn't. I was I'm fucking miserable. He feels compromised. Yeah.

I'm not going to make that mistake ever again to try to include you into this fun, fun event. My problem is that my usual question remains unanswered. You're like, I'm sitting here and I don't know what is up. Yeah. The audience members at home are like, not much. I'm sitting here. I'm listening or I'm on the

train. You don't know. We don't know. Maybe next week. Yeah, know. Maybe next week. Yeah, probably. Maybe next week they can answer. There's always next week. For this week and next week or last week. Wait. Huh?

Duddy, how you feeling? Yeah, you've got COVID. I did. You know what? Cleared it. Really? Yay! You're neg?

Well, here's the thing. They said, I was always like, no, no, I would never do that. Unless you want to fuck us. Because it'll work on us. I said, so when do I get tested? And they were like, oh, well, there's no point in getting tested. You'll be positive again. And I said, hey, what about the 10 days?

You said 10. You said 10 days. You go back in your word and uh they were like no your body is shedding dead virus for like the foreseeable future so so you're not contagious but you detest positive i don't want to hear that i don't want to hear that shit i don't hear about me shedding but do you feel good like you don't think you have long COVID where your lungs are going to be weird for the rest of your life? Tim, how do I look?

I mean, you're glowing. You got a dimply smile. Yeah, it looks like you just met a new lover. Someone who makes your world, who hangs the moon for you, Jeff. Yeah. No, I got a bit of a rasp. I think it was a rash.

He's right back into the old Jeff. Rashy ass Jeff. No, I feel good. I'm back, baby. I can hear it. You smelling and tasting? Smelling and tasting. Oh, baby.

Good, because we have a tasty drink today, and you'll be tasting it. Yeah. That's good. Nice. Unlike the yellow bird, which tasted like nothing. To you, it tasted like nothing. I was sitting high atop the yellow bird tree. Right.

I remember that, being atop the yellow bird tree. Mike, have you taken any climbs up the yellow bird tree since last week? My man, I haven't been down. Up in the nest. I'm nesting for the rest of the summer in the yellowberry tree. That cocktail instantly made it into my repertoire. I've been drinking them. I drink them all week.

I love it. It's an easy one to make. It's easy. You know I got to get through that Galeano bottle. Yeah. And I like it. And I'm using my coupe glasses and it makes me feel refined. Did you give one to Jessica? Yeah, And I like it. And I'm using my coupe glasses and it makes me feel refined. Did you give one to Jessica?

Yeah, she liked it too. At least she told me to. But you never know. Damn, wife approved. Wait, what is it again? It's lime juice, rum, and the Galliano. Is that it? And don't forget triple sec. Triple sec. Okay. I'm on it.

I'll make one. Okay, bye. Thought you were in the tree, man. What happened? Yeah, I was lying about that. All right. Whoa, what do we got going on today? Well, Tim, you're probably just looking at Tim.

He looks a little tired, a little worn out. He spent a little time in new york city with me i gotta say that city there's very little slumbering going on it's crazy over here not too many logs being sawed no no no the the sleeping caps go unused throughout the night let's say yeah the city that doesn't use its sleeping caps is what they should say sleeping caps intact here yeah in this metro knickerbocker area yes i um you know early in the summer all i did on this show was talk about this trip i was taking i went to cape cod had a blast had some cape codders. Then I went down to New York and I had said, well, I'm, when I'm there, I want it to be the ultimate, the city's ultimate VIP.

Right, right. Did that work out for you? Kind of. Yeah, actually. Uh, and, and, and Hanford made it happen because everybody who listens to this podcast knows I like to refer to him as celebrity bartender Jack Schramm. He doesn't call himself celebrity. In fact, Mike, I think you were sincerely calling him that.

But he's just a wonderful man who knows a lot about cocktails. And he's from the streaming cocktail classes. There's a company called Gush. And he has solid wiggles, the fancy alcohol jello molds. The jello shot, yeah. So before my arrival, Hanford emailed Jack and said, hey, Jack, Tim and Jessica are coming to town. What do you say you take us out?

What do you got lined up for us? What do you say you take us out on the town and give us a night we'll never forget? And his initial email back was no. And then I reminded him, ah, you would you must you guilted him into it and um and he really did this this was uh during my week in new york new york this was the the crown jewel yeah and um jack is a fantastic guy very plugged into the restaurant and bar industry. So he curated a little night for us and we had cocktails at a lot of bars.

I've always wanted to go to always read about and, and, and the cool thing, he, he got us some reservations that are hard to get. He, you know, we'd be on the way to a bar. He'd text ahead to a friend that worked there. So we'd get some stools set aside. Yeah. Did you ever enter through the kitchen? I tried

and I got my little ass beat. Five bars in a row, my little ass black and blue. Some of our food came from the kitchen so that was as close as we got. Yes, yes. That's what you want. When I ordered from the waiter, I said, could you just take my phone here?

I'm going to put it on video mode and just put it on the plate and walk it out. So I got to see it a little bit that way. No, it was really cool. Jack was informative about everything. And geez, he put up with our bullshit all night. He's a good man. I know. We're drinking and we're getting drunk and we're having fun.

But then I'd also be like, hey, Jack, how do you infuse vodka? Well, actually, we got some tapes on the whole night. We took a little recording of each place we stopped. Let's hear it. This is like insomniac. Yeah. This is the first place we stopped was PDT, Please Don't Tell, a little speakeasy on the Lower East Side.

Here we go. Okay, we are live here. Don't just keep, just go on, go along with your regular day. We're here. We got me and Timmer here. We got Jessica in the mix and Jack Schramm, famous, what did you say, famous mixologist? I think you're famous to me, the Schrammer. Okay, Jessica's ordering another drink.

She had the Paddington before. Jessica had the Paddington. Tim and I had the Benton Old Fashioned. And Jack, what did you have? I had the Shark. The Shark. It was a green drink. These are all good drinks.

We had hot dogs. My hot dog had cilantro in it. Some of the cilantro is now in my shoe, which I need to deal with. But Jack has been nice enough. He's going to take us on a tour of what, five bars? Five bars. Cool spots where it's please don't tell right now, which is kind of a secret spot. This is our first stop and I got to tell you, I did the math here, Jack, and we were gonna get messed up tonight. That's true, that was all part of the plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm keeping a close eye on my wallet.

Tim, what do you think? I'm loving this old-fashioned, it tastes like smoky cork, and I'm in heaven. It's a bourbon that is distilled with bacon, am I saying it right? The process is called fat washing, where they render the fat out of the bacon mix it into the bourbon and then let that sit for a few hours freeze it the whole mixture and then strain off the frozen bacon solids so just the bacon infused bourbon is left behind it's great it's there's a real like a genuine smokiness to it and we had some fantastic pina coladas with Fernet on the top. Those were unbelievable.

Those were great. Unbelievable. Folks, we'll check back in later. See ya. Nice. Yeah, that was good. The thing I had forgotten about was the pina colada with the Fernet.

It's a good mixture. Do that at home. This felt very VIP because it was little pina coladas in little stemmed cocktail glasses, and then they topped them with Fernet. This felt very VIP because it was little piña coladas in like little cocktail, stemmed cocktail glasses. And then they topped them with Fernet. So it was fancy as fuck.

And they were free, most importantly free. See a mouth breather like me wants a big piña. Yeah. You're saying that in the city, the elites drink little tiny piñas. The elites drink thimblefuls of everything. So after that, we headed on over. Oh, go ahead, Jeff. Now, as an objective listener, listening to what I just heard,

that's the first stop of the night? That was technically the second. We stopped at a dive bar sort of to meet up first. I was going to say that sounded pretty fun, pretty loose. This could have been the climax of the night for some regular folks. We had some beers in us from a dive bar that we convened at. And then we were also, Jeff, we were lulled into the vibe because PDT is kind of the speakeasy that started the speakeasy resurgence. So you walk through a hot dog place and then you walk through the telephone booth and you feel like you're in a different world.

So we kind of, we were kind of ready to start sucking them back. Yeah. There's, there's so much, there's a ton of those in LA and I love them all. Yeah. Those hot dogs.

That was a cool add on. Yep. A speakeasy with some hot dogs. Criff dogs. I think they're like deep fried. They're fantastic. Ooh. Where do we go next?

Then we made our way on over to Death & Co. Oh, yes. Ooh, now this has come up before. What's the deal with this? A famous one. We'll discuss it here in the clip. Oh, my God. All right.

We are stop two of the, no, stop three of the SRAM tour. The first one was kind of a die bar that we started out. Just to wet the whistle, so to speak. Exactly. And now we're at Death & Co. The inventor of the naked and famous came out of this place. It's very cool. It's also very speakeasy.

It's very dark. I like the lit up bar in the back. This place has cool names for these drinks. I like them. Jack, have you ever named a drink? Yeah, I've cool names for these drinks. I like them. Jack, you ever have you ever named a drink? Yeah, I've named quite a few drinks. What are some of your hits that you think of?

A personal hit was the Portfolio. One of my top cocktails of all time. The Helicopter. You can tell that I like multi-syllabic single words. That's makes sense more of my vibe yeah you know what i if you were here's a good idea have you ever had a alabama slammer is that a

yes that's a shot right yeah you got to come up with something called the alabama shrammer so i had a drink that was named after me at another bar called Mr. Paradise that they used to have a drink called the Tram Slammer that was a bacon fat washed date infused mezcal. I like that. All right well Alabama Schrammer is good too. All right well we're getting along here we're doing all right. See you at the next one. I got a round of Bud Lights coming up. I think they'd kick it they would knock our heads onto this bar right here and leave a bloody brainy mess. I wish it was brainier, but not really. Yeah, I know.

We could do a few more book readings on our part. Toot-toot. Tat-toot. Miss you, Jeff. Wish you were here. What was that cackle? That sounded facetious. I'm having a little fun, but we did miss you. Miss you, Jeff. Wish you were here. What was that cackle? That was... That sounded facetious. I'm having a little fun, but we did miss you. Hey, I like the name Mr. Paradise.

That's very absurdly self-confident. Yeah, we were going to go, but there was like a water problem or something. Their water was shut down. They shut down for like the night, or till like 7 o'clock or something. Hey, the other thing I learned about Death & Co. from that audio is they shake the shit out of those drinks oh man they really do it's a real show watching them make you you're i kept saying that it felt like they were making us a meal because you read your drink like they they write a new menu like all the time and you read your drink it has so many ingredients and you watch them make it and they serve it to you

and you're like yeah this is worth the 24 bucks or whatever because you just like made me a meal and a lot of them are savory and really complex and then the highlight for me was drinking drinks like that and talking to jessica about them and then i kind of lean over to hear what what hanford was saying to jack and mike would be saying like you know jack i love it you know i love just tickets on a real good drink you know what a drink is good yeah it's not so good i don't like that as much jack if it's not good good that's bad for me yeah he uh he entertained me uh entertained my idiocy for the whole night uh the thing the thing that i got at this bar which kind kind of followed through for the rest of the night, was like, how interesting the drinks were.

It was all, everything we tasted, because we all swapped drinks and stuff, it all tasted or reminded me of the Trinidad Sour. Not in the taste, but just in like the, oh my God. Complexity. Weird taste coming at all angles. They were event drinks. They didn't just do the thing where it's like a craft cocktail where they take one you know and they swap out one ingredient and give it a cute name. This was very inspiring.

It was inspiring. And inspired. And I think I got something else after that one, but I forget what it was, but I do remember it was 30 bucks. Yeesh. Michael! Yeah. Let's see. Then we made our way on over to Attaboy.

Okay, what is up? We just left Death & Co. and we're walking over to Attaboy. Mike, what did you just do? I pulled out a stogie. I'm doing stogie night. This guy, without a word, lights up a stogie. We got Tony Susprexo over here.

It shouldn't be without a word all the time. This is just my thing now. I do stogies. That's his thing. He does stogies, folks. You heard it here first. We're off to get a few more cocktails. That's your thing.

I pulled a stogie up. I like to do that as a joke. I took a puff of it and I threw it away. I was done. But I hung back from everyone and lit it up and then said, you know, like, what are you talking about? Yeah, what? And then so they all turn around and see that I had a cigar.

It worked. I was agog when I saw you. It's a funny trick. Nobody expects you to have a cigar in your mouth. Yeah, and you can get the laugh for, what, five or six bucks. Yeah. No, you got to use a new Macanudo every time. This was like a golden tan or something like that with like the holder at the end, like the wooden holder at the end, a little thin one.

I don't know what it was. Noise. And then you guys went to Attaboy, right? That's right. Yes, and I'd been very pumped for this because Attaboy is very famous, and it's in the location that had been Milk and Honey, a like seminal bar even i've heard of that yeah so uh hit the clip okay yeah it's like a morning show now well it is the morning just kidding we haven't been out

that long we're at attaboy and we got oh, this is a cool place It's a nice thin little spot. You know you want those you want thin thin is it? You want to get a thin you want to get a thin bar? See I got the gin and sin You got gin you got dry vermouth. You got apricot? Yes, and absinthe. And absinthe.

It was an absinthe of rinth. Yes. You can't say that. Absinthe rinth. It's impossible to say. Tim, what do you got there? I got a penicillin at the motherfucking place where it's invented. Oh, that's insane.

Yes, the original. You hear that, Dutton? Your favorite drink is right where you... Suck it, Dutton! Where was Jeff drinking? Mess Hall, right? Jeff sucks them back. Yeah, yeah. You can't separate them.

I feel like Jack is the new Jack. Yeah, you might be out, Jeff. Now, Jack's got two drinks. This guy, you're a little out of your mind Am I right? Here we go. We'll do we'll do first sips Wow Very good. Well, we're gonna get down to business here Jeff

We miss you so much. I miss the hell out of you. I wish you were here. We really want you here. Be emotionally available. You'd love it here. When you come to New York next, you'll go out with Jack alone. I can't do this again.

This is too much for me. He's actually a madman. I think he's a mad scientist. God, brother, I miss you. Hey, that's now we're talking. Yeah, we keep those drinks flowing. It got real. It turned dark there and we all had to

hold Hanford up. He was crying. Where's Jeff? Did Jessica do... My boy, my boy, my beautiful boy boy my beautiful boy would drink here with me if he were here if you're here he'd drink right he'd drink you all under the table he would were he here uh did jessica do martinis at each stop or just the last two um martini-esque drinks yeah like a different very and that's why she had to go home early because I was kind of having some sweet drinks and mixing it up and she said

Martini, Martini, Martini, goodnight, get me an Uber. Probably a smart move to be done on those. But we, the three of us went on one more to this really cool place called Katana Kitten. Play it up. Hi, we're back here. Jeff, you've got to get a plane ticket to this place, man. It's wild.

All right, Jack, tell us where we are. We're at Katana Kitten, one of my favorite bars in the world. Best vibe in the city. Very cool vibe here. Actually, Jeff, you would love this place. Ooh, that's good. Oh, beautiful. The food's here. Oh, we got calamari, too. Wow.

Oh, wow. And I will be right back with the wings. We got so much food and drinks in front of us. We'll see you later. A smorgasbord. Yeah, that was good food. The curry sauce, dipping stuff in curry sauce was good, dude. And this place, Katana Kitten, was this fun vibe where, Jeff, you'd love it because the owner just goes to Japanese toy stores and buys toys.

So you'd order a drink and there would be like a toy that coincides. You know, like a happy meal. You know, like, yeah're like yeah well no just because it just sits in front of you like you'd get a high a certain type of high ball and then he'd put a little like mechanical bird in front of you and while you drink that drink like this little bird is pecking at the table and then you'd finish your drink and he'd like take the bird off it was just like a little event it was weird and and because we were there with jack they gave us like a round of uh mount gay rum shots and there was a little a toy for that and then uh when when i paid at the end they put out like a little cat was holding a sign that said

tim is the best that it seemed like they already had that from something out like they had just like a tim sign yeah like that there was like there's they there's a certain little traditions that only they know about like when you order this that happens they bring that's awesome it was great internal logic it was great and and jack yeah uh i think his name was masa uh jack knew him he's the guy who owns the place or runs it and he was a very cool cool guy he was Damn. I should have just fucking went. You should have gone. COVID and all.

You basically got the experience just by, with our, our audio illuminations. Yeah. But Tim, I didn't get to sip, sip. No, you didn't get to sip, sip. Oh, you didn't get the glug, glug either. There's, there's a little bit of a, I guess there's an addendum here that Tim, Tim recorded in the bathroom. This is good.

This is good. This is like infinite jest. This would be like the footnote at the bottom. Yeah, exactly. Yes. Yeah. And we've all read that. Hey, folks.

This is Tim. I'm in the bathroom here at Katana Kitten. And I just want to say, you know, go easy on Mike and Jack. You know, they mean well. Look, I know they're not the coolest guys in the world, but their heart's in the right place. Okay? But thanks.

I owe you one. I do owe you one. Everyone listening, I personally... You owe the fans one, the listeners one? I'll do one favor for every listener. You know, any listener that opens their hearts to mike and jack this is crazy uh but so we we had a blast and then that was the end of night for us because

me and mike we were drunk and we were we're we're we like to posture like we're big party dudes but you you put eight cocktails in us we want to get in our little beds and it was it was very fun to see like uha and Jack. They were kind of feeling us out because these are New York guys. And they were kind of like, if we want the night to keep going, we could. You know, like we've got some suggestions. And Mike was like, I'm out. I'm going to bed.

I know. The way, like some of the stories Jack was telling was just like, so after my shift, I would go to this bar. I was like, after your shift, that's like a 4 o'clock in the morning, 5 o'clock in the morning. The shift is the end. That's done. He didn't stop. But it was super fun. It was fun in my overall,

all these drinks were great, but then the overall thing was just, I like the industry, I like the warm welcomes we got everywhere, and you see pulling favors to get Jack into the bar and giving us free food. I would say that the New York cocktail scene is going strong. It's alive and well.

There's nice camaraderie. And if you can get in, get your ass in, man. Yeah. If you can get in, get in good with these guys. Come in and know me better, man. Is that the ghost of Christmas future from? Present? Of present.

From the Muppets Christmas Carol? That's right. I think. That's right. Wait, maybe past. He's the big guy. He's present. He's the middle.

He's the second one. Present. Present. He's the giant. But what about Marley and Marley? The best. Best movie. Best movie. Best movie ever made.

Real quick before we move on to the drink. Have any of you guys worked in a restaurant? Tim, you have. Yep. Seven years. Yeah, I did some bussing tables at a steakhouse. Now, see, I never did, although I did scoop ice cream at the chocolate, at the ice cream and chocolate factory.

But we didn't have like the sort of the storied nightlife that you hear about when you work in a restaurant. You didn't have a chocolate factory. Oh, Jeff was up all night and he put the fudges up his butt. But did you guys have those? Like it was like, Oh,

we stayed till close. And then we went out. We would, we would drink at the bar at the place when it was closed oh we stayed till close and then we went out um we would we would drink at the bar at the place when it was closed out awesome uh that was fun i would we had beers on tap we'd have we'd have like labatt and yingling on tap which and i was all when i was young i was like so excited to get to have a beer after my shift. I would, this is insane, but this is a young man who wants to get drunk real fast.

I would, I was a barbecue cook in the back room of a restaurant and it was so hot back there. And I'd be sweating for my whole shift and I would purposely, purposely not drink water for a whole six hour shift so that my first beer would get me drunker. Oh my God. But it was the best drinking experience ever.

Like imagine taking a frosty mug out of the freezer and filling up with Labatt and taking the whole thing to the dome in like one huge gulp. Every cell in your body just ready for any liquid you throw in. It's like, it's allowing beer in places only water should be allowed to go.

You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be here down in the foot. Your eyeballs got some beer floating around in them. Well, hey, that sounds great. And next time, take your boy, Jay, man. I think, yeah,

Jack is down for doing that again when you come into town. Hey, love it. He's also, you know, if you see him in public and you're just some random Joe Schmo, go up to Jack and say, take me out for a whole night on the town every night of the week. I'd love to. I'll drop whatever I'm doing. I'll do it. What do you guys say we get into the drink of the day? I think it's about that time. Tim, I'd love that. This drink is entitled The Suffering Bast bastard. You've had,

had not had, not had. You've heard. I've heard. I've heard, but only because it's funny, right? It is.

This is, I feel like this one at Tiki bars. They like make sure to put prominently. It's like, Oh my God, I, they do that. And I,

I had, haven't had it, but it almost rubbed me the wrong way. Suffering bastard reminds me of arrogant bastard beer. And I kind of like, yes, that's what I'm trying a little hard. Yeah. But there is logic. This, Hey, we got a great story behind this drink.

It's a nice clear one. And thanks to beach bum, Barry, the Tiki guy, uh, we know we, he researched it and now everybody knows like, who's this, who's this Barry, you know, beach bum, Barry, the tiki guy, he researched it and now everybody knows. Who's this Barry? You know Beach Bum Barry. He's a tiki historian who he'll give presentations at Tales of the Cocktail in New Orleans

like a PowerPoint about a drink. And he's got books. So Tim, you vouch for him? I would lay down my life for him. I would take a bullet for him. I'd walk into traffic. A bullet for Barry. Okay.

Okay. But let me tell you this. Just the name, it's a suffering bastard. Folks, it's a hangover drink. That's why it's called that. And that's why you always see it in the tiki mug. It's usually in a tiki mug with the frowniest face they have and a guy with his

hands on his head because when you're a suffering bastard you drink this drink right interesting i thought it was like an easter island head no no it's more like um it's more like what i said okay tim tim i'll just go back 15 seconds bump it back on your phone 15 seconds and re-listen to what I said. You're going to love it. The picture here on the IBA of the drink, it looks like he's holding his head on his forehead there.

Yow. So, and it's basically like a mule variation and they're thinking that the ginger beers. Yeah, lime. You know, the science behind this shit of hangover drinks doesn't really check out, but it's a nice idea. But, um, for the history here, this, this is, has some cool international intrigue. We're talking world war two, Egypt, Cairo at the shepherd hotel is, is a fancy hotel in Cairo where kind of like the british army was fighting world war ii so

they're in egypt and all the officers hang out at the long bar at the shepherd hotel so it's kind of like i've heard it um kind of likened to like a casablanca vibe you know where it's like wars going on and there's you every you see like a fancy guy with a fez and he's an important general and, but he's drinking at this bar. All these important war guys are hanging at this bar. Very cool. And at the bar is a very famous, one of the most famous bartenders of all time. This little dude by the name of. Jack Schramm?

This is like the Jack Schramm of his day. In fact, his name is similar, Joe Shalom. Joe Shalom. This all checks out. Joe Shalom was the original Jack Schramm. It's like 15 degrees removed. It's spelled like Schialum. It's like the Italian way of saying Shalom.

But this was a Jewish guy from Egypt who went to France and became a chemist. So he knows chemistry, but he decided like, I actually, I got a big personality and I like talking to people. I'm going to put my chemistry skills to work as a bartender. So he, like he makes drinks for fucking Lawrence of Arabia. He makes drinks for Winston Churchill and he chats them all up and everybody loves him cause he's fun and he's funny and he's cool. And, um, then during world war two, there's like the, the, the allies troops are like been hanging out a lot. And then one day they got to go fight the Nazis and the axis powers, but all the, the British troops drink too much and they're hung over.

So they're like literally the morning of a battle. The British officers are like, hey, Jack, not Jack, Joe. Hey, original Jack. Joe, come out. We need something to bring to the front lines to like sober up our guys to fight. So he made him a big batch of this cocktail that was his personal hangover drink he had come up with. And they drink a bunch of suffering bastards and they win the battle. And this is the guy has like a lot of stories like this. But then a funny kind of twist. There's ups and downs to it where like later on him being friends with all these foreign dignitaries and ambassadors bit him in the ass because there was a coup in Egypt. And the new kind of regime in Egypt was like skeptical of Joe because he was friends with all these like outside forces.

So then there was some kind of conflict at the Suez Canal. Not the recent one when the boat got stuck sideways in it. Does Billy Joel talk about that in We Didn't Start the Fire? Trouble in the Suez? No, he says, JFK, blown away. What else do we have? Wait, is that for real? Is that the line, Trouble in the Suez?

I thought it was Trouble in the Sewers when I heard that because I was such a ninja turtle. There's too much green the rat king now that song would have been a lot cooler um well i'm embarrassed that none of us know about the suez canal incident uh in the mid-20th century i'm sure all of our listeners know the intimate details but what i do know is that then um egypt at that time then they like thought

that they beheaded him yeah well close they jailed him and then they let him out of jail but they fucking exiled him and his family so he had joe shalom has to leave his beloved cairo um and here's what's cool he's kind of floating around Europe for a little bit, being like, I'm the best bartender on earth, but I lost my job. Work here, work there. And then guess who gets wind that Joe Shalom is available for hire?

Schrammer. Oh, oh, fucking. Hurst? Oh, that type of a guy, but I'll give you a hint. Rockefeller. Imagine a Rockefeller or a Hearst, but then imagine that their great-granddaughter is more promiscuous. Hilton.

Conrad Hilton himself. Conrad Hilton says... This guy is all over the place on this podcast. I would not expect Conrad Hilton to be so... This is the Hilton cast. Conrad, come on the pod. Defend yourself, man. Paris, if you can behave yourself, you're allowed on here, too.

Keep it in your pants for one night. No, Conrad Hilton says, guys, the best bartender in the world is a free agent. Let's hire him. And he hires him, and he brings him to the fucking brand new Hilton in San Juan that we just talked about. The one. For the yellow bird?

The Caribe Hotel where they invented the pina colada. Oh. They hire Joe Shalom. Joe works there. It goes great. Conrad loves him and says, every time I open a Hilton hotel, um, abroad, I'm going to send you around to design the cocktail menu and get the bar off the ground. So everywhere that Joe goes, he puts the suffering bastard on the menu. So it's not even one of these drinks where it had to be word of mouth or it had to take off by people liking it. Like he traveled the world,

he put it everywhere. And then like people mimicked it. Trader Vic came up with a fake bad recipe and put it on his menu and other people have mimicked it, but it's basically this unique to Hilton hotels. And, and it's a hangover cure to this day. And you want to hear what is in the recipe.

Nice, easy recipe. You can remember it when you're hungover. One ounce of cognac or brandy, same thing because it's like a champagne tequila type of thing where brandy made in cognac is cognac. One ounce of gin, half an ounce of fresh lime juice, two dashes of Angostura bitters top up with ginger beer so you're going to pour all the ingredients into a cocktail shaker except the

ginger beer shake well with ice pour unstrained into a collins glass oh okay so the ice that's in there can go along with it you're using the the cubes. Oh, the ice comes in. Okay. Yeah. You're not discarding the cubes. Put it in a bastard mug. If you have one of those crying, cringy bastard guys. All I got is this pickle jar. Perfect.

If you don't have one, I think you're supposed to use a Collins glass or like a highball. And then you top it up the rest of the way with your ginger beer. You garnish with mint sprigs. And optionally, if you got an orange slice, you can throw that on there as well. Why not? You know, it's August. It's that August-y time.

I was going to say it's the holidays. I can't believe I was so far off on that. But these days they kind of start selling the holiday decorations so early. I know. I got bought a full Santa suit already. Yo, you bought it. Yeah. You probably got a good deal. I went on Amazon and I ordered it already.

I ordered it. I don't need it. Well, guys, what do you say? You want to get into it? Let's do it. Yahoo. Folks, we'll be right back and we're back with suffering bastards in hand all right right. Let's see them. Put them up.

Oh, Tim got the... Jeff, you got a mug tool. You got a... Oh, yeah. I got a Mandalorian tiki mug. Oh, and he looks kind of... The Mandalorian is kind of grimace-y. That's kind of good, man. Yeah, that is good.

I picked out my frowniest tiki mug, but he's still not the correct guy. Oh, yeah, he's suffering. He looks like scary. I think that's Maui. Oh. Michael, what do you got? I just got this glass mug. Oh, that looks good though. That looks nice.

A thick glass mug. I had some confusion here that Tiki confusion? A certain tiki confusion was that they say, you know, anytime they say top with ginger beer, I'm like, that's such a variable based on how much ice I have and how big my glass is. This tiki mug is not very big. So when I poured just my shaken stuff into it, it filled it to the brim.

Oh, really? And there was no room for ginger ale. So I went in with a fork and pulled some ice cubes out and gave myself about an inch of room for the ale. So I went in with a fork and pulled some ice cubes out and, and I, and I gave myself about an inch of room for the, for the ginger ale, but I can tell you guys have bigger mugs than me. So you're going to have more ginger ale. Yeah. Yeah. I had the opposite problem where like I used a full tray of ice in my shaker and, um, I don't know, I think this might be like a 30 ounce or maybe a 25 ounce guy. And it was, it only went like two thirds of the way up. And I was like, well, I'm not going to like put mostly ginger beer in this thing.

So this is a little bit light. I put maybe three, four ounces of Bundaberg. I think, oh, Bundaberg. I had Fentimans. I had, uh, I think it's called Jamaican Choice. Very nice. I think a four ounces is good. I saw some cocktail people on YouTube saying four ounces.

IBA didn't give a list. But, you know, as a hangover cure, I prefer a weaker drink. Like I make my Bloody Marys with like half a shot. I don't think you want to get drunk the day after. You just kind of want to ease the nausea. But I see you got the cement there, T. That's nice to see. Oh, yeah.

Look at that. Nice, big, fast sprig. I got some mint in there and I even got an orange because I'm so tickled when the juice that's in the cocktail is not the garnish. They throw you a side bowl. They throw you a curve

bowl with the garnish. Oh, yeah, because normally it's hinting at the juice that you just used. The juice you use. That's nice. So, let us sip. Now, let us sip. Now, let me ask, are you going to sip with your straw from the bottom or are you going to sip

the ginger up top or are you going to make, I'm going to stir mine. Yeah, stir it up. Stir it up. Little booze. Hmm. Oh, fuck.

That's good. Oh, baby. Damn damn it's a hit it's spicy spicy oh so nicey yeah it's okay uh mike bud uh you got something you want to talk about not really don't want to talk about this at all. I'm done. I think I got to, let me give it a little stir. You guys, chat. Angostura bitters, is that what you mean?

Yeah, I think, honestly, I think that's where you get a little bit of the kick. Wait a minute, I didn't even put the bitters in. Hey! You, don't! This guy's a mess. What if he puts two dashes of bitters, comes back and loves it? It's funny that, you know, the garnish doesn't stay the garnish for very long. For me anyway. It becomes the food.

I'm pinching that thing and slamming it in the drink. Well, I'll tell you a little hint about my garnish. You see this mint sprig that you were gawking at? Yes. It's fucking fake! Tim, how could you? It's a piece of plastic that i pulled off

a fake plant because i wanted to pose for the selfie with a little sprig in there but i didn't have i've thrown it out too many mint trees and i didn't want to buy one this time just for the snow i mean tim i'm on record as saying i do not like having bushes in my fridge. I want my bushes down the front of my underwear. I'm back and what did I miss? Have you guys seen Hamilton? Hamilton. Yes. It's when

Thomas Jefferson comes back from a Francais. No, I think it's more like not for me. Are you sure you're not thinking of my name is Alexander Hamilton? Yeah. Yeah, you are thinking. How does a bastard, an orphan, oh, hey, all right.

Hey, a suffering bastard. Yeah, he's a suffering bastard himself. Who knew that this drink was going to be all about Alexander Hamilton? Well, Duddy, you love a mule. Yeah. And I heard somebody say that this, because we've had brandy before in the pot,

and we said it tastes very similar to bourbon. It's made with grapes, but because it's put in the barrels, it's very bourbon-esque. And it's woody. It's a Toy Story drink because it's woody, and it gives you a buzz. Woody, and it gives you a buzz. Well, I'll tell you what.

I made a little bit of a leap, what i went for uh i made a little bit of a leap and i went for the kvasie yes cool ladies man himself a little cognac you know it's funny i went into the liquor store i bought myself a little uh hennessy cognac and then i was like wait a minute it wasn't cognac it was brandy so i went i was like i need a brandy sorry and then i seeing the the ingredients here it was cognac all the whole time all the while or brandy now see uh when i went to albertson's all of that uh wait what did you say it was the cognac hennessy now that's the one that the rappers henny they love it cardi likes it i'll tell you that much yeah and it was it was uh you

know it's the that's the big one. It's behind the glass. And I don't fuck with that. You can get a cheaper one, because remember we learned there's like VSP and VSOP and very special other people's pussy. Mm-hmm. There's different levels of it. I think you can get a cheap one

without a key. I got a VSP I think. E&J, I'm looking at it, I think it's an off-brand. Oh, I know that brand. Off-brand brandy. Either way, I'm liking in this mix, I heard somebody, because I think that a bourbon and ginger beer, I think, is like

a horse neck, and a gimlet is gin and lime. So this is another one of these cocktails where it's like two cocktails smashed together. What was the horse's neck? I want to say it's bourbon and ginger beer. Ginger beer. That's a funny name for a...

As opposed to just a gin mule, I think the brandy, Jay, is warming this up more than most mules, and I'm liking it. Yeah, it's warm and spicy. And also nicey? And also nicey. The beers, too. It really does, it feels, you know, it's not like Trinidad's

sour level, but this does feel like, ooh, am I at the Tonga room? Yeah. There's a lot going on and I get it as a hangover thing, even though there's a little hocus pocus

to hangover cures. This tastes medicinal because of the ginger and the bitters. Ginger and the bitters. Yeah, it's a cool. I'll say, yeah, I'm getting... As it's like melting down,

I'm getting a little more of like, oh, there's the lime and there's the... I'm not really tasting the gin at all. The gin is hiding. That's one of the things I like about gin is that it's such a distinct tasting spirit, but then it disappears into a cocktail. It just makes it kind of elegant.

You know how I feel about ginger beer. I don't like it. We've heard. I'm getting a lot of ginger beer here, so let's see. You don't have to be a math fucking wizard to get this one. So, I mean, I'm not a math wizard. I'm a

So you put too much of something you don't like in a drink, and now you don't like it. You filled up a huge beer mug with like eight ounces of ginger beer. You don't. I put so much ice in this thing, there was no room for ginger beer left. Okay. They should do that at a bar.

Tim, I believe them. You say, hey, bartender, I'll have a cocktail. And they go, room for ginger beer? You know, like if Maurice says room for cream? Ooh, I went right through that one. They say to me, room for ginger beer? I say, yeah, room for me to leave right now? Mike.

No tip. Hey, since these are hangover cures and we're not hungover, do you think this will kind of pay it forward and it'll work? It'll cross out some future hangovers? I think tomorrow we'll be just leaping out of bed. Hey, I'm awake this morning. I'm having an egg. I've got a reverse

hangover. I'm gonna have some toast and an egg and take a walk around the block. Do you guys have a... Well, in general, do you guys consider yourselves to be guys who get bad hangovers, or are you one of the guys who are like,

don't get bad hangovers? Never used to. And then you hit the big 3-0, and you start getting them. I get some hangovers, yeah. You know what is a not a surefire not every time but a lot of times i'll do a plop plop fizz fizz uh alka seltzer alka seltzer i should say and i feel much better oh shit duddy do you have a classic um you know what i started doing uh, I've tried a handful of methods.

Red Gatorade, like before bed. Oh, yeah. You know, just like making sure you get a bunch of like electrolytes. But that might be just gimmickry. And then there was another one that was called like never too hungover or something, and they look like little five-hour energies or something. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I think it's called Magic bullet yes is another one and i don't know i feel like

those have like done me okay yeah i've used some of that stuff but i would love to see um a shootout maybe we should be the guys to do that and and kind of test them all and see like what works and lay our lives on the line, get alcohol poisoning. I, I like, uh, I kind of use a lot of those and then I, yeah, you never really know. You don't have a control group and getting drunk is different every time. Yeah. I feel like late, I haven't really been getting drinking too. I feel like in the last couple of years I maybe drink more often, but it's only two drinks. But, um, I feel like in the last couple years, I maybe drink more often, but it's only two drinks.

But what I do like is just getting drunk earlier and not waking up with a hangover. Having the hangover hit my body while I'm asleep. Yes. And then waking up fresh as a daisy. Ready for an egg. Leaping out of bed. Your egg and toast and a walk around the block. There was a while when I got, you know, maybe five, six years ago, I got really into Bloody Marys and I had all the good stuff in my house. Good stuff.

Mike, I remember being out at bars multiple weeks in a row around this time and like ordering that last drink of the night thinking, oh, like, and then I'll get to have a Bloody, I'll be hungover so I'll need a Bloody Mary tomorrow morning. Yeah. Like intentionally. You're like, look, Jessica, I'm tricking my hangoverover yeah and she's like yep that's great honey perfect yep yeah yeah you're great to be around with the hangovers in the morning get me my sunday funnies um

i think the the worst thing about me my blondie! Blondie! A bad hangover now when I'm older is way more just like, it'll fuck with my equilibrium. If I wake up to pee at six in the morning and I'm really hungover, I'll be like, oh my god, I'm holding onto the wall. It's just

something that they never used to get that bad when I was younger. I would wake up hung over in college and be like oh 8 a.m i'm hurting and then by 10 a.m you're okay yeah or lunch no it'll last the whole like through the day i mean i do kind of delight in being like spending a sunday where it's like i guess i have to order breakfast burritos and then i guess i gotta lay around and watch hbo all day i guess i gotta oh hbo max stop it um the the hangover i feel like when i'm hung over i'm a different type of like uh like uh i like hold like very calm conversations but it's a i make myself laugh more in that state

oh yeah you're like a little punch drunk. I think I'm being kind of funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm not like, I always laugh at my own joke, like just laugh at whatever I'm saying. But if I'm like hungover and tired, I'm just kind of like, I don't know, I think saying funny things but not laughing at them. Every little thing makes you sort of chuckle a little bit.

I wouldn't mind spending time with a Hanford who is calm and funny as opposed to the usual inverse. When I listen back to these episodes, I am just a chuckle happy little guy. I gotta cut that shit out. You're a chuckle fucker.

It's your brand, dude. No, well, it sucks. That brand sucks. Even right now. We like it because you're giving me and Jeff polite laughs. I'm just a polite guy. Every laugh I have is 100% authentic J-Man guaranteed. I'm going to hold you to that. Hey, I was just thinking Hangover.

Hangover movies. Yes. Remember? We saw Hangover 1 opening night in the dome the dome that was so fun man no i i was late to the hangover but keep going you're probably over yeah that's funny to be late to because it also feels like it's a movie that didn't didn't age well and you you grow away from it quite fast it's kind of a bro fest but seeing a comedy in a big thousand person uh theater on opening night is the best that that was one of those moments that like we were we're hip-ass

comedy dudes so we knew galvanakis back from late world and stuff and comedians with comedy and all that but hearing like america see a breakout like performance in the, kind of like Will Ferrell in old school, you know, where it's like, this guy is stealing this movie. Same dynamic, by the way. Same director. Same director of like, you know, Zach was the Will character. You know,

the trio, the roles are the same. The wolf pack. The wolf pack. Hey, we're kind of a wolf pack, wouldn't you say? Yeah. I didn't like The wolf pack. Hey, we're kind of a wolf pack, wouldn't you say? Yeah. I didn't like The Hangover. I think it was definitely overhyped by the time I saw it, and I watched the whole movie with my arms folded, and yeah, Zach is good in it, but other than that,

barely smiled. You know what? I wish when I saw Barb and Star, I wish that had been in theaters because that would have been such a fun group watch because that was some real laughs. I remember when Bridesmaids came out and people were like,

oh, it's like The Hangover. And I saw it and I was like, Bridesmaids is way better than The Hangover. And Melissa McCarthy is the Galifianakis. Yep. I've told, I think I've told this how I've seen, how I went to see Bridesmaids.

Have I said this on the podcast? If I have. No. No. I saw it. I was like Jeff with a hangover. I was a little late to the game. And I went.

We. When was it? It was like an 11 o'clock in the morning screening. And we're walking in and I'm looking around. I'm like, hey, why? There's a lot. There's like a lot of baby strollers here. What's going on?

And we get in there, and it's what the theater was calling a Mommy and Me movie. And we're watching Bridesmaids with a bunch of kids, babies, kind of crying. And the lights weren't down all the way. There was a guy behind us just pacing the probably the entire two hours and at the end of the movie no credits the lights came up it's time to go man i want to i'm gonna write a movie that's like kind of playing to the mommy and me set and sort of like every once in a while a character is gonna kind of shake a rattle for 20 minutes and then the kids will love it mom's happy because the kid's happy now he's a rattle ceo and guess what he's a hunk so the moms are happy and the kids oh yeah yes it's not boss baby is rattle ceo

now did they even turn the lights down all the way during the movie not all the way no what were they so you get a little bit of moonlight glow. Right, right. So I could see my popcorn easily. I wasn't dumping it down the front of my shirt like I usually am. Yeah. Well, I see you a lot of the time, you're watching the movie, and then your hand will just miss the bag entirely.

Yeah. And you're like, oh, well, now I look down at my popcorn, and I get my course correct. But something is exciting happening on the screen, so you look up, and then then again the hand misses it. And if it's a really fun movie and I don't want to look away, I'm down. Now I'm in my neighbor's

Reese's. I'm in my neighbor's Junior Mints. That's how good this movie is. I'm in my neighbor's Junior Mints. I'm in my next door neighbor's Jjubes. Yo.

I got snow caps in my mouth that I didn't pay for. I'm in my nearby... Brethren? Seatmates goober box. Goober bots?

Goober box. You know, I could have said could have said hey my hands in snow cap city i got my digits so so deep into my neighbor's uh diet sprite that's how good this movie is yeah i'm picking up into the plastic lid into the drink. Have you guys ever done the thing from the movie Diner where you put your dick in a little hole in the bottom of popcorn? Yeah, just to pee, though. Yep. Yep, I do that. Oh, boy.

Just to pee in the bathroom. Well, guys, how do we feel about round segundo? Let's do it. See you soon and we're back with our final thoughts on the suffering bastard um i mean everyone's waiting to hear mike rip this a new asshole. So I'll just go first and say, I love it. I think it's delicious.

Will I make it when I have a hangover? Maybe if I have some brandy in the house, maybe I would. Damn. I like it a lot. And I think it's an easy tiki, like I was saying the other week about the Singapore Sling. Like, hey, you got pineapple juice and gin. You can throw some extra crap in there, and you got an easy tiki. Same deal with half Kavassier, half Tangeray.

Oh, Tangeray, Jefferson. And- Tangare, Jefferson. And then, you know, ginger beer. I guess it's not stuff you just have around, but we have it around because we have a fun podcast. Yeah, if you have a cocktail podcast, you got brandy laying around. But I'll say, you mentioned Easy Tiki. The official Easy Tiki of this podcast.

Yes. For everyone listening, you should know this by now. Multiple rums, lime, and one other ingredient of your choosing, and you pretty much have a tiki drink. Could it be pineapple juice? Yes, Michael, yes. Perfect. I'm a lime

freak. I'm an ice freak. This drink hits the spot. I love ginger beer. I love mules. Yeah. I love, you know, I don't like having mint in my fridge, but I like it in the cocktail. It's fine in the drink. It's not so good in the fridge. Is there like a, you know how I get this lime extract stuff

that just comes in the bottle? Do they have something like that with mint? That would be a good one. I think they do. Add a little liquid mint. That would be nice. But in this case, it's a garnish, so what would you just float it on top?

I think you can get like mint paste in a little jar, but it wouldn't be. Here's what you do. Take a little huff of cold date before you take a sip and you pretty much. Yeah, put in some Listerine. There you go. Yeah, why don't you have to get yourself a little Crest Total White. All right. I'm going to see if they have this liquid mint I'm talking about.

Yeah, why don't you get yourself some Paul Mall menthols and crumble samosas in that drink. Yeah. All right, all right, all right. Let's calm down. Can I do one more? Sure. Do you have one more?

Junior Mint. We're going to have to wait for you to think of one. Junior Mint would have worked for the movie theater joke and this one. Junior Mint. I got my hand so far down my neighbor's Junior Mint. That's how good this movie was. Oh, Jesus. Jeff, can you dub that

one back into the other bit? Didn't we do Junior Mint? I thought we did. I hope so. I mean, you know that Jerry and Kramer did Junior Mint. Jesus Christ. All right, Mike, stop stringing us along. Dress this drink down. I'm a fair guy, right?

Pretty fair. Yeah. You're like King down. I'm a fair guy, right? Pretty fair. Yeah. You're like King Solomon. I see both sides of things. I make my decision. I have not had a great time with this drink. I'm going to give it one last sip. Can we watch?

You can watch me. Okay. The straw is meeting his lips. His cheeks have gone concave. His eyes are blank. That was three big sips. Yeah. Certainly one of them must have been good.

I will never order this drink again. Oh, no, Michael. You break my heart. This is two ginger beer-y, not worth it with the gin, cognac, and whatever the hell else was in it. Lime. Oh, wow.

Let's put lime in a drink and make it special. Yeah, guess what? Every fucking drink, every other drink we do has lime in it, okay? Mike. Yeah, that's why I like every other drink. This is ruthless. Mike, so you mean to tell me if I go to New York and we're out on the town and we go to a professional,

you're not going to try a suffering bastard with your boy? I'll try. If he wants to, he or she wants to give me a little sidecar of it, I'll try it. Okay, okay. Hey, it's nice to know. If it would make their day, sure, I'll give it a whirl. Okay. Mike, you must like it more than the mule, right?

That was just, the Moscow mule was vodka, lime, ginger. You must like the brandy more. I like this better than the Mule, but I don't like Mule. Jesus, this fucking guy. Hey, maybe you would like Trader Vic's take on the Suffering Bastard, which is two rums and lime and orgeat. It's kind of like

a fucking Mai Tai, dude. That sounds good to me. This, the half of glass I have here, is disgusting. Disgusting? You're going to use the word disgusting? Now I'm just trolling. This drink is not for me.

Okay. Shit. That's a nice way of putting it. But before we wrap this thing up, I want to ask you guys if you were interested in doing a little bit of a quiz. Mike, how could you? That's right. we wrap this thing up, I want to ask you guys if you were interested in doing a little bit of a quiz. Oh! Mike, how could you? That's right. It is time for

the Bastard Quiz. That's fun. This is fun. This is fun. These are questions. I'm going to, on my little piece of paper here, I'm writing a J and a T. What are those for? Yeah, what is is that that's the scoreboard yeah but what do the letters stand for like jonathan taylor letters stand for jeff and tim

oh i thought it was jordan and tim because jordan's my middle name yeah well is your middle name going to be playing and jeff you don't want to play i'm going to go by my first name i do jeff wants to play okay great here we. This is the bastard quiz. Who did fat bastard want in his belly? Mini-me. Oh, fuck. That is Tim gets the mini-me on that one. Within my stomach. Small guy.

Here we go. He was the mission leader of the inglorious bastards. Brad Pitt. Ah. was the mission leader of the Inglorious Bastards. Brad Pitt. That? Uh, uh, uh, Aldo fucking, uh, fucking

Aldo Carabini. I will give it to Jeff. Aldo Rain. Aldo Rain. Now I'll really give it to Jeff. Come on. Did you Google that? Jeff, are you Googling over there? Don't Google. I Googled in my brain

everyone's googling everything these days okay Lieutenant Aldo Rain how about that shit did you just google that no it's off the dome dude now there's some theories that Brad Pitt's character in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

was Aldo Rain's son yes and those theories are kind of stupid okay in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was Aldo Rain's son. Yes, and those theories are kind of stupid. Okay. And then, hey, our little buddy Paul Russ said that Lieutenant Aldo Rain, when they weren't shooting, made them pancakes. Jeff, you just got two points

because that was the next question. Okay, okay, but can I cross those two points off because I recently brought it up to Paul. Didn't Brad Pitt make you pancakes? And he's like, no. And I was like, I've been telling everyone that Brad Pitt made pancakes. Wow, I don't know what to do here because

I'll give Jeff one because guessing my next question is something. No, Mike, that's something. That is something. So you get one point, not two. Well, what do I get for being a fact checker whistleblower? You get a side point. You can use that if you want for this. I'm not going to

use it, but thank you. Sure. And look, if anybody out there wants to fact check Tim's fact check, then that's welcome too, I suppose. Absolutely. I'm an open book. All right, Jeff, get that clip ready that i got for you okay great have you do you have it it's prepared okay who do we hear here the osiris i should have known that.

ODB, Old Dirty Bastard, Wu-Tang Clan. Can I get a side point for saying that Wu-Tang Clan, they're not exactly something you're going to want to go ahead and fuck with. No, no. I'm not going to give you that side point because that's not your original idea. You got that from their song. Sure. Okay, fair.

Another question here. from their song. Sure. Okay. Fair. Another, another, another question here. What was old dirty bastards, a religious nickname? Old dirty priest guy. Nope. I don't know. Young,

clean, deity. Religious nickname. He, he started calling himself this I think I forget when but Reverend Bastard brother brother dirty

I'll give you the initials BBJ big baby Jesus that's right big baby Jesus he called himself that i'm not sure why i uh i was listening to uh you know that album that he did it was like uh the picture of his like uh food stamps id is the cover that is a really great album he is yeah you you you send it to me one sunday morning you were like you sent it to me one Sunday morning.

You were like, you ever listen to this shit? I was like, no, not really. It's so funny. And he's like, just like wild. It's like, it's very fun. It's really fun. He's, there's like, there's a Wu-Tang song or something where there's a sample. And Method Man is talking about like, who's in the group? And he's like, this older bastard, because there's no father to his style.

And because it is really like he's so unique. He's unhinged. He's unhinged. He's singing sometimes and he's just having fun. Truly a wild loose cannon in a very fun, entertaining way. Yes. Okay. Fat

bastard farts in the movie Austin Powers Goldmember. What does he compare the smell to? Oh, I don't know Goldmember as much as I know International Man of Mystery and The Spy Who Shagged Me. Yeah, who does? He has a little run here. It's one of those like...

Show me the man who does. Yeah. He has a little run and it's probably one of those things where Mike Myers was just doing some funny riffs. Oh, unsaid riffs. Yeah, it's like a very Will Ferrell-esque, like, oh, it smells like Loki's booze. Oh, okay. I'm going to say, oh, I'm going to say, like, then, like, goose eggs and Limburger cheese.

No. It smells like a old diaper. No, that's anchorman. No, that's anchorman. Like Indian food. Yeah. It smells like Lucifer's cock. I'll give you one.

Maybe it'll spark something. Zeus's beard. It smells like... Dumbledore's balls. When everyone in the apartment building is is making dinner and you it's all those smells together smells mixed with puke or something like that wait what that's that's one of them

all right well that's a scratch what was it was the answer I don't know there was a bunch of them alright well that's a scratch what was the answer? I don't know there was a bunch of them and you didn't get any of them well I want to hear the other ones now I got to watch the YouTube clip don't worry about it look it up folks just look up fat bastard fart

and you'll see what I'm talking about Myers had himself a fun run okay Goldmember opens with the opening credit sequence for Austin Pussy you'll see what I'm talking about. Myers had himself a fun run. Yeah. Okay. Gold member opens with the opening credit sequence for Austin Pussy, the movie about Austin Powers' life. Who plays? Oh.

Yes, Timmy. God damn it. Stealth attack. I was like, is it going to be Spacey? Is it going to be Cruise? And Tim, you sneaked it. Who directs it? I just think his, his, who directs it?

You mean the actual movie or the thing? Spielberg. The thing. Spielberg, yep. Oh, God damn it. Of course. Okay. That wasn't a real question. Here we go. A side point at least. All right. I'll give you a side. You had two side points floating here, Tim.

I'm not going to use the first one. Wash that one away. I have one side point that I can use. Okay. Because it's four to two right now. Yeah. We still haven't discussed the exchange rate of side points. Okay, we'll do that. Side points are two normal points. What? Here we go. What unsavory snack

does the titular character in Goldmember eat? Gold! Nope. Hair. Golden grams? Not hair. Pubic hair. No. Fucking god damn it. It is a body? Not hair. Pubic hair. No. Fucking, god damn it. It is a body.

It does come off his body. Skin. That's right. It is skin. God damn it. And sometimes he keeps them in a little chest. Okay. Okay. Here is the last question.

What was the name of the host in the reboot for the gong show? Oh, oh boy. I know this one. Dave Ferguson wrote for this show. He did. Um, it's a Mike Myers character.

Yeah, it is. Oh, this is going to kill me because I, it's like a British. He's a, he's like a lot of people didn't know i'm so i'm so yeah maybe maybe it wasn't british but yeah i mean but yeah i told my little sister

and she didn't know and it was airing so they did a very good job of keeping it under wraps well this you wouldn't expect him to do something like that too this was weird also gong show was like one of those summer like network replacement shows over the summer. Yeah, game show, whatever. But I read the thing. I'll tell you what. I submitted for the show. I wrote a packet and didn't get the job. Sheesh.

Jeez, Ferguson couldn't get you a job? Even with your boy Ferguson at the helm? Damn. I think I wrote the packet pre-Ferg, and then maybe he ended up being the only writer. And that's a good choice by them. But the name is, okay, I got the first name, but I don't want to say it because it'll tip Jeff off. It's like a very British sounding name.

It's like Aldus or something. Tommy Chesterfield. Not Chesterfield. Tommy is correct. Tommy Hamishaw. Oh, no, no, no. I canesterfield. Tommy is correct. Tommy Hamishaw. Oh, no, no, no. I can give you what it begins with.

Tommy Westminster. Blahnik. Tommy. The last name begins with an M. Maitland. Maitland. That's right, Jefferson. Yes, Maitland.

All right. That wraps up the Bastard Quiz. Jeff has five. Tim has three with one floating point and one that he does not want to use. Okay. The floating point that I can use, I'm not going to use that. But can I unearth from the crypt the old point that I said I was? If I do, it's going to take a lot out of me. It's going to take some doing, but I would love to bring it back from the crypt.

All right. So you got... Folks at home, the veins in his forehead are bulging. Oh, and he's saying the sacred spell. It's taking everything he's got. He's speaking in tongues and it's working. The incantation, it's working. There it is. It came up.

Oh, the point. We see it. The point. In all its glory. The final score is Jeff five, Tim four. final score is Jeff 5, Tim 4. Worth it. On my end,

I'm proud that I used the points the way they felt right. Okay, well that's the final score of the bastard quiz. Mike, you're gonna need to get yourself a red Gatorade. I hate to break you, but I think you blew your ass out a little bit. I know I did. You blew an O-ring there, dude.

Well, good thing the cleaner comes tomorrow. Woo! Congrats, Jeff. Hey, Tim. Thanks, man. You got it. That's what I like to see. That's our show.

Follow us on social media at The Sloppy boys, where we release these recipes ahead of time. Also, be sure to check out our Patreon where subscribers can unlock the sloppy boys blow out our weekly bonus episode. That's patreon.com slash the sloppy boys. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll see you next week. I was like, what's he going to say? He's about to say something. No, I'm on the record. And to repay the favor to you, Tim, God bless you. Thank you. Give it up for your boys