The Sloppy Boys - 5. Cosmopolitan

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

The guys revisit the 90s’ favorite pink drink.COSMOPOLITAN RECIPEVodka Citron - 1.35ml/40mlCointreau - .5oz/15mlLime Juice - .5oz/15mlCranberry Juice - 1oz/30mlAdd all ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake well and strain into large cocktail glass. Garnish with lemon twist. Recipes via the International Bartenders Association (https://iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hey folks welcome to the sloppy boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love i'm jeff dutton along with mike hanford yo and tim Galpakis. Yo! Yo! And we're your hosts. Hey, folks, we fixed Mike's microphone this week. Mike's mic was, I can't believe, so I'm now, I've turned it to its side, and I'm talking to the side of it, and apparently that's, these guys are telling me my voice sounds strong, robust, velvety. Now you're talking into the business end of that thing. I'm talking to a part of the microphone where you can actually hear the damn thing.

Up until this point, listeners have not heard a word you said. Well, I've had this microphone now for seven months here, and I've been on podcasts and recording things for people, and I've been doing them a disservice, and I apologize. Speaking into the ass end. Yeah, I was just speaking into the wire. But now. But now, look at me.

There are people that don't even like us and are not interested in cocktails, but they might listen just because they're audiophiles now. Where can I get the best sounding microphones? You come right here to the Sloppy Boys podcast. Sloppy Boys have those warm tones. Ooh, yeah. Kind of like a, ooh, kind of like an old piece of vinyl pumping out some smooth bebop hey do you guys hear that oh shit it's time for booze news oh that's right i knew the news was coming on i

didn't realize it was booze news yeah well i heard, I heard the Morse code was coming over the Hollywood Hills, I guess. I don't have that much booze news, so it's really just... Okay, here's a little bit of booze news at the top of today's show. Guys, do you remember recently we talked about... We were talking about Fireball because, Mike, you had some fireball and you said this kind of gets a bad rap but you thought it was delicious i thought it was great tasted like a little uh hot ball yeah an atomic fireball is what they're called not hot ball there's a song too that it was like fireball we talked about fireball and we said maybe we should come up with a good

mixer for it and we were supposing perhaps something that would milk it up a little bit we said milk we said horchata and and i am a bit of a news hound, news junkie. And something came to my attention that Fireball actually is now unveiling a brand new drink that they have found a mixer that they are going to be making. Can you believe it? Wow. Come on. What is it? It is coming this...

Hold on, hold on, hold on. So this is not a new liquor this is like a cocktail that they've come up with this is a thing they've come this is a new product that they're coming out that you mix with fireball coming to walmart exclusively oh boy this holiday season is fireball eggnog holiday season is fireball eggnog oh no oh i'm not getting a good reaction oh yeah that the first reaction off of me is that that's a no for me dog no i don't like eggnog i do not like the taste of it i don't like the feeling of it mike i got bad news for you baby we're covering it yes and you got the beat, man. You are on the scoop.

This is the first time we've gotten this quality of booze news. This is huge. You got to cover it on the show. That's exactly what booze news is all about. It's coming out with the new boozy news. It's worked perfectly. I still don't have any leads on my Pepsi thing I'm supposed to be tracking down. Oh, yeah.

You're supposed to find out if Pepsi mixed with something. No, it's if Pepsi is going to start making alcoholic drinks. Oh, a seltzer. Something like that. Yeah. Well, we'll give you more time to work on that. Yeah. Give me until 2022.

I can probably do a full series on it. It's going to be a big feature. That's a cover story. Yeah. We could win a Pulitzer for something like that. But in the meantime, when this comes out, I got to find a Walmart because I don't think LA has Walmarts. But I'll track down some of this stuff. And if you guys can too, we'll taste it.

Here's what's weird though. Hold on. How are they going to say their recipe is exclusive to Walmart? These cartons that they're selling that have the Fireball official logo is a deal that was announced through Walmart. But it's not going to be any Fireball in there? That's what I didn't like. It's Fireball brand eggnog. It's called cinnamon flavored holiday nog and then there's it

looks like a little shot of eggnog that's on fire but then below it says for a red hot kick add fireball whiskey so you're mixing cinnamon with a cinnamon mixer with cinnamon whiskey kind of redundant don't you of redundant. And reductive. Redundant, reductive. We won't stand for this stuff. I like eggnog a lot. And I think that maybe cinnamon flavored eggnog sounds very good. But why would you then add Fireball to it?

You would add normal whiskey. That's true. Why eggnog? I mean, that's so gross. What other nogs are there? There's just the one. Oh, here we go. I'll save that for my holiday rant episode.

I'm going to skip that one. They're on to something, though, because all the associations I have with Fireball are like dumb college kids. It's like Kesha-era college kids. And then, but you're right. You got whiskey. You got cinnamon.

Those are things that are already in like a nice spiked nog right i think uh they really they thought outside the box and kind of stumbled into something here folks what do people usually spike nog with whiskey or rum whiskey and rum right rum and whiskey not for me don't like it well whiskey makes you frisky mike we're gonna hold you down and pour it down your throat. Yeah. You're going to have to catch me first, and I'm very fast. The important thing is that listeners are at the edge of their seats with this news. Like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You know? Did you hear? There was booze news. Mom, Dad, did you hear of this? It broke for a second time on the Sloppy Boys pod. And that concludes booze news. Wow.

Let's not, you know, you know, when this show gets bigger and bigger, we have to start, uh, using professional people to sort of produce the show. Let's not change the booze news sound effect in and out bumper.

Okay. No, we got it done. That should be the same. That should always just be us. That's our stamp on the show. That's our stamp, okay? It's our stamp.

Sorry. What's the big podcast conglomerate? There aren't any, really. Maybe Sloppy Boy's pod will be the first conglomerate. We got to get more shows. Slop Pod Nation. Yeah. Live Nation. sloppy boys pod will be the first conglomerate we gotta get more shows pod nation yeah uh live nation guys can i get your attention for a minute i see both of you sort of wandering away from your zooms come back here let's talk i was reading a book what's going

on what's going on i want to i want to ask you guys a question have you ever heard this have you ever heard anyone say oh oh me me, I'm such a Carrie? Yes. Or I'm such a Miranda. Oh, me. Well, you're a Charlotte. I'm not a Charlotte. If I'm a Charlotte, then you're a Samantha.

Yeah. You ever hear people talking about that stuff? You ever hear people say to me, you're such a Jeff. Well, sure. Is that kind of what you're talking about? Kind of, but they wouldn't be talking about what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the show that was so big, Sex and the City. Ah.

You know that show? Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha hanging out in New York City, getting into love life. I think one of them was a writer. Carrie was a writer. The main character, yeah. And a common scene on that show would be, you know, Carrie says, I am such a Carrie. And then Samantha is like, yeah, well, I'm a Samantha.

Right. They'd all pop out of their rooms in their apartment and say, well, I'm a Miranda. I'm looking at the names I wrote. I saw you look over to your cheat sheet there. It's just got four names on it. Well, that show, Sex and the City, was huge. 1998, it

came out until, oh, I think there was a movie in 2008, so we're a better part of a decade. They popularized, repopularized the drink on that show that we're going to talk about today called The Cosmopolitan. Pew! Whoop! show that we're going to talk about today called the cosmopolitan is that the theme song for sex in the city uh that's the theme song for cosmopolitan on seconds anytime they'd order

that you'd hear i think i don't i have to admit i haven't really seen much of the show sex in the city uh i saw the very last one. I think Carrie got involved with Mr. Big, who she'd been chasing the whole time, I think. Yeah, she pinned him down, baby. Yeah. Mike, you are such a Mr. Big. Yeah, Mr. Big Nose. Have you guys had one of these before?

A Big Nose? Yeah, I got one my whole life there, G. I'm looking at one in the Zoom. Hey, watch yourself. I've had one sip of one Cosmo one time. So I'm pumped. I'm very excited. This is the type of drink that I feel like guys like us don't order this, but it's time

that we challenge the norms. I feel like this drink has been branded and that we feel like we can't order it. If I taste it today and I like it. We're taking it back. We're taking back the Cosmo. Yeah. And they're not allowed to have it anymore. I've never had the Cosmo.

I didn't know what it was. I mean, I didn't know what was in it, but it looks like a pinky. It looks like a pink lemonade kind of a thing it does and that's good i feel like i'm a little bit um biased against things that are in a martini glass but aren't martinis because i hate that when you go to a bar and they have a giant list of martinis but then they all just coffee and lemonade in them and they're not really martinis but i I'm going to have an open mind. Because these are, yeah, a Cosmo, well, you know, I keep saying Cosmopolitan. Cosmo.

It's just a Cosmo from here. Very familiar, Mike. Cosmo Kramer. Do you want a Cosmo? Yeah, I'll take a Cosmo. Okay. So cool. We all know what he's saying.

I'm just getting ready. I'm getting ready for when the bars open back up hey yeah yeah i have a cosmo do you want one well i'm the bartender i don't really drink the drinks yeah sometimes you do though okay okay two cosmos two cosmos and you're buying both of them okay uh what's in this damn thing this damn thing is god damn it now i don't have the thing in front of me. Hold on. Miranda. Yeah, I feel like a real Miranda here, because she would always forget to open

up the... Hold on. Here are the ingredients. 40 milliliters vodka citron. That's like the absolute citron. Citron? Citron. We got 15 milliliters Cointreau. That's half an ounce.

Half an ounce Cointreau. Could also be triple sec. I bought triple sec. Another half ounce lime juice and then an ounce of cranberry juice. Method, add all ingredients into a cocktail

shaker filled with ice. Shake well and strain into a large cocktail glass. Garnish. You're going to want to garnish this with a lemon twist. Ooh. I'm excited. This is pretty straightforward. Very straightforward.

There's no stumpers there. This is exciting to make. I don't know. A 40 milliliter is like a shot and a little bit extra. A shot and a little more. No, it's an ounce and a little more. Why is it a shot and ounce? No, a shot is an ounce and a half.

Oh, damn. Okay, good to know. But hey, everybody eyeball it. We're not judging you. No, and it's however you feel like making it, I guess. And if you don't feel like making it, just turn the podcast off and go to bed. No matter what time of day.

Whatever time of day it is, wherever you are, go to bed. Let me tell you about this drink. So, yeah, it's funny. The Absolute Citron was like the ingredient that made it a Cosmo, I think. You can make it with just regular vodka. ingredient that like made it a Cosmo, I think. Like you can make it with just regular vodka. Because when they launched Absolute Citron,

that's when the Cosmo was invented, right? Or popularized? It was invented. This is another one of those damn cocktails where it's like so many people around the United States were doing that. Somebody in Miami was doing it. Somebody in Provincetown. And then up in Minneapolis, I think.

And then San Francisco. But the kind of the guy who put it together definitively. Toby, I'm going to butcher the name here. Keith. Caccini. Toby Caccini or Caccini.

C-E-C-C-H-I-N-I. Toby Cashini, and Melissa Huffsmith Roth. There's two people. In 1989 at the Odeon restaurant in Manhattan. Oh, Manhattan. The Odeon. Not the Manhattan the drink.

He wasn't sitting inside a Manhattan drink. But he made it for the staff, and I think he was making it for a girl in the staff. He was a 26-year-old bartender, a girl he wanted to impress on the staff, and I guess she liked it. And they are now happily married. Oh, wow. No, I don't know if that's true. Probably.

But it was the type of thing where it got big in the 90s, and then all of a sudden, you know, it was made in 89, in the 90s, early 90s. It was all over town. People were drinking these things and then it fell out of fashion because everyone had them. And then in 98 those lovely ladies from Sex and the City came back. Yep. And they ordered it. Season 2 they ordered them.

We all loved it. Guys, I'm excited. Me too. I was going to do Tito's because I had Tito's, but then I was reading up on the Citron and I found myself a little nip. You did. That's what I got. Out in my travels. Very good. And I said, this is perfect for my one a reason I'm excited about this drink is Absolute Citrone is possibly the exact type of liquor I'm not interested in in my normal life.

I feel like it's one of these... I love going into a liquor store and learning about all the different Amaretto options or whatever. But when there's kind of a lull in cocktails in the 90s and they're that interesting. And Absolute was just known for being in Rolling Stone magazine ads, and we thought it was cool. And then they just came out with so many. Every vodka started coming out with vanilla and lemon and lime, and who cares what... But maybe today we'll try. I haven't tasted it in a really long time, so maybe I'm going to love it, and I'm going to be apologizing here. will try i haven't tasted in a really long time so maybe i'm gonna love it and i'm gonna be like apologizing here yeah and we got ourselves in this position where we're chopping up fruits

and you know squeezing limes and all this stuff so to make your liquor flavored it's like well i'm already i already have like grapefruit juice and cranberry juice and lemon juice and lime juice in my fridge don't impress me by adding like a little essence to your vodka. Don't impress me, man. That don't impress me much. Hey, come on. This is such... It feels like such an early 90s drink. It's hot pink is the look of it. And it feels like

Absolute came out with a new type of liquor, and we're all drinking the pink drink. We're at the Pearl Jam concert with all of our cosmos bill clinton comes in honking that horn okay come on i'm wearing a big floppy velvet hat yeah george costanza is wearing velvet in one episode a little the mcculkey mcculkey boys oh the m McCulkey boys are on all the films.

The McCulkey Culkin boys are out. Well, how about we make a couple of McCulkeys for ourselves, huh? All right. Three McCulkeys coming up. Let's do it. And we're back. We're back live. Look at this glass I got. Ooh.

Ooh, this guy's got a very professional twist. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at that. Yeah, it's really curly-cuing in there. Yeah, I watched a YouTube tutorial for the twist. Uh-huh. But for these glasses, you know, I know that the cosmo has a real look to it you don't want to put a cosmo in any old glass a mug so i i went around looking at um there's

three liquor stores right by my house and i went to mark of a good neighborhood yeah really and so i went in looking for glassware which none of them had except for the last one. And they had this like random hodgepodge of glassware that was clearly separated out of gift boxes, you know, where it's like, hey, here's a nice bottle of this. And it comes with a mug. Oh, yeah. All the glassware has branding on it. What is this? This is El Himador.

Oh, tequila. Yeah. But it looks it looked the most Cosy of all the glasses they had. It works. How humiliating that those little gift packages work on me. They're great. When I'm in a grocery, it's just in December, and you see a little bottle of Jägermeister with a glass that says Jägermeister. That's kind of cool.

Well, I am such a sucker in the summertime when like the Budweiser cans have like an American flag on it or a baseball team or something. I'm like, oh, I got to get this. Oh, yeah. When they have Dodgers cans, I'm like, I feel obligated. Remember we used to get, there was something when we like first got to la we got these things called i think they were budweiser's in a like they almost looked like bowling pins and we used to call them pinners oh they can't for some reason the bottles were shaped like this weird like bulby like bowling pin thing and we got them like this is great all summer long we're drinking

pinners and then they they maybe i just did that i was like yeah whatever and they, they, maybe I just did that. And I was like, yeah, whatever. And they never, they never like brought them back. It was like two weeks of that. We're like pitters. I love that in the boardroom at, at, uh, Budweiser, they're like, when we come out with these pitters, guys are going to go nuts. And it was just only Mike Hanford. Well, shall we sip? Yeah, let's see.

Yeah, we shall. Oh, okay shall. Mmm. Okay. Oh, shit. I see what's going on in the early 90s. This is okay. Woo. You mentioned that it looked like pink lemonade.

I'm tasting pink lemonade. I think you just got yourself a pink lemonade. Damn. Whoops. Yeah, that's very good. That's like you don't taste anything in there. Well, I added a little too much Cointreau, I think. Cointreau.

Jefferson! Did you actually get Cointreau or did you get triple sec? Cointreau. Am I saying that right? You are saying it right. Yeah, Cointreau. Cointreau. Yeah, Cointreau.

That's okay, right? It's French. Do any of you know, this is a tripping point for me because i didn't have any i thought i had quantro but it turns out i only had grand marnier oh which is which is orange and cognac so i used triple sec but then i said tim you should know this stuff the difference i googled quantro is a brand of triple sec so that checks out but then i clicked on the wikipedia for triple sec and it was like a type of curacao and i also have orange curacao so what the fuck okay okay let's just leave us man i'm lost i think you know where i'm going with this what okay i mean no i feel like you i mean at the liquor store you must have been going crazy with this stuff yeah but this was in my home oh shit i always have triple sec because i use it for

margaritas you see and i like grand marnier is i was making something with those no one would know what it is though like a grand entrance with a grand marnier you're telling me here's my question what is triple sec i just kind of bought it today and didn't even look at it. I just knew it had to go in. Orange liqueur. Orange, okay. I'm tasting that. I think that that Cointreau is just, is a type of triple sec, but it is more

expensive and it tastes better. Gotcha. You know what made me feel real luxurious this go round is, this is the first time I've ever shaken up a cocktail and a bunch of ice cubes and then left the ice cubes behind. Leave them a trail of cubes strewn in the kitchen. I got what I want from you cubes.

You made my drink ice cold. Now you're done. Wow. What a waste of cubes. Coolness. You made my drink ice cold. Now you're done. Wow, what a waste of cubes. I took mine. I wrapped each one in cellophane. I put them back in the freezer for my next Cosmo. I do the thing that Tom's Shoes does where if I use an ice cube, I send an ice cube to a third

world country. And somebody gets to wear them on their feet okay so we talked about our our triple six situation what what are you guys thinking of this absolute citron because i took a little nip i did i had one of those baby bottles it didn't use the whole thing so i and i don't really it tastes not that lemony it smells like a lemon twist, like zest. Yeah. But then when I taste it, it just tastes like vodka. It kind of, yeah, it kind of was like a little something masking vodka with, you know, if

you like make a vodka drink too strong. Hell yeah. Yeah. It was that, that kind of taste. Like something was supposed to be there, but vodka was going, me first. And then reaching for the next bottle, pick up the cranberry cocktail ocean spray. I felt like

a TikTok king with that thing. I mean, hey, it's a good thing we made this a couple weeks after that meme. Oh my god, that meme. But I'm worried that this episode is going to go viral. Oh no. That's okay. No, Tim, don't worry about that. That is good for us. But look what it did to Dogface.

Now he's an influencer. I didn't realize that was his name. Oh, he's, yeah, he had been an influencer before, and then now he's making more videos, and honestly, they're fucking awesome. Yeah, good. I'll check those out. I thought I had a lemon. You didn't have a lemon? Ooh, no twist for the TV. I thought I had a lemon. You didn't

have a lemon? No twist for the tea bag. I thought I had a lemon. Open the fridge. Nada. No lemon. Well, this is good because Jeff did a real curly cute twist. Tim has no twist. Mine, I just did kind of like, did the potato peeler off the back of the lemon. That probably looks great. Let's

look at it. Let's get a little... A slab. Oh, yeah. Can you see? I think... That's great. This's look at it. Let's get a little. Oh, yeah. Can you see? Yeah. I think. That's great. This is the first drink I've made on this show that I feel like I did it correctly. I think you did it perfectly.

And then if you want to be a real mixology nerd, you take that lemon peel and you express it over the top. I did do that. Hell yeah, dude. Yep. Yep. That's the top. I did do that. Hell yeah, dude. Yep. Yep. That's my boy. I did it. I saw a bartender do once.

I said, can I try that sometime? And he said, you better not. Isn't there a move with a flame and doing that? Yeah. If you do that over a flame, it just kind of like. Gives you a little pop. Yeah. Yeah. The little citrus sort of picks up the flame. You get little extra little kick for your nostrils another kind of thing like

this if you kind of if you you you fart near a lighter you can kind of get a little bit of a flame yeah i did that too on this i farted over yeah yeah i did that i sat in the martini glass here and farted have you guys ever done that? The fart thing? No. I've never seen it done successfully. I watched a friend do it. I did it. Oh! Yay! I did it. Guilty as charged. Except the thing happened

where the flame went into my butt, though. Oh! It was a you know... Fire in the hole! Is that where that come from? You sound like Stefan. you know, the thing, fire in the hole, kind of a, is that where that come from? You sound like Stefan. It's this thing where the fire goes in the hole.

What is this? Saturday night at 1130. No. Hey, I was just peeking at the Wikipedia page for Cosmo and saw a funny little rabbit hole for us to go down someday. Is that these Cosmos right now on the podcast? Some other time? I want to do it in private. I'll have you guys

over to my home and I'll tell you about it. These drinks were popular before the rebirth of the Carrie Bradshaw version. In the 70s these were popular in something called a fern bar. Have you ever heard of fern bars?

No. No, but I of fern bars? No. No, but I, no, I have not. I clicked on it. No, we have not. I was going to say, I saw it too, but it's on the same Wikipedia page. Go ahead. Well, I had never heard of it, and I thought, what is this, some sort of Zach Galifianakis bar? Come on.

On a serious note, folks, I clicked on it, and it's this genre of it's a yuppie bar in the 70s 80s oh perfect for me yeah you're gonna love it it was specifically decorated with ferns and tiffany lamps which are it looks like sort of crystal right um it's stained glass okay and um and brass railings and i have never heard of this genre of bar and then i clicked on the most famous example of a fern bar and one of them is in manhattan on the upper east side tgi friday which we saw in the movie cocktail holy shit of course that's funny i didn't realize that that,

because I know that look, like the brass bar sort of thing. It's a good look. Fine. It's fine. It's almost a Fezziwig look. An old Fezziwig's. Sure.

It is. And it seems like what happened, if I'm looking at these pictures right, feels like that was a yuppie cool thing that was meant to be welcoming to women because TGI Fridays was a ladies singles bar. But then by the 90s, it sort of turned into Bennigan's and Houlihan's and Moe's Tavern with a bunch of crap on the walls. I think that's kind of where the progression. Interesting.

Fern bar. I was hoping you were going to say that there was a familiar Los Angeles bar like the TGI Fridays in LA, maybe there you go the fern bar um can I do can we can we can I back up here guys and talk about something we were talking about before I'm so sorry that I launched into my fern thing no no there's I'm going way back to when Jeff was talking about liquor stores oh yeah okay yeah you know what I don't see out here in New York City you guys are in LA and I saw a bunch in LA, which I love. Palm trees. The palm trees.

Yeah, I haven't seen one here in New York. I see a lot of subway cars. Those tequila bottles you can get that look like guns. They look like handguns or like little rifles or something. And they're kind of behind the counter i'll send you one for your birthday you need one what are they doing there in new york what if you need a tequila gun what do you do i just haven't seen them maybe you have to go to the right places but yeah it seems you you mean that novelty southwest uh thing that you see occasionally

you know you haven't seen one in new york in six months i haven't seen that i haven't seen i also wonder what the that must be like the lowest shelf liquor because i've never seen one that's like uh you know jose cuervo yeah version that's the only liquor i can think of i know what you mean because out here in la i've been looking around and i haven't seen i haven't seen many small statues of liberty like the little green ones yeah the little ones that say i heart new york yeah i can't find those no you can't well geez you come here we got them on every street corner oh my god i'll make a trip just for that every hot dog vendor's got a package on his cart i feel like those tequila guns i've seen them on display over the cashier's head uh They don't put it out where you could just grab it,

but they're sort of proud that they have one, and it's almost a novelty item. Right, because you could grab it and stick up the place with it. He falls for it. Is that a real? I always thought they should make those where it squirts. It's always just a glass bottle that's shaped like a gun, but it seems easy. They make a little trigger, so make it squirt a little something have you seen those champagne guns that like you stick a

bottle of no good champagne i guess into it and they squirt out like a super soaker no that's awesome i think i saw it on the lindsey lohan show and she was doing that show on mtv and uh uh greek greece greek greek town town. Somebody was talking in Greek. It's all Greek to you. Mykonos. Beautiful. Yeah, beautiful area. Hey, speaking of strange liquid guns,

one year for Christmas I bought my brother a ketchup gun. It was like a water pistol that puts your ketchup on your hot dog. A novelty gift. Sure. And I bought it here in LA and then I put it in my bag, my carry on. And when I was going through security, I had that thing happen where I look back, my bag didn't come out and then they called more TSA over. And then there were four TSA agents looking at my bag. Then they called me over. Yeah. And they got the glove and they're putting the goo on it. Yeah. This guy is up to his elbow in my ears. But I was scared because I didn't remember how

I could put that in there. And they showed me on the thing. They were like, sir, this is your bag and come over here. And they showed me and I couldn't figure out, I couldn't remember what it was. And they made me go through my bag and take things out. And how embarrassing to have a ketchup. And I have to explain, I'm funny. So that's why I have this is because I think I'm actually funny. Was he like, oh, this is so funny. My cousin's a hot dog.

Yeah, his cousin was a hot dog. He said, you shoot this at my cousin, a hot dog yeah he's his cousin was a hot dog he said you shoot this at my cousin it could get him you know wet wet my cousin's a hot dog he likes to be dry okay so this is not funny for him okay i went through one time and i had in my computer bag in my in my laptop bag uh just a nice leatherman uh you know it's like like a swiss army knife but a little a little uh wider and it's got like the pliers and stuff and uh they just said you can't have this on the plane and uh and i was like oh great so what do i just give you my address or whatever and they're like no we throw it in the trash and there was like there was a trash bin right next to him with like all these, all these items that were nice.

And I was just like, can you just keep it? Like you, Mr. TSA, like don't throw it out. Just can you keep it? And he's like, we can't. And he threw it away. That's so funny. The little bumpkin. Okay, so what?

Let me just give you my address. And you make sure it gets to me. You pack it nicely and make sure it doesn't get nicked at all yeah yeah pretty much every time i go through i forget that i have a beverage in my bag and then they say we gotta throw it out and i go can i pound it real fast and i'm drinking a red bull or a bottle of arrowhead water real fast while everyone looks at me because i have i can't just throw stuff out i'm a person that eats everything on my plate no matter if i'm hungry or not yeah and one time one time we were

going to sketch fest and you had like a two liter bottle of um it was like dr pepper or something yeah and you're like i'll just finish this real fast and we're like tim what are you doing and he pulls his pants down and stands on his head and puts the bottle in his anus. Yeah. Kind of thumped. And then you guys heard as it goes glub, glub, glub, glub. Yeah. That was, I did the old don't know this guy and kept going.

He made his flight just fine, folks. Yeah, just fine. Bit of a sticky seat. Tell you what, I wouldn't mind chugging one of these Cosmos if they were like hey you can't bring that on the plane yeah let's bring it back to the Cosmo this thing's got me feeling loopy

I can see why these got so popular cause it's like hey I'm drinking a fruit punch delicious and I'm getting drunk hey I know exactly why Samantha and Carrie and Miranda and Kelly like the drink. Charlotte. Charlotte, Jeff.

Mr. Big. You're such a, you know, you're such a, never mind. No, say it. You know what? Say it. You're such an asshole when it comes to this show. You said that to me? You say that?

Hey, speaking of these Cosmos, somebody brought up cosmo faldons yeah i had a feature i'm gonna add to the show where i just i found the other day i was cleaning out my office and i found a breathalyzer keychain that you blow into and i thought that this would be an interesting drink to try it on because we're not talking about a super strong drink we're not talking about something no no no we're not talking about something that's going to make tim totally drunk i i feel i feel this drink i i threw my back kind of fast and i feel i can feel it i've got the teeniest little tipsy little buzz so uh what do you guys think i would blow if i blew into this right now? Blow chunks. Much gold.

I'm thinking you're going to have a few more of these. You're going to blow chunks. That's true. If I have a lot more. Let's say we just don't know the ABV like the back of our hands. What's drivable? The limit is 0.08. For driving.

So you get 0.08. You're off the road? Correct. I'm in the ditch. If I haven't had anything to drink, it's 0.0. If I blow a 0.08, then I have a DUI. Anything below that is okay. Okay.

I got a nice conservative estimate here. What do you got? 0.03. And I feel like they tell you you can have two drinks before you get 0.08. So I'm going to go 0.04 for you. Okay. I also don't know how accurate is this. It was found in your desk. Is this thing calibrated? This thing, I've been calibrating this for hours.

Okay. And it's doing a little countdown. Three, two, one. Here I go. Here he goes. Here he goes. He's blown into it. I can see him now on the Zoom. He's turning red. He's turning purple. He's playing a solo on the flute.

Jesus Christ..04. Oh, shit. There you go. So it is that scientific, folks. They're not messing around. Don't drink the two drinks and start driving. You drink one, you're fine. Leave the last drop of your second drink. That's, uh, this

is good to know. We're getting the word out about cutting down on drunk driving because I feel not drunk and I feel... Just cutting down on it. Just try to roll it back a little bit. I feel like if I had two of these I probably would say, yeah,

fantastic. Well, you should. Yeah, but I shouldn't know because they say buzz driving is drunk driving. Tim. In fact, maybe I'll quit drinking altogether.

I dare you. I mean, everyone probably should. It's poison. Next week on the show, we're doing water, okay? It's dry month, the whole month on the Sloppy Boys pod. Just kidding. We're still doing the cocktails.

Do you think I still had vodka in my mouth and it made the number higher? No, I finished it five minutes ago. I don't know. You tell us. I feel like a science guy. Fauci. I feel like a science guy. Fauci. I feel like Fauci. I feel like Fauci tonight.

Hey, we should have Fauci on here. He's doing everything. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. He would love to. Let's get him loose on a couple of grasshoppers and see what he wants to say about COVID. You know, Fauci can't turn down a grasshopper, man. You know what he's gonna say

you know what the thing is it's really five feet but we said six feet just to be safe oh shit fauci you idiot don't tell anyone the americans cannot have this information fouch it would be so cool after hours to be at the white house when they're all having their grasshoppers at the end of the day and you're like real stuff you know. And Fauci's just going off on his old stories. Have you guys seen the video of Fauci throwing out a first pitch at a baseball game? Yeah, he doesn't got the arm he used to have. I love it.

He's adorable. Fauci, come on the pod. Defend yourself. Yeah, we want to make him a friend of the pod. Tell us what happened with that pitch. The wind blew two vectors to the east. Damn us what happened with that pitch. The wind blew two vectors to the east. Damn, he could be right.

Fauci, come on the pod. Defend yourself. I'm sure that he's losing sleep over this right now. The sloppy boys made fun of my pitch. Folks, we'll be right back with more of that great, great sloppy boys pod you've grown to love. And we're back!

Oh no. We're back, baby. I'm calling it. Yeah, hey, hello, we're back, baby. I'm calling it. Yeah, hey, hello, we're back. That's all there is to it. We're sitting here in the Odeon Bar. It's 1989, and we've got Sandra Bernhardt over here, Madonna here, Lou Reed.

It's the who's who of New York City. And guess what? We're all sipping on Cosmos, the new thing. Yeah. Hey, Giuliani's really cleaning up this town, huh? Yeah. He's going to go on to do great things. He'll never be in a funny movie, though.

That's too bad. The one strike against him. We love the guy, but he'll never be in. If Ali G ever comes up with a new character. Ali G, he's not going to amount to anything. We can rest well at night knowing Ali G will never rear his ugly head in New York City. And certainly, Madonna, you'll never have Ali G in one of your videos. Yeah.

Remember when Madonna was just the material girl? Sure, but then she was sort of always reinventing herself and I couldn't keep up. She's a chameleon. Well, hold on, Mike. Why don't we go back to the Odeon bar? Because that's where this... I mean, why are we there right now? I mean...

I'm just setting the tone for where we are, how we're doing. No, we're at a fern bar, and there's brass all over the place. Yeah, now we're over at a fern bar. I've been to the Odeon, by the way. Oh. It's a little different. I think it used to be more of a hip spot. It's more of a restaurant now, I think. I mean, maybe it was a restaurant back then too, but

it's like a nice restaurant. It's like get a yogurt with some nuts and fruit on top for $17. No shit, but yogurt and the Odeon, to me, I've never been there. Did you ever read Bright Lights Big City? No, but I know they all kind of hang out. They go there and they're sort of. Who's they? The guys.

He's sort of like the go-go 80s gang, maybe a couple of Wall Street guys. But also, I think maybe the main character is an aspiring writer who writes for the New Yorker, wants to write for the New Yorker, but he's in the mail room or something. But at night, they get all coked up at the Odeon. The Odeon, man. When does that book take place? Is that in the 80s? Yes, the go-go Reagan 80s. I can't

believe it. Yeah, it was a very expensive and it's decent food. It's a cool place. It looks cool. Money is no object. You're a podcaster. You can get whatever you want. That's true. That's true. When it opens back up, I'm going down there and getting a lobster Thermador?

A lobster on a plate. Yeah. Give me a lobster on a plate and cook that thing, buddy. Don't give it to me raw. If you do give it to me raw, make sure it has the fucking rubber bands around its snippers because I don't want to pinch my nose, asshole. The only thing I want given to me raw is an Eddie Murphy stand-up special.

Put it that way. And oysters if you're serving that. Sure. Which they are not. I like this drink, guys. I'm a fan. I'm glad I made it is that are we going into our final thoughts

hell don't see why not is that what we do I think usually Jeff you say and now final thoughts brought to you by Jefferson Dutton and now final thoughts brought to you by Jefferson Dutton the Dutty Buddy.

That's so cool you got Don Pardo just for the last part. Mike, you were saying I interrupted. Continue. This is your final thought on the Cosmo. My final thought, and I'll never speak of this drink ever again. I like it, and I'm going to drink it again. I'm going to go next time I go out to a bar and like have a sit down. I'm going to have one of these.

I don't think this is the type of drink I would have. Like if I'm sitting down at a bar, not like at a bar standing, moving all around, shaking my hand. Shaking your hand. Yeah. Yeah. This is, I think this is, you know, this is a quote unquote girly drink, but I'm fine with that. I love it. you know this is a quote unquote girly drink but hey i'm fine with that i love it yeah as far as reputation for me this is most improved award wow

improved during the course of your life or during the course of you drinking it this just it's reputation in my life oh. You were shitting on it before? Well, I mean, I thought it was not for me because I thought it was a Carrie drink and I'm more of a Miranda. Mm-hmm. Yes. I like it. I thought it was delicious. I also feel like a Miranda. I started the show like a Samantha, but I kind of landed in a Miranda type spot.

Here's my big thought. I would order it at a bar on the rocks right then they don't have to i don't have to worry about society teasing me because it would be on the rock i think this would also just be good you know uh think about a cape codder right or a vodka cranberry if i got this in a little rocks glass everyone would think i'm awesome tim that's actually kind of awesome you got to get in the martini glass i said no all right i gotta say martini glass my least favorite glass it's tough to walk around that's why i'm saying you gotta be sitting with it it's too tippy it's too horizontal you gotta tighten it up yeah yeah

yeah yeah i almost lost a lot of it when i got back into the zoom here folks you can't see at home but you gotta go to a you gotta go to a bad liquor store and get an el jimador weird glass for 99 cents that is a little steeper than a martini glass but it's still got like a cocktail glass kind of shape yeah it's almost like a stemless martini glass, but it's still got like a cocktail glass kind of shape. Yeah. It's almost like a stemless martini glass, but a little more vertical. It's deep. Now I've got a martini glass, but look at this little baby. It's a three and a half ouncer and it's very sturdy. That's what I like to do. I don't, those giant. Got a big one here.

Oh boy. That's not too big. That looks sturdy too. Well, the nice, the big, yeah, it is sturdy. It is. The nice with this big one is like, I don't fill it all the way up because that's way too much. That looks sturdy too. Well, the nice, yeah, it is sturdy. The nice with this big one is like, I don't fill it all the way up because that's way too much. All the way up? Drink. That's a song. People are going to love that.

People are going to love to hear that. You don't think that they were singing about the amount of Cosmo you pour into your- Martini glass. To a large martini glass. All the way up. Okay. Tim, final thoughts. I kind of, that was my final thoughts.

I'm ordering a second round. Yes, I like it, but I'm getting on the rocks. And then, you know, I'm sort of challenging gender norms. Nice. Well, that's it for the Cosmo Kramer. Mike, hit us with the quiz. All right. Well, now you guys remember the very beginning of this podcast.

I was like, oh, I'm a Carrie. I'm a Miranda. Yep. Well, I thought that it might be fun. I went online. I found Sex and the City Who Are You Quiz. We're going to do this. But it's too much to all have us do one on our own.

So I'm going to go through these questions, and we're going to do one at a time. We're each going to answer one as we go through. Or you can just pick one and have... Because it should read correctly for one of us. So why don't you just have... No, no, no. It's going to be, what is this podcast?

Is it a Miranda? Is the podcast a Carrie? All right, all right. The three of us, what do we make up? That helps us moving forward. We're in the early stages. We're still figuring out our voice. It would help us for branding to know this is the Samantha

podcast. This is Miranda. I'm hoping for Carrie Bradshaw. Well, right. When I tell people about this podcast, they're like, well, what's it like? I'm like, it's just going to be good to be like, it's a Charlotte. And they'll go, oh, I listen. Enough said. So I'll do, I'll just go down the road. Tim, you got the first question.

The last date you had was phenomenal, but it's been a week since you've heard from him. What do you do? A. Nothing. I'm already on to the next one. B. Shoot over a hello and ask him if he wants to meet up. C. Wait a couple more days. If he's interested, he'll text

me. D. Call him and ask him what's going on. I don't have time for guessing games. B, baby. Oh, you're going to shoot him a hello text. Yeah. Very nice. Jeff, your question is, your boss set you up on a date with his nephew. What do you absolutely have to know about this guy before agreeing to meet? Whether he's marriage material, all I need to see is his LinkedIn profile, whether he's any good at ahem,

sex. You know, don't say it, Mike. What the world of Google has to say about him. Jeff, boss's nephew, what do you need to know? I love that this quiz is updated. It's about texting and LinkedIn and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta go see, baby. I don't need LinkedIn. See if he's good at ahem. What's he packing? Alright, this one's for me. This one's which shoes do you need in your closet right now? And it's just a bunch of pictures.

They're all high heels. I couldn't tell you what really the difference is. I'm going to go with these light blue ones. Wait, they didn't have your typical new balances in there? No, I'm more of an Asics guy and they didn't have those.

Back to Tim. You had some Pumas at one point, to be honest. Oh yeah, the Pumas are nice. You're going to want the Christian Louboutins. Well, did they make a light blue one? That's what I picked.

It's time for your friends to meet your new boyfriend. What venue do you arrange to get together? Tim? Art gallery? Wine tasting? Fashion show? The hottest club in Manhattan? Trendy Brooklyn Cafe?

Hottest club in Manhattan, baby. Come on. That's what I think we all would have said there. Sure. Jeff, I gotta ask you. It's Sunday morning and you're off to brunch. What would you like to have? French toast, berry parfait,

protein bowl, salmon eggs benedict. Berry parfait! Perfect! And I know the perfect place, the Odeon in New York. Yeah. Okay, you're not going to see Madonna there anymore.

This is me. What would you never be caught dead wearing? Scrunchie, flats, denim, bangs. I'll wear whatever I want as long as I feel sexy. Vera Bradley or hoops. I'm going to wear whatever I want as long as I feel sexy. Vera Bradley or hoops. I'm going to wear whatever I want as long as I feel sexy. Of course. Jeff, you're terrible at math

and accidentally saved more money than you needed to last year. What do you do with the extra cash? Donated to charity. Someone needs help more than I do. Buy that pair of Manolos I've been eyeing. I think that's shoes. We already did shoes in a different question. Keep it in my account.

You never know when you'll have a rainy day. Book a week-long vacation to Cuba. Hello, Cabana boys. I think I'm going to go with give it to someone who needs it more than me. Wow. I would have done the Cuban trip. Yeah, Cabana Boys.

Tim, what's your go to libation? Wine, sex on the beach, vodka Collins, whiskey, gin on the rocks, margarita. Does not mention the Cosmo. Damn. Why would they skip the very drink that this whole quiz... Do not

know. Hey, wait. what about Appletini? Isn't that another big thing in Sex and the City? Appletini? I don't know. Not as big as the Cosmo. The Cosmo was the thing. This is fucked. Wait, read it to me again real fast.

Sorry. Where'd you find this fucking quiz? Yeah, Mike. This is from magicquiz.com. They got all types of quizzes. From now on, we only want quizzes from Barron's preview. Okay, we got wine, sex on the beach, vodka

Collins, whiskey, gin on the rocks, margarita. I'm going with the vodka Collins, dude. Alright. Okay. This is... Did I skip me? Jeff, this is you.

It's ladies night. It's ladies night out. You and your best girlfriends are on the prowl and you're feeling hot. What are you wearing? Classic cut dress with some tasteful simple earrings, flirty top and some skinny jeans, something bright and sassy that shows off my curves, one of a kind formaggio

dress with a metallic Gucci clutch. Flirty top jeans. We're going top and jeans. The flirty top doesn't show off your curves,

though, is the problem. He doesn't need the curves. But here's the thing. You guys don't know my nips are fucking out on this thing. Oh,

hey, that's flirty. That's true. It's just a normal shirt with two holes right there. All right. This one's for me.

It was a long week and you've got a date with your favorite person. You! How are you enjoying some alone time? DIY sushi and some self-pleasure. Ahem. Jesus Christ. It's so weird how the person that typed this quiz kept having to clear their throat. Yeah.

Netflix and pizza. What else is there? Bubble bath and pedicure so relaxing glass of wine and takeout i think i'll order pad thai um i'm doing a little uh netflix and pizza and you know what i'm watching i'm watching the new episodes of Stranger Things and I'm getting a little Caesars. Hot and ready. They kind of ruined it, though, by saying Netflix and pizza. What else is there? I think Netflix and pizza is a really fun, lazy night.

But if you're doing that every night. Well, you've had a long week, of course. Tim, it's easy to gain weight when you eat out every night. You're telling me. How do you keep your body in shape? Jogging, Pilging pilates cycling lots of dot dot dot love come on ahem hot vin hot vinyasa yoga this is this is perfect i jog it's the only one i do is jog a a a but my wife my wife does the hot vinyasa. I think we all do jogs. Also, there was one time that we, ahem.

Oh, Tim. Yeah, a little self ahem on your jog, I hope not. A jog, eh. Good, good. Well, guys, we have our results. You're Charlotte York. Our show is a Charlotte? That's our character, show.

Yeah, but the show, our podcast is a Charlotte. Oh, I see what you're saying. I like that because isn't like a charlatan is like a, that's what it's like. She's the good girl. I think she's the nice girl. She is, what's that actress's name? She brushed her teeth on Seinfeld. Kristen Stewart.

Kristen Stewart. No, that'seld. Kristen Stewart. Kristen Stewart. No. That's her. Kristen Stewart. Let's keep moving on. Yeah, you're a modern day princess who deserves nothing but the best. Although you come across as reserved, you're steadfast in your convictions, and you won't sell for anyone who doesn't take you seriously.

So that's us. But we wanted to be a Samantha. I think if we answered more of the ahem questions, we would have been a Samantha. Oh, she is just bad. She is a dog. So who's the one who's very into nice fashions? Is that Carrie? Got to be Carrie.

Hmm. Well. Oh, Kristen Davis is the actor's name. Kristen Davis plays Charlie, yeah. Yes. Yes. Okay. And Jerry drops her toothbrush in the toilet bowl and doesn't have the heart to tell her. There we go.

We're Charlottes. The show is a Charlotte, Jeff. You're right. This will be good when we're up in Silicon Valley pitching this show and all the big tech guys are like, just why not have a lot of time? Just real fast. Tell me what the show is. It's a Charlotte. time? You know, just real fast tell me what the show is. Mr. Charlotte!

Well, you know what? If they say I don't have time, we say, you know what? You're going to need a little bit of time with us because we don't just throw out. We got to talk to you. We got to know you first. Yeah, and then they'll say, lose the the. Yeah. Well, folks, that's the quiz. A good quiz. I thought that was a good one.

That was unique. That was awesome. Now it's time for a little mail eric asks hey sloppy boys the bass player for van halen michael anthony was famous for playing a bass that was in the shape of a jack daniels bottle what beverage would you turn into a bass guitar? Keep rocking and rolling, Eric. Specifically a bass. I like that. He was famous for that? I mean, that would be funny if that's what he played for his whole career. He was more famous for the music that they made and the fact that he was in a popular band.

That's true. But he attached two pictures of this guy playing a Jack Daniels bass, so I gotta hand it to him. I gotta believe him. Well, that doesn't make very good radio. Put those on the Twitter. You know what? The first thing that came to mind for me, we've mentioned this before, the old Michelob bottle.

Before they switched to these aluminum beach bottles or the very slim can, there was a lantern bottle. And for a bass that has a big old low sound, it would be nice to have a big bodied Michelob bottle. Yeah. I saw a guitar once that was like the Budweiser logo. They're kind of like trapezoidal looking thing. Like two triangles sort of pointing towards each other. Oh, yeah.

Like a bow tie. Like a Black Widow hourglass. Yeah. For a bass, let's see. what could you do for a bass i would do uh i think i would do a like a big uh i would do a big mug and the neck of the base would be the handle so it's a big round the handle kind of bends all around it makes no sense the strings have to kind of go around the bend yep Yep. You just, you don't have to go out. You just got to go right around there.

You know what would work really well? And it's, it's not an alcohol. Yeah. Is the old Orangina bottle. You know, the sort of the genie looking, the genie lamp looking on with that big old bottom. That's very nice. That big old bassy bottom. I bought one of those old shaped Oranginas very recently.

Sam, I remember these. I'll have one. But it was a twist off. I mean, it was not a twist off. What? I just put it in my car and just drove home with it. They're glass, right? The old ones I'm thinking of are glass.

They're glass. They're pop top. And the glass is sort of ridged. It's pebbled. Yeah, yeah. It's fantastic. And then Orangina is great. It's really good orange juice and soda. I'm not a Orangina fan. Not a big fan. We got to come up with an Orangina

cocktail, baby. Hey, how about Fireball Orangina? No. A little bit gross. Mike, you don't like Orangina. You got to get out of this one. It burns my throat. Something a little more vanilla-y, so you turn into a creamsicle. Hey, how about Di Serrano?

You know, the amaretto almond-y taste in with Orangina. Make a little Orange Julius out of that thing. Could be good. Oh, that's not bad. Could be very good. Well, thanks, Eric. That was a great question. Eric, we owe you one.

Speaking of funny-shaped guitars, remember one time Tim Robinson sent us a picture of a funny-shaped guitar. Do you remember what it was? And we were like, yeah, we got to get that guitar. And then we never did. I'm sure it's in the – Dave & Buster. That's what it was. Dave & Buster.

Dave & Buster guitar. If anyone sees the Dave & Buster's guitar up on the top shelf you gotta fork over the tickets and win that thing for us yeah if anyone can win if anyone can win that for us you can be a guest on the show so it's lose lose for you that's fair that's a good trade if you got a question for the boys

email us at the sloppy boys podcast at gmail.com you guys asking Jeeves these days or Google? I, you know, it's funny that you ask that as I am in the middle of a search, a search engine fiasco. Oh my God.

I downloaded a VPN so that I could watch a British show for free. What's VPN? A VPN is a, it's a network. It's you're tricking the internet into thinking you're not at your house so i download something called a vpn and i put in that i lived in the uk okay so the the my computer and the internet thought that i was in london like i'm in slough yeah uh i work at all right these guys are talking about the very famous show, The Office. So I knew I was doing something kind of hackery.

You know I'm a hacker. I watched BBC shows all weekend for free, and that was very fun. And then I got rid of my VPN, and I found that I had downloaded a bug. I have a virus I can't get rid of on my computer that will not let me use Google. I can't get to Google.com. It's a Yahoo virus. So when I try to go to Google, it takes me to Yahoo. I've tried 30 different ways around it. Oh, Tim.

I can only search. I can't do Bing. I can't ask Jeeves. Can you go on your Gmail? I can go on my Gmail. It only affects the search engine. And this is kind of the worst thing that's been going on in 2020. Tim, this is wild. I don't like you. I don't like you having a computer, actually. You can't be responsible with it.

I shouldn't have access to this thing. What shows you watch for the BBC that we can't do here in America? They did a doc series about Yacht Rock. Oh, brother. Oh, geez. Wow. Jeff, series about Yacht Rock. Oh, brother. Oh, jeez. Why? Jeff, let's wrap it up. That's our show for the week. Follow us on social media at The Sloppy Boys, where we release these

recipes ahead of time. Also, be sure to check out our Patreon, where subscribers can unlock The Sloppy Boys Blowout, our weekly bonus episode. That's patreon.com slash thesloppyboys. Thanks for listening. See you next week. Later, everybody. Always