The Sloppy Boys - 52. Russian Root

Episode Date: October 15, 2021

The guys appraise a Mike Hanford original as they celebrate the one year anniversary of the podcast.RUSSIAN ROOT RECIPE1 part Vodka2 parts Root BeerIce optional!!!Combine ingredients in a glass and stir. Do not put on the ground.Recipe via Mike Hanford Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, the podcast that takes a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford. Congratulations! Yes! And Tim Galpakis! What is up? All right.

Wow, we really did it. Wow. This is a big one. A one-year anniversary. Slash birthday. Slash birthday. We should decide now. Are we calling them birthdays or anniversaries?

Anniversary. So this is the anniversary of us wedding together for our podcast. One year of the Sloppy Boys podcast. Did you guys think we would make it uh yeah i did because i realized pretty quickly that was like oh we can sustain this this is a sustainable show it's a sustainable model yeah it's a sustainable podcast the sustainability is a whole thing i think right yes and the younger generation loves that stuff they want to know that their products that they consume are sustainable yeah and as part of the younger generation loves that stuff. They want to know that their products that they consume are sustainable.

Yeah, and as part of the younger generation, I completely feel that. Yeah, yeah. It's so cool for you to take time out of your day of razor scootering around the mall. Yeah. Around the outside of the mall. That's how much energy this young man has. And don't forget your Yu-Gi-Oh. Yeah, I know what that is.

What's that? It's like something kids used to do like 10 years ago, 15 years ago. What are those things called? It's like the scooter with just the one big wheel in the middle and the two. One wheel. Oh, no. Hoverboard. No, not a hoverboard.

It's like a hoverboard, but it's one big tire in the middle. Yeah, hoverboard, you're not going straight. You're going like sideways like a skateboard. Yeah, I think it's called a one wheel. A one wheel. I saw one of those recently around here, and the guy was riding it, and then I was like, hey're not going straight. You're going sideways like a skateboard. Yeah, I think it's called a one-wheel. A one-wheel? I saw one of those recently around here, and the guy was riding it, and then I was like, hey, look at that, and then he fell and ate shit.

It's so funny when someone is like, I'm doing a weird thing, and then they fall. You're like, well, that's the problem with weird things. I was editing a video, and one of the dudes who worked at the company had a one-wheeler, and that's how he got to work and stuff. He was also a camera operator and was doing Steadicam work on the one-wheeler. like that's how he got to work and stuff he was also a camera operator and was doing steadicam work on the one-wheeler and look the footage looked cool and then one day he came in broke an arm and i saw the footage that broke his arm and he was like he fell he was like recording he was shooting footage in a farmer's market or a flea market and you can just see it's funny when you see uh an accident happen but it's on a steady cam so it's just like it's not nearly as satisfying as you want it to be because it's like yeah he

he fell and hit the ground but it's all smooth glided into the ground it looks appealing what are those there's also those one wheel things where the people are facing straight and it's just like a big wheel that's oh i haven't seen that oh yeah i mean even the initial hoverboards whatever they call them, the fact that you're standing and going straight like you're skiing looks so strange. It's really unnerving to me. I went on a hoverboard once and bit it almost immediately.

They're heavy, right? Yeah, well, yeah. You don't have to carry them around, though. You ride them. You ride it. Yeah. What were you doing on the hoverboard? Oh, there was one at the Funnier Die office, and I said, let's try that out.

That's the first time everybody I knew was like, yeah, there's one at Funny or Die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should probably talk to my legal counsel about that. I had a bruise. Oh, yeah. Yeah. See if I can get some back-end ice. So we're celebrating a one-year anniversary, birthday.

Now, we decided we decided oh there was never really a reason for the confusion we're fucked i don't agree with it uh so do you confuse you know when you have an anniversary you do like the first year you buy a paper gift for someone does that ring a a bell? Oh, I've heard of it. This is similar to something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, but it's... Kind of. This is after the wedding, though. Oh, but it's wedding related. It involves themes.

That we agree on. A wedding must have happened. A wedding you've had. The first year is paper, but this list, I have a little list here. And then it has like the modern theme. So traditional theme is paper. Modern theme is clocks.

The Coldplay song? Mm-hmm. Yeah, if you can sing that and record it for your sig of. These are funny just looking at like the second. I'm not going to do both of them, but second is cotton, then leather, then fruit and flowers. Sorry, this is so like year three, four, and five? Yeah, every year.

So like year two, you buy someone like what? Your wife a cotton dress? Yeah. Wedding dress. What's your size? Some cotton briefs. Then a leather dress. Yeah, a leather dress.

Wait, which anniversary is leather? Leather is three. That's when you want to spice things up. If we make it three years, we should become Leather Daddies. Three Leather Daddies. Three Leather Daddies. I like six is iron. Iron Daddies.

Aluminum. These are good. Lace. Aluminum. Silverware. Oh, furniture is one. That lace one kind of got me horny. Whoops. These are great. I think the 50th is gold. We're not going to make that. That lace one kind of got me horny. Whoops. All right, well, these are great. I think the 50th is gold.

We're not going to make that. 60th is diamond. Jesus Christ. Do you think in 60 years podcasts will still be around or will everyone be doing Samsung Galaxy casts? I know. I don't know. It's going to be a hologram somehow. Maybe we'll get back to books.

You got something funny to say with your friends? You're all writing a book and you send it out. Email, I'll give you that. Yeah, probably in 60 years, email will be big. I wonder, it is a fun thing about the future of podcasts. It seems like everything just gets more and more immediate. And so I do wonder i'm not i'm not at all attracted to like so and so is going live uh i love that when instagram pops it up on

your notifications you're like cool well i'm too shy to click on those because then they see me join i don't want anyone to know i'm joining right i need a finsta is it is it facebook or twitter that's like um at tim kalpakas is speaking oh yeah that's like twitter i think that's so weird because they're doing like a kind of like a clubhouse thing uh yeah okay clubhouse is the other thing but it's they just call it going live i guess yeah but fuck it we'll do it live yeah but i don't like that's more of a bill o'reilly yeah screw it man i wouldn't be surprised well i'm not surprised that that they the big they think it's going that way.

It's like, oh, they want it now, now, now. It's live phone calls. But it just feels like a conference call to me. And anything live is going to have less viewers. It's cool that Instagram then has it archived for a little while, but you can't get people to do live. No, but Tim, they want to go back to Johnny Carson, you know? Johnny was the king.

When he waved you over to that couch. Oh, my God. No, he's a really big shoe. Who, my God. No, he's not. Who's a really big shoe? Who's that? Ed Sullivan? Ed Sullivan. Ed Sullivan.

No. No, I like being told the name and then put the little twist on it. Oh, I don't understand that take. I said Ed Sullivan, and you made him an Italian? I don't know. Italian or Greek or something. Okay. Santorini.

That's Greek. You mentioned Santorini. It's an island. An island. Off Greece? Yes. Okay. Greece. Santorini. That's Greek. You mentioned Santorini. It's an island. An island. Off Greece? Yes. There you go. Crete.

Well, there you go. The island of Crete. Yeah. You know, you could trace my family back there if you want. To Crete? Do you know where they were from? I think Crete. Because I saw a name of a town.

Just the whole Crete. I think that was like a version of Kalpakas. I think Kalpakas means big hat town. And that certainly would apply to me. If you see the head ornaments I wear, my God. I like thinking of like the more Greek version of the name Kalpakas. Like it's like Kalpakas the Staniakias. Yeah, no, they changed it to go back Is it Ellis Island?

Yeah, that's just half this Jeff, I see you're sitting cross-legged Yeah, sure am I don't do it, I can't do it You don't like to sit on your feet? I don't think I can get my feet up under my buns Oh, well, I do it when I sit at my Bless you, Jesus

The one-year sneeze, okay, continue You were holding that for all 52 episodes. Sorry, I was just trying to smell some pepper. Plus the blowouts. I have bad posture all the time, especially sitting at a computer. Everyone does. It's Tex-Nec, baby. Yeah.

Yeah. So I sit pretzel style, cross-legged at the computer. Cross applesauce. And every time I stand up, my right foot is dead asleep. Bag of sand. And it hurts. And I still do it. I have bad posture, and I bought a harness.

This is like a $5 thing off Amazon. I think my mom got me one of those. For me, it's funny because I thought it would help, but it's like a figure eight strap that I put my arms through and holds my shoulders back but i couldn't get myself to wear it because it felt like misery yeah like the movie misery there's that thing i see on uh advertised on instagram all the time it's like a little buzzer you put stick to your back and if you bend over and did that it beeps oh really yeah and it just buzzed them all the time and i think he stopped wearing so just vibrates or something you get like a

little low level shock not like to hurt you but it is it is like uh yeah it's like a little a little pulse i i think that i also during the scoliosis check in like junior high or whatever you know they go down the line of kids and then when they did me they were like stand over there and then they came back to me and they were like, okay, so you don't know scoliosis, but you're definitely like, something's going on.

Something's up. Yeah. Yeah. And you smell that. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta get out of here. But yeah.

So I do think that like my posture is bad, but also it's just kind of how I'm factory built. I can, I kind of came that way. Um, uh, you know, it was bad when kid,

kid getting pulled aside out of the line like that, when you expect it to just be an easy check. Remember the kids, you ever have lice checks? Yeah, I don't think we ever had like a scare, like anyone actually had it. Well, have you ever met Connie Van Leuven? Old bug head? Poor old Connie Van Leuven.

We all walked through and then like oh connie maybe you come this way why i don't have bugs on my head do i man especially as a kid like it's the last thing yeah you're like sixth grade and you the last thing you want to be is different at all and you're especially for a woman yeah poor connie bad uh you know van leuven not a good life situation but van heusen is a beautiful brand of men's fashion that we like to wear. I looked up some Van Heusens recently because I wanted a new white short-sleeved button-down.

Perfect. But the Van Heusens were, I ended up getting an Amazon Essentials, if you can believe it. Fits great. I look great in it. I feel great in it. I look great, so I feel great.

Thank you. But the Van Heusen, you look up the Van Heusens, they got new styles. Wow. They look great in it. I feel great in it. I look great, so I feel great. Thank you. But the Van Heusen, you look at the Van Heusens, they got new styles. Wow. They're all looking good. They're hipper. Are they like a fact, are they like made for a store? No, like the club room is exclusive to Macy's. Van Heusen, they go rogue.

Yeah, that's an independent company. I got plenty of Van Heusens. they go rogue. Yeah, that's an independent company. I got plenty of Van Heusens. Always have. Yeah. They must be affordable. I picture like a sort of a papery, pale yellow. Van Heusen. I had a gray.

I had a nice gray. I would say half my clothes, I checked the label, Van Heusen. I love when we found out that like Kirkland, the Costco food brand, also made their shirts. I see a lot of stuff at Costco that Kirkland refused to sign. He's like, nope. No signature on this one. Print it. This one's going blank.

Hey, one of you guys mentioned the one-year anniversary of his podcast. Well, last night I know feeling a little sentimental about that you know oh one year all the memories and all that yeah sure wish i could remember but yeah yeah yeah exactly uh but you know so i so i i went you know i like to go for walks you know kind of when i'm feeling uh in my feelings basically oh wow and you know for me the place i'd like to go is to sort of like the sunset strip i'll kind of walk down oh right yeah you do i guess in the past year yeah you have brought a lot a lot of major events in your life have happened on that strip big time so i was just

kind of strolling hands in the pockets kind of like going with the breeze and then uh but i kept i i i finished the strip and then i went to the vegas strip Oh, yeah. Well, you're in on one strip. You're like, well, I need more strip. Made it down the Vegas strip, went to Broadway, kind of strolled that. And then I find myself at the end of my stroll, Bourbon Street, New Orleans. Like Forrest Gump. Exactly. I kind of went coast to coast.

And I'm strolling and I'm just thinking like, wow, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. How about all this? You know, one year of the podcast is like, wow, you know? Yeah. Yeah, wow. Wow. How about all this, you know? One year of the podcast is like, what?

How did I get so lucky, you know? Yeah, you're taking stock. I love that. Yeah, and I just kind of thinking. Hey, Tim, did you ever cross any pools of water that were so still that you could almost kind of see your smiling face smiling back at you? Yeah, I got blinded by my pearly whites at one point.

Shink. But you say, wow, you look at that and you go, whew. That's nice. It's nice to look at. As I'm walking Bourbon Street, I think I see this kind of

figure approaching me. It's Louis Armstrong. What the hell? Who I was under the impression that he had passed. Deceased. Yeah. He's been long deceased.

A fantastic musician. Fantastic. He's been long deceased. But. A fantastic musician. Fantastic. He could blow that horn. I'm telling you that. I call him Satchmo. Yeah, me too. I probably learned that from you.

I heard you call him that. But so I approached him like, oh my, what? You know? Yeah. And then I kind of explained to him like my whole uh feeling i was just like my kind of sentimental and just kind of thinking about the last year and what's going on and uh and then i was like well how about you what do you think you know uh what are your feelings on the whole matter what do you say what do you say well he's what do you say like how do you speak

to you about this well he turned to How did he speak to you about this? Well, he turned to me, and he said this. Oh, yeah. This is one of his songs. Yeah. I see chartreuse of green. Fallernum too. A month of vermouth. For Jeff, Mike, and you.

And I think to myself, what three wonderful dudes. He's a listener. I see a Hawaii of blue. Blue. And Russians of white, the bright yellow bird, the seltzery bud light, and I think to myself, what three wonderful dudes. So sweet. It's beautiful. It's really hitting that S on you.

The colors of the boozes so pretty in Jeff's Instagrams are also in the tweets of listeners who tweet, I see friends shaking shakers saying, how should I shake? They're really saying, I love Tim. I hear babies cry. Well, that's not great. I watch them grow. Oh, good. They'll become slop heads and have a few technicolor yawns.

And I think to myself, what three wonderful dudes. Aw. Aw. Yes, aw. Aw. Yes, I drink from my shelf. Tim's a wonderful Greek.

Oh, okay. Wow, speaking of the island of Santorini's and... Yeah, he must have known all about my heritage. Can you believe that? What a sweet guy.

What a sweet guy. And I love that he... That song is iconic. Oh, my gosh. Love that song. And he must, my gosh. Love that song. And he must be a listener. Yeah. Because he said all that.

Was that an original song? Yeah. He was kind of just like, he said he was spouting that from the dome. Oh, I should mention that when he said all this to me, I didn't record it. He recorded it on a tape, and he put it down in his in his uh vault oh and i snuck it yeah to break in yeah i broke and i could put it down my pants and snuck it yeah so that we could listen but i mean it kind of makes you kind of proud but even that even that's like the traditional way of getting uh some of the media we have on this pod he probably does he listen to the pod i mean he

must listen because he's probably like you know know, Tim, I'm putting this in my vault tomorrow morning. It's going in the vault. Okay. You know, when you meet a listener of the show and they kind of gross you out

like that. Yeah, yeah. I'm putting something in the vault. I hope you don't steal it. He's a little coy boy. A little coy boy.

I get it. I get it. I'll steal it out and put it on my BVDs and BVTs. Fine, I'll dance for you. Would you do that, Tim, for me? Yes, and you can have a selfie, Lou.

You can have a selfie of Jeff. Man, that's some good stuff. That's great. I love that. Sweet. It was sweet. Well, speaking of the one-year anniversary, why don't we get to the drink to celebrate it all?

Oh, this is a good one. I'm excited. This is something that we talked about, I think, on the first pod, the first ep. Damn. Yes? Yes. So that was precisely a year ago, approximately. Mm-hmm.

Precisely approximately a year. I don't think we've skipped a week of putting episodes out. Hell no. No, we would never. And we're not going to. We never will. So picture it. I bet if we listen to the first episode, we would think it sucks shit.

Yeah, it probably does. Hello? Are these things on? Is this so even okay that we're doing this, everyone? If I listen to this, I'll probably think it sucks shit. Okay. Don't listen. Picture it.

Yeah. I'm picturing. It's may 5th in fact wow 2012 of that year yes 2012 2012 ah the day after may the 4th that's right okay may the 4th be with you 2012 on the 5th may 5. On the 5th. May 5th. On the 5th. It's Kentucky Derby. Right? Derby day. Bring your hats out. Bring your horses to the backyard. Bring your horses out, too. Now, before the winning horse, I'll Have Another runs his wonderfully won race.

He was an underdog. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic? Iconic. This high colonic is quite iconic. I said that to my proctologist yesterday.

He was showing you a picture of Madonna's iconic results. All right. All right. I don't need a picture of this sort of thing.

Wouldn't you say she's pretty iconic? Yeah, yeah, but Mike, you asked me to, when you asked me to imagine something, when you asked me to picture something, this is coming in in Technicolor. This is realer than real to me. Picture it.

So, yeah, I'll have another wins. We've got some other great contenders in the race. We've got Union Rags. Remember this? Bodemeister. Do these ring a bell? Yes. Mike, we remember

each and every horse creative cause gemologists i remember gemologists creative cause this was a day oh there were thunderstorms the night before what about pie of mine but i don't think he was in this what about man o war well he wasn't hansen was pie of mine was tony's horse guys oh okay listen no spoilers, my friend. The night before the big race, the big derby, on May the 4th, thunderstorms. What does that do to the track for the horses to warm up the next day? Slick muddy.

They are labeled sloppy conditions. It's a sloppy track. Oh, I didn't know that. Right? Okay. You with me? I'm with you. Is your friend Tim? Yeah, he gets it.

Yeah, Jeff will vouch. Mike, I can vouch for him. Good. Later in the day, as the weather, the track was upgraded to fast, but still sloppy in the morning. Now, we have ourselves a little derby party. We all live together with the birthday boys. We have a Kentucky derby party.

What a fun idea. It was maybe Jessica's even idea. Yeah. Our friend Eva Anderson comes. Lovely Eva. She's fantastic. Very funny. Very wonderful woman.

I would say, if I had to pick a word, cultured. Very cultured. She knows what's going on. She knows how to do a little extra. You know what I mean? You bring her to a party, and she bakes something. She's won baking awards in the L.A. County Fair. Yep. She will do something extra. You know what I mean? You bring her to a party and she bakes something. She's won baking awards in the LA County Fair. Yep. She will

do something extra. So what Eva does on this day, Derby Day, she brings some drinks. Yeah, I remember. It was an infused something. It was. I've got them written down right here. Oh, shit. Hold on. It was a So she

did a mint julep, a scratch mint julep. Classic derby fare. Yep. She had, she used like infused syrups and different herbs and things. And she did another drink that I don't think I've ever heard of called the Garden Party. Oh, yeah. You remember that? And there was like edible flowers, like petals in the drinks.

Yeah, it was beautiful looking. And she had just... Tasting. She had taken a cocktail making class. And so she was learning how to make these cocktails specifically for Derby Day. She put them out in these very nice glasses. She had very cool glass cylinders with taps on them. Yes.

She had a very well done... Like placards. Calligraphied sign that said the names Garden Party in Midtjyll. And everyone loves it. It's set up beautifully on a table,

a tablecloth, little flowers around it arranged very nicely. I wonder if we have a picture of these because we've got to put those up. We'll scare them up.

There's got to be pictures, yeah. Then Mike Hanford comes to town. Doesn't come to town. He lives. It's his home. Yeah, yeah. Mike Hanford lives in town doesn't come to town he lives it's his home yeah right mike hanford lives in town mike hanford lives in home host hosting one of the hosts of the party yeah saunters into the backyard saunters in the backyard we're all dressed nicely very well i'm wearing suspenders uh and we i see this oh we even made some drinks. Having fun. Oh, people are making drinks today. People are making drinks and putting signs out.

Yes. So I, being a pretty industrious guy that I am, off the top of my head, what do I have? What do I have in the house that I can use to make a drink? And being the amateur mixologist cocktail psycho nut that I am, I go upstairs. I get Svetka vodka. One bottle. Yep. Mug root beer.

One bottle. Big two liter bottle. Big two liter bottle. Ice. Well, there's ice there anyway. And I make a sign. I said, what am I going to call this concoction of two parts root beer to one part vodka? And I write it down.

Russian root. Russian root. What a name. Russian root beer to one part vodka. Russian root beer to one part vodka. And I write it down. Russian root. Russian root. What a name. Root beards, Russian vodka. I rake a little sign that says, yeah, two parts thing. One part vodka. Ice optional. Oh.

Garnish ice optional. History was made. Ice is a garnish. Ice is a garnish and you don't see that very often. You don't. Probably for good reason. Maybe for good reason, but who knows. You know know as we've learned about drinks on this podcast it's nice to see like oh this is either served with a twist or with an olive and you think oh okay like different places

do things a little differently so it's cool with the russian root that like you could do the ice or not have ice or have it warm well i like and it's in parentheses optional next to the ice optional and i well we have a picture of the sign. Maybe we sent this out before. But we'll post that. But I put it out. And you know how I do things. I do things with my comedy and my artistic talents.

I do sort of things that make, you look at it for a second and you hear it and go, what the, okay. What the, yeah. It's a whole ride. Yeah, it's a whole ride. You've got to buy the ticket and take the ride. That's what the ice optional kind of was. Yeah. So I bring my little wares.

I make the sign. I put a little Russian hammer and sickle, you know. Yep. I think. And you scoot. Well, there wasn't enough room on the table. So you had to scooch. Okay.

Just going back to the sign, I remember it was. Shut up, Jeff. I'm sorry. It was, I don't know, please interject, but I just want to make sure I get this out. But interject with the correct thing. For the sign, I didn't have a nice solid piece of paper near me, so I folded a manila envelope. So it's not a manila envelope. And I put...

Yeah, you're right, Jeff. You saw there was room. There was room, but I had to really push Eva's stuff over to the side a little bit. Maybe spilling some stuff, maybe knocking her sign down. I don't know. The sign may have been down. I put my stuff out there with a sign. And I go inside, you know, hosting the party,

so I'm not just standing looking at my drinks that I just put out. My free drinks that I just put out for everyone. Imagine that. I come back out to fill up my glass with more russet and root, and I see my root beer that i purchased my own money svetka vodka and uh sign are now on the ground not not dumped out not flipped over just on the ground set on back on the dirt and i say well does anyone know anything about this i think eva piped up first i put that on the ground because it was on my table with my nice drinks

I said well that doesn't seem right did I let it go maybe for the time being I'm still with it now I believe her explanation was I'm trying to do a nice thing here yes you want to do a nice thing I'm trying to do a nice thing

as if I wasn't trying to do a nice thing we've had our differences Eve and I about what took place that day and who was right, who was wrong, who was a rude guest, who was a great host. Gracious host. Yep. But yeah, that is the story of the Russian root.

We're going to make them today. I can't wait. Jeff, did you know that this drink was created right off the cuff? I saw the bottle of Svedga and the root beer on the table, and I had assumed, oh, Mike cooked this up earlier this week, had been in the taste laboratory. Right, finding the correct proportions. It was just on the spot.

On the spot. You got to do it on the spot. So you hadn't actually had one when you wrote the recipe out. I don't think I had had one yeah maybe i was making it in the moment and said this is so good i want to share it with all my friends for free and i'll just put a sign out so everyone knows what's going right and a lot of the drinks we cover they have um familiar stories come up a lot of times it's like well the so the representative from this liquor company yeah wanted to sell more of your liquor. Mug Warbier was not involved with this?

No, no. But this is a nice, refreshing change because in this case, it's all we had. It's all you had. Yeah, it's all you had. And I like this one, too, because there's really one... Well, there's two stories.

My side and Eva's side and your side, but you guys are filling in the details. Right, but we don't also hear like, oh, no, there's a guy in New York who says that he made it. Yeah, yeah. So today we're going to do the original recipe that is one part Svetka Vodka, two parts mug root beer. Make sure it's cold, folks.

Can we use barks? Can we use A and W? You can. I would say for this first one, do Svetka and mug. They're very easy to get. I got them at the grocery store. Basically, they were 10 feet apart from each other. And Mike, I'm going to do this one to the letter of the law.

Please. And I'm going to do ice in mine. Okay, now, so I'm going to, I also will definitely opt for ice. Me too. Good option. It's customizable, interactive. Isn't it fun?

But I want to do the real traditional, the traditionally intended Russian. The IBA. Is this on the IBA? Not yet. Okay. Not yet, it's not. If they can get their fucking website up, I can get an email to those people.

International Bartenders Association, if you're listening, add this to your list. Now, when you're going by parts, we can make it as big or small as we want. Should we do one ounce or two ounces? Let's do one shot glass. One shot glass. That's easy. Cool. Yeah, but isn't that beautiful?

It's just like whatever, any size you want. I can do a gallon to two gallons. It's easy. Yeah, but isn't that beautiful? It's just like whatever, any size you want. I can do a gallon to two gallons. It's inspiring. Yeah. One thimble to two thimbles. One tanker, one oil tanker full to two oil tankers full. One kind of funny thought I have about it is that Russian root has nothing to do with Kentucky or horses or anything on the theme of the day, of that day. Yeah, interesting.

Because Kentucky bourbon, you know, and then, you know. There is a tradition, and this is sort of where I was going at at the time. The Kentucky Derby is steeped in tradition. It's a class sort of thing. It's a high society. High society. That's what i'm trying to say and is there not that type of thing over in mother russia it's a very traditioned country is there tradition it's very traditioned there's tradition there's it doesn't matter whether this this

tradition is uh communism or kentucky derby no class and they have they do have high class people in russia putin i mean come on look hey i don't like to admit it i don't like that guy that stuff Kentucky Derby class. And they do have high class people in Russia. Putin, I mean, come on. I don't like to admit it, I don't like that guy, the way he messed with the election. That was more Zuckerberg, if you ask me. He's a little robotic, if you think about it. God, we could do a whole episode on that. We should do a blowout.

We break down from the 2016 election to the insurrection. We should do a blowout. We break down Zuckerberg. From the 2016 election to the insurrection. Hey, remember at the Wax Museum in San Francisco, I took a picture of you with the wax Mark Zuckerberg? And I Instagrammed it. I said, Zuckerberg meets Zuckerberg. And my father-in-law thought it was the real Mark. Of course.

He said, wow, you sloppy boys get around. I was like, what? Uh-huh. He's like, wow, Mark Zuckerberg stood with a wax figure? Wax handbird. Yeah, wax handbird. Let's drink this fucker, huh? Yeah, let's do it.

Hey, folks, we'll be right back. BRB. Peace. Oh. You hear that, folks? You hear that? Folks. Folks. Wake up.

Folks, wake up. We know you took a little nap during the break. Folks. Folks. We're back. We're back, baby. We got Russian roots, and God, they look great. They look so professional.

And Hanford was professional in the kitchen there, like Tom Cruise mixing up cocktails. Hey, you bitch! I called you both a bitch. You bitch! Oh, that's so fucking funny. Oh, I did forget to say before, in preparation, it's add the ingredients to the glass and stir.

It's a building glass, as Jack Stram would say. We're not shaking it around. You could, but... No, you don't shake sodas, Mike. You don't shake sodas, exactly. And we got these nice little cocktail straws, and it looks just like a nice little whiskey drink or something. You know? Yeah, you didn't overload it with the ice.

You let it ride a little low in the cup like an old-fashioned. Yeah. Yeah, it's three. We got three nice square cubes. Yeah. And look, I could look at it all day. Yeah. I could sit here and stare at this glass. That's not really what it was meant for. There's another activity that you like

to do with these. So here we go. Here comes the sips. No, wait. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Sips away. Russian Root, you've had? I haven't had. I haven't had on the day. Believe it or not, I opted for Eva's delicious crab cocktails. And to be honest with you, since

that day, ten years ago, I probably had like five. Okay, here we go. Sips. Okay. That we go. Sips. Okay. Ah, that's good. That is good. That is just, it's refreshing.

If you like root beer, this is great. It's root beer first. Root beer forward. Yeah, which is great. Mug root beer, you can't beat it. How do you do that, Mike? How do you get that mug right up to the front? That's what the stirring is.

And then in back, the Svedka sting. Yeah, a little hint. Just a little hint. But it grows. It's almost a vanilla touch. Isn't it good? Right. It's kind of a rum and coke-esque.

Very interesting. A close cousin of the rum and coke. I got to say, when I was thinking of it, I mean, what's this the closest to? Like a mule? I feel like there are at Clearman's Northwoods. Tim, there are no parallels when it comes to Russian root beer. It's a class of its own. Class of its own.

Well, I've seen like on a mule menu where there's like a Moscow mule and a Kentucky mule and all the mules. I've seen some variations that are root beer, and I don't know what the spirit is. But when you were making these, or maybe even the feeling that I had all those years ago. I've never heard of anything made with root beer and i don't know what the spirit is but when you were making these or maybe even the feeling that i had all those years ago i've never heard of anything made with root beer i yeah i mean i feel like i've had a hard root beer like a yeah uh in a can from somewhere but what i was expecting is for this to be missing an element, you know, because usually you do like... Well, ice is optional, so... Oh, that's true.

And if I didn't have the ice, it would be... You'd be missing that. I'd be missing it in the sense I'm sad because it's not there yet. But I thought, you know, vodka and a type of soda, I was thinking like, yeah, but where's the other, where's the squeeze of a citrus, which would work for this particular drink? Or where's the dash of bitters or like some other rank kind of thing?

But I think I was picturing it to be a weaker drink with only the two part, the two to one ratio. It is, it's nice. It's boozy and I taste the booze. It's got a hearty finish as I'm sipping it now. It's boozy, and I taste the booze. It's got a hearty finish, as I'm sipping it now. It's got a nice little alcoholic burn. Now, it starts up top with a little sweet root beer, and then, yeah, you get the hearty finish. And you want that iconic Svedka.

If you had had Grey Goose or Belvedere coming in there at the end, no, that's not what you want. No, you can trump this up and do a Belvedere and... Careful, Trump was actually... Trump? I don't want to get into it. I'll add that today. Yeah. Yeah, you can use Belvedere,

but I would also say maybe bump up the root beer to something from Whole Foods or something like that. Oh, like a natural and organic. Yeah, but that's... Whatever. How about that one bearded guy, Virgil's root beer. Maybe you

do that. Is that like a higher brand? It's in a glass bottle. Oh, and I'll say we did what are these? Lowball glasses? Coop glasses? No, not Coop. These are Rocks glasses. Rocks glasses. And the mix I did was one and a half ounces to one and a half ounces.

Perfectly proportioned, Mike. Yeah. And I've said this before, but a rocks glass with the ice that you can hear this. I love that. Yeah. It's funny. You see a lot of stuff made with ginger beer. I feel like ginger is really kicking Root's ass at the bar.

Yeah. You know, you don't see anything made from root beer. In fact, if you went to a bar and you said, hey, bartender, root beer vodka, he'd probably look at you funny. You mean Russian Root? Oh, yeah, Russian Root. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've been selling those all night.

I have an order of them coming out. I guess what I'm trying to say is the Cinderella story of root beer. Yeah, go back. I thought this was going to be kind of a joke. Like undrinkable? No, no, I thought just, you know, we're going to do this, and it'll be funny because it'll taste bad. And here I am actually evaluating it.

I think something happened. What's any different than this or the mint julep that somebody mixed together? Sure, somebody mixed together once and they said, you're fucking nuts. Yeah, true. You're putting mint in this drink? Why don't you go fuck yourself? Why don't you drop dead? I think there's a greater lesson to be learned beyond drinks.

Just like, Jeff, you had your perceptions. You were kind of closed off from the world. Whereas Mike was sort of like a guy who's kind of like open to things. Yeah, I'll try anything. He's got an abundance mindset. I'm curious, what do you think would be a good garnish for this? If it needs it. I don't know if it does, but a root.

An ice cube? An ice cube, isn't it? One more ice cube? Yeah, because I have three cubes. I can imagine that fourth cube hanging off the side of the glass. Just perched on the side of the glass. Just perched on the side of the glass. You know how the Cuba Libre had the rum and coke with a lime?

Yeah, maybe. I think lime would be wrong here. Citrus doesn't really work with root. So it would be like... What root is root beer? Because ginger's a root, but that's not in the root beer. Just a normal tree root. Just any tree. Common tree beer just a normal tree root it's just any tree common tree yeah common tree what's the deal with root beer i you know what you don't see too much anymore uh is sarsaparilla but when i was a kid i'd get a

glass bottle of sarsaparilla and be like hey this is root beer well i felt like i was drinking beer i was like five being like hey dad look at me i'm I'm just like you. What does sarsaparilla taste like? Does it have like a bite to it? It tastes like root beer exactly, but I do think maybe a little more, this isn't a perfect analogy, but I would say sarsaparilla is to root beer as ginger beer is to ginger ale.

Oh. Oh, okay. That's not right, because ginger beer is fermented. I'm sure sarsaparilla is not fermented. Okay. I'm seeing the primary flavor found in any old-fashioned homemade root beer recipe is sassafras, a deciduous tree in North America. Sassaparilla.

Sassafras. There you go. Or is it sarsaparilla? Cowboys say sarsaparilla. That's just because everything is like, warsh. Yeah. Warsh your hands. Now, I got a little audio clip here to go along with this drink.

A little bit of a surprise. I pulled a few favors. And play it now. We can take a listen. Hell yeah. Hey, sloppy boys. It's Eva Anderson. Congratulations on your one-year anniversary.

That's amazing. That's a lot of cocktails. I told you. She that's amazing that's a lot of cocktails and a lot of friendship i'm excited because i'm sitting here right now with a bottle of svedka vodka that's how you say it and a bottle of a and w root beer i couldn't find a two liter of mug root beer that someone had drunk half of like the original and I'm about to mix and try my first ever Russian root so I'm pouring in one to one Svedka

and root beer one to one ratio is absolutely crazy and it said on the original instructions that ice was optional I am using ice Absolutely crazy. And it said on the original instructions that ice was optional. I am using ice because that's disgusting. Taking the option.

And let's give it a try. It's going to be strong. I bet she loves it. Oh, Jesus. It's really, really, really sweet. She likes it. Oh, and it's strong oh my god okay well i mean i guess if i was i guess if i was like dying and needed a drink in some sort of russian work camp i guess i would drink a russian root maybe just to get like some blood sugar going or something but guys this is not good i really thought i was gonna turn around

on this and apologized for putting mike's drink on the ground but now i feel like i was right it belonged this this drink belongs on the on the ground um but not you guys you will belong on a table because you're great and i love you and i miss you and uh i'm i'm gonna drink the rest of this i don't know why to probably just like prove something to myself but i hate it so much it's i really hate it all right happy one year anniversary i love you guys oh wow you may understand she i i call her up and said hey give me your take on this uh russian truth she's she would be delighted to she did uh she's a good sport because yeah it was it was a bold move. She never, with the Russian route, she put it on the ground. And I liked that that was her reaction. It wasn't like talk to Mike about it or throw it away.

It was make it available, but just not on the nice table. Well, you like someone who just takes charge of a situation. She said, I want to change this. I'm changing it. And she did it. Here's the problem with Eva's sound clip. She made the drinking incorrectly right but but but sure then her review was that it was too sweet so so it's not like well then i don't know what's

going on like there's a little poetic justice here because somebody in this room often makes the drinks incorrectly who yeah but i don't i don't go he's getting a taste of his own medicine i'll go i hate it i hate it it's undrinkable i don't say that final thoughts are very often that you hate it and it's undrinkable. I don't say that. Yes, you do. Yes, your final thoughts are very often that you hate it and it's undrinkable and you don't want it. My point is I don't let my past experience with the cocktail creator cloud my decision on the taste. Well, you haven't had any. She's had it out for me for 10 years because of this.

She gets an opportunity to make the drink, and I hope she's listening. I sent her a picture of... I sent her the picture. It said two to one. Very easy to file. Written in very clearly. She decided to try it differently. Here's what happened. So next year she'll come back and we'll try it again. This is the first time we've had

the cocktail creator on the show. Oh, wow. Yeah. But we didn't have... When we did the Naked and Famous, we didn't have Joaquin Cimo here to defend himself. When we did the Trinidad're but like we didn't have when we did the naked and famous we didn't have joaquin simo here to defend himself when we did the trinidad sour we didn't have fucking was he joaquin simo i thought i could think of it but i can't well yes your point stands um i lost it again we didn't have these people here we didn't have these people here but now we have the creator in

the room and in the house in the house but here's the thing for all those other cocktails yeah when hanford hanforded them and made them incorrectly this is how all those creators would have felt yeah yeah they'd be angry they'd be just like you are right now spitting mad and like you know thinking of this whole episode in the context of the russian root this is the drink that we're looking at today like normally i look i look across the room or across the zoom and i see like oh that's mike hanford he's my my good buddy he's the co-host of this pod but kind of like whatever whatever we're familiar vapid sort of empty brained but then today since we're talking about this drink i feel like i'm sitting across from the Steve Jobs

or the Walt Disney of the restaurant. But, Mike, earmuffs for a second here. Jeff, do you feel like you can be honest? Do you feel like Mike's presence... I might give him maybe a little bit more of a favorable review. Mike is looking at his cube, singing. He didn't cover his ears, but he can't hear us. Also, his is almost gone.

He's looking adoringly at his... Oh my god, he's drunk almost. You know what the problem with you two is? The problem is I can't find a problem. I fucking love you guys. I spent up all night. What's wrong with these two? What's with these guys?

There's got to be something. How can I take them down tomorrow? I can't be done. As it melts, you're not going to believe this. The soda's a little too flat. Getting a little flat. I feel it, too. Maybe I would have done two ice cubes instead of three.

Yeah, but you've got to drink it down quick. Well, it's a down the hatch situation. Yeah, for some cocktails, the water from the ice cubes helps. This is just water. It's tougher with a soda because you don't want to dispel those bubbles. But hey, all of us went with ice. When the option came to us, we all said ice. Yeah.

And so did Eva. I don't know if I want to meet the psychopath that takes this up. I'll tell you who. Fucking Sir Paul McCartney. Oh, he loves this. Paul would love this. But he would go iceless. Remember his margarita?

Fucking warm-ass margarita with no cubes. Well, we've had the Svetka in the freezer for a little while. Yeah. So maybe on the next one I'll try no ice. I'll tell you what I would like to do on my next one. Am I allowed to take liberties? You won't be offended if I... I think that's very exciting.

I'm going to put a couple dashes of... Bitters. Peychaud's bitters. The kind of red bitters, a little kick to it. So wait, what's Peychaud's versus Angostura? Angostura is the one we always have, you always think of. Love it. Made in Trinidad.

Oh, yeah. Peychaud's is like a Louisiana one that it's like a different taste. I'm going to know all this. Yes, please. Thank you. Home of Satchmo. Hey! The singer himself.

Well, on that, do we go make a second round? Let's do it. Please. Folks, we'll be right back. back and we're back with uh some variations on the russian root have a listen folks it sounds just as good maybe even better as i was mixing this up but you know i was thinking that that to describe the taste any listener does not drink drinking along it's like a whiskey coke it's almost like the the the root beer is doing the work of the whiskey and the vodka is a more neutral spirit but now let's talk variation mike did you i did uh just same proportions no ice oh you took the other

the other option yeah and uh the vodka wasn't as chilled as I would have hoped, but we'll give it a whirl. And I did, do you think it's Peshods or Peshods? P-E-Y, if you were from Nolens. Interesting. I'm going to say Peshods. Yeah. I haven't tasted this yet,

but I put a good five dashes of bitters in my new russian root and then i took a dash of the bitters straight to the dome guess what it tasted like sarsaparilla beer licorice ah licorice but it's licorice spicy licorice kind of a kind of a almost like a licorice with a tabasco finish i'll say without the ice, this tastes thicker. Like there's a thicker feel on the top. Oh, yeah. Interesting. I went with the, you know, I mentioned earlier in this pot,

I was like, oh, it's almost got a vanilla-y quality. And rather than counterbalance that, I leaned into it. Oh. So I grabbed everyone's favorite piss-colored spike. That big Galliano. And I put in, okay, so the traditional measurements for the Russian root, two parts root beer, one part

Svedka. I did half part Galliano. Ah! A.5. Because you don't need, I mean, we all know Harvey Wallbanger only uses a little topper. You don't need much. Let's do our sips. Ooh. Wrong direction? I i mean it's definitely more of the same i trumped up the licorice uh ruden i see yeah yeah yeah ah licorice how's the

uh if i'm being honest no difference didn't put enough i'm i took a little uh orange bitters here because i was thinking You know we were talking about Lime probably not good Lemon probably not good either But maybe orange would help Not help this It doesn't need help

Oh he's doing it live The live dashes here on the broad This is crazy man Oh wow look at him go I think maybe I just did five Nice technique That was Dashes are crazy

There's no way to measure a dash The way that you dash is very I do like a very pronounced like One Spack, spack Like you do with a Red Hot Like a French Red Hot One

Two And the sip Ooh That's a nice little orangey finish Oh, so the orange made it kind of orangey I like this. This is something. I might be onto something with this orange.

Oh, my God. Russian Root 2.0. You know what's so funny is, yeah, from Russian Root with Love will be the name of this one. The thing was back in, you know, 10 years ago when I first made this thing. I had no idea what a bitter was. Yep. No idea. You know, any ago when i first made this thing i had no idea what a bitter was yep no idea you know any of this shit i don't think bitter you knew was uh me and jeff's attitudes yeah towards eva when she put my drink on the floor thank you for following backing me up on that but now you know all about bitters and the fact that they can be made in trinidad or

yeah i after a few stirs and sips I am getting a little bit of the spice of my Peychaud's, and it is nice. Spice is nice. Spice is nice. This, you know, if it wasn't such COVID-heavy times, I would maybe have you guys try this, but you'll have to. Hey, get your own. Damn. Maybe I will, Mike. I like that this is a drink with some history.

Ten years. Ten years of Russian. I like that this is a drink with some history. Ten years. Ten years of Russian. I was surprised to see that's when the... Ten years ago it was made, then it didn't catch on anywhere. No one else has had it other than the creator. And then now, what a tradition. What a treat. Well, let's get into our final thoughts.

What do we think? I'll let you guys go first i'll say mike you have created a drink that i deem drinkable worthy of of my time sipping i can't really think of many drinks i would put it above uh yeah you're ordering it you're ordering that beef drink that cold beef drink bullshot i enjoyed more than this because it's it it was, well, that was kind of had some novelty to it. Now I know why we don't have the creators on the show. God damn. No, what did I dislike?

What have I hated on this show? Anything? No, there's been a few things that have been, that's the problem with this show. I can't remember any of my fucking things. I'm drunk at the end of these. Well, I'll give you this, Mike. It's no worse... If you're having a blank and blank, right?

Yeah. Rum and Coke, Jack and Coke, vodka soda, tequila soda, this is no worse than any of them. So anyone who wants to get all uppity and scoff... Yeah, you do think like, why not root beer and vodka? That's what I said 10 years ago!

If there was a tradition of this stuff if it was normal then you'd be like yeah you know what i mean yeah when i was a kid this is the first time this thought occurred to me like if something was normal you'd think it was normal yeah like i the first time this struck me when i was i was playing mario brothers and i was like what if mario was luigi and that sounds weird to me if Mario was Luigi and Luigi was Mario that would seem weird to me but if that was normal

then it would be normal that would be normal mom I heard you Jeff if Mario was green that would be normal no son that would be quite weird we don't want you thinking that way up in your bedroom leave the door open That would be normal. No, son, that would be quite weird.

We don't want you thinking that way up in your bedroom. Leave the door open. You sure should be studying for your SATs, young man. Point being, this is no different than a lot of the drinks we know and love. It's the new normal. It's the new normal. I thought that around the same time, 10 years ago, I heard someone order a vodka Coke or a vodka diet for the first time.

And I was like, that's not a drink. What are you doing? Now I've censored vodka diet. I think healthy people drink those. There's no reason anything's not in anything at all. Look, hey, it's the one year anniversary. We're looking back on the year. All of these drinks had some Hanford type guy with a a dream it just kind of mixed a few things just a

curiosity just you you're on this planet and if you have your heart open anything's possible sometimes uh you know a corporation comes in and maybe nudges you along with like the sex on the beach was one of those right or uh you know just uh Moscow Mule was like that a fucking Harvey Wallbanger was like that's right Tequila Sunrise was also uh yeah yeah just a couple bartenders up in uh but it wasn't Sousa was involved at some point Fireball well I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead I'm gonna say the exact opposite of what I just said, actually. The reason that some drinks take off and others don't is, A, because they taste good. Sure. But why do they taste good?

I think it's because of a balance between good flavors. Like, flavors that go well together, they harmonize in a way, like a chord. You know what I mean? And the really popular chords are like the major chords. Those are the Cuba Libres, where you're like, everybody can get into this because it's like a clear contrast between like the sugary Coke, and then you got a little lime and the whatever else.

If this was a chord, I would call this, this is maybe like a diminished seventh or something. Oh, Michael. It still sounds beautiful. Oh, it does. But maybe at first you're like, ooh, this isn't what I'm used to. I like that.

Mike, it's an order again. Thank you, Jeff. And on the one-year anniversary, this is the type of reviews we should have been giving in episode one because it's on our log line. We're a band with a cocktail podcast. We should have always been naming, saying what chord to take. This is an A minor seven this is

probably order again would be tough because you can't even order it the first time you go to a bar and say russian root they think you're crazy but but once you fit you tell them what's happening you order it do it i've noticed the drinks from this pod that the slopheads continue to drink are the ones where the ingredients are usable you're not casually after work coming home and making yourself a zombie. It ain't going to happen. Right, right, right. But people latch on. The Cuba Libre, you can make those.

Easy drinks make their way into your repertoire. If you're a slob head, you keep a bottle of mug around. Who doesn't anyway? Yeah. What kind of freak wouldn't? Who doesn't have a full two liter? That was the other thing from Eva's I had forgot about.

It was half a bottle that I had. It wasn't a new bottle. I already had some of it in my private life. Next to her crystal punch bowls and stuff. Even cracking a fresh two liter doesn't feel like the classiest thing in the world.

But a half drunk, oh boy. Look, I poke fun at myself. We had some fun that day. Of course. And we're all friends here and there's no mud slugging on this. No mud slugging. I understand. Put it on the ground.

I love it. I'm glad she did it because now it gave us a fun thing to have. And you know, Mike, I'm going to go back again and do the other 180 and go back to, like, you know, this just needs a push. This just needs a publicity push from you at home. I agree. You get Kendall Jenner drinking one of these things on Instagram. Watch out. We need slopheads the world over.

Here's what you do. Press record on your voice memo on your iPhone. Put it in your breast pocket and go to your local bar and say, Russian Root, please. And when they say, huh? Then you explain to the bartender, hey, it's just mug root beer and Svedka vodka. And then you send that to us,

we'll play that shit live on the air. We want to see what's going on in the real world. Don't be weird and pranky about it. Just say it like it's a drink, Russian Root. Be confident. Approach, stand up straight with your shoulders back, hold your chin up high and pranky about it. Just say it like it's a drink. Russian root. Be confident. You know, approach. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Hold your chin up high. Project.

A smile. Russian root, please. Oh, what's that? I'm so confident. It's mug and Svedka. Okay. Okay, what are the proportions? Don't screw it up.

Don't do a one-to-one. And also, bartender, I will take the ice option. He's like, this is a guy who's never heard of this before. He's taking the ice option. Grab the bartender by the collar, blow him close, and fucking make sure you make your option known. All right, Mike, what's your final thoughts? Ah, you know, me, I love this thing. It's order again, order all the time.

It's easy to make, no mistake. Order all the time, even when you don't really want it. Even if you've been drinking too much lately and you're wondering how it's affecting your life. Yeah, you've got a big corporate interview to go in for. Hey, Mike, I like that as a tagline, because Harvey Wallbanger had a mascot, whatever. This this could have a tagline easy to make make no mistake and it's double meaning because it's like make no mistake meaning like don't make a mistake

don't make don't be like eva anderson yeah yeah and make no mistake that it would be a mistake not to order yes yeah it's ordering in from damn this you know what's good about this drink it's one of these drinks where it's like, let's say you have something happening in your life that's kind of like hard or difficult and it's been stressing you out. If you drink a lot of these, it's sort of almost as like medication, but like a self-medicating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need to pay all the doctor bills. You don't have to go through your insurance company.

HMO, who even knows how that works anymore. All that stuff. I'll do it at home. Obama. It's cheaper. Yeah. I got to say that orange bitters, worth trying out. I like orange bitters.

Hey, I would have a big glass of orange bitters on the rocks. Why the fuck not? Yeah, why the hell not? What else do I have to do? Hey, are you guys up to anything right now? Me? I was going to lay down and go to bed, but yeah. Yeah, you think so, except we got ourselves a little quiz it's been a while folks it's the one year anniversary quiz

the paper quiz you might be thinking what the fuck does that yeah that's what i'm thinking this is one of these self self-reflexive meta-ish quizzes. And there's quite a lot of questions. I wouldn't call it a, it's not a javelanch. It's not a javelanch. Got it. But there are 15. Wow. That's fine.

And you only get one guess. So we should really be careful with our guesses. You can blurt, you can beep. Are we buzzed? Okay. Whatever, but you only get one guess. I'm going to blurt. Yeah, let's do Paul Blurt, mall clerk.

Great. Paul Blurt, mall clerk. Here's the deal with the quiz. Okay. Whatever, but you only get one guess. I'm going to blurt. Yeah, let's do Paul Blurt, mall clerk. Great. Paul Blurt, mall clerk. Here's the deal with the quiz. Okay. We're going to take a trip down memory lane. Shit. And see if you can name the cocktails based on my episode descriptions. Oh.

Okay. As in the info in the podcast info? That's correct. I rarely click on that well i so and i i always take great care to never say the name of the drink in the description because you don't want to see you know well i don't want to blow it but like let's say it was you don't want to say it again you don't want to say it again now this famously yes get into it well we we had a birthday boy sketch. We were back in our UCB days and our sketch group.

We were doing a sketch show that was directed by Neil Campbell and Paul Rust. And they asked us, they're like, okay, we're putting together. We'll direct you guys as you're putting together a sketch show. Start by putting together a list of your favorite sketches. And we put together a little pitch of some of our favorite sketches we wrote the title and and then like the premise line right and one of the sketches was it was called campers act casual and it was about two campers who go camping and they um they encounter a snake yeah and then they don't want to freak the snake out by doing

anything crazy or sudden so they act casual and their versions of acting casual was funny stuff and it was like doing the laundry and casual stuff yeah what would I do at home I would I guess I'll do my laundry this is a good sketch I wrote this on a plane I remember hmm so jet blue check him out they do great flights and so and so what was the logline? we used the word snake it was like two campers

encounter a snake and try not to upset the long reptile because we didn't want to say snake twice in the same sentence so we opted for the long reptile we just said two campers encounter snake and try not to uh you know disturb it disturb it

i see that all the time in in sub headlines and uh and tweets and like all the time you see people trying to not use a word too much. And it's, we, we had talked about, uh, I saw one in a bazooka Joe comic. I think I saw it. There's somebody, somebody saw it.

Anyway, it was, uh, instead of saying, Neil found this, instead of saying penny twice, it was the one cent coin because penny was in the punchline. So it was like,

what does this have in common with the one cent coin? All right. Very, very good. Can in common with the one cent coin? All right. Very, very good. Can we get into the quiz? Please. Is it okay if I mop the floor with Mike in this quiz? You might, Tim, because you get the memory. You got the good memory.

And we're just naming the drink. Yep. We don't have to make it and drink it and then chime in. No, no. I do the description. You name the drink. Great. Number one.

The guys reckon with a classic cocktail born of the swashbuckling high seas. Whiskey sour. Timmy. Because Sir Francis Drake used to prevent scurvy by having his men squeeze citrus into their spirits. Starting from the bottom. Now we're here. Number two. Drake.

The guys conjure a staple of the 70s and relive its rock and roll origins. I do it. I know this one. Tequila sunrise. Correct. Okay, so we don't have to buzz in, but you have to say if you know it. Yeah, I do it. I know it.

I do it. I know it. Number three. The guys tackle a tiki outlier prepared with gin. I do it. I know it. Number three, the guys tackle a tiki outlier prepared with gin. I do it. I know it. Singapore sling. I like that story about like the hotel that made it in Singapore.

There's trying to make it seem like a drink for ladies that because they weren't supposed to be drinking alcohol. So they made like a kind of sneaky drink. Sneaky drink. Also, since we recorded that episode, I uh crazy rich asians and i saw that hotel jefferson i got something to say about singapore hold on a second ahead i was in an uber once i'll allow it very recently very two days ago in an uber and the driver was telling me about the singapore airport they have movie theaters in there they've got like restaurants

and shops and you can take massages and stuff. If you've got a five-hour layover, you can take a free bus tour around the city and come back. That's nice. That's crazy. A movie theater is a great idea for a layover. Yeah. Singapore. Check it out.

Number four. The guys revisit the 90s' favorite pink drink. Cosmo! Wow! Hey, Cosmo! Hey, Cosmo! Hey, Cosmo! Damn. That's my... I like that one.

That was a good one. That has stayed in the repertoire for you. Yeah. You ordered one in Hawaii. Mm-hmm. It was terrible. It was like in a glass... Don't order them in Hawaii.

Yeah, don't get one in Hawaii. Number five. The guys gather crayon for a simple drink named after a popular peninsula. Whaler. Cape Codder. Sorry, named after a popular peninsula. Whaler. Cape Codder. Sorry, what was that first thing? Whaler. Whaler was my buzz in Cape Codder is the name of the drink.

Okay, so your buzz in was... You don't know what to do with that, do you, Jeff? Mike, I'll give it to you. Yeah, thank you. Do you buzz in by mentioning a member of Bob Marley's band? Yeah. Okay. Sometimes.

Really, you buzz in just by saying anything. Yes. You run your fucking mouth, and then you say the answer. Are you keeping track of the score? Of course. Okay. You're winning, Mike. Three to two.

I thought I was going to mop the floor with Mike. I know. That's what you said. We got a lot of questions. And I'm glad I'm the quiz master, because I don't think I'd be able to get these. You wrote something. I think I'd be sharper if i wasn't having we've had almost not a lot of alcohol at all but here's the thing no breakfast no water you get drunk i had a huge

burrito breakfast this morning which where from uh eaton park it was delicious i also had a second you had del taco late last night it was two two nights ago. Fuck. Well, actually, he had Del Taco two nights in a row. I can... Number six. Couldn't stop him. Number six. The guys kick back and get cozy for once with this warm, wintry... Hot toddy.

...whiskey drink. Correct, Tim. Ooh, nice. Was that your buzz in, though? Whaler, hot toddy. Was hot toddy your whaler? Number seven. I do, I know it.

Jimmy Cliff, hot toddy. Number seven. And this revolutionary rum drink. Cuba Libre. Takes the guys back to historic Havana, yes. Revolutionary, yes. Cuba Libre.

That was a good history lesson on that one, Jeff. I remember that. This is great, Jeff. Hey, thanks. This is also, it's, lots of people

say that we're dumb and our podcast is dumb, but think of all the history we've covered, huh? I know. That's kind of cool. I have brought some of these things up in my everyday life we're like bill and ted yeah number eight this podcast is like hardcore history just like that other show you're actually kind of biting their style a little bit too much it's actually a little better than that yeah i could see that number eight classic cocktail or club cliche the guys delve into a divisive cuban high

ball club cliche classic cocktail mojito mojito oh what was the what was the club cliche or you know it's just like is it a classic cocktail or a club cliche we said it was an entourage drink you'll notice i lean on alliteration for a lot of these because they're about a sentence long. Number nine. The guys sample an unsung tiki drink named after a hit Haitian tune. Yellowbird.

He's got you. Is my buzz in and my answer is Singapore Swimming. Number ten. The guys discover a Miami-born digestif that, quote, tastes like creamsicles. Golden Dream. Yep. Jeez, I don't even remember the Golden Dream.

Digestif. That's pretty good. That's another one that uses the Galliano. Yeah. Ah, yes. That big old piss spike itself number 11 the guys venture off list once again in search of an infamous beefy beverage bullshop oh wouldn't remember it tim if you didn't remind me earlier in the pod thank you i should not have said

anything i should have known better we've mentioned a lot of these during this pod. That's crazy. It's been a year. Number 12. The guys tantalize their taste buds with a drink that is mainly bitters. Trinidad Sour. Correct. Damn! It was on the tip of my tongue.

Number 13. The guys discover a brunchy beverage with its very own mascot. Harvey Wallbanger. Ah! That sounded like what Harvey Wallbanger would sound like. 14. That five-haired dope.

14. With spring having sprung, the guys sample a Prohibition-era delight. Beesknees. Dan, that was a hard one, Tim. Good a Prohibition-era delight. Bees knees. Damn, that was a hard one, Tim. Good job. Spring, flowers, there you go. Bees, pollen. Yeah.

15. The guys whip up everyone's favorite copper-cupped concoction. Moscow Mule. Girls on film. Moscow Mule. Holy shit. Moscow. You. Holy shit. Moscow. It can't be a tie.

It's a squeaker. Ooh. I got a squeaker for you. Now, Tim, I don't know if you mopped the floor, per se. I didn't. But you, in fact, lost? But you definitely buffed the... Ground? Laminaminate with Michael.

Eight to seven. It goes to Tim. Oh, baby. I mopped the floor with you, Mike. Damn it. No, a loss is mopping the floor in my book. I can't take that. Because you like to win.

Yeah. It's not worth winning if you can't win big. Oh, Mighty Ducks. mighty ducks part one hey congrats to both of you hey wait real quick thank you you had a great quiz jeff by the way thanks great quiz i would say maybe one of the highlights of the whole podcast year was mike you had a revelation that the character in mighty ducks goldberg right gordon bombayay is a drunk at the beginning of the movie and they're both

brands of gin. Yes, that was, that, yeah, that was shocking. And one other big reveal I'm going to make right now,

I couldn't think of the name of the bartender who invented the Trinidad Sour. I just found it. Do you guys remember? Giuseppe Gonzalez. Yes,

that was a great name, Giuseppe Gonzalez. Damn. And it's a great drink. Thank you? Giuseppe Gonzalez. Yes. That was a great name. Giuseppe Gonzalez. Damn. And it's a great drink. Thank you, Giuseppe, for your service. Trinidad Sour was probably the drink that I remember the most and tell people, you'll never understand. Yeah, especially because remember, we picked that drink because we were like, we've done

some very fun drinks all in a row, and this IBA has some no-name drinks on it, so let's just do a boring drink this week. We picked it randomly, and then it wasn't until we were buying the ingredients that morning that we were like, what the fuck is going on here? I was going to say we should take a minute and revisit our favorite drinks, but we did that for Tuxedo No. 50. Yeah. Ah, yes.

We don't have to do it. We've been doing it all throughout the year. Yeah, for sure. What a great year. You know what I'm looking forward to this year is getting back into that holiday season. Drinks. Oh. Those are fun.

That's a fun time for drinking. You know what I'd like to tackle this holiday season? It's not a wintry drink, but I had my first one at Christmas. My sister made me one. Pim's Cup. Oh. So I associate that as a holiday thing. I i associate that as a winter as a holiday thing i think of that as a springtime drink because it's got vegetables in it's got a cucumber and

it's a refreshing it's almost gin and tonic-esque um santa sarsaparillas are usually good around the holidays oh god you know i'm sitting on is I bought a bottle of Last Christmas. Last Christmas. Stop it. Oh, I fucking knew it. Ice Cube in his mouth. Last Christmas. I was laying back and I just sat up with an Ice Cube in my mouth.

I got to get on this opportunity. To get that fucking dunk in. You know how you bought, we talked a lot about those gift packs that they sell around christmas i love those you know it's like a bottle of jack daniels with two little jack daniels chocolates bane bane's back especially effective if you say it into a glass well last christmas i was at walmart and i bought a bottle of rum chata uh-huh and it came with a little because it was one of those packs it had two little like variations of rum chata in nip form one was lemon rum chata and the other one was peppermint but i didn't buy the gift pack until it was on sale after christmas smart man and it was very

cheap but then i held on to it because i was like the little nip of peppermint i'm like i'm not gonna drink this it's not christmas so when this christ it because I was like, the little nip of peppermint, I'm like, I'm not going to drink this. It's not Christmas. So when this Christmas comes, I'm going to finally drink that nip. Oh, nice. Nice. Hey, Tim, thanks for sharing that with us. Christmas morning, I'm going to wake up at 5 a.m.

You're going to wrap it for yourself, put it on the tree. Hey, that's a good life hack for all you slopheads out there. You go to the grocery store, you go to, you know to whatever, Sam's Club, Costco, Walmart, Target. They got all those things out where you get a nice bottle of Crown Royal or Bacardi or whatever. Get yourself some nice glassware. You buy it above a couple pallets of the

things, find a cheap storage place, store it all year. December, you unlock that thing, you sell it. For a profit. See this beautiful rocks glass I'm drinking out of? On the bottom it says, Crevasse, it was a free giveaway that came with my bottle of cognac. My favorite rocks glasses, I have two of them,

is Alan McLeod, friend of the pod. Right. Gave both you and I. A friend of us in real life. Sure. Hasn't been on the pod. Oh, he has. He helped me find the Bud Light tie-dye pack. right gave both you and a friend of us in real life sure hasn't been on the pod oh yes he where he helped me find the bud light tie-dye pack continue okay we'll get in we'll get it into

the hold like do you have to be on the pod to be a friend of the pod etc he influenced booze news he's a friend of the pod gotcha gotcha well uh he got us two gift packs of i want to say like gentleman jack who is jack daniel's honey is that what you're talking about yeah yeah it came with some uh shot glasses yeah not shot glasses they were like rocks glasses with a thick chunker on the bottom like a real heavy butt on these i don't remember what the what the um liquor was then i think it was gentleman jack cool but um you left town and i said i'm gonna take this set of glasses. I don't want that back.

I like that. Speaking of thick chunkers, last night at 4100, we had some shots. Fran bought us a round of whiskey shots. Yep. And they were, and... They would have been picklebacks, but they didn't have pickle juice anyway, Tim continued.

And they didn't have fireball. I just don't want to get angry emails. They did not have fireball. They had no fireball? Fuck, what were we doing there? I don't know. But it was a normal ounce and a half shot, but it was in one of those shot glasses that's like very heavy on the bottom.

Yeah. And even though that's a little bit of false advertising, I did enjoy holding up that big heavy shot glass. Kaboom. Yeah, it's like shallow, but it's wider, I guess. Yeah. Interesting. And then those are the ones that break your fucking teeth if you do them in a...

You shouldn't be hitting your teeth. No, no, no. When you put them in a bomb shot. You have to put the top lip over the teeth for protection. That was a fun one. I think probably the most fun one for me was the... You want the fleshy bumper. Sorry, Mike. Go ahead.

Fleshy bumper, yeah. We lit the one on fire. The Dr. Pepper shot. Dr. Pepper. That was great. There's got to be more fiery fire drinks. I think we should go into like that. Was that the episode where we went in and we looked at like,

somebody found like the squished frog and like really weird ones. We should find some more weirdos. Fiery, you know, sometimes they'll turn like the lime upside down and light it on fire. Like at El Compadre, their house margar has like a a sugar cube with some 151 they light on fire and it's floating in your drink yeah shit didn't didn't jessica get some crazy thing with like a burnt lime or mike like we when we went to hawaii there was like we saw just an incredible array of drinks first of all in hawaii Yeah. And that place, Skull and Crown, lit something on fire.

But I never know when you're supposed to, like, blow that flame out. Because you can't drink your drink with a hot flame in your face. But one time at the Tonga Hut, I got a zombie bowl. And then they handed it to me with the little thing lit on fire in the middle of the bowl. And I was like, thank you. And blew it out right away. and the bartender got sad because like she had you know put a lot of work into lighting that thing i was like one second later thank you thanks damn she turned to me she said you bitch

that's our show follow us on social media at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time also be sure to check out our patreon where you can get

the sloppy boys blowout and big ups to the patrons who have been on there for all year we hope you're having some fun over there

we're having fun we don't love a fair weather patron sorry to know no don't be a fucking poser and um this week to celebrate the one year anniversary, we fucking sabered champagne.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Tune into that one. Yeah. That was a... We do not need stitches. That's a great find. And we love all the Patrons.

It's a great find like that episode. Oh, that's a good one. If you can find it, that's a good one. If you can track that down. You gotta know somebody. Oh, and questions for Lennon this month. We got Mookie B. Lil Mookie B. Lil Mookie B.

Lil Mookie B. But we love all the patrons, even the tip jar. No, we don't. Not the tip jar. No, not the tip jar. Not the tip jar. Fuck them. All the other ones, we do love them, though.

I'm excited to hear that Lil Mookie B, Mike. Me too. Oh, boy. I got to listen to that. And I bet people listening at home are, too. Yeah, I bet they can't wait to crack up. It's been a long time since they've completely cracked up. Yeah, it's time to get silly.

Hey, people have told us that that's a kid from Lizzie McGuire. That's not just some rando. The Crack-Up Kid. The Crack-Up Kid. That was on Patreon. We discussed this, right? Main pod listeners, go to YouTube and watch Crack-Up Kid. Is that what it's called?

They'll find it. One of the Patrons brought that to our attention, right? It's the Osmosis Jones movie premiere. It's funny. You're going to laugh. You have to laugh in life. Otherwise, you'll get down about what's going on. I mean, Trump's in the White House, I think.

Or was. Yeah, Tim, I think you hit the rewind button for a little too long. Yeah, a little too much looking back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it's time we should all be looking to the future. Back to the Future, Universal to the future universal pictures 1985 correct dr tan doc brown now why did you change it to tan i don't know fuck is he talking about it's because these russian roots and i think everything's so funny to me folks try a russian root seriously order it at a bar with a straight

face, record your interactions with the bartenders, and we'll play them. I promise. Why not? Goodbye, folks. Later.

See you next year. Here's to, well, no, not see you next year. Listen, we'll see you throughout the year and including next year. Right. Each week of the year.

I probably won't come back until next year. That's fine. You won't come back as like the founder of a drink or as a host of the pod? Host Oh my god We already booked someone else for the pod Eva Anderson, welcome to the pod

Now here's how you make a drink Goodbye folks Oh yeah, for the second time, goodbye Yeah, goodbye Peace out. Peace out.