The Sloppy Boys - 68. Bud Light Seltzer: Sour VS Hard Soda

Episode Date: February 4, 2022

The guys pit BL's latest seltzer offerings against one another in this thrilling showdown! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the sloppy boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love I'm Jeff Dutton along with Michael Hanford today. I'm gonna work on being closer to the microphone and Tim Kalpakis What is up bud seltz stylies nice hey tim are you dude are you gonna work on your mic technique as well uh bud seltz blue i bet i blew it out when I did that You blew out your ass Blew out your ass Stop it Blew out your ass and blew out your butt

That's the perfect rap That's the new rap Well you blew out your ass And you blew out your butt I just don't see them as being mutually exclusive You know That's the thing about uh you know modern music you can kind of go take it anywhere you want sure i mean hey also

still no rhyme right which i think is is very interesting yeah sorry i'm not i'm like now i'm unlike there you go thank you we can hear thatang clang in your little heater rattling away back there. The heater's really going at it tonight. It's these pre-war buildings. It's got charm, but it's tough, too. It's tough when you're recording your podcast. Yeah, I've heard that. And I went down the street to my congressman.

I said, hey, I'm trying to make podcasts. He said, well, that's not my problem. That's not part of your lease. Nope. Except then, you know, when it's an election year and this congressman is campaigning,

it's going to be, oh, Mike, is your pod okay? Anything I can do? I said, I carry a lot of weight around here. He says, yeah, in your fucking ass. I said, all right. Oh, hey, watch it. You're done, buddy. Watch it, bud.

I'm not voting for you. It's probably all those cheese steaks you've been eating. Oh, okay. Enough of that. Enough of that shit right now. Karate chop. Well, we got a lot to get into today. We've got a big one today, I suppose.

Yeah, this is a special. I would call this a special. Yeah, it's- It's like how we did a Trinidad Sours special. This is not a normal episode. This is like, let's just say that they're the the numbers are going to be off the charts for this episode this is kind of combining well let's not get into that yet we should we need to get in some uh bop yes yes

wow it's really uh evolved we need to get into some bop i wouldn't mind some go ahead jeff Gallo Bird, Paloma, Coach Revival, Fuzzy, Never Pickleback Zombie Margarita, Brandy Alexander, Bud Light, Seltzer, Flannelpads You've had, you've had, you've had it wood or wood again You've had, you've had, you've had you've had you've had an order again speaking only

in terms of the boy Super white Russian Tuxedo cars with parm These old things are bad McCartney margarita Flaming Dr. Pepper Whiskey sour Manhattan You've had You've had You've had it

Wood order again You've had You've had You've had it, you've had it, you've had it water again. It's booze news, you yellow mellow custard dripping from a dead dog's eye. Wow. What? Custard dripping from a... Yellow mellow custard dripping from a dead dog's eye.

Is that a Beatles reference? It's a Beatles lyric. Yellow mellow custard dripping from a dead dog's eye. Is that a Beatles reference? It's a Beatles lyric. Yellow mellow custard. What song is that? Dripping from a dead dog's eye. Goo goo ga joo. I'm the walrus.

There you go. That's right. Ah, yes. That was You've Had by Red Fabry, a.k.a. Danny Noonan on the Sloppy Boys Discord. And if you've got a booze news theme, email it to thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com. What a masterpiece. That was a mashup of everything.

Mashup of them all. I like how he said almost no words that weren't a drink or an expression from the pod. There was no connective tissue whatsoever. Yeah. I like the phrasing of, you've had and would order again. I like the phrasing of you've had and would order again. I like the song,

but that part especially, I thought, Tim, maybe he should have been like, get back to where you once belonged. Oh, I could see that being really good. It could be good. They could make a whole documentary

about that. Hey, worked for the Fab Four, didn't it? Yep, the Fabulous Four. Yes, you did. The Fabulous Four team. Do you think he was doing all of our drinks that we've done? Do you think he could fit 67 drinks in there?

I don't know if he crammed them all. Yeah. How do you cram all that gram? Huh. Vesper Yellowbird. That's right. That's all I can remember. could maybe kind of nostalgic huh kind of like when jojo thinks about uh tucson it's probably the way that he feels yeah yeah yeah

well great job red fabric great work let's send us more you're you're you're a wonderful musician but we have booze news to get into today's top story this was i got a lot of a lot of oh you do well you go first okay i think you might have the same feature i think you got the same one i do well is yours broth tales yes it is how did you know i had broth tales i saw it last night on my phone and i said just in time for booze news. Oh, good. I like that you're putting the feelers out. This is good.

Of course. I'm a professional. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes you kind of seem like you don't give a flying fuck anymore. A lot of Slapheads sent us this, and my sister brought it to my attention. But this is Campbell's Soup. It's promoting very hard cocktails that you use their broths in.

Did you check it out, Jeff? Because the funniest part to me was that I went to- It's Campbell's Canada. Oh, okay. Because it's cold up there. .ca? Yeah, it is. My favorite part was I went to the website to see the recipes and you had to enter your age.

Like you do on liquor websites. It's just funny to be going to a Canadian soup website and be like, yeah. Also, here's a funny thing. So here's a funny thing. Anytime I go to, when I go to a website where you have to enter your age, I feel like I scroll all the way back to 1983 and tell the truth for no reason.

Like you could just have to say you were born in 2001, but I keep scrolling. I put whatever day and whatever month, but then I go all the way back down because I haven't redone the math. I will say the one good down. Because I haven't redone the math. I will say the one good thing about the IBA website is that it's just, are you above 21?

Yes or no? And then you have to load it again, and it comes back up. But you don't have to scroll. Yeah, you've got to accept the cookies and accept the chat box. Accept the cookies? Okay. We're not doing sesame street hour um here here are the drinks that campbell's wants you to whip up mushroom truffle daiquiri

pho mango bourbon sour thai chicken negroni that one i feel like there was there i don't know how, like, you know, pho mango, you're like, okay, so you can make a drink out of that. But I really felt like Thai chicken Negroni. Yeah. And what else? And then pork ramen mezcal margarita. And these are all just broths, right?

There's not, like, there's no meat or vegetables in these soups. No, they're savory. Like they are chicken broth that you're adding. Yeah, it's like it's stock. It doesn't have any. Okay, it's stock. It's not like floating it. But it is.

I mean, this is interesting because of the fucking bullshot, right? shot right i feel like maybe somebody maybe a bull shot uh which is beef broth and vodka popped up on like instagram on like 70s dinner party or something and that somebody up at campbell's canada was like we should be taking advantage of this man that's what i think is so funny it's like i hadn't heard of i wouldn't know what a bull shot is unless we did this podcast that oh you haven't seen caddyshack well yes uh okay continue i wouldn't i would have looked into what that is anyway that that the the bullshot is so uh abstract that then they said okay let's just go all in and make this a new campaign where we do a bunch of different soups i i feel like the Campbell's Canada Test Kitchen

was slacking off a little bit with these recipes because I'm looking at them. And all of them, those are classic cocktails, right? It's like daiquiri, whiskey sour, Negroni, and margarita. They're all classics. And they're just pretty much the standard recipes plus a soup. But it's like, sneak in a little bit of soup. And it's just not, they didn't do any clever swapping.

Like the Thai chicken Negroni, we know what's in a Negroni, gin Campari and sweet vermouth. And then also Thai chicken soup. You know what they also say on that one is like, it also features some Thai chicken ice cubes. And they want you to freeze the broth and put it in his cubes i'm not i'm not freeze the broth cold soup frozen soup um it's a funny thing with the the daiquiri too like mushroom truffle has nothing to do with the daiquiri and there's is it's like rum sugar lime plus this

weird fucking truffle soup on top of it i think that i would i'm i i could see myself liking a pork ramen mezcal margarita because yeah i mean it's probably gross but it's probably the best mezcal smoky pork pork is salty. There's savory... I've had a cold piece of chicken or a cold hot dog or hamburger, but there's... Yeah, it's not bad. But a

cold soup, I do not like. I don't know what the difference is, but no thanks. But it's in the cocktail. It's more, you're thinking of it too much in soup terms, Mike. You know what your problem is? Yeah, yeah.

What is my problem? See, you gotta be thinking in terms of cocktails. Who cares that you're on, you're at Campbell's.ca. You gotta think in terms of broth tails. The word is great. Broth tails is probably why this got picked up online. It broth tails. The word is great. Broth tails is probably why this got picked up online.

It's just such a funny fucking word. Broth tails. Yeah, it is just like the idea of broth. It's like, ooh, I've never had it. They'll get one or two people and be like, maybe I'll try that. And they'll sell two extra cans. Well, I'm into it because of the bullshot also. And I poked through the recipes. The pork ramen mezcal margarita wants you to reduce the broth like we did with the New York shrub.

And make a more concentrated, flavorful broth with sugar to put shrub. Yeah. Yeah. And make a more concentrated, flavorful broth with sugar to put into your mark. The other thing is, wait, how much of the soups are you putting in each drink? A gallon? It's like half an ounce.

Half an ounce. Oh, okay. Well, they're all different because like, how do you calculate the Thai chicken ice cubes? I don't know. What do you think?

Is this fully a publicity stunt or do you think that they think that anyone would do this it's see i'm getting the idea these days and then we've talked about before is just doing something weird and getting your name out there yep is yeah what people do and this is campbell's who probably doesn't have a ton of money to throw out. He's like, well, we're not actually going to make these and sell them, but we can give the recipes out. Right. This is the cheapest. They didn't have to make a vodka like Lay's or Arby's did. This one, they just did some graphic design

and put this out on Twitter for people to laugh at. But yeah, I think that it's sort of like a plain and safe publicity stunt versus like did you guys see uh fucking like the pabst uh twitter no like early january uh perhaps tweeted like hey if you're doing if you're trying to drink if oh yeah yeah doing dry january and you don't want to drink why don't you try eating ass and then everyone was like what the fuck and then there was like a few other crazy tweets like that

and then paps was like we're sorry that person has been fired we're sorry but it's i was like no no that person was promoted what are you talking about yeah that's the fucking CEO. Who's running their Twitter these days? Meg Thee? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's funny you say Pabst's Twitter. It makes me think of Pabst Blue Checkmark. Yeah, yeah.

These days, instead of ribbons, we verify people. We verify. You've got to verify. You know, when the verification started, it was like was like hey there's people impersonating celebrities on here so if you're if you're a celebrity you're being impersonated we'll verify you so people know it's the real you and then at some point verification you know we kind of turned it into just a status symbol now if you like look it up like click on like twitter help or whatever and look into being verified they it flat out is it's not about like oh we

just want to make sure it's the real celebrity so that they're not copied it's like their definition of verification is like you are a person of style and class and we've decided to award upon you you're better than the hoi polloi is is i i don't know if I'm... I'm always kind of seeing the copycat Bev Mysterious Twitter accounts, and I don't know what celebrity gossip I'm getting or not getting. Yeah, there's a lot of fake ones out there. I saw her recently do a cheese one. I don't know. I liked it, but I said, Beverly, I don't know what you're doing.

Probably taking down the dairy industry. Yeah, you got to think. Any other booze news? Let me see. I don't have anything for Hanford's Hobbies this week. Oh, man. You crapped out pretty fast. No, it's not a crap out thing.

It is a when I want to thing. Well, Mike, when you're trying to establish something, you want to have a steady drum beat. And you established it with your first segment of Hanford's Hobbies was a music recommendation and a TV recommendation. Oh, I did listen to that guy, Brad Goodall. And? I should call him Brad Greatall. Yeah, he's a good song.

I loved it. And Jeff, did you delve into any of Hanford's hobbies? I did. I listened to that one song and I loved it. Oh, good. There you go. Hey. I'm glad about that.

Hey. Yeah. So just to put a bow on these broth tales, are we going to, I don't think anybody's going to make them. If we're not going to make them if we're not gonna make them nobody's gonna make i'm not about these things i don't think one person's gonna make a broth tail i feel conflicted because it's like if we do it i kind of do want to do it but i don't want to feel like a pawn who's fucking taking the bait and being like my podcast is doing the funny thing they're relying on people like us to do it.

Yeah, exactly. I think by the time we do it next week, and then it comes out a week after, and then nobody's thinking about Broth Tales anymore. Yeah, they've probably moved on to... This is such a small wave. This is not a surfable wave, my man.

So by the time we come out with our... Thank you for putting in terms. Finally terms I can get, yeah. And if you're talking about surfing to me and Jeff, that is what you should talk about is non-surfable waves because all of them are. Really? No, I'm sure that by the time we come out with our Brothdale episode,

everyone will be on to the next soup craze. Yeah. Oh, everyone, we're doing the chowder challenge. Yeah, we're crumbling up weed in our chowder now. Okay. Hey, I made a pot of silly chili.

I'm going to go viral. Jesus fucking Christ. Silly chili. Well, is that it for Booze News? Wrap it up. Yep. We'll wrap up

Hanford's Hobbies here. Here you go. And then you can wrap up Booze News. I don't think that if you don We'll wrap up Hanford's Hobbies here. Here you go. And then you can wrap up Booze News. I don't think that if you don't have anything for Hanford's Hobbies, it's not a secret. Yeah, and I actually didn't really open it yet. We didn't do the theme song. So no Hanford's Hobbies to worry about this week. Hanford's Hobbies, always live, always on the Sloppy Boys podcast.

When we decide to do it. When I decide to do it. When I decide to do it. Yeah. You can't find it anywhere else. You can't find Hanford's Hobbies anywhere else. This is your number one destination for Hanford's Hobbies. That's it for Booze News. Gross.

What's your hobby? What? I can't do one fart? Somebody's been eating too many broth tails. Broth tails sounds like stories about soup, which chicken soup for the soul. Mike, I get one last word on Hanford's hobbies. Sure.

You're... So we have to open to back up. No, no, no. This is more of a clap back. Oh, shit. Oh, boy. You have interesting hobbies. You're a guy.

You go out and you play basketball. You're a sporty man and you ski and you take part in stuff. Why are those not making it into Hanford's hobbies? Because when I came up with the idea for Hanford's Hobbies, those were the two things I was interested in. Now, I haven't played basketball in a few weeks because it's been so cold. I haven't skied yet this year. So when I do those things, you will be the first to know.

Okay, good. Here's a clap at you. Don't worry about what's happening in the Hanford Hobbies office. You worry about you being the front office for the Booze News. That's yours. It's love it. We love it. It's great.

That's true. I'm the editor-in-chief. It's a lot of responsibility. I should be focusing on that, yeah. And you should be focusing because right now, one of your, you know, the guys in your bullpen brought the same story you did. So there you go. That's true.

You don't see that at like the big news outlets, like the New York times. You never look above the fold and see one story and then below the fold in a different story. Same story worded a little differently from a different reporter. Same picture of the event from a different angles. Yeah. See,

they would catch that. They would have to, or else they would not be so lauded. Yeah. See, they would catch that. They would have to or else they would not be so lauded. Now, today's episode, yeah, it's exciting. Hell yeah. But it also feels like maybe we, things got away from us on the seltzer front. Yeah. Now we have two packs in the wild that we have not covered. this episode to me kind of feels like we're coming in on a Sunday

to kind of catch up with our clerical duties yeah so to recap we had the flannel pack which one they were sent to me thank you guys for doing that and then one blew up in the air so I had three of them then I couldn't find the Christmas ones could you guys

no last year Christmas 2020 we had the ugly sweater pack. But Christmas 2021, they had like seltzer nog, and we didn't have that. We didn't have that second ugly sweater pack. Right. Oh, right. There have been some in the meantime. There was like an alien pack.

Wait, what? See, that I didn't even hear it. I don't know if I have the... An alien pack? Yeah, it was like the classified alien pack. What the fuck? They don't like sell all these. I mean, you also know they have lemonades

and they had iced teas. They should have brought that to my front door. Yeah, you like alien stuff. The seltzer one i mean the the sour one was getting buzz amongst the slop heads and we noted it but we hadn't seen it around and then we and we were kind of saying maybe we're done playing right into bud light's hands and doing all their seltzers but we got excited when we heard about the hard soda right yeah i could take or leave the sour yeah well i i don't know maybe i haven't had it so so that so then we're we're doing both of them because we said we're gonna do them but we're gonna have a head-to-head competition yeah

but we're framing it up as a head-to-head who will come out on top bud light versus bud light i like to uh say like yeah i guess we'll'll just sort of frame it and then try to really sell the showdown. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. So how should we do this then? Should we do like each drink is worth a point and then they play for teams on each side? I don't think we should go head-to-head flavor by flavor.

I think we should have all of the sours because they came out first yeah ruminate upon them then i think we should have all of the hard sodas ruminate upon them then the two of us you know the three of us meditate over the the break into segment three and then we're final thoughts you just name a winning pack winning pack okay i think that's the way to go all right and we're final thoughts. You just name a winning pack. Winning pack. Okay. I think that's the way to go. All right. And we're finishing all the cans. We decided. And then we're barfing at the end of the show.

And what else is there to say? I mean, they keep coming out with these packs. If you want a bomb-ass history on Budweiser, listen to a year ago in our episode about the ugly sweater pack I did a whole timeline of events about Anheuser-Busch and and Budweiser we don't have to redo that we're just ready to crack open these cans man and you know what these these are great episodes because when you present a drink sometimes you forget entirely that you're presenting it and in these cases it's nice to just walk to the fridge and crack them and rank them yeah When you present a drink, sometimes you forget entirely that you're presenting it.

And in these cases, it's nice to just walk to the fridge and crack them and rank them. Yeah. Are you speaking of the penicillin incident? Yes, yes. You don't have to muddle. You don't have to say, oh, what size cube do I need? Am I shaking? Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I don't need to get the Luxardos out. i don't need to amble down the street to buy a 12 ounce bottle of something i'm going to use as a spray for one shot sure as a fucking spray but what you will have is the flavors of these that you don't like are going to be in your fridge all week and then you're gonna be avoiding them and then you'll have nothing else you run out of beers and you say oh fine i'm having like a fucking sour green apple. Yeah, that's the thing too. You can only buy these in 12 packs. I was on a jog the other morning.

It was like, you know, I was wrapping up at about 10 o'clock. I was like, oh, I got to see if I can find these things. I walked into a grocery store. I'm walking out with two big 12 packs of seltzers in the fucking morning. Hell yeah. That's my boy. All right. You want to get into it?

Are we bringing back all your cans? Okay, let's just do sours first. Let's just do sours first. Keep them cold. Cold. Great. All right, folks. We'll see you back here after these messages. and we're back with four flavors of the seltzer sour pack sour what order you guys want to do

because you know uh i'm seeing some familiar faces, like Blue Raspberry was in their tie-dye kind of a thing. What's the most, would you say lemon or green apple is the best way in if you want to start with the most on-the-nose sour seltzer? Yeah, I mean, lemon is the sourest of all. Yeah. So maybe we go lemon, then green apple, then blue raspberry, then watermelon? Yeah. I'm thinking I'm going to like watermelon.

This can looks good to me. Now, if I recall, the retro summer tie-dye pack, while not tasting very good, we enjoyed the nostalgia. Just faking. And I think the blue raspberry was one we all liked we were like oh this is a fakiness that we liked from when we were kids it was the rocket pop rocket pop

alright let's get in on this lemon and we probably should just kind of be like talk about it a little bit because we have so many damn things yeah there's a lot of tasting and this is bad podcasting overall lemon go oh no no no no that is sour i mean it's really just uh it feels like a very lemony

snicket seltzer it's like in general though the the problem when we dislike a seltzer it's usually too much flavor good or bad and when we like a uh a seltzer it's usually like oh they chilled out on the flavor you know like topo chico is mild this feels like the um nacho cheesier version of normal seltzer there's a there's a taste in there that i can't There's a It's not good It's not good Okay There's a Artificial taste

Oh, I'm moving on to the next one, sorry There's a saltiness to that lemon too That reminds me of their classic Mark Oh, this is green apple, not lime I thought this was lime It's green apple Yeah, this seems like the most the one you would get

the most. Like the one they would hit the most. See, we're seeing a lot of the same flavors come around, though, because we've had apple in the form of apple crisp. Ah, yes. This one doesn't have those doughy notes to it. That's interesting.

I mean, this one tastes straightforward. It tastes like candy. Tastes like sour apple, which I don't like. So good job of a flavor. I know. Did any of you guys, Jeff, when you had candy as a kid, did you give a flying fuck about sour apple? I didn't.

No. No. Were there these big, kind of big lollipops that were sour apple what did you just say so that charms pop or something like sour apple yeah maybe sour apple because i was like that's the only thing like a nerdy kid holding an apple or like bonked off his head it's charms it's blow pops from charms it Blow Pops are good. Okay, I think the green apple is better just because it's on the nose for the sour thing. It didn't have a weird side effect, but I still wouldn't say I like it. Blue Razz.

Crack it. Crack it, smack it. Smells good. Smells great. Faky, but Jeffy likes. Very close to that Popsicle thing, though. Yeah, the aftertaste is that nostalgic taste we love. I don't really know why it's sour, because blue raspberry shouldn't really be sour.

Do you guys think these are even all that sour? No. If I have a sour beer, like a real sour beer, the glands in my neck tighten up. You turn into the warhead guy, yeah. Yeah. I get a little like... Yeah, you get a little... Yeah, a little...

I get a little... I get a little I'm not gonna do it now this does taste like no more sour than like a Mike's Hard Lemonade or something yeah I'm gonna say something

you know what synesthesia is yeah is that where you see tastes you sense color you apply colors to the thing. I don't have synesthesia, but in this one moment, I just drank that lemon one again. Yeah. I see the color brown.

You know what I mean? There's something to it. Is that what they want, you think? I don't think that's what they want. I don't think that's what they want. I don't think that's what they want. I like it. I'm seeing like the Fibonacci sequence. You know what I'm saying? I'm seeing like fractals.

I'm uh... I mean, Mike, maybe you're seeing your future and that there's some brown in your future after drinking these. It could be anything, Mike. Mike, it could be anything. Yeah. Watermelon! This is the one I think I'm going to like the most. Hang on.

Ooh. Smells like hand lotion. Oh, no. This is the watermelon flavor in here. Oh. It's not the taste of a real watermelon. It's a candy watermelon flavor like watermelon gum and it tastes like two tastes it's like it's like the flat watermelon and the sharp sour if uh versus

the others feel together yeah with the first two the sour built off the flavor these last two there's just random ass sour in there it leaves like a it leaves like a yeasty taste in my mouth or something. Brown yeast. Brown yeast. Phew. My favorite is the blue raspberry just because of the memories of being a little kid eating a pop. You don't have to. Oh, are we doing what we like best of each one? We don't have to.

I'm just spouting off. Early reflections. That's all this is. Okay. Okay. Do these have colors to them? I can't see the liquid. Pour's all this is. Okay. Okay. Do these have colors to them? I can't see the liquid. Pour some in your hand.

I don't want to. I don't think they do. They do? Oh, yeah. I see pink water on. That's exciting. Now what color do you see? Okay.

Brown. Oh, yeah. The water's brown. I can't believe I'm going to have to drink all this shit after the podcast because i don't know how to let things go to waste and i'm going to get really drunk on a random ass night it sucks but you know what i'm watching basketball later tonight so it's kind of you are you got standing plans to watch basketball i do i'm gonna watch basketball i'm watching basketball jerry shall we yeah yeah okay folks when we

come back we'll see if the challenger has what it takes to take down the champ. Yeah, I don't know if this is the champ. This is the champ? Let's see if the hard... I'll say this. I'm excited to taste these hard sodas. I've been thinking about it. The cherry cola.

We're all big fans of cherry cola. And if they did it right, they could be on to something. If they did it right, good night. Okay to something. They did it right. Good night. Okay, folks, we'll see you in a sec. And we're back with Classic Cola, Cherry Cola, Citrus Soda, and Orange Soda. That's right.

It's the hard soda pack. I want to go in the order that you just said, too. What was that? Classic cherry, citrus, orange. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Great. I feel like I should have done a, like,

swish my mouth out with water from the last one, but. Oh, well, ginger. Oh, well. How about pins? You got pins. I think I just did that drinking the sours. Thank you very much. I have an after the fact compliment to pay to the sours.

You love them? Beautiful cans. Yeah. They sort of look like they're bashed rock. It reminds me of Bonk's Adventure. It's very Bonk. You remind me of the first porno magazine I ever saw. Yes, yes.

That was the name of it, Beautiful Cans. Come on. Do you remember what the first porno magazine you saw was? I think a Playboy, probably. Not me. Gapers. Wait, what was the... Gaper first yeah oh boy it's hard to follow that uh you know when you start looking at playboy after you've

been a gaper subscriber for a long time hey how where are the gapers um no this is very very classic iconic thing that the the i didn't know it at the time, but the first Playboy cover I ever saw, my friend showed it to me. And then years later, I realized I remembered the picture and it was fucking, what's her name? Jenny McCarthy. Oh, it's funny how like there's, there's like those big event issues. Like the one I, the first Playboy I ever owned an older friend uh bought bought it for me on a band trip and it was the ginger spice one yeah that's iconic yet another like oh we got so and so i think the first the first like pornographic images i saw

though were it was at a friend's house and and his dad had a box of porno tapes. We didn't watch the tape, but we looked at just the sleeve of it. At the clamshell? Yeah. No, it was a VHS, so it was in the cardboard. It was huge cocks getting blowjobs, and I was like, this is fucking weird, man. It was way too... It was like you was like, this is fucking weird, man. I like, it was way too,

it was like you were joking about the gaper thing, Jeff. It was like a, whoa, this is like, I didn't even know people, first of all, did that. And that is a huge cock. The funny thing about VHS tape porn is that there was, you know, like a VHS tape can hold a two-hour movie or at lower quality it can hold six hours of video in like lp mode it was like sp ep and lp so they used to put out porno tapes that were like six hours of porn on one one vhs tape more for your dollar yeah it's

pretty good more for your dongle okay these days we all pay so much for porn all the time. It sucks. I know. My DVD subscriptions are crazy. Oh, Mike, before we crack this one, do you remember the place we used to live? Yes. Vaguely.

Were you there when Pam, our landlord, was saying that when she went in? You told me about this but no it's a it's a weird thing when she she had to key into that place before we lived there they got the previous tenant and said that there was pornography stacked to the ceiling in your bedroom but like like tapes or like the dvds and blu-rays stacked all the way to the ceiling wow damn um and judging from the mail we got from him he was like a like that that kept coming like after he left like i think he was like a doctor or something like he would get alumni magazines from nice schools dr dick wow contains multitudes uh i heard someone was telling me that doctors can

watch porno too there was a house listed on zillow that was like um in glendale that had belonged to like one of disney's nine old men he had like these beloved animators that you hear about that are the legendary like original animators that he used to hang with like sleepy dopey and yeah um but they're all like these like kindly old men in uh in cardigan sweaters and then the house i think one of them like died and the house was on the market and someone we know maybe eva anderson said that she like went to look at the one that wrote sex in aladdin that word really got me off i remember popping in the aladdin tape to check that out and i saw it and i said whoa and also the boner in little mermaid on the cover of like little mermaid like the castle was like a golden dick there's a that boner and then there was also

one oh the priest boner the priester, when it cuts to the side, you see it's actually his shoe. But in one shot, it looks like it was a boner. He's got a shoe in his pants. Yeah. There was also the little bee in Aladdin saying, go have sex or something, right? Take off your clothes or something.

Aladdin is talking to the tiger and he's like, take off your clothes. Take off that fur. He wasn't really saying that but it closed captioned it that way oh wow clothes captioned anyway one of these nine old men with the house was listed in and a friend of ours went looked at and there was like a porno room it was like every playboy magazine ever like he was a collector um but that's very funny. He's a scholar. He's a collector. Yes. He reads it for the pictures of tits. Let's drink these sodas.

I don't like the can. I love the sour can. I think these cans are bad. I like the Jurassic Park font. I like the font. That's what I was going to say. But what about the bubbles? I don't like the bubbles.

Love the font. That's what I was going to say. But what about the bubbles? I don't like the bubbles. Love the bubbles. Come on, a little throwback to the 60s when Coca-Cola was invented. Everything was shagadelic. I like how each one has like, orange has a little picture of an orange, lime, picture of a lime. And the classic cola just has a picture of a bottle cap. I love it. It should be the Coca plant. Okay.

See, I have such high hopes for this. Ooh, it already smells like a Coke. Smells like a good Coke. I love it. It should be the coca plant. Okay. See, I have such high hopes for this. Ooh, it already smells like a Coke. Smells like a good Coke. Oh, shit. That's a good Coke. Oh, that's a good Coke. Birthday boys. Tastes like Diet Coke.

IFC. That tastes like a Diet Coke to me. Weirdly, why Diet? I guess because they have no sugar, right? I think it's because everything else tastes like that That type of It's zero sugar So this does taste like a

I'm going to say it tastes like a Coke Zero Wait, cane sugar is in the ingredients But then it has one carb, zero sugar I don't know what the fuck's going on here Here's the thing about this drink though I do not like Coke Zero Next zero sugar. I don't know what the fuck's going on here. Here's the thing about this drink, though. I do not like Coke Zero. Next.

Mike, Coke Zero's delicious. You're full of shit. This tastes like Diet Coke, not Coke Zero. Well, either way, I drink regular Coke, and that's all. Does Coke Zero taste like regular Coke? Yes. It doesn't have that diet taste that Diet Coke has, but then if if you get used to drinking coke zero and then you drink a regular coke i could feel the sugar more like on my teeth like texturally almost also uh coke zero disappears into a nothing taste pretty immediately

i mean real coke is the better one and mexican coke is the best of them all but coke zero ain't no slouch um here's what i wanted to say about this classic cola hard soda from bud light seltzer part of me was wondering if it was going to taste like a rum and coke you know like a vodka coke or whiskey coke and it doesn't it's just like an alcoholic soda but there's not like a liquor taste to it. Yeah, right. It tastes like it's got that like malt liquor chemical in a Coke. I was about to blurt out the thought that was, I'll save for final thoughts.

Here we go. Cherry Cola. This one tastes or smells good too. Smells fantastic. Smells like it should. Oh, Timmy likey. Oh, Timmy likey. Hey. That's pretty close.

Oh, I love it. That tastes like maraschino syrup. That's pretty close to the real deal. A second taste isn't as good as the first, but I'll go with it. No, that's true. It kind of like immediately cut in half. However. How is that possible?

I'm going to say right now, that's my favorite sip of any of the Bud Light seltzers ever. Okay. The T-Man coming through. Really, ever. Not just today. Not just today, ever. Imagine it on the rocks, and then you add a little spice around it and make it a Calpe Cordial.

Well, that's good. Well, I feel like we're moving the goalposts on what a Calpe Cordial is. That's what's so cool. Maybe that's what a Calpe Cordial should be. Calpe Cordial is like a Grateful Dead set. You know, it's different every time you have it. It's customizable. You've said that since day one.

Thank you. Citrus soda. Okay. This is a soda I do not like in general. Are we doing the do here? Why do they say citrus soda? They should say lemon-lime. That's what's spreading. Ooh, it smells like shit. Is this supposed to be... And I've got a piece

of lint or a rock on mine. Great. It does smell kind of bad. It smells like one of the sours. With bad milk in it. Is this supposed to be Sprite? I think it's more Mountain Dew. Right?

Upon tasting it. Fake lime. It just tastes like fake lime, maybe. I don't know. That's not... It's not Sprite-y, right? It's more Mountain Dew-y. It's more Mountain Dew-y, and that's not it's not sprightly right it's more mountain dewy it's more mountain dewy and that's not bad like mellow yellow yeah i'm a little confused as to why this one this doesn't seem so hard to fuck up and yet here we are i don't think it's that fucked up

mountain dew tastes like piss kind of huh no, but it's got like a sweet sting. That sweet sting. Absolutely not. And is it time? See, this doesn't taste like Surge or Mellow Yellow or Sierra Mist or anything to me. Yeah. It's its own new thing. I'm getting Mountain Dew vibes.

It's serving Mountain Dew vibes? Yeah. Yeah. I'm ready to move on. All right. Orange soda. Is it, is it Sunkist?

Is it Fanta? Smells like a Fanta. Juana, Fanta. Don't you Juana. Smells good. Pervert. Oh yeah. I kind of like that. That's kind of like an orange and cream it's fakey that's like

a diet slice yeah slice perfect slice yeah it's got some chemicals going on but it's good you know that's maybe tastes the most like what it's going for i agree if you had a diet uh orange soda it would probably taste like this this would sneak right right past you. That's pretty good. In a lineup. Oof. Okay. I'm going back to this cherry cola and see how it does. I have had them all.

Well, before we... Now, we've tasted four sours. We've tasted four, let's be frank, hard sodas exactly and and it's almost time for us to announce our overall final thoughts wouldn't you agree rate and rank right but just before we did that i was just reminded of an anecdote of mine did i ever tell you guys about the time i snuck down into creed's

secret vault and i came back up with like a tape stuffed in my underwear creed's creed's clear water or creed creed uh scott stapp uh i was at scott stapp's band yeah no you didn't tell me about the time you went to scott stapp's bands i went to scott stapp's house and then i went down into creed's secret vault. Or does he live with... They all live together. The accountant, one of the accounting guys on the office. They share the vault. They all have their own houses and then they all share the vault.

Gotcha. Okay. So when I came back up, I had a tape hidden in my underwear. DVDs. And yeah, I guess apparently well, it said on it can you take me higher original uh version and i was just reminded of this because you guys one of you guys had mentioned the brand of um these seltzers we're having today bud light i think you i think you were the one to mention it

first right uh anyway it just reminded me of that anecdote. But I brought the tape. Why don't we play it? Oh, okay, cool. Great. Can you drink Budweiser? Like that dog named McKenzie. Can you drink Budweiser?

Choicest hops, rice, barley Can you drink Budweiser? Our band name was a movie. Can you drink Budweiser? A film starring Michael B. Did you guys follow every word of that? He was in a movie? Starring Michael B.

Creed. They said, our band name was a movie. Our band name, okay. A film starring Michael B. Michael B. Jordan. Yep. Good, good.

I saw that movie. I liked it. That's so crazy that the original version of that song sort of came out like 15, 20 years later than the other one. Well, that must have been in development in Hollywood at the time and they just could see the tea leaves. Back then it was going to star a one-year-old Michael B.

But I think you're right, Mike, that if you work in music, you're kind of, everyone's co-mingling with the film guys and it's all backroom dealing and you hear about stuff. You know, the comedians want to be rock stars and the rock stars want to be comedians. We know that. Well, that was a take in my underwear, yeah. That was a demo or a final release?

I just asked because the sound quality was a little rough. It was a demo. It was a tape in my underwear, yeah. That was a demo or a final release? I just asked because the sound quality was a little rough. It was a demo. It was a demo, okay. And also, you have to take into account that I hid it. I stuck it down my underwear, so my dick kind of rubbed all around the tape. Oh, my God. You might have even had some debris on the magnetic tape. That's definitely true.

And, Mike, remember when you looked at that first porno and it had these guys with these huge cogs? Yeah, yeah. I have one of those. So it's getting all over all the tape. All over every inch of that tape. So you got dick debris all over the tape. Okay.

Dick debris. Dick debris. Hey, nice to meet you. My name is Dick Debris. Hey, put it there. Dick Debris. Dick Debris. Dick Debris.

Pretty good. He's good. That's the character. Get him on. Come on and defend yourself, Dick. Dick. Okay, shall we... Rank them.

Announce. Do we take a break and then rank and run it? Let's take a break. I'll be honest. Do I even need a break? I don run it? Let's take a break. I'll be honest. Do I even need a break? I don't feel like I even need a break. You don't, but I'd like to see what type of products are out there these days that our listeners can buy.

We already did two breaks. We did? Didn't we? I guess you're right. Yeah. Oh, yeah, because we went and got the sodas. Oh, yeah. Forget everything I just said.

I bet the corporations would love it if we took a third break. Yeah. Well, not going to happen. We're here for the fans. They would like, hey, how about you guys don't talk on the show at all? just said i bet the corporations would love it if we took a third break yeah well not gonna happen we're here for the fans they would like hey how about you guys don't talk on the show at all it's just all ads one week oh yeah maybe you don't be bud light seltzer should be paying us for this yeah we'll get into that with the legal final thoughts um hey i'll go first. This is really, the hard seltzers are clearly the winner. The citrus is the Achilles heel of the hard soda. And the blue raspberry is the champion of the sour.

Agreed. My sort of interesting little thing here is that they came so close with classic cola and cherry cola that i kind of want to taste a version that has sugar in it that closes the gap put sugar that gets us there you know i agree um you know it's weird you say that citrus soda is the heel, and it is, but if we were drinking the normal sodas, if we had Coke, Cherry Coke, Mountain Dew, and Slice, Mountain Dew would be the heel. That's the worst soda.

Just as a soda? No, I don't know. It's pretty good. Mountain Dew is pretty good compared to Coke. I'm a Mountain Dew apologist. But compared to Coke, Cherry Coke, and Slice? Yeah, I would get it. It's pretty good. Mountain Dew is pretty good compared to Coke. I'm a Mountain Dew apologist. But compared to Coke, Cherry Coke, and Slice? Yeah, I would get it. It's pretty good.

I've had way more Mountain Dew than Slice or Sunkist, I'll tell you that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Wait, both of you would rather have a Mountain Dew than a Sunkist? Yes. Tim, do rules. Get into it, dude. One million gamers can't be wrong i think we all have the same ranking i think i i yeah blue raspberry was the best sour of a terrible terrible seltzer pack that should have never been

made uh cherry cola is the best bud light seltzer product ever put on the market and it's the star of the hard soda pack that won the challenge. I am with you on the sours but for me, the winning team is the hard soda. The MVP is orange soda. I'm going to have another sip. Let's see.

Me too. I've been sipping that the whole time. Because the initial cherry cola sip was great. Upon more sips, it's just too diety. This orange soda, I keep coming back to it. Make your way down that can and get

the diety down at the bottom. You're going to bite down on a big nutritious diet. I'm not planning on drinking past the words on the can. You're not going to bite down on a big nutritious diet. I'm not planning on drinking past the words on the can. You're not going to watch basketball? There's just all this fucking aspartame down at the bottom. But the cherry cola, man. I'll say this.

Bet they'd be good on some ice. I bet you the sours would even come to life a little bit on some ice. Yeah. Oh. Tell you what. Hey, maybe evolve a mix together. I bet you the sours would even come to life a little bit on some ice. Yeah. Oh. Tell you what. Hey, maybe evolve a mix together. A suicide out of all these.

Use the sours on ice as a mixer for some tequila or something, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. This cherry cola is great. I'll love it. Maybe the first time with any of these seltzer packs where it's like i would drink this voluntarily you know i'm just as i'm eating dinner and what's my drink tonight bud light seltzer hard soda cherry cola yeah So the waiter comes up and says, yeah, yeah, you'll have the filet mignon with mashed potatoes to drink, sir. And you would say, I'll have the Bud Light seltzer, hard soda, cherry cola.

I would say this at the fanciest French restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny that they still, like the hard sodas, I i think have been the best pack we've ever done but they're still just uh just not right yeah maybe they were never supposed to be right maybe they maybe we were never supposed to get so close to soda maybe this is a new flavor that we're just it's weird because it's not seltzer right it's it's often this weird world that branched off after the lemonades and the iced teas, but like White Claw,

it's its own thing, you know, and then the first original Bud Light Seltzer Pack was much like White Claw. Yeah, I was just going to ask, did you like those original seltzers? Yeah, we drank them when we were recording Paradiso, and we liked them. Like, we didn't love them.

Yeah. You know, they're mellow on the flavor. I can't remember compared to this they're like not sweet at all and they're just cold and bubbly see that's the thing is i look back and i'm like these aren't that good i feel like i like other bite light seltzers but on the pod we've always covered the weird prank packs like how do you how Like, how do you weigh up cherry cola versus just a normal Bud Light seltzer cherry? Or a White Claw black cherry?

You like the cola better, T? Next episode, we go through all the seltzers. No, I... I like... Wait, are you saying of just the Bud Light seltzers or of all the seltzers on Earth? Well, I was going to say all theeltzers or of all the seltzers on earth well i was gonna say uh all the bud lights but all the seltzers on earth would be good too

yeah i feel like what if i'm i i love bon viv yeah i love uh well topo chico and and i gotta give it up for white claw for being the og so yeah like a white clawed black cherry i drink that and i like it and i'm happy it exists okay i guess my question is like but the standard bud light seltzer flavors are better than these right or they're like they're definitely better than most of the prank packs they're better than all the prank packs but i am enjoying this cherry core fair fair and balanced that's our show follow us on social media at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time or at least tell you what uh bud light seltzers to go. And you can check out our Patreon,

where you can listen to the Sloppy Boys blowout, our weekly bonus episode, and questions for Lennon, Michael's monthly bonus episode. Oh! Hey, who do we got on that, Mike? We got this week, we got John Gabrus this month. Oh!

The Long Island fella himself. The number one fuckboy? His words, his words. Don't at us. And with that, folks, we bid you adieu. Yep, we have to. Yeah? So long, farewell.

We laughed a song? Goodbye, folks. Jeff, I think that's where you should edit it out. That would be a good ending. Yeah, and right now maybe go, Give it a fair point. But cut this stuff. Don't do that thing where it's like, oh, but we didn't cut this, so now this is the joke.

But if you didn't cut this, I just want to give a big shout out to all the listeners. Yeah, all across the world. And I just want to be like. And I just want to be like... Yeah, I also want to be like... Can't get it. And then I want to be like... Yeah, that's what I do. And then I want to be like Give it up for your boy Yeah And then I want to be like Yeah

Okay I think we all said What we want to be like right But Jeff was going to edit this Jeff was going to edit this anyway Way before this Right right right but like as long as everyone's Wants of being like, we're out. All of our wants have been honored.

Oh, shit, man. I think I had too many Bud Light seltzers. I know, because we only had a couple sips of each, but that's probably a lot of them. Well, I think they probably interact in your stomach, you know? Yeah, what is this, 80 proof? 5%. Anyway. Give it up for your boys.

Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Thanks for watching!