The Sloppy Boys - 69. Between the Sheets

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

The guys make the sexiest cocktail on the whole damn IBA.BETWEEN THE SHEETS RECIPE1oz/30ml White Rum1oz/30ml Cognac1oz/30ml Triple Sec.66oz/20ml Lemon JuiceAdd all ingredients into a cocktail shaker. Shake with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.Recipe via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks welcome to the sloppy boys where we take a deep dive into drinks that you love I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford I think I'm having some voice problems today and Tim and tim galbagas what is up sex stylies whoa whoa whoa it's valentine's day that doesn't mean sex it's a it's a day to celebrate romance that's romance and love love okay well how about we compromise and say sensuality well all right all right corporeal pleasures yeah well no carnal delays i think just love and romance is connecting with someone sinful desires and going down on them way hey whoa it's also episode 69 really is it can you believe it wow that really worked out. People are going to love that. That's perfect. The Valentine's Day special, which I just said wasn't about sex and lusty passions,

is on 69. Episode 69. Of all the passions, sex is the lustiest. All the lusty. I have certain lusty passions for that woman. I have lusty passions for you. This Valentine's Day, celebrate your lusty passions for that woman. I have lusty passions for you. This Valentine's Day, celebrate your lusty passions. And hey, if you're listening, if you like this sort of talk, check out the blowout this week.

We're talking about the greatest love song. Talking all the greatest love songs. And up on the $1,000 tier, we're revealing our kinks oh yes is that up that that tier yes yes it's it's on the way and and start saving up folks yeah this this this this is starting rather ribald wouldn't you say yeah i'm feeling quite amorous myself um well i've got some good shit talk for us today. Shit chat, I mean. Shit talk is different. Well, what have we been doing for five minutes?

Well, this is more pointed. So I was hanging out with director John Haskell. He directed a few videos. Oh, yeah. His brother, Matt Haskell, great guy, also a fan. Their wives, Gina and Rosa. And Haskell's wife is named Rosa. She's from Finland.

And we were hanging out, and she had some Finnish liquors with her. And guys, what the Finnish are doing with liquors, it's very interesting to me. With liquors. The Finns. I know about the Finnish long drink. Did she talk about the Finnish long drink? The Mesamaria? No, but that sounds good. Well, I'll tell you about

this one. This is a drink called Mesamaria, and it was very good. We just had little cordial glasses, and it's made by it's made with this berry called the Arctic Bramble, and the liquor itself

was very sweet, like a berry. Everything sounds like it's from Middle Earth over there. I know, I know. What's going on? The Arctic Bramble only grows above the Arctic Circle in Finland. Oh. It was a drink you've never had before, the two of you.

Never had, never heard. But it was very sweet. It was very sweet. Did you likey? I did likey. And then she had another drink, another liquor, that they had all had it, and they were like, oh, should we? Mike, it's a weird taste.

You're not going to. You might like it. You might not like it. So I'm expecting something like Malort, which is like you drink it and you can't describe it. Putrid. Yeah. And she had this little

nip bottle in uh the freezer and it's called i'm just reading it here it's called salamaki okay does this ring any bells uh i might be pronouncing that wrong and i think it's like salamaki something else but anyway uh and this tasted it was really thick because it was cold. It tasted like salty black licorice. It was a very interesting taste. Yeah, you know when you get like fudge and it's salty or like salted chocolate? It was like that, but with licorice. Huh. Very interesting.

It was a very interesting taste. Licorice, not a taste I love to begin with, but hey, if you salt it up. Well, it was just very licorice not a taste not a taste i love to begin with but hey if you salt it up well it was just very unique damn mike you are a global um booze taster yeah i think you're right i mean my my my palate's passport is you know stamped complete you put a stamp on your tongue yeah yeah but anyway those are my two little fun things i wanted to tell you about that's very cool i had never heard of any of that stuff and now i'm green with envy well i was green with uh being sick after drinking mixing all those finished liquors together whoa you didn't mix those did did you? I said, what do you mean?

I got some shit, Chad. I was going to maybe save it for Booze News, but maybe it's just fine right now. Sure. Check out what I'm drinking. Bud Light Next. Oh, my God. Now, remind me what that is. We've talked about that, right?

On Booze News, yeah. It's the Bud Light Next Super Crisp Light Beer. It says zero carbs. No carbo. 80 calories, 4% alcohol by volume. So like, you know, a little on the light side. Sipping it. You keep drinking that stuff, you're going to be a little on the light side.

If you don't watch out. If you don't watch out. You guys want to hear how it tastes? Yeah. Yeah. watch out you don't watch out you want it you guys want to hear how it tastes yeah yeah yeah here's here's my impression of probably how it tastes is uh you know um mickle of ultra is like hey there's no beer that's gonna have less taste than us and then bud light next is like uh hold my beer yeah hold hold me hold one of i i'll tell you, I cracked it open and it smelled almost like halfway between a seltzer and a beer. Oh, boy.

And I couldn't place it. It smelled like a tea or something. Wait a minute. And so I looked it up and somebody described the taste as a mix between elderberry and chamomile, neither of which I would be able to identify in a vacuum. Weird. It's just supposed to taste like beer though, right? Yeah, but it kind of doesn't. Here's my thing.

It does taste halfway between a seltzer and a beer. The Bud Light Seltzer, they do those packs. They can dial in the gingerbread, the popsicles, and make it taste like beer. Yeah, where's beer flavor? There you go, Jeff. That's what i'm talking about and the hell do you think that thing is made of hops and barley or do you think you're drinking a beer flavored seltzer i bet you it's beer flavored seltzer because everything i read

was just like well we just didn't have the technology to do the zero-carb beer. And I think that technology is seltzer technology. Yeah, so it's malt. It's made from, which I guess is rice. That's interesting. This is perverse. So that's a beer-flavored seltzer, essentially. Kind of. Give us a thumbs up or thumbs down. What do you say, Jay?

Three-quarters up. Okay. But do you think that, let's say you were craving beer. It's better now. Towards the bottom of the can, I'm like, yeah, that could be just a light beer. Oh, that's good. Usually they get worse as you go. I'm all right.

With the seltzes. But do you think if someone were craving beer and they were a paleo person or something, they don't have carbos. Do you think this will scratch the itch? Yes. Recommend. Damn. Full recommend. This is huge.

Worth a shot. Worth a shot. Well, I love it. Well, so I didn't want to put that in booze news because that's just already such an important segment. Yeah. I didn't want to put you on blast, uh yeah you kind of broke protocol there why at this point i say i grow weary of shit chat and i think we should move on to the bit bit bit it's sexy sexy Penis. A brothel. It's a... Ass.

Boobs. Kissing. Damn. Sexual tape. One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one,

one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, BBD's down below it. BBT's up. It's sexy. Sexy.

Sexy. Sexy. Booze news. Booze news. You sexy mother oh man wow that was a good one sexy booze news by adam leclerc and if you have a booze news theme email it to the sloppy boys podcast at gmail.com i love that uh brothel wait have we heard from leclerc is this a first timer?

I don't think so. LeClaire, keep them coming. This was a masterpiece. Do you think that he has any relation to John LeClaire, the former Philadelphia Flyer? Yeah, brothers probably. Yeah. I was going to say son, but it would be funny if that guy's brother was there.

I was at a little convenience store in uh vermont one time back in the 90s and they had pictures of john leclerc everywhere and i said what's with all the john leclerc and they were like he's our son he's our son what's it to you he's our son you fucking piece of shit oh is he an american player well this is hardly booze news yeah this is hardly this is hockey news we'll save that for the nhl nhl.com get on over there um well i just i i wanted to stick with this sexy theme and it's valentine's day and the one little valentine thing of uh booze news i picked up from the slop heads was for all of you you know badasses out there who don't really buy into the valentine's day hallmark holiday hype yeah and you got a little more edge to you you might want to go with the fireball cinnamon whiskey anti-valentine's day pack yes turn this corporate holiday on its head with a cupid is

stupid heart-shaped box uh after all chocolate is for amateurs so it's like a it's a box of chocolates but it's with little fireball nips in it and it's black and it has the flames on it's kind of a bad boy thing so okay uh i meant to say this, but a couple weeks ago, we had a big snowstorm over here in New York. And I'm walking down the street. I was going to somebody's birthday party. And the snow's everywhere. And I'm walking by this guy.

And he has a little nip of fireball. Hey! Were you like, oh, a man after my own heart. Come here, Paisan. He said, leave me alone, it's snowing. Leave me alone, Hanford. I don't like you. Okay.

I also noticed that Fireball, in my grocery store, I was in the beer aisle, because it doesn't sell liquor or wine, and I'm looking in the beer the beer coolers and there's a little thing of a fireball they sell fireball because i think it's like a low enough they make a lower alcohol content fireball so when i was in upstate new york for christmas my sister's boyfriend uh mentioned that they were like have you guys noticed how fireball is like available in place because new york also has different liquor laws than California. So I was, I'm always surprised when I go back home and I have to go to a beer store for

beer and a liquor store for liquor and a wine store for wine, uh, you know, butcher, baker, candlestick maker type situation. You want it all in a Walmart type situation. All right, Tim. Thank you. Shutting out the small business person. They were saying like, have you noticed that like bodegas have a fireball now i wonder uh what the deal is with that and i put it to the test by i was walking down the main drag in hudson new york and there was a little market and i

walked in i said hey do you have fireball and he said yeah and he had little 10 packs of the nips in a place that only he only had uh beer and then fireball and then the rest of my trip i was checking gas stations and stuff they all have fireball wait is it is it just it just looks like normal fireball but it's a lower proof or it's somehow okay no it's it's normal fireball um i i just think that it's a hair under the line or something. It's not 80 proof. Right. But, but fireball. Yeah. I want to say fireballs like 60 proof,

but I don't know if that's the rule or that it might also be in combination with it just being nips and not full leaders. I simply don't know. Tim, I would say that's at this point you, you know, you sort of run the newsroom here. I said,

you just, you send your little cubby out here on the beat. Yeah. Off you go. Huh? He runs the newsroom here in Boo's News. Yeah, what's this cubby? I want the story on my desk tomorrow morning.

I think cubby is a name for, maybe I'm getting that from Life Aquatic, but like a little reporter, I think. So he's sending you out on the beat, the news beat. Me? Yeah, Jeff, you got to go. You got to head to the East Coast. Go right near Hanford's neighborhood.

I run a whole different part of Boozness. Which actually, Jeff, if you want to play my tape there, my track I sent you. Sure, sure. It's time for Hanford's Hobbies. Oh, boy. That is right. It's time for another Hanford's Hobbies.

Thank you again to Hank Hill for doing the call there. So I heard the notes. I got the notes from you guys. We don't want to hear about your TV shows, which I'm on the last episode of Southside, by the way. We don't want to hear about them. Well, we wanted hobbies. Well, you got your hobby. You know me

as a guy who is frequently in the kitchen cooking up food, cooking up stuff. I want to cook for the people. The best way to somebody's heart, I say, is through their stomach. Yeah, cooking up the chicken. Not quite enough, but still doing it. Simile purple chicken legs. Then you put it back on for way too long.

And you head to the bathroom and spend your night on the toilet. Yes, yes. Well, anyway, so you know me in the kitchen. I like to take chances. I like to mix things around. I like to play ball. Yeah. I recently got into pitas.

You know pitas. You cut them in half. Now you got pies. Right. I got myself the pitas. So I made up this new little thing I had for lunch twice last week. Pita? Pita? Pita.

Yeah. Toasted. Just a little toast to get a little, you know, you don't want to change the taste. Just to give a little hardness. And in a frying pan, I put ground turkey. Ground that up. Browned it, you know. And then I put a little garlic powder on that up. Browned it. And then

I put a little garlic powder on that thing. Garlic sauce. Brown that too. Brown it. Just a little bit. Then I put cheese on it. So now it's a cheesy, garlicky... Turkey cheese garlic. That's right. And it's like

a big mush mash. You fill the pita with that. Then, this is where I just, sort of an out-of-body experience. I'm opening my fridge. What can I put on this thing? I had leftover, because I finished the chips, I had some Lay's onion dip. Oh, wow. And I just kind of globbed that on the top of it.

So it kind of reminded me of a little bit of a... What would that be? You have a creamy base on a meat there. Oh, it reminded you of that? Yeah. It's sour cream, basically.

Maybe. So then, yeah, I ate both of them, and I said, I got to talk about this because this is new and this is exciting. I don't have a name for it yet, though. Pocket, pocket, handy pocket. Oh, yeah, Hanford Turkey Pocket. Pocket pool. Or what's like Raiko Chaichi.

It's like Tergar Chi Po. Well, you know, you don't want to make everything so... Every time I say Raiko Chai Chi, someone's like, what? And I have to explain it, and they go, I don't get it. You don't want to make everything so clickable? No, I don't think Raiko Chai Chi is very clickable. I think it is.

Made rice by Chai Chi the other day. It's spinach instead of corn. Well, this is good. And I'm thinking, well, here's an idea I was thinking. We say the next person who wants to be a pay pig, they can name it. Oh. Oh, wow. That's attractive.

But, you know, that is a perk. That's a perk, Mike. You just sign yourself up for a year of pay pig. You can name this. You might step on their arousal if you offer them a perk okay so we'll do another tier then we'll do a 200 tier yeah we'll do a 200 food namer the food namer tier i like that that's pretty good i'm also i'm very impressed a that sounds delicious b you, you're sizzling up a hot lunch. That's impressive.

I know you're a cooker man. And sure, we all like to break out the pan around dinner time. He's a cooker man. At lunchtime, to make yourself a sizzled up, to deal with any raw ingredient that becomes a cooked ingredient during a daylight hour is very impressive to me. Well, thank you. You know what the thing is? I mean, we're all working from home. So it's like I just walk to the kitchen and do it.

It's got to give me some type of thing to do or else I feel like my lunchtime was just like putting some food in my mouth and then going back to my desk. Yeah. Yeah. And chewing and chewing. I like picturing you there in that kitchen kind of bopping around, tasting the wooden spoon. Mmm, these are salt. Not quite.

Then, you know, I've got my frilly apron on. And nothing else? Burning your ass on the furnace. Yeah. Yeah, since this is the Valentine the valentine's episode valentine day valentine's day episode you know no one can say that word correctly no one no not the first try i yes because it's a valentine's day episode i am wearing just an apron and a hairnet nothing else sexy that's right that's right all right I'm going to... I've just closed up Hanford's Hobbies.

And now we're clear to wrap up Booze News. Yep. Very good, Michael. Yeah, is that Mario 2? It sure is. But no, it's not. We'll get sued. It's Marco 2. Tube. but no it's not we'll get sued it's uh uh marco to tube marco tube could be a good game

okay enough fucking around let's get into the drink of the day shall we yes yeah sure it's valentine's day week we wanted to give the slop heads something romantic salacious stimulating that they can make for their significant others or their latest hookup job jeff can you put some like kind of like It's a little smooth funk. Yeah, maybe a little... It's Gore-Tex! So, we scrolled through the IBA cocktail list looking for the sexiest, most suggestive named cocktail. And we found ourselves a drink called... Between the Sheets. don't take it again i gotta cut that shit out between the sheets big boy

between the sheets you've had not not had nor heard i I've heard of this, but I haven't had it. Now, I've never heard of it. Have you heard of it out in the wild or probably just scrolling over the IBA list for a year? In the wild. Damn. Okay. You guys want to hear what it is? Yeah.

Yeah, sure. This one's pretty straightforward. It's basically a variation on the sidecar. sure this one's pretty straightforward it's basically a variation on the sidecar if you recall when we did the sidecar that was cognac triple sec and lemon kind of a kind of a cognac sour situation that came from paris or london in in the 20s and um this drink is pretty much a sidecar plus rum. Nice. In addition to the cognac. We're talking about a two-liquor drink.

Yes. Which is exciting to me to keep the cognac in there and add white rum. Backstory on the drink is that it looks like this drink is often credited to Harry's New York bar in Paris, which we talk about a lot. But others like to say that this drink likely came from the Berkeley Hotel in London. harry's like tends to get credit for other people's work a lot because harry also put out cocktail books that kind of like logged other people's creations and then i think it was with the sidecar which is very similar to this we've called harry's the drake of bars yeah yeah uh he

kind of is and he's a little bit of a certified lover boy in his own right but um oh sure uh you know yeah because the sidecar was like invented at the bucks club and then harry put in his book and credited the bucks club but then by the second edition of his book he was like uh i came up with it i was being nice before i also did i brought up um there was another thing we pointed out that maybe like oh in the bellini episode that at the the harry's in venice like the bucks club had invented the bucks fizz and then the bellini they just you know they they they legit invented it but in general they're kind of they're they're a bit of a fuck jerry of of uh seminal bars even better yeah and uh but so so i'm going to say that this was the berkeley hotel in london that invented

this and probably harry's helped popularize it but what we all want to know about is the name right between the sheets why does this drink have such a sexy name and the rumor is that it's because this drink was often served at the brothels of paris as like a little the standard house aperitivo cocktail before you went and kind of did the horizontal mambo knock some boots a little bit of the uh forbidden lombada what's the difference between a bordello and a brothel just different words that's a good Knock some boots. A little bit of the forbidden lombada. What's the difference between a bordello and a brothel? Just different words? That's a good question.

I don't know. All I know is bordello of blood. Oh, with Dennis Miller? Starring the Crypt Keeper. Was that right? Wasn't that like a Tales from the Crypt movie or something? Yeah. Yeah, I can't believe he landed that role. The Crypt Keeper.

Here's what's in this sexy drink of European descent that we are about to drink. It is 30 milliliters of white rum. That's an ounce. I shot. Great. Got it. 30 milliliters of cognac. That's an ounce.

Beautiful. 30 milliliters of tripleac. That's an ounce. Beautiful. 30 milliliters of triple sec. That's an ounce. 20 milliliters of fresh lemon juice. That's two-thirds of an ounce. Would have been nice if it was equal parts, eh, boys? Yeah, sure would have been. I know.

Some of us might just make it equal. Well, you can't sit here wishing. It'll probably be tart. Well, here's... I got a question. Hold on. I got the method. The method.

And the garnish. I thought Jeff was going to say, okay, let's make it. I said, no, I got to question. Hold on. I got the method. The method. And the garnish. I thought Jeff was going to say, okay, let's make it. I said, no, I got to do something. Talk. Add all ingredients to a cocktail shaker. Shake with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Don't garnish.

Don't garnish. It's not a bad book. I'm all here. Now, Tim. It's not appropriate. When you pour it into a glass, it says a chilled glass. No mention of cubes, unfortunately, right?

No cubes. Cubes left behind. Damn. Damn. Up. Served up. What kind of glass? Cocktail.

Cocktail. Yes. Okay. Wait, is that like a martini glass? Yep. Coop for me. Yes. Yes.

I got one of those too. Wait a minute. Oh, yes. This is what I was going to ask. We're putting cognac in there, yes? Yes. Sure. Is cognac the same thing as brandy?

Cognac is brandy, but not all brandy is cognac. Yeah. Okay. I also have that. What's that cognac that has orange in it? Oh, Grand Marnier. Yeah, I have that still. Can I still use that?

Michael, that'll kill two birds. You don't even need triple sec if you use that. No, no. Just use it in addition. In addition. I'm using in addition. And for me, I'm using a little Cuvazier. Oh, beautiful.

Cuvazier. What these up? What these up? What these up, guys? I am doing Hennessy. Henny. And then for my triple sec, I got none of the cheap shit left, so I'm going Cointreau.

Ooh, a little. For a little French. This is a very French drink we're having. Yeah. Well, then maybe it was made in Harry's in Paris. Ah, Paris. Oh, boy. Ah, Paris.

Well, the city of romance, some say. Never been, but some say it is. Hey, maybe for the pod, we go to Paris on Valentine's Day. Yeah, next year. We're saying it now. Next year's episode, Valentine's episode, is going to be in Paris. I love it. Sorry.

Sorry, Patreon. That's what you're paying for. Hey, and if you join the new $300 tier, you can come with us. Yeah. That's right. You got to pay your way and you can't talk to us. You're going to sit right next to us the whole time, but don't make a beep. We can talk to you, but you can't speak back to us.

I know. It's weird. But for $400 tier, you can pay your own way and talk to us we don't have to respond but we don't talk to you alright what do you say we get into it that sounds fine

let's do it folks we'll see you on the other side of the ads weee and we're back with between the sheets is i i think i'm i think i squeeze my lemons too hard when i juice them how about you guys i i got one of those yellow clampers oh my uh tim i always squeeze them just right oh that's what i should do i had a bottle of pre-squoze juice squoze real lemon that's smart because i've been i'm doing my own squeezers and it's just it i i get so excited squeezed hard now it just tastes like rind juice. That tastes like absolute shit.

This filled up a martini glass nicely. And every time, not every time, but when I was pouring it into this shaker, I was like, this is not going to be enough alcohol. Or like enough liquid to fill a thing up. And sure enough, whoa, right to the zap. Yes, patience, Michael, patience. I know, I know. Whoa, right to the zap. Yes, patience, Michael, patience.

I know, I know. This will be kind of a strong drink because it's got an ounce of cognac, ounce of fucking rum, and I did the Cointreau, so that's like three ounces of full-strength boozers. It's fucking 300 proof. Yeah, I did a Cointreau also, Michael. Zing pow.

Your triple sec? Triple sec. Mine was, oh, just some off-brand thing. I can't even see the label. Dick Hyper? Hiram Walker? No, I could get... I can see the bottle, but the label is turned just so.

I can't read it. Perfect. Being a little coy. Damn. I'll get it. I'll get it at the break. All right, here we go. Sips.

I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. Ooh. Okay. Okay. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Oh, yes. Yes. That has got something to it. It tastes like, kind of like a... Yellowbird. A little bit like Yellowbird, but it doesn't have like the licorice-y thing.

What's the, what's the, it's the simplest thing. Daiquiri? No, champagne. Well, kind of that too. Champagne and orange juice. Mimosa. Mimosa, a little bit.

But you don't like mimosas. No, I do not. And you know why I like this? I like this because it doesn't have fucking champagne in it hey it's uh um i've i've had a couple sidecars recently since we did it on the pod i ordered one at muso and frank and i've had a couple at the cane dresden and um i like this and i like sidecars but there's the rum it it's you know when you can't when you just keep adding shit to a drink, it adds more complexity and it pings and pangs new corners of your mouth.

It's nice. Yeah. Lightened it up, too. It's good. It's pretty good. It's like if you make a yellow bird, but you don't have the Galeano. Yeah. Between the sheets.

Now, Tim, you were saying this was the sexiest drink we could find. The sexiest drink I've ever had was a Tommy Lee. You know what that is? No. Tommy Lee is a Jack and Coke and you stir it with your dick. You stir it with your dick i don't know i just i was i saw some of those uh commercials for the tommy and pam story oh we gotta watch that well sure we gotta watch it there's a lot of things it's not gonna be it's not gonna be what you're expecting i'll tell you

that much all right you don't know what i expecting. When does he honk the boat horn with his dick? That's what he did in the porno movie, okay? Yeah, I learned that from you fairly recently. I somehow was aware of the whole Pam and Tommy thing. I knew of their love affair. I knew of the tape. I had never seen or heard about the part where he honks a boat horn with his dick you'd think that'd be the first thing can i please share something with you i've never seen the movie i've only heard of that part and it may have been i'm wondering now if you know you watch those like i love the

90s shows and they would have talked about something like that i wonder if somebody was saying that as a joke and i was just like wow he must do that yeah that was hal sparks saying that shit probably said that huh huh well well because we should cover it we should get the tape oh we should get the tape and watch the tape for the blowout we should do a whole maybe that could be a whole pivot for the podcast we do the paris elton tape the kim kardashian tape and it's kind of more just like the the perverted guys show it could be like that could be a battle royale best celebrity sex tape and we each bring one in and make our case we each bring one in one night in paris tommy and pam i like the one with the creed guy didn't the creed guy have one scott stapp

i like the one where uh david hasselhoff is laying on the ground drunk and his daughter is like videotaping him drunk. That's not much of a sex tape, but his shirt's off. David Hasselhoff with his shirt off. I have to agree, it's not as much of a sex tape.

Maybe it was his daughter. Maybe it was his girlfriend. I don't know. Again, I've got just a tangential knowledge of these celebrity videos and I sort of make up parts of them. Maybe Tommy beeped the boat with his ding-a-ling.

Maybe Hasselhoff taught her girlfriend tapes. We don't know. There's no way of knowing. Well, we all know Ray J was Brandy's cousin. Oh, yeah. Of all people.

Okay. Of all people. Of all people. Brandy's cousin? That's right. I remember when the tape came out and they were like, with Ray J, and I said, Brandy's cousin? I remember when the tape came out and they were like, with Ray J, and I said, Brandy's cousin? Brandy's cousin made a video that isn't a music video? Oh boy. This has got the nice shards.

Oh, like Chardonnay? You're warming me up. Or you made it Japanese style. Yeah. Oh, is that Japanese style? Just shaking the hell out of it. Japanese martini has the ice shards on top. I had an ice sharded...

Yeah, I sharded the other day on an airplane. I had just eaten the jack-in-the-box in the terminal. I sharded on the plane. Sharded upon takeoff. No, I had a great martini. Shard-filled martini the other day. Gin. On a plane?

Mm-mm-mm. IRL. Nice. A plane could be IRL, too. Dish, where? This was called the Time Out Market in Dumbo. called the timeout market in dumbo and it was a restaurant that kind of overlooked the uh the east river beautiful very nice the snow was coming down a very nice look well i was gonna i was what i was gonna say was based on when you were saying sharded and stuff

like that i was gonna say a thing that always makes me laugh is in memes when they say when they say like i shitted and they spell with d's oh yeah yeah yeah it's common parlance and memes yep yep it's fun when you find something that is common parlance and you don't hate it you know i feel like whenever i notice a trend i'm like fuck that fucking font or that color that song or whatever and then when you find one you like it's like hey yeah like i'm like fuck that fucking font or that color that song or whatever and when you find one you like it's like hey yeah like i'm kind of into that man like when the dog says chickum nuggets oh yeah that's good what's that i see a lot of nuggies no it's i it's that's a stupid one it's like uh a dog like has chickum nuggets Oh I don't like that shit

I don't like Doggo I don't like Boops Scritches What the fuck is that I look at a lot of dog Instagrams There's some other fucking annoying ones Oh I don't like Thingies

Or like Tendies Tendies So okay Or like... Yeah. Tendies. Tendies. So, okay. But what do we like? You know, let's make it positive right here. Well, I do like the number of chicken tender memes. I like the idea that we all sort of...

Chicken tenders are not really a thing that we're... You know, like individual businesses will market their chicken tenders. But overall, it's not really a thing that we're you know like individual businesses will market their chicken tenders but overall it's not really the result of advertising i think we all separately love chicken fingers right like whether it is late night bar food or a little nuking up a little tyson or whatever in your in your house i think kind of everybody loves god i love those everybody individually decided they love chicken fingers. It's also, for picky eaters, it's the safest thing. You know, it's like the safest

food. It's like one step away from fries. Yeah, it's a dip delivery. Hey, speaking of dip, and also overused memes, I know like Eric Andre is like a funny dude. He's one of these dudes who made a real meal out of ranch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think ranch was such a meme for a while. His was legalized ranch, right? Yeah. Okay, but everybody- Because he was drinking it from a bottle. That Hidden Valley Ranch became such a meme. I don't know.

It's no better than bacon to me. Well, I think Ranch has a crossover where eric andre was doing it from one angle and then you had like a middle class fancy doing the sort of me and nance getting ranch type of coming in from both angles so you're kind of getting it from kind of getting it from all sides here on the romantic uh in the valentine's day episode you guys are sick you're getting it front and back here at the valentine's day episode you guys are sick you're getting it front and back here at the valentine's episode speaking of memes and accounts and stuff tim and i are following this guy and i'm i'm very excited but i'm not gonna speak why are you following him well i'm

very excited i love this guy okay tim likes him too i'm gonna tell you about him. Jeff, you follow him. His name's, I think he goes by La Cougine. But his name is, the actual name is, like the handle. Tim, do you know it? I thought it was Cougine. Cougine is like, it's Meals by Coug. Meals by C-U-G. And his name's Cougine. And he's this, I assume he's from the east coast because he's

always kind of in uh brooklyn and new jersey yep and he he goes to get food and he talks about it and he's he's got a funny charisma to him he's he's in the same genre but kind of the opposite uh body type is big time tommy where it's like a kind of New York guy who's like, hey, take care and brush your hair. Tell your sister I said hello. He's got big floppy hair. Yeah, he does look like he likes. Yeah, he takes a bite of something, goes.

He looks like if like one of those caricature artists drew like Adam Driver and it came to life. Yeah. He's the best. And there's a lot of talk. He eats subs and pizza and stuff, but there's a lot of talk about your sister. Say hi to your sister. That's like your sister on a Friday night.

He's like, if he's making something, he's putting butter on the bread. He's like, you put a little how you doing, you do a little what you say. Okay, great. He's the best. And I think he has merch, too. I got to get one of his shirts. the bread he's like you put a little how you doing you do a little what you say okay great he's the best and and i think he has merch too i gotta get one of his shirts his rating system he'll have a sandwich he doesn't even really like it but that's uh seven out of five maroons is that a meme thing or like an internet thing where because i'll see again on like dog instagrams it'll be like this little guy went to the vet and didn't cry uh you know 11 out of 10 would recommend or something like that right is the joke that like it's over the amount of like 120 type of thing

that's just a funny thing to say because we all know the reference mike but people do it you know that's become a thing. People do it. Well, I've said like zero out of ten, and I didn't think I was being a meme. No, no, but if you were to do, you can't do more than the ten, you know, mathematically. Yeah, but I definitely would recommend is the whole thing, and it's kind of no notes and that type of thing. No notes, yeah. I understood the assignment. That's my favorite. recommend is a whole thing and it's kind of no notes and that type of no notes yeah i understood

the assignment that's my favorite like when people are like hey jeff i was coveted and i'm like zero out of ten do not recommend i like it i didn't i don't think i'm being a meme when i do that but maybe that's something no but you're not you're not listening to what i'm saying you can't i know i know i get it first number can't be over. That's the meme. But everybody understands that that's... Can we just stop fighting? It's Valentine's Day. Tim, Tim, we can figure this all out. Mike, if you keep this up, you're not being my Valentine this year.

No, no, this isn't a fight. This is how we talk to each other. You fucking ass! And say hi to your sister! Oh, brother. It's easy. I tell you, it's these between the sheets

get me going. I'm like halfway through this one and I'm already feeling a little hot in the cheeks. Yeah, me too. I feel both crunk and drunk. Hey, between the sheets, hot in the cheeks.

Between the cheeks is what they should call it. No, Tim. Wah! Oh, I can't be full of filth. But one day a year. Okay okay this is the one day a year where anyone can be full of as much filth as they want mike that goes for you too i i'm gonna go maximum full of filth and i wanted well i had my question about valentine's day so you guys i was thinking about

this because of the the fireball thing being like a anti-valentine's and i was thinking about this because of the fireball thing being like an anti-Valentine's. And I was thinking, what do you think of that? I think it's a little silly. You got Valentine's Day, right? Yeah. And then it is what it is. And then the anti-Valentine's, people who post Instagrams. The best?

Yeah. Nothing makes me happier than when like you remember when like birds would do valentine's day but they would brand it as just like hey come on friday night for our anti-valentine's day party that's the best well because you go in there jeffy walks in there fishing a barrel baby you're shooting yeah just opening fire no everybody's everybody there is single and jaded and they want to fuck no they don't well that i was i was going to say that i don't i feel like if you're not into valentine's day it seems to me pretty easy to just ignore valentine's day because it's just a stupid thing so the idea

that you're obligated to if you're not doing valentine's day to then go the opposite direction however i could imagine if you're a little duddy type dude and you're saying oh it's the chicks who are pissed off about valentine's day and they're looking for a warm shoulder to sob on. I had a funny, I had somebody who I had broken up with, an ex-girlfriend, and it was still a little new, a little raw. And around Valentine's Day, she tweeted, which I think is a very funny tweet but she tweeted oh it's valentine valentine's day is coming up better get out the tarps and i thought that was a very funny like you know yeah to need tarps in your sexual access is going to be some sort

of mess involved and i was like who are you getting tarps with who was this person yeah i think that's just a i think she was just doing a funny tweet i think it's yes i agree it's a funny tweet who is this act happening with with whom whom with whom with gwyneth whom with that was i've already said her first name Oh no It's the one we're all thinking to isn't it Is she sort of a goopy type of Yeah Jeff cut this

That's cut noise Why don't we also cut to A little commercial break and do a second round I think that's fine that's a fine idea Love it. Folks, get your wallets out. The ads are coming straight for your ass.

And we're back with round two of Between the Sheets. It's kind of a yellow bird. It's kind of a French 70. What is this? A French 70? No, it's kind of a sidecar. It's kind of a daiquiri. It's kind of almost all gone.

Stop it. They're strong, folks. Yeah. They're good. They make you. They're great. I feel like I'm in the finest brothel in all of Paris. Oh, yeah.

Holding hands with a woman of class under a saison. A great painter, by the way. Thank you. It's funny, though, idea i i at least this was laid out on the article that i read that if this drink was included it's kind of funny it's like you go to uh you tour the ben and jerry's factory and then you get a little two ounce scoop of cherry garcia at the end or you know you go to the gu the Guinness factory and then you get all Guinness days. It's kind of funny to go to a brothel and be like, here is your complimentary drink.

And you drink that up. If it really was included as part of the deal, that's pretty funny. What was the we we went to a bar that was a brothel. What was it in in L.A.? Yeah. A former brothel or a current brothel? I'll have to look it up. That'll be, I'll follow up with that next week.

I guarantee it. That's a J-Man guarantee. I know that the- Wait, like a functioning brothel? No, it was a brothel. I know that the Hyperion Tavern over there on Ly lyric and hyperion is uh fucking had like these ancient glory holes that were like historic it was like la's first glory holes well you know you know

the simpsons ride at Universal used to be a sex dungeon. The Simpsons ride at Universal used to be... No, it used to be the time travel academy. I know, I know. I'm just saying there's so many... I'm just joking around. Oh! Well, don't. Well, don't, Mike.

Jeff, I think your level's just peaked. I can hear it. Oh, shit. Tech guy. Mr. Gear, you made me peak. My blood pressure peaked i could hear it oh shit oh tech guy mr gear you made me peak my blood pressure peaked that's why hey i tell you something though at a brothel if i go to a brothel and they feed me one of these i don't have the function to do just about anything except take a nap wait wait wait yeah tim we went to see cassidy and Eva's immersive play.

Yeah. Do you remember? Do you recall? Yeah, it was like in a little art space, kind of a shabby. There was a bar up the street. Do you remember what that was? A bar up the street? Was that off like Vermont, kind of, in Hollywood?

Oh, Thai Angel on Western. But did it have like separate rooms? Yeah, it had like an upstairs with like rooms that used to be a brothel. I bet there's like a brothel tour or something you can take in LA. Like they have those Charles Manson tours and the Dearly Departed tours. I was thinking about opening up a business, kind of a sex work business I'm going into where it's broth and brothels where you have soup and then you make love. Yeah. You know, you want a nice belly full of hot soup.

Hot bone broth. What would you like? Hot bone broth. What would you like? Well, I'll have the ramen and the fucking 69. Yeah. And like, how spicy do you want that ramen? Maximum spice, please.

And how spicy do you want the act? The act. Mild. Mild. Extra spicy soup and a mild um hey before we get too far away from your initial mention michael healthy i've never absolutely filled i've i personally i have not experienced cherry garcia oh and you should just bought some it's in the fridge haven't cracked it yet oh fun this could be a blowout, Jeff. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Are you going to make my whiskey and ice cream beverage? Yeah, where you bore out the hole and then you dump in the... You ruin a pint of ice cream. Fill it up with Jack Daniels, yeah. Yeah, you drain a bottle of whiskey and ruin your ice cream. But it's funny, and it's important in life to be kind of funny. I have a thing where I take a Breyers's pint And I just dump it out the window

I like this whole thing We're kind of being nasty, rude boys We're saying whatever we want You said we could say filth Come on rude boy boys Here's some filth for you We can say whatever the hell we want Go ahead Mike

I think you should leave season two. Thank you. How about sexy outfits? Wait, what? Oh, that's your... That's the filth. You know, I was going to mention... Sexy outfits.

I was going to mention a priapism. I was going to mention... What? Have you heard that word, priapism? Yeah, what is it? It sounds medical. uh take a guess it's a bad health condition it was oh is that like a boner that doesn't go away you got to go to the bent dick it's a boner that doesn't go away when they were born in commercials when they

talk real fast like you know you know like if you have more than four hours and you got a big hard rod you want to go to your doctor. Hey, hey. Okay. Two stories really quick. Real quick. I know we're going over long, but it's good. It's good.

Oh, it's good. Number one, I'm going to tell a quick story of a penis injury. Great. That my friend's sister caused. And what's number two going to be? The time we took boner pills. Oh't tell that story come on gene simmons gave him to us of family jewels fame all right all right number one first of all friend of mine sister having sex with her boyfriend she's on top and she's bouncing up and down comes to their boyfriend. She's on top.

She's bouncing up and down. Comes out and then lands back down. You know what I mean? Like, crush and bends the erect penis. And he went to that. He had to go to the hospital. Wow. Like, right then and there? Right then and there. Like, they were like, oh, let's get in the car and go. Because it's bad

to, you know, you don't want to bend it. Yeah. You can bend it, Mike. You can bend it when it's soft. Not a problem. No, even that. Even that. Even that. Just a guy hearing this story, Jeff, oh, I can't even think of it.

Ow. Okay, here's the more, maybe the better story. Maybe we just use this one. I went to Comic-Con to film with Gene Simmons' family, Jules, my first job in LA. And some dude gave Gene Simmons a promotional pack of what were essentially like men's virility pills or boner pills. And he was like, thanks.

So thanks so much. Like, yeah, I'm going to use these blah, blah, blah. It's like being a good, being a good celeb. And then he turns to me and he's just like, you can have these. And so I brought home these weird boner pills and they were these pills they did not have a medical vibe they had more of a gas station vibe to them absolutely yep and like those little packets you see at the counter and it's sort of it's like tiger blood you know yeah and it's like energy virility libido mojo boost it's a little sus but um it's sketch too oh yeah uh it's a little chewy too probably um you're getting a little cringe here but uh we all took them did we all take them i took them yeah i did not shiner took

them i did and if if i remember uh we all laid awake in bed for hours with insatiable boners. All I'll say is that I sleep face down. I'll just say that I woke up a few inches off the mattress. You guys also had like crazy dreams, right? Like sweat dreams. Yeah, it was like cold sweats. Like, you know, like speed, I bet. Cause I think all that boner shit is just like circulation.

Get your circulation going. And my heart was like pounding in bed. It was bad. My heart was pounding. My lips were beet red and huge. Like I had collagen injections. I think mine rerouted more to my lips. You might've had an allergic reaction to whatever.

Maybe you guys, your heart was pounding and you couldn't think straight. Maybe you were just in love. I think I was in love. Maybe you were just in love on Valentine's Day. Jeff, you know what to do. Hey, we love pills the whole time. Wrap us up. We all love the drink.

Okay, no, final thoughts and we'll be done. Mike, I promise we'll be done after final thoughts. I know. I just like to be funny. I know, I know. My final thoughts are that it's great uh yeah order again and again and again it's it's good i don't know if i would it's not like a tier it's like it's like you know a b plus it's a good one to have in the in the arsenal though because you're doing like a you know a fucking daiquiri type thing but the the cognac just makes a little fancy yeah and uh i i like this drink it's an order again i will say

i want to do it at like a cocktail bar too and see what kind of uh specific twists they put on it twists and turns i bet you uh yeah because dresden had a twist on the sidecar, right, Tim? What was it? They used like a housemaid. Do they make their own triple sec? Is that possible? Maybe it's something like that. I feel like the citrus was tweaked.

Anyway, folks. What do I say here? Jesus fucking Christ. We absolutely love you. Especially on Valentine's Day. Much love. And that's our show. Also, we got to tell them to go to the Patreon, right?

That's the thing. We announced several new tiers on this episode. Yeah, look for those. Check those out, those very real tiers. And then we got questions for Lennon, a brand new one. That's right. Just dropped. We got Gabrus.

Gabrus. Gabrus. Gabrus is in town. Damn. A bunch of goodies up there. I got a personal plug. If you're in the New York area and you want to see some good stand-up comedy, come to see me host my show, A Night to Remember with Mike Hanford and Friends. We got me.

We got Steven Castillo, Dan Licata, Amy Zimmer, and Nick Cirelli and Brad Evans. What a lineup. Damn. Stacked. Castillo, Dan Licata, Amy Zimmer, and Nick Cirelli and Brad Evans. What a lineup! Damn stacked! That's gonna be on February 19th 7.30 at Union Hall. Nice, dude. Get tickets early because the price goes up day of. Oh, shit.

Skyrockets? That's right. Well, folks, it was a good episode. We hope you liked it. I know I did. That's right. It was romantic. It was romantic and pedantic.

And a little bit, it was a little raunchy at times. Well, sure, sure. A little rude, rather crude. And, folks, you didn't get any. All together, lewd. You got the edited version, folks. We're going to put the unedited version out one day. Yee-hoo!

Yeah, why aren't we doing the Holy Schenankies edition of this episode? Maybe that'll be our, uh, Pam and Tommy tape. Oh, hey, we should just make a Pam and Tommy tape.

Jeff, you got the blonde, long hair. Whoa, I need to get fucked? Yeah, but also, you're the drummer of the band So you're kind of the Tommy So why don't you go solo on this tape

Hey guys I got it covered I know just the thing I know just the sexual act I can perform alone This is going to be a video of Jeff jerking off Boo Yeah so don't say it like that Jeff figured out a way

For a person to have sex All by themselves Hmm Huh Alright Well folks We'll see you next week Where things will be

Um Sterile And Family friendly Yep It's a wholesome episode next week Gather Gather all the little

Kitties around Yep And send Jeff your real doll suggestions. Bye, folks. Bye. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys. Give it up for your boys.

Give it up for your boys