The Sloppy Boys - [UNLOCKED] Champagne Sabering

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

To celebrate a year of Blowouts, the guys try their hands at the art of sabrage.We made a little video too: https://youtu.be/6g-8oA-v25kEnjoy this [UNLOCKED] episode from our weekly Patreon bonus podcast, The Sloppy Boys Blowout!www.patreon.com/thesloppyboys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, hey, welcome to the Sloppy Boys Blowout. I'm Mike Hanford sitting here with Jeff Dutton. What's up? And Tim Kelpakis. What is up? Okay, we got the indispensable handman bopper showing up. He's doing it. He's having a fun time.

Oh, you got two funny guests here. These guys have been, you know, they're tried and true. Indispensable, I don't know, because I feel like we've dispensed of the big hand bopper multiple times. I thought we liked him. Big hand bopper. I like him now, but sometimes we don't know, because I feel like we've dispensed of the Big Hand Bopper multiple times. I thought we liked him. Big Hand Bopper. I like him now, but sometimes we don't like him. He goes away.

Sometimes we miss him and he comes back. He's died and come. So he is dispensable is the thing. And before he announces himself, it's tough to tell if it's just Mike Hanford or the Big Hand Bopper sometimes. I know. This happened last time we started the blowout. Mid-introducing you two i kind of like got into the voice and all of a sudden now the hand bopper's back in well if it leaps out of you

yeah you can't this is how it is man this is the one year anniversary of the blowout wow it all started with cocktail starring tom cruise. That was the first one, yeah. I remember I was looking at some sort of Reddit. It was talking about just the sort of pod in general. And one of the comments was, Patreon on launch, okay. Oh. So I want to say to that motherfucker, suck my fucking dick, you piece of shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, Patreon launch is like a bad thing we're just like like you know we were a new podcast and to also have a patreon on launch was like oh like you're that confident in yourself huh and like we're not going away in general we can accept criticism and and we would if there's good criticism but that person is a moron for a very specific reason, which is there's no logic to you as a listener wanting a show to establish an audience and then launch a Patreon. It's like that person only thinks that because other shows did that, that that's what you do. But then when you have disruptors like us. Oh, yeah. You know, we went to TechCrunch Disrupt and we decided we were going to launch both pods at the same time. How do we get the industry's ear?

Yeah. And we did. Well, and guess what, bitch? We did. What a dumb Redditor. That may be the only dumb Redditor, though. I hope that Redditor now isn't a Patron. Hey, look, we could pat ourselves on the back all day

for doing a year of this shit. You're going to hear that sort of stuff on Friday. Because Friday, we're drinking Russian Roots of Mike Hanford creation, and we're just having a fucking blast and celebrating. That's the big anniversary. Yeah. This is the pregame to the anniversary. This is the aperitivo to the digestivo. Yes, yes, yes.

Thank you, Tim, for putting it in terms we all understand. Finally. Finally. But today's a good episode, though. A real good one. Yeah. It's gotta be. One I've been looking forward to,

because it's sort of this confluence of like, this is a cool thing that exists in the world. It's got to do with booze, so it's in our wheelhouse. But then it's also got this sort of like jackass-y, like prank-y, can-you-do-it sort of stunt thing. It's got a little be-o-na-na-na-na-na-o to it. Yeah, yeah. It's got a little near, near, near.

And then don't forget. Not to be confused with Bernadette Near. Oh, yeah. Ah, Bernadette Near, wherever you are. Thanks for subscribing. Don't forget the three of us. But it's celebratory. It's a thing that you do on a momentous occasion.

Yes. Folks, today we're talking about champagne sabering or the art and technique of sabrage slash sabrage. I'm going to go sabrage as my personal pronunciation. That's the French, I think. Sabrage. I saw all sorts of weird, bogus pronunciation things for sabrage. How do you spell sabre? S-A-B-R-E?

Yeah. R-E. Like the Buffalo Sabres? Mm-hmm. Yeah. bogus uh pronunciation things for how you spell in saber s-a-b-r-e or yeah re like the buffalo sabers yeah is that that's so funny the buffalo sabers have like their logo is more buffalo than saber but they do have two little sabers on the bottom and i think those sabers were used to lop off some champagne heads damn probably probably now have, you've seen? Sabers? Sabering. Only on video. I've seen in. IRL? Yes, in Hawaii.

I stayed at the St. Regis Princeville, fancy hotel that might not be there anymore. And I thought it was like a special. Do you know where it went? It just kind of slipped out into the ocean. Holy fuck. It's right there. It's up in like Hanalei Bay where like the Bali High...

Bali High? Have you guys... Whoa. We're getting loose. Salty crew brew. You want to get a little loose before you start wielding sharp weapons. I've never seen South Pacific,

but in the South Pacific, there's some rock out at sea that they're like, hey, that's Bali High or something like that. That's what Elvis says? Not Elvis, but some other press. South Paselvic is a musical, right? Oh, God. Well, right there in Hawaii,

north shore of kawaii there is a a fancy hotel and i was there and then the at uh sunset everybody has kind of gathered and is drinking you know mai tais and stuff looking out at the beautiful pink sunset over the ocean and right in that moment i didn't i thought it was just it was a special night but it turns out it's every night at sunset a couple of guys go out to the uh veranda and they saber champagne and that was the first time i'd seen it let's jeff define what sabering is just so people can understand what we're... You might have seen this, folks. It's when you open champagne, not with a corkscrew. No.

But with a curved blade. Yes. You know, it's got... The technique, it's from France. It's from the era of Napoleon's armies in the wake of the French Revolution. Napoleon was a big champagne guy, but not a big guy himself. Not a big guy. A small,

small man. He was compensating for his lack of height with his fandom of champagne. He, he said, he's got a good quote here. Where is it? I drink champagne when I win to celebrate and I drink champagne when I lose to console myself.

Guy loves the bubbly. Yeah. That's the red flags, alcoholism. So, uh, you know what you do is I'll, I'll talk you through it.

You take a champagne, it's gotta be prepared in the traditional manner, which I don't know if you know this, but it might, it might be a couple different things, but the important thing for us is that it's fermented in the same bottle that it is bought and then served from. Interesting. So each of these things are highly pressurized.

You know what champagne is. That's highly, more than a beer. It's a sparkling white wine that's made in champagne. Tim, it's more than that. It's a bomb. Yep. Basically. This thing is ready to blow.

That's why they have that little wire on there because sometimes the cork just shoots the fuck right off. The cage. The cage. The cage. No, no, the cork. Yeah, but the cage keeps the cork on. Yes. The spice.

Oh, my rage. I'm still just a cork in a cage. Billy! That's good. That's good. Billy! That's good. Billy!

It's a little late. So, traditionally made champagne, regardless of where it's from and that whole thing sure you'll notice that it's in it's in really thick glass and that's because the contents are really under pressure it's it's been fermenting in there the thing's ready to blow and that's i think that also has something to do with the butt of it you'll notice like it kind of indents it's called the punt oh the bottom of the bottle is bent i thought that was just because they're being cheap i don't know i think there's i think there's some like physics uh

reason for it whoa but anyway the punt the punt so here's how you do it you get your champagne football fans are like well we got a bunch we got six bottles here so we can really fuck up we each get two tries hey did i go for i was like I'm gonna get some stuff I know is good like Vouv Clicquot and it was like 140 bucks and I said you know what

Corbell will be fine for the pot yeah champagne is not the the drink to be going for the like being like oh try something nice

when it's champagne that's they go very high on the shelf yeah so you wanna take your

bottle thick glass sure get it cold real cold don't put it in the freezer it'll fucking probably explode but we put ours on ice you know there's a temperature you want it to get to but really just ice cold is the way to go especially the neck and so this is for the physics of the sabering it has to be very cold cold glass you want you want that for the save oh because it it'll shatter Mm-hmm. And so you take it out of the ice.

We're going to take it out of the ice. You want to dry it off. Oh. You think ice, great. Ice is nice. But with cold comes wet. Mm, condensation. You don't want it to be a wet bottle

be slipping around. You want it to be cold, but dry it off. Oh, just so it doesn't slip out of your hand. Yeah, but oh, yeah, yeah. And you want the blade to be sure and hand. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. And you want the blade to be sure and true. Yeah. You take that bottle, put your thumb in the punt of your love, your less dominant hand, like my left hand, you want to hold it at a 45 degree angle away from you. You want to find the seam on the bottle. There's a thin seam on the bottle and you put it

facing you like facing up. You take your blade. You could use a kitchen knife. I've even seen you can use a cell phone. Wow. And you take some practice strokes. You run it along that seam and then you want to rush right up to the collar. You've seen, it's like, it's where the bottle, right before the tip gets a little bit thicker. Yeah.

And that's what you're striking off. It's going to be broken before at the bot underneath the collar is the break point right underneath the collar got it like the collar is going to come off around the cork and it's just going to blast yeah and the and the um the carbonation is going to is going to force the glass shards away from the tip like you know you're so you should be safe like if you're pouring it examine the thing and make sure you don't have the glass shards in it but in general the pressure is going to blast the glass away so even a clean break is going to produce some shards yeah because it's breaking glass yeah you're not going to have a

total clean break okay and then the other thing to note is that uh you don't want to use a sharp blade at the point of impact the the blade that we have is a champagne saber, and I think it's meant to be used, quote-unquote, sharp side out. But it's not sharp, because it's made for this. It's dull. I put it against my hand. If you were to use a real saber, you'd use the blunt side. But a real wartime saber, you'd use the blunt side. Got it.

Ours is like a... Peace time saber. Ours is decorative peace time. Now, you bought this saber on Amazon? Yeah. And it's for champagne sabering? Yes. Cool.

Very cool. Does the saber... As you're running it along the crease... Yes. Is the saber making contact with the bottle that whole way? You're like sliding it like it's a water slide. And so it's hitting the lip and just kind of pulling off the thing. Yeah.

So it's the blunt impact rather than a cutting this is 45 degree angle yep and then also obviously don't do it outside or like don't point it at anyone because we watched some youtube tutorials yeah that are just like here's how you do it and it looked very easy but then the next recommended video was champagne sabering fails and just seeing how easily it can go wrong i was like well we're definitely going to be category two it's a lot of people like running the knife and then the whole bottle breaking in their hand yeah and there was one guy who had like a huge magnum just like explode all over but my prediction of how we do it wrong is i i bet we're going to be too timid

and we're going to move that knife too slow and go like tink. Not me, Tim. I'm going to go. Whoa! Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Can I just amend something I said earlier? Sure. I was doing a Billy Corgan lyric. I do want to say, I want to say now a better version of that would be, on top of champagne, on top of champagne, there is still just a cork in a cage. I think that's better.

I like that a lot. I have a question. Do you think that in this episode, we're going to make any jokes about champagne poppy? Drake. Ooh, very topical. More topical than Spanish pumpkins, unless they're touring. Right, but if they're touring, then...

Then leave it in. Tim, you bring up an interesting question. Do I think that we will? Do you think that we will? Because even if Drake were to come up, we might just say, hey, now there's a certified lover boy. But we're not guaranteed to make a Champagne Poppy joke. No?

Well, I think the champagne will be popping, hopefully. Do you think that his Twitter name, Champagne Poppy, has anything to do with popping champagne i wonder shit probably i'll say this in in response to your first uh query yeah i'm gonna say no but i hope that i'm wrong yeah me too oh i pray we make a joke like that well guys uh i is there anything else to cover i feel like we're ready to go. This is exciting. If this goes well and we can do it like six bottles, just like shink, shink, shink. Next time I'm at a wedding or something,

I'll be like, hey, let me see one of these things. I'll be the head. Wedding? I'm going to do it at the local watering hole every day. Have you seen the one? There's a thing that's like, if you don't have a corkscrew or something, you can put a bottle of champagne in a shoe i think it's more of a wine bottle and you like slam the the heel of the shoe

and the cork comes out i have seen that then does it not foam up the champagne see i think okay so i think that's just wine it just brings the cork out a little bit so with this champagne when we correctly saber it shouldn't also then foam up and spill out right it should be a clean like well a um the practiced saber would lose minimal champagne do i qualify as a practice we'll find out i think after one you're correct here's the other important thing you want to completely remove the foil from the neck and the cage you want to have an unobstructed blow towards the collar. Copy, copy. I should

also say this. I'm not a big champagne fan, so if I break the whole bottle, I don't care. I positively don't like it. No, no, that's not true. I'm going to cut out that I said that. Okay. Champagne's fine. Champagne's fine. Yeah, but if you're saying it's fine, then you probably don't really like it, because champagne is meant to be the ultimate treat.

I think that's crazy. Well, I like good champagne. Veuve Clicquot is very good. A little veuve. Yeah, I like great peanut butter too. Yeah. Skippy, Jeff. Skippy, Jeff. Let's do this. Alright, folks.

We'll see you in the driveway. That's a good saver. That's cool. You're going to want it to have little decorative notches taken out of it. Right. I don't know what those are. That's pretty neat. Yeah, what is that?

Why would they do that? I don't know. But both sides are blunt, as you can see. We've talked about this. And it's going to be about the blunt force striking the collar. Now, when you say collar, you don't mean like a collar you're on the air. That's right. You don't mean that.

Okay. I'm going to start with a Corbel. How about that? Please. If it's not Corbel, it's not champagne. If it's not Corbel, it can go to hell. I'm going to stay away from this, Joe, because I don't want you to pop me in the face with a corbel. Okay.

Now, make sure you get that foil all the way off. You don't want any of the foil left on there. Get that label off. Get that foil off. It will only thwart you. Oh, and here we see on top of champagne, there's still just a cork in a cage. Sam, Michael. Sorry, and here we see on top of champagne, there's still just a cork in a cage.

Bill Corgan, it seems. Bill Corkman. Oh, God. Here we see, we got a good look at the seam. You see the seam? Yeah, there it is, running right along the bottle. Oh, perfect. Just as I suspected.

Yes, yes, yes. I got it in my less dominant hand. I've got a little towel just thumb in the punt. Thumb in the punt. It was heartening that even in the champagne fails, people didn't go to the ER for cutting their hair. Yeah, that's good. Is it hard to hold that bottle tightly with your thumb in the punt like that? You know what?

I think I'm going to do some fleshy fingers on the bottle. Fleshy fingers, okay. But thumb in the punt like that. You know what, I think I'm going to do a little, some fleshy fingers on the thumb and the punt. Fleshy fingers, okay. But thumb in the punt feels good. Now, here's the thing I'll say about, you know, you were saying, ooh, look at that. You were saying that in these videos, no one went to the ER. They didn't really, the video was, each clip was like, very short. We didn't

see where they went. Yeah, we don't know where, what other locations they went to. Are we ready to go. Yeah, good He is ready. He is in in position 45 degree anything is you got to swing through like a golf swing, you know, you can't just stop it. Of course Ready? Yeah, I'm not wearing safety glasses. I'm wearing sunglasses in lieu in lieu safety Well sloppy boy, that's we all kind of wear sunglasses Wow We all kind of wear sunglasses. One, two... Whoa!

Yeah, that was perfect! Perfectly done, Jeff! No loss of champagne. No shards visible. Look at that clean fucking break. That was crazy! The fucking thing shot across the sky like I didn't think he was even going to do that.

That was awesome, Jeff. Damn. You guys are up. That really just popped going to do that. That was awesome, Jeff. Damn. Wow! You guys are up. That really just popped right off, huh? That was like butter. Shit. Fucking A. That was fun as shit. Yeah, I can't believe how smoothly that shot. I'm never using another corkscrew again. I know. I'm going to...

Look at this. This is like the... The cork still has glass wrapped around it, folks. That's the collar. That's the collar. That's the collar. You don't mean collar like. Collar, you're on the air. Yeah, you didn't answer that before. I took notice that you didn't answer that.

Okay, Hanford is stepping up to the plate. I'll try a different bottle. Also, we don't have to use all six. For Sonoma. Oh, wow. Mike selected the Piper Sonoma. So Mike rejected the Piper Salome. So Mike rejected the Corbell and is opting to go a little NorCal.

Piper Salome. The cage is off, folks. I think I might start doing a thing where I'm keeping a saber on me at all times. Great. All right, ready? And I'm going to go right through it. Right through it.

Jesus. Oh, Michael! Right through it. Right through it. Jesus. Oh, Michael! Folks, that was a nice, clean saber. A little bit of champagne loss, so, you know.

A little champagne loss. My cork didn't go so far, but I think the big problem, I was holding it, like, down a little bit. I think I was holding it more of an angle. It was nice and theatrical, though. You know, Jeff didn't foam up, which is very nice, but I kind of like seeing a little foam. Wow. That's so neat.

It really took no, like, no, nothing at all to, like, get it going. See, the glass here is all kind of chunkified. Chunkified. I wonder if it broke on there or if the glass is in here. I don't know. The collar is still wrapped around the cork, but the bottom of the cork seems to be a little gnarled. You know, it's the glass is in here i don't know the collar is still wrapped around the cork but the bottom of the cork seems to be a little bit uh we didn't bring any glasses out here to drink oh yeah i'll get some flutes uh for number three for number three great that's great

okay now tim is wiping now what'd you get get, a Corbell, Tim? I went with the Corbell because if it's not Corbell, it's not Champagne Poppy. Hey. It happened. That's it, yo. He did come up. Okay, so I got that off, and then now I'm drying this, basically, is what I'm getting up to here. Now we wonder if he's found the seam. Is he found the seam? The podcaster is drying the bottle.

Now is about the time when you're going to want to take off your cage. Uh, you know, Nick Cage. There's somebody saying my name. The history of curse words, okay. I could have been Superman. You know, I don't have a

cage impression down yet. Yeah. Well, this is good't have a cage impression down yet. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is good to get an eye into the process. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Timmy. I got naked fingers on the bottle.

I got a toweled thumb. In the punt. In the punt. Okay. Okay, now I got to find my seam, folks. Make sure you find that seam. Uh-huh. Where's the motherfucker? I wonder if this would be good. If you can't find a seam, Where's the motherfucker? I wonder if this would be good if you can't find a seam

if it just works anyway. Nassim Padrad? Okay, folks. Doing that. It's going to go right there. Bing bang boom. I think I'm about ready. You guys ready? Okay, well

I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is the Champagne Sabre. Oh, yeah, man. Baby. Right on. Let's get some flutes going. Look at that. Now, did you end up finding the seam, Tim? Yeah, I found that seam.

It was a little subtle. Before you take a big, okay, you're going to look for some glass. Check for some glass. Look for some glass pieces in there before you start. How do I look? In the glass, in your glass. Check for some glass. Look for some glass pieces in there before you start. How do I look? In the glass, in the glass. I don't mind if I get a little glass in my throat. Ooh, I wouldn't.

Folks, I wouldn't drink glass. That's just me, but. There you go. Yeah, all right, that's good for me. Hey, you don't forget the chain, man. Woo, foamy domey. Foamy domey, Thai domey, come on. Ooh, jeez, what a.

Holy shit, thatez. Holy shit. It's beautiful. Wow. The sabers were swarded. Upon this very day. To the sabers goes the champagne poppy sward. To all the other sabers out there, enjoy your surprise. Slash on.

Slash on. Only one shard. Ooh, that's a good Corbel. Yeah, just the one. I feel one little shard going, yo, slice dice. That was cool. Here's the thing. I was expecting a little more action.

We all did it. The three of us did it perfectly. Three perfect ones. We were kind of hoping that we'd be fuck-ups, but we're like athletes, basically. I know. I wish had like blown up in our hands mike you're you're natural i know we all are it must be you know what i bet those people in the compilation didn't free like have their bottles chilled and they're using shitty fucking champagne they're not springing for the corp but this is corp oh wait a minute yeah they're using coca-cola brand champagne uh this activity though made a champagne

a lot more appealing to me drinking this after you after you did a cool stunt if i did something yeah i would i would definitely try this at a wedding oh for sure or graduation or a wedding where you're like retirement party anything you're a plus one at someone's wedding you barely know. Hey, everybody, get a look. Here's something I was curious about. Yeah. If you, can you put champagne in the freezer? No, I think it'll pop. It'll pop, huh?

Oh, yes, it will. Yes, it will. Remember we got some very nice champagne once as a gift from when the show got on the air. Somebody gave us a gift. You want full body or should I come in like half body, a cowboy? Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, we put the champagne, very nice champagne in the freezer and it popped. Ready?

Wait a minute. Hold on a second. We were recording on this. Jeff is doing another one. Here we go. I shook it up. This is going to be a controlled explosion. Good. Oh, this thing's going to pop. One, two, three three it's a whiff oh i did what you're not supposed to do i chipped the fucking thing oh you gotta work another seam oh there's another seam but i have to chip away the label oh god can you do it in time

you chip you gotta chop i don't see why you need to chip away the label. It's so crazy. Ready? Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo. That was a cool one, Joe. Yeah. This is cool. We're cool. We're cool.

We feel awesome. We're very cool. We decided it. It's cool for us to be cool. Check five, I'm rolling. Check five, I'm rolling right along with you, Tim. And I am rolling as well. Here we go.

Folks, we're back in the living room after three successful bouts at Sauvrage. That was exhilarating. That was cool. It was so easy. I posited that it was the cool of the glass being cold. I posited that it was our confidence. Cool, confident. We didn't freak out.

Follow through. Yeah. If you start something, you finish it, including a saber swipe. Yeah. I have now the confidence of an event where there's champagne saying, give me that bottle, sir, and I'll take it from here. And I've seen a lot of stuff online, folks, where you don't need the cheapest champagne saber that you get off Amazon Prime. You don't need that.

You could do a kitchen knife, but you've got to use the blunt edge. And people have even done it with, like, I don't know, like a strong ruler or like a cell phone. A cell phone. I would try that. Somebody like a cell phone. That's how I, I would try that. So if you, somebody else's cell phone, but if you use the sharp side of a knife, you would just cut the collar, right?

Yeah. Yep. Uh, you don't be collar like collar. You're on the air. Oh, you don't Jeff. I didn't,

you never answered. No, it was unclear for a long time. Yeah. For a while. I was like, what the hell is a collar? Is it a call in show? Um, yeah. And then, Jeff, you never answered that. No, it was unclear for a long time. Yeah, for a while I was like, what the hell is a collar? The fuck?

Is this a call-in show? Yeah, and then we didn't seem to get any glass in our throats or bowels or anything. No, I'm tasting blood, but that could be from a gum thing. Yeah, that's gingivitis. Yeah, that could be something else. I'm starting to wonder if there's other things you can open with a knife. Right. A door. of wonder if there's other things you can open with a knife like right a door i guess uh i guess like you need you need the contents to be under some some real pressure like a champagne that's

so you can't be going and opening a root beer oh michael under pressure yeah that's right when i'm sabering um didn't they do a version of that song that they played on our podcast one time? Yeah. What the hell were they doing? Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper, right. Yeah. They wanted to go out and meet some friends, but they were doing Dr. Pepper shots.

Yes. Huh. Things went off the rails, if I remember correctly. Yeah. They didn't end up wanting to go, and I think they just ended up getting drunker and staying in. It's crazy. Crazy what those two will get up to dang uh sabering i i am so surprised that it worked makes me wonder what other stuff like that we can do it's like where it's like it's drinking related it's sort of in our wheelhouse but it's like a stunt stunt stuff yeah like we

talked about maybe drinking out of out of the boot like Like the German beer boot. Also, you know what we should do is that thing where you put a bottle up your butt and then you do a handstand. A butt chug. And then you watch the bottle go. That's no, yeah, with each fart you see that happen.

That's no, that's how you drink usually, I thought. Yeah, but I haven't. You talk about it so much. I haven't done it on the pot. Oh, yeah, yeah, good. Didn't Steve-O do that? He like butt chugged vodka or something like that?

He did something with a funnel. Yeah, he funneled a beer up his butt. Butt funnel? Oh, my God. I've never funneled a beer. That would be a good one, I guess. You've never funneled a beer? I don't think successfully.

I don't think I've been like, do it! And they open the thing and I'm like, go, go, go. It's funny because the gravity makes it easier than you like you think like oh boy i mean it's gonna be hard to get this whole beer down but it kind of shoots down your throat and interesting i you know ideally you're not taking multiple gulps you're just kind of like relaxing the throat i noticed that i did gulps when i when i funneled and it's hard to do it i don't know that I can get a whole one down in one. And that is pretty nasty when you think about it.

Like in college, I didn't think anything of all this stuff. This all sounded fine. In college, I even funneled milk as a way to sort of beat the milk challenge where you drink a gallon of milk in an hour. I thought the funnel would be the way to do that, and it didn't work. Proved incorrect. Another one we could do is, from my old Frisbee team college story, we could do

a disc. Yeah, that's six beers, right? Six beers in an upside-down Frisbee. You know what's funny about the... COVID! Funneling, the idea is just to shoot it down your throat and you're drinking it fast.

You got the, the other thing is the keg stand. Yep. Where people hold your legs up and you're doing a handstand on the keg. There's no, there's nothing like, oh, you drink faster that way. That's just like you're upside down drinking. If anything, it's harder because the booze has to go up. But people are counting for you. It's sort of interesting.

One, a two. Now he's on three, folks. Now he's on four seconds. Wow. The next one is nine. Wait a minute. Backtrack on that one. I think we missed five.

You're right. But that one kind of really makes you appreciate the miracle of peristalsis. Yeah. Yeah. Tim, I'm going to have to stop you right there. What the fuck are you talking about i want to say per peristalsis it's it's the the the muscles that push something down they ripple down so even when you're upside down you can push liquid up your throat through the use of

i believe peristalsis wow damn it's amazing this's amazing, this human body. It really is. Yes. You think of the evolution... Or the creationism. Oh, yes, yes. Yeah. You think of the evolution... On the seventh day, God made peristalsis.

Yeah. Love it. Love it. I absolutely love it. Well, this is a good blowout i think for uh those of you paying five dollars a month we we love you one year of blowouts can't believe it what a celebration i mean that was great some of you have been here the whole time some of you jumped on more recently we love you all the same well uh is this one thing we want to tell we love you all the same

but we love even more the people who are subscribing longer. Right. And we love less the people who have been not subscribing. And we love most of all the big money hustlers. And like we said, there might be more tiers coming out where you can climb up the ranks. Yeah, how high can you go? And learn the real truth of the sloppy boys. That's so awesome that that will be available to people. Yeah.

Wow. Now, I'm curious. Should we recommend to people to try this at home? You know, responsibly, people will say, like, don't try this at home. But I say go ahead and do it. Yeah. Wow. You follow the steps, though.

You got to follow. Otherwise, you're going to have a fucking mess. And you know what? If you hurt yourself, we will hold ourselves personally responsible. No, that's you. I'm out of that. I'm not into that. I've got WGA health insurance.

So if you get hurt doing this, I'll cover you. We just have to come out to the Bob Hope Medical Center in Hollywood and say that you're me. If you cut yourself in Michigan or whatever, book yourself the soonest flight you can. Come on out. To stem the bleeding. And come out to tell them,

specifically the Bob Hope Medical Center. Yeah, it's kind of a funny little hospital for writers. They got pictures of Bob Hope on the wall and terrible doctors, but, you know. You go into Bob Hope and say, I got a really big cut. Ed Sullivan. Ed Sullivan again, my God. Ed Sullivan-y. Right.

I was waiting to go see my doctor one time in the waiting room, and who was I in there with? A famous director whose name I can't remember. Did he or she direct? I can't remember what she directed, but she was on a season of Project Greenlight as the director. Oh, famously, Matt Damon mansplainedained something to her and that was a viral clip but anyway she goes to my doctor

that's why she and i have such similar health if you noticed like uh my my my medical stuff and hers are pretty similar same blood pressure same cholesterol same head shape yep you go to a phrenologist still what's that it's like that uh thing from maybe the 20s yeah we're like uh they like map out your head and you just like if you have different bumps on your head it like means different things it's like cuts of beef but like yeah it's like well here's where like your your parents are stored and here's where you're like geography map the sun you gotta understand the humors like that weird old-timey uh doctor yeah stuff yeah i go to one of those pseudoscience i still i still get some bloodlet every once in a

while get the leeches on me that's why there are red and blue stripes on a barbershop spinny thing. Leeches? Yeah, because barbershops used to do bloodletting. Get the fuck out of here. Wait, so what's the red and blue? Blood. The red is the blood.

And the white is? The blue, the blood before it comes out of your vein. Isn't blood blue when it's not oxidized? I don't know if that's true. I read something about that. You know, you look at your out of your vein. Isn't blood blue when it's not oxidized? I don't know if that's true. I read something about that. You know, you look at your veins through your skin. It's just the veins that are blue, because they're like higher up,

there's like different levels under the skin, and the skin gives it like a tint. Really? In a way. That's what I read. This is like an anatomy podcast. It's so cool. It's awesome.

All of a sudden, anatomy from head to toe. That's what I read. This is like an anatomy podcast. It's so cool. It's awesome. All of a sudden, anatomy from head to toe. That's true. Are we talking about phrenology? We haven't talked about feet. My anatomy runs all the way from head to toe. Yeah. I can vouch for that.

Come on now. Damn. Well, how do we feel about wrapping it up? I love it. I feel great. We had a great time. And I think everybody listening at home has been really satisfied, too.

Happy anniversary, everybody listening. Thank you. Well, Mike, you normally sign off the blowouts. You know what? I'm feeling pretty good. I'll let you do it, Jeff. Oh, cool. Step up to the big leagues.

Happy anniversary, bud. This is the big leagues? Yeah, this is the huge leagues. Damn. Subscription-based podcast. This is big league leagues? Yeah, this is the huge leagues. Damn. Subscription-based podcast. This is big league chew, man. Premium content. All right.

Oh, he's totally... I mean, he does it on the main, so this is... He's sweating bullets. He made yellow. He made jizz. He did it. That's our show Follow us on social media

Oh no that's the main Let me step in here Check us out online everybody Nice cool Keep it cool Now I'm starting to understand Check us out Jump on a pod if you need to

Grab a patreon Whatever you want You want to be a big money hustler? You do you. Let yourself be free for once. Don't let the corporations hold you down. Hey folks, we're going to take a little break from this and we'll come back next week

and give you a brand new blowout. You're going to have a fantastic time. Folks, we love each and every one of you. Except for the tip jars. Tip jars? We hate you. Tip jars, you got your own thing of you. Except for the tip jars. Tip jars? We hate you. Tip jars, you got your own thing going on. You need to figure out your shit and get back to us on the Patreon.

Kind of weird. It says when you go to our Patreon, it says, Hey, tip jar, one dollar. No benefits. You like us and you want to support the show. And to that we say we don't like you. We don't like you. You're flushing us out of the way. We never said that we had to like you back. You like us, that's to support the show. And to that we say we don't like you. We don't like you. You're flushing us out of the way.

We never said that we had to like you back. You like us, that's fine. We're funny. We don't know what you do. You're just a green, green money machine to us. He's kidding. Folks, we love you. Even the tips charts. Yeah, we love you. Now go saber

your way through life. Goodbye. Goodbye. Chars. Yeah, we love you. Now go saber your way through life. Goodbye! Goodbye!