The Sloppy Boys - [UNLOCKED] Take a Bath

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

Enjoy this [UNLOCKED] episode of The Sloppy Boys Blowout, our weekly bonus episode available to Patreon subscribers.Jeff takes his first bath in a decade and makes the guys take one too.Visit patreon.com/thesloppyboys for more! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, summer is in full swing and we're celebrating by unlocking some of our favorite paywalled episodes every week for the entire month of July. It's the Sloppy Summer Sales Event. Five weeks of the Sloppy Boys Blowout, the superior show, delivered straight to your device for free, like that U2 album that time. For more, go to patreon.com slash thesloppyboys. And now, this week's unlocked episode. From November 10th, 2021, it's the Sloppy Boys take a bath. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is Morris Mantelbaum, filling in for the Big Hand Bopper.

Today we'll be having a detailed, informed conversation about bathing. Here with me, as always, is Jefferson Dutton. Yeah! And Tim Galpakis. Ow, ow, ow! All right, I don't know how I usually do things on this show, but I'm willing to learn. I think I'm rather knackered. All right, I was told ahead of time that you two would be a bit of a problem.

A bit of, you know, the ribbing sort of the new guy. This guy's a dork. I miss Julian Chalazzo. Yeah, where's Chalazzo? Hey, guys, I thought I heard something about things not working out with Morris. Yeah, he was uptight, but you're chill. Morris fucking sucks. Yeah, well, no, I mean, we're testing people out with Morris. Yeah, he was uptight, but you're chill. Morris fucking sucks. Yeah, well, no.

I mean, we're testing people out right now. But the big ham bopper, as you may or may not have heard, is in traction. He got into a very serious... Oh, no. Yes, he got into a very serious bike accident yesterday. He was trying to show off for some people on the sidewalk. He was doing a wheelie. Yeah, he was trying to do a wheelie.

That's right. Well, glad you're okay, Julian. I'm doing fine. I just was at the doctor. I had a physical. I was probed, and I am doing... Is that why you're in such a good mood? I was probed.

Very funny. Again, I was also warned that you two can get a little inappropriate. But, yes, I'm here to uh sort of lead the conversations we talk about bathing i'm seeing on the sheet here we're talking about bathing that's all in the sheet yeah hey get out of my way here it's a big hand bobber it looks like i'm healing quickly wow oh my god the iv bag is just trailing behind him. Yeah, he was doing a wheelie with the IV. The IV bag.

Whoa, the IV bag. Let's get this one correct. Let me see. It's not written on the paper. The IV bag is filled with great classic rock tunes. Here we go. Here's another one from Starship. Here we go.

Great classic rock tunes wow can you believe that's how that all played i wouldn't mind hearing a great classic rock tune right about now huh yeah oh yeah a little slow ride i was gonna say smoke on the water which is similar they should combine those two. I was going to do a little, she's my chiropractor. Do you guys have an affinity for that movie? Days Unconfused? Yes, Days Unconfused. Absolutely.

Full screen or wide screen? Wide, please. Yes, yes. Full screen? No, no. God, no. I like that movie, but not in the way that some people are like, oh, yeah, I could put Days Confused on all the time.

I mean, I've only seen it a couple of times, but I like that it was like an update of American graffiti. It was very fun. I mean, come on, they keep getting younger and I stay the same or whatever. That's a classic line. All right, all right, all right. The kid touching his nose all the same or whatever. That's a classic line. Alright, alright, alright. The kid touching his nose all the time is something. Oh, that one scene he does it like eight times in a row. You could have a drinking

game to that game. Mike. Michael. Have a drinking game to that game. Alright, let me just pull the e-brake on that one. The electronic brake? That's right. No, the emergency brake.

Oh! I've seen you use that, Jeff. Mike, I'm such a tech head. I know, I know, I know. I know you are. Interesting career on that, what's his name, the director, the Texas guy? Crow? No, no, that's...

Almost famous. Yeah, that's almost famous we're gonna be talking about oh people are later link later yes later i know he's got he's a very hip hip austin indie filmmaker and then right in the middle of it is fucking uh school of rock a giant hit movie that became a yeah a broadway play i like that movie and it's got jack black and it's cool it's written by mike white but isn't it kind of weird that then like after that to go back to boyhood and and that backed your thing yeah i think he's had a couple to look it up he's had a couple of those like

popping out of the indie world to do some hits i think did he do slacker it was his first movie slacker that was great he he did that i i don't know which order. Now, you guys saw Waking Life, yeah? Yeah. No, but I remember that animation style. They had that rotoscoped animation style, which I also think he did for Scanner Darkly. I don't know if he was Scanner Darkly, but that was the same style. You might remember in Waking Life, there was a character who was driving a boat.

Do you remember this? Yes, yes. Do you remember who that character was, Mike? No, but I'm, no, I'm going to, you're going to tell me, I'm going to go, of course. That was Alex Jones of InfoWars. Really? Right. Back when he was just like a fringy entertainment-like crackpot guy before he was like a serious dangerous crackpot guy no shit that's so weird because then also um what's his name the bright bart guy who was uh

trump's advisor um you know the bannon steve bannon steve bannon had been a screenwriter in la i didn't know these guys were all failed showbiz dudes you know who else is is fucking ben come on affleck can't get his wife's pussy wet ben ben stein shapiro shapiro oh yeah failed screenwriter so here's our problem we have too much success in hollywood and it's keeping us from becoming political pundits it's keeping us from becoming red-pilled. Yeah. Link later also did Bad News Bears, the one with... The new one. Yeah, the newish one from 05. And Bernie...

I guess Bad News Bears was the other more mainstreamy one. Interesting. It's funny that that movie Bernie, when you said it, it was like, oh yeah, the Jack Black thing, but I definitely thought Bernie Sanders. The name Bernie has been so... You can't name a kid bernie now like you can't like that movie came out uh a year before bernie sanders just took anything and everything bernie have you seen the there's a documentary i forget if we watch

together jeff called the cruise have you watched that. It is a documentary from 98, and I think it's the guy who did Moneyball, maybe directed it. But it's about this guy who's in waking life. It's like on the bridge, this guy who's tall. He's got kind of a high nasally voice, and he's on the Brooklyn Bridge. Anyway, there's a... Is it me? Yeah, there he is.

Mickey! Get back in your animation cell. It's this guy who used to... I think he actually still does them, but he does these walking tours, but at the time, in 98, he was doing these bus tours all around New York

and he's a very interesting weirdo guy and it's worth watching if you want to watch a weirdo. What's it called? The Cruise. The Cruise. The Cruise from 1998. The only Cruise I care about is Tom. Thank you very much.

Yeah, I know. Ooh. Remember when, I was thinking about this today, remember when Rosie O'Donnell, every time Tom Cruise was mentioned, she would push a button, and it would be like, Tommy, can you hear me? Oh, is that what it was it was tommy can you hear me yeah oh yeah what an interesting she had to kind of fake uh i mean i guess you could have a crush on tom cruise or like cruise but i felt like that was like hey we need you to say that you like a man

right right because it's she was on in the afternoon, right? She was syndicated so it could be on different times, but for me it was like 10 a.m. And I watched it, and I liked it. And I watched it with my mom. You should have been in school, young man. You were like, I want to see Betty Rubble's talk show. Was she in the first one or the second one?

Because didn't the cast completely switch for the second one? Yeah, they switched for Viva Rock Vegas, which I did not see You didn't? Which I did not enjoy You didn't New York City Well, you guys want to talk about the topic of the day?

Thank you for once Why don't I set that up, Jeff, as I am the host of this Well, it was my idea. Let's get Julian Chilazo back in here. No, no, he's done. Mike, I'd love Julian to do it. Alright, alright. Let's see if I can just check the sheet here.

Today, we're talking with the sloppy boys who are sloppy in their own right. These guys want to get clean. They haven't taken a proper bath in a long time so they decided to give it a whirl yeah i love that intro julian julian here's what you do we want to intro topic you say a bath you've had that's all you gotta do yeah that's what we do julian all right i see i don't listen to the podcast. A bath you've possibly partaked?

Oh, boy. Here we go. I have. Yeah, that's a good question, though. Before this, when was your last bath? Well, Jeff, let me tell you, I recently took a bath on some bad investment. Yeah, no shit. I don't want to talk about that.

Damn. You guys know this about me. I loveunas i love hot tubs i love jacuzzis especially outdoor in the winter so i like that type of shit yeah and so i'm prone to like baths but i really only would take a bath in my home if i if i hurt my back or my back was sore so i would say i probably took a bath within the last i think i took a bath like during covid probably so like maybe in the last year and a half okay and uh and for but for me it's always about the therapeutic like oh it's aching back so i'm gonna fill up the tub with salt epsom salts and make it you can only buy in like a huge yes bag exactly and i and i that bag i've been chipping away at it forever and then famously this is how i found out i had covid

or i were i mean i knew i had covid but then the moment that i lost my smell oh right was when i oh wait we i think we talked about it. Yeah, so that was my last bath. When did I have COVID? August. I smelled some bath salts. And you didn't smell anything. Because I was bored.

I couldn't, I had already taken a hike and I didn't know what else to do with my life because I wasn't allowed to go out. So I took a bath in August and I smelled the eucalyptus bath salts and they had no smell and i said oh smell i probably haven't sat down in a bathtub in four years yeah i could have gone to college in the time yeah i know i could become a doctor of baths if I had done that. Well, not really. And Mike, I remember at the old house,

Mike, do you remember at the old house you had a gift certificate or something? Or like you were, I don't know if it was a bath house or a massage parlor or what, and they sold you on getting a bath. And then the way I think you told it is you sat down in a bath

and then a lady came out and sponged you down, but you had your underwear on. It was, well, let me, let me take you all the way back. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Please. I went into this, uh, place for a massage. Sure. Which I like to get massages all the time.

I got one recently. This lady had no mercy on me. It was rough. Uh, but I need, like I had a huge and still do have like huge knots and like right in my shoulder blade sure and she like i was like go for it let's get this thing out she was like anyway went to this it was kind of a you know not a sleazy place but this wasn't like

a nice spa okay but but let's be clear it wasn't like a hand jobby place this was a reputable establishment just not very skilled let's say well i think maybe if it wasn't reputable they steered away from me doing a hand job or something like that because they could tell well you'll see in this story okay okay so i go into the room to give the massage and the table is built into the wall like up against the wall so usually at a massage you want a table in the middle of the room so the person can walk around. Right, right. So you do the sort of unrelaxing thing of halfway through. She says, okay, flip around.

And you flip. You physically move your body 180 degrees. You get out of any type of relaxing thing you had and you lit. And then she does the other half of your body, which is like not also the way you're supposed to do it it's like flipping on a hot dog or a burger yep and no that would be up on my back i'm still on my stomach anyway spinning around like a top spinning around like a top on your dick and they did have other dick down spinning they did have other uh they did have other massage rooms that I sort of peeked into As I was walking by that did have tables

So I got a bathroom And also had a bathtub Which I didn't know So I got whatever the Groupon was Which was like a massage and a bath That's what it was A scrub Which I've heard of for feet but not for a whole

A body scrub So she's like okay now you can go into the bathtub and she's like filling it up with water and she's like I'll leave the room and I don't take my boxers off when I get a massage I keep it on even though they have the towel over me

so I was like oh okay I was like well she's like you can get nude if you want or not I was like okay she left like you can get nude if you want or not I was like okay she left okay and I sat down in this tub in the dark in boxers wet boxers now

well they were now wet yes and I'm sitting there just like looking around the room I hear the knock on the door I was like yeah she comes in and so I don't think she was a very i don't think this was a real place because she was very bad at massage and this was also just like what are we doing here a real i'm sitting there like with my knees up kind of in a little pretzel

shape and she just like picks up my arm like takes a ladle and pours water over it. A ladle? Does the other arm. Legs, same thing, just ladles water on it. Oh, God. And then takes like a washcloth and just kind of rubs my arms and legs. And I felt and looked like Mr. Burns. Thank you.

I felt and looked like Mr. Burns. Thank you. And she left and I, you know, wrung out my underpants and walked out with them in my hand. And you put your pants back on over your wet boxers? No, no, no, no. I walked out with wet boxers in my hand. Oh, that's so fucking funny.

I had no idea what was going on in there and it did feel like to me the situation where that's when it's like yeah you do the right nod or wink and then that's when the scandalous stuff goes on oh okay right yeah i mean i guess it's a good sign that if they're really bad at the like massage massaging stuff they're kind of telling you hey there's something else that we're good at here yeah oh the bath the the scrub part of the bath the rinsing your limbs hey we'll show you the ladle that's that's so funny the fucking ladle part like it would it would be so hard for you to just submerge your arms in the water they have to like that's what makes me feel like it's like a therapeutic thing for, uh, for, you know, 80 year olds.

Yeah. I could see how it is therapeutic, but not the, not what we do. We were just putting, just dumping some water on my limb. Dang. The scrub thing. And feet. You know, Korean spa, I've never done it cause I'm like afraid, but I saw Conan do it and Jessica's done it where at Korean spas, what scrub means like they put these like mitts on

they're like rough sponge gloves and they'll like they'll like rub you real hard and like it it's meant to flake off all your dead skin so it's painful skin red yeah yeah and it burns and you walk out of there all red and burnt up but you're supposed to feel fantastic because you just lost a layer of skin what's that is's the... Is there something called... It's called microderm or something like that? Microdosing. Where people... You go into like a cosmetic person,

and they like poke these little holes all over your face. Yeah. And like make you bleed. Huh? It's called microderm? Yeah, I think that's like a Beverly Hills rich house. Microabrasions or something like that? Yeah, I think that's like a Beverly Hills rich house. Microabrasions or something like that? Yeah, I've seen or heard Kim Kardashian.

Mike, you don't need that stuff. You know what you do? You get yourself a new clean potato peeler, and you just lightly run it over your skin. Get rid of that skin. Clean. Yeah, you can't be going back and forth from potato to skin. No.

Hey, as far as, i got the two of you beat i hadn't taken a bath in 10 years easy wow a decade i thought until very recently that a bath was to get clean i did not understand that right right a bath was meant to be relaxing. I thought that that was secondary, at least. And, you know, look, I've been in a hot tub. Like, I get the idea of, like, relaxing in a hot tub and that it is relaxing. But I was always just like, yeah, babies take baths and old people take baths and women take baths when they're in a movie. But nobody, no adults, like, take a bath.

You take a shower because it's more effective in getting clean and then somebody's just like yeah but that's not what a bath is and it did not compute and i did some research and i said you know maybe maybe it is time for the jay man to fill up the tub get to know his body a little bit yeah and maybe i can get my boys to do it too you know maybe we get some content out of it oh i'm not content until until i make content uh so i was very excited about this and i i went the extra mile and i hope you guys did too now jeff did you do it drunk after we were out at a bar late last night? Yes, why? Jeff, you've gotten hurt in a bathtub like that before. Yeah, you broke your little foot.

Yeah, but this time I'm sitting. I'm sitting. I intended, we left a bar last night and I was like, I'm also going to do my bath. And I was like, this is so weird to rush. I just want to go to bed with the idea of like sandwich in a bath real quick. So I did it just before the pod. I did mine on Saturday evening before I watched some movies. Very nice.

That's nice. Now, did you guys record? I recorded some stuff. I recorded me getting the... I went out and got a bath bomb. Oh. Nice. Mike, I did that too.

I'll go first because I think mine's probably going to be a little drier than yours i think mine was probably wet yeah soaked i went to target and i looked for epsom salt and i first at first i found like the plain jane epsom salt for like uh for like dudes that comes in like a real big bag yeah and i was like no i want to do the i want to do like the flavored one hell yeah you know like give me give me one that smells like spearmint or whatever and so i found another bag of lavender nice oh and i found some bath bombs so i grabbed some of them too and i wanted to do like a mask and the cucumbers over the eyes just for fun cucumbers over the eyes is so perfectly cartoonish, iconic.

I couldn't get it together. But I will say I really went the extra mile. So I get home after hanging out with Tim, Mitch, and Mookie. Where'd you go? What bar? Low Boy and Bar Flores. I don't know Low Boy. It used to be, it was Barragans, then it was the Lost Knight, you know, like a three-floor

bar, and now it's chopped up into different businesses. And Mike, if you think we didn't stop at Del Taco on the way home, I got some news for you. It's my boy. And I made a big deal about getting an epic burrito with crinkle cut fries in it, and then I picked the wrong burrito. It had no fries in it. Damn.

Fuck my life. this shit honestly pisses me off guys guys back to my bath back to my bath no yeah we need it to be therapeutic if you please uh so here i am i'm filling the tub it's taking forever also i want it hotter so i just crank it on the just hot and meanwhile i, I'm setting up music. I'm getting some candles going. I really want to shut the lights off. I want to relax. I want to get the full force of this thing.

I haven't had a bath in 10 years. I've got to feel it. And I looked on the bath salts, and it said soak for 20 minutes. Whoa. 20 whole minutes. Marathon. So that was my goal here. And I whipped together a little montage of my experience.

Here we go. Here we go. Okay, I'm trying to get into this tub, but it's fucking burning, so I'm adding some coal. Stirring it up with a big spoon. And I just put in the bath bomb. Spoon. See you soon. Okay, I'm about ten minutes in. And it was

too hot to get in and now it's feeling pretty good. And I've just now started getting up to the neck, you know? The lights are off. I got some candles. Then you flip this bath bomb on top of my lavender bath salts and I chopped up an orange three oranges actually whoa first impressions of the bath are positive and I'm feeling

very relaxed Tim and Mike I hope your baths are going equally well right now so far so good see you at the end alright a minute to the end I gotta say it's been relaxing but I'm itching to get out it's dragging I'm getting

I feel a little cooped up in here but overall good bath gotta say the I don't know we'll have to see how it goes like I want to see how it like turns out cause right now I just feel like too hot and I'm antsy to get out okay see ya alright I did the full 20 and uh I'll have to see how it goes. Like, I want to see how it like turns out. Cause right now I just feel like too hot and I'm antsy to get out. Okay, see you in a bit.

All right, I did the full 20 and the bath has been over for 10 minutes. I'm very tired and heavy and relaxed. I'm going to get in my little bed because it's one in the morning. Good night. Enjoy your baths. To all the bathers, may your baths be true.

Yeah, that's what bathers always say. I've been in bed for a couple minutes and I feel like a heavy bag of sand. I like the bath. I don't know if I'm going to make it a regular part of my thing maybe a special thing you know think consider the bath the bath must be considered I think some of the margaritas are talking here

might be worth it to all the bathers a merry bath and hot water unto you good night so regal there you have it folks there it goes dude okay so good bath i'm so impressed he's chopped up an orange i would have never thought that i've seen it in movies and you know where i saw it tim where guess you know it um uh recently on snl well you know my name is simon what

mike myers no pretty woman pen 15 pen 15 oh those are like whole oranges in there with her yeah i didn't know if there should be whole or half so i only chopped two of them up interesting interesting because we've been doing all these orange drinks and I've been just taking a little pith off it for the thing. And so I had all these like half beat up oranges. I said, those will go well in the bath. Now I'll swim with them.

So it sounds like you had a good experience. You felt like a bag of sand, which is I think what you want when you're going to bed. I think that's a good thing. I was very impressed with the time. Yeah, I found it to be like an endurance test towards the the end i was sort of like trying not to look at my phone yeah but uh i was sort of like get me the fuck out of here when i had six minutes left and then um i i've heard that okay i wrote it down like what are the advantages of having a bath even relaxes muscles perfect calms your nervous system increases blood flow

and reduces blood pressure and then you also burn calories because you're sweating it's almost like it's almost like you're taking a nice walk or a jog it's like a hot yoga yeah and also soothes the skin and the spirit and the spirit so you were not really able to i mean that's a lot of time to just sit and have no entertainment or anything so so it's very uh i had a little entertainment jerking your dick no no no see women can do that because they take the shower head and they just kind of go nuts but like a guy you're not gonna jack off in the tub and just fucking no it would be all splashy hey like come floating around in there that's and water water yeah that you don't want that but were you bored out of your gourd

yeah yeah we're just you know what here's what you do jay i was sort of reminiscing about the night earlier where i was like i was hanging out with my boys. Yeah, we're kind of like, Tim was cracking jokes. Hey, we had some birthday boys fans come up to us. I'll tell you that much. Nice. Here's what you do, Jay. I didn't think to do this with mine, but sometimes I'll go on Spotify and I'll search spa music and then play some spa music on my phone. It's a nice tranquil type of a vibe.

I'm doing that right now. Let's spa. That's a good idea. Because I'm always, I like to fall asleep to like the rain, the sound of thunder and lightning, the sound, you know. I have a white noise machine.

Nice. Oh, a dedicated machine for that? It's a little tiny square box machine, and I just do the like classic white noise that sounds like static that's cool i have my own little yeah you should for this whole episode you should put under a bed of just like let's do a special episode that is like a spa episode where we're talking in like a guided meditation he's sort of you're relaxing your feet you know uh sorry he wants to come back in It's an episode that is like a spa episode where we're talking and- We're like a guided meditation.

You're relaxing your feet. Sorry, he wants to come back in. I actually was sort of getting to that at the beginning of this episode. Which one are you again? I'm Maurice Mantelbaum. Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I guess you've got it all covered.

Goodbye. Bye. You know what would be- I was thinking about this the other day. It would be really fun. It would take a long time to do and we probably won't do it but do an episode that is just like a weird psychedelic soundscape yeah oh yeah trippy stuff i would do that i think it'd be like i don't know that could be a cool bonus thing yeah what's that's that Grateful Dead album that's like Amoxomoxia? Amoxomoxia, yeah.

Yeah, we should do that. Or like Flaming Lips Quadrophenia. That's the one that needed to be played on like... The Who is Quadrophenia, but they didn't have... That's a four-channel... Oh, did they call it Quadrophenia as well? That's not right. Oh, what was the Flaming Lips one?

Like a Zyreka or something like that? Oh, that you needed to... Yeah, and you needed to play with four different CD players? Yeah, you had to, like, sync them up. Anyway, guys, I liked my bath. It was a little bit of an endurance test, but I wanted to see the results. Like, what if I really just pulverized my muscles with heat?

Will I sleep better? And I slept like a fucking log, and I felt great. And I didn't have any back pain whatsoever today, which always sort of like creeps up on me. Sure. See, that's nice. I'm happy you went aggressive with the hot water because that really is what it's all about. You have to get it to the point where like hurt at first. You want you want it to be as hot as you can stand.

Similarly, when you're when you're trying on a suit, you want it to be the tightest suit that fits. What? You want it to be the tightest suit that fits. What? The tightest suit that you can button a button on. That's what I was told. Tim, that doesn't future proof the suit is the problem. Well, you're supposed to not get fat.

You're supposed to have a glow up. I was supposed to have a glow up. You're angrily. You go back to the store um do i look like i glue up that's the past tense of glow glue my my pants button blew off and shot through uh the maid of honor champagne glass i was supposed to have a glow up my ass looks like a goddamn hindenburg lady that's so funny that that like that put upon i was supposed to have a glow up was like was like we were on a break oh lord well who wants to go next i want to hear i want to hear the bath chronicles tim edition um but here's the good thing i i want to hear i want to hear the bath chronicles tim edition

um but here's the good thing i i want a whole different vibe but i also like you you you really wanted to do an iconic like like the the sensual dark candlelit bath i i wanted to have some i have a a strong take as well and I didn't really think of what my thing would be till game time and it's all on the tape check check check what is up here get the copy K here in the bathroom and one other thing Oh, there you go. Bath time. All right.

I got to take a look at what kind of bath products I have here so I can choose the theme. Because I got salts. I've got Epsom salts. I've got a eucalyptus salt bomb. Nice. An energizer bomb and then you know here's what i'm gonna do is i'm i think i'm going for a classic bubble classic bubble bath so i've got mr teal's foaming bath not going to use any salts or weird. Just gonna fill up a classic bubble bath

All right, I have placed Drift the bubble stuff into the bathtub Please you know, you don't want to put too much because it over phones, but you don't want to put too little because it doesn't foam at all and You know you want to get the temperature right too cold is no good Too hot you know a couple concerns there a you know I don't want to burn my ass and B I Don't want to fry my dick. So you want to get it right down the middle. Let's see how it goes dick so you want to get it right down the middle let's see how it goes cool a little update here it really was not foaming up quite enough for my liking because i want that classic bubble bath

so i added more of the of the soap and i really hope it just foams up i hope it totally foams up you know i haven't had anything really foam up in quite a long time. Okay, I have entered the bath, but here's the problem. I've got an interesting issue where the water isn't really hot enough to my liking, and then as the water level is rising, And then as the water level is rising, it's reaching this metal plate that has the little switch for the, what do you call that little plug at the bottom there, the drain. And this thing has a hole in it intentionally so that the tub doesn't overfill. But my issue is I'm adding hot water in order to bring up the heat of my bath. Tricky.

But the hot water is coming in right at the spot where the hole is. You got to see this to believe this, folks. I'll let you know how it goes. Okay, I'm going to have to mix this water up. I'm swirling the water out of my hand in order to get the hot heat away from the faucet drop zone and up to the other end of the tub. And it's working. Alright, so the tub is full. I've got kind of a tranquility, wellness vibe going on. Muscles relaxed. Not foamy.

Not a classic bubble bath. But the water feels very soapy. Like there's soap in it that didn't foam up. So that's no good. You know, I wish it was hotter. But I would have overfilled the tub if i kept adding hot water um i wish i had a rubber ducky kidding yeah that's very nice i'm gonna uh bliss out and i'll let you know how it goes

okay so i'm back out i'm'm dried off. The bath is complete. Here's the thing, folks. It never got hot in there, and it had nothing to do with that little drain. It was the fact that this water just wasn't coming out hot. I think my hot water heater in my laundry room might be broken or something, so that's royally fucked. Here's another issue. broken or something. So that's royally fucked.

Here's another issue. Never really bubbled up in the tub, but I had put a lot of the shit. So at the end, I couldn't just get out of the bath. I had a soapy film all over me. So I had to shower off. So the fact that a bath ends with a shower,

that's points against the bath. Because, you know, if I'm showering anyway, not just shower so something to think about peace okay I've got a shocking reveal after the fact here folks went into the laundry room looked at the water heater

it was set on warm the dial had been accidentally turned down. I turned it back up to hot, but the bath has been completed. So make of it what you will. Can you believe that? Wow. What a journey.

Holy smokes. The production value is pretty good, huh? Yeah, the production value is pretty good huh yeah it's very good very good um yeah i'm glad you went with the bubble bath there tim but sad that it didn't bubble up very sad i really i was picturing uh ernie from sesame street and i really wanted to like have a nice big bubbler now mike tim when you do a bubble bath you don't go to dr tail yeah right you know you got to go to mr bubble there you go mr bubble that's you gotta get a big dumb pink bottle oh yeah yeah that's the good stuff yeah i'll tell you what i normally use um

not for uh baths but in my showers is peppermint dr brauner love that shit the giant bottle you got me into that stuff back in the old house when like we would the showers would always break and we'd use each other showers tim would always have that brauners and i would oh i would read that whole thing and i would lather it all up yeah it's got like kind of crazy christian proverbs on it and stuff but i also remember back in college it was i used all it's an 18 in one purpose so i used them all you're brushing your teeth with it i brushed my teeth i did my laundry i did it all you're not supposed to do teeth wow i did for four years jesus christ you're not supposed to do that i think it says you're isn't it say you're supposed you can do that

uh yeah why do you think i have such pearly whites? Also, similarly, Mike, I remember you had some mane and tail for a while. I did? Didn't you? Is that for horses? I did. Doesn't that have invermectin in it? I think it's for horses, but it can be used for humans. Same deal with Dr. Bronner's.

It's just sort of a catch-all, like, soap. Mane and tail. Yeah, I was feeling very horsey back then. Anyway. Hold on, Mike, before you go, Tim, I'll also divulge that I also took a little bit of a shower as the bathtub was drained. Yeah, you kind of have to. I read that you're not supposed to. I heard the best thing you should do is shower first so you're clean.

I had showered earlier, so I felt clean and I felt fine. But then I wanted to get all that dr tails off me and then they what i read was you shouldn't do that just let it sit on you weird what what is the point of a bubble bath is that like like you would scrub with that but like are the bubbles cleaning you is a ball is a bath ever meant to clean you uh i think it's supposed to be a fun time to play with your rubber ducky did you guys have this issue that i had where i was trying to relax but there were all these loud bubbles launching up from between my legs yeah yeah what was that yeah well let me sit let me ask you this did the air around those

bubbles after they burst uh turn green it's not something you want to really perfume yourself with exactly that's how i would put it i've been there buddy kicked out many of many a nice restaurant because of that problem i mean i don't know what happened i just come from a nice big bean dinner many beans or one biggie one biggie filled the whole plate i had a steak knife carving into that thing um at any point were you reminded of um del taco when those balls burst or yeah yes yes i prayed to the saint of the bell now i i uh filled up my tub and my i ended up just turning the the shower on but i've never used the faucet in my bathtub. And it came out like very thin stream.

So I just... So it was as hot as I could make it. And then it was filling up. I was like, I'll just turn the shower on. And then I boiled a pot of water and put that in to keep it hot. Jeez, Mike. A witch's brew. Wow.

Yes, yes. But before all that, I took a trip to the mall. Now, I texted our little friend Fran and said, Fran, where in our neighborhood can I get a bath bomb? Bed, bath, and beyond. She suggested Sephora. So I went to the mall. Go, Jeff. Good, how are you?

I got a question. Could you tell me where, I think it's called a bath ball or bath bomb? That would be bath and body work. Bath and body work. Oh, you don't have that. This is all. Okay. Is that in the...

Thanks. Okay. Is that in the... Damn. Thanks. Damn. Sad guitar. All right. So they have it there. Let's see. I'm off in the mall. I'm going to the Bath and Body Works.

There's a Cold Stone. There's a... They got a Mickey D's. How do I get up? All right. I'm on the escal's. How do I get up? I'm on the escalator. And I'm going up and I see that Bath and Body Works is on the floor I was just on. So I'm going to have to do a U-turn.

Never not exciting on these trips. It's busy. Holy shit, there's a huge line. Wow, there's a lot of Christmas stuff going on here. The Christmas stuff is happening earlier and earlier. Okay, I gotta find something here. Excuse me, I'm looking for like a bath bomb. Yeah, we do have that. Oh, a holiday one. Yeah. Ooh.

Nice. It's early, isn't it? Oh, okay. And then what do I do? I just drop it in? You know, I think you just drop them in. I don't mean backbond, but I think you just drop it in. Okay. I'm doing it for a podcast I'm on.

I've never done one before myself. You know what? I really don't. I assume you just drop them, right? Yeah, but they're in a mixture because if you don't want to podcast, they will. She'll be on Twitter. Yeah. You don't look great.

Yeah. I don't want people at mentioning me too much. Oh, this has shea butter. That looks good. Yeah. Vanilla bean Noel. I think that looks like a good one. Bath fizzy with shea butter. That looks good. Vanilla Bean Noel. I think that looks like a good one. Bath Fizzy with shea butter.

I'll do that. Is there a buy one, get one? A BOGO? No, they're just right outside the price. What are the prices? This one here. This one is $10.50. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is about $10. I'm going to do this

vanilla bean one. You want to smell it? Oh, okay. Oh, this is about $10. I'm going to do this vanilla bean one. You want to smell it? Oh, okay. Oh, look at that. You sprayed on that card. Thank you. Okay. Yeah, that's pretty good. And if I were you, I would Google how to use it and make sure.

Google it? Okay. It's the Sloppy Boys podcast. You ever listen? No, Sloppy Boys. The Sloppy Boys. We do kind of silly things like this. Tim Kalpakis. What is that?

Jesse Jason. Yeah, that's a good one. Thanks. I owe you one. Walking by the coal stone again. Tempting. No, no, no, no, no. Me thinks me trainer would whip me with a cat of nine tails.

Oh, they got a guitar center. Alright. Alright. Pop in the guitar center and see what they got going on. There it is. Oh shit, they got the electric drums. They got an Eddie Van Halen guitar, that's cool. Here's the room with the sort of $4,000 guitars. I'm going to try one of these things out, see if they actually sound good. Oh, it's locked up, I'm going to try one of these things. That's going to actually sound good. This is a, oh, it's locked up.

I can't use that one. They're all locked up. Nope, not this one. OK, I guess the rule is if it's over $1,000, it's locked up. This one, here's a $500 acoustic guitar called a D'Angelico. Never heard it. When a man has got a certain feeling

like he needs to relax, there's only one thing to put himself through. And that's a natural fact. Pass that doobie to me and I'll pass it right back. This is amazing. we're getting. I want to be prone and I'm wrong with that.

Mike, you hit for solo performance. And I'll pass it to you. Getting stoned's the best thing you can do. Pass that doobie to me now, bro. Oh, wow. I want to take a hit off the bomb. We'll take a stroll with a nice glass bowl. I have vamping.

Sucking on a spliff that's two feet long. He's really going for it, man. This is so cool. When I'm driving down to 45, I want to call a spread. He's hitting the bridge. So I take a little toke. A teeny little toke. This is a complete song.

We're getting the complete song. Final chorus. Wrong scale. that do me wrong scale I think the it's clearly more expensive the guitar the better you sound the better your party you're gonna play get an expensive one, gang Still a fake guitar for the transition Jeff, you'd love this thing Is that a Cindy thing? That's the move, baby Alright, this is Mike checking back in I'm on a bike going home, and I decided to cruise through historic Prospect Park.

I'm just going through the wet leaves here, watching all the people run and bike. And I guess the only thing that would make this day better is my two co-hosts by my side. Riding arm in arm, each on our own bike. And everyone's getting out of the way for us. Because they know the sloppy boys well. They're in town and they're here to party down. But I'm sort of going up a hill here. Slight as it may be

And I'll talk to you a little later, guys Well, I'll see you back in the studio, how about that? Okay Alright, guys I'm at the top of that hill A little winded I just want to go back on something I said. You know,

if you guys were here and we were on bikes, we wouldn't have our arms around each other holding hands. You know, it's dangerous. We'd crash. It's true. I always think the endorphins were kicking in. I felt like I could do anything. Either way, it would be funny if you guys came

and rode bikes around, or I could come to you and ride bikes, but this arm-in-arm thing, that ain't going to work. That ain't going to work. All right, see you. Signing out. Signing out. The bath. The hand bopper.

Don't forget the bath hand bopper. God, he's worn out. Listen to him. He was trying to do the hand bopper. Don't forget the bath hand bopper. God, he's worn out. Listen to him. He's trying to do the hand bopper. Okay, so that was just getting the material. Michael, the bath. Just wanted to take a bath. The bath.

Oh, I took a bath and I recorded it. So we can listen to that now, but I just want to take you through the process of getting the bath bomb. I'm starting to think we're taking a bath on this Patreon business. I got a feeling we're eating up some good time to have that nice long episode. It's a supersized episode. All right.

Now, before we get into me taking the bath, I will say I recorded in the bathroom and it is very echoey. If we can't understand it, we can just stop it and I can tell you what. I think we'll understand it justey. Okay. If we can't understand it, we can just stop it and I can tell you what. I think we'll understand it just fine. Okay. All right.

Here's the bath. I don't know if you can go well. Oh, it smells delicious. Okay, here we go. Bonds away. Here we go. Bombs away. Oh, it's sort of fizzing up.

It's very green. All right. Well, that's bombing away. I am going to light a candle. I have a candle here. Moonlight mahogany forest. Moonlight mahogany. Now I'm going to turn the lights off and get in.

Okay, I'll talk to you in a second after I'm in. Okay, I'm in. I'm going to listen to some music, perhaps. All right, I've got a martini here. I've got a one-olive dirty gin martini. All right. Well, I'll be in here for a little while, I guess. I do want to say, just so we're all clear here, I am wearing a bathing suit. I feel like talking to you guys in the nude is very inappropriate, so I'm wearing a bathing suit.

And, okay, I'll check back in with you. All right, it's been about 10 minutes. This is boring, just sitting here basically with one candle in green water. And my martini is done. And it's a quick game of never have I ever. Never have I ever wanted a bath pillow more in my entire fucking whole life.

All right. I'm going to be done with this. I think I'm done. There you have it. I was very bored in there and uncomfortable, and I didn't like doing that. Michael, I had the same sort of thing where my bath doesn't have the little slope that's more accommodating for a bath. I had a 90-degree bucket on both sides.

Oh, jeez. But I still worked it out. I got a slope. It was just that hard back. I didn't like it. So when you say bath pillow, what is that? Oh, I kind of was making it. Inflatable.

I've seen those. Yeah, an inflatable, like some sort of pad or something. It'll stick to the back of the bathtub with a suction cup. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I didn't like, you know, I did like putting a bath bomb in there. Because have you ever taken a bath where it's just like nothing it's just the clear water it's very weird you're just looking down at your weird body and yeah um but uh yeah i didn't necessarily enjoy that one thing i didn't like

i try to keep my shower pretty clean and i you know spray the bleach and scrub it but that low you're down there low and you're kind of seeing up underneath some spots that you haven't seen before. Interesting. It ain't pretty down there. Somebody's got to make sure they get all the angles. Damn. Hey, the thing on bath bombs,

I bought a pack of Dr. Teal's bath bombs and I threw one in there and uh nothing happened and i realized they're covered in plastic you're supposed to like open you're supposed to open each bath bomb and they're like a solid object right uh-huh yeah i thought that plastic melts off me too and it didn't and so i helped it along a little oh yeah i could see that i could see what why you would think that because my my rapper the one rapper came right off and then it was all plaskey and i was like i probably have to take this off too and it worked huh all right but i'll say this too about the bath bomb i didn't feel like

it was like um doing anything for my skin i didn't even really smell it it kind of sucked i've never used one i thought it would be like an alka seltzer tablet where you throw it in and like bubbles up and it's really fun yeah i thought it would like feel like tickle your like massage your skin or something yeah it's called a bath bomb that's like dramatic you know yeah i wanted to sting my nostrils i wanted to be like adding like wasabi to my bath or something yeah no oh wasabi uh flavored bath would be nice well uh so mike overall overall no good i'm not going to do that again sad mike how hot was your water uh it got it wasn't it wasn't difficult to get into but it it was hot. Because, yeah, that was, I'm lamenting. I will take baths again, and I will do them very, very hot and do what Jeff did.

This one was a dud for me. Yeah. But I will do hot tubs and saunas. I do like steam rooms. That's my go-to. We've got to get ourselves out to Quebec and go to one of these outdoor spa mountains where we're drinking red wine and robes and we're kind of waiting around are you talking about like natural spring style because those are in california i was i always wanted to go to like a hot spring oh i went to um

sycamore springs near like uh san luis obispo oh kind of morrow bay ish area okay and it's all these tubs up in the woods and you sit in a in a bubbly stinky sulfur tub up in the in the beautiful forest that's very nice damn sounds good very nice being in nature is is uh is key i feel i like being outdoors as part of it but i want us to go to that one i told you that chris romano went to that was like in in in the snow outside of montreal on a mountain and you're you're you're you get red wine why don't we we should do that trip right after we maybe the morning after we do the uh fish show there you go jeff you're in jeff all right you're in for something like that right jeff yeah sure we got to renew our passports. I am a thumbs down.

You two are a thumbs up. Yeah, Tim, final thoughts. That was basically, Mike, your final thoughts, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, in general, baths are great. You hurt your back, you lay in hot water, and it makes the pain go away. It's very nice. Yeah.

I think I was kept at arm's length from a bath because of living in gross places. Right. You just moved to a new place, new bath. That's good. A new place, new bath. And hey, if anything weird happened in that tub, I don't know about it. So ignorance is bliss, baby. I filled it up with hot water and a bath bomb and some salts. I did too much salt. They said two cups. And I said, how about three? Now, did you feel the salt?

I think the idea with the salt is it's supposed to make you float. That's why it's good for your spine is that it makes you more weightless. Did you feel the sodium lifting you up? I don't know. I've heard that too. I heard there's like sodium and like magnesium and it like sort of like penetrates the skin and it reduces inflammation in the in the in the muscles and the joints and the joints did you wait tim you mentioned that you had epsom salt and salt you had just

is that two different things you put some sea salt in there some lowry's um yeah i got a little seasoning salt um marinate no they were all meant to be in a bath but but what I was looking at one was flavored and one wasn't so I think when I just said salt yeah gotcha gotcha all right um so I'm I'm into it I'm pro I'm pro bath I'm a convert are you gonna take a bath every morning now no I think I'll do them every once in a while and uh you know they are they are it's sort of like working out where it's like yeah it's uncomfortable when you're there but if you get through it the rewards on the other side are worth it i hear that okay all right well i'm just looking

on the sheet now and we'd like to thank all the patreons who listen thank you for showing up yeah tim did you get this sheet? Tip John. Yeah, why mention the sheet? Just read it. You don't have to talk about it. To the big money hustlers and the pay pigs, wherever you are. Hopefully we get one soon.

This is Morris Montalbam for Jeff Dutton and Tim Kalpakis. Signing off. And this is Julian Chalazzo. Later. That's an imposter. That was not this is Julian Chalazzo. Later. That's an imposter. That was not the real Julian. No, that was me. Yeah, folks, we appreciate each and every one of you.

Well, maybe not all of you. All right, I'm here seeing on the sheet not to mention, or if I do mention the tip jar, to mention them disparagingly. Yes, now you're getting it. Ta-ta! Goodbye, folks. Later!