The Smark Avengers - How Do You Kill Lobo?! (It’s Basically Impossible)

Episode Date: March 27, 2026

What would it actually take to kill Lobo? In this episode, Corey challenges Dylan and Jon to figure out a way to take down one of DC Comics’ most ridiculous and unstoppable characters. While the two Marvel fans try to devise strategies to eliminate the Main Man, Corey reveals more and more about Lobo’s insane comic book history — and things quickly spiral out of control. Along the way, Dylan and Jon learn that killing Lobo might be way harder than they expected. 💀 Why Lobo is nearly impossible to kill: His absurd regenerative healing factor The time he single-handedly wiped out his entire species The fact that he’s been banned from both Heaven and Hell And plenty of other completely unhinged comic book feats As the episode unfolds, every new piece of lore makes the challenge even more difficult… and the boys start realizing they may have picked an impossible target. This episode is also a great primer for comic fans ahead of the upcoming Supergirl film, where Jason Momoa is set to bring the galaxy’s most dangerous bounty hunter to the big screen. 💬 Question for the comments: Do you think Lobo can actually be killed? If so, how would you do it? 👍 Like the video if you enjoy comic debates and absurd character lore 🔔 Subscribe for more comic book deep dives, debates, and chaotic discussions Click the link for Dylan's radio show!: http://www.bouncedigitalradio.co.uk Click the link for Dylan's Twitch stream: http://Twitch.tv/spookylaroux Click the link for Jon's Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/bigjonbowski/ Click the link for Corey's project "Henry's Usual": https://www.tumblr.com/henrysusual Click the link for Corey's show "Large Old Cup": https://open.spotify.com/show/2YHMppnl9inQevwLIxR64f

That's your motivation to advance. Today, I'm just pouring the salad dressing on the sandwich guy, but tomorrow I could be meat and cheese guy. Do everybody respects? Everybody respects meat and cheese guy. He's the first person you talk to in the line, right? Yeah, he's the man that everybody looks up to. He doesn't get paid anymore.

You gets paid and respect. Well, and blow jobs. And meat and cheese. Yeah, he gets his. that's what they call the blowjobs I come back behind the counter for me cheese oh cheese hi everybody welcome to SparkVingers

name's Corey here with me is Dylan and John kind of Good look at it and not one together where it makes sense it's not going to I'll tell you that right now but

that could have been worse that could have been worse we've said worse things before we even started recording So we got it all of our system. So we, me. Regardless. Welcome back to the show.

How's it been, guys? All good. Yes, not too bad, not too bad. Good. Well, somebody is about to have a really bad day here at the Smart Avengers, and that person is someone, we have all been tasked, or at least the two of you have been tasked with murdering. We are going back to a bit of a bit of a bit of a,

classic one. It's sort of a format that I enjoy where the smart conventions try to kill a character or unalive them as the children say. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. But if I'm going to make a short and put it on the algorithm, I have to say on a lot. I want the short to just be me

shodding the word suicide like 50 times. Dylan, who's your favorite wrestler from TNA in the late 2000s? Gotta be suicide. There you go. I love suicide. There you go. That's the clip.

That's the intro. Yeah. That's the intro. Just me saying I love suicide. And then like a really long pause. Anyway, in the past, we have saw to the death of the flash. We have saw to the death of Wolverine and Magneto. and Aquaman was our very first.

Aquaman, yes. Which gave us the fantastic lore of a water hand, which is incredibly fitting, because the character that we are killing today, we discussed last episode a little bit, and that is Lobo, who, coincidentally enough, will be getting played by Jason Mamoa

later this year in the Supergirl film. So those are a connection. I thought you could be like, coincidentally, he has two magic hands. I know a lot. of men and women find him to be very attractive and I'm sure he can make those hands do some magic because I'm going to say on that topic.

He is a great sandwich artist at whatever the fuck put pot valleys. Yeah, meat cheese. This is the meat cheese guy. You know it. You know it. Ladies love him. And the men are pretty happy to.

They are pretty, yeah, no, I would say that he's one of those everyone can agree on kind of guys. But anyway, enough about Jason Mamoa. Oh, I don't even low. I mean, I don't know if I fuck Jason Momoa. Oh, that's your loss then. More for the rest of us.

That being... You say that. I think I'm doing okay. Okay. There's an awkward silence. Anyway, this is not bothered. This is taken way too long. But yes, anyway, it's, this is a very, this I think is going to be very fun and very topical because of two factors.

One, as I mentioned, just a few months. moments ago, Lobo will be making his film debut in the Supergirl film. He has not, it's not his first time being adapted to other media, though. Lobo has appeared in the cartoons like Injustice, or not Injustice, in Young Justice and Superman animated series, and I believe he also showed up in the Justice League cartoon once or twice. He has been in video games as well. He was one of the first DLC characters for the first Injustice game. There was a short-lived show on Sci-Fi network called Krypton,

which was about Jorell and stuff. Because this will be a mini side tangent that may not make the cut, but I don't know why we want to make superhero television shows, but we don't want it to be about the superhero that we know and love. Like, oh, we're going to have a Batman show, but Bruce Wayne's a child. Oh, we're going to have a show about Superman and Krypton, but Superman actually hasn't been fucking born yet.

It's about his dad, who's a scientist. You know, it's like, anyway, Lobo was on that show, and rumors were before the show got canceled, they were going to make a spinoff for Lobo because the character was so well-received. He's a very fun, a very popular character. He's getting a new resurgence and popularity. He has a new number one coming out in probably, I think, a month or so, if not sooner. but before we even like talk about it, I believe this show was the introduction for you guys to Lobo

because he came up during our episode where he talked about the Marvel versus DC comic series that ran in the 90s. I had heard of Lobo because I think a number of years ago there was a rumor or maybe it wasn't a rumor that the rock was going to play Lobo in some sort of film production and that never got off the grind. I don't know if that was a rumor or he was cast but the film

didn't get made but I remember being like, who the fuck is Lobo? And I'm like, then you look him up and you like, yeah, I guess the rock could play that guy, you know? But like other than that, I don't know a whole lot about him. Yeah, same. I was

aware of the name and sort of what he looked like, but I've never actually read him in any of the DC. comics I've read. Okay. Well, much like we've done for the previous episodes, where we have killed a character,

I'm here to introduce the character to you and explain to you as well as the audience listening why this might not be such an easy feat to accomplish. So, real quick, Lobo is the last of the Zarnians. Known and feared across the universe is a bounty hunter who never misses his mark. He's super strong, immortal, and unstoppable, the main man, as he is often referred to, usually by himself, has frequently clashed as Superman,

although on occasion they have found themselves on the same side. Pre-crisis, Lobo was a member of the Velorpian race. Velopians were difficult to kill because they possessed the ability to replicate themselves from any injury short of complete vaporization. This led to overpopulation and a legacy of greed. The Zions eventually gave the Velorpians a poison that would lead to their downfall, with Lobo being the only survivor. Post-crisis,

Lobo was born on the peaceful planet of Zarnia. By some accounts, he tore out of his mother's womb by himself. By others, his mother told him to find out what he did best before he killed her. Other accounts claim his parents became hermits due to the evil that they had unleashed. There are many theories as to why Lobo inflicted violence, which was unheard of on Zarnia at the time. They were very peaceful people. Though the exact cause was never determined,

it was concluded that Lobo was just plain bad. At the age of two, Lobo requested a song to be played continuously on the station Cosmic Rock Zombie. It was called, quote, I killed my folks, no accident, which Wolfman Wilf played nonstop out of fear for his life. Lobo had become fed up with... Did he write that song? Seemingly. Lobo had become fed up of being like others and set out to establish his own identity, which meant a wardrobe change. By the age of 16, he had killed half of the plan.

its population. By age 17, he had engineered a plague that caused irreversible neural damage in excruciating pain for days before the victim died. Having made himself immune, he murdered five billion Zarnians while he played death metal. Only one Zarnian survived the plague, his fourth grade teacher. Having no plans to rule a dead planet, Lobo set out to find employment to feed his space dolphins. After several failed jobs, he became a bounty hunter.

One of his contracts... Sprova. Yeah. Space dolphins? Exactly what it sounds like. Lobo has a flock. I imagine that's, I don't know what you would call a gathering of space dolphins a herd.

I believe it's a pod. A pod. Oh, it will be a pod, yeah. So he has a pod of space dolphins. Exactly what it sounds like. They're dolphins that fly through space. He takes care of them. He loves them.

So, Lobo was a recurring character and the Omega Men and was created by Keith Giffin and Roger Sliffer. We talked about Keith Giffin previously, Dylan, where we talked about all of his bizarre creations and what have you. But he was created, according to Giffin, as satire for the violent anti-heroes like Wolverine and the Punisher. Everything about him is outlandish and excessive from his origin to his powers, even his

very language. He was retcon by Alan Grant and Simon Beisley in 1990 and his popularity soared. Stan Lee has said in interviews that Lobo is his story. favorite DC Comics character. So, he wouldn't lie. As a bounty hunter, Lobo will take up any contract of the money's right, whether it be his fourth grade teacher, Santa Claus, or God. Lobo will get the job done.

He has been barred from heaven and hell, making him immortal by default. His speech is peppered with family-friendly profanities such as Fragg and Bastich. He is not at all bad, though, because he always stays true to his word, and he is a conservationist of the space dolphin race. In his travels around the universe, Lobo has frequently found himself either on Earth or encountering its heroes. Lobo is rarely diplomatic, and those encounters often become incredibly violent. Lobo's first trip to Earth saw him clash as Superman. As both of them were immensely powerful and unable to decisively beat the other,

Superman usually has to find a way to appease Lobo before the damage and the death toll gets to be too severe. Due to his inability to beat Superman, Lobo will often challenge him in an effort to finally prove that he is the better man. So let's talk about powers. Actually, before we talk about powers, let's talk about Lobo's names. Because his name is Lobo. That's his real birth name. That's also a super name. But these are also his nicknames.

The main man. The scourge of the cosmos. The Last Zarnian. The destroyer. The master fragger. The bow. The wolf. Master frag.

Mr. Machete. Pope Bo. He who devourers. your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it. Archbishop Lobo. Lobo the Lassaritan, the ultimate Bastage, Slow, the whip, and Lil Lobo.

Slow. Slow. He has appeared in 1,226 issues at this time. Wow. And these are his abilities. He's adaptive. He has high agility. He can astrally project his consciousness.

He has berserker's strength. He has blast powers. He is master of the dark force in manipulating it, a master of dimensional hopping and manipulating those. Duplication, energy absorption, energy enhanced striking, enhanced mutation gadgets, genetic manipulation, healing, he's immortal, he's insanely rich. He has a high intellect, even though it doesn't seem like he does. He is invulnerable. He is long living. He's a marksman. He is an omnilingual. He is capable of phasing through objects. He has high stamina. He has high stamina. he's very stealthy, he has super smell, super speed, super strength, enhanced tracking abilities,

and he is an unarmed combat weapon master. I think this might be kind of difficult for us if you have repeatedly said that he is immortal? Yeah. Like, is this possible? Well, let's hear about some of Lobo's feats. Here we go. Lord Manga hired Lobo to kill the Justice League international team of Martian Manhunter, Big Barda, Rocket Red, and Nort, who were following Lord Manga and the cluster to get back to kidnap Mr. Miracle.

Lobo's payment is a 10-year supply of dolphin mix, which was perfect for his space dolphins. When Lobo catches up to the Justice League, he destroys Rocket Red suit and nearly kills Martian Manhunter. When Big Barta uses her power rod to teleport Lobo to Earth, where he falls on top of Guy Gardner, which started a fight with a recently back-to-old self, Guy Gardner. after a brief fight that is finally broken up by booster gold and blue beetle lobo learns that the rest of the justice league will return and so he makes up a lie that big barda sent him to wait for them that is how lobo got teleported with the rest of the team to apocalypse where big barda boom-tubed the team to help rescue mr miracle while on apocalypse he tried to fulfill his contract both stopped by lord manga who made a deal with dark side that called off the contract lobo was fully paid but still angry that he didn't actually get to kill anyone so he is very manipulative Okay. In the aftermath of the sins of youth event, where Clarion the witch boy turned several adult superheroes into children, Lobo became trapped in the body of a teenager. He tried to force Clarion to return him back to his natural age, but found that he was now, somehow, immune to Clarion's magic. Accepting his new status as the, quote, top team, he joined himself with the Young Justice team of teenage superheroes and went on multiple adventures with them. During his tenure, as a member, he started to develop feelings for a teammate and even took her on a little date. Isn't that lovely? During our world at war, while Young Justice has been sent out on a mission to Apocalypse, Lobo was slaughtered by an army of parademons and seemingly killed by the Black Racer.

As his body lay lifeless on the ground, an army of clones regenerated from the drops of his blood, rapidly reaching adult size and savagely fighting each other until only one remained as the new main man. Now I return to his former adult appearance, Lobo went on to continuing to live his life as if his time with Young Justice had just never happened. Future encounters with his former teammates seem to indicate that he has no memory of his time with them. Lobo's blood also produced Slobo, a clone whose growth was stunted, leaving him as scrawny teenager. While the full-sized Lobos fought each other to the death, Slobo hid in Young Justice ship, and eventually returned to Earth with them to take Lobo's spot on the team.

In the event 52, Lobo took a vow of non-violence from the Great Fishy One, as seen in the series, and had taken a quest to find the great emerald eye. Upon completion of the quest, Lobo discovers the eye is the only weapon capable of destroying the great fishy one and is seen using it supposedly to free himself of said vow. Recently it was revealed that Lobo had been trapped in hell for quite some time, his sins and guilt being used to power an entire region of hell. Supposedly, the Lobos seen before is actually a clone of the real Lobo created by Neeron and set loose upon the universe.

In a fight between Etrigan and Blue Devil, Lobo is released and produces to slaughter his way through hell looking for Neeron and the person who imprisoned him. His onslaught is stopped by Zatanna, who, after realizing She cannot stop him without killing him, simply freezing him and departs. Lobo later appears after the events of Black as Night. Atrocidus hires Lobo to eradicate Hall of Jordan, Carol Ferris, and Sinestro. However, after he fails at his mission, as he departs from Earth, he managed to obtain a red lantern ring.

It is revealed that Lobo did not fail his mission. It only appeared to. Lobo was hired by Atrocidist to put on a show and make atrocities look good towards the green lanterns. How Jordan even stated himself that Lobo usually puts up more of a fight, and it was then revealed that Lobo was only there for the sake of having a trotocel. a favor from the green lanterns. Due to the fact that the space church that Lobo oversaw was spending more money than it was taking in, Lobo needed to work for Vril Drox, who is a son of Brainiac as a personal enforcer.

Well, under Docks's employment, Lobo fought Alton Admis, the Green Lantern of Sector 2828 to a standstill, who's later tricked into thinking that there was another Zarnian still alive, but it turned out to be Astridor Storm Daughter, using a combination of pheromones and her powers to confuse Lobo, and for this trick, Lobo killed her. After attracting Astrid to the Zion homeworld, he would go toe to toe with Smite, her only true friend. The fight would only pause because Lobo was winning and wanted to get drunk instead of fighting.

Hours later, Lobo and Smite are found out a bar sharing beer and war stories, and he explains to Smite, he shouldn't be all that mad at Lobo, you should be mad at Staro, the person who sent Astrid over to attack him. Lobo's last scene was Smite, about to attack a helplessness.

Starro instead. Some other really fun things that happen, and I'll kind of skim through this because there's a lot of these. At one point, Lobo is eviscerated into just a puddle of blood, and he just emerges from the puddle of blood in a completely new body. So he has that Wolverine ability of like, as long as there's like an atom of him left, he's going to come back in very quickly at that. It's not a slow process.

It's pretty fucking quick. In the new 52, they debuted a new hip, sleek lobo, who had like, a lot of people called him emo lobo because he was like very thin and lean, short hair, very clean appearance. Who is supposed to be like the new 52 take on like, lobo is too much of a cartoon of any of the 90s. So let's introduce a new serious take on lobo. And that lobo was not popular and eventually was killed when, Lobo proper came back and cut his head off. So, yeah. Let's go here.

Oh, here's some, okay, here we are. It is said that only Zarnians can truly kill other Zarnians, though this does not matter to Lobo either way, as he cannot die by any means currently. Furthermore, he has been banned from entering both heaven and hell, and Lobo can survive unaided in the vacuum of space. He drives a space motorcycle that is completely uncovered. He doesn't seem to need air to breathe.

As a result of his being banned from the afterlife and ability to leave his body if it's too damaged until his healing factor restores it to a functioning condition, or he simply chooses to remain, to reanimate his corpse. While outside of his body, he loses his ability to directly physically affect living beings, but is able to affect other ghosts physically in the same way that he would normally fight a being with a physical body. loba possessed a super strength that enables him to lift over 100 tons which has allowed him to hold his own against the likes of Superman, Captain Marvel, Martian Manhunter, and Greenlander, amongst others. He has superhuman durability and a healing factor that allows him to heal even from the most serious of injuries relatively quickly. Despite his size, Lobo is surprisingly quick. He's able to survive the rigors of space without food or air, although he needs booze regularly. Not for survival, just because he enjoys it. Lobo has an unbelievably good sense of smell that allows him to track anyone he's met within a few.

few solar systems. He can also smoke cigars in airless space because he needs his cigars. No other reason than that. He can create copies of himself from a single drop of blood, though real Drax of Legion was able to turn off that power. His weapon of choice is a chain and a hook, the durability of which has yet to be determined. He also utilizes an arsenal of deadly weaponry, usually guns and explosives that are ridiculously big and ridiculously loud. Also, he has at times shown you have the ability to commonly refer to as the bottomless satchel. This means you can pull guns, explosives, ammo out of nowhere or out of something that is smaller than the item itself,

like pulling a cannon out of a backpack. Though the new 52 incarnation of Lobo never displayed any of these abilities beyond regeneration, his preferred mode of transport is the spas-frag 666, a flying motorcycle. Do you his omnis... Say that one again? Spaz-Frague 666. That is his motorcycle.

That's unfortunate. Due to his omnifysical nature if existing throughout multi-dimensional realities, while not totally situating within any singular totality, the collective theorized that this is a source of Lobo's unquantifiable and wildly random power set, which fluctuates from simply congenial to nigh infinite in proportion and capacity, enabling him to use and adapt multiple new powers within every conceivable showing of his publishing. these mysterious scholars having once garnered a unique dark energy, which he contains within himself to eradicate two warlike alien species in a parallel timeline,

causing a controlled mass genocide of billions in an instant. So, yeah, there you go. There's Lobo. So thoughts. Again, I would say the immortality, the nigh, invincible powers. It's not smooth ceiling. No. Or me and John to try and kill such a character of high regard, you know? Mm-hmm.

You really, really drilled it into us that, like, whatever ideas we're about to do have to be, like, beyond God level to be able to kill this guy. and I think before I even say what mine are we all know that the mine are not going to fulfill that criteria so this might not end well for me in terms of being able to kill Lobo I feel like if we can kill him at all that's a victory so

you know we'll see how that goes I have more faith John's thing I'm going to be honest with you John, I feel quite confident in myself. I feel like I've come up with a pretty good plan, which covers a lot of bases. So what did you learn about Lobo today that you did not previously know? He's a mortal. I thought he was like, you know, like tough to kill, but like a mortal is going to be different.

I feel like it's tough to do an episode where we killed somebody if part of the, Paras that is cannot be killed. Yeah, that seems really challenging. Any interesting tidbits that you learned from all of that, John? I mean... Space Dolphins? Not really...

Well, yeah, actually, yeah, the space dolphins was very unexpected. But, like, because of the preparation I was doing for this, I kind of knew some of the the bigger powers and stuff and, you know, bullshit excuses for how he can't die and whatnot.

So, yeah. Lobo literally has plot armor. I mean, that's when he comes down to it. Oh, God, yeah. I mean, he was, he was the, he was created by Keith Giffin, who kind of created one of the first fourth wall breaking character's ambush bug. So, I mean, he was Deadpool before Deadpool for all intents of purposes.

and you know a character like that can only be harmed when the writer decides they need to be harmed yeah but yes uh i do say that the thing about lobo having multiple the reason that an army of loboes will never be possible is because they he can't stand being like anyone else so army of clones of him just piss him off and that's why they all fought to the death after his body reconstituted itself multiple times. That being said, I know that, John, you have one big elaborate plan. Dylan, you have

the more of a shotgun approach with several smaller plans. Do you have a preference as to who goes first? I feel like I should probably get my shit out of the way first, shouldn't I? It's fine by me. We usually do it like that. Don't I just like fire off my fucking dumb stuff?

Yeah, yeah. You know, epic story. you haven't heard them has some faith in yourself you haven't heard them remember what you just said ended up by 20 minutes

and then go well it turns out you were correct they are indeed horses all right Dylan how do you plan on killing Lobo the main man okay first of all I thought we'll keep it

we'll keep it simple first when we do you know keep it simple keep with a thing. Keep, um, keep, um,

keep some trends going. It's going to be syphilis or bees, right? Now, are the, are the, are these, I mean,

syphilitic bees are, that's pretty hardcore. Nobody has a cure for that yet. No. So, you know, the bee stings you that it dies. Traditionally,

right? Yeah. So like these bees are all stinging you and then dying so you can't really test. them afterwards and like try to solve the problem at the core level it's uncurable exactly it's uncurable so he's going to have this like b syphilis oh which is if you look at the the different rankings of syphilis one of the worst kinds to have i mean i think we can all agree i will tell you this lobo has a healing factor we've discussed it it's kind of like why wolverine can drink and smoke

and doesn't really bother him it's kind of the same deal and lobo looks like the kind of guy that's had way worse stuff than B syphilis? That man's dirty. I disagree. That man's dirty. That man's dirty. He told you that B. One of the worst kinds of syphilis.

I imagine he's had regular syphilis, sure. But then I was also thinking of that, right? Because he's an alien. Yeah, he's had space syphilis. He says, he said, correct. So he's never had Earth syphilis. So that might be, like, crazy bad for him. Oh, the War of the World.

Because he... He's, it's not, yeah, it's not like the same, he's not used to it. It's like, you know, it's something totally, like, his body is, so kind of like how Superman is weak to magic because he's not from Earth where the magic is generated from Lobo is weak to Earth syphilis because he's not naturally of Earth. He's never had syphilis from Earth before. First he's had Cyphus from fucking Mars or whatever. He's, well, from other dimensions because he does it all the time. But whenever he's in Earth, he's just beaten up Superman. He's not fucking anybody as far as I know.

So he, you know, or maybe when he does, he's like safe with it. I don't know. That's up to him. It doesn't seem like the guy, but you don't know. So I reckon he might just like, he's so unfamiliar with like earth, you know, diseases or climate and stuff like that. That are kind of syphilis turns out that it's incredibly deadly to whatever. planet he's from you know and then if you add the bees in there as well you're like well now you're adding an extra layer of i have syphilis and i've been stung a shit ton of times i don't this is

this is not not good for me you know so you know we go to i know we go down the the syphilis and or bees uh gimmick a lot but it's it's worth giving the shot just combine them you have to try you got your bees in my syphilis i got your syphilis and your bee's and your bee's um exactly so that's one of them that's how do we feel about bee syphilis or just syphilis and also the threat of bees also the threat of bees uh yeah i mean again healing factor is going to make that almost negated immediately right but again like what he's not if it's something his body's not used to what if it overtakes the healing factor i mean his entire body's been eviscerated When we know about what syphilis does to the human body,

never once has it been written down in the medical journals that it shuts off your healing factor. To the human body. Yes. So we also don't know that it doesn't do that to a Zarnian. Exactly. We don't know if it does or doesn't. So it's a possibility. If this is Mythbusters, this is the one who's going to say plausible.

Yes. All right, let me get the cast iron, like, slab of metal that says plausible. Just drop it down on the ground. You can't say that that's not true. The Schroding is kind of death. The Schroding's your syphilis. You don't know until it happens. You don't know until the pus comes out of your penis.

He's both alive and dead at the same time. Because we can't confirm. I didn't think that I'd be able to bullshit that one. strong start, but there you go. That's a strong start. That's a strong start. All right. It's not going to be all done from here.

Let's see. Okay. I have another one. It's just sending them in Australia because in Australia, everything's trying to kill you. So, you know, he might just get bitten by a spider. This is similar to the bees, I guess,

but like everything in Australia is trying to kill you. So, like, I mean, he might enjoy that, though. that just that constant threat of violence. You might enjoy that. Okay. Well, we also know about the Australians are that, I actually just saw a video today of a man who is like parachuting.

And as he landed, a kangaroo came out of the bush and attacked him immediately. And he had such a, he had such a, like, dejected fucking kangaroos after he's able to get the thing to leave him alone. So it is a, it is a place where apparently you can just get mugged by a kangaroo.

Yeah, or like bitten by mosquitoes or eaten by sharks or jellyfish or giant spiders. The most deadly of all, the koala. The kukabara, which koalas also have sexually transmitted diseases. Cipolis. All comes together. Quala syphilis. Not as bad as B syphilis. One point B.

Plan 1.1.B. Kawah Syphilis. These syphilis definitely top of the list in terms of deadliness. You know? Okay. So. While we're learning a lot of it's syphilis

in this one. We are. This is educational. Yeah. Yeah. The bees and koala's going to have to fuck Lobo to give him the syphilis, though? Yes. The bees are going to be the challenge. Okay. Just making sure.

Listen, if you put your mind to it, you can fuck anything. There's the intro. That one. Yeah, that'll be the YouTube short on this episode. Sorry about your dating life. Yeah, you do, I'll figure it out. It's got to be way to fuck it. All right, what's plan C?

Okay, so have him know a lot of very important incriminating evidence that would implicate Donald Trump specifically in the Epstein files. because people have a habit of going missing. Or schools in another country getting bombed. We exactly put him in a school in Iran. Christ. Or Palestine. That was only going to make sense.

It's only going to make sense. The next atrocity will have occurred and we have already forgotten about it. yeah we've already moved on B syphilis will take it over the earth and I'm like we see you think we're late on this but we actually recorded this months ago so we're on top of this we knew about this fucking age ago

you know but that's just a possibility you know what you mean people have a habit of going missing just to stop rich people from discovering all the syphilis that they have yeah that's that's there

okay um I've annoyed you talking about space dolphins because one of mine was because he's from speas, he's probably never encountered a shark. So shark attack. But if there are space dolphins, one would assume there are space sharks.

You have to assume. Yeah. So that one might not be good. I'm maybe just cross that one. Yeah, he might not be a fan of space sharks because of the threat they might pose to the space dolphins. He's very concerned about the well-being of space dolphins. How many of these, by the way, like how many of these?

can I, like, how many of these can I cross off? Like, I feel like syphilis and bees, that worked out okay. I can give that a tick. I can give that a maybe, can I? I'll give you plausible. I'm going to say Australia, that sounds more like a vacation for him to go to a place where things are constantly trying to do them. Okay. The lobo files, there is no, there is no bottom to the depravity that the current administration will sink to in order to keep pedophiles from facing their consequences.

so I feel like that one's damn pretty fucking plausible as well I'll give that a tick Space Sharks immediately are No no I don't think yeah I think the space sharks Will be an issue for him

This one's kind of similar to the Donald Trump one Okay Is to just tax him so much That he gets depressed and kills himself He is a very wealthy person He might He might not Yeah

The notion of paying taxes Are going to be completely foreign to him In that regard Yeah they just taxed Yeah, got out of him. And he's like, my money's going to schools? I can't live in a world like this. No.

He kills himself. My money is going to a needless war to protect people. He would like that, though. He would love that. If he was the one, like boots on the ground fucking people up, yeah, you would be. Like, that would be like, wow, okay, cool. Like, I also don't get to have any of the fun of, like, killing people. Yeah, but if he's, I feel like if there was.

If there was a need of. this war going on at least he was like well my money's going to a good cause here again it's more about like he wants to be the person doing it okay well what do you what do you think about that one uh maybe i think i mean he definitely the money thing is a concern it's why it's why he does what he does he doesn't feed the space dolphins if he doesn't have money to feed the space dolphins because he's getting tax too high or the space dolphin food is getting tariffed, you know, and like the businesses are passing the cost off to the customers. So that inevitably when this fictional president decides that he's going to give the businesses their

money back. Yeah, he's going to give their businesses their money back for the tariffs, even though the businesses didn't lose any fucking money. They actually made a ton of money because they increased the price so heavily that it completely negated the tariff. Then, yeah, pass the cost all of the customer base. And yeah, sure. I could definitely see him have.

a problem with tariffs and taxes for his based off. Okay. This is going much better than I thought it would. Gotta be honest with it. I don't know if he could kill yourself. I mean, the problem, again, is like, he's hard, he's unkillable. Even if he succeeds, he can't go to heaven or hell.

So it's why he goes back to his body. That doesn't matter. There's limbo. He can go places. Limbo does exist in the DC universe. That's where Zoriel is terrified of in Grand Morson's. There's loads of places to go one of your dad. There's Limbo.

There's Vermont. Yeah. It's very lovely there, though. I haven't been. I just picked a fucking American name out of my ass. The worst place to pick. I'll tell you that. Vermont seems very lovely.

But he would hate it because it's too lovely. It's too lovely. It's basically how. He doesn't like a, so it's kind of like how. So he likes death metal. He doesn't like fish. He doesn't like jam bands. Well, you can like both.

He doesn't. He's a fool. Yeah, well, he is. Hmm. This one, I've seemed to have gone on the big theme. I don't know if it's just on my head. I think there's something in the news lately. This is something that's really grinding on me, but a certain group of people.

Put them in a school. But I was like, why are you... I ran. Well, put him in a submarine with a bunch of billionaires. Oh, okay. He'd come back from that, though. He swim? Yeah.

Well, he doesn't need to... He doesn't need air. He's able to go in space without air. Right. He needs to be able to move through the water. Yeah, he'll be fine. Okay. Yeah.

Can you survive the pressure of being underwater? I mean, if he can survive getting atomized and then reconstituting his body, He can, he'll just do that a bunch. Because he's like, just trudging along every five seconds. And he comes back and he's like, a couple more feet and then he's back. But that would certainly like take him out of action for a long time. He'd keep him busy. He'd be very occupied.

Yeah. So if you think about it like that, you like, hey, can you like, get rid of this guy for a bit? Are we redefining killing to just being like inconvenienced? I think because of how unkillable this guy is. we need to find parameters and work the ground. If you're saying to me, kill this guy that can't die, I'm like,

well, then the answer is I can't. That's the end of the episode. You're asking, I'm going to frame this. The very last fucking episode, I said, hey,

these are the supposedly the deadliest people in both these universes. Who do you want to kill? It was decided by a group we were going to Lobo. There is no, Corey asked me to kill this guy.

This was a communal decision. I didn't want to kill. kill a lobo. What? I didn't want to kill lobo. Dylan? It's all on you? Yeah.

Well, yeah. And I think that I have conclusively proven. Putting one to water. Like, after a while, he's like, I'm bored of this. I can't keep coming back and like dying under pressure again. I'll just, just die for real. It'll just be done. It takes too long.

I mean, it's got, it's got legs. Let's move forward You don't like that one? I didn't care for that one too much Your argument was passionate But it's still fruitless and unfortunately That's me Passionate but fruitless

Passeness Patshant to That one too Just in case his head and cement again he doesn't need air to breathe he'll be fine he can't see where he's going

he'll be really annoyed he couldn't smoke a cigar though bingo or drink what kind of a sentence would that be it's as if he really was dead may as well again we're settling for inconvenience I think if you can't smoke your cigar

or eat or drink or see where you're going or do anything Those are your favorite things to do. Correct. I love smoking cigars and drinking and seeing and eating and other things. I don't want to talk about this too much, but I love being able to see where I'm going. I think in terms of my life, that has, that's like super up there in terms of just real things. Ironically.

So being able to see is a big plus. Also, it would weigh your head down. your neck would be all weird because your head is in cement the rest of your body I think he's okay he's doing those like new Japan Nick bridges that people keep saying like oh you got to do that the shell fit you or another

people like that's actually terrible for your neck right so he shouldn't do them because it'll fuck his neck up whenever he puts this the mad thing on his head you're so quick mm-hmm yeah what do you think about that one I don't like that one

ah damn okay um okay anthrax but like a really good anthrax like a really like the best the got the fucking crazy shit yeah man no well no because he likes that he likes heavy metal no good I wouldn't kill him but like the drug I kill loads of people I don't know they could

do the trick for him. But you don't know. I mean, he created his own plague that killed like half of his population on his plane, on his home planet. But not the other half. So it's not that good. No, he got the other half of his fair fucking hands, but it's out of it. Right, because the drug didn't work, but this one will because this is the good.

The drug was after. He made up the drug because it was taken too long. That's, see, that's, you know, that's what I'm saying. He's so impatient that when he's under water, coming back to life and shit he wouldn't even bother with it we're not talking about that one right now that one i think is that's that's working out okay you didn't like you but i think that it's still working out okay how many where you got uh you know the anthrax no i didn't care for the anthrax okay all right so um we trap him inside the earth like in the molten core of the earth and he's just

trapped in there forever in the malt like the labin what do you call it the core He's just in there forever I mean he wasn't he did spend a lot of time trapped in hell So he's acquainted with that But this isn't hell though This is like molten lava all the time Yeah and I think he'll be fine How are you getting him in there as well

That's easy but how is he gonna get out That's harder because he won't he'll just keep be melting and shit He won't be able to like reconstitute himself Because as soon as he does just melts again Yeah you're inconveniencing him, you're not killing him. But he's like, he'll be in the core forever. Yeah, but he'll be inching along. He'll be making progress.

Again, that takes so long that like, by the time... Do you know how big the Earth's core is? It's really big. Like, the time it takes it from to get from the middle to like a quarter of the way there would be fucking thousands of years. people people will walk around going have you seen lobo in a while i haven't seen him he's been missed it's like he's dead again we're redefining the parameters of the question no i think i am i am doing the best i count of the material i've been given frankly i think i either get the underwater one or i get the lava one i'll give you i'm more keen

to give you the lava one than the underwater one just because he's he doesn't need air to breathe So I think the underwater one is less of any inconvenience. I'll take it. I'll take it. That's good. I think they're both. They're kind of a similar argument, so one of them has to work. One's hot and one's wet.

That's how I describe you guys to other people. Hey, what are your co-hosts? Like, well, one's hot and one's wet. Which one's which? If you have to ask a question, you know you're not the wet one. John Oh I thought if I asked I would be the wet one

I thought if I asked I would be the wet one Okay No I think you You know if you're wet all the time I would know if I was wet all the time Yeah I would Is that way John's comments off

Not you dog We can't see John just like Drip and wet all the time Oh yeah You have to pay extra for that. That's on the only fans. That's on the page you're on page. That's on the page.

Well, yeah, we only fans. Yeah, the Smorgheim is only fans. It just, that's why we can't. Ironically, that's why we have the webcam off. We can't give it away for free. Ironically, it's wet and hot.

There you go. I don't know if any of that's making. That's what they call them. That's the T-shirt. John, wet and hot. What was your shirt? So I have one more. I have one more.

And I like this one. This was my favorite one. I also have an unfortunate feeling that the way this is gone, you're all going to hate this one. Okay. But it was my favorite one, right? Because a lot of these have been quite like just regular ways to kill somebody. You know, bees and syphilis and shit.

Cement, drowning. I go to these wells a lot. It's not specific to this guy. but I did learn something about Lobo, which is that whenever he has a contract, he has to fulfill it to the end. He's very loyal to his contract. He has to fulfill a contract no matter what the contract is. So I would contract him to kill himself. I heard a wimper.

Yeah, I heard a whimper over there. It sounds like that was a good idea. Because then that way, A, I don't have to do it. All this shit's not working. he would send him to australia and honestly god if you did if you did manipulate him into signing said contract he'd do it he's the kind of guy he'd curse you out while he did it but he'd do it the long as they pay up he will fulfill the contract and i'm happy to pay it if he means he does all the dirty work himself dylan so that's genuinely a very smart idea good job on that one

fucking brilliant thank you that was that was for last that was the first one i was the first one broke down and like, fuck, I got to pat this out someone. Hit him

with a car. That's why some of them very similar because I'm like, ah, whatever. But that was the one, like I was like,

there's one that's really good and a lot that aren't. And that was the good one, I thought. I was very happy with that. So, that one gets a tick. That's a big tick.

I'm going to give that two tics because it was really good that tick is so big it's a real Lyme disease that one the syphilis or the bees the evidence against Donald Trump the Earth's core

I don't know he didn't like that one but we'll give it a maybe we'll give it a maybe hacked them so much they killed himself that is all right he did okay so that's

that's how we killed Lobo all right John, after hearing all of that, how are you feeling about your plan? I'm getting pretty confident still. I am kicking myself and not doing the taking out a contract on himself idea, though. Great idea. Wow. Damn it.

I was two one. Mine's a lot more convoluted than that. Well, it normally is. Yeah, we expect this. Well, okay. I'll get going then. So I figured

there's like lots of bases we need to cover here like I said there it is so I've come up with sort of a three-pronged attack to try and counter some of Lobo's

abilities which make him so difficult to kill and also sort of just embracing the kind of you know the bullshit nature of comics where you can do anything as well. So, first up, as you may recall when I killed, I think, the Flash, or maybe it was Aquaman. I married Lex Luthor. So I have access to all of his riches and inventions and...

This is canon? This is part of the same canon, no. I would say so Okay But it also Okay Yeah Okay

But it also gives me access to him as well And his genius Uh intellect And you know Him being one of the smartest people In the DC universe Can I interrupt for a second A jack of all trade

Did you Did you kill Lex Luthor at the end of your agreement Or did you divorce Or are you just happily married to Lexington this whole time. I assume we're still happily married this whole time, yeah. Here's the thing. I thought

the way I recall it was that you kill, like, Leather, Dan, but that means that between the marriage and the death, there would be a period where you guys are happily married, and so I assume, chronologically, this is when this takes place. The Flash is still... I don't remember killing him.

Aquaman is still alive. I thought you killed him, yeah. Kill them. Oh, I have to go back and listen. to that. We should all remember. That would be a great. It's an amazing episode.

It is a great one. Link in the description. It's in the playlist. So just go out to mall. Anyway, yeah. So he's obviously like a great scientist who is a master of all different types of science because why not? But we will be using his scientific know-how. about genetics in this.

And to cover all of our bases, again, we'll bring in some other sort of geneticists from the DC universe. And I have like a surling racquet of Project Cadmus, the ultra-humanite, who I was going to bring in this team as well. And since you brought him up, Corey, I'm going to add Verold Docs to that list as well. So we've got all these, like, people who are, like, you know, good at science and stuff.

And then their task is to make something from Lobo's DNA to kind of counter his Zanian physiology, since that's, you know, what's making him so hard to kill in the first place. ideally you'd want like some of his blood but since yeah that's going to like create Lobo clones trying to get it I figure we'd go for something different like a strand of hair

so I figured maybe we could hire some like low level jobber like the condiment man or something to kind of distract him by attacking Lobo and then whilst Lobo's killing him just ripping him apart oh man

blood and gut be well can't separate the catch up from the blood whilst he's busy doing that we'd have some teleporter

and I was looking at teleporters in DC and it turns out egg foo is a teleporter so we'll say him he's going to teleport in and just snip off a strand or a few

like locks of Lobo's hair take it back to the scientist He teleports behind him stealthily Yeah He's attacked by the condomac king And he's like not no crazy racist egg

Not a shit racist egg You'll get your turn I'll get your turn Yeah I'll give you a second All right Yeah But then he teleports out

Straight away again So Lovo can't kill him And then he takes the hair back And then the scientists Do their thing and manage to create a weapon from the DNA in the hair, which is going to disable Lobo's healing factor

and stop his blood from being able to regenerate into a new body as well. Some kind of like anti-healing factor or whatever. And then, yeah, basically turn that into a weapon. So machine gun, like cover the weapon. bullets or something. I don't know. The Lobo death gun. Whatever.

Delobo riser. There you go. Yeah, de Loborizer. DeLobos something. So, yeah, now we've got our way to kill him. But the trouble is, if that weapon does work, as we've established, he still can't go to heaven and hell, right?

Yeah. So that's where part two of my plan comes in, where we're going to basically go to poison ivy, steal some of her pheromones, and then use them to make John Constantine fall in love with me. So I can then convince Constantine that he really wants to go to hell, take out Lucifer Morningstar, who I believe is like the primary ruler of hell. Okay. Yeah, there you go. And then, so once Constantine has, like, taken him out, and as we established during our tournament, he's obviously the best magic user in the DC universe.

Then he can just essentially rip up the contract or deed or whatever the bucket was that forbids Lobo from going to the afterlife. So that is no longer an issue anymore. Very good. So the question I have about the issue is more of like, are you and Lex Luthor swingers or do you just have like an open relationship? Like what's the what's the home life there? Look, I don't want to. That he that you're seeing John Constantine behind his back.

Real quick. I don't say is would anybody be surprised if A. Lex Luthor or B, John Constantine were swingers? I think we can we can be fucking lutely. My question is about the. strength of John and Lex Luthor's marriage at this point. I'm saying there's a lot of weird billioners out there that get up to a lot of weird shit behind closed doors, apparently. So I feel like this is not a...

Polyamorous is the least of accusations Lex Luthor has to be worried about these days. He has a lot of babies. I think this is not a stretch. There you go. That's what I would say as well. Like, I think Lex is happy doing his thing. I'm happy doing my thing. And then when we get together, it's all good.

Oh, that's nice. That's positive. I don't know why that got me. That got me good. All right, continue. Okay. But so there you go. We've got a weapon to take him out.

We've got the whole band from the afterlife thing, undone. But just as a backup plan is this third prong of my attack. Marilo as well. so John's running a fucking polychew in the DC universe

It's hot and wet Yeah there you go Who can resist my hot and wet charms All right there you go Continue So So just in case The whole afterlife

thing doesn't pan out the way I planned. There's obviously a precedent for Lobo, like when he's been killed previously, his spirit is still floating around and stuff. And I read there was an instance where his spirit basically possessed a snail and then used that to regenerate a new body from. So we don't want him doing that, do we?

So, I think, figured we'll use Lex Luthor's immense riches to acquire an item known as the spear of destiny, which is apparently the same spear that Jesus was stabbed with on the cross and is like ultra-powerful and whatnot. It can kill spirits, I guess. so you know if it comes to it and Lobo Spirit is still

floating around on the astral plane looking for a new body to kind of regenerate we'll use the spear of destiny to shove it up his ass and then kill him for good and wipe him out of existence altogether okay the end

you were very specific of why the best part of the body to stop him in. You know, where else are you going to stab someone? I will say, because clearly John has, you know, played a rhyme with a lot of the people in the DC universe that he has done his research and that specific area.

So I trust you 100% if that's what you say is the best area to do it. Thank you. He did win the DC Comics Trivia contest between the two of you, so he has become an authority. Wow. You know, well, he knows me. Well, he's also married half of the DC universe.

He was fucking his way across the DC universe. Damn it. Yeah, man. Good life. You can live it. Fortunate are those. There you go. There was a lot I liked in that.

Yes. There was a lot I liked that. There was a fucking genius stuff in there, absolutely. Very well thought out. Yeah. I mean, getting Constantine to negotiate with, you know, Satan to renege on the offer. to let Lobo come back to hell. That's very clever.

And also top of it, we just talked about it very recently. You knew exactly who to talk to you to get what you needed. And you also know that Constitin's a bit of a slut, so. There you go. Well, he knows. I mean, the man did convince a tricking angel into having sex with a succubis. So, I mean, Constantine knows how to get around, that's for sure. That's what I've heard.

So I would say, John, your plan is very thorough and very thought out, and I do think there's a good percentage of success right there. Yes. Well done. Well done. So we have a tale of two cities, right? The task was kill Lobo. One person has the wealth and resources that come along with a sham marriage. Hey.

Who said sham? You love each other in a weird kind of way. Yeah. But it's, you know, we have science. We have the supernatural. We have religious iconography all rolled into this very long and detailed plan to kill Lobo. And on the other, we have make the fucker sign a contract to kill himself because he's going to do it. Bingo.

Well done, both of you. Out of my. Well done. And you didn't have to marry anybody. I wanted to. Lord knows I did, but I can't afford a wedding ring. Yeah, there's other fish out there. Some of them, Aquaman can talk to for you.

You look you up. That's true. Can Aquaman talk to space dolphins? We will find out in the Emperor Aquaman series. That's going to be coming out shortly where Aquaman's going to space. Okay. Will you think that he'll meet a Speast dolphin? I feel like he has to.

I feel like if you have it existing and you're like, we're going to put Aquaman in space for a while. He's got to encounter the space dolphins. I mean, she should, but... We'll see. They got rid of his magic hand and sent in the space, so it's not always smooth sailing. We'll see, we'll see.

Okay. Well, John, that was a very cinematic plan. And somebody tells me that you watch a lot of movies. How many movies have you watched in the year 2026 so far? So I have now watched 219 movies So we were broke 200 Which I think we were breaking to you were very close to breaking 200 last time

So you definitely crossed that threshold So what was your most recent one My most recent one was one from about Just over 10 years ago called Coherence Which is like a low budget, sci-fi, kind of alternate reality sort of merging kind of deal, which was very good. It had, do you remember, how was his name, Nicholas Brendan from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it? Oh, yeah, Xavier.

Played Xander. Zander. Oh. Xavier. Xavier, yeah, I was not a big. Yeah, he was. Okay. He was involved.

but yeah it's quite tough to follow at points but like I quite enjoyed it still what did you give it on the letterbox I gave it three and a half stars oh well if you

want to see some more of John's reviews of other movies low budget or otherwise John where can they go to see those they can head to letterboxed and find me at a big John Bowsky, Ombud. There you go. And Dylan, what have you been up to lately? Well, as we know, I run and operate the majority of the Smart Avengers only

pounds page. Working John, like that's late. It's very hot, very wet. Yeah. It's cracking a whiff on them. There's a lot of cool. Yeah, you've got to pop in. I know it's like 15 points a month, which sounds like a lot. But trust me, the wealth of content we give you guys is. like you're going to say 50 points is not enough take more and we will we'll get

a gladly 100% other than that though I do a radio show every Monday nights on Bynce digital radio dot code UK you can listen to it online you can listen to it wherever you are on your browser and all that stuff 9 o'clock to 11 o'clock UK time we play a lot of rock music and fun stuff like that also it's not just rock music is all sorts of good music on sometimes extreme on Twitch, Spookaloo, where I draw stuff and I animate those things and put them on YouTube

with Team Crows and I. So if you guys could like and subscribe and whatever the fuck, that would be nice because nobody watches the videos. I think that's it, right? I think that's it. I think it's all you pitch. As for me, I have made other show

Large Old Cup, where the most recent episode I did was about thoughts about Alzheimer's that I was having at a gay bar, which was an interesting place to have thoughts about Alzheimer's. And yeah, so that's a stream of consciousness show. I usually kind of go in with a vague idea of what I'm going to talk about because I have about 28 minutes to fill, and I fill it with whatever is off the dome at the time.

It's kind of fun. It's kind of like doing an open mic to no one. I know what that's like. Yeah, I hear Dragon Lee's a big fan. In addition to that... In addition to that, I have the other show that I do for our YouTube channel, new number ones. At the time of recording, the last new number one that I did was for KeenSpot Comics Made Cafe,

which was a comic that came in a little plastic bag, which was surprising and alarming for me at first, because normally that's for porn. That was not the case. It just came with a trading card for reasons. I'm still not really sure why they included. a trading card in it, but still he did. But until next time, when you need us to kill a

seemingly unkillable bounty hunter, we'll surprise you, it sounds like. Well, we'll give him simple this. It's the best we can do. All right, we'll see you guys later. Goodbye. Do that air. Bye-bye.

That's Lobo. That's what he sounds like. Was that before or after the bee stings? Before. Can you imagine if Jason Momoa is playing Lobo? And that's what he sounded like. Hey, it's me, Lobo. Hey, I'm Lobo. Hey, guys, me Lobo.

I'm gonna kick your ass.