The Smark Avengers - Vol 3, Ep 50: The Smark Avengers Pitch Their Own Sony Spider-Man Villain Films

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

It's episode 50 and the Smark Avengers have come together once more to talk about super hero movies! Now we all know that Sony has the rights to make Spider-Man adjacent movies without including Spider-Man, but we can all admit that they've been stinkers. So the Smark Avengers have tasked themselves with pitching their own Spider-Man movies with one caveat being that the characters can't have appeared in any other Spider-Man movie. Join Corey, Dylan, and Jon as they discuss the Black Cat, the Enforcers, and a messiah Hydro Man!

So, you want to just go? Yeah. Okay. I'll try it like I just did. Well, hello, everybody. Welcome to Smart Avengers. My name is Corey, and with me is Dylan and John. Guys, how's it going?

Hi. Yeah, not too bad. Not too bad. Yourself? Not too bad. It is currently seven degrees outside, which in your temperature, would be hot.

No, very cold. Cold? Yeah, seven is very cold. Cold. What's it over here? John, do you have like the temperature on your phone? I can find out online. All right, so it's about seven degrees.

Oh, we got six, dude. Yo, how do you like bam apples? So you're in Fahrenheit or Celsius? Yes. Celsius. Celsius. Okay. 7 degrees here is negative 13 there.

Yeah, we were negative 4 here earlier today. We're in the middle of a polar vortex, I think they call it, where the temperatures just nosedive for a few days. You should move to California. Yeah, I hear it's very warm over there right now. Parts of it are. We should probably not make to me jokes about that. I had to cut a bunch of those out of the last episode.

Well, that was the thing. I just know, because we made those jokes and I'm like, is he going to let me get away with that? Or, you know? Sometimes I just let you go, because I know I'm just going to cut it out later. Well, thank you for that. That's really nice to know. That I just get out of it. Yeah, I don't want to be, I don't want to make you feel like you're being the dick or anything while we're recording because I don't want to hurt your feelings.

Well, you can. You're allowed to tell me because either. want the people to tell me that would be worse i would like to hear it i told you i cut it out so they they don't know right but then i'll know that you're cut my shit on it so everybody we're going to do kind of a special episode today in a format we've never really done before in honor of the craven the hunter movie that just came out a few weeks ago john because i don't think Dylan has seen it, and I know I've not seen it. Have you watched Craven the Hunter?

No, not yet. That kind of coincided with me being locked in the mental asylum with my kids. You weren't locked in it. I couldn't get out for that. They were locked in. They were locked in with you. Then you broke a prisoner's hand and dumped burning oil on them. John's brush back.

That's why you got locked in. brism. Because you're war shock. So that's a silly thing to do. You know, John, I really like your mask, although I'm really confused why it has pictures of my mom and dad fighting on it. Thank you for laughing at that. Anyway, one of the kind of bizarre and funny things about superhero media these days

is basically Sony pictures. Sony, as we know, made an agreement with Disney a few years back, where MCU can now have Spider-Man in it, and Sony would be allowed to continue to make properties in the Spider-Man franchises that were not Spider-Man, essentially. And a lot of people are like, lots of weird decision, because, like, I don't know what you can do. And then someone's like, oh, Venom. We can make, they can make Venom movies, and they made three of those. And I don't think Dylan liked any of them. I've only seen the first one.

Okay. John, did you like any of them? I mean, the first one was okay. The second one was kind of garbage. And the latest one was more of a sort of

superhero romp. But it was the whole trilogy is just kind of not very good. Like, in technical terms, it's just they are throwing shit at the wall and just trying to be wacky and it doesn't feel there's much connection to

like Venom from the comic books. But is Venom though? Because as good as you can get you know. So then after you know aside from Venom they tried to go with Morbius which we've discussed a few times here.

After Morbius they tried Madam Webb which was an even more of a head scratcher because Madam Webb is typically depicted as an old blind woman. Yeah. And also like the kind of confusing marketing of it, which seemed to appear that they were going to feature the various spider women and spider girls. But it was only one scene of them in costume,

and it was like a flash forward or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then, of course, we have Craven the Hunter, which, from I understand it's not exactly what the world on fire. No. I think more people are talking about Aaron Taylor Johnson in Nostratu than they are in Craven. I think people have forgotten with Craven already.

I think so. Is that real? Does that really happen? So all of that being said, Sony kind of needs some help coming up with some Spider-Man properties that don't contain Spider-Man. So what we here at the Smart Avengers have decided to throw in our hats, and help them out. I mean, we have a lot of great ideas. Baby Juggernaut, right? Perfect. The, the, the rated X fantasy pairing of Modoc and the Sugar Man. Excellent. Yep. We have our very, we have our story of armless Tiger Man solving mysteries at a comic convention.

The three, three. We're killing it. Absolutely killing it. And you know, we have our sort of, our, our, our, our roster of characters that we like to use frequently baby juggernaut gun bunny armless tiger man uh now i guess we're going to add sugar man to the list you know he's he's made an appearance or two now right yeah well probably uh he's gonna have to go in there yeah he has to be jumped in well he jumped straight in he certainly did all arms flailing away that's he jumps in fingers everywhere you know what you mean. Prehanciled tongue, a flapping in the breeze. Oh, it's in there.

So the challenge that we had here for the Smart Avengers, we were tasked with creating a Sony movie that does not have Spider-Man in it, as well as any characters that have appeared in any of the other movies. So, admittedly, it's a challenge, because what this means is no venom, no morbius, no carnage, no Madam Webb, no Craigs. but no Craven. That's just the Sony side.

But then we've got Green Goblin. We've got the lizard, the rhino, Electro, Dr. Octopus, the Sandman. Who else might be able to now? I think I mentioned Green Goblin. Vulture. Shocker. Mysterio. Shocker? What was the Shocker? What was the Shocker?

Shocker was in the first Spider-Man movie. He was a henchman of the vulture. Oh, yeah. Okay. That doesn't call it. So like I said, that is our challenge. There's a world of Spider-Man characters out there, but most of the main ones have been used in one way or another. So I don't know how far in-depth you guys did, but I created my movie. It has a title. It has a cast.

It has a general plot summary. It has a tone. That was the most important part for me was that this film had a tone. Okay. Mine has a big graphic sex scene in the middle of it, which is on for, I would say, you know, the movie is a runtime of an hour 30 and 45 minutes of that is just graphic lovemaking. I very quickly run out of ideas. So like, I got a pad this side.

Oh, I know. These two characters that I've never been introduced before is having fucked for a long time. Because there's even a bit where he's like, I can't do it anymore. and like you could go a little longer and then they do another 20 minutes you know yeah i'm starting to chafe i'm i'm getting sore in places but tough suck it up yeah yeah it's uh oh you read the script yeah i i'm a fan i i i'd like to see you get optioned you won't be a fan when you see it it'll make everybody sick that's yeah so because of the uh because of the because of the kind of the tone of the assignment. We only

really wanted to do one each because it could take a while to really discuss these. But you're just not going to take long? I don't think so. Fair enough. Does anybody really want to go first?

Are we going to have to flip a three-headed coin the sequence first? John, do you want to go first or should I? Okay, I'll go first. Okay. It's not too excited about it there, but. well the problem is it was only um sort of while we were bullshitting before this episode began that i actually remembered oh wait uh this character has technically appeared in a movie you spiderman didn't you well you know it's qualified get it out you're right now back to the silent for you buddy i've got a backup replacement though so but first I'll ask if it's okay if I can use this character and you guys can make a decision on it.

Okay. Okay. So the character that I was planning to do a movie on was the black cat who... I'll let you away with that. Why? I don't even know what she was in. Was Wilshah Hardy used in something? Well, there was a character called Felicia who was in Amazing Spider-Man 2, played by

Felicity Jones who probably would have gone on to become Felicia Hardy and you know the black cat had those movies continued being made I think that count that wouldn't count

at no point was she black cat you know I think you're fine she barely even appeared in the movie as well yeah that's what I was going to say like I had no fucking clue that Felicia Hardy was even used for you okay sweet with your backup though was it the one you told me about It was going to be white rabbit.

I was thinking of it, the white rabbit. Yeah. I know nothing about this character except there's a white rabbit and Batman also. And I'm like, wow, that sounds awful. It sounds awful generic if you here could be two villainous white rabbits. The Batman White Rabbit also have really big titties. Yes. And they're pretty much the same.

Yeah. I think that's really all she exists for, to be frank. Well, there you go. I mean I feel like your white rabbit story, not that's similar from the Sugar Man Mordox scene

the white rabbit's in well that'll add another 15 minutes at least played by Sidney Okay, well A little pause, beautiful Do you want to hear my plot for my movie? Your white rabbit movie? No, my

black cat movie. Oh, the real one. Yes. Go ahead. Yeah. Cool, cool, cool. Okay. So Felicia Hardy is the daughter of John Hardeski, the infamous cat burglar known as The Cat. Many years ago, he steals a rare diamond known as the godstone, which he was supposed to deliver to the crime boss Silver Main, who paid him for his services. But instead, Hardeschi abscondes with the diamond, which is supposedly imbued with magical powers. And that leaves Silverman all pissed off and angry and vowing revenge.

And then we fast forward many years where Hardeski has changed his name to Hardy. He settled down with a white. It's a different guy. Yeah. Already heard Deski, I'm going nuts here. I can't find him. Exactly. Who could ever tell the difference between them? He even grew a little mustache as well just to, you know, hammer home. He's a different person.

Yeah. But yeah, so he settles down with a wife who has since passed away. They had a daughter who is Felicia. And they're living a new life in the Bahamas, like living off the fat of John's ill-gotten gains. But Felicia wants to follow in her father's footsteps, showing surprising aptitude for burglary. But John forbids it, not wanting his daughter to follow him into a life of crime and hoping she'll have a better life than he did. Pretty good life. He lives in the Bahamas with his fucking daughter. Yeah, I know.

Don't follow in my footsteps. I mean, I'm only wildly wealthy can live the life I want. Don't be the geeky. Like, why not? Because he did all the crimes so she didn't have to. But maybe she wanted to. Well, he wanted to. Crime is awesome.

Don't put that out. But as you'll find out, crime does pay as well. So, uh, Silver Main. Is that the tagline? Is that the tagline? Is it black, a black cat crime does pay. Yeah. Why not?

There you go. Here we are. I love this. advertising campaign as well. You guys come up with tag dance for mine when I do mine. Of course. That guys. Fucking not.

So Silver Main has somehow discovered where John Hadeski is hiding, sends the enforcers, the actual enforcers of Montana Ocks and Fancy Dan to the Bahamas or wherever I said it was that they were living to there you go to try and find out from Hadeski where this diamond is hidden. So they go and like smash into their home. Felicia isn't there at the time. But they're like interrogating John and he won't reveal the secret hiding place of this diamond.

So yeah, he's basically left for dead. and that's when Felicia comes home, finds her dad, like, breathing his dying breath, but he gives her a little clue as to where this diamond is hidden, and then, yeah, kicks the bucket. So now Felicia is all pissed off herself, and she's like, well, okay, I best go back to New York and get some revenge on this silver main dude and find this diamond as well. So she heads back to New York and starts disrupting his criminal enterprises,

gaining the attention of a New York City cop by the name of George Stacey along the way. Whilst at the same time, following the clues as to where about this godstone is hidden. Can I stop for a moment? Yeah. Dylan, should we disqualify him because wasn't George Stacey? used in Amazing Spider-Man played by Genesis Leary. Did I say I didn't mean George Stacey I meant Carl Stacey Carl Stancy yeah Carl Stancy car Stancy Clarestancy yeah I heard that's a bad connection core you probably didn't hear

oh okay yeah Skype is really buggy sometimes oh it's really annoying it's gonna ruin all of our it's gonna make it sound like we're talking about different people mm-hmm I mean it could be worse we could end up in the jungle again. Don't. It's up. Jok is stuff. So yeah, so black, well,

she's not black cat at the moment. Felicia finds this diamond, but inadvertently leads two of men to the location as well. She managed to get captured in the process and then taken back to his like crime base or whatever. and then he silver main basically takes the diamond and he's looking to use it

thinking it'll give him his youth back if he puts it in this tablet of time or whatever that it came from but after seemingly turning him young the godstone then turns him into a version of man wolf where he loses control and he's like a feral animal and so that's when like the cop

whose name we haven't established he bursts in and he's like he helps free Felicia and then she gets zapped by the godstone somehow and then she gains

enhanced powers as well but without the side effects of turning into a monster and she manages to defeat the man wolf and then escape with the gem or diamond, whatever I said it was. And yeah, and then that sets up for the sequel because she's like free and she's now got superpowers and she's still doing her burglaries. But now she's got the cop who's kind of like, yeah, trying to. track her down. What superpowers does she have? Just like general like agility and strength and normal. Yeah, I mean it's not like she can fly or anything because that'd be pretty weird. Yeah. She's not like she doesn't have a big long prehensile tongue or like four arms. Yeah. Can I just say

whenever you had Silverman like go back turn it to like a youthful version of himself. Mm-hmm. Despite everything you know about this podcast, you avoided the chance to have baby Silverman. Yeah, I know. It's right there. Well, I'll be honest. I figured there's probably going to be a baby version of some sort of villain appearing in one of your stories.

I'll never tell. Are we that transparent? Yeah. So you guys think I'm writing a story about a baby and hydramad? I mean... Baby hydrantraman, he just turns to a puddle. Yeah. Thank you for that, Dylan.

Small turtle is all I mean. Well, I'd love to surprise you guys with my story. John, have you done your casting? Yes. Are you saving for the end? No, I can do the cast. now as well. Well, that was the end of the story. Okay. Maybe is there a post-credit scene?

Well, yeah, me and Dylan was sort of discussing very early on tonight about like how we would have liked to have included some goblins in our story. And I was like, well, there's no real way of doing it without, you know, like Norman being there. And obviously, we can't include Norman in. any of this. Yep. So. I mean, Madam Webb has a bunch of spider people that aren't Spider-Man, though. And, like, Craven has a whole thing that gives him, like, animal powers for the most part.

You could have, if you could have found a creative solution, you could have put a hobgoblin in there. I mean, we did come up with a creative solution. We did. Basically, the goblin formula falls down from space and inject someone right in the mouth, and then they turn into Hobgoblin. Now, okay, unfortunately, me in the past have come to the conclusion of the goblin serum is some sort of ejaculate. Are we going with that still? No. Some sort of space goblins just jerk it off in the earth.

That was feeling what you're getting at. The doctor comes from space isn't necessarily semen. No. I mean, it's white and sticky, but, you know. That's you making a lot of assumptions. Yeah. I'm just saying assumptions that are like grounded in reality considering some of their past thumbnails See if you look up in the sky and it starts to rain and you're like oh god's doing a seaman on me

No that's not what happens sometimes God's just jerking off everywhere no that'd be snow if God's if it's rain He's probably pissed yeah snow is weird like you sick what's up I don't like this no What are you eating up there you got to trust nature man sometimes it's not it's not all semen let's put that John put that on the poster it's not always semen not always semen

black coming this coming this Christmas day black cat it's not always semen all right John what's your you can see what the show right so

for Felicia Hardy I went with the actress Samara Weaving I don't know who you guys if you guys are familiar with her? What's she being in?

She was in Bill and Ted Faced a Music as Ted's daughter. She was in Ready or Not? I haven't seen him. Oh God, grief. Okay.

The problem with John haven't seen 7,000 films is that he knows the people that we've never seen before. Right. This is bad. She was Scarlett in that Snake Eyes movie that came out a couple of years ago.

Okay, all right. This is why you need the video component because I just showed Dylan an image. And I said, that's what happened. Okay, yeah, and so Silver Main, I had Giancarlo Esposito. Corey. Do you know who Gene Carlispo is, Dylan? Not by name. I probably know him from some kind of film.

Okay. Well, I know him as bugging out from, uh, do the right. thing but that's not where most people know from yeah i don't think so that's gus from breaking bad if ever watched breaking bad yeah he's also one of the vill i would say he's like one of the villains for the upcoming captain america movie but it seems they're really pushing red hulk stuff so i don't know like i don't know how big a part he's going to have in this movie the captain american film hasn't come white yet so we're still good see i wasn't sure if we relied to take stuff from like oh no the actors don't matter it's the

characters. Yeah, yeah. Because like actors in Marvel films that don't typically tend to like crop up too often and different. So I'm like, I was going to try and just keep it like a separate spot. New actors all the time, you know, maybe you've never seen before. Me. I can be.

I will. I'll just quickly round out the rest of my cast. John Hardeski. I was sort of torn between either Christopher Walken or Jeremy. me irons. For the enforcers, I had Montana as a guy called Billy Magnuson.

Ox is a guy called Aldous Hodge and Fancy Dan as Dan Stevens. And then as the cop who definitely isn't George Stacey, Austin Butler. Okay. Does he sound like Elvis?

Yeah. He's got a bit of a draw to him. Nice. That's my favorite thing about Austin Butler is that he got stuck with an Elvis voice for a little while because he couldn't get out of it. And then you can hear a little bit of it and Fade Ratha and Dune 2. All right. Any closing thoughts on Black Cat in the movie, Dylan? I was going to say, what do you think about that pitch?

What would you get that out of 15? I mean, it's just pretty out of 15. I give it a good 12. I think it's got a great. I think it's, again, this is the problem we're going to have with the Sony movies. I like the character. I like the story you're wanting to tell, but Spider-Man's on it. So you've got automatically move points.

Yeah. That's every reaction to any of these Sony movies anybody ever has. Like, I've seen the reviews for all of them. It's like, you know, it's like, yeah, there's Spider-Man's not in it. So we're going to take points off. Well, I had to take points up for no baby Silverman, so. Yeah, I mean, like, I saw little women, and I was like, Spider-Man's not on this. I'm going to take points off of this.

Nasferatu, Spider-Man's nowhere to be found. Take points off. The women, though. Was that accurate? Little women? Yeah. Well, the lack of Spider-Man really hurt the accuracy. Yeah.

Dylan, do you want to go next or do you like to? Don't car stick that out on the show. Ridiculous. What? You want me to go? Yeah, if you'd like to go or I can go. You're a choice. Quick giving thumbs up, Dylan, if you're not going to be totally certain. I didn't even do thumbs up that time.

Keeps popping up for you. I don't know what to say. Nobody does. I actually put the thumbs up. I didn't. I didn't. I was looking at my notes. I didn't put my thumbs up.

John, you see it too, right? Oh, yeah. God. I was looking at the pad. This pad. You can't see it on Spotify. See, like, it won't do it for me. I can do that.

you do that nothing john you try me yep john's a working for you yeah they look there is that time it did on purpose it just really likes your hands who he doesn't look at them all right uh so no actually dylan i want to save you for last because i always enjoy saving you for last so i'm gonna i'll i'll go ahead and do mine okay all right so we're going to start off get your like we're going to do some theater of the mind stuff close your eyes think of like you're watching a screen some sort of light kind of nostalgia goony-esque music plays a hand reaches into a closet and removes a black vest another hand reaches into a case and removes a little little boder hat and then finally a hand reaches into a closet and retrieves a whip

The title of my movie is Enforcers, Streets of Steel. Oh, John. It's stolen your thunder. Can't like a fridge, man. So this is my, okay, so really quick, the genre of this film, because Sony likes to play with the idea of like, oh, well, it's a superhero movie, but it's actually this, too. this is a coming of age film combined with a superhero romp. So think of it as if stand by me met the godfather.

Our story begins in the gritty streets of 1980s, New York, where three kids from troubled backgrounds, Montana, Fancy Dan, and Ox, forge an unlikely friendship while surviving the harsh realities of their neighborhood. Montana, a street-smart hustler with dreams of power, takes the lead in their small-time schemes, while Dan, who's sharp and quick on his feet, dreams of being more than just a street thug, and the gentle giant ox struggles to reconcile his imposing size with his kind heart. As they grow older and into young adults, their bond strengthens, and their petty crimes evolve to more elaborate heists. They become a formidable team,

each contributing unique skills, Montana's strategic thinking, fancy dance agility and martial arts, and ox's brute strength. Their rise through the criminal underground catches the attention of a powerful, yet mysterious figure known as the Crime Master, who offers them the opportunity of a lifetime, become his enforcers, and secure their place in the city's criminal elite. At first, working for the Crime Master brings them wealth and respect, but cracks begin to show as his manipulative and ruthless nature surfaces.

He pits the enforcers against rival gangs, orchestrates dangerous missions that put their lives at constant risk, and keeps them under his thumb with threats and deceit. The breaking point comes when the crime master sets them up to take the fall for a failed arms deal, resulting in Ox's arrest and nearly costing Montana and Dan their lives. Betrayed and disillusioned, the enforcers regroup and vow to take down the man who use them as pawns. In the final act, the trio leverages everything they've learned over the years to dismantle Crime Master's Empire, using Montana's cunning, Dan's agility, and Ox's brute force. They infiltrate the operation,

exposed his portrayal to his other lieutenants and stage a daring assault on his hideout. The climax sees a brutal showdown between the enforcers and the crime master, where they confront not only their former employer, but also their own choices and moral compasses. In the end, they defeat the crime master, but victory comes at a cost. The trio realizes that while they've won their freedom, they've also solidified their place as criminals. As the film ends, the enforcers walk away from the wreckage of the crime master's empire. now hardened adults who have traded their youthful dreams for survival in a world that forced them to grow up too fast. Despite their criminal paths, their unbreakable bond remains, leaving the audience to question whether they're villains, victims, or something in between.

Who is a crime master? Yeah. Well, it would be, I think, the most recent crime master that was in Agent the Venom, the Agent Venom storyline, that I don't think they revealed who he was. So you can reveal it. Sure. Who is it? It was actually the Sugarman. And you're going to say

Carl Stancy. He's back, baby. He works on the inside. He wrapped two of his arms around his waist and manipulated his size to make it appear that he had a regular-sized body. And a normal-sized head and things. The normal side head. No, it was only like his

forehead that came up and formed the head. the rest of his face was still down in the torso where it belonged. So how does he move his mouth then if the mouth is below? Well, Crime Master has a full face mask. Well, that's true. Yeah. So here you go. And then, and forces were like, it sounds like his chest is talking to us.

Yeah, it's weird, like, it sounds like it's muffled through clothing. Like, when you talk to, most people you can see them breathing, but it just looks like a mouth is flapping and, you know, that's like a shirt. A really big mouth with, like, giant teeth and, like, two arms wrapped around it for some reason. It's like that keeps on the body out. Yeah, it comes out through, like, one of the holes in a shirt. A little tongue popping out there. And there's, like, I'm pretty sure Modok's in the closet over there, like. Dirking off.

He's in the cut chair. See, just his floating chair. Modoc being in the closet, that's a subtext. Subtexter for cowards, though. Well, you know the film, dude, I'm just saying. So the only character, the, uh, the cast that I have in place is, um, Ox is played by David Haber. I named he did that.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Because John did his, like, John, can we like compare the two and four years? Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, there's, there's David Haber as, as Ox. Matthew McConaughey is Montana. Okay. And playing Fancy Dan. Timothy Salome

because he's short and has a shitty little mustache right now. Matthew McConae and Timothy Salome. Didn't you say these guys that grew up at the same time? Yeah. Yeah, they did. But that's also why like, that's also why they cast

that was it the new Spider-Man kid? He's going to be playing Odysseus in Christopher Nolan's Odyssey movie. The Spider-Man? It's Hollywood. Yeah. Spider-Man.

as Odysseus. Do my kid. Yeah. Baby Spider-Man. Baby Spider-Man. It's not Baby Spider-Man. He looks like he's 12. Stop jumping on my ideas, because you didn't say Baby Spider-Man was off the table.

But no, that is my coming-of-age film about the enforcers. Okay. Wow. I wasn't expecting so much enforcers' love. No. You really should have for me. I made a big deal about trying to get them during the auction. I was talking like, man, who are the shittiest guys I can think of?

Situest guys, Spider-Montz ever fought? No, but I mean, they're like some of the oldest shittiest guys he's ever fought. I mean, they were jobbers from the start. Going back to Ditko, you know, in the 60s. I mean, they're pretty old, I guess. Don't be strict about it. And it would, Sony would absolutely. make a movie about that.

They're like, oh, these characters no one's ever heard of? Absolutely. People have heard of the Enforcers. Yeah, but I wouldn't say that the most famous Spider-Man villains. We use them twice. Yeah, but I mean, like, we are kind of like in that niche category of like we would use them twice. We might have used three times. If you get like, if you get Johnny MCU fan over here, they are.

aren't going to know who the fuck they are. Everybody knows the enforcers. Come on now. You're just being mean to fancy Dan. No, that's why I cast Timothy Shalame. He's probably, he's the, he's the hot new actor. He was Willy Wonka. Great. Yeah. Everybody to play Bluoy Wonka just went on fame to fame. Johnny Depp and Gene Wilder. That's a, that's not the analogy that you think it is. Johnny Depp did not do very well in that film. I didn't do a whole lot of great stuff after that. no it's true but he was doing stuff before it correct and then he did what he won't get it all with the hell that was not the downfall for him there was other things that were downfalls for him

mainly his partnership with johnny death or with uh tim burton after a while look you're always having to go with tim Burton and john death and i am sick of it won't stand here for any more of this slander because i'm sitting because you're sitting down currently that will not stand for it i cannot be bothered I'm not going to. Anyway, John, what do you think of Corey's pitch? I like it. I think it's simple and effective.

I think I like the fact that they grew up together and there's like that bond from childhood. One of those clarity 30 years old than the other one. Yeah, yeah. I think two of them are 30 years old. Older older than the other one. Two other? I don't know how old David Haber is,

but he's certainly older than Timothy Chalemar. Well, we're all old with Timothy Shalemey. factually true I believe I would imagine what age is he seven at least yes at least it's gotta be at most you know what I mean

So who would play the the crime master then I would ask Frank Grillo I just like Frank Grillo so I'd put him in there and who's that he's the guy he was Punisher in the Dead Devils

No no no he was that No, he was, um, he was, uh, crossbones in, uh, in the Captain America movies. But really he, he's the bit better at that. He's been cast as, he's one of James Gunn's guys. He was in Creature Commandos and is going to be in the Superman movie and the next season of Peacekeeper. Mm-hmm. Is he playing Superman? No.

He is not playing Superman. Uh, he is playing Rick Flagg, senior. Uh, but Timothy Shawley is 29. Okay. Okay, so you are older than him. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, I thought you were 16. Did I say, when did I say that one? I think it was a while ago.

Yeah. It's hard to keep track because I do this a lot. There's a lot of lore. People say, you with this age, I'm like, oh, did I say that one? The Wikipedia is a bitch to keep track of. Well, that's part of it. I want to keep people on their toes. You know? I don't want them to just write all the regular. You got to keep paying attention to the show. and then update the wiki as we go on you know there you go if the wiki wants and be done with it

an interesting person you don't know what's going on you know yeah you guys know anyway those good congratulations Corey thank you Dylan it is now your turn let's let's we hear what you got okay imagine if you will a world where there's not a whole lot of water Okay. People are sick. They're thirsty. They're dying. They just can't get enough water.

Where are we going to get water from is what they say. I lied at the beginning of the film so you know that there's a crisis. You're like, no, subtext, listen, man, you got to drill shit into people's heads. You know what I mean? Really get them to know that there's no water. You see that the plants are all dead. There's no water. What are we going to do?

If only we had something that would bring water to. to us. We need, we're so thirsty that our tongues are so dry. My children are dying. I thought we got this on video. A while, but they're probably dying because everybody else is, you know. And then a man, a mystical man, a wonderful hero of a man, really, if you think about it, comes along and saves the town or a city or whatever kind of living space we're talking about here. And he is a magical, mystical man made out of water. He himself is water. And he just opens, they come up to him with like cans and cups and jars and jugs and buckets and other vessels that I don't want to name right now.

And he just like pour his his water body into it. He can regenerate water somehow that we don't have to talk about it in the film. And he just pour his water into it. And they drink the water. Like, oh, my God, you say this. You wonderful man. of hydro. Hi.

Oh, what a gift that is. And then he's like, that's me, baby, Hydromam. And then I don't know credits after that, I guess. It's hard to, that's, you can see why I had to put the sugar mom bit in the middle. So in the midst of like, Hydro Man being the savior of this, the civilization that is in need of water, there's just 45 minutes of Modoc and Sugar Man just going at it. And then it cuts back. And then when they get done, he's like, man, after all that physical exertion, I sure could use something to drink.

And then Hyderman bust out of the faucet. Yeah, he just kind of dribbles over him. Drink me. And they're like, well, that's not the weirdest thing that's happened today. So off we go. And then they drink them. And then the credits roll. And then here's the thing.

Who plays Hyderman? Who? Mel Gibson. I thought you were going to say you. What do you think? What do you think? So who's playing Modoc and who's playing German? This was not the real story.

I don't know. None of that was real. I just made that up. But I got you, though. You were invested. I was invested. You were really invested. I could see it in your face.

You're like, what's going to happen? Is somebody going to be able to give them water? What's going to happen? Is Murdoch going to do something? Oh, yeah, he is. Yeah, yeah. He's, well, he's still going. There's a lot of face.

There's a lot of face. You know. But you guys like that one? Because I could change. I can go back to the Hydraman one if you want. So, I mean, it does, so the, I will tell you this, by casting Mel Gibson as the savior of the oppressed, it does almost feel kind of like a weird sequel to the passion of the Christ.

Basically, Hydrobin is basically Jesus Christ. I think we can start out of the poster. Yeah. So by drinking him, you're saying in his body, rejuven. it but what if it didn't it by drinking him he was willingly sacrificing his body for the betterment of these people that's not true you know that in religion obviously you go to church you drink the blood of Christ you eat the body of Christ that's the same with high I don't go to church but I'll take your word for it oh that is that's a thing that's a thing

it is a thing okay like they drink wine because they're like this is an embodiment of the blood of Christ and they have little crackers or wafers and like this is akin to into his eating of the flesh of Jesus. It's a weird thing, religion. It's very strange. But so this isn't like symbolic. They're actually drinking. Oh, they're actually just drinking.

Hyderman, aka Jesus. So there you can see. Like the analogies are there. It all makes sense. You know, for me, having just come up with that in one moment. I actually seems to make a lot of sense. So is this,

this has to have also been produced by Mel Gibson and or directed by him as well. Yes, 100%. Oh, absolutely. That's why there is a giant sexy in the middle of it. Yes. Yeah. I know.

You can blame Gibson for that one. I like how there's no explanation of, like, where all the water's gone to begin with, or how Hydroman has his powers or he just, yeah, it's just like, here he is. It's a water. Global warming. That's all you need to know. answer to both of those is global warming. How topical. Yeah, well, this is not that we're talking about. It's always topical with that boy. It's always in the news. You know what I mean?

So, do you want the real pitch or do you want to keep talking about the hydrauma one? No, let's hear the real. See, this is why I saved you for last. I have a feeling now that I do the real one, you guys are going to be like, God, you like the hydraman one better, you know? Because there's a lot of... stuff in it. I know you guys are very religious. Corey, you just... Come on, man. You've just established

you're a very religious person. I don't even know what order that goes in, so... You've definitely been to church. You've seen a church. We've got to surprise people. We're going to keep on their toes, which is when I'm all of white.

Yeah. And it's ironic, because I don't think that this story of mine is very surprising at all. I think... John, we're talking about this earlier. I had a feeling mine was a little bit like obvious

or like derivative or whatever. but here it is anyway. Okay, the real deal. It's obviously not about Hyderman. That was a goof I did. Funny stuff. Do you guys have any idea who I could have done? I want to guess.

Well, I think we just now learned that you guys didn't do goblins because you didn't know if you could do anything with the origin. So I don't think you've done Hop Goblin despite maybe your best wishes. I was thinking about Hopgoblin. John, I would imagine, was also thinking about Hopgoblin. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. But we were like, let's, it's, it's probably good practice to stay away from the goblins completely. Mm-hmm. Then we're getting the trouble. And we wouldn't want Corey to call it. Because if he was going to call aside for something like, oh, I don't know, George Stacy or something obscure like that, he's probably going to call aside for some goblin related geninigan. So let's just stay away from that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Corey wouldn't be that pedantic. No, no. And it's good because we can talk about George Stacy anyway, so that's fine. Yeah, we can talk about Dennis Leary more. It's just an example that I used.

So I went, I don't have a name for my film. You guys can come up with the name. You can listen to the pitch, come up with the name. I imagine the name is just going to be the name of the guy. For example, Venom, Craven the Hunter, Morbius, Adam Webb. It's probably going to be the name of the guy. And the guy is Tombstone. Oh.

Are you guys familiar with Tombstone? Yes. I considered doing one about Teamstone as well. Good man, good man. I was debating making him the villain of the Enforcer's movie, but opted for Crime Master because it felt even more generic. Great, so I'm not as generic as that guy. No, you're not as...

Tombstone is not as generic as the Crime Master. Well, you haven't heard the rest of the show, so... There you go. Strap yourself in. Tombstone is a mob boss in Spider-Man lore, who I quite like a lot of the kind of low-level criminal. criminals that Spider-Man. I've talked about this before. I think Spider-Man's got too hatty, too, like, too big. And I'm like, you forget about the reason Spider-Man exists.

He's more of a street-level kind of guy, like Daredevil. These are the guys he should be going after. It's fun when he fights guys dressed up like scorpions, whatever, various animals. But a lot of his stuff is like on the grind, which I like. So I went with Tombstone, because I've always like Tombstone. I like a lot of those kind of mob boss guys. So he's an underground criminal mob boss that he runs a section of New York City. But he wants to expand his territory

because that's what mob bosses do. They want more money, more influence, more success, more power. So he wants to find a way to like own like at least half of the city, 51% of the city. So that whenever crimes, big you know the crime boss are doing stuff there's a big thing going down tombstone has a say in that he's not just one of the boy like he is the man you have to run ship by tombstone first so he wants to expand his territory to be like a kingpin of crime for example that would be a great name you know

so obviously he spent years and years trying to rise up to this level he's he's got his corner of new york but he wants more he's spent a lot of time as a criminal and He's neglecting his daughter, who he hasn't really seen in a long time because obviously him being a criminal, he doesn't want her being part of it. And she doesn't really want to be part of it. She doesn't like him because of the fact that they haven't seen each other in a long time. She resents him for that. He wants to keep her safe by keeping her away from the criminal stuff. Her name is Janice Lincoln, because I think Tombstone's surname is Lincoln.

I didn't write his full name down. I didn't think it was important. His name is tombstone, by the way, big, big imposing, looking dude, albino, African-American person. Completely, you know, he's tombstone. He's completely white, bone-white, you know what I mean? Does he have a nose? I can't remember if Tombstone has a nose or not. Oh, he has, like, it's, it doesn't.

Like a pointy nose. Yeah. Like a pug nose? Yeah. So at some point, John's Lincoln, the dog, daughter of Tombstone discovers that the father she'd never known for a long time is actually the mob boss, Tombstone, because obviously as a mob boss, he would keep himself kind of low-key and not in the fucking public eye. So at some point, she realized that it's the same guy.

And she gets very annoyed with this. And then she becomes the beetle in order to get revenge on her father. Now she's not becoming the beetle because of some like, um, altruistic, like, he's a bad guy. I'm going to be a good guy. I'm going to fight him for this. Cause him good. She's doing it just to spite him, to annoy him to like ruin his reputation to get back at him. The father that she never really had. And he's just trying to keep away from her. He's trying to do his criminal stuff. So he's, she's just trying to cause a big mess for him. Um, She's only doing this in order to get back at him and get a mess with revenge. So, Corey, I don't know if you want to get pedantic with this, but at some point, there is a reporter called Robbie Robertson.

But see, he was in the original Sam Ramey Spider-Mounts, wasn't he? Yes. I was not counting the Sam Ramey ones. I'm counting, like, MCU. The reason that Green Goblin and Dr. Rock's business office because they showed up in the MCU. So unless Robbie showed up in the MCU, then that's fine. Did he? case, yeah, he's fair game then.

Yep, fair game. Yes. So Robbie Robertson, who of course is a journalist, works for a newspaper. He ends up investigating both Tombstone, and as a result, ends up investigating the beetle realizes there's a connection between the two of them, and it ends up getting both of them after a big climactic battle between the two of them, which I think is interesting, the two of them fighting each other. Robbie Robertson has enough evidence planted to be able to put both of them in jail. So Tombstone, because he is a mob boss, he's got a lot of connections with the mall.

He doesn't stay in prison for very long. But once he gets out, he ends up showing a measure of respect for the daughter that actually stood up to him and ended up like being a major headache for the police as well. He thinks that that's a very enduring thing. And he's kind of like, maybe this kid's got something after all, you know. And he winks into the camera and then the crowds roll. And that's the Tombstone film. So it's not really a superhero film, but it is by somebody in a superhero comic, more like a mob kind of territory.

See, I'm totally cool with that. I like the idea of not treating the superhero movies as the genre, but as just a tapestry that you can use a genre in. Because if you look at it, most superhero movies are sort of like, action. I wouldn't even necessarily say thrillers, just action movies. So like you said, that's why I was kind of framing mine as sort of like a coming of age film. John, what would you say that genre fits yours? Oh, I think mine sort of fit the more generic superhero movie, to be honest.

Like the whole getting powers and stuff. Yeah, I mean, I could see you treating it like a heist film. Yeah, I'm sure. sure I could squeeze in that kind of wringling it in there. Yeah. Yeah, we could wiggle it in there. So, Dylan, yours is like kind of a crime mob movie. Yeah.

Look, I didn't do anything that time. I don't know why it likes you so much. Skype approved, essentially. I like, I like that idea. That's a great film. Thank you, Skype. You guys can get a thumbs up. I did. True. Dylan got a thumbs up. So I suppose it means Dylan won.

we didn't even hear casting it Dylan who who would you cast in these well once I wrote the script well not the script the the treatment for it which I was pretty happy with it's very it's not that far away from like the comics you know but I thought this is okay and then I'm like okay cool how do I cast an albino African-American person yeah yeah to legitimately be too so this was tricky I can imagine I actually find a couple of guys There's like an actor-model kind of guy called Sean Ross

Who is Al-Bido African-American There is also a guy I think his name is Croton K-R-O-N-D-O-N Who is An al-Bido-Avigna-Mirgin But he also

Ironically enough Did the voice of Tombstone Into the Spider-Works Hey, that works up He's already got presidents to like do the voice. Put him in. He can do the luck.

He's not old enough to be, but you can make it. You make off. You can, yeah. Just CGI it, you know, we'll fix it. I mean, if Timothy Chalemay is childhood friends with Matthew McConaughey and David Haber, then he is. Movie magic. That old movie magic, Dylan.

Would you make Matthew McConae younger or the other guy's older? I mean, I only have to make one of them older because David Haber, while he is not as old as Matthew McConaughey could easily look that way. Yeah, you punch him a little bit. Punch you a little bit. When you can let him away with that? You don't talk about this? I guess he is.

Yeah, I guess so. Fair enough. And then, Johnus Lincoln, the Beatle, I had cast as Sophia Wiley who also has a Marvel connection because she played Ironheart in Marvel Rising. I'm not 100% sure what Marvel Rising is

but she has some kind of connection. I couldn't figure out if it was like a video game or a TV show or whatever. I think it's a TV show. I'm not sure. I haven't seen it. So she's already played somebody in the Marvel Universe and I think she would be good

as like a young daughter to tombstone. So those are the only two that I actually cast because I'm like they're the most important too. I don't think nobody gives a shit about the rest of them. Mel Gibson can be Robbie Robertson. He loved that. Is it weird?

Oh yeah. Especially when he blacks up. Not cool, dude. Not cool. Very strange. But so that's that's my tombstone. Tadda. There you go.

I like it. Thank you. The problem I had was I felt like it was very similar to like, they did like a Tombstone daughter thing in the comics, but I don't think they did it very seriously. I think was that that, wasn't that Nick Spencer Boomerang run? I think it might be the run after it that I haven't started reading yet.

Okay. Yeah. I feel like whenever I read that, I'm like, okay, this seems a little goofy. And I'm like, you could probably feel a good story with, not that it wasn't a good story, Nick Spencer. I'm just saying I wanted to tell a more serious story of mine. Yeah.

And there's like a natural like story to tell there as well with the whole father and daughter dynamic and right. You didn't really mention it, but would you play up the whole because like in the comics Tombstone and Robbie Robertson grew up together. Would you play up that aspect as well? Yeah, that's part of it. like that's i didn't talk about that too much in the in the the treatment but like that's why um robbie's on the kias yeah he was doing so much it's because he knows something's up and they

have like history together you know but then you know you know it's hard to know like how much you can mess with like the mcccc history like i said it wasn't sure robbie was in the mcc or like what he was doing so i didn't know how much they were already introduced uh But, you know, that should come up at some point. Nice. There you go. Yeah. Well, folks, if, you know, now that you've heard our pitches, if you would like to let us know which of these you would prefer, or if you have an idea of how we can improve upon one of those ideas, let us know.

What if, Dylan, what if somebody, like, came at you with a better angle for that Hyderman story? That's impossible. Shut your mind. Fair enough. But yeah, no, feel free to let us know in the comments on YouTube or on Spotify if you would like to let us know your thoughts on a movie that you think would be better or a way we can improve our own. Both for like which of the four scenarios you like the best? Yes. So both of Dillans are on the table.

They're both great. You have a 50% chance of winning. It's almost guaranteed that it will win. There you go. I'm a very unlucky person. Oh, black cat, you can say. Hey. And the thumbs up didn't come up this time.

Yeah. I'm just a finger gone. Yeah, but I mean, your arms weren't even up and it came up previously. I'll just, you know. I don't know me. That's the thing. It's where you have to watch on YouTube.

I'm too fluid. Like Hyderman. Yeah. I see this. All right. All right. All right, folks, speaking of movies, John. We're out in your movie watch right now.

So I'm currently up to number 67 for the year, which was a movie called Gorky Park, which was about like a Russian murder mystery, kind of, with what's his name, William Hurt. When I think of a movie called Gawki Park, I do not think of Russian murder. mystery. No.

That's it. That's the choice. Yeah, yeah. So if you want to hear... Oh, go ahead, John. It was all right. Yeah. All right, fair enough.

That was all you can really say. It's all right. Yeah, that's not too much to say about it. That's all you can say sometimes. Well, folks, if you want to hear John's opinions on other movies that he has watched, by all means, you can check him on letterbox. John, what is your at? It's at Big John Bowsky.

would. John, an independent theater a couple blocks away from me just had the Dutathon yesterday where they air the big Lobowski about three times during the day and like have beer tastings and stuff.

It's very popular. Usually people show up in costume. Nice. Yeah. Dylan, what's going on the world? Captain Exploty? I don't fucking know. I think you answer that

almost the same way every time I ask. How am I supposed to know? what I do. That's true. Who am I accountable to but myself? Yeah, I don't want to have to do things.

I guess the book, if you haven't bought it already, there's still time to buy it because it's always available. The wonderful world of Captain Explority. I have a copy of it somewhere. I can't be willing to go and get it. But next time, I'll get a copy of the book and I'll show it to you on YouTube so people

can see what the book looks like. And then you can go on Amazon and buy it. And go, that's the book. that I saw the video. I'm like, yeah, thank you. It's available on Amazon. There's been a new book coming out by the end of the year at some point. Hopefully before the summer, I'm working on a new book. It's fully short stories.

Some of them are funny. Some of them aren't. Yeah, it's your job. That is not meant to believe that these are bad stories. They're just not intended to be funny. Is that what you're implying? No. Oh, fair enough.

One, the first one. Some of them are trying to be funny or not. Fair, fair. Maybe I'll entice people to buy it to see how bad it is. Some of them are bad. There you go. And for me, I just have my other podcast, Large Old Cup. We've been putting out some episodes pretty frequently.

They've been going pretty good. And in the meantime, I sent both of you an image of DC Comics version of White Rabbit, if you would like to take a look at that. Do you have to? It is just like what you would assume. Oh, geez. Yeah, you know what? Not a million miles away from the more of the white rabbit.

No. I figured it wouldn't be. Bob Man is not looking at his eyes, so, so. No, no, he got hit by something. He got distracted looking at her ass and that's awesome. I bet he just walking around in a pink thong with a white corset on, you know. It gets cold in Gotham. That's surprising.

Here's the thing, man. I did that, and then Batman beat me up anyway. Oh, geez. Not fair. I think that's a hate crime. There's your thumbs up again. It's not. That one, though.

Oh, look at that. I'll just like. I mean, it could be worse, Dylan. You could be in the jungle. Nobody gets hands. Nobody gets jungle. Nobody gets nothing. All right, folks.

That's going to do us for now. We will see you all very soon next time. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh.