The Smark Avengers - We Watched the Terrible 1990 Captain America Movie… And Survived!

Episode Date: December 12, 2025

We're diving into one of Marvel’s strangest relics — the infamously bad 1990 Captain America movie starring Matt Salinger (yes… the son of that Salinger). And we’re doing it Rifftrax-style with a full watch-along commentary! Join Corey, Dylan, and Jon as they react in real time to: 🛡️ A Captain America who keeps faking being sick 🛡️ A Red Skull who stops having a red skull halfway through the movie 🛡️ Bizarre editing choices, awkward action scenes, and a plot that wanders like a lost puppy 🛡️ The most unintentionally hilarious version of Cap ever put on film If you love commentary tracks, cult-movie disasters, or anything involving Marvel weirdness, this episode is for you. In this chaos-filled watch-along, we ask the big questions: 👉 How did this movie get made? 👉 Why does Cap steal cars so much?? 👉 Is Red Skull secretly the best part? 👉 Was anyone… ANYONE… trying? Hit play, sync up your movie, and laugh along with us as we try to make sense of one of the wildest live-action superhero films ever produced. 🔥 Help us fight the YouTube algorithm! Like, comment your favorite terrible superhero movie, and subscribe for more watch-alongs, deep dives, and comic chaos! Click the link for Dylan's radio show!: http://www.bouncedigitalradio.co.uk Click the link for Dylan's Twitch stream: http://Twitch.tv/spookylaroux Click the link for Jon's Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/bigjonbowski/ Click the link for Corey's project "Henry's Usual": https://www.tumblr.com/henrysusual Click the link for Corey's show "Large Old Cup": https://open.spotify.com/show/2YHMppnl9inQevwLIxR64f

attempt at an intro number three hi everybody welcome to spark avengers my name's Corey and with me is Dylan and John normally we have a pretty good run of like not having a lot of tech problems like we've had an episode of the show just disappear one time uh we've had issues with audio getting scrambled in the past but like these are a few and far between uh been like a Mac truck recently, getting hit with stuff. First, OBS really didn't like the wheel anymore, so we'll have to come up with an alternative for that at some point. But then also, we were attempting to do a watch-along of the Dr. Strange movie that I rented from YouTube,

but I guess if you try to, if you rent or buy a movie from YouTube, YouTube really doesn't like it for you to try to stream. So it just blacked it out. So even though we were not going to show you the video, you're only going to hear the audio component of us watching this movie. Dylan and John were not going to be able to watch this. So, John, through some tireless searching, has come up with an alternative for us. And John, would you like to tell us what that alternative is? Well, it is a Captain America movie. There was, like, a few that were released pre-MCU, like, two TV.

movies in the late 70s but the one we're going to watch is from 1990 so this is this is 1990 21st century film corporation in conjunction with Marvel Entertainment Group and Jodran film this was released in December 14th 1990 in the United Kingdom and July 22nd 1992 in the United States So that's the first thing we should probably talk about is that this movie is seen as not good, has a cult following, though. It was released in theaters internationally, but when it came to the states, it came out direct to direct a video, a full, an almost year and a half, two years after it originally aired. So that's great. some very quick facts about this

the rights were sold to canon group founders menahem golan and yorem globus in 1984 initially what did you just say don't worry about it initially canon regular Michael Winter was attached to direct a script by James Silk however in 1986 winners scrapped the Silk script

and recruited British television writer Stan Hay. According to Hay, the film involved a stolen statue of liberty plot by an elderly red skull, aided by a female death cult and Steve Rogers working as an artist. Later, after some negative feedback for the Winter and Hay version, Winner started over working alongside Stan Lee and Larry Block, with an advertisement released with their names listed. Michael Dudikov was set to play the title character, and Steve James would play Sam Wilson slash the Falcon.

By 1987, Winter was off the project, and actor, director John Stockwell came aboard with a script by Stephen Tolkien. Golan left Cannon in 1989 and as part of a severance package who was given control of the 21st Century Film Corporation and was allowed to carry over the film rights to the Captain America character. Director Albert Pion, who had previously worked at Canon, was brought on board and worked with Tolkien script that was originally started at Canon. In an interview with Cine Fantastique, Tolkien explained some of the changes that he made

from the original comic, including changing the appearance. in the character of the Red Skull, saying, quote, I didn't think people would want to keep looking at this horrible skull face forever. So the Red Skull, I guess, doesn't look like a skull for a long period of time. Dolph Lundgren and Arnold Schwarzenegger were both considered for the title role. Two proud American citizens playing Captain America. Val Kilmer was offered the role, but turned it down so that he could work on the Doors movie instead. Pyot originally wanted two different actors to play Steve Rogers' Captain America,

one before and one after the Super Soldier's theorem. He wanted Matt Salinger to play pre-Supert Soldier Rogers and Howie Long, who is a football player, to play post-Supert Soldier Captain America. However, Marvel insisted only one actor play the character. Pyon also wanted Captain America to use his tactical black suit in the film to reflect his appearance in the comics at the time, which is the U.S. soldier slash the captain outfit.

But this, too, was rejected by Marvel who wanted him to retain his classic blue costume instead. filming began in 1989, was completed in 1990, the production originally planned to shoot on location in Italy, though budgetary issues meant the shooting moved to a cheaper Yugoslavia. The script was heavily rewritten, as many scenes couldn't be shot as scripted. Filming took places in the cities of Zagreb and Dubrovnik at the Jodran Film Studios. Other scenes were shot in Los Angeles. Entertainment Tonight also visited the set during the making of the film, airing a segment in August of 1989, Stanley, filmed a cameo, that was ultimately cut.

Any fun thoughts about that as well? I wonder what the cameo was. Yeah. Do you think he was originally going to be the like the scientist who created the Super Soldier Serum? Oh. Maybe he was going to be Modoc.

Oh, man. He's going to be Sugarman. Jack Kirby. The film was intended to release in August of 1990 to coincide with the 50th anniversary of Captain America. Several release dates were announced between fall of 1990 and winter 1991, but the film went unreleased for two years

before debuting direct-to-video and on cable television in the United States in the summer of 92. In the UK, 2020 version released the VHS in 1991 prior to, or sorry, 2020 Vision, Released VHS in 1991 prior to its release in America. The film was given a limited theatrical release internationally. In the Philippines, the film was released as Blood Match on December 11, 1991.

In a double feature with a Snoopy film. Posters miscredit Jean-Claude Van Dam as the martial arts instructor. So there you go. This movie has a 12% out of 17. reviews on Rotten Tomato with an average 3.5 out of 10. The website consistent reads, lacking a script, a budget, a direction, or star capable of doing justice to its source material. This Captain America should have been left under the ice. Hmm. Dang. Autumn.

I'll show him. Been a true patriot. The one thing that I do want to point out that I saw as John told us about this is that the actor who plays Captain America is son of author J.D. Salinger. so we've got some catcher in the ride bullshit I don't think the son is responsible for that

I like to think a lot of it is you think Salinger had a kid of like my kid's gonna try up to be this fucking brat he's gonna be such a jerk he's gonna be the biggest asshole in the shirt

I'm so tempted in this child Holden the shittiest name to the given kid we've all read catching the right yeah i hopes it's it's like junior it's like junior high school english for us in america it's like like yeah it's required reading but like oh yeah it's not really well i mean it inspired somebody to kill one of your biggest icons i could see why they probably wouldn't encourage people to want to read it over there i mean they say that i feel

like it wasn't the book that did it no it wasn't the book I think he read a book. I'm like, I got an idea. Kill John Lennon. I don't know if I'm going to kill, you know, like I think, I think it was in there a lot of time ago.

Yeah. Yeah, he's like, come on, man. I thought it was ages ago. All right. Well. Should we just go ahead and get started? That was fun. Yeah, that's a great way to go straight in.

straight into the film. Yeah. Kill of John Lennon. All right. Well, you guys know the rules. We will do a countdown. We'll hit play. And for those who are watching at home, you can find this as well.

John, what is the user who has posted this film for us? It is a person by the name of Grayson D. And they posted this about five years. years ago and it's just called Captain America in brackets 1990 all right well so go ahead and do a quick little search pause us until you find it and when you unpause us we'll start a countdown and begin watching 1990s Captain America I'm good we're gonna go like three to one go or three two one and everyone hit it or I think we should do three two one go so we go we go one go yep so that for those listening at home it's going to be three two one go you press play at go

yes you go on go go science but at uh all right who wants to do the actual countdown i think john should do it really okay well this is a lot of pressure but i'll see what i can do okay okay here we go three Two, one, go. I'm going. That 21st century film preparation logo. I like her 21st. They were playing off like 20th century folks.

Like, oh, they're only the 20th century. We're the 21st. I guarantee you that's probably what it was. I like when you see the 21st century, like the 21st bit it does not at all look like a 2 and a 1 like that's cool design a logo that's really hard to read yeah they went bankrupt

in, when did they go bankrupt 1996 right before the 24th yeah they had to sell their rights what these kids don't pervin on a guy playing the piano oh tally bomb oh dude i don't think it's playing the piano we gotta go see this maybe they're just like uh piano teacher super hot you gotta check her out

Red skull in the parentheses. Oh no. Oh shit. Oh. Get the piano out of here. It's the Germans. That's a Polish piano. That's Mussolini.

he said he doesn't have him to fuck off he got it off and then he gets shot the boy well now the subtitles work we know he's a we're in town we know he's really smart because he can play the piano and all the eunct couldn't you put a piano in every house and as soon as we find a boy they can play it We're taking him.

I like his little tassel on his fluffy hat. Jesus Christ. Like, see, kid, no point I'm going home. They're all dead. They're all dead. You might as well work for us. Come with us. We're also alive.

We don't want your fucking music, though. No, we're going to choose the mega death. Yeah Like to play piano with Megadap? Yeah Oh, classic So you all know why you're here Check this shit out.

Oh my god. What? I'll be honest with it, whenever he took the curtain off that cage... I did not expect it to be that. Jesus. Didn't think that's what it was gonna be. Does Sam Ramey do this creature effects on this? Looked a little like Evil Dead.

It's impressive. I'm just here to pick up my rat. Hey guys ever see my rat? It was totally normal and not red and looked like a frog. Have you guys seen it? Yeah it's pretty nice. You guys didn't fuck around with it, did you? Is that the Staley cameo? He's the scientist in the background. Oh, I thought he meant he was a little...

A little rap. We're gonna experiment on this boy. He's got a problem? He's got a problem of boy experiments? Mom. He's so pleased himself. Fettuccine. Yeah.

experimenting I like to shut up your face why did they put a face mask on them that they model to look like a face trips over the wires that's going to be embarrassed and she just ran like a bunch of super soldiers right no don't worry about it She got away, don't worry about it. She just jumped out the window.

I'm sure she's dead. Yeah, we're not going to worry about it. Two stories up, so... Ah! Meanwhile, at Capone's hideout. Good year. I can't think anything in the ad going on in 143.

I don't remember anything about happening in 1943. Are we going to get a historically accurate president? Yeah. They can make him as fast and as strong as an athlete. Hitler already has a version of this super soldier. An Italian boy called the Red Skull. That's his name, alright.

Italian boy was called the Red Skull. That's his name, all right, the Red Skull. First name, the Red, last name, Skull. Despite the fact of the skull would. Well, it would be in Italian as well. Why is he? Why? Is this the Youngbecks household?

This is a total opposite of the Red Skull. Some fucking Eddie does not know how to play the piano. He's never even seen a piano. There's nothing to be able. And then the Nazis' first I'm just like gun them all down too. did not like the way that man looked at that woman there was something offset off-putting about that by the way we did not get to see a historically accurate president sadly is that the mom from a christmas story uh i don't know i recognize her

Belinda Dillon is her name. And he was. Parker in the Christmas story. If you needed a historic, like a woman to play a mom from a different time period. She's your gal. I think she was the mom from Harry and the Henderson. as well. There you go. No way.

So this is our pre-super soldier Steve Rogers, I'm guessing. Yeah. They could have made him look worse. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Steve Rogers is a man.

Yes. But the Red Skull is just a kid? Seven years. So that happened seven years ago So that boy is probably 20 now, I would say if you want to give you If you want to be generous, he was 13, he's probably 30 now

I feel like you are being generous Because I'm like, even seven Even seven years later I don't think That he's like he's a fully grown man Now he's ready to fucking take over everything Well yeah but his face is like what he's just That guy's not 20 Yeah but his face is going to look like

Peel Pastrami because of the Super Soldier serum I don't know what odds up Oh so he's got a limb A bit of a gimpy bag Yeah he's supposed to have polio if I'm not mistaken Also Steve Rogers is supposed to be from Brooklyn as well I remember that being

Where are we? We're in California. We were in Redondo Beach. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. You know, I thought the whole point of the Steve Rogers character is he was kind of a loser before this stuff happened, but he's got, like, a supportive family. He's got a girl that's into him.

Like, he's got a war to fight? He's got, like, like, the downsides to C. Rogers is, his leg has been kind of maimed by polio. Yep. but aside from that he's living large man the steve rogers maybe that's why i think he loves him yeah i mean the mc u c rogers that we saw was like orphan looked like he weighed like 70 pounds originally got the shit kicked out of him maybe the reason everybody loves him here is because he said he was like i'm going to do

the super soldier thing and then all his family got together like well finally he's doing something good with his life he's no longer a fucking loseries he's doing something they make us proud of him and then that's why they're all here because they're like he's finally making something that was like he's going to protect the country he's doing his bit

from America you know although I don't know of Captain America smokes no it was in 1940s we all did did we I mean Gammon may look cool

yeah and that was the 1990s yeah I mean this is back when they would, like, say, like, oh, you should smoke lucky cigarettes. They're good for your health. I mean, they can't be bad of your health, right? Yeah. That was a whole plot point on the show

Madman when they realized, when the doctors came out and said, like, actually, smoking's bad for you. And they went, fuck, we're literally telling people it's good for you. We're going to have to change our whole approach. Nobody was a really long charge, as well. It took him a week to get there. Oh,

no. Maybe it didn't. Is that Timothy Oliver? Still smoking a cigarette? Oh, yeah, these are different people. Still smoking cigarettes because it's in 1940s. Hello there, Mottom. I'm definitely in the United States Army. Well, we'll just hang up our coats.

See whatever you want. these characters have names? I'm looking at the Wikipedia. The scientist lady that we saw, she is Dr. Maria Ficelli. So that's the woman that was in the car with Steve and ran away with, ran away from the evil Italian scientists. And the Red Skull's name was Tadzio DeSantis. Yeah, that's Italian. wait a minute when they went into the diner

whoa whoa whoa whoa yeah they went to the diner and she they were like we're just going to go at the back and put our coats it right because yeah obviously they know that the diner's a front right the waitress like finger had gone a moment ago as if she was like suspicious of them yeah because i think that's the point is like she's she's kind of the first line at defense. She knows that because they work there. Not necessarily.

Well, I don't know if they work there. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. A world class athlete. It's a great voice there. Let's just make sure our board comes out of the safe and sound

before we go count our chicken. What happens to be the best damn candidate out of 600 volunteers. Okay, yeah, that's not. right you were saying yeah he's a secret only dr de sally

myself though it really is he kept it that way to protect his family the rest of the world he's just code-named captain america he may not be superman but he'll be a living symbol of what this country stands yeah he's like he's not nearly as good as Superman that other comic book

company character i'll be honest me guys he's not that good and this procedure might kill this young man Anyway, let's turn the machine on. Every other person that we've tried this to, their skin melted off. Yeah, everybody died, but this, I can feel lucky by this one. And here we go. We found out the secret ingredient was polio.

If you got it. You're good. You're not allowed to do this. If you have polio, it'll fuck the machine up, so do not have polio and get this laser shot at you. All right, shoot the laser on him. the shot of his like me calves again calves one more time this procedure it was being a lot of this man's body or his calves they're watching that man get tortured for a long time and he's like I love it I felt like the light thing was what

was like giving him his powers but then the doctor lady was just stood right there as well, so shouldn't she be getting powers? Maybe she is, maybe that's blitz. She just rips her lab code off and she's built like Ria Ripley. Yeah, she's Lady America. I'd like you to meet Richard Ehrlich. He's a special observer sent by President Ruzzo. President who?

Congratulations. It's important for subterfuge to loudly announce what army you're from. Jesus, you don't have to take the bullets to the chin. You think that's how Hitler trained people? It's like, hey man, when you're a spy, just, like, just shoot people randomly. It's good for the branding if you also announce your loyalty to me right before you do it. Yeah, because then everybody will dead, whenever they're dead, they won't notice. It won't matter at all because everybody will be dead.

No, see, it was at this point. in the MCU film. We'd already seen Stanley Tucci's character a couple of times and we kind of grew to like him because he was kind of funny and kind of like well-meaning. Yeah, yeah. We have no, we know nothing about this woman except she really didn't want to see a child get tortured. Which I suppose

fair. You know, that's good for her. What's at stake here? Is the lives of thousands of innocent people. Our intelligence boys told us that the juries have an experimental I can still hear you. I can still hear you. I can still hear you.

I'll certainly let you know. Colonel. Colonel Lewis. I'm not dead. Where did you say that on site bus? Did they stuff his shirt? He looks like he's wearing padding. Does the costume look to you, Garrish?

Be honest. Put some goggles on me, look around. You have a little more time to practice. Like about a month. Don't you worry. You're going to have those two resistance fellas down there to take you through that launch sign like they would distort you to the senior prom. Besides, you got that crazy fireproof uniform, Dr. Messaly made up.

It's fireproof. Don't worry about it. I mean, you took two bullets to the fucking chest and it didn't phase you, so. But that's what I was going to say earlier. is like, Captain America and the comics bulletproof? I mean, he certainly wasn't bulletproof.

We saw the squibs blow. Yeah. He just didn't give shit. Right, but he survived being shot multiple times. Within day. Except in America in the comic will

heal quicker than, you know, the average man. He has a healing factor. He has a healing factor. I'm sorry, I believe that you're the only one of you there's ever going to be. Ready! Ready, son? I mean, he's got the face for that mask, that's for sure.

He's got the face like an Easter Island statue. Exactly. It looks good when you just show the chin and the jaw. General, I was wondering, do you ever just like wonder about the sincerity of people around you? I almost feel like we're in a world full of a whole of, uh, phonies, really. Like, everybody's fake? Is it just me?

All right, I'm going to get a prostitute and then feel sad about ways when I can't have sex with her. General, did you ever think that, like, maybe the Nazi guy might have been kind of on the level? I could see why the director is like, I kind of want him to wear the black.

He's, like, sneaking behind enemy lines in bright red gloves. Yeah, the wings don't help. His whole wings on his helmet on his hat. Yeah. Oh, I love comic books, man. That is always a problem, is that, like, in comic books, like, it totally works. And then when you see it in the film, it's almost like they can see me.

Not quite the same. Wow. There you go. Well, not too bad for I've never doing that before. Oh... Okay, that doesn't look bad. At least from this angle. It happens as a shadow, dude.

Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying, I'm optimistic. A bit that they saw looked good. I love how big the wings are. Oh, that was the parking system on this truck was just a rock. Just taking my truck for a walk. Nobody will suspect anything. That's just old Johann taking his truck for a very, very small short drive. Our explosive Nazi tanks.

It was full of patrol. It was full of patrol. Ha ha ha ha ha. And now I'm here instantly inside the base. Yeah, it's not terrible. It's not terrible. It's almost centibite-ish. Yeah. Thank you. Uh-huh.

What's throw up back, you idiot. throw up back you idiot what's wrong with you who throws the shield I mean honestly you know what I'm not so bothered by the fact that his I mean his voice still sounds vaguely threatening it seems the americans have made a poor choice for their champion pity him he is like a child

I mean his first mission they have him just be by himself kind of impressive well I was gonna say did the Americans not trade this guy how to this fight well he was in the military apparently I'm gonna my arm is the pain of my arm is on the table I say like the American I was who they used to speak when I am getting to New Year like he's looking at his papa for approval he's so proud i remember when i killed your family in front of you you are a perfect symbol of america my brother weak and i said phillis you have even failed to teach me english but um i am much practicing while you sleep where is the big bomb going the big bomb is going to the...

Roosevelt. Oh, you say, Casabianca? No, no, don't tell me. I know. It's... A present for President Roosevelt. Yeah. I thought they said Russo earlier, and I went, what?

Yeah, I thought they said Russo. So I was like, oh, well, they're not doing, you know, technically accurate... Yeah. Because they just feed up one. Listen to me. No time, fly, boy. Dude can travel cheaply as one, you sick bastard. Don't stop the watch.

Stop at taking you with me! Hold! Uh-oh, we can't. Get your own hand off. Yeah, yeah, there we go. Hell of a knife, though, to take off a limb in one swipe. Those Nazi knives, man, they knew what they were doing. All right, well, now I'm still going towards the White House in a rocket, but at least I now have a disembodied arm with me.

Ruizel, what do you think? Are the time zones right? I don't think so. It's night time in both. Because it's in Italy, I imagine it would be like, what? Italy would be I think Italy is two hours Yeah So that would be

It would be like eight hours Maybe Yeah Yeah I mean If it's 4 o'clock in the morning In Washington It could have been like An o'clock in the morning

In Italy Yeah Don't worry about It wouldn't be that dark But you remember Whenever he went there It was night time But then they knocked him out, and then they strapped them to the rocket.

So it could have been ours could have passed. This is back when parents used to sleep in separate beds because we didn't want viewers to think they were having sex. They can't show that. No, no. That's so weird that they did that, that they felt the need to include that here, because, like, the reason they did that was on television. They didn't want to give people, like, we were watching Dick Van Dyke,

the idea of, like, Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore were having sex. So they would, like, have their bedroom. He's just been riding the rocket that whole fucking time. I'm sorry. I want a prolonged scene of him going over the Atlantic Ocean. Whoa. Okay. Yeah, this is also the kind of time

whenever some kid can just walk up to the White House and take pictures of it. And nobody was like, the kid's a Nazi spy. What the fuck? He's just taking pictures of the White House? nobody are in Alaska now like this rocket has just literally gone right the way across the country yep it was it was crossed into Canadian airspace and no one thought anything of it it was targeted for the White House and presumably had enough

diesel to get it to roughly where the White House is and then they thought no if I kick it I'll angle the trajectory away from the White House that makes sense and it now has enough petrol to fly it to Alaska with Which, as we all know, his right side, white hushed. Oh. Oh. Hey, it's Ohio. Is this what it looks like?

Yeah, that's about right. Who puts a pencil like that? Hey, that's the other kid for the Christmas story. don't you? Why? Because I've learned you my captured midnight, lucky decoder. You had it on, didn't you? Yeah. I did. Thank you, John.

Hey, I think he'd have a toy then. No, we'd be no a toy then. Okay, so it wasn't some arena, and it couldn't have been here in a toy. Dinky. Oh, that's my favorite poster. Inky-dinky. Wait, so he took a photo in the middle of the night, and he got like a silhouette of a head.

He took that as the rocket plane thing was flying inches above his face. Yes. Cameras in the 1940s were unrivaled. Which is why he's a Nazi spy. He's cleared a Nazi spy. Peace. Oh, hang on, Captain America has one mission which he got beat up on. He failed.

He failed. Yeah. I don't think he failed. He stole a hand. We need you to steal the Red Skull's hand. Is that all? Absolutely. Local boy leaves for Vietnam.

Next issue. Local boy killed in Vietnam. Why is that on the front page? I guess we're following this... Yeah, we're following the little boy. Tom Kimball, the most famous, well-known character in the Captain America comics. This feels like it's going to be the plot of the first season that Matt Smith was the doctor on Doctor Who, where now this adult man's going to encounter Captain America and be like,

I remember when you were my imaginary friend. Kimball was the president. Oh, my God. In 1990, so we don't get to see. So he beat Bush. It's not hard. But you would think. And then he could stop.

Boy, but what Clinton did not do, all right. There's been some news lately about other things that were happening with him. All in the files. It's all in there. nobody said that medicine was going to taste any good nobody said that menace was going to taste any good medicine medicine i thought he said madness and i'm like you're right nobody said that we'll all die slowly

but we'll die well that's a cherry press conference we're all going to die see you later This is like First press conferences President He's just like We're all dead

I mean have you heard Some of the press conferences For the president lately When the president's in the white house Is he often wear Bleas jeans I was about to say This is a very casual president

Remember I mean for God's sake Fox News freak the fuck out When Obama had a tan suit on So I don't imagine how they Treat President And blue jeans a tie.

I think they'll be okay about it because this guy is white. There is. I've got a present you can have a beer with. I'm all into this. Yeah. That's the dad from a Christmas story, John. Why is the cast of the Christmas story in this movie? Is he?

He is. He is. That's the dad for the Christmas story. I'm going to go to court to my troops before the Bumpkiss's dogs come over and eat the Thanksgiving turkey. Mr. President, good luck in Rome, sir. Rome? In Italy?

I wonder what you should do there. Hmm. I was known as the red skull. My life was in ruins. You gentlemen gave me assistance. So now how may I have you? I understand your face, sir, from this American president. President.

He's just been living in that castle his entire life. I mean, that's a good life in that? I mean, it's very or neat chairs. Looking good. Yeah, he looks natural. Looking real good. All I want to know is when we're going to kill a little son of bitch. And how?

We don't kill him at all. We don't? Oh, assassination is the word of trouble. It took two years to find Sirhan. Three to find Oswald. The king job alone costs us over $22 million. Hello? What do we get for all our veins?

Saints. Martyrs to the coast. I'm sorry, sir. You have the wrong number. Oh, no worries. nice day. It's so bad. Look what I find.

Why would that just be there? Why would he just get knocked the fuck unconscious? I mean, because like, Captain America, like, sank in the water. Like, we saw that, and that we explained he got frozen. But this is a guy, he just, like, crashed into the ground. So, like, the plane didn't blow up. I didn't think he sank into the water, did he?

I thought he just crashed into the ground to begin with. Yeah, he just crashed into the ground. So the plane didn't blow up, even though it looked like it was supposed to be a bomb. And then he didn't sink into the water. So he just sat there. He just sat there for, like, 40 years. You're right, it was supposed to be a bomb. Why didn't it blow up?

Is the bomb still there? Also, if his own except for his hand was frozen in ice, why hasn't his hand aged like 60 years? Captain Bear has one really old hand. Yeah. It wasn't his hand, it was the Red Skull's hand. That would be really fun.

Actually. See ya. You're not gonna stop him? You're just gonna watch that and go up. I think that's the kid. Okay, that's supposed to be the kid. The president's not that kid. The president just happened to be in that area.

Are you sure? What, no, no, you're right, you're right. Don't tell me. He's just been keeping that in his wall. been keeping that in his wallet for yes finally hey which guy is this from the Christmas

story I mean he's the one who got got molested in deliverance to think I can actually talk to this guy I also like that his friend kept his decoder ring all these years as well

He takes it to work with him. He has got his keys. Sam. This guy is a bett of risk of face to pieces. Don't tell him what he could know about him. Can you spare me the conspiracy theory just this once? Listen, listen, kid. I'm the president.

I don't have time for conspiracy theories. I do find it charming that these two childhood best friends are still friends, despite one of them being the president. And the other being a guy who works at the local paper. I want I want President Kimball's schedule for the next week down to the second and background on everyone... The hot wife. It looks totally natural.

Well imagine everybody in Rome and they know who he is, you know, they're like, just don't look at his face. what the fuck didn't I kill this kid yeah I'm just about to say he's got his hand back but I guess it's prosthetic see I suspect it was for static

but then earlier when you see him walking around he's like he's moving it it's like very limited movement which I like they try not to make too big of a deal of it but I think like naturally he was just kind of like he would like twist it but then he would like get his other hand to kind of twist it they're like okay you know

do you walk all the way he walked from Alaska to California I gotta get northern Canada isn't him yeah Canada well I mean they do border I suppose I'm gonna, I'm not gonna lie, I do find this to be charming, but I am also very confused about some choices that have been made. Some.

Ah man, we got some late 80s, early 90s foxes guys. Uh huh. My rubber fetish suit has a hole in it. Like how they said they spot. We find this weird looking freak dressed up like a couple of The America guy. How would he know where he is? He works for the paper!

So? He's the one writing the articles. All the copters, dude. So, I'm guessing Ned Beatty is going to be our comic relief character. Yeah, it seems that way. That is a low flying copter. That's very dangerous. That is scary as hell.

That clips a tree branch. Especially close to those power lines, that's... Yeah, that's not, yeah, yeah. That's one anywhere good. And they're also flying very close together. Let me tell you, who knew how to fly helicopters, the Nazis. I'm just saying, they knew Americans flying crazy with their helicopters. Learn a couple of things.

Learn a couple of things. Blends right into the scenery. Do you know how that works? They just open the door and then... Yep. Waterbikes get out. Guys, keep quiet. Please.

Please, you might hear us. Be real quiet on your fucking motorbike. What was that? I said, I think you might hear us. I said, shut up. Is Captain America running away now as well? Like, nothing he does in this is very heroic. Running away from his own.

His first mission, he showed up and got this shit kicked out of him. That's so terrible. Like, why is he running the way from... Right in the open. Exactly where you want to be. Jesus. That should have knocked that guy's head off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

What? Oh, now he's just got shot again. Yeah, so are they Nazis? Captain America just keeps eating bullets. On Ned Beatty to the rescue though. So far our most heroic figure. I think the gun effects have been phenomenal. That's been my favorite part of the whole show so far.

They've been really, really good. Oh. I guess it wouldn't do much if I were to tell you that the president of the United States has set me to find you on a matter of global importance. Do you think he wears his pencil and his glasses like? his glasses like that just so you could like see the scene and he go like oh it's the little kid from earlier in case you missed the little decoder badge yeah 100% I think captain Merck has just come out of the ice and ran away from people trying to kill him he seems like pretty like okay with everything like wouldn't if you just came under the

ice from like 50 60 70 years and then always got killed And some weird Fokkeye picked you up in your pickup? Wouldn't you be like, I got some stuff? I'm a little on it, man. I love the emphasis on the large Made in Japan sticker that's on all of our electronics. Where's the car made? I have got proof that this Red Skull guy

was closely involved in the murders of Robert Kennedy, John Kennedy, Martin Luther King you don't know how many of these people are you don't even know who I'm talking about do you? Look the important thing is this the red skulls next target here's the thing too right if you just got out of the ice

and you run away from a helicopter and I said to me sorry the Volkswagen made in Germany thing got me like if you get in the car with this guy and he's babbling nonsense that you like at what point are you like are you one of the bad guys too

like having a fucking fever dream yeah you just saw all the shit like the car from Germany and Japan and stuff the axis of evil like and you got in the car with this guy doesn't that seem suspicious? Please pull over the car I am going to get sick oh trying to do oh I thought he has been nice I don't want to have to beat the shit out of it but I do not trust it right now hopefully he's not legitimately car sick because you're like Captain America is getting car sick is he the worst Captain America of all time

it certainly seems that way I have seriously leave the shield car I have such mixed feelings on this costume yeah where's this field it just leave the shield in the truck I like the costume like that yeah face I don't like but the costume here you go I think looks Captain America stealing the car yep he's got all the American values sewn up in a in a basket there there we're Ned Beatty last time he got stranded in the woods didn't go so well for him huh

did that guy make this little scrapbook for Captain America to get brushed off on his history for the last 70 years maybe where do you get the trench coat don't worry about it's probably in the car no overnight parking guess what Captain America's gonna do

break a law Well, he's breaking it to... He's stolen away in some Moulson light beard. He's a true patriot. And that he couldn't give a fuck him with the law. He's thinking about his girlfriend. He's long dead. You say long dead.

You have to remember that this has only been 40 years. She's probably in her 60s. The way people smoked back then, I don't know. We did see him smoking earlier, didn't we? He managed to find a truck that was going to take him to California. That's nice. I was going to say, so he was in northern Canada, and then he just looks out the door, and he's in California.

That's a long trip, dude. Oh, man, frozen yogurt. Steve and Bernice. Wow, they fucking carved into this bridge. Is that you? Are you Bernice? You got a cigarette? You got a cigarette? Everybody's smoking.

I like how he's like, what's like, whoa! What's like? Mashi, Mashi. I think I like this future. Inky dinky. Inky, dinky. Inky, dinky. I wrote it done.

Well, that's the episode title. Thank you, dinky. My house! My house. It's like a fucking shopping mall now. Subway. No, that's the same house, at least. He just breaks in and it goes to sleep.

It's protected. It's got a... This is my bed. Get off the fucking road. Mom? What? What wait? Bernie?

40 years. She's been in the head with a six-pack. And knocked him the fuck out as well. Are you Steve Rogers? Oh no, she got married. Yeah, get back in the house! Yeah, I guess I have a gilfadish now, I suppose. Fuck, Steve, what do you think of buy, threesome?

You know this guy? No, him. I used to fuck him. Those earrings look like CO2 canisters as well. What the fuck is going on? Well, that's a different time. Yeah, I do whippets. This guy is like, what the fuck? You told me he was dead.

For them to do old lady makeup, they didn't do a terrible job. Are they going to kiss? That's pretty decent. Yeah, not too bad. It's so weird how this movie is competent in some space. I'm really not confident in a lot of other ones. Yeah, right? It's really weird.

I don't think the Red Skull was that bad. Either one of them. Well, do you think they spent all their money on the special facts budget? They're like, fuck, dude, we gotta make a film. Ugh. Not for one second. I knew you were a lot. I knew it.

I knew it. I knew it. I always knew you were alive. That's why I got Mari to my husband, Dway. I knew you were alive, though. Seriously, I knew you'd come back. Jack is a good man. I don't know. I had a kid with him, but I just go back in it. Jack's a good man. He's, you know, he's a good consolation price. He's not as good as you, obviously, but also he didn't disappear for 40 years, so...

Yeah, I need a man who's going to be there for me. and you wanted to have children before it was too late and you wanted it right she waited for me for 16 years oh Steve I feel so old and ugly and and look at you she is a master of

manipulator. Oh, Steve, I feel so ugly and you're so handsome. I want her husband to walk in and go, what the hell is going on here? The way we've seen Steve Rogers so far, he's getting the shit kicked out of him by that 50-year-old man. I want his husband to come in

to go up to Steve and go like, listen dude, she does this like every couple of years. I'm sure you're a nice person. I appreciate your playing along. She's run into at least five Steve Rogers in the last four years. All right.

She's crazy. Well, I feel bad just leaving her alone. Plus, she's rich. So she, so they fucked up, failed to capture him, and then flew all the way back to Italy to tell the Red Skull in Burson. Yeah. Shouldn't you still be trying to get him? Should we get him again?

No. There you go. Stop the girl. I think she caught him Papa, so... Maybe not. Oh, she's sin? Stop my daughter. I guess.

I guess so. Ray, what hand did he cut off? How did he get back to Washington? The left hand. Yeah, it was left. How did he get these top secret documents? Nothing will stop the free press. Now that we'll stop to some fucking guy.

He is devouring that pencil, though. Oh. There's a little dirty joke in there. It's their fucking rock and roll president. He's cool. shoes off, feet kicked up on the fucking desk of the White House. Call the jet, Captain America's in California.

We hit the boat. Nope. Get the jet. We're on it. Wasted no time. Thanks for helping me out. How do you use your apartment, Sharon? Yeah, sure.

B.C.R. as if you were. Nope. The movies didn't come in little black boxes and you couldn't check them out of the library. Hey, let's let's hear it for like positive affirmations. Go to your library. Oh yeah,

which more is this fucking guy from? Oh, then you got Steve Rogers again, huh? Yeah, Steve Rogers again. Oh, Ned Beatty. Are you, Bernie Stewart? Are you Steve Rogers? I'm not.

You have no reason to trust me, I know that. But it's very important that I find Captain America as soon as possible. I don't know who you are, but I'm not interested in anything your side. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. Oh no. Yeah. Are these tranquilizer darts?

The taser. It looked like there was blood involved. That looks like a taser though, right? But those Italian tasers are different. Why would he not be? You said that's true. If you can use this book. That's true.

I mean, so that skull's still alive. Why would he not be? You absolutely got your ass with him. I thought he would die with all the age. Like you. That was how he did keep a diary. And I bet it has a Red Skull's real name in it. What does that, man?

I'm gonna say if you trick him and say his name, does he disappear? Hello? He's like, hello? Oh, it's for you, it's a Red Skull. I understand you've been looking for me, Captain America. me get them in the medical uh no the war was captain america if not in their house uh at Sharon's apartment yes hmm oh they tortured her Daddy

He's dead We lost him Dead's tired But he is dead though Oh no he's just unconscious He's fine Where's my mother But he will die

Oh she's fucking dead She definitely died Yeah Yeah Yeah Captain American See Don't let him

Take my clothes off only captain america fuck my dead wife i know that's what he wants everybody that's the last thing everybody passes out everybody fucking passes out gotta hand it to him now we got ned baiting naked so we're good Yeah. Tortured her, apparently.

Why'd you get past all the police we had outside? Long Beach Community Hospital. So he's not dead? There's so much trouble in the LBC. A turtleneck. This is my turtleneck of mourning. I'm really sorry, but I can't let you stay in the longer. Why?

I'm sorry, but I'm going to ask you both to fuck off. She'll be cucking you from heaven now, Dad. That could be the title. Sounds like a terrible Eric Clapton song. Cucking from heaven? heaven. Captain Murray's watching the TV going, what the fuck is this show? Hold on, hold on. Exactly. Wheel of Fortune. So your country just gives away money?

The president of the United States was abducted from his hotel in Rome by a large group of unidentified... Doesn't mean I was abducted? during the abduction. The purpose of the kidnapping and the identity of the terrorists both remain a mystery

in this hour. In the world, it's the same people. The people that abduct as a president are the same ones that came to the mother's house. It's not a very wild

24 hours for that woman. And if we can all remain calm and work together on this, but there's no reason in the world we shouldn't have some good news by tomorrow. We're going to get some good news tonight tomorrow morning, don't you worry about that? Yeah, the president got a dug in, a lot of people die, but I reckon tomorrow morning, does some good news for you. I'm surprised that I could do that accident so well. You did do very well.

It just fell out of me. Oh, McDonald's, Del Taco, home cooking pies. I like how that says, home cooking and pies. We didn't cook the pies. No, those are scorebought. But we got him. Oh, he has to go to a vintage 19, this is like a 1950s diner? This is the cafe.

The same diner. Yeah, yeah. Some septuagenarian waitress is going to pull a gun on him. Yes, I am. That's fucking sign. Did you see that? Yes. Oh my god, that was scary as fuck dude.

He was so happy, you'd be like, watch out! Here I come, ladies. The future is amazing, you could just slam your way into a women's room. Hmm. Definitely one of these fucking secret levers. She's just a regular person, by the way. The Sharon Carter in the comics is a, like, special agent. Mm-hmm.

Well, you would think that the government would have been, like, buried that place. It's like, oh, the Nazis infiltrated it successfully. just as a safety precaution we should just wipe this from the face of the earth yeah we should just leave it as a diner we'll turn the coat room into a women's restroom I know I will know yeah like they didn't take any of the shit out they're like no we'll just leave it there it's all true

there is again oh the thumbnails is gonna be that fucking please you did that the book side you did shut the door behind you I mean

it came looking for the scientist's diary as well and no one thought to check that it was in one of the drawers and like has all the secret formula or whatever they need

yeah like they just leave that shit ladder around and this abandoned fucking diner I'm amazed he didn't get shot a lot he's just been eating bullets that's um that's a different mega that song oh too soon I think it's a lot of people shoot down to get shot the math is not in his favor to walk away with this without a bullet in him doctor Faselli's diary I'll take that for the red skull

any other diary hold on there's some other exposition I should tell you oh wait here's what the red skull is oh my name's Curtis I'm new to this I'm very excited to be here you'll not never see me again well maybe we'll have a reunion in five years where we'll get together and laugh about this it's not funny now but you'll love it later what the fuck is he holding crash kind of lid not Rico Kasich. Jesus Christ.

I don't have time to shoot him. Oh! I'm gonna shoot you for the red skull. You better watch on because here comes the bullets in three two one. Aha, a pipe, which I'll bludgeon you for the red skull. Oh no, it's the one guy on the team who knows martial arts. There's always one of these in the 90s. It was a very 90s thing, wasn't it?

Well, we're gonna conceal most of the stage in darkness so you can't see when he obviously fucks up or the body doubles. Also, the guy who knows martial arts is an Asian. Of course he is. Where is the Red Skull? I don't know nothing. None of us do. Who's the Red Skull? Get our orders in the Red Skull's daughter.

Oh. Jesus. Yes, see ya! Well, he killed that guy. He's still screaming. Oh, that's so funny Just so funny. Just so you have a sense of where...

Slow. Just so you have awareness. Stop doing it. We have an hour. We have watches for an hour now, actually. Oh, really? Yep. So we got another 30-some minutes.

Oh, it's flown by. This says that that guy used to work for the red skull? Does that make any sense to you? Wait, was Dr. Viselli's diary in English or in German? Oh, maybe Italian. Hmm Or a different language I feel like to be

You can do 24 hours I feel like we could speak Italian I could do this I get to be president How stupid do you think we are? My people find this place in a lot less than 24 hours. Oh, that's nice of them.

They did it painlessly. Yeah, they give them, dental surgery, That shit's expansive in the U.S. Yeah. Well, it jokes on you. We have a second transmitter that's hidden somewhere in between my left and right testicles.

Yeah, well, luckily for you, we also have a great genital surgery in Italy, so. President Kimball, we've noticed that after the last few times you've told us there was a transmitter hidden on you, there was no transmitter,

but there was a pre-existing health condition that we, of course, took care of. Is this just a way for you to get free surgery? You said that there was a transmitter inside of your hernia. And we checked. We put it back, but yes. I have this mole that looks a little funny. I mean this transmitter that looks a little funny. Do you think someone could look at it? He just pulled the car sink.

Oh, sake trick again. He loves stealing cars, dude. So he's going to abandon her in Italy? Why did he take her all the way to Italy first? Yeah, he did not need to bring her there. You could have abandoned her in California. No need for that at all. That's just a dick move.

Now she's stuck in another country. Yeah, but Italy's a nice place to be stuck in. Where would you rather be stuck? I'll pour this acid that I had safely concealed by right testicle onto the bars

he's just driveling seamen onto it and the guard comes over like he's been through it up for like half an hour how hard did you hit him in the head when you knocked him out pretty hard Yeah. He is an American.

There's seemingly some adverse side effects of that, though. Did we operate on him too much? Oh my God, they're Christians. Uh-huh. Hello? Hi. Looking for the Red Skull? He's two houses over. Oh

Oh Do you know anything about the people that used to... What did they find in the rubble? What did they find in the rubble? A lot of bullets, probably you know what's great to do is when you move into a place that people previously lived in and you find their shit to keep it for some reason not just you don't do that I die keep it I look through it to see this fun stuff in it

there might be a diary from the red skull in it you don't know Is it take you to an expert to press play? Well, you have to really fix it, I guess. Um, okay, we just listened to a smut film. Yeah, so we should probably stop on that. That's... Is that not the opening scene of the movie, but the... I'm going to get you a little bit.

Also, because you see how the tape there is kind of like, not exposed, exposed, but like, it's not like enclosed and anything. You can see the tape, yeah? Yeah, wouldn't that deteriorate? Yeah, how long does tape last when you leave it out like that? 40 years, apparently. 41 years, though, you're fucked. Go, they're like, is that the fucking Captain America guy? He's right here?

Steve Rogers has shown us the one thing that he's good at is pretending to be carsick because he's successfully pulled that off twice but he has not been doing such a hot job at anything else uh no he's really gonna get shot he can get shot like nobody's business did it happen again do you get a shot again

well you forget what Aaron I'm from me I'm from a time where men could strike a woman and no one would bat an eye is he going to steal another car this driver oh I'm still car sick can you come out and check on me absolutely oh fruit cart that thing's fucked oh the fuck dude years to put

these oranges in here oh oh it's like we put it as thick a sight and see what happens what a Arab idiot there's a pet cemetery here by don't worry oh come on dude you Oh, they couldn't afford to wreck the car. It is implied that he hit the wall in that car, but we couldn't afford to break it. Um, more motorbikes. They love their motorbikes. Do I get motorbike sick? Can you like pull it over, please? What's preventing him from just going up the hill after them?

Well, the cops, like, stop, children are present. Whoa. Well, he ate that. Oh, my God. Yeah, grace. Who would have thought just letting him hit me was a bad idea? Whoa. In somebody's fucking eyes.

You just threw a bunch of money at kids for a bicycle. Stole it. That kind. I mean, he threw money at them first. He stole it. Oh, the car has no brakes. Looks like we have to jump. Oh my god.

We are really leaning on this side. This guy is the worst Captain America of all time. He doesn't. He's pretty bad. He's pretty bad. He's pretty bad. Wasn't the super soldier Sarah I'm supposed to like make you perfect? And he was the guy, the long guy had worked on.

Oh my god, you found it. That is like so vicious. I thought this bad was like totally history. Grasier. Why did she pretend to be a val- oh, because that's not her purse? You wink? they love stealing shit in this film what's going on dude proud to be an american the Redskill's daughter does look kind of like a four-man Leah

Thompson yeah I can see that I can't have why is he the hunchback of Notre Dom now in the car this time I won't steal it i swear also isn't the steering mill supposed to be on the other side yes wait in italy yeah yeah so they found the red skulls his secret miles down the coast as long as we're in the neighborhood so they found the red skull's daughter's wallet and that's how they're going to find his his his secret layer.

I mean, that makes more sense than a lot of the other stuff that's happened. Oddly enough, it does, but it feels like it shouldn't. Like, why is that guy just there? You watched them get away, and they came up with his big phone afterwards. What this movie is teaching me is to be suspicious of young, fashionable Italian people. In Italy.

When you're in Italy, and you see young, fashionable Italian people, be suspicious. pull out a gun we better bring out all the sports cars we have and none of the cars it would be very good for this kind of terrain remember these are rentals it don't fuck him up don't like Captain Merger steal him he will here we go that fucker will steal I've seen him steal a car now we get a car chase you know what if you guys think about captain america do you think about car chases and car theft and the president and italy you know and um just walking around a lot we lost somehow

We parked our car out in the open. We were clearly at the end of the road that all they had to do was follow the road. And we lost them. I'll leave this shit here. Now I'm abandoning you. And that's a good bit. It makes no logical purpose. That's a funny bit.

Oh, she's distracting them. Yeah, she's gonna leave them away. Yeah. Cool. That's smart. The bravest woman we've seen. How do these sports cars catch up with this tiny fucking car? Look at all these fashionable Italians!

How did 12 of those guys get in that sports car? It's like a clown car. It's Italy. Headboats. I must be close. What the... what? A word of advice, my friend. All this wrong and all the time is very, very bad. If you are not careful, my lady, stay away from Captain America.

He will steal your car. And he... And he... Like your mother. it is such a weird thing that all of the Red Skulls henchmen are basically his daughter and her jerk-off friends like these these read these do not read like evil

like people they read as like just bored people bored young people with nothing better to do yes also to you also to your point a guy that was trained and kidnapped by the Nazis some of the most efficient people

in the world thought hey for my crack team of bodyguards and assassins I'm just gonna have my daughter or kid or kid friends

that'll do yeah even like when they went to the in the scene prior like he was surrounded by soldiers all the time so I guess

after the war was over the the Italian fascist police were just like I guess we'll leave this guy alone

Well, do you think it's because after the war, all the fascists got arrested? And the Red Skull's like, well, I got to build up an army somehow. I know the most efficient way is to build my own army. Where's the mother? This isn't a gun needs a surgical tool made a specific for you. Don't you understand that your people will be happier with a new president? One problem I have with this idea is that Red Sculls clearly like, I'm going to become the president. And I'm like, I don't think that's how that works.

Well, I mean, he's going to be, he's basically, the president is going to be a figurehead. Like, this guy's going to be blind-controlled, and Red Sculls are going to be the one telling them what to do. Okay. It seemed a lot like he was like, I've got you, and I'll become the president. And nobody will notice at my weird deceit. figured fucking face. Yeah, yeah. It's different from Europe?

No, no, no. The president will still be the same guy. He's just going to be heavily brainwashed. So we only get the same as the Red Sculpt. Five minutes? Yeah, yeah. Like, when we were reading over the production notes, they said basically the director was like,

we just didn't think people would want to look at his face like that, the whole movie. Right, I get that, but I'm like, it makes sense to do it at the beginning and the end of the film, right? Yeah, well, you know, we still got that at, like, 20 minutes, I guess. and it's not as if his face right now is any better as well he is horrifically scarred that's a fair point

oh he brought his old uniform he's got a bunch of holes in it I think I pissed myself at least twice nothing scares the shit of the Nazis in this fucking costume did he say it's time some Nazis to die Our rock and roll president bust his way out and failing.

I'm glad they've guarded the perimeter of the compound so that a man in a bright blue uniform can just walk up the side of this mountain broad daylight. Yeah, no camouflage whatsoever. there still seem to be a theme though right beside that item plate okay yeah they won't notice they're unlocking the door as if he was in there you can see the floor maybe they had to take some time to do a double take you know my daughter she needs to have more intelligent friends

I'm the Murgis wasting his time climbing up the outside, he turns around and sees the president, run a bike behind him. Bitch! Ha! Me and my eight friends have found you. Please come back. I love you. Baby, come back. You can blame it all on me. On my weird face.

face. I'd rather commit suicide! See ya! No! No! It can't be! Can't that stole my hand. Thanks! I don't see how. You mean, you were the little boy?

The boy that I was screaming and hurtling by that night? I like how on his costume, the shoulder has a gun, the bullet hole in it? You see that? You see that on his dry shoulder? Wouldn't you... That's a really nice... Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wouldn't you use the shield to protect the leader of the free world?

Sam told me that VJ is like... No, you use it to protect yourself who, as we know, is already bulletproof. Sam wanted me to give this to you. What was the last thing he said before he died? Oh my God, Ned Beatty died. I didn't even realize that. That's ages ago. Yeah, I just not even passed out because the dad passed out.

how do you know her name yeah hmm yeah that's true are you kidding I'm not this is interesting where they try to make the president of the United States some kind of badass this is not the first time I have of this true I amused by action president though He did his legs. What? What? Pussy Italians, man, what can you say? Why did he fall over?

How did he fall over? He pushed him into the wall. Excuse me, sir. I'll call for help. 9-1-1 oh no what did they got in Germany or in Italy this is the president give me NATO command yeah I know I wouldn't believe it either it's true I swear they wrote all of this dialogue thinking it was going to be like heartwarming and amusing I mean it's amusing

I'm see P in you here Sure, sir. I'm in command here. I don't think you're gonna be able to storm out of this. Watch me. Really? Really? What were the Foley sound effects for punches? Because each of them have that Indiana Jones explosion sound to them.

I wonder this sometimes too. Like, how do they get that specific sign effect? What do they do? Aren't a guy in the face for real? guy in the face for real I don't know how it is that you are here or how you remain so unchanged but it doesn't matter my brother today you will die 50 years ago you would dr. Vasselli's ridiculous idea you remain a clownish symbol that no one cares about I care you Well, you know, you can't say he has low self-esteem, I suppose.

I actually really like this bit. With the camera shots like that, I really like that. Yeah. Like I said, it's weird how there's some parts of this that you're actually like, okay, and then there's other parts you're like, oh, okay. Right, and also, like, that dialogue wasn't as shitty as it could have been. Do you what you mean? They could have done way worse.

Good Lord, we've seen some of it. It really could have been worried. Oh, damn, he shot the president. Action president. That's the arm they shot him in and he still punched him in the face. Do ya. There's a lot of that, I feel. A lot of running away.

There's a lot of running away. Take my chair! Oh, man. Heartwheel. What's on? Oh. Damn. We'll always get the moves.

This is how Donald Trump feels he looks. I would say something real quick, right? Yeah. The first time Redsko and Captain America fought, Redsco got the upper hand on him very easily. Yes. Right? He was clearly a better fighter. Since then, Redscoe

has had plenty more time to tree and adapt and Captain Merger has been stuck in ice and has never ever adapted at Triand any more than he did 40 years ago yes I will say that that Red Skull is also dealing with aging maybe there's the soldier stuff has kind of slowed his aging well remember she didn't he didn't get the perfected version of it like so far as Steve Rogers is my person we have had the perfected super soldier serum that's why his face doesn't look like be I don't think I don't think perfected super serum means that after 40 years tonight you just get better at fighting you know yeah they really should have

done more to establish his ability to fight before any of that I think they just didn't think of that kind of thing but like when you look at it noye with hindsight that I love that whole fucking role role yeah that was beautiful Mr. President, thanks. I got time to give the thumbs up. This end bit has been more fun than I thought it would be. I'm almost at a bullet. Shoot his legs! Why does nobody get his legs?

We were talking about TikTok earlier, but there was a... It was like a Viner TikTok back of the day where someone making fun of that. This is how close you were when you killed my mother? God. No. Like too fast. I'd rather see you. It was the 90s.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah, yes, my rooftop piano. Do ya. More running away. I gotta get the piano. Is it like a bomb or something? This is my jockstrap that I keep hidden. It's a bomb!

I'll give my bomb where nobody will suspect it this is a detonation did you really expect me to be taken alive as far as megatons go the device that is attached to maybe small potatoes as far as megatons go So he has a nuclear weapon underneath the castle? I guess.

I'm going to sit here and play the piano. While I watch Rome, burn. Symbolism. Where did they establish that he was called Captain America, by the way? he had the one mission that ended with him getting frozen right so it was at the beginning where he was

getting the experiment done and one of the generals said we won't reveal his name to anyone so it doesn't put his that means right but then the Nazi that was there died so none of the Germans

would know that he was called Captain America yeah yes he got shot again take a drink and in the leg as well finally see it's all making sense you couldn't hit that girl on the floor

come on man he's the red skull the red skull's got worse no matter one shot right in the thigh nation process why was that on the tape recorder what's the sound of the tape recorder it's the sound of his family getting killed in front of him he was abducted why did they have that because when they were repairing that like radio thing at that store she

started to record it why I guess she thought it was important and it was convenient for the plot. This, this seems straight. Just hear it and think, I gotta play it. Just one more a second. It's just like a step-to-alone with father and daughter. Yeah, what, what? Kill your daughter. Do something weird. Do something weird. Okay.

Is he gonna play the song? She has, like, a poor man's Leah Thompson effect to her. We are both tragedies. And now I send our tortured souls to rest. Speak for yourself. Sean. Oh. I think we can all agree.

It's the best scene in the entire film. It was framed perfectly. Like they had the perfect white shot. Beautiful. Either that or she just got decapitated. Yeah. Action president. So are those guys...

Are those guys part of the United States? My rubber costume. He's got like... The cut's on the other side of the costume now. Shh, don't worry about it. Oh, they fucked it. Yeah, it is! How did she not get shot?

I have to say this. Her hair looks amazing. And her mother on the other side of her face as well. Oh, they must have inverted the camera frame for reasons. In credits. What the fuck? That's how it ends. Hold on.

Hold on. ...agreed to an environmental protection treaty. In a brief statement after the signing, President Kimball asked that we remember the many people who have gallantly sacrificed all to make our world a better place to live. The president closed his statement with this odd message. To Captain America, wherever he is,

we are all back in the fight. Wow. All right, well, we got a voiceover. That's always a great sign. That's a very 90s way to end things, isn't it? Mm-hmm. It's not Randy Newman also singing to us. Yeah, very, very familiar.

I'm afraid to turn off from this. See what the post-credits it is. Captain America totally decapitated that young woman with that shield. I still can't really kill Dead Beatty. Yeah. Dusty Rogers and Captain America. He was both? Scott Paulum was the Red Skull.

It doesn't sound like a very Italian name. Wait, Bernice Stewart and Sharon, was she playing both roles? Yeah, yeah. I didn't notice that at all. Alright, we got a hint to that young woman. She did pretty good job, I think. A lot of beatiness called. So, that's the end of the credits, by the way. The credits go another two minutes apparently.

Two minutes. We can wait two minutes. Are you sure? We got this great sketch of Captain America here, and we get to see who all the electricians on the set were. Do you think anything's going to happen after the two minutes? Have so fucking Lutely not. I guarantee you nothing's going to happen.

They took for ever... They took years to get this movie out. Fucking no way they were trying to set up a universe. What if the red skull just, like, popped up out of the water and says, like, I'll be back. yeah it worked a skeleton

in the Keman movie so when you say worked well I mean it happened yeah

yeah yeah he did yeah he did it voice and image courtesy of the estate of

Dr. Martin Luther King they have to thank the actual families we have

a fortune footage courtesy of of They should be thanking these people. They should be thanking us, though, really. They support the environmental protection. Please support the EPA.

The events, characters, and firms depicted in the film called Captain America. They're all fictional. Get out of time. Well, all right. Well. All right. All right, hold on a second. So that was Captain America.

Yes, it was. Yes, it was. They were not building the MCU back in 1990. What did everybody think of 1990s, Captain America? well i mean i didn't hate it i'll be honest with you it wasn't that bad i've seen worse i've seen way worse i didn't hate it i feel like we've watched worse on the show yeah we watched a lot worse on the show i think with that show i think it's like half and half between like like great stuff and like not great stuff and even a lot of the not great stuff wasn't like so

atrociously bad it was just kind of like I don't think I would have done that do what you mean? A lot of it was I don't know about that but the good like there was some good camera angles in it there was some good

dialogue sometimes the Red Skull's dialogue a lot of the time was not as hokey as it could have been which I really like yeah I think the Captain America I will say this the way they portrayed Captain America

was quite the choice so we know And for wrestling terms, you know, you got to get the bad guys a chance to shine before the baby face takes over. And you don't want to portray your baby face as too invincible. They certainly did not do that with who got shot three times. More than three. More than three. Yeah, he got the shit kicked out of him quite a bit. So I just real quick that before we really go into what we thought here are what the experts had to say about it.

many reviews and publications say the film is not quite as bad as many reviewers had said and that the director's cut was way better than the studio version that's a studio version if i'm not mistaken there is a director's quote that got released this year we should have watched the director's cut yes apparently there's a director's cut that's better there's 111 minutes long okay so closer to two hours um let's see in one of the the few contemporary reviews, Entertainment Weekly critic Frank Lovis said, quote, the movie isn't merely wrong for kids. It opens in pre-war Italy with a sequence in Italian subtitles with a machine gun slaughter. It's just all wrong and decried the shapeless blob

of a plot in greeting the film an F. Variety called a strictly routine superhero outing. The fantasy adventure is missing the large-scale set pieces the audiences have come to expect. IGN gave two different reviews for each different version, the unfavorable rating for the MGM version and the average rating for the collector.

edition version. But yeah, it's not a great film and is really only of interest as pre-MCU curiosities for hardcore Marvel fans. Film has gained a cult following. Film traps Justin DeCloy later reviewed and showed a newly found director's cut of the film via Twitch stream and praised it for its more somber tone and improved ending. Many others as well who saw it also considered it a substantial improvement over the theatrical cut and called for an official release.

apparently i think whoever gave that the end was a bit harsh yeah yeah from what i i have seen a lot of people kind of felt the same way that we did about it let's see i thought it was fun you know yeah yeah i think even the red skull had kept his red skull looked the whole way through but, you know, he kind of have everything. Yeah, I kind of thought at the end of it there would be some kind of a reveal where he like pulls the face off and it's like, it's me,

Johan, I mean, whatever this fucking Italian name was, you know. But we get it, we kind of get it. But I thought it was fun. Like, again, a lot of it, part of it is because the three of us are watching it and we're drinking. Like, if I was watching it by myself, Stone Cold Sober, I'd be like, I don't know, I like that.

But it's just, you know, but yeah, I think we've definitely watched, like, way worse films than that. All right, so here's some things. Oh, yeah. This is from a article on Scott Mendelssohn's substack from August of this year talking about this movie. While its existence is undeniably positive, I won't claim that this. version is a lost masterpiece. It is a terrible action movie and actually offers a comparatively less poignant ending. The initial version's climax concerned the discovery and recording of a pivotal piece of piano music. So the recording on the piano, the recording of

that song, that makes more sense if it was more important in the plot. The sub, with the subplot is missing with the hunt for the Red Skull's real name resolved in a more straightforward, almost accidental fashion, even amid the fractured narrative, the back half of this admitted workprint is overloaded with campy chases that conflict with the horrific events that transpired before a reawakened hero re-answers the call. Too much of the out of material merely clarifies how the Red Skulls goons so easily track our heroes answering a question I've never asked before. Well, it may be an uncovered treasure for fans of this. It's more a fascinating cultural curiosity than an objectively great comic book movie. Yeah. I mean,

I agree with some of that, for sure. Yeah, it makes me feel like we're not missing that much watching the original cut rather than the new one. I don't think we should do an episode where we watch the other one. I don't think we need to. Yeah. I think we've got everything we need to watch. I will say that I think that sometimes when you read a lot of these film reviews,

they're very quite a little too critiquy like that guy sounded a little bit too harsh to me I'm like you can just say if it's a good or bad film you know you don't have to be like oh action scenes are not quite as good or whatever

I'm like well yeah it's not supposed to be it's not going to be amazing no no I mean some company it's not well written well because again you know like these kinds of movies were not meant for like adults more often and the not. And that's why

that one review was just like, yeah, it's weird that this movie started with a bunch of people getting mowed

down with machine guns. That is true. That was fine. But, yeah. I thought, you know, as Captain America, he was witless.

Didn't seem to have a, like, any sort of control over anything. Right. He's just right. Terrible. The only thing he could do

was throw a shield. Yeah. He did that very well though i still amused at the fact that we have established this guy can just get shot and it doesn't seem to phase him that much that's what i was saying at the beginning but when he's running with the president of the united states he's using the shield to cover himself and not the leader of the free world he did for a little bit he said to protect yeah i don't know it was weird there's so there's some just some interesting things happening all around there uh apparently some of the stuff also

and the director's cut was more of like Steve Rogers and sort of disbelief that this is how America turned out which we which would have been good yeah my guess is like his reaction to seeing like the punk's asking him for the cigarette the girl in the thong

like why I guess there might have been more scenes of him like watching TV and being like you know I don't know yeah the thing I already want to know after having watched that so what would John give that on a ladder box score

you're trying this is a good question because you can have a little bit of time to think yeah you know we can I'm thinking maybe

like somewhere between 2,200 and a half stars because you know like it's not a good movie but I kind of enjoyed it so see

if I were to guess yeah if I were to guess what you're reading was I would have said two stars because you're like it's not shit shit it's also not like it's not good enough to be middle of the road you know

so I would have said two stars if I was trying to guess what you really would have been I think two stars would be fair I think even the people who like made the movie and were involved in the movie would probably say yeah I'd take two stars

so yeah but even like two and a half I can understand because there was some like genuinely fun stuff in there there was some stuff that made no sense but there was some stuff that we enjoyed so you know I could see two and a half

now here's the thing there's a lot of Captain America running away from people and like yes I was thinking about that and how that is a trope in some of these like superhero movies are like the hero more actively having to avoid big groups of people rather than engage them because the scene where they do engage them

they're going to be in their full costume and all of their glory because I was thinking of like the first Aquaman movie there was a scene like that where Aquaman and Mara are running away from King Orum's, you know, like, army. But I was thinking, like, again, that was Orum's army. These were Atlantean, like, military soldiers, like the high, like, the strongest, the bravest,

the most skilled of all of Atlantis's troops. Whereas in this movie, it was, again, the Red Skull's daughter and her jerk off friends. Right. So it just didn't, it didn't feel, like, warranted. It's like, you know, you've seen him, like, he probably doesn't like getting shot but we see he could take it so it's like why are you not fighting these people yeah i kind of get it like at some point whenever they come to italy you would send your like lower level guards out and then keep your high like if his daughters are like the the elite agents keep them in the

castle send your lower level agent site and then captain america can stomp them one of the time and the red skull can be like okay now we need to up our game and then send out more people. You can see that progression. That would also help with the idea of Catnamarca having learned more martial arts and more ability to fight. Because his hand-to-hand combat, as we saw throughout the film, was lacking almost the entire way through up until the end of the film, which didn't make any sense to me. And that was one of the things that really annoyed me was they almost went out of the way to show how shit of a hand-to-hand combat fighter he was at the beginning and then did nothing to indicate that he got any better yeah there was no training

montage no no he just got better and you're like well i would have liked to know how in between dead girlfriends and parents and stuff it would have been nice to see why he got better at that so so real quick john you mentioned your letterbox score with this movie now added to the total what are you sitting after the year 2025 Yeah, so that was my 1,063rd movie of the year so far. So that breaks your record, right? Oh, yeah, my record is well and truly broken now. Well, 2025 is a momentous year for John.

So, John, we talked about your letterbox. Where can they find your review that you're no doubt painstakingly writing for this movie as we speak? They can find it at Big John Bowsky. or one word. The link to that is in our description. Dylan, where are you getting up to this week? Primes. I'm going to steal lots of cars.

I think. It's a sick deal. Oh, I've got a car's sick. Fuck you. You got to count. It only works if the person you're driving is the kind of person that would get out of the car and walk with you away from the car to see how you're doing. If it's one of those people that the mere sight of someone being sick makes them sick,

plan will not work yeah but i bank on that working a lot of the time so and i have faith in in the human race it's got a high success when i'm when i'm not uh pretending to be car sick stealing cars i do a radio show every monday night uh on bounce digital radio dot code at uk at nine o'clock to 11 o'clock uk time so if you can listen to it online if you have a web browser you can listen to it anywhere around the world you can check your Google machine to see what 9 o'clock UK time is

for wherever it is you live and I think if you're in Italy it might be like two hours behind so if you're the Red Skull you know factor that in we play a lot of grunge music it's really nice so I do radio show I also

stream sometimes on Twitch at Spooky LaRue where I draw pictures and then I animate those pictures and put them on YouTube at Team Crows and I I think the links are in there somewhere there's a couple of videos up there already we're working on some more new stuff

so I'm sorry that took so long I have stuff that I do but I haven't been doing lately because life has been hectic and weird but they're linked below regardless and until next time go check them out yeah until next time we're on social media

we're going to try to get more stuff going there one way or another But we'll be back next week with another episode, another topic, and hopefully less technological problems. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye-bye.