The Snark Tank - #00: Psychicpebbles - "Pickin' on Progerians"

Episode Date: May 9, 2018

Here's a test Pilot episode of The Snark Tank Podcast w/ Chris Ray Gun and Tom Sweeny we recorded a while back. If you like talking about sneaking knives on to planes, progeria, and drunk people dying in the streets; you'll have a grand old time.  This was more of an experiment to make sure we could actually record something relatively entertaining and actually put it up. The actual format of the Podcast will not be the shoot the shit style you've heard here. The podcast proper will revolve more closely around user submitted opinions and hot takes used as springboards for debate and arguing.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. Visit the prodesk or Lose.com slash terms for more details. Subject to change. everybody, welcome to the first episode of whatever the hell this is. Snark Tank. Snark Tank. Snark Tank. We've got with me, my roommate, Tom Sweeney. Hello, I'm Sweeney. And we've got

the miraculous... I'm not going to give you that. Look, go ahead. I like... My dick was starting to move when you... No, I don't like... That's a thought. All the more reason. There's a bit of a tremble there. I feel like I was trapped. You promised me, first of all, you promised me $1,000. That didn't happen. Right, well, it's coming soon. You keep saying that, but the other thing is...

is you said this was going to be a Jimmy Buffett podcast related podcast. Now you're calling it snark tank. It still can be. It can be a Warren Buffett one. A Warren Buffett? Yeah. Isn't that the Not Bill Gates?

Yeah. Yeah, he's the other rich deflated pairman. He's not a peron. He's like a hundred and seven years old. Is he the richest person? No. No, no. No, no.

It's Jeff Bezos now. He's worth like $105. Who's that? Does he own something? Amazon. It's Amazon. Oh, okay. Amazon?

Yeah, he just became the richest. A little character on it. Dude, Amazon is robbing me. And I know they are. What are they are they robbing? Because the sales, man. The sales. You're saying the deals are so dang good if I could be so

Brett and so, you know, forward about it. The deals are so dang good. You have to just buy those deals up. Exactly. They're fucking tricking me and it works and I hate it. All right, let's play a game. You give a deal and we'll tell you snap judgment if we would do that, do that deal.

All right, Jim, so me, let's venture to the Amazon. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Oh, my God. This is not sponsored. by Amazon. Guys, this is sponsored with Jeff Bezos. If Amazon wants to sponsor us, that'd be great.

That's not going to... That's like, you think that's going to happen? That's so cute. That's so cute. You're so new. You're so new to this. So Amazon, does let me get a proof of your credit card. My name is Oswarnard Christ.

Follow me on Twitter. Aswanard Christ. You're such a piece of shit. You know, you know what? I think it's going to work. I think Jeff Bezos is going to fall on his chair. All right, guys. He's an avid listener, I'm sure.

We're going to go to the thing that doesn't exist yet. I'm going to go to today's deals. Check out these deals. Oh my God. Check out these these deals. Okay, so there's an aqua care. What is the hell that is?

It is, I don't know what the fuck this is. But a hospital replacement disposal stage cartridge for the use within advanced high intensity super compact universal shower filter. Okay, it's pretty much a shower filter. This is somebody just writing a bunch of buzzwords. This is a scam. It's a shower filter.

And it's only $14, dude. We're not going to talk about Amazon for the, next like i know it's i know what's i know what's right now for 1499 my gosh sorry my brain just got scrambled that can't be right exactly you know what we should do you mean 41 you can't mean 14 for that kind of deal my god look at this holy 1499 i'll be a folks i'm gonna ask you know what i'm gonna be honest turn up stop the podcast i want these deals for myself i don't want these deals i don't want guys i'm sorry we're going to have to cut this short because there's a tree I'm dangling from right now with these fucking deals.

God damn it. Welcome to the Amazon sponsored podcast. Welcome to the Snart Tank. This is the first episode. So this is, there's no format here. We have topics or just what? We're just going to...

We're just going to talk about that. I have a couple of things that I thought about bringing up. But I was going to let things evolve naturally. And that was obviously a bad idea. Yeah, yeah, that was a terrible idea. Okay, well, this is the part where you stick a big wrench in the middle of the gears that is this podcast. And you eject a point that you were going to talk about anyways.

Right now, there's your cue. My question, I have a question since Zach is our honorary guest. I just want to know, because this is something that I've thought about recently. I think I know what this is. You definitely don't. I've thought about this recently, right? Because I realized there was a certain point that I got to where, like, there were porn stars that were younger than me. You're a creep.

And I've never known how to feel about that. You're a monster. It's troubling. It's a little trouble like that. You know what? Who was I looking at recently? I was looking at somebody recently. And they were dating somebody who was like,

it was some celebrity in their 40s or 50s. And they were thinking somebody who's like 25. It might have been. I don't remember. We might meet him, so let's not say that. Yeah, yeah. Frankie's going to be the second guest.

I'm telling you. Oh, I bet. Jesus Christ. He would be jarring. He would be on. I think he'd be on. I think you'd do it. I wouldn't be able to talk to him.

I would be able to talk to him. Did you see McCulley Culkin started a Twitter account recently? Oh, boy. The incredible cult, I think it is. You know what? I kind of like that. I like that a lot, actually. Does he got a sense of humor about himself? I know he does.

He has a good sense of humor, but the problem is that he just started this recently. And it really comes across as if he's been, like, gone from, like, society for a long-ass time. Because all of his, like, jokes. It's like that Brenda Brazier movie when he comes out of the hole, and he's like, hey, you know, remember the movie with Christopher Walken where he thinks a bomb is dropping, and he keeps him Brader inside of a test tube for, like, 40 years? And he lets Brinip Brazier out of the ground. and Brendan Brager experiences the world

after he thinks a nuclear bomb dropped because he came out of a test tube. Do you know what he's talking about? I don't think that's a real movie. It's called Blas from the past. It's a real movie. Look it up. I don't...

I just remembered. I don't know. I don't think so. There's a gag where he comes out of... Where Brett Brazier comes out of a hole and he sees a homeless guy and he says, Jesus Christ, and they play a holy music behind the guy.

It's a really lame joke. I actually can't... I actually can't tell. That's a real movie. I don't know what to trust you anymore because of the Jamie Kennedy bullshit that you pulled. What kind of Jamie Kennedy stuff was pulled? I don't even remember what the context was.

I think it was literally like we were out getting drinks for my birthday. Right? And he looks over to me. He says, oh, my God. Jamie Kennedy died. And he was like, Chris, you remember Jamie Kennedy? I was like, what? Oh, yeah, I think I do remember Jamie Kennedy.

He died, wow. That's nuts. But then he was looking at him. He was like, yeah, look at sea. I said, oh, I said, oh, my God. You said, what do you die from? I don't know. All it says is he was rushed to a hospital.

He's probably said that he's 42. That's all it says. And I see him. And he's doing this thing where he looks at a little. too affected by this. And I'm like, okay. So I look it up, and lo and behold, Jamie Kennedy lives.

He's a lot. His heart's beating. His heart is beating. His brain has electricity through it right now. You lied to me. He lied too. Just to see it. Just to see if he could lie.

Well, you know, I was playing this game. I was kind of testing with my other friends. I would say, you know, like, oh, you know, so-and-so died. Didn't really work so far. But I realized Jamie Kennedy, and I want all the viewers at home, all you kids at home, tell somebody that Jamie Kennedy died, I'm not. joking, it'll work 100% of the time. He's the most believable

celebrity death because it's like oh yeah, I know Jamie Kennedy. If you said like Brendan Fraser or like one of those like, or even like you know, if it's another like A list or B lister that's kind of gone, it still doesn't really, you'd hear about it. He's the sweet spot. He's the sweet spot. You'd hear about it if it was

Brendan Fraser, I feel like. I'd like, Brennan Frazier's death would go unnoticed to most people? No, everybody would talk about that. I'd be like, whoa, wow. I think people would notice and they would say like, oh my God, we feel bad that we kicked him and spat on him, treated him like a dog, a street dog, and now here he is in a casket. It was so sad. But to answer your question about the porn stars, how do I feel that the porn stars were now born

in 2012 and that they're walking around the earth now? I mean, that's a bit. I mean, okay. I'm not saying, now I'm saying in the 2030s, that'll be true. Right, right. I don't know what this is going to come out. That might be true, whatever the, you know, you might be. wait 10 years?

Can you wait 10 years just so that comedy doesn't destroy my career, please? Yeah, I'll put... Yeah, we're gonna go out of that one, dude. I'll hold out of this one. Hold on this podcast. Hold on this podcast in a test tube, just like Blast for the past. Just like Blast for the past. Just like Blase and release it to the earth after 30 years, like a plague.

I don't know. I don't like the feeling that I'm like aging as a being. And I think I don't like, wait, you're like younger than me, right? Yeah, I'm younger. How old? I'm 23. You're like my age, right? Yeah, yeah.

You're 24, 25. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's weird to me Because I feel like I remember in high school Like people talking about your cartoons So it's a weird thing where it's like I feel like I've kind of grown up Watching this But also it's just this dude

Who's just like my retarded age Yeah, yeah It's like I don't How long have you been adamanties that? I started when I was 13 or 14 I illegally downloaded the program So Adobe, please sue me Adobe, please come after me

Please send SWAT people kicking down my door I want to have the warm barrel of a fucking rifle pushed against my head is my ears ring. So please come after me because I just submitted a crime. But I was, I don't know, I was like, stealing is not a crime.

Things not a crime if you don't get caught. Exactly. Exactly. Like, I've stole. I've stole. Is that too serious? What's the worst thing you ever stole before?

Oh my life? Oh gosh, I got some gems. Okay. And I ain't talking about no, sweet pussy's virginity. You guys know what I'm talking about? Fucking school's out for summer. This is a boys club, dude.

Only guys, guys, thumbs up that comment. Only guys will know what I'm talking about. Girls get out, dude. Okay. So besides sweet pink pussy, what are you stole? I don't like saying stealing pussy because it sounds like, you know. No, there's so virginity.

Well, I guess that also sounds like. Yeah. That's all so bad. Well, no, you know, it's a common phrase. You still say still virginity. They took my virginity. I just stole this woman's pussy, man. High five me, dude.

But they're almost interchangeable in the way. No. This is going down a road. It's going down a road. I would never. steal anyone's virginity unless they I would take it if they gave it. I would receive if offered.

Are you, are you saying, are you going to be permission to fuck your pink pussy on the podcast? That was not, that is not right in the way. He's not right. I am not smiling. Everyone, he's smiling. He's nodding his head like crazy. Guys, he's doing sire like the Chessie cat right now. I don't know what to think about you. He's, you mean the Cheshireken?

I call it the Chessie Cat. I like that they better. I like that they better. Somebody please vandalize the Wikipedia page for that cat, call it that. The Chessie Cat. Dude, one time I was looking on Wikipedia. Like, you know, for some reason, I was just bored on Wikipedia. And it said Thomas Edison invented something called the Negro Beater.

We are not touching this. I was not touching this. I want to at least hear about now. And I was so confused. I was like, isn't that just a nightstick? Yeah. Why did they call it that? I'm going to retract from this conversation.

but I want to know that Tom didn't he didn't create that Is this true? I swear I saw it Wait what's the what's the object What's the creation? It's a nightstick I was looking up like It's like a Tongfa

I was looking up tongfas And I was like oh there's a Tongfa They're like those like though They're like night sticks But they're used for like Chinese like Like martial arts Right And then I just kept looking at it

I kept clicking You know how Wikipedia takes you Throughout the fucking universe Yeah Ended up seeing that he would be created Something called You know the Negro Beater And I was just like well

This is something that, who read? Thomas Edison. I don't think he made it. That doesn't sound right. Light bulb. Microwave. The automobile. The Negro beater.

You got to have those accents on it. Beater. So what's the answer to that question? The stealing. Oh, for me? Okay. Oh, wow. I forgot.

I forgot about. That's what we didn't think about my kind getting beat. But. For me, I don't know. The worst thing ever stole it was like, I've stolen some bad, I've stolen some pretty big stuff before. One time I stole some kids PSP.

That's, that's a price tag item. It is a, it is like an expensive item. I think big, I think of like a car or a life. You were thinking physically big. No, he got metaphysical at life.

Yeah, yeah. It's a big steel right there. Bargand deal, motherfucker. Like all those videos of people in Brazil. Getting killed on. You have to send me those links, dude. I have to get those links. You're gonna love him.

I saw... No, it's not. Everything goes to this. That is true. I will admit that this time I brought up. This guy was licking his freaking lips. His eyes were bugged down like a cartoon character. He's talking about people with people in Brazil being having skeletons exposed.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about. It's true. You said, you ever seen a Brazilian skeleton? I said, leave me alone, buddy. You're a freaking creep. I don't know who the age you are. You're bothering the heck out of me. A PSP?

That's your steal? Yeah, PSP. Like, it was like $200 a time when I stole it. You're saying like you're not impressed with that. What's the worst thing you stole? Have you stolen joking? No, probably like a DS. You stole in the way.

Why are you guys like stealing? These are huge price tag items. I look at you guys. Listen, I didn't steal it, right? Okay. So I left it. Are you actually like?

I took it from? I was, somebody was playing it. He put it down and I was like, I want one of these. We just doesn't deserve one. I deserve one. So I just picked it up and I want to hear your DS story.

What do you mean you didn't steal it? I didn't steal it. It was some kid left it, right? And he was never. negligent. So I took it. You stole it? No, no, no. It was abandoned. He was the same story. He just said the same thing, though. He said some kid left. He took it. That doesn't count.

It doesn't count for him. That's not fair. How doesn't count for me? It just doesn't count. Why so? Because you're the co-host. No. No, I'm not. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Mbata. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's

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We're a package deal, bitch. Fair enough, yeah. No, yeah. Is that what really happened? You just like took it from something. Yeah, this kid has it and he didn't like, he didn't tip pension. I was like, you know what, man? This guy should be done out. I did have the karma return, though. I had my PSP stolen from someone.

So it's probably you. Have your DS still. You already have your DS still. So let me tell you the greatest story ever when I was younger. I think I told you the story. I was going to be bad. I'm from the Bronx, New York. So I'm from where like I'm not from the particularly heavily inflicted ghetto.

But it was, it was some, it was some not good areas by where I lived. Right. So what happened was I was at front of school and I was playing my Game Boy events. You know, I just got it. I was happy little kid ever. I was playing Mega Man X. Whichever one that was on a Game Boy, I was playing. I was like, yeah, man, I'm going to be the best cyborg motherfucker ever.

I was playing having a good time. and some guy ran past me and snatched it. Snatched it from me. Just kept running. He kept going to know. Literally did he know my cousin, who also went to the same school, was looking at me, walking to me and saw it happen. So while he was running, my cousin grabbed him by his hoodie,

pulled him to the floor, and beat him like a savage beast, dude. Well, that'll do it. It was so bad. Like, that was God trying to be like, hey, you know what? You're going to do something terrible in the future. I'm going to stop you. And my cousin, he was like, fuck you almighty. So I'm taking it into my own hand.

No one steal from my breed. So you got the gay boy back, though, right? I got it back, but I didn't want it back after the way my cousin hit him. Why? What do you mean? It stole it from you. No, no. How bad did he beat this?

That was a catalyst of someone getting beat real, really. It was not, like, it was like a fight that like, you know when fights go on too long? Right. There's like a window where people go, all right, get, get off the guy. Yeah, exactly. That's enough. One of their eyes is, the islands is lower than the other one.

He was snoring. He needs to relax. He was snoring while his eyes were open. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, that's what you got to back up a little bit. He looked like a ghoul from fucking fallout by the end of the fight. His mother wouldn't recognize him.

That's the sickest part. He's going to have a close casket funeral. Yeah, it was really, really, really bad. And he wasn't even that old, actually. Like, I think I was like, I was like eight. My cousin was like 11. Jesus, great. Why do we grow up around such shit?

You know what? I'll guarantee you that kid never stole anything. He never. He never. Do you ever that kid? Oh no, we didn't go to high school. We went to college. Yeah.

Oh, shit. There was this kid who threatened to shoot up the school one day. And he never did it. So what did he do all that for? I don't know. He just didn't. He lost his mind. Story about this guy, by the way.

I looked up recently. Let's not, don't say his name. But I looked up this guy recently. And turns out he was arrested a year ago for impersonating a police officer. Because his brother got caught with weed. And he tried to call the police station saying, He's, oh, you can't arrest him.

He's, uh, he's undercover. You fucking dumbass! Excuse us, that's gonna go to a quick commercial break. Um, we'll be back shortly. Um, we'll be back shortly. Oh, yes. Fuck you. Oh, dang.

Just have this podcast is brought to you by it and cut that part of. Right. I'm gonna leave it. Uh, all right. What were we talking about? Uh, this guy who wanted to shoot up your school. I think that was the last time. So he called the cops and told him not to arrest him.

He called the cops. told him, don't arrest him. He's undercover. He's on a, he's on a, he's on a mission, right? So then they tracked his number and arrested him, obviously. Because you can't fucking do that. That's it super illegal. A year later, a year later, he gets arrested for breaking into a woman's house and trying to put her in his trunk.

He tried to, he tried to. A real, a real grade A character. A real great A character. And he, he, he, he messaged me. He messaged me. I'm the last person. He's ever spoken to him. No, no, no. When he threatened to shoot up your school, as you put it, did he threat you specifically or was it just

It was just in general it was a broad I'm gonna shoot you in the brain And the rest of these kids are gonna have their brains turned off By my bullets or was it just you It was a broad threat but I was I was I You were you were under the umbrella I was under the main umbrella But

So he didn't either he also didn't say like don't go to school tomorrow You're a cool cat No he didn't say that He didn't say don't come I always wish I would like I was hope like I would be the kid that be like Hey I get to text the middle of the night Like hey Kingston don't show up at school today You know, go to be.

So wait, you want to be the person who's, like, fondly appreciated by a school shooter. By a mass killer. Well, I don't want to die. So, like, you got to figure out and make your choice, man. It's a practical decision. Exactly. It's a survival. I can understand that.

You got to prefer to have. Like, I know some not good characters. Why did you look at Chris when you said that? Oh, because he's a fucking villain. You made eye contact with him. He's a bad person. I see horns on his damn head to tell you the truth. He's a villain.

I'm fine. This guy's got a horn's poking out of his head. If you're fine, then I'm sparkly. I'm sparkly. That's not a synonym for fine. Sparkly, I'm sheaning. I'm sheenie. But what happened was like, for me, I didn't have kids like

throwing a shoot-up of school. We were just like, I was one of those dumb little kids. I went to school in upstate New York. Right. Right. Like, I lived in a really nice area. Like, I lived in a particularly nice area. After you moved from the Bronx.

You see that flash? That was late. That was a light. That was a lightning. We're going to die soon. So I lived in like a pretty nice area after I moved from the Bronx. But like I went to school and, like, the ghetto of the upstate area where we lived.

Yeah, you were in fucking, you heard Poughkeepsie. Yeah, I went to Poughkeepsie High School. Poughkeepsie is not a place you want to be. So, in living-Pi is, Poughkeepsie is like, it's like younger. It's not New York people. Just give us a quick stop. Poughkeepsie is the last, it's the last stop on the metro.

There's a train that'll take you all over New York, but it stops at Poughkepsy. And I think there's a reason for that. They don't want to venture any further. It doesn't want to go any further in. But it's, it's pretty pan. It's very dilapidated. It's like very, very out of date.

It's literally, it reminds me of like yonkers in the 70s. When people were just burning down their buildings to try to get insurance. You know what it's like? You ever been to Playland? Yes. It's like Playland. It's like everything's made out of like wooden sticks. It's a joke, man.

It looks like something that three little bricks made before the wolf finally got in and got them. I have a good picture here. So, so what happened to this location? So, um, on average, I was, I was a pretty good kid. I was like an honor student. Like I would never overstep my balance to the point. Like, oh shit, this is an expulsion level. I've done my fair share of idiotic things in school.

But for me, like, we would just smoke and drink in school constantly. Right. Like, that's what we would just do. Everybody did that, really. We would just do that, really. We would just do that. Yeah, I would do a pretty okay school. They still did that.

Yeah, yeah. That's just what kids do. But then I remember one time, we had metal detectors. Meanwhile, we had, we had metal detectors. In the school as like a base? Yes, we had them. That's upsetting. To avoid, to avoid, her situations.

And then one day, me and my friend just in the bathroom, like, oh, it's about to be lunchtime. All right, let's go to a bathroom. Let's get a few hits. I'm a drink of four loco. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. I'm going to have the best math class of my life. And my friend just takes out a gun.

And I'm like, how did you smuggle this in here? Really? How did he got in class? Not in class. In the bad thing. He's had a gun. He's had a glamour on him. I was just like.

What kind of gun was it? Was it a blunderbuss? Was it a blunderbuss? It wasn't you stuff garbage. It didn't shoot. It was a nine. I've got a musket here. It's just like, don't come to school tomorrow

I've got a musket. You shoot someone standing in front of you and threw you behind, you just die because the bullets go anywhere they want. Do they with blunderbusses? I don't know how to fuck them. No, that's like, go like an inch India.

Yeah, and like that's it. Yeah. It's like throwing something at you real hard. There's a pelt somebody. It's an abject. So that was like, wait. This character had a gun, though. Yeah, he was literally a comic wood villain, though.

he was like, what did he do with it? Did he just say check out this He's like oh shit I got my block him I was like He said oh shit I have it I brought it accidentally He said it like he forgot his keys

Like oh that's up Because people that are willing to walk around with a gun When you're a 10th grader They're sick They're already they're warped They're not like I like that he just remembered it Like he just realized

Like he didn't realize he didn't realize He had a fucking three pound gun In his honest persons The one made it crazy is the fact That like I think only Like it was like four of us there and me and one of my close friends were like, um,

how did you get that in school? Like, man, I don't know, you want another hit? And I was like, I don't want to hit guys. I want, this is bad.

You know what? I actually have a similar story very quick. I had, I carried up with me sometimes. Just, you know, just not even for self-defense, but just in case I need to cut something.

You open a box or whatever. And I flew like a year ago. I went from California and Seattle. And I went through the airport and I forgot I had it on me. Yeah. And I just, I made it all the,

made it on the airplane with the knife it was it's like i think i have it with me look i had i got this on an airplane that's insane actually this is like a two-inch long plane that's that's that's a that will kill a man that's a knife i kill you the knife on that will intentionally that's gonna relinquish that's gonna relinquish a life what's funny is that that that happened all the time that's the crazy thing the fact that i did it like your friend did i was i was on i was on the airplane went to the bathroom when i was going through my my my phone i was like i hope nobody and i just landed and I was fine. That's insane.

That's terrible. That makes me so uncomfortable. It wasn't in my back pocket. It wasn't in one of my two main pockets. And I You walked through, so you walked through the metal detector

for whatever reason. I don't know if it's a material that's made out of it, but it didn't go off. That scares that. It's metal, but it should go off. My heart was racing.

I don't know if it was. I don't know what it was. The metal detector goes off sometimes when I'm like, just for my glasses sometimes. Which is like, why? I haven't known. I have a funny story about playing.

incidents too. I still don't know what Zach stole if he stole anything. Oh yeah, Zach, we just don't want to hear that real quick. I don't think I have anything crazy. Well, this was just pathetic. I was probably six or seven years old. Maybe younger. I was like five or six maybe. And I had a cousin who's around my age and she had

little roommate toys from McDonald's. And I wanted them. They were like bathtub toys. Right, yeah. I need this. And I stole them. And my mom said, what are these? And I said, ooh. And then I cried. because I was caught, and then I had to give them back.

That's the whole story. Now, something a little more malicious I did was, my friends and I, right around 13, 14, when you were starting to get, like, rebellious and, like, fuck it out, you know, you stood to smoke weed and, like, you know, that's around the age most of the, like, 12, the 14. Around that age, my friends went to a convenience store, or a grocery store that had no cameras or any kind of metal detectors or anything.

So it would get shoplifted, like, crazy by all the kids. It was the place that kid. I swear to God, that place probably lost a couple hundred dollars a month, just kids going there. So the worst thing everything was I walked in my backpack. My brother was like, watch this. And he walked up and he grabbed like a four pack of Red Bull and put like three of those in there, his backpack. And so I took one myself.

I did that a couple times over like a year. That's pretty serious, dude. I felt bad. I felt, because eventually the place was sold and they was bought by somebody else. They put fucking cameras everywhere, so kids couldn't shop with the door. But I'm convinced now that kids, like, blood that place completely dry because people were stealing constantly. To the point that people had It took a bit of business, yeah

We can't afford this I don't know that's the reason Did I just buy a case of Arizona Zach put a family on the street Is what I'm getting from this story Jesus Christ Hey it's just business kid It's just business business

Jesus Christ I think I stole I used to steal like nerds Like those candies You stole the life of a progeria I think right I mean not intentionally Well you said it was walking

Walking in front of you With a little cane You fucking ran up full speed behind it and just jumped in the air, jackrabbit and kicked. Back in the head, exploded, turned into, you know, dissolved into the sidewalk. No trace that they ever lived at all. That's what you said to me. I mean, you said, you said the goose seeped between the sidewalk cracks, quote, that's what you exactly said. No, he's really off-putting, I will say.

You said, I don't know if that being ever existed. This is not, he's not making this out, but it's also like he's taking some liberties, I would say. What liberties did I take? That's exactly how you told me. fucking sicko. You're lying. You're a sneaky Pete. He loves it.

He loves it. He's a sneaky Pete right here. I'll tell you what. I know you, Chris. You're endorphins are releasing right now because you're just hypothetically thinking about taking the life of a progerian boy. And while I think that's disgusting, I mean, you can see how disgust it. He's loving it right now.

He seems quite disgusting. In fact, I'm vomiting, currently. Holy crow, dude. I'm getting nauseous. I'm feeling. I'm feeling very sad. Chris, are you, pro-pojorian murder? Chris, do you think they should be euthanized?

I don't think that. You just, you'd act upon it. That's what you don't think. I didn't say that. You said, you said, you said, you said, quote, my perfect world is me in a black helicopter with machine gun, mowing down progerians. A helicopter with no markings.

People would be interviewed on the news. What happened? The black helicopter came by. There was no insignia on the side. By the way, just like those planes on 9-11. Nobody talks with the fact that the planes on 9-11 had no markings. It was a jet. You fuck.

It was a hauling of a jet. You fucking dope. It was a hologram? Hologram of a jet. What are you stupid? It's a hologram? I don't remember the aftermath of that. I don't think a hologram to do that.

It was the FBI with rocket launchers shooting New Yorkers from rocket lodgers. And they projected airplanes around the rockets. That's a real conspiracy, by the way. Damn, they're genius. Guys, I want you to type in 9-11, and God forbid, I know it's a sick thing to type in, but type in 9-11 hologram.

And you're going to find some real videos of people really believing that. I saw a video the other day, actually, of a 100% proof video of Godzilla. And it's like a big dinosaur on the city's skyline, by golly. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Mbata. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing,

whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better, or AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before.

Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Quantum? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem.

To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction.

Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sorpeer. sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. I was impressed. Was it real? Of course. I mean, there's so many witnesses. And it's on video. I mean, how can you

dispute that? I got into an argument about someone that the earth is flat. Okay. What is the argument besides the world is flat man? There's no way you you ran into one of those? Yeah, I've been no way. I don't believe that. Flat earthers exist, dude. It's like people have to be that dinosaurs aren't really. I don't know man. I feel like do they like really? Yeah, I think they do. Like in numbers enough that you could run into one in LA. So what happened was, I was like, Earth might be flat,

man. I was like, the Earth cannot be flat because I've flown to Europe and I noticed the curvature of the planet. And they were like, no, that's not true.

I was like, dude, what are they say? What is their argument to that? They usually say that there's, that there's computer screens in the windows of the airplanes. That's usually their argument.

I didn't hear that, but if I, I, I witnessed, like, I looked out the window. You know if you're flying across the U.S., you look out the window,

You can see the curve of the earth because the earth is curved. No, no, no. You can't really consist. In fact, you see the country. They're on the country. So you're not going to particularly see the curvature of the earth. You know, in fact, it's like, you can, though. You can see it on, like, even if you're on, like, a beach with, like, no, with, like, a bunch of, uh, with, with, like, a bunch of, uh,

you can see it. Yeah, you can see it. Well, you can see it. Well, if you're at the beach, you can see a fucking boat go over the horizon. You can see a boat travel. It's like, beyond. It can travel beyond what we can see. I don't understand those people.

Like, didn't, like, wouldn't there, like, a rapper? Was it B-O-B? Yeah, like a track, like, trying to dis kneel to grass. He should have been vacuished. He should have been, like, he should have literally been a task force sent to take him from life. Him and the progerians, according to Chris, the second part, I don't agree with. But him. I mean, the progerians, they exist, you know, and though they may not be appealing to the eyes,

you should not, hold on, hold on a moment. I'm not saying, this is not my opinion. You used to accuse progenies to be a hard to look at, you sick ass-o-b. That's really, I didn't say that. I didn't say, based on others. opinions, all right? I'm not one for murder. I'm not one for murder. Or, or, or, quelling.

I feel like, I feel like this. Click and collect. Order confirmed. Dad, tomorrow can we start a band? Yeah. Can we become robots? Affirmative. Can we go crab battling? That isn't a thing.

How about swimming? Dad, can we take a nap? You not off and I'll pick up the shop and deal. Deal. While you do the important things, we'll do the essentials. Book your free click-and-collect slot at tesco.com. In-App. Tesco, every little helps.

Terms and conditions apply. Shrink your bill with double savers at Dunn Stores. Save in the aisle with the ingredients for five meals for less than 25 euro. That's everything you need for beef stir fry, fish finger wraps, chicken casserole, vegetable peni pasta and salmon terriaki. All for 24 euro 68 cent when you save with a till with a five off 25 grocery voucher. Find all the recipes on our website.

Dunstores. Always better value. Terms and conditions apply. Foucher can use on next in store grocery shop of 25 euro or more. It's another thing that comes up often and you part out this time.

Okay, I'm serious. The killing of Porgeria. I'm serious. They really do fascinate me. And they seem like good people. I mean, I've never met one in person. I've never met a projean in person in person. The only one I know is the guy who gave the TED talk

where he's like, Yes, it's true. I'm a portrait of him. And he was like 13 of me looking. I think he's, don't laugh at that. I was being sincere. It's a good, fucking. That voice is objectively funny.

I want to make it clear to the audience. I want to be serious. We're not making for impregillions. They're just interesting. It's an interesting disease. It's like when people are like 900 pounds or they have these weird jacket, like they're tree people. No, it's super.

You see the tree people, right? They got the weird skinny growth where they have looked at the trees. It's super strange. It's interesting to me because it's just so like genetically alien. Like, it's just so like what? You just wanted to say the word alien. Yeah. Yeah.

You just tried to sneak in the one alien without... Well, I was talking about... I wasn't just talking about... I wasn't just talking about... Here's what it was. Here's what it was. Here's what it was. You wanted to call them an alien without saying that they're aliens directly.

So you had to fucking find the way around it without going... You slick. You sneaky, slippery snake. In your head, you said, I'm going to accuse these guys of being alien grays. Oh, my God. Without actually saying the damn way. This is... This is beyond low-hanging for it.

We're picking on. We're kicking... We're kicking... We're picking progeners when they're down. Yeah, I can... can practically see. sponsors leaving. Before we even have them.

I can see people just like, oh no, we can't go over there. That's dangerous. So, I don't even know how to, I don't even know how to cycle out of this. So transition. Transition.

I wanted, I started something accidentally the other day, like a bit of an internet, small internet war between boneless, people who prefer boneless wings. And I want to know where you stand on this. I'm traditional wings. Traditional wings? I'm not a fucking degenerate.

Exactly. Thank you. Where do you stand? I have a feeling I know. It's like, please don't. That's interesting. I tap the microphone out of fury. I have two opinions here. And the first was not contrary. My first answer is, I really don't give a shit. And that's the worst answer of all. But that's the correct answer. If I put a gun to my head and I had to pick, I would say traditional, I think. Yeah. I, here's what it is. I know, it's like, you know what it is? It's like I'm okay eating McDonald's chicken nugget. I know it's just goo.

Yeah, me too. I don't care. I don't care. I'll fucking drink the glue out of the faucet. I don't care that it's pink. You know that McDonald's chicken nuggets or? Yeah, no shit. Who can't? It's still, it's not.

Who the fuck goes to McDonald's for, like, nutritional value? Exactly. It's all slime. It's sewage. I hate when people go, I hate,

the shape of a mcnugget. None of it's real. It's all, it's not edible. It's fucking grass and rocks. Like, I don't care. I hate when people go to go to McDonald's and get,

like, salads and shit. It's like, what are you doing? It's also more calories. My point is, though, like, if I'm going to eat chicken, like chicken wings,

I know that if I get a fucking boneless wing, it's goo. And that's fine, I'll go for goo. Right. I would discriminate. Chicken tenders, like,

those can be breast, but my point is like, chicken nuggets for McDonald's and like, the boneless chicken wings, that's just goo. It's probably chicken with other shit in the shape of stuff, right?

I mean, with wings, probably. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. Yeah, with boneless wing. But the problem is, with traditional wings.

Traditional wings, right? The traditional wings are actually wings. Like, they're the actual wing of the animal cut off and eaten. Yeah. Bowness wings. I'm not convinced his bone. It's like his wings. That's like, no, look. That's what I'm saying. It's goo. Which is fine. Which is fine. But like what I want wings. Exactly. That's where I want wings. Exactly. That's where I want wing is that like. Also, I like like, like satisfaction ripping something off the bones. It feels good. Like when I get really, really mad. Sometimes I make chicken and I chop. I chop it off. Chop it off. And I just slam a butcher. I'm like I, fuck, I can kill. We all have this. I can really kill. We all have this dormant fucking creature. It's really awful. Like, it's most noticeable when I'm eating wings. It's like, just ripping the flesh off a bone. It's like, I'm a caveman. I'm a problem. I have a problem to be remedied.

You're a fucking... I can hurt. I can hurt things. I can hurt. I have the power to hurt things. I have it in me. I'll make you blood. I'll make blood.

I'll blood you. I want to see blood. I can make blood leave your body. That's a fact. Okay. My argument about chicken wings and bonus in traditional is that if I want nuggets, I'll get nugget. That's my thing. That's what I think we all agree.

If I want to get out of getting nuggets. And I'll go a step further. I'll go a step further. There are some days where I'm in the mood for boneless because I don't want a fucking bone. Yeah, yeah. But those let the days where I want a chicken to begin with. I want a fucking pink goo with inedible FDA. You know, rats falling into the goo.

Give me gravy in the shape of chicken. I don't care. I'll eat it. But again, to read her a point one less time when I want chicken wings, I'm going to have my fucking chicken. I think that's a good point. Yeah, there you go. Exactly. I rest my case.

And I think any bitch at home who disagrees. Huh? Any bitch at home who disagrees? Yeah. Any, hey, that way, you're soy boys. I hope you get flushed. I hope you get flushed down a toilet. A small toilet.

I'm supposed to my stuff's you in our garbage can. Why you're alive. We're all very high testosterone. I want your dog to go missing. Listen to all of our voice. Listen to my voice. This is a guy with a lot of testosterone. Yeah, I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you. Calm down, dude. I fucking hate things, man. He has a hatred of this. I'm so mad. I'm so mad. Are we gonna need to...

Are we gonna need to... If any... I'm tearing up. Are we need to get the pills? I'm so angry about the cry. I'm gonna have to grab the syringe. Fuck this place. Fuck this place.

I'm calm. I'm calm down. If anybody has any anger for what our opinions, please take the bullet on Chris, you know. Yes, I'm hit them up on Twitter at a Chris Gay Blaster. I mean, Raygun. That's not in at all. That's...

That's... That's... That's multi-layered. That could mean a myriad of things. You're the bike pets of YouTube. Oh, don't. Don't call him that. Can you,

guys, could that be his nickname though? The Mike Pence of you? Can we know? I don't, I don't, I don't agree with that.

My ass, I'm too heavily associated with him for him to be called that and me not to get affected. I listen, man, I don't even know what's going on.

I'm on Crocodile all the time. It whatever happened to that gem where people were rushing guys would go, they drink like, drain out and their fucking, the meat would fall off their legs. That's a real chicken

way. Yeah, exactly. That's a crocodile. When I went chicken, when I went chicken. My mouth is water I'm starting to think of a crocodile right now because we're gonna get the fucking meat falling off the bone. That's so terrible.

You know what? You know a crocodile is right. No. It's a drug that... Explain this. Explain this. I don't know the ins and ounce of it. But it's a drug that essentially it makes the meats fall off your boneses.

Right? But at least you feel high for about 12 seconds. Yeah, you feel high for about 12 seconds. And then you come apart. You're like... It literally makes your skin fucking, like, right. I mean, I don't know... It's not even an exaggeration.

Guys, stupid a crocodile with a k. Is that what spell? Yeah, K-R-O You'll find it You'll find it It'll fit it It's not something you want to see You look genuinely disgusted

Right now He's new to all this He's not prepared for that I would not show you that Huh He's not ready for crocodile You're not ready for crocodile You're not ready for the majority of things

That I feel like I've seen I've seen some pretty dark corners of the universe You know I'm sure you have But crocodile is something interesting It is a special thing that I just I don't know if I could do it justice by describing

I know I've done it you know I've said like I don't think the emotional impact No it's like bears in my bodies like when I saw that when I saw that I was I was so like okay so all jokes aside when I saw that I did not want to do the video Do you know bears in my body? I asked him like can I ever seen bears in my body Bears in my body bears and my body and my body I saw that I saw it and I literally didn't want to watch anymore because my heart went out for it. So it's a poetry slal with a lot of people

who you would consider to be a little bit Oh, I have fucking seen this You mean the guy Like He's in a little He's in a little character He's a little character

He's a little character Are you a fan of Marvel? You understand about the Marvel? The character, Modoc Imagine a child the modoc That's all it is That's a big face

It's a big face And that's it That's what it is This is this the same people that did the werewolf one? I think he did. Yeah, yeah, it's the same. He looks like the same video. He looks like the colorful cast of characters.

I have seen the bear one. I have seen the bear one. That's my favorite one. That's my favorite one. Yeah, that's what he does. He talks about bears. He talks about. That's his schick.

That's his sching. That's his sching. Is it all five of his HBO specials? That was his schick. He's just talking about poetry. He's talking about bears. It's just him Is that the bear comedian?

That's what the bar comedian. It's the bear comedian. It's the bear guy. It's like when Jerry goes on stage. He's like, Hey, he's what's the deal, right? Jeff Derby guy. Oh, it's the bear guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know that guy. But I saw that guys, and I didn't want to be a part of that. I didn't want to be a part of anything. I wanted nothing to do with that. I was like, this is horrible. I've seen far worse, man. I can show you some interesting.

What about that freak's just that he has a pulse? Who? What? What? What does happen? What about that video? What about the video? freak because like more often than I display I very much so feel for people I try to hide it by all my ignorance you know right right I compound my I use my ignorance as my armor to protect me from the atrocities of the world but sometimes sometimes the armor I take it off and I just want to be a regular boy you feel for it yeah yeah and then you feel for you you fall for that little guy when he was doing donuts in the chair you know like that wasn't what happened I thought he got I saw it

video he wasn't doing donuts he did a couple donuts i think it was a different video at least one yeah at least a single donut so so guys let's talk about something new yeah we got some questions let's let's go to the news Zach is going to

going to pee out of his little pee hole I literally just said exactly what I said he's going to pee out of his little pee hole and today I just want to let you guys know that today's episode is sponsored by Myself, we've started this out of the blue. We have no understanding of what this is yet. This format is entirely, it's entirely made up on the spot.

It's 100% foreign to us. We have, well, as you have realized in the last year and a half or so, we come from a cast of colorful characters. Colorful. That's a really nice way of saying broken. Anyway. We're all fairly different. We all have our different views about things.

Don't interrupt me. I'll snap you. I will snap. I'll break you like a Kit Kat bar and then I'll feed myself to myself. I'll turn you into a bowl, man. I'll hollow you out. I'll turn you into a whistle.

I'll make you, I'll turn your skeleton into like a little facade until a little facade. A little facade. I'll insert a little hole in your skull and then I'll blow in it and it'll make a nice little whistle sound.

Fuck you. I'll excavate your body like a free man. I'll beat you to the floor. Anyway, this podcast is sponsored by myself. So if you want to go into the, go into the, go into the, description there's some links where you can get shirts and shit yeah the snark tank is going to be going on

strong for a little while I'm gonna say how you guys like it yeah and give us answers um also for every podcast you with some questions um you can hit me and chris up on twitter yeah yeah we'll answer questions we take uh we take questions from the patreon hey zach how's your peeve it's i still feel my stomach rumbling from the pickles i ate earlier i have pickles i had i have pickles and i've got coffee earlier you know it's a great combination that sounds awful that sounds horrible yeah so my insides are like rumbling and they i didn't shit just there but i can feel, maybe not now, maybe, but probably like an hour from now. I'm going to have a nice

espresso come out of my butthole, if you know what I'm talking about. I know, there's no vague you describe that to me entirely. Not the gist. I'm going to shoot you in the fucking skull in front of your family if you get what I'm talking about. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Nudge, so we've got, we got some questions for sure. From the patrons.

Wow. Don't patronize me, you fucking dog. Guys, if you're a patron of this podcast, we're going to fucking find who you are. You fucking idiots put your names and credit cards in this website. I'm going to send you all a virus. I can easily docks you, I'll tell you the fucking truth. Hello, hello.

I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Mbata. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines.

Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conton?

By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large. large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos.

Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results.

When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job

for Indeed's sponsored jobs. And that's a threat to every single person. I can see him right now. He's actually got the body movements of a threatening individual. I feel as if he has a sharp weapon right all time. If I saw this man on the street doing exactly what he's doing right now, boy golly. I feel like I have an aura.

That's the best way to describe it. I don't know why you said that. By gosh, I would cross the street. I feel like I have an aura. Do you guys feel like I have an aura sometimes? I don't feel or as mostly because I'm poor blind, but I can feel it with you. I feel it. I feel it.

I've watched your videos for the last couple of years, and to say you're saying would be a lie. But do I have a crazy, like a crazy, like a weird aura about me? You got a little wonky, you got a little wonky personality. But a little odd or a little odd or a like a weird aura about me. a little odd aura about me? All right, so I ask you fucking questions. This is a worthless waste of time.

It's a little, little Willy Wobie. What a waste of the listeners' time. What a wacky oddball. So, these are all just like actual questions. Everybody was like genuinely curious that we had insight onto something. Okay, this is one that goes well.

Bobby Caleb Highwater. Don't like his name. High Tower. Don't like the concept. Bobby asks, under what circumstances would you eat another human being? Oh, I'm near starvation.

There's the only time I would do it. That's the only time? Only time. What if? There's no what if. Let me pro something. Under what circumstances, would you consider eating another human being? Like knowingly.

Like, I know I'm going to eat a person. Okay, here's a scenario. Right. You guys go to like the Philippines or China or something. Some Asian country where it's like, you know, you slip a cop 20 bucks and they might leave you alone. Right. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Well, those Asian countries. And you guys, you guys, you bring some, you bring a good amount of money. there you have a good time, you're treated like, like royalty. And this guy goes, dude, 100 bucks

get to taste the human being. The person's, they die naturally. Yeah, yeah. Young age, muscular, like, good. They taste good. But they died naturally. 100 bucks, you get to taste slice of them. It's prepared, it's sanitary.

No. No, no. I would eat a lot of things, I feel like, but even that would give me pause. You know, they gave you a certificate of this guy's death. Died peacefully. Did die of cancer? Did he die of any heart? He wasn't. He was a slaughtered. He was a slaughtered.

Delivity parasites. I mean, I would eat like rats and cats and dogs and shit. Honestly, genuinely. I mean coyote. I mean coyote. I've been coyote. I've said a story before. It's gangy, gamy. Like it's like, gangy. It's like gross. This is weird. Like, it's like humans are meant to eat canines. We're meant to use them to eat other things. What is not meant. Canines are just there. We've altered them so heavily now. You can't take a bite out of it. You know what I can't even take a bite out of it. any more.

You know when a pug gets like really old? Their eyes fall out of it. I don't like that. That's a true thing. I actually don't like the concept of the pug. I don't think they should exist. I think they're adorable. I don't think they're adorable.

I think they're ugly. Number two, they're fucking biological messes. Their skeletons don't make any sense. Their fucking eyes are popping out. They have so many medical problems. They're like dying animals. No, it's insanely. They're like, they're just...

I heard Yorkies are very, um, like they're not the most healthy dog. They can live for a while. Yorkshire terriers? I mean, they're pretty bland. But the whole thing about them is that they're ultra-violetian. Like my friend had a Yorkshire terrier They're violent they're very violent little dogs

I don't even think pit bulls are described as ultra-violent Have you ever had spent time on a Yorkshire terrier? Yes, they're fine, they're perfectly nice They're not you know Chihuahua's are ultra-violent Yeah, Chihuahua is one blood Yeah, if Chihuahuas had sentience I would fully believe that they would know what a racial slur is and use it on purpose You think they're racist, you think they're racist in nature. I think they could I think they definitely have the capacity to me But my friend had a nicely Yorkshire and I was like oh it's a So cute out. I always see it from outside and it always stare at me like a weird like knowingly like you know how like if you look at something for longer like you look at a window and you eventually start staring. That's one thing. Well, you know when you're staring at someone with intent like oh man your life is forfeit to me. Yeah like the guy at home alone.

Guy with the shotgun. Got home alone with a shotgun. No, no, no. The old man McCullough. He had a shotgun in wings right. He had an A.R. 15 with a bubstock. Yeah. Something like that. Then he had like a backpack on that said I hate life. He had a shotgun. He had a lot. I remember that guy. This is a new character. It's a really unique character. I'm going to pitch this. It's a pink backpack of Rainbow Singh.

I fucking hate life. I probably wouldn't need a person. I think maybe like a piece of an arm. Maybe. Under what circumstance? If I... I'd have to be offered like a lot of money. Like a considerable amount.

I don't like... What's your lowball? What's your lowball? Like upwards of a... I'd say like 400 million Like an insane amount I wouldn't do it for last

How much did you get a human I would I just wouldn't eat a human Like that There's no You would eat a human You would eat a human thing No

No No I need a fucking person For like $10,000 You guys are insane I couldn't I couldn't live with that Like that was

It would fuck with me It would fuck with me For a time A whole person though That's the thing No that's a meal That's like a buffet That's like Thanksgiving

So if it's like a little sliver If it's like a little sliver It's like a little sliver It's a whole human baby or did he What do you eat? Would you? Would you eat another human being? That's a lot of food for anything, though.

Would you eat a whole fucking turkey bun? It's a lot of food for you. I would eat a whole chicken. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Gambata. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing,

whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better, AI coming up with quantum or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before.

Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Quantum? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem.

To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction.

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versus chicken. See, think about that first. I can think of a man you can eat that's about let's not bring the progerian. Why are you gonna bring a... Let's go back to the wholesome time. You grim, you grim. Progeria is a very gamey meat I feel like... Oh my God, I don't ever want to think about... Our next question. You want to hunt the progeria with a bone arrow and taste them. Take a bite of that. Take a nice quick chomp out of it. The rat getting pierced by the fucking arrow? No.

It's fucking something, man. You know what? We laughed really hard at that. There's about half of the audience is going, the podcast was funny, except with that rat part. I didn't like that point. I didn't like the fact the rat was brought up.

It's not funny that a rat died. It's funny that some psychopath killed a rat with a four-era. Do you have... I don't fucking like rats. I'm from New York. Do you have sympathy for rats? I'm from New York.

I've seen rats bigger than my fucking big cat. You know what? You know what? I've seen them come out of toilet balls. The people, whatever people who feel really bad for rats, they had their own rats,

or they've never had a rat infestation before. If you've never had a rat infestation, you can see 30 rats get killed in the flame throw. You're like a little damn thing. They're pests, they are. They're fucking disgusting. I've heard rats go upstairs

and they made noise if a man was going upstairs. It's really upsetting. It bothers me. I hate rats. It unsettles me in the same way that raccoons running unsettles me. You ever seen a raccoon run? They run in like,

they don't run like, you would expect. them to run. They have like a weird like gallop. Their back legs are a little too long. Oh yeah. They have like a weird like Skippy Gallup. It's like really it's not for the fan of heart. I did you that day right? It's not for the fan of hearts. It's not for the

settled you obviously. Was that us right? We were going up to our old apartment and they literally ran and they were like their hands were kind of hanging off from the ground because they can walk up right because they can walk up. They can stand on their hind legs and move forward. There's a lot of animals that I just don't. There's a lot of animals that I just don't understand. Like I've seen like there's a video that I saw like a

cat on the side it's a video of a man on top of a fucking building that's easily like nine ten stories and he's like oh look at me I'm on top of this building and he leans over the edge and there's a cat hanging on the edge on a vertical fucking like 90 degree incline top of a nine nine story building

he's looking up at him he jumps off lands and is fine I I don't respect that that's here I saw a video opposite of a cat I don't respect oh it's like a guy he threw a cat off fucking like three story that's morbid the first the first video

The first video I saw like this The first video I saw like this It scarred me It scarred me It was a video from like Afghanistan It was like soldiers And they pick up a puppy And they throw it off a cliff

Oh I've seen that one It's a saddest fucking thing I've ever seen It's like it made me so fucking There's that maniac There's a chick who like put the dogs In the fucking burlap sack And she throws them in the river Yeah I saw that that

People are the worst I was just dying of loud Let's get let's get let's get let's You're not making anyone's say better Everyone's everyone just this Other day off the work Let's let's let's let's Let's try.

They got real sad. Puppies are great, though. I actually felt something. I was dying of laughter, and then he brought up puppies, and I stopped laughing. That sucked them with. That was tough. Puppies are cute and adorable. You should treat them with love.

Oh, my God. The rest of these are just genuine, quite, like, a lot of people, a lot of people are asking, like, how do you get yourself motivated when you're in a slump? Oh, well, usually what happens is, for me, I'm usually fairly happy most of the time. That's a fucking line. I'm usually happy. I'm just happy. I've seen you, I've seen you, I've seen you, I've seen you, grubes. grimace. I've seen you grimace regularly.

You've grimaced. I don't grimace at anything. I love. There's a deep lorry here. There's a back story. There's a huge backstory. We're going to make our own manga soon. It's going to be hilarious. Yeah. One of those Japanese comic books. Give us a quick sneak pick, a quick preview.

What is that going to look like? So it's going to start off with Chris guzzling down a gallon of bleach. Oh, good joke. And then me slamming through the ceiling saying something about homosexuals. That's it. Is he related to the homosexuality or is he, is it's It's separate from him.

It's separate from him, but it's based on my character. That's about me and continuity. I see. Would you say a positive thing or just a neutral thing or a negative thing? Well, you see, it depends on when you catch me, you see, because I... You're not getting your question answered. I vary. I'm sorry we couldn't be more helpful.

No, no, no, no. I don't know. I just feel like I just let myself just sit in squalor for a little bit and just be like, oh man, everything's terrible. But then at some point, like, the way I viewed is like... Life's like a bit of a roller-crum car. If you're down, probably gonna go up at some point unless you're like starving

You know, in which case you probably For me, I see this guy's talking about Like a creative slip or just a life slope? I guess like a creative slump I'm like life life slump For me it's like things always get better That's all that Yeah, yeah

Everything goes in a slag Everything has like a bit of a way form too Because the worst thing that you can be at the point Where you're near death But eventually you won't be dying anymore You'll just be dead And you won't have to deal with the pain So you're like hey you know what dude

Just buck buck up It's all the worst thing So buck up Things are bad. I mean, death is really just like, if you think about it, it's just chapter two. It's just, it's just, it's just, I think about that. That's what it is. I think I've accepted that.

I really do. Yeah. I think if, I think if 30,000 little mice ran out here and pick me apart in two seconds, I feel nothing. No, I'm not, I'm not, okay. You'd feel something. I'd feel terrified that that many mice came in here and attacked you solely. That would fuck with my brain. You know, I'd be, I'd be afraid to experience pain.

I'm supposed to put a gun to my face I'd be afraid of like surviving and having a fucking scoop skull But as far I don't know what the hell we're talking Like I don't want my head to become a sippy cup I don't want to get shot in the end And have a scoop school what we're talking about?

Yeah, motivation here Just remember, dude Things go bad sometimes But there are times that things will go right I would say look Look uh I would say if you're experiencing Writers Block or you're experiencing

I can't stick way that dude Just keep pushing your brain I've noticed like the worst thing you can do when you're trying to write something you're thinking of an idea or do anything is go, I'm just going to do it later. Don't go easy on yourself. Go harder to yourself. No,

I totally agree. Every time I get interrupted with something and I got to like get like dragged out somewhere, I always lose that the momentum. What you do is you just change your location. So if you're at home, you're your bedroom or something, you're trying to write something or feed or something out, walk out, walk out, go take a shower and we'll go for a walk but still think about it. Yeah.

And I guarantee you if you think about that thing for like another hour or two or three hours and you keep pushing yourself to your limit, I think it'll snap, it always snaps for me. So, also just look at stuff that motivates you, if you're an artist or your voice actor, you're a writer or a comedian or whatever you do, look at stuff that makes you, that inspired you to begin with, go back and re-watch that stuff.

And also realize that the fucking, the sands of time are dripping away slowly, and you'll be dead soon. And also look at the fact that all of your other inspiration started way younger than you, and you're aging rapidly, so do it now. Don't Don't wait

Don't wait Don't wait Don't wait Waiting is the worst Don't worry Dude one day Someone's gonna forget Everything about

You are people That you know So exactly Exactly So do it now So that's motivating Alex ball Don't have a scoop

Skull Alex Ball Asked Doesn't total biscuit Have a podcast Name the Snark Tank No he doesn't I'll listen

Does he? Listen no He has a show Call the Starg They started I have this podcast Name For years

I had the first episode Longass Time Pilot 2013 on the channel publicly you can go back and look at it 2013 January 2013 late 2012 he recently put that up okay so I will fight you know if it was a situation where you thought of it a long time ago but you never did anything no I did it's out it's out it's out there puts up the out it's different I don't really I don't care I'm keeping the name

regardless it's a name I don't like it I've loved that name for the longest time and how did you all meet is the one that like kept coming up you guys haven't met before this is the first time I'm at second pebbles We met at a bar That It was in Barney's Beanie's Beanie's In Burbank And he's like, hey, you know

I'm in town I was like we had just recently moved So I was like, oh yeah, all right I'll meet up with you And I get there And you know, it was nice But we kept getting accosted By this drunk man

That's right Is this the guy who Kept saying you wanted to fuck big fat women Yeah This is the guy who said you want to Fuck Big Fat women and shit on himself He kept pushing it further. We're like, would you fuck an 800 pound lady with like a who is shitting a bedpan?

He's like, oh, I fucking drink the shit up. He said this. This is something that he said. This guy was blasted. This guy was, he started like a... Wasn't he like passing out on the strait? Yeah, he was fun. Yeah, he was gone by the other than.

He was, I'm not convinced he's alive. But this guy kept, yeah, returning. He kept, he kept showing back up. And they made me lie to him. They hazed me. They hazed me to get me in the group. What was it? What do you mean?

It was Zach and you? It was Zach. it was a few people that I haven't seen since actually I don't think I've talked to those other guys since I've since that day I don't remember I don't remember though so long ago it was probably almost a while ago yeah I haven't seen him anyway

wow they made me lie to him they made me tell them I was a Hitler youth oh whoa whoa you said that at your own no no you told me Hitler youth yeah well the thing was he was like he was so unfazed by literally everything we were saying to him so we were just we kept pushing it was like

oh I was like yeah I just got back I just got back from like, I just got back from like Nazi youth meeting. I'm a Hitler youth. He's like, oh, that's cool, man. He was just so spaced out. He was not paying attention at all. Yeah, it was for the test. Which, by the way, you did get back from Hitler Youth, but that's a different story.

God damn it. I think, how long have we been going? I would say 38 minutes. 38 minutes? That's my guess. 30 minutes? Wow, that's a long time. 38?

No, it's not been 38. I bet it's not. Look at the time. Is it doesn't say that other? No, it's being autistic. Time's broken. I mean, being autistic. That's cool.

Time doesn't function the way it should. I bet 38. I'm going to assume that it's closer to an hour. Oh, you think more than that? I think more. You might be right, actually. We did talk about a lot of things. Yeah, you've been here for a little bit.

You talked about... You hate to perjurians for a little while. We didn't talk about hating progerians and fans. No, you didn't. You did. In fact, you show us diagrams about it. We talked about doctors giving them care and love, and treat them like fucking people.

Exactly, you fucking cur. You talk about hunting them down. You're scur? It's a curve. I don't know. Like the lowest, I think it's like the lowest. It's like the lowest part of like the...

I need to know in case I have to bleep that out. No, Kurt. You should probably beat that out. I'll leave it out anyways. Leave it every time he says it. Don't even though it. It'll be funny than that way. Anyway.

Yes. I don't even know where to segue away from that. We've, we've spent a decent amount of time here today with our, with our friends. Yes. Friends and family. Yeah, guys. So we're going to wrap this up.

My God. Gali. golly darn. Jeepers. This was difficult to rangle. Easy with the language. There are soldiers. You're getting a bit...

Whoa, man. I'm sorry. You're getting a bit... I grew up in a Catholic school. Guys, let's all do the lunitude's theme song. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ba. Success. Success starts with your drive.

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