The Snark Tank - #128: Chris and Derrick miss Ugandan Knuckles

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

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That's a degree better. Learn more at ASUonline.asu.org.org. Hey, look, you say a little dead mean. Hey, everybody, welcome back to the Snark Tank podcast. Wow, it's episode 126. Eighth? Eighth? Yeah, yeah.

Eighth. Went toese, hey. I can't. It's definitely episode 120s hey. It's hard for me to recall. I woke up this morning vomiting, so I'm feeling great today. I don't know about you guys. We discovered you have the same trigger as Will Smith.

Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, Will Smith, when he's having sex or whatever, he drives or vomits. And what happens with, you know, Morningwood, there's such a thing. so when Chris gets erected, he vomits. Yeah, yeah. Every single, every single moment. If you've ever seen me throwing up, just understand that I was bricked. Understand.

I need to. It's a very important retroactive context. That's disgusting. Hey, man, it's not my fault. This is what this world did to me. But, oh, man, what do we got to talk about? Adam on last time. So thanks a lot to your movie sucks, Adam, for

jumping on. It's a very good episode, I thought. And it seems like you guys liked it. So worked out. But honestly, and I know that these are cursed words, not a lot happened this week. I'm sure tomorrow Barack Obama's head will cave in for no reason. Or like some insane, some

insane shit's going to happen. But for right now... Epiqon live. Let's try and predict what is going to happen the, like immediately after we finished recording this. Hmm. I don't know.

You go, you properly go to war. We go to war. Okay. We've got world. Wait, didn't, didn't,

didn't North Korea do some sort of missile testing or something like that over Japan? Yeah, some of their missiles. Oh, yeah. There was like some slight missile. What big deal.

Isn't that like, I don't know, like not allowed? I think it was just like middle gear solid six or something. I think that's all that was happening really. Like when are they gonna, I think, do you think they think they can beat like us? Like, do you think they think that?

I think they might really think they can. I don't know. And I also don't know. I just clicked on Twitter. And so what was trending for me, the biggest in the morning was gays? And now And now the bit

Wow Well that says a lot about us Doesn't it And now what's training for me Is the Jews With 18.6K I did see that trending I don't know what the fuck that was about

A few days ago too actually It's the NWRD straight up NWR it was trending You know it's also trending Not for me but for other people Lolly So Lollie is 20K Because of the cyberpunk thing probably

What happened with that? What happened with that? I was just a female character in that show that's like vaguely designed like a oh um what's your name Rebecca Rebecca yeah

I know too many adults who look like that so it's like it's like all right weird I know a lot of adults like that too and it's sad I mean it's not that I mean to me it was a little bit weird that people were like glombing onto it because I was just like oh yeah

I didn't think about it just clearly not a child she's a fucking sociabath right the way the way she carries herself does not like even remotely remind me of a child so yeah I It wasn't super weird for me. I think it's kind of weird for the people who it's weird for it, to be honest. Right.

Because there's definitely aspects of it. There's definitely aspects of anime where it's like, I'm fucking, I'm a 4,000-year-old dragon in a little girl's body, but I'm still going to act like a fucking child. And it's like, ah, that's a little fucking. That's a little sus. That's, that's, it's, it's. It's like you always hear those, you know, those, those, there's two main trope voices in. anime. There's the villainous guy. The Oya, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Stop, stop. I'm not saying, I'm obviously not saying anything, right? And then there's the voice that I can't do because I can't go any octave that I can't, but you know, there's the girl that, you know, I can't get that high. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so you see the old witch that's 4,000 years old. But then she's in a, 13 year old's body and talks like that voice and you're like, I see what you're doing and I don't like it, Japan. Y'all need to cool it off a little bit.

Y'all need to take some cold showers and realize. Everybody's okay with this though. Japan thinks, Japan thinks that just because they have amazing food, they can just get away with all. And honestly, like, that is kind of the, that is genuinely, I think a great deal of why. It's not. It is, man.

Like because you think about, no, I'm dead for, it's technology enterprise. It's not food. The Japanese, the Japanese and the Italians were literally Nazis. And we're just like, well, they have pizza and sushi. So it's fine. Germans are still very Nazi because like, what do they got? Sausage. It's so different.

Italy killed their own bad guy. So that's how we're like, all right. Italy did that themselves. No, because like they did it themselves. No, but it doesn't matter because they're so. There are so many people in Germany. There are so many people in Germany who tried to kill Hitler. It's insane.

And they failed a lot. They kind of kept failing. Italy is letting Mussolini be resurrected through a female form right now. Yo, but she's kind of thick, though. That's how much we're just excusing their behavior because, like, have you ever had a, you ever seen this, this creation? Someone takes a couple of slices of pizza. They make it into, like, on funnel, and then they put spaghetti in it and the meatballs. Then they put that sauce, an extra sauce.

It's like a cone. It's like a cone of just all of the best parts of Italian food. It sounds disgusting, but then you would also think maybe by if someone's describing lasagna to you, you'd probably think it's disgusting as well. You know what I mean? I don't do that. Like, so it's one of those things that's like they get to return to fascism because their food is so good.

I don't know, man. They're really like, this chick was all like on Mussolini's nuts. And then she's like, oh, by the way, like, let's go. Italy, we hate the gays and we're back. Bro, we're back. Italy's been bumping lately. It's been bumping. Italy sounds like 90s hip-hop bars, bro.

It's like, oh shit. They're saying everything today. Oh, man. It's kind of crazy what the direction that some things are going in. And like we think about Chinese food is really world. It's celebrated, right? It's so standard. And they're allowed to do everything.

I think there's something to what you're saying, Chris. Because think about all the atrocities that China, they're, they're like responsible for the world's pollution, the most pollution of the world, the subjugation of their people, the, those, those internment camps of Muslims. It's reeducation. What are you talking about? You're messing with our sponsors, Derek. Stop talking, bro. Jesus. But no, no, I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it because. man you ever have man the panda express dude they got this almond chicken thing that they have every once in a while like seasonal or something it's some of the it's it's man like they they can put them into tournament camps all day as far as i'm concerned man that's just good look look what i'm gonna say is this when you get east coast chicken and broccoli you really really really respect china in a gross way you know like when you get that like car the chicken and broccoli with the chicken wings in that see-through bag, you open it up

with your little container of white rice and you're like, damn, bro. I admittedly have always been underwhelmed by most other most chicken that I've had that isn't just homemade straight up. Really? Yeah. Like, I think the

best chicken I've ever had was at a family gathering or something. I would say it's never, like, there are places that I like a lot. Like, I like Gus's here in Burbank and I like, um, you know, there's a handful of places that I think are pretty pretty damn good for like a pinch. But I don't think that best chicken I've ever had has been from like a restaurant or like a or like a fucking Chinese food place, certainly. I hear that from a lot of Latinx people.

Latinx, okay. I have had the best chicken I ever had in my life in the South, but it was home-cooked southern chicken, if that makes any sense. Like, I was in North Carolina, and I had, like, my aunt made fried chicken there. And I was like, I can't believe how good this is. Like, I was blown, blown well away. I was, this is delicious. I mean, that's what I like, to me, like, Cajun fried chicken. They, whatever they, Louisiana, whatever they do down there, it's like, it's all voodoo.

It tastes too good. Like, I don't know what they're doing. The swamp water. You get that fucking swamp sludge? They pour right in a pan with your chicken. and your chicken bumping after So you're just eating

like fucking alligator shit basically He just tastes so good And fucking algae And it just gives it That that pop and flavor man I get it I understand

I really don't understand Yeah Anyway what else is What else is gone on wildly uncomfortable Yeah I'm like I'm about to die

I'm not gonna lie I'm gonna be on I am the squeaky wheel today I'm not I'm not gonna front men Like I'm just, my, my stomach feels like it's doing gymnastics. I'd be taking anything for your ailment. I took like a, like a, like a, like, something like that.

Like, not, it wasn't a tums exactly. It was like, I don't know, just some fucking thing for stomach aches. I don't know. It's so random. Like, usually it's like, oh, I could point to food I ate, but it's like not. Or like a general sickness, but that's literally the only fucking problem. So, like, I really don't know what if you had today? Have you had an abundance of anything?

caffeine sugar or anything like that? No I haven't No I woke up I woke up like this And then it was just like Oh my fucking God And then I had like

Pancakes eggs and bacon And sausage and eggs And just like a normal fucking breakfast And I thought that would help And it's still not fucking doing anything But whatever It's just one of those days that sucks Everybody sucks

Everybody sucks It's one of those days. It's just one of those days Everybody sucks Everybody fucks. Except for me. The original lyrics, right? The fucking original papers of it, bro.

The journal. Do you hear about that guy getting erected when he dismembers women in video games? I forgot what kind of game it was, but it was a Reddit thread where he's playing some game with swords or whatever, he and dismembers women. And he gets erected.

Oh, me? Yeah. But apparently this guy was asking Is there a way to get rid of like, I need to like get rid of women in video games? I'm like paraphrasing. Mod, he wants a mod. I think so because like, and he specifically said that, uh, that he doesn't have some type of fetish as far as he's aware of. He's never even thought about that, but I'm like, bro, but look what's happening.

The proof is in a pudding, bro. It's right there. Like you're getting a fucking wood. I get a woody dick from seeing big butts. Is there a, how? Is this some, am I attracted to this? It's like, yes. Like, clearly.

So that's a, that's a little weird one. Yes, dude. That I, I feel like that needs to be sorted out before something happens before he kind of, you know, take it to the next level. He's like, oh, these video games aren't cutting it anymore. I got to go, I got to, I got to go to, what do you call those things? A Renaissance fair. And carry out a sword. A rena.

Start dicing of women. I was trying to think of somewhere who, like, people carry swords at. Yeah, that is the best answer to that. That is like the only place you could find someone with a sword. And not be like danger, danger, Will Robinson. Right? Yeah, yeah. Just a bunch of nerds I don't know what to do.

So then you just actually bring a real sharpened sword. A real sharpened sword. A real sharpens. Bro. Lopping people's head off. The idea of cutting someone's head off and it's sailing to the air is such a crazy thing. It's so wild to think about that. Yeah, sailing.

Like, it's like, you cut some of its head off. Like, you slingshot it. Oh, my God. Like, see, what I'm envisioning, I know this isn't what you've painted here, but what I'm envisioning is you, somebody cuts the head off, takes the skin off and drops down and the head like grows real big, like a, like a parachute almost. Like, parapsych, that's what I imagine.

That's what I imagine. I'm thinking more like the cow jumped over the more. moon. Your head going over the moon after it gets cut off. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, man. Anyway, what else happened? Somebody do that.

Somebody do that. What else happened? Overwatch 2. Overwatch 2 came out. Nobody. Did it? I, I, whatever.

Isn't it just a patch? It is. Yeah. It's pretty much. It's very much. Three new characters. Three new characters. There's like two maps.

They changed the way the battle. custom works. They brought back anyone can play as anything if they want in what you call like in one of the free modes. Like I've played it. I heard they changed. I heard they changed Winston's name to Kingston. His name is actually

his name is actually in fact Kingston S. Jameson. It's in fact that's his name. And I was like hmm, this is a little weird. And then like his home base is map is my bedroom. And that's strange too. But I'm just going to let that. Yeah. It's a pure. a coincidence.

Winston's newest move is he his specials he drags a little white boy behind him and through water and they shoot him. That's it. That's Winston too special. I would love for like that to be 1,000% true and no one bats an eye. You're the only one trippin. Everyone's like, oh, he's dope.

His name is, his name is Kingston. What's up? I'm like, do you guys not understand that is a little disrespectful to me? And they're like, what? Get over yourself, man. the fuck up it's not named after you plenty of Kingston Shane Jameson though. Kings and Shane Jameson.

There's plenty of them. It's like dude it doesn't even sound like that's true. Shut the fuck up dude. It's a fun game. I'm going to be real to it. It's Overwatch 2's fun but I right now I can't merge my two accounts so I can't get all the skins I had from Overwatch 1 over. Um the cue is sometimes ridiculous

like thousands of people's in the cues. It got DDoS to fucking Kingdom Come yesterday. on the first day. It's just, there's so many problems. Again, and now, Blizzard, I recently came up from Blizzard. There was a union that tried to be formed, and they literally apparently gave the people

that created that union no promotions on purpose. That apparently is something that's been... It's just Blizzard just can't do it right no more, man. They really suck. They just can't. And I like the game, too. played and I was like, oh wow, this is actually fucking fun. They made the game better.

It's just that... Yeah, it's just slightly a different... It's just like a slightly different version of the first one. It's an, it's in person improvement, but it's not a two. It's a 1.5, anything. It's not... Yeah, I think that's... That's...

I think that's despicable, right? Yeah, but it's free... I'll put it this way. I'll put it this way. And there's a battle pass, and now there's so many characters... Like, right now, when I try to play the game, I can't play most of the characters. Oh, yeah. Let me put it this way.

Overwatch 1 2 overwatch 2 as far as like a difference scale is far less than Vanilla D2 and current D2 Yeah definitely And so to me it's like well if one game can expand that much To incorporate like far more changes

I want to make this weird Are we talking about the Mighty Ducks 2? Oh yeah mighty ducks too yeah But all fair to destiny too had a long time to get there that's well i mean so did overwatch really to overwatch had longer to get there actually had years to do it or watch Overwatch had exactly one more year

than destiny actually really yeah d2 came out in 2017 but d2 but like d2 to d1 like one d1 no but i'm not talking i'm not talking about vanilla d1 to current d2 because that's a whole sequel apart i'm talking about vanilla d2 to current d2

how long was it like 20 that was 2017 they came out and i was 20 20 20 Yeah, they had a bunch of years They just, I don't know, man And then like they said They were gonna reach a story mode I don't know where the fuck that is That's just

They probably don't have one Oh, there's still no There still no like campaign type thing on there No, that was a whole big point Of like talking about Oh, they're gonna be customizable It's that Now where to be found

Like I don't know Like I'm gonna play the game for a while I'm probably getting the falling off of it Because it's not gonna be enough content for me to continue playing it But it's just unfortunate When you When you bought D2

At first vanilla was it worth the price to you? No. Vanel D2, no. It was a massive step down in a lot of ways. They tried the Activision and make it in a competitive shooting game.

It was a very Activision thing. Like they were just like, these are really deep RPG mechanics. People, but like not many people do the raid. So it's like, what's the point? Like make it for everybody. And they're just like, okay, well. And so it's like very, very streamlined.

D2 now is great. But it's also like has that problem where it's very difficult to jump into because it's just it's just it's like any MMO where it's like it's just if you miss the boat for a while it's going to be really rough imagine now there did you play

wow? Did you play wow at all? No wow was so I had a bad experience well bad introduction to wow when I skipped the I skip the top down ones like I saw world of warcraft not world warcrafts and then so then when wow came out my bad experience was by

obsessed friend that was, I essentially couldn't understand what was happening. I was like, it reminded me of like those deep fucking raids and like, uh, when I was playing a Diablo two. And there would just be a mess of shit happening on the stage. And I would be like, I don't, this looks fucking messy. I'm good. And so I just skipped it entirely. Over the years, I've been kind of interested, but I also like kind of Chris was talking about, I just, I am so far removed from it. I'm like, I just, I don't know any of the lore. I don't know.

I'm good. It's a lot. But it's like the idea of whenever you go play raid or something like that, right? There's different loadouts. And this is an RPG, obviously in age RPGs. In Old Destiny 1, everyone used the exacts. In Old Destiny 2, everyone used the exact same thing. There were no varieties of perks on weapons or armors.

It was just everyone, everything was just like, this is a handgun X. It's very streamlined. It's very streamlined. It's very strong. Every handgun X like this one will do the exact same thing. And it's like that's not what Destiny is. It's an RPG in a shooter. So it's supposed to have some variety in how you approach it.

And it's really, it was really bad. It was it was not good. They tried to make a competitive game. Destiny by nature can't be a competitive game. And Bungee eventually realized that and left. And I'm happy they did. And now they're owned by Sony for fucking $3 billion, just fucking wild. Wild.

What the hell is Bungee doing? What are they doing? They're doing marathon, which is like they're not marathon. That's old. Core, core or gravity. Some shit, that's the new thing they're working on right now. Then they have Descentiv. What the fuck are you talking about?

What's the next thing they're working on? They're working on one new game, right? I forgot what it's called. Bungee? Yeah. I mean, I think there's still balls to the wall on destiny. They're doing lightfall. But there's something else.

There's rumors about there's rumors about a, a hero type shooter called Matter. matter. But like they don't, we don't know if that's real or not. Energy and gravity. Close enough. Close enough. It was in theoretical physics. It's somewhere around there.

But yeah. So it's, they're doing that. But Destiny's doing so good, making so much money. It is the top live service game, I think. So.

Yeah, it is. It's like fucking how that cyropunk show just kind of like revived the, the game to the point where like even CED was like, you know what? We'll make another one. because so many people are playing it now

and it's like, oh, right? Yeah, I mean, to be, now was wild on Steam. I essentially, it literally, like, I was, because of when it launched, I was uninterested in playing and stuff and I'm like, whatever. And then watching the series, yeah, it absolutely captured my interest where,

I was like, oh, yeah, I kind of forgot about that people were already telling me this game was good and I just never got around to it. I'm playing it. I'm, I'm cheap as fuck, man. I usually, I try my best to get a game as cheap as humanly possible.

and I was just trying to I'm having the same problem with Resident Evil 8 and cyberpunk where it hasn't budged under 30 bucks and like come on you can just do a little bit better you just a little bit better I mean you do just a little bit better

and I like just a little bit more and but I think it's just gonna be 30 I think I'm just gotta get it 30 bucks I would say Resident Evil Village is worth it it's definitely well what I'm gonna do I'm gonna wait for the third person thing to come out And I think this month, actually. Yeah, well, is it this month?

I think it's this month. That would make sense. So I was like, I'll get it then. I'm going to wait and see if they do somehow promote it less than $30. You can get the game and the expansion for like $30 together instead of a being like $50. No way, Derek. Shut the fuck up. Let me dream.

Let me dream. Maybe $40. Like, you can get the game. And you're, look it. Look it. It's $20 right now for the. expansion, right? The Ethan Winters' expansion is like 20 bucks. The game right now, when it's on sale, it's like $30. So that's 50. I bet they'll bundle something together. This is, this is, this is,

this is like an eight year old child being like, Daddy, you'll be home any minute now. It's what that is. Like, if that ain't going to be 40 bucks, man. God bless your optimism, though. You have an optimistic car. I like that. It might get the 50. It might get the 50. Well, it's already, technically, because it goes on sale for 30 all the time. So I could get over 30 and then get the expansion for, it would be 50. So that's like already a given. But maybe, maybe. I'm just, you never know, man.

Yeah, yeah. Just to get cheap asses like me. I don't want to, you're not. I think third person ruins that game. I. The idea of third person for Resident Evil 7 and 8 ruins that game for me. I just fucking, I mean, you're probably right because of how it's designed. Like I did see, for example, they showed in,

one of the, um, in the fucking, in the trailer for it. Like there's some, you know, motherfuckers on top of the building that are supposed to, like, drop down and fuck you up. And obviously in first person, you wouldn't see it. But in third person, you could see the motherfuckers. And I'm like, but to me, though, I was like, it helps my bitch ass. But anyway, I'm just not, I just, I mean, I just, I'm not the biggest fan of, uh, FPS is just because there's so, like, your characters usually, like,

especially when you customize your character like, I want to see that motherfucker I want to see them. Now, Ethan, I guess I don't need to see Ethan. He's just some white boy, right? But I don't know. He's some guy, bro. He's just some guy.

He's really the most plain guy that they've ever had in the series ever. He's like the only normal guy in that universe. I mean, he's a mold man. But yeah, there's a, there's, um, I don't know. I feel like, I don't like FPS, games generally, just because I feel like, I feel like there's something, unless it's VR, I feel like it kind of takes me out of it a little bit. Because I've played so many FPSs where I can run like a normal person. And in FP, like specifically Resident Evil, you walk so slow because the game like needs

you to. And it's like, this is not how I would be moving throughout the space if this was real. And it, it feels even worse. Because like to me, it's like that what's good about the third person camera in Resident Evil games typically, like even back in the day, was that it felt like you were guiding a character. It felt like, and whenever, like, it's almost like, oh, they fucked up, you know, like, it's difficult to get, it's difficult to aim at a zombie and shoot their head off in one clean shot when you're under stress. And that stress is kind of simulated by, you know, less than reliable camera controls. It works. But like, when I'm in first person, and I'm just, I'm crawling away from a demon.

Like it just feels so fucking unnatural. Yeah, and you know what they could do. It depends on the game for me. Because like, I don't know. I love Resident Evil, two for the way it is. Two works. You know, and even remake, they both work for what they are. And even one and three, you know,

three's a little bit more action-packed, but it works. But for seven and eight, I feel like having that third, first-person view kind of makes you just have that weird perspective, you know, where you just don't have it. it so I don't know. Yeah, I know, I understand. I give that if there's just I don't, just just piggybacking off what Chris says. It's just the the barely jogging mechanic thing where it's such a no hustle in a situation where you absolutely would be running. And I just feel like,

well, why not make the enemies either faster or something? It's kind of like say, imagine, I was playing, I played the model for two remaster campaign because I just wanted, you know, since everybody was playing the new beta and everything of that new shit. And just anytime like a fucking grenade comes around you, imagine if you were just like, you know, just kind of tiptoeing away from it. Like you got to fucking like sprint away from it, right? And it just, and the sense of panic I get,

because if I'm not right in the place to throw it back, we're like, okay, I don't see it so I just need to fucking run away from it. That sense of panic I get, like I kind of like it. But I like that I can actually. Like, I hate that I feel like there's mud in my fucking shoes, right? When, when those horror games where you're just like, oh, no. And I'm like, fuck, go, go, go, go, go. Like, I want to fucking go.

Like, I don't even care if they're running at me fast as fuck. I just like that feeling of almost even kind of you might make a wrong turn because you're going so fast and you might trap yourself. I kind of like that aspect to it too, like of games where you're like, if you're running really fucking fast, you can just take a wrong turn. You're like, oh, here's a dead end. That said. That said the, there was one sequence of Resident Evil 8 that's like really, really good. So, yeah. For a horror perspective.

It's not really that scary of the game overall, but. Yeah, horror game. Probably not because it's not like a, I think the seventh one was way more like of a traditional. They're just weak. Well, it's hard to scare people. It's hard to scare people now. It's just more of like the jump scare type shit. And you have to really just do it in a way that like, I think I was playing Tomb Raiders.

and I think it was the remaster, not the remakes. And I think it was that game that was like just randomly just things were happening and they were kind of very startling. You couldn't anticipate that something was about to happen. I thought that was pretty interesting. It also kind of reminded me that, what was that Jason Mamoa? Aquaman, that he did Aquaman, there was like a bunch of these random shit happening with absolutely no telegraphing at all.

And I kind of enjoyed that. An Aquaman? Yeah. They're like three times or something. Like there would just be a moment of something happening. And there would be no like cue to like something's about to happen. Like he gets attacked or some bullshit something. It happened like three times in the movie at least.

And I thought it was hilarious because of how well it was placed in, I wish I remembered all of them because I haven't seen that movie since fucking it came out. but I just remember being pleasantly surprised because usually in horror things you know something's about to happen but you can't do anything about it you have to do it like oh I can't even prepare for this moment

I know something's about to come out and attack me but you just have to proceed as soon as you see an or herb you're like as soon as you see a green herb down somewhere you're like you're like fuck shit I'm about to endorse some fuckery right now

and every time bro is it like playing like it's like putting it's like pulling it for software game. You can see where there's like a fucking, um, like there's a certain corridor. There's a little courtyard. You're like, there's no one here. Hmm, I'm going to

have to fight someone right now. It's horrible. There's all these cues that are, yeah, they're just pretty funny. Like, uh, the ones where they try to backstab you and shit, like, they're hiding in a corner. Like, you're already know. You're like, okay, dude. I hate that. I think that's a mechanic in games, bro. It's so

fucking filthy. Those little fucking, um, the little fucking gargoyos and like the little dungeons that just wait around a corner so you walk into a room he grabs you and tries to slit your throat and you're like what kind of person how long have you been waiting there for somebody how long how much time have you spent standing still waiting this little he just takes shifts they take shifts dude they just stand in corners until somebody finally shows up like oh finally I'm going to get a fucking promotion I'm going to be one of the ones that gets to pace now

after I kill this job I'm going to be able to walk around so I can't wait Guys are fucking crazy What other bullshit has happened I don't know what other Oh you said you wanted to bring up this Herschel guy like so I have been kind of like off

I don't know what this is about But I suck I have a vague, very very vague idea It's just when I When I looked into Hershey's Walker, Texas Ranger, it was like, it just kind of, he hit his, his situation embodies like everything that's wrong with what's happening right now. Because like we're just as a people just failing to just, you know, swat the shit away. Because this guy is just, he's amazing.

He's amazing. So for anyone that doesn't know, this guy's known for playing American. football, right? He's known for college ball NFL. He played a little bit in Donald Trump's football league Donald Trump had a football league for a little bit so he got to know Trump through that way or whatever and he tries to piggyback

off of that. But this guy like everything you can think of and I mean this sincerely he's like bullshitting about like things that you don't even need to like lie about like he said that oh he trained with like the FBI for a while and like it's clearly not true like it's an easy thing to

but he just says shit. I think it's like little pathological. It's kind of funny. He trashes, like say, oh, fatherless, you know, fatherless, what do you call it? He doesn't trash the fatherless families. He trashes the, you know, the father that abandons the family and shit like that. And he's had a bunch of kids that he did not raise. Like, he's had, like, three or four kids that he didn't raise. And he even hit them from his campaign trail. Like, the people that he's with campaigning with, he didn't even tell them. So they're like they were blindsided.

That's so funny. He talks about how he wants abortion ban with absolutely zero exceptions. So, you know, if you need a medical emergency, they're like, oh, sorry. You got to die. In 2009, so the Daily Beast

reported on this, and there's receipts, so it doesn't matter whether you like the Daily Beast or not that he paid for an abortion in 2009, this lady sent the, there's a check, the lady has a receipt of the actual procedure and then there's a get well card signed by him

all this shit is there and he's like oh they're lying I'm gonna sue them and I'm like bro that's your fucking signature is he a we can see it yes he is a he looks like he looks like a non-ugly version of Patrick Ewing like if you can picture Patrick Ewing

because Patrick Ewing because Patrick Ewing because Patrick Ewing just kind of like he has a face that's kind of like hmm what's his name again um hirshel walker he's just like i know who he is he's like in shape and stuff but he he rocks the flat top like patrick ewing that's why he compared him just i know who he is i know this guy's awesome he sucks he's that's a fucking dickhead he's a um a lot of people so a lot of people speculate that he's uh a lot of stuff that's going on with him is because of cTE you know It affects, like, all these football players, especially the older ones that didn't have any type of safety measurements or nothing.

So they were always smacking each other in the head and stuff and going head-vers and shit. Just walking around, danging each other's head. I played football for two years in high school. And I remember when we really stepped it up in junior varsity because, like, freshman year was just bullshit. But I had, like, a few white flashes. And I was like, oh, no, this is not. I'm not doing this shit. No, no. I never got hurt when I played football.

The one year I played football, bro, I only got tackled like maybe twice. I got like two fucking goals ran in. I was really proud of myself. And then my grandma was like, this is like senior year varsity. They're going to be aiming to kill each other. If you play, you're going to get hurt as a tight end. And I was like, I guess I'll stop. And I stopped.

That's it. Yeah. Smart. I got, dude, I got injured before. I got, I'm just, I'm, I still. I still have injuries from those two years. Well, specifically one year. I didn't even play fucking varsity because I was, I was injured and I also didn't want to,

like, I didn't want to get a concussion. And I felt like I was on the verge because we, our school took football very seriously. And my coach was very fucking disappointed that I didn't play. And I was like, I told the bitch, because I'm like, I'm five, six. I was like, bro, I'm fucking, I am short, which is not good for any. fucking sport and unless you're a jockey, right, for riding a fucking horse. A little pony. That's about it.

And then I, I, I, I, I, injured my hip. I injured my knee. And there was a guy, this big black dude named Josh Michael that was like 6-3, whatever, that was just as fast as me. And I told him, you want me to be on the team when this giant guy is just as fast as my fucking small ass? Like, I wouldn't even play. And he's like, I don't know, man.

I'm very disappointed you. I was like, fuck you, dude. I got pissed off that he was trying to talk shit to me, like, as if, like, oh, you wouldn't even play me. I would be completely just on the team. Derek, you're being a quitter right now. Derek, you're being a quitter right now. Got me a fucking quitter. We really need water, boy, man.

You really let me down. I remember for my senior year I didn't play because my grandmother was mad at my grades in Virginia year of basketball. She was like, you can't play. And I told my coach, my coach was like, you're good, Kingston. but like, and I was like, yeah, coach, I know. And I was like, yeah, I was like, I know coach. He was like, you're good, Kingston. You can definitely, you'll definitely start.

And I was like, yeah, I know, I'll start. But like, is this a future you see? I was like, absolutely not, coach. Like, I'm not. I realized, I realized I realized I wasn't going to go anywhere in basketball when I was defending a kid that was five, six, and he dunked on me. And I was like, yeah.

Like some people just really got it and some people don't. My bedroom looks like a microwave. I hate this. It's, it's, I look like, it looks wild in here. You look like,

you look like, it looks like, it looks like, it looks like one of those horrible Instagram filters that are like, it's vapor wave. But it's really, it's really just blows out your screen. Why don't you just get a curtain?

I'm, I ordered one while we were talking earlier. Or just, or just, do you have a ring light? I do my ring is not going to make it better It's gonna make it worse Well no no you because like some of your curtain

Like some of the blind things are open right Some of the blonde things No no no not a way I'm sitting Oh holy shit They're all closed actually If it was open If it was open You'd be looking at God's face right now

I thought well it looks like they're It looks like they're mostly closed Except for like maybe 10% of them are open That's what it looks like One it's one that's open And that one that's open pours the sun stays at that position for particularly long

it doesn't look like God's coming for you it looks like just fucking yeah that's so weird because like mine doesn't we have probably like a very similar window and it's not your window is blinded my room is being infiltrated by light

I've got I've got these things too hey yo yeah now it's all dark I need to get that it's time to upgrade It's time to upgrade.

Blah. I just need to fucking figure out how to use my fucking brion. It just doesn't pick me up correctly. You're what? My brioen?

Sounds like some Italian bread. Oh, you mean the fucking live on the webcam? What's wrong with it? What's wrong? I don't get it. Digimon most of the time.

There are still frames. There are still frames in this video that I'm going to look like fucking Patrick O'Neill. I don't know, man. Dude, I got this. got this $40 Chinese 4K webcam and I

I'm maxing it out by just having good lighting. That's all. What did you just do? Just pull a condom from behind your webcam? Oh. Still had the plastic on it and it bothered me deeply. Kind of a whole condo.

When he was just done he just fucking flicked it onto it. I always throw him onto the wall so that I can always remember. I've had sex eight times ever. I don't remember. I feel like I don't know if it was real or not.

If it was either a movie or if it was real life, like some lady saying that she would, when she would bang dudes, she would nail their condoms on the wall after she was. That is psychotic. I saw that some way. I don't remember. There's something.

It sounds a little familiar, right? That's psychosis is what that is. Yeah, it's definitely nuts. I haven't used a condom in so long. So I don't know, man. spin yeah it's I mean

in fact never never once in fact in fact in fact I refuse in fact I refuse I don't believe

it is my religion he scares him it's scaring him don't why don't you want to do that to him he's scared he's scared

oh man contraception for what did we did we did we finish did we finish Herschel's little story I didn't get to

all the juicest parts but Like, in summary, this guy is running. We didn't even say what he's doing if people weren't following, you know, because not everybody here is the following American politics. And even a lot of Americans aren't following American politics. Because I get it. It's fucking atrocious.

Yeah, it's awful. Yeah. But he's running for the Republican senator in Georgia. And there's a big possibility he can win with knowing that he, with these a notorious liar. He's extremely stupid thinks there's like 52 states. He did the argument of... He sounds qualified.

He sounds low-key qualified. He did the same argument with evolution saying, if we came from apes, how come apes still exists? And you're like, oh, that guy wants to be a senator. If we were children once, why are there still children? I love it.

It's my favorite fucking thing. It's crazy that people... If dogs came from wolves, then why are there still wolves? Why are there still wolves? That would be something, that's a genuine argument they would make. Biological niches? Is that, do you not, have you, do you not know what that is?

Shut up. No, of course not. You need to tell me, you need to tell me if I put this pizza in a box for 10 days, it just becomes mold. No, it's the government. It's just, it's a government. Dude, that's a good point because back in the day, people thought that fucking just leaving meat out conjured flies. They thought that.

They used to think that until some dickhead did some experimentation and covered moldy meat with a cloth and then they were just showing like flies hovering onto it and not touching the meat itself. And like, okay, it's not coming from the meat. Never mind. Yeah. It's really crazy. I was like, well, sort of.

It doesn't summon them. It draws them in. No, conjures, conjures. Like, amazingly, like, fly! It's weird to me that, like, the concept of evolution is, like, so hard for certain people to grasp because it's, like, under the right circumstances in, like, nine months, like, a fucking tadpole becomes a baby, you know?

Like, it's, like, over millions of years, I don't see how, like, like, Ackham's razor, right? like would you'd assume that oh yeah things change over long periods of time Chris you don't fucking things change over short periods of time

oh you don't fucking get it bro you don't fucking get it you never open a good book you never read fucking God's word I read some of it even in fact

God's word does not even I read some of it I read some of it but it's mostly filler so I just I couldn't crazy the Bible doesn't even discredit evolution

no yeah I know it doesn't doesn't even do that. It's just like, people. You know what's the saddest thing, man. All of these people that are writing on the Bibli about like, say, abortion and stuff where it's like there's clear guidelines about that too. About your first breath being when life exists.

There's clear guidelines about a soul is bestowed into your body once you draw your first breath. It says that in the good book. Yeah. So their whole arguments is just made up by some other people. So technically they're going against They're going against the word of God. They don't understand. They don't even believe in God.

That's what makes it the worst part, bro. They don't even believe. No, I really think most of them, some of them do. Some of them believe in God, obviously, you know. But I feel like the people that are passing these laws, the people that are like, a lot of people that are in shadows fighting for this bullshit, they don't even believe in what they're fucking arguing about.

It's just these eight. businesses in a Trimsh code that run this country being like we need workers to work for us eventually so don't let those bitches take those fucking tadboats out their tubs. Don't let them do it.

It's literally that. What's that? You think these mega corporate Rockefeller fucking oil tycoon motherfuckers do believe in God? They don't believe in anything but their money. Like they don't give a shit about God. If God was real, they would try to buy him They'd be like, how about I give you some money and you just go away,

Jehovah. How about that? Like, they don't give a shit. He's like, bro, I'm God. I created everything. Yeah, but do you have, can you create this much money, son? But do you guys? Like, that's a good point.

$8 trillion in the Yahweh's like, oh, I understand. I'm going to let this meteor hit you. I understand that you've, I understand that you've created everything. But are you really going to argue with the value proposition of game pass? It's like for 10 straight years. That's a pretty good deal, fam. That's pretty good. I'm here to pass judgment on you.

Yeah, but here's a blank check. Put everywhere if you want there. You know that the world is about the end. This is the rapture. Yeah, and I can buy a new rapture. Is your house on fire, Kiksen? No, Kiksen's hotbox again. I'm on fire.

Yo, no, what was that? Did you imagine a blinding light and the camera turns off? No, did you? No, Chris, this is not the first time. This is the second time it's happened, so I'm not phased. Oh, no. I've never seen that. So, oh, just right next to you?

Yeah, right next to you. That's crazy. You're going to flail and hit that thing and you're going to die, man. You got to keep that away from you. We're waiting for it. We're waiting for it. It's good content. Oh, man.

Candle should not be on your fucking desk like that. We're waiting for it, and then we're going to get Sean Kingston to replace you. That would be hilarious. That would be hilarious if you guys get. Sean Kingston to replace me. He just replaces. Is Sean Kingston on Twitter? Let me check.

I think he is. I think he is. And the guy ain't died yet. He's not popping, but he's on there. What if his Twitter was popping? It's probably, and I assure you it's not.

But it would be good, though, if, so we replace you with Sean Kingston and we ask him questions, right? And then all he does is just seeing beautiful girls on repeat. That's all he does. Oh my God. Yeah. It's Sean Kingston. So what do you think about this, Sean? Beautiful girls. And then

like, and then you ask him another question and he just continues it. So, and then he cycles through it until it just finishes. So he'll probably throughout our entire 10 year existence of this podcast he'll sing the song maybe like a good 10 times. So it'll be pretty good. He'll be good. Why is he? Why? Why did God let him exist, man.

I just... Sean Kingston? What's wrong with Sean? What did he do? What did he do? I hate Sean Kingston so much. I wish him... I wish him nothing but ill fate, man. Like, I really don't like that guy. He's not that bad.

What did he do to you? So much harder than it needed to be, bro. He made my life so much more difficult than it ever needed to be. I wish him nothing but really painful bowel movements and just intense migraines, bro. At the same time,

time too. Like I just wish him nothing but not good. That's fair. I can understand that. That's kind of like the famous terrorist who's also named Chris Reagan. Like he's made a lot of things very difficult for me. It's very, very, very awkward. I mean, I chose that name on purpose, but still. He chose that name because that was his name, but still. Yeah, but still, you know. He's got a Netflix special coming up. That's for sure.

The terrorist has a Netflix. Can you imagine a I can't I cannot I cannot You I can't What are you talking about They're literally monetizing everything right now

You know the difference Between a comedian And a terrorist Boom That's it Teterist bomb on purpose Stupid The 40 series is that

I didn't know that I like the idea of The RTIX 40 series Already exists That's nuts Now you're good luck Yeah Good luck

spending $3,000 on a graphics card. Yeah, it's already, all the, all the crypto bros already got it, man. Yeah, they're all farming fucking, I don't know, Garfield coin or whatever the fuck. Garfield coin. Fucking farming cum coin and fucking come coin. Come coin. What is this cum coin? Tell me more about it.

Well, cum coin is a unique. It's your own unique imprint on the blockchain. The guy's talking about it and you can see his neck fill. up like a throg, like a frog? Or like a fucking, do you ever see those, you ever see those flute,

like, or those woodwind players where their neck expands? No, what? Dude, this is the fucking, Chris, that's not real.

No, it, it, I, it is unfortunately very real. It looks fake as fuck, and I remember being like,

what is going on, but there are certain, there's a condition where certain woodwind instrument players, they put so much pressure on their neck that it expands,

and it looks, it's not exactly like to the degree that a frog is, but it's close enough that it's like, what the fuck is that? Oh, wow, the 3090s affordable now. Isn't that crazy? What are you shopping on the podcast for?

You cunt. Yeah, what are you doing? I'm looking at things, what? That's literally what you're looking at window shopping. Pussy. You're talking about somebody's throat expand like a fucking, like a fucking,

a fucking gecko. I don't want to, I want to be a part of this. It's real. Frog throat, um, Woodwind. Man.

Player? Yeah, rare condition makes brass instrument players next. What does it say? Bulge like a frog. It's very real. It's really disturbing. There's video of it. Is that what Mitch McConnell has?

No, Mitch McConnell's just fucking weirdo. But I saw a video of it and I was like, that's fake as fuck. And then people were like, no, this is very real. And I was like, what do you mean? And I looked it up and it was. Because my instinct was like, that's fucking bullshit. What's the condition called? Goiters.

It's called fucking idiot. Idiot disease. It's fucking idiot. It's called Ferrin gossalise. I don't know how you would pronounce that. Ferrin goadalise. Let me show you the video that I saw. I'm going to put it in the Discord chat.

I don't know if I can't look at it. Okay, okay. I'll put it on. Actually, I'll send it to you, Sweeney, on Twitter. Just so you could see. It's... Those are the Thozeeers? No, no, no, that's Mongolian thread singing.

God damn it, your fucking stupid name. What's your fucking name on Twitter, you cunt? If Jackie Chan was fucking Mongolian Jackie Chan. Sweeney the, God damn it. All right. Here you go. It's in this article, but if you watch this video, I'll put it in the chat for Derek. but it is it is fucking so weird

my throat oh my god I can already see it isn't that so weird that's the no that has to be special that's a special kind of person he's unique

he's unique he's definitely not a regular guy so if anybody's listening to the podcast just Google search trumpet player appears to inflate his neck and throat like a frog wall playing. That's the name of the article, but it's on like arc.

dot media. I don't know if I don't know. I don't know. Windy, bro. It's a really, it's one of the most disturbing things that I can't dispute. You know, like, it's just, because it's just real.

But he's, he's special. He is a special boy. He's definitely not the run of the mill, you know? Like, he's enhanced to some degree. Dude. You think he's, he's good at fucking, you know.

Sucking dick. Gargling cum? Why do you instantly go that, like, this guy is really good at trumping. Can he suck big? Get like a bunch of dicks in his throat? You're a fucking, do you think a trumpet player?

You're a fucking free. Do you think a trumpet player could fill your urethro with air to the point where your bladder pops? Probably. That guy could definitely do it. Could you imagine some guy

It's a trumpet player, puts his lips on your dick and blows your dick into a fucking, like a balloon animal. He ties it. It's a snake. No, it's, I'm in pain. No, stop making knots in my body. What the fuck are you doing? We're just playing around. We're just chilling.

What the fuck? He can make chicks, like, appear to be pregnant, right? Like, they're not. They just blows and they're pushing their uterus expands to where they look like they're fucking. That is sickening. Eight months ready. That is a... Eight months!

Yeah. That's how people fake pregnancies. They call the trumpet player. They say, can you blow? Can you... I'm looking for... I'm looking for like... Is that so much worse than blowing on the dick?

Imagine reading a woman and blowing... Yeah, I am. I'm a misogynist. So what? I am not. He's... Can't joke about women? that's too much for you.

That's too much for you, homie? All right, well, since nothing else happened this week and tomorrow, what did we agree on? Like, Swinney says we're going to war. I think a very famous person will die. Like a very, very famous person. I think Herschel Walker's going to kill his son. Oh, my God. He's going to kill his son.

Oh, I didn't say that part. Yeah, this is this gay son, Christian Walker. I didn't say that part. He came out on. Twitter and just shat all over him yesterday. His own kid? Just because he's like, yeah, because he's like, bro, nobody wanted him to run because they all knew he had a lot of demons and he's full of shit.

And then so he ran and then he's like, I can't take it anymore. You're not taking responsibility for anything you're doing. You're a deadbeat dad and you're trying to shit on everybody else for being, you need to be family. You need to not abandon your kids. And like, bro, you didn't raise any of your kids. And he just went all off on him. So, yeah, sorry, Christian, you know.

I actually, Christian kind of seems like an asshole too, so. Yeah, it's a bad family. Yeah, it's not like a want-em-to-die, but it's like. They're not optimal builds,

you know. They're not an optimal built family, you know, like I wouldn't, I wouldn't spec into them, you know? Yeah, they release wrong. They release,

they release wrong, you know. Yeah. So, you know, maybe they'll have a no-man sky moment where they'll be patched into decent people. But, you know, they came out wrong. Do you think that,

do you think people can get passed into being better people? Well, yeah, that's an experience. I think so. That's just basic. It's an experience. You get passionate to being a worst person as well.

But anyway, you want to move on to fucking questions? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Blocked by Steve Shives wrote. And he says, as I have finally, as I finally have procured a PlayStation 5, are there any games? Because he says procured.

Who the fuck says procured if they're not a dweeb? Very true. Very true. I'm not even. I say procured, by the way. Like, I'm not making fun of you necessarily. I'm just exaggerating both of us. Yeah, you're both a bunch of, oh, damn.

As I finally procured a PS5, are there any games I need to play, like, now that I possess one? You're a dickhead. But what if he's, what if he might be fat, though, he might be like, so I said, like, finally. You know, like that one where they're, like, breathing and they're kind of deep. Yeah, what if he's a dickens? What if he sounds like this?

Now that I finally got a PS5, I was wondering. He sounds like Keith David. Now that I finally have fired me a PS5. I was wondering, I got voodoo, I got voodoo, I got things I ain't even tried. I don't know. So to actually, I don't know why we're picking on you. We're not, we're not picking on you specifically. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Block my Steve size. I'm sorry. I've been a lot of pain right now. So I'm like taking my anger out on you. You didn't deserve it. I acknowledge that. You forgive me.

Shepard, give me my copy of demons souls. I don't know. I don't know if there's any must play anything that's specifically on the PS5. I guess all of your stuff's going to run better, I guess. But as of like something you can only experience on the PlayStation, I don't know if there is that thing yet for PS5. Maybe the rate tracing version of Miles Morales is pretty cool. That's about it. The performance and rate tracing version of it, like the optimal one, that's very cool.

What about remastered Demon Souls? It's pretty good. Yeah, I mean, like, if, I'm bad at Demon Souls. So it wasn't the first thing that I thought of. But, like, Demon Souls is probably, like, the best-looking game I've seen on PlayStation 5. Like, it just looks stupid good. Ratchet Clank was okay. Returnal was pretty good, but, like, it's not must-play.

I don't know. That's the only one that I would say is worth playing. Since you already have the PS-5 and you're not, like, debating on whether or not you want to get one, I would say Demon Souls is a pretty good one. That one showcases how nice games can look, although I will say, like, having had, I've had this machine for a while, and Demon Souls is still the best looking thing that I've seen on it. Yeah, it's very good. Yo, I randomly just have to say this right now. I had a, this is the most random thing.

I had a dream last night that the Order 1886 has a sequel, and I was like playing it. That is so fucking remarkably specific. It's insane. I never played that game. I've never played that game. What was that? What was that? That was like 2013.

Something. I think it was one of the launch titles or something. It was a 2014 game, bro. It's 2014 game that Derek never played. But for some reason, it left a mark on your fucking mind. The Order 1886 came out in February of 2015 to no critical acclaim. And you were like yelling. I gotta play this again.

I was on some fucking, like, mechanical, fucking, like, carriage buggy thing, and a fucking giant spider was attacking me. It was so fucking stupid. That is so weird, because I've only ever had dreams of playing video games that I was excited for. Yeah, I can't even tell you. Like, there were times where I was like, man, it's been so long, like, I wonder what Halo Infant is going to be, you know? And I had a dream that it was like, third person and it was like

it was like Gears of War and I was like oh weird I mean all right and then I woke up and I was like oh damn it's fake but it was also like oh okay good it's fake that wasn't it wasn't exactly what I wanted but the order 1886 is an insane like I can't even think of the last time I thought about that ever

and I'm on a PlayStation podcast you look up do you think the developer streamed about that game? Dude not even like they've been they don't even work for Sony anymore They're just by themselves. That's literally the most random shit ever.

That's why it just randomly popped in my head like, oh my God, I can't believe I dreamed about this. And there's an accuracy. You ever have it just, I'm sure we all have these like order 1886 dreams. Like everybody has those, right? Yeah, everyone. Of course. I had my usual order 1886 dream. It keeps happening.

I talk to my friends about it, but they think I'm weird. I know everyone dreams about this game It can't just be me I was I was talking with Mick the other day About like How would you feel If you invited If you were just meeting up with a bunch of friends

And then somebody brought somebody new over And they're like hey this is Frank And then you and you go like What's up Frank? And then he goes like Everybody loves Raymond Nice He go like what?

What do you mean? It's like there's a quote right And he he assumes everything you say is a quote of something else because he has that much of a photographic and encyclopedic memory of every line ever uttered in anything. So he's enhanced, not defective. Well, I mean, he's enhanced to the point where he might as well be defective. You know what I mean? Because he can't, he has this intense knowledge, but he can't separate himself from it at any given point.

Oh, my God. Why Kingston like in that movie called What's Eating Captain Alex? And it's like, what? What's eating? It's not what's eating Captain Alex. It's who killed Captain Alex. The Nigerian movie?

You used what's eating Gilbert Grape with who killed Captain Alex. I have to see that. I have to see that movie. I have to see a slow child. I have to see a slow child climb a water tower in Nigeria in the middle of a war. Oh my God. Why are you running, Gilber? but I was going to do something

fuck but I can't do it I was gonna say man I gotta say it's been long enough I gotta I gotta call from someone I was like what don't do it don't do it don't take that step am I getting a package

oh yeah stop calling me anyway I gotta say you got in Knuckles I feel bad that that that meme died as quickly as it did because I kind of liked it a lot actually I think it's one of my favorite ones out of the last like 20. Out of the last 10 years, it's a top tier one, I think. Someone emailed me a month ago.

Someone emailed me about a month ago asking me on their live stream service whenever they need to kick somebody from the chat. Can they use that? Sorry, I didn't. I made a Ugandan Knuckles tribute song. It was like a little like metal thing. Yeah, yeah. And I completely forgot that I even did it because it was like, like at the beginning of 2020 or something.

And I was like, what the fuck? Like, why is anybody still thinking about this? And then it made me think about it even more. I'm like, yeah, dude, people, people actually really like that fucking thing. It's a, it's a cute little fucking feature. Someone tweeted about it recently, too. I don't remember who. I don't know.

I want to make, I want to keep it, keep it rolling. I just want to make sure I'm not getting like a fucking packageer. All right. Dude, no one cares about your knuckles. He's dead. I'm glad he's dead. Hope he doesn't come back again. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Shut up, bitch. That dumb ass, stupid-ass fucking red rodent, marsupial bitch-ass. I'm sorry you don't have a fucking heart and you can't enjoy anything. You're just cold and dead inside. Stupid.

I can enjoy bitches. I can enjoy. I can enjoy pussy. I can enjoy holes. I can enjoy thoughts. I can't enjoy that shit. I can't enjoy those stupid ass. You've got to.

and knuckles, dickhead. Are you fucking sex feed? What the fuck, dude? Pussy. Biches, holes, thoughts. You're literally just turning into a pussy right now.

That's how much you like it. You just fucking, your head is just sprouting. I like pushing so much to fucking clit on my forehead. My ears turned into labias. It's so disgusting. If someone had a If someone had a clit on their forehead

I would slap them on their forehead Every time I got a chance Yeah but that's fucked up Because you're also giving them Like probably a lot of pleasure too Yeah, no But as long as it hurts As long as it hurts

What are you screaming about? I was talking about I was like, I don't enjoy You gun and knuckles All I like is pussy Bitches Holes and thoughts And then Derek

Like I like pussy so much I'm becoming a pussy That's like that fucking thing That's like that video It's like better better ingredients Better pizza My clothes better my shoes better My shoes better my wife

Like I work hard on you I look better I can't I wish I could find The original version of that video But I feel like I have that video Well I don't have it saved

But I have it like in archive That is a fucking great video So that's a classic Classic sound bite But anyway, yeah, demon souls is the one I would say. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can't think of anything else.

Yeah, that was a question. Yeah, demon souls. You think she's sweet. You think she's sweet. All right. Mexicadankus Sanchez, he writes and he says, hey, my fellow minorities, simple question. If you could own any animal as a pet, real or fake, what would it be? I would choose a vaporion for legitimate reasons, I swear to God, man, trust me.

have a great day my guys is that the Pokemon that everybody's like I want to fuck Vaporion is that the one I couldn't tell you People were talking about Let's look it up People want to fuck Vaporio

That is sick I wish you would explain You know like That dude acts like everyone knows What the fuck that thing is So I So the only reason I know this name Is because I've seen it in memes

Associated with people being too fucking horny But I don't I never It's a cat That's a dog thing It's not a fucking person at all It's like a cat dolphin unicorn thing It's like a Norwalk cat thing

It's everything It's everything I'll be really with you I'll be I'd You know If I had a ditto You know You're different

You'd never see me It's not different It's not a creature I'd be like you know what I wouldn't do it But I'd be like Who's the one Who's the one that has like

You know She's like I think she's blackface And then she has blonde hair Yinks Is it is that Jinks? Jinks or Nicki Minaj, one of the two, yeah. The Nicki Minaj one.

Yeah, it's Jinks. Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't know that was, God, man, it's been too long. What'd you think? Would you think Jinks was? You think it was that React guy? They should digitally edit him into fucking...

Yeah, I was actually kind of thinking recently. I was actually thinking recently, I've had this video idea kind of kicking around in my head, and I'm not sure if I... I'm not sure if I'm ever going to do it, just because it's like, it's very... I don't know. It's very specific. But I was thinking of doing a video called, like, were we too hard on the Fine Brothers?

Or something like that. Because there are a lot of Twitch creators, right? There's a lot of Twitch content now that is literally just sitting in front of other people's work, sometimes leaving, sometimes eating. And it's just generally agreed upon or just generally accepted. It's like, yeah, that's Twitch content. What do you mean? And I look back at, like, the Fine Brothers. and like everybody was clowning on them, you know?

Everybody was making fun of them because it was just like, what the fuck is this low effort bullshit? And now looking back and comparing it to that, it's like they built a set, they hired talent, they edited out moments where they weren't, you know what I mean? Like they had like a whole staff.

And I was thinking like, God damn, like, it's still wasn't. It's still garbage. But like, at least there's some effort there. Nah. There really was. even getting the talent.

Like, yeah, getting the talent. Like, that takes way more effort than anything. I at least, I at least got, I at least felt something watching like younger kids not understand what a Game Boy was where it's like, what the fuck is this stupid creature, not understanding the basics of a Game Boy? But like, what am I going to,

what am I getting out of Hassan being like, I'm eating a donut right now? Like, I don't, like, I don't know what the purpose is. It's so insane. Speaking of Hassan, I watched him on flagrant 2. Oh, right, right. Watch on Flagrant 2.

Watch the whole podcast. Gotta say, did not, was not, was not anywhere near as much as a pompous twat I thought he would be. I thought he was going to be like a, oh, well, no, here's the thing. Here's the thing about that. Everybody shines on fragrant, uh, Flagrant 2, I think. Really? I think, I think we would be funny on fragrant too. Well, because we're supported by very funny people, I guess.

Like, even we would appear funny. I don't know. man. I only think Andrew's funny on that show. I'm being very honest. Well, that's what, no, no, no, no, but that's it. They have a sponge in the room. Yeah, like Andrews's fucking funny. They have, they have, don't get that close to the camera.

I thought you were trying to kiss me. I got scared. I got scared here. Stop that. Stop. No. No, but look, okay. So I want to, I want to say, because I've watched Hassan on other stuff. I've watched Hassan on clips

of the thing that he does with Ethan Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Leftovers. And I haven't seen anything of him being like obnoxious, hostile or even saying really dumb stuff. I specifically

think he streams for, he says eight hours a day. That's too much. That's too long to be on camera. I think that's his biggest problem. that he streams so much that at certain points somebody in the chat says something really stupid and then he just goes off

and he comments and then it gets clipped I think that's all it happens actually I think he literally because eight because like I've done eight hours streams before that shit is not good for your mental it is just not good especially if it feels like a schedule

that's like oh I'm gonna I'm gonna do eight hours a day always and then what happens is he does eight hours and he talks about politics. Oh, yeah. That too. That too. On the internet where a bunch of people...

The biggest problem of internet is that this is the big problem of internet. People talk about things they don't know about actually. That's not true. Right. Okay, sure. So what happens is that he's doing that. He seems knowledgeable. He is actually...

He seems very knowledgeable, actually, quite knowledgeable for a young man. Only 30 years old. Yeah, I don't think Kassan's dumb. He's just like, he just comes across as really annoying on some of this. And also, I just think, I just think reacting to the, things and just kind of like leaving is just kind of lazy and dumb. But if you're streaming for like 12 hours a day, I guess, I guess it's going to have to happen.

I streamed, I think the longest stream I ever had was like 11 and a half hours. And to be real with you, it was very easy. It was not, when you have nothing going on, it's incredibly easy to stream for that long. Must be nice. We do have nothing going on. Yeah. You know, it's very difficult to have nothing going on, I guess. That's the hardest part of it.

Like, I stream for like, first of all, for me, my biggest thing is that I can't perform unless I want to perform you know like I can't eat pussy as I want to eat that pussy I can't give out at least decent dick if I don't I can I can I could think you know I that's you're different from me Chris you're a performer by nature by heart I have a performer

you perform no I lay back and receive that's just what this is good I've heard lazy you're a lazy motherfucker I I got to be in it you know I got to be I got to be there and what happens is streaming lots of time but when it comes to games if I'm not feeling a game, I can't stream for a very long time.

I get like for real sleepy and I just can't do it. That's why I streaming as of lately as at the last year or so it's been so difficult. When this Eldering came out, I streamed for like fucking like seven hours of peach, Utah, I streamed.

Everything else is like, I can't I can't do it. And it gets me so angry because I'm like, I can just be making money right now. But these games are so boring. bro like i just i have a problem with i don't because i don't really i just and this is not like a criticism because people just do it they just some people just play games and they're not even pay attention to the chat or anything that's happening and they're just enjoying them like i guess the chat is like just enjoying somebody playing a game and i always feel like

i need to be entertaining and so i don't even i don't want to play the best games or have like say a the best time to stream is oh this new game came out and you want to fucking play I'm like no I know I'm not going to be paying attention to anything that's happening and I'm just going to be tunnel vision on the game itself so happens and I guess I guess it's what some people want

but I just feel weird I'm like why the fuck am I streaming if I'm not even entertaining these people they're here to watch me do something so I'd rather just mod Skyrim in a terrible way and then like try to be funny or something you know yeah for me it's like I'm I can stream new games but what happens is Like, for me, the best games would be to stream are shooting games.

Like, if I'm playing a shooting game, unless I'm, like, trying to get off on somebody, like, I can just kind of go autopilot and do pretty good, you know, and then, like, just have fun while I'm playing. But if I'm, like, if I'm, like, if I'm, like, if me and Chris are, like, doing a one-on-one at Halo, I wouldn't talk. I'd be deathly silent for, like, the whole time. And then I lose, and I'm, like, I'm ending stream by, and I turn it off angrily. I'm done now, bye.

I got to get into streaming, dude. I have to, because... Yeah. I know I'm leaving money on the table and all this stuff. And having an immigrant wife is expensive. Yeah, yeah. It's one of those. Ciphon.

Oh, my God. I know what that's like almost. I would say that's the same thing, too, but my girlfriend definitely gets paid more than I do. So, she's definitely not a siphon. I don't, all right. Dude, I don't want to be the breadwinner anymore, bro. I don't know.

I'm tired of it. Yeah, yeah, right? Who wants to be the breadwinner? I'm fucking tired. Let me, you know what? Let me lay around and be cute. Let me suckle from thine tit, woman. Let me suckle from thine tit.

All right, let's get on, let's get some more of these. Let's do it. What do we got here? What do we got here? Obi wants to blow me running. He says, hey, guys, if the economy went back to trade-based bartering systems, with no currency, which product would you sell

that you feel you could get the most bang for your buck? In this scenario, you would have enough time and hindsight to learn whichever craft you wanted for the economy collapses. That's a fucking interesting question. Fidget spinners. Oh, you'd make a killing.

You'd make a kill like a fidget cube or something? I would sell, I would sell, I would sell, I would make placebo Xanax That's that's that's wrong But yeah No it's not no it's not It's fine You just out of your heart of heart said

No it's not Selling people Xanax that needs Zanax Zanx is addictive It's bad for you Zanx is addictive It's a scary thing Chris Xanax is bad for you If you abuse it

Some people need that to fuck shit dude No, that's not true. I've abused it. Yes, you, because you suck. It's easy to abuse because of its addictive properties, I guess, right? I actually didn't get addicted to it, though. I actually, like, I would take one in the morning and at night every day. But then, like, it ran out and I was like, all right.

Like, I didn't get, like, withdrawals or another. It was just more like, oh, okay. What is, what is Xanax classified as? What kind of drug is it? It's a suppressant. It's not oxies. It's a downer. I know that.

It is a downer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I think it would help a lot of people. Get off their Xanax. No, I don't know. I sincerely, if I, if the economy went back to a trade bartering system, I feel like I would have to trade like a very unique thing. And I don't know like, what do you bring to the table that's that unique in a sense of bartering?

Like you guys all be at the town square. There's no more electricity. you come in with your fucking your mule your one daughter and your and your wife who looks like a fucking orc mostly and you're like I need bread and you're like all right so you have you have a trade

and what are you gonna what are you gonna have you can have a gander you know I'm unusually packing I guess but that's all I got it's all I got for you I guess I could I could give you like I found a a really cool penny that I think somebody

somebody died in pink something. I have a pink penny somewhere in my apartment that I've never seen before but it's real. So I don't know what the fucking deal is. But it's in my apartment. It's not here. Yeah, I'm sorry. I can send you a photo of this pink penny that I found. That's all I can do for you. You got to go to my apartment and find it. It's not here. It's not here.

It's there. I can't give it to you. I don't have it right now. But if you give me what you have. Yeah. I'll give it to you after. And the guy shoots you shoot you in a fucking blunderbuss

that's mostly pebbles I've always wanted to get shot by a blunderbuss I don't think I feel like that yeah you have

I think you do if I were to be shot I'd prefer it to be like something like or like a cannon full of cheese or something or what like you just pack cheese in it

this one it's just melted cheese it's so crazy it's so crazy it's pizza time's gone he has a blunderbust

He has a blunderbuss full of hot cheese. He learned how to make cheese get so hot without dissipating, without returning to Adams. So it's molten hot, but it's still definitely cheese. It's still, that's amazing. I like the idea of him having a blood, like a fucking old 1700 blunderbust. Yeah, it looks like a, it looks like a, it looks like, it looks like, uh, the end of it looks like a, like any given two. in a Dr. Seuss novel. It just, like, it just,

it's the most ridiculous over-exaggerated shit. And he doesn't lift it like this, he just pulls it up to the side. Like he, like, like, he has a, he has a lean back and throw his arm up and shoot it at him. It's all, it's all coming together.

But he can snipe, or he can snipe. Anyway, fucking, all right, does anybody else have an answer? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Pussy? I don't know. I don't have pussy. That's the thing. I don't got that. I ain't giving no bussy out either. That's that's fucking. At those times, at those times, if you give out bussy, I mean, people are going to start taking it from you.

The moment you review, you're willing to give it out, people are going to be like, nah, I want it now. And they're not going to pay me for it. It's my bussy and I want it now. So I would say, I don't know, a good ear. I can let people in my ear, a good ear to talk to them. That sucks. That's like you're just going to be like a fucking therapist that can't help you.

I can listen. You can bet to me And I won't I won't dispel your secrets Immediately eventually I will But not immediately All right Do you have anything there? I don't know

No I was Fidgishman Literally That's right I forgot you answered first I forgot you answered first And immediately Like you've been planning for this All right Doug wrote in

He goes hey guys Doug Yeah Doug Yeah Doug What are you want, funny? No, that was a part of it. I'm going to kill your dog, funny.

I'm going to kill your dog, funny. I'm going to slip my foot up your newborn son and wear him as a slipper, funny. Hey, guys, as one of the few Transformers fans that are not in their 30s, have you guys played the game's War for Cybertron and Fall of Cybertron? If you haven't, look up War of Cybertron trailer and watch it. I think it shows still, I think it shows the competition for 2012 gaming. I remember I played one of those. I don't remember which one though.

Those games were, I played the war. I didn't play the fall. I didn't get around to it. Yeah, yeah. Very good games. I thought war. I thought war wasn't too bad. In fact, I think war is pretty cool.

For Cybertron. What? Exactly. Yeah, yeah, that too. But I think it was a, yeah, it was a decent. War, what is it good? Who? Who?

Who? I love. Jackie Chan singing that song. Jackie Chan. If he remembered him singing that and he sung the Transformers theme? Jackie Chan's song. No, he was actually, if he don't remember, if he don't remember in the 2007 live action Transformers, he was Optimus Prime.

Oh, Jackie Chan. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Sam with my uncle. Sam, with my uncle. Sam, Wickwickwick. Sam, we had to get out of here. We have to get out of here, Sam.

Oh man, I'm glad You guys did the impressions Kata, Kata, Kata, what's a you? I mean, Sam. Can I say something? It is not fair. So let me say something. It is not fair.

My name is jazz. I need this movie so badly. I need this movie. Oh, I don't even remember what the fuck we were talking about. I don't know. You were about to say so. Never by. I forgot.

It's all. gone now, man, but like, uh, oh, oh, he's, oh, have you played I mean, I, I'm, oh, no, he's dying. What the fuck is going on?

Oh, my God. Kingston's become the boss, baby. Oh, my God. He's become fucking crusty the cry. Oh, no.

I think he's dying, dude. I'm crying. I'm crying. I was so funny. Are you okay? He just we broke him That was crazy

His face contorted like crazy He was scary He looked like one of those fucking You know the Those masks You look like the masks I was the way to say Oh my god

Oh my god All right Let's uh Let's do let's do fucking Oh shit Sue one more and then And then we'll fucking Oh my Lord

We're Cybertron That was good Wolf of Cybertron. I wanted those games. I think one of them was on sale recently. On G2A, I think. You ever check games on GTA? G2A?

No, I never have. Because those games are hard to find. I'll give it a check later. Holy shit. I have a migraine. My brain stings. Holy shit. All right, let's go.

Marcus Pineson is in the number 69, the Coltrain running a train on Queen Mara or Mira. Damn. Rodin. Very long name. a lot of sense. Appreciate it. Good morning,

you rejects from hell. Cool. Quick question for you. Who is your favorite character from Gears of War? You guys talking about it all the time made me sit down and try it. I've gone through the first three games

and Baird is definitely my favorite. I love his nerding out over tech and dry sense of humor and made me laugh throughout the games. P.S. is the Gears of War Patreon tier still available? Is that the one where we promised

to like play a horde mode with you for like two minutes, Max? That's it. Yeah. Yeah, $200, and we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, I can't even fucking imagine, but two minutes. Two minutes, $100 a minute. Here's two horn. Holy fuck.

And then it's a hard cut. If we're in the middle of a conversation or something, you're in the middle of say something, there's two minutes are up, we're out, we're done, we're done. Turning off my computer immediately. It's loading up, do, do, do, do. You're setting up the map for horn mode. You got your barriers in place And then you just turn the game off

Who's his favorite character? I mean, hey, which So Baird? Yeah, Baird's cool. He's all right. There's no Cole train, no. See, that's the thing. Cole is probably my favorite

because he's just, he's exactly what a, he plays his role perfectly. Exactly who he's supposed to be the loud mouth, cocky, fucking X Thunderball player or whatever. Like he's so, like, I don't know. I like him a lot. I like how, yeah.

I like how so often you find Cole fighting hordes of Locus alone, like in every game. He's like, I was waiting for you. Where are you all been? He's shooting up a stadium full of him. And I'm like, Cole, why are you here by yourself right now? What are you doing? What were you on? What was your adventure?

And I like that Cole's like the pinnacle of physical, like, of like the of the of the physical male he's a physical male specimen in that universe because he's bigger than everyone he's like the biggest guy he's like he's almost as big as the that first locust guy you got to fight the boss of the first one he is

what his name is general ram general ram and it's cold a little shorter than general no general ram is way bigger than cool I think Cole might be taller actually Cole might be taller Cole's not tall and general fucking ram.

Guys, guys, I want you to send me photographs. I want you to send me, I want you to send me images of all the gears characters like to each other. And Cole is clearly tall,

like significantly tall in the general ram. It's like a fucking attack on Titan comparison. Like here's Dom, here's Carmine, here's bears, here's that cowboy guy, here's Marcus, and then here's the fucking.

The colossal titan. Here's, here's the worm that we have. had to kill in three or two, and then here's cold. He's tearing over the worm. He can't even fit in the fucking worm. He's a fucking... Oh, my God.

That's so stupid. That's something that you'd get shown in first grade, and you'd kind of believe, and you'd be like... I don't think this is true I want to have kids to specifically fuck with them for that

and just convince them that coal is bigger yeah like way bigger like you can see coal from the horizon other side of the planet it's like

no you can't dad you can't right whoa he's so big and they get a little dumb ass gonna go to school and spread more misinformation to other little kids

because I want him to be confident about it. It's such a niche thing. It's such a niche thing to fuck with a kid about. He's so confident. Augustus Cole is so big.

In his misinformation, he's so confident. And you never let him realize it's wrong. You mod every year's of war game. You buy all of them in a tri-state areas so he can't find them that are different. You somehow alter

all the content on the internet and his kid is like 20 years old before you. like hey buddy did you know you know I was lying about Cole being that big for you the whole time

like dad why that's so fucking it's so fucking it's that I based way so much of my life off of the fact that Cole was gigantic

but yeah Cole's cool but I gotta say I gotta say I think by default man like I just I probably got to to go with Marcus.

Just by default. His little bandana. His little customization really got me the most, man. I really enjoyed how customizable Marcus was. But yeah, he's pretty... But yeah, that's a fun game.

Looking forward to the next one. Whatever the fuck that's going to be. Yeah, it's... It's a... I don't know. I don't know if I have, like a... Like, I think I like just that... I think I just like those characters in general, like whenever they're bouncing off each other.

Like, I don't know if I have a favorite gears character. I just, I like them as a unit, though. I like the carmines, too. The carmines were fun. The carmines, even though they fucking got. They all fodder. Yeah. I think the boring answer is, is my answer, though.

I like Marcus Phoenix a lot. I think he's a weirdo. And the way, they're sinking the city with a giant worm. It's a worm. His voice is so good. The way he screams everything is, There are moments in the game where he like does his head shakes while he's screaming like actually. And I was like, he's yelling really loud.

He's yelling so loud. He's trying to force it out. Yeah. Boom. All right. We'll do maybe one more. You look raggedy, bro. If you want to, if you want to edit here, we're okay with that.

It'd be a bit early. But, uh, we'll do. one no actually these are these are actually for the next okay yeah

you know what we'll we'll round it off here oh fuck I shouldn't have delete that let me undo that okay

worm worm uh thanks for stopping by everybody thanks for listening to our little show it's a little bit shorter

this time I apologize I'm just fine I'm really I'm dying here but uh if you like

what you heard today consider supporting us over a page on a com slash the snark tank before you do that. Oh, please.

So, uh, speaking of patreon.com slash snartank, uh, starting this month, we will be implementing some new changes to our Patreon because you guys deserve more content and we are going to bring it to you.

So, yeah, we're going to have, we're going to have a, well, we're going to rework the tears and then, uh, don't worry,

we're not going to fucking kind of funny of you guys. where they fucking just like rip you guys off uh well uh we're gonna have some patreon exclusive weekly shows that's the plan for right now um and those are gonna they're not gonna cut into this show they're just going to be its own kind of like separate thing with like a very specific theme or like a specific subject or whatever and uh you know it won't be siphoned like this this show won't suffer at all from the existence of that but that'll only be on the patreon so that we there's more of a reason for you guys to go over there there's more of a reason for you guys to interact with it

and also it just gives you guys more value for your buck so um check it out it's gonna we're gonna roll that out sometime later in the month uh definitely you know we'll have more to say I think next time because I think by then we'll have a lot more finalized but yeah

that's uh that's happening so look forward to that but that's that's Patreon.com slash a Stark tank uh for now though, I'm going to go through the same rigmarole. $1.00.1 a month gets you early access to every episode and access to bonus solo episodes. $5 gets you access.

It gets you a question right on the show. $10 gets you access to our Discord server. That's one payment in your own for good. And $25 gets your name to sex. Like you'll write at the end of the show, which I will do in a cutaway. Your most alcoholic fan by far. The preposterous return of White Tom Sweeney. Come, man. The man of Come, back. After someone

hacked his fucking bank account and stole like $1,000. Welcome back, my friend. In the Butterknife. Hey, I remember you. your take on Billy Elish hurt me. I don't really remember what I said. The Brenword. Derek, wake up, Derek. Derek, Andrew Tate's Tasty Taint.

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The Milkman that looks like Chris returns, and I've returned for my son. Sweeney quickly, there's a Twitter account called At Sweeney's Guide. Go there and scan the code to see a video. Rectal Lacerator, emoticons going like this. Storm Boys, life, and what he like. Chris letting everyone down by not reading patrons' names at the end of the episode again. Your noble truth. I have no urethra, and yet the cum is still swelling.

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Never mind, Sweeney, I realize you have swamp ass. I'm going for Chris's butt instead. XOXO Big Papa Shack. Kremlin, DeGremlin, Binkus, Stinkis, the man up are cutting 9-11 jumpers as they hit the ground. Jesus Christ, West, Jesus Christ-thene Westin-Westian Chandler Sonichu. Mitch McConnell's tortoiseshell, Alst the Wall, okay, you said it right. Hi, I'm Mega Man, X8 guy, and no joke.

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and pepperoni pizza gliders. Sorry for the aneurism. Sorry for the aneurism. Where the fuck? Where am I? I lost it. I lost it. I lost it.

Sprinkus. Hey guys, I got a new dog. Can everyone say hi to Zuma for me? Took my glasses off to fuck your mom. I have a stigmatism. I have PPSD. The fun fact, the paper ribbon in Hershey's Kisses is called a plum. Also, a niggly wiggly for some reason.

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Fuck you in particular, man. Drunken Doolahan, pre-Raz, Los Homo's homoos. Blake 896, fucking kill me, Ryan Lucchese. Sloshy scout, holy fuck, holy fuck. Those bodies viewers are absurd.

What the fuck? Depraved, McBootie Warrior, bab, bab, bab, bab, bab, booty, doing the worm while eating her pussy. Oh my God. Blocked by Steve Shives,

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