The Snark Tank - #175: Hunter Biden Is Killing Whales

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

I earned my degree online at Arizona State University. I chose to get my degree at ASU because I knew that I'd get a quality education. They were recognized for excellence and that I would be prepared for the workforce upon graduating. To be associated with ASU, both as a student and alum, it makes me extremely proud. And having experienced the program, I know now that I'm set up for success. Learn more at ASUonline.ASU.org.org.org. How do we start this episode? How do we do it?

Like a dog's getting kicked to death. Make that noise. That's something. Let me see what you do it. Oh, whir, oh, oh, oh. Wait, wait, wait, do it again? Get, do it again. Orr, or, oh.

Fucking listen. You better listen to me next time, dog. You fucking stupid piece of shit. Next time you piss on my fucking bedsheets, I'm going to kick you even worse. Okay, I'm going to kick your head loose All right, you're going to be a Pez dispenser By the time I'm done with you

You ready? Are you ready to fucking listen to me now? Or, Or, he sounds like a book is He responds Art It's like a crow Mix with the seal or something

I don't know Anyway, welcome to the Sealbird Welcome to the StarC tank podcast Are you eating? What are you eating right now? What are you eating right now? Mango

Oh, mango. Mango? Oh man, mango is one of those That's one of those fruits that you can't eat quietly, is it? It's like one of those words that you got to like Oh, I think it's pretty They're soft enough. Like they're not like your typical melon that makes a very Not in and bustin while I'm being hits

It's in it pretty quietly Mango is delicious though is what I'm saying. It's like you like I love He'll be smacking and mackey. Yo, hey, check this out. Hmm. Okay. Have you ever had green mango? Yeah. I'm certain.

Yeah, absolutely. It's the shit. And then so there's this weird conspiracy. I acknowledge that there's no way because the world does not, is not, you know, does not revolve around me. But there's things that I love and as soon as I really take to them, they just disappear off the face of the earth. Green mangoes is one of those things. I used to buy green mangoes at the store. I would even buy sometimes they would have the dry fruit and they would taste like fruit roll-ups.

They're gone. They just, I don't, at normal stores I would go to like Trader Joe's and whatnot, They're gone. Nacho cheese. There's a nacho cheese at Strader Joe's. Gone. Face of the Earth. I can go on for fucking a lawn.

The Trader Joe's, the Trader Joe's by me has both of those things. No, they don't. They do. They don't. I'm not, they absolutely do. If they have, okay, so,

green mangoes from Trader Joe's, I have absolutely gotten green mangoes for dude. I don't think I've gone to Trader Joe's every week. Like, we're there. Next time you're there, if they're there, then, I will lose my fucking mind.

And then also while you're there, look for Valencia oranges. Because that's another thing. I don't know. I've never been an orange person. Oh, man, I love oranges. But Valencia oranges are like the sweetest. They're like the best oranges in my opinion. And the same thing. They stop selling them everywhere.

And all they have is bitch-ass like either Mandarin or Naval or whatever. And that's it. And I'm like, what happens? Dude, so Valencia is the way to go. And they just stopped. Dude, is there really that much of a difference between these fucking things? Yeah, I feel like it's kind of fun. I have never, I have, I have sincerely, what do you mean a potato?

Potato is a potato. No, you're really stupid. I just don't give a shit, like, I don't taste, I don't taste the difference. I want to like, you don't have, it's like when people, it's like when people are like, oh, Granny Smith apples versus like these other apples. And it's like, they're all fucking apples. Like, they, like, they're not different enough to warrant, like, you have having preferences for...

The idea of having preferences for different apples versus other ones is fucking insane. They're all the same fucking fruit. I'll give you the apple one only because I'm biased and I don't really fuck with apples. But you're crazy. That's the variation of fruit and every sort of thing is where they're from. That's like there's like Wagoo steak and there's like different kinds of state. There's like Angus.

There's different kinds of things. I can taste the different steak. Well, then what's... You just don't care. That's what you mean. That's what you mean you actually mean is you don't give a shit about the fruits and vegetable. I feel like your senses are broken. You're like,

oh, this is all the same to me. If this guy can tell the difference. It all tastes like best to me. It all tastes between. Yeah, yeah, it all tastes like chicken.

Why does anybody care about difference with potatoes? It tastes like chicken. What do you mean? Potatoes all taste like chicken. Every time I have a fucking Montana potato. taste like chicken. What's the... What are you talking?

He's biting into a hospital, bro. He's biting into raw potatoes. And saying it tastes like chicken. Like gusses. Bro, I'd be in really good shape if that were the case, because I would only eat. I would just eat the best, you know, food in the world that's usually bitter as fuck.

And if it tastes like chicken, I'm winning. If I had a superpower that was just to make anything that I eat tastes like chicken, I would be so healthy. It's insane. 100%. It'd be ridiculous. I wish I could eat.

For me, it's celery. I can't eat celery. It tastes like nothing. It tastes terrible to me. What does it taste like to you? It's a faint taste. It might be like a genetic thing, man. It's a faint taste.

People are like, it doesn't taste anything. It's a very faint taste that once you get to the crack, it's like it, like it pisses something disgusting. And I'm like, this is so bad. This is so bad. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Celery is the most tasteless thing. Celery is more tasteless to me than fucking water is. So that's funny

Lettuce is more taste than celery See I have no I agree with that because like Iceberg lettuce So people say iceberg lettuce doesn't really taste Like much than them but to me And I think it's like I think it just depends on who you are Iceberg lettuce Has a very

Like a bitter taste to me that I just do not like It's one of those things where there could be like A very small little piece of lettuce Just placed in in a fucking In a burrito like it's so hidden in there and my tongue will find it. It's one of those things where I'm like, oh, that's weird. It's bizarre.

I can't explain it other than, you know, I don't know. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. If I put, if I just cut up apples, right, like at random, like Granny Smith, Red Delicious, fucking, you know, whatever, there's like a million other apples as well, which is fucking absurd. If I cut them all up in slices, mix them all up, and gave you a slice of apples, Would you be able to tell me which ones were what?

If you mix it, maybe, I'm not in the apples that way. But if you just give me slices, I could probably identify some of them. A good few of my probably identify. Yeah, a good few. Like, you know the difference between like a Red Delicious and like a Granny Smith like taste wise? 100%. They taste very different. Those particular taste very different.

They take, I don't like apples that way. Maybe it's because I'm vague. Maybe it's because I'm slightly allergic to fruit. And so like I just don't care. But I don't. But I don't remember. I think French fries. French fries?

I feel like a Red Delicious in particular, taste like apple. Like red is the apple taste. The most basic apple taste. Wow. Red delicious tastes like apples. Fucking brilliant. But then,

no, no, but then Granny Smith, oh man. Granny Smith are tart. Uh-huh. They're tart and sweet. They're like famous.

They're green ones. They're tart and sweet. Then there's the Yukon golden ones. They have a very sort of bitter taste. That's a, that's a potato. Yeah, Yukon Gold.

Yeah, you can't gold. There's a golden version of apple. Maybe there's a golden apple, but yeah, but yeah, Yukon gold's a potato. Yukon Gold, by the way, is actually the best potato to fry for french fries. Is it really? Usually that's the standard in fast food, because what a lot of people use at home, and they probably don't understand why their French fries are looking so brown and gross is because they're using russet, which is like the baked potato.

People will fry and then they just turn really dark. So if you go to a lot of soul food places, like let's say if you ever gone to Rosco's, they use Russet which they dark they get very dark when you fry them so a lot of people there is a difference like there's a difference in the flavor and then obviously sweet potatoes that's super obvious like if you get like

a golden delicious my apologies golden delicious I like they use the word delicious like they just put some fucking adjective it's so fucking pretentious they're good no they're good there's Fiji there's Fisdney's I know red delicious ones I know what those tastes like I know what I want fucking gold delicious fucking gold delicious

fucking there's the honey crisp ones and apples The crisp inks I like As far as potatoes go I'm a big fan I'm personally a big fan of Krusty Naz potatoes

What the hell is that? You know what that is? It sounds like you're gonna give me With one of those like D's nuts things or something It sounds like it's gonna give me with one of those Like a veligma Oh I have ligma

As he turns into a Velociraptor in front of you what do you say Krusty Knaz? What Krusty Naze? What do you say? No, Krusty Nazir? Nasty Nasty Nause. What is that? What is nasty gnaz? Everybody in the audience look up Krusty Naz potatoes. I ain't looking up whatever that is because it's probably something gross as fine. It sounds disgusting. It sounds gross. It's not from anything.

It's a real potato. I don't believe you. Is it really? You just fucking how come when I it's nothing it's clearly nothing we gotta move on we gotta move on there's nothing going on

in case you haven't recognized by this point in the episode there's fucking there's nothing going on we scoured the internet for a while there's fucking nothing nobody important died

there's no like big like nobody at like Apple didn't unveil like a I don't know like a vacuum cleaner that comes in you Like, I don't know, like, what... That'd be awesome.

There's very little, little to go on. So we're going to probably do another episode, another episode of just question-led, question-led discussion. Yeah. Although, I gotta be honest with you, a lot of these, I don't know, man. Hey, man.

I'm looking at a list. They're paying good money, brother. Look, look, look. I'm looking at a list of all these apples, and I'm convinced half of these are made up. I didn't know that's where you put going. There simply can't be this many apples. Like, I just,

I mean, of course there are, but I do agree that. Who cares? You know what I mean? Like, there should only be three apples. Like potatoes. Like potatoes. Like every kind of thing. Whenever you're cooking certain things are better for certain dishes, that's how

food works. Right. Like your red skin ones are pretty good for putting in roast and shit. There's 75,000, not thousand, 75 hundred varieties of apples. No. That's stupid. No. No.

No. No. No. No, they're probably like, there are probably like 10. There's probably like 10, okay? I'll give you 10 max. I agree. But like 7, 7,500, no.

What that is, what that is, Chris, think of, listen to what I'm saying. Hold on, hold on. No, no, no, no, no, no, listen, what this is, this is 10 different types of apples with, with hundreds of varying states of, like, freshness and ripeness that they've, like, thrown into a list. It's like, oh, that's a fucking rancid granny Smith, and that's its own type of apple. Fucking suck my dick. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this. Think of how many variations of an animal there are.

Right. And that's just as dumb. We don't want that mean. You guys are fucking chimps. You guys are, forget it. I'm doing animals in comparison. You guys are right.

You guys are right. I'm not going to get to you. I'm never going to get to you. Animals and compare. There are not 75,000. They're not 7,500 varieties of fucking cat. I'm sorry. I want three species of ants.

But there's a ton of cats, bro. I want three species of cats. There's tons of dogs. There's fucking population. Population wise. Yes. I'm talking about, but I'm talking about like varieties. Okay.

How many cats are there for real? Let's go through the list. Maybe there's more less cats than dogs. There's a black, there's black, there's orange, there's black, there's orange, there's there's tigers and lions. And that's it. There's four cats. Shut the fuck up.

There's nothing else. How are there four cats and 7500 apples? Yeah. I really hope children don't listen to us. I really hope there aren't children that are based on the information. I hope they exclusively listen to us and get all of their knowledge. Oh, wow. There's actually way less than that thought.

There are between 40 to 70 breeds of cat. No, there isn't that many cats. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm saying. There's maximum under 100 types of cats. You're telling me there's 7,500 apples? No. There's infinity billion dogs because people love fucking with dogs, but they didn't.

didn't really breathe cats. Yeah, and that's the only reason that's true, by the way. There's approximately 400. There's too many. Like, all the small ones than rats and they don't exist.

What? There's more apples that cats and dogs combine. I don't, I don't buy that. I don't believe it. It's easier to control what happens with a freaking cat and dog an apple. No, but what I'm saying,

what I'm saying is you know that there are two apples that are virtually the fucking same. There's two out of me. Nearly the same isn't the same. That's nearly the same I know it's stupid I know it's dumb

But like if you ever You ever look at like fucking like Codons and shit You know how much variety of shit Like that can be Variety of what You ever like that a code You know what does it like the codon chart

I don't know what you're talking about Codont chart I don't know what that is That help you have your DNA That make it like make it so You have a functioning like proper cell No I don't eat I don't eat protein I don't know what you're talking about

Damn Okay I'm not even sure what protein is, to be honest. I eat toilet paper. I eat toilet paper and matches. And I make sure I like them before I eat them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He fucking light the toilet paper.

If I see somebody light a match and eat it, I'm going to tell him get the fuck out my house. I'm going to tell them real calmly. I stay full longer. I've been losing weight. I've been eating lit matches. That's fucking crazy. But would you mind? Get enough in a meeting, please, and they're like, what do you mean?

He's like, you heard exactly what I said. I can't eat my matches in peace. Damn, that's crazy. I'm trying to eat my matches. What I'm trying to eat my matches. What kind of communist fucking country is this, man? You pig sweat. First, they're telling us we can't, first they're telling us we can't drink two liters of soda.

Then they're telling us we can't eat our matches. What the fuck is this? You pig whore. I want to eat my fucking matches in peace, you fucking Nazi. I personally like the Yukon Gold matches. She's myself because they got a little spice to them. Hey, yo,

I would fucking buy you. What happens is they just cross-bree shit to shit. I don't use matches anymore, but I'll buy those. Because think of how many, like, think of how big the planet is, how many kinds of soil there are. It's pretty small.

How much, like, there's only like three types of soil. This motherfuckers. Watch there's only three. What are? How many types of oil are there? There's only three types of grass. There's wet,

dry, and crunchy. Yeah. What about grass? Three different types of soil. There's crab grass, there's St. Augustine, and then there's AstroTurf. Crabgrass isn't a type of grass. It's a type of crab. Oh, shit.

I didn't know that. Yeah. Dude, it's nuts. Thank you for all that crabgrass is actually one huge crab with a million, with two million legs. There's only five types of soil. Are you fucking serious? Oh, that's actually kind of weird. What are the five types of soil?

It's all bullshit, man. Clay? That's kind of fucking up. Sand, silt, pleat, chalk, you know what this is like? You know what I think is going on? So right now, we're discovering like a genuine conspiracy right now

because this does not add up. 70 kinds of cats, 400 types of dogs, five types of soil, 7,000 types of apples. No, something's up. Big apple. I think what's happening,

it's big apple. You know what's happening right now? Is big apple. They're doing that thing. They're doing that thing where it's like, you know how like some people are like,

look at how many impressions I get. but like impressions, but impressions mean fuck all, it just means people who have seen your tweet, like scroll past your fucking timeline. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like I have eight million impressions a month but like you get like five comments or whatever. That's what's going on.

It's like they're trying to inflate the engagement of apples. They're like, look at how many different types of apples we can make when it's really just like 10 probably. Be careful, Chris. You're getting way too close to unraveling the conspiracy. Don't be surprised. I'm going to get a sasset.

Pick up with President Fiona Apple is going to come kill me. President Fiona Apple. No, you're probably going to get some allegations, some sexual assault allegations made by Miss Fiona Apple. Not again. I mean, oh, that'd be crazy. That would be so devastating if like some, if some massive celebrity just singled me out on the internet and just decided, you know what? I'm just going to lie about this guy. That would be so devastated.

It feels like like a like. like a Taylor Swift like level. Like, well, imagine if it was like one of the most famous people in the world. Like, what would you do? What could you do? That's fucked up. That's fucked up because I have a story. I've told the story about the podcast about how I ended up at a party at Taylor Swift's house.

So like she could theoretically like string something together. Oh, say something like, I remember this guy. He was fucking going through my underwear and then he struck me. I remember this guy. Wait, how do you know that? When I caught him, he struck me. What kind of fucking monster? What's a big of accurate monster?

Gets caught doing that. turns around and just slashes her slashes at her yeah sometimes you just got to you know you gotta get a whiff of those pheromones to keep you going you know yeah that's all it is greacher gets car

sticking panties and barks and snarls at the person yeah like that fucking you can see you can screenshot on you can screenshot on stepch his face his face is priceless dude

fucking greasy ass rat do that fucking Italian rat. He's not a... He's not a... He's Italian? Yeah, his last name is Delia. Man, that could be fucking...

I could be anything, but I think he... What do you think is African? I almost said something berserkly racist. He looks like... Yeah, let's just... Yeah, we're good. He's gonna get his soon. That's it.

Oh, fuck God, I pray. I pray... It's gonna be really... It's gonna be really funny. It's gonna be funny. Should we have Chris Dalia? Should we have Chris Dalia on the show? Yeah, should I? Hey, let's just mess.

We should reach out. We should reach out to him. It's like, listen, we're going to make fun of you for being a fucking creep the entire time, but you want to come on our show? I wonder how you would respond to that. I like, I genuinely, like, one, like this way. A lot of comedians. There are a lot of comedians out there that are, like, air quotes really funny,

that I'm sure we could outpace. I'm sure. I'm sure we could outpace. I don't, I'm going to say something. I'm going to say something right now. I don't really like talking. Yeah, no, I agree with you. And that's what I was going to preface this with.

I don't really like saying stuff. that however if I'm definitely honest I was just talking I was just talking to my my friend that I grew up with you know I met him when I was like five years old I was just playing Mortal Kombat one with him and yeah just lie I just like I never I just read this guy

the other day you may have been playing Mortal Kombat you're playing Mortal Kombat one the first one my life we're playing Mortal Kombat for on fucking SNS and we were but longs okay long story show I was telling him the same exact thing that you know most of the people that are at the top of their game in like in the circuit i was like dude i think it you him he and i and my other friends when we're just fucking around playing like

mortal comite trilogy it's like the funniest shit i've ever like crying tears things and and i say i'm like dude we're funnier than like most of these fucking people even though i just i don't like saying this type of shit but i'm like well the reality is the reality is the reality is that there's a very different like a lot of people are funny around there friends. You know what I mean? Because it's a bunch of people who like about this. Like, I don't mean this in a, but also, but also, I know, I know what you're saying. I understand. Because I, I felt this way before too, but it's, it's also like there is a difference. Like, I don't know, stand up is such a different. It's, you know what I mean? I, here's the thing.

Here's the thing. Uh, again, I don't like talking about myself, like, in a positive way. I hate doing it, but it's pretty disgusting. It feels weird. But like, say, I, I consider myself like a jack of all trades. I'm okay with a lot of things. And stand-up is one of those things that when I hear a lot of these people when they're talking about their stand-up and their craft and everything like that. I do kind of roll my eyes just a little bit because I feel like it's one of those things when people want to give their field more credit than maybe I feel like it actually deserves. I feel like there's a lot of people. There's a lot of people out there that they would say, you can't do what I do, but I disagree. I think, and not take it.

away from, like, I think a lot of the people that are on top are there actually are funny, but damn, I've met some fucking people and even just being around, like, say, say, uh, Swin, if you actually focused, you're like, I'm gonna fucking put years into being a stand-up comic. I think you would be fucking right up there with a lot of people in given time because there's a lot of people that have to take years to craft everything and do all this stuff.

And actually be passionate about it. but I feel even you, Chris, I'm just saying, I think y'all are, I think y'all are leaps and bounds above a lot of people that I even watch podcast-wise in the stuff. And I'm like, these people are pretty funny. They're fun to watch, but they don't make me laugh like things that I've heard y'all say. I'm just saying. Like, I know, like, there have been times. And I feel like this is when I was younger when I cared less about. what the fuck I said.

But there have been times where I have, me and Chris have made jokes that I've made rooms full of funny people almost die. That's a huge, that's a huge fucking compliment. That's a huge compliment by the way. And that happens. It's such a good feeling. It's crazy.

Like whatever that happened with like a room of like comedia, like the funniest people you know is like cracking the fuck up. It's like, this is sick. Like I totally understand. I totally understand why people like get obsessed with it. Yeah. Like there's people that I'm like, I'm not going to name name.

but I've made people that are funny, like real comic, like geniuses. Kingston made, Kingston made Jeffrey Epstein laugh last time he's off. I made Epstein laugh so hard. He was like,

I'm gonna kill myself. And I was like, I don't know eventually. I can't take it. He was like, I don't want to touch another kid ever again. He was like, I don't want to have done.

Did you see that? Did you see that thing where Trump was like talking about how like, yeah, he probably killed himself. Did you see that? No. There's a thing where like,

somebody was asking about Jeffrey Epstein. I don't remember if it was like Tucker Carlson or some other, like, I don't even remember if it was a Republican pundit or whatever the fuck. Like somebody was asking him questions and he was like about, about him, about Jeffrey Epstein. And he was like, yeah, I think it's, I think it's probably, I think he probably killed himself, you know. I don't get it to, I don't get into the, which is fucking weird. Yeah. Like in my opinion, because like he obviously didn't. Like, that's like, that's not even like a high level conspiracy theory where people are like talking about whether or not the, the earth is a fucking rhombus or something.

It's like, this is like obvious shit. Or it's like, anybody with a half of brain knows, like, yeah, yeah, he definitely did not kill him. Which does tell you something, which really does tell you something. Yeah, it's concerning. It really does tell you something, especially because he was on that plane at least once. So it's like, ah, man, I would I say. I can't, I can't. I did everything right and they shot my plane down.

You know what makes me sad? I feel like even if it came out with all the information and you told the. truth now I thought of people wouldn't even believe you but even if you're like objective I think you're probably right yeah I'm gonna believe you you're you are right the amount of shit that is already out there for you'd be like fuck this guy don't nobody should associate with them shit that's already out there and they're like nah that's it it's just it's as simple as just nah hey what do you think what do you think of all like these hours of evidence and damning shit that all the

fuck shit that he's done over the fucking past few uh whatever nah and then I'm like all right Well, I got, all right. Yeah, Trump said, Trump said he killed himself, so it's like, there's no conspiracy. Yeah, he's like, that's really, hey, the boss said he killed himself. He killed himself right in the brain. He shot himself right in the earlobes. I didn't, I don't know why. I killed him.

He's a good man. I know. He had so much child pornography, you couldn't believe it. They're lighting the walls. Besides from that, he was a very good man. I was tripping over the stacks, the stacks of piles of books. The stacks of child. It was difficult to find your way to the bathroom to tell you the truth,

but we found our way to the bathroom. Amongst the sea of child porn, they called him. Couldn't find, but couldn't find the light switch. They called him C.P. Epstein. C. Seppstein, for short. He had them all, he had them all put on, he had him scrolling on the wallpaper of his computer.

He called it the CPP PC. I don't know. I don't know what. I don't know if it was running at RTX 2080 TI or what But it was scrolling 4K Ultra Wide

Wild Absolutely What happened to the curve? What happened to the curve monitors Ladies and gentlemen? What happened to curve monitors? I need to know I really

It sucks Because he is Dude man He was giving a speech earlier today About windmills killing the whales Did you see that? I saw a little bit of it Which I know what he's talking about.

I understand like, it's not like, it's not as ridiculous as windmills chopping up whales. That was my first insane. I was like, how the fuck are windmills killing the whales? They're falling in the water somehow and then just... Just cut them up. And then just landing on whales, dude. And whales get caught in it for some reason. They die.

Do you know how fucking tall windmills would have to be to fall off of plain, like? into the ocean and reach a whale to cut it up? I've seen it happen myself. I've seen it happen myself. You remember Shamu? He's beautiful. He's wonderful. Hunter Biden, the great Hunter Biden. We were out at sea.

Fucking whales. At least that's what he wanted to do. He wanted to fuck a little whale. I said, no, not me. I'm an upstanding American. And then out of nowhere comes a windmill. Crazy. Crazy thing.

That's so good. The idea of Hunter Biden. First of all, I would like to chill at Hunter Biden. I feel like he's a cool dude. I feel like he's a fun time. I certainly would not. I certainly would not. I don't know, man.

I would like to be, if enough people were, like, say if it was three of us hanging out, I would be down. I couldn't be alone with them. I don't know. I feel like he would feel way too comfortable and really would try to course me to smoke crack with him. You would fall asleep? I don't want to smoke crack. You would fall asleep in the middle of a conversation and wake up. with your ass really hurting.

Like, I feel like Hunter Biden is like a very straight, like, I don't know, man. I don't know anything about Hunter Biden, really. I just, I have seen him just doing like debauchrous shit, which is like fine. It's all fine. Like, whatever. Like, you're not the president. You can do whatever the fuck you want. But like, at the same time, I'm like, something about debauchrous people existing in politics at all.

Yeah. It's like, I don't know. It's like that Lauren Boebert, milking that fucking dude's weiner at Beetlejuice. It's crazy. Like where it's like, I don't know, man. Imagine getting jurors. off to Beetlejuice. I mean, you know what's sexy about that?

Yeah, that actually sounds kind of cool. I'm not a lot. It's nothing about Beatabuse is fucking arousing. It's not at all, but that's the whole point. If you can do, it's kind of cool. You know what's hilarious? Bam, bra, bam, bam. You know what's funny?

She actually literally made me want to see that shit. Like, I was like, I've seen clips of that musical on TikTok and stuff for a while, and it's actually pretty good, but I'm like, I don't know, I'm not going to go see a fucking, like, Who am I going to? You know what I mean? Like that's like a date thing.

Right. Right. Right. Yeah. If I love the Beetlejuice. Like she adores it. And it's just like, okay. I like it.

I like Peter Juice is well. I'm a lot. Huh? I'm a big fan. I wouldn't call myself like a big fan. But I like it a lot. I think it's cool. Hey, yeah, Beet Juice.

Oh, fuck. I'd be. I'm going to fucking kill Hunter Biden. Got you like a fish, hunter. I'm beat her. I'm here to kill Hunter Biden. You know where he is? And then Hunter.

I'm here to kill Hunter Biden and whales. with fucking... He fucking pulls out a huge fucking... He pulls out of one of those harpoons But it has a fucking windmill It's like a windmill like a fucking harpoon It shoots into the water. He pulls out of a dagle.

It's wrongsabiding. It looks like... It looks like McCree's gun from Overwatchwant. Like a gun that's way too big for a person to have. And it's like... That's another Danny Elfman thing, by the way, right? Yeah. I'm pretty sure.

I'm pretty sure. It would be weird if it's not. It would definitely be weird if it wasn't, yeah. especially if you're fucking Danny Elgin's starting to look like Beetlejuice right now he's fucking starting to look like he looks interesting

man I love his haircut He's actually kind of buffed Who? No He's kind of buffed I was gonna say Danny Elfman's like Kind of in good shape

Oh yeah Danny Elfman could beat the shit out of you Yeah He could beat the shit out Probably all Like he's so he looks so weirdly Like he has like a carrot top thing going on

Where it's like Why is this guy buff Yeah that's actually Yeah exactly that Exactly that Like he doesn't need to be No reason to be buffed nothing he does sounds like

it would be like if I found out Tim Burton was yoked you know what I mean like it's just like like why the fuck why is Tim Burton so fucking why does Tim Burton look like he could pick up Joe Rogan and eat him you know what I mean

that should happen it should I want like all I want like yeah people that you just like you just look at a fucking Martin Scorsese in his next film he's talking he's getting interviewed his next film and he's fucking he is so yoked like you can see like fucking his chest is up to his chin.

He says Scorsese? Martin Scorsese. Martin Scorsese. The idea of a buff Martin Scorsese is so fucking ill. It's disgusting.

He's so unbelievably jacked that his fucking suits just looks stupid on him. You ever see fucking bodybuilders wearing suits back in the day? Oh yeah, they look so stupid. It's so fucking funny, dude,

because there's no tailoring. No one tailored their suits back then because who the fuck tailor suits for those giant hulking weirdos? So, like, I want to, by the way, though, I want Martin Scorsese to do that, like a miniature version of those guys. Yeah, that would be amazing. I want Martin Scorsese to direct a movie about, look, because he hates, he hates Cape shit, right?

He hates Cape shit, right? Sure. So I think if he directed, departed, but in the universe where Miles Mraz existed to be a great movie. Oh, my God, that sucks. That sucks so much. I hate you for saying that, in fact. They would call him. shit they would call him, it's crazy.

They'd be like, well, well, well, a little spider monkey came to play. Spider monkey. Isn't there actually? What? Isn't there actually a spider monkey? I'm pretty sure that's real. I think so.

Marvel? In the Spiderverse, right? I swear to God, in the Spider-Verse, there's a Spider-Munkey. It's probably a God. It's a stupid idea. So, yeah, probably is. I don't think it's a racist character of a black person, but I think it's literally a monkey. Yeah, the Spider-Muncty.

It's a black guy named Spider-Spider. All right, let's move on I guess I think it would be good man Whatever the fuck it is we're talking about Because I'd like him to direct the Like a cap ship movie Because he's a great director obviously

The in parted He doesn't belong there Why? Because he doesn't belong there That's not gonna make it That's like He doesn't belong there's like Well dude if you make if you can make good art

Make good art Like it's nothing wrong With making good things we can make it He wouldn't want to do it is the thing What did you say about the He said oh the Those moves are all like inward parks or what did he say? He said something like he said he said he wouldn't surprise me.

I'm Martin Scorsesey and uh Everyone's gay but me. I meant I meant I'm to you. Everybody's I don't even know how he's I don't even know if this how he sounds like He sounds like that. Hey I'm Martin Scorsesey Hey it's me Martin fucking Scorsesee I don't like the superhero movies

Over here over there because I can't come to him Let's move on. There's no tits in Inwards in those fucking movies. There's not enough people of color being called the N-word in those movies. Not a big fan of them. Not one N-Warton Scorsese. I got to say he fell off. Fell off.

Last movie only had a count of, I think, three Edwards in it, did the script entirely. Bro, it's crazy. Way less, way less than it used to be. He did everything right back then, and now they hate him. Have you guys seen the Irishman? What a shame. Yeah, I've seen the Irishman. They sent the N-Words.

There was no black people on. screen he said the N-word and I was like bro why did he say that I was like why did he make him say that this time Joe Pessie wasn't like the opening scene Joe Pessie just like literally just fucking stubs his toe and says the N-word I think that's like the opening scene they did well it's like I don't know it's like it's that thing where it's like

there is the Irishman there is some historical like I'm not going to lie like it I love Red Dead Red Dead Redemption right right? Red Dead Red Dead Redemption 2 is so fucking good We talk about it all the time. But, like, the way, my least favorite thing about that game is honestly the way it kind of skirts over a lot of the real shit.

Because it's so true to life everywhere else that it's kind of weird. I mean, the Native American stuff is really fucked up. I don't know. No, but, no, but you know what I mean. About letting being, like, decently? Well, no, no, no, I'm not saying that. But, I mean, like, just the idea that, like, did they even say the N-word in that game? I don't think so at all.

No. No, because. And I think I found that really weird. If they want to be... I feel like video games aren't allowed to get there. But that's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. I understand.

That's the reason why it bothered me where it's like, I feel like where... I feel like this is like infantilizing this entire medium. No, you're right. Because this is like a serious... This is a genuine like... Red Dead Dead Red Dead Red D'O.M.2 is like fucking Oscar-worthy shit.

Like, if it was in like a different category, if it wasn't a video game, it'd be fucking incredible. Like, and everybody would be... Everybody would be talking about how good it was and like they, and it deserves to me, right? Especially narratively. The thing is that I was thinking like, I don't know.

I don't know. It feels like. You know what I'm saying? You know, you're right. I think you're right. Lenny was literally, literally profiled multiple times in the game. No,

100%. And they didn't call me an word, but they called him boy. Like everyone that wants one of his friends called them boy. To be fair. Even Micah. To be fair to them. To be fair to them,

I think they did, I think if they did use it, they used it once. I think. Because I think I remember hearing it at least... I feel like I remember hearing it. Maybe you heard it when the clan when they were meeting in the...

But I might have just been playing online though. Yeah, or watching a Scorsese movie or something. Yeah. Yeah. Play online. I don't know. It's stupid. But yeah, like, I don't know, man.

It feels weird that, like, video games aren't allowed to go where certain TV and, like, it's just kind of bizarre. It feels like... It makes it... Like, you said, the right word, like I said, and fanalizing, because the way that the industry does treat, like, video games are for kids. I mean, I was just watching some stupid fucking show, a reality show, with Jojo and this one chick was like all pissed off that like or she just found out like ill you're a gamer like this guy's like in his 40s like 43 he's like ill I don't like guys that play video games or like I don't like adults and I'm like what the fuck are you talking about like do you know like all just like with cartoons I'm like you know adults make them and you you like how could you how stupid could you be like kids fucking kids next door or something where like children are just like imagine a basement full of 10 year olds made Red Dead Red Dead Redemption 2

Can you fucking imagine? That would actually be kind of funny. That'd be insane. Those are like aliens basically at that point. It'd be a lot of N-words in there. Oh, yeah. They won't give a fuck. No, 100%.

He's a fucking knit. He's a little stupid little Nick, black boy. It's every single moment of every single, every line has one of them thrown in there. Hey, Dutch, you've seen that N-word, Lenny? You know, like, no, in-word. So the person that says it is Lenny Lenny says the N-word Yeah, yeah, yeah

But so does everybody else He's riding with you When he starts talking to Arthur about it Everybody, everybody says it Your horse says it Oh my God, not twinkle my horse That's a good, you brush them That's a good inward there

And then Why are brushing the horse It turns and says it It says it to Lenny And it's like, damn, Lenny It whispers it in clear as day English. But like not even like a whisper as in like I only want you to hear it, a whisper just to make it sound menacing. But loud enough that everybody in the room can hear.

Everyone's like, whoa. Whoa. We got to get a new horse. I think I understand why it's not said because of the fact that it's just like I understand why it's not said because of the fact that it's objective is a gratuitous word. as someone that says it way more than it should be said. It's absolutely gratuitous. But the kind of argument, the kind of argument, it should not be hidden.

The meaning of the word, the uses of it should never be hidden because of the fact that it's a real word that was used to demean people. But it's extremely gratuitous. If you are reading historical literature. But it's also historically accurate to the time. And also, to be fair to, and also, this has nothing really to do with,

because to me, it's like, yeah, it's gratuitous. but like, have you played Red Dead Red Dead Redemption too? That is like one of the most gratuitous games I've ever fucking seen. You can describe everything about a person of color without using that word always. No, but that's not what you're saying. That is why I'm like... That is why it's what it is. That is the reason for it as a literal mass murder is what I'm saying.

It's like I'm like... Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're right. It's very weird. It's very weird to have a game where you can shoot somebody's head into smithereens and you can see it like realistically like, You could see like the bodies like accurately like fall backwards and grabbing their neck wondering what the fuck is going on. Yes.

The line is drawn at like a word or like gratuitous nudity. Like that's always been, that's always been bizarre to me. I agree. I agree with you to a degree, but I understand why the idea is like not you. It's like shooting someone in the head is very morbid and also is gratuitous to be able to shoot somebody and blow their head off, right? That is true. But when it comes to that word, it's just on like there's not worse than it's not worse than a slurman. being murdered and killing people is not worse than a sluror.

I'm sorry. Being murdered in a video game where you are shooting somebody opposed to like this word. Like you're killing a fake person opposed to this word with like centuries of really ill will and super derogatory derogatory treatment. That's not what I'm talking about though. You're not saying that. You're not saying that. But that is that word. You know, like I think people should say it.

I think that word should be said, especially if you're doing something that's capturing a time piece. Like for instance, if you're reading of you're reading a, if you're reading a, a story about that period of time and it's in the literature you say it you say it's literally the whole point of what I'm saying I'm not I'm not saying like I want it in Jimmy Neutron boy genius No no no no no no but this is a video game

This is a video game about An air quotes video game about the time Why can a very realistic Western? Like let's just compare Like you would take like a Like say if Scorsese did a Western You know there'd be 6,000 inwards in it right And it would be praised in

Oscar nominated and stuff like that. Because everybody wants to say it. But yeah, but why is that totally fine in this way, in this piece of art, in this piece of media, but in video games? No, but see, why is, why are video games not considered that level when you damn know that shit is actually better? Which really, it is, they're in every conceivable way of fucking video game like Reddard Ridgel.

Outside of, dude, outside of Goodfellet, I know this is like a mass, this is an insane Goodfellers is not better at a redderdiction, too. I'm sorry. I love that. That's one of my favorite movies. It's not better on YouTube. It's not better than Artis too. It's not bad.

What I'm saying, what I'm saying is outside of Goodfellas, I think, I think Great Dead Editors do is better than all of Martin Scorsese's movies. Everything that he's done? I think, I think they're great, by the way. I think they're awesome. But I love Goodfellas a lot. Not Rachel's good. Goodfellas has good performances.

Great movie, but it's not bad to Rtele too. Like there's no character in art. There's no character in Goodfellas that is anywhere in Neville's that is anywhere in You're interesting as like fucking Dutch. Well, well, here's the thing. It's apples to,

it is also apples to oranges. Oh, I'm sorry. Granny Smith to Red Delicious. Yeah. No, no, no,

delicious. It's granny Smith to mandarin. You messed up. You were close. You were close. Mandarins are oranges. Apples to, or you said apples to oranges.

No, but that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. It's like, oh, we doesn't even have to cross into a different species. We could just compare two apples

since they're so different from fucking each other. There's still apples, but, you know. Fuck apples. And fuck you. Fuck you for eating apples.

If you're listening to this podcast and you're eating apples, eat a gun. Eat a gun. That is the most savage thing I've heard someone say. How much you call me eat a gun, you fat bitch? That is some shit that I want to answer. All right, let's move on. Let's get to some questions.

Real quick, for the record, I just wanted to say that, yes, there is an N-word in the said in Baldur's Gate 3, the Litch Queen. I just wanted to put that. out there. What's her name says the N-word of Blacketh? Yeah, so, yeah, so. I have to look this up. There's no way that's real.

If you choose a black protagonist, stop. They just say it? Stop. You know why I know it's not real? What if you put the black protagonist you couldn't play? I know that? What's that? What's that Chris?

What is it? No, I was saying what if you, if you selected your character and you made it, you like, put the skin tone all the way down to black and then you started the game and then the narrator was like you can't play this. You can't like no. It says no. No, no.

The narrator says, are you sure? Are you sure? Things are going to be way tougher. Your journey will be much harder in these parks. Things are going to be much more difficult. Are you sure? It's like the South Park, the South Park game with the difficulty slider. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm warning you right now. I'm warning you right now. They hate orcs, but they really hate black humans. I'm one of you right All right We get We gotta get

We gotta get We gotta get into questions So like What were we gonna say Were you gonna say something Derek Before we No Whatever it was bullshit

Whatever All right Well Before we switched To questions You should all know That you can pop on over To patreon.com

Slark Tank Get some exclusive episodes Over there Early access To certain episodes And And we're doing a lot Of content there now

So come on Opom All right. So that's a question. A level one, Clarek wrote in, he says, Howdy Heretics.

Is there any game or type of game that you just refuse to even try? As a trucker in real life, I refuse to try any of the truck driving simulators myself. I feel like, dude, mud runners and like those are, those are popular games.

It's crazy. It's so weird. I would really want to try it if I was, I know that's me, you know, ignorant because I don't drive giant trucks, but there's something that feels like I'd want to directly

compare how it feels. Yeah. Does this capture the crushing weight of sadness? Yeah. Does this make me want to kill myself just as much? I wonder. I wonder if I asked my cousins like, yo, is it when you, in Call of Duty when you kill like insurrectionists, like, the same as when you like, you have to, you have to choke the life out of somebody in real life. It'll probably be like, get the fuck out my face. It feels the same. I would imagine it's very.

I would imagine it's very different. But anyway, he goes on, he says, he goes on to say the potential reality where I get off work of driving a truck only to go home, sit in front of my computer and drive another truck and enjoy myself while doing it honestly scares me. So that's the thing. It's like he doesn't want to do his job and then enjoy it more when he's like not getting paid to do it. That makes sense. That makes total sense. You wake up and then you have to do what you just did. So I get that.

It is damn near slavery. It is damn near slavery Is what Kingston says Is what Kingsman said So All right So any type of game That we would refuse to even try

I don't know if there's any game That I would refuse to try But those games that I generally Don't bother with There's those dating anime simulator ones Oh yeah Fucking virtual novels Yeah I'm gonna show

Novels is so aggravating Because for some There's one virtual novel I really want to play Because it has super good gameplay But that's like Out of 100 hours of the game The game plays like 14 hours

supposed to like 90 hours of like I'm just talking and I'm like damn I would love to play that game but you don't play there's a really there's one actually that I think uh our friend lyell is in that came out recently where it's it's it's uh it's it's it's probably the only I feel like it's the only visual novel that someone like Derek would play because it's the whole point is that it's voice acted by like a bunch of degenerates or like it's written with like there's shit like I saw one line of dialogue that was something like you came on my donut what the fuck

or like some some bullshit like that where it's like it's just so absurd let me let me make sure I'm getting the name of that right though if we're gonna be honest here to be honest for a moment Baldur's Gate 3 is definitely dating sim as well definitely partially it's absolutely a dating sim it's part of the reason why I don't

it's I think it's part of the reason why I'm not as into it as I would like to be because I'm just like I don't know because it is the dating sim part I like interesting dating sims. Like, if the characters are interesting and fleshed out and they have these cool, like, uh, backgrounds and shit, uh, I just, yeah, I have fun with it. aspect of a game.

It can't be the whole game. Did you see the statistic that I posted? So I posted this statistic and I feel like I, from talking to people, I'm starting to understand why, but, uh, it said only 2.2% of people actually went on a date with Carlac. And I thought that was like, shockingly low, like, old, less than, When can you go on a date with Carlock again? What part is that? See, that's exactly, I feel like it's the problem.

There's a lot of people. Because to be able to even touch Carleck, there's stipulations or things you have to do. Oh, how many people actually, like, ended up, like, stealing a deal with Carlock? Like, actually going on a date with her, because you can go on a date with her. You can actually go on a date. And to me, it's actually one of the most charming and cork. I really enjoyed that segment. So you can trigger that.

But the thing is, I feel like most people have no idea. And I'm like, bro, you have to just, you have to long rest way more than you, than you probably normally would to find extra shit that you never would have. Because I missed a lot of stuff in my first playthrough because I'm thinking, oh, I probably shouldn't do this because if I do this too much, it might trigger something else or whatever, you know, some other bullshit might happen. But then like the second playthrough, I didn't give a fuck, right? So I was like, I'm a, what's up?

I went back. When I found that you can date Carlock and Schottard at the same time, I cleared my save Completely wiped it All the way back to the fucking grove I was in I was literally about to fight Gortash I was like nah

Gotta go back I used this you went All the way That's it's the way back That is literally In why wouldn't you just finish that playthru And start a fucking new one Nah

That is insane Did it did it Did it in both of them I'm like can I get a kiss bitch One gives me a kiss Hey, can I get a kiss bitch now? I did the thing. I did the thing where Carl-Lag,

Carlach threw it down on me crazy. And I got freaking Shadda Hard to go skating with me, bro. And whenever it asks for your girlfriend, the game kind of stutters a little bit because I shouldn't have to. And I'm like, I choose Carlisle. If you play your cards right, you can balance a lot of shit.

And then sometimes you just have to like, oops, break it off real quick. And to like, there's, there's, anyway, What I was just going to say, we, you and I need to have just an episode where we just discuss this shit. Yeah, we do. That's going to be on that show them all soon.

If you guys want to do like a like a, like a, like a, like a Ballers Gate like spoiler thing together, just just as like an extra ammo thing. Like that's, yeah, so we can get it out of our system because, you know. There's so much we got to talk about. We only talk about a little bit when we talk to them in person and our girlfriends were like, you'll stop. We got to do stuff. That'd be good.

That would be a good idea. Hell yeah. I totally sign off on that. Hell yeah. But, yeah, man. I don't know. Those visual novels, though, are probably like the only... Did you find what Liles, that thing was called?

Yeah, it is, it is called Class of 09. It is on Steam, and it is, it's, it's a tagline is, it's not a dating sim. It's a rejection sim. Stupid. And it's, it's pretty, I don't know. Like, I don't know anything about these games, really. Like, I don't know how to play them. They're gameplay-wise, they don't appeal to me, but if I was going to play one, it would be this.

Because it's voice acting. by just, first of all, it's just voice acted by a bunch of our friends, and also it's written by people who would know our friends. So it's just, it's just debauchrous. What is this, what is this line? Tonight, when mom's out with her new boyfriend, I'm going to take the entire bottle. I'm going to kill myself. Damn. What the fuck? Out of context. I don't know what that is, but anyway, yeah. Let's move on. Stupid. You actually fucking chop me. What the fuck is wrong with you? maybe you'll think twice about breaking the law. Maybe that maybe.

I love that idea. Like, that's been, I think that came out a while ago, too. I just, I never got around. I got to see Lyle again.

I haven't, I've been so fucking wrapped up. I think he's coming over next week. He's probably considering by. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, let me know.

Let me know when, when you're doing something. All right. Uh, but, but, but, long time listener,

long time listener, first time opinion, haver. This isn't a question as much as it is a statement, this isn't a question as much as it is just a statement of admiration.

I'm having a stroke today. While listening to the last episode, this is three weeks ago, so it's not probably super current. Derek kept saying that the maximum age for office should be 69. Derek, I salute your dedication

to the horny. It fuels my admiration for the human race and keeps alive my hope that one day will be okay. I feel like if we, If we all kind of subscribe to the 69, I feel, you know, we don't take things so fucking seriously and we all have a few laughs and chuckles. You know, tap into our 13-year-old selves, man.

Like, I think, like, hey, everything should be, yeah, 69, everybody should make at least $69,000. I think that's, like, starting in America. I think it would fix a lot of things. It's just, it's literally just memes. It's just 69-4-20, 69-4-20, and that's the basis for our, society. You know what I just saw the other day?

Just the other day because I started, I was thinking about how I didn't, you know, that gay online culture war bullshit that people are still trying to harp on. And I was just thinking like, man, I just, I never cared about that shit. And I remember saying things like, I can't wait for the shit to die down and I could do other things. And then it eventually happened. I was like, cool. And I saw this post when I went to, I got invited to, what was it called, MythCon?

I got invited to MythCon. and there was somebody quoted me saying something along the lines. I thought I had it on my phone, but I just said that I'm just here for like memes. Because I was doing the debate with this chick that interrupted Bernie Sanders or whatever. And I don't know the exact context, but all I said was like whatever it was, like I don't give a fuck about this stuff. Like I'm just here to like fuck around. And it was just cool seeing that because I'm like, yeah, like I've been consistent this whole time that. That's so funny.

So you're on stage It's basically being like I don't give a shit about any of this Do I care dude I bought Specifically Because you put that panel right Yeah I bought the shortest

Shorts that I could find For that thing I just like I want to wear Like you can see my bulge And like somebody actually pointed that out In a shot I didn't give I was literally

This was me While the fucking chick was talking I was literally just like this the whole time Like I didn't give a fuck I just wanted to see my online friends That I made I made some online friends And I'm like

This is so stupid that you guys are trying to be like we're doing something important here I'm like I remember that I was supposed to go I was supposed to go to that and then I missed my plane I was like eh it was fun I like hanging out with the people man and Milwaukee was actually

Milwaukee is a clean fucking city man like I was actually only 500 000 people that's probably why yeah it was actually that's absolutely why surprisingly I was like this is a nice city fucking Fonzie statue and shit so fucking dumb but anyway

long story short. Yeah, I just feel like kind of rapping that whole thing, man, just not taking shit too seriously and kind of having fun. Like, that's why it's like people. That's why we're making fun of you for your pronoun shit and all this stuff. You're being silly. I posted a video today about the

McDonald's ad. Did you see that McDonald's ad? The fact, oh, people are having a problem with this. Bitch, where? Yeah, exactly. Where? Exactly. No, Sweeney, what did you just say? Would you just say? What ad? exactly fucking

that's exactly what I'm talking yeah exactly there you go don't even literally don't even worry about it because it's nothing it's so if I remember correctly

it was I could be wrong but it was that Ian Miles Chong guy was the guy that really got the ball rolling on that shit I don't know I think so yeah

yeah yeah because I'm just like yeah how did I searched I searched I searched for a while

bro All right, let's relax. Let's just chill. I mean, there isn't many times that I want to condone violence, but I mean, I mean. There are better people. Like, if you had like one, if you had one chance per year to condone violence against people, to condone violence against a single person with no consequences. Oh.

Oh. Who would I choose? I'm not asking you who it would be. I'm not asking you who would be. I mean, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. We can't do that. We can't do that.

We can. Because then we'd be condoning violence. Oh, that's, yeah. You know what I mean? But I do it to hurry up. There's... All right. I'd grab somebody and suplex them onto the ground.

I would... There is literally one person. There's only one person. I know there's worse people out in this world, but there is one person specifically that if I ever saw them in person, I am going to attack them. Mitch McConnell, man. Mitch McConnell, it's on site. I mean, that...

I'm taking you down. It's like... That's crazy That's like fucking I don't know It's like attacking like A fucking gallon of milk It's gonna go bad already bro

It's done It's like attacking your friend when he doesn't have the gun Is that when your friend goes to the bathroom It puts a controller down and you beat him up That's what attacking him was like Mitch McConnell feels like Like If you peed on your own hand

And shook his hand he would die from it Like it feels like he's at He's at like the very Like you could charge horse him to death. That's crazy. Yeah, you give him Indian burn and literally he's done. If you're Indian burning, he'll set on fire.

Could you imagine that he gave him an Indian burn, he burst in a flame? That's crazy. Like in fucking, like the guy in fucking hereditary? Yes. Completely erupts. The biggest fire you've ever fucking seen to. Like it actually, you accidentally start another wildfire. He's nowhere near.

Dude, that fire. You're in the middle of like, fuck, that fire. of like fucking New York. And it's a wildfire. It's burning. Like, yo,

what did I do? Do you guys remember that? Do you guys remember that explosion in Beirut all those years ago? Yeah, like in, during COVID. I was thinking about this the other day.

The guy with the, the Damme, the explosion. Did you remember that shit? Yeah, when they fucking made the explosion. That period of time was super fucked up

because people were like got hurt. But there were people on the internet like myself making it. fucking jokes out the ass I'm sorry and I mean the explosion outweighed the tragedy

it just the memes outweigh the tragedy that's crazy I am so sorry to say this What is the death toll of the Bayruth It was probably like 10 or something It wasn't crazy No way

Was actually I have no idea I'm being totally ignorant The idea What more money is that there Oh my God How many was it? How many was it? All right so it's okay

I missed it Okay so it's not All right Jesus got some of the I was about the same You're about the fucking Frank Sinatra He was like, he fucking died in 19 fucking wait He died?

1998 1915 or something He died in 15 He's like what What was he talking? So he died in So, so no, not Frank Sinatra I don't know why I immediately went to him

So the Bayroot explosion 218 Damn that's a lot more than I thought though Yeah I thought it was like with 7000 With 7000 the injuries. That's crazy. That's way worse. That was an explosion. How was it way worse than you thought? Dude, I thought, dude, I thought thousands are dead. You did? Like, that's, dude, it's so huge. It was a big explosion because of the, you know, it was a factory, but I thought like, oh, there would just be, um, like, just, kind of like in certain areas where they're not heavily populated. It's like, oh, here's an industrial area where there's probably a few people on site. I thought it was going to be something like that. is Beirut.

I know it's Beirut, but still, Beirut can just have a... The capital. It's got to be full of people. Capital's always full of people. It is, but it's a factory within Beirut. It wasn't like, oh, here's where everybody congregates and shit. You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's not like, it wasn't like, oh, here's a huge populated shopping center and then one of the fucking buildings caught on fire and blew up or some shit. That would be like crazy. What makes it funny is that I watch compilations of that shit. And it was one to my... where this guy went flying and you saw a kid in the air and I was crying.

I was crying because that kid was in the sky. Damn, dude. He went flying and his video camera went somewhere else and then you see like in the corner of a kid

and you're like, yo, that's a child in the air when that kid lands is going to be crazy. I'll be honest, man. I just, I know,

I know it's my bias that there's so much bad shit that happens in the Middle East. It's just I'm conditioned to not care as much and I and I recognize that I know what you mean because like we just grew up surround well I remember well I don't know maybe you were just constantly in full dumped about how

horrible I mean bro was I mean bro wasn't there just like a Greek uh no a Turkish earthquake that killed like a bunch of people probably almost 10,000 people or something I heard sound about that are you serious yeah something like it was thousands it was earlier this here I'm pretty sure yeah it was probably like two three months ago if that as one of those things where like we're conditioned to not give a fuck What is going on over there I bet

What is going on over there? The fucking Tectonic plates got the vaccine Yeah That's why That video of the lady's shaking He got the vaccine Oh my damn

Those videos are So fucking funny Because that's just like Dude that's just not what happens If you have If you have complications From the vaccine That's totally possible

But like You're not gonna get fucking random Parkinson's You're not gonna You're not going to all of a sort of develop rhythm. Did anybody put the Harlem shake music over those videos? Oh, I'm sure, yeah. Yeah.

I didn't see that, though. But I, you know what, I want to look at up. That also might be dated. That also might be like too dated. It might not be. Only good time to bring it back. Either that or how about, okay, I guess. No, I did hear somebody do shake Sonora.

Someone did do Shake Sonora. Shake, Shake, Shake Sonora. I think you're right. I think, yeah, I think Joe G did start the Harlem Shakes. Yeah, he did. He did, totally. Yeah. So apparently, I don't know if this is real

But like I've heard from people that Dracula flow is old Jogi copy pasta Yes, I would multiple people said that Which is fucking fascinating to me because I've never heard that in my life Where do you find the Joggi one though? That's the thing I was looking for it And then I just found one clip but it was clearly AI So like I don't, I don't know

I don't know It might be on like a privated video or something maybe Or I don't know Yeah, how people found out I guess there should be channel still up, right? For the French TV still up, right? Yeah, but I mean, my channel's still up, but there's like a bunch of privated videos on there.

I just posted a super old video, like one of the oldest videos I've ever made, which was like me at like fucking 12 or 13 teaching the internet how to lower your weapon in Halo because it's, the Halo 3 is like 15th anniversary or 16th anniversary or 16th anniversary or something. Yeah. I was like, I'm gay.

I'm from Halo. I was like, I'm fucking gay. This is Halo and I'm going. to be a Nazi in seven years. So fucking stupid. What's the one I think about that one, I think about that one podcast that, that wanted to be snark tank. And they're like, oh my God, that's right.

Like, yeah, what's like white supremacists? Like, yeah, what's like white suburb? That was, I need to find that clip again. That's, that was awesome. That was, yeah, I wonder what, what the hell episode was that? Where, like, we, where that other snark tank came in accused us of being white supremacist. That was so long ago. it was two white people who told us that too

which is awesome. I just remember that they changed their podcast name to contrivance I only remember that. That's right that's right. Well we're not trying to bring up old we have no problem with them at all it was just so it was just so weird. I got an apology from I don't know if you did and I tried to tell them like dude

like it literally no fucking issue at all like we actually thought it was fun like that was a fun thing that happened. Yeah that's so funny. Just looking at the thumbnails on Joe G's channel reminds me how different the internet used to be a little while ago. Dude, man, it's a different, yeah, it's a way different time.

It was a different beast, bro. It couldn't sustain itself like this, though. It's like the attitude era wrestling. Like, it could have. It could have. Eventually, the Phoenix will burn out and it will die. It would have. It could have.

We just, we fucked it up, man. We fucked it up. That apocalypse shit fucked it up. Like, because I really do think that's the reason why a lot of shit is so bad now. I think it's because like I agree I think what happened is people got more restrictions on the content that they could make and thus

the type of content that people could make and make money off of became harder and harder to make like you couldn't really like just make content that was just entertaining because stuff that was just entertaining would just get demonetized and then you'd be fucked and so I think a lot of people were like well if we just make entertaining stuff we're just going to get demonetized because to be entertaining you have to push some fucking lines

And so what instead we're going to do is we're either going to completely pacify ourselves and just completely scrub all everything that's entertaining about us at all so that we're really like scrub that out of the equation so that way we're really advertiser-friendly and we can make a lot of money from advertisers that way. Or we're going to say out-of-pocket shit and accrue this really passionate, like, deranged user base. And we might get demonetized, but through that passion, we'll be like, okay, it was like, hey, look, we're getting silenced.

We're getting silenced. Keep up the good fight. Fight with us. Support us to keep the good fight going. And then suddenly supporting them becomes like a moral thing. You know what I mean? Where it's like people get excited about it and then you make it. And then all the money that you don't make on YouTube because you're to monetize, you make now on merch stuff. You're selling fucking Crowder mugs because now that's the really only way to do it.

Like, dude, back then people weren't, I swear to God, man, people weren't pandering in the same way. Like they just weren't straight up. There were always people. Right. Well, there were, I'm just saying. there were always people who were in it for money for sure, but like, it's a different fucking world now. Now that there's a limited amount of ways to make money. I think it's, I think it's, I think it's the Viner's fault.

I think the migration of the Viner's over to YouTube ruined YouTube. That's a part of it, yeah. I think they didn't help, absolutely. They fucked up everything for everybody else. Logan Paul with his fucking body and then just all this, all this bullshit, man. His body dangling up. Yeah, that is strange. from the fucking poppy tree headass Logan Paul.

His fucking pervert dad. Dude, they're such a fucking... That's right. I forgot about that. The fact that Logan Paul has gotten all the shit he's got and after being the piece of shit he's been is still perplexing. He's like he's done better.

Yes, he's definitely not as piece as shit as he was. Neither is Jake. Jake is still a huge piece of shit. But he's like not as shitty as he was. It's like, do you forget them like selling, like gambling? with children and like all this other dogs they did.

Logan Paul actually still very much sucks. He's way worse than Jake Paul overall, which is kind of crazy. 100% yeah. It's just recently that whole coffeezilla shit, right? Where like it's. Oh my God, the fucking crypto zoo. And the weird thing is he has no, he has so much money. Like he's actually a very wealthy person and to the point where his gigs, boxing,

W, W.W.E. and all this shit. But he's like, you know what? Let me still scam people. Like what? You have to just like doing that to because he doesn't need to do it. So it's pretty crazy. You have to like you. Let's,

let's, like you know, if you're that wealthy and you like, I still choose to like, because usually it's always the other way. Like I don't know if you heard of this guy named Patrick Bet David. He runs a thing called value tamed and it's obviously it was a, he got,

he rose through prominence to MLMs. And now he's trying to act like he's legit. But, you know, he doesn't tell, like, oh, how he got his money and how he started. He scammed a bunch of people. And now he's like, oh, look at me. Logan Paul started off grinding. They did all their gay-ass shit. And then now he's like, I think I'm going to, like, really start scamming people hardcore now.

And it's like, what? It's backwards. You're supposed to do it first. You're supposed to do it first, man. It was kind of weird. You got to be fucking kidding me. What happened? Okay, so I just read, I very rarely have that reaction from a question, but I got to read this one.

Long Schlong Silver Road And he says hello Christine, Darren, and Queenston. Wow. Has there been a television show slash game that you bought just because you thought a character was hot? I bought Animal Crossing New Horizons Just for that slutty Egyptian cat And I binge the oblongs for the goth French chick.

First of all, that's insane the oblongs. I don't even... Your filth. That's a wild. You're filth. I haven't thought about the oblongs. I didn't even... I haven't thought about the oblongs in so long.

I forgot about that too. Totally fucking forgot about that. Also, that is fucking crazy that you would... That is so unattractive. It's wild. But God, God bless. I don't know if I'm sure this probably... I'm sorry.

Time on, time on, time, time, I'm not going to let him live. Tamma, I'm not going to him... No, what do you mean? What the fuck? Attractive Egyptian... My... Look, look, look, look, look, look. Young men.

The slutty Egyptian cat is hotter than the oblongs, French girl for sure. first of all you're fucking That's a cat kid You gotta rethink some shit I don't think you've looked up the French girl From the Hoblongs I know the Follons It's disgusting as well

But once almost human One's not human at all Once a cat So um Yeah but I've happened to cross Porn of the other one So like I can easy All right I accept it

At least a little bit more Makes more sense to me Look I've done that I definitely I definitely have Army Commerch I definitely bought Chun Lee's skin From Fortnite Right.

Oh yeah, me too. It's the only skin that I bought from Fortnite ever. The only time I actually ever played it. I guess that's my answer then. Yeah, probably. I've done that, you know. I'm a boy. I'm a boy of the modern to 2000s.

I've done it. I've done it. But the fact that you- That French girl is fucking. I know, yeah. Bro. You, bro. That's crazy.

You're a bottom-feeder, bro. That makes no fucking sense to me at all. At least, like, dude, at the very least, the gyps. the Egyptian cat in that meme is like dancing seductively, at least there's like something there, but like, Jesus Christ, that character from the oblong is one of the least enticing creatures I think I've ever

seen in my entire life. All right, so this guy is exposing himself to not like actual human, human-looking that's not a human-looking person. Women. Like the cat and the, you like very round, circular, very circular heads.

She looks like... Circle heads. She looks like... Yeah, nah. She looks like... She looks... Amazing. Amazing.

I'm trying to... I'm trying to be accurate. You're trying to find... How many beers? How many beers, bro? A hundred beers? More than they got. I got to be unconscious.

Yeah, that's like... Maybe if I was like, yeah, a few drinks down, like, hey, hand drop? I don't know. I'll do it on a... I'll do it on a red bull. I'll do it for the I'll do it for the story I'll do it for the story

I'll do it You just don't care no more That's why you're sick That's not I care still I care still What do you mean You said you care

Then you said on a red bowl You got to understand You can't exist You can exist in both those realms I want I care about the story Okay It's a story

What's bad now is that You exist Where you're always trying to find funny story and things and you're willing to put yourself in back situations for it. Dude, I have, I have put myself into such horrible, I have put myself and do such horrible predicaments purely because I thought one day it'll be a really funny story. Yeah.

You got a, you got a, purely. And that was like the only reason. You got a regroup. For sure that I did. You got a regroup. I don't need to regroup. You need to regroup. It's like, all right.

Yeah, I'll fuck you. You go regroup. I'll fuck this random. You guys got a. It would be funny. You guys got any... Okay, yeah, let me think. Let me think. I think...

I don't know, man. I'm sure I've done this, of course. You know? But I can't... I don't think there's anything specific that I've purchased as a result of thinking, like, something was... Like, I watched things that I was already into and then, you know, oh, she's hot or whatever. You know what I mean? But, like, I don't think I've been drawn to something for that reason.

I've definitely bought a slutty action figure. for like Carol Danvers and fucking like Spider-Woman Black Cat. Like I'm a kid. Like I'm a comic book nerd too. Like I've done that. It's whatever. I think I bought that a comic of Spider-Woman where like her ass was impossibly like shown. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where like every, it actually ended up. That was a big story. Was it black and white suit or was it red and yellow suit? No, no, no. It was like white and it was like white, right? Yeah, it's actually I kind of forgot. It was painted, right? It was like a painting one.

painted, yeah, it wasn't like, it was a variant. Dude, yeah, it was a variant cover, dude, that was like a... Was it Julia Carpenter? Or was it was, I don't remember, but it was, it was, it was, that was a big story at that time. I remember that was a huge, that was a huge topic of conversation about how they were calling it sexist because it's impossible. It's like, it's impossible that spider woman could even function moving around like that. It's like, bro. Yeah, that...

Spider-Man doesn't make sense. Well, first of, well, also, but Spider-Man doesn't make sense. Like there's so many, there's so many poses that Spider-Man has where it's like, that's red and yellow. It's just because that's cool. Oh, yeah, it's red and yellow. I don't know what it is. I don't see it.

Okay, hold on a second. I'm just, I'm trying to get the actual, because they're, in everything that I'm seeing, they're cutting off her fucking butt cheeks. And I'm like, hey, how dare you? How fucking dare you do that? Covering it with the, what you call it, what the hell, man?

Everything that I'm trying to find. Okay, here it is. I found it. All right. Spider Woman. They cut off her ass. Oh, six. Someone did some.

some cosplay a bit, but yeah, still, still it's not nearly as good as they did in the comment, because that is the tight, I'm about to send you a chat right now. I'm about to put in the chat. Dude, the amount of, hurry up. Come on. You are crazy.

Is that every superfinal superhero is just on. I'm fiended. Whoa, here we go. That is true, yeah. And they're drawn also to be like, oh, come on, bro. Hold on a second. Why do you do that?

Yeah, that's not. No, because I know it. I know it. Hold on, hold on. I'm going to get the rel link. I'm going to get the relink. I'm going to get the relink. I'm gonna get the real link one sec.

Here we go. I have it. It's, it's, it's, it's this one. Yeah. Super Robot Mahem.com.

Yeah, wow, I do remember. It's so crazy. I remember this. Yeah, I remember this. Yeah. The Spider Woman variant cover by Milo Manara. Yeah, there you go. And it was like a huge topic of conversation

because everybody was talking about how impossible it was for. Yeah, to get a fucking... That cosplay is really fucking good, though. Yeah, the only reason they, can even be is by it being paint, you know, like by body paint. Because like... Yeah, but that's all superheroes, really.

Yeah, like, right. So, well, not all superheroes, but a lot of them. Like, Spider-Man, like, Spider-Man makes no sense. Like, the way that, the way that fabric works, it's like, no. Like, he's definitely a naked man painted that way. Which is awesome. Which is awesome. Which, I prefer that.

I prefer that. He's fucking, just no cup, bro. Like, why? That is a crazy good fucking... Who's this person? I'm trying to think of. of, uh, who's this person that did this cosplay? Bat girl.

Like, trying to find her, only fans or what? No, man, just curious, you know? $5.00. I was in a lot. Just curious. You know, for the story. Yeah, yeah, for the story. Five don't cost so much. Yeah.

Yeah, I honestly, I honestly can't think of anything. I honestly, oh, oh, you know what? No, never mind. Never mind. Chunley, Chunley, Street Fighter 5. I did, I did pay money to get, to get the suit, to cost, the costume, the classic costume. There you go. I did do that. So both of our answers.

You know what? it's worth it is chun lee because mine was chunley because mine was in fortnight the literally the only time i played for tundli that was it i i freaking got i bought the i was two fighter five six i bought the old chunley skin i also bought the old cammy skin and in six they made her ass so fat it's crazy they gave chunle they gave um cammy ass for days this is like bro this you didn't need to do all this but i respected yeah i always respected they did it's got a i did buy one other comic because it was a bat girl. It was, it was issue number 26 because she looked like,

there's this, the artist Alex Garner. Yeah, he's, I love his art. And, God, she looks so, she looks so good in the cover. I was like, dude, what's up? I'm fucking, this is my shit right here. How you doing? How you do it? Just random times.

All right, let's get the, let's knock out, let's knock out three questions real quick, and then we'll head out. Dr. Dr. Robo- Dichnick? Dr. Roknix. There we go. Obscene Pee machine

wrote in. He says, Hello, black and Hispanic, black but not Hispanic and Hispanic but not black. You have the power to simultaneously remove the thing, not a person,

that you hate most, but at the cost of what you love the most. You can then continuously do this until nothing exists on Earth. Do you do it? If so, how many times do it? For example, Chris could remove

the existence. of Imagine Dragons as a band, but at the cost of the Halo series. Uh, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't do this. Yeah, that's not. That's, that's too big of my cost. Yeah, I wouldn't,

I wouldn't do that. What did it cost? Everything. Unless it was like, everything, like, like, sorry, unless it was like getting rid of like,

you know, I don't know, like pedophiles or something, where it's like, okay. At the cost of what? But then, but then you couldn't,

no, but then you couldn't remove the people. You, I guess you could remove the concept of, yeah, or like that, that, that, that,

that you could remove that. But then, but then dude, what cost would that be? Would that be like your ability to fucking walk? Because that's a big trade. You know what I mean?

To get rid of, to save the world in that way, you would be like, you would be relegated to like a Stephen Hawking chair except you wouldn't be as important so no one would give you a cool chair to talk around him.

So like, I don't know. Stephen Hawking cheated on his wife with like his worker, social worker or something? How the fuck is he gonna? Exactly. With another chair? What are you talking about?

Yeah. He sat in a different chair. Jack me off, and then she's like, wait, I don't understand. Keep doing it. This is not supposed to. It was somebody else. It was somebody else with, with L.ALS, right?

It was another. Was it? I actually don't know who would actually. I think so. I remember there was, I remember there was like a, like, video footage of him in a chair. There was a video of him in a chair all fucked up, and he was wheeling up to another woman in a chair equally as fucked up. And my hands don't work. Okay.

Never mind. I'm remembering, so, so I'm remembering what this memory is. It's literally a joke from family guy. So it's not real. I know the joke. I actually know, yeah, yeah, I actually know exactly what you're talking about. You know, honestly, yo, up until now, yo, up until now, I thought that was just a real fact about Stephen Hawking.

That like, he hooked up with another, another, they're fucking, ALS person. How do we have sex? I wouldn't, I wouldn't do this personally. Like, I just, there's, there's two few things. things I love in this world that I just I can't sacrifice any of them. Yeah. And also I love to hate certain things too.

So like, I mean, there's some enjoyment that I get out of this as well. Feels good. Feels good. I feel like a good trade. Let's see. Would you sacrifice getting rid of like a Matt Walsh, but sacrificing the Mike Armandrout actor? No.

Now keep in mind, Mike Keep in mind that Matt Walsh Is probably responsible for A lot of LGBTQ people being beaten up In a few deaths And definitely bomb threats at hospitals and shit So? Right, right, yes

But still, no But the performance that he gives is still so good I'm torn That's a hard one though Because I would... When you agreed And your average You fucking knit

Why did you Well Mike I didn't know you were racist What do you expect I'm old as hell Look around you Look around you

Walter Everybody's me Everybody's me Your wife is me Your children of me Your dog is me The Sun is me Like teletubbies Walter

Out of the hot Get The sun The Sun The Sun just With Mike Irving Trout's face Tellytubby style Going

I'm hot So stupid Go to the next question Please please the next question All right All right Nikki Zicky Nicky Zicky

He wrote in He's like writing a kind of question To prove I am an active member of this To active member of this Patreon Have you guys ever heard of the fascinating phenomenon Of Yankee candles Receiving a bunch of negative reviews Of people angry

Of people angry the candles have no smell coinciding with a new wave of COVID That's awesome Oh yes Yes I have heard that I have heard that There's a rise Yeah those negative reviews

of a specific yes. There's no fucking smell it, isn't it? And then that's when you know. That's when you have to be careful. It's like dogs when they know the, oh, the weather. It's just about, someone's about to go down. It's like, it's a fucking hilarious phenomenon. And also, it's hilarious, but it's also maddening because I can't stand how stupid people are.

Or they're, like, they're blaming the, like, oh, it does, I'm like, what about everything else? You fucking dick. Dude, I would... I don't know, go ahead. So would you trade... Hmm. Now I'm thinking about... No, because now I'm thinking about

what I would trade, like, if I could get rid of my sense of smell for something. I don't think I... I don't think I would. Because eating wouldn't be as good. Yeah. Yeah, but then I would also be thinner again because then I'd have no reason to eat fucking delicious

like pizza and stuff. I think... I would get rid of... I think if I was God, I would get rid of hand jobs. I think. They are the worst of all of... They're the worst sexual favorites for sure. Yeah, yeah.

They are very just like... Get the fuck off me. Whatever, Walter. Get the fuck off me. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you're doing. Leave me the fuck alone. I can do it better.

I get angry. Like, I've gotten, like, I felt like anger in my heart. Anger. Absolutely, because I'm just like, why is this is such a waste? Yeah, it's a waste of calories. It's a waste of energy. It's a waste of, like, memory. It's a mouth, Walter.

Yeah, it's just, just with my penis with your mustache, Walter. I got offended once. So, like, because I remember, like, a girl I was seeing was, like, offered, like, can I give you a hand job or whatever? And I'm like, no. Bitch, no. What? I would.

Absolutely not. So, no. You're, like, adamantly against them. I really hate them. Like, I have, I have, it's. I don't know, man. I mean, I'm not, like, to me, it's just like, well, if that's the only, the other, like, option. I would easily rather just do anything else.

I would rather go home. That's kind of crazy to me. I would rather play a video game. Slop in the mouth. What'd you say? What? I was giving me a hand up and I'm going to slap them in the mouth as hard as I can. Y'all are just, like, y'all are just, like, y'all in my mind.

To me, it's kind of, like, the way, to me, it's like any, like, sexual acts or whatever. Somebody once there was a mean They compared to the pizza and I totally agree Right there's like even like bad pizza Fucking it's bread sauce and cheese It's yeah but it's edible like you know Oh fuck I'm still eat it's the only thing to eat I'm eat it I'm not gonna fucking throw it on the ground and be like

Oh I'm such a fucking superior Fucking I like my homie My homie Brock we call him five star Brock because of that shit He only used the finest things We're like man fuck you That's I think that is me in this area Yeah I will I will 100 percent refusing them.

Sounds like you just have some weird fucking like something happened to you that like, no, they're just not good. They're just not good. Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. It frustrates me too because I know what I'm doing with their equipment more than they do. And it's like that bothers the hell of me. I feel like you're really, I don't believe you at all.

Because it bothers me. I don't. I think you're incredibly arrogant to say that. I mean, unfortunately, I just, I don't, I don't believe that for a second. I believe it 100%. I don't. I think you're, I think if, I feel like. say maybe some people told you some shit and made you fucking boost your ego, but there's

no way that you know how to operate a pussy better than a girl just knows how to go fucking back. No, that's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I can work with them with my hands better than they can work with me 100% of the time. Like 100% of the time. It just sounds like you have some special stipulations.

There's no special stipulations just they don't know what the fuck they're doing. Okay. So, okay. 100% of the time. Beating off, there's nothing to beating off. That's why they're not good because there's nothing to it. No, no, no, no, no, no. There's nothing.

There's crazy. There's absolutely technique. If you think there's fucking real technique, all there is is just one specific motion, you're going up and down and a little bit of a twist. Are you fucking serious? No, man. That's for you. That's, you see, that's your subtlety, man.

There's subtlety. See, that's your fucking hand fitting your fucking groove of your dick. And that's why it doesn't feel the same because it's not their, it's your hand. Their hand is not your hand. That's what you're actually complaining about. Listen, look, don't get mad at me because I'm not eating. cheese nips for dinner, all right? Like, I need a meal.

I'm, I'm, I want a good, I want my five stars. Let me put it this way. Let me put this way. A fucking, a pocket pussy that vibrates is still not a pussy, right? Like, it's doing a lot of cool things and shit, but it is not. It's better. It's far better. Last question.

Fucking whatever. I'm just saying, ladies line up and beat them off and then changes mine. Like Crowder. Change my mind Dude, that would be an amazing fucking change my Handjobs are bad, change my mind Oh my god

Okay, last one, last one Stop with the Britain slander It already sucks here That's just a dead I was waiting for somebody to say that For the records y'all suck No, I actually really like British people.

I'll never let the UK live this down. You guys somehow lost control of America when we were at our most fucking terrible version of ourselves. And you guys still lost control of us. Well, I don't know about that. It's probably worse now. Absolutely crazy to say such a...

Yeah, I just, literally the only two problems I have. Do you think the Boston Tea Party era of America is worse than it is now? Do I think dumping tea in the... the ocean is worse than that's proto America pretty much pedophile pedophile billionaires you know with with yes I do

we were pathetic then at least now we can defend ourselves then we just decided to say no enough and they were like okay bro feel see you later well you would just well so what you mean is what you mean isn't weakest you mean weakest you mean weakest yeah read the question somebody somebody get about here where's that fucking what's that vaudeville can where we're talking about.

Hope it grabs you by your neck and breaks your neck. Hope it paralyzes you. The worst version of ourselves is probably like, I don't know what, like fucking... Not that long. That's the worst version of America, I think. No.

Yeah, definitely. I think that's the weakest version of America. That's when we had the least power for sure. The biggest had belt buckles on their hats when they first showed up. A bunch of nerds. Those nickets had. He felt muckles on their hat.

Fucking loser. I'd beat the fuck out of any pilgrim. I would beat the dogshed at any pilgrim. I'd put them in a hospital. I'd put them in a fucking hospital tent that they got a built in a 10-day. Fucking bastards. I'd kill them. Kill all of them.

All the fucking Mayflower. All those ships show up. If I'd cough on one of those things, they would die. If I coughed on things, they would die. That is so true, actually. That is true. That is, that is unironically totally. real. That's what's so funny about the concept

of time travel to me is because there's so many diseases that we have like innate to us that are just not effective anymore because of like antibiotics or just like generalized like herd immunity. So if like we if we went back in time we would wreak absolute fucking havoc

yeah just bring a bicycle if we went too far by everybody would die though bring a just like wait what did you say just bring up just right around a fucking bicycle coughing at people. Oh, say, oh, say, oh, say, oh, my here.

What the fuck is that contraption, Lady Meredith? Hey, ho, I don't. He starts coughing up blood out his, he starts coughing up blood, out his eyes. Out his eyes. I feel, I'm starting. And he dies. I feel quite potched. And then the fucking Native Americans are all rejoicing, don't you?

And he dies. I was. I can't. I can't smell. I was blessed by a wizard. I can't smell my own ass anymore. This is glorious. I can't smell my own unwashed pilgrim ass.

I'm living in absolute, I'm living in absolute ecstasy. I'm a lady at all times. My wife's, my wife's punching pussy no longer bothers me. We've had four children. It is amazing. You know, for real?

No, it is sincerely fucking crazy that humans had sex at all before like like the idea of hygiene not being a complete deal breaker for most of human history. Well, the thing is this, hygiene was prevalent in several cultures, but not in European. Indian culture they had hygiene was a prominent. In South American, a native culture that was high hygiene was prevalent. In Asian culture, hygiene is prevalent.

Europeans didn't shower often. They were smelly and gross. Everywhere else we're like, yo, eventually you got to get in the water and clean yourself. For them, they were like British, British, French, Spanish, blah, blah, blah, we shower once a month. I did hear and I've never fact-checked this. I heard this when I was a kid and I never fact-checked that in medieval times, they would specifically carry around handkerchiefs because of how disgusting people would smell and cover their noses. Like, I've never fat-checked that, but I guess it's impossible really to do that. Yeah, sure.

You'd only really know if you experienced it. But, like, I think, I don't know, man. It's crazy, dude. Like, your ancient Europeans, fucking crazy shit, man. They used to pick the plaque out of their teeth and use it as moose. Is that? I, see, when you say shit? Would you say shit like that?

That's so fucking preposterous. It's so crazy, but I'm also like, there's a chance that he might be. Those niggis took over the world. Isn't it crazy? I look back every day, and I'm like, the Europeans really, ruined the world for like black people in general. That small little slice. Because they were just so,

because they kept fighting each other. That's why they kept attacking one another. And they were like, we got to go somewhere else eventually because we're all going to die. And it has made everything else the world's problem. My name. My name is Cuddlesworth and I shit up my back.

And I don't shower anymore twice a year maximum. That's pretty. His bed, his bed, his bed, chemical. That's pretty cool. He's like a rock star in like, or like, not a rock star, but like this famous figure in like early European. It's like, I shit up my own back and I don't clean it.

Wow. I take two showers here. It's like, whoa, whoa, that's more bats than I've ever taken. Yo, dude. I can't even. How long do you think he could go? without showering before you like us us not longed them

they're fine I say don't shower I guess we did it's incredible we did not even answer this we just he asked us to stop oh he asked us to stop and we immediately went way harder on his ancestors

smelly nigga die I gotta be real I've I totally lost it. I totally lost the question. I don't know where it is. Oh, you serious? Yeah, I completely... Why is it... Keep finding it. Look for it. It refreshed. I'll just say... I'll do one quick... I'll do one quick cursory thing and then we'll wrap it up. Yeah, the English... The English niggas, man. They're all right. I might have said this before

when I, uh, when I was coming back from Greece, uh, in 2017, I met up at, at Heathrow. We had a bunch of British fucks. And they all, we all met up and had a few pints and it was, It was really fucking cool. I actually really like British people. The only things I don't like is their hip hop and their baked beans. That's about it. Can I just something very honest? Yeah.

Can I be very honest? Okay. All right. I hope every British person that isn't related to me gets SARS. That's it. That's our statement. Okay. I hope every single one.

Every single one falls day. It's not really. I mean, they got, they, well, When they owned Hong Kong, man, they got it. Do you remember when they were all dying because they didn't have Aces? All right, let's move on. Okay, so he says, so stop with the Britain slider, it already sucks here. 40 degrees.

Sub you hooligans, sub you bunch of hooligans. First time patron, a long time subscriber here. What was the infamous character of your area when you were younger? Mine was a man called Purple Acky, who was known for squeezing men's muscles in gyms. I swear, I'm not lying, Google it. Purple, Acky. We didn't have anybody like this growing up where I was from, anybody that was like,

or at least not that I was old enough to really pay attention to work about. Mysterious Kevin, remember? But recent. Oh my God, mysterious Kevin. Mysterious Kevin. You don't remember mysterious Kevin? You forgot about Mysterious Kevin. I totally forgot about Mysterious Kevin.

He would just show up. He was like a, he wasn't like a, a, he wasn't like a neighborhood figure, though. Like, he was just like in our group in school. We just knew. this guy kind of a little bit. His name was Kevin, and he would join us for, like, parties and get together sometimes. But most of the time, he was never really there, and we would always, like, run into him in, like,

really bizarre. Like, we'd run into him, like, oh, the one time I go hiking in, like, three years. And then I run into Mysterious Kevin at, like, the top of a mountain. Or, like, oh, I ran into him under a bridge. Or like, oh, I ran into him like, I don't even like in a fucking sewer or something. Mysterious Kevin. Mysterious Kevin's a changelings. He's an identity that several changelings take on.

And they go throughout the world as Mysterious Kevin. That's so crazy. I don't know where he lived. I totally fucking forgot. I totally forgot. He was around sometimes. I just knew that we all knew him for some reason. But I don't remember meeting him.

I don't remember. It's strange. I don't know. know. I can't explain mysterious, Kevin. I was going to say, not when I was growing up, but around here currently where I live now, we have that Burbank Sniffer, who was that guy that was going around sniffing women's assholes and Barnes & Noble. Right. The Barnes & Noble, the Barnes & Noble that I go to, by the way. What a fucking creature. You know, what a great. Dude, I heard that he got caught or something. Yeah, he did. Yeah, so. I heard that he broke out of prison. Yeah. Like that fucking

little guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He sniffed the bar to the gate open. The prison's gate open. He kept sniffing the bars. He sniffed the structural integrity off of the bars. That's crazy. Let's move on. Let's go.

That makes a lot of sense, actually. Okay. Let's get the hell out of here. These episodes are getting too fucking out of pocket. Too perfect is what you mean. We should start just like, we should start just letting the questions lead, honestly. I've actually, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, I've, I've, I think I've, yeah, I've wanted that actually.

Yeah, it's just better content. Because, fucking. Nothing, I feel like the only time we really need to talk about something when something actually fucking happens. Yeah, you know what, something too? It's like, every time something happens, I feel like it gets too serious. You know what I mean? Like, we either have like, oh, it's like,

because we're always like, um, should we say what we think? Yeah. Or should we like entertain? We're not, this way, it's fucking easy. Yeah. We got to turn on the comedian switch when that shit happens. When the serious shit happens, I'm like, I'm all locked in, like, preaching and shit. I'm like, wait, I needed to say something stupid. Yeah, we need to have fun.

Anyway, these are all of our $25 and up patrons. We thank you very much. Remember you can come out, remember you can, okay, remember you can come on over to patreon.com slash the Stark Tank and help us out. Send me come to my P.O. box. Send a bucket of cum to Derek's P.O. box. I want a big old pail of cum, a big old big, big, I want a little lid.

It's no lid. I want that thing to be, I want that thing to have splashed. all over the fucking place. But it's in a serran. It's no lid. It's a saran wrapped over. The fucking mailman delivers it. He's like, here you go, sir. He didn't spill any of it. He didn't spill a single drop of it.

No, he's a G, man. He's like sign here for your bucket of come. All right, let's move on. Let's get the fuck out of here. All right. All right. Obama. Lord of drone strikes.

Listening to Sweeney makes me consider racism. Fuck face unstoppable There goes my homo Watch him as he blows Keith David But British But British 22 episodes to go

I'm coming for y'all This guy's catching up quick Oh shit Walk this gay Suck this gay Walk this gay suck this gay Give me yo dick Not bad

Okay Jolly old dipshit Back from Birmingham Yanti I've seen things in this house I've never spoken of The cock that Pierce your father Came in his ass

NDC 13 cypher graph Sweeney's horrible Eldridge laugh till I Prolapse Oh my God That's

That's We could do that Till I prolapse I'm filling this ass As long as you drill And to this day I suck cox so you never say That I'm not feeling

Gay I don't know I don't know what it says It cuts off after that But till I prolapse That's a pretty fucking That is That is too good

actually. That I feel like I should find Weird Al Yankov and be like I'm gonna take this and you can't take this for me even though he hasn't

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but two people congratulations on your murder. Because your dick your dick is on my lips because your dick your dick is on my lips I love sucking on guys

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That's crazy That does sound like some type of drug Or a gin I guess Quigon gin Sweeney lick my weenie people Probably the only and likely last San Carlos Apache that listens to the snark tank Gay CDC

Long Wait Gay CDC long and black I lick his sack his dick is long. I'm glad it's black. Yes, I fuck dudes. Tide or loose. I don't know what that is. I'm like, they're stumping us, man.

Oh, is that gay CDC, gay CDC? Is that like CDC? Wait, why would it be CDC? Disease control. That's what I'm, I'm stumped. I don't know. But usually when I see CDC, I think of Colin Chris Dustin. Because

that's how people write into sacred symbols when they go like, hey, CDC. Oh, that's probably a reference for you guys. some? Maybe, but like, it's a gay CDC, but it's not because it's clearly a gay parody. Yeah. Shit. But like is, but is it supposed to be like run DMC, but you thought like, oh. Maybe he thinks Kingston is spelled with a C?

Oh, is that what that is? Chris Kingston, Chris Kingston, Derek. Is that what that is? What was the lyrics again? Oh, Colin Chris Derek. Wait, Colin, Chris, Dustin, Chris Kingston, Derek. That is kind of. It's kind of interesting.

It's a lot of cuss. Anyway. A lot of cuss and dugs and shit. Anyway. The Mask 2, starring Paul Blart's mall cop in black face. Help. Come in my ass. You're drilling me.

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He's a good shit, dude. He's going through it. He's going through it, man. He's probably having, like, a moment. But I don't feel like trying to make a joke today, Domination. Average clip energy, gag me or release me parasite. Hey man, you know, sometimes you got it in you, sometimes you don't. Gag me or release me parasite, but do not waste my time with cock.

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I love you That's a hard thing to sing, though, because it's Jack Black and his voice is crazy. Yeah. Wage Slay 583, I feel gay fuck you, the Pepini Brothers Emporium of Realistic Cammy and Chunley thigh-shaped neck pillows. Oh, man. Tell you something, man. I would buy that and absolutely hide it. Yeah.

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The guy with T. Rex arms was chasing that guy with scissors on his feet. I don't got time. Let's just keep going on. You've never seen this video? This is a real video, actually, for real. I can't.

Yeah, I don't think I've seen that. Wait, hold on. If I had, I certainly don't remember. Man. I don't want to do this. No arms, scissors. Oh, man. Hi, I'm Jordan Peterson.

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To a special place Specifically the toes Really speak to the character Of the individual Yeah so this is the T-Rex This is the T-Rex guy with scissors He's got He's got scissors on his feet

I can't Oh Ew. Isn't it scary? Anyway. Oh, my. It's very scary. It's very fucking scary.

Oh, my God. Look at a run. Dude, it's scary. It's menacing. It's like those videos of like JPEGs chasing people through half-life levels. It's like there's something deeply unsettling about it. I don't know why he's making me a little nauseous. It's a nauseating thing to see.

The first person of Keith David, gay Michael Jackson be like, you can lick my, you can fuck my smooth. Booty ho. I saw that smelling turkey. Come, come, come, come, come, come. That was a bad turkey, dude. That is a bad turkey.

Exit, exit pants, exit pants, enter ass. Take my cum. We're off to pussy fucking land. Eh, something. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the next one. I'm right for myself.

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and as always running out our list, the king of haphazard. Thank you all for your unwavering support. Your gay support. We appreciate it. And, yeah. I mean, fucking, we'll see you, I guess. Shut out of. Walter. Shut up, Walter.

He said, sorry, Walter. He came all over me. I didn't know what to make of it. Shut the fuck up, Magneto. I did everything right and they came on me.