The Snark Tank - #182: H*rny Boomers on Twitter

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

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Hey, look, it could get me. Man, cool beans. Cool beans. Awesome, possum. Yeah. Rafflecopter. What the fuck?

I forgot about that. What does that mean? Is that rolling off the floor laughing as a helicopter? Yeah, literally. That's so magically fucking stupid. Yeah. Yeah, welcome. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, welcome to the internet pre-2009. Oh, my fucking God. I'm glad I wasn't there. I was looking at porn on internet. That's only, the only useful penit out of me at that time was porn. 2009? Yeah, loading it on the PSP, real slow. Real slow.

When you got it, though, it was, when you finally got it, it was worth it. Dude, I think about that sometimes. I think about, like, if I went back to my PSP and found, like, what I had on there, like, adult material-wise. Yeah. I bet it would be so fucking, I bet it wouldn't even get a, it wouldn't even get a remote response from me now. I am so positive of that. Understandable. I mean, fucking back in the day.

I played adult taste. I get like a Sports Illustrated magazine, that'd be all right. It's a swimsuit edition. It'd be like... The Sports Illustrated swimsuit. It'd be like a fucking old person. That sincerely, that makes... That puts so many years between...

Yes. Between you and me. Yes. In a way that doesn't really make sense if you count the actual year because we're not really that far off but then at the same time we are though like as far as uh when i grew up a dial up it wasn't worth it yet it wasn't worth it wasn't worth the time yeah to pull up a picture if you're gonna pull a picture suck dude that's what it was on the PSP bed i would wait i would wait for this this picture to load and like maybe i would see

yeah like a low resolution pussy and be like oh man yeah it wasn't until it wasn't until a DVD MP3s and MP4s really started taking off. That's when I was like, oh shit, because now I just, I'm just loading just hundreds of files onto one disc. You know, it'd take a long time to do, but then I'm set now because there's so much I can cycle through. I'm plop it in. My mom got me a DVD player for Christmas and also gave me a Sam Ramey Spider-Man.

So this was like 2000, whenever it came out, whenever the DVD came out, right? And I used that DVD for, I think, for porn more than I did, that I did movies, because I just made all this cool shit, you know? Yeah, yeah. I really hope my mom never found that shit one time

she cleaned my room because sometimes I'd let it get too messy and then she would get mad and clean it. And the disc, I left the porn disc in the DVD player. Thing is, though, she didn't say anything to me. And the

DVD was on top of the DVD player, so she took it out. And maybe I'm just thinking she was too much of a boomer to understand what she was looking at because it was files. I think she knew what she was looking at. Maybe, but she's the type of person that probably would have just taken it. She would have taken it, like, say, I bought this, this toy gun. It was a, it was a desert eagle. And the problem with it was you put batteries in it and it made a desert eagle noise. and I also sought off the orange tip.

So this was fucking dope. So instead of like talking to me about it, she just fucking threw it away. She just threw it away. And I'm like, this is my hard-earned money. I spent 10 fucking dollars on that. And I used to make $10 a week on allowance when I was a kid. That was an entire week's paid, dude.

100%. That's one-fourth of rent. Derek, that is so, such a bad idea. Of course, in hindsight. Bad idea, dude. In hindsight, I was probably like seven or something. I don't think it's, I don't think it's a bad idea. No, not at all.

Kids that played with guns, I never understood that. I just never wanted to be around them. And then the one time, I got it was a fake gun. I literally went into my uncle's bedroom. So I went to always, but I opened his closet because he had like all the comics. That was my uncle Joe. He was like the cool uncle. He had all the comments.

He played like bald. He played like D&D's like that. Went in his room. Went, found his real, real ass gun. Went outside and showed my grandma. Grandma, look, it's heavy than a toy once. And she was just, her face just sank. She was like, why is there a gun in a fucking house?

She, like, pulled my uncle. It's like, why is there a gun in the fucking house? I let you stay here for a month. So you get it back on your feet. You got a fucking house. I'm fucking serious right now. He's like, get out. Get out.

You're moving out tonight. Damn, you got him kicked out, bro. I got him kicked out, yeah. He didn't held it against me. He was like, it was cool. It was like, yeah, it was super cool. I wish I wish I could be, I wish I could be. I would be such a piece of shit time traveler, man.

I wish I could go back to that moment just to be at that party, just to see Little Kingston with a gun, just so I could remark to a perfect stranger at that party and being like, man, starting them early. And then leave, and then just leave, and then just blank out into a different timeline. That is crazy. That's all you want your time travel for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, that's crazy. You just, like, homed in on some guy's gun and then showed it to someone. I showed it to my grandma. I didn't have, the clip, the clip wasn't inside of it, obviously. It was inside of that would have been way different. That would have been way different. Dude, you would be gone, dude.

That's how, that's how most, I'm pretty sure. Because little kids actually do that. Little kids, they literally look down the barrel. I've seen it happen so many times. It's terrifying. Yeah, because I think it's like a straw or something. They're like, where'd this go? And then, bam.

That's it. Yeah, I guess if you don't understand what a gun, like, even as, like, when I was young, I was, when I was old enough to understand what a gun is, I, it's, it just almost feels like naturally don't put yourself in front of, it was like a knife. I've never, I've never, there was only one time I accidentally, I almost like stabbed myself, right, because I was opening something with a knife pointing towards me. And then that was the lesson I ever, like, I was like, I was whatever doing it the wrong way, not. outward and that was enough for me that like kind of I think it poked my shirt and then I learned forever and I feel like just seeing what guns can do

on television was already enough for me to be like yeah I don't want this thing pointed in my face even if it was like I don't know what an average gun does on television is usually like it's funny what do you think about it because on TV guns do way worse shit than they do in real life outside of like shotguns and stuff no no handguns handguns do way worse

well that's what I'm saying most I'm talking about I don't even think it stops at handguns. I think it's most guns with the exception of maybe shotguns. Because you're not going to see like, it's not gears of war. You know what I mean? It's not like a fountain of fucking blood or like explosions in your fucking flesh or anything. Yeah. But it's like it's so like to me it's like media that I would consume made them seem so insanely dangerous that I was like I'm not going anywhere near this shit.

I want nothing to do with it. The first time I went shooting, the first time everyone was shooting ever in my life, I was like, handling a pistol and I really realized the weight of a pistol and then I realized how not much the trigger weighs. People are like, it's like, it's not, that's not three pounds. I don't, my fingers are not that strong. And I was your fingers, I mean, no, your fingers are three pounds is not. I was like, it cannot be this. Three pounds. Three pounds is not that. That sounds about right. Like, have you ever done those, um, what is it, those, uh, stress things? But no, no, no, not the stress. Oh, the fingers that we have fingers that you pull it in?

Well, yeah, it's like an exercise thing for your, for your knuckles, or not for your knuckles, but for your hands. And you can actually, like, you can adjust the grip. You can adjust the grip. And, like, three pounds sounds about, about right for, like, how hard it is to pull a trigger. It's not that much. Even that 16, it didn't feel like three pounds at all. Three pounds is not much for 16 either, but I got to say. And I was like, this is fucking nothing.

And then I went, I was just spraying into the range. And I was like, this is insane. And then I felt like, God. And then I was like, oh, I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah. I like shooting, man. I like it. Right?

It's supposed to be convenient and easy. Otherwise, like, you put the safety on so it doesn't do anything. Then once it's off, it should be very easy to use it. Otherwise, what's the point? Right? So, I mean, I was like, hey, stop shooting. And I was like, who are you talking to? You know why I am right now?

And that scared me. I do find it. I do find it kind of nice, but also a little bit surprising that there aren't more. Because you always hear about people saying they want to be suicidal. decided by cops or they want to go out and do something crazy. And then how all of them go to like a fucking school or something instead of just going to a range where you'll get switch cheese immediately. Like isn't like isn't that the point? I mean, why don't you just go in front of a cop?

That's the thing to me I don't understand. Like why not just go in front of the police station? Or jump in front of a train or some shit. It's like don't hurt anybody. There is a lot easier ways to go out. I just feel like if you want people to get a cop going in front of a police station. But also I feel like a gun range is because those are where the. Those were the gun that's hang out

Just dive Just dive in front of the If you move too fast You'll probably just be shot by everybody Like if you just move too fast Like say if you're at the range And you turn around too quick Probably everybody would just sue

And everyone would just shoot you That's crazy They want to do it That's crazy to just grab a gun And then just like turn around real quick And start screaming You just really had to pay So they all shot you.

He really had to be. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Smart Talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna. And I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business? My one advice to that. Pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side.

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You're like passing a kidney stone? Oh, my God. And then you're fucking minced. And they're like, my bad boy, you moved too quick. Sorry, I didn't mean, I didn't mean to shoot you 10 times. Anyway, let's move on to some, let's get some questions over here. Let's go on to the audience questions. There's not much going on, I assume, I don't know, who the fuck knows?

There might be something. Maybe they'll find Mama J.F. Yeah. And then it'll all be bulk. But we got a bunch of questions here from our lovely audience over at patreon.com slash a Star Tank. Remember, you can go over there and play just a little of a dollar. and you get ad-free access, early access,

all that shit, man. So go on over there. Or you cannot, and you can suffer in whatever pure aisle existence you're currently fucking rolling around in. I saw an orangutan at a zoo that probably had more fucking... I'm sorry, I'm getting...

I have to breathe a little bit, sorry. All right. Let's move in. I got really angry at the audience. I understood that it's not fair, but... What is all, do you do? Let me breathe down. It's his army hat.

It's, it's, it's starting to seep into your brain. It's like the haunted mask. It's like the cow from freaking, what you call it? From our remake, where it makes you racist immediately as you put it over. Right, right, right. It's another good. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's another good Patreon exclusive.

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Is that a Danimal's yogurt? It's not a Danimal, bitch. It's not a Danimal, bitch. Activio. I was like, you fucking danymal drinking bastard. You'd think d'anemals would have such a paltry, depressing green on their fucking... I can't even tell that's green. Activio.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot your colorblind. What? Really? You're one of the... Yeah, he's invalid, yeah. Did we ever discuss that before? I don't think so, actually, on the podcast.

We've made fun of him in person a lot for this. Because it's like, ha-ha, you're fucking stupid, and you don't know, you can't see half the fucking beauty of the world. But, you know, whatever. Do you know I made a guy discovered that he is, not colorblind, but he sees colors incorrectly. I made a guy colorblind once. Oh, that's very cool. Yeah, yeah. I was working for a 7-11 distribution center, right?

And we would deal with the coffees first, and the coffees were labeled with different colors. and we always started with the green one, the decaf coffees first. And so I told the guy, because I was just a position above him, hey, grab the green ones. And he's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, grab the green coffees.

Like, we start with that. What do you mean? And then he was like, do you mean the blue ones? And I was like, no, there's, we don't have fucking blue ones. What are you talking about? And then he was so confused. And I don't know how he went through.

His entire, like he was probably 1819, how he never figured this out. Like, nobody didn't, no one corrected him. What did he think the, so you mean you're telling me he went to Spider-Man and saw the green goblin covering blue and was like, this is fine? I'm not going to ask any questions about this. Why he blue? That's crazy. That's stupid. Why is it not the blue goblin?

He just silently thought to himself, man, I'm so much. smarter than these fucking Hollywood directors. He fucking named this guy the green goblin. He's obviously blue. What a fucking thuds. It does not make sense at all. Like if you think about it, that scenario that happened, it

made no sense to me. I was like, there's no way. I asked him, are you fucking with me? Because I thought he was, but he was serious. I don't know, man. That's crazy, man. I don't know how you make it in life that way. You know what's an interesting statistic that I read recently? Yeah. 90% of

All colorblind people are psychopaths. That sounds plausible, actually. That's real. Thoroughly colorblind, like partially colorblind. Partially. Even, it's included in the spectrum, I think. Yeah, let's say that. Yeah.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Let's say that. That makes a lot of sense. It's real. Anyway, before we move, I just, I just want to say something to Kingston real quick. I just saw something for the first time. It's just Balders Gate 3 related, where they used the owl bear as a meteor, like a meteor right?

Oh yeah, they can jump in on people, yeah. I can land where people are. I never saw that, and now I'm going to boot up the game again just to do that. Did you get the out bear? I thought he grew up on you. Yes, but the thing is I never knew you could just weaponize the outbear as a fucking meteor, like, just getting really high and then have it do four figures of damage. It's pretty crazy.

All right. I just fully beat the game finally. I finally, for the first time, beat the game. Like, I think, uh, night before last. that's that's how many hours do you put in the game? Oh like 85. 85? Yeah, one picture.

I did everything. I did everything I could have done that play through though. Like I couldn't do anything else. Right. Did you save the gnomes? Did you blow them up? I saved them. I saved them.

I saved them. Second play through I complete, I completely skipped them. I didn't even give a shit about them. You even go? Do you even stop the, what do you call it? Fuck, no. I just went on, I went the fastest way and just, went on a path of killing as many people as I can.

It was very difficult and to the point where if I want to truly do that and kill everyone, I think I have to just mod it because it's too hard to be by yourself and really try to like kill everybody. It's so hard. It's so fucking hard. But please continue, Chris.

I just... No, that's good. I love killing people in video games. It's... I mean, it's... Speaking of that, I just downloaded prototype. Let's go, because we're just talking about that shit, right? It's been a meme.

I've been joking about it with... I've been busting Collins' balls on sacred symbols, and I keep saying, like, you know, Horizon's good, and, you know, all this stuff is... Infamous is fine, but it's got nothing on prototype. And he gets so upset. I think it's a better game, but I think prototype is very fun, though. Prototype is so fun.

Prototype is so fun. They're different, man. They're different, man. They're different, also, yeah. They did compete with each other, which I thought was kind of bizarre. It was weird. It was like Biifaxi-Iv been in The Last of Us.

It was like this weird, like, comparison that was like, I don't know why they're comparing I guess because they're open world third person superhero kind of games, but like they're so different but prototype was like the ultimate I love that game. I love jumping out of a window and just falling down and blowing

up an area. I remember a move I remember in that game where I don't, I can't remember if I'm making this up or not, but like I swear to God you can grab a person run and jump and put them under you like a skateboard and sand them into paste until they're

gone. I don't remember that. I swear to God. I feel like this is absolutely fucking real. Unless this has been Barrenstein-Baird or like... So let me ask you, Kingston might be... I'm going to ask Kingston last because I feel like he might already know this answer because he's intrinsically kind of... Not intrinsically, but he's just more into this scene than probably either of us. But do you remember the Pokemon Onyx? Yes. How do you spell Onyx? Well, I know how to spell the element Onyx. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the How do you spell the Pokemon's name?

A Pokemon? Oh my God. Yeah. So it's not... Just find your base instinct. Well... Like from what you remember. First go, don't even think about it too much.

Just say what you feel like it was spelled like. Oh. I know this because I just caught one. You thought it was O-N-YX, right? It's I-X. Dude, it's I X. I swear to God for the longest time I really did. I just caught one.

That's why I know, though. That's the reason why I know. I just, just, just caught one. Exactly. That's why I didn't ask you first. I knew. I figured you would know or have at least interacted with Pokemon in a way that would put you in tune with this information. Yeah. It's weird. But, dude, I swear to God, I remember my whole life, like, just remembering it spelled with YX. I just assume it would be because, like, why would it not be?

Yeah, you would assume it would be this, but it's, but that's how Pokemon is. It's like, they take, like, real, like, some things are just real shit of other things names. They're like, letter difference. Right. Yeah. It just, dope. It just bothers me because. I was just like, dude, I could, I would have lost, if I was not like who wants to be a millionaire, I would have lost like a million, all my fucking money on that bet.

You know what I mean? Brazenly, too. Like, brazenly. I would have been dancing. I would have whipped my pee-pee out and like, spun it around. Is there helicopter? He, he, he, he, he, he, he. Y-X?

Dude, I was so, I was so convinced that it was Y-X. I went and looked for it because I saw somebody being like, how do you remember spelling? I was like, no, no, no, no, this can't be real. I looked it up, and sure enough, yeah, it's O-N-I-X. Yeah. crazy you you preface in that question though obviously i was like okay well then it's not y x then but i was just like i guess yeah yeah but i was still like i definitely thought it was before you said that yeah you would assume you would assume yeah like why the it yeah it's it's onics i mean like

many things like how r box name is not spelled with a c for some reason even though it's supposed to be culpr backwards and it's both a k oh that's right you know what i think that's why i thought every time I I sometimes fuck up when I'm spelling Cobra Kai for some reason I want to spell Cobra with a K and I think it is because of that I think it's because of Arbok

I was like I was like it's it's it's it's C it's like yeah so it's not cobra backwards it's Kbra it's Kobra it's Kobra

Kobra Kobra It's Kobra Or is it like Yeah Silent K like in English for whatever reason. So it's just Obra?

Is that it? Because what is that? Why do we have... I don't want, I'm not going to get into it. I'm not going to get into it. I hate it. We're Americans. You wouldn't know.

That's one of the fucking limie bassists. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Mbata. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer, What is the future of computing? Whether it's coming up with new algorithms,

coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines.

Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of, building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conton?

By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computers, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos.

Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly, on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a higher than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes.

Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs.

I'll be back over that way. Yeah, that is so true. Like knife? What the fuck is that? What is that? Caniff. Caniffy. Can we say that now?

O'i, Knifi. I would rather say that. I would way rather say that than just how it's definitely. They call big knives javlins over there. Dead serious. Not kidding. Like a big ass name's a jiveling. Like it's an actual jihad.

They call real. Dead serious. We talk about that, but at the same time, like, if someone, like, realistically speaking, Kingston, if I gave you a shopping list and I wrote, yo, get me a knife, and I wrote N-I-F-E, you would immediately think so little of me, it's insane. Oh, yeah, because that's how it is, but it's still stupid the way it is. Yeah, it would be. Let me get a niffy. Niff. All right.

So let me see. Let me see. Which one do we want to start out with? Big Uncle fungus wrote in. Damn. Fungy, Fungy, Fungy, Fungy, Fungy, Fungy, Fongy, Fongy, Fongy, Fongy, Fong. All right, relax.

He says, he says, hello, the most inclusive podcast, Parentheses, assuming you don't own a vagina. Yeah, that's true. I'm trying. Working on it. We're working on it. Yeah. We like girls here.

Yeah, but we don't have a female, we don't have female representation on this. Working on converting my penis. We don't get a female guest. We have a female guest. We should. We haven't, yeah, yeah. That's true. It's been a minute.

Yeah, we've only had a shoe. Yeah. I think that's it. But that barely counts, you know, she's not like, she's not like, we got to get one of those. Barely. She's like one of the boys. Oh, yeah, Lily did do the one on the 100. Damn, that was fucking 70s some episodes ago.

Holy shit. That's crazy. We got to get some other. I know another girl we can get on the podcast. Another good one. Yeah. I want a girl. No.

Let's get someone who's just like, who we normally wouldn't talk to. Snigero-wolf. Right after Jack's films. Jackie and Snip-Roehl? That's actually perfect. That would actually be a perfect guess. Yeah. Anyway, he wrote in, he says everyone is, every, yeah, just shoot a shot.

Yeah. He says he, so he wrote in and he says, everyone is well aware of the power of gay covers. However, do you think you would ever diversify, perhaps cripple covers or Corp stuff covers of Smash Mouse? Keep it classy I don't know man I don't know I don't think I'm

secretly gay That's why I do gay covers I'm secretly gay Yeah I'm doing Yeah I am crippled technically Like emotionally I think

Yeah But I don't know if I can I don't know if I can Justify making it Like I don't know It's not It's difficult There's not a community

Of that though Yeah they're not There's no cripple pride parade You know Exactly Although I would love to see that. It would be fucking great.

Also, the thing is that the cripple bars just don't flow as well as the gay ones do. I don't even know of crippled bars. Yeah, I don't know. They're just going to gay and they go. Good gay go. But, yes, people, like some people, and I don't know if we talked about this before, but it's been said, like, but you ask like, well, why is this so funny? Because there's some people who think it's disrespectful.

But I think it's just simply because some of the stuff that we use, we talk about in those gay covers or whatever, there are communities of this that actually exists. These people like that. So we talk about WeHo, for example, West Hollywood. There are communities and there are parties within those communities where they get down like those songs. And it's so wild to think about when you think about like how supremely gay some people are, like how they really embrace it.

Well, the thing about it too is that it's just like it's funny. Because there's, because dude, let's be real. Like, there's a lot of music that is just like, it's, it is just as fucking, 100%. Like, it is, it is just as unabashedly, like, not homerotic. I was going to say, I was going to say, I was going to say, dude, I was going to say, like, dude, there's so much music that's just like, just like, just, like, heterosexual like that. You know what I mean? Like, man, bounce on my pussy. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, fucking, just all. Bounce on my pussy. Like, it's just all this stuff. And I listen to it sometimes. I'm like, Dan, this is a song. And so we were just like, man. And it would be funny if... Slop on my knot.

Just the funny... Check in with me. Just the reversal of it. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's funny to me. Yeah, absolutely. It's...

It's like, I don't know, man. Like, the flamboyance in the gay community and all that stuff, all that wow stuff. And like you see, we see it demonstrated at Pride a lot. It's so fun. And essentially, it just... To me, it's like an homage to that shit. Like, if we're being real. It's just like, it's like akin to that.

It's like, picture. those people that are living their best lives, and then, you know, and then it's a song now. Now Metallica is, you know, embracing it. Picture Metallica at Pride Month. That's basically where we're doing, you know, right? Exactly. That's what I'm trying to be.

Metallica, I'm going to try Pride Month. Even just thinking about, like, I'm actually, like, racking my brain trying to find crippled bars, and I can't really, I can't think of any. It's hard, man. I mean, like, Donovan would have done it. Donovan would have, yeah.

RIP to go, man. Yeah. Are we sure he's, You know Can you imagine That would be That would be so It would be so him

But at the same time It's like what the fuck dude We warned you I don't know man I feel like Stop No no no I mean

Realistically speaking I'll put it this way The distance between Like Michael Jordan And a dead person Is very vast You know what I mean Right.

But, like, Donovan was pretty close, like, most of the time. So, like, I wonder if there's, so I, I just, no, I'm just saying, like, I wonder if there's, like, a way to just maybe, like, coax him back a little bit. Because it's not that far, you know? Like, it's not, it's not that far, but just, just, come on, all right, you did it, you died. Let's, come on. Do you think, like, a couple of just maybe, electric shocks? I think if you just hooked up a stud finder to him, if you just, if you just put a stud finder on him and just, if you just put a stud finder on him and just, just, poured water on it. I think it'd be enough of a jolt.

And then, Bam, he's back in the fight. He's bit. Oh, shit. Oh, God of where he trains us a thing with the little knife. He's like, oh yeah, when he fucking gives. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring him back. Stop stabbing me, boy. RIP, Donovan.

Boy, stop stab me in my chest with these weird rocks, boy. It just hurts. Okay. Indie Butterknife on YouTube wrote in. Last question, drum for me in a bit, or drop, I think you meant to say. Or drum? What the fuck is it, drum?

D-R-O-M? Whatever. I don't know. I'm starting to like, the issue with typos now is I'm not sure if it's slang or not. Yeah, because the M's not that close to P, so it's kind of like. Yeah, it's not close enough to pee to be a mistake.

Anyway, I was looking down at my keyboard to make sure. Last question dropped from me in a bit. Insurance be sucking me dry and not in the fun way. No. No problem, bro. Come back when you're ready. or actually no wait. No, we have a new policy

where if you leave, we take the podcast away from you on free feeds. So sorry. You can either get your legs broke or the podcast taking away. Yeah, either you pay for your insurance or you pay for the show.

You can't have both. Sorry. Make your choice, Mickey. Yeah. I'm not even going to read your question. Let's move on. He says, what's one societal trap

you'd want to get rid of? Mine is cars. Expand public transportation and make cities walk away. I really, I can't stand. how necessary cars are in so many parts of the world

it really infuriates me I don't mind having a car I like having a car I like having the freedom to drive like a really long distance that's cool but like needing it to get like groceries and shit

or like just to go get food or do like any just normal fucking oh I gotta drive to the bank that shit sucks sucks penis for me it's uh condoms condoms

you don't need them no need them they're fucking whack dude It's a big load of hollabaloo. Just drink a bunch of mountain dew. You'll be fine. Punch yourself in a boss for 30 minutes straight. You ain't shoot, no shoot.

If that kid makes it, it's special, and it'll also be different. For sure, absolutely. You deserve to make it at that point. You know what I mean? Like, he fought for that. That was the one, the one sperm cell on all the semen. He made the one sperm cell. Oh, my God.

All right. Just the one that got away. Yeah, Derek, you have any, anything you'd want to get the fuck rid of? I don't think there's anything more... His answer, I don't think there's anything more important than that. It's a pretty pream answer. Like, it's a good... Yeah.

What can I say? No, not you. What I feel. What I say? What can I say? Those little worst things are made, we'll get rid of them one day, I swear. Condoms aren't that... Well, no.

I mean, I don't, like, if you... I... I, condoms were like really, I don't know, I feel like outside of a relationship, condoms are very fucking important, right? The only protection I use is these two fists right here, thunder and lightning. Thunder and lighting. Or you can get fucking, you can get on a TRT and then your sperm production stops. That's so gay.

By the way, that's calling the thunder and lightning. Like, to me, it's a two-by-f. This is thunder. and this is Matthew. We're going to beat you. We're going to beat you. I remember, that was such a weird. Did people ever actually do that?

Probably. I want to know from like, I want to know from like, I guess probably like elder millennials, younger Gen X. That sounds like... Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Embatta. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing,

whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before.

Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Kondo? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large.

large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs.

It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves.

at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. Something like they would have probably experienced. Like if you ever got threatened by somebody who named their fists,

I want to hear from you so that we can kick you off the fucking Patreon because we don't need you people. I really feel like that's harsh, but okay. I thought it's boomer shit. You think so? Yeah, like they were, because it sounds so corny, but shit was corny back in the day. Yeah. He'd be like, man, I got to meet over by the soda fountain and that's it. That's it.

That's my day. That's my day. I stand by the soda fountain. Hit the jukebox with my elbow and fuck it up. And then go home. It's fucking breaks. I want to see like a. Realistic.

He was on happy days, right? Is that what he was from? Fonzie, yeah, yeah. I want to see like a realistic interpretation of that sitcom where that guy just went in, hit the jukebox, broke it, was then sued for the damages and now lives in a destitute fucking. So for some reason I can remember that being real, but I don't know if it is that it's an imagination.

But I remember like a Fonzie that's like an old version of himself walking in and like hitting a deuce box and fuck it up with some girl being like, get the fuck out of here, man. You're just like a fucking psycho. I don't know if I'm making that up right now. That's definitely not happy days. I'm going to go ahead and take a wild guess and assume that that that's probably not happy. That sounds like a family guy cut away or something.

It might have been. Do you guys remember when they, when family, not a family guy, when Fonzie guy, when, no, when Happy Days got like really weird.

Because everybody uses the term jumping the shark. Jumping the shark. Yeah. Like, do you know what actually happened? So he. Yeah, didn't Fonzie literally jump a shark?

No, so see, he put, he put wheels. on a shark. He made a motorcycle out of a shark. I couldn't keep it together. I couldn't keep it together. He literally,

one episode is a normal episode of Happy Days, and then the next episode, Fonzie is drilling wheels into a shark. Where did that show take place even? I think it's the 50s, so. In Milwaukee. He got a shark to Milwaukee. In the 50s, dude, the idea of you.

I think they actually were on vacation. I think Richie went to, he ran away to California or something. Yeah, yeah. And Fonzie went to, it was either one or the other. Somebody ran away to California and then the people went to go get them or something. If I remember correctly, because I did used to watch that show, but it's all running together. That's why I think, I literally think there were some wheels on some shark. Either that or they baited a shark out of the water and they literally jumped it.

and they rocked the absolute shit they beat the fuck out of it they tricked them out they've learned about come here come here come here the shark what the fuck is that yo look over there it's the cast of Greece

beating up a great white on land just stomping it out it's so big it's so big but it's still just getting worked I'm being a great white fairly large.

I couldn't say how big they are, but they're obviously like, you know... I think they're great. Next question. Whatever the... I think they're great. Yeah, they're great. That's the size that they are. Yeah.

I don't know. I feel like it's like how long is a moment, you know? That's a good question, actually. Every kiss begins with K. One thing is, okay, how much is a few? A few moments. A few? A few, I would, I always attribute a few to three.

Thank you. Thank you. All right. I just wanted that to be established. A few starts at three at least. It doesn't go beyond five though. Oh my God. I would agree.

100%. That is literally my, that is the definition. You see, that is because that is the reasonable definition. It's crazy to be the people. Like, I remember like, I remember having that exact argument with somebody where like a few, was like arguments like a few is like you know uh over 10 but not 50 and i'm like what are you fucking taught in what context what are you talking about like what is this like what what could you possibly need 50 of any uh like outside of like rice right you know like i can't like oh i need 50

rice is like what the rice is oh fuck i don't know so imagine you've hardly eaten your rice what's wrong you've hardly eaten your rice is what's wrong you're not in your rice Oh my god Autistically counting the grains That'd be crazy, dude Is one rice a rouse Or a rye Why would you do

Is it a rye Like dice and dye Oh, I was thinking mice Oh Russies and rouse I didn't get that right away I don't know Oh my fuck

Yeah let's just say it's a rouse Because I don't like That Oh my I'm gonna pee my fucking rouse. I have to be. I'm gonna be my feroge. Look, I'm a rouse.

I'm hungry, but only for three rouses. A few rouses of three rice. Some rousers. I'll get some rouss like that. It's just so stupid. Let's move on. I'm about to wet my fucking pants. That shit made me almost fucking cry.

Holy shit. Oh, man. I'm about to, I'm about to kick my pants and shit. if we keep if we keep if we keep imagine this one got me crying shaking screaming pissing and shit in I hate that guy let's see what is this what is this what is this what is this what is this what is this

round wrote in he says what's up our regular team of tisms the tism team nice what's a hot take that you will never back down from no matter how much shit you get for it. For example, I absolutely love Star Wars The Phantom Menace. It's my favorite film of the series, and I don't get the hate for Jar Jar Binks. That's wild. That's a wild opinion. For him to say he doesn't

get it is the thing that... That's crazy. That's impossible. That's like, you can't not get it. I get it. You know, I don't care at all, but I get it. Yeah. Oh, this... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked at my Twitter. What happened? What was that? I'm curious about that reaction. Nothing really... I remember on the last episode

I talked about like this boomer that's just following porn stars and all this shit and I followed him so I can keep tabs on him but he followed me back and I'm so I just I'm so curious

I gotta ask about you you like pussy bro I just like I love I love the more you understand boy yeah honestly I see there's ass men There's boob men Where are my pussy?

Wait, hold on. Chris, you digitize it a little bit for me, man Yeah, you kind of sound like a robot Say again? Nah, it's too late It'll be in the... You sound good now. Oh, yeah?

That's too late. It'll be for the audience. Damn. But it wasn't anything. But like, I remember specifically being like, dude, people are just out of pocket on Twitter with that shit because, like, I was,

I can't remember what the hell was going I had an interaction with Kiwi or something. I don't remember what it was. It was like, she posted something and then she was, or like I posted something,

she responded and then I responded. And then somebody under her response was like, I wonder what your undercarriage tastes like, which is such a fucking crazy. That is one of the craziest. Like,

and I'm tagged in this conversation. Like, it's a response to a conversation that we're having. I'm like, I just responded, Jesus Christ. Undercarriage.

You, he said, How old is this asshole? Dude, I don't know. With the Jack the Ripper fucking coat on and a top hat. Undercarriage muscle. I don't know. Who says that? His name is...

His description is just want to fuck. But here you go. So you found this dude? Oh, it was an undercarriage. Sorry, it was... Undercarriage, I don't know. It's basically to say, hold on. I'll copy the link.

I'll post in the chat here. Alright. He said, I'm curious about your nether region. I've been it sweet like candy and perfectly beautiful. Oh, my. What is, like, how are these people so... And I'm packed in this. Oh, so this is this, this, this is a real person.

So this is, oh, ew, ew, ew. Ew. I clicked on his page and, you know how it shows you, if you're on your desktop, it shows you their, their media, their pictures, like in the corner, he's fucking just posting pictures of his dick and stuff. Wait, what? I don't see this. But this is exactly what I'm talking about.

These are the type of people that I was like, I was looking at these people and just laughing at these boomers. And like, you literally, this is a perfect example of these fucking boomers that have no shame. We spoke about getting a girl on. We got to get Kiwi on. We should be Q on.

I bet she would have something to say. I'm curious about the nether region. I bet they're like candy. She wasn't undercarriage, although both of those are pretty... I think undercarriage is funny. I think I made it funnier in my head. Yeah, he did. But it's just like in Nether Region.

I can't do this anymore, man. I can't. I quit. I quit right now. I can't. I can't do this. How dare you? How dare you ask me that somewhere that public?

It actually tastes exactly like this. Here, I'll send you a sample. Wait. Hey, Chris. Yeah. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast. smart talks with IBM.

I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna, and I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business? My one advice to them. Pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example. If anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service, 10 years ago, they're already five years behind.

If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today, with the goal of being 70% more productive. So we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say, you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, is getting people. to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com slash smart talks.

All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for, or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes.

Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs.

Did you see his other response? Do you? No. Because like you said Jesus Christ and then he responds with he doesn't know. I don't know, man. It's not meaning. I don't know what that means. meaning that like all

I feel like we crack the code because the other guy that I was referring to he is a God-fearing man because he wears the Jesus piece and everything but I feel like they think this activity is hidden from God because this guy is all open and doing

his crazy shit now you have this Josh guy and you said Jesus Christ and he's saying he doesn't know like he somehow he can't see all this shit so you just have coverage over here you can't look at I can't see anything.

This guy is literally textbook. Like, he retweets. Retweet if you'd like to squeeze my tits. Like, you know what I mean? Like, they're participating with all this shit. I really hate seeing that shit because, like, yes, obviously, of course. But so, like, leave me alone. Go away.

What a boy. This is, this is a mess. I'm going to go piss. I've been holding a piss the whole time. And I've been jittering like a fuckhead. Get the next question, at least. Why don't you just pee your pants? Yeah, like a big boy.

You're right. Never mind. What if he sat there and closed his eyes real, real, real tight, and then the room behind him started filling. But it's brown. But it's very brown. Before you piss, I just want to leave you with this, a tweet from this same gentleman.

He says, I'm leaving Twitter. This was in May 3rd. I'm leaving Twitter. I never see anything from Kiwi anymore. Why bother if I can't see anything from my heart? Man. All right. I'll go pee.

Go pee and marinate on that. compared it on how he's heartbroken. But now Kings is going to have a hard time peeing because he's going to be all stiff. I'm so glad he showed me this because this is literally, I told Jojo yesterday that. Go pee, go pee. I told Jojo yesterday that, oh, I should like bookmark these people and then talk about it on the podcast. Well, like, it's, I don't need to do anything.

It's already, it's, it's, it's. Yeah, it just. just naturally occurs. I'll be back. I don't want to hear about... Go pee, go pee, go pee. Go get out of here. We already told you.

We were... Be gone. Go. Piss on the wall. Stop yelling at me. Piss on the wall. Piss on the wall. Piss on the wall.

Just piss on the wall. Just piss out of splashback. Getting all of you. That's fucking gross. It's just... Lily walks in. It's like pissing all over the wall. It's...

It's so fucking funny. Oh my gosh. The question was... Oh yeah, go ahead, go ahead. The question was about like a hot take that we will never back down from no matter how much shit we get for it. Oh, right. I don't know.

I feel like... I don't know if I have anything like that. Like, I don't know if I have a hot take that I refuse to back down from. Um, hmm. That I consider a hot take, anyway. Yeah, it's... You know what I mean?

Hmm. I feel like somebody else has to tell you that. Yeah, like somebody, yeah, yeah, exactly that. I don't know. Well, I guess, you know what? I would say this. I would say I think, and I would argue with anybody, that given, let's just say, given the legendary edition of Mass Effect, I would say that Mass Effect 3 is a better game than

Mass Effect 2. And I think a lot of people would challenge me on that. I think that's fine, but I don't think I would ever, because Mass Effect 2 was always my favorite. But then I realized over. I played Mass Effect 3 way more. And discounting the multiplayer, obviously. But, like, I played it.

I enjoyed the story much more. Like, with everything involved in it, it's just a much more satisfactory game. It's way bigger. Obviously, it's more beautiful. The combat is fucking just much. It's the best combat out of all of the games. Yeah, I think so, too.

I love two. But the thing is when I think about two, the game, the story kind of sucks when you think about it. Why the game's so awesome is just your crew. There's, including the DLC, there's like 11 or 12 people that you get to interact with and do their loyalty missions. And that's what the game's really about. Yeah. Yeah, and that's what makes the game so fucking fun. But other than the suicide mission is cool, right?

That's really cool. But I'm just saying, like, as a plot, like, oh, here's these fucking trash fucking cloblin. Collector Alien dudes. They fuck you up. You need to hunt them down. Super boring. Like, super basic.

Nothing really moves. Like, the first game has a good story. Second game, nothing really happens, but it's just the journey of assembling your crew is awesome. And the third game is just kind of everything being fleshed out. And with all the DLCs being added, like,

oh, I know what, I know who the main antagonists are, their origins, uh, fucking blah, blah, blah, blah. I just think overall, like, I still saying, with all that shit being said, I still feel like a lot of people would still maybe say I'm crazy. And I'm like, that's fine, but that's one thing. I just, I just think that it's, I wouldn't mind.

Kingston ran into this room giggling. He giggling like a fucking maniac. So while I was taking my rather bloody piss, I remember the memory of when I was in high school of some kid peeing in the urinal, another kid coming up behind him and stomping, kicking him. him in the back. So he fell in front ways and he got pissed all over his underwear and his pants and his shirt. And I

was in the bathroom giggling about that because of how fucked of a movement that was. That's so fucking evil, man. That's awesome. How would you do that to somebody? I was like with a big ass Tim too. So he just stomped him.

He was like, he was so sprained, I bet. He was just, I mean, you might as well just like, I feel like it would be funny is just, just, just pissing on them.

Just piss your pants at that moment. You got to be, that would be, imagine. You took my space at the urinal, man. I had to pee on it. You just start pissing. There's other urinals. Yeah, but I like this one.

The idea, I want to see one time where people do the actual thing when they cut her up in one ear and everybody's pissing in one urinal. I want to see that one time to be like, oh, okay. That's really strange. That's a really strange.

Hello, hello, I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Mbata. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff?

Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point.

How far are we from that point with Quantum? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spendellers. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results.

When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves. At Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed.

sponsored jobs. Really weird. Yeah. You guys, everyone's holding another dick. Everyone's holding another dick and like guiding it to you. That's why I probably have to walk out before it got, you know, it escalated further. I'm like, all right. All right.

It's getting strange. Whoa. You guys are, you guys are like resting each other's heads on their shoulders and stuff. It closed the door and they're like, where are you going? Where are you? You know what's crazy? Every, every school bathroom has that really fucking. tiny ass one window

up the wall how the fuck do I get through that even as a four year old I was like yeah I can't Chris you can't get through those yeah I can I definitely couldn't there was no point in my there's no point in my sentient life where I could have gotten through those so you're like how am I going to get up there

and then through that and it's like be four be a four year old be a petite four year old you can get out of there a petite A petite emaciated Gollum like four-year-old. You could maybe, maybe you would stand a chance. Was Gollum? Alterio remote name.

What's his name? What's his? Oh, Jellum? Jellum. Jellum. You got to be born like Jellum. I'm so upset I lost that drawing, man. Like, I don't know where that drawing is.

It'll turn up, man. It'll turn up. I think I probably gave, I probably drew it in somebody else's sketchbook. And I'll probably like, if I ask around, I'll probably find it. You gotta do the rounds? Yeah, I got to do the rounds. I draw on so many people sketch. Because so many of our friends are artists.

So they just come around and they'll draw. And we'll draw like bullshit and other people's sketchbooks. And it's fun. But like, then I'll think about like, but then I'll draw really good shit and then I'll never see it again. You know what? I want a sketchbook like,

it would be kind of ripping it from that super bad movie. But just, it's just nothing but just beautifully drawn dicks. You know, like, just perfect. Yeah. Like, so you have everybody, you just make sure every, it's almost like a your book signature in that way

where you just have everybody draw penises in that one specific sketchbook. I know it would be pretty cool. Then, of course, you pass away and people find it, and they're digging through your closet, and they find it they think you're incredibly gay. Like, your wife or something,

she never knew about it, and she digs it up, and she's like, oh, there's like a lot of beautifully drawn penises in this notebook. I like the idea of you having a book full of various kinds of breasts. Yeah, that's perfect I would buy that I feel like that's probably pretty common

It's like my buddy Wesley He was a pretty good artist He was drawn pretty good Or pretty well in sixth grade And he would draw like naked Who were they called The Officer Jenny or Nurse Joy

Are they're gonna Am I do I have that right? Yeah, whatever Like I think that's probably I think you're right yeah Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy Okay okay so he would draw them, draw, um, what's her name from Team Rocket?

Like, he would just draw them all like, uh, all naked. I don't know what the fuck's wrong with my brain right now, but yeah. Just he, and he was good at it. He was good at it to the point where it, it, it, as a, uh, sixth grader, it, it did something for you. And you're very appreciative of that shit, man. You're like, hell yeah. No futa nori though.

No futa. He did not draw any food. I don't think he. That's kind of crazy if you think about it because that means like, like, before the internet, really, like, it was like, it was like. schools would have communities where there would just be one artist. Because I remember that. One overworked kid.

One overworked kid. You know, for real, like, I remember that. I was like, it was me, because I remember like back when I was, I, I used, it kind of frustrates me that I stopped because I used to be like genuinely really good. Then I just stopped and I just, I don't know. I didn't study it really. But it was me and this other kid and we would draw, we would do like commissions for people. Nice.

People would ask us to draw shit and I would make like a dollar from like like per thing. that I would draw, and I remember that specifically, because I was like, this is fucking weird that this is happening. But there's no way that's happening now in schools anyway. Yeah, probably not. That's like a very antiquated thing. It's like, what the fuck? I could just ask an AI to do this now. But.

You didn't know a story about like the fleshlight? The flesh that had passed around in high school? No. That is just that so fuck. Is that an urban legend? I don't think Zurb. I think it was real. I heard the story about it.

It could be wrong, though. But if you could get. At that age, if you were sure it wasn't used by more than three people before you, would you take ahead of it? No, 100% of it. I would have. I would have bleached it first. I would have cleaned it out really well, and then I would take ahead of it.

And I would never stop. We never went back. No, there's no way. I can't share work. I can't do it. I can't do it. There's no way. Even if it bleat, no.

Cleaning it was, cleaning it would be. So I bought, no, I didn't buy it. That's the wrong word. I messaged Flashlight in 2018 Oh that's right Because they were doing all those collabs with people They were doing stuff

And I said hey Can you sponsor my channel And they said No but we can send you stuff And so they sent me three products I don't remember I don't remember what I did with One of them I raffled off

Or it was a contest Somebody had to do their best Joker impression From From whatever Because the Joker movie just came out, but I wanted them to do, I did this, I did this sketch of, it was probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done, but I had fun with it where I found, I didn't have any type of paint. And so I took lotion and I put all over my face. There was some fucking pink spray paint that fucking burned and I sprayed it on my lips around.

I basically I made I had these green gym shorts to use as the hair right and it was just makeshift that is so that is so fucking funny

it was just absolutely fucking stupid like fucking funfetti it was so stupid but I just did like a real quick thing and I was doing some improv of like Joker stuff

and so I said at the end of the video if you do this whoever does the best one I'll mail it to them I kept one of them I don't remember what I did with the third one because they gave me three things. But I tried one to see like, oh, what's the all the deal about?

But this wasn't, the one that I kept was not a fleshlight. It was just the brand. And so it was a pocket pussy. And I got to tell you, I was like, this is saying... It's really underwhelming. It's not... Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM.

I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Gambata. we discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes.

building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conton?

By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed, You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for.

Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now.

Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. First? I feel like it probably would have been destroyed or something. No, you got to warm it up first. You got it in the oven or something.

You got to warm it up. I feel like the way you would warm it is, if I remember correctly, you like, put in hot water or something. But, like, I didn't, I didn't do that. I need to be hot. I need to be hot. Yeah, like, you're fucking monster.

You remember, you maniac, you remember that shit? You said you put a donut in for like 30 fucking seconds? There was a cinnamon roll. Oh, cinnamon roll for 35 seconds. 35 seconds. You put a fucking pastry in the fucking microwave. You fuck it. You fucking like a psycho.

That is so insane. Like, I put a donut. And for fucking 10 seconds, it's already piping hot. Yeah, man. I ain't crazy. That whole thing is just like... I love the idea of people being that crazy. Like, I like that people being that horny and crazy.

And no one's around them. You're like, yo. Nigel. Some people did. Like, chill, dude. Like, you don't got to do all that to yourselves, man. Do you remember when a... Like, girls using, like, brooms to masturbate and then they fall off their bed and

the broom breaks inside of them? Yeah, that happened to a girl that went to your high school. I went to your high school. school, Chris. I think I heard about that too. I knew her. And I made fun her about it every time I saw her afterwards. That's crazy. What's her, what's her name? How the fuck did that fucking leak out? Like, how do you let

that leak out? She told people, she had to go to the hospital. She wasn't in a school for a little bit. She told her friends and obviously What is wrong with you? Obviously her friends told people that. Because you're young and you're stupid, you know? That's not that embarrassing, really. Yes, it is.

Not really. I'd be pretty embarrassing if Bro, with a broom? Yeah, because, like, you expect, like, you expect young girls to, like, oh, a cucumber, some stupid bullshit. You know what I mean? Like, oh, you fucking idiot, cucumber? Why don't you just get it?

The cucumber gets stuck in there? Yeah, like, the shit like that happens all the fucking time. I can't get it out. These dumb fucking girls use stupid objects, but not like, let me get this broom that can, I can barely even. It sounds so stupid. Like, what?

How do it sound like it would do anything? Like, I don't know. Because it's so long and awkward. It's like, what do you do it? That's so fucking, that's so wild. It's insane. The young person's my, my friend made a flashlight. He made one.

It was like a Vaseline bottle, a sock, and like a rubber band or something like that. And I was like, bro. That's the, he's the right brothers. He's the right. He's the right of some pocket pussies, dude. It's like, we're going to fly into the sky with, with toilet paper tubes, zip ties, and rubber gloves. Right, right. We're going to do it.

We're going to reach the next frontier, Barry. Can you imagine they actually I had a dream So I had a dream once I just thought this is amazing That I'm remembering this Because I thought This is one of those examples

Where like I have never I rarely have dreams like Go away and then come back to me Right But this just happened I have immediately imbued with this I had a dream

That for some reason I was one of the Wright brothers And like I was putting together The plane And we flew the first successful plane And we did it's like Yes we finally did it but it wouldn't land and it kept going up

and we were like going into space and we started freezing to death and then I woke up you know what you experienced distressing an alternate timeline that's what they don't want us to know about they actually succeed

they succeeded too hard at flying what is a fucking milk card and some toothpicks and a fucking what you call the populous thing yeah they're fucking almost a went to the fucking, they almost went to heaven. They put, yeah, a Lisa Frank binder, a hairbrush, silly putty, and, uh, and what is it? There's Groucho Marx glasses, and they managed to make it into space.

I'm like, what the fuck? You don't be really funny if somehow we go to space in the future and then you realize there's oxygen up there, there's been oxygen up there. There's been oxygen up there. You just have to like breathe it right. It's really cold. There is oxygen. You just have to breathe.

breathe it in a specific way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, you were breathing through your mouth. If you just inhaled through your nose, you'd be fine. Yeah, that's it. Smell that space. So the flat earthers were, they were almost correct. They were just off by a little bit. It's not that they were hiding the earth being flat, the spirical or flat.

It's that there's actually, actually, yeah, you can, you can, there's plenty of, you can live. There's, all the planets are habitable to. The sun is loud also The sun is loud Just a bunch of wild shit That starts coming up and you're like What I wouldn't want to be in that world I don't like

Mommy I can't sleep the sun's too loud But imagine if there was like oxygen And everything around Like I know it's important Well I let's just say It's not possible This is all stupid

It's all stupid I was thinking of like Of course it's stupid I was just trying to think of I was trying to even think it in side-fied terms if there's anything we can do but just imagine like

if you can hear the sun imagine if you lived on Mercury you can like hear the like just the that would be so definite that would be so definite

yeah it would be it if we would definitely hear the sun if if if if air was in space and we could and sound molecules could or whatever the sound waves not sound molecules

there's no molecules and sound I don't know yeah it's interesting but No, fleshlights are Fleshlights are what, I mean, as soon as they make something that legitimately feel, like you can't tell the difference.

Boy. I just, it's just too easy to go do it for real. No, that's way easier, though. Like, it's, it's that easy until you go to a door throw some bitch annoys you and you're like, let me try this.

I mean, like, I'm done. I'm done with y'all. You guys are dead. I don't know, I used it. You are absolutely now. Because I used one of those once,

and I just remember being so underwhelmed by it. Like this is, this is so much worse than my hand. It's crazy. One's so bad, but I can't get one. Once they. Just buy one. What you mean? You're an adult.

You're a grown-ass man. Yeah, but I understand I can buy one, right? It looks like a flashlight. She won't know. You just think it's a flashlight, right? You'll just buy a flashlight and she'll be like, oh, that's a cool new flash. I'm going to buy it. Watch I buy it.

I buy it. And that day for some reason, my, my girlfriend's mom is one that picks up the mail. Yeah, yeah. And then they're just both in the house trying to figure out what the fuck this is. And then I'm going to walk in afterwards. And I'm going to be like, oh, man, here we go. Does Lily open your packages? No.

Okay. So, because it's, uh, it, it, all, anything that's porn related comes in discrete packaging. So she won't open that thing. You pull it out. Uh, I don't think it actually looks like a flashlight. That's the problem. Like, it's, it's like way bigger than an actual flashlight. So I don't even know why they, oh, nice and discreet.

And I'm like, no, it's not. People are going to be like, what the fuck is this thing? And then unscrew it. And then be like, oh, it's, there's a mouth or an asshole or whatever. I love that. I love how you can. There's something so funny that there's like, because, you know, it's normally a pussy that's a default. But there's something way funnier about the mouth and ass if you've ever seen those versions.

There's a mouth. Yeah, they're funny. It just looks so fucking funny to me. It's two sides. There's a mouth and then there's a butt. Yeah, there's like, what's a little fucking. And a mouth got a beard. A mouth got a really fucking.

Harley bearded bustass. Like a trucker, like a trucker, like a trucker bearded and bustlegged. A mouth with a beard is an amazing idea. They got to do that. That is so good. That is so damn funny. You fucking bust way harder than you ever have before.

That's amazing. It tickles. Fucking fantastic. I love that idea. I want to, I want to, I want to buy one of the butts, you know, this is the butt with the pussy, the lower part. And they have one of those in my room one day.

You're like, Lily comes in. Like, I set up the whole strait, a Lily comes in. And I'm like, walking towards it. And she sees that. She's just like, what are you doing? I'm like, oh. Yeah, dude, I don't know, man. That whole thing is the entire thing to me.

It's like, well, look, man. Once it gets just as good, you're going to sing a different tune. Once it feels, once you can't tell the difference, Once you actually fuck it and you're like, oh, this, this literally feels like pussy. And then all of a sudden you're like, well, I'm good. I'm set. No, it's not about that only. What the fuck are you talking about?

Of course it's about that only. Those are female companions. I want that. My companions are Carlack, Shadowheart, fucking Life, Lysel. Unfortunately not fucking Nightsong and Jihira. Yeah, those fucking stupid, selfish, non-dick takers. That was like you morse-coded in between those words. Yeah, I was trying to not like curse.

You're fine as fucking you can't fuck her. That makes me really upset. They kind of made her hot. You have everybody else in that game. Why are you so mad? Why did they do that? Yeah, they should make all the non-fuckable people really ugly. Exactly.

So I'm going to fuck them. But I want to fuck this person. That's so crazy. There's also the Bard one that you meet at the top of the tavern who is obviously wants to fuck you but you can. I'm like, this is so stupid. I didn't understand that. Like, what was that? She obviously wants to fuck you.

And I'm like, bro. Look at Larian with a couple of things. There's a handful of things where I'm like, y'all need to patch this right now. Let me fuck anybody. I want to fuck, what's his name? I want to fuck, Essex Thorne. I want to fuck, Isaac Storm, fuck him out of his armor. And then he doesn't go either.

I want to fuck him until he falls inside of the thing. comes the Markov's thing. I want to do that. Let me ask you something. I don't know why this happened, but so I've been two different play-through, well, three technically, but in one play-through, Carleck had like a bunch of

piercings and stuff, and then the other one, she didn't. Yeah, and I felt like in the beginning the game, she had more pieces than she said, well, she had more piercings. I changed her class. Because I made Carlac a, I made her a, I made her a paladin, barbarian. Instead of being a barbarian paladin.

Is that why? I'll test that theory I'll test that theory Because I was wondering like Hey first when she started off She didn't have a bunch of shit And then this next time She has a bunch of stuff all over

And I was like I don't understand What the fuck I did Did you change your class? Huh? You changed her class? Well I added I add I think in the second one

I made her druid I think Well not a Well I think I gave her Yeah I think I gave her some druid magic Yeah I made her a paladin

and I was going to make Willa Paladin too but I was like nah never mind I want my summoning abilities Well here's the thing I'm gonna I'm gonna look now It's been a while since I looked at the mods I'm just gonna see if there's a mod Where they did something where you can have sex with everybody

I want to fuck everybody Alright so we'll see I want to fuck the owl Let's move on I want to fuck the knolls I want to fuck some of the zombies Preach Michael Noles Yeah Michael yeah yeah definitely Michael Noles

Jesus I don't want to fuck Mind Flares Or no mind fliers All right All right All right All right He right

He right He writes Mr. Bubbles wrote in Mr. Bubbles wrote in Mr. Bubbles running He goes How it how it do fellas What up

What are the series of events You would orchestrate In order to start World War 3 A real world A real world example would be I'm not going to read that But

A real So what I would do If I really So here's Here's what I would do Yeah If I really wanted to start If I really wanted to send

the world into chaos. I would have a crew of maybe like, I don't know, 50 to 75 guys go into the Vatican at night and flip the whole thing upside down. And then the next morning everybody would wake up and they'd be like, oh my God, what the fuck? The Vatican's upside down. Like, what religious significance is that? Like, what does that mean? That the Vatican is upside down overnight. Yeah. And then it would lead to a bunch of religious confusion. Everybody would be like, what the, this is not prophesized at all. I don't think. Although, and then a lot of shit would happen.

I didn't read this in the manga. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It is kind of, if you think about it, that is kind of what it is. I mean, what the Bible is for those people. Well, it's just simply a story. It's just a big story. No, but what I mean is like they're waiting for it to catch up with,

they're waiting for the anime to catch up. You know what I mean? They're always waiting for like, oh, we're waiting for judgment day to happen so that this can happen because that's, this is when this is supposed to happen. I wonder who they're going to cast as Christ. You know, like, yeah. It is really

Like how would you feel if you woke up one day The Vatican was upside down? Like with that Like is that Not a startling image? It's very confusing. That's weird. And I go by my day.

You just pick it up and flip it over. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Smart Talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna. And I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business.

My one advice to them, pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example. If anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already five years behind it. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers, who write software, 30% more productive today, with the goal of being 70% more productive.

Yeah. Wow. So we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say, you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, is getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com slash smart.

Talks. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a higher than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs.

And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. The kids got out. That's all I'd say. Like a cow tipping. There's no big deal. I hope the little kids got out. Other than that, like, I don't really. I hope the little kids got out. Yeah. I hope the children made it out safe. Sorry. They did not. They're still chained up, unfortunately. They're in, they're probably in the absolute bottom of the Vatican, which means they're at the absolute top of this tower. You can't be top now.

But master, master whatever his name can't get to them. If I pass out of Lopez, can't get to them. So he got some time to think about a plan before he gets up there. Yeah. They're so angry.

I'll figure out. I can't wear my kid. Fuck. I can't wear my boy. I can't wear a boy like a cock sleeve. What am I going to do? I'm Christian. I'm Christian.

What am I going to do? I love the actual chaos instilled in these people's lives. So fuck, what am I supposed to? to do it's like it's like he has like a it's like one of those like don't talk to me until I've had my coffee

yeah yeah don't talk me until I fuck my child don't yeah don't talk about I break my child fuck the choir what I would call again altar boys altar boys

so I fuck my altar boy I've got this cool Catholic church merch and it's just like a coffee cup that says don't don't talk to me until I fucked my child that's crazy it's so insane it's funny because it's a true

it's a because it's true Mario Oh What is your son Mario That's what he says when he gets caught When they get caught That's great So I heard something crazy

I heard something crazy about that Mario thing right So what do you mean What does Mario say when they start things He says What you say I know what you're about to say I know what you're about to say That's not real

Are you sure? You're talking about it's to me Mario Yeah No that's not real I heard it. I don't know if it's real or not. Yeah, I looked it up because I was curious about it too. So the idea is like when he says, It's a me, Mario, it's actually, it's actually in Japanese.

He's saying it'sumi Mario, which means something, yes, which means super Mario. It's not what it is. He is saying it's a me because you don't say, he doesn't say it's a me Mario in the original Mario. Oh. That's like, that's probably like what? The original Mario doesn't speak at all.

Yes, he does. He speaks very fluently, actually. I don't know. I'm playing a complete different mind for everybody else. He, in fact, goes to speak. He's fluently talking to you while he's in victory. He's talking directly to me. Mario, right, the guy in All Black, who runs around and saves turtles?

That one, right? Stupid. All Black is it? What figure are you talking about? He's like, you. Running all black and save a turtle I was talking to somebody who was convinced Who was like Marr

Who was like Mandela level Like Mandela effect level convinced that The Mario that he played growing up was like Nah man I played Mario and Like this is not what I played man Like what I played it was Mario But like he was all black He was rescuing turtles

Uh he had a son Who was crippled And like just like all these like fucking insane details And you're like this is not But he was absolutely convinced I like the idea of somebody assuming Mario's Walter White And it's thinking that Breaking Bad was a Super Mario show And for some reason he thinks that Walter White is Mario

Like he's just like really like he's really gung-ho about it Like almost aggressive about it Somebody can probably stitch that together Someone can sit someone can figure it out Wow Wait wah Jesse Wow Jesse I'm the one who was

Nicky Ziggy Rode and he says This question is specifically solely for Chris It's like Jesus cry, okay I want to know how extensively You hate hand drops Julia Louis Dreyfus is in your room But you won't do anything except give you a handjob

Do you accept? No She's old now She's all down She's not necessarily for the story But I don't think I would enjoy it actually I'd still plow out for sure But I would

I think All right I'm going to be respect respectful for Julia, but I'll say, I will say this. I just don't, I just, I would, I would, I would, I would accept it, but there's, I, I, I know that I wouldn't like it. I know it.

Like, I know it. They don't know what they're doing. That's what I don't know what they're doing. That's one of the thing I'll take a rhino pill for, you know. Like for famous, for famous girls, you got to take a rhino pills. So you can really, it's like a really, you know. You know, give them a real, give them a nice dicking, you know. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. You keep rhino pills in your pocket in a clear plastic bag Does it get a chance to fuck a famous woman? You have like seven or eight of them in a bag. You always should. Yeah, I am. It's like, some problems, you're like, hey, honey, I understand you know, but this is a famous one. I'm going to go fuck Mariah Carey real quick.

Can you pass me one of the rhino pills? Why not, man? You go there and you just make that woman have the worst time of her life, bro. You go there, you just hurt that lady And then you get out, you're like, ah, good job, me Look, Chris, you haven't had the right hand job, It's all I'm gonna say, man I just, I honestly, if I'm being serious, like, real talk,

I just, I genuinely think my, My brain doesn't let me enjoy it. Maybe, but I just think, I'm just like, inherently, like, I'm just like, I could, look, you know what I have all of, you have all of these tools that I don't have access to, you're gonna use your hand? I have a hand, I don't need you to do this. So that means you only enjoy Plyssie, then?

because you have all the other tools that they have too other than a pussy I don't think a girl can give a better hand job than me I don't necessarily what it is that's the thing too yeah totally like I agree with that sentence because your groove that you're used to for all these years is not going to really

compare it to somebody else's where it just feels foreign and they don't know exactly how you crank it right the tech I have the tech for years bro right but there it's more of a like I feel like it's just like anything Like say for example

If you you you you bang in public Some people it excites them Which adds more euphoria More dopamine So there's things that like It can be good just because Oh so and so X is giving me a hand job Could make it enjoyable

It's not necessarily the act It's just one of those things But I feel like I'm where you're at I'm with that and like say Anything that has to do with like What is it called? Prostate Like that.

Like that. Like I'm like, I haven't gone down that venture, even though I'm, you know, I've heard how fucking wonderful it is and stuff. And it's like, oh, if I go down that path, maybe I'll never come back. Maybe I'll lose you. Yeah, we'll lose you. Maybe I'll start, yeah, maybe I'll start going to gay clubs and just embracing them songs that I sing. Embracing them songs. Yeah. Do you guys think that men overall give better hand jobs and women in general?

Yeah. A million percent. That's not even a doubt. That's probably not. I don't know from experience outside of my own. Yes, you do. I assume. But I don't know.

I don't know. But I would assume, like, it only makes sense. Yes, but that would be the case. I will say as a counterpoint. Because I remember this is in high school when we were just talking about this subject, kind of. And one of my homies, the way that he described himself beating off was like, like his hand was the other way. Like this? Yeah.

Yeah, and so what, my point being... That's barbaric. You never did Kung Fu grip before? Whoa, what's going on? Whoa! That's barbaric, man. You never have a... It has a name.

It's called Kung Fu gripping. Okay, I didn't know that. So, okay, no... I can't be the only person that'd be going. I'd be going... They'd be going... I'd be going... I mean, it's kind of awkward.

Silly... Like, even if I switch hands, it's just like it doesn't feel like, it's not like the grooves off. But what I mean is... What I do is... What I do is I do is I get real hard. I twist it.

I twist it. And then I, while it's still twist, I grab like this, backward. And then I just, I'm not, you should get on only fans and demonstrate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Teaching people how to masturbate. I'm not, I'm not. I don't know, man. I don't remember my point was anymore.

Yeah, that was a real, that was genuinely like a flashbag of a sentence. We're just going to move on. Thank you. Thank you for the question, Niggie. Niggie Ziggie. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. It's just, uh,

Yeah, I don't know. See you on Saturday, Ziggs. N-word Zigger. I said Zigger. What the hell is wrong? I'm just saying that's right. That's your fucking nickname. What's wrong?

I do not understand. What's up? The dog told me to say it. Nick Kerr. That is what he is. He is N-word, right? Nick Kerr-Zigger. Nick Kerr-Zigger.

I see what you're saying. I see. I agree. I agree with your words, but I agree wholeheartedly with what is happening in this, in this current moment. 50 shades of gay rudin. He says, Nice.

Hey, guys, since our emotions exist to basically keep us alive and propagating in an environment which no longer exists, i.e. monkey brain. Do you guys have any examples of extremely dumb shit your emotional mind has pulled you to doing or almost doing? I'm this case. In this case, wait, oh, not I'm this case. In this case, I consider hunger and emotion too. Hunger is not an emotion.

Hunger is not an emotion. It can make you an emotional. It can make you, I guess, yeah. Hunger is a sense. Man, I want my fucking chicken fries from Burger King. I'm gonna kill my chicken nuggets. Yo, where's my chicken nuggets?

I'm gonna shoot up a school. They got 12 water of chicken fries now, bro. They got, they got two, four, like, eight, 12 of the chicken fries or something or something like that. It's so funny that that's the only thing for Burger King that I would even remotely want to get. They're delicious. They're so good. I went in and I was like, eh, can I get some chicken fries?

And the bitch was like, she was like, how many do you want? She said she rattled it off. And that's all I was driving forward. Like, wait, did she give me chicken nuggets? Because I know you can, like, order that amount. I was like, what the fuck? So I went to the window. I was like, hey, no, excuse me.

I was like, I actually meant the chicken fries. She was like, nah, you can fucking, this is how we do it now. And I was like, well, bitch, give me fucking 12 chicken fries. And those are fucking amazing. You're talking about. Chicken nuggets. Have you ever had those when they're like fresh? Like when they're like out when they're fresh?

Dude. Before lunch? Because they still make regular food during breakfast. Order chicken fries during breakfast? You know, it's kind of early, but still. They're piping hot every time. because they have to make them fresh. So I stand by that shit, man.

I will go to war for chicken fries. They're amazing. They're fucking, I was actually thinking about, so I, they're, dude. Oh, let me get my pills out of away. What are you about to do? Get my pills out of the way. I got some fucking, the last time I had some chicken fries, I was looking at this earlier and I was like, fuck, I want some chicken fries.

It's at these burghats of barbecue sauce. I sincerely, I want them so bad right now. Yeah. But they're really mid to me. I'm sorry, guys. Ah, you're fucking, dude, that flavor is good. That is some good at seasoning. You are so fucking bizarre.

Chicken fries are shit. I love Raising Cains. What is wrong with that? I don't love raising Cains. I like, I don't love it. That's not my optimal chicken. You said you die by this. You die by them.

You swear by them. I've never said that once. Oh, you said that last fucking episode. I like it. I don't, I wouldn't die by it though. You said last episode, I would take my life. I would rip my own heart out for some chicken. I never.

I don't love anything that much And I'm getting married soon I want you to understand that I don't love anything that That exists that much You would fucking You would kick You're getting married soon?

What's soon mean to you? Yeah what does that mean? I don't know I'm probably gonna get engagement in this year So I'm married probably next year Two You're probably going to get it I thought you were already engaged

I'm not engaged yet out Just metaphorically That's what you told me that's what women love Right they love that Metaphorical engagement I don't know why they want. I don't know what's the point. It's such a stupid situation.

But they're like, let's get married and like, just like, I don't, why? Weddings are so expensive. Yeah, just have a small thing, bro. Have a small thing. Don't go on. Why don't you just have it at fucking Raising Cains? In a parking lot of raising Cains. Fucking useless piece of shit, barbarian.

Fucking, I can't stand. I can't get off this, man. I have that raising Cains. You're like chicken fries or mid. I go, raising Cains is an optimal chicken. I just, I can't. I've never said that. It's the best fucking chicken you've ever had.

You said that just now. You said it's optimal chicken. It's not even close. It's like not even in the same ballpark because I was like, it was the best chicken I've had in my life. I specifically, God,

I'm having a stroke, bro. I'm having a stroke right now. You guys are wrong. No, but I do, I really, Mr. Federman joins us on the podcast. Shut the fuck off. I'm sorry.

That was mean. Yeah. He's used to it at this point. Now, we made fun of Robert F. Kennedy last episode. Oh, yeah. Fuck that nigger, man. I don't have anything against. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Mbata.

We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing. whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines.

Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building, hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conton?

By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed?

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Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. Fucking, uh, Federman. Fuck that, dude. I don't know, man. Everything, everything emotional is, dude, I've done stupidest shit in the world just because of like I thought I was in love.

And it's like the dumbest shit in the world. I look back on, I'm like, that is so stupid. You're my homie. During that time, I wasn't going to make fun. Are you about it? I was going to like, all right, I got to be a good, this is one of the times that you should be a good friend for your friend.

But I looked back, but I was like, damn, bro, you're pretty stupid. But then I was like, all right, man. If this is my sister, Chris, then go for it. I think you're making the right to see. Yeah, man. And then I would be like, yo, this guy's, this nigg is dumb. It's not.

Your friends are supposed to tell you the truth, man. No, he's useless. Kingston's useless. If someone, if someone is really passionate about something, and I know it's dumb and they're really passionate. But you know what, man, you're not going to listen to me. You're not listening to me in the first place anymore. So go live your life, experience, you've got to experience,

and then we'll talk after you're done. To after you're done. What if he was raped and murdered, and then there was no talking after you're done? I could have saved him, no. I would like, never, never talk on my ones. Kingston doesn't reflect at all like that. I don't reflect about people at all, dude.

He forgets the previous day, the second the next day begins. I'm pretty sure. I just reset. Can't wait to get raising cases. He's constantly, every day is a new game plus for Kingston. Is it? You imagine? Can you imagine?

Like I go to bed, I go to bed. I say some weird sequence of letters, and I wake up the next day, like, ah, this is pretty good. You wake up prestige. I've seen your, fucking, your schedule. It's wake up, piss, raising canes, podcast, raising canes, piss. Sleep, raising canes, wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up, piss. Get out of bed.

Raising kids. The idea of somebody pissing in their bed is still so funny to me, dude. It's so funny. So relaxed and they just start pissing. His white mattress looks like fucking SpongeBob Squarepants when he wakes up. Because all the fucking acid and bits. There's literal holes in it from all the acidity.

What are you drinking? It says, oh man, what do you mean? Just raising canes in high seed. What do you mean? That's it. That's it. Raising cings grease in high seed, man. You know, you don't drink that.

But don't worry. I take ant acids. You're taking ant acids and your piss still looks like that. He's in the bathroom pissing, burning through the fucking portulant on the toilet. It's bubbling like. It bubbles in there. He leaves the bathroom, shuts the lights off, and it sounds like pop rocks. No, in fact, it's still light in there.

That's how much... That's how fucking high octane is pisses. It's bright. Right. Right. Yeah, no. I don't know, man. Love is...

Anger, I've almost... I've never been... I've never... Every time I've been angry about something and I've done something out of anger, I've never regretted it. It's always been like, yeah, I did that appropriately. Like, anger is like less misleading to me anyway.

Yeah. But, yeah, now, being in love is stupid. It's crazy. I've been saying I felt possessed by anger and that shit is terrifying. That's like the most scary experience I've ever had in my life. Like one of the like existential moments. I was like I was so angry. I was not myself.

And that is a horrible feeling. I've never been there. What happened? Never one. Never happened again. I think after that I was kind of calm down. Somebody tape over your, uh, somebody tape over your Digimon episode or it. It was something when I was like younger and wrong with my cousin.

It comes to my cousin. And then I got so mad. I was like, I've never been so angry in my life. And I look back on it and I was like, I was so angry. I could have done something really stupid. Thank God I lived in the suburbs. And I couldn't find anything to do stupid with. But as a stuff like that, it's just like, yeah.

He would have gone over to his house and beat him to death of the deer. I want a healthy deer over my face. So he looks at the door, he's like, this is a deer. Like a body of a deer. And like someone holding it. Then they open the door and I start hitting him with it. I don't know the idea of somebody strong enough to grab. a deer by its legs and swing it

with like effective combat. Like combat effectiveness. That would hit you and send you flying in such an insane way. It's such a ridiculous way you would go flying from that deer. Dude, you remember that Xbox 360 or that Xbox commercial of like the baby being born

and it's like shot into the sky and then it like ages really quickly and then it like lands in a grave? I don't. That, what? I swear to God, I'm not even joking. I don't remember that. That sounds morbid.

That's, that's, that. That's the force that I'm imagining. Hold on. Xbox aging commercial. That sounds a morbidous piss. Yeah, it comes up on YouTube. Yeah, life is short. Xbox 2002.

Yo, video game advertisements used to be fucking crazy. Life is short. Yeah, that's, I really want to, that really makes me want to play Xbox. Maybe I'm not describing it well, but like I, this was, this was such a crazy fucking. This bitch is screaming at the top of lungs. Dude, it's out a loaf of bread essentially as a kid. Dude, you have no idea what Hey, it has no penis, what the hell's going on?

Holy shit. I have no genitals. That's Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! It's just a baby. There's no gender. No sexual arches in this baby. Dude, I love...

This is a crazy... I can't believe you've ever seen this. Dude. I love this cover. This commercial was one of the first things I saw I was like, what is video games exactly? Because I remember feeling like I had played them. Life is short. Play more. Yeah. It's really old. This was like 2002. This was original.

It's crazy that he's like, that's literally the worst life ever. You have no genitals, you can't even come. You're fucking just shooting through the air at an agonizing pain. That motherfucker was like screaming. The entire time. Just explodes into the grave. Just exploding, dude. That is such a wild.

So you live for how long, how long is it to win it first thing? So when it first shoots out, it's probably at like seven seconds in. And so literally you live for way less than a minute. That's all. Dude, I love that. I miss like when game at, like when, when, when, video game advertising was fucking crazy like this.

This is a pretty... Like, do you remember, like, it was this one, and do you remember, like, the PlayStation Baby commercial? Like, there was a lot of baby commercials, weirdly enough, but, like, I remember the PS3 in that, in that, in that, that white room with the floating baby.

Do you remember that one? That sounds familiar. No, I don't remember it. Where, really? PS3 baby ad. You've never seen this? Hold on. Let me, uh, oh, so it's a baby doll,

but, like, it's, here it is. I can't believe you've never seen this. Or like, you don't remember it. But it was like, so much of the advertising back then was just this fucking, like, almost like it was, it wasn't like horror exactly. I remember this. I remember this. It was like, like, trying to get you to feel like off. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like something was like something was wrong. I totally remember this. Yeah, that's fucking. Play beyond. Dude, it's, it's so fucking weird. Like, I miss this shit. It's so weird.

It's $600. Because now, because now it's, yeah, it starts levitating at the end. Play Beyond. I just, I don't know, man. Now it's like, there's really nothing like this anymore. Yeah. It's just kind of like,

new on PlayStation Plus. And it's like, all right, well, cool, I guess. Somebody showed up into my recommended on YouTube, and they were just playing Parasite Eve. Oh, wow. Yeah, like they have no, that's a deep cut.

Right, and it was just some also, like, some unknown person. My recommended is full of, like, people starting out, And then just kind of, it just gives me, it's, it's actually kind of interesting. I think it's pretty cool. And it just made me miss the old PlayStation, you know, the opening, just turning on the console. Oh, dude, the PS1's, the PS1 opening sound is fucking, I think, I'm sure it's probably,

I'm sure it's probably nostalgia, obviously, but like, I also think, like, there's an element of objectivity to it where it's like, that is just a cool fucking sound. There's nothing, out of everything that has existed, every console existed, nothing's come close to it, in my opinion. The starting of the CS4 is a... There's no way to...

I don't think there's a way to really do it with your fucking mouth. It's just like those notes. Yeah, I remember now. The twinkle, like when... And then if your disc is fucked up and never makes it past that,

it doesn't get to the... Yeah, it doesn't do the second sound. That second sound was like... Bannina no. Yeah. Like, dude, I loved it so much. It felt so good. To be fair, to be fair, a lot of those,

Like, PS1, PS2, original Xbox. Even... No, PS2. I fucking hated that shit so loud. Dude, I liked it, but I liked it the least, probably. Of that generation, I liked it the least because it just kind of, it was like ethereal and kind of like... Yeah, yeah. But, like, the Xbox had, like, bubbly, like, lava lamp alien sounds, and it was fucking dope.

That was kind of cool. I like that. I think... Yeah, and the GameCube with the stupid little... The GameCube was iconic. The GameCube was iconic. Uh, I, I don't know. I don't know if it was the best one.

It was gay. Between those three, I think it was definitely the best one. I think it was like the gayest one. That was so cool. There's a lot of nice memes, though. I will say, like, it's good. It's a hundred percent. It's hard to take a bit.

The memes of that are pretty good. I was big on the Xbox one because it just sounded so, it sounded like an alien computer. And it sounds, every time I turned the original Xbox on, I felt like I was operating technology that I really should be on. operating. And it was a really fucking cool feeling. That entire generation, PS1 up until like, 360 might be the last one that I thought was

any, and that was kind of like okay. Like in the beginning, like, you know, it was fine. Yeah. It was definitely better than... The 360, I mean, you can look it up. It changed a lot. But like the original 360 was fun. It was like less cool than like the PS2, GameCube, original Xbox, and definitely way less than the PS1.

But it was still something. The PS3 sucked. And then PS4 and Xbox one sucked. And PS5 and, Series X suck. It's like, they never really, I don't know, man. The PS1's still Supreme,

in my opinion. That shit was fucking... The Game Boy's up there too, honestly, even though it's like super simple. Yeah, agreed. It's a nice one. I like that one. That's a good one.

But fuck, man. The original PS1 sound, I could listen to that sound forever. Probably. Yeah. All right, let's bring this on home, but I gotta go... All right, let's bring it on home.

Let's bring it on home. Run over my wife. While I bring it home, I'll send this trailer to you guys. This was a 360 commercial for the launch. Man, it's such a different time. Look at this. This is crazy. I bet this wouldn't even be allowed to do today, I bet.

Even though it's super simple. But I'm going to read the names now. Patreon. I didn't even, I fucking close the Patreon window. God damn. Well, no, you just... They're not going to change, brother. They're just...

Yeah, but we already had, like... we had like such a big conversation in the line. Do you want, I'll just read, I'll read, I'll read, we'll read it separately. Okay. I'll, I'll, I'll record it later.

I gotta do like a thing for Sacred tonight anyway. Okay. So I'll just record it after I do that, but did you click on this trailer? Okay. This is insane. It's fucking, it's nuts. It's just a bunch of people

in like a city street and like a shopping mall pretending to shoot the fuck out of each other. Is it with finger guns? Yeah. I love this fucking ad. It was banned. Why the fuck was this bad? Because it was like, it was like you're encouraging real world violence.

Yeah, with finger gun. That's so stupid. Why are we so dumb? Because, yeah, this is cool as shit. I loved it. The one at the end, the thing at the end really gets me. I love it. This guy's like, wait, wait, I'm on a phone call.

Hold on. One second, one second. All right now. And his head blows up, it erupts afterwards. That's great. Dude, it's awesome. I miss this shit, dude. Like, I don't know.

Whatever. Yeah, that's cool shit. I missed back when everything wasn't political. Like, I don't know, man. Like, I just in this weird bubble in between where like, their needs. Shut up, shut up. Yeah, we got to go.

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, shut up. The shit matters. Shut up. Nobody cares about you. Oh, weirdo. Fucking go buy Raising Pains and jerk off. They're fucking asshole. Amazon Hub delivery wants to partner with your business.

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