The Snark Tank - #185: RIP Friends G.O.A.T

Episode Date: November 3, 2023

E N J O Y

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We'll be back in three minutes with What happened to this monkey Is this a thing Where it's like a big You show your image of a monkey You gotta guess what happened to it Yes It's a JPEG

It's a really hard to get It's a jpeg of a monkey That's been like Really like you're not even really sure It's a monkey You only know it's a monkey Because the announcer said What happened to this monkey

Yeah that's it The only information you have image you were given and you gotta guess what happened to the monkey you know like I don't know it fell down you are correct so stupid welcome welcome to the snart tank welcome to start tank podcast remember

you can get these episodes ad free and early if you go over to patreon.com slash a snark tank we post our dick picks there every single day that's a lie but it might not be a lie one day so like go over and check it just to see if we could that could be a lie also like I could be lying to you about the fact that that's a lie,

you'll never know unless you go send us all of your money. Every single bit of it. Every cent, every hey penny. Every single, like, if you have a Roth IRA or like a CD, take your money out of there. Put it in us. 100%. So sound financial advice.

Fuck your CD. Fuck your future. Honestly, we're on the brink of World War III. Who the fuck knows even if there's even another 20? 20 years left on this thing. So live it up, man. Live it up. I agree.

I agree. He agrees. Look, I definitely there's going to be at least 20 more years. Like, look. I don't know about that. Just give us your money, right? Like, there's no, no, like, dancing around it. No, like, if ands or buts.

Just give us your money because we need it more than you do. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you could write it off because you could say like these three minorities ganged up on me and took my money. I don't think you can write that off. Yeah. You can write off being robbed. You can't.

I'm pretty sure that's all works. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, man. Chris gets up and leaves. Oh, no. Yeah, hold on. Hold on.

All right. Hold on. Let's stop recording real quick. Oh, man. So what happened in the last couple? Look at him. Drinking a plastic water bottle in front of the mic. Right in front of the fucking mic.

The noisiest. It was a wee bit of quackle. Right in front of the mic. Right in front of it. It didn't even like. You didn't even walk to the other side of the room to do it, like a good podcast here. Embarrassing. That guy.

Gets up walks up. No pants on walks on the other side of the room in camera. Dick swinging. Drinks, water, gets hard, comes on the camera, comes my bad guys, wipes it off. They should have mods in video games. Well, I'm sure they have mods of video games, but they should, not even mods. This should be just like a staple in video games where, like, you know how there are some mods that make tit physics like ridiculous? where a character will turn around

and then it'll like jiggle like ridiculously. They should have that for for penises in video games I think. They should have it so like if somebody stood up and ran to the other side of the room it would helicopter for miles

for days. I'm kind of upset that they they've never had like video games aren't like equal opportunist like there's no equality in that where I feel like the dudes are always left out and it's one of the

reasons why I use so many nude mods for dudes in my games because I want to show people that it's unfair that oh everybody only just wants to mod the chicks and so their big tits can explode out of their top and I'm like what about the men yeah man what about Chris Redfield and his massive penis while he's on a mission to find Ethan winners or whatever it's it's it's it's it's only fair it's a misopportunity uh there's a there's a mind out for Street Fighter 6 where Gile was like waiting like on the like screen and this dick is like a foot

and a half long bro. And I was playing it at my friend's house and I saw that and I was completely taken out the game. I was like I don't know how you could ever compete in a fighting game and you could see someone with a dick that big

and think I want to fight that. I think it was that big and that hard you still want to fight them. Yeah. Speaking of yeah. Yeah. Speaking of taking out the game. Rest in peace, Matthew Perry. Matthew Perry's gone from Friends. The entire cast of Friends is now dead because that's just what that means.

Yeah, it was a plane crash. No, until a reunion. They were doing a reunion and they had too much of them. They were doing another one. They did one like a year ago. Friends 2 or something. Yeah, they're going to make a new show called acquaintances and it's about the friends after they've grown apart for many, many, many, many years.

Yeah, yeah. To the point where they no longer have anything in common. I'll hear from like maybe like once a year or something, you know, like just a quick little reply to a Instagram post or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. The intro is like slowed down. It just sounds like it's like they're melting. So no one Joe life is.

And it's just kind of just making it sad as fuck. Like, damn, we grew apart, man. And then Matthew Perry died. Yeah, then Matthew Perry. Dude, he was 54 too. That was not even remotely. That's the saddest thing about it to me It was like, damn

That's not even remotely that old Like that's what he fucking sad Drowned in cum or something What was it? He drowned, I don't think he drowned and cum He drowned in a jacuzzi He drowned in a heart attack And drowned in his jacuzzi

Which is fucked It's extra It is really sad I'm not like the big I'm not a friend's guy Really at all I thought Although like the parts

The few parts of friends That I did like chuckle at Did happen to involve Matthew Perry a lot So like You know I get it I get why people are sad. Friends is a big show. Right.

I'm sure I'm definitely going to be like this when like Elaine dies. Like when Elaine dies, I'm, I'm fucked. I'm like ruined for a good week probably. That sucks though. She's so like. She's like something I care about. Like Elaine is like someone that like a stat like I give.

Like I don't give. I may rest of peace. Unfortunately died young. I don't give a fuck about this guy dying at all. I don't like friends. Never liked friends. Never will like friends. Never gave a fuck about the series.

I've always been that way. I'm sorry. I still watch Friends when I was growing up a lot. I would also let's show stupid as fuck. I don't know how she laughed at it. But this person died very young. There's some scenes that there's some scenes in Friends that make me laugh.

It's not. It's not. I definitely don't agree with that hard stance. That's crazy hard stance. I don't think it's very funny. I don't think it's very funny. I don't think it's very funny either, but I don't think it's like bad. Like it's kind of like it's not.

I just don't, I just don't, I really don't get it. And I don't care to get it. I think that's where I stand. I'm not standing on like the fact that it's bad. Your reaction... I just never liked it. Your reaction reminds me of like a proper reaction to the Big Bang Theory where it's just, I legitimately don't understand that at all because I literally feel nothing.

I've seen plenty of scenes. I've seen plenty of moments in friends where I've gotten chuckles. There's enough of them. And I also liked, I think this was early on in the series that they purpose. as fully, whoever was running the show, they would not put the women in bras. So, like, that was really cool. That is true. Yeah, yeah.

I thought that was pretty cool. It was pretty cool. I appreciate it. Yeah, they just didn't have bras on. Yeah, they just didn't have bras on. Their nips were just popping out of their shirts. Shout out to that, I guess. Yeah.

Chauta Kirsten Dunst in Spider-Man 1 in the-100% man. But, uh, yeah, dude. So the Kirsten Dunst only in Spider-Man one because after the Spider-Man was just out of it. But should have turned only in one. talking about it. She's fine. She's fine to me. In two and three, she looked different.

So here's the thing, right? Jesus, here's the thing about, like, I will say that, that couch gag on friends does make me laugh. That was funny, obviously. When they're moving the couch up the stairs and they're like really uncoordinated, that's like a great, that's a great scene on ironically, even though it's just like the same joke over and over again, I love that scene because I relate to it and I've been there. But like, yeah, it's mostly like, and it's a standard sitcom. It's fine, but the only time it's really funny is the blooper. That blooper part is when it's hilarious.

I don't remember the blooper. I didn't see the blooper. I'm not that big of a friend's fan, so I haven't looked into the bloopers like you have. No, you need curses. That's what makes that scene I can't funny. I don't, that's what makes that scene truly funny. Okay, God bless. I've also, unironically, no joke, I'm dead serious.

The same thing with Seinfeld, I've never really sat down like, I want to watch Friends, but I'm sure I've seen a whole series. I'm sure I've seen a whole series. I think I've seen the whole series, but I've seen enough of it. But the thing about it to me is like, the thing about it to me is like, I don't know, man, like, because that guy, he had like an addiction problem and all sorts of shit. So, like, it just, it does, like, when Jerry Seinfeld dies, I'm not going to give a shit. Like, I will not, I sincerely won't care.

I love that show, but I know even he, the thing about it's like, I know he won't care either. The thing about Jerry Seinfeld was like, I believe, I fully believe that Jerry Seinfeld will not give a shit that he dies. I mean, he'll be fucking dead. I don't think anybody cares when they're dead. No, but what I mean? It's just like generally. Like, he's like, he's like, he's so rich.

He's so rich. He's lived such an insanely amazing life, and he's just like, yeah, whatever. Like, I will not feel bad about that. No, my money. I can't take my money with me. But Matthew Perry is just, like, drowning in a fucking jacuzzi for, my money! I've been killed! What's the deal with the afterlife?

Why is it so dark? Why? Who's not? What are the lights? Where's the peanuts? Where's all my cars? Yeah, exactly. Where's my 40,000 cars?

Like 40,000 cars. He has so many cars, bro. It's a fucking sickness, man. Like, why do you have that many? Him and Jay Leno and shit. And like, I said this. I say this. I said this.

The only thing that's supposedly not a sickness to hoarding is money. Everything else is fucking crazy. You know, you know, you know, J. Money is pretty crazy. No, it's supposed to be crazy. It's just, you don't perceive it. it as such. I think it's absolutely

insane. I'm just saying that like society doesn't see a billionaire and think, oh, that is insane amounts of money that you'll never use in a thousand lifetimes, you know? They don't think about that on average. You got to buy cars, man, you got to buy all those cars. You know Jay Leno exploded? Did you know this?

No, what do you? So, so, okay, first off, I'm not, I know this sounds like me lying to you, but I swear to God, let's hear how this stupid how it's going to be. Dude, I am not kidding. Jay Leno, I think, exploded in a car.

He got set on fire. He got set on fire, yes. Yeah, like, no, he did not explode, Chris. That's not the same thing. I'm exaggerating. You got to learn how to use words. Exaggerating a little bit. But so Jay Leno was like,

I don't even know. He was like doing like the Akira slide on a motorcycle drifted over like a pile of gasoline, like a bunch of gasoline blocks. And then fucking sparked himself up and exploded. And then he got set on fire. face fell off and that's real. That's like a real J. Leno lore.

That's real. His face fell off. His face fell off. He got caught up in an accident and he burned his face. He did not. There is so, do you understand like. When was this? It was like last year, I think.

It actually happened. It was a few years ago. It was a few years ago. I think it was like either during the pandemic or like pre-pandemic a little, like just before the pandemic where like this actually happened to Jay Leno. He burned his face. his face burned and fell off to the ground. And now it's like...

He got hurt really badly. It's like some kind of... It was like the Joker mask. It was like... Yeah, literally. It was like the mask. Somebody's walking around with the charred, the charred original face of Jay Leno

because he got like a bunch of reconstructive surgery. This is real. And Conan O'Brien started laughing. You could hear Conan Brown audibly laughing in the background. You get to... Justice. Oh, man. Justice.

That whole... Man, that whole sit... That whole... That entire grim war is incredible. incredible. Like that is some of the best lore I've ever read, like the J. Leno Conan. Dude, I love how every single, I love how every single time he would go back on Jimmy Kimmel, and Jimmy Kimmel would just start insulting him vapidly immediately. Like, he would go back on there again, and Jimmy would just start insulting his character immediately.

I don't even like Jimmy Kimmel at all. I don't like him even slightly, but that guy would always tear him down and I'm under a piece of shitty one. You remember when he did Blackface? Hell yeah Absolutely I feel like I heard about that But it's one of my favorites See like Look man

I loved old school comedy Because no one gave a fuck It's so funny where it's like I can't believe people are putting this on On television where they think this is totally okay He was basically Who's that that rapist basketball player What's his name?

Carl Malone I don't know Car Malone who impregnated a 13 year old Oh cool beat That's pretty crazy One of the best basketball players and never win a championship on the Utah Jazz I'm pregnant to a 13-old girl but yeah

he he but see okay to be fair nobody really knew about that at the time it was very hush-hush obviously for obvious reasons the NBA were like let's not uh let's lead this on the rug that is crazy I didn't know that I didn't know anything about that that's fucking wild it's uh there's

it's insane it's insanely Carl Malone is a giant piece of shit but uh you know anyway people didn't know at a time so you know it's one of those things where Hollywood and the people were on the scenes they know but we don't know. Kind of like anybody else that's got me toot or whatever.

Anyway, yeah, so you can look at Jimmy Kimmel Blackface. He's done up entirely that's Carl Malone. And it's one of those things where it's I love this old shit. We're like, oh, what's his name? Who's the nervous guy that does the Tonight Show or what is it? Jimmy Fallon? Which one does he do? Which one does he do?

Is he the Tonight Show? Yeah, I don't know, whatever. They're all the fucking same. Yeah, he's the tonight show because he took over for the chin, right? He did Blackface too, though. Yeah, he did Chris Rock. He did Chris Rock. And I got to say, it's pretty good, though.

Dude, honestly, it is genuinely an amazing impression. But at the same time, it's like, bro, you didn't have to get the, you didn't have to get the whole fucking the makeup department of the Grinch to help you do this. You know, you're going to just did the impression and figure it out. I love it. I love people. I love people doing blackface and not understand it's a problem. I love it. I love it. I love it because it is pretty like the last, the only, it kind of amazes me that Robert Downey Jr. just got away with Tropic Thunder. Like I understand why because like that's the whole point of the, that's the whole point of that character in the movie. Right. But at the same time, it's still like, it relies on so much context that you would expect, you would expect that to be a genuine problem. but it just never really was.

I see it trending every now and again. I see it trending every now and again on TikTok and Twitter and stuff and no, and nobody, it never really gains any track. I think it's only fine because of the context it was in. I think that's the only reason why it's fine. I think that's like, I mean, and that should, in my opinion, that should be protected. When it's, when it's, it's for the purpose of, when it serves that purpose, same with

Sarah Silverman did a similar thing. There are some people that have done blackface, for example, it's always sunny with with a lethal weapon five. The same thing. Within the context of the show, it was obviously an issue. Other people saw it as an issue. And for those purposes, I think,

and it's a shame that they... There's a episode of community. There's a great episode of community, too, where I can't remember who does it. I think it's... I think it's Chang. Does it? Yeah, it was Chang.

Was it? Yeah, sure? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. And then they point out... Chevy Chase would do that. No, Chevy Chase does it, In real life.

In real life. In Trey does it offset. But, uh, he, like, this was, like, on the show. The N-Word to Troy every day. But the thing that's how... But the thing that's crazy... That's why he went to start to doing music. The thing that's really crazy about that, though, is like...

So you have on Always Sunday, like, I think those episodes were removed or something, right? They were, like, they were on Hulu, and they took them off. That's crazy. They took that episode off. They took the lethal weapon five, um, episode off. That to me is too much. That to me is too much. That to me is too much.

That's so unfortunate. I totally agree episodes. The whole point of that show is that they are fucking horrible. That's the whole joke is that they are the worst. The first episode, the first episode is the gang gets racist. Yeah, like, they're trying to prove they're not racist. The thing I don't like about it specifically, though, is like. Yeah, Charlie says the N-word.

Charlie, the least racist one against, got the victim being raised. And Charlie's genuinely not. Yeah. But so what's weird about is, like, so making fun of the concept of somebody being stupid enough to do blackface, which is the point of. that joke, right? Right. That's like, that's too far.

But then you have every episode where Dennis is there. And Dennis is like literally a serial rapist probably. A monster. Like the implication episode, the implication episode by itself, like the fact that that's still up there is kind of crazy. Yeah. It should be up there. When he was like, the pool boy, the pool guard with a little guy and he was going to sleep with that teenager. Oh, when he was going to sleep with the little, the little, the little bit of the boy.

Oh my God. He's like, I'm all yours. Where do you want me? You know what? It's such a classic. I don't know, man. It really kind of shows you that the selective, you know, the selective outrage where it's, it's like, oh, let's do this to. And when you, the thing that pisses me off because it's, it's really only there's loud activist voices that are speaking out.

But if you were to actually go into like black communities and ask them about this shit, like, if they were to see it, they would be like, they think it's funny too. Oh, yeah. They're not fucking dumb. It's just like traffic thunder, dude. It's just like traffic thunder where it's like I have not met a single, I've not met a single black person that has a problem with Robert Downey Jr. Or Traffic Thunder. Right.

And they specifically had that one other black character to represent, you know, the people who would obviously have a problem with it in like a real world context. Like if somebody was actually doing that and they had that other dude that's like, you took, you know, the only black role and they give it to this Australian guy. Like that guy was there and to bounce off each other. It was, it worked so well to the point where I remember Jamie Fox went on Joe Rogan's podcast. And then Jamie Fox became the arbiter of niggins for a second. And they were talking about that.

And he was like, I give the pass. And it was like a moment that people were like, all right, Jamie Fox said it's cool. We can't, we can't fuck with it anymore. It's over. And I thought it was kind of. Yeah. Is he okay, by the way? Like, because like, he's recovering.

Yeah, he's recovering. Okay, good, yeah, because we heard that he was like, oh, fucked up, and then we just didn't hear anything. So I was like, uh, what makes it crazy is that Jamie Fox is really not young, like really not young. Isn't he his 50s or something? He's like, he's like nearing his 60s. And it's like, he looks, he looks so good for his age. It's like, like, no one looks as good for the age as he does genuinely. Like, he looks, well, probably not anymore.

He's probably like trimmed down a lot like nine in the same shit he wasn't before. Well, Sigourney Weaver looked pretty amazing in her 50s, too, like to be fair. Who's Sigourney Weaver again? Sigourney Weaver is, oh my god, alien. You know, alien? She was in... She's been in a ton of shit. You know who Sigourney Revers?

Alien. The fucking protagonist and alien? Yeah. Oh, Ridley Scott? No. Oh, my God. No, that's the fucking director, dude. Or Allen Ridley, whatever her name is, Ridley something?

I know both Ridley's in both of their names. Yeah, I know you're talking about that. Yeah, yeah. She's in her 50s then? No, she was not in her 50s then. No, she's not her 50s then. She's in a movie. I don't remember what movie.

What movie is, it's like a sci-fi movie where she plays like this, this blonde chick with like a big, with big boobs. Like, I don't remember what the fuck. I don't remember what the movie was. But Galaxy Quest, I don't think it's Galaxy Quest. Space Movie 1992? No. Definitely not Space Movie, 1992. I don't know, whatever.

She's... I wish she'd be in that movie. There's no niche in that film. Whatever that movie is, she looks great. And I found that she was like 50-something or like, what the fuck? That's crazy. So, like, some people just take better care of themselves. I will say, dude, I know that, no, that's not necessary.

It's totally necessary. I don't have to say that. No, you already started, so. Yeah, that's true. I was going to say, dude, like, you know, Matthew Perry had a drug problem. Okay, that's fair. But he looked pretty rough for 54, man. Like, he looked really rough for 54.

Well, that'll do it, man. And some people, let's just be real. Some people, like genetically, some people age like fucking milk. some people are just genetically cursed and they do not age well man it's the truth and then if you stay out in the sun the lot because the sun damages your skin right so if you someone who likes to go on the sun a lot man like just that's why it's like i love my fucking i love my chocolate skin where it just i hate it i'm gonna look good for a long ass time man i mean i hate my i hate your chocolate skin i hate what why your skin makes me bad I hate your skin Is it not dark enough? Is that the problem? Everything is wrong with it.

Everything. Everything is wrong. I hate everything. I love it. I love being dark skin, dude. That's the color of bandage. I hated it when I was younger

because I was a lot of white people when they made, they pointed out how black I was very often. Really? But then I got old and I was like, oh, you look terrible and I look good still. So you had people going around telling you, you had random people going up to you saying,

you're black. He's black. I would like, whenever a conversation would happen, Derek probably, maybe less because it depends. You grew up in Hispanic area. Spanics are also extreme racist as well.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Whenever, whenever you're, whenever there's a time to make a black person notice they're black when they're the only black person, it happens every single time. Yeah. Whenever it's a time to let you know that you're different, they do it all the time.

You know, it was the most of, and then when I was around more black people, it stopped. Because everybody was black. Yeah, there's no reason to point. Dude, man, honestly, it's... The funniest thing about all of that is that, is that, like, I think Derek, you're the one who posted it, that, that Nigerian guy. Oh, that Nigerian guy?

That guy, like, the second I saw that guy, I was like, oh, Kingston and Derek are not black. Like, that's insane. Like, that is crazy. We're brown. I love seeing, I love seeing, like, dark Africans like that, because people really get to understand where the name came. from. Same with like a Native

American where it's like a dark as native dude that is on the border of like a fucking red shade where that's why you get like these the stereotypes where it comes from the porcelain white people in the fucking UK you know like where it's like you are literally white.

You look like milk that's insane. And so I love seeing just... Most people aren't his color granted. No, my dad is dark as fuck. My dad's not that guy's color. That guy looks like that guy looks like living obsceny. That man looks like he looks like a piano key Yeah

No what I'm saying is like I see that I see that and I get like You almost like you see You think about how like those like white supremacists Right they look at like like an Italian or something Or like a Jewish person with like even the slightest bit of pigment They're like they're not white Yeah

They're not really white and I'm like what are you talking about And then I say that I saw that Nigerian guy I was like oh I totally get it Like they're definitely not yeah you're not white And you're like there's something about it Because that is black. That is the blackest person I've ever seen in my life, man. He has a black beanie on, and his black beanie absorbs more light than his fucking skin.

It's crazy. Those crazy. Or less light. That guy's kind of the kind of dark that if I had white sheets, I wouldn't let him sleep on my bed. I would change the sheets. I would assume he would stain the sheets. Okay. We're getting.

That is crazy. That's not even racist. That's not even racist. That's just simply like, I don't want to mess on my sheets. That's definitely. not racist. That's definitely I'll put on the blue ones or like the green ones, but the white ones, I feel

he's going to stain them, man. Like, it's nothing to do with his character, though. I will say, it's the opposite ends of the spectrum both frightened me. Like, when I see someone that dark, it kind of like, I don't know that, I have a little bit of response, like, whoa. And the same thing, when I see like someone that is so fucking white

that you see all of their veins, and I'm like, it's just like, there's You see the veins in their face and shit? It's the extreme. It's the extremeness of it. Because, like, you, you so rarely see shades that intense, where it's like, oh, my God. That guy looks like someone's shadow ran away, man. That's crazy.

The idea of someone being so white that they touch you, like, don't fucking touch me. It's crazy. Like, you brick, like, everything's fine. You were really respectful. They go, don't you, get the fuck away. for me. I did, uh, I briefly, um, this was around the time when, when, uh, this is around the time when, when I don't, I don't remember how this happened, but me and, me and John Tron were, we're, and there was a small window at time we were bonding over talking to British chicks, right? And there was like

this ultra porcelain chick that I was talking to at the time. And we were talking about, oh, maybe doing some type of like trip or something like that but it just didn't it wasn't because of her skin it just didn't work it was it wouldn't work out because i just i didn't want to fuck with that anymore and then the funny thing is i you know i still married some fucking european chick i was i really i was like i don't want any part of this i don't want to do this anymore i just want to find a nice local chick or whatever so we weren't talk anymore but i still when i when i'm thinking about it right now like her skin was so it was just like one shade away from just being straighted up milk. It's so, I was like, it's so, and it is fascinating. It really is. When you see people

like that, it's fucking fascinating. Because you just don't see it. You just don't, I mean, I guess if you lived in certain areas, like, where that, wherever that fucking African, because I forgot what country is from. There was a Nigeria. It was something with an S. It was something with an S because it was, it was saying like, oh, tourists, the whole point of that post was saying that there was a lot of European women that tour Africa to bang dudes like that. And so these guys just are just getting hooked up with a bunch of, you know, chicks that come to just get destroyed, I guess, because I'm sure his penis is big as his arm. And, yeah, so it was like a, it was like a touristy thing about what would, what would, how would you feel if the trade off for that? It's like, you got to get, you had to have a massive penis, but your arms were like T. T. Rex arms.

Like, how would you, like, would you, like, would you, like, would you, would you, like, would you, would you, like, would you, I don't see, I don't see a real benefit. It's, I don't, just, I'm just trying to think of what I'd look like. standing in front of the mirror with this big ass dick my arms you can't even reach your dick you can't even reach your dick no you can because it's so big

you can because it's so big that's the thing it's like oh that's a good point yeah so you just bent down just a little bit and then just kind of like you know just kind of open down

your whole body I don't need I don't need like like first of all women don't love massive penises that is true yeah they don't women don't they don't pick that

like the thing like porn stars are not regular women That is true. Exhibitionists. Yeah, well, they were also paid to do that. It's like, that's a job, like, ultimately. It's like, it's not really, like, yeah, you see people with, like, fucking, like, what is it, like, two foot long dix? And you're like, that's, that's not even, like, I would hate that so much.

Yeah. I saw, I mean, I only know one girl, like, literally I only know one girl, like a friend of mine. She's the only girl that I knew that. And funny enough, we've known each other for a long time. Every once in a while there'd be like some sexual tension or whatever. But literally I never like pursued that because because of knowing her fucking palate is giant dicks. And I am not one of those brothers. Like my dick is, I don't know if it's like, okay, I'm assuming it's above average or whatever,

but I don't really know because I don't really care. But I know it ain't big like the type of shit that she would be fucking with. So I'm like, if we ever hook up, I know I'm just going to disappoint her. Like, so I'm just like, there's no point. Poor guy, man. I mean, like, if you know a girl and then she lets you know that she likes massive hogs and you don't, if you're not packing a massive hog, you're like, well, I clearly I'm not going to satisfy this bitch. There's this is like, that's not going to have.

Joking, bro. You got to start joking, man. I'm going to jokes in. I am good. I eventually just have a really long, thin, like it's like a slim gym, Jim almost. No, no, no, no, you got to, what you do is you got to do that. You got to get it swollen. Let the swelling, let it be swollen for a bit, you know, let it get engorged and jelk, you know.

So then it learns how to stretch girthwise and lengthwise. No, you can't. Have you guys ever measured? You only have so much mass, though. You only have so much. You can't, like, at a certain point, you joke so much that, like, it's like, hey, baby, what's up? My pelvis looks like a mosquito's face.

Are you ready? It's just like this long, thin, fucking. See, here's why that's incorrect. Stretching your ears, man. Stretching your ears is because the cells, with enough force, the cells will just keep regenerating and try to add more to compensate for the stretching, right? So I've seen my friend Ricky, he had three, it was disgusting. He had three inches.

It was three inches in some comforts in his ears. It was fucking absolutely disgusting. And then he got him sewn up, which is actually, I was thinking about doing that myself because one of them got damaged. Yeah, because one of my lobes got damaged. And so it doesn't, it's way thinner because it got, it got torn. And then it got infected. See, this is the exact reason I, no, man. It's not bad.

It's not, your piercings. That's what I never do piercings, man. This is an anomaly what happened to me. You know, it's not, this is not the norm. It was, it was a thing that, like, I just. still happened to you is the thing, but it's still happened to you. But that's also, that's like saying, oh, you know, like, motherfucker got hit by a falling meteorite, you know, like,

but it's still happening to that one person. Now I need to be scared. It's like, nah, it was, it was, it's really, I'm terrified of everything. I'm terrified of everything that could possibly happen. Every time I'm, the thing about it. Everything. Damn, dude. Sorry.

Because you hear about, because you hear about, like, oh, man, what are the likelihood that a plane, like, what's the likelihood that a plane's going to crash? Like, very, very unlikely. But if you're on the plane that's crashing, the likelihood is a hundred. is 100%. You're like, so to me it's like, I don't care with the likelihood. Like every time I go on it, I think I've told this story

on the podcast before, but like I was on a plane where the, oh my God, the masks came down, the oxygen mask came down. And I wasn't, I genuinely wasn't scared because I just prepare before every flight that's like, yep, it's gonna be it. It's the last one. And I was totally, I was genuinely completely fine.

There were people like panicking next to me. Everybody was panicking, you were just sitting there. I really was. I was stone face, dude. I was stone face because I was just like, yep, I expected this. And then we were all fine. You're like, finally. You're like, finally.

You just can't pull the trigger yourself. You're a fucking coward. You just got a little. I'm just not afraid of, I'm not afraid of death genuinely at all. Like, I'm afraid of death in my life, like affecting me in ways that, like, my people I care about dying. You know what I mean? That scares me a lot. But like, me dying, I could give a fuck about.

Like, I really, because, oh, no. Oh, no. No, no responsibilities. Oh, no. I don't have to pay rent. Okay. Oh, no. So the lead singer, the lead singer of, um, of, um, what's that stupid, uh, your, you're

a nemesis band. I can't fuck. What's the name? Oh, Imagine Dragons? Yeah, the lead singer of Imagine Dragons. He finally, he heard all the shit that you talked. He got. And he kicks down your door with a big fucking joker from the first Batman, you know, Timber,

like the gun that long. Jesus Christ. You don't think you're going to be like, like, you think you're just going to, like, accept? You think it's just going to sit down? What do you think you're just going to, you don't think you would, like, hey, please don't it was jokes? No, no, I'll try to fight.

Like, the thing is, I'll try to fight. I'll try to fight in a situation where I know I can fight, you know what I can fight. Like, where it's like, oh, yeah, you know what? It's like, the Abadjur Dragon. First of all, I'm not going to, even if he comes up to my house, I'm not going to do what he says. I'm going to think of something else. I'm going to think of everything but dragons, just to spite him.

And then I'll fight, I'll fight my way out. But like in a plane, like what do you, you know what I mean? Like what's your, yeah, you're kind of your head stuck. You got to jump. You got to jump. Yeah, you got to jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you jump and then get jettisoned to the fucking back or front of the plane

wherever fucking physics takes you and then you become a puddle. But what you do is you get directly in the middle of the plane. I don't want to. Everybody else's bodies absorb the impact. And then you crawl out of this flesh ball of people. I don't want to get a twist. I don't want to get a twist. I'm not like a nihilist where it's like, oh, no, what's the point of living?

Like, you know what I mean? But, like, there are certain things where it's like, bro, like, if I'm sorry, like, I'm in the middle of the ocean completely alone. No. No, what the fuck? That's my nightmare. No, absolutely not. That's my nightmare. The only time that the only time I'm afraid on planes is when I have to cross the ocean, when I'm over the large body of water.

That freaks me out. Even if, like, end up in fucking bioseock. Yeah, because it's like one of those things What if What if the crash Like the pilot maneuvers enough to where it's not a hard impact But then it's like we're now in the ocean It's pitch black

There's hungry fucking monsters under your feet Like there's the whole entire The scenario that sounds Fucking terrifying right Because you're more likely to survive At least for a little while If you crash in the ocean right I'm pretty sure that's true

I'm basing that off of nothing But just a hunch honestly But Bioshock No, I have to imagine that if you hit a mountain, you're going to explode, right? Yeah, you're done. But, like, if you hit the ocean, like, hitting a mountain is more lethal than hitting the ocean, Chris. Yes, 100%.

I feel like if you nose dive to the ocean, it's probably just as lethal. Well, that's what I'm, if you nose dive, yeah. But, like, what I'm saying is like, I'm confident that that's true, but I, like, I don't know. I'm sure there's scientists out there who is like, actually, like, statistically speaking, you actually are just as likely to survive both. And it's like, whatever. Okay, fine. But, uh...

Dude, look, this is what you got to do, right? You got to somehow survive. be the only person that survives there, but he comes, ask what happens. You're like, I don't know. I don't know what happened. I just made it. What would you know if you were flying over the ocean, Derek?

You were flying over the ocean and then you see a whale breaching, breaching the water and you're like, oh my God, that's adorable. Then it keeps going. It keeps going up. It keeps going up. And you're like, oh, my God. And it reaches. And it reaches the plane.

And you look at the trajectory. It's starting to match up to like, it's our point. It's like, he's coming up this way. We're moving about this. This is not good. I'm just wondering. Why isn't the pilot seeing this? Why aren't the pilots doing anything about it?

So you can see invisible things. The thing's invisible. All right. Now we're just, now you're being silly. Now you're being silly. Now you're being silly. An infinite breaching whale and now I'm being too silly.

Yeah, you always got to like, you always got a Marvel comics it for some reason. It's like, what if it had a power? What if it had superpowers? Oh, boy. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. It's not enough for you. It's not enough for you.

There is a whale. There is a whale approaching the zenith of where it's at. And I'm the one that's Marvel comicsing it, dude. Well, yeah, because it's just like that's an absurd. This whale is going straight up. Yeah, but what I'm saying is like it's not, it's not enough for you that it's already this like insane event. It's like, what if it had super power? I don't know.

Because why else, why else would the pilot not be doing anything about it? Like, give me another reason why the pilot would just like, they're sucking each other off or something. They just took a break and they're 6090. It's on autopilot. It's on autopilot. And they've got the airplane fucking blowup pilot pilot piloting the plane. He's in autopilot. He's an autopilot and then the main pilot sounding himself with a big vial of fucking helium.

So he's gone. It's a big tube of helium up his dick and he's just fucking. And then the whale and then the whale grabs the whale. The whale grabs the plane and starts fucking it. It starts humping through the, through the, And then it's just like this, this whole, yeah, it's a whole process. No, though it grabs the plane that goes back in the water, not fast at all, like slowly, and you slowly start hearing the pressure eroding the plane.

Shockingly slowly. And you're like, and you're like, no, no. And everything starts to bend in. And they take a real quick dive and it gets bright and you die. That's how I'd like to die on a plane that got hit by an infinitely breaching whale. Yeah, fucking a whale approach. coaching the zenith of the planet. It's like that,

it's like you ever see, like, hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy where, like, all the, all the, uh, all the dolphins leave.

Yeah. Like, at the beginning of that movie where they breach into space and they're like, bye. That, that happens.

That happens. Okay. That happens. Anyway. I'm cool with that. Anyway, rest in peace, Matthew Perry,

I guess. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Maddie, Maddie P. Maddie P. Oh, oh,

oh, um, I wanted to say this at the top of the show, I forgot about this. So I got sent a screenshot by Jojo. And it says, from the last episode, it says this. Thank you for the shout-out to my donation page, boys. The support means a lot.

Thank you, Derek. The jacket got mentioned in the page. I didn't steal the jacket. That shit was like a baby gap size, which it's true. He was a very large guy. So him wearing it would be like wearing a fucking baby jacket. Wait, what I'm talking about? one of my arms sadly

sadly it got lost in the shuffle and thrown away when the van was donated along with a bunch of the other stuff that was in there so like I was just laughing my ass off because I didn't anticipate first of all I didn't I didn't know that he would even like respond at all

like and I wouldn't have caught this and the fact I don't actually give a fuck about the jacket I just thought like this would be a nice story to tell to get people like interested and checking the shit out and like I just he

he messes me, he's like, hey, man, like, what's your size? Like, I'll send you, I'll send you stuff to my Pearl. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm, fucking, it's, this happened in, like, 2009 or 2010. It's, I don't give a shit anymore. I forgot about that. I forgot about that. Yeah, that go fund me thing, right? For the, yeah, exactly that.

For the guy that you pitched us for my ass like, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, hey, man, it's all good. And ain't, ain't, ain't no beef. I don't think that I'm actually mad, but I am. I'm, he's not mad. I'm personally furious. Yeah. I don't know you.

personally, but like, uh, I feel it very viscerally in my heart. You stole from Derek. You should be smited, person. I don't care how much money you need or what you need. Hope your ball falls. That's crazy. I don't, I think you got a, I think it got a metallic one. I think like, uh, yeah, the, the titanium is, is in now.

And so you can get titanium testicles, which my metal ball. I don't understand why we can't like do that, encase it in mercury at least. Why would you encase your ball in something? Like, why? to protect them? What are you talking about? From what? What the fuck you mean?

Like, you know, encasing it in metal just puts it in a smaller place for it to be. If you encase it in metal, what if, like, someone you conduct, you conduct some sort of charge and your ball gets zapped? That's fine. My heart's probably going to stop before,

like, if I get zapped at heart anyway. Go trick out your balls for no fucking good reason. We didn't mean no good reason. Your balls are so delicate. I mean, like, have you never had, like, any like just oh you your hand just hits it or there was one time really was playing me and she squeezed

my ball too hard and i threw up that's that's exactly my point i'm mad with the metallic casing no i i i'm i that just no i don't even need them you just haven't been hitting your ball you have you haven't hit your balls enough that's literally what i have i've been i've been hit my balls and now i don't feel anything down there oh that's why okay there you go there the other way around that's pretty cool yeah i haven't i haven't felt anything metallic balls you would have been fine what i do is i go to a I go to KFC. I did my balls inside the frying pan and the frying machine.

That is crazy. That is insane. That is insane. Is the oil just not hot enough to fucking fry it? I don't understand. It's just not hot enough to fry my balls, but it's hot enough to hurt like shit. That's fucking, that is unconscionable, man. Like, I hate that.

And they're watching you. The whole story. The whole store is still going about its business Watching you scream out in like Pain but a little bit of ecstasy No reason for you to be butt-ass naked but you still are You sound like a fucking elite You couldn't just took your balls out and dunked them

But you just get naked They're everyone they're still serving chicken in the same place My balls are being damn near cooked And they're just doing their moving fries around He puts it in the friar while your balls are in there. Just working around you. You're going to get a number three. I stay there a whole eight hours.

A whole eight hours making that sound. Damn, you're frying my balls. And they're like, all right, good day. And they pay me afterwards. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. What you do today's friend? I like that.

It's like those monks. When you see those fucking monks, like punching their balls, it's another. discipline, which Do what those monks do to each other, as little kids, what goes on to them is so fucking crazy. Yeah, they're fucking psychopaths.

That shit is insane. The way to that little one, the way to that little one, the house holding that brick and it fell down and it did do the stance. And I was like, that's a baby, dude. Look at him. He's hurt. They got to train him young, man.

He's like a Romans. It's like the Romans where they were like, the Romans would like see a baby and they'd be like this one looks like it's probably going to be weak and they would just like throw it on a fucking shore that was the Greeks that whatever who cares what's the fucking difference and they would do that and if the baby comes back

it's strong somehow it threw it off the cliff and it survives then it will begin its training then it comes back with holding a fucking holding what do they call what is the name of that that line with the fucking unpertable fucking pelt the one that hercules killed

The guy The one from Madagascar? No No, the Namean Or Nami and Comes back And it starts grunting at you And they're like

I guess I guess Are you sure? I guess that's the one from I guess he made a mistake With this baby I guess he's strong It's like

Yo he's holding a lion I can't have it That means he blunt force Beat that lion It's with like rocks and stuff And they still make them Like a dishwasher They're like yeah

Do you think you can punch a lion? Do you think you could punch a lion to death? Eventually maybe. A lion. Eventually maybe. I don't think I could. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I think my hands would break too much before I actually like really damage the lion. Well, yeah, eventually. Like I'm not going to like, I'm not like nine one sitting. No. If there's someone. Not in one sitting, you come back in chips. Hammer it out like a hobby.

You just hammer it out like, oh, I got to go punch. I got to go make progress on this lion's skull tonight. We got to make sure a lion doesn't heal. My line doesn't heal. They got to put chemicals in a lion's bite that it doesn't heal. It doesn't get better over time. So, Derek, I'm curious about your take on this because Sweeney and I were talking about this, both in person and online.

But there was this thing kind of going around that was like, hey, would you rather have $50 million or Spider-Man's powers? Oh, it's interesting. Well, if I was younger, I would definitely say Spider-Man's powers if I was younger, but I don't, I feel like at the age that I'm at right now, I don't want that type of responsibility. Yeah, I just don't. I'd rather just take the money. Well, time, time, on, time, on, time, on, time, on. There's no responsibility.

You are not Spider-Man. You just have his abilities. Yeah, well, if you have that type of ability and if you let it be known, then you're kind of a piece of shit by not, like, contribute. You know what I mean? Like you're kind of, but it's kind of like, it's like Superman, it's like Superman not, it's like Superman not doing anything to stop global warming, although he clearly can. Like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like, it's like your powers be known and you don't do anything for good. Like I said, it's the people that hoard money. Same, same concept.

You know, they could literally end the major world problems and they just don't. And like, so by default, they're pieces of shit. So, uh, it's same concept where I'm like, I don't want, if I was young, I would do it because I'd feel like, fuck yeah, I want to save the world. Right now, I'm like, I don't know, man. I just give me the 50 mil. I'm going to vacation a little bit and buy a house, a couple of cars, play video games forever. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's exactly what I was saying.

For me, I would take the powers. I would take the powers because the fuck shit I could do, the things I could do once I have that kind of power is just immense. Yeah, but what do you want to do? Do you like, do you have those kind of desires right now? I'd probably like, I don't know, like. This man falls. in the middle of the day, constantly in the middle of conversation. He doesn't have any desire.

You fall asleep on the podcast. Your fucking heads like on the fucking mic and shit. You're just like... I don't know. I'm like, I'd, uh, I'd get people I think I shouldn't be here anymore. People I think I shouldn't be around. I'd deal with them. Well, that's actually...

You know what? Okay, that is a little bit fair. I'll say... Let's see, whatever. You can become like an anti-hero. I can inspire people. She'd inspire people. You know, see, I don't want to do that.

People look at people that are powerful, you know, like, If Elon Musk could get a follow, if he would love him, and I would just be like, look, I can lift and throw cars. And if you really try hard, you could, like,

change things too, and I would do that, I'd get a cult. You throw a, throw a Tesla on Elon, I like, I like that, I like,

so I'd make it lift like 10 tons. With that kind of power, I would join the UFC for a little bit before I, when I didn't know I had my power, I didn't know I had my power. I'd be like,

so you just kill people? I don't understand. I wouldn't kill me, but I wouldn't, no, no, obviously you got, He would, he would, like, orchestrated.

It would be, like, a game to him. It would be, like, you know, Dash and the Incredibles, how he, like, has to run a little bit slower, but, like, he still wins. Yeah. Like, it's, you'd probably do that. I would imagine. I'd win medals, and I'd find, like,

I actually have this unique genetic code. I would absolutely sell my genomes. I don't go, fuck out. The thing to me is, like, whatever I am. Make more, make more, niggas like me. I don't give a shit, man.

I don't give a, it'd be really bad, and it'd be a superior race, and it'd be a not superior race of people. and that would lead to other problems down the line but I would try to make things better while I could. That's cool. Yeah. I don't know, man.

I, the thing to me is like, Spider-Man's powers don't really interest me outside of, like, his base superpower is kind of like, like, okay, whatever. Like, he's strong and- The fact that you're so hung up about web slinging, but not the best power he has,

which is spider sense. I don't think it's a best power he has. Like his spider sense is literally an insane power. That is like actually the most insane power. I would argue maybe in comics. Probably. But I can just like to make reality disappear. Those things are the most insane.

Yeah, but like it's not interesting to me. Like it doesn't do anything for me. It's so mind-bogglingly interesting. Why? You have a dangerous. You have mere precognition. That is obscene. I don't need that really.

I can tell when shit's bad. You know, like I, that's why I haven't been hit, but I already, no, Chris, Chris, I love you.

No, you can't. No, You can't, Chris. And with that, you really could. You really, like, that is such a, that is, that one power for me. I would just take that one power, in fact, if I could. I'd be like, yeah, I'll take precognition.

Now I can just know what things are going to happen, and my life will forever be the best version of itself. The thing to me, it's like the only thing is just thing. And I'll look, I'll pick up a rock and I'll see how, where I have to throw this rock to lead to the death of someone I really don't like. And it's a chain reaction. I'm like, hmm, I'll throw the rock and then see what kind of... Is that how Spider-Sense works? No, no, that's like over-exaggeration. It's just him.

It gives him, it's a danger sense. Yeah, I don't, I don't know, man. I'm still here. So clearly, I've avoided enough danger on my own without it. So, like, I mean, I don't, I don't care to... I'm just, I'm already careful enough to not need Spider-Sense, really. I would love it, man. I'd love to be able to jump fucking 50 stories in the air and lift a lift a car

throw it. That doesn't do anything for me. The thing is, being able to climb walls. The only, the thing that really got met my brain connected to Spider-Man was,

was him swinging around the city. And I would have dreams. I talked about, I talked about this before, whereas, like, some people have, like, to do Superman dreams where they're flying around

and doing, like, weird shit, I legitimately, like, every now and then, I will have web swinging dreams, and it's the most fun I've ever had ever, sincerely.

Like, when I wake up from that dream, it's, like, the day is amazing. Like, nothing can bring me down from a day like that, because, like, God damn, what a great start.

If I could choose, if I had a machine that could, like, choose that dream, that's all I would dream. I fuck all this other shit. I'd be like, I want to swing around in real time and feel that, like, physics and- Because I feel like even with his power in a sense. I love it. I love it. It's so cool. You can use a grappling cooking did the, um, near the same efficiency as him.

No, it's not the same, man. It's not the same. It's different. I, you can't web people, but you can use a fucking coon eye and chain and throw that shit at places and grapple up places and move around like that. I don't know, man. powers are so, like there's so much more to him than just. I know there's more.

And all of that stuff, all of that stuff compliments swinging around really well. But like without swinging, I don't want any of that. I don't need to be fucking, I don't need to be, I don't need to lift 10 tons. I don't,

I don't need it. I don't want it either. But why not have it? Especially if I could have $50 million instead of it. Like, why would I want to lift 10 tons when I can have financial security for me and everybody I care about for the rest of my entire life? So that I can just do whatever.

I can make music. I can fund like fucking videos and movies and all the shit that I want to make instead of worrying about like ooh you'd inherently gain that much money just having that kind of power that's dumb and red celebrity I don't want but you're not taking an account of what I said about you not helping solve the world's issues makes you an asshole by default so me and so me and my honesty I would say I wouldn't help the world's issues and then like what happened when like I'd see a little kid about the hit by a car and I'd be like let me go let me go out this little motherfucker out and then I'd rather not have the I'd rather not have the responsibility. I don't need that. I mean, you know, you can choose to help people, you know? No, but say if you choose not to, you are an asshole by default. That's that is the whole point. Whatever, man. That's the whole thing that makes it like, I don't want that responsibility.

Tell all these billionaires to give their money to people that really need it. And I'll start helping people. See, that's what I'm saying. If you feel compelled to do that. Huh? Billionaires is a different thing. I'm not talking out of context. Like, let's say, like tell you on Musk's your fucking hope and hunger in the country he came from.

You know, the country that's fair. the country, their family got all those emeralds from. You know, like, shit like that. Like, just stuff like that. I'd be like, look, if you guys want to me to do better, I will help. I will, I will go out there and I'll, depends on the better place, in Tanna with the rest of the people that have the power to do it. I have no problem doing it, but I want to see other people make an effort to do it as well. Yeah, but I think to me would help by, you would help by just beating those people up because they're not going to do it.

They're fucking villains. I would show up to their house. Look at what kind of security are going to have? They're going to have security. It's going to stop me? No, I'm Spider-Man. Exactly. They're going to try to like, oh, pull a gun on me.

I'm going to take that gun and I'm going to force it through their hip with my strength. I'm going to take a gun and press it in and through their hip. I mean, Spider-Man can only move so fast, though. You know what I mean? Like, he can dodge bullets. Obscenely fast. But not like- A fast of bullet moves and he can out-move them.

He can run on a certain speed? Like, say the Insogniatic games, you think it's like two unreliated? for Spider-Man to, like, beat up all the, like, the henchmen with guns and shit? Not necessarily. He's, he's always fighting enough people, like, where it's like, that's, if he was, like, in the middle of, like, I don't know, fucking Vietnam, you know what I mean? And, like, there were, like, hundreds of guys with guns. Yeah, I don't think that.

No, I think he's dead in Vietnam. I think he's very dead in Vietnam. Because what happened is, like, look, he has very dead in Vietnam. He has very good senses. Look, look, he has very good reactive senses. Then he has the ability to know what's going to be. going to happen a little bit beforehand. So he has a little to react and get out the way before they shoot.

But it's still up to him to act on that. Huh? It's still up to him to act on that. He still has to pull that off. Why would he not act on it? Why would he not? Because there's only so much you can do. It's like you can have a natural.

He's been fucked up by people that move as fast as him. He's also been shot. It's all it does is just a. He just knows. He's about to get fucked up. If you're fighting, like if you're fighting like someone like Captain America, who can comparably move at. near that same speed. I would say Spider-Man's faster, right? But Cap can move fast. Even though

Spider-Man gets that future warning, he can't get out the way quick enough. If someone's faster than him or about that same speed. That might happen with a barrage of bullets from like 2,000 bullets. Yeah, is what I'm saying. But yeah, like a ton of bullets, yes, absolutely. I think he can handle, but he would probably still sense there's a lot of bullets coming from over here. And he can just get out the way. I can this, I can just use my like ridiculous speed to run off. I guess. Yeah, I don't no man. To me, I would jump on the people, pick somebody up and throw them like a baseball. I had a lot of people got like talking like in that comment thread being like, well, you could use your powers doing all sorts of stuff and get that money. Like, you get the money. Of course.

You could probably get even more. And it's like, I guess you could. But then you'd have to spend a lot of time. Like the issue with that is like somebody was like, oh, just join the UFC or something. It's like, bro, I have no passion or desire to join the UFC at all. So I'd just be like phoning in a bunch of like fake fights for like years just so I could. can make a lot of money. It'd be, the fight would start, you'd slap somebody. And that's it. Well, you can't do that because then it's obvious.

And then, first of all, no one's going to be, no one's going to be interested in that. If somebody just wins the first time every time, it's like, that's cool, I guess. But it's not really an interesting fight. Everybody's just going to know. People are interested in Mike Tyson knocking niggas the fuck out. Well, actually, actually, they did have tickets, a problem with ticket sales at the peak of his career. Yeah, literally. Which one when he fought the Jamaican dude?

Well, say, like, say, when he got involved with like Don King and he was on top, Don King would have to say things like, oh, if raise the stakes, like, say you would get, like, a refund if the match didn't last this long, that entice people to actually come to and buy the pay-per-views and come to the shows and shit, because it was so expected that he was just going to fuck somebody up on the first round that they're like, why am I going to spend, like, $40 or $50 on a fucking ticket or a pay-per-view? Not to mention you can go on a ring and people could beat on you. Like, you can let some guy, like, beat on. You could be like Tyson Fury, but, like, actually not take damage and not be broken.

That's not interesting to me at all. It's like a waste of my time. I guess I understand. The only thing that's valuable to me, really, ultimately, and to anyone, whether or not they want to admit it, is their time. Time is the only thing you can't refund, you can't get it back. So to me, it's like, do I want to spend 10 years, like, gaining, like, millions upon millions of dollars?

Even one year, dude, like, if I have to spend one whole year doing, like, UFC shit or, like, doing a bunch of fights that, like, I'm just kind of phoning it. in because I'm not taking damage and I'm not interested and it's not something I give a shit about. Why would I do that when I could just have the money instantly and not only set up my friends for life with that money, but like just immediately get started

on the stuff that I actually like doing and care about doing? Like it just doesn't and without that next level responsibility of like being in being like inherently expected to like jump into the fray whenever some bullshit's going on that I know would hit me if I had to deal with that. That's the biggest part right there.

It's insane. That's how you're coming from, but with his powers, you could change the world, you know. In a world we're in right now, in the current Earth, we're in right now, someone like that to objected and dissected by the government also probably.

Oh, I mean, the government would probably want to use your blood and shit like that. Because you wouldn't get you. That's not how things work. They would definitely want your blood, though. They would definitely want to do tests on your blood. They would test you.

And it would get you. And they'd be like, hey, can we have your blood to do test? They're not going to rip you open and dissect it. They will. They will actually get you, though. I think, I don't think, like, any, I don't think anybody, would actually be able to apprehend you.

They're competent. No, the dangerous thing. You think they would get you until they'd shut by your house and then you would bring a building down on that. The government is extremely, the dangerous thing about the government is that they're extremely competent when they want to be. So do you remember when everybody was protesting? Do you remember when they were, when everybody was protesting outside of the houses of like the Supreme Court people when like some, there was like some crazy decision made? I can't remember if it was like Roe v. Wait or whatever. or like if it was like a new appointed judge or something,

there were people outside. And within the day, they managed to flip that shit. They made that illegal. Like you can't do that now. Like sincerely. Like within the day, they figured that out. So they can move when they're, if they're really genuinely motivated, they can do it. And believe me, they see a fucking meta-human demigod.

They will be motivated. They will get you. That is making a bill pass opposed to capturing a literal weapon. You don't even understand. That's a major difference. You do not even understand how simple it would be. You do not even understand how simple it would be. Chris, I think, I think you, I think you, I think what happened is that you've never read Spider-Man's comics.

I don't need to read Spider-Man's comics to know what the real world is. No, no, no, no, no. You do to understand the kind of danger that guy possesses. Kingston, he will be tired. He has to sleep at some point. Yeah, he has to sleep, but not very long. Spider-Man has stayed up seven-day straight, fighting crime consistently throw. New York. That's not as powerful as multiple people on infinite shifts forever, just not needing

to sleep in the first place. I understand that, dude. I understand that. But you're saying that someone that can go hard that long. You know how many, you know how many? Seven days is not a long time. That is a long fucking time to be awake, Chris. It's a long time for a person to be awake, but it's not But it's not so long, but it's not so long that it makes an investigation with like genuine like wholesale like FBI and governmental backing impossible. Seven days they can run that shit out in moments, dude. Like it's not even a problem for them. Because the second somebody gets tired, it's like, all right, time for this guy to take the shift.

He's not, you're not lasting. How are they going to keep you contained? How would they keep someone that physically strong contained? King said, we talked about this. Like I understand your arguments, Chris. But how are they going to, what are they going to use to keep this person? that is literally stronger than an African elephant, this human being that is stronger this African elephant contained.

Here's what they'll do. They're going to wake up and I'm going to break the car open. So here's what they'll do. Here's what they'll do because you seem to be, you seem to not understand. Spider-Man, as he exists in comics, would not be possible because A, his secret identity would be completely fucked.

In this modern era, there's no way. Like I see in the games, him and Miles are like they're always, talking with their masks off on the top of a building that's like hundreds of windows staring at at them and it's like no somebody's recording this somebody's going to be like oh look it's peter parker somebody to be like oh look that's kingston and even if that wasn't the case just just the sheer notion of your phone surveilling you in the way that in the way that they do it's just like you're not lasting long without without going undiscovered okay so first of all your secret

identities out the bag that you know it's kingston jameson with all these powers that already is the first point so your address is there people know where you live people know who your friends are, all this stuff. There's all sorts of methods they could use to get shit to get shit out of you. I would imagine that they would simply just stalk you and wait until you are absolutely vulnerable or just continuously wait until you can't, you just can't go to sleep because you're so paranoid that they're coming to get you until you literally can't focus. And then they knock you out. They fucking knock you out with like sedatives or some or some fucking gas. They bring you in a truck to some fucking underground place. They keep you sedated with sedatives constantly so you don't wake up. And then they'll

fuck with you. They'll fuck with you, dude. You're a meta-human demigod. They can't like, that's insane. That is insane. Because what makes it because what I see, what I see is going to happen, right, is they're going to, they're going to, they're going to do whatever I'm doing. They're going to content. They're going to be like, look. We want to figure out why you do what you do. You got to come with us

for a while. Right, right. And I'll be like, yeah, whatever. I don't really care. I do think that would be, I do think they probably would come to you and be like, hey, look at this for a while. We need some blood. We need to do some tests. I'm like, I for sure. Cool. I'm saying, in real science, like, people are like, oh, they're going to dissect. They're not going to dissect. They're not going to take your blood. That's it.

There's going to take your blood. They're going to try to figure out. They might do a spinal tap, but someone as strong as that'll be fine. They'll be okay. They'll be like, I kind of hurt a little bit. And I'll be back on my thing. I'm like, all right, thank you. I'm like, cool, cool.

You need someone else, let me know. And it would leave me alone. And in fact, I'd probably become protected by the government, more like than anything else. Maybe. Maybe that's also, that might be true as well. A soldier. But there's also. But there's also that thing where it's like

I'd rather just have money and then just do it. I don't want to I don't want to talk to the government in that capacity. I don't want to be big friends to the FBI. Yeah, to send me in. Can I go in and save more lives than you Nick is fucking fucking million dollars so

give me $50 million so Derek and I can make a fucking ridiculous album with like the ridiculous, the most absurd features possible. They'd be like, hey, well, if I go in right now and I can I go in and save more lives than these drone strikes to Ken?

No. They'll be like, yeah, way more. No, they're not going to use you. They're going to use you for nefarious reasons. They're going to use them for whatever they want, right? Whatever they want, whatever they need me to do, right? I'm like, can I go in there and just going, like me going in here? Will it be, will it save more lives?

If you, if, look at, man, there are so many things that they could be doing that are so much better. They don't give a fuck. That is not, they're not going to just all of a sudden. And I'll know, like, I go in there. If they send, if they send any strikes in, it'll kill it. more people. If I go in there and I got to get this one motherfucker, this one dude, I get

going in the dark of night, move fast and anyone can comprehend and pull this guy's head out his ass. And then that'll be done. Yeah. It'd be really bad for the rest of the countries and have one ridiculous monster running around working for America, which would be really, really bad over the places, but I get also probably, I get saved lives

directly and indirectly. So I wouldn't, I'd be like, uh, it, I think it would end poorly for you, but I will say though, I don't, I think the only problem you would have to worry about if you resisted is more of just living paranoid that you're going to have to be people they're always going to try to keep up with you or catch you i don't think they would i i think chris you're giving governments and their agencies way too much credit they're some of the most incompetent

like just just historically they're so fucking incompetent their operations and trying to capture people normal people normal fucking people like right-wing extremist retards fucking having a hard time apprehending these people. They're, like, they're so incompetent. But that's what I mean. It's like normal people are normal people, and they don't register as like, oh, well, fucking whatever. That's just a normal.

If you have a person literally breaking the laws of physics and just, like, constantly displaying, like, an insane amount of strength, like, in the world. What are they going to do about that, though? I don't know, man. They'll figure it out. They'll figure it out because they want it to. You get a little sense soldiers after me, right?

I'm giving them the credit that they earn when they, when they specifically, like, when they specifically are stupid effective when they want to be and are very clearly not when they don't care. Like, give me an example of when like say the government tactically is so super effective when it's like we need to get this done. The only time I can think of it's like maybe the the atomic bomb? Well, the atomic bomb is one of those things, but we also just constantly destabilize governments around the world very, very effectively to our benefit. Horribly and people come back all dead and fucked up. You know about Cuba and Iran and every place we've done that too.

But the thing is they don't care. That's the thing. It's like they don't give a shit. But why would they care? What do you mean they don't care? They do care. It's not, it's good for money. It's for all this other shit. It's like, yeah, I hope that works. You know what I mean?

But like you got a metahuman running around. That's different, man. No, that's different. Because you have somebody who's like, this is somebody who's like on our soil acting outside of our jurisdiction who's stronger than everybody else. No, man. What the fuck is that? That's crazy.

No, like, who is the person you think that cares? It's the people who wants to capture them. The soldiers that are doing their job are still going to be the soldiers doing their job. The agents are still going to be the people doing their jobs. They don't give a fuck. They're getting paid shit money. They're not going to get paid more. They're not going to be like, you'll be a fucking billionaire

to capture this man to human. It's still going to be shit. In this hypothetical situation, I feel like a lot of people would care. I feel like a lot of people would care like a lot more than they normally would about other stuff. I think even civilians would be like, what the fuck is that? What is that? There would be the interest, intrigue. But here's the thing about these soldiers and the people that need to do this. They're going to be shit in their guts. They're going to be like, bro.

Oh, so I'm going to have to These people that can do things that literally know Human on Earth, like, like, fuck you. You go, go get a drone and drone. Like, it's, I just feel like, I feel like this shit is so... You know how much? Think of it. Think of the following that Trump has a... Not you.

They would not love you, Kingston. I'm sorry, they would not love you. That's a nigga. That's bad. No, maybe. Maybe they might go crazy. They might go crazy because I'm black. They'd be like, oh my God, the rich. This might lead to the culling of black people, period, it actually.

Do you think that is not, do you think that is not playing a part in what I'm talking about right now? This is a black metahuman running around with Kingston's attitude and like all of the things that Kingston has ever said. It's like, oh my God, look at this fucking psycho who has said all this insane shit. He's an African American who could leap buildings. No. They killed fucking MLK for saying things.

That's so funny. Like they just killed MLK for being like. nice. They're gonna kill you. That's not current American no more. The only thing is if you try to uplift, if you with your powers, with your powers,

so I think everything would be fine unless you tried to uplift black Americans with your powers, then they would bring the hellfire. That's what I'm saying, man. They would bring it on. They'd bring it on, bro.

So, they'd bring it on. They would somehow, they would somehow, they blew up all of Harlem. It's all gone. It's all gone. They would, man.

They'd be like, let's see him dodge a nuke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. They would nuke a city that's full of people just to get me. And I'd know where ahead of time and I'd be like, hmm, I'm going to leave. And they'd nuke all over like, what happened?

Well, you wouldn't know way ahead of time. You'd know probably like in like within, what, 10 seconds usually is what it is? I would assume he knows before it becomes an in-minute danger to him. but like I'd assume like if a nuke is falling I guess he would get he would get alerted in time enough for him to get away no that's insane no no no no you're doing you're doing some Batman shit with that no that's what happened no that's what happened but you're doing you're doing like prep time shit with Spider-Man it's like he's not surviving a new kingson

it's no prep time most of the time his powers are in counter where it's like oh this person's gonna try to hit me I'll dive out the way right so just to be clear you think Spider-Man's surviving a nuke I think Spider-Man would probably get warned of the nuke in time. But if a nook hit where he is, he would die. You just got to do that slingshot you got a slingshot at the best you've ever done it. The best you've ever fucking

and then and then you fucking... And a nuke and fogging, you're like, damn, that sucks. Let's just, let's just move on to some questions. That is great. You abandoned a whole city full of people.

You're flying, you're just like, well, sorry. Sorry, niggas. Oh man Look at all that But I would If you want a good course I would say

Let's move on to some questions We're gonna be a martyr We gotta get into this Let's wipe them all out Let's wipe all the October ones Let's get all you tobers Utovers Utoes

Ober Grace Beans wrote in He says Hi Tofer swunkin black man How much did your perception Of sex change When you fucked for the first time I gotta say man

I was genuine Like I remember I remember specifically being like, I, I remember being, this wasn't the first time, but like, I remember being in a car and I was like, wow, what the, why the windows are fogging up? That's crazy. That's insane. I don't know why that surprised me so much, but like, it's just like, what the fuck? This is nuts. And then it scared, it scared the hell out of me because the windows were fogged up and I couldn't see and then like headlights came up behind me. And it was like in an abandoned parking lot and I was like, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Was it a pig? I don't know what the fuck I thought it was going to be. I thought it was just going to be some psycho. Like who the fuck approaches a parked car that's clearly, you know what I mean?

That's clearly like, bro. Like I'm parked in a parking lot all alone. The windows are fogged up. Who the fuck is crazy enough to come up to me? And then the sirens came on. I was like, oh my God. I've never been that relieved in my life to see a cop in my entire fucking life. I was like, thank fucking God.

That is a crazy sentence that you just said. I know. Because I'm just like, because like what? I, what, I'm fucking in a car, like, okay, like, big fucking deal. The windows are fogged up. Okay, I'm probably going to get like a, I'm like 17 or something. They're probably going to call my parents. I'm going to be really fucking embarrassed.

As opposed to some, you got to think of the, you got, here's the thing about it. You got to think about what kind of civilian would pull up to a situation like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's why it's not my normal thought. It's always a cop. No, but like, right. I've never had that, I never had that experience before. I never had like a cop pull up to me like that.

You know what I mean? Like not in that scenario. So it was just like jarring. And the lights weren't on. It was just normal headlights. Usually the lights are on. If a cop is coming on, like, you got it. If you're driving.

Right. But that's what I'm saying. No, but that's what I'm saying. That's the only time I've ever had. So like, my experience was like, who the fuck is pulling behind me? Yeah, some random fucking person coming to rape you? Yeah, that's what I thought.

I thought I was going to get, like, trafficked or something or like stabbed. Because it's like, you know, pray. You got room for one more. You better also eat you. He has a fork and knife with him, dude. He has a biv. He has a bib.

If I see somebody, if I see a grown man with a diaper on, footies, a fork knife, and a bib, I'm screaming. I'm screaming. I mean, the diaper and the shit kind of throws me off a little bit to where I'm like, the little is freak. I feel like more of like seeing somebody more professional. Maybe even wearing a fucking suit with a Patrick Bateman style guy. Because then I'm like, okay, this guy means fucking business. I better let him fuck or else he's going to eat me.

I better let this guy fuck me or else he doesn't even touch the girl. He doesn't even touch. He's just fucking focusing on you. He's like carving you up with your thighs. He's rubbing you up real good. And there are moments where he's like too rough, but you don't want to say anything. He's like, am I going to say anything? He's like, right.

he's like biting off pieces of he's like biting off pieces of your hair he's like he's like he's like spaghetti like spaghetti yes he's using his like front teeth to like cut and you're

scared bro you're scared and the girl's like she's like you guys are in front of the exit so she can't get out the girl left the girl left already the girl left already and he has no issue with the fact that she left

he didn't even he didn't even attempt to stop her at all She left. She called an Uber. She waited. She's like, I'm looking at company. Opens the door, leave now. She just walks out.

You're stuck there by you and the cell. You're like, no. She thinks you're in on it. So she doesn't even call cops. And then you go, can I leave? And it's like, well, everybody can't leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What am I going to do?

If you leave, what am I going to do? I don't know. I'm having so much fun eating your hair. I don't think it, I don't think the perception. I don't think it changed necessarily. I just remember. I just remember, yeah, well, everybody has like a pretty bad first time just because it's like awkward. It was pretty bad.

It's pretty horrible. But why would that change your perception? Because you're aware that it, that, that was just a bad session. Because I saw sex. I saw sex for years before that. And then I had sex and sex I had, most of the sex I saw where it's two very, very, very, very, very different things. But you weren't like cognizant enough to know that like, oh, well, this was a bad session. This was not good sex.

Well, it was bad because it was, for me it was bad because it was like, I thought I would like this. And I really did it. really what was why was it bad then like huh what was bad about it I was I wasn't ready I wasn't ready to do it and like I got talked into it and it's because I was talking shit beforehand for a while beforehand about like me being ready

to have sex and then I did it and I was did in a place I didn't want to do it in I think the problem I didn't want to do it in the problem is the problem is that you were in a situation damn that I just went home you were probably in a situation where it was kind of awkward because I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure the guy

was probably like hey you know come on, you know, come to church, you know. He was really tough. He was really, he was really big, like, really, like, almost like, you know, Wilson Fist on Spiderverse? He was like that size. Yeah, yeah, it's like, you know, I was obviously, I was a team. It's like Kingpin but a priest.

Yeah, yeah. It's a shame, man. It's always, I mean, that's everybody's first time, though, you know, everybody's first time is like they go to church after hours and, you know, it's not, it's not the best time. But what's great about it is that you learn from it. And then you go and then you just, you know, you just, you know, you, everybody's first time is obviously with their uncle and it's never great.

Yeah. These are the things that these are the things that thanksgivings are really weird now but like whatever like I didn't like Thanksgiving in the first place really that much. So like it's it's not really that much of a loss. So so thankful. I'm so thankful. I can't leave for my family. Thanks for me was never a problem. It would just be me and my cousins going getting high with each other and then like playing video games hanging out. Of course. Yeah. My thanksgivings were fine because I did have to eat turkey with like an uncle that molested me or something like holy like yeah. That's a real that's a real that's a real. That's a real. That's a. That's a real. a real, it's really crazy. You gotta pass that nigga fucking cranberry, um, freaking, what's it called?

Cranberry sauce. That that motherfucker raped you. Oh, God. You gotta pass over the stuff. You gotta pass over the stuffing and then he, he looks at you and he's like, ironic.

Then no one knows what to mean. Ironing. Imagine having them balls to say that. I mean, I imagine that there's a lot of, uh, I've learned some stuff. I've learned some things through, you know,

talking us. certain people and how normalize shit like that is and it just blows my fucking mind. Like, oh, yeah, Mr. Rapy Uncle is just going to be here and we're going to pretend like nothing happened. And it's like, why would- That's a real big problem that exists in both black and Hispanic families is like, yeah, things in the family within the family is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just like, I don't think that's unique to black and Hispanics of all.

I don't know what to say. I think it's more Like don't say things Your families your family shit Because I feel like it's more prevalent At least in black families it is And I don't think so really That I know it is as well

I don't think it's more Maybe not yours No but I mean like What I'm saying is like I don't know if that's like Unique to certain Democrat I think that's just like a general Kind of like Well yeah

Because I feel like white families are just I'm not I can only do that too Black and Latinos There you go They I don't have I'm trying to think I think of, I know that obviously the actual, you know, the problem, this stuff happens, but I do, I hear, I will say I hear more stories about, you know, the white man taking a shotgun to the brother or something like that.

And it being less like, it's more of it. And what I hear, this is what I hear a lot of times in like, say, in black and brown, but particularly in brown families is that they do not tell the dad. The men do not find out. Like the daughter, it's usually it's kept in, don't tell so-and-so because he's going to kill so-and-so. And that's going to, you know, bring so much chaos in the family if so-and-so kills so-and-so. And I'm like, what the absolute fuck? That's crazy. So the women will go around all knowing that this person's a monster and they'll do fuck all about it.

And I'm like, yo, this is, to me, I'm like, we're taking, we're getting the boys. The boys are coming and we're fucking, we have fucking knuckle-dun. We have fucking, we're, we're fucking, we're fucking everybody up. That motherfucker's going to find things inside of him years later. Years. Like, well later on, he's going to be like, yo, is this, is this a, just a glass orb? This is great inside my body. Glass orb?

Yeah, fucking wild, man. It's insane. It's really important. We have to do with that. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I want you to understand. Anyone that goes to that stuff, I want to understand that I'm very, very sorry

what happens to you. Right, of course. And though that is your reality, I want you to know that you are more than those horrible times that happens. I want you know that you can message me if you're in the vicinity and you need, you need a pervert to be beaten up because that is, I have, I don't know why I just, I have, that's the only time I ever want to get into a fight. I am not a fight in conversational person, but for some reason I don't mind breaking my hands

to beat up perverts. Oh, yeah, dude. So, like, I can't think of it more easily. just easily like a general demographic of person more easy to justify just beating the shit out of than that you know what I mean?

It's so simple where it's like I'm not even, I'm not remotely morally conflicted about that at all. You're right? You know what I mean? You're right. Exactly. I'd be more, I would show more moral concern over like, man, do I

do I order out today or do I do I actually use my ingredients to cook something because I should cook it's been a while like that would that would bother me a lot more than if like I heard that a petapile was like thrown into like if like somebody hit somebody picked up an alligator and hit a pedophile with it and then watched it like that's crazy

the idea of someone doing the idea of a pedophile being close enough to an alligator or the idea of a person alligator like bonding like they hit a knuckle top like you down for this yeah team combo any He picks an alligator up and it makes that That weird sound he makes He just slabs and it gets it back as hard as possible

An alligator is approaching you And then you see Stuck in his back a little bit Stuck in his back He got to pull that like If you were walking, if you were walking down the street Eating like a fucking I don't know like an ice cream cone Like an ice cream sandwich

And then like an alligator's like running up to you And then like at a certain point Like it crosses a threshold and then you see the triangle And circle button appear over your feet fit over your face I would be so fucking I would start running away too I'd start running away too

I'd get out of his range yeah I guess so what can you do it's like you see the light it's like you're walking now it's like you it's like you're walking down the street and suddenly

the live league logo appears in the sky and you're like oh you got hope it's someone club you got to hope you witness it I hope that's a hologram. I hope that's a hologram. I hope it's a witness. Like, okay, what do I do?

Because at that moment, like, at that moment, you know, it's like, do, does me running away make it happen? What's going to cause this? If I leave, if I leave, does it cause it? If I stay, does it cause it? What causes it? You're just like, oh, no, a million thoughts in your brain at once. Yep, you know, we got one shot. All right, let's move on.

Uh, let's move on. Uh, let's do. Let's see, let's see, let's see You better fuck yourself to the music I love FOV sliders wrote it and he said Did you guys see the Japanese tapioca pizza from a few years ago? What are the worst food abominations you've ever seen? I've never heard of this actually

I'm going to Google it right now I didn't see that, no Japanese tapioca pudding Or a tapioca pizza What the fuck? That sounds disgusting Yeah, what? Ew!

Ah! Oh, it's like a tapioca boba pizza No, I don't know. I am, yeah, I can't. I can't abide by the thing. I saw today somebody made... That's probably the worst shit. That's probably, that's pretty bad.

But I did see something today where somebody was like, hey, I made pancakes out of... Instead of water, I used Gatorade Glacier Fries. Which seemed a little bit much to me. But... Yeah, I want salty ass pancakes like that. Yeah, that's really good. fucking dumb people, man

They're just passing the time I don't They're so I mean yeah I get it for a joke I did see I did see somebody cook Somebody cooked chicken In NyQuil

I saw that video too You saw that video You remember that? My God That was an old dude That was like early COVID That was yeah Yeah

That was just one of those things That's fucked It was blue dude It was blue I think the guy Imagine Imagine having to eat a whole chicken breast That was picked in NyQuil

cooked it. How much would it take food to eat it? How much would it take you to eat that shit? I don't know. I definitely try. I definitely have a bite of it just had a curiosity. But yeah, I'm hoping some. If it was season two, I'd eat it. No, everything. It can't be season.

Oh, while it's too easy. Like, it's got to be. Like, what's the way? What did you make with this? Oh, it was a little adobe, a little sasson. No, you can't do that. You can't do much. Some time and in a night.

It needs to be a boiled chicken and light. Boil it in NyQuil. Boil it's it. Boil it's so. fucking disgusting. It's this rubbery and fucking just black licoricey. Like it's just, ah.

Everything about that sounds, fuck. I hate that. Yeah, no, that's, that sounds like it would probably win. So fucking sounds so goddamn disgusting. Well, makes it worse. They didn't even like, maybe even like lean it up where you like, you know, you cook down and I cause there's only the powder left and then

use the powder with some seasoning and do that. They fucking just. It's a marinade. It's a fucking marinade, dude. You're not marinated. No, you're sopping it in it. That's so gross. That was pretty gross. I'm trying to think of like real food, though.

Real food? I would just say there's so many pizza abominations. I feel like that's just, I feel like that's kind of almost the ejective answer that people just go and destroy pizza. They do. It's a really disrespected food. Yeah. Yeah. For me, I've seen, I've seen some of those pizza things that are like really good, you know.

like there's like i've had like um like steak and like steak and like pastel pizza it's pretty good i just not really what i'm talking about we're talking about people just like yeah i don't even know they like it's like hey here's a pizza but we put funfetti and olives and uh fucking i don't know uh anchovies and then a uh a gun just like they just put all sorts of bullshit on pizza like to the point where it's just like, what are you fucking doing even? Oh, rubber? Yeah. Cool.

You know, actually, the most insane sandwich, I wish I, the video is still, the video is still somewhere. That's my least favorite. Steak tartar? Yeah, it's just disgusting. I've never had, I've never had. It's raw fucking meat. Yeah, it's raw meat.

And they put like a stupid egg in it, like a duck egg or some dumb bullshit. It's, it's Nord food. It's so fucking stupid. It's not the kind of shit that they eat because everything else is fucking, they didn't have fire. because everything was frozen. They decided to make... The fanciest restaurants, the tartar, like beef tartar, or blank tartar.

It's so fucking stupid. Is it at least hot? Like, what the fuck is? No. It's cold. I had caviar. I had sushi. I had sushi once where they put caviar on it and I was so upset.

Like, it made me so mad. Just the notion of caviar because it's so class-oriented where it's like, even though it's not. You know, it's actually like a wildly, like, cheap thing. But like there's like shitty. There's regular fish eggs, yeah. Right. It's like, yeah, fish eggs.

Apparently caviar is delicious. I don't, I would never eat it. I'll never. I've just had caviar. It's, it's, it's, it's not even remote. I would, 900 times out of 10, I would have fucking like Gus's fried chicken over, over caviar. 10 times out of 10, in fact.

That's most fancy foods. I went to, you know, for our wedding anniversary, we went to Hell's Kitchen. And, you know, our bill was like whatever. a few hundred dollars, whatever the fuck it was and the food was so fucking bland because that's how like rich people

rich rich people don't fucking Southern cooking to me or like say anything where it's just hotter the food's better you know Mediterranean fucking southern food it's just better the spices man this fucking shit was not like I was expecting

maybe if Gordon Ramsey was actually there but like whoever the fuck cooked the shit I was like this rich people bland food was bullshit I'm not big on I'm not big on I'm not big on

yeah I was I expected better but you know it's fucking trash I had truffle fries and truffles is overrated it's so expensive and it's so fucking

it's so overrated I'm mixed not I will say I've had a decent I've had so fry truffle fries I'm like is okay but like to me it's like

the fanciest thing that I've ever ordered at a restaurant that I ended up really really liking was like this I've had at a few restaurants and it's always great is this like mushroom

truffle pasta that I think is fucking delicious but it's also like it's usually like the cheapest thing on like an expensive menu you know you see like it's like $26 which is like expensive but then you see like the tomahawk steak at like 160 and you're like hmm

yeah I'll not do that I'll not do that tomahawk even like the fanciest steaks man it's such a slight difference to me Like, it's really I like steak It's such a slight difference

I'm not gonna pay I had so many different cuts $200 for steak you know Yeah I've had like some of the fancier cuts And I'm like I don't This isn't wildly better It's not wildly better

I'm like They've come out of those restaurants Sometimes They do taste different But like They taste different But like not good enough But not enough to just

Like I've come out A great restaurants Where I'm like I honestly could have gone For some five guys You know what I mean? And to be fair, five guys is expensive too, but not in comparison. For, yeah, what it is.

Yeah. It's just, I don't, man, I don't even like, because I feel like the, I always, I always try to say like the basis of your, whatever you have has to be amazing on its own. And I just don't, I don't feel that way for, like, most restaurants when they're having their beef or whatever. Like, if it's just not, they want to always throw on all this extra shit to really, to mask that, like, oh, there's not enough seasoning on this fucking thing. And that always bothers me. Where I want to be able to, like they say, of the fanciest steaks are supposed to be eaten without anything.

Like, that is supposed to be how it is. So it's seasoned to perfection. So you don't need any sauce. You don't need anything else. I don't know, man. When it comes to steak, when it comes to, like, actual, like proper, like I can season ground beef pretty well. Like, in general, me as a person,

I use less salt in general. I just use less salt now to begin with. There's no reason I should. Like, I haven't had a reason for my doctor, but you lose less salt. I just do. I just use salt exclusive. I wake up and my throat is acidic and it hurts and I wake up choking, but like I use a lot of salt.

Very good. That's insane. That's why. I don't know what the connection is necessarily, but we're working on it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why I'm always so thirsty. It's crazy.

But, uh, but yes, but like I seasoning steak is just like, it's, it's just like put some onions on it. That's it. Put some onions on it. And then like a little bit of salt, a little bit of pepper. And that's seasoned steak. Salt pepper on beef in general is just the foundation. Like, if you don't- If there ain't enough of that shit, like you already fucked up.

Like, I like other things on it too, but I feel like that's the problem with most beef patties that I have that there is not enough salt and pepper on them. Like even like, say, if you strip down, if you strip down a McDonald's patty, which, you know, people always shit on McDonald's, but if you just taste the beef by itself, nothing else, it's actually it's beautifully seasoned and I feel like all you need to do

now just have better quality beef like other places and then fucking put some seasoning on that shit and it'll be delicious but I feel a lot of places just like oh we're gonna lie on the sauce the ketchup

the mustard yeah like fucking raising pains the this yeah yeah raising anyway yeah yeah

yeah let's move on yeah we got a handful left which is oh yeah let's kill him so let's just knock these out. Your mom's phone number is your money. How wealthy are you? Shut up. Hello three musket

queers. Nice. A long time patron, first time writing in. I've been listening to the show since I was only in ninth grade and now I'm almost graduating. That's insane. Whoa. Wiles. Whoa. That's pretty fucking crazy. Have we been doing this for that long? I mean, we're coming up on our fourth year. Really? We're coming up on our fourth year. Yes, we are.

No way. No, we started in, so basically, we started in 20. Wait, okay, we started in 20. Well, I guess the show technically started in 19. We're in our third year right now. We're in, I guess we started in the 20. Yeah, we technically did start in 19 because that was the first episode when I first started it. That is true.

But we only, we really started in 2020, right? Like with the, just before the pandemic. Because I remember. Yeah. Because, like, our seventh episode was by coronavirus and how it wouldn't be a big deal. I remember that very physically. God, were we wrong? I mean, fucking, God, everyone was, like, how weren't we?

I mean, to be fair, it could have not been a big deal if people would have fucking actually gave a shit. That's true. The actual numbers that they were putting out, well, we can curve this and kill it within a few weeks was true. But all the people that are talking shit now and being like, oh, remember what? when they said that. I'm like, yeah, I do remember, but you didn't fucking do anything, bitch. You went to fucking spring break.

In retrospect, though, it should have been obvious that that was going to have it. It's like, we don't care. This is such a fucking ridiculous inconsiderate country. It's crazy. Right. Let's, uh, anyway, he writes in,

he says, in this new world of student loans and post-secondary education, do you have any insider fatherly advice? I know Sweeney, you've went through many years of university to be a lawyer like I dream I need to do. He's not a lawyer. He's trying to do a nurse. Trying to be a nurse. But, I mean, it's similar amounts of time schooling, I think. And Chris, I understand you didn't bother. I'm not going to be, I'm going to be making one of the biggest decisions of my life soon, picking a major, and why not get my three creepy uncles two cents along the journey?

Yeah, man, I mean, a lawyer, if you're going to be a lawyer, you need school. You can't. You said he wanted, he wanted to get a, I wasn't paying attention. He said he said he wanted to, He brought up a lawyer. I don't know if he missed. I don't know if he, okay, so he, many years of university

to be a lawyer like I dream I need to do seven. So I kind of, I don't know if you, I don't know if you implied that you, I don't know if what's written here is that you thought Sweeney was studying to be a lawyer or you,

or you are and you thought Sweeney was also. You know what I mean? It's kind of written a little weird. But, I mean, I guess if he is picking a major, he's not decided. Maybe you think of,

of Jalen and, He made me confusing. Oh, yeah, our friend, yeah, our friend the paralegal. I am nowhere near a lawyer. Oh, fuck, no. My sister was a lawyer. I'd be terrified. You'd let so many civil murders off.

My parents were telling me to be, my parents were, my parents were telling me to be a lawyer. Constantly. And I was like, I don't want to do that. Evil people, brother. I know, but they were like, shut up. Not always evil. Unless you specifically are trying to defend good people. people, but if you're just going to be a lawyer working your way up, you're going to take some cases.

You're going to be a victim claims lawyer and you're fine. You're not fucking your matter of that person. That's exactly what I was just saying. If you're a corporate, you're bad. If you're doing corporate law, that's bad. If you're a typical lawyer trying to just work your way up, right? If you're in a practice. That's true.

And you're trying to become a rock star, which who the fuck wouldn't want to do that, right? You want to make more money. You might have to take on some fucking cases that you won't be proud of. But whatever. World needs the villains too. You know what I mean? You could be a similar defendant. You could be a, you could be a third of a fourth lawyer.

My parents thought I would have made an excellent villain is what I'm gathering from this. I mean, like, yeah, you should be a villain. You should be a, I mean, you're very good about bullshitting. You're very good about, especially people don't know what you're talking about. You're very good at, like, just bullshitting people into believing you. But if people know what you're talking about, then that's different. It depends on it's like, if you have a, whoever you're going against, if they're, if they just will read up what they're talking about, then, like, you have a little bit of trouble.

But if you don't, then you're good. No, man, I would shake up the lawyer game like Trump shook up the presidential race. Like, I would go in there, I would go in there and be like, ladies and gentlemen, I understand that I'm defending this guy for serial murder. But in defense, do you see the guy he murdered? Do you not see how dumb and lame this guy looks? Honestly, if you passed him by, would you even remotely think anything nice about him? Probably not, right? And so what did this guy do?

Because then you would destroy law. What did this guy do really other than remove a negative impulse from the world by getting rid of this guy? You look at this guy and you think, ill, gross. Now you don't think anything because he's gone. Is that not a public service? I rest my case. And everybody would be like, wow, that's a great argument. I can't believe.

My sister did law. My sister was a lawyer for, she was a lawyer for, I think, like, 11 years. She was civil defense. She was like, I can't do this anymore. She stopped. And in like the middle of COVID, she just went to nursing. because she just fucking hated it. She was like, Law's tort.

It's a terrible place. The amount of people she said that, like, didn't need to go to Jed that went to jail. She's like, it's just so sad. It's wacky. Like, it's all fucked. The way it is fucked. The way it's fucked.

The way it's fucked. The way that you're like, dude, so much of law, so much of the laws in American, the judicial system are written in Latin and the means that, like, people that just don't have, the indications cannot understand.

They just can't understand it. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. So they just can't, they can't decipher it correctly. It's pretty cool. So this guy was asking for... She speaks Spanish. That's it.

There's the reason that she understood any of it because she speaks Spanish. And it's like really, really, really sad. So this guy was asking for advice? He's asking for advice about school, which I don't know for really all that. Which major? Was it the major? He's still picking his major, but I guess he's like just, I guess general life advice about school. I will say, man, like, look, a lot of student loans are very predatory.

The whole thing is predicated. on the fact that you are too young to be making a ridiculous commitment like that. But, I mean, dude, like, if you have something that you're really passionate about that requires school, absolutely do it. I would say also at the same time, like, if you have a huge passion and you've shown that you're very good at something that doesn't necessarily require it, I would say instead of spending a shit ton of money on school, spend a portion of that money, not a lot of it, but like a portion of the money that you would have spent on college, getting the necessary tools you need to excel at

that thing and then, like, be smart with your money after that. Just like, I don't know, open up a seat. do certain things like that. Like, do a lot of smart financial shit immediately if you're not going to college. Because college admittedly, like, it does kind of stave that stuff off a little bit. You get some kind of a grace period,

but eventually you're going to get hammered in a way that you fucking can't even fathom. And you're going to be like wondering, like, damn. So you got to make sure you really care about what you're doing and what you're doing requires what you're setting out to do. Like do I really need to borrow 160 grand. Granted, granted, granted. Granted, granted.

When you go into a field, if you're in a field and you're in a field you like it at that time, do not be afraid to change your field. The, the, the, there's a clock that countdown to when you need to be doing things that each will be like, secure for yourself. And I know people

that have finished college with fucking master degrees, summa come, whatever they are, fucking high deans all that shit. Evden, Dean was all that shit. Like, I was, my GPA at the end of college was 3.1 something. That's not great, but it's very good.

And I still didn't want to go back because I'm like I don't really know I don't like it's it's not for me right now and sometimes it's not for you taking a break there's not wrong with taking breaks there's nothing wrong with also working hard to get it done as well but don't make moves that you don't want to make like make sure before you take a step you sit down you think about it you get a night and spend about it talk to your parents about it you know because your parents might have had the same similar situations as well live obviously a lot of our parents lied has given us a whole speech about college being what we need to do.

But some parents are sensible and they'll be like, look, man, if you don't want to do this, go try this. Take some time off, focus on your life, enjoy yourself, you know. Take a picture of your, fucking, take a picture of your taint and sell it for a lot of money. You should try only fans. Don't go to school winters. Don't go to school in wintertime or summertime. If you can.

If you can't, then go. That is true. It's cold. They want to go inside. Winner is, winter is indeed pussy season. Yeah Let's Experiment with

Experiment with men If you're not gay Yeah That's my best advice If you're not gay If you're not If you're repulsed by men That just means

You got to keep pushing Right Yeah Don't be a big When you When you're While that guy's sucking your dick And you look down

And you're like, ew Just keep feeding them more cock You imagine saying you You got an auditing Like saying you Ew I love that. Can I...

You just give with him pipe and you're like, oh, gross. I saw this on Twitter a couple of weeks ago. I am curious because I had... I saw a bunch of people arguing about it, and I was kind of interesting. I thought it was kind of interesting. Would you...

In the hypothetical cons... A hypothetical scenario, right? Is it better... Is it better for a hundred guilty people to go free? than it is for one innocent man to be punished? Like how do you, like that, that philosophical prospect? I need more context, man.

I, well, I mean that, there's not supposed to be more context in that. It's the whole point. Yeah, the whole point is like, there needs to be more context. No, no, the whole thing is, what is the person guilty of? What are the people?

See, that doesn't, that is, no, see, that is not. No, no, not. It does in the, if we were genuinely legislating this. But like, we're just from a philosophical kind of like gut reaction. It only works if there's no context. That actual fucking quote. And it's one of the things where it just means like,

does it, is it more heinous to punish an innocent person than to let guilty people free? Yeah. That's, I mean like, I don't know, man. I have an immediate answer. I have an immediate thought where it's like, absolutely it's worse.

Absolutely it's worse to punish an innocent person. for doing something that they absolutely didn't do. Absolutely, of course. Yeah. Well, yes, there's nothing worse than being innocent and being punished, but at the same time, it matters to people. It's like, petty crimes are things, you know?

People that are guilty of petty things matter. No, but engage with the hypothetical, though. Like, it's not like, we're not. I can't because it's such a finite means of like. No, you can. You're just refusing to. That's what's happening right now. I guess I would say the innocent person going, going to being crime,

like, getting affected is, like, worse. Let's put it this way Is it better for 100 murderers To not be caught Because there's not enough evidence to convict them or whatever That it is for An innocent person who did not commit murder

To be put on death row Yeah the innocent person is in a watchword situation I agree with that Well that's not one I'm Well no the question isn't who's in a worse situation Obviously the murders who are free are in a better situation Than the innocent guy on death row I think it's worse for the innocent person

be put on death row yeah I agree with that right right yeah that's that's what I thought was obvious too when I saw people arguing about it I was like no it's it's fucked up and it's like I don't know man that seems kind of insane because like I think everybody would argue that it's like it's like it's like it's better for people to speed on the highway and not get a ticket than it is for you to fucking not speed and then get a fucking and then get penalized for you know what I mean like it's insane yeah I mean put the death yeah 100% yes it's a that's I don't know I thought that was such an insane argument, but I guess there's no disagreement here. It is, I just feel like people don't, people always fail to, uh, it's like to me,

it's always just kind of like, always comes out to like a lack of empathy where, you don't have empathy, it's like, to the point where this is a real life problem happening right now where there's a bunch of innocent people in prison as we speak. And people just kind of like, uh, uh, and I'm like, well, you wouldn't say, uh, if fucking you knew them or if it was your fucking mom, if that was your fucking mom, you wouldn't be like, uh, then, you know. Yeah. That's why, like I said, props to Kim Kardashian for getting some niggas out, man.

All right, let's move on, let's move on to some names. Remember, if you like what you heard today somehow, come on over to patreon.com slash the snark tank where you'll get a bunch of stuff. Being Kingston just did a spoiler cast for Spider-Man 2, by the way, so that'll be up there. And so, yeah, there's other stuff there as well. So hurry on over, and remember, there might be nudes there. Who knows? It's possible. It's possible.

You'll never know until you. It's Schrodinger's Nudes, really. If you really think about it. All right, copy down. Three, two, one. Solid Slug, Gaylene, Ye Who Welds Nelwelds? Ye who welds Nutsacks

In My Cigarette Arc. The Fanaff porn parody featuring Freddie Fuck Bear, Incel turns trans femmem, Alexander the Gay, The Adventures of Slender Man and Thin Boy. I love that shit I like the idea that slender man was once thin boy

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I don't know what any of that means Throw your cum in the air and spray it like you just don't care Nice He wrote it out like that I have

appreciate that because it did it did fix it if you like dick and balls and all that gay shit everybody nice uh john my friends have three three ways without me guido the fourth that's crazy damn i listen to imagine not even being invited bro i listened to every episode of the star tank podcast and all i got was his lousy dick uh what is this square in the face this handsome man better prepared to get caked because he's going to taste my Semen. Seamen by Seamen M. Seamen. Seamen. Seamen. Seamen. Seamen. Seamen. Seamins. Seam. Better cream yourself.

Oh my God. Seamen. You better cream yourself. There ain't no rest for the homoes. Come. Don't grow on trees. We've got men to fuck. We got Dick to suck. Bungie died. Thanks, Joe Brandon. Listening to Sweeney. Did you see that shit, Chris? Of course I saw it. It's really disappointing. It's all. But it's so, it's so, it's So nerd oriented that I'm sure we're going to talk about it.

It's over, man. Oh, yeah, right. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's jover. Listening to Sweeney makes me consider racism. It's finally jover.

The baller of the first sin. There goes my homo. Watch him as she blows gape with aid of the machine. Two episodes remaining. Be afraid. Take me down to the gay man city where the ass is clean and the girls have peepee. Damn. Peepie.

Take me calm. Jolly old dipshit. Friends theme. So no one told you I was going to cease this way. God, Dan. I thought about making the obvious, I thought about making the obvious joke, which was like, could I be any more gay?

Or dead? Sorry, we're in the gay mode of that, the podcast. Be any more gay. That's crazy. I was going to say, could I be any more dead? But it's like, yeah, whatever.

Yeah, maybe in like a week I'll do it. Johnny Silvercock, ciphergraf, ball twister machine. If you like penis a lot of getting cock in the rain, if you're not into your girl and you love no pain, Gahimi and Rhapsody, Mama, I have tasted cum, and now I know for sure that I am gay. Mama, Coom, I didn't mean to suck him dry. Adrian, I'm squirting, get a glass, I want to see it.

Sweeney, lick my we ween. Gaeo, here comes the penis up his butt. When we get harder, men, we suck on cock. We don't fuck the pussy till it gets too soft. Chris yelling at Sweeney over Spider-Man made me cum all over my programming socks. Help. Back the Tank of Come. Caucasian container, the cracker barrel for gays.

Tinfoil tyrant. learning voodoo with witch magic to keep Diane Feinstein in office, putting blackface on my light bulbs. Penis, man. Arnold Schwarz, uh, Arnold Schwarze, you know. Uh, it's, uh, I looked, I looked too long into Craven's eyes and it made me gay. Uh, Sweeney, sweety, swanow up my peony, bc sings. weren't you the one who tried to fuck my intestines? You think, uh, you think I'd bend over.

You think I'd spread my ass out wide. She pipkin on my pippa. Possum's better. skating listening to you. Wooden dolls but gay. I left my home without my blow-up doll in hope that I might be... You saw the Epsilon, but spelled it all stupid.

This is so fucking dumb. Average clit energy. Great God, Jacob, meeting his Caucasian creations. They should make petos where go-pros and prisons. You can see what happens to them. I think that would be neat. Star Coffee on Twitch, bitch.

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He was a homo, but that was 30 years ago when he still had bros to blow. Craig the Canadian slip not wait and bleed. I felt the gay rise up in me. Kneel down and suck the penis clean. I wander out to find some seed. It's your boy, Shawnee D.

Here's a fun game you can play. go to a club, count all the white woman, try to guess how many will be alive in 24 hours. School shootings prove white people are the best at AEOE damage. Ben and Jerry's Funky Monkey. Three, there exists a video in which a praying mantist eats into a woman's nipple.

Happy Halloween sluts, that's disgusting. I saw a wasp rip its own head off by accident. And it was like dangling by like a, like the fucking nervous cord. And I was like, that's heinous, man. I'm glad I'm not a bug. That's disgusting. I'm really glad I'm not a bug. I don't think they fully understand how ugly they are.

Right? It's so visceral. There's something about it. Hey, my necker. Yeah, I really, yeah, that made me really upset seeing that. Whoopsie, I'm a bug. Whoopsie, I'm a bug. I'm stupid and inferior.

Look at me. I fucking don't have a realistic nervous system and I can survive without my head, but what's the point I can't eat? I'm going to die soon anyway. Lamau. Lamow. Three X. They're going to outlive us.

That's what's crazy. They're going to outlive us, dude. Don't even say that. We won't let them. We'll nuke the world until it's insati. to exterminate all of them. No, we won't. One day we'll have the balls.

One day we'll have the balls to not give a shit about what's going to happen to the ecosystem when we kill all the mosquitoes. And I hope to be alive for that day, but I don't think I will. What I want to do is I want to be able to see a big roach, right? And not feel any sort of fear just grabbing and eat it.

And go on about my day. That's real shit right there. You can hypnotize yourself in a feeling that way, probably. 3XO letting... That's some next level shit, dude. Oh, nice! You just hypnotize yourself into doing it. Fucking, what's his name? Revolver Oscelot hypnotized himself into thinking his arm was still possessed.

You know? It's a whole fucking... Because that universe is fucking insane. Metal Gear is so insane. It's such a fucking boss. It really is like if Fasted the Furious treat... It's like if you took cerebral, like mind... Like, if you took cerebral story elements and treated them like Fast and Furious treats action,

that's what that universe is. It's like, yeah, sure. This is like interesting, but also what if it was also ridiculous? And it's just like, yeah, he's possessed by an arm. But also he's not because it's like he's going to cut it off. And then he's going to put a robot arm. But then he needs to still keep up the act. So he's going to hypnotize himself into believing it still

so we can keep up the act so well that no one would believe that he's just acting. But then it's all a lie. It's fucking ridiculous. Anyway, spoilers. It's literally, literally. It's literally this, right? it's if an Asian man knew some American historical points and made an action game about it.

That is all that's all it is and it's a hundred percent of truth. Yeah. It's what happened. It's Hiyoku Dima knowing some American history and being like, yeah, this sounds like it happened. Yeah, why not? Yeah.

It's like Ubisoft where it's like, hmm, Da Vinci was friends with an assassin actually. This guy, my OC. and he made him a flying machine. He was friends of my OC, yeah. Yeah, he was kind of like that. He was friends with my OC, what? Anyway, 3XO letting people know

that One Piece has a better story than Halo, Mass Effect, and Destiny. I don't believe that at all. Maybe you're not Mass Effect. You can argue some other ones, but Mass Effect, I disagree. I'm sure Modern Halo probably. I'm sure Destiny's kind of all over the place, so I kind of probably have to believe that, but at the same time, it's...

No, man. Slurping, Stroke and Smoking Jokin. Demotocon's going like this morning. Alec. Keith David. Drip M.H, return of Drip Matthew Perry, getting double-teamed by goth, both worms and maggots as he was laid to rest.

God damn, you guys have no chill. Oh, we won't you blow me. I didn't say that, by the way. That's these people. Dox me, stalk me, docks me, my friend, stalk me, rate me sung by Nirvana, sung by Jack's films. A pizza guy accidentally at Chris Hanson's house.

There goes my queero, watch him take my load. Gay piece. Is it one piece but gay? It's so stupid. I just think just understood. That's like, well, were you still watching gay peace? I've definitely said that. I've definitely said that.

Not even like, not even like cum piece or something where it like kind of rhymes at least. Yeah, where it's close. Yeah. Both peace rhymes, I guess. Fucking police. It's closer to one than gay is. You're right. You're right.

Fucking police coming hard as I thrust and pound. Abby, I don't want to be here anymore by res against. I don't want to be queer anymore. I know there's nothing left worth gaying for. women guest suggestions Denims, Derek's wife, Alana Pierce, QD Lee, that one lady for episode 14

Oh, Gabby? I don't know, man. Maybe Denims would probably go on. Alana's not touching this with a 10-foot pole, man. Like, Alana's not even a... She can't be here. Like, she cannot be here.

And I do not begrudge it. I, it's hilarious. I know a lot of people, and I've met these people. Like, we talk every now and again. I'm friends with these people. At the same time, like, I would never in a million years.

is pitch the show to them. I only feel comfortable pitching shows to people that I barely know. Like, we asked, I don't mind saying this. We asked Ethan H3 to come on. I sent him a DM be like, hey, you know, what's up? No response, which is fine. Like, totally fine. I only kind of know Ethan, so it's like, I get it, whatever.

But, you know, it's just so out of pocket that, like, the idea of Alamo here really is. The fact that Jack's films is as dope as he is and can just be, on something like this, it speaks volumes of like who who he is. Because that's very rare. I feel very uncomfortable. Elvis is another one where I feel probably comfortable.

There's like a handful, but it's like it's an acquired taste this show. You know? Not acquired taste, but it's an acquired environment. Because I feel like we have, we put out an air of being like very very toxic.

I think that like it's just, I get the sense. that people feel that way about it. Even though we're not even close, really. But I get it. But maybe, I don't know, we'll see. Denims, I think, would actually be done to do it. Maybe I'll ask her.

Which, Slate 583, I feel gay fuck you. Blasting the background of a cod montage. Come, bend me down. You're drilling me. You're drilling me. I am finished. Are you? The Pepini Brothers Emporium of Realistic Cammy and Chunley thigh-shaped neck pillows. Self-tightning sold separately.

Donk, Donkerson. Do you see my banana laying over his white hot? hot ass. Here he comes with come for me, freshly flowing from his banana tree. You got to pay the trolls toll to get in the boys' hole. Gade 6. I, Christopher Raymond Gunther, am an ethnic Lysdexic. Fuck you. Derek and Sween's strategy for arguing is just to not let Chris talk. That's all, that's everybody. That's all of our strategies. I don't let myself talk either because I interrupt myself constantly. Finn Lizzie has a song called Black Boys on the corner. You should check it out. I wouldn't, I didn't read, I didn't read the, I

How many people got like angry at that episode where we were like arguing with each other? Because I feel like people took that a lot more seriously than even we did. Because like it seems because you have to understand we've known each other for a very, very long time. We can lose it at each other and it's not a fucking big deal. You know what I mean? But like I like from the outside, I've been like, what the fuck? You're so mad. Why are they so mad at each other?

They're never going to. The podcast is over. Cancel. It's like friend of these all over again. Oh my God. Huh? The shit that we've said to each other, the shit that we've said to each other outside.

Like, like there are moments where we've been together and we've said shit that I know if it got released. People would be like, oh, these guys hate each other. Yeah. But it's just us talking, just a random bullshit. There's so few. I don't know, man.

You got to tiptoe around. There was a night where me and Derek came making jokes about this dad drinking piss while in a thermostat with trash. in a bathroom with his kids, bro. I've been thinking about that recently. That shit was so funny. You guys got to do that again so I can actually

go. I didn't get a chance to go last time. We're probably around Christmas time. Let's just good. I'll be here. Come here at Christmas time, dude. I'll be here Christmas. I'm not going home. Or at least I don't think. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to. I might go home like earlier in the month to film something, but I'm not going to...

I'm going to Chicago, but other than that, like... Oh, you're trying to get shot? Chicago. Chicago's not that bad. He's not a bad. He's not a good. It's not that bad, bro. All of my family members are gone to Chicago.

All of my family members, all of my family members, every single one of them with no exception, has gone to Chicago and come back in a body bag, all of them. Every single one of them. That's crazy. Every single one. They get out of the bag. They get out of the bag, of course.

It's like a bit. It's a bit. Oh, my fucking God. No, seriously, I really, I miss my cousins a lot. Thin Lizzie. It's called a song of Black Boys on the corner. You should check it out. I thought Chris was Italian.

People think that a lot. We did too for a long time until you told you're a Puerto Rican. We all did your Italian. It's because I was totally. It's because I love the pizza and my name kind of sounds Italian. If you say it in a certain way. Your name is Italian, dude. Well, Maldonado is a Spanish word, like literally.

Like, it's, it's, you can. Mal, Maldonado is a word. Or not a word, but it's like a Spanish. Really? It's a Spanish invention. Yeah. It sounds super... I don't know that.

I don't know Malice Spanish. My parents, when they were talking about, like, they went to Puerto Rico, like, at some point in the last, like, 10 years, it was earlier on that, like, maybe, like, 2014 or something. And my mom was in a church where there were at least 15 other Maldonados

and none of them were related. Like, it's a frighteningly common name over there. It might be Italian. I mean, it would make sense to me if there was Italian blood in there somewhere, but, like, not... It's untraceable because we've done the DNA thing and our family tree ends immediately, man.

There's no data. at all at a certain point. Our family tree ends immediately. Like it's... It goes to your granddad then stops and it's like he kind of just showed up. It goes to my great-grandparents and then it's just, it's muddy because they just didn't keep records really in the same way. I don't know.

There's some people who are like, my family's been here since fucking Plymouth Rock or whatever. Like how the fuck do you? That's insane that you have that. Well, you know why they have that. You know, I know, I know. I know, I know. Scream.

Big scream boy. Derek don't have that. You mean Derek don't have that, unfortunately. I don't know. They got that. They got that. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't presume to know. I go back maybe five generations. Maybe. And then that's it. It's like four generations five max. People who are like, I go back 15 generations. For a black person, five generations is a lot. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah. Anyway, a big screen boy, a stupid ass lesbian. I'm high on 12 Jason points. looking to beat the come out of a thick fresh oak. I said it with a little venom too, by accident. John Strickland, give me a second.

I need to make sure I'm not straight. My friends are in the men rooms getting ran through like the nickel plate. I don't know. It's nickel plaid, but like it's clearly cut off. I don't know what that means. I'm assuming it's plate, but like nickel pla... I don't know. Merck's 1889, fucker stood in my path,

so I ushered him down the path of the river sticks. The first church of Keith David featuring Chris's Team Fortress to scout-looking ass ranting and raving about the name of Spider-Man. Miles Morales being gunned down by the IDF because they think he's a Palestinian. Frearaz, Blake 8-9-8-9. Yeah, honestly, like Spider-Man, I will say Spider-Man

is not standing a chance against Israel. It's just not, that iron domes taken. Iron domes taken out Spider-Man in like a fucking millisecond, dude. He's gone. It's covertly, but not like not out in. proud. Like if he was out and proud in the battle he would die. But if he was covert he could be doing shit. No man. Spider-Man

Spider-Man, now. The thing about Spider-Man is like his sense of humor he has too strong of a sense of humor as Spider-Man to not be a fan of comedians. And if you're a fan of comedians, you're a fan of a lot of Jewish people. And so like I think he would like he would try to fight them.

But like, he would, like his spider sense wouldn't go off. Because he's like, these are the people that make me laugh. They would never. They would They would never. And then the Iron Dome would take them out. That's such a fucking roundabout way to make it so he would get killed by Jewish people. This is why I'd make a good lawyer.

Spider-Man, Spider-Sense. Spider-Man's fighting Doc Ack and he hits him and he's like, wait a second. You're Jewish. And he's like, what? Was it here? Was it on this show that we had coct or cocktipus? Yeah, Cockto Cocktabias. Oh, yeah.

Is it? What happened to that image? That image that we can't show. Do you remember that image? I have it. I haven't saved. It must be in like our Discord conversation somewhere because that was the funniest thing I've ever seen

with Dr. Octopus with like the photorealistic penises as his arms. Oh, man. Or a photorelicky penis. Anyway, Brie Rons, Blink 896, thanks for the cunning linguist recommendation. It's in the it's in the playlist now.

Sick. Getting suspended. Getting suspended from school for Miss. pronouncing that one African country, stir your dad's booty hole like a bowl of chili. Oh yeah, fo shiz, fo shiz, genuine, what's up, homie? Alaskan oil field trash. That felt more racist than even saying the N-word did for some reason. Alaskan oilfield trash, Texas Tater Salad.

Fun fact, Kobe Bryant died on my birthday. Happy birthday, I guess. Damn. Fun fact. Yeah. Yeah, fun. Yeah, fun. Remember Etienne sin is a Trojan horse.

Sue Hulk, tickle my ass hairs, Nikki, Ziggy, Chris, Marcus. again, Cole lost his last fastball and is taking your autograph once he said it has his name on it. I have returned after my eight-month depressive episode. I once again, manic and no longer care about financial responsibility. Monicon's going like this. Gay, Tarek Nishid be like, fuck your ass. I'm going to fuck your ass.

That's awesome. Damn, we forgot about wash your ass. Dude, oh man, Tariq Nishid is so longer. That was the first apartment that we had out here because I remember doing that Tariq Nishid's School of Audio Engineering joke by jumping on that desk. Jackson Dupont. Badly Brave, Hugger Derek, Duck Hunt, Goliath voice,

I've been denied everything, even might come. Aetherian, Brazilian Hunter, Melvis won the angriest crowd back from Texas. And, rounding out our list is always, the fucking, you know who it is, you know who this is. Come on. That guy. The king of haphazard. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, buddy.

Oh, that's hot. Oh, that's hot. Come. Oh, that's hot. My favorite character from Star Wars, Darth Niggius. Darth Niggius. On that, on that note, I guess. On that note, come back, come back next time.

Come back next time we'll talk even more about the gun problem and probably even touch on abortion as well. Nice, abortion, my favorite. I can't wait. My favorite. You know how many kids I would have? Shout out abortion, man. I'm so addicted to abortions.

I can't stop. It gives me such a rush.