The Snark Tank - #186: Fear The Yoo-hoo Drinker

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

yoo-hoo is for absolute degenerates and nothing more

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Welcome to the Snark Tank podcast. It's me, Chris, Derek, Sweeney. That's me. Now I'm going to let the other guys introduce themselves. Hi, I'm Kingston. Hi, I'm Lord Sexman. Lord Sex Man. Welcome to the podcast.

We've been itching. We've been feverishly scratching our necks like crack addicts waiting to have Lord Sexman on the podcast. For years, man. This is the first episode we talked about it. Like, we couldn't get him, so we went with Zach instead. Right, right. Yeah, yeah.

Lord Sex. Thank you so much. I wish I, God, man, I wish there was a celebrity named Lord Sex, man. I wish. I wish. I feel like this is the one part of society that, that we haven't encroached with just the stupidest fucking names. Like, I feel like Gen Z are capable. because, you know, they're doing the over-the-top tattoos on their faces.

Like, there's, there's, what's his name, Blueface? I think Blueface actually has, like, Benjamin Franklin tattooed on his face. Are you talking about Blue-E? Um, no, I'm talking about, I learned about Blueface on the, on the radio. Blueface is a fucking, a fucking disaster piece, bro. Yeah, if you've heard of Blueface, you know about Blueface, but I'm just saying that, uh, there, there are, there are, there are younger people now. that are getting the most wildest tattoos on their face. I think the next thing is to where I feel like a blue face might be like,

you know what, I'm going to just change my name to blueface. And if I have a kid, his name's going to be Lord Sexman. It's like that, it's like that girl who wrote into the show who is like, my name is, what is it, Combat Evolved or whatever? Yeah, something like Ashley, Combat Evolve or something like that. Ashley, Combat Evolve. That's her real name now. And it's like, that's fucking sick.

I love that. Excuse me if it isn't Ashley, but I think it is. I think it's, I think it's, I think it's something like. that, yeah, yeah. That's so terrible. What's wrong with Lord Sex, man? You're getting... What's on on Lord Sex, Man?

You want me to go into detail? What's on Lord Sex Man? You're getting so much pussy for your name's Lord Sex Man. Your name, you're not going to get... Or penis, whatever you prefer. Okay, look, you let me. You might get a ton of pussy, but you are going to... There's going to be nice where you sit up, and you know, like, my parents named me Lord

Sex Man. It's going to be sitting up, like, in your room, like, right after a shower. You got to sit down to your bed. I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't... You're going to be like, what would they do? What were they thinking? To be fair,

I think that's what you would think once you're, after you're, when you're an adult. I don't think why you're kidding. It's kind of like me even thinking, this is somewhat related, where my mom knew how obsessed I was

with martial arts and didn't even try to put me in martial arts. And I thought it as an adult that I'm like, I'm like, wait, that's kind of fucked up. What the fuck? Okay,

okay, hold on, she put me in base. I want to point out, I want to point out that Kingston just equipped a different laugh that was more like it, like a fucking,

bird that like a Disney princess would summon by singing. That was ridiculous. It's so funny. That is literally that is literally how you just laughed. You fucking whistled. Yo, that is, you do cycle laughs.

That's pretty awesome. You have a fucking cassette. And you enter it to your mouth. It's like cyberpunk installing like different upgrades. You understand how memories work, right? You don't know what, remembering things work, right? Like how you wake up one day and you just grab a few

memories in the bank and you're like, all right, cool, that's why some days you remember things, some days you don't. Sure. That's how my laugh works. I wake up and I'm like, all right, cool. The spread comes up. It's like, what kind of laugh do you want? Bird-like, hyena, gorilla.

And I upload those. Gorilla. We just got tagged again in your fucking demonic laugh of that Paul Rubin's thing. Oh, my God. Again, like that thing is, you, It's really the part where you tilt your head to a 45 degree angle, your eyes wide as wide as they can go, and you are just hysterically losing it. It looks like you're about to go warp speed. You're like approaching.

Like, it's crazy. I love that. It looks like to pretty great. Shout out to penis man, dog. Cut the penis man and Lord Sachs, dude. Yeah, shout out to penis man and Lord Sex, man. The Lord's sex, man. Petus man is like, dude, being called penis man is, you got to be some, like, really, like, jack, like your neck can't move too much.

It's just, like, so much of muscle. It's covering your neck that you can't move to. What was the context of that? Your actual neck is like, a cobra, pretty much. I was going to say your real neck is, like, Keaton's Batman, you know? Or, like, he's just like, you're rigid. He just can't fucking move it. Yeah, you're rigid as hell, man.

You're fucking, you're fucking, you're fucking. you walking room like hey I'm penis man it's like one of the things where like your dick is under your shirt like you're giving a huge dick under your shirt and the head is the rest of the head and it's like well what's that dude I feel I said I promise I feel like we're we're close to it and and on that note like so there's one punch man you know and you have I just watched the first episode of chainsaw man and so I yeah because of this stuff we are on the cusp of people being named something vulgar and man. There's definitely going to be somebody who's like, this is my son chainsaw man, like 100%.

Like 100%. This is my son, chainsaw man, Reynolds, or whatever the fuck, or some nonsense. And that's going to be the world. Now, the question is like, if your name is, if your name is Lord Sexman, are you getting health insurance? Are you just winging it? I feel like you got to I want to do everything You're having too much sex

Yeah yeah You gotta be stuck up on antibiotics Yeah you gotta get out of insurance Yeah you gotta get out of the church If your name is If your name is penis man Or Lord Sex man You gotta get it sure

Because you're gonna catch something Yeah And I feel like you'd be such a regular test Like every six months Even with no partners Like it was impossible You're gonna have a partner every fucking week

get a different week, you know, but come in there, what's going on, guys? Yeah, I'll go to my room, you know, I know where I gotta go. He goes in, he goes out of every car. He has a scan. He scans and gives himself his own bloods us. Doc, I was going penis, man, you know? Dude, I remember.

Like, I say, I'm just fucking every fucking day. Like, right now I have three appointments, man. I don't know. I bring one in my here, you know. You get, you get acquainted, man. You get acquainted with the Planned Parenthood, you know? You go and you're like, you go, hey, Steve. You know?

He fucking invested the, like, Planned Parenthood. There was a good year of my life where I was like, I was well acquainted with the people who worked at a planned parenthood. I was getting tested a lot. Let's go. Let's go. There was a period of time, there was a period of time where I got very well acquainted with the pharmacist at Walmart. So I got to say, yeah. We had AIDS.

And I kept coming to that pharmacy and he was like, I can't help you here, dude. Like, this is not the place to go for what you got. AIDS is nothing now, man. One different. I'm like, God damn. It is. It's crazy how like we, we whipped its ass. I get ads on my streaming services.

And it's just like, just we, we fuck. We do we beat the fuck. We held it down and we kicked this shit out of AIDS. In fact, we gave AIDS AIDS is what we did. Yeah. We screwed it up. The fact that AIDS can regress to HIV and then become undetectable in your blood is something if you would have said in the 80s, no one would.

have believed you. Dude, there would have been... If that technology would have been available, if that medicine would have been available in the 80s, oh, just imagine the just exponential amount of butt sex

that would have been having. You know, because a lot of people got scared. They stopped butt-fucking. A lot of people got scared. They were like, I can't fuck you right now. The gay were like,

oh, until they were froze. And I got cast, like somebody cast a freezing spell and all the homoes were like, no longer able to move. They were like... Yeah, man. No, dude, you can't be...

Yeah, I guess if you're any... Yeah, I guess if you're name is Lord Sex, man. You really, you can't be, you can't be stirring up the volume of lube canoes that you would be without, without getting fucking, you know, a healthy amount of medicine, you know. Right. And you better rise to the occasion of that fucking name, too. That's the thing, too. You can't come with the weak as dick. That would be like, imagine if your name was Batman and you were just like an accountant who got fucking killed in a deli, you know, like, it'd be fucking, it'd be so sad. It'd be like, oh, man, Batman shot in

belly it's like oh shit you're being killed in a bodega is so sad because you know why they'll keep their day going they won't even close the bodega they'll clean up when you get killed they'll close it they won't close it they will not close the bodega

they will close in your exaggerate they'll close that bodega first of all Kingston they have to close the a bodega because the cops would force them to close the bodega no the cops will come in a bodega they'd be like hey give us an hour we can't do anything as soon as the cops get that body out of there and they move everything to open that

Bodeca backup. They can't open the, I'm sure. They can't just, they got to make a bunch of bacon, negative cheese. They got to make a bunch of chopped cheeses. They got a lot to do. But they can't. Hey, the camera's right here. We saw who did it.

You guys got 25, 35 minutes before I got to open this backup. I got a lot of baking negative cheeses to make. Here's what I would say. Here's what I would say. If there's an investigation, if there's an investigation that has happened, I feel like here's what would happen. I feel like the cops would come and they would be like, hey, listen, you're going to close-up shop. However, can I get a

bacon, egg, and cheese and a sprite? They would do that. Absolutely. They will. What's the other? In fact. I'm not to say some real New York. Somebody said, let me get a bacon egg and cheese and a mystic. That's the most New York thing I've said in a long time. Let me get a mystic.

Let me get a blue mystic and a bacon and cheese. What's that? I got you. What's that? What's that? Mystic is like this like fucking, the most in New York drink where it comes in these glass bottles, which they used to. They probably don't anymore. It's all gone. It's all gone now. And it had this like, they had this like very like the top part was more slender than the lower part and then there was like

this grooves on that had this like weirdly like stylized the M. Yeah. I remember Mystics being fired. There was the blue one was so good. It was like blue raspberry and blueberry and like, bro. Shout out to Mystic. Shout out to New York for a second real quick. Well, shout out to.

I never actually had Mystic in my life. As far as I can remember. No, I was I was a Snappel guy. I see it. You know. Yeah. I wonder if I want to try one. To be fair,

Snapple was the other, that was the other drink. That was like, every pizza place you went to, there was like, they had a Snapple machine. Wow, the one I talked about literally

Bahama Blueberry. Like, I described the literal picture of a mystic. Like, I looked up Mystic drink and the one I described is right there. Yeah.

God. I remember them. You've been in New York a few times, right? But I remember, but I remember, but I remember specifically Mystic, I remember that because

they had the same kind of caps that Snaples do. I remember that. It was like, oh, weird. Same kind. But now they hit the bottom and they loosen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But both of them, no longer in glass.

So now that's not true for them anymore. Mr. It's not in glass. Bro, I think the only drink that's still in glass now is, uh, is, uh, what? Coca-Cola. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Gambata. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing.

At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM

because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right?

Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conton? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very, very, large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there.

What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs.

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Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. Well, Mexican Coke. Right, but you can still get it, is what I'm saying. Like, you can't get it. I was just thinking like a regular, like American drink like, uh, um,

No. Like, uh, you who is, who fucking drink you ho dude? Who the fuck? Okay. I have, okay. I have a fucking real issue here. How the fuck. So glass is so expensive, right?

That's the reason it's like glass is like heavier. It breaks more often. It's difficult to shipping comparison to plastic. It's a lot cheaper. Right. We Snapple can't afford it. But fucking Youhoo. You who can afford glass?

Who the fuck is drinking you hoot it? You know why you can afford it? Because you who's making the effort to do it, man. That's so annoying, man. So anyone that drinks youhoo, anyone that drinks youhoo will beat the fuck out of anybody. Like the Snapple fan base Is not violent enough

To be like if they're like Hey if we put it in plastic don't get mad but they'll get mad You who like if you put it in plastic Don't come here and they'll eat us Okay It's plausible that is It's plausible They'll come here and they'll feed on us

That is extremely plausible They'll be outside chewing through the metal Like one we have to be like Why is it in glass Take a huge bite out of our metal? gate and they'll be like, yo, this is bad. I've really never, I will never let that go, man. Like, glass bottles are just so much better objectively for drinks orage.

Like, it's just so, like, you're right. You're right. Yes. It chills it better. It shows it better. It gets it way colder, dude. It's way more secure. Less taste follows on it.

Yeah, it doesn't add a stupid fucking taste to it, especially like when it's transferring. A lot of times when drinks are being transferred, like, oh, it, it, it's fucking cold probably for like the last few minutes it was actually shipped. They don't turn that thing on for the entire time. So it's like hottest shit in the truck. And it just sweet fucking plastic chemicals are just seeping into it. It's so annoying. We're all just becoming all weird and deformed.

It's so frustrated. That's why I'm 69% plastic now, bro. I hate that shit. You are 69% plastic. I'm 69% plastic. That's fucking terrible. It's pretty bad. I'm so plastic.

Plastic man. Yeah. But yeah, don't trust people that drink you. If you see, like, cross the street If you see a guy drinking you, cross the fucking street, dude If you see a guy drinking you who don't let him know you saw him now

Like, don't, Don't draw attention to it. Like, notice him and then calmly cross the street. When you see, when you see a man with you, put on your shades, put on your sunglasses when you see a man

with you. Don't put on your shades. Yes, absolutely put on your shades. You need to put on your shades. Because he's going to notice and he's going to eat you. No, he's not going to notice. You got a.

No, no, no, no, you don't understand. you have to keep you have to put your shades on so you can survey him without him that he that uh that you're surveying him you know what i mean like you can what if they know as he was the shades on they doesn't matter because they're not going to they're not going to they're not going to they're like they're like they're like 28 days later have you guys later you know they want to just like looking around like you can ship in so fast just doing the little thing and they take a sip of the you who no they bite they bite the bottle they Dude, I have

They eat it like it's fucking sugar glass, man Like it's fucking Willy Wonka eating the fucking teacups Yeah That's heinous The idea of the way we just painted Youhoo drinkers as subhuman Fuck them, man They don't deserve glass

They don't deserve glass What the fuck are you preserving? They don't What taste? What flavor profile are you preserving with your fucking glass chocolate water you savage yeah the fuck out of here I think get out of here

what's funny is that I bet the ones when they drink the what you call it when they you know when they come in like the paper bottle the paper like ones because they have that paper you hooves I bet they just eat that like a loaf of bread paper what you say

what? There's a paper like the juice box of them what like a fucking snow cone what do you mean there's like you're like juice box the boxes of you who you've seen me before That's not paper. Oh, like a high C, like a juice box.

Okay, that's not paper. Okay, all right. That's not paper. I bet they eat it like loaves of bread. I bet they just pick it up and start chewing on like loaves of bread. They rip it apart. They rip it out on it. Oh, man.

They're psychos, man. I have so little. I have so little. Like, I used to, it's so funny. It's so funny too because, like, I remember I'm sure I've told the story on the podcast before, but like, I remember being a kid. I remember being like maybe six or seven or whatever. And I loved you who.

and then like literally one week on Wednesday I loved it and on Thursday I couldn't stand it I was like what the fuck am I drinking like it was like overnight where I was like to like Chris you're half one of them Chris you're half one of them if you love you who you're half one of them you got that you got the gene for it in you got you got that's how I know that's how I know that's how I know man that's how I that's the reason why I have this set this this this this this this deep hatred because I understand you know I mean Chris you have a child you have a child and your child It's like a regular, like four-month-old baby, and you bring you in it gets up, it walks,

and it takes up that you would start eating a glass bottle. I've never, I will never, first up. There's no blood in its mouth. It's like, re-enforce. You slings off that shit into the trash can everywhere. Oh, you can't. It'll kill you. That toddler will be able to kill a grown man.

You got to make sure, like, you got to like, you got to like, all right, cool. I'm going to train you to be normal. I got to keep you away from you. It really is a miracle that you who still survives, especially like first of all it's already weird that a you know grown ass person would even drink chocolate milk like it's a little it is a little like as a beverage you know you just go out of your way to drink chocolate milk it is a little bit funny but on top of that like there's nest quick there's like there's bro like you would think that it would not even bro not even because you who isn't even milk it's chocolate drink i'm not making that up there's a dude i'm if you If you go to convenience stores, you will find you who on the shelves un-refrigerated. Yeah, it's not.

It's not refrigerated. That shattered my life when I saw that. I was like, that is unsafe to drink. No, chocolate beverages should not be fucking unrefrigerated. That's insane. When I looked for you the one time and I was like, why is it not in a milk aisle? I changed. At that moment, I grew up a little bit.

It's an immediate shift because, look. I went from like a child to like an adolescent. I was like, what the fuck? Dry milk. So there's basically no absolutely. Yeah, yeah. So, and then there's just a little bit of way in it. So I see how, okay.

Yeah, yeah, it's like a, it's a fucking, it's like a fucking, it's like a weight. It's like a protein shake with no protein in it. Yeah. It's like, it's so not, it doesn't satiate anything. It's just shake. That's all it is. There's no milk. It's just shake.

They call it chocolate, jerseating. drink, not chocolate milk. It's crazy, because, dude, I respect chocolate milk, man. I like chocolate. I don't go out of my way to have it, but, like, you know what? If I'm feeling it, every time again. It's delicious. It's delicious. I don't begrudge anybody for having a nice glass of chocolate milk. You can customize

how chocolate it is, dude. Like, it's great. It's a great drink. Top-tier drink, sincerely. But, like, fuck, man. You-hoo, there's something else going on in there. That's, that's like a, it's like a fucking Shrek 2 potion or something. Like, what the fuck? How are you making this? What is it doing? Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I can't. They don't have some chocolate of milk. And if you're like, look, I don't really even drink milk anymore, actually. I'm an almond milk guy. I just do like a vanilla almond milk. And then if you have some fucking cocoa puffs,

I don't really do cocoa puffs either, but like on the rarity, then that fucking the leftover. That shit right there. Yeah, dude. Beautiful. Beautiful. With some little bit chocolate left over.

Almond milk absorbs cereal really well. Like I've noticed. Just generally. In comparison to normal milk, but I just wish, I just wish I could drink regular milk, man. I miss regular milk. Yeah, I just, I mean, I'm not 100% lactose intolerant,

but I'm enough to worry just I don't fuck with milk. I drink milk and then I just feel agony the whole rest of the day. Agony. It sounds like you're lactose intolerant than two. 100% I am. I know there's a... I farted through my pants before, through fucking solid dickies, bro. You blew them out.

Solid blew the back out of them out. And I was like, well, I'm very far away from my house. So I just got to walk it out through the streets like this. Did I tell you that I didn't know? Did I tell you? I don't know if I told you guys. I didn't know that that was, I thought everyone was just like that. Hello, hello.

I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Smart Talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna. And I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business? My one advice to that. Pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example. If anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago,

they're already five years behind it. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today, with the goal of being 70% more productive. Yeah. Wow. So we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings,

including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, is getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com slash smart talks. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed?

Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the

chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs. Everyone was like lactose intolerant when I was young. And I had a, I had a, like, a kickback at my house when I was like, I don't know, it was freshman year. And this girl, she just started pounding the milk in my fridge. Like, I'm talking about three, four glasses. And I was just looking at her like, you need to leave.

You're going to like fucking break my toilet, bitch. Like, you're going to like, but I didn't, I didn't know. She was like, no, I'm fine. I don't know what you're talking about. And that kind of like fucked me up because I never had this conversation with anyone. I just thought like, oh, milk fucks you up. I just thought like, that's just what it does. And I didn't know that there's levels of this shit.

It kind of blew my fucking mind. Yeah. And so, yeah, there's some people. And also people that just chug milk like that too, too anyway. It's weird. It's a weird thing to chug. You got to watch them too. You got to watch off for them too.

Yeah, they definitely, they definitely like, they'll definitely eat your food off your plate if you look away. Yeah, definitely grab your whole plate open their jaw and push it all down in their mouth. And then put your plate back. It'll be clean. Anyway, let's... Clean place there. Oh, yeah.

First, first one? Yeah, nothing happened really this week, which means I'm sure tomorrow all of the rest of the Friends cast is going to die. So, let's... Oh, yeah. So before that happens, we're just going to go through some of your questions.

We have 80 questions, and the November thread is... We have 83 questions, and the question thread has been open for just, like, not even a day yet. So come on over there. Patreon.com slash a start tank. And ask your question.

You can get in... for very cheap on this tier. So thank you all for supporting, but we got to get through these. Otherwise, we'll never finish. So Elbergan rode in with the first question. He's like, hello, hey, Puerto Rican, Puerto Rican, and certified Cholo Derek.

Has your dark humor ever gotten you in trouble with normal folks slash non-online people? For me, in the third grade, okay, has your dark humor ever gotten you in trouble with normal folks slash non-online people? For me and the third grade, a teacher was telling my Spanish class I've had a case where the...

I'm not going to read this. I'm not going to read it. What? Is it fuck? No, I just... I literally... No, honestly, I'm not even joking. I just got so lazy that I didn't want to read the rest of it. I don't even know what the rest of it says.

But the whole... Just finish it, dude. No, but it's so much... It's so much of it left. No, but how much I don't... No, but his $5 doesn't mean anything to me. None of you mean anything to me. You all mean nothing to me.

I'll kill all of you. No, I'm just joking. For me and the third grade... A great teacher was telling me telling my Spanish class about a case where a man chained his child to a tree and I blurted out, poor tree.

Needless to say, my parents got a call from a very concerned teacher. That's just funny. That's not even a dark joke to me. That's like, I hate the teachers do that shit, dude. I know exactly what, like,

it's a harmless bullshit joke. Yeah, that's, that's, poor tree is a good response to that. I like that. That's good. But I had an experience like this sort of recently,

or almost did because like I thought I might have messed up for a second but then I managed to turn it around and I want it over but like we were at a friend's birthday dinner where we were at this Korean barbecue place and it was a bunch of bunch of other content people and some close friends of mine we were all kind of sitting there and it was just this this girl that I've ever met before is like a friend of a friend who was brought to this thing and we were at this Korean restaurant she was she'd never had Korean barbecue before and we were eating it was like yeah man it's super good and I said like hey man there's like a man there's like a secret menu where you can get a

it's on the download you can you can order a cat's face and she was like that's not an okay joke and I remember why I remember thinking like why and I was like oh yeah that's right I forgot that that was even I just genuinely thought a cat's face would be a ridiculous thing

to have on a menu period but I forgot that there was even a stereotype oriented with that because like agency is not for yes no that's what I'm saying it's not even in my mind You didn't even think about it. But so then I turned around and I was like, it's wild. I was like it's wildly racist, actually, of you to assume that's what I meant.

I just think it's bizarre. I just think it would be weird for you to be offered a cat's face. You're, I don't know what you're on, but you made it weirdly racial for no reason. God bless you. Also, I would have just going on to do. I just would have hit her. I should have actually put her face down on the grill, really is what I should have done. But I didn't know where that well.

You hit her so hard. You take a sip and you would you start eating her. Now would be to your face. You're still in blood. That's so insane. Did you just turn back with the...

I love the idea of like... I think it's just because I find the idea of like serving face is really funny. Like the idea of like here's here's like it's like, oh man, yeah, can I get that, can I get like a BLT with a pig's face? Like it's just so out of pocket. Yeah, it is. For me, it's very, I don't know, I'm very good at talk about a situation, especially when it comes to, like, jokes. So I, if I really, I'm like, I haven't gotten in trouble from it ever. I'm just like, yeah.

It's the least interesting answer possible. Does you have no, you know, it seemed like, are you, go ahead, go, go, go, go, go. No, like, no, genuinely, there's nothing. I'm like, whatever. Like, I might have said, like, I might have said the N-word one time where I should know if people got offended. And I was like, oh, yeah. That's wrong. Why Enron's offended.

No, no, no. Everybody kept laughing or something like that. Right. You just, you just, you just, you just force your way through it. Yeah.

Every time I think of my... I stick the landing eventually. Every time I think of my, my buddy Alex, um, his, uh, in high school,

his, his grandpa recently died and, uh, you know, really close to him. And, uh, we were kind of insulting each other back and forth.

And I didn't want to just be lazy and say like, oh, your mom or whatever. the default. So I tried to just think of a different family member. My brain accidentally landed on your grandpa. And I was like, oh, God. I immediately was like, his reaction, he was like, fuck you. But like, he said it in an okay way. And I was like, dude, I am so sorry. I did not. It was. The worst is when you got to apologize about, I haven't apologized about a joke in a very long time. It's been a long time. And I don't know if

I can anymore. I don't know if I can't anymore. Like, I feel like my pride, I'm like, Nah, I said it. I said it. I said it. If I mentioned, then I would fuck it. I wouldn't apologize, but that was just a, that was just a freak like, oops. You know, you just land on a family member and like, oops. I betcha those crap.

Bad, bad, bad timing. That's pretty wrong. I always make fun of my mom and I'd be like, that's kind of, what happened is that a funny, I will always laugh at a funny joke. I will always swear by that. If a joke is funny, I'll laugh. Yeah, no matter what. If it's actually funny.

there have been times people have made fun of my mom and it's been funny and I've laughed and then I think about it like dang my bad ma I hope you're doing good up there yeah and then like I go back to like one like dang that was a funny fucking joke no I feel you I think man I I found humor in my grandpa I saw him on on his deathbed and he looked

so let me finish let me finish you guys see your face is getting ahead of my story yeah yeah yeah yeah I yeah I saw him, I saw him and he looked awful, right? He looked, he looked, he looked, it was, it actually haunted my dreams for a minute. But when I saw him at the funeral, like normally I hate open caskets, but like seeing him at the funeral, like erase that memory. And I was like, oh, good. And I actually had a dream again.

And the thing is, though, it became like Sean of the Dead type of a thing. my my my my brain like kind of put it to rest to where his the the image of the zombie version of him was dealt with in a comedic way essentially in my dream to kind of compartmentalize it and I just remember waking up later and kind of laughing about it that how fucked up is it that you're dreaming of like defeating your your zombie grandpa I was like what the fuck is this and uh it felt pretty good afterwards because uh yeah it was it was It was one of those things that you... We turned it around, man.

We turned it around. I want to make a really fuck joke about caskins, but I can't. Like, there's a part of me. I was like, man, I love open casks. I'm almost trying to get a nut off. But then I realized how fuck that is. Do open caskets are just... They're just so...

They're never good, man. I've never seen... Have you ever, like, had to, like, seen like a dead body in the casket? Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director. director of research, Jake Mbeta. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing,

whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before.

Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conton? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum.

All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed, sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your

boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire?

This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. My dad, my grandpa was open casket. That was good for me because that was like a very good find. Because when he was sick in the hospital, obviously it wasn't letting me see. same thing as me, right? They were letting me see him, obviously. Yeah. But when he, when he, he didn't, he didn't look bad.

My grandpa was a strong dude. So he was like, he was a big guy. Well, I don't know. I'm probably way bigger to him now. Like, I think of him. Not so strong anymore, huh? He died. Yeah.

Oh, no, you know, yeah, he's just pushing him and shit. That thing is dust. I think it's the opposite of strong. But, um, that guy's a fucking Drake's coffee cake now. But seeing him, but seeing him was good for me. Because I got to like, I got to like, one last time I put my hand on my my grandpa's head. I'm like, I miss, oh, no, no, I'm not, I was good for me.

It was good for me because I really, I really, like my grandpa was my, I've, I don't have, my father sucks. So my grandpa will have, has always been my first father figure. Your dad does. I've had others in my life. Your dad does suck. I don't know anything about your dad. My dad is horrible.

He's horrible. He comes over to my place every now and again for poker night, but like he sucks. Why is my dad? My dad would, my dad would. My dad would hate you, Chris. Yeah, of course he would. I couldn't imagine my dad ain't out with you. I would be so puzzling.

I'm like, what are you doing here? He comes here purely to disrespect my home. I'm like, he doesn't come to see you though? Does he not come to, like, does he not make it stop by your house, Kingston? I don't even live far from Chris. That's a pretty close.

If you're coming away from New York to visit my Chris, you can might as stop at my place. He doesn't even. He's like, nah, fuck that. You got not fuck that niggas, man That's crazy I kind of respect parents that That feel that way

You know the ones that don't feel obligated To love their kids It's like man fuck this Fuck this kid There's some There's a little bit of respect We're like that's so crazy That it's no respect for that

Not loving your children is crazy Not loving your children For no reason it's crazy But that's what I mean There's a level There's a level of respect and not like trying to like, you know, play like, uh, I'm not trying to adhere to these rules.

Like, no, bitch. I could easily, I could easily, I could easily not love my kids. Watch me. I could for a reason. Not for no reason. For no reason not loving your kid. What if your son drank? You move.

Well, I would have to, I would have to curve because, you know, they can still be normal functioning people, but if you don't suppress that gene, they'll become monsters. No, you who people cannot be normal people. You can normalize them. Look, I know, I know this is like,

I know this is a weird time to be saying shit like this based on like what's happening in the world but like I think you who people need to be called like sincerely. Like you, if you could normalize a sociopath you can normalize a Yahu person.

It'll be more difficult for the you who person, but it's possible. Yeah. All right. Well, because you know people are just born with extra strength.

They're more predatory by nature. Yeah. They're stronger. They're faster. They're more dangerous. But they can still be taught how to be humans. You're stupid. Are you right, Dad?

Do you choke it, choking on a, choking on your drink there? Yeah. Yeah, fucking. What if Derek's camera veered over and there's a you-hoo? A you who freshly banning to the guys. I'm like, look, he's one of them. He's one of them. I wouldn't feel betrayal, but I would feel something weirdly close.

the uh i get sure you guys want to cancel doing the podcast and in uh in person we would we would take we would at least take a week off i hate that i hope it's we would be like we would we would Derek finding out that Derek had a you who just off screen on screen like off stage left uh would at least make us pause the podcast for a week it would be like if there was like an intense like if one of us died you know what i mean and we had to like figure out like what the fuck we're going to do like it would be like a week of just like all right well we'll we gotta we gotta sort the shit out uh...

i wouldn't talk to Derek anymore I'm like I invited you to my home I've leasted my home before can you imagine fucking biting in the glass you hoos and shit somebody can you imagine doing a podcast

with somebody that you refuse to speak to so like you like you just refuse to talk to Derek and then and then so I'm talking to Derek I'm talking to you no one's I love that idea

I want to do a podcast I want to do a podcast with three people that don't want to speak to each other and won't address each other. That's what I want. So pretty much everyone's on mute for everybody else. So it's mute a podcast and we're just talking. It's just three separate audio tracks of people talking by themselves.

All right. If you spread your ass, does it almost feel like you've been gaped before Rodin? He says, Hello, Twink, Bear, and Otter. What is the worst possible game to mod so everyone is nude? Most possible game. is a Harry Potter

Probably Harry Potter Probably like Tetris or something right Well I mean I'll put some tits on some bricks I don't care about that I'll put tits on bricks man I just mean for the I think I think the Hogwarts games

They're all kids or some shit So I think that would be like Oh yeah it's a good point yeah Yeah So like any children game So like I was trying to think of another children game That was the first one that popped in my head

Yeah I can't think of any Like there's there's my street For the PlayStation 2 Which is fucking horrible but that's such a deep cut that I can't even imagine I can't imagine 90% of the people listen to this and even know what the fuck that is

but yeah fucking that's a good that's a good answer actually everybody's nude Mario why Mario got too big of a dick it'll be really it'll be really it'll really fuck up the energy of the game if you see how big his cock is I'm pretty sure

dragging on the floor that would be pretty cool he like slaps a gumba in head with it and the goombus blows up that's my kind of Mario yeah That ain't a raccoon tail Somehow Peach has a bigger dick than him

Let's go Now we're getting some one She's got the rifle He's like wrapped on her neck Like he does a spin And like her dick is like dragging on the floor Around it and it spins fast It's like out

And it's like a helicopter like when Like when crashed just a twirl And it's foot out The kid people I like this war This is a shake it up When I was a kid I used to think I really did used to think

That was like a valid combat strategy Like if you just had your arms If you had your hands out with your like fists like clenched And you just twist it around real quick Like that was like a good way to do a lot of damage I really believe that for at least a little bit Because it seemed so effective for Crash Bandit Dude's breaking through wooden boxes and shit

What's spinning and punching? Well spinning and punching does a ton of damage No no not spinning and punching Whirling like this Just like with your arms outside You probably just hurt yourself really is You'll, you can... You have to be really strong to do something like that.

So, spinning back fist and fighting, like in MMA is actually pretty effective, but it is a high probability that you'll break something. Yeah. Also, you miss a lot. It's just too much force. You do miss a lot just because, you know, you take your eye off the prize. But, like, a lot of times people break their hands, then they break their arms when they do that shit. It's a terrible... But I've also seen to connect and, like, level people.

Like, it'll put you to sleep. out by spinning when you spin, but it's just not a good it's high risk, high reward, man. That's how Vern Troier died, I think. Just spinning punch people. Do a spinning punch, man. Do a spinning kick, man.

Shattered his arms. When no shit's land, bro. Blet out. Can you imagine doing a spinning backhand punch to Vern Troier, of all people? So, for people who are listening who might not know,

Vern Troier is the small, like the little person actor who plays. fucking mini me in Austin he's dead also he's also very dead yeah that's why I'm joking corked up

he's been dead for a long ass time and there was so little of him to begin with that he's definitely just like dust by now so yeah yeah

the wind might as well feed him to something you know yeah might as well put him on his corpse I wonder what would happen

he comes back anything has any reanimation properties yeah can imagine Do you imagine Furn Troier? Can you imagine Furn Troir with the simeo? You know who is literally the shift of the reanimator.

It's literally that goop from the reanimator. It's literally the same properties as that shit. It just turned two to a feral beast and it brings you back to life. Oh man. I hate how prevalent Uhoo is in this episode. This is going to be the UHUU episode. This is going to be. Hello, hello.

I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Smart Talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna, and I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business? My one advice to them, pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example. If anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already

five years behind it. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today, with the goal of being 70% more productive. Yeah. So we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say, you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, is getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things.

To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com slash smart talks. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction.

Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a higher than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time. More results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves. at Indeed.com slash podcast.

Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. Easy for me. It should be like a photo of a thumbnail of like Derek holding a you. Like putting in a camera.

We're like if you only have K-90s. You only have K-9. That's a stupid. It's like Noseveratu and shit You look like a monster Dude Yeah I'll figure it up

All right Mikey wrote in Says hello Rick Tofor and Stahn I don't like that at all Not even I guess it's the last half of all Our names I guess

Because of Rick Tauper and Stahn I wanted to write in To give Sweeney some overdue props As goofy and out of pocket as he can be He's funny as fuck It is correct about things a lot more off and then he gets credit for. So, cheers to you, Sweene.

And for the other boys, my question is this. What is something you must begrudgingly admit that Sweeney is right about? Nothing. That's crazy. I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I mean, I know there's been plenty of, like, your right or concessions or whatever.

I just can't think of anything, like, nothing. The thing is, I'm so out of pocket that when I'm right, when I'm right, people argue automatically because of how often I'm out of power. pocket and I understand I understand I understand you guys got to you guys let me be I'll do some fuck shit will happen I'll do some fuckery I can't think of anything

specifically you gotta do it yeah I can't think of anything specifically I'm sure I'm sure that's like that guy that the person that wrote in they probably have an example in their mind or something so there you yeah you should have wrote you should have ruined it Mike yeah I'm curious don't let me be man don't the only one that I could think of

the one that I could think of and it was like semi-intentional was the cravie patty with the with the onion oh yeah that was all That was great. Which is more of like a gaslighting attempt. That shit made me so on this. That was the best gaslight.

Oh, so good. I saw it too and I was like, oh shit, it's there. And then I didn't say shit. I didn't say nothing. Oh, shit, it's there. Just the first rule? Oh, shit, it's there. Speaking of gaslighting, the ghost of mama J.F.

wrote it and she says, hello my children. Have you ever fall? Have you ever, wait, okay, hello my children. Have you ever fallen? for Chris's gaslighting. I did for the full metal sheen bullshit. I was out delivering pizza when I first heard that and created the memory of me watching

of the fake show. Also, Dr. Drew died. Oh yeah, we haven't killed Dr. Drew in a while. Right. Yeah, full metal scene, I'll never be more proud of a gaslighting campaign in my life because I was like really committed to that bit for like years.

And I would tell me like when I first meet people, I would tell them about it. And I told so many people about it that people edited People edited a Wikipedia To like make it real So that when people would look it up They would see They would see

If you didn't look into it further You'd be like holy shit, it's real But that entry is gone now It's all it's completely gone Like somebody's somebody wiped it I think was that you haven't known I believe a few things Chris said When we were like teenagers

And then I was like oh no This guy is just a He just lies He just lies and he makes up fucking falsehood. It was funny because Lily, but Lily didn't know that you were a bullshiter so often. So there's been times where she's repeated things he said.

And I'm like, Lily, that is absolutely not real. He's lying. Wait, can you give you an example? Why would he lie? And just like, that's the point. Can you please give me an example of something that I convinced Lily of? She said, you said something ridiculous about like a cat doing something one time. and I was just like

a cat doing math and then Lily was like yeah apparently I heard a cat did math one time and I was like Lil cats can't do math That's awesome Just like honey cats can't do math And she was like

What do you mean? I was like honey That's like a fucking huge stepping stone And evolution Like being able to do Quantified numbers It's something that only I think like humans And maybe apes can do

She was like why would Chris lie about that and I was like it's because just because of this. This is because of this thing to happen. It's exactly that. All he wants is to know this happened. Exactly. That, knowing that happened has fed me sincerely. Like, I feel like, I bet you can even feel like I'm glowing a little bit more.

Like that, like, that actually, like, sustained me in a way that protein doesn't. I can't, I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to explain it. I love it's, I get it. I don't know, man. If it's, if it's just in all in good fun and it's just, like, for a joke and, like, it's just, like, funny. Oh, absolutely. just bullshit to people constantly.

I like it. But like, but the thing is I've also given my, but I've also, I also ran into the problem where like when I say things, people don't trust me now because I'm just, because I just make shit up so much. But, but I've, and to my credit,

I have held to this, whenever there is something, whenever there's something that I am genuinely serious about and it sounds ridiculous or sounds like something that I would lie about, I will specifically, I will genuinely say like, listen, I know that sounds like something that I would lie about, but I'm not joking.

And if I make that clarification, I'm telling the truth sincerely. I've never broken that. That is a truth promise. Absolutely. But if I don't say that, it's, you know, I'm not 100% fucking lying to you. A million percent. I don't know. 2,000% I'm lying to you.

The idea of someone, the idea of Chris getting beaten. You know, like in a Pokemon movie the first one where like Ash gets turned into stone and all the Pokemon have to cry to bring him back. The idea of Chris being like dying and everybody's like, just say someone to bullshit. shit Chris has said you and have people believe it. Yeah. Gaslight someone, quick. Yeah, yeah.

He starts coming back and then eventually he's like, I'm back. I am at full power again. Because people just kept fucking lying to each other. Do you get lying in it brought you back to life? Do you guys see these Obama dickpicks? And then I slowly go. All right.

Let's go. I slowly come to life. He's stupid. Stupid. I remember, like, this doesn't, this almost doesn't, this almost doesn't count, but like, I still kind of count it because it was still an absolute lie and it was just such complete bullshit. But the people who believed it were very drunk. So it's, it's kind of like a half victory. But I remember when we had our chickens giving party, when we rented out that house to throw that ridiculous party where we watched like Spider-Man 3 in the living room and fucking drank like crazy.

And we were all watching, I think we were watching, I think we were watching, to the Caribbean or something in like in the living room all hammered and I said when the titles came on I said it's a friend of ours girlfriend but I'll never forget I was like you know what's really crazy is that like pirates of the Caribbean spelled backwards is still Pirates of the Caribbean and this girl was like no way she earnestly believed it because he was so drunk that I will never forget that for as long as I live and that's all he needed that's all he Chris is going to live six more years because of that. Dude, I, I, I had, I had amazing sex immediately after that,

purely because of that, purely because of that. Like, if that didn't happen, it would have been like, oh, man, I'm not even in the mood, man. I'm not even the mood. I don't really, I don't know, pussy's not really that interesting to me right now, but don't think, oh, I successfully gaslit. I successfully made somebody believe that Pirates of the Caribbean spelled backwards was still Pirates of the Caribbean. Let's go.

Let's go. It's pretty good. I lied to a woman. I can't wait. We're not sleeping tonight. We're not, it's over. But anyway, thank you for the question. Thank you for the question.

It's, telling somebody says, it's, you're done. You're doomed. It's proceeding to fuck the rest of the night. Oh, man. Pile of crumbs are in. He says, hey, sex is racist and xenophobia. What's the dumbest thing you or a friend did for money besides a job or some shit? I had a friend back in high school who ate a bug off the ground for a singular buck.

A singular buck. A singular buck. That terminology is, I don't think I've ever heard anybody use the term and out the term singular buck before. I like that. Yeah, because it's a redundant. That's why. You don't need to say it. I love it.

It's emphasis. I get it. I like it. I love it. The emphasis of it. It's singular buck. That's crazy. Yeah.

I mean, I guess people. I guess that's a person who would eat. You know what that is, though? That's somebody who would eat a bug off the ground for free. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Mbeta. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together? It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff?

Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right?

Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Quantum? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse?

being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes.

Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed.

deed sponsored jobs. That's who sees... I'm trying to be like that, bro. Remember I told you guys the last episode, I'm trying to be like that. Like, I'm fucking, like, just a creature of instinct, you know?

Like a feral. You know what you got to do. You know what you got to do? Because that's, that's living, you know, I'm tired of, I'm tired of being alive

and I want to start living more, you know? I kind of know what you mean, yeah. Such a stupid quote. That's why it's, no, it's not. It's a good quote. I want to start of living and being alive.

I want to start. start living. I agree with it. I totally, I know what you're talking about. That's why, that's why I don't have, that's why I specifically avoid health insurance.

I don't have health insurance at all. I mean, I don't have it at all. But it still just sounds so stupid. I have health insurance. Anything I say just sounds fucking ridiculous now. Like, I'm aware that it's got to the point now that no matter what,

when I speak, it sounds fucking crazy. I mean, You got Chris ruined you by doing the, and it's kind of somewhat gaslighting the whole, I hate the gays thing. Yeah. Like that, it set the tone for you forever. Exactly. I can be talking about something really serious.

And no, everyone's like, yo, dude, you're like a, you're a monster. You're not a real person. Dude, Josh Barnett thinks I'm insane. That is the funniest thing ever. Josh Barnett thinks I'm someone that needs to be called. That is the funny. start acting crazy, I'll handle him. I'll take him down for you guys.

I was just thinking about that the other fucking day. I literally was thinking about the other day. I was just thinking about that this morning. I spoke to him a few days ago and I was just like, dude, like you don't have to be afraid he's like, nah man, you're a wild card and I got to watch out for you. And I'm like, don't, Josh. You can kill people.

You don't have to worry about me. You have Josh Barnett looking over his shoulder. You understand? Yeah. But here's the thing. Here's the thing also. It's like, I understand like, aha, I hate the game. that was like a little joke, a little meme.

That does, you have carried, you have carried that into places that I did not set up for you, okay? That's not true. I'm so tame. All right. There's no point to even engaging. There's no point even engaging with that.

Are you saying I'm, Chris, are you saying I have not balanced out outwarded years and I've gotten far more tame than I was before? It doesn't matter because here's the thing. I had to edit you into sense. something that ridiculous. I have not had to edit a single thing that you've ever said since then. You have done everything, every insane take you've ever had, every like out of pocket thing

you've ever said. That's you. That's your brain. I have not had to. That's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not. I'm not that. I'm not that. Yeah. Josh begs to differ. Who? Josh Barnett. He begs the different. Dude, if I got loud in the place, he was. and walk up in my yo you to calm down buddy that's what makes it scary because he's nervous he's actually he's nervous he's like dude like I gotta quiet this guy down before he becomes too

powerful when you speak when you speak loudly I gotta get involved when you speak loudly Josh Barnett's central nervous system shakes shakes like independently of his body like he's so whoa whoa whoa he's going to do something he flies over

I gotta do something about this Oh my God. Cancel all my wrestling matches. I need to go now. I gotta go put this guy down, bro. He's going to decide that everyone's going to pay for it. What were we saying, Chris? We were like, this kid is going to be like,

everyone is going to pay for what this kid did. Oh, yeah, yeah. That affects everybody. We were talking about, we were talking about someone else. I don't remember whose kids we were talking about. We were talking about our friends kids or like people we know's kids. Something they're like, whatever their future. kids would be...

I don't remember either. It wasn't important. It was... But the joke was that, like, oh, yeah, you know, everyone else is going to have to pay for that kid. Like, we're all going to have to suffer the consequences. That kid's going to do something that everyone's going to have to be like, God damn.

This affects me too now. Right. Yeah. Oh, I don't think we answer this question. No. The question about, what's the most out-of-pocket thing that we've ever done for money? Similar to the bug thing, I've never done anything too crazy

But this one I felt terrible for a while Where I was on the way to the mountains I went to a church retreat a couple of times Because you know There's some good pussy there And I was uh you know Just you know trying to see what's up And so

This dude made a concoction It was like jello Tick Tacks Skittl Or Eminems was Eminem's Some other bullshit It was the Tick Tacks Like everything would have been fine

He'd give me five bucks to eat the bowl I was like, well, five bucks, why not? Yeah, the entire thing of Tick-Tax, dude, I, like, I felt so clean. My insides felt so, like, you know, you know, that feeling, that minty feeling? I felt it all through my insides. It was terrible.

It felt. That's crazy. Five bucks, though, I got five bucks. I guess, like, I think, I, the only thing that I can vaguely remember that I've experienced, I'm sure that I'm sure I've seen people do it. outrageous things for money, but I've seen it so many times that nothing really sticks out.

The only thing that I can remember was in the sixth grade, this girl gave me, this girl gave me five, I don't remember if it was $5. I don't, I don't know. Whatever, whatever, like, it was a meanial amount of money, but like, it was a lot for a child because I was like, oh man, I could get like a Hershey bar with this. And she was like, can I kiss you? And she was like a really not, It wasn't... Hello, hello, I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Smart Talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna.

And I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business? My one advice to that. Pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example. If anybody has more than

10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already five years behind. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today, with the goal of being 70% more productive, so we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say, you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings,

including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, is getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com slash smart talks. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed?

Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer.

Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at indeed.com slash podcast just go to indeed.com slash

podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. I wouldn't have done it. I was like, yeah, I mean for a dollar, yeah, whatever. But that was like sixth grade.

That's the only thing that I can remember. That was your destiny. You win a different. route, right? You could have been a fucking Gigolo. That was the beginning and you ignored it. I think it was just some really insecure girl who had a crush on me and then that I would never look at

in a million. Page you know. That's... I have never been offered money to do anything to a woman. That was your only time in my life though, to be fair. I've definitely been done dumb shit for money but I can't remember anything of it. Like I've never done anything. I've never

done anything. I've never kissed anyone for money. I've done something like that but I've definitely like, I don't know. like set fires for money or shit like that Jesus Christ Like eating like rats off the sewer for money But like nothing like crazy Yeah nothing crazy Like I definitely like hunted rats

In like Harlem 125th grabbed the rat And I'm like I'm like I'm like Where's my dollar? Yeah I would like I would like bite the I would bite the skin tags off of elderly Italian woman for like five dollars But like I mean there's nothing crazy

Like I went into the Bronx zoo Like beat a gorilla half the death I was like sick, where's my 15 cents? I was like climb out, bloody. Yeah. I used to provide the service for people where I would go to people's houses and wipe their asses with my bare hands. But, like, I mean, like, aside from that, it was just like, fucking. Oh, my God.

It's not really nothing of a deal. Like, nothing crazy. Like, I know. Like, I've definitely done fuckery for money. Like, I've definitely been people. Because our friends are the kind of guys that would do shit like that, especially when we were younger. We were definitely those kinds of kids. Yeah. But I just don't know.

There's, yeah, there's like moments that you probably, you know, compartmentalize. They're deep in your subconscious that you don't want to bring to the surface, I imagine. I'm definitely open hands smack the pregnant woman for like six cents. But like that's nothing really. Yeah, who hasn't done that. That's a bargain. I get the hit her and you're giving me any sort of commerce? Whack?

Any sort of commerce. She falls on her stomach, though. That's how you get the most benefit of me. That is so fucking outrageous. Baby just shoots out of her. Yeah, I mean, when I was in school, when I was in... When you shoot the cans off those weird, like, oblong tubes on, like, fucking, like, tanker missions, and it is go flying. Yeah, I mean, when I was in, like, middle school, like, my friends would, like, pay me, like, $5 a piece to watch me, like, shit up my own back into my hat, down my face, and into my own mouth, so I could eat it.

But, like, outside from that, it's, like... I've never really I've been thinking about that shit dude you shit yourself you turn to venom bro that's crazy I've been thinking about that it like falls over your

I've been thinking about that too you're so frustrated and hungry it's so funny it is a reference to the last episode but like I've been thinking about that for a while I've thought about that premise for a long time because like

it was like you and me Kingston right where we learned about like babies shitting up their own backs because they were so small that was real. The fact I didn't know that was real was because I found that out after I had nieces that and nephews that I grew up with. I didn't, my nieces and nephews

never did. They never had to explain. They would have shit where they'd shit out there pamper. But they never shit straight up their own backs. Like they're shaking their hair. It's so crazy. And the idea, the thing that I love about it is just like,

okay, that's, first of all, that's so fucking disgusting for a baby. but then to imagine the amount of force needed to do that for an adult with the amount of like mass I don't know man I love it that premise is so fucking hysterical to me oh god all right

let's fucking anyone that shits up their own back as an adult human and needs to go to sleep man yeah let me put the ads that's that's incredible as an adult Richter

Rector 86 that's incredible Richter 86 impersonator He goes Hey fellas Sort of late Vagely Halloween-related question It's whatever

You know Halloween just ended We're fresh off the heels What is the best Most S-tier Chocolate slash candy bar I've always been a big advocate For the Kit Kat myself

Thanks for the entertainment You pathetic Goblins Thank you Thank you Richter For your question Kikat I don't see it's I don't think

I'm not Kit Kat I would put Kit Kat in like a B. They're good. I like them a lot, but it's just, they're not special enough. So for me, the A tier, there's an A tier. Easy, easy. You gotta have regular Hershey bars. Almond Joy, exactly.

Oh, well, yeah. Regular Hershey's has to be there. That's crazy. They're perfect. They're not perfect at all. Chocolate. Look, man, I understand that you enjoy them like that. But I feel like the same way how I love plain vanilla.

ice cream, a lot of people wouldn't just put like a plain vanilla as an S tier. Why would they not? Because it's not bare bones. It's bare bones. It's bare bones. It's good, but it's not. It ain't S tier, man. It's like painting with one color.

It's beautiful still. No, it's not. It is, but it's not est here, though. First of all, you can't paint with one color. Because then it's just one color. Yes, you can. Then it's just one color. That's a whole thing.

No, you need more than one color to make a painting. You don't paint the whole thing that one color, Chris, but you'll paint. You don't throw all one color on the canvas. But that's what I'm saying. But you use one color that paint the picture. It's still beautiful. It's still using multiple colors. It's still using the negative color space of the canvas.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. Look, I think on average people would enjoy multiple colors more than one color. Yeah. Dude, y'all are. Look, you can just drink yu-who, so whatever. That's clearly why you guys take this fucking crazy thing. It is fine.

Why can't you acknowledge that? Just I acknowledge with my vanilla. I love hog and dog and dog. vanilla. I fucking love a pint of Hagenas vanilla. I think it's the best. Okay. So what about French vanilla? French vanilla is, I mean, I like French vanilla too, but I just, as far as all the ice creams I've had, the Hagenas plain vanilla is fire to me. But I feel like most people disagree. That's Sherbert vanilla where it's like kind of yellow is really fucking, that's a great vanilla,

man. That like, of all the vanelles I've had, it's like, this is fucking dope vanilla, whatever the fuck this is. Okay, so what about? There's the crunch. I like the crunch. I like Kit Katz a lot. Yeah. My personal, what is your personal favorite? What is your personal favorite? I would say probably Reese's. Reces peanut butter cups?

Yeah. I think I like, yeah. Recent Penner Cup is S tier. There's one in my fridge right now. Like that is, that is, I have something in my freezer right now too often.

I like him less. Nice. And the freezer's dope. The best way. Dude, man. I've told that to people and they've been so confused by it.

Where it's like, dude, like how would you not, wait, it's crazy that I put my Reese's in the, in the freezer? It's crazy that people think it's weird Do you freeze

Like everyone freezes Chocolate like that's a thing people do You got you can freeze most chocolates You can't freeze the Twix Otherwise you're kind of fucked Yeah yeah that's different Yeah you can't freeze caramel It doesn't work

But like dude like it's so good Like that that's satisfying Snap and then like there's nothing on your hands afterwards it's like it's like It's great or anything It's like it's so dude Cold Reces Are

I almost feel like regular Rees Peanut Butter Cups Aren't even in S tier by themselves I feel like they need that freezer to really be up there. Like, I feel like a normal recess peanut butter cup at, like, room temperature is, like, maybe low A. But, like, in that freezer. Because that shit melts right away. It melts immediately.

The second you touch it, it melts. Yeah. And it's like, yeah. If it's chilled, amazing, absolute exterior, right. If you can have a cup of vanilla almond milk with it, fuck. There is. So, man, it's best snack. But there's others.

There's crunch bars. Sure. What crunch bar? Crunch bar. Like Nestle? Like Nestle? Crunch bar. Okay.

Okay. I remember they had a thing, they had a thing where they had like M&Ms in the crunch bars for a little bit, and I really liked those. That sounds cool. Babe Ruth? I feel like that's old people shit. That's like a good year kind of.

There's like a good year. Good year is more elderly, but Babe Ruth is good, man. I feel like snickers would obviously have to be up there. I feel like Snickers is the, like look, personally I don't eat Snickers very often. But when I see people talk about a perfect candy bar because it kind of has a little bit of everything in it. Like it's got your nougat. It's got your peanuts. It's got your caramel. It, like, it satiates. This might be a very shocking thing for you guys to hear. I've never had a I've never had a Snickers. I'll be honest. I'm be honest. I like them, but people would probably

be like, you're crazy. I don't, I do, look, so when I'm eating a candy bar, I don't need an immense amount of crunch in it. I don't need peanuts in my fucking candy bar. I think the Milky Way's better. I think a Milky Way is better because the Milky Way is kind of like a fucking one, well, no peanuts in it and shit. For me, my thing is this right. I exist in the extremes of, I like blandness. Right. But then I also like really ram, like very robust flavors. Yeah. So like, I like regular chocolate. He either eats plain white rice or roaches off the ground. Exactly.

There's no in between. I'm, my spectrum is vast, bro. I played white, so fucking big ass roaches off the wall and fucking inner city apartments. You know what I found out recently that fucking if, if, if people have, like, allergies specifically to, like, lobster, they have, they're also allergic to roaches. Really? That's disgusting.

Like, how did somebody find that out that ate the roaches? You know what? You know, I'll tell you. how they found it. I tell you how they found it out. This is how I found out. I was like on TikTok scrolling through TikTok and Joe Rogan came up and he was on Fear Factor. He was talking and he was like, oh man, like, well, they were asking people like what their allergies were. It's like, oh, somebody had like a shellfish allergy, like specifically the lobsters and crafts and stuff like that and they were like, okay. And one of the, one of the challenges was to eat roaches

and he ate roaches and he had the fucking exact reaction that he had the fucking lobster. So like they had to like get like ambulances in there and I'm like, I knew it. I fucking knew it this whole fucking time. There were obviously bugs. People trying to convince me that it's different, but they're the same fucking sea bugs. If anybody says differently, they're like, fucking all of those, like, lobsters, shrimps, they're sea bugs. No, but do you, the fact that they're similar?

The fact that they're similar enough to trigger the same exact allergy is amazing to me. Like, that's like, that's all I needed really. You're saying this? I feel like I almost ripped out of my own skin and blew up because of how much I hate the fact that people

eat seafood, period. Like seafood in general. Like, like seafood in general. Like, How could you look at a lobster and be like, I can live to eat that. Well, that is so fucking disgusting, dude. If,

if I feel you with that, like they do, especially shrimp look absolutely just disgusting. People are so fucking gross. The beady eyes. I went to Kay Barbecue with Joe and Joe had the nerve. He had the nerve. The fucking nerve.

I was going to snap at him, but it was like, calm down. He had the nerve to put fucking calamari on a grill. I was. gonna use bro i was like you pieces i was so i was i haven't gotten that mad okay first of all time first of all i want to separate things a little bit i love calamari calamaras you're a fucking bastard i just i don't think squid or octopus should be eaten okay i just don't i don't believe

you're probably right about that you should be shot at why what you mean what the calmer is delicious how could you eat i know it's delicious but it shouldn't fuck with those things go to bed, how could you, how could you dare walk upright? How dare could you walk upright and attempt to live as a civilized human after eating an alien like that? That's civilized. You know who eats the most, you know who eats the most aliens, Kingston? By your estimation, the most probably civilized society on the fucking planet that doesn't litter all over their fucking city that is like polite that actually puts masks on just because they're kind of sick a little bit. And they have advanced technology.

That's the people you're talking about. Shut the fuck up. You know what's happened? We bombed them. We bombed them into subservience. Yeah, you know what? And it made them stronger. You know why?

And it made them stronger. No, they didn't get stronger. They changed. They changed. Now they draw women with vascular big dicks. That's what they do that. Well, we do that. No, we do that specifically.

They do, they do that too, bro. They got popular because of them. I actually don't think so. I think it got popular here before. I think they learned. I thought it isn't the name called a futa, isn't that their invention or something? I think that's weaves. I think that's weaves who did that.

Maybe. I don't know. They give women pipes now for no reason. Me and Colin talk about this. Stu's like sometimes the idea of like, is there like a Japanese weeb? Like somebody in Japan who's like, I really love cowboys and Xbox. You know what I mean? I've seen, not in Japan, but I saw a Chinese man on 90-day fiancé.

He was literally that. What's his name? I love some of those. Cowboys. I guess Kojima, yeah. Oh my God. Metal Gear Solid Creator. Yeah, he just said it.

What's... You said, Kojima, sorry, my bad. I was talking and thinking. I didn't think about it. But yes, Kojima, literally. Literally, Kojima's that. Yeah, I love that. I guess.

I guess in some way, yeah. In some ways, he's his whole game franchise as an 80s movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but he's also, like, very successful. You know what I mean? Oh, he is. That's true.

Do you think he can kill Norman Redis and like replace him? He already killed Norman Redis. That's a fucking android or something and he's going to unveil it to the world one day. For my next game, for my next game, I've killed Norman Redis. And I've been walking around with this Norman Redis Android, you haven't noticed. Because my next game is about, my next game, my next game is about how not unique humanity is and how easy to replicate the human experiences to the point where even society didn't even notice that Norman Redis was dead. for months. That would be crazy.

Featuring Norman Reis and Guillermo Dutoro for some reason. For some reason, here's Guillermo Dutero in this new game. I don't know, man. I read out for Des Ranting. I love, I love Des Ranting. But I'll say this. I'll say this, Ben. I understand aversions to shellfish and all that shit.

I get it, man. They're objectively insects. We have direct things to compare them to. Octopuses, I would agree, like squid, where Derek goes. Like, they probably shouldn't be eaten because they're, so fucking smart. At the same time, Hello, hello, I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Embatta.

We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines.

Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when, it will mature. Right? Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point.

How far are we from that point with quantum? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos.

Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos,

this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves. At Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire?

This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs. Kalamari is really good. like it's just not shockingly good I just can't you get that lemon on it squeeze the lemon on it and it's like aw like I love good calamari but uh

that's also specifically because it's it's also specifically because it's not an insect if it was in it's if we had like if we had like land octopuses you know what I mean like land squids I wouldn't be I probably wouldn't be fucking eating calamari yeah I just I don't know man

I just not yeah those aliens those smart aliens I'm not a fan I don't, I've been eating meat less and less because it's just, it's just the right thing to do, it's just the right thing to do, man. It's just the right thing to do. I mean, I don't, I don't know if I'd ever go full-blown vegetarian, but it's just, it just after a while, like, my stupid brain starts thinking, and I'm like, God damn, I'm contributing to all this shit. See, I'm the opposite. I'm the opposite. I know, I feel like time is running out for us to be able to do that without a moral problem.

So, like, I'm going to take advantage of the amount of time that we, that we do have when we can eat meat in peace without it being some. big fucking, like imagine in like 10 years, eating meat is like as controversial as Israel Palestine. You know what I mean? Like I want to make sure that I get as much meat in before before that point as possible. I will only stop eating meat is if animals gain sentience enough to be added to society in the same way than I am. Tell you what? I'll stop eating the end immediately. I'm like I'll stop eating the next day. Tell you what, I'll stop eating the animals when they ask me to stop. Exactly.

Until then. When the chicken's like, I feel and I don't want you eating me because it's not okay. When the cow, when the cow can turn to me and say, excuse me, sir, please don't, then then maybe I'll consider it. Maybe. I'll stop. And another 200,000 years, maybe you'll consider it. We're still going to stop your head in.

We're still going to stomp your head in with the cow. But I'm not going to eat you. I was going to kill you for sport. Even then it's contingent on the complexity of the vocabulary. Like, how many words do you know really? 100? Ah. Oh, my God.

No, the idea of at that moment, killing animals for a sport is crazy. Don't kill me. Not enough. Not enough. You didn't say, you didn't say,

please. You didn't say, please. He didn't fucking get your cowboy boots on, just stop. Oh. I'm cracking the floor. Under his head.

Ow! The floor of his head is breaking, bro. That's how the heart I'm strumping. Hurt! Hurt! Hurt! The cow's screaming. Yeah. All right.

Well, I'm sorry for all the vegans. And then you throw it on a giant grill. Vegan. Fuck you guys. Let me say. Let me say this. I like the fact that they kill little animals. It makes me happy.

It makes me more hungry when I eat them. Let me say this. Let me say this. To all the vegans who are listening, you are totally morally correct. So what you did? I agree with you. You are at least on this front, morally speaking, way better than me. 100%.

You're like, oh, I'm not, that's not me. That's not me. I've been bugging this whole episode. Have you not seen a while about this whole episode? Pan your camera down. Where the fuck's the you who at? Where is the fucking Youhoo? There's no Uhoo in here.

It's around there somewhere. The camera goes here and there's a fucking tower, a wall tower of Yoo. I am legitimately going to go find some UHU. Scrap paper on the floor and bite marks in it. Hey, I'm going to try to get a sponsored by Yoohoo because like who the fuck, who fucks with YouTube? I bet we can get a Yoooooooo's sponsor. I can't. Next episode, we should just all, we should all get UHus and drink them and not say anything.

Like throughout the show. We have Yahoo merch. We have you who merch on. I'm going to look for like a Uhoo racing jacket. I'm going to see if they have one of those on. There's a big U-Funds a green screen behind me with a U-Hu on it. Yeah, so it's good on the podcast today. Don't even acknowledge the U-HU.

We don't acknowledge it. We just take a sip. We take a sip when we're thirsty and then we like, but that's it. I twitch a little bit. But yeah, we don't acknowledge it. We never mentioned U-Hoo the whole episode. It'll be fun.

I take a sip and I vomit out my nose, bro. You ever see somebody do that? Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. I saw a chick. This went viral on Twitter years ago. It should have been blowing some dude. And the cubs exploded out of her nose.

I saw that. I did, too. I was fucking. I saw it and literally like, was that on epoch? I saw that and I started flowing so much. I stood up. Like, I started rolling around and moving so like I stood straight up off my bed. That shit was crazy, dude.

He cleared out her sinuses and everything. He blew. It was definitely blood in there, too. He definitely, like, unclogged her whole shit. And it was just out now. And I was like, damn, bro. He blew a little. He was enough force to come out of the ears, too.

That would have been dope. Yeah. That's all connected. It's all connected. It's possible. If you would just add just a little bit more. It could have came out of her. He could have really blew that bitch up.

Yeah. Pop their fucking head. Becca. Yeah. Go find that. Go find that video. You'll enjoy it. Becca rode in.

She says, Hello, you three kings. If you could time travel and take one medieval peasant into the present day, what would you do and what would you show them?

Or what would you show them? Oh, man. I would clearly get one of those like farmhand girls are like one of them like jumbo huge titties and I'd bring her to like the future and I'd wed her.

That's it. That's it. That's it. One of those like Renaissance Fair bitches with the tithies that are so big They're falling out of her dress It looks like they're fucking, it's like Jellos swimming on a fucking lake

And I would be like, all right, cool I'll take you to this time Where you can actually choose to do things yourself I would take a Big tities I would take a simple poor man And I would bring him to today And I would slap him

I would slap a VR headset on And show him like very specific Modern TikTok Means Like specifically like Like drawn Like construction paper Peter Griffin

Dying in a hospital Singing like a skibbitty toilet Kaisenat version of fucking Hey there Delilah And just watch him Fucking implode in on himself Literally fucking die

You literally watch this poor man Fall undone That is terrible I'll take him to a racing track One of those rations tracks where they like you know go like 200 something miles an hour yeah yeah put him in a race car put him in a zero gravity

like zero gravity like a wind tunnel thing just watch him cry oh you know I don't want to do anything like that you know what I just want to do I just want to just torture him I want to strap him to a god damn all right fucking

and just cut him up just cut him up and slash him open and saw him back up and slash him open again and it carterizes wounds and shit You fucking psycho. Chris is out here giving this guy's shell shock. You're out here mincing a person. And I'm just getting fucking big old.

I'm just getting fucking, I'm just getting good old milk from a fucking, what you call it? From a big booby fucking pre-Renance woman. You're getting yourself a Renaissance escort. You're like a time traveling boogie two nine and a day. Hell yeah, dude. Oh, dude.

Do you see that documentary? that you put out? I did. Did you see it? I haven't watched it, but I saw the previews. It's one of those things. I got to say, man, it's not, look, it's not, I watch it, and there wasn't really much of a point to it

other than look at how this guy fucked everything up. You don't leave with any real, you know, it wasn't, it was well made, though. I got to give the guy credit. It's like, it's a really well shot and well edited and well-composed documentary, sincerely. It's like really good, actually. But there's not really much of a point to it other than, like,

look at how, look at this guy, he fucked up everything. He spent $200,000 on hookers, man. Yeah. In his life. He blew, he fucking, the amount. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Gambata.

We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes. Building actual physical machines.

Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building, hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conton?

By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed?

Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction.

Seriously, sponsored jobs posted direct on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a higher than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. The thing that pisses me off about Buggy, because everybody

has all these different takes about him and they always say, oh, if Buggy just focused on the positives, then he wouldn't be getting into this. But if you've ever looked at his algorithms or just looked at his views, when he would talk about things that had to do with him being fat or like, say, certain trauma, there'd be his most viewed videos. So there was a connection there. There was people that actually were seeking comfort in that type of stuff. Not like, oh, let's point and laugh at this fat sack of shit. But people, you'd read the comments.

And they'd be saying very wholesome things and they were relating to his plight. And instead of like being, oh, I'll just kind of be a therapist. I'll be like your uncle or something that's going through it. And we'll go through this shit together. He just was like, no, I think I'll just keep responding to trolls and spend on my money on fucking hookers and do all this dumb shit. And I got to the point where I first, I was one of his defenders saying like, okay, let's not act like this guy's Keemstar or some fucking actual villain.

Like, let's not like act like he's the worst person on Earth because that's what some people were doing. But after seeing this documentary, I'm like, oh, this nigga doesn't want help at all. He is completely content with being the internet's punching bag. And I just, like, lost all respect for him. Or I just, I'm like, damn, bro. And then trauma bonding with his girlfriend is. 20-year-old girlfriend.

Oh, yeah, dude. That's so obvious. She's literally talking about, like, how I have no support system, and I'm like, you know, it's like, oh, man. It's, uh. I just thought my fuck. I used to be, I was like, I retract anything that I said about him where I'm like, damn, he's not that bad.

Y'all calm down. He's just, he's a, what, he's a fat loser. Okay, big deal. Like, yeah, like, loser. Like, we've never seen one of those before. But then I'm like, okay, where he's at right now? I'm like, fuck. Like, I can't even, I got nothing good to say anymore.

Sucks. But I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch it. Because it does look like it shot well. And I kind of want to just pay attention to when the relationship's going to implode because obviously a relationship built on trauma never last. So he just waste so much money, man. It's crazy.

Like $200,000 on hookers is insane. That's like I can't. A stupid amount of money. That's crazy. That lets you know that those are probably high class escorts. Like just throwing, you're not even thinking about it. Or should I cut a deal or should I? No, I'm gonna get the highest end ones

Where I'm like, dude, her pussy's exactly the same As the low end one. Who gives a fuck? It can't be as impossible. It's just, I don't know, man. I just watched it and I was just like, how do you, how are you, like, I'm not great with finances either, right? Like, I'm really bad with, like, managing it.

Like, I don't know the first thing about it. Like, I'm really fucking horrible at it. But I'm definitely not, like, spending money on fucking frivolous shit like that. Like, if I buy something, I'm always thinking about like, fuck, that's expensive. Like, what can I, is this going to, like, like when I bought my I remember when I bought my guitar I was like fuck do I even like do I really need this

like is this like a thing that like this feels like absurd really but then it's like oh I can I I still dabble in music sometimes like I will put this to use in some way at the very least but like he'll just buy like here's a statue here's a statue of fucking

I don't know like a $200 statue of fucking I don't know the stay puff marshmallow man why What purpose? Yeah. I don't know. And he had so much money, too, is the thing.

It's like, and I get it. Like, the more money you have, the more money you spend, I get it. But like at the same time, it's like, not that much, man. He had like four, he had like, $700,000 at one point. And he, like, blew it all on crypto and, like, just bullshit. And it's just like, bro, how do you just pay off your, and he hasn't paid off his house, which is like, only like $100,000. Which is crazy. The fact that he lives in, he lives in Arkansas.

where the houses are fucking dirt cheap because a tornado can blow them away at any moment. And he's just like, I'm not going to pay off my house. That's crazy. I could buy his house. It's so irresponsible. And I'm like, yo, I get it to a certain extent.

Like, why pay it off if I don't have to? And I mean, why pay it all off at once if I don't have to? I get that sentiment. But if you have an abundance of money like that, that is just stupid. It's like, why not? Just get it over with. That's like, just get it over with. but, like, especially if you can, it's such

a easy, it's not like, oh, if I do this, I'm going to be broke, you know what I'm saying? It's not like that word. It's like, he's still, even if he paid off his whole house, he would still be so well off. Yeah, that's what's so late. Yeah, especially in Arkansas, dude. Especially in Arkansas.

He would be well off here. He would be well off here if he did that. If he paid up a one, if he was in California, granted, California doesn't have $160,000 houses. But if he paid off a $100,000, if he paid off a $160,000 house in California. California with seven hundred thousand dollars he'd be fucking set still anywhere

he'll be totally fine some money yeah yeah my mind I don't know oh well yeah yeah yeah yeah after all that shout out to boogie come on the show after all that shout out to boogie shout out to him though oh uh Derek did you see my did you see bald Goku I want to show this to you before we move on no well I put in that put in the little chat I want you to

want you to see uh this is uh this is bald Goku I thought you might appreciate it. I love it. That reminds me of that reminds me of Aladdin where they showed him without pants on and like his skin

his groove to it. Yeah, and it just looks like two big testicle legs. Yeah. Oh, man. Dude, that's funny. Complete non-sequent. I just,

I really wanted to get that reaction. All right. Let's see. Let's get one or two more. Right? What time is it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we can get like two.

We're an hour and 20. We're an hour and 20. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Oh, man. There's like, oh, okay, there's a lot. I don't know.

Nika, knicka, knick, knick, knick, knick, knick, knick, knick, nigger. Hyper nigger wrote in. Why? Hyper. Hyper. What's going on? wrong. What's going on?

Oh man, I can't. I can't land on it. Cameron, Cameron Tulson, Roney says, Hey, Twunk, Gigacad, and non-Peto EDP 445. Jesus Christ. God damn.

I guess this nigga wants to throw, this nigga wants to throw hands. It was, it was compliment, compliment, fuck you. That's what that was. I just, I hope this guy fucking fall asleep at the wheel. What's up?

I've done that before. It's crazy. If you suddenly found yourself... Yeah, it's crazy. I was working at Sears, and I was like, I don't want to die for Sears, so I quit.

If you suddenly found yourself in a situation where death was both imminent and guaranteed, what would your last act in an attempt to spite God one last time be? You wouldn't be to spite God. That's petty shit.

I don't believe, so I wouldn't do anything to spite him. I love everybody. I love them. I'm like, hey, guys, I love you guys. You guys are rock and I would just die. What if you didn't have enough time? What if it was like you had like 10 seconds?

I would exhale and I'd be like, okay, well, and I'm gone. I think I would try to jerk off at least once. I don't know if I'd be able to succeed, but I would try. That's always been my sentiment. Like, oh, if I was falling from a tall height or something, I want to beat my dick off and then splat. You're frustrated because, like, the wind is ruining the mood. It's like you're falling. you're falling from like 50

you're probably from like 35,000 feet you're trying but it's like it's uncomfortable it's like oh come on I think it comes off because of how much this fucking your dick is like

it's like flopping it's like flopping oh man I don't know I don't know I don't I don't know man I don't I don't

just beat you I think I would try to get one last joke in truthfully like I think that would be the thing it doesn't even have to be a good one. I would just, I think I would just be like, I don't know, if I was on a plane and it was like going down or something, and it was like absolutely going into a nose dive

into a volcano or something, something unavoidably bad. And the guy next to me was like crying. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Embatta. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes.

Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with Conta? By 2029, we'll build the first Volt-tolerant quantum computer.

That is one that can run a very, very, very. large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for indeed sponsored jobs.

You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way. and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates

who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves. at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now.

Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. I would turn around and I would turn to him and be like, not even a joke, just like something that would make me laugh. Or just be like, you crying? What are you gay?

And then we would die. That's the last thing this guy hears. Is this vague? This vaguely homophobic man Just making fun of his masculinity Because he's crying, shedding a single tear Because he's careening into a volcano In a fucking Boeing 747

From a jet blue flight to Atlanta That's crazy But, you know, God bless That's how you do it I don't go I don't go Yeah I was trying to take a shit

I just shut up everybody Rudy Yeah shit up your own back Have a meal than die blast final come where I just the blast of coming it consumes me and I disappear. I'm like I feel like a fucking roll of fucking

empty roll of two pays. That's not really how. Thin out and I'm just gone. I mean you could try. What is it? 50 Shades of Gay Road and he says Whose Tune Force

would you want to have and how would you fight each other with it? Tune Force is basically the world breaking thing as cartoon characters get away with, like, while they're having able to get blown up and still survive. I would want SpongeBob or Patrick because they seem to be invincible and too dumb to understand the consequences of their

all powerful actions. So all complications of immortality go away. Well, that's, you're adopting, like, the entire character of those people then at that point, because, like, if you're just, if it's just the tune force, then it's just, then it's purely just, you wouldn't be inheriting the naivete. You'd be inheriting, I don't know, being able to, like, fucking, I don't even know, like transition to a different place with bubbles. You know what I mean?

Like, you would still, you would still understand the complexities of like what that meant. But, uh, I don't know, man, you can't beat those Looney Tunes,

man. Those Loonie tunes had some crazy tune force. Like, yeah. Like, he's, he's literally invincible. I would,

I would take Bugs Bunny's power set. Yeah, Bugs Bunny is like, Bugs Bunny is like the go-toe. So you just want to get a dress and kiss fucking men? That's what you want to do? Exactly. Exactly.

And notice how, Notice how he's not canceled. Notice how he has dressed, he has cross-dressed, appropriated transculture and sexually abuse and harassed. Everyone he's ever, everyone he's ever interacted with. He's been racist. He's called, he's called Native Americans engines and shot them. He's called he's referred to black people as age. Yeah, that's right.

There's that cartoon where he literally, there's a cartoon. There's a cartoon. I'm not even exaggerating where he's like, he's behind a rock in like, I don't even know Arizona or something. And he's like shooting a bunch of Indians. And he's singing like one little, two, little three little engines. And he's, psh, push, psh, four little five, little six little engines. And that's real.

There's a real episode of fucking Bugs Bunny. And Bugs Bunny was just in, in the last five years he was in a movie where no one brought that up. He shared the screen. I love it. It shows me how selective all that shit is, right? Yeah, no. I mean, it is also a cartoon character.

I'm lavish in that shit If I could be racist If I could go cartoon racism Everything's like bonkers Like Like they start saying whatever the fuck I want Do whatever I want And no one can kill me

Oh it's over That's it I'm just to let you know Just to mask Just to remind you Space Jam 2 is a movie that exists In the last several years And they cut Peppa Lapew out

They cut Peppa Lapew out Because his whole thing Was about trying to seduce women That was his whole thing Even when they changed it later on where that wasn't his whole thing. But they kept Bugs Bunny, the guy who shot Indians

and wore blackface and did all this shit because Bugs Bunny has that tune force, man. Yeah, he also invited the clock for orange rapists to the space jam ball game so they could sit back to the iron giant. Such a cluster fucking movie band. That was so funny.

He also had the Night King, the guy that brings eminent death to a world in the Lachang Ice and Fire. Yeah. It's just, it's, do you remember when you came back from that movie to the apartment

and you said you loved it? you couldn't get enough of it. I never said that. Never said that. I remember that. You don't remember that. You weren't there. Stop lying.

There's a whole podcast episode. There's a whole podcast episode. You could look it up right now. It's like Kingston's just praising. And I never once said I love it. I wasn't that bad. Look it up right now. I never said.

I loved it. He can't stop saying he loves it. I watched that video. Kingston, I love this. I love Lugs Bunny. Jameson. I adore this movie. There you go.

Braud James is hot. LeBron James is hot I don't have sex to LeBron James and his son I loved Rick and Morty I don't know LeBron is hot Yeah What do you think of

What do you think of the new Rick and Morty Have you seen any of it I saw some of it I didn't see the show I saw like clips of the voices Because I was curious How it would sound

And it sounds fine I guess I I The issue Look here's the thing I understand I understand that this is

I feel like They did a good thing In the sense of like It would suck for one person to ruin the jobs of a bunch of different creators. You know what I mean? Like all these people work on the show, all these writers who are good at writing the show. Like it would suck for them to fucking not have a job anymore just because like the lead guy

did a bunch of dumb shit. Yeah. At the same time, I haven't watched Rick and Morty seriously in a caring way since like season two. You know, like season? I technically checked out at three. I technically checked out. I've seen other stuff in passing. I tuned into the series premiere of three and I thought, oh, I technically checked out.

Oh, that was a crazy episode. And then the rest of that season was just kind of like, I didn't, it just wasn't good, really. And then I was like, ah, okay. And then four came around and I just wasn't interested in it at all. And I saw a little bit of it. Up to eight now? Up to eight now, I think.

Seven? Seven. Seven. I've definitely watched all of Rick and Morty, and I don't remember most of it. Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. Like, I know I've seen some other of the seasons, but I just, I, yeah, two, one and two seasons. Those first two seasons, I would still recognize.

I would still recommend. I think those first two seasons are fucking awesome. They're genuinely great. I remember having fun with three, though. I remember there was like, or was this in the second season? There was a thing where they were doing therapy, and they got to see, like, what the other is perceived of each other. That was two.

Was that two? It feels like it was older. That was the one where Jerry's like a slug man or something. Yeah, he's like, and they like wants to get butt-of-finition or whatever. Abedoff Lindler. That was episode. That was season two. No, that was a different episode.

That was a different episode. That was season one, I think. That was season one, no. No, no, it might have been season. Well, you think that was the same? That was like the subplot or something? Yeah. Oh, I thought, man.

I got to go back and watch. Rick and Morty. That was the same episode? Yeah. Couples therapy. When I go to the council, and they see what they see of each other, Jibeth is like a big alien monster

and there's like a little cucky. That was the same episode. Yeah. Yeah. So it's called Big Trouble. So it's called Big Trouble and Little Sanchez. It's the seventh episode of the second season. So that's what I mean.

Wow. The first two seasons are great. Like, sincerely. Like, actually. Like, I think they're fucking awesome. I think they're hysterical. And so the show's been going, it's like a Simpsons thing, but like on a shorter scale. Pickle Rick was the third season.

Pickle Rick was the third season. I think that's when everybody kind of like got soured. They were like, I don't know. It wasn't great. And it's funny, too, because, like, as just purely as a fan, right? Like, I loved, I was, I've been watching, like, Dan Harmon and Justin Rohn for a very, very long time. Like, they had a show. called Acceptable TV on VH1

that I fucking loved because it was just a bunch of losers It was just so much of guys Writing fake TV shows For 30 minutes Like that's the whole The whole thing was like Do you guys remember acceptable TV at all?

You sold me it Yeah I didn't watch it It was like the whole premise was like You have a 30 minute block And you'd have five TV shows All like and so you had five like mini pilots And it would be like It was like kind of internet oriented

Where like three of the episode three of those shows would get canceled if they didn't get enough votes and two of them would get a second episode and then the three shows that got canceled would be replaced with new ones so it was just like a bunch of like there was like a bunch of shows like there was like homeless james bond where like it was just like it was just like it was just like it was just like this really poor dude yeah i love i loved a homeless james bond the show like because it was just like uh it was i don't even know it was like one of one of his gadgets was like a clean shirt you know what i mean it's like it'll make you look really respectable but it gets

dirt. And it's just like, and it was awesome. It was actually like really good because it felt like something like like we would do. Like it was like ideas that we would have that we would like improv, but but like turned into videos in this in this TV show. It was awesome. And it was Justin Royaland and Dan Harmon and a bunch of other people. And then obviously Dan Harmon with community was, I loved community. And so when they got together again for Rick and Borda, I remember being excited. I was like, oh shit. People don't understand how cool this is. And then it was cool. And then it just kind of, that third season really just kind of fucked everything up. And So I just lost interest based on how it just wasn't really that good anymore.

And as I learned, it's funny, though, because like the conversation around the show, especially around Justin being so horrible, right? Like, he's like this fucking horrible person. And he's definitely said some creepy shit to women, underage women. Oh, right. Saw some of the messages. Yeah. That's a little weird. But at the same time, people are like, well, big fucking, like, it came out like, well, he hasn't been involved since the second season or something.

And it's like, yeah. that I mean they bring that up as like a point of pride where it's like well hey look the show's been been doing good for a long time like he hasn't really been involved with the show for the majority of it he's just done the voices and it's like I see you're right but also like as a fan who just kind of like dropped off without knowing any of this shit it makes a lot of sense now that the first two seasons okay I mean I don't know man that show like with all due respect like I'm sure people love that show still I'm sure it's I'm sure it's entirely fine but that show was Dan Harmon and Justin Royland like it just was and without Justin they

I don't even see a point to continue it, but I'm glad they are for the people who like it. So like, whatever. For me, like, granted, there's a, there was an episode in season maybe five where, like, you found that Betty's clone, Beth is cloned. Yeah, I'm aware of that. I'm sure that there are some, I've seen some, I've seen some, it's very good.

It's very good. I've seen some episodes since that are, that are fine, but like, it's not enough for me to, like, get invested in, like, watching the entirety of a show, you know what I mean? For me is, like, like, a lot of other. other things, the people that like that show made me not like the show. Simple as that. I feel like that's a lot of people. Hello, hello.

I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Smart Talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna. And I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business? My one advice to that, pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example, if anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already five years behind it. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today,

with the goal of being 70% more productive. Yeah. So we are not asking our clients to be the first experimenter. And we say, you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, is getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things.

To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com slash smart talks. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs.

You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast.

Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. That's for a lot of people. I think that's the general sentiment. That's like the fan base.

Because as much as some people would want to push back against that and be like, oh, no, I'm in control of what I watch so I wouldn't. No, that's not, that's not how social creatures behave. It's just like watching a, it's just like looking at a YouTube video and seeing the numbers being low. And then you don't feel, you feel less compelled to click on it because the implication is, oh, it must not be that good because the views are low when it could be the best fucking video we've ever seen. I don't feel that for YouTube videos instead of fact a lot of the things that watch are the obscure. I watch a lot of obscure shit Not like 200 Us obscuring shit

Like digital card crafting shit Like ideas of basic narratives How concise ideas You're probably watching Can I say something Can I say something? Can I say something? I am sometimes

I'm not Yeah Can I say speaking of Speaking of you go And all that stuff Yeah Yeah I don't

Look man So So there's a scene In the Boogie 29088 documentary where he's kind of gathering with his friends to play magic or whatever. And it's in his living room and it's really tragic because his whole life sucks. And then to see that environment, which is an environment that I've seen, like I've seen at Kingston's house so many times scared me a little bit.

Like I was like, oh my, I'm worried now. I'm not that, though. I don't know, though. I don't know yet. The thing for me is this, right? The thing for me is this, my whole life. I saw it. I saw it and I was like, it literally looked like the old apartment that you were.

I was like, that's fucking scary. It was the same set of the same table. And I'm like, oh, man, I don't like, I don't like that I'm seeing anything that even seems remotely familiar. That I relate to anything in this documentary at all. It's like a red flag in the first place. So that's you. That's you. It's you fearing the relation of it.

Not, because for me, like, the thing for me is like I've been a nerd my entire life. Just don't spend your money on hookers. Just don't. That's it. Oh, not yet. Not yet. Hookers is when I start doing shit The Lily's like, yo, you can't do that to me.

That's when I go to Hookers. Right. I like that. That's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, yo, let me, let me bring the horse in. She's like, no. Yeah, yeah, bring the horse in. Let me bring the horse in.

We bring the goat in. She's like, no. And I'm not even the goat. No, you can't come in your contact lenses and then put them on. Stop it. Hey, that's really, that's good lube. That's good Lou, dude. That's crazy.

You can't bring a whole bottle of virgin olive oil in the bedroom. That's crazy. What are you doing? I'm like, I'm like, all right, whatever. Then I'm going to call hookers. I'm like, all, listen, lady, I need you to be here in 20 minutes and be gone in 45 minutes. Can you do that? That's wild, man.

You got a 20-minute window. You got to, can you do that? All right. Let's wrap up with two more. There's one Halloween one that I want to get out of the way now before it's, like, too far into November to, to get along. But there's also one that I think is a good one to end on. So like, here's the first one.

Holman Brown wrote in. Holman Brown 98. And he says, Hi, boys. With Halloween just gone, I'm still in a spooky mood. If you were tasked to create the most fucked up haunted house possible, what would you include,

weirder the better? Keep up the good work, you sexy slags. I would, I would have, I would have projectors. I would have projectors, right? That are projecting footage

from their, their lives that I should not have access to. That is ultimately the scariest thing. That's unfair. That's unfair, but that is the scariest thing. You walk into a haunted house and then like your home movies are playing on the wall. And you're like, yeah,

that would be a little fuck. All you have to do is put a shadowy figure somewhere in the background. That is the ultimate frightening thing, period. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. So mine, it's just one time a year. It's not like, oh, you can just do it. It has to be, it's going to be really expensive, too,

because it can only work one time. You have to sign a release to it, the sign a waiver. So you go in, it's a big group. It's a big group. You know, it's all dark and spooky, all the, you know, all the nine. The group is dark and spooky or it's dark and spooky? I think you're going to take my thing, Gary. It's like the whole nine yard.

You know what I mean? It's all the tropes. So the group is it dark and spooky. It's what I'm saying. No, it's just regular people going in, you know, but it's just like it looks like a regular scary house. But all, the only addition, is that they're these, you know, ghosts, a human ghost, dudes with sheets on with the whole cut out where their penises are, and they're just coming all over you.

You're such a fucking asshole, Derek. You're just fucking, they're just, they're just, there's just a cunt. I was going to have the same thing. Derek, I was going to be a thing. I hate you. I hate you so much. Mine was going to be this, right? I was going to be you walk in and you see, you sign a waiver, right?

And you see this thing where this Bukaki's happening. And you're watching it as you walk through the thing. And then once you get to the end, cum flies out of everywhere on you. You get Bukaki at the end. I mean, but it's just a lot of bloody cum. So all we got to do is combined ours together

to where you think you've escaped the cum after. Because I'm like, you go through this door, then cum hits you and you're like, oh, fuck, you're trying to get away from the cum. You're trying to find the exit. And then when you think you're finally saved,

that's when the finale, when like 50 guys, that's when the most comes in. Come all over you. Just a bunch of fucking holes Open in the wall and dick People just put their dicks through And they start coming at them hard

And these are shooters These are shooters These are the last These are the best Like They've been edging in the entire day Just waiting for you to show up A good one would be

You walk into a you walk and do one You pull the curtain back And you step inside And the lights are off And then the lights turn on And then you're in Gaza And then In Palestine, yeah

Yeah, yeah. And that's the haunted house. That's so not funny. That is so unfunny. You're like, oh, fuck. Not even. Not even. Just the fucking aircraft overhead.

He's like, damn it. No, but. And then right before the bomb hits, a guy comes in you on your face. That's so extra, man. Some guy comes to your face and then you get blown up. Yeah. On that note, best wishes to everybody, best wishes to everybody, best wishes to everybody in the fucking Middle East dealing with that

shit. Of course. That is crazy. You're like, oh man. On that note, when we've just disrespected the entire the entire situation and played it for a fucking come joke. Dude, that is so out of pocket, bro. Yeah. Anyway, it's final question. Cori, okay, go ahead.

That's good. Corey and Hamas. Fucking just Corian Hamas is just too funny though. Like that idea because I'm just thinking of Kyle Massey's smiling cherub face in like a in Hamas

like it's insane you know like yeah they would have like on some TV channels they would have like the the green screen people in the bottom left corner like doing hilarious little things I think of those all right let's um with his buddies with this

they're all mad because they're all trying to be serious he's all smiling and shit yeah and finally this is soon as I go yeah the quartermaster wrote in he says hello Steve Ragon spurred of ignorance and Donald J. Trump parody account.

Recently, been playing Alan Wake 2. It's phenomenal, in my opinion. It really is. It's fucking amazing. And it's got me thinking, what was the first video game that you played that you considered to be a true masterpiece? For you, it would be Disco Elysium.

I've heard really good things about Disco Elysium. I haven't gone around to it. This goes amazing. Yeah. I have it. I just haven't started it yet. Because I know that that's going to be like a really difficult, that's going to be like a really consuming game.

It's a game that genuinely had me questioning my entire life playing games. to that point due to its sheer quality. I'm excited to finally talk that came out maybe in December when I had when everything's done. First one.

First one, Metroid feed, Super Metroid. Yeah? Super Metroid, really? This game is amazing. I don't think I ever felt that way about...

I think I ever felt that way about a 2D game, really. Hmm. Like, even Tetris, which I think is the best game ever. Like, I don't... I don't know. Like, I didn't feel like,

oh, I didn't feel like there was like next level art, you know what I mean? I guess because of the fact that didn't have a... super heavy narrative. But while I was playing a game of this game, this is a perfectly built video. I said, this is a perfectly built video game. I can't argue

that. That's entirely reasonable. The game is it's like this, it's just, I was playing and I was just like, this is so well designed. And the fact that like Metroidvania is with the idea that the map is the same map the whole time, but the way you get to explore it changes as you explore

the map itself is such an unbelievable mechanic to me. That I feel like is so like under, underappreciated, underspoken about how like just genius of a design that is. Yeah. I think for me it would be, I think for me it would be Bioshock.

I think Bioshock was the first time that I was like, oh. Like, because I really like, dude, the Hala 2's story was awesome to me. Like, I loved it. Like, that impacted me a lot, like, sincerely. But like, it didn't like, I don't know. There was something about Bioshock that, like, I got to the end of that game and I was like, I, that reshaped the entire way that I look at, like, video game data is where it's like, oh, it could be like, you could have like a good story.

Chris. Speaking of Bioshock. I got to show you something one second. Okay, cool, yeah. He's probably going to grab something. I'm curious. I was just over his house. I was just over his house.

If he had anything Bioshock oriented, he knows how much I love Bioshock. I feel like he would have showed me. Yeah. Yeah. Like the meta narrative of it where it's like, oh, it could be like, you could have a game with a great story.

There's been plenty of that was like, Middle Gear Solid 2 is one of those too. And I didn't play those till like way later, though. But like, Bioshock was like the first time that like, Bioschark was the first time that I was playing a story and I was like,

oh, this story really can only exist in a video game. Like, you couldn't really make a TV show of this because it would really miss the point because it's all about like the players' actions and shit.

And that kind of like, that's fucking so sick. That really blew my mind. Oh, what is that? Is that an art book? Put your fucking headset on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that?

Is that an art book? This is the Bioshock for one, the whole entire game book, game book. Are you serious? Yeah, the guide. Wait, open it.

What do you mean? I don't understand what that is. Like a strategy guy? This is the table. This is the entire guy for the first game, talking about every weapon, every encounter you're going to. Oh, that's dope.

Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Smart Talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO, Arvin Krishna. And I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business?

My one advice to them. Pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example. If anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already five years behind it. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today with the goal of being,

70% more productive. Yeah. Wow. So we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say, you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology. It's getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com slash smart talks.

All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed's sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer.

Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire?

This is a job for Indeed. indeed sponsored jobs. Wow, that's old. I forgot to give it to you when you were here. Oh, fuck. That is sick. Who gave that to you? Was that Nicky?

Yeah. That is fucking so cool. That is old, man. It's not mine. I just have it because I saw her last. I'll definitely fucking swoop over there and take it. I love, I have a Bioshock tattoo, which is crazy. It's, it's, when you consider how much I talk about Halo and how, like, that's really

integral to, like, my entire existence on the internet, it's kind of crazy. I don't have a halo tattoo, but I have a Bioshock tattoo. Yeah. It's funny how life works out like that sometimes. You should totally get a tattoo of a legendary on your arm. That's too, I don't know. I wanted to get like a sleeve done with like some halo stuff in it, but it's it's so hard to get it. The thing about like doing a sleeve is like my arm is so like I have a small, like it's not like a big arm.

So like I feel like I have to like, I don't want. I feel like people with bigger arms, like they have more space to get like a full image or cross as opposed to like wraps around I don't know it's it's tricky just find a artist find an artist there's so many good ones now I'm gonna give face to reconstructed surgery so I can become

an elite yeah that's cool that is fucking that's cool I would never I'll be real with you man like I could not be friends with you if you looked like I imagine came out really good though how in what way what do you mean like convincing like I was like an elite

like oh that's really an elite yeah so that's not good Kingston that didn't come good, that came out convincing. That came out, wow, that's really accurate to the source material. That's not a good thing. That is a bad thing for you. That'd be cool

as fuck. I'm like, damn, dude, that's really nice. Okay, good, all right, fine. Saw your jaw in half in both places just so you get up four separate. Then I get the back of my head elongated. I could never, man. Oh, man. We would cancel this podcast so quick, it's crazy.

But that's my answer. That's crazy because that'd be we would get so much more views. is everybody like, yo, that's the show with that elite on it. That is true. That's the show with the elite on it. That is not a bad idea. And would you take a picture and show to Keith David? But hey, what do you think?

You think you? I did this because of you. That would said, it was because of you, Keith David, that I decided to do this. I love the arbiter so much. I wanted to become him. He, I genuinely think if he saw that image, he would go into cardiac arrest and die.

I genuinely, I don't, I don't, I don't, that would say it was an early grave for sure. That would kill Keith David. I don't believe that anybody, I don't believe that anybody who's even remotely over the age of 20 can see something like that without dying. That is that is fucking crazy.

I'm dead. What have I done? What have I done? Private Allen. I can't believe all this time. Yeah, Private Allen, what is this? Ramirez, get this away from me. He's having fucking, he goes insane. He has a flat back both different characters. He starts all of his characters.

All of his characters. He just turns in a spot. Keith David turns in the spawn after that. He turned to the spot and then dies. Listen to me, you fat nigger. How do you have to? You stupid He turns into Spawn and Dives

It's like that dream that Jalen had Where like the fucking Pokemon were fighting And then somebody killed What is it? Mouth And then it just turned into a regular cat Or something That dream is so crazy Because he said

A Pokemon killed the Pokemon And then it turned into a regular cat And it's a dead cat in a living room I remember Jaylin That is one of those rare instances Where I remember somebody else's dream more vividly than most of the dreams that I have. Like, he described it so well.

But, uh, he was so panicked that morning. That's what makes it crazy. That morning, he didn't go to the work because of how unsettled he was. He was like, what the fuck are you all right? He took a sick day. Like, this didn't happen, but like, I really felt like it happened. He took a sick day, that's crazy. That's crazy.

That's crazy. Let's live in that house, like, that was the worst of times. but also the funniest experiences I've ever had in my life were in that house. I was talking with my, I was talking with, I took my, when my parents were here, I took them and, because Jaylon obviously knows my family very, very well, we drove out out here together. So like, when my parents were in town, we met up with Jaylen and we got some food at the same tavern that, uh, that Jack's films got insulted at. And we, uh, and we were just talking about, like, living there.

And like, there was so much shit that came up that I forgot about. Just like in the, just by talking about it, like, memories kind of, Like, I forgot that we just had a homeless person living in the corner of that apartment for a period of time. Yeah. Like, we just had a homeless man living in the corner and he would, he was fine, but he just would look around. And that was it. That was just something that we did. It's insane.

Anyway. The apartment was such a fucking experience, dude. Yeah, we got to. Oh, real quick. Real quick. I just want to convert more people. Illusion to Guy. Play that.

That's my masterpiece. Oh yeah, that's right. You didn't play it. It's on, it's online. It's online. You can play it. You can emulate it, whatever. Steal it.

That was the masterpiece. I still stand by. It's better than a link to the past. I still stand by it firmly. Illusion to Gaia, you said? Illusion of Guy, yeah. Or illusion of time to some other people, like in other countries, but like illusion of a guy is like it in America.

Oh, wow. That shit is. Oh, yeah, I have seen this. Fucking. Yeah. I think, I think it is way better than a link. to the past, which says a lot. And I think people would actually think that, too, if they get a chance to play.

It's just the story, the combat, everything. It's just, it's just better. It's just better. Oh, man. I clicked over to the page. I clicked over to a different window, and it bald Goku just really kind of scared me a little bit. It just, that's perfect. I want to feel like, okay, so what did we talk about in this episode?

Youhoo. I would put, like, bald Goku in the thumbnail with you who. We could... We could... We could... We could... We could call it like a... Kill the U-Hoo-Drinkers or something.

Something... You know what I mean? Call the U-Hoo drinkers or something. Yeah, the great... I'll go buy a U-HU and take... I'll go buy... You need to put... Dumbails for it.

You should put... Yeah, you should make... Make the cover last of us like clickers, but they're holding U-Hus. That's... No, it's too specific. We need... We need Uhoo front and center.

It can't just be like a small. Like some sort of zomified beast of creature with a Uhoo in its mouth. Like Baraka. You have an assignment. You have to go get a, you have to go get a UHU right now. Yeah. I don't even know where I would find them. I don't know if they sell them.

I don't know if they sell them anywhere near me. I don't either. I'm going to go check 7-Eleven see if they still have them. 7-Eleven is, 7-Eleven is low quality enough that they probably got. It is the last bastion of like having filth, you know, that they just carry that. I can't imagine. that they sell. They don't like they make any sales.

They sell fucking dust. They sell just packets of dust. They sell fucking like loose bacon grease in like a fucking ass tray. They sell tapeworms. You can write tapeworms at fucking 7-11. They got a jar full of tapeworms, packets of dust, ashtrays full of loose bacon grease. They got fucking... They got bags of shit.

they have like grass clipping and they actually have the fucking cat's face they have a cat's face they have a bag of cat's faces fried cat faces like just chicharon cat face

that's so heinous dude they would 711 really is like I don't know man I go to 711 every time and I'm like I'm blown away by like the lack of selection that they have like they just don't have things that I feel like They don't have, like, the one around me's got no Arizona, which is wild to me, because, like, that's like a, I thought it's just like a staple. That's like a staple convenience store thing.

Like, look, Snap-L I get is like a more specialized thing. Like, okay, fine. Like, most, in New York, it's everywhere, but, like, I get it. Okay, fine. Like, Arizona's, you fake what is as fuck. You're not going to have. And if they do have Arizona, it's just like, it's specifically like a weird, like orange, like a weird flavor. It's one stupid flavor, like fucking watermelon or something.

Like, what the fuck is this is? Where's the tea? Not even, not even lemon. Not even green tea. Like, I understand. Look, I don't like, I'm not big on the green tea, but like, if I see it there in place of lemon, at least, at least I understand the logistics. But like, it's just, I don't know, man. 7-11 sucks.

Apparently it's amazing in Japan, though. Seven Lelsen sells you hot bottles of piss. Yeah, warm-ass bottles of P. Fresh. Fresh. They're actually like on a hot plate. They're on a hot plate. Is he like sizzling?

Like you open up, you smell it. This is brand new piss. this is brand it Guzzles you can still smell That's how little That's how little water The person that made this piss is

It's very brown You can still smell It's so fresh You can still like smell the ureth You get that out Yourreth It almost looks like coffee You gotta put it to temperature

You gotta kill that syphilist though You know You gotta make sure You gotta boil it first Yeah That's what I do man That's what I don't got age Always

Remember kids They killed the AIDS in me. My body tips too hot. Remember kids to always boil your piss. I'm done. Bye. Good night, guys. All right.

Well, we still got to do. Hold on. I do want to put it. So let me make sure that we got everything, right? I want to see how many questions we got to today. Because I think we got, I think we got a fair amount. I was going to count them, but then I accidentally refreshed it. God, I would say comments.

P penis of an owl. Tin. Oh, yeah. by the way, I forgot. We did, Derek and I, we did a, well, Derek primarily, did a, um, uh, uh, uh, terror time cover from a Scooby-Dy to on Zombie Island, uh, where I, I am also on it. And it's, uh, it's pretty dope. So, uh, go check that out, even though it's after Halloween, like whatever, it's still good.

It's a good song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's after Halloween, but, hey, it's everywhere. It's on Spotify now. Sick. All right. So we got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, 8, 9, 1011.

We got 11 questions out today, which is good. That's a good. That means we only have 70 left. So, we're on track. All right, we're going to read the names now. We're going to read the names of all of our beautiful patrons over at patreon.com slash the snark tank. Read a pound. Yeah.

Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's news. director of research, Jake Gembetta, we discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff?

Yes. Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature. Right? My cell phone is a mature technology at this point.

How far are we from that point with Conton? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer. That is one that can run a very, very large, large problem. To learn how IBM is building the future of computing, visit IBM.com slash quantum. All right, quick quiz for the hiring managers out there. What's worse? Being understaffed or being poorly staffed? Well, that's a trick question, because both are recipes for chaos. Either way, just say to yourself, this is a job for Indeed,

sponsored jobs. You'll get matched with candidates that meet the skills, certifications, and everything else you're looking for. Or go a different way and get no traction. Seriously, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 95% more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs. It really is a no-brainer. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help your job get the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast.

Just go to Indeed.com slash podcast right now. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. Two. One. Hold on. I wasn't ready.

God damn. Yeah, sorry about that. And it's penis. Yeah, hold on. Go ahead, good. Yeah, all right. We're waiting or we? I'm not sure what's happening.

No, yeah, good, good, good. Okay, cut me down. Hold on, I'm not ready. Count me down one more time. Rudolph, the red-tipped reindeer, had a very shiny cock. And if you ever saw it, you could even say you'd blow? That's the same. That's even rhyme.

It doesn't rhyme. You can't I mean, I feel like that had to be a purpose. It must, yeah. Rudolph the red-tipped reindeer had a very shiny cock. And if you ever saw it, you could even say you'd blow. That would make me so mad if I heard it. Oh, fuck.

Just the lack of care that went into that. God bless you. Yeah. That's pretty cool. God bless you. I see Derek's camera's losing his fucking mind. thing, man. I'll set it to like not,

and then it'll just do it again. It'll just be like not. Derek's been fucking doing this podcast with a connect for the last several months and it has not been cooperating. Gaylene, Yehu Welds Nutsacks. The FNAF porn parody

featuring Freddie Fuck Bear, in cell turn trans fam, Alexander the Gay, the adventures of Slender Man and Thin Boy, sucking down a crisp diet cock, I mean die cock, I mean, die cock, I mean, doc, just in my eyes.

Can you glue them shut? J.C. was a gay man. throw your cum in the air and spray it like you just don't care if you like dick and balls in that gay shit everybody uh john my friends have three ways without me guido the fourth i listened to every episode of the stark tank and all i got was this lousy dick square in the face this handsome man better prepared to get caked because he's going to taste my seaman semen semen by semen m uh bungee died thanks joe brandon uh stop with the british slander already it sucks here Did you guys see Did you guys see that they're making a new planety apes?

No It's called Let me get this right This right It's called It's called You had so much In your voice

It was like the audacity that you would even ask me to do that You would ask me like no What were you saying Kingston? It's called planety apes Atlanta's rain Okay So I know It's called King or the Planet Eapes.

Sorry It's just real Not kidding It's actually real And you said Atlanta's reign Like like Like you mean Atlanta Georgia Yeah

Are you fucking around? No I'm kidding I'm kidding It's called King's like Of course They would never have a movie about About fucking monkeys Named after Atlanta

That's insane Sometimes people are ambitious Like let's see if we can get away with it Let's see we get away with that Did you remember that The famous movie that Do you guys remember that It was crazy I was crazy I figured out yesterday.

So this is real. This is not a joke at all. Uh-huh. At all. Arnold Schwarzenegger's last name, Swartz in German means black. Means black. And a nager roughly translates to the N-word in both German and Austrian.

I would have the fact-checked. Look it up right now. Look it up right now. I'm being dead serious. Look it up right now. Go ahead. So you're saying this name is black nigger? No, black nager.

Nager. Stupid. That's so dumb. I swear, I swear. I found that yesterday and I was like, what? That really completely fucking threw me off. Well, I knew Swartz because of, because of, what was that Jewish guy's name? rooks.

And those are like, use the Schwartz. Yeah. Oh, man. That really threw me off entirely. Like, I don't even remember what the fuck I was. Were we talking about something? Yeah, we were like going.

And then this dude goes on a tirade of apes and fucking Swargettaker. Like, what's happening? Damn. Think about apes. You think about the N-word immediately. So what I'm seeing is that it means black plowman. It roughly translates to the end. And look up the N-word in German.

Yeah. Look it up. Look it up there. How are you doing? My plow, plow, Eger is one who plows. Man, Jerry, that's my plow man right there. Yeah.

I think you're falling for some shit, man. Yeah, clearly you're falling for you. This is the same thing as him seeing the last of us trailer four years before that even happened. So like, I still saw it before you guys did. You didn't. You didn't.

Listening to Sweeney makes me consider races. Even though I imagine. that I still sought before you guys. Perfect, perfect. Fair enough, dude. Baller of the first sin, there goes my homo, watch him as she blows. Gap with Aida the Machine.

Two episodes remaining, be afraid. Gulp me down at the homo... Gulp me down at the homo-dye... At the homo-dice city. Homodice city? Come on. Does that... Where the ass is clean and the girls have peepee.

The girls have pee pee. And the girls... Jolly old dipship. Oh, would you please make me come. Not bad. Friends theme. So no one told you live. I was gonna cease this way.

Glob, glub, glub, glub. That's pretty good. That's so fuck. Johnny Silvercox, Cyphergraph, ball twister machine. If you like a penis, a lot of getting cock in the rain, if you're not into yo girl and you love anal pain, Gayhamean Rhapsody, Mama, I have tasted cum,

and I know for sure that I am gay. Mama Coombe. Walter, I'm squirting, get a glass. I want to see it. Walter. In a glass, Walter. I'm squirting. We would have been fine.

If you would have just collected my squirt in this glass, Walter, we would have been fine. If you just collected my squirt in this glass, Walter, we would have been fine. But it stayed in your greed and your eyes. In your orgasms. With your greed and your orgasms. You had to ruin it for everybody. You came all over the floor And Gus slipped on it and died

And now we don't have an operation anymore Walter Look what you did Couldn't keep you cock to yourself Couldn't just focus on making the fucking meth The idea of Gus Slitting us Had like an egg

And his brain leaking out It's hilarious to me I like the idea of Gus let him know that he's about to bust he starts hitting the bell. Like he's just bouncing on him. That's so fucking gay.

That's so wildly gay. Oh my God. My face will be the last thing you ever see, Hector. That is the most homosexual thing ever. Fucking Gus is just bouncing on him, bro. And Hector is just just, I just walk out of about. Making all those fucking faces like

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. Please finish the names. Please. He's Gus is bouncing on him, bro. The clap is so loud.

It sounds like it sounds like the explosion. It sounds like the explosion that killed Gus, but it's his ass clapping from bouncing so hard. It sounds like a fucking wet sandal hitting a bouncy house. It is fucking outrageous, man. No, no, no, no, no, no. Then he walks out after he's done fucking him, and he fixes his fest, and one side is completely drenched and come. It's completely drenched.

That's exactly it. He picks his side It's just a nut. It's just a nut, bro. That shot is like in my head like forever. Like that shot. Oh! I love that so much.

This is a really good shot. And he just walks out really calmly with covering calm. Yeah. I thought he survived almost. Like my brother's, he's fine. This nigga really, this motherfucker really survived. Honestly, he would have been fine if he just had,

if he took like an aspirin and had like neospority, he would have been fine. Right. He just fucked. For the whole hollowed out part of his skull He's one of those holistic Fuckers where he just didn't go To the hospital

He would just didn't go to hospital He would just walk in What have he called an Uber? He took a salt bath He took an actual bath Can you imagine that guy Getting into a fucking Uber He had to have been driving an Uber

And it's fucking half face Gus and he's like I would scream I would scream out loud. I'm like, what the Two-face much? Can you take you to

416, Los Feliz? You've had quite the day, huh? Someone's been watching the dark night. That's a great, honestly, that's a great Halloween costume is dead Gus. Like specifically like that, that, like, I think I might want, I'll try

that next time. Yeah, he gets in the Uber. The first thing the Uber says, okay, Harvey did. He just starts driving him off. I think you're, missing something. Oh, that's right.

It would just be, that's right. It would just be Harvey. So I have to make myself a lot tanner. I have to do something to my skin to make it a little bit darker. Right. No, he's not black. He's not black. He's black.

I mean, he's, he has African, you know, he's a Chile. He's an African-Hia. He's a Afro-Chilean. Yeah, yeah, but he's not like a black guy. You know what I mean? He's not like. He's a black man. He's got niggiegeed.

That's, that is phenote. That is phenot. typically a nigger. That is a nigger. I don't know, man. We just saw that Nigerian guy last week. So now I don't know what to believe. I don't know what to believe no more. We already established. We already established, we already established, on last week we already established. You are not black. You are not a black person. That is a black person. Look, look, look, look, look, look. Look at the way the sun's reflecting off you like that.

Look at that. You're fucking, you're white as hell. Yeah. Chris, Chris, Chris, that, what I am what Derek is, what Gus are. We are niggas. that guy is the nigger. That is thine nigger right there. The second I saw, honestly, the second I saw that guy, the water that touched that guy became oil. That is what that guy is. The second I saw that guy, I was like, I don't feel comfortable with you guys saying the N word anymore, honestly. Like the second I saw that, I was like, I don't know, man.

I don't know. Are we allowed? That's crazy. That's like a whole secondary. Yeah, he gets mad at us. Yeah. Hey, stop that. Stop that.

Stop that. Right now. It's not your word. Don't call me that, Joe, and then he punches you with it, you fucking evaporate. I'd be doubly confused. I'm like, isn't it? Isn't this like an African-American thing, though? It is.

It is. Yeah. And he's like, no. No, you can't see that. Well, they tend to got called it first. They came you got called it first technically. We was season one. But, you know, they're the original.

That's why they're stronger, fast. to end smarter than us, bro. They're the first generation. Before we were contaminated with any other blood, we were the superior race, and then we got deluded. Nigerians are stupid smart, actually. They're all, like, engineers. Nigerians come over.

Africans in general are very smart. Well, just, yeah, but, like, I mean, generally, I guess. But I feel like that's because they're foreign, their children are foreign people when they come here and they actually really care about it. Yeah, their culture is to thrive. That is true. That is true.

I'm sure there's a, I'm sure there's, I'm sure there's, I'm sure there's some Nigerian guys. who doesn't know the difference between a cloud and like an ant or something. Just think of it like this, right? Think of it like this. Puerto Rican people, I can say this, Vernon, my grandma being first generation of Puerto Rican that came here, she's smart as shit because she,

her family had to come from somewhere else to America. Well, they had to make it. And then as they exist here, we get stupider. I think that's true. I think America makes you stupid. That's why there's so many idiotic Asian people now in school. I was surrounded by, a bunch of stupid ass agents in my classes.

It did bother the hell out of me that everybody assumed I was very smart because I had glasses. Like when I was in school, people were trying to copy. I remember this kid got mad at me because he copied off of my test and didn't get, he only got like a 78 or something. I was like, what the fuck? I was like, what do you talk? This is... I'm not smart.

This is by, this is, this is fucking chemistry, dude. Like, I don't know. I'm not a fucking chemist. I'm dumb, nigga. Leave him alone. I think I'm dumb. I'm dumb. Leave me alone. I'm dumb. I never said it was fun.

I never said that I never said that I never said. That's nuts. You have that kind of reaction. I only fucking, like, I sit at the front of the class, not because I want to be at the front of the class, because I love learning. I sit at the front of the class because I can't see the board otherwise.

Damn. I'm not intelligent. I'm really not. I'm just a guy. You know that, that would almost be like, looking at somebody in a wheelchair and being like,

he must be pretty, strong. Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. I recently spoke with IBM's new director of research, Jake Embatta. We discussed his vision for the future of quantum computing. At IBM research, what we always do is answer what is the future of computing, whether it's coming up with new algorithms, coming up with better AI, coming up with quantum, or coming up with just how do different accelerators go together. It's our DNA to answer the question of what is the future. Isn't it a perfect problem for IBM because you kind of need to have a legacy of building stuff? Yes.

Building actual physical machines. Yeah, it's why I came to IBM. I wanted the experience, the culture of building hard things that others have not done before. Where do you imagine we are in the timeline of this technology? There will come a point when it will mature, right? Yeah. My cell phone is a mature technology at this point. How far are we from that point with quantum? By 2029, we'll build the first fault-tolerant quantum computer.

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Because they have no relation. That's exactly the point. It's like there is no relation. You could be smart. You could be smart with glasses. You could be strong in a wheelchair. They're fucking bodybuilders with no legs. We're fucking doing crazy shit.

But like that doesn't mean anything. There's nothing where that makes sense. Media has shown that kids with glasses that are unfortunately built like you. Who is Joe Swanson and Family Guy? That's one person, right? The most popular crippled person in the world and he's jacked the shit.

He's Jacked. I don't think he's the most popular person in the world. I can't think of a more popular crippled person in the world. That nigga ass dead. That was half robot. Stephen Hawke, he's a real person. You're talking about media, right?

You're talking about media, like actual like media. Like, creative media. Television is media as well. Chris, often point Dexter's and nerds. They tend to. They tend to be small and glasses wearing white people. It's not even true.

Why is intelligence? Go ahead. Yeah. No, I was going to say, it's not even necessarily true because there's so many scientists who were like fucking tall as shit. Like,

Oppenheimer was like a fucking lanky motherfucker. Like all these people, like there are some scientists. They're not the majority. He was angry. He was muscular because he would hate. He was like, Deng Huich and we shot off?

There's that scene in Oppenheimer. There's that scene in Oppenheimer. There's that scene in Oppenheimer where he He was like shirtlessly masturbating And then he exploded come out of his At his penis and then it like made like a mushroom It made like a Like a mushroom splat?

Yeah it made like a mushroom wild Like it came on his window and he looked at it was a mushroom depiction of it He was like Yeah yeah yeah yeah and he looked at it It was like I have an idea on how to get rid of the Japanese Yurika And then he started coming Guys started coming on the Japanese

They just started coming they're in the planes and start coming all over them. Let's go back to the drawing board. That would be worse than the nuke, honestly. Like, I feel like that. Gallons of cum? Yeah, they just, that would be so, you can't, that is so disrespectful.

Like, just thousands of gallons of cum. Just dumped out of a fucking. To the point where, like, it's dumped out of a plane from so high up that, like, people are like, they're getting drenched by it, but like, they think it's rain for a little bit. Yeah, the first few drops. They get the smell where it's like,

doesn't. That's not, that's familiar. What is that? The idea, the idea of dropping, he just gets, he just choked. One big, one big, like, glob, like a meteor. Oh, wow. The idea of dropping giant, giant trucks full of cum out of the highest point you can let them fall. So they hit terminal velocity.

They hit the floor and just devastating area and covering it in cum is so insane. What if what if what if that was actually the plan? And so like the idea was like, okay, we have this big canister full of cum and we're going to drop it on Japan and it'll be really funny. But it landed in such a specific angle that it just happened to splitting at him. Yeah. And then they're like, what the fuck? And then they're like, what the fuck? We didn't mean to blow them up.

We just meant to dip cum on them. And like, that was a fluke, do it again. Yeah, that was a flu. No way. That was a fluke. They were like, no way. They were like, oh, that was an accident. We didn't even get the cum outcome that we wanted.

Let's go to this other place and try it. Because there's no, like, what are the likelihood is that happening again? And it does happen again. And it does. It literally, just out of sheer coincidence, like it lands on an edge that like lands on a really pointy rock. That like is, and it's going like at a very specific speed. And it's like, it shatters. Adam and then it just does it twice and you're like

okay we were going to do a third one but now it's clearly there's something wrong clearly drop-ins come from high up creates nuclear explosion so you've got to stop like this isn't this is it how did we do okay let's do this let's uh the emperor's like all right all right I guess we're done we're done here

the idea of them being taken by some of them stuff like nut for months the idea of the idea of the Americans being taken by surprise by that is awesome anyway I'm a friend

I'm a little shimer right now and I'm like dude what is it like it's fun he's like come he smells like come he's like come he's like excuse me

I bet Chernobyl smells like cum I bet Chernobyl smells like mega cum yeah Chernobyl definitely smells like cum that's for sure yeah Chernobyl smells like whatever the devil's dick smells like bro

whatever his cock smells like just like hot and funny Hot and funny. I get the sense that... I get the sense that Chernobyl is like if you breathe... Like, it... You know, like...

You know the feeling of carbonation? Like that, but like for smell. It is smell and carbonating. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like... Like rads. Whenever time we take a breath, you get more rads.

Exactly. Like the sound... Like the sound of a radioactive, like, detector thing. But like, if it was like a sensation in your head. Anyway. Let's move on. We got a fucking list to read before we got sidetracked. Yeah, a bunch of psychos.

Gayo, here comes the penis up his butt. When we get harder, men, we suck on cock. We don't fuck on the bus. Chris yelling at Sweeney over Spider-Man. We come all over my programming socks. The everlasting gaze. Back to Tank of Come. Caucasian container of the crackle barrel for gays, tinfoil tyrant,

putting blackface on my light bulbs, do Christian girls squirt holy water? Hopefully. I looked to, I look to, It hurts me, so yeah, probably Son Holy. Yeah, it stings me. It stings me, specifically.

It's like a vampire in church. I looked too long into Craven's eyes and it made me gay. Sweenie, Sweeney, Sweeney, Sweeney, Swallow up my peony. B.C. Sings, weren't you the one who tried to fuck my intestines? You think I'd bend over? You think I'd spread my ass and wine. I don't know. She pipkin on my pippa. Possum

is better at skating and listening to you. Elber gone. Average clit energy. Great God Yakub greeting his Caucasian creations. Mama J. F. martyred in an IDF airstrike. Been blowing lots of guys living in a gay man's paradise, taking dongs of every size living in a gay man's paradise. Transfam gremlin exposing people with lactose intolerance and 90 million rodgians.

Who? A vionizing radiation. Yush, not Vinpande. The Angelic DM. His name's Apollo. He was a homo, but that was 30 years ago and he still had bros to blow. Craig the Canadians, slip not wait and bleed. I felt the gay rise up in me.

Kneel down and suck the penis clean. I wander out to find some seed. It's your boy. Shawnee Dee. My penis length so long and make you say, oh, my lord. I like when they put the name in the song. Huh? I like when they put the name.

Like, they acknowledge what it is. It's good. It's good. It gives you context of how to continue. Yeah. It's a good. It's a good practice. What the fuck is this?

Next page? Yeah. I got text for my mom and it's usually like serious, but it's never, but this one was just like the meme. Do you have any milk? Yeah. My penis length so long and make you say, oh my lord. Thank you for fucking me in the butt real rough with a. Hey.

I was waiting for something. I want to show this list of people that I don't know about the show. Yeah. Yeah. I often think about what it's like to, if you just watch these segments. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, like, like, I really love the credits of the Star Tangangang.

It was my favorite part when they just read the same fucking bullshit names. It's like, really? You serious? They have been out of pocket lately, though, to be fair. They've been pretty nuts. They've been pretty nuts. Are you serious? You serious?

That makes me laugh every time I fucking hear it. I fucking love Just kidding Simmons. You're serious? Just kidding Simmons is great. Seriously? You're serious? It's like one syllable somehow. It's nuts.

School shootings prove, school shootings prove right people are the best at AOE, damn it. Ben and Jerry's funky monkey, Dr. Robotnik's mean-sween machine. There exists a video in which a praying man just eats a woman's nipple, having a happy Halloween slots. 3XO, letting people know that One Piece has a better story in the Halo, Massifix, and Destiny, the Truth.

Slurping, stroke, and smoking, emoticons going like this morning. All right. David Drip M.H, the Lord of Drip. Matthew Perry getting double-teamed by both worms and maggots as he is laid to rest. Obeauldia won't you blow me. Docs me, stalk me, docs me, doc me, dach me, rate me by Nirvana, song, by Jackson Films. A pizza guy accidentally at Chris Hanson's house. There goes my queero.

Watch him take my load. Gay peace, fucking police coming hard as I thrust and pound. Abby, I don't want to be here anymore by residence. I don't want to be queer anymore. I hear there's nothing left worth gaying for. Wage Slate 583, I feel gay fuck you. Blasting in the background of a cod montage. Come, bend me down.

You're drilling me, drilling me. am finished with you. The Pepini Brothers Emporium of Realistic Cammy and Trumly thigh-shaped neck pillows, self-tightening cells separately. Donk, Donkerson. Do you see my banana man laying over his white hot ass? Here he comes with come for me

freshly flowing from his banana tree. You've got to pay the troll soul to get in the boys' hole. Gade 6. I, Christopher, Raymond Gunther, and F. Nicholas Dexick, fuck you. Call my dick and abacus the way only one... The way the... Whoa. Call my dick and avocis the way the only one

whoever used it is my grandpa. Tell him Steve Dave. Hey, yo. I'm feeling pretty gayo. Fill your a-hole. Leave that mattress stained, though. Bars. We'll force at the end, but like, not bad.

Big stream boy, I mean lesbian, Milford Dekempt. I'm high on 12, Jason Borns. Looking to beat the combat of a thick fresh oak. John Strickland, give me a second. I need to make sure I'm not straight. My friends are. and the men's from getting nickeled,

getting ran through like a nickel something. Merck's 1889, fucker stood in my path, so I ushered him down the path of the river sticks. The first church of Keith David featuring Chris's TF2 scout-looking ass ranting and raving about the name Spider-Man. Miles Morales being gunned down by the IDFF

because they think he's a Palestinian. Pryraz, Blake 896. Bragg Cox, the ginger who looks like Ed Shearin with a tiny pee-p. What the fuck? What the fuck was that, man? I don't know.

What a name is that? I don't know, man. Brock, Brock Cox. The actual strap on Lacey used to peg me being sold on eBay for $69,000. She better not be selling that. Nice. It's a lot of money.

That's pretty insane, dude. Like, someone's getting money back for the tools she used on you, bro. Getting back. That'd be insane. I don't know how I'd feel about that. If, like, I found, like, if I found out that something like, that was going on? I've never been pegged,

but this idea of like something, like, even just like something I used like that they've ex had, you know what I mean? You're selling it? Like a condom that I used. Like Chris Reagan's condom that he used

and it's like, white? Oh, from that, from like 2019, that one night stand in 2019, are you serious? Why are you selling this? Who's buying it?

Who the fuck would buy this? Right, right. The right mind would pay $69,000. Thanks for the cunning. One fucker. Thanks for the cunning, cunning linguists recommendation.

It's in the playlist now. All right. Getting suspended from school. for mispronouncing that one African country. Stir your dad's booty hole like a bowl of chili. Oh yeah, for shes for, oh yeah, for shes, for shes, genuine. What's up, homie? Alaska oil, feel trash.

Texas tater salad. Fun fact, Kobe Bryant died on my birthday. Remember, ITN sin is a Trojan horse. Sue Hoke, tick on my ass hairs. Nicky Zicky, Chris Marcus. Again, Cole lost his trash ball and is taking yours since your autographed one, since he does say his name is on it. Roughly human-shaped pile of red flags.

Emoticon. That'd be wild. Can you imagine you, you, look at somebody. It's like, this is my cousin Jeffrey. It's like, that's just a pile of red flag. And you look it in the right light, and it literally is just like a, it literally is just a fucking pile of fabric. He's stayed far away. I've been talking to this guy for fucking years. And it turns out he's just been, the thing is that he looks like a person for a

moment. The next moment, you're like, how did I think that was a person? There was this great, I ever think that was a person. There was a great, I did, I saw, I saw this amazing gag from family guy recently. It was just like, completely out of context on the online. It was just like, where they were missing. in Cleveland or something, and they look over at the bar, and you see Cleveland's back, like, he's clearly him at the bar, and he goes, oh my God, Cleveland, you're back, and he turns

him around, and it's a lamp. And it was like the funny, it was one of the, it audibly, like, I cracked the fuck I was like, that's so insane. I love him. But, oh man, anyway, yeah, fucking emoticons going like this. Tarik Nishid be like, fuck yo ass, I'm going to fuck

your ass, or gay Tariq Nishie, he'd be like. Jackson Dupon, badly, brave, Huggard Derek, duck con, Goliath voice. I've been denied everything. Even might come. Methyrian, Perjurian, Hunter. Melvis won the angriest crowd. Enjoying the view on Dealey Plaza from the sixth floor.

And rounding out our list as always is the king. The king. King. King. King. Of haphous. The haphazardly boy. Off to the races again with his kingly aura.

God bless him. That's going to be it for us today. Remember, you can support us over at patreon.com slash a snarkank. I can't imagine why you would be here if you aren't. I can't imagine why you made it. this far into this this kind of episode without at least being on this list or at least

you know caring so God bless you we appreciate you and we'll see you I don't know when when the next friend dies want to earn extra income for your business

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