The Snark Tank - #209: This Man Was Very Healthy

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

King Charles II of Spain was GOATed

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Don't let allergies interrupt your flow. Be ready with Kleenex ultroth tissues. For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex. Hey, look, he's a little dead mean. Y'all. Fort night. Fortnite Like, whoa

And Charles The Second of Spain Oh, Ronald He's just a guy Yeah, Charles the second of Spain's on SpongeBob Squarepants He's a good character Yeah, yeah, yeah, I loved him He was amazing

An amazing character We were just talking about the Hello friends We were just talking about Charles The Second of Spain Well, because Sweeney was talking about inbred Europeans from back in the day and how unconventional and, i.e. terrifying they look. Unconventional is such a nice way to put that. Right.

That's so respectful. It was one of those things. Maybe some of you have heard this guy, Charles II, of Spain, because his family were just so insanely inbred that this guy, look up a picture room. He looks insane. and I just want to read a little piece of his autopsy. So it says, his heart was the size of a peppercorn. His lungs corroded.

His intestines rotten and gangreness. He had a single testicle black as coal and his head was full of water. This guy somehow lived for a while. He grew up. I was eating something. now my appetite's gone. How old was he when he died?

Let's see how old he was when he died. You said he had water in his head and my appetite disappeared. My appetite fucking left. Wow, he died at 39. Or just five days before it. So he died at 38. That's pretty good for someone that fucked up.

That's not bad. It really makes me question. question, like, is health real? You know what I mean? Like, I feel like... It reminds me of those... It reminds me of those episodes of, what is it, my strange addiction, where, like, some lady would be eating, like,

mattress foam. And I don't know how... I don't know, I don't know, man. I don't know how real that shit is. There's a lot of fake reality TV. But I know at the very least, because of certain, like, hoarders is definitely real. You know, kitchen nightmare is definitely real.

Like, these are... Like, there's some fake aspects to, like, the production of it, but it's all real. shit. So like I look at that stuff and I'm like, are people really eating like steady diets of like fucking mattress foam and just surviving? Because if that's the case, how the, like, why should I like, why am I going to feel bad about having like McDonald's at 2 a.m? if there's somebody surviving off of mattress foam. You know what I mean? Like I can't. Do you feel like, do you feel like some of it is mind over matter? Do you feel like there is a portion of it? Like say in the way that you can live. You can live. for quite some time. Now, I know there's a, there's an overlap where you'll be completely unaware that you've had cancer, then you become aware, and then you become decrepit, like super fast. Now, I know there's an overlap because the overlap is, by the time you noticed that you had cancer,

that was when you start feeling terrible. Usually you start feeling the actual symptoms of like, oh, I have ravenous cancer. So then you were already on the decline. But like, but still. Usually people being aware of it, it just, it just, they collapse immediately. And is there something to eating terrible fucking food all the time and still thriving? Because I'm jealous. Like, why is it when I eat a pizza?

My acid is just absolutely just ravaging my throat. I don't want to do anything. I feel like I need to go to the hospital. Like if I, like, like, you know why? You know why? Why? Because somebody told you. It's because somebody told you it was bad.

and now you've made that true. See, I don't know any of that stuff. I don't know anything about that stuff. I'll eat a pizza in the morning and I'll feel totally fine. You know? No issue at all. That's probably it, man. True.

There was a while where, like, my blood pressure would go throughout up the roof if I would eat, like, half a medium pizza. Like, you know, like, four slices or whatever. And I'd be like, man, I feel fucked up. But then I'm seeing some, like, some of my friends. Like one of my friends is like a hundred billion pounds And that dude's just like living And I'm like why how how come he's just like not If I was his size there's I would be dead

I would be 100% dead But he can do it Yeah I would kill myself probably No I don't want him to be dead You want to have consequences You want him to be like I'm fucking done I'm done with you just fucking living by Scrutting by free

You need to fucking feel a bad I'm just wondering why I can have Some garnisada nachos And then I feel like at the end of it that I may die. Like there's a, there's a part of it where I'm like, you have that bad levels of indigestion?

It's not that bad. That's horrible. Look, it's bad. Cardi and not just not just cheese and meat. If it's that bad. It's a lot of oil from all the cheese, a lot of oil from all the fucking, the fried chips,

the tortillas. Like, it's extremely unhealthy. Lily and my, Lily has been like, Lily's particular been gone on a very serious, like, health kick. And then like me,

I live with her, so I have to. I don't have a choice in the matter anymore, unfortunately. So we ate like a lot of greasy stuff yesterday, and we felt like shit all of yesterday, which is really unfortunate, because I miss eating. I want to eat chicken so bad all the time, but I've been eating grilled chicken lately,

and it's making me sad. Oh, so you mean you want to eat fucking fried chicken all the time. That's what you mean. I love fried chicken, dude. Yeah. I like when it crunched. It makes me feel like it's sweet when I'm eating it. hate me all you want hate hate what i am it's good food right i really i really have never

understand i know we've talked about this on the show for me sure we have but like i really i really just don't understand that stereotype at all even koreans have fried chicken bro but who the fuck doesn't like it like who doesn't like it i met somebody i met somebody see that makes me distrust her like i met somebody that's you know why you know you know why she doesn't like fried chicken because she's too busy drinking her own piss Success starts with your drive, and American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop.

You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. At Arizona State University, we're bringing world-class education from our globally acclaimed faculty to you. Earn your degree from the nation's most innovative university online. That's a degree better. Learn more at asuonline.asu.org. That's what the problem is. I mean, hey, man, those things tend to correlate.

Like, hey, you don't like fried chicken? How much do you like piss? More than I probably should. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense, actually. More than fried chicken. That's visual. I think

Yeah, I don't know, man You gotta come a piss on you right now He's gonna get so fucking mad Dude, dude She's already so fucking over that joke Sorry, she's uh I was even thinking about We gotta drop some uh

Some merch for her like something like Piss Queen or something No, we cannot That's not nice That's not nice Come on, that's fucking It's really funny Don't get you're all gonna get this a picture of her

But I just a jug of piss Drinking it And be really fucking funny. She's balancing an entire yearbook photos. It's like one of her yearbook photos. It's like one of her yearbook photos. It's like a genuinely like nice little portrait and then it just says Piss Queen. And it just says Piss Queen. That'd be really funny. But that would have really hurt her feelings.

She'd be like, oh, that was funny. I'm glad you guys are having fun and she'd walk away. And I'd be like, honey, are you okay? She's like, yeah. Why is she? Why wouldn't she embrace what she, like, why, why is she so offended about the thing that she actually does? Derek. Derek. Derek. For a moment, think of how not nice it is to make merchandise with a picture of somebody drinking pee on it. And then it literally being a person like Lily, who's this not a mean person. He's just a being. It's like, oh, you're that.

We should make, we should make Charles, we should make Charles of Spain merch. I think pee. That's unironically kind of dope. actually. Because who has that? Who has merch of King Charles II of Spain? Can we do that? Why not? Yeah, why the fuck not? He's just a person that exists.

You can't do shit like that for. He's just a nigga that exists. No, dude, no way. Like 300 years ago. Do you think he's the relatives left? It doesn't matter. Kingston, think about this. Think about this. Think about this. Think about this. Not that guy. Yeah. There's merch. There's merch with George.

Washington out. You know what I mean? Like, we can definitely have merch of King Charles. Oh, sure. Yeah, but George Washington's open game, bro. We should. It should be, what, what, and it should be completely, like, say, all it is, it's just a, it's just a, it's just a, a nice picture of him. Well, well, nice is kind of, you know what I mean.

Yeah, the nicest. It's not, he's not going to, it's just a, a good quality photo of this thing. And, and then, and then just our logo. And then that's it. Yeah. It'll just be him and underneath it. Underneath it, it'll have text that says, this is you. This is you.

This is you. That's so crazy. Fucking stupid. It's fucking retarded, but we're getting it mocked up. Yeah. Anyway, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, welcome to the show where we talk about inbred British, Spanish kings.

I don't know what the fuck has. his whole deal was. But nothing's, I don't think anything, I think a lot happened last time we recorded.

Not much is going on now. There's really very, very little going on. Like, Hell Divers is exploding and that's kind of cool, but like that's not really

a conversation for this show. I don't think any of us have really, like I played it a little bit, but I don't think Sweeney has. I don't think Derek did. I haven't played the second one. I only play the first one. That's what I was really,

I was really surprised that like, because literally, I, because I got held for free one time. It was one of those bundled things here. Get a bunch of free games.

And I was like, this game's pretty cool. And I was like, I don't think anyone played the first one. And I was feeling kind of like, you know, this is kind of fun. I think, you know, then Hell Divers 2 comes out and kind of just fucks. Just, just, I've never seen, have you, I've never seen anything get this much love. And then also something gets so much hate as far as Halo goes at the simultaneous, like, time, you know? It's like,

this shit fucking rules and it's like fucking Halo, what the fuck you could have done? You know, I was like, yo, this is kind of interesting balance. It's, it's because it's, you know, it's that missed opportunity thing where it's like, because Helldivers is literally, dude, it's,

it's literally, I mean, it is Starship Troopers also, but like it is Halo as fuck. Like it is, it is so unabashedly Starship Troopers and Halo and a little bit of like Earth Defense Force mixed in there for good measure.

and all these developers coming out It's like yeah I worked at 3-4-3 and Microsoft And there were like 20 It was like something 20 to 30 ODS-style games pitched over the last 12 years That they just never bit They never they never greenlit And one of them was very very similar to this

And it's like cool You uh thanks guys You really fucked up In a in such a crazy way But I mean dude it's I've been playing it a little bit It's fucking awesome It is so

It is exactly the the dumb fun that I feel like has been missing for a long time in uh well not missing for a long time it's been kind it's kind of been coming back with like lethal company and deep rock galactic and these kinds of and left it's very much like this left for dead style thing where it's just like yeah jump on with the homies and have a good time and it's not super complicated it's it's it's just complicated enough to be engrossing but not so over complicated that you feel like fucking bombarded with a bunch of bullshit it's fucking great and uh I wouldn't be surprised if this I mean This is undoubtedly probably...

It's probably too early to call it, but I would imagine this is probably game of the year. I would... I don't imagine anything. Oh, wow, you think so? Yeah, it's just... It's... I think so.

I think it's just such an un... If they don't fuck it up in the short term, which is possible, I do think... Because this... The growth that this game has had is insane. Like, I don't know if you saw, but it, like, Hell Divers has, like, a higher...

it broke all the records for like highest peak or highest concurrent player count, like even including like Grand Theft Auto 5 and shit, which is really nuts? It beat BG3 as well. It beat Baldersgate 3 by a lot. It beat, because I know Baldur's Game 3 for Steam had the highest, had the highest until, it was the one that recently had the highest.

It was the one that had the highest recently, but it was never the highest highest highest of all time. It was just like the highest of games that it, No, highest, let me see, highest, I mean, I could be mistaken. Highest steam concurrent. Yeah. So the highest ever was Counterstrike 2. That makes sense.

With an all-time peak of 1.818, basically almost 2 million concurrent players. Yeah, which is that's nuts. And then underneath it is Dota 2. at 1.2 million. And then underneath that is helldivers. Wow. Underneath that is helldivers with, I think, 409,000.

Then underneath that is Powell World. And then, like, Baldest Gay 3 is number 8 at an all time. So maybe it was just of that year. It was the highest, I imagine. It was kind of that year. Yeah, yeah. Or something like, I don't know, I'm not entirely sure how to read the...

I mean, Baldest Gay 3 was nothing to joke at either, but it's I do It's just such an unprecedented amount of success For a game like this For the first time in like a really long time That I would have to imagine That it's going to dominate the conversation

In a way that it normally wouldn't If it was just sort of okay It's fascinating It might be too early to tell I don't know maybe maybe Because I don't know if anything else Of any consequences It's really coming out this year

I think So I think Dragon's Dogma 2 is going to be awesome Final Fantasy And Oh Final Fantasy Well, I think Final Fantasy is going to get snubbed for sure. I think it's going to get snubbed for some reason. I feel like, for whatever reason, they're like, oh, get out of here.

Get out. We've done Final Fantasy to death. Get out. Black Myth Wukon. I think I have, I have, I think. Two looks so good. I mean, it's, I mean, I think I'm a little biased to you. I just, I just fucking, those games are too goddamn long.

I just can't. I can't. I can't do that shit anymore, dude. I just can't. I get it. I get it fucking I fucking get it

I will play 16 though Because 16 looks 16 looks like vastly different from It looks way It looks way funner I know like there's that platinum game aspect to it that kind of intrigues me But I'm just not

I'm not there yet My backlog man My backlog I'm not there yet I'll probably be there in the fall But I will play back Blackmeth Wukong That looks fucking awesome that game looks awesome

it does look cool yeah so I think that one Samurai game I forgot it's like bro ghost Tushima came out and then now all of a sudden everybody's like fiel Japan's awesome and I'm like bro it's been awesome for a long time

how come y'all weren't doing it all of a sudden Assassin's Creed's gonna finally do something and I'm like bro you guys the most obvious thing that they just avoided on purpose to like oh hey how come when are we gonna go to feudal Japan and be a fucking

ninja. No. And now they're going to do it. Because ghosts, because ghosts pretty much changed the game in that way. Or maybe, maybe not even ghosts. Maybe it was a little bit of Sekito. But it just kind of like, what is this? It was a lot of it. I think it was ghost.

It was Sekaro. It was, it was Neo. Yeah. Neo is pretty good. I don't know, man. A lot of, uh... It just kind of upset me that I'm like the shit that I've been waiting for because I'm a, I'm a feudal Japan nerd.

Like a fucking, it's like my favorite part of, of history and then it just was constantly being disrespected. I don't know why. In a way, what I mean disrespected is like people didn't really focus that hard on it. Even like there was a say dynasty Warriors series versus Samurai Warriors. The samurai Warriors series in my opinion was way better. But people were so like just jerking off the fucking dynasty, you know, of the of China

that they kind of just kind of pushed it away like if it was a toy that you don't want to really play with that much. And I'm just like, y'all don't understand. This is so much better. And people are like, I don't know, but I don't know, man. It's just me. I think it's just a me thing. I'm just, I'm just being, I'm just being a little jealous bitch or something. I don't know.

Oh, what's weird to me is that I don't know how you can ever really think China's cooler than Japan. Like, just to historically. That's what I'm saying. Like, China is fascinating in its own right. But like, the three kingdoms are okay. The katana is from Japan. The katana is the most famous weapon in history. I'd probably go as far as a, other than the gun and bomb, the gun bomb katana.

I think that's what it is. That's a good point, though. Could you name a famous fucking sword from China? Success starts with your drive. An American public university is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh,

or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. at APU. APUS.edu. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan.

Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome.

I think I saw a billboard of yours recently that said $20 billion. $1.20 million is an insane number. Yeah, $20 billion recover. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome.

So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7, 365. Wow.

Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, Thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. Visit furtherpeople.com for an office near you. I can because I like swords. I can name a famous Chinese weapon. COVID.

Brilliant. What else happened this week? Let's move on right now. Like right now. Let's move on. I have a point of those. I'm sorry. Our Chinese sponsors, please give us our money.

Chris doesn't know what he's talking about. Chris doesn't know what he's talking about. He has no clue's going on in his head. He's crazy. please continue to pay us they didn't make it yeah of course we lost our Disney collab

thanks Chris thanks we lost our Disney collab thanks I appreciate you Disney collab can you imagine can you fucking imagine us oh my god that would be such a waste

of everybody's time like let's make let's make snart tank skins for Fortnite oh god we got a snart tank 10s that game

How much revenue would we bring in? How many people do you think are going to download snark tank skids? Nobody. I think people would love to play as me in Fortnite. I think that'd be hilarious. I mean. You would like a pair of slides on like running my giant ass on. You're just, but you're just some, you're just a black guy.

You're just like, no one knows you. They're like, oh, black guy. The new black guy skins out. I would be fine I would be fine if they just labeled us like that if they labeled us like small Hispanic and like I like that black guy

black guy I think I'd be okay with that you know what I mean that would be actually it may ironically tall or fat black guy yeah that's it tall black tall black short black I want to...

Small... Small... Small... Short plaque. I do... I... Before we get into questions, I want to do something really quick.

I want to mention... I want to mention the fact that it is currently... There's like a crazy storm in Los Angeles right now. Crazy fucking storm. Like outside, it's fucking raining. It's basically flooding where I'm at. So I want to do a little test. And we're going to leave this in.

we're going to leave this in because I think it's important let's do a clap sink and let's leave it in all right sure are we good with that yeah yeah yeah let's do it let's do it

this is how we get this is how we get all the audio synced for the show by the way three two one oh wow pretty big delay

pretty big delay but the audio I was I was that was crazy oh fuck yeah the audio will be all right though it will be all right it'll even when there is somewhat of a fucked up delay

as long as I sync it up it'll it'll be only yeah yeah there's enough room for delay too it's it's fine the video right now as we're recording is fucking wild yeah it's it's really disorienting I do want to mention the fact that like this is why I'm very, very excited to get to the point in the near future where we do the show in person.

Because little things like this, we're like, oh, it's raining too much. So our conversation is compromised. It's so strange and annoying. So I'm like, I'm just so stoked to not have to deal with that anymore. But I just wanted to point out if anybody's like, if anybody feels like, oh, this episode feels a little off. It's because it very much is. we're going to try and work with what we got here. We can't help the weather.

We want to get stuff out to you guys, so bear with us. It'll be all right. It'll be all right. They've dealt with... The OGs have dealt with some weird shit before. They've put up with our asses with us. Sometimes there had been some... Our old system used to be like a...

I forgot what it was. It wasn't just completely a clap sink. It was like a one, two, three kind of a thing we were doing. I don't know if you remember that It was like a little bit of a delay It's like like almost I do remember that One Two

Three It was kind of like that And it was It was a bad fucking system It was a bad system And we abandoned it But uh It was like yeah

Some old shit But people stuck around Let's let's talk about um Hot guys or something I want to I want to fucking Let's talk about Let's talk about real um Hot men like um

The Mr. Universe. I don't know if you got, do you guys watch Mr. Universe or Mr. Olympia? I don't know what that is. I didn't watch Mr. Olympia this year. There's like the third year

in a row I've missed it, which is unfortunate. I went to it one time. Chris, you would never, he would never watch that shit ever. It's just giant, oily fucking men posing on stage.

There's something so gay about it, it's not gay at all, which is crazy. No, it's 100% gay. It's so gay that it. There's something so gay about it, it's not gay, though.

It comes a, around and not it's almost like a double negative i don't agree it comes back around like that's just impressive dude it is because it's really gay it is really the problem is it's too gay that's the thing and then it almost like turns not gay it it breaks the barrier it's gay at all yeah yeah yeah yeah what is it what is it what is it called so mr olympia you can go mr olympia there's also there's also the arnold classic um but yeah mr olympia is the that's the the kingson this is gay This is all gay. Every single image I'm seeing here is gay.

It's not. It's not. It's not. I disagree. Every single image on this is gay. Disagree. I disagree. I can argue.

In fact, I know I can argue out of the point. Okay. Go ahead. Look, look. Staring at men with barely any clothes on, oiled up, is extremely gay, right? Right? Yes. Let's be real.

Let's be real. It's sound that a gay person would more often do this. than not a straight person, right? But what happens is when you realize the amount of effort and diligence it takes to get to that form, it is just impressive

that humans can do that to themselves. So it turns into more admiration to like, it turns into more like looking at sculptures and being like, this is impressively sculpted. But the canvas is their bodies. It's beautiful, in fact. Everything that you're saying is gay at all. It's, it's, it could be, it could be, it could be a gay activity.

There's nothing, I don't know why you're trying to skirt the issue. It's, there's nothing wrong with it being gay. No, no, no, no. The really, the thing is, because I don't even, I don't even think homosexual men look at that, really. They don't. I don't know any gay person's like, I look at the Arnold Classic and I love it. That's the thing. They know, because it's too gay.

It's too gay for them. That's, that's why. I think it's not gay I think it's ungays itself It's like look It makes sense It's just like a lot of kids That grew up admiring bodybuilders

Would have posters on their walls And their dads would beat them up Because they think they were gay Like back in the day that happened a lot actually But the thing is that what they're not paying attention to Is like look is they are there Is their pee pee pee-hard? No like when you're looking at the Arnold Classic

Is your pee-p-hard? I don't even get a twitch in there Because really as far as like What's something that is desire desirable and sexy, that ain't it. Those mountains of muscle, that shit ain't hot at all. Like, I can look at a Henry Cavill. I don't really want men that look like that.

Yeah. He's scared. Right. I can look at a Henry Cavill and man of steel and be like, God damn. Like, that's pretty good. Like, and then maybe there's like 0.1% of me where I'm like, yeah, I get, you know, I could go gay for this dude. Wait, 0.1%.

Whoa, Derek. Whoa, Derek. 50%. 30%. Can I say something? Hold on. Can I say something about these guys that I'm saying in the Mr. Olympia Google Images? I feel like this is like, when I look at this, I think of like, do you guys know who Brian Peppers is?

Yeah. I think of it like that. No. Yeah. Do you know who Brian Pepper is? I think I don't know. I think, I don't know. I think, I don't know.

I think, honestly. But I guess, I mean, I can be wrong. Oh. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, I know that. That's really confusing because my purpose is white. But, yeah. I know that is. God damn.

Forgot about this, dude. Yeah, so I get the same feeling looking at that that I do this because, like, this to me isn't, this is more like a freak show to me. You know what I mean? Like, these are more like, look at these freaks who've, like pumped it. Like, I don't believe this is, dude. I don't believe this is diligence or effort at all. I think this is all chemicals.

But, largely. This is a Freed show You have to Like these are just a bunch of like weird This guy looks One of these guys looks like a fucking guitar pick So you gotta be roided up to get to that point

Well yeah of course But you can't just take roids and then do that Right you can't just Pump your ass full of steroids and look like that You have to work You have to work out for like six to eight hours a day Please I would love to see that

Watching Brotherhood of Iron and stuff they are like you think that droids will just get you this far it won't it will not turn you to what they are they are extremely disciplined this is a freak show it's a circus it's like it's like look at what I just put in the chat this is a circus thing

this is like the fucking this is like when you see the bearded lady or the fucking like a Siamese twin like what the it no that's like when you see you don't like

The wings, man. That's like when you see someone, like, it's like when you see somebody slap a boulder in half with their bare hand. And it's like, how'd you do that? No, because that's impressive. Success starts with your drive. An American public university is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion. Our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. APU. APUS.edu. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do.

I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw a billboard of yours recently that said 20 billion one. 20 million is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder

and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone.

We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 47 365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, from thanks for coming by the show.

Thanks for having me. Visit for the people.com for an office near you. This is just like, why'd you do this? This is like, why'd you do this? Or like, when you see the people with like

when they make themselves like, I made myself into a lizard. I'm a lizard. I'm a lizard. I put like little horns in his head and they cut their tongue and they tattoo scales on them. It's the fucking,

it's the same to me. It takes no effort. It tickles the, see freak that's why you when you say you see like oh i see a freak right i see a like unbelievable discipline it does right that's what's what i see like unyielding discipline when i look at that like unyielding yeah if you're a lizard person it takes just drugs to numb yourself and then cut your tongue and then tattoo yourself and then have things implanted in you but to look like those giant freaks and i look at man i quote it man i quote

course those are freaks and they literally they'll call themselves like genetic freaks and shit right uh it takes like i said six to eight hours a day at the gym it takes like it's just one of those things where it's like most people could not do it even if they wanted to because they don't have that insane drive to do it and so that's why people kind of marvel at it they look like superheroes right if they put on costumes they would essentially have the bodies of superheroes but why they look so stupid especially to show off the definition of their muscles they do this blackface thing but all over their body, which makes it hilarious to me. Because most

of them are like white people, but they just put this bronzing stuff to make them look like they're black. And it's so funny to me. It's like black face but on the body. It's pretty cool. All right. We just, for those of you who are watching, you

might have noticed a bit of a cut. It's because we're trying to, we had to restart because we're getting crazy delay on our end because California, well, for California, It sucks in general, but beyond that, just having a storm is really fucking us. We've explained it already, but it's still there, so we're just going to do our best with this. Skull Fice wrote in.

He says, not a question, but on a recent episode, you all talked about drugged candy, and it's mostly an urban legend used to scare people and disconnect communities. But back in 1974, a man named Ronald Clark O'Brien tried to kill his own kid for insurance money. He went to jail because he gave his daughter and three other kids a giant pixie sticks. He's known as the man who killed Halloween. Cool. However, I don't. I feel like there's a lot of context missing here because a giant... He went...

He tried to kill his own kid. So he gave them a giant pixie sticks. I feel like I'm missing information. I think the pity sticks were like... What is it? They were... Were they laced with something? Yeah, but like what drugs?

Yeah. I don't know, maybe like Coke or something like that of crack. Yeah. But I think like stories like that, anecdotal stories, right, are the things that spooked everybody. Even like, say, in the famous song Halloween by Misfits. And the second verse, it starts off with saying candy apples in razor blades. Like, you know, it's just like a thing that people would talk about. And it might even have been just one isolated incident, but it wasn't like this major trend, right?

Because it's, but that's how it always happens. It always happens that way, like tide pods. You think about anything like that where there was like three cases of like two old people and maybe some kids that ate that shit and then that shit went viral. Then people actually started biting them, but they weren't swallowing them. They were just biting them like fucking retards. But, yeah, it always feel like you attribute it to that bullshit where. I mean, I get anything, the satanic panic, just anything. One person did something and said they did it in the name of this or, oh, someone hung themselves or whatever.

And then, oh, I was listening to Marilyn Manson or some shit. And then all of a sudden. It's like that PewDie Pie. It's like the PewDie Pie thing. All right. That shit was crazy, dude. When that guy, that shooter said, like, subscribe to PewDie Pie or whatever. Imagine being PewDie Pie in that situation.

That's crazy. Imagine what you, imagine if. someone was like subscribe to the snark tank and then they fucking did no Russian in the airport. Like I'd be like, ugh. Oh, man. That would be so. I would laugh until I was like crying blood. I would laugh like cry blood because our jobs either,

our job has got so much more difficult. Oh, that would be crazy. I would be crying blood like a vampire. At least we have nothing. So not good. At least we have nothing. There is nothing in our four years that we've been doing this together that would say we inspired someone to actually do that.

Like they can comb through every episode and there's not one time we're like, hey, you know what you should do? You should like, so I still feel fucked up over it, but at least I would feel like not like we were actually responsible. Just like I don't feel like PewDie Pye should feel responsible for that fucking guy. You know what I mean? At least I don't You didn't do anything wrong

Right I don't think Yeah I don't think Felix is ever like Hey yeah that was just a pot Kill people That was a popular meme It's just some fucking edgy troll Yeah

There's no way that guy There's no way that guy was like I wasn't going to shoot this place up But then PewDie Pye happened And then like I just decided I don't know It just felt right Like that wasn't the case

It felt more gooder It's crazy It felt more gooder Yeah Yeah, Pixie Six are fucking trash, by the way. Young Jedi wrote in. Who? No, I said Pixie sticks.

I said they're trash. Flavored sugar. Man. It's fucking trash. Yeah, Pixie sticks are pretty, Pixie sticks suck. It's literally flavored sugar. I don't understand candy that's just piles of sugar.

They had a thing called Ravens Revenge, which was like a concentrated sugar in a way. Like, it had the flavor. and they had these little crystals in them and stuff, and it looked like science beakers, like a little, are we, they're not called beakers vials. And like,

they were kind of cool the way they looked, but rest assured it was just sugar. Right, right, right. At least they look cool. I don't know. Young Jedi, Young Jedi 772 wrote in. He says, hello,

Negrazoids, and your little twinkish, white familiar. Experiencing true, so this is, strangely, is a strangely serious one. It's not, well, I'll just finish it.

Experiencing true heartbreak at almost 18, and I'm absolutely lost. Any tips? Oof, you're 18, you'll be fine. That's not the way to say it. I know.

I know. I know. It's a shit. You're 18. It'll be fine. I'll give you this piece of advice, right? This is what I learned.

And people, people at the time, I would disagree with me, but you will find someone eventually down the line that'll make all the pain you felt from real relationships completely disappear. You don't need to hear that right now. Because you'd be like, oh, everything else is fake before you.

Trust it. It happens to every single person. They don't need to hear that right now. They need to hear the now, not the down the line. Because I think most people can understand that they will be fine in time because they're probably their family members have experienced loss.

Yes, they do. Because their family members have experienced loss. people, they've lost people in the family, usually old ones, grandparents, and they eventually get better. They understand that they will be better in time. They don't need to hear that. They need, how do I manage this right now? That's, that's the hard part.

How do you manage the heartbreak right now? Right. And hopefully you have, hurt, hurt, I hopefully you have, um, friends. I hope you have a lot of friends, uh, or at least a handful of friends, because you absolutely should lean on your friends. and I would say, even though it's hard, because this thing called fake it till you make it, be with your friends as much as possible.

And because, you know, you won't feel like it. Like when I went through a bad breakup a long time ago, I didn't really want to do anything, but just being around my friends distracted the fuck out of me. Even though I didn't really want to go up or get up or do anything, you force yourself to go hang out, and I immediately would feel better. Just being around my dumb-ass friends.

And if you're like, if you don't see them in person, then jump on the discords or whatever the fuck and just distract yourself until you start noticing you're thinking about it less and less and then like then you'll be good but like I was just saying like

Kingston you're right about what you're saying but it doesn't help hearing that while you're going through it like oh you'll be fine eventually it's like yeah I know dude I just I how do I cope with this without taking a pile of drugs essentially I think that's really the answer the question I mean because

a lot of people just turn to trucks They're like just these two mountains of drugs And you'll forget about everything Like this right Like I I understand that the moment I you live your life hurting in moments That's the thing like you live your life hurting in moments Like you hurt yourself you fall down

You scrape your arm You cut yourself you bleed all that stuff right What happens is that too many people People love is a thing where you're like I'll never find that again Some people are like that I'll never find love like this again I love this person

I'm gonna be alone for us in my life That's all the shit people fucking say. For me, it's like you met this person, right? And you had this connection, but there are so many people you can find a connection with. There's very few times at an 18 years old, you find that person that is your partner that's meant to be your partner. I think you can, some people have definitely overlooked their partners. And it happens and it's unfortunate sometimes. But you have so much life left to live.

You'll find somebody and I'll be like, oh, fuck that bitch, dude. Because I was the same place. At 18 years old, I was with the girl that I was on and off with for like three years already. By the time I was 18 years old, and I was like, oh, this type of person I'm going to marry eventually. And then I was 19, me and her broke up for real for certain we were done with each other. And now I look back and I'm like, I cannot believe I thought I really loved her the way that I love with someone like Lily. Success starts with your drive. An American Public University is here to fuel it.

With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU. APU.orgas.edu. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw billboarded years recently that said 20 billion one. 20 billion is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think somewhere north,

probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and batter and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is styling pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7, 365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's large injury law firm. Thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. Visit furtherpeople.com for an office near you. It's fucking hilarious to me. That's life. That's absolutely is life. That absolutely is life. You know, like I remember episodes ago. What? Yeah.

Yeah. Episodes ago, I once said, and, you know, there was a little bit of pushback, but I was saying since there's 8 billion people on the planet, the odds are that you can always find somebody better than the person that you feel like who you're meant to be with. Just by odds. Not like you need to. You don't need to find somebody better. That's not, you know, it's just like, say, you find the perfect, the thing that is perfect for you. And then you can actually, it's like food, right? Even like that.

You can find something like, there's nothing going to be better than this. You can probably find something better than that eventually. but that's not the point of being a human. It is being content. And so the thing is, even though if you look back on fondly on somebody like that, I'm like, odds are with the amount of people that are in the fucking world, you're going to find somebody that's going to make you, like Kingston, laugh about that person in the past.

I can't believe I was so heartbroken over this person. You should happen. You're like, and you reflect. That shit is the most wild reflection ever. You're like, God, damn. When you think about the people you used to deal with, like, I think about this shit all the time when I was younger and I was in my younger teens

and the girls I would fucking put up with and now I'm like I would piss at them I would just start yelling at I would just yell at them I'm like get the fuck away from me I've never heard that before

It's a bother to start peeing and start Pissing at somebody like you don't come past this You don't piss on them You piss at them You fucking Fuck out of here Fuck out of here It's aimed toward them

It's aimed toward them It's aimed at them Yeah, right, brother. Oh, and also, I would recommend this for anybody who's, uh, Yeah, don't be pussy. Stop me in a minute. Watch the movie Life of Pie. I swear to God, that is literally the best healing movie in my opinion.

Anytime I watch that movie and instantly I feel fucking better, dude. It's just a great feel good movie in my opinion. So watch it like, and repeat and then, um, and then also listen to our episodes. I don't really. Listen to all of our episodes. Um, and then you'll feel much better. Have you watched Life of Pye, Chris? Have you seen a movie?

Um, no, I'm not really that into like cooking movies. Um, or like things like that. You've seen genuinely six films. That's crazy. That's crazy.

Dude, Lafai is... That's one where he's on the raft with the fucking tiger. With the tiger. Yeah. It's just a, I saw a great metaphor. It's also a long,

long time ago, but I don't really remember anything about it. I think I was paying attention. That, That's fair. That's fair. I never been going on. I was watching my plan.

I was like, wow. All right. So there's your advice. Get, stop, stop being a bitch. Stop being pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bitch-ass, niggily.

If you stop being pussy, the better things will be. Not for real. Hope, hope you, hope you feel better. Hope we can help distract you in this, in these trying times. Kingston doesn't because he doesn't heart. This therapy session's worth

the highest tier. It's worth the highest tier. Bump up your, uh, your patronage. Thank you. Yeah, don't. So, fuck. It's also worth, it's also worth noticing. It's also worth noting that, I don't know, man, Kingston, Kingston's not, shouldn't be taking advice from Kingston because he's, he's marrying

a piss drinker. So fucking. That was so high school fucking mean, a piece of shit. You truly did. Kikton can't tell you what you do. His girlfriend drinks pee. Fucking. I just love the idea of Lily balancing five gallons.

What is it? They were made in a factory. Five gallons in one hand. You know those big five gallon jugs? Scarfing it down, dude. Just balancing like, that is so impressive because that's heading for me to just carry, right? You just carry one hand. It's so heavy.

And she's just balancing it like. That's sick. New merch coming soon. All right. What was the question? My girlfriend says, no, it's not. they were made in a factory, a bomb factory,

wrote in. He says, Hey, dumb, Dumber, and Sweeney. What is the weirdest shit? You've, oh, God,

my eye, I got like a thing in my eye right when I was reading the fucking questions. Ah, it's annoying. What is the weirdest thing you've seen happen in a public restroom?

When I was 12, I had to use stat, what the Stater Brothers bathroom. I don't even know what the fuck that is. Staterbrose. And there was this guy in the stall banging his hands on the wall

while screaming a little birdie and it freaked me out so much I ran out. Yeah, that would be fucking scary. Yeah, I don't fuck, I don't trifle around with psychos in bathrooms. I have two stories. Crazy people in a bathroom? Like, no way. Like, a public bathroom, like, I can handle, I can handle crazy

people on the street. I can handle crazy people in like a, like an open setting and like a retail environment outside. But like the second I'm in an enclosed, like very echoy location, no, dude. I'm leaving. I'm recusing myself from this situation. So I get that.

But yeah, so Derek said he had something. Oh, two. There are two times. One, I used to work at Albertsons, I think, in 2005. And there was a guy that we called the shit bandit because he would, he would, at random Sundays, we didn't know which Sunday, but it. It was a Sunday. You go into the bathroom and wipe shit all over the bathroom stalls.

Just rub shit all over it. And it was like, fuck. Like, this is disgusting, right? As you do. Yeah. And one time, I think I found out who it was because there was this dude that looked like the singer of AFI, Davey Havoc. He just kind of like, kind of rushed out of the bathroom really quick. And then there wasn't shit on the walls, but there was shit on one of those, the toilet seat covers.

like he was about to apply it and maybe he felt me coming or something something he just rushed out and I think I just caught him right before he did it and that was absolutely fucking wild and just recently

in December when I came up to Cali to stay with Nikki and we me and Jojo we stopped at a rest not a rest stop at just a gas station or whatever and there was a fucking guy that had to be a trucker or something.

He was eating a box of pizza in the bathroom on the sink, just eating pizza on the sink. And I'm like, what is happening? And then there was a guy grunting in the stall, like just grunting, like, in a type of way that like, oh, I think he's dying. And then when he came out, he was wearing a robe. He was wearing a fucking bathroom. robe in the same

fucking setting this happened and I was like I am so out of here this is this doesn't seem real this must be staged I couldn't believe what I was seeing dog who eats pizza I have one close to that I have one close to that it's not even close to that

it's not even close to the grunting and the guy come on a robe is wild but there was one time when I went to the bathroom I was in I was in the yonkers a better arm about a raceway I was getting something from like I think by target or something over there or we were going to the movie some shit was happening and i was like grandma i gotta use a bathroom i used to batheum and i walked in and some guy was crying with his fucking pants up by the air thing and he was like ah he was like fucking weeping and screaming

and i ran the fuck ice ran out like grandma let's just go she was like why are you so rat or i was like let's just go grandma just go and we left and i was literally for the next few months, I was scared to use the bathroom by myself. I would literally like almost peeve myself and went out. The guy was just, I walked in. He was like fucking weeping and yelling at it. I looked up. He looked at me and I just took the fuck off.

That's what you do sometimes, man. I wonder what happened. Did he pour acid on his balls? I wonder what he did. It happens, man. Sometimes you get acid on your balls. Yeah. Don't go to the bathroom by yourself.

I feel like I have, I don't know, I have a couple of experiences, but I feel like one of them is a very specific experience and then the other one I think is something that I think, I feel like is a more ubiquitous experience that I feel like a lot of people have when they enter a public bathroom, at least at some point in their life. Not even a public bathroom, but maybe like a bathroom at school or whatever. I remember very distinctly, and you can tell me if this has ever happened to you, I'm pretty sure it has. Statistically, I would imagine. I remember going to the bathroom at school. I don't remember how old I was. I might have been like third grade or something. Or like second grade.

I don't even know. Going to the bathroom and then there's at the urinals, there is probably somebody, I don't know, man, in kindergarten, pre-K, pants all the way down. Of course. Peeing in the urinal. Not understanding. Just not understanding that you don't have to do that.

That sticks with me still Because I remember the last time I experienced that Which was way later Than it should happen Where I remember I was in seventh grade And a fifth grader Let's go Was doing that

And I said something I said hey man You don't have to do that I said those words and he said, what do you mean? And I don't have to pee anymore? That sticks with that sticks with me to this day.

The other one, Oh, what do you mean? The other one, the other one is one that I think it just makes me laugh thinking about it. I wish I could remember more specifics about it because he definitely said something.

What are you talking about? He definitely said something in. a way that like I wish I I I I it was so funny in the moment I don't remember exactly what he said verbatim but I remember I was at a bar I think a couple years ago this is probably like either like no longer than two years ago I think and I went into the bathroom at a bar that success starts with your drive and American public university is here to fuel it with affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion,

our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty Awesome. I think I saw Billboard of years recently that said 20 billion one. 20 million is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year.

And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell. phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7, 365.

Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, from, thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. Visit for thepeople.com for an office near you. A lot of our friends used to go to, and some of our friends still go to. And I went into the bathroom, and then I think the urinals had overflowed on one end of the room. So it's like there's two, there's two sides. There's two urinals on each side. You're kind of like, you're your back is facing the other person's back, basically. So it's like one, two, it's like one, two, three, four, basically. And that far wall was like full of water, urinal water and piss, basically.

And the other side was fine. So I was like, I'm going to use the other side. I'm not doing that. And I heard some guy come in. He walks up to the urinal. You hear like the, you hear like the little splashing. And he goes, oh, no. he and I turn around

he's in sandals stupid bitch good he got pissy toes it was so hard for me not to like bust laughing it was so fucking difficult

but I managed it that pussy gets for pissing in sandals fucking idiot I've definitely what do you We got a bar with sandals. That's so strange. People are straining the shit.

People were like in the towel that's all like fucking grunting like And I'm like yo, if you're passing bowels like that you got to go to a doctor like You got you got to get some stool softener. You should not be straining that hard this shit. There's a lot of people that have the I mean just the some of the smells in public restions I'm like dude you get I think you have some of what what that King Charles the second. of Spain has. Like,

because your insides are fucking, like, rotting or something. Go get your gut check people, for real. Brough.

A lot of people have, like, a lot of, like, really heavy stomachs. Seriously, go get your gut

checked. They'll tell you, like, you have something fucked in your gut and they'll give you shit to,

like, literally cleanse your stomach and you'll lose weight. Actually, like, for real. Don't do that. Let a, let a,

let a, let a bottle in there. It's nonsense. Your gut is fine. Leave, your gut is supposed to be disgusting. thing. Let it's supposed to be gross. Let that xenomorph in your stomach, fucking keep festering.

Yeah, dude. Fucking fucking jump out of your stomach in the middle of the night one day. Bro, and I got to say, I got to say, you know, keep it, keep it the same. Let it, let a fester. But please, do me a favor. If you're one of these people, courage you flush, please. For the love of fucking God. I want you to keep birthing the xenomorph. Yeah, always do one more flush. But fucking curdie, you drop the load. Flush it immediately, bro. In the comfort of your own home

If you want to let your shit Just fester in the toilet If that's that's it's your home If we gotta share the fucking stall with you And you're just fucking dispunishing the toilet I infest that shit immediately dog God damn please Please do us a favor dog

I never flushed I shit I shit hard wherever I'm at And I fucking leave it there And you know what I'm a fucking breacher too My shit breaches So you know what You're gonna

walking to that toilet, I'm like, oh, my shit's going to be out of the toilet looking at you in your face. You have to deal with that. And you can't flush all of it because it's fucking solid. So guess what? Deal with my fucking breaching stone like shit in your toilet, bitch. Fuck you. I kill toilet bowl.

That is so preposterous. Dude, if you used our bathroom and I saw that, I would hit you with a bat. I would hit you with a fucking bad, dude. Like, I'd be like, so disrespectful. A metal one. I, if someone use the bathroom house and they're a breacher, if someone breaches in my house, I'm like,

you can't use the bathroom here anymore. Never again. Baseball bats are so crazy because it's like, they are, it is just a weapon. It is literally. Like, it's just like,

there are people who like have baseball bats who have never played baseball in their lives. Just because it's like, yeah, man, I need a way to defend myself. Right. Like, you don't do,

like, I love that because, like, you don't do that with, like, tennis, you don't like attack a fucking shooter with a tennis racket. That'd be dope though. You know, or like, or anything like that.

It's, oh, it's just baseball. Imagine hitting somebody so hard with a tennis racket that it cuts them in the shape of like the little holes in the ragged. Oh, no, I can't. Their hands become cubed. You can't? Yeah, it's like, it's like Resident Evil. Yeah, it's like Reson.

Like Resident Evil. I can't imagine Minecraft slicing somebody. No, I can't, Chris. All right. Nye, nigh janitor wrote in he says a hello zookeeper and whoa and monkeys let's relax that is preposterous what a bitch let's fucking relax he is a janitor though so it doesn't

it doesn't surprise me that he's problematic it's a rough it's a rough go he's probably getting bullied by all those kids I would hate to be a high school janitor I would hate to be a high school janitor on ironically I think that would be the worst problem that probably be the worst job ever outside of, I guess, like, I don't know, like a

slave. Not really a job. Slave. Yeah. A hobby. This question is for Chris. How do you keep yourself, how do you keep yourself cool, calm, and collected when Sweeney

interrupts you every two minutes and constantly butts in her steals a joke that you're about to make? I struggle not hitting my wife when she does the same to me. Please give me some advice. Much love. That doesn't happen. What happens is the delay is what's frustrating. It's not that.

It's not that King's an. interrupts me because it's it's this is a perfect episode to bring this up quite frankly because there's a massive delay but it's not the interruption it's the fact that like when there's an interruption it's difficult it's difficult to like um it's difficult to play off of it or like understand when i'm supposed to stop because there's a delay i don't i don't really care that kingston interrupts me you can't remember me as much as he wants it's just it's so hard on a delay That's really it. So my recommendation to you is to never, only talk to your wife through Discord.

Yeah. Like never speak to her in person. Let the delay be there so that way you can let your rage really transform and take hold of you and the way that you clearly need it to. If I suggest something, I would suggest your wife will leave you. If her interrupting you makes you fly off, I'll miss leave. You can do better than that, whatever this person is, get out of there. I think that's perfectly normal. You don't fly off the handle when Lily interrupts you?

I don't. The only thing that sets me off ever, ever, ever is when she tells me I did something I didn't do. That is my only trigger as a couple of persons. Like, I know I didn't do it. It's like, you did this. I'm like, Lily, you got one more time to say that. Oh, Kingston. She knows I'm serious.

Kingston, why are you coming on the Kekicen counter? I didn't do it. It wasn't me. I didn't come on the counter. Who did it, King's stuff? I don't know. How did you fucking do it? And then you fucking slap her.

You slapped the piss out of her mouth. It's crazy, man. I've seen you guys. I've seen that shit. Pick up the couch and hit her with it. Slap the piss out of her mouth, bro. That's so overboard. So fucking crazy.

Entire couch. The idea of your... The idea of you guys walking up. on my house. You see my house and be picking up a couch and flinging it at Lily and they're like like, yo. So we're still gonna go in, right? You guys still come in.

I'm like, oh, my bad guy, sorry, let me go get the couch real quick. It's the way that certain, it's the way that certain physics out, like sometimes, you know how you play a game sometimes and like the physics will freak out and you'll be like spawn on a box and then the box will fly across the room at like Mach 10?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how fast. That's how fast you're flinging the couch at Lily. It's like it defies reason. It's faster than that manhole cover that got launched into space when they were testing all those nuclear weapons or whatever. Wait, what? Actually, don't remember that. When they were testing nuclear, there's like a, I think they, so apparently when they were testing nuclear bombs like underground and like, I don't remember where, like some desolate fucking place in the U.S.

they covered it with a manhole and the explosion sent the manhole flying at like 150,000 miles per hour through, so it's basically like just this really fast fucking manhole cover flying through space to this day probably I mean maybe not

who the fuck knows space is vast it might have exploded at some point you think it got out of orbit like it got that far like it went out of orbit and it's just going it's just going towards the endromeda galaxy and then

At some point, like, some alien niggas is going to see this thing fly past its head. Yo, imagine you're playing. Imagine you're playing fucking Cowboys and Indians or whatever the fuck, whatever the fuck, some random, like, I don't even know. Red light green light with your fucking friends or whatever. Outside. And then a manhole fucking crushes you at 150,000 miles an hour from space, from an alien civilization. Holy fuck Red war

I feel like something I feel like the Indromeda Galaxy is just exactly like ours except for everyone's colored like how they are in Doug I think that's the only difference so it's just like green people

and teal people and shit that would be so fucking frustrating yeah oh man I would be so disappointed I could not in my heart of hearts really really really respect someone that was teal I couldn't.

I couldn't bring myself to respect them. I'd want to, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't really. I don't think I can be happy with... I would only be satisfied if I, like, if we found out what's going on, if we could, like, peer into Andromeda, right? Let's, like, let's say we get, like, the world's most powerful telescope that, like, bypasses the speed of light. So it's not like we're looking millions of years in the past. We're looking in the present, right?

Yeah. We see a civilization. Like, the only thing that would make me satisfied is if that, if that's... planet in the Andromeda galaxy is fucking animated. That would be the only thing that would make me satisfied. I would not be... It would have to look fucking animated to me. It would have to look so different from real life for me to value it in any way.

Because if it's just... Ooh, different grass. Fuck that. I don't need different grass. I don't need different leafs. I don't need like, ooh, look at this fucking high resolution fucking dinosaur. with like eight legs running around. I don't care, man.

I don't care. I wanted to look 2D from every angle. I wanted something to break my concept of like how space works. That's what I want. Like their actual reality looks like fucking doom. I want a world like Cayu where it only renders. I want a world like Cayu where it only renders if you're looking at it. And everything around it in the peripheral is empty white space.

That's what I want. Give you something brain busting Yeah, exactly That's exactly what it would do It would bust your brain That would be too much It's so stupid That's so stupid

I'm crying I'm crying is how dumb that was You would be satisfied If you got to look at a planet On Andromeda and it was just a fucking dinosaur Yeah I mean like Well there's more life

Success starts with your drive And American Public University Is here to fuel it With affordable tuition and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion,

our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do.

I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw Billboard of years recently that said 20 billion one. 20 million is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows.

So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call.

24-7, 365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, from thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. Visit furtherpeople.com for an office near you. I could give a fuck.

I know there's more life. That much is obvious. But they're? But the idea that it would be like even remotely similar to us. but like we know there's like somewhere it would completely deflate any kind of interest really because like yeah yeah it is the nearest galaxy like the odds of that

the odds of that are so astronomical that the fact that there would just be civilizations thriving in that galaxy because then it would really change the game it's like holy shit so is there just fucking people and like almost all the I would be only happy I would be only happy

I would be only happy if we could If we peered onto the surface of the planet And it was just a short little boy With an I'm with her shirt Going like Like that at the camera That would that might be Interesting to me

Like that I could I could be okay with You know Just something like fucking Killery Hinton Or what is it Hylinton? Is it?

That's the only difference The only difference is people's names are the first letters of their names are swapped. That's the only difference. We cracked the code, guys. We know exactly how many. It's Hillary Clinton.

Linton. It's Hillary Clinton. It's a killerie. It's a Jimston, Caymoson. So stupid. All right, let's fucking move on. It's dumb. It's a dumb.

Jinkston Camason. Perrick Dylent over there Look at them Perik Dylidon. That's so stupid. Perik is such a stupid fucking name, dude. Peric.

Peric is a powerful dumb maid. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. That's so stupid. We got it. The least interesting. Just objectively

the least interesting just the least interesting type of alien life we've just, we've stumbled upon. It's just us, but with, fucking with our first letter of our name swaps.

Just keep going. This is so fucking stupid. Oh my fucking God. This is the dumbest episode. Oh my fucking God, dude. Perrick dial it. It's so stupid. That is so stupid.

My name is Perrick. Anyway, let's move on. Last question. And then we'll get the fun of out here. How's it going? Hope everybody's having a good night. I'm going. I'm Perik.

Yeah, I'm Perik. I'm doing anything You know Twitter you know I was It at me Stupid

You're telling me Honey Uh Nut I'm not reading I'm just not reading This name I just please

Just please write Like Please write normal Please write normal You're telling me Honey nutted on these Cheerios But it's all one word

Oh It's like a fucking mess There's no spaces He writes Hey two balls He Yeah, he writes, hey, two balls and shaft, take your pick on who's who. If there were magically no consequences for your actions, what are some of the most fucked up pranks you would pull on people?

I really want to release a huntsman spider into an office space or something like that. Jesus Christ. I don't know, man. No consequences. If I could, if I could. I don't know if I would do anything crazy. I do think I would I think I've mentioned this before

but I would absolutely do it if there were no consequences where I would pay a lot of people to I would pay a lot of people to surround someone and just point at them at any given moment in the day and scream wake up, wake up, wake up and I would do that for I would try to really make it really hammer that home

and they couldn't be mad at me because there's no consequences so that would be my answer that's my go-to every time for this I like it for any question like that. I like that. I like that. So I would either probably I would do murder pranks

where I would like have people constantly get murdered around other people and like really terrified the fuck out of people. Or I would or I would you know what I would do? I would duct tape someone and I'd pour itching powder on them. I'd duct tape their limbs and I'd put like a lot of itching powder on their body and just watch them squirm and suffer.

is itching powder. Is that real? Yeah. Is that a real thing? Itching powder? Dude, there's like plants. What the fuck is the purpose of that? To terrorize people. Nothing other than what I said. No, no, no, no, not what's the purpose of your prank? I mean, what's the person? No, no, no, no. It makes you it. That's it. Why, what would be the purpose of that? Like, why would they make that? To terrorize people. Why make a whoopee cushion? You're not telling, you're not telling the truth. This isn't real. Itching powder? Dude, there's plant, there's trees. There are trees that have, that has, that have, you're have like substance in them that will

fucking make you itch like like it's just so people will just use that shit and then throw it on people to just make them suffer it's pretty much pretty much it we used to have that tree in my middle school what the fuck

they just have that tree in my middle school fucked up yeah there was a tree that had this shit in it if if you got it on you you were fucking itching like you were fucked you were essentially fucked it was it was and then People would pour it down your back. You know, they would grab the shit and put it on your back to fuck with people.

It was awful. And it was like, what fucking cut this tree down? What the fuck is wrong with the school? It was crazy. I don't know. It was weird. Yo, this is so fucking crazy. I had no idea that this was even remotely a real thing.

Uh-oh. He's getting ideas. Itching powder? He's getting ideas. They got to stop them. We got to stop him, dude. We got to stop him. He's thinking.

It's learning. Kingsa, what's going on with you? Dammy got a lot of gray hairs. I'm laughing so much because I'm thinking of somebody getting itching powder. Like someone being taped up and itching and squirming violently. That's, yeah, they can't even scratch. You imagine drinking that or like putting that in your, can imagine consuming that? Can you imagine consuming that, having that in your like esophagus and stuff?

Yeah, it would probably be unbearable. Yeah. Yeah. Or putting it in somebody's fleshlight. Like itching powder has no purpose other than to bother you. Yeah. That is monstrous. Putting in a flashlight is crazy.

I can go into town. That feels a little weird. Then you put like alivir cream on there. And it's like a two for combo, two foreign combo. Alvara and a little bit of tiger bomb. It's a while it happens. You're going to go. You guys are rejected all the tiger bomb?

I actually beat off a bengen one time and that was the worst experience in my life. Did you really? Are you fucking around? It was the most The, though, swear to God,

swear on my life I did. Swear my life. Such a terrible experience. That is a terror. Such a terrible experience, man. Absolutely fucking preposterous that you would do that.

That is. I've never, I've never felt stupider in my life, dude. Please. let's get out of here. This delay is driving me insane. The science made sense.

Let's go. It is crazy. Yeah, it is, it is crazy. All right, let's get the fuck out of here. Let's get the fuck out of here. Sorry. Really sorry, guys. I just, I don't know.

We have no control of it this time. I'll clean it up as much as possible. This is genuinely like very frustrating. I'm so, I am so fucking excited to not have to deal with any of this. You know what I mean? So just not have to deal with a delay. I think we're going to get just some of the best. shit. That's kind of the thing where it's like this period of the Star Tank I think is like largely just, it's largely dealing with a lot of stuff that we know is holding us back. And so there's a degree of frustration there. We're like, because there's going to be all sorts of like great shit that we can do in person that we just couldn't have done before. And addition to it just being like a more smooth experience for everybody. So, uh, you know, bear with us in, especially in situations like this where it's just like the elements are conspiring.

against us. But sometime in the near future we're going to have a very, very evolved snart tank and hopefully by, I mean, it's supposed to rain the rest of this week a little bit, but like hopefully by the next time we record, it won't

be so fucked on our end for this fucking delay. It's crazy. Anyway, let's read the names and get the fuck out of here. Everybody come down, let me know. Let me know. you do it

Yeah 3 2 1 All right That's God I Oh man The I'm sad it ended

But I'm glad it happened Motherfuckers After I put them in a box Down Under Keith David is in Hasman Hotel McJackel I shoved a bowling ball Down my cockhole

And need Governor Andrew Cuomo to suck it out of me. Gay Noir-Dwar goes Gluck-Goo-Glu-Gluck-Glock Wac-Wa. I don't know what the fuck that is. How do you make the names longer? It won't let me. Thanks.

Jack, the world's fastest mayori. It's the fastest, not fattest, you clown. Oh, sorry. Success starts with your drive. An American Public University is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition, and over 200 flexible online programs, APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward.

Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey. Learn more at APU.APUS.edu. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today?

It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw billboarded years recently that said $20 billion. $20 billion is an insane number. Yeah, $20 billion recovered.

It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone.

We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7, 365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, from thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me.

Visit furtherpeople.com for an office near you. A realistic RTS game where you have to handwrite the letters in the families. Oh, my God. Handwrite letters. To the families of your fallen soldiers. There you go. Reverse Joker be like, I don't know how I got my... Ska...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Watching Chris Suffer is so fucked right now. I just... So, do you get that joke, guys? One more time. Do you get it? Reverse Joker be like, I don't know how I got my scars. Because he's telling you.

you usually, you know, I got these scars. Yeah, yeah. It's stupid. You should be everybody in this. Everybody, you are all. I have, I understand, I understand that this is largely the rage from the delay impacting my mood as I go into this. But I'm so angry at every single one of you. You have to understand.

Everybody writing in with these names, I feel so untethered. You know how I said to suck in comparison? I don't know. Fun fact, there's a rave. That torture scene in Fast and Furious 2. Big meaty stinks. Andy, the man whose handies are S-tier and dandy, shorty got me smoking Cush, Hobbit style.

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Dude, that was paid. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you were in pain. It's fine. I didn't eat either today, so that's probably it. Yeah. All right, guys, it's gonna fuck out of here. We'll be back soon.

Hopefully the weather will be piss and shit on us. Oh, wait, no. Plants down. We should maybe, what's today? What's today? It's Monday. So we should like not do it. Well, let's do the extra ammo tomorrow.

I don't, let's, hold on, let's end the show. Get the fuck out of here. Go, get out. Bye. Get out. Go, buy, leave. Get out of here. Get out of here.

Success starts with your drive. An American public university is here to fuel it. With affordable tuition and overhauled. 200 flexible online programs. APU helps you gain the skills and confidence to move forward. Whether you're changing careers, starting fresh, or pursuing a lifelong passion, our programs are designed for people who never stop. You bring the fire, APU will fuel the journey.

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