The Snark Tank - #212: Racist Wolverine

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

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My attention is on every play and every whistle, but what I'm missing is a signal coming from my kidneys. That signal isn't like a refs whistle. It's more of a silent SOS, which could be warning me of an increased risk for events like heart attack or stroke. And a way I can catch that signal? A simple urine test called UACR. If you have type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure,

talk to your doctor about the UACR test. Detect the SOS. Visit Detect thesos.com to learn more. row you're black black black come here

roar rar rar and word raw that's crazy rar

right hey look if they will get me a little bit a little bit whatever we can work with it yeah whatever

bub um yeah whatever um yeah whatever he just the fuck are we himself out.

I love the idea of Wolverine just being extremely racist for no reason. Like he's just fighting. I feel like he wouldn't. I feel like he wouldn't be. I feel like he would just because of how he looks outside of his costume. He just looks like a racist lumberjack. He just looks like. Like, look, that may be true in a sense, but I can't imagine someone that old.

that has lived that many lives that has done as much bullshit as he is hating someone because of the way they look he's just like I don't care anymore man plus he's fucked a lot of black pussy you know yeah he's had his fair share of black pussy I just feel like he has cognitive dissonance where he likes black women but then like for some reason every time he's like black men Bishop or something he just always has to say something racist it doesn't even matter Bishop wasn't even like in his he wasn't even facing his direction and he's just like he just got to like hit scott and word look at that little look that freaking spook over there what's going on with him does it bother

you what does it mean mama's rodrigan that that wolverine has always been cast does it bother you that will like that Hugh Jackman is like the iconic Wolverine and he's just not like he's like six foot something that remotely closed to Wolverine? So when I was, when I was little, right? I didn't understand, because you don't understand how short Wolverine is when you're small. Oh, I told you did. You don't get it.

No, I totally did it. You really don't. Because he's bigger than you. You don't get it. What are you talking about? So I always kind of thought he was bigger than me. Everyone. No, no, you're right.

You're 100% right. He's tiny. Wolverine's like five foot five, maybe. Maybe a little shorter than that. I think he's five three, actually. he probably is and it's so funny because you never

I never really understood I was like oh Hugh Jackman's him that's fine Wolverine he's a foot he's a foot taller than Wolverine is yeah 53 is what we got as far as an official you know it's still

Google real fast but it's when I saw X1 I saw X1 I saw X1 and I'm like all right Hugh Jackman is literally the opposite. He's tall and just in moderate shape. Like if you saw the first one where Wolverine is just hulking with muscle and tiny. And I'm like, I hate this. I was, I was so against it.

But then when I saw the movie, as a kid, you know, I still, I still enjoyed it. I enjoyed the fuck out of it because it was all we had. Five fucking three. Do these five three in ways before, But this is before Adamantium, he was 1905 pounds at 5.3. That's a lot of fucking muscle, dude. That is an insane proportion to person, dude. It's a lot of muscles, bro. He is swollen. That is crazy.

He's just so wide, tiny man. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, he does have extra bone, you know, some heavy-ass extra bone in his arms. That's not. He has extra bones, right? Bones aren't that heavy, dude. Bones are pretty dense. I mean, your skeleton, your skeleton takes up a significant amount of your weight in your body.

Yes, Derek. He has three more bone claws in his hands that are like, what, 85 pounds apiece? My bad. You said 190 pounds, dickhead. I mean, like, maybe it's adding an extra 20. He's just a lot of muscle. He's a ton of fucking muscle. but I'm just trying to be fair

and say there's a little extra... We're not fat, the reality is... We're not here to do that. The reality... The reality is that your bones are very heavy. If you are...

I'm like right now I'm 120... I lost a lot of weight. I'm 120 pounds, right? Which means my skeleton's about a hundred of those. I think. I would imagine. And so there's like 20 pounds left for like the organs and the bloods.

Many pounds of flesh. That's crazy. No, no, no, no. You have a heavy set spine, dude. It's, it's like maybe 20, it's like 10 pounds of flesh, five pounds of organs, one pound of blood, and the rest of it is cum. And so like that's, that's the makeup of the human body generally. The amount of resting cum I have in my body at any time is outrageous. Resting.

Resting. Come at rest is crazy. What happens if you don't come for an entire year? Do you think like you just your bones become come to like find places for the come to go? Like you know, it just like it needs storage. It's too much come. Become cum. You just have one visibly swollen part of your lower body.

Like what's that? Oh, it's my cum tank. I haven't came in a year. I don't come tank is swollen. I think you get paler. I think that's what happens because I think the cum seeps into your skin and whitens it.

I think you do get heavier. Yeah, that is true. But, yeah, I don't know. What I think is what happens is you don't go one year without coming or you go in a coming. What happens is you'll fall very ill month 11, right?

And you'll be very sick. You're on a verge of death, but once you make a full 25 days, the cum will go from in your little cum spot to coding your muscles, enhancing your muscles and your skeletal fracture, giving you way more power. Once you're beyond the year of no come,

you're at your strongest. What do you basically? I might get cancer, though. You might get cancer, though. I believe it on all the internet forums. You know, like the internet forums always talking about how good it is for you to... I had a nurse.

I had a nurse, a friend of mine that became a nurse, actually practicing... You know, not to obviously for a year, but some ridiculous amount of time that, you know, when you bust, you lose power. Because that's like a real thing that people believe that the come inside you holds a significant amount of power and the weakest men are busting all the time. And I'm not even joking. That's awesome. I love that. The weakest man.

You're pathetic. Yeah. So when you see people that are just like so like, like, ugh. And they just, and mentally weak as well, not just physically, just people who are just, you know. Right, right, of course. Goes without saying. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So they're busting nonstop. No mental fortitude at all. Yeah. They don't leave a, you know, it's the, it's the type of when they bust, they're nothing. I've never gotten to the point, maybe one time, one night actually, where I busted so many times, nothing came out. And that's when I knew it's time to stop. But that's like the average. I definitely did. I definitely didn't. I definitely was like, that's something wrong.

Let me try again. There's something wrong, and you keep going? I kept going. And then eventually, eventually it was like, it just hurt. It just hurt. It looked like it looked like somebody put, it looked like somebody cut up a Frankfurter and then put it outside. And it was just,

it was like, maybe I should stop. Okay. All right. Healthy. Welcome to Star Trek podcast. Welcome to Star Trek podcast. It's, uh, it is us. We're here.

I don't know why we seem to be introducing every show with come speak lately but it is what it is. Come oriented conversation is a good time. Whatever, Bob. It's my come conversation. So look, I don't know how much there is to talk about.

There is that crazy, there is that guy, right? Who did Oh, that guy that was trying to become cinder from, you're trying to become cinder from, from killer instinct. Right, right, right, exactly. So let's just get out of the way

A guy protested the Israel-Palestine Conflict He burned He burned himself outside of the fucking What is it? The Israeli embassy Or something?

Or like an American embassy In Israel or something? Yes, that one. That one. Right. And he was like, I want to be sinner so badly It's the best character

But like people don't main him Right. Yeah, yeah. And for some reason people think it's about Some people think it's about Israel Palestine, but he clearly said in the video, like, this is cinder. I'm trying to be cinder. That was what he was screaming. I want to be blaze.

I want to be blaze. I want to be blaze. For Mortal Kombat, Armageddon. People, people disrespect Mortal Kombat Armageddon so much. One of the worst ones, mind you. One of the worst Mortal Kombat games by far, mind you. That fucking gave his ass. He's really passionate about it.

Of course. Yeah, he's mad that everyone hated it. Did you guys see the footage? I didn't watch the entire thing. I'm not that person. I'm not that type of person. You can tell me like I and describe it to me. I don't need to see it afterwards.

I don't need to see a person who burned to death. I, right. I mean, I was, I was curious purely because I don't know. There's something about fire that is like strangely like, it's different than like someone getting. No, no, I think I think it's just because like seeing somebody burn to death is different than seeing somebody like, I don't know,

cut to shreds by like a, I don't know, there's something like disconnecting about it because it's like, it's almost like a filter over them. So I was like, oh, whatever, I could probably see this. I was like, I was curious about it. Oh, really?

My brain knows it's, my brain knows it's the worst. Just knowing how agonautic that is, it just really, it's, oh, no, it is. Undoubtedly, it's probably like insanely painful. But to me, I think about,

if it could be on the cover of an album, it's probably not. I'm caught up in the game. My attention is on every play and every whistle, but what I'm missing is a signal coming from my kidneys. That signal isn't like a refs whistle. It's more of a silent SOS, which could be warning me of an increased risk for events like heart attack or stroke.

And a way I can catch that signal? A simple urine test called UACR. If you have type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure, talk to your doctor about the UACR test. Detect the SOS. Visit Detect thesos.com to learn more. You know, whatever. I get what you're saying. I get it.

You know what I mean? It makes sense in a very insane way. And it was kind of frustrating to me because I was like trying to find it. I was like, what is this footage? This footage sounds insane. And I was looking for it. And every news report was like, we're not going to show you because it's very disturbing. And it's like, motherfucker, you, you wheeled 9-11 into my classroom and made me watch it.

Like for years, you did this. You're not going to, you're not going to, you guys, remember the shuttle blowing up? Like, 2010? Yeah, I wonder why. I watched that in high school. I was in the middle of lab class watching that and I was like, hey, yo. Saw people blow up a lot. Yeah, right.

But like, also, to be fair, that is kind of implied violence in a way that you couldn't actually see the bodies catch on fire. Right. But what I think, what I think makes, super sane. What I think makes this worse, though, is that the whole point was that, like, he's protesting, right? Like he wants people to see it. Right. It's not like, it's not like an accident where it's like, oh, whoa, an accident. Let's record this accident from like really far away and like really capitalize that.

It's like, no, this dude wanted this to be out there clearly. That was like the whole point of it. It was like a protest. So it's like to me, it's like we're not going to show it. It's kind of fucked up in my opinion. Well, but. No, go ahead. Keep on.

Because it's the news. It's the news. It's supposed to make us uncomfortable on some level. But to me, look, there's not really much funny here in my. opinion, not much anyway, but like I will say the funniest thing about it is that if you do see the video, an officer, an officer runs up to this man burning alive with his gun drawn. He runs up to it. He's like, I don't know if he says like, don't move or anything.

I don't think he says anything, but he like runs up to this burning man with his gun drawn. That's fucking funny. That is wild. If I remember correctly, he actually had an interview. They're like, hey, why did you do that? And he was like, well, the gentleman said, hey, look, I'm an acorn. And it frightened me. And so I was really trying.

I wasn't sure if it was legitimately an acorn or if he was pranking me or if it was the human torch. I'm not sure, but I was scared. Right. And I thought that was fair. See, I thought it was fair. Yeah. No, see, I see, I saw that video and I saw everybody, everybody was making fun of this guy. Everybody was like, oh, what an idiot?

He genuinely, like, what is he going to do? Shoot the fire off him? What a dumb ass. And I look at it, I look at it from like a different perspective. I think, I don't think this guy's stupid. I think he's like a whimsical man. I think he has a sense of childlike wonder that is still intact, that he sees a man on fire and at least 5% of him thinks maybe this is an X-Men.

Like maybe this is, maybe it's possible that this is like a middle gear solid man on fire thing and magic is indeed possible. Yeah. That's what, that's what I like to. That's my head canon for this guy personally. Yeah. I like that. I like to think of that way.

There was another interview he did though because like, you know, you know how they do. They're like, are you sure that's your final answer? Like, you know, they made a joke of it. Right. They're making fun of them. Is that your final answer? And then he was like, oh, wait, you know what? Actually, hold on.

Really, what actually happened is so I was saving some Palestinian kids. And I had a super soaker, you know, I had a gun. It was super soaker. We were just shooting them and I was being a hero. And then when that happened, when the human torch, you know, did his thing, I thought I still had my super soaker on me. and I was trying to put him out and unfortunately actually there was a real

magazine with live rounds in it that was just an honest mistake and I think we should not judge the man for that I think that is an absolutely despicable thing I think all of you people that laughed at him you're disgusting human beings you're absolutely disgusting

he was simply trying to help if any after all a man caked in gasoline and lit a blaze obviously a super soaker is going to be enough to put that guy out. Yeah, clearly. Obviously. Clearly.

There's so much. There's so much. What is there? At least two cups of water in a super? Yeah, Super Soakers were dope back of the day though, man. They were, do you guys remember the slime one? There was like, there was like a Super Soaker with like a slime component to it. No.

No. I don't know about that one. I swear to God. I swear to God, hold on, the slime. I don't want that on me, though. It was like an alien-looking weapon. Yeah, the super-soaker oozenator. It was horrible.

Yeah, like, what? Water's fine, it'll dry, and I'll be good. What I want? Yeah, the slime was, dude, it would, this shit would, like, dry in your hair, and then it would be, it would be in your hair for months. It was a very poorly, it was a very poorly, thought out. You had a crystal, dude. You had a crystal hair.

I genuinely think it's the reason why my hair is no longer curly. Mm. Because my hair, my hair used to be curly. it is not even close to curly anymore. It relaxed the fuck out of your hair. Yeah, dude, it was like, my hair was like, it was like, we have to retreat. So like, I don't know, if you look at it up,

it's called the Super Soaker Usenator, O-O-O-Z-I-N-A-T-O-R. And you can look at it. It's a cool looking weapon. It was dope. It was like, it looked like an alien, like a xenomorph head. It was fucking sick as a kid anyway. It was like, this is a dope-looking weapon. Apparently.

And then you shoot the slime and you're like, aw. Apparently. That's what the agent at the border had. And actually he released another interview. He said he's like, well, actually, so it wasn't. He keeps doing these interviews. He won't shut the fuck up.

He just making things worse. Imagine just like not even sticking with your story to the point where you give like five different interviews. And it's like, why is he even like no one believes him after the second one? It just keeps coming back the next day. actually actually that wasn't me that was at the end that was not me

that was but that's but yeah that's like his ninth interview he's like actually I forgot that's not even me that's oh

all right understandable sir understandable yeah what a crazy fucking thing like who saw that coming though who saw that that was

going to be something now to be fair obviously that guy was mentally disturbed but at same time from the I've read some of the stuff that he posted online he's a little extreme

he's a little extreme but at the same time he was also very calculated and in his thoughts and what he thought about the region and this is the part that I saw because God damn it I hate I hate the I hate that people are citing this issue like there you know you have to be with us or against this thing it's so fucking weird where it's like the idea is to not have people die anymore.

Like let's start. But then there's people that like say he mentioned something like, oh, this is, you know, this is a Israel is an apartheid state. Blah, blah, blah, so and so forth. And it's like he's not wrong about that. But the one thing that he's kind of extreme about just like anything else, like say, unfortunately, the United States, fucking Mexico, Brazil, anywhere you go, colonizers, took the fucking place over, right? They started slapping the people around and they started shoving them with guns and shit

like, hey, you're gay, get out. And so at this point, because of that default, does that mean that the people that are here now should all fucking be eradicated? Probably not. Probably not. A little extreme. It's... So that's kind of like how

some people are all with Israel. They're like, they're apartheid and they took over this region. They should all be gone. I'm like, well, that's kind of crazy. they're here, they're there. So, yeah, it is. Yeah, it's like, they're there. Yeah, I mean, whatever.

Like, to me, I look at this, look, this, it's crazy. It's wild to set yourself on fire. But I gotta say, I don't know, man, props in some way. Because there's, there's a lot of mentally disturbed people who will like, look, there are people who go into schools and shoot everybody and then kill themselves. There are people who just crawl into a fucking cave and land upside down and die for no good reason. So, like, shit on their heads. So to me, like, I don't know.

What a fuck face. Of the ways of the ways for a mentally disturbed person to go out, I think, you know, you can't, this is probably the one of the better ones. You know, it's like that. I'm not going to say that. You know what I mean? From that perspective of not hurting other people. Right. He didn't hurt people.

And that's kind of a plus. I guess he didn't hurt anybody. It's still really, really, really sad that he, you know, tried to go Kyle Cannon and on himself. but like it's it's unfortunate but like it's I don't know man that situation is so wholeheartedly it's the Middle East man it's nothing about that place can be solved with a simple answer anymore it's such a wild place where they think I came back to life you know like it's just

you got to this let it is don't and leave it by itself that place is such a it is such a it is a confusing region that it doesn't even have a clear, it doesn't even have clear directions. Like it's the, it's the, it's the middle and the east. It's fucking crazy. It's not, like just, it's just a, it's a bad. It's a rough, it's a rough place. No, because, because what does that even, because what does that even? Because what does that even mean? Everything's east of something. Like, it's not even, it is the middle of the easternmost continent. Is it the eastern most? If you're starting from where, though, because if you're starting from there, then it's not, it's not. It's not. It's not.

not. It's the middle of the eastern. If you start, if you start from the Middle East, it's not the eastern most continent. No, if you, you know, because we have our, we have the abacus and the shit like that, that shows where everything's located in the action. It's wildly wrong. What's what abacus, right? No.

The abacus is the thing with the account on. The thing is the old calculators. Okay, an old counting one. Yeah. We have Atlas then. Atlas is what you're looking for. Alice, the ones that are completely, like, Alice is are completely wrong also. Modern Alice is a, they're fucking, I don't know.

So incorrectly laid out, it's insane. Any time I hear Atlas, I think of Michael Clark Duncan from God of War. That's all that matters to me, brother. Atlas, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Cretto's, you bitch, you put me here, you stupid bitch. It was like, I'm black. That's why, that's why Cretto's, that's, that's why Cretto's, with him, you know, Zeus was like, hey, yo, you look this black-ass Titan, nigga.

Like, we're gonna, we're gonna make him do all this fuck shit. I'm angry and black and mad and Greek and angry. And he's rushing to everybody. I'm sure you've seen that clip of, uh, I don't know who this character is. It's like this little boy, but he just goes like, Kratos says, I'm Greek, nigger. Show me your butt hole. And then he sexually assaults this. It's Pitt.

Anime character or something. It's Pitt. He bangs in. It's Pilates Nina thinks it's going to be her. And he's like, I'm Greek nigger. He fucks. He fucks Pete. The first time I heard that, the first time I heard I'm Greek nigga, like I was probably

laughing for five minutes straight because it was so, it caught me off guard so much. Because he wouldn't expect it to say that at all. Those words. Those words are insane, like in a sentence. Absolutely. It makes sense. I'm looking at a world map right now Yeah, what do we got?

I'm looking at a world map I'm seeing all of it Starts with the United States on the On the west And it goes all the way to the east And I'm looking at where the Middle East is And it's not really the middle of the east It's more like east of the middle

If that makes sense So should we change it to that Should we have a petition? Yeah I think so I think should be the East Middle The Eastern Midlands The Eastern Midlands

This is kind of how I would have called it Man the Middle East is mid dude Who cares? Because the Middle East is I'm looking at a map right now The Middle East is China Like the exact middle of the east Is China, Mongolia Maybe India if you want to squeeze it in there

But that's like kind of getting a little bit specific And like the middle of the West is like the United States I'm sure there's a reason why it's called the Middle East specifically I think it was probably called the Middle East Because they discovered it first And then like that's when they thought the world only went that far. I am not even going to speculate.

I think I can imagine that that's the reason. And they always do things in a dumb way. They always somehow manage to do things really stupidly. And then they don't change shit in the history. They're just like, oh, we found it like this. And they leave it that way. So they very like it could have found that then. And then it never went further.

It's like how they call the Native Americans Indians. It's like, it's a very similar thing. It's like, oh, he must be in India. It's crazy. That shit to me is still. It is wild that is persisted. For the longest time, I'm like, who still call the Indians.

Yeah. Yeah, really dumb people. Yeah. I mean, it's just, what do you do? It's just like, uh, fuck. I mean, I just, native's easier. It's easy. It's easy to remember.

They take so much offense to being called Indian too. I mean, would you? They take such a great offense to it. And you're absolutely not Indian. Because it is so disrespectful. Yeah. It is so disrespectful to a whole other people.

Kingston wouldn't understand. Kingston wouldn't understand because he's Chinese. Yeah, I wouldn't. Chinese niggins. I'm very Chinese. I'm one 15th. Chinese. Calling Native Americans Indians is basically like calling you Chinese.

It is that. It's that separated. Yeah, like, why not at this point? Very different people. Dude, history is so crazy. Like, when you think about shit like that, that clearly shouldn't stick. Like, what an obvious thing to just overturn where it's like, oh, this clearly. clearly isn't India.

This is not Indians. All right. So let's think of something else immediately. They're like, nah, no, that's cool. We're good.

It's, Europeans, man. Read the books they wrote about themselves and you'll be amazed. He'll be like, holy shit. These motherfuckers won. They won the race too somehow.

I can't believe these motherfuckers won. They're resilient, they're resilient. They almost wiped themselves off. They almost wiped themselves off the planet by just shitting in the streets and just, not having good sewage systems. And then they fucking rats just started, you know, partying.

And then the ones that were left over. You know what? You know what I have a theory? I have a theory. I have a theory that that's those rats really helped them out because they really like, they really just kind of. Well, no, no, no. What they did, what the rats did was that they, they just carved out all the week, you know?

For the super filthy. People like, yeah, it was, it was the super filthy. It was just like, oh, hey, you're eating. you're shitting in a bucket and then like dumping it out and then cooking in it and then not even like rinsing it off beforehand it's like damn like get the hell out of here that's what they were doing there's there's so much there's their actual cookware too ancient text about them coming to africa and coming to the americas and the natives teaching them to shower regularly that's that's that is crazy Cidabee, dude. Like, there's African stories that I'm being like, they came here, and they smelled violent. And we were like, you can go in water every so often and clean yourself and then come out

of the water and you won't smell as bad. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The queen said we should not. The queen said we shall not do that. That is not, that is not, that is not, that is not godly. There are parasites in the water. I will die. powder on my cake riddled ass and it'll be better.

Yeah, I mean, dude, all the evidence you need is when those fucking, when those first pilgrim boats like the Mayflower, whatever the fuck they were called, started like approaching the fucking Americas, the water started turning green immediately. And then fucking like, say, the grass started browning as they were getting closer. And then as soon as they set foot into land, just fucking ratched his. came out of their boots and the fucking belt buckled hats and then the fucking natives immediately started dying. They started dying before they knew what was happening.

The first inkling that these were insane people was that they put buckles on their fucking hats. Like that is a psychotic. That is like a propeller hat basically for that period of time. Like that is fucking insane that you would put a bucket on a buckle on your fucking hat. It is. putting a zipper on your contacts. That is so fucking outrageous.

I mean, what the fuck were you planning on doing? It's fire. It's so sick. I kind of need a baby. Those rats, those rats swam here, bro. Those rats swam alongside the boat,

bro. When they were running out, when they were getting tired, they would hold onto the boat and try to tread in water and rebalance themselves and then they would go back to swimming. They didn't even build a boat.

Their boat was just a rat. entangled in the shape of a... Can you imagine you serve bored rats to Europe, to America? You serve board rats. You just get off a board of rats. Derek, Derek, let me ask you a question. Yeah, go ahead. How would you feel, how would you feel if you, you and Jojo, right?

Let's say it's like, let's say it's five years from now or whatever, right? You have a kid and you bring him to the doctor. And you bring him to the doctor, and the doctor walks up, He says, I have, I have distressing news. Your son is rats. I, in a, in a real world scenario, I'd be like, what the fuck? What do you mean? Your son is in fact, your son is in fact several rats in the shape of your son.

Well, I mean, I'd be like, well, toss it. What the fuck? I don't want that thing. He said toss it Toss it Toss it But you have memories With these rats

You have five years of memories With these rats Wait so you're telling me My fucking My doctor My family doctor After seeing him For years

He realized Or what? He just couldn't have The heart to tell me You know the hard to tell me He probably He was like Yeah He was having

He just couldn't handle a lot on his... He had a lot on his plate and he couldn't handle breaking that news to you. Couldn't break it to you. But it's still like... But he's still like... It's still your son, Connor or whatever. And he's like, Daddy, Daddy. But it's rats.

Your son's going to be named Connor. What a cuss. That's definitely not going to happen. My son's name is either going to be a black-ass name or a... or a name that is... it's by default wide as shit just because of the origins

Otto O2TO Seamus Yeah that would be fucking That would be so I would never It would never

You know No offense to the Irish But that's disgusting I hate I don't know I can't No offense Except for all offense

And so yeah All offense to anyone Names shoes Fuck your name and convince Pussy But Otto Otto is a name

that I want But then because of Jacks from Mortal Kombat, Jackson, JX-O-N. Like, I want this, and I want that nigga to be like, fucking look exactly like Jackson in the way that, like, he wears the metal arms, he has the mustache and shit. And if he does, then I'm going to disown him. Like, simple.

So, first and foremost, your kid's going to be light skin, so he's not going to look like Jacks at all. Well, I want him to at least have the, look, he doesn't have to have the skin perplexion, you racist, bitch. You fucking knew what you raised this. You said, look exactly like him. You said that. I said, I said, I literally.

I literally, I couple, I didn't even finish speaking. Yeah, you coupled with. The sentence wasn't even over when I mentioned his, look, I understand he's not going to look exactly like Jackson. That does hurt my heart a little bit. That's fine. You made the choice. Hey man, you fucking going to have some. Don't bring mine into this.

Whoa. Time on, time on, time on. Tiny ass fucking some tiny haunted, fucking some tiny haunted. Haunted fucking sombrero wearing fucking late. Do not bring mine into this, all right? You're fucking, we're talking about your kids, all right? You're not like your kids. I'm just saying you want to fucking, you talk a big game, but then this dude's like, you know what?

You know what? I got this little haunted ass broad and I'm going to spit out some piss drinking little fucking sombrero wearing mustache hat. This, dude, yeah, the That is so different The running, the running joke The running joke on this show That Lily is a piss drinker

And also that Mexicans are haunted Converging In this way It's deeply distressing Dude Daddy, my kids are going to be small Why is the ghost there, Daddy? I'm scared.

Can I have some peace now? May I have some beasts? No, man. Stop. Leave me alone. No, kid. Get out of here. Go bother your haunted-ass

piss-drinking, mom. Go bother your haunted-ass piss-drinking mom. I hate this planet. Go bother your haunted-ass. Piss-Guzzling mother. Fuck you guys. That sounds like a good family.

I like that. My kids are going to be short. They're going to be so short. I know Lily's proper. is going to win. They're going to be short. You think so? They're going to be short and round. I know. I know. You think so? I feel like Nick is fucking like, we always come out on top a lot, most of the times. We have strong DNA, but so do Mexicans, literally. They're famous for having also

strong DNA. Yeah. So at least I have the advantage of wiping, you know, Jojo's DNA off the planet because she's just as wide as it gets. So she doesn't have a chance in hell. But what happens is this half black, half white always ends up. with white. That's what happens every time. Well, as long as I get a Patrick Mahomes, I'm all right with that,

dude. As long as I get a good athlete. Yeah, I get some really amazing athlete. He's going to, dude, he's going to hear this. He's going to hear this

when he's like 20 or whatever when he's like 15. And he's not going to be athletic at all. And he's going to get a complex about it. He's going to be a nerd. He's going to be like, dad, you didn't want me to be,

he didn't want me to be, look it. You suck. You suck. You suck. You're terrible. I'll beat the fuck out of him if he doesn't like, if he wasted his like genetic talent, his gifts, I'll be, I'll fuck it.

I'd be so mad. I'd be, bro, I don't care. You're playing football, basketball. And then if he gets fucked like me, if he becomes genetically inferior, right? And he's like all short and shit, then fine. I'm going to drill him in a video game store where you can win like every fucking evil tournament and all the shit and become rich that way. So he's not going to have a good, he's not going to have a good childhood.

If they don't got it, they don't got it in video games. You got to understand that. Some people don't got it. Our friend Elliot Herman does not have it in video games, bro. I think... God bless him, man. He tries. I love Elliot.

He's the sweetest motherfucker on the planet. He don't got it in video games. Look, man, there are people who are just naturally gifted at things and there's people who can drill and study. And I feel like, say, well, he just lost his belt. Alexander Volcanowski was that guy where he wasn't, like, say, the genetically gifted guy that's just a natural and everything, but he's just such a hardworking guy. and I feel like

like say even with gaming to me competitively as far as fighting games I never cared enough so there's a lot of the mechanics that go over my head because I just don't care to absorb it so when people are having these in-depth conversations about like specific coding and frames and all this stuff I'm like I understand what they're talking about

but I don't really get what like if they told me off based off of this information you should be able to whip this person's ass and I'm like I whatever like I didn't fucking I need to like study this And so I'm a I'm a force my kid to study And I'm gonna fucking

I'm gonna sit him down forcefully in a chair And then strap them in And then he's just gonna fucking get good You know I so I know right now If I was a kid I know now based on how I can play shooting games now If I played shooters when I was small and I was allowed to play them I could have been really nice at them when I was When I was younger

I know I could have been nice but my grandmother didn't let me play games until I wanted to finish I always had to play video games and it's obviously you got to play now that you got to stop do your homework whatever it is do shit like that I wasn't allowed to really get into shooting games until I was like maybe living with like living with my friends really like I started really getting into them I'm good at them but I just didn't have the time to play as much as I needed to when I was younger and I regret it so much as I could have been I know a lot of my friends could have really gone far video game wise if we just knew the future we were going to live in.

But our parents are all like stop. Yeah. That's not right. Like, don't get your wasting time. And it's like, you dumb, old, old born before the 80s motherfucking idiots. Y'all didn't know shit. They really did it though. Yeah.

They really did it. This isn't going to become anything. What is this? They really had no idea. And in fairness, like, how could they, I guess? But like, there is, you know. Nah, fuck them. I don't know

My parents didn't like necessarily chastise it But like they definitely I would I felt like slightly discouraged Because I would come home I would go downstairs And then they would always do that thing Where it's like oh welcome to the

Whoa Welcome to the land of the living You still alive? I would get that all the time It's like welcome to the land of Yeah shut up Shut the fuck up Shut up

Shut up You just Spass on them You start snarling Shut the fuck up! You don't do shit! But like, but I did feel like I felt guilty playing video games

not because they not because they specifically would tell me like hey, don't do that but because like I would always get that weird like that snide like oh welcome to the land of the living It's like oh my God, I'm just I'm trying to relax Right But I was, it does bother me a lot that

I probably I was, it bothers me that I was so good at certain games at a time where I was too young to really compete in them. Like, at the time. Like, I was really, really, really fucking good at HALA 2. Like, like, really, really good. But I had no idea that that was even remotely something that was worth doing it all. You know, like, I just thought like, okay, whatever, big deal.

I had no concept of like MLG or any of that shit until, like, probably like 2009 or something. Like, probably high school. And I was like, oh, fuck. That's crazy. And now, dude, now they have ESports teams at like high schools. Crazy, dude. Yeah.

That's insane. Crazy, dude. Crazy to me. There are schools with Fortnite coaches. Crazy. Really, that's really, you think, breathe that in. It's wild. It's definitely the only jealous thing that I have as far as like,

damn, I wish we had something like that. for sure because I that's that I absolutely I think we all would have leaned into it like 100 percent um yeah like because that was just so not an it extra I was so not an extracurricular person like I just didn't I didn't care about going like chess club or like or like these random clubs that they had at the school or like doing sports or I didn't give a shit but if that was available it's like oh my god yeah I would I would love to trounce everybody are you kidding that be so that would be sick but yeah didn't have it parents are stupid they're stupid

and we thought they were smart and they were dumb we gave them our trust and they were dumb it's so mad you would have wished that yeah whatever what are you gonna do about it

but yeah it's I do man I see some of those prizes I see some of those prizes for not even winning tournaments well they'll get like six figures yeah and I'm like I'm like I know I could have competed

at that level if I started early. Like maybe not win but like win like six figures every once in all? Absolutely. It makes you resent my family and it's not healthy. It's not good to resent people you love like that but it's like, you're gonna

you held me back. I don't I don't resent my family. I just, it's just, it's more like it's just a shame. It's just a shame that it could have been more powerful than they didn't not even, I don't even think it's the parents. I think really it's ultimately like schools and just adults in general.

That's really because like, I mean, it would have been cool for like just people to just generally understand that that was like something worth doing. You know, so at the very least, like even if our parents didn't support it, at the very least the option would have been there in a school. So to then to be like, well, hey, look, the school's offering it. So like, I'm going to do it. And then they would be like they would have really no choice but to, you know, at least somewhat support you. but Alas I don't even know

what the fuck I did I think I went to one I think I went to one one club in high school and I don't even remember what the fuck it was and I went to one meeting and I was like

this is dumb keep in mind this is like 2007 2008 so I remember being like this is dumb and gay and then I left wow there's so many gay people in this room

and you get up you walk out wow that's not one I mean asshole this room This room is littered with gay people. There's a lot of you in here. Are you all gay? Are you all gay?

You leave the room. You say ill and you leave. Yeah. By the way, before we move on, before we move on to questions, because we got some questions for the remainder of February to fill out. Do you want to mention that we're on kind of a new, we're on a new schedule. We seem to be keeping to it pretty well. So I figure we're going to, we'll let people know in a, in a write-up on the Patreon officially.

But the schedule is, if you're watching the video podcast, this is the visual that I drew up to make sense of it. But this only makes sense to me because I'm insane. But yes. So basically, we record, it, looking at it makes so, it makes more sense than words do to me. It's kind of, it's crazy.

But, so basically we record the show on Wednesdays and Fridays. That's when we record. And we record two episodes on Wednesdays. we record the normal episode and then after this episode today's a Wednesday that we're recording this we record the extra ammo and then on Friday we record the second episode

of the Star Tank and then that cycle kind of repeats and so what the schedule right now is the Wednesday episode goes on Patreon on Friday then goes on free feeds on Monday the Friday episode goes to Patreon on Monday free feeds on Wednesday and the extra ammo

goes live the day the day after that we the day after we record it so Thursday basically. Thursday. So how the schedule works basically implies that every time there is a new episode on a free feed,

like when a free feed goes live, there should be a new, like a brand spankan new episode on the Patreon. So if you find yourself listening on free feeds and you're like, ooh, I like these guys and you pop on over there, ideally generally, within a couple hours of that upload,

there should be something, a brand new thing on the Patreon for you. So that's kind of the idea when I was setting it up. we're going to stick to it as best we can we've got a pretty good set right now so we're doing well

but I just want to clarify that before we move on just so that's out in the open and people understand what the schedule is going forward but it's time we get into the last the last remaining questions

it flew by pretty fast man it did I mean it's a pretty by What's good for me Yep So I think So yeah

Also New highest Every month seems to be our highest month ever And it keeps going And that is And that is fucking sick You have no idea how cool that shit is It's why I really want to hammer

A hammer in this schedule And make sure everything is set Also I almost forgot Merch Is on It's way We got the site

kind of set up basically on the back end everything's there we just have to kind of get designs decide like what kind of clothes we want up there but that should be coming to that should be going live fairly soon I would say yeah definitely like for one more

contact I get contacted for one person about one thing and our merch is good it's all good to guy I need one person hit me up and then we're and so what we're going to do yeah and so what we're going to do with I mean I haven't discussed this necessarily with you guys but I kind of what I

figure, I think we talked about it a little bit, but I kind of want to, when we start the merch stuff, I want to put it out on the Patreon first, just so they get kind of, um, preferential treatment in some way, like, just so they get like an early look at it. It's like, if they want something, they can order it and they get it first as opposed to like free feeds. They'll, uh, we'll, we'll, will, we'll, we can get a sense of like what our audience likes the most of the designs. Like, and then we can just maybe like focus on those and maybe siphon some of them out. That way, when it goes live for everybody, we have something that is, you know, this is kind of business stuff. but I feel like it's, I don't know, it's worth getting into for some of the audience who might be curious.

But anyway, I just want to make sure that you guys know that merch is coming soon. So, let's get into questions already. Let's do it. Papa Jesus. Papa Jesus wrote in. This is not a question, but a fun fact. There's an album on band camp called My Dick, which is just double, which is a double-length album where a guy lazily covers a bunch of popular songs but replaces a bunch of the lyrics. with my dick and the effort gets significantly lazier as the album goes on.

Just thought you go to the boys would appreciate this info. I do appreciate, I appreciate creative laziness in that way. Yeah. Like there is something about that that is, that speaks to me on a spiritual level. You never heard that song? It was like, my dick look like blah blah blah blah. Yo dick. Look like blah blah blah blah blah.

Yeah, I've heard that song. Blah blah blah blah. Yeah, blah blah blah. My dick. It's a really stupid song. It's, uh, I don't know. It's very much so like a stupid-ass 2004 song. It sounds like, um, what's his name?

There's, uh, Mickey, I don't know why I want to say Mickey Avalon or something. I'm probably mixing names up. I think I know what you're trying to say, but I also don't remember who it is. I don't remember the name exactly. There was just like this fucking like weirdo dude that, uh, yeah, yeah, it's it. So Dirt Nasty and Mickey Avalon, my dick Dirt Nassie. I remember, there you go.

Dirt nasty. Yeah. Dirt nasty. That's right. Yeah. Do you guys remember? Got a bunch of flies on the yo dick Looked like supplies from...

Do you guys remember Weird Al Yankovitch? No. No, not at all. You don't remember that? The Soviet Russian version is something? No, no, no. So Weird Al Yankovic, obviously, parody artist.

like beloved figure. I would, I would really be, I would truly be brokenhearted if anything came out about him that was like, really, really bad. You know,

like that would really, that would really fuck with me in a way that I don't think it would fuck with. Like him and Jack Black are the only remaining people where I would be like, man, that's really genuinely,

like I suspect pretty much everybody else of immediate wrongdoing. But, uh, that would really, that would really suck. But, you know,

you know, who's that for me? What is crazy? It doesn't make any sense. Mr. Rogers, I really, really, really look up to him and if he was a bad person my heart would break.

Well, he's dead. I know, but like if they look undercover like Mr. Rogers, in fact, huge rapist and racist, I'd be like, God, why? I feel like that would have come up by now. I think these, like, people who have been dead for a long time, I think it's fairly safe to assume that anything that could be known

about these people, anything that could be known about Mr. Rogers is known. I can't take it. I can't take it. I can't lose him again. I agree. I agree that would be really disturbing, but I think we're in the clear for that.

It's really the alive people you got to worry about. It's the alive people you got to worry about and then you have like maybe five years of like maybe something will come out of it. Like Stephen Hawking is a great example. Although to be fair, I don't know. Stephen Hawking to me is still kind of like one of those like, I don't know.

I don't know midgets or something he was like oh I stand on the back of my neck please how could the thing to me it's like how could he

the thing to me is that he's inherently it's impossible for him to be guilty because he lacks the functionality with which to do so so like I just don't that buddy

right you sure about that like who's like unless people are like throwing naked kids on them like I just don't I just don't understand like how I just don't understand how he could have like, can you imagine him rising out of the chair?

Just because this. Please step on my neck. Step right on it. Right on my neck. Yeah. Yeah, hard. I'm pretty sure what actually happened was. Step on my operating system.

Yeah. Please, go ahead. Get me a virus. Please get me a virus. I need it. I need it. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

It would get some really buff guy. I bet that's a Trojan. Ooh, yeah. I'm getting fried. Oh, God. My lungs are failing. All right. All right.

All right. All right. Jesus. Then the crashing the blue screen. It lasted so long. Wow, my fan's heating up. I love this. What was I saying?

What was I saying? Oh, that song. There was this guy. So weird all Yankevig is obviously like a parody artist. He wrote a bunch of popular like parodies of like famous songs. Oh, he didn't. And early on on the internet, early on like during the LimeWire days, during like when you would

like steal music there were a bunch of like really really raunchy parodies that were made by just completely random people people with no just no one ever took credit for these but they were listed under

Weird Al Yankovitch and the idea was that like oh you would see it and you would assume that it was him but it was always stuff like I'm I don't know it was raunchy like I'm snorting crack

out of this girl's pussy or whatever and you're like this is fucking weird for weird to say what the fuck is going on like i miss this album entirely and you can get a example on youtube yeah maybe hold i wonder i wonder if anybody else remembers this because i i really distinct they will of course weird al yeah because i yancovitch i think it just auto corrects the it try to put something else in there like lime wire or something or Kazar some shit.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Weird Al Yankovich Limewire. Yeah, I don't know. This might be ancient history because I think it wasn't that the artist was called Weird Al Yankovic.

It was just like, it was just a way for people on Limewire to download them. So like the second, to download them by accident. So the second that went away, I think they just stopped naming. them that. But I did find an article. I did find an article from seven years ago, or a Reddit post from seven years ago. Anybody got any, any recommendation on Weird Al's Limewire scandal, aka people

noting that all parody songs on LimeWire were written by Weird Al, even if they weren't? Has he addressed it at all? I remember using my friend's Limewire and seeing a heap of awful parody songs quoted as being Weird Al. Like, yeah, so people do remember this. But I can't, it would it would be a shame to, I wish they were like examples, because some of them were fucking out of pocket. Like wild shit, like racist. And you're just like, yo, what the fuck is going on?

And it's like, what? Weird I'll beat that song? That's pretty crazy. Well, I gotta listen to it now. It's weird out. You got to listen. He gotta listen. It's weird owl. He might have something.

It might be up to something. He might know something that I don't know about cranking my dick to crack a dog. I gotta listen to it So I found a playlist I don't know if this is If there's anything here That's legitimate But the playlist is called

Weird Al According to Limewire And Oh that sounds That sounds promising as hell That sounds close Yeah Now

That sounds close One thing So cows with guns The original animation Huh Another one rides the bus Tony Mason Barney's on fire

Pokemon thong song? My fart will go on Titanic. Yeah. Yeah, like, exactly. So this playlist is some of them that are real. Like, some of them are pretty fly for a rabbi. That's weird Al. Yeah, yeah.

But then there's like Pokemon thong song. Like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's like, what is this? Yeah, it's, it's, will the real slim shady please shut up? Elmo's got a gun? I like small butts. That's pretty good. I like that.

Bill Clinton, Bimbo number five. Damn. Bimbo. That's pretty good. That's unironically a really good name. That is a good name. But like, yeah, it's just,

my name, Weird Al, my name is Darth Vader. What the fuck? My name is. My name is. Is it the song? My name is slim,

it's slim shady. Yeah, it's just terrible. that's so dumb. Like these are so bad, it's wild. But yeah, there was a time where, like, I remember downloading something and he's like, this is not, this doesn't sound like weird out to me at all.

That's so funny. I don't know if you remember LimeWire doing this auto-complete. If you did, if you, if you, if you, if you, uh, executed a search of whatever you're looking for, there would be some of this results would always have the same suffix on the end of like eats her out or something about or Puzzor gets fucked silly. So it doesn't matter.

You'd be looking for like a death metal song like oh, death and fire, Amon Amarth, eats her pussy. And it would always say something that like, that made it sound like it was porn

to get you to download it. And it was obviously some sort of virus. It was always like some weird thing. Those shit almost worked on me always, always, almost worked on me always. I'm like,

damn, dude, download it. The only thing, I hated this era It was more Kazan than LimeWire Because people kind of started like reporting it more on LimeWire It was better P2P interaction But people would fucking

You could edit the The significance of the volume On like say iTunes for example You could put up the volume of a song by 200% And save it And then you can have it be shared And so motherfuckers would click on a song And it would like blow your ear drums out essentially

it would be so fucking loud and people would do that just to fuck with you like I remember downloading oh I wanted some songs from Meteora you know and then fucking easier to run I remember that was one that fucked me good and then it just starts off so loud I'm like and you're furious

because it's like there's no payoff if you're the person doing it you don't get to experience them doing it you know no it is payoff knowing you seek or chaos. The thing that I remember, the thing that I remember most was just getting,

I don't know, you'd be like, oh, man, home by Chris Daughtry, let me download this. And then you'd get the Bill Clinton audio of him denying having sexual relations

with that woman. Or one other one that I remember was like some guy going, like pretending to sleep. And I don't know, like this is not Chris Daughtry at all. What the fuck? What the hell's going on?

Who's this? Somebody's got to make a good video about all that shit, man. Like, just all that, all the bullshit that people used to do. My favorite was definitely that Link song, that Legend of Zelda song that that everyone thought was fucking system moving down. But apparently it wasn't. Like everyone, I mean, that fooled everybody. Lake, he come to town, he's come to save the Prince of Zelda. And I was like, oh yeah, it kind of does sound like surge, so.

Who fucking did that song, by the way? It is an unreasonably good surge impression. It really is. Let's see. What would we type in link? Oh, I could probably put in Zelda. Zelda song system. I thought it was at least, I thought it was at least like maybe them.

I thought it was like a legit system of a down song that they like were just, it was like, I didn't have a word for it at the time. But now I would call it like a shit post. You know what I mean? Like they made it in like the garage and just like, ah, fuck it. Let's throw this together for shits and giggles. Right. And it kind of tracks with them because even in their main LPs, they have some bullshit in their songs. So you just weren't surprised that they're like, oh, yeah, I believe that they would do this.

All right, let's find out who did this. Apparently, Joe, I'm seeing Joe Plyman. Joe Plyman. Sounds like a bitch. Yeah. He sounds like a bitch You sound like a bitch, bitch, bitch Everybody's talking about

Yeah Anyway That's that What were we talking about? I don't know I answered the question, didn't we? I think it would we answer the question I think we did

It wasn't even a question It was just somebody being like He was just talking about my dick And then we got into a lime wire Rabbit Hole Anyway Zine dick Big orange and green

Douth dick Can't fit in a spleen All right This is a good And it's and it's just like Conception minus the boobs Well it's the same as the erection That I get from the

From dude That's so dumb That's smooth by fucking Rob Thomas Oh I didn't realize That's cool It's just like Conception

That was such a Aboos Well, it's the same as the erection That I get from dudes. Dude. You got the kind of cum in that lotion. That's not bad.

You got the kind of comies That makes me so smooth. Yeah. Give me your ass may be real. Give me some cum. Let me real. Give me some cum. Give me some cum.

Dude. Dude, we got to do that one. We got to do fucking smooth. You know what? It is. That is better better. You know what? You know what?

I'm down. I am down to do smooth as the extra ammo today. Yes. Because that's a better idea. I'll do it, I guess. I'm not. We can do it. We can do it.

We can do it. We can do it. You can do it. You can do it. Inherit the spirit of Anthony Fantano. Is that the guy? What's his name? Anthony Santana.

I can't fucking stand you, bro. I was so disrespectful. The internet's busiest cathars. So disrespectful. I don't know what Santana sounds like, actually, I think about it. I don't know what, like, I've never thought about what Carlos Sinclair's speaking voice sounds like. Yeah, I can't. I actually can't conceptualize it even slightly.

Hey, I'm Carlos Sannaway. That's so, stop. Stop insulting him in front of me. I'm Carlos Santanaway. Chalaway, fool. Chalai. Chalais. Mna, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Mmm, frioles. Some chittaroni. Listen, chalawee, fool. Chalawai. I could, I would kill, I would die for, I would die for some good chicharoni right now. Actually, that sounds fucking sick. Hearing Mexicans say chalaueu is so rare,

because they very rarely say that. Yeah, they'll usually just be like, what does that even mean? Chala ways like, like, live on or something. I don't know the exact phrase that what it means. It means like. Sounds gay. Pinchy putto. Not like a bad way.

It's, it's sort of like, Opa. Ew. Don't say that. I don't know why I just can't stand fucking, I can't stand Portuguese. Opa. This pisses me off. It's right. All right, listen, let's move on.

The guy whose name I just read that is the smooth parody, he wrote in, he says, Salutation's fellas, fellas of the heart are. If you think ACDC being Scottish-Australian is weird, wait until you hear about Freddie Mercury being a Persian Indian born in Zanzibar. I thought everybody do this. I thought everybody was keenly aware of the fact that he was like this Persian Indian guy. Oh, like, that, like, lived in, like, Britainland. Africa. Yeah.

Yeah, his name is like, his real, his real name was, like, Mustafa or something, like, some crazy, some crazy shit. You know what's funny? I mean, I'm just realizing that I know nothing about Freddie Mercury, actually. Like, I actually don't know anything. I don't know, like, say, exactly where it was, I don't know the, I've never even, like, I've never watched any. That is so funny. I've never watched anything on Queen, actually. They just enjoyed their music.

I don't know anything about him. That's interesting. He's from South Africa. I know he's from South Africa. He's from, he's from fucking Tanzania. He was born in Tanzania. Oh, you're sorry. He's from Tanzania.

He's from Tanzania. But he's like Persian Indian. Yeah, his name is, so his name is like, uh, Farok. Faroq, Faroq Busara. Faroq Busara. Yeah. Oh, I, which sounds like a fucking, it sounds like, that sounds like, that sounds like an elite's name in Halo. But like, yeah, that's, that's him.

Um, yeah, born in Tanzania, which is like a, he was born in Zanzibar, um, Stone Town. What? Mm. No. Huh? What? Excuse me? That's fucking, that's so funny.

What? No, no, no. Just, because Stone Town and Zanzibar are, uh, that's just so fun. It's not, it's just vaguely abusing to me that those are, that's a very specific halo map. You know Zanzibar is a bizarre? No, I did know that. It's just strange to be... It was just amusing because Stone Town is also...

Stone Town is where he was born and that's also the name of like a Zanzibar remake in one of the other games too, so I was like, I didn't know... Oh, really? See, it's called Stone Town? Yeah, yeah. So that's kind of funny that was born there. Literally.

That must be. Probably literally a funny reference, actually. I wouldn't be surprised necessarily. They like Queen over there. But yeah, I'm really upset. His last name is actually Mercury. God damn it. I thought he was some fucking liquid metal.

I thought he was actually like, I thought he was related to Metal Gear Solid. I thought there was something Metal Gear about the guy. No one's name is really those names. You know that, right? You know that. Wait, you're not actually Blackman. Wait, Alicia Keys isn't Alicia Keys? What do you mean?

That's bullshit. Is her last name actually Keys? I don't know. I don't know. I just don't know. Well, I was expecting you to go along with what you it yeah, it is. It is not, Alicia Key. I was trying to, ah, damn it.

I don't know, Derek. I don't know. That's why I came you for help. Sorry, that was my fault by using. Off the top of my head, I couldn't think of another stage name that's so obviously fake. Like that. So Alicia Keys was like the first day that came to my, because she's a pianist and her name's Alicia Keys. Shut the fuck up.

Of course it's fake. You know what I mean? So that was the first thing I thought. Yeah, but I couldn't think of a better. example of something more popular. Huh? Her name was Cook, I think. Like Alicia Cook.

I think her name was... I think it was Alicia... Alisha Pot and Pan? Pale maybe. Alisha Mustafa or something. Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage is another obvious...

That's good. Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel is a fucking extremely obvious word. Isn't his name Francis? It's... No, I think it's even gayer than that. I think it's something like... I think his name's like...

Poppycock or something. What? Declan Cumbly. Yeah, that's it. His name is Jesus Christ of Nazareth. That is fucking outrageous. That's his first name.

Okay. Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Diesel. That is such an insane fucking name. Diesel. Diesel, that's his name. Jesus Christ of Nazareth Diesel. His name's like Martin Sinclair or something, if I remember correctly. I think it's like Martin Sinclair.

There's certain. He is the most stealthily hidden black person in media period. He is the most hidden black. What? How do you guys feel about about people changing, like celebrities changing their names? I think if they have a stupid name, it makes perfect sense. None of my business. I think if they have a stupid sounding name, it makes sense.

Oh, Mark Sinclair. Yeah. Like Olivia Wilde. Like Olivia Wilde's real last name is apparently Olivia Cockburn. So, like, I understand. Is it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're not using that shit. Just like, I'm actually surprised with all the people, like Marvin Gay.

Like, I would. Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars is Peter Hernandez. That tracks. That tracks. That tracks. That's like my superintendent. That's crazy.

like every other person that I went to high school with. Like, so that tracks, you know, like, if your name's Peter, it's like that one fucking, what was that one R&B singer fucking thinking just by calling himself Miguel? I'm like, you're not going to, I think. You're not going to make it in America. You know, you can make it over, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, they'll probably give you some love, but like, you're not going to be an American R&B artist being named Miguel.

It's just not smart marketing. It's stupid. You're shooting yourself in the foot by just being, you know. Okay, well, so here's an interesting one. How do you feel about this way? Katie. Katie Perry's real name is Kate Hudson. Obviously.

Oh, there's already a Kate Hudson, isn't there? Right. So how do you feel about that being the reason why? That makes perfect sense. I mean, like, you don't want to, that's going to be an SD SEO disaster. Like, you wouldn't want to do that. Joaquin Phoenix is Joaquin bottom? Really? Are you serious?

He's a bottom? Damn, dude. I was expecting more of His brother So his brother was river bottom His name was bottom really Yeah Yeah actually

According to this list I knew who else I know Matt Mercer from Curricoroh His first His last name was like marks Or something like that at first Yeah anytime you hear someone Have a cool last name

I know it's fake Like it's all No no no It was the other side of his family's name That's it was like the other side I was gonna take their name Oh so there was Because that makes more sense

Yeah yeah yeah Like anytime I hear like a cool like you know they'll adopt it like uh because you're because there's your mother's last name right like my my father's last name is jackson no i get it right yeah kingston jackson crazy jack's my father's last thing Kingston Jackson that's a weird name i'm glad you i could have taken my grandma's name too because the last name is either floy or santiago do what the fuck is what what what is your real last name what is that one related to my grandma my grandmother so what happens is my grandmother was married before my

grandfather. Uh-huh. So she was a Jameson before. She was a, no, she was a, a floy beforehand. Her brother was was born a Floyd. Her other side was Santiago. Then she had Graham, then Jameson. God damn.

She had a lot of names. So then you says a lot. Man, Santiago would have been dope. That sounds like pussy-getting name. Santiago. I don't know. I am Kingston, Santiago. I would have to explain so much more by being Latino than I am now.

Kingsen San Diego Has he even changed her name, Darkie to be one of us, really? I was like, no. Kingston Santiago is a good name. That's a really solid one. What is, do you guys know Jamie Fox's real name? I want you to guess what Jamie Fox's real name is. Jameson.

Jamie Dog. That's so stupid. That's so stupid, I think you're fired. That's just stupid asshole. Jamie Dogg. With two G's Jamie dog With two G's

Yeah yeah Like all like Snoop Dog and Them do it Like that's what they got her from They stole him from him They're like I like that I like the two cheese I don't care what you guys say

I don't think it's Jameson Foxworthy Jameson Foxworthy is his name Jameson Foxworthy Yeah His real name is fucking Eric Really? Yeah

Eric He's been He's such a Jamie See now that's bullshit But Eric Bishop Maybe because there's a wrestling promoter with a similar name Eric Bischoff

He was like He made a fucking WCW When they were whooping the WWE's ass Back in the day when they were WWF right So Eric Bischoff maybe he's like Ah that's too similar That's too similar I'm Jimmy Fox

Ashton Cudger's name is Why are you Lisbon? Ashton Cudgeon's real name is Chris What the hell is that? What? No it really? I thought his Wait His middle name is

Ashton Christopher Ashton Custer. I don't know, Chris Coucher sounds like a pretty cool fucking name. The problem is that question common of a name. Can I be honest, I hate, yeah. I guess, I guess so. You're right, but Chris Cutcher rolls off the tongue, though. It really does. It does. Yeah. Ashton is this a, I'm sorry,

I think that is objectively the widest name on earth. Tanner. Ashton. Tanner. Tanner Hunter Ashton. Wow. Damn. Can you imagine having that name? Like, you're a ghost. You're fucking. And Sebastian.

And Sebastian. Sebastian. That's like the ghost of a snowman. There are black people named Sebastian. I know a lot of Sebastian. That's because their parents wanted to help them out. I feel like it's kind of a, it could be, I don't know, it could be a helper or a hindrance. I think Sebastian's kind of like in the middle.

You have that stupid crab or lobster, whatever it was. And then you have Sebastian Bach that idiot from a. Sebastian is the most famous Jamaican character in media. Don't disrespect him like that, right? That is not true. That's not true at all. What does that say to you, brother? That's not true at all.

Who's more famous than Sebastian the lobster crab? Sebastian's the most famous Jamaican ever. The Grim Reaper. Grim is not more famous as Sebastian. I'm sorry, Chris. Grimm is more famous than Sebastian. Shut the fuck up, Chris. He is not.

He is not. The grim room for Billy Maddie's the most famous Jamaican ever. What are you talking about? Do you guys stupid? You know all those Disney remakes of fucking the adventures of Julian and Andy? What if Sebastian was more well-known than Bob Marley? Wouldn't that be insane? He definitely is.

Out of pocket? It's like. I mean, the children. It's not, it wouldn't be out of pocket. That's definitely real. Bob Marley was singing. He's like he's doing concerts in America and the people are booing him and saying bring out Sebastian. Bring out Sebastian, you fraud.

Bring out the foot. Fucking crab, lobster, whatever. Yeah, whatever that thing is. Because like when you look at... When you look at Sebastian. Shut up, niggas. Imagine he just gave up, though, at a certain point. He was like, fine.

Bob Marley comes out. He's like, thick, day, gray. People like, fuck yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. People are passing out like the groupies and shit

They just fucking Yeah One guy screams so loud He almost evolves, bro He just gets Flikes on his shoulder He doesn't even know the words He doesn't even know the words.

People are chewing on their own mouths, bro. People are walking their own team. There are people in the audience. There are people in the audience who are tearing themselves in half. Beep. Beep, bo, beep, bo, beep, bo, beep boep boep boep. Bapap. All right, let's move out.

This is the most disrespectful I've been to my own culture ever. Thank you. The brass is always greener. Now, where the old chat floor. Bring out a poo. Bring out a poo. This is the most insane concert in human history. The most wild constant.

Apoo, Bob Barley, and Sebastian the crab. Oh, my God. That is fucked. You just sit in a crowd looking around like, what? Bro, what am I happening? Why are people passing out and dying? What is it? It's like a Michael Jackson.

It's like a Michael Jackson. People are literally, people are literally Kermitting. They're like Kermit waving. That's this shit. Yay. You watch someone die. Someone legitimately dies next to you. They die and they fall on the ground and then they start like disappear.

They like despawn. Or they die. Have you ever seen, have you ever seen the, the Brad Pitt World War Z movie? Yeah. Where they die and their body starts doing those weird twitches. Those really weird like internal twitches. And they get back up and they start screaming again. Kingston, do you guys remember that movie?

Do you remember the guy who fucking... Who ran and broke us that immediately? No, he didn't know. He ran up a ramp and then like fell and shot himself. I cried watching that, dude. Damn, I need this. I didn't actually watch that movie. That's still gay as fucked to me.

It's not very good. That scene is funny, but like, you don't have to watch the whole bit. Anyway, let's move on. We got four more. We could run through these pretty... Yeah, let's do it. Let's keep this a little light. I got a...

I got some... I got to pick up my fucking, you know... A little earlier than you... A little bit early than usual. No worries. All right, yeah, we'll figure out. God, I don't want to die. All right, go ahead.

All right, so... God, I want to die Derek, Derek Pilot. Calandro sucks tozerd and he says, hello, gang. First-time Patreon gang, long-time viewers since episode zero. Welcome aboard, Ben.

My question to you, guys. Any funny stories when smoking the devil's lettuce? I smoked for the first time at my buddy's place After the session I constantly said I love you to my girlfriend when I came home That's not funny by the way Because he's like one of those

Andrew Tate people like you disrespect women at all times You always disrespect women to play chess And then he said I love you and he's like Always disrespect women in play chess I can't I can't with you I cannot with you Dirk isn't that fucking like Isn't that his entire thing like he just

I always disrespect women in play chess Oh, you just need to disrespect women. You got in me, dude. You got to make sure you take out the king and then you fucking slap your woman. You let her know his boss. And then I was like, oh, okay, that's good advice, I guess. It's better than clean your room. You've got to beat your wife every day.

You have to be her every single day you have to. Yeah, it's better than fucking, what was that the 12 rules of being a dumb piece of shit or whatever? What was it called? I don't remember. I don't think that's what it was, but I think you're probably on the right track. The 12 rules of being a dumb piece of shit. I don't have... Derek, I hate you.

I fucking hate you, dude. I fucking hate you, dude. I really don't like you, bro. I can't believe you, fucking... I'm sorry, I'm releasing some fucking... I had a bad morning. I had a bad fucking morning. Fucking, my doctors are fucking whaling out,

and I just got energy to release. The 12 rules about being a dumb piece of shit. All right, all right. You read that book, though, wouldn't you? I'd read it in fucking cover to cover, bro. Easily. Wobber to motherfucket weed.

Weed stories, huh? I think the only one that I can remember really was accidentally eating seven pot brownies at one of the first get-togethers I had in California. Yeah. Yeah, Chris over did it. Like small miniature brownies or like like a normal, like, you know, like those squares, those bigger ones?

I mean, I mean, they were like like, small squares, I guess. Like, they were, um... Well, that's better, because I was like... That's, like, maybe like, maybe like... No, that's... That's, like, a normal-sized brownie. Like, seven of those...

Yeah, I had a lot. That sounds like... How did you... Dude, we were all hot. We didn't... So, I didn't... I knew there were proud bunnies, but it was like, I was like, I'm gonna eat one, whatever.

And then I remember getting home, we were all in the house. This back on the room in our apartment in Glendale. And I walked in someone was like, yo, dude, I'm so high. It's crazy. crazy and Chris turned to me and he looked like, remember I saw the Spund Drive when he was like inside the house all day and he turned and he was like like a goblin. Chris looked at me and I didn't see Chris. I saw like a creature and I was like, you know, he was like, yeah, I'm sick, dude.

He's a wet. We were high well until the morning, well until that morning, dude. Yeah, I remember specifically because it was one of the first times that I had been, it was one of my first real like time socializing as an adult on my own out here. So I was like at our friend Joe's house, he had a party with all these people that like, I'd only like known for like maybe like a few weeks at that point starting a new life out here. And I was like,

all yeah, whatever. It's like there's people bring stuff to the party or whatever. And I had not really been a smoker at all prior to this or or a drinker before. Like I just didn't really do that shit at all. So I got to this party and then they brought, there's a bunch of food there and I'm eating. And here are these brownies. And I'm like, I have one.

And I'm like, oh, they taste a little weird. But, like, my assumption immediately was like, oh, California, maybe they're vegan. That was my assumption. It was like, maybe there's like, and I was technically right, there's a plant in the brownies. But, like, I just assumed like, oh, I don't know, fucking vegan brownies, you know, gluten for, I don't know. Maybe there's some dietary thing that's making these taste weird, whatever. So I had one. I had two.

I had three. And they were really good. And I was fucking hungry. So I had two more. I had five. and then I went to grab my sixth one and somebody was like, hey, how many of those have you had? And I said, well, like five.

He's like, you know the days that have weeded him, right? And I'm like, oh. But I was like, I don't really feel anything. So there must not be a lot. So whatever, I had two more. And then I got home because I didn't understand. I didn't understand like how much it, like how much,

like the idea of dosages in as far as like weed or like being high, like I didn't understand. I figured like if I wasn't feeling anything now after five, what would two more, like two more is probably not going to make a difference. Or maybe I figured like two more is going to make me high actually is how I'm feeling that. I don't know. No, two more is going to dig evolve you. Yeah. Digivolve shut up.

I don't remember much about what happened afterwards, but I do remember I have a very vivid memory of lying down on my carpet in my room, staring at my light. Like staring at the light and laughing. because the lights looked sharp to me. And I don't know why that was funny. I don't know why I don't even know how that makes sense. That's weed. But it's what I thought at the time. And then I woke up the next day kind of high still.

But all things considered, I'm surprised I'm surprised that didn't fucking kill me. It's probably that in time. Yeah, I'm assuming that there wasn't that many milligrams of it in there. First and foremost, though, like the problematic nature of some fucking dip shit leaving weed brownies with all the other food, like that person should be stomped out. Like, this is not, that's not, that's not predicate. Everyone there knew there knew it was weed brownies. The problem is I think Chris came in after. I think that's what happened.

Even so, you don't, you don't put them together with all the food. You just don't, for that specific reason. I agree. You just don't do that. Your drugs are separated from your other fucking. because that's just not how that's just not how first of all I don't even like I don't like bringing drugs to a party anyway I don't think that's like really that's just not my type of party like people have their own drugs and then I it just there's so many me being from California

the amount of horror stories I fucking hear about people OD because of shit like this not on weed but just other drugs yeah yeah it's just it's just it happens like in this scenario where people are unaware happen it'll fuck you'll get fucked over it happens So it's one of those things where I'm like, ah, like, but, you know, luckily it was just weed and it won't kill you. Like, yeah, that was, that was just that, that was really, I mean, that was like 22, 23, probably not even at that point. Like that was, what, 20. You were there, right, Kingston? Yeah, I was there.

I was 20, I was still 22, so you're still 22. Yeah. So, yeah, so, I mean, it was pretty, it was a pretty long time ago. Yeah. I didn't necessarily, I wasn't super comfortable, so I didn't even feel good asking people. like what was what? Do you remember? I'm a,

it's a very different person. Do you remember when it started to kick in? No. That night is gone. Yeah. Like I do not remember why that party took place. I only remember like one or two people that was even there. I don't remember how I got home.

I don't remember, I don't remember anything. I just remember laying down on my floor when I got home, staring at the light, laughing at how sharp it was, and being confused, and then falling asleep. And I slept so. good. Yeah.

That's the only story that I can really remember. You are gone. You are gone with your pot and for you sleep. You are sleeping hard. The only thing I hate about sleep smoking weed is smoking weed is that one. I have really intense dreams about nothing.

So I wake up like sweating and I'm like, what did I dream about? And it was just nothing. It was like lying down. It was just like I had an intense lying down session. And I'm sweating. I literally can't stand smoking anymore. Now like in my current adult self,

I refuse to smoke weed. I can't do it. I was never really... I was never really into it. I smoked the first time, like, pure pressure. It was pure pressure. Of course, the classic. Drunk a shit at a party,

and my friend wouldn't take no for an answer. And, uh, yeah, so whatever. And I think, yeah, just, I guess that is pretty normal. It's not crazy. It's a beer pressure. Everybody smoked the pure pressure, dude. I think the only reason,

I think the only reason I even started at all, I really had no interest or intent to start smoking weed at all. I think still to this day I've smoked weed like in a joint form probably like fewer than than 30 times, fewer than 20 times for sure. Yeah, I think maybe like I don't know like maybe 15 times. Same like probably I would say fewer than 20 as well. I haven't smoked weed that much.

I've only done edibles twice, but both times are awful for me. I've done edibles a ton. Yeah, they don't. Edibles, edibles I like. I hate. I actually hate edibles. They don't. They sneak up on me way more.

My thing is. They sneak up on me. me, dude. My edibles have to be activated. Well, the two times, they're activated by having regular food afterwards, where I had an entire brownie. I was fine. I drank some beers.

And I'm like, I don't feel anything. This is bullshit. Went to Denny's later on in the night. When I took a bite of my burger, you know, and it started going into my stomach, that's when liftoff happened while I'm at Denny's. And I was like, what the fuck? And then, same deal with my supervisor for my, my job that I shouldn't have. have my accounting job.

He gave me a weed, Jolly Rancher while I was on the job. And then same thing at my lunch. I went to the Greek place next door, got some fries, and then fucking tunnel vision. I started freaking out. My friend,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, dude, just fucking go sit down. He's like, just go fucking sit down. Because I was just like looking at everyone.

Like it looked like I was looking through like a spyglass. And I'm like, dude, I'm going to pass out for sure. And he's like, just go fucking sit down. I think I'm going to die. I think I'm dying.

I think I'm dying. I think I'm dying. I just, fuck, I'm at work. I don't want, like, the supervisor was just a redneck piece of shit. But the main boss, I was like, I can't let him see me like this. Like, I got scared.

I respect him too much. You can't see me this high. It's so embarrassed. I hate this. Yeah, I really had no intent. We were at, I don't know, I think the first time was like I was at a party and then this girl that I kind of had a crush on was like,

hey, you want to smoke? I was like, hey, you want to smoke? I was like, yes. Yes. I was like, I don't want to smoke. Literally, I'll do literally anything you ever ask me to. I will do anything you ask me to. Oh, no, it wasn't bad.

My best friends are here, I'll kill them for you. If you show me one nip, I will slaughter them. That's crazy. Sure. That is, it wasn't that. It wasn't that insane. I was just like, oh, this is a good opportunity to talk to this person. It wasn't that fucking nuts.

I'll eat somebody here. Whole. Do it, do you, pussy. But then I didn't know how to do it, so I choked it as it was so bad. The worst mistake ever. You gotta be like, show me baby, show me on smoke, baby. And then you fucking...

You see that kid over there, that dumb black kid over there? I'll slit his throat for you. Easy. Say that to someone that you've known for like a few weeks that you just kind of like. You see that dumb black kid over there?

I'll kill him for you. You commit a hate crime. I'll lead on him for you. Hard. Hate crimes are hard. It's a fucking gutterol. And then you're like fucking now murdering a bunch of people

for a nipple. That's crazy. I don't even think I would get up. She just shows you just the Fstein wasn't killed. A little top of the nipple. Epstein wasn't killed. He was raptured into heaven,

Rodin. He says, hello schizo demons. If Keith David shows up on the podcast, if Keith David shows up on the podcast, that is legally your last episode. What would be your individual plan? Post Snark Tank Oh post Snark Tank

We'll just start another show Yeah it's the same show But it's not called snarking We just yeah Probably Yeah we'd have to end start We'll figure out a I don't know

We'll figure out some better name We're not gonna tell you our ideas for it Because then you'll just take You'll just take it Copyrighted You dumb rabbit fuck You rabid idiot bitch Slame on your neck as hard as I can

Yeah Anyway Snapple owns you who Roden He says greetings boys what is the worst thing you've ever participated in during middle school?

For me, it was when during a large Nerf battle at our church's youth group, one of the kids had a mental breakdown and began to walk in a big loop around the building and was unresponsive. Nobody asked if he was okay, not even the church members

running the event. Some of us battled around him like a payload cart in TF2. That is fucking crazy. He's just like an environmental hazard. That is, Madness. That is madness.

They're just watching this kid. That's fucking church for you, man. You're like, yeah, whatever. Yeah. Your fucking parents tied. We're good. We're fucking good. I'll pray for him.

Yeah. I may pray for him. I may pray for him. I may pray for him. Just maybe. I may pray. Dumb kid. Send him to hell.

Yeah. I don't know if I have anything. I don't know if I have anything. Like middle school is so long ago at this point that like I don't. If there were things like this, no way in hell, I can remember. I guess the only thing that I could think of, and I've told this story before, is when I convinced that kid who was like a couple grades younger than me that I was an alien and that I was getting ready to destroy the earth.

Yeah, that's badass. And he really believed it, and he was so scared. Stupid dumb-ass kid. He was so scared. The kid's dumbest, toast and piss, man. Yeah. Yeah, I think his name was Derek too. But it was like the normal.

Oh, D.R.E.K. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucked up. You said, that's a normal. Derek. You know what I mean? What am I? What am I?

You're the abnormal Derek. I'm the freak. I'm the freak. Say it. Yes. Say what you mean. Yeah. People don't normally spell it.

It would be like if somebody spelled their name Chris with a K. It's like that's not the normal way to spell Chris. It's a fine way to spell Chris, but it's not the normal way. I actually disagree. I don't think it's fine at all. That's not. I think that's psychotic And you're going to end up a fucking murderer

Like that's I feel that's murderers are born by parents making dumb decisions like that Yeah, mildly stupid decisions that would make sexist path, sociopaths 100%. I really, I truly believe like Like it's you always, oh, how come the, a fucking chicken from the South named Bertha? How come she's fat as fuck? How come people named Simon happen to get into the sciences? How come fucking people that have two names stitched together all end up being psychopaths? Like it's just you're twisting their fucking.

minds, man. Stop it. Just don't give them a name. Yeah, that would be... Stop killing people. You're killing people. How do you, like, how would you address them? Like, like, untitled or... You? Hey, you.

Hey, what do you do? Hey! Just hey! Hey! Hey, get in here! Can you? I've never thought about that. Are you required by law to name people? Like, that sounds like a stupid question, but at the same time, I don't know. Yeah. Like, if you have a kid.

a kid you can't not name him huh yeah is that is that is that like really like because you have to and apparently is there because somebody said there was no laws against naming them a slur but is that true i mean i mean not a slur that's sorry not a slur i meant a bad word like like is that like somebody told me that i never looked it up because i was too lazy that like there was no rules against if you want to name your kid fuck uh i think you could that's that's that's sounds wrong. That doesn't sound like correct to me, but at the same time, I feel like nobody's that insane enough to do it, so that's why it's never happened.

Right. Let's see. Let's see. Can I name? Can you imagine bothering? Can you imagine even bothering having a son, having a kid? Like putting in, it's like you're making this big choice and you're putting your wife through hell and then all for a fucking joke.

Yeah, right? What is, what is, guess what the number one auto completion in Google is? Can I name my kid blank? Guess what the name is. Pillar. No, good guess though. Think more autistic. Goku.

Sonic? Close, sorry, I should have said autistic, but just think more terminally online. Can I, uh, Elon? on? You guys are so... You were closer with the cartoon character kind of...

Oh, can I name my son SpongeBob? It's cool. I mean, you definitely could, but... It's Shrek. It's Shrek. It's Shrek. It's Shrek. It auto-complete. That is fucking wild.

I wonder how many Shrecks there are. There must be at least two Shrex. There must be a lot of Shrex. There must be at minimum at least two Shrex living in the U.S. today. Shrek's are there in the U.S. How many Shrex are currently walking around right now?

How many Shrex? It's just telling me how many Shrek movies. How many, how, uh, is anyone named Shrek? What? No, come on. That's so disappointing. There's no Shrek. There's no, like, Shrek Brian's.

Well, so here's the summary. Here's the summary. according to my name statistics, which is like, I don't know who the fuck knows how valid this is. Shrek is ranked 268,916th most popular name

given in the United States with an estimated population of five. This name is in the first percentile. This means that nearly 99% of all first names are more popular. And there are

zero. 0.0 people named Shrek for every 100,000 Americans. This name is used most often as a last name 90% of the time based on the analysis of 100 years worth of data from the Social Security

Administration. So people change their last name to Shrek? Is that what that said? They used their last name. Is that what you said? Yeah. How the fuck? Oh, summary, the race. What the fuck?

The race... What the fuck? Sorry, the race and Hispanic origin distribution of the people with the name Shrek is 40% white, 1.3% Hispanic origin, 17.4% black, 37.8% Asian or Pacific Islander. 2% 2% 2% or more races and 1% American Indian or Alaskan native. So there are very few native Alaskan Shreks. They're not a thriving breed. Just by default. I can't.

I guess, last question. States. Yeah, I was just going to say about the bad words thing. Some states are abandoning it, but I don't think every state bans it because I think maybe because of the common sense. Do you imagine a black child just to name it, Edward?

Oh, my God. I mean, yeah, I can imagine some people that live there in the South. that I would think that's hilarious. This is how we get back at him. This is how we get back at him. We adopt them.

We're going to raise this kid and treat him good, but also name him and work. It's hilarious. All right. Last one. The last one, SS officer Sweeney wrote in. He says, greetings boys. I have filled my brain with all 400 plus hours of this dumb ass podcast. Woo.

Damn, there's that many. Jesus Christ. And now that I have enough money to ask questions, I just have one. Which of the snark tank spin up? Offs, he's your favorite. Chris and Sweeney, Derek and Sweeney. My absolute favorite would be that one time everything broke and Chris was forced

to do the last half of the podcast by himself like a schizo. I have to be, I have to, I put this in the specific, I put this in the episode specifically because I don't remember this. Did this happen? Did I have to finish an episode by myself? I don't remember. It doesn't sound impossible though. I mean, yeah, but I have to finish.

have no recollection of this. I remember doing the solo episodes. We've done solo episodes in the past, but I do not remember everything breaking to the point where I had to do it by myself. I would say link that episode because maybe it's a possibility that like maybe it was at the point where I started editing and I fucked it up and then you were the only track left or something. I don't know, dude. That would be funny as funny. I feel like I would have been a warrior of that that happened though. Like if that if it would have right Well I don't know yeah yeah like I definitely

I definitely yeah like leave leave the episode number Or whatever what that one was because I don't remember that either Yeah if it's if it's your favorite link it to us because I really I sincerely have no memory of that happening Yeah Which is wild and deeply deeply concerning you know a lot of times the balance I think the balance is good with three of us So a lot of times when there's like somebody lacking there's a little bit like you know it but we did we did an extra ammo it was just just Sween and I and we created a movie called shut the fuck up that I really liked I really liked that actually was like it was like

what was it knows it was a movie that Biden oh Biden fucking gets those causes the new nuclear holocaust like the third world war because he goes to sit down with Putin, but he's so fucking like dementia riddled at that point. He strolls into the meeting thinking he's a clown, so he's wearing clown makeup and a clown costume. And he's doing tricks on

Putin and squirting him with water. And Putin is so embarrassed. He fucking body flops on all of the nuclear buttons. Like, you know, there's just like nuclear buttons that like... That is so crazy. All of the the nukes and stuff. And he just

fucking slams his whole body on him and then just destroys Russia, which causes a nuclear winter. And because of that, comedy is forever banned in the new fucking, when humanity resets. I remember, there's no more comedy. There's no more comedy. And so the movie is called Shut the Fuck Up. That was you. That was you were like, what should be called?

I'm trying to think of something clever. This dude just says, shut the fuck up. And I'm like, okay, sure, that's it. That's it. That's it. The fucking film. The idea of a film being called Shut the fuck. fuck up

I thought that was good I was like oh that that was money it was good my yeah shut that's

it's just shut his dementia ridded ass up there'd still be jokes and laugh I love that he

made it all the way there nobody checked him he was a clown the entire way flying in the fucking air force one

and all it's just as a cloud he's sitting down peacefully too like it's not even like a fucking wild cloud

you just got a there waiting to get through he needs to get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's looking out the window. He's ordering food normally. Yeah, he's like, but this is the most lucid he's been ever

in like years. I really hope we get a... He starts getting goofy as fuck. As soon as he steps off the plane. He gets silly as shit, dude. That's good. I want to see a clown hit somebody in his head and a pie and kill him.

That would be a really funny thing. I want to be a really funny thing. close to it and breaks their neck. What's that killer clowns from our space is probably the closest thing you'll see to that? Not because they're trying to be scary. Like they're trying to be scary. I want silly.

I want silly to a dangerous degree. Like I want so silly. It's like fucking dangerous stuff. He's got to watch that scene, man, where he like kills. I can't remember if he's a copper security guard, same shit, whatever. And they just throw pies until he dies.

Like he just, what are you going to do with them? Pyes until he dies. And then he threw pies and he dies. I was like this movie's amazing.

You're making a fucking killer clown video game. I think I'm coming out this year. It's coming out this year. Oh yeah. I'm excited. It should be fun. Oh man.

So before we before we get into the credits, which we will get into very, very quickly, I do think I kind of want to get into a habit of reading the comments

or like reading some of the comments that were on the last episode from our Patreon members as we close out the show because I think it would be cool to kind of like because we never really address any of the things that we we never really talk about

the reaction to the stuff from last episode and this last episode had some really funny ones Silk Song Believer wrote he says seeing that the credits started with like 50 minutes left brings me so much joy uh Sweetie's girlfriend

Archive says watching porn on four screens Like your Mr. Spock is crazy The virtual with Iron Manor He's like moving everything around Yeah like you You ever watch Minority Report You ever see Minority Report with A freak's name

That little freak The Top Gun guy I can't remember his name Tom Cruise Yeah thank you I said that little freak. I hate you. That little freak.

I hate you. To be fair, I think he's like an inch taller than me or something. But yeah, he just... He's taller than us. He's not taller than us, for sure. He's not tall on you, Derek. I think he is. He's your height.

He's your height. Yeah, he is. He's taller. He's tall in us. He's 5.7. Let's see. Yeah, yeah. 5.7?

One inch. Yeah, one inch. Yeah. I feel like I might be 55 now, though, because I think my disc collapsed. And I have this crease. crease in my neck. Like, I seriously think my, like, disc in my neck collapsed and then, like, I'm just a little bit shorter now. It, dude, people who have neck issues, it happens. Like, people get their fucking disc corrected, and then they'll grow. They're like, oh, I'm like an inch

taller now. And I'm like, bro. Because, like, I see these creases in my neck that I'm like, oh, my shit's like been kind of crouched down. I didn't used to have these creases in my fucking neck. So I'm like, uh, what are you going to do? I think my head's smashing my neck. well what are you gonna do so this is love somebody somebody wrote in

Bacon wrote he says fuck you guys Connor was awesome agree to disagree Connor what because we were talking about Assassin's Creed we were talking about Assassin's Creed

on the last episode Assassin Street 3 Connor was fine I didn't hate him he just wasn't memorable to me he didn't fucking

yeah he was forgetable he wasn't bad he was forgettable which I think is kind of worse in someone That's a dumb fuck right this. Stop starting.

I don't want to play fucking kid version. That's the first thing you do. You start off being kid version of Connor. I'm like, well, fuck what I want to do this? Ever. Ever! In any game. I don't want to be a kid version of badass warrior, ever.

All right. Propane is a hell of a drug. I tell you what, Rodin. He says that Buffalo talk really had me wanting to peel my face off. Which is... Should have done it. Appropriate. Should have done it.

She should have done it and sent it to us. I'm sure some fucking autistic guy. They know everything about Buffalo. I'm sure that's what this guy is like. Why don't you do it? Why don't instead of talking about it, why don't instead of talking about it next time you peel your face off? How about that? Actually, I'm a fucking certified.

I am a certified buffologist and I know a lot about the buffaloes. You go buffing all about dick in your mouth. Speaking of that, real quick, speaking of that, I did remember because I did look up while I was editing the podcast, horses did used to exist in North America, but they went extinct. They migrated into Siberia like fucking everybody did back in the day. They all just like either they went across or they went. You know, they always used that bridge from Alaska to a Russian. The ranchers, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So horses, they migrated. And then the ones that stay behind, they went extinct. And then so then the colonizers brought them back to North America. So I just want to clarify that. But technically I was correct, but then also not really. The cottonizers.

I mean, the colonizers. Or I guess technically I was wrong, but whatever. Yeah, the colonizers. Literally, when I was reading an explanation, people, they called them colonizers. I was just like, well, it is accurate. They literally colonized area and fucking brought them sweet horses. They took everything from me. They stripped everything from me.

They gave me English. I want to speak. The last, the last two, I asked the rock for his autograph. I told him, my name is Derek Black. Blackman, he death, and he death-grip my balls and said it's about dick, wrote in. He says, I know that, he said, be insane. But he said, I know that porn scene, dead ass. Let's go.

Which is fucking so funny. Let's go. There was a, there was a couple of comments like that. There was just like, I know exactly what they're talking about. That Beledonovid was way easy to find. It was one of them from unnamed drone. So that's funny. There was one other one that I wanted to read before we...

Oh, the artist formerly known as Seaman M wrote in. He says, please make an entire extra ammo dedicated to Sweeney reading hate comments. Miles Morales has bioelectric powers, not electrocanesis. Sweeney massages his throat with Miles's cock, and he deserves his imaginary piss-drinker of a spouse. This nigga just said that bioelectricity and electrical canes aren't the... They're not the same. You see, you see, this is the stuff that bothers me, right? This motherfucker with his whole chest, right?

His whole chest, he was like, I got him. I got him. I got him. It's not the same thing because I look, I saw a different word. It is the same fucking thing, dude. It is literally the same kind of power. It's the same power. broadly it is

but the implication of the same fucking power the implication of electrocanesis means that you can channel energy in a very very controlled way versus general electric bioelectric powers just kind of means you have the power

to channel electricity doesn't necessarily mean you can control it with the effectiveness of like making a fucking shape out of it that's kind of the difference because canesis implies telekinesis that's kind of the difference and well no biomexia

this means you can control like caneses means you can control that's means It's just control of element. But control is different. Control is different than simply like powers. You know, like, would you say that Cyclops has laser kinesis? You know, like, I don't...

I wouldn't say that because Cyclops never shows the ability to do it other than it's just pouring out of his eyes. I know what you mean. Right. But when Miles Miles Miles Schultes shoots lightning out of his hands, that's electricinesis. And he's been doing that for a while. But I don't think you can... But I guess my thing is like even in the games that I say. And then now literally he can.

And maybe in the comics... Control it. But maybe in the comics, it used to be different. But, like, from my understanding, by playing the game, every electric power that he uses, it's kind of like generating around his fist and he, like, hits people with it, or he shoots like a general kind of, like, spread. It's almost like a shotgun blast of electricity where it's,

it's not like he's controlling exactly where he's going. He's just kind of like directing a really unruly fountain of electricity. So that to me is like... It's not storm. It's not storm. That's, right. It's not storms level control. Or it's even Thor's, right?

But it's still that power. But that's why I used the spit analogy last time. Yeah. Which I think makes sense because, like, you can spit on somebody, but you can't control, like, you can't really control it once it's out of you. It's just kind of unruly the second it's out. You aim and shoot it. That's it. Pretty much.

Right. Now, granted, granted, granted, I'm going to go back to what I'm saying. I think him having the power. to create an electric sword is cool in moments, but I think it's very unnecessary because he has so many powers already. Spider-Man already has so many powers, you know, as Spider-Man.

He's super-strained, super speed, enhanced durability, he can heal, he's fast as fuck, he can fucking lift 10-tons, all that shit is pretty, it's pretty impressive, right? Now, one power I like is that Miles has a spider sense,

the Simpsomere Peters. Hold on, no, no, no, we're not, this isn't an interview about what powers you like. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, my spare piece store real quick, right? He has a spider scent. It's not quite as strong as Peters. So he can't detect danger quite as well. But what happens since he has electric powers as well,

he can sense electricity in the general area. I think that is cool. I think that's gay-ass bitch-boy shit. I think you're gay-ass bitch. I think you wrote it because you're a gay-ass bitch-boy. You gay and dumb. Yeah, I wrote it. That fucking

I would never be a guy. We're making fun of it and they're sitting there quiet. Get his idea shot on. All right. Fucking Kingston. I fucking hate these dumb people. All right, let's get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, let's. Let's get the fuck out of here. Thank you guys for your support over at a picture on the com slash a Star Tank means a lot. We had our biggest month again. Pop on over there. I want as many followers. I saw

sacred symbols, they dropped a clip. And they're like, look, I can't believe people support all this because we'll take a million years to get into what we're supposed to talk about. And them niggas, I haven't seen you guys on a long time. And he's like, man, there's like 14,000 of you niggas. Like, I think Colin said that verbatim. It's like, there's like 14,000 you bitch niggas. Like, thanks, my niggas.

And I was like, damn, that's fucking, that's an army. That's a real army right there. And I'm like, fuck that. You know, fuck that. I want to I'm a I'm a competitive ass motherfucker I'm taking you guys down I know it's I know it's your shape Chris but I'm taking we're taking

their asses I want fucking 14,000 whatever and one I want one more I always want one more than one I hate like it's like on freaking what you go it's like on the show with uh with a bob market where it's like I it's a $1 $1,200 fucking dining set 1,2001 I'm like you piece of shit

bitch ass nigga pussy ass punk ass bitch ass nigga ass I want to always whip those people's asses. And so I get why Colin would be like, what's up? I would absolutely do that. I would absolutely do that. Because why would you not do that? It's just so, I get it?

It's such a smart strategy. It makes so much sense to do that. It is. Like you'd be stupid not to do that. It just feels, it's, but I, because like, even in, like, competitive sports, there's some things that can end up fight really fast. Like, there's a thing called an oblique kick, because it's got an oblique angle. which could really fuck someone's knee up

and just put them out of commission for like nine months and most people don't do it out of respect but there's a handful of assholes that fucking do it because they're like hey this is a fight and they're correct they are correct but everyone's still like

man fuck that guy and that's the people that do the $1 thing because like it is it's a smart strategy it really is but it's still this you like honor that exists this planet is outrageous dude like I like I have my whole whole

life, I'm like, oh, you don't do certain things. It's like, because you're supposed to respect people you you encounter. And then I mean people like you, Derek, that are just like, I'll throw sand in someone's eyes and try to eat them. And it's like, what is, what is, what do I exist then, you know? Like, what am I here for? Look, I'm not a sandman, but I am, if a guy in real life is trying to, like, really assault, like, really, I will, I will fucking hyper extend their knees to the point where they look like Arbiter, like 100%. 100%. Like, step in on some. One's knee is insane. There's a scene.

They can't walk anymore. There's a scene in Adventure Time. I've never really sat and watched that show, but I think about it every fucking day, I think. Where a deer, a deer step, like just stomps on, on Finn's legs and folds them backwards. And it is one of the, I, that scene kills me every time. I have not seen that show really at all. I haven't sat through a single episode of it, I don't think. But that clip is one of the funniest things I think I've ever seen.

Yeah. Adventure Time. Adventure Time has to some of, what happens is the beginning of that fight too. The very beginning of that fight, a deer stands up on its hind legs and takes off its hooves. Yeah. We talk about the little hands. The little hands. And then he just stomps on his legs.

He doesn't even use his hands. It's so fucking evil. It's a really good show. Revealing hands as a deer is broken. That is a broken. I do like the idea. The idea in the pitch meeting. I have an idea.

I have an idea. Let's reveal that the deer has hands. It's just such an unhinged ideas. And everybody's clapping it the fuck up. Everybody is clapping. So, all right. Let's move on.

Let's read the fucking $25 and up patrons to get the hell out of here. Gotcha. Yeah, nigga. Yeah. Bub. Count me down. One bub, three bub.

Do it. Three, two, one. Tornado claw. I can't count. Fucking Q bub, three bub, four bub, seven. Light bulb. I don't know what's happening. The Holocaust.

I don't know. Tornado claw. Yo, that's seen of Professor X Beaming the Holocaust into Magneto's head is crazy. It's because it's because it's more context than that. pretty stream though it's still pretty extreme oh yeah Jude dad like that he's like

ah Hitler huh look at that little shit oh you knock me down huh you knock me down huh you knock me out of my chair huh it's like you know what's crazy

I hate I hate to say it but Magneto's right Magneto's 100% right the whole time he's been right like the whole entire story of X-Men Magneto's always right. Of course.

Is it that he's walling? He's bugging. But he's 200% correct the whole time. You scuff my wheelchair. I'm Professor. You know how long it's going to take me to stand back up in that wheelchair? You'll pay for that. I'm going to be a death of your race.

Not going to get me any pussy jean? Man. Nah. Have fun. I have to be able to walk anymore. Have a taste of. fucking have a taste of the Holocaust.

Man. Man. Man. We're shitty people. Do we're shitty people. I didn't do that. I didn't beam the Holocaust into someone's head.

I would. I would absolutely not do that. I disagree. I think it's funny. I think the idea of that is funny, but I would never do that. You wouldn't do a trant you would not be a transatlantic

professor x beaming the holocaust in your enemy's brains why would you do that at people's minds I would put like the worst I would find the dark web snuff films and put it in people's brains like this dude hey you didn't know this exists here's a real town you beam the funky town cartel video into people's heads when they're like the second they wake up

oh no You don't want to know what that is, by the way. Do not Google that. It's really not. Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. It's really not funny. It's probably, it's the least funny thing I've ever seen, in fact.

It's why I laugh at terrible things. That just makes me cry. Yeah, it's bad. It is. Anyway, let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Three bucks. Start reading.

Okay. $25 is the base commission rate for the N-word on Fiverr. Dang, that's crazy. It's like a... You know, on Fiverr, that's a pretty steep tax, but in just real world money, it's pretty cheap. Chernobyl Flashlight, McJackel. Nice.

You can find me into club, butthole full of cum. My pussy, it's the best. If you fucking butts, I'm into gaping sex. I ain't into women, woman love. Using Sween's curtains to wipe the sun come off him, how do you make the names longer?

let me, thanks. Jack, the world's fastest, mayori. It's fattest, not fattest, you clown. My piece is so big, call it one cock. That's so dumb. Ben Shapiro destroys woke student by shoving them in a hydraulic

press. He actually kills. He actually destroyed. I love that. All of these people actually start killing people. They're literally destroying people. literally destroys and he's like

I'm Ben Shapiro See Yeah Yeah This comes flying at you Like a great You want universal health care Yeah here

Here's a woodchipper Eh? You ain't seen Here's a universal Press He doesn't He's not He's not gonna

jokes at all. Press. I see you like pressing things, huh? How about I press your heads of flatness? I believe... Man. Well, I believe Mr. Ben Shapiro that what's happening in Gaza

is a genocide. I was like, well, I'm going to... Let's see what... Let's move If that's what the daily wire was, I would subscribe. I would subscribe to the daily wire. Dude,

if it was just Ben Shapiro failing to come up with clever insults and then reacting angrily by shoving people into hydraulic presses, I would pay every bit of money that I own to see all of it. That would be crazy. I would be a tier five sub

if that was possible. I need to have a shoving people in the press. I have been, Shapiro getting angry enough to shove people and he kill them. It's crazy. He just gets possessed by anger and he does something outrageous. You're like,

why do you do that? The visualization, the visualization of him stomping, like him angrily sauntering towards an individual is really great. Yeah. Never liked you anyway.

I like it. I like the idea that this is becoming our person. of just anybody. Just anyone? Yeah. Andy the man whose handies are S. Tier and dandy. Five Filipinos versus

almost 20 Mexicans, a real video. I could have gotten a taboo. A taboo. Oh, I could have gotten a tattoo of anything and chose fucking rise against. That's true. I also got a Bioshock tattoo. Heathsmoker.

A P.B. and J is a sandwich, albeit a sugary one. You cock. Fair enough. I don't agree. Chris is. Chris is progerian,

uh, yeah sure. Chris is progerian anal dwelling. I don't think it constitutes a sandwich in this. Wait. I had, I said it on Twitter a while ago. I mean,

did you have, did you not? I didn't see that. It is a sandwich in the same way that a mattress is a blanket sandwich. Where like it's, it's, I guess, theoretically.

I, but like, that's not what a sandwich is. Wait. It is, though. To me, a sandwich, to me a sandwich is meat, cheese, lettuce, or any combination of those three or any of those three in specific isolation. So, like, you get up, like, just like a normal salami sandwich. Or you could have, like, maybe even like a bacon egg and cheese where there's, like, eggs and there's, like, meat and some kind of, you know, there's meat and cheese.

Well, the definition of a sandwich is condiments. I understand with the definition. I understand the definition of a sandwich. Okay. So you are aware that you're wrong. I'm talking about, I'm talking about the feeling because if we're just going. by like what the computer says, then we're no better than AI. That's how I feel about it.

It's like, we're just going to go. So definitions of words don't matter to use what I'm saying. So what words mean don't matter to use? No, definitions matter. I just feel like there's colloquialism in the way that we talk about things. That isn't entirely always accurate. Like the best example that I can think of is like, killer whales aren't whales is a good example, right? We're like, killer whales are not whales.

They're fucking dolphins. But we call them killer whales because that's just what we call them. I think a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a sandwich in purely in technicality alone. But if somebody was out and they were like, hey guys, I'm coming back with sandwiches and they didn't tell you what kind. And you got excited. It was like, ooh, sick. I'm excited for the sandwiches. And they came back with peanut butter

and jelly, I'd be fucking livid. I'd be disappointed if they came back with fucking peanut butter and jelly. Because that's not what in my mind, what a sandwich is. If you Google the word sandwich, every you will have to scroll for ages before you found an image of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It's just, that's just the nature of what a sandwich is. People have a very specific flavor profile when they think of them. People have a very specific image when they think of them. And I just don't think it really lends itself well to what a sandwich is. I think a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is basically an uncooked pastry. Peanut butter and jelly, it's too sweet. It's like, it's borderline candy.

And I don't think it qualifies as a sandwich. Personally, I'm not saying it isn't sandwiched because that's a verb. But I don't know. It's like splitting a, it's like splitting a fucking, what do you call? A Pop-Tart in half. And being like, oh, well, that's a, that's as much of a sandwich as a peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Look, man, I think it's a perfectly logical explanation.

I get what you're saying with the, with, when you talk about people envisioning a sandwich, obviously there's a dival, just like a burger. There are many types of burgers. Right. Just like to, in other countries, a chicken sandwich is not a chicken sandwich. It's a chicken burger. Like, so when they're like, and I deal with this by having a European wife where she's like, it get me the chicken burger.

And my mind fries a little bit because we don't call it that. Yeah, no, it's a colloquial. It's a colloquialism, and I get that. But it's kind of like a burger, right? Like a burger is not a sandwich, but it is. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like, like it is literally a sandwich, but it, you would never fucking say that.

And that's kind of how I feel about it. It makes, I get what you're saying, especially you have to make context if you're saying a peanut butter. Like if somebody said, like, I'm going to bring sandwiches back. They would have to clarify that it's P.B. and J. You know, because otherwise you would expect a normal sandwich and then you'd be fucking upset. I agree with that. But that's the thing. I would expect,

but if somebody just said sandwich as a blanket term, there's so many things that I would accept. Like, I would accept a bacon, egg and cheese, I would accept a BLT. I would accept a chicken sandwich. I would accept a pastrami sandwich,

a ham and cheese, salami and cheese. Like, there's so many things that I would be like okay with if I was given like, hey, I'm coming back with sandwiches, and that's all the information. Peanut butter and jelly,

the fact that you would have to specify that in and of itself kind of implies that it's in its own kind of separate category. It's more of a pastry to me. Like it's just like the flavor profile, like the way that you eat it. It's just, I don't know. Every time I saw somebody eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch,

I was like, that's fucking gross. I'm not personally, I'm not a massive advocate of me. I feel like sometimes I'm in the minority of mixing savory and sweet flavors together. I'm just not really a huge fan of it all that often. So I would just be a regular peanut butter. I love the taste of peanut butter

And like having a toasted bread And putting peanut bread on it It's fucking delicious to me You throw jelly on it Grape strawberry doesn't fucking matter All of a sudden The flavors are complicated to me It's not

It doesn't accent I just don't think I think salty savory things And sweet rarely accent each other I know that you gave an example Of those caramel cheese It's rare It's rare

In my opinion Yeah I just normally I wouldn't want Anytime somebody offered me like a P.B. and J. I'm like, I'm good. But I'll, I'll fuck up just a, I used to do this, it would be my protein snack before I would go to the gym.

Just a little bit of peanut butter on a fucking slice of bread and then throw it in my mouth and I'm good to go. Yeah. Get some calories in. Would you agree though? Would you agree though that a sandwich kind of implies meat when you hear it? Yeah, it's, it is the default. 100%. Like, it's just like, okay, yeah, technically peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a

sandwich, but yeah, you would just, you never would ever, nobody, if anyone ever thinks of that as the default sandwich, they're psychotic. Like that is, there's something's wrong with them. I agree with that. Something's absolutely wrong with them.

If they expected, you bring back some type of fucking nice, uh, turkey sandwich and then they're like, oh, I thought you were going to bring back peanut butter and jelly. Oh, I was hoping for PB&J.

Yeah, what's like, we can't be friends anymore. It's the same way I feel about, it's the same way I feel about, it's the same way I feel about chocolate and candy where it's like, if somebody comes home and they're like,

hey, I'm getting some candy and they come back with chocolate. I'm going to be like, I mean, I'm not disappointed, but like this is not what I expected. Oh, that's interesting. I expected like nerds rope and fucking airheads

and that's what candy is to me. Hmm. You know? I guess, I mean, because people do say, that's actually kind of similar. It is similar. That is a similar argument.

I consider chocolate candy, but like at the same time, but it's saying that people specify. They say chocolate when they're bringing chocolates. Because my brain combines them both. They should. But I would understand. I'm like,

I'm going to bring back some candy. Would you mind chocolate? That's what I would say. Yeah. Which is that further clarification that is needed. That's what, it's kind of the same thing with P.B&J. To where it is that. I think to me, yeah.

The differentiating factor between chocolate and candy is that you wouldn't, you don't put candy in your breakfast. You know, like you can't have a nerds rope chip waffle or like an air, air, a glass of airhead's milk. You know, like, these are things that are like, and it's the reason why you, it's the reason why you would see, it's the reason why you see like fucking Sour Patch. it's cereal and you're like, ew, gross. Because it just doesn't, it doesn't, but cocoa puffs, cocoa puffs, you don't even blink. You don't blink at. These are, these are separate categories in my, in my mind.

Yeah. Melfuckers will have, though, they'll have like, fruity pebbles, though. I'm like, I don't get it, but, you know. Fruty pebbles is on that line, man. It's on that line where it's like, three pebbles. I like, pretty pebbles, but they are at that point.

They are at that line where it's like, this, this is kind of candy. It's pretty much candy. It's just like fucking fruit flavors and it's sweet. And then it put it in milk and it's me. It doesn't really mix that well with milk. I'm just like, I'm not. That's the Chernobyl.

That's the Chernobyl zone of this conversation where like the second it starts getting into like fucking fruity pebbles. It's like, I don't hate foodie pebbles at all. But like there is something of there's something about them. I like them better. They're really pushing it. It's pushing it. I like them better without milk. Fruity pebbles and fruit loops are.

or cereals that I like to munch on as a snack and not have milk in them. I just don't think milk works well with that because it is kind of like a candy. It reminds me of candy. And so I just don't, and I don't, whenever I get nerds or anything that's like candy, I don't think of having a tall glass of milk with it. It just, no thanks, dude. Right. It's heinous, in fact.

But, yeah, all right, let's get the fuck on. Yeah, yeah. Chris's Pergerian. Early. Yeah, not having. Chris's Pergerian anal-dwelling vestigial twin Wanting him to stop eating Chipotle I don't eat Chipotle that often

Really at all But Yeah that's like a once every once in a while thing Like right That's like every once in a while Chipotle Yeah It's just like

Yeah every now and again I'm in the mood for like that specific Every now and again I'm in the mood for that specific Flavor profile of burrito You know where it's like Yeah I can I can have this specific I always get like the chicken

The chicken's good Pinto Pinto beans, white rice, fresh tomato salsa, maybe some cheese on it, and then a double wrap. It's usually, that's usually like what I do, sometimes.

I do double chicken. But like, I don't know. If I want like a real burrito, like I'm... Yeah, you go to... I love rice. I love rice so much.

I don't know, I love rice too much. I'm just, I'm one of those unlucky souls that, uh, people say soap, but it just tastes like not food to me, a cilantro. Like,

uh, when I have cilantro. Oh, it just, it doesn't taste. like food to me and people say soap but I don't really get the soap thing but it just doesn't my

tongue's like ooh food no it ruins the rice and I'm like could you can you knickas at least have some plain rice for me for the for the other part of the population like nah fuck you bitch I'm like right wait what rice don't you like? No it's just their rice is cilantro and lime

so since it has cilantro I don't fuck with it yeah doesn't matter if it's brown or white they just don't have plain. They're not playing for bitch-ass people like me. Del Taco do the same thing. It's fine.

It's good. Dude, I think arguably they have some of the best tortilla chips. I think they're fucking lime. Very good tortilla chips. They're really good tortilla chips. I will say like the rice.

Chipotle is one of the, I like the rice too. I like the cilantro. I can't have it. I wish I liked swan truce. The thing to me about Chipotle really is that like it really does.

depends on when you get. If you catch it when all of that shit is fresh, when they just put out like a new bucket or like a new like thing of everything, that shit is so good. It's unreal. But you're very rarely ever going to run into a situation where all of that stuff is equally fresh. You're usually going to be like maybe the chicken's not not super fresh with the rice is. Maybe like this is kind of like been sitting out for a while.

Sometimes you'll get a fucking royal flush where everything is fucking stale and that ruins everything but that that that handful of times where like you get it everything is fucking fresh it's like it's it's pretty top in those moments it's top tier fast food so the way that you can get that is if you go but who does this most people don't it but if you have the privilege if you work at a specific time where your lunches early or whatever because when the first opens everything was just cooked in a way that say i every once in a while i'll get Panda Express. It's right up the street for me.

And they have this honey, uh, sesame chicken. It's pretty much the only thing that I really like from there. And they, it's not made yet when I show up. So like, hey,

give me five minutes. It's fucking crunchy hot as fuck. Like it'll burn your mouth. And I'm like, this is, this is so much better than I ever fucking thought it would be. This is incredible. For me,

I don't know, man. I'm picky. I like, like, like, I like, I like,

I like, I like, I like, I like rice a lot. I love rice. I'm fine in most places. Because I just prefer rice over every, like over literally everything.

I just don't like rice. I want, I just, I just, I get cilantro and lime rice is amazing for a lot of people. But it's just like, I wish some things just, they wouldn't like,

hey, throw the shit in afterwards, huh? You could have a fucking, I don't know. It's really just, or at least just have an option of not having that because it fucks me.

I can't get rice at Chipotle. And it's like weird to me. We're like, this is fucking crazy. All right. She's not, she's not pipkin on my pippa, cringe, gay, cum, obunga, homeless trans femme who comes. You can lead, can you lend an N-word a pencil?

I don't remember that. Sure. Letting Chunley rip my DNA strands into pieces. Little be the base god asking Selma cash money for feedpicks on Twitter, dead serious. I did see this. remember that i remember i totally remember that i do remember that guy's so weird man like that guy's such a freak he's been doing that for years right do and he follows like every person

on earth essentially like he follows so many people yeah i'll see someone's it's for a while man he was great you're anyway anyway we got him we got my solace for a little bit joe biden's inner thoughts are dial-up sounds fuck it carry on with the britain slander shit sucks here mr pants swine i would greatly enjoy it if i heard you guys Got tacked to you by Lily and Derek's wife with 12 inch trap. He's upping the inches on this every single time. Is that what happened? Baller of the first sin.

Why is he an incher? I don't know, man. He just inches. Spum befudders, using this burning Quran as a spell component, I cast earthquake at ninth level targeting turkey. That's crazy. Damn. Jolly old dipshit. Louis Armstrong, first man to nut on the moon.

What? Ah. That's base. I would love to nut on the moon That would be cool as fuck You know they're taking applications to live on Mars Yeah I'm not doing that Yeah you'll do like first they'll do trials of you living for a year

In like a condition that's like Mars And then if you're good to go Then they'll send you to Mars And it's going to be a whole two year thing So you're gonna be there You're gonna basically be the Martian like that Matt Damon or whatever So you guys

Matt Damon Just, yeah, exactly. Propane is a hell of a drug. Propane is a hell of a drug. I'll tell you what. Tofer, laser pistol, cypher graph. If Chunley had a penis, I would suck it vigorously. Same.

Two mad, six under. Uno dose gays. Quatro Cinco, Cinco, Cinco gaze. So stupid. Thomas, I'm not spiteful. Fuck, you suck my dick, sweetie. Dom, I'm squirting. Get a glass.

I want to see it. It's a matter of time before he blows a load. when I thought it was time. I caught it in my mouth. I sucked on eight long cocks. I don't know what this is. Comes in Ivy. Sweeney's superpower is being confidently wrong.

Back to Tank of Come. Caucasian container of the Cracker Bell for gays. Donald Trump burping on Dom's clit. Chris wearing earplugs to roleplay as deaf and blind. That was mean. That wasn't nice. In Gump's voice, my wiener has gone all big, Jedday.

Do you know anything about that? She pipkin on my pippa. Possum is the only empathetic person from Long Island. So, Chris, and me gusta verga negra. Damn. Black dick. Nice. Nice.

Some good old black dick. Maybe she drinks piss, but at least she exists now. That's true. Stephen Hawking's italicized the jaw licking on Epi Island. I'm going to hell, aren't I? Yeah, you are. Uh, just the hard are, star coffee, calling cops pigs is an insult to the noble pig. The noble pig.

I would say pigs are, yeah, I mean, pigs are really intelligent. That's something I got going to them. They're also delicious, which I don't feel like cops would be. Flatened to death by Ria Ripley's doja cat ass. Ria Ria Ripples. Was that a fucking huge ass. She's a thick, uh, uh,

WWE wrestler. Yeah, she'll have on all this stupid ass makeup, you know, but then when she takes it off, you're like, oh, she's actually quite,

she's quite pleasant. Oh, a normal person. She's actually, really pretty. Not quite present. She's actually a pretty lady. It's like,

damn, dude. Exquisite. I stopped paying my rent so I could be a real fan. Transfam gremlin. Exposing people with lactose intolerance than 90 million

rodents of ionizing radiation. Yush, not Vinpan. Angelic DM. I want your loving, even though we're both men. So please put your hand down my pants,

bad romance. uh by lady gagot Craig the Canadian Richard Fisting and the copious amounts of food of porn it makes it better It's your boy's Shawnee D Ben and Jerry's Funky Monkey I live in Philly and everything you guys said is true Also I just saw a horse running down I-95 by itself

Chef Voice you're listening to W98.3 smooth FM the classiest station in DC Next up is shit in the woods by McElmore Uh 3XO inventing New Sective Islam where you get 72 fam boys for blowing up the bathroom, slurping stroke and smoke and joking. The modicons going like this.

Lord of Drip M.H. Lord of homeless drip. Dracula float. Dude with the neural link cut me off in traffic. I took out my flipper zero and gave him gender dysphoria. Obi won't you blow me. Jackson Vernon. Norwegian game dev paying so Derek cares.

Cremlin de Gremlin. Himmathy McVeigh. I'm going to steal your bones. They were made in a factory, a bomb factory. Guding to like Kurt Cobain myself with cum. Abby. Derek, your penis is out. Sween be like, I have a great imagination.

Okay, homo. Imagine fucking a dude. Imagine sucking balls. I can't. Wage slave 583. A sad guy. A sad guy from Michigan. Can I get a dick pick with your gray sweatpants on and one without them?

Can I also get three picks of your dick in any position? Also, the Pepini brothers hold Derek's engraved glasses. Chris's audio remote. and Sween's Discord link for ransom. Give me my fucking glasses. Give me my fucking remote. I have still not found it. I'm so annoyed by this, man.

Give him my fucking remote. It makes me not want to like engage with my, my... Yeah. Donkerson. Donk, Doncderson. installing a faulty Norolink in Chris's head that plays thunder on repeat

You gotta pay the trolls toll to get in the boys hole Gade 6 The ancient Greeks knew It was never gay straight But rather top bottom That's why breeding femboy Bussy isn't gay If it wasn't for the negative connotation

Sexual Predator would be a badass title That is true I know what you mean Yeah that is it is a shame No it is a shame It is That sounds bad. It's like Apex Predator, but except for it just in the-

Sexual predator. Within-s, why you have to say it like Matt Pat? What the fuck was that? I'm a sexual predator. Shut the fuck up. He's not a predator. He's a sexual predator. My name's Boof, and I'm a sexual predator.

It's like, shut the fuck. That sounds so terrible. Cock-ass cheeks, sense. What kind of name is soap anyway? You some kind of muppie. it. Help. Fuck.

An evil lesbian. Home alone 6. Enter the homiverse. Chris is a secret piss drinker. A shit's so nice. I had it twice. John Strickland.

Call me Avatar. I'm on Roku watching watching a monkey asshole. I don't know what any of this means. A monkey. Marks 1889. That's so dumb. Merck's 1889.

What do you mean not tonight, Adrian? I'm a world. class boxer. It's really not up to you. Yo. God damn. Now that's a sexual predator

right there. Now that's a sexual predator if I've ever seen one. With a negative context. That's a lair. I'm impressed with a box, Adrian. You don't have much say. It's me.

It's me, Rocky. See? You can't say you know to me. I'm Rocky. You don't have much say, Adrian. For being very honest. And then he pushes Adrian into a hydraulic press. See? You're dead now, saying? You're dead now.

You're dead now. He swaps. Oh, my God. He's like, uh, see? See? You don't have much saying that matter. If I'm being very honest with you, I mean, I'm a grown-ass man. I can take what I want for.

you. I don't have to fucking out. You don't see just because I have a soda drink hat full of piss doesn't mean I'm not a fucking full-grown adult that has the power to overtake you and overpower you with ease and tremendous. Now I'm going to go fuck folly. Polly, get your

bussy over here, see? I don't know about that, Rock. Got the fuck out of here, you fucking fucking. Got the fuck out of here, Rocky. You fucking Calm down. I'm Mick. I'm making a calm down. Rocky, see?

You got to calm down now. I don't know about that. Fuck you, Mick. See? Fuck you. I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna fuck you. Can you guys please finish reading a name? You've been here for 35 minutes.

Please finish. We're so close to being done. First, searching Keith David featuring King Charles the second with his unsightly Hasberg jaw guzzling piss. The second, Church of Keith David featuring

Being Better than the first Church of Keith David Pre-Raz Blake 896 Logan Paul has the WWE United States

Championship for over 90 days and has defended it fucking once people really like Asterix and obelisk bruh it really just a small junkie and a fat and some fat fuck

I don't know what any of this means That's cool Getting laid for mispronouncing that one African country Damn Little dick rag Little dick rag Little dick rag

Lost my job at Coles because they caught me playing with the mannequin's boobs Alaska you know if he'll trash Texas Tater Salad. Hey guys, check this out. I can't read that. I literally don't even know what the fuck that says. Cox ramming everything around me. C-R-E-M. In that bush.

Everything around me. Cream. Get the money. Cox ramming everything around me. Cream in that bussy. Come on your face. Come, come on your face. Sue Hulk. Take on my ass here. Is Nikki Ziggie. The cream in your sister's pie. Wicked 909. Jackson DuPont, badly brave, hugger Derek, duck cunt, the vegan necromancer, parenthesis, I Got Consent, Etherian, Brogerian punter, Melvis, One, the anger is gotten, enjoying the view from the daily plaza on the sixth floor. And as always, rounding out our list is the king of haphazard. Thank you all for listening to this episode of the Snark Tank podcast. We appreciate you. Come out over to Patreon.com slash the Snark Tank. Support us over there, see? Come on over to Snark Tank. The Star Tank Patreon. See, we'll fuck you. To get your questions right on the show, 25, to get your names right at the end of the show,

there's a bunch of tiers in between. There's extra ammo episodes exclusive to the Patreon tier, so check those out. There should be new episodes there all the time, so just pop on over there and give us a like on Spotify, all that jazz. You know the fucking drill. Get off your homeless, lazy ass, and help us.

Stop pissing in my toast and get me this money, nigga. All right, that's good. out of here.