The Snark Tank - #24: Sweeny Hates Aliens

Episode Date: June 4, 2020

Society is falling apart so hopefully we can offer a good bit of reprieve for those of you who are struggling or dealing with the insane state of the world. For those affected negatively by the riots, we hope things can resolve soon and that you get the assistance you need. For those peacefully protesting, we support you. I know I've seen several peaceful protests that haven't gone off the rails. Love you for it. For those who are looting and burning down your local businesses, maybe don't? lol?  Stay safe out there and instead of feeling grief over real world bigotry, we hope Sweeny's fiction based bigotry is enough to give you a lil' smile.        - Chris Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hey, come here to me. I defended the rebels in the horizon. Still a bullet in my bricks. Hi, did you know my stones are home to wrens, butterflies, even made of lizards? Well, sham, I've been a canvas, shelter, gold post, meeting point, stage. If these walls could talk, they'd never stop. National Heritage Week, August 12th to 20th. Visit Heritageweek.com. National Heritage Week is a programme of the Heritage Council, supported by the local authorities' heritage officer network and the Department of Housing Local Government and Heritage. Hey, look, he's a little dead meme.

Play that funky music, white boy. All right, well, already. Hey, everybody, welcome to this Stargank podcast. It's me, Chris Reagan. I'm here again with Tom Sweeney and Derek, some black guy, black man. Black man. Yes. Yeah.

How you doing, guys? He's not dead. You healed, Derek. Good for you. Bro, I feel when the shit, when the wave is over, like, I feel like, I feel like, reach hard. I feel like amazing. Because you feel, you know, like when you're sick, you feel like you're dying or something. You're like, oh, everything's hell.

And then when you're not sick, you feel like totally fine and great. Yeah, by comparison. Yeah. Whoa. You're way better. What was going on? You were just, it was just like a heart thing. Yeah, yeah.

I just got, I got diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse. It's just a semi-shitty heart valve. My mitral valve is kind of sometimes it like pumps blood backwards, blah, blah, blah. And then it freaks you out. Makes you feel like I have an heart attack. You panic. And then, uh, but I take me. medication and I feel like I don't have it like 99% of the year and then just every once in a while.

But I think because of all this stuff that's been going on, it's just so much stress and stuff it's just made me have like multiple ones in the past couple of months. So, uh, yeah. Yeah, but I'm, I'm feeling actually pretty good right now. I'm surprisingly. I'm really surprised that I feel pretty decent today. Well, good for you, Derek. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy you're doing good. It's good thing Derek's doing fine while the fucking society collapses. Maybe that's why I'm feeling pretty good. You're feeding off all the woes and sadness. All that destruction has got you back in a fucking game. So obviously, this is a comedy podcast. We don't want to get too in the weeds with everything that everybody already knows. We all know about the crazy fucking riots and protests that are happening.

and we don't really feel like it's our place here on a comedy show to really talk about this seriously. Even honestly, the last episode with all the Keemstar stuff was a little bit too serious from my taste. It got a little heavy, yeah. It got a little real. Yeah, so we just want to keep it light and we want to give you guys some distractions

because I think that that's pretty... That's also valuable in a time like this. Yeah. So if you are in any of the communities that are super affected by what's happening right now, whether you are, you know, protesting or whether you, you know, have seen any rioting close up and whether you've been affected, maybe you have a small business that just got fucked over.

We're thinking about you, and we hope that, uh, we hope that things improve. Yeah, we do. All right. You guys could be sad, but think of it like this, okay? I'm all right. And that's all that truly matters. I was.

I told you this. I didn't tweet it. I was going to tweet out a picture of Sweeney. And I was going to say, Black Lives Matter, but not this one. You would have got so much a shake. I would have retweeted. I would have happily retweeted that.

And I would be like, I'm going to kill you. I decided. I decided not to because I have restraint and I understand what's happening. And I probably would have been a bad look anyway. You know what I would have done in Contra? I would have done like something involved in a trail of tears, but I would have put you in there somehow. I would have tried really hard and done it really,

badly. And why? Because I vaguely Native American. You were doing like one of your why stances or like the stance you made when you were like had the Sony image come up on your videos. It's like, why did you do that? Yeah.

Oh man. You're Native American, huh? Yeah, he's one of the... I mean like very, I mean vaguely. It's like... You're Taino, right? You're Taino, so you're Native American by being Taino too. So the issue, and I think we've talked about this before, the issue with Taino, which

is Native American, but it's Native American to the... To the Caribbean. So it's native to the island of Puerto Rico and those neighboring islands. Yeah. So essentially, I'm native Puerto Rican, which is, it's almost like it overlaps and kind of cancels itself out. It's weird because my grandmother is, the heart Puerto Rican side is also Taino. So the reference is that like pretty much the people that were just in the islands chilling out were the Tainos. So basically you're saying you're not, neither of you are those red, savage.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, okay. What happened? What happened? What I do? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was just, actually, I was recently watching Pocahontas, so it kind of got a little inspired. These are sensitive times, Derek.

You can't. I mean, Native Americans are going on. You were just talking about tweeting out that a black life doesn't matter. Yeah, Chris. And you're trying to tell me something? No, no. Hold on a second. Hold on a second.

I was telling you that I didn't tweet it. So where is my reward for that? You don't get a reward for that. You don't get a reward for not being a piece of shit. What are you talking about? That's fair. I didn't blow this guy's face off. I deserve a treat.

All seriousness, though. We are aware of all the crazy shit that's going on. And I just want to say personally, I don't know how you guys feel. I am just to touch on this because I feel like it's disingenuous. of us not to touch on it. For real. I think it's kind of astounding that they haven't arrested those other three officers yet. Yeah, it's a madness.

You'd think, because, like, I look at it from just, like, a sheer police matter where it's, like, these officers refuse to render aid to somebody who needed help. Yes. And they'd rather just not, they'd rather just let those guys, like, off the hook. At least charge them with, like, neglect. Reckless endangerment or something like that. Don't let them walk free, but they're, instead they're just, like, arresting, like, everybody else. insane. Yeah, it gets, it, weird something like that happens a lot. And I, I mentioned that I actually,

I made a video. I wasn't going to, but I ended up doing it just to get things off my chest. And I mentioned a story about that where this, her name was Officer Horn, where a dude was, you know, being using, this is his sweet excessive force, you know, doing what they love, you know, just go the extra mile, according to them. And she tried to stop it and she got fired. So, yeah, It's like one of those things where it's always kind of wishy-washy, right? Like, say, these guys aren't being, they should have stepped in, and now they're kind of, you know, not being thrown. The book isn't being thrown at them yet at least, you know what I'm saying? And if they would have stepped in, who knows what had happened, if they would have been fucking fired too.

That's the thing. It's so weird. It's a whole mess. Because civilians are watching it too, and like they had, they just had to watch. Yeah, they couldn't do anything. They would have got killed, if anything. They would have went to the stop, but they would have just got shot. That's it.

Yeah. It would have been Swiss cheese for sure, bro. Holy, holy day. But yeah, so I just want to say personally that I support everything that's happening. I don't support you burning down your local businesses, but everything's short of that, beyond just like beating random people in the street. The protests, totally, totally reasonable. I support it. It's fucked what happened, and I hope that maybe we can actually move.

forward from this and actually see something happened, but I grow ever doubtful. So, let's just move on from there, I suppose. Wait, before we, before we move on from the subject of these, the crazy times of experiencing, there was, I saw

a video of a man clad in a Batman costume walking through gas and stuff. And I was just imagining, imagine you're fucking around, right? And you're robbing shit, and then Batman appears, and you're just like, well, that's, it. I'm gonna be in a wheelchair

for the rest of my life. This man this rich man is going to beat the living shit out of me. Did you see the dude who was dressed as Jesus? He was like rolling around on a segue, but the segue was like aesthetically designed to look like a big cloud. So it looked like he was like floating around and he was

dressed as Jesus giving bread to people. No. No, I didn't see that. I've missed all of this wonderful stuff that is... I saw a guy with a chainsaw walking around. And it was, it was lit. I was like,

this is about to get popping. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, some of the shit that I've seen is insane, like,

some dude had a bow and arrow. Yo. Some dude's like, some dude walks, this is something straight out of satire. He walks out of his car. This elderly boomer looking dude

with a bow, a hunting bow. And he's like, all lives matter and then shoot someone with a bow, I'm pretty sure. What? Are you sure that wasn't like a,

like, like what dude that wasn't S&L or something no I saw it yo they would they swarmed him bro they swarmed him like it was World War Z yeah I don't know if he was overcame I don't know if he shot anybody with the bow

the video kind of looks like it so I'm not gonna say like whether or not something habit if I don't know but it looks it looks super fucked because he's just like life matters and then he proceeds to just like try to take some aim yeah he tries to aim's a weapon at somebody over property and it's like

oh man dude it's bad I saw the video and it was just so many people. It was so many people attacking him. Yeah. It was sort of... Also, he disappeared on the crowd. Also, by the way, keep in mind, we're still in the middle of a deadly contagion. So, yep.

Like, be mindful of that if you're going out there and you're, you know, tackling, tackling people with hunting. Yeah, they're not going to be mindful of that. They're so, just full of rage that the virus is so secondary. And I was like, oh, great. I mean, like I said, I even said in my video that I understand, like, how frustrated people are, especially being, this happening under lockdown. But I'm like, damn, we're going to be on the lockdown much longer now. Yeah. So, cool.

Yeah. It's, it's the perfect storm of shit. Somebody said this on Twitter. I don't know who it was. I don't know if it was, I think it was like Kyle Kalinsky, but he was like, this is like if the plague, the great depression and the 1960s happened at the same time. And I was like, yeah, man. Depression's on the way. Depression's going to be the, we're all going to make it through all this bullshit, you know, cobbling. And then it's going to be at the end of, like, the match where you're like,

oh, I didn't even heal up to fight the final boss. You're going to have to go straight into the final boss, which is the depression. Did you see, did you see, Derek, the Spartans, the Spartan children that they had? No, what? No, I didn't see. No, I've, like, missed the old title. The little old title. Little children.

So, hold on. So they brought, I think, JROTC, like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Why? Basically military school. I don't know. Listen, I don't know if they were kids or if they were like phenomenally short men. But like, I'm a short guy and I looked at them and I thought they were for sure children. So take that for what you will.

They were pee-wee humans. They were first-form humans. It's getting crazy out there, man. So just be safe and fucking whatever. I don't know. So we got a bunch of, oh, we shouldn't. should we talk about this also? Because I feel like it's vaguely, it's vaguely interesting.

It's also dark. There's no good news. Yeah, yeah. There's no good news at all. But I think this one is a little bit funnier just because we've all just kind of accepted that this is probably true for a while. Anonymous kind of came out of nowhere. Shot through again.

And like, they were like, hey, this is what's in Epstein's little black book. And it's just a bunch of new names that I don't. think we're tied to the black book before like like fucking Naomi Campbell's name what in fc yeah and shit like that's wild it's really strange um I don't know man this world's fucking falling apart I'm expecting I'm expecting aliens by like maybe October latest you know what I noticed the world started becoming really unstable once Kim John Un became ill

when he became sick things really started to go that's when the virus really hit its peak and now that he's dead because we know he's dead things have really have escalated tenfold and so yeah

what if he was actually a god holding back all these atrocities from hitting our planet that's like his will his he was pretty much like a fucking a beacon that prevented these terrible things from happening

and as soon as he died the stories the stories are all true all the legends about Kim Jong-un are true he did fight the sun he did fuck the moon and create the stars Kim John Un needs to Kim John

get back to fucking work because shit's getting wild but so seriously because at the end of 2019 I made a couple of statements that I don't normally make with at the end of years where I was like 2020 is going to be insane you know

the 2020 is going to be fucking horrifying and at the end of 2019 I think we started to see it when like Australia like exploded Oh yeah that's right it lit up that was Yeah it got so what happened this year We had we had the Australia fires We had the yeah we almost had a nuclear war That was cool for like a for like a split second there

That was pretty neat There was something immediately after it too That I can't remember Because it feels so long ago. I think COVID was the big thing. It was COVID after that.

No, it wasn't. There was something, there was something, there was something pre-World war. There was, or there was something post-World War III. Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah. Kobe exploded. And, uh, dude, the fucking, it feels like there's a crazy fucking, it feels like there's just an

insane amount of instability at like once every month. Yeah, everything's incorrect. I can't, I'm scared. I'm scared. I was so, scared to go to bed last night. Were you?

I was like, this is just nuts. That's because I saw the freaking anonymous thing. And I was just like, oh, man. Why were you afraid to go to sleep? I don't know. I was like, I was unsettled by that. I was like, dude. Were you afraid that your name is in the black book?

Is that how are you? Yo, you know how mad I would be? You know how mad I would be if that happened? I'm like, I can't even begin to explain how wrong this is. I wouldn't even defend you. You wouldn't defend me? No. If I found out that if, here's the thing.

If your name is in Epstein's black book, my assumption is that the book isn't lying and that you've, you know what I mean? Chris, do you know how old I am? Yeah. Do you know how little money I have? Yeah. I'm not one of those beings. I can't live that life. But like who put me here?

I'm like, I didn't do this. I've never been to an island. I never been to one of those islands. I don't know this man. I don't know Jeff. I don't have Jeff in my phone. You know what's funny? I walk around

and this is a true this is true this is a true fact about me every time I leave the house I put a piece of paper in my pocket and the piece of paper is a suicide note that blames

some random person from my past who like some random name you're a monster you're a monster just in case like something in case I like die in like a freak accident

people loot my body and then they think it was like on purpose and then somebody somebody's in like a world of fucking trouble what you should do is you just send a bunch of angry texts that don't mean like a bunch of argumentative texts

what at every time you go out so like it's like you're having a serious argument with somebody and then like oh seriously he's going to delete the messages huh that's really fucked up of you and then find your phone and now like holy shit holy shit this guy got into a really heated argument all of a sudden he was found in a dumpster with his head blown out no could have been this guy that's too much that's that's too much that's that's overboard if you're if you're trying to sell it you got to sell it bro no no no No, selling it means there is only one instigate. Like, you're dead.

You know, they're going to have to... The whole point is to get the police to just harass this one random person for a really, really long time, and they can't find anything. They just consistently look. It's like, did you kill this man? I don't even know that guy. I'm just joking. I would never do that. Don't do that.

Yeah, that's fuck. But I always thought that that was just a fucking hysterical scenario. Can you imagine if the police came up to you? and just showed you a picture of like some dead guy or like is this this guy blamed you for his death Do you know this man? You're like no

Do you know this man? Not exactly. The mess of thing is you'd probably be Penn, it would probably be blamed and you'd probably be convicted anyway. It would probably, you would lead to wrongfully making somebody go to prison for 25 to life because of your terrible sense of humor.

Do you think you would, if you were in heaven, if you went to heaven, but then that happened sometime after you died, like you put somebody in prison sometime after you died because of the stupid prank that you would be dragged into hell. The action's already out there, so I'm pretty sure you know, you're having to heaven because of you doing that exactly. Right. Time is a single point is what you're saying.

Everything is always happening. Well, I'm referring to the fact is that anyone that would do some shit like that just for kicks is most likely someone that's just not going to get into heaven flat out. I mean, hey, man, I've read enough of that. Bible, that Bibli. And, you know, my, God's done some pretty interesting stuff too, man. So, yo, look, look, I feel you, but like, he, he upstairs and shit. He upstairs and shit.

So, like, his way of doing things is different. He got a plan. Don't worry about it. You're too stupid to understand. He's got a plan. Gotcha, man. You're too dumb to get it. It's fine, though.

I was whatever. I know. I'm an idiot. The plan that's going on right now is fucking sweet. That's all I got to say. Yeah, man. I really, I really like. ending of the anime themes.

I'm really like the Evangelian feel the whole planet has right now. It's really fucking dope. It's almost like this is like a weird game of like a really modded to fuck version of Sims that somebody's playing, but they croaked over the fucking computer because they didn't want to fucking go to the bathroom. And now like he's just, his stupid fucking dumbass head is just like crushing all the keyboard buttons and doing all this weird

shit. That's what it feels like, honestly. It just feels like a, like it just feels like a fucked simulation. I can agree with that because why there's got to be something where there's so many things that happen in 2016 that are just a little bit different. Even the riots. It's kind of crazy where we've been talking about everything. Everything is like, wow, this happened in 2016, this happened 2016. And then what do you know?

These same circumstances were wrongful death and then riots and then looting. And I was just like, I can't believe this is happening again. It's 2016, this is 2016 remastered for sure. Like, we're getting to the point where we're just like rehashing years at this point. 2016 crisis score. 2016, 2016 crisis score. That actually fits as a name, honestly. It's really fucking zamey.

Oh my God. We got some, we got some questions. I feel like we should probably just let the questions drive the show. Yeah, this one's going to be a little lighter. Because it's always, because otherwise we're just going to go back to talking about how fucked everything is. True. So, so true. I had heartless wretch.

He asked me a question, I guess. Chris, this question has plagued me for years. I need to know the truth. Does psychic pebbles actually sound like that, or has he been making a voice for all these years? I need to know, for the love of God. Small side tangent, I've been following Lyle for a long time and because of that I have a big box of gold jewelry

I gather from my family members over the years that I keep locked under my bed. Save your gold now. Money isn't real. My God. Listen, listen, just first off, to answer your second, to go off your side tangent there, if the dollar crashes and your money is no longer worth anything, no one is going to give a damn about gold. They're going to give a damn about weaponry and food because that's the stuff that people need. If you have gold, people are just going to be like, oh, that's shiny and pretty.

I'm going to beat you with a fucking pike. Yeah. It's just your golden. It might be worth something. I don't know. The thing is, it might be. If, if, if, if half of the population ceases to exist, then maybe gold is, is worth something. But there's just not enough gold to even, it's just, it's not a valuable resource.

That's why we, that's why we stopped using it. Well, we stopped using it because of the fact that we didn't have it. We didn't have it. We said we had it. We lied about it for a while. And people were like, yeah, I'm just going to exchange the money for gold. Honestly, honestly, though, dude, fucking whatever, man. Like, money is hypothetical anyway.

Yeah, that's true. Like, it's, it's, this is why I say, I feel like we should just go all the way with it and just do sci-fi-ass credits and hypothetical fucking digital money because it's already fake money anyway. And we all just agree that it has value. And we all have rules in place to prevent people from copying or making counterfeit money. Yeah. Like, you got that would send people to, like, we all have a pretty good incentive to just make hypothetical money the way that we keep going. Like, I don't see a reason. Yeah, money is, why we need.

Well, the conspiracy theory is hilarious. the conspiracy theorists are pushing back against that because they're like, have you heard of the conspiracy of the one world government? Have you heard of that? No. That's here. Oh, it's pretty cool. Or it's like, apparently the powers that be are trying to make everything connected,

like everything's one, everything's under all the currency is the same. All the banks are the same. All the everything is just connected. There's no more borders and everything. were freaking out. They're like, no, it's all about sovereignty. God damn it. I don't know if you ever heard that, but it's pretty cool. You should look into it. What's cool? Is it, is it cool as in like, I hope that happens, or cool as in interesting? It's cool as in it's fucking stupid. That's

all I mean. So not cool then. Yeah, it's not cool. There's no borders. There's no, there's no lines between us. We're all together. It's like, well, fuck you. I mean, that is ideal. In, like, a sci-fi, like, every, every sci-fi basically takes place in that kind of scenario. In the world, that's just the world. Right. Where the world is just kind of one government and we just, we go off to other planets and just, like, you know, make those. Planets essentially become states. Yes. Which makes sense.

It makes sense because once you realize that there's more life out there, then it's like, why are we fighting each other? And then in every sci-fi, it always becomes the alliance, you know? So it's like we're a part of the alliance And then we gotta fight with these other weird aliens and stuff It's true, fuck aliens, honestly No, but we need, this is, this is what I've been saying for a long time Is that we just, we just need an alien That's what we need, we need an alien

Because an alien I feel like would be like, okay, well now it's, Now it's do or die at this point Because like let's say, let's say during one of these riots, right? Somebody throws like a Molotov in the air And that it hits a fucking fly, invisible flying saucer that it comes crashing down and some little aliens like

and they all kick they all fucking kick it to death and then they take pictures of it to death yeah they kick it to death it's like ew what's that ew ew ew everybody agrees like the police is like

ew ew ew and then they kick it and then they take a photo of it and they put it on Twitter it's like yo I fucking hit an alien with a mother and then the fucking universe everything is healed

like all of our it's not everything is healed it's not that quick it would be instantaneous it would not be pretty fast it would not be instantaneous because problems don't disappear dude it's not it doesn't happen

like that well aliens don't work like that either this is a hypothetical and I'm saying that if if one of the rioters hit an alien with a with a Molotov and we could all see that

on like live TV or on Twitter or something I feel like we would all get our shit together I feel like it would be one of those moments I would still Bill Cosby would crawl out of the grave and become a not rapist. He died? He didn't die.

He didn't die. I mean, he's dead to me. I mean, yeah. Good save. Good save. Like, honestly, for a second there, I really did remember falsely that he died. Your fucking... Your brain's fucking goop.

Your brain's fucking goop. But... I have a thing that would heal us better. It's on the same lines as the alien scenario. But what if... Because what we need is... We need enemies. We need enemies to vanquish.

Now, one alien that's already been vanquish... isn't enough because people will continue, they will continue the rioting. So what if every president that, every president and former president that is living right now simultaneously reveal themselves to be reptilians? Like, just imagine. Like, they just rip off their skin and then all of a sudden they're like. I'm scared of that. I'm scared because like, I make memes.

I mean, I meme a lot and I say a lot of edgy shit. But like if I had, if they gave me a reason, like, hey, You can go out there, you can cut loose and just chop and tear people apart. I don't want that power because I would fucking, I'd know I'd love it. I'd fucking, I'd have a fucking jamboree. Like, oh, yeah, you can go hunt, reptile people. Like, are you sure? They'd be like, yeah.

I'm like, cool. I'm going to kill people I think are them. If you fucking blink, if you blink the wrong way around me, I'm like, hey, why'd you blink like that? You know, something got in my eye. I'm like, ah, dude, that's a bad answer. That's a bad answer. That's actually a good point. Because my thought was, okay, we know these powerful, every president, they're all working together.

So these elite people that have been presidents, they're the reptilians, right? So then people would go after them. But people like you, I mean idiots. It's not idiots. Because how far, how far down does it go? And how do we assume we know it? It doesn't go down far because it's only, only the presidents have done it. So we have no reason to, we have no reason to believe that common folk are reptilians.

You see, you see Derek, you see Derek, this is a sign of your, your, your, your, your little poquito mind doesn't understand how things work, all right? All right. You little, you little, you little, you little, you little, freaking peanut head brain, all right? It's never just, it's never, it's never, all right? It's always deeper than that. Hold on, hold on a second. This is getting heated. What if, what if, what if every president was just the same lizard?

What if it was this? It's been the same dude. So much better. And all the... No, you know what it is? It's a chameleon man. And he, like... He's really fast.

He lets the elections happen. He lets the elections happen. And then he studies the candidates really, really closely. And he kills him. And then one of the candidates wins. And then he takes their form and eats the other ones. He usurps them? Yeah, he usurps them, basically.

It's like body-snatching shit. That would be... And it's all been the same reptile this whole time. Dude, it makes sin. I'd be insane. We've been led by the same reptiles. I can't believe you just said those words. Hey, so, look, the reason I even brought up this reptilian thing at all is because I was having so much fun with learning about the reptilian theory.

Because when I learned it was the thing that people actually believed, I found a long as YouTube video. It's like two hours, right? It was, I don't know. It was really long. whatever it was. And it was this guy, David Ike, and he's talking to this, this Zulu shaman, like, one of the last, like, shaman in South America, uh, named like Crito Mutzwa or something. I'll never forget his name because it's so interesting. And he's talking about him being abducted and, um, and molested by reptilians. It's so good. And the,

the, the, the, they're the ones doing the bidding. They're like the, the workers, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and Right. I was just flabbergasted that this is a thing that people genuinely believe because, you know, when you think you know the world, you're like, yeah, there's some crazy people and then you learn this shit, like thoroughly. Like, oh, the moon's an egg. Can I, okay, so. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of crazy shit. There are some things that I remember thinking were real as a kid that honestly I still don't feel too comfortable thinking.

about like those like videos or those like that urban legends of like the men in black like that surveillance footage of the people like in this in the suits showing up and then just like never coming out of the building and stuff that shit freaks me the fuck out even still to this day even though I know it's probably just all fucking bullshit I mean it's yeah it's fucking creepy like to get back on that lizard video I remember there was one time

I clicked on a video about Cthulu right and I remember I was doing some shit and I wasn't paying attention and it got to the point with like the lizard people And I was like, lizard people integrate in society in such an in-depth way that people can't believe it. You may even be a lizard person you don't know due to the lineage. I was like, I literally looked away for like 10 minutes. I kid you not. And I was just like, what the fuck is this person talking about?

And I got so scared. I didn't want to turn, I didn't want to touch my computer. I was just like, I don't want to think about this. There's so much ridiculous information that I literally left my room and had it just playing in my room when I was like 15 years old. That's so crazy. I was so crazy. Scared. I was like,

what? I love that video. I love the videos of people like taking like, uh, like telecast glitches. Like whenever like, whenever like, uh, there's like a glitched frame and like a, a screenshot of live TV. And they're like, oh, look, it's a lizard person. Their camouflage, uh, their camouflage malfunctioned mid, uh, mid live cat broadcast. So fucking.

And it's like, what is, it's kind of amazing that the human brain is capable. That shit freaks me out, honestly. that the human brain is just capable of believing crazy shit like that. Because I know that all it really takes is like somebody just drops a turkey off a roof and fucking brains me. And then suddenly I'm believing this shit. Nah, you'll probably be believing a lot less if you get brained by a turkey off a roof. Yeah, I don't know, man. Nah, maybe like a rock and you'll still be around.

If someone drops a fucking full-on frozen turkey on your head, bro, your head's going bye-bye, man. You're going to, you're going to look like insert any character. from fucking gears of war being shot by a fucking torque bow. Like you're gonna be like... It's gonna be like that scene. It's like that scene from fucking friends where the, one of the characters is running around with a fucking turkey on their head. Except blood and death and lively.

Dude, someone did that in New York, man. That happened back home. Some guy dropped a frozen turkey off a fucking bridge of an impasse and they fucking replace somebody's head. It fucking substituted their head. And I was just like, fascinating story. Yo, people don't understand how really dangerous shit is.

No one gets it. Like, I'm going to drop this turkey. I got really high, like, sometime this year. I think it was with Paul and some of our other friends, where I was thinking about the idea of like, maybe there are so many human lives on the, but there's so many human beings on the planet right now that our collective consciousness is just too spent for anybody to be particularly intelligent.

Like, I just, I genuinely thought this in like a, in a feverish, sweaty state. What? Like, maybe there's too many. The bandwidth is, like, too low. Uh, yeah, I guess. I mean... No, no, no, no, there's no, I guess. There's no, I guess.

It makes no sense because it insinuates that humans have a hive mind. It's really dumb, but, like, I can see how someone who... really high could stumble, let their thoughts stumble down that hallway where they're like holy fuck. Elephants though definitely have a hive mind. You can't convince me otherwise. Why do you think they do? Why do you think they do?

Because no, you're kidding me, everything forgets. They forget, too days forgets slower. No, no. They don't forget. They never forget because every elephant is the same elephant. Are you fucking that's some shit, that's some shit you would hear in third grade and a kid would be really confident about saying that shit. And he'd be like, I don't know if they're wrong or right, but I don't want to repeat it

and sound stupid. But I don't want to defend them. Do you remember having arguments in school before people could just pull out a phone and how confident people would be for like an entire day before like you saw them again the next day with like new information to be like, hey, listen, I looked it up. And what you said was nonsense. Jamie Kennedy is indeed still alive. Oh my God.

It's still on that. That's a joke that no one gets. It was one of the first things, I just realized we diverged so far. I was going to remind you later. I was going to remind you later. But it actually ties into this. One of the first conversations that I ever had with Zach,

it was like one of the first maybe like five conversations we ever had was he told me in earnest at a bar. I think I was there with like Mick and like a, couple of other animators and and Zach was just sitting there he goes he looks at his phone he goes oh my god I was like what Jimmy Kennedy died I was like what? I was like what? Really? And I asked him and I was like yeah yeah he's dead he's dead he died today at 43 I was like what and I looked it up and he's still alive and then I look over at Zach and he's just smiling at me like just like a goblin like he just I like to lie to people

is basically what that conversation amounted to. But I know He's crazy. I love Zach but he's a character. But yes,

to answer your question. Yeah. Which is actually pretty funny. It is his real voice. It is not... He sounds like... He's the most unique sounding human I've ever heard in my life.

He's definitely one of them, yeah. Like he... His default voice is very entertaining. and I don't know I don't really know many people I know a lot of talented voice actors and a lot of talented voice people

who can like do great voices Lyle is one of those people like he's great at doing VO but his normal voice is it's not that far off from what it is in his videos like the stuff that Lyle does It's more intense but you could tell that it's like a normal voice

but like Zach is Zach's voice is just tailor-made for entertainment it's just so interesting to listen to. Like I can make a ton of sounds. I can make a ton of sounds that don't make sense. Like for a whole few days, I was just talking to like Gabby and Chris about like,

can you guys make these weird sounds? And they're like, how are you doing that? Like, what the, that isn't a real sound a person can make. But then I listen to Zach and I'm like, I can't even grasp what he's doing. I can't even think about how he's making those sounds. But that is his real voice. So like if there's, I don't think that this is a thing.

thing that people think, but if there's ever like some kind of rumor that needs dispelling, no, he's not putting on some voice. Also, that is really him. Like, there's no character involved there at all. Like, that's who Zach is. All right, so we got all hands on dick, wrote in. He says, Ola thing one, thing two, and the thing that should not be.

Oh. Which one's that? It has to be me. I guess that is universally applicable. That seems like we have to read into it and project it ourselves. It has to be me. It has to be. You definitely should not be. I'm here, but I'm, but I'm, but I'm, but I'm, but I'm, but I, but I'm is. Wait, what did you say?

But I'm is. I should not be, but I'm is. I think therefore I'm is. Which character from one game merging into another game do you think would make for a funny experience? For example, Mr. Gaming, Washington Bloodborn. Keep up the awesome work. Thank you for your onslaught of laughter. I like the idea of,

You know, Joel from The Last of Us? Yeah. Yeah. I like the idea of his dead daughter in Cubert. Like just the moment she gets shot, just the bleeding, wheezing little girl kind of hopping up on these isometric squares. I love the idea of freaking Isabel and freaking called in, I'm not called duty in Halo. Isabel? Yeah.

Just from Animal Crossing, like all that fucking horrible shit happening is she's just seeing people die. left and fuck particularly reach i would love to see her experience of reach i'd be pretty good what the why is everyone dying what are these aliens doing here you know who would fit well in uh portal who uh you know you know joel from the last of us i think solid snake i think solid snake would do really good at portal what do you mean make a hole then jump through it this seems a little confusing. Snake, we have this running joke that gets really out of hand every time that we're all high or drunk or anything.

On voice chat, honestly. If you've ever played Metal Gear Solid, you know that Snake just can sit. Every time somebody says something to Snake, snake repeats at least one key word from the thing that they just said to him in the form of a question. And he's never certain of anything. And he's just always asking questions and it's just very amusing. Nano machines. And it.

we had this character of just like a snake that doesn't understand social progress so he's just like civil rights marching equality women outside of the kitchen free man's bureau suffrage black exploitation they should be happy

emancipation this is exactly dude this is exactly it it's such it's just endless because it's the second you get the second you get your mind into racist snake as a character

it's just fucking it's off the rails you're just set into this new world racist snake and racist goofy goofy is a thwack I like snake I like snake a lot just because the question Because the question nature of everything implies that he really just doesn't understand. Like, he can't comprehend.

Like, this is the first he's hearing of this stuff. Like, he prior, he had no knowledge of these things existing. But you bring it up and he's like, what? You're telling me that sometimes they do go through that? No way. Harvey Weinstein. Jeffrey Epstein was found dead In a

In a maximum security prison No, no no It's not It can't be sentenced Epstein Dead Maximum security Impossible

I can't I can't keep up with it It's too much It fucking We've Paul, my friend Paul and I Will do this for fucking hours They'll literally

We'll be having a party playing smash something like that and they'll just be sitting there loudly doing that and we're like guys it's been over for two hours and they're laughing to themselves just each other is laughing back in the crazy deal anyway what the fuck was the question whatever i don't know he didn't even finish oh it was just oh it's just some fucking thing of it oh wait that's right that's right a character to put me i don't know i i i the only reason i included this is because i i thought of fucking The Treaty of Versailles

Dying daughter The Treaty of Versailles Let the three-fifths compromise The French Why compromise? Stop Stop

Berlin Wall This is going to be The rest of the fucking We'll move on We'll move on Shut up, shut up We'll move on Hey Sponge

Wait, what Oh I didn't get the Well, okay The name got deleted from this so apologies Fantastic Gotta love Google Docs That's really cool.

Someone says, and I apologize, but just be grateful that your question is here. Hey, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mr. Crabs. I'm not Mr. Crabbs. I guess, no, is Mr. Crasse supposed to be Caribbean, I guess? He's an accent, right? He's just, he's not Caribbean because he's like a- Pirate, he's a scurvy. To me, he's a pirate, yeah, with scurvy in the brain.

Did you just suggest that Mr. Crabbs is, Caribbean? I thought he might have been. Maybe. What? No, he's not, he's not fucking the crab from mermaid, mermaid, uh, Disney movie. Oh, my God. I'm drawing up like, the little mermaid? The little mermaid.

Yeah, a little mermaid. What did I say? The mermaid movie from a Disney thing. You forgot the name of the little mermaid while also saying that Disney movie about the mermaid. What is the name of the crab from little mermaid? Sebastian, right? It is Sebastian and flounders the feet. Flawn is a fucking clown dude. I'd beat his eyes.

I'd fuck flounder up, yo. I'd beat him to death. Flounders a fucking clowner. I would take flound out of the fish take and throw him in an oven. I'll be real. The Little Mermaid was my least favorite Disney movie because I just, I cannot, even as a child, I can't sympathize with fish. Yeah.

That's her favorite. That's my girlfriend's actual. favorite and I it's it's the worst it's the worst man I just like I like redhead so I beat up the fish pussy I'm just that's so you're so wrong you're so incorrect girls women like the little mermaid because it fulfills a fantasy world that they can't have which is a woman doesn't speak for half the movie oh my lord Vox get that out get that out you better leave it in Voxer I'll hurt you

Anyway, he says... I don't want that. I don't want this. Anyway, would you rather be able to speak in fictional languages, Elvish Klingon, minionese? Oh my God, the minion language. Ew, ew, ew. Or be able to speak in real languages, but you could only sing the words.

No, would I have a good singing voice, though? I guess, well, it doesn't specify, but I guess I'll grant you that. Yeah, I'll be able to sing everything. I would love to sing a threat to somebody beautifully. Just an objectively beautiful threat. You're gonna die real soon. I'm gonna cut off your face. We're singing that like Spanish or Portuguese.

It's like a swing murder threat. How would you react if someone's, if someone walked up to you with an angel's voice and threatened to put you underground. and hurt your family in ways that no one could even really fathom. Like, not even the world's greatest psychopath, sociopath. I don't know how I would react to that. Like, because I would almost feel like it's performative, you know?

Like, you wouldn't know, you wouldn't be able to tell if it's, like, just part of the act or not. Yeah, it'd be fear. I'd be like, oh, my God, this guy's voice is beautiful, but also, he's talking about hurting people I love really, really in depth. He shows pictures of your house on his phone already He shows pictures of him laying next to you While you're asleep I know where you live

Oh my God I think I think I'd probably pick the singing Real languages That would be really annoying Because like you'd pretty much not have any friends You know because no one's gonna be No one's gonna want the guy who sings

everything to be around You'd become famous though You probably would In a bad way in the way that like William Hung became famous Because you'd be a you could still sing You'd be able to sing words So you'd be pretty much just to become like the guy

That's famous in every country For singing in every language So you'd become extraordinary famous Yeah but that shit would get old quick I don't care I'd be fucking famous to sing everything I would sing freaking I would sling slurs to people That'd be insane Here's the thing that you're not considering

though is that like you know how some like famous people will probably be like they'll have friends and they'll they'll they'll probably always in the back of their mind be wondering like if their friends if their friends who are around them all the time are there for like actual friend reasons or if they're just there to just be associated with somebody who's very successful and popular i would imagine you would just you would know instantaneously that everybody around you is there for for your money because because you know that you wouldn't stick around somebody if they sang fucking everything.

Therefore, they're just tools to me. So, like, I'm fine with that. I guess. I'm fine with that. That'd be cool. I got to say that I would do the same, the singing thing, but I think, I got something that would be, like, much more interesting. Say, it's either one or the other.

You can never use swear words ever again. Or you can use swear words, but you use them in between your sentences unnecessarily. That's how you talk now. So Tourette's, is what you're saying. I have Tourette's. It's like Tourette's, but much more stupid because... Much...

Far stupider than what it already is. And I don't mean... Hey, hey, hey, hey, what I don't mean that people of Tourette's are stupid. I just mean that it's sound stupid. So there's a difference. But no, what I mean is like, say, if I was just motherfucking talking,

motherfucking right now, you know what I'm saying? it would just be like that, it would always be jammed in there? I would rather never swear. I would really want to stop cursing. I feel like cursing is, it just prevents me from putting together the best kinds of insults.

Shut the fuck up. Eat a bag of dicks. Go dump your head in a treasure trove for the fucking smegma. A treasure trove. So like here's an example. If you were singing, I'll make a man out of you,

you'd be like, let's get motherfucking down to motherfucking business to motherfuck and defeat. I hate it. I hate it. I hate everything of us. Actually.

That actually my heart rate increases when you do that. Like a noticeable degree. Like I can feel my... You say it's real fast every time. Did they motherfucking sin me, motherfucking daughters? When I motherfucking ass for a motherfucking son. It infuriates me because I'm really like, I don't know what it is, but I'm really sensitive to syllables in songs.

And it really bothers me when people try to force syllables into it. things where they don't like it bothers me to no end i don't even know really why but that would drive me fucking off the wall i can't i can't with that i would rather just never swear again never swearing again would alter my personality to a degree where i would probably hate myself but how it's so easy like look i'm not saying it's not easy to swear because i curse a lot i curse in my sleep so like clearly i have a problem but like not being not cursing just gives you more opportunities to paint pictures with your words it's not about it being easy

I know it's easy I cannot swear for as long as I can live but it's just so fun and so part it's just such a part of me at this point that I feel like if I stopped people would notice

you know what I mean I feel like people would be like hey you haven't you haven't swore in a while what's up with that what's going on Like, people would ask me, like, an alcoholic, like, people would come up to, like, an alcoholic almost. It's like, so awesome, I noticed he's sobered up. I feel like that would happen. I just don't want to deal with it.

Yeah. You got to be willing to evolve, Chris. Ah, fuck off. You sound like a primitive mind. A smooth brain, in fact. A smooth brain? Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you, idiot.

Fucking jackass. Get out of here. All right. What do we got here? What do we got here? What do we got here? Limbiscuit think they're black, but they're just gayroden. That fucking name.

Who are some underrated YouTubers in your opinion? Underrated. Underrated. They deserve more than naked. I need to think. Fuck. I like young Crip is a cool, is a cool dude. Crip is great.

I like him Crip a lot. I agree. I'm going to go forward to a homie to sound kind of gay. I think Derek, you are extremely underrated. That's so fucking stupid It's super gay But I think you're super gay But I think you can't do one of us

I don't think you are Fuck you I'm talking to Derek I mean look I appreciate it It is pretty gay But I do I just still appreciate this sentiment

But enough Kiss you later So Oh my God All right I don't Man there's a lot of There's so many underrated people

I really enjoy Because I really like how I think I'm real I love his voice He's got such a smooth brain voice I'm just kidding Who does that's underrated? I don't watch a lot of YouTubers

I don't watch a lot of YouTubers that don't produce like comic content And then all of them are like huge The ones I watch So like I don't really know Like he's underrated Hi I think I'm real is a good one

He makes really genuinely good stuff He's got a perfect voice for that stuff too The stuff that he does It like matches pretty perfectly Out of this is pretty big What is it called Like chill hop or something That vibe that he

Like he has low-fi That theme Low-fi low-fi That's good He's got like a lo-fi I like that aesthetic As far as like audio goes I don't know anyone

What about you Chris What do you say? What do you think is underrated? I don't Underrated is a hard Is hard to imagine Because like Everybody that I watch

Is even like the smaller channels, like everybody who watches those channels likes them, you know, and like, you could argue that you could argue that most channels are underrated just because nobody really talks highly of... I feel like the only channels that people talk highly of are like John Tron and like Nerd City and like, you know what I mean?

Like the huge ones. I don't know any... Yeah. Yeah, I don't know of any, like... I'm trying to... I like pretty much it a lot. I've been watching a lot of that. lately. Leon was underrated until last last year. He blew up a lot too. Same with Jakey. Jakey blew up over the last year or so. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He blew up. Yeah. Oh, pretty much it is like these,

it's these two dudes who just watch. They do, they actually did a really smart. I actually want to talk about this because it's actually a really ingenious concept for a YouTube channel. So what pretty much it does, if you haven't heard of these of these guys, they, it's just two guys and they do commentary, commentary tracks for movies. And essentially what they do is they just watch a movie and riff on it. And it's just mystery science theater, essentially. But with two guys who are just constantly cracking jokes. And what they do is they monetize the commentary tracks.

Like they do a full-length feature-length commentary track and monetize that as like, hey, you can buy this track. It's just audio that you can play along with the movie. So essentially they're making content that is solely based on copyrighted material that they fully own and can't get struck for. It's actually like a brilliant way around a lot of the stuff that haunts YouTubers, or has been fucking around with YouTubers for the last, like, several years. It's wild. Genuinely smart business move.

And they're also just really funny. Oh, I like that. I actually really, I love, I used to, for some reason, I used to not like movie commentary tracks. Yeah. But then I thought, then I listened to so many podcasts. I was like, wait, why wouldn't I like this? This is right up my alley And now I love it

And I've been wanting to do that with my friends Where we even did like Test ones for like that full metal Alchemist on on Netflix And some other terrible movie So we were testing it out and stuff I've always appreciated that So that's really cool that they

You can put it up Consistently in my time It's great It's really smart They just they go to their If you go to their Patreon They fucking They do the whole schick

Where they're like hey you know You can support us for all And then you get the the full-length commentary track, but on YouTube, they just upload the highlights and they cut them together into these, like, really good videos.

Really smart. They're really smart guys. They're also just genuinely funny. So I would say that, but they're also kind of on the up and up lately. Like, they've been kind of exploding. That's good. So that is kind of the thing,

like the people that, the people that a lot of the time, I would say most of the time, people that you think are really underrated end up blowing up because that's how I felt about Justin Wang like, say, three years ago. Yeah.

where I was like, dude, I was like, you're so underrated. And then now he's like up there. And I was like, there it is. And it keeps happening. But I do, I would like to recommend two channels. There are two completely different channels, but they're relatively big, I think, because one doesn't reveal his subscribers, which drives me nuts. It's just kind of curious.

But this guy, if you're into mixed martial arts at all, he does documentaries. And this guy's mixed molly woppery. and I'd say I would recommend watching one about Rose Namibunas and it's just brilliant. It's just a great thing. And then you guys, I'm sure you're aware of this guy, internet comment. Oh, of course. Like Eric.

Yeah. So I think like his channel is already pretty big, but I think it should be bigger. I think I just love his work. I think so. They're actually big. I want people to follow comics explained. I think he, him and Rice, obviously, Rice Pirate. I think Rice Pirate should be bigger too.

Oh, yeah, Mick. That's because he's my boy. I think he's awesome. He did the whole entire Jojo, like, passion project. And that shit's insane. He's doing a Jojo. He's also the voice, the official voice in the English stuff. Yeah, Jorna.

Not Jorno. Abaccio or something? Abaccio, which is insane. I think he should be much bigger because he's, like, actually a phenomenal voice actor, like, truly. Honestly, pretty much any animator that we know is a person that probably deserves a lot. Yeah, a lot.

Lyle too. Fucking Lyle. Zach. All of them. Yeah, a lot of them, people, a lot of people deserve to be bigger than what they are.

Did it stay, like, I don't know, it's the trend thing. I feel like some people just don't follow trends and that's how you really blow up. Like,

I feel like a lot of, like you guys, when you, the whole 2016 thing, when the content you guys were doing is the right place, right time stuff, you know?

That got like a lot of people's eyes on you guys and got you guys to grow substantially. Yeah. But I feel like, right now the trend is being like vlogging everything you do or like fuck it's definitely not that's definitely not that's like that was actually closer to the trend around when we were coming up what's the

trend now would you say the trend now is is drama drama like long the trend right now is like long videos about pointless shit so basically podcasts well would you look at that honestly though like for real like i saw an hour long video the other day uh that was just like or like in in uh the recommended and it was literally just an hour of people talking about YouTubers and it's just like I guess this is what people want to see it's so weird actually don't know actually don't really know

what the meta is for YouTube right now I don't know what the algorithm prefers because it's so fucking haphazard and so much random stuff is exploding at a random I don't think there's actually any rhyme or reason as far as trends go right now. For real? You don't think there is a single trend? Like genuinely.

I really, I think in my head I see a trend towards more wholesome content in general. Like Gus Johnson's kind of exploding. I think Eddie Burbank is exploding. I think there's certain content that is less

less edgy but still funny. Like Jakey also. Jakey makes like really wholesome content. You know what I mean? It's not like, it's not like egregiously edgy. It's not a fucking Gokunaru video, you know? Jesus Christ.

So I feel like that's, I feel like that's the stuff that's really kind of popping off right now. I think comedy's always going to be one of the bigger things in YouTube also. Comedy. Like, just funny stuff is always going to be really popular on YouTube. This is kind of how it works.

Yeah. Well, yeah, but what's funny always changes. That's true. You know, like you can't, upload a Smosh 2007 video today. Because everybody's going to be like, what is this shit?

Who are the, who are the YouTubers that are the biggest right now? You know what I mean? Like, those are usually the ones that, because remember for a while, like, say, in 2016, the fastest growing was leafy. So that's when you know that there was like a definite trend. Obviously, Idubs was up there. There was stuff like that, filthy Frank. Classic.

They were like, they were gaining the fastest. That was where people were kind of flocking towards the most. And now I think it's, what's that guy's name, David Dobrick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's pretty big. And Mr. Beast is really up there. And I think they just do similar stuff. Don't they?

Don't they just like buy people stuff or something? Did you see the. Did you see? Are you talking about the Meat Canyon? Go ahead. Go ahead. So, yeah. So good.

Is also somebody who's really, really fun. Go subscribe to Meat Canyon. Please, please. It's going to change your fucking. Day. That's, that's, that's, that's, I want to be good, meat canyon. Yes. Just so everybody knows, so type that in.

He did a David Dobrick video super recently and I, I lost my shit. Now get up here and feed. So good. Dude, that's, I have never seen. That's how you know something's funny is because, like, I have, I've never seen a David Doberk video in my, in my life. But, and that's the, one of his most. recent videos is like a David Dobrick kind of satire and it was still funny even without any

any kind of context as to what he's making fun of because you kind of get the idea like the premise even if you don't know who David Dobrick is just the premise of that kind of content exists without him and it's it's funny they're funny people I've been talking to him a little bit he's a interesting person what you call it though you got a little man pussy on you that video the the Wabbit season video The Wabbit season video that got like taken down That was a good reversal Yeah, legendary

Yeah, it was a really good reversal He uploaded a video In response to it being taken down And he was like, well, since they claimed Since they claimed this video I guess Bugs Bunny is canonically a rapist That was a really fun way to turn that around So go subscribe to me, Kenyon is a great great creator

especially in animation because I know animation is like super time consuming obviously his animation is like very it's done in such a way that it could probably be done relatively quickly compared to like you know like it's not like what do you call what was that pilot that kind of exploded

I know the people behind I'm so I can't believe I can't remember that has been hotel you know it's not like a has been it's not like Hasbin Hotel or like fucking Zach's pilot on adult swim or anything but they're really fucking funny like all of them like I haven't seen one of them

that hasn't made me laugh the the the Hank Hill King of the Hill Akira video where Bobby's that's

I was dying when I saw that that one that one that one that was too that was too that was too that shit had me

in fucking tears there's so many the freaking cat and how one and Max Mofo oh my God that was ridiculous God damn

All right, let's move on. We're going to be sucking too much of our friend's dicks here. Dunderhead wrote in. He says, Hello, Black, Jack Black, modern Esquilito, and Derek. And Derek. Damn, okay. That's fucking, that's, like, really insulting. Yeah, is it more insulting to be called something bad or just to be called your name?

He's all got time. I think it's way worse that he's just like, oh, yeah, you. It's just you. What are your predictions for the coming months of 2020? Oh my God, I don't want to get into this. We already, we already did this basically. It's aliens. I predict that an alien is going to be shot down by a police officer by accident.

And can you, yo, can you imagine if some police officer accidentally shoots an alien out of the sky and then aliens come to join the protest? Oh, my God. What are you talking about right now? What? I don't know. I'm getting, I'm getting, fucking... You're tripping, bro.

You're tripping, bro. You're tripping. Are they peaceful aliens, though? Like, they come down and then they have these signs, but you can't tell what they're writing because we don't understand alien language. They have signs, but it's all like fucking, it's all like, uh, they look like gifts. Almost, they're like, they're moving. That would literally bother me so much. If it was like these glyphs that were fucking jittering in the area, it's like, I don't know. Honestly, man, I just need a reason.

I need a reason to hunt down aliens. Just give me a reason. We got we're gonna have to lock you up man Because like aliens aliens are gonna be here They're gonna be peace with protesting And then you're not You're not you're such a freaking stupid Shut up shout up shout up shout up shout up shot up shot up shot up shot up

Shut up shut up shut up Because then you're what we're gonna do It's like oh the cop killed the alien I'm gonna join the police force so I can kill aliens Because that is you man You are a evil person And you want to kill peaceful people That are just trying to exist

No alien you're being First of all, you're being a celestial simp right now, okay? Aliens are fucking, they're not from here, okay? They're fucking, they're literally creatures from the fucking beyond realm. They have no business being on the same rocks as us, okay? I don't want fucking alien aides. I don't want fucking the fucking, the fucking, the gray flu. Like, I don't want that shit.

That's disgusting. There's no reason. I don't want them here. And I'm going to take it into my own hands to make sure they're gone. Okay. Hold on a second. there's no way you thought of Celestrials. That was me.

That was me. That was all me. That's too good, bro. I just don't, I can't buy it. That's just all me, bro. Look, whether it was written down beforehand or in your not.

Shut up. All right. I mean, it's brilliant. It's fucking brilliant. It doesn't matter. Some of the, like,

people write down good material. That's, that's a good, I'm going to name this episode that. Why are you going to take this away from you? I'm not going to take it. I'm giving, what? Fuck off.

You know what? I'm cutting it out and tweeting it. You know what? I'm gonna tweet it now. It's too late. Too late. Hey, if you could, uh, hey, hey, hey, Chris, if you could, uh, I know you got that alien thing. If you could get a picture of Sweeney next to that alien for the thumbnail or something.

Like something where it's just, he's cuddling something. Just, we need it. We need there to. We need to drive at home and really just piss off Sweeney because I'm just, I'm sick of you talking just shit to aliens. They're awesome. They're not. You fucking fool. You fool.

You watch too much, you watch too many movies, bitch. I don't watch too many. You fucking saw Independence staying and shit your pants. I understand creatures. I understand how things work. You can't understand them because you have a fucking met them. Preachers simply work. All right.

If something fucking came, if something came from fucking the outer place to hear, why the fuck are they here? What's the good reason they can be here for? They're here to fucking take, take and renovate. No, they're so much more advanced. They're just, they're just fucking bored. And especially if it's just one alien that first shows up. Hey.

I'm so mad at you for defending them. I'm mad at you because you just want to kill them immediately. You are just as bad as the oppressors. I'm not oppressing anybody. Yes, you are. What the fuck? You want, you want to eradicate them from their existence for simply existing.

I want them to not be here. I have no problem with them existing, but just not on earth. Yeah, just like the oppressors don't want us here either, Motherfucker. They're dangerous. Yeah,

you sound like every racist white person that's not true. I don't want to kill it. Because I under, no, no, no. First of all, first of all, you guys are, first of all,

first of all, you guys are both fucking tiny minds. Okay. I understand that humans are all humans, okay? We are all a part of the same fucking fucking knuckle-dragging, fucking ape shit, throwing our shit at fucking things group, all right? But aliens are not that. And inherently, when you come from a different place,

you are going to bring whatever you have with you, all right? Whatever kind of, whatever kind of sicknesses and diseases or just regular just genetic things they have with them they're going to bring here and since as creatures we've never experienced them it is dangerous to just interact with them just run oh let's go fucking hug them let's touch

them no stay I want everybody type hashtag Sweeney is a cop stop you need a box cut that please that's that's ridiculous

Tom Swini that's That's a super fucking bad taste. Jesus Christ. That's pretty good. Dude, look, all I'm saying is this, all right. There's no good reason for aliens. If they're coming here to help us or something, thank you.

But why are you going to stay here? Like, what the fuck? You got your own shit going on wherever. You guys are going on. Just don't do you. Stop and say what's up. Don't touch me. Don't touch people I know.

Dude, you are such a, you are such a bigot. I'm not a bigot. I'm just simply, I understand. I understand what happens when you... What if they're fucking crazy invasive? Bro, I would rather be a celestial simp than a celestial bigot, man. One of us is going to get spacesies. One of us is not going to get space age.

It's going to be you. It's going to be you. This is, this is, this is, this is, this is, uh, Sweeney, as speaking at a university. Well, do you see, the alien skull has a dent in the back and above the spy? If you look at the aliens, you can see that they are meant to be subservient. It's all over their face. Oh my God We gotta fucking move on

I don't even know how we got here I get so angry They're so cool It's like I don't look I don't hate them yet But I'm pretty sure What if the Arbiter Stop don't bring him in this

Hold on hold on Shut up shut up shut up shut up What if the Arbiter walked in To our apartment right now and said Kingston Hello What'd you do I'd be really upset and confused

Because first of all First and foremost Fiction's real That's problem number one. Then two, I'd be like, oh man, you're arbiter, you're really cool. How'd you fit inside my apartment? I don't really care. And I'd want to hug him, but I'd be scared to touch him.

Because he has mandibles, first and foremost. What if he just, look, one elite could come in this building and kill everyone in this building without much problems. Right. But he's, but he's Keith David. He's fine. I would hug him. I would hug him. I would deal with it because he's different from them.

he's different you only like your token he's one of them good ones he's one of them good aliens right you gotta get one of them good alien friends of yours oh my god let's move on alien nigger

I'm losing my fucking shit God damn it what a fucking episode this is all right Jose Jose Horach Horich I swear to God he's corrected me like a million times

but like I guess fuck me I'm too stupid to remember Dear passable is white Chris And his two excuses to say the N-WR. Oh shit Jesus Christ, Pat damn dude that's degrading to all of us Exactly My fucking spirit

I guess that's just the that's just the The way it is The theme I guess I saw What? I saw Chris throwing shade at the game grumps on Twitter Why do you hate them so And what other YouTubers do you guys dislike

Other than Keemstar? Just Keemstar I only Kim Star But everybody else is fine. I like everybody else. I hate low-tier God, too, because he's this piece of shit. He's just a dickhead.

Who? Low-tier God. I don't know. He's like a fighting game guy who's just a fucking completely in cable. I love too mad. I love too mad. Too mad.

To mad. It's amazing. I love it. Yo, did you see his interview with Caterino? What? I didn't know he did that. Oh,

it happened a couple days ago. It was fantastic. Were they in the same bedroom? No. I wish. No, he was in a, wherever, the asylum,

wherever the hell he resides and uh wait why was he interviewing caterina what reason literally just out of nowhere it was just he just thought that he would be the right person to get the the the dirt or the tea as they say from her and uh it was pretty it was actually well balanced like it was it had a tea it had two mad's touch and he asked the hard questions it was no softball shit it was pretty good that's interesting but also uh i didn't throw shade at the game groom so i was just talking about that terrible movie that they made that everybody knows about or not movie uh the the show that they made with Dan Harmon that was

yeah, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't good. I said, I said my favorite show of all time was Good Game Grumps's Good Game. And people were like, there was some people who were like, I'm surprised you would say something like this. Like, yeah, do people still not get what Twitter is? It's always like, they don't.

It's really wild whenever I get something like that where they just take something that's so egregious. and just assume that I'm just being totally truthful. Bro, I did that for one of the E3s where I said, I really hope that they make Mass Effect Andromeda 2. And I thought, like, what an obvious joke. And there's some people like, oh, dude, no way. And I was like, what?

What? It's, all right, it kind of, I wouldn't have it any other way because part of what's enjoyable about tweeting something that's meant to be a joke is kind of, seeing is kind of seeing how many people believe that it's just totally real. I tweeted, I tweeted earlier today like, this episode of the Twilight Zone sucks. And, or this season, or I said, this season of the Twilight Zone sucks. And everybody was like, really, I thought it was pretty good.

I thought Jordan Peel did a pretty good job. And I was like, I always just assume, my immediate assumption, unless it's like some, unless it's like a political figure or like somebody who just isn't in entertainment my immediate assumption on twitter is that everything is said with the intention of just getting people to chuckle like that is because that's how i use it like i don't use it for any other real reason or like if i'm just curious about something i'll be like hey what's this um but it's it's kind of wild how many people are actively on it and use it all the time who just aren't in tune with that way of using it's It's just interesting.

Yeah, people that especially use it, like, in a literal sense. Like, somebody, I have my DMs open and someone was like, could I ask you a serious question? No, I didn't, I'm like, no. What's? What the fuck out of here? Can I ask you a serious question? Ew. No.

Ew. What the fuck's your problem, dude? Like, don't ask me anything, you fucking plumbus bitch. Fucking, go weep. Go weep alone, you fucking loser. But I got to tell you something What annoys me More about that is that

Why didn't you just ask the question? Yeah Like just at the very least You know then I'll make the decision Whether I'm going to answer it or not Like if it's actually interesting enough to respond to But the whole thing of like I'm definitely not going to answer you now

Like what the fuck's wrong with you That's so stupid First of all Don't ask someone if you can ask them a question Because you're already demonstrating That you don't care What their answer is because you've just asked them a question.

Just ask the question and see if they respond to you. Don't, like, I hate the question. Can I ask you a question? It's like my least favorite pair of, it's my least favorite pairing of human words. Dang, that's not my least favorite, but it's not even close. Yeah, yours is alien-sided comes in peace. No, my least favorite is, I'm your friend, I'm from space.

It's like, no, you're not. You're not, my friend. You're fucking John Smith, dude, during fucking the, Pocahontas days. You're such a piece of shit. Hey man, all I gotta say is that some people live, some people die. You're the kind of person that if aliens came here, you would fool

around with one that was way too young and then I would never do that. I would never do that. I feel like Derek's the kind of guy. I'd be like, oh man, I thought that was legal. What do you mean? Dude, she looks like an adult. I can't believe I just said that right now. I'm just fucking tripping. But That's so fucking wild.

That's what John Smith did, though, isn't it? Yeah, it was, I mean, it's relative to the times, I guess, then. I don't know. I don't know how old Pocahontas was. I was going to say so terrible. Never mind. Anyway. But so, yeah, I was just poking fun at the bad TV show.

I'm not going to go into like a list of YouTubers I dislike. There's no good reason for that. Yeah, really. It's unnecessary. Also, it's literally just Keem, honestly. I hate Keem. I just like some people, but I hate that guy. Let's move on. He's going to hear this.

His little antennas are going to perk up because he knows that someone talked about him. He's going to plot. OPE has really bad nightmares. He hears everything. He hears everything that's about it. OPES sleep paralysis that last fucking three months. Oh my God. Can you imagine? Can you imagine

you wake up and you got like, oh man, I seem to have sleep paralysis? That's interesting. That's a coma paralysis. And then five, and then hold on, hold on. And then five minutes pass And you still can move And you're like Okay

This is a long one And then 10 minutes pass And you start shouting Help Help And you're just paralyzed Basically And then three months later

You can walk again You know how fuck your body's Gonna be after that You know how fucking damaged You're gonna be so You're gonna be so stupid You're gonna walk around Like a fucking noodle

Atropi's gonna fucking kick in You're gonna be fucking broken You're just gonna be Like waltzing down the street Like a waving web A wacky waving, inflatable arm flailing tube, man. Damn, bro. I mean it, though.

I mean that. What I said, I mean it. Oh, it happens. Okay. Feed me, Chris, with your piss, asks. Oh, my God. Ew. I don't know.

I didn't write this. I didn't write this. Ew, that's so grungy. I didn't write this. Howdy, Hispanic poppy. God, damn it. Black Dad and Sweetie. Okay, well, I'm okay with that.

Oh, yeah, Sweeney, the power weanie. The power weenie. Oh my God. Not a no. Not a no. Not a no. The world is going into chaos right now, and I was just hoping to spread some positivity. What's some good news that has happened in your personal lives?

Personally, for me, my girlfriend helped me get my first couple kill and Overwatch. Oh my God. Congratulations, but, I mean, that really sets the stage for how fuck the world is right now that that's considered something that's, you know, great news. The fact that this podcast isn't a disaster is pretty great That's pretty cool same I'm pretty happy about that I actually I will agree with that

This podcast has inspired a lot of people to Graciously you know make art and and then we had that Animated clip and stuff and that's been wonderful Yeah it's so cool like uh I I think fan art was like something that was like I used to get a lot I still get a like some fan art but like definitely like since this started I've seen a lot more of it. And it's,

it's so cool. Like, I always love that shit because it just means people are like really, really digging it. For me, what happened? Well,

I quit my other job and I started streaming and taking like YouTube content creating seriously, stuff like that. Like I do Twitch now. I haven't been doing the last few days. Our Wi-Fi has been fucking,

I don't know, fucking bottom feeding. But, yeah. That's new on my... You did quit. You did. You are no longer a barista.

Yeah, I'm no longer, I no longer work as a slave anymore. I no longer do that. Honestly, dude, Starbucks is really, I've never worked at Starbucks. I've never worked in food, really. But I can tell based on just how Starbucks is, that it'd be a miserable place to work, because it's a miserable place for me to go. It's better than some, but it's not better than most.

Was it better? Okay, so let me give you two places. These are two places that you've worked for, so you'll have the best. So what was better, Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts? As far as like a place to be at? Okay. Well, for me, it's only my experience like a reference. For Duncan, I was a little teenage pothead that was like just getting high eating donuts and talking to girls all the time.

But for Starbucks, I'm at my girlfriend there, and I'm like a lot of really, cool people that are still around, like, very close to my life. So I don't know. I'd say I had more fun at Duncan. I think Duncan was more of an enjoyable place to work at. But Starbucks is a better job. It was more reasonable. They gave you more things.

They had more better pay and stuff like that, I guess. So I would say, I would say Starbucks. Right. Do they actually pay you in Starbucks? Are you stupid? Are you stupid? He's give you one cup of coffee a day. They pay you in fucking coffee.

I don't even drink coffee. I'll be so fucking mad. It'd be a currency I can't use. The coffee was made in the morning by the time you get it. It's all cold. Here you go, man. All right. See you tomorrow.

Yeah. Last time I went to Starbucks, man, I, I ordered hot scalding coffee just to throw it in the priest's face. You need to take a nap. It's just because it's that kind of environment that they set up that just makes you feel like you can do that to them. It's almost like they're there to just take punishment. That's what working in retail is. You're just there to be disrespected and mistreated. Yeah.

Working in Sears. You can't fight back so they just unleash. Oh yeah. That didn't. I love working in places that are just like completely like fucking. The morale has been completely destroyed because that's a place where you can fight back. Like at Sears, like when I was working at Sears, Sears was already garbage like back then when I was working at it. And now it's just like a bankrupt like shadow of what it was.

And what it was wasn't even that impressive. So I remember when I was working at Sears and some lady was like, there's a price tag on this cardboard display. It means I can buy it. and I remember it was like just 99 cents she wanted this display thing for like craftsmen it was just like a bunch of cardboard set up to look interesting she was like because I guess somebody had like

had an extra price tag that they printed and didn't need it so they just sort of put it on the back of the cardboard just just because you know what are you going to do like keep it on your fucking thing and she just started this whole fucking thing about it's like I want it I want it and I remember I had to step in I had to be like, listen, I don't know what is going wrong with you that you think that this is a valuable purchase, but it's not going to help you.

And she reported me to the manager, and the manager was just like, I think he just got divorced, so he just didn't do it. He was in shambles. He was too busy realizing that he's not going to see his kids every day anymore to fucking deal with the stupid shit you said. He's looking at fucking Alan Renging. He's printing labels for Allen Ritches, and he's just like, I'm never going to see my dog. to graduate and this lady is just fucking bitching about buying a cardboard. Dude, it's hilarious. It's such a fucking sad environment.

I also worked in a terrible area too, though. I worked in Glendale and Glendale's the fucking worst, man. It's the worst. It's the fucking, it's like how to, when I was, when I lived in New York, I lived in, I lived in Fishkill and like, I was around people that actually had money. I was around real money. And then coming to Glendale, I was around a bunch of fake money. That's so crazy, man.

And it just aggravated me because it's like, this isn't, the money you have is not real. You're not, you're not, you're not throwing around real cash right now. You're not, you think you got it. You assume it's real. But bro, you don't have real. You don't have real, go buy a fucking Ferrari money, bro. I've seen it and it's terrifying. Those are weird creatures.

So I just, I just hated, I just hated Glenn. I hated Glenda. I never want to go back to that place again. I never have to anymore also, which is fantastic. I didn't mind the mall area. Like the gallery, or the Galleria and the American art. That's such a small part. Such a tiny part.

It is a really small part. But it is the best part of the- It's like, I don't mind hell his kitchen, but Manhattan as a whole, I'm not a big thing. It's like, that's a piece. I mean, I guess. I mean, Manhattan's pretty fun. I'm saying like that's that reference. It's probably the worst place to be right now.

Yeah, actually, probably. What do we got here? What do we got here? He larvae bars, Boswald. classic name nice hello there

sears Duncan and tax fraud oh shit because you're an accountant right oh yeah oh shit how did he know

that you worked to Duncan have you have you tweeted about that or have we talked yeah I said it before I said it before yeah I didn't know that back in a Disney day

if the three of you were all 10 years old and found yourselves on the bus to Kid Nation from John Tran's latest video how would you guys survive. Did you see that video? I haven't seen it yet.

Do you know what Kid Nation is? It was this reality show where I guess they took 40 kids and drove them to an abandoned town in the desert like an old like old school like saloon old west

looking town and made them work to like bring the town back to life with no supervision with no supervision of the adults aside from, like, you know, crew and, like, camera people. It sounds like holes. Is it, you sure it's not just fucking holes?

No, it's a real reality show. They just... All right. They got sued because... I imagine so. Why? Yeah, because fucking kids, like... They made the kids do everything.

They made the kids, like, cook for themselves and fucking... They had one outhouse for 40 kids. Are you fucking serious? This is a real show. Watch... John Tran's do videos on it are pretty good. He interviews one of the kids in the second part who was on it, which is pretty entertaining. I'll definitely check it out because that, that's so weird.

To me, it almost sounded like a front for something. I thought I was about to take a dark turn. It's Ignatian being ran by kids. It's literally that. It's fucking madness. They just put kids in a fucking dust bowl pretty much. And they were like, deal with it. Yeah.

They dropped 40, 40 modern kids into fucking Red Dead Redemption 1 and said, like, figure this out. It's fucking insane. No. If the three of you were all 10 years old and found yourselves on the bus to Kid Nation, how would you guys survive? I would immediately kill. Yeah, I would spend my time trying to break Chris's legs. And after I'd kill him, I would definitely wear his fucking skull on my head. I'd become the alpha kid.

I'd like, yes, I'm willing to harm. That's why you need to be gone, though, because you're willing to harm. And you're also, and also, you would also completely deny the help of foreign invaders. if they were to give their help or offer. Foreign invaders are invaders. Do you understand the word you this used? Invade? Yes, people that invade are usually there to do bad things.

No, I invade people's houses all the time. Do you not hear yourself, you fucking derelict imp? There's nothing wrong with it. Like, every time, listen, before this quarantine... You stupendous moron. Before this quarantine, we would all, like, gather up whiskey would drive us all to, invade our friend's houses. That's what it was. Our friends' houses. We would visit our friends.

No, invade. We would not invade. Are you stupid? Invade is different. You freaking dunce. Sweeney, what do you call aliens when they come here? Oh yeah. Visitors. Visitors. Visitors until they are aggressive, then they are invading. No, no, no. Invading is what you do when you go to your friend's house. No, you visit, you dumb, dumb bubble gum. Well, it appears we're at an impasse. You doof troupe. God damn. Sweenis is swinging dingus. Oh, no, no.

No, what is it? Sweenis swinging his dingus, Rodin. Okay. He says, what's up, ethnically diverse three stooges? Not really. Not that ethically diverse. I mean, sort of. Not really.

I mean, would you see us on a TV show? Like, I would see us on a TV show on UPN like in early 2000s. UPN It'd be like Oh look This is this black show Featring their one Hispanic friend And it'd be you

Yeah And you would come in and say something Really stereotypical every time Fucking Monique walks through the fucking It's like hey man When they play in Slovimento or what fool I would never do that Do you remember what the acronym

UPN Really stands for No Swini do you remember Underpaid niggas Oh my God You don't remember that Some real shit right there

Probably honestly I fell down in my seat just now In the seat that I'm sitting down I just fell down The people fucking above me right now Are A jamboree going up there man Do you hear this? It's a race Every night

I actually heard a little bit of that That's insane That is insane They're bowling in the room above my room right now I don't know what's going on up there I feel like we're gonna go up there I'm going to knock on that fucking apartment there's going to be no one there

It's going to have been empty for fucking 20 years. And I'm like, That would fuck me up. I'd be like, oh my God. Okay, no, that if we went up to that building, if we went up to that apartment and we knocked on the door

and we opened the door and it was a fucking empty apartment, I think I would cry and fly home. I would leave. I would leave. I would move into our new apartment right now. That would fuck me up. I would have to, I would literally

fly home to my parents. I'd be like, listen, I need to be around family right now. I need family. Things are not acting as they should. I need some familiarity right now. This isn't right. This ain't right.

This ain't been right. This ain't right. God damn it. These guys have been doing this all day, by the way. No, for months, bro. For a while, I feel like this is a bunch of people at that apartment due to the quarantine. Oh, maybe. That's probably a family apartment. At a certain point, something's got to give and you got to say some shit.

I'm sorry. Well, I don't see much. point because we're just gonna we're gonna be moving at the end of the month anyway we're leaving really soon well yeah sure you just put up with it but i apologize if you can hear fucking fucking fucking fucking children colliding their heads against the fucking ground freaking slowmos in the background of my room uh the final question that we have okay the final one comes from gavitar the last straight bender we didn't even read she said swinging swinging dingus you didn't read it i didn't even read it yeah

We got fucking distracted. I was just thinking about that. What did you say? Okay, so Swin is swinging his dingus wrote in. He says, would you rather have everyone know what? Would you rather have everyone you know be able to read your thoughts or for everyone you know to have access to your internet history? Thoughts. I'm fine.

I'm fine with my internet history. Thoughts. I just, I definitely don't want my thoughts because I don't control my thoughts. I don't. I, as of lately, I've been sent a lot of things and I've just. click the links and I've been brought places that I just can't deal with.

That's not a big deal because you can just like, who cares? My thoughts are usually like relatively tamed though. Like I'm not thinking anything wild. No, but the thing is it's like you can make people think things. That's true. That's, that's, that's, the mind is a reactionary organism.

Like, it just reacts. That's very true. So if I told you, so if I said, um, like, I don't know, fucking, uh, do you remember the Numa Numa guy? Yeah. Imagine him gaping his anus open and then tonguing it, like wrapping his neck around the back of him and like tonguing his own gaping.

I'd be like, oh wow, that's gross and I was immediately stopped thinking about that. I'm just going to think about something else. No, no, but you thought about it already. That's true, but then I would be able to, I'm just going to redux that and think about something cool. Like cats with fucking shotguns. You can't, though, because you're still thinking about his gaping anus. I think the idea is that you'd mention it and then it would pop into my brain. Obviously, I'll be able to decipher what you're talking about.

but then I'd be like, I don't want to think about this anymore, so I would purposely think of something else. I mean, I don't know. I guess I would say my thoughts only because I don't really care. Yeah. And also just because I feel like I usually just sort of say what I'm thinking regardless. There are some cases where I'll be like, I'll hold my tongue or whatever, like, oh, you look like a stupid clown.

You're wearing too much makeup, you stupid idiot. But like, I mean, I mean, I had a penny wise to the fucking party. You fucking bitch. I don't know. Yeah, I don't have a... My internet, his search history, it's fucking boring. Yeah. It's, uh, the worst thing you'll find is, uh, I don't remember which episode, but I talked, talked about a discovering free accounts on only fans.

Like, they're like, follow for free. Yeah. And then that's like the, that's the spiciest thing you find and people would be really fucking disappointed. I don't think mine is that bad. I just don't want to have to explain some of the stupid. bitch. Because my internet history consists of comic books, dunders and dragons, swords, gruesome deaths.

Like, this is a bunch of shit. Like, I just don't want to explain all of the totality of that. He's like, how could you go from looking at cool, you know, lore and D&D to eventually looking at this guy getting his head ripped off by a fucking train? It's like, I don't want to talk to you about that. Like, just leave me and ask me questions.

You got to think I'm crazy. Yeah, but that's exactly the reason why I wouldn't mind my internet history, because I feel like if people knew my internet history, it would result in just kind of fascinating conversations because they would be like, oh, did you ever find that video that you were looking for

of the fucking alien joining the lesbian threesome? That video is still so fucking crazy. I still can't find it, by the way. It was a one and done thing, man, I'm glad I saw it, I guess. I'm definitely glad I saw it. But, yeah, I don't know.

Like, I feel like my thoughts are too, uh, they're too judgmental for things to go over well. Like if everybody knew them. Okay, so, uh, last one comes from Gay Vatar, the Last Straight Bender. She says,

Would you rather be suddenly turned gay for a day and be forced to have mind-blowingly amazing sex with your best male friend, only to suddenly become a straight man again and just feel awkward and violated about it for the rest of your life? Or, that was just the first one. Or suddenly have your genitals. switched with your anus and you can't get them surgically switched back. The anus would be pointing outwards. Lucy. Thank you, Lucy.

For this fucking... Lucy, you're sick. What's your fucking deal, Lucy? You're sick and sadisted. That's fucking wild. That's just a terrible fucking thing. The fact that you should really talk to fucking a psychologist. Like, yeah, that's fucked.

That's some shit that I fucking hear. I was what shit I would hear on like fucking old school 4chan and I'd be like what is What is wrong with these people? Now this is like I don't know I don't know fucking I don't know I don't want my fucking I don't want my asshole poking out my fucking front Bro I'd rather have that than fuck my best friend

Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah because you turn straight Because then you just lost your best friend Uh Yeah like Hmm I I

That's Chris is Chris wants to fucking No I just don't know if You're weird Because my best male friend is a friend of mine that I've known for a really, really long time

and he's this UK kid that I met on Halo 2 and I feel like I just, I don't think either of us would care honestly. Like if I was just,

if I just turned gay, oh Chris, you got a smooth cook, don't you? You got a nice cook there, Chris? I want you go in there. I just have a feeling

that like, what you go and burning me up? Come on bang me, Chris. He doesn't sound like that. But I know. Give me a jolly good Rogerie, mate. Come here and plug me,

bud. Hey, bro, want you come and plug my, my, my assho, brother.

This is such a fuck fucking gross score. Why don't you go and stuff my my ass, Chris. Oh, brus.

You're ruining it. You're fucking idiot. You're ruining in it. You're ruining in it. You're ruining in it. Why don't you come and steal my bum, hey,

Chris? Stoo my. Oh my God. I don't know. Like, I, I, I,

I feel like, I feel like if I was just suddenly turned gay, right? That would, it would be fine then. And it would just be weird afterwards for like, maybe like a week. I feel like immediately, I feel like we are really good friends

to the point where I would be like, ah, that was weird, wasn't it? I genuinely don't think I would, I would certainly prefer. I don't know about when. I think I kind of liked it. Honestly, if you want to do it again,

bro, I'd be moored in down to give you a good thrashing, you hear me? Good thrashing. Well, no, because isn't the, isn't the, be suddenly turned gay? Oh, so, like, it's just, I'm gay. Oh. So I'm gay and he's not.

Oh, that's what it is. So he's not. Chris, what are you doing, mate? I thought we're going to play a halo. You got your cock and me? Chris, what is your crook out, man? I'm just trying to kill some fucking elites. I guess, I guess that changes it.

I love my best friend way too much. much to fuck him. That's as simple as that. I can only far too simple. I can only fuck people I don't love. That's awesome. I cannot fuck my male best friend. Even if I was fucking the gayest,

even if I was a beacon of homosexuality, I could not fuck my best friend. Yeah, I feel like. So I'm just, I couldn't do that. If the scenario was that we would just both turn gay and then both turn straight afterwards, I feel like it would just be that we would just be like,

oh, that was weird, wasn't it? That's fucking disgusting. That's disgusting. Yeah, but what if it happened like mid bone? Oh, yeah. Mid, mid thrust. Like, no, like, no, imagine, imagine, imagine. You're about to nut.

Oh, no. You're about to nut. And then you turn back into being straight. And you just fucking, you just drove by this guy's fucking insides. You just splattered this man, fucking blout him. I don't know, man. And now you're fucking, I guess I just wouldn't talk to him for, like a couple months.

No, that'd be fucking, that would ruin a relationship. Oh, Chris, why'd you got your mom milk all over me? Chris Wedgkin, all your baby butter and my bum-bub. Fucking lord, dude, this is fucking grungy. This is disgusting. I guess the way, I guess the way you wrote it, I guess I would probably go with the fucking switching. But then sex is ruined forever.

You know what I mean? Would my penis be sticking out of my butt? if it was a tail of some sort. And would I be able to wag it. You probably would be able to wag it. But then, like, you'd have an asshole just, like, exposed in front of you. Yes, so what?

What do you mean? So what? It's so disgusting. You ever seen a prolapsing asshole is disgusting, but, like, it's also sort of mesmerizing at the same time. Like, oh, man, it's so... Yeah, but shit would be really inconvenient. Oh, you would shut out...

You would shut out your penis. To shit, you'd have to sit on the toilet like a cool English teacher. Hey dude, I'm gonna talk to you directly, right? Me and you right now, right? I'm not gonna sit behind that desk like those other teachers, all right? I want you to really learn here. Leaning his, his fucking hand on the backboard. It's just like...

Oh my God. I don't know. I don't care enough about my own sexuality to fucking put myself in a situation where my dick is on my ass. You know what I mean? That just sounds like an adventure. It's an adventure, yeah. It's fun for like a day, maybe. It's fun for like a couple minutes.

It's not fun for like a day. It's fun until you have to use it. It's fun until you got to operate it, I'm sure. Because then like, you can't have sex like that. It's just like the human body is in design. But you can though. You can very much so do it. No, no, no.

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. You'd have to put the back of your dick in someone. Listen to me. You'd have to relearn it. You'd have to learn. You'd have to unlearn the way biology teaches you to do that.

You'd have to... So? I don't want to fucking do that. I want to learn shit. Listen to me, Chris. See, you're thinking in the simple way, like, you're supposed to be doing all the work and shit. Here's the deal. Like a fat motherfucker like notorious B.I.G.

He lays on his back and they bounce on him. So now you're going to lay on your fucking stomach and she's going to bounce on that ass. Look, all I got to say is this, Mo. You know what? You can finally get big spooned. You can finally be big spooned, you know? You can finally lay there and have a girl curl up on you and start. freaking, you know, humping your back until you get you get done, bro.

Honestly, I'd rather just be gay at this point. Think, think of it like, think of it like this, okay? Think of it like this. After you, how many, everyone's basically, but they fuck people and then things got awkward. Imagine fucking your best friend and losing your best friend. I can't afford that. That's my homie. Yeah.

Yeah, see, because this isn't even about the gay thing. This is really about you fucking your best friend. and then all of a sudden now you turn back to straight and you're like, oh wait, I didn't like that at all and it's, there's no way you guys gonna just be like oh, mate, that was weird, let's go play some Halo again. Yeah, man, let's go. Let's go

Q3-4-3 Guilty Spark, brov. You know, it's not that weird you busts all inside my door. We can go we can keep going and playing the good old games of Halo, brov. I don't know. Might have some more, some shit like that. May I have some more? Look what you did.

Lucy, you fucking depraved bitch. Oh, shit. No, seriously, Lucy, you're fucked up for that, but thank you for the question. Fuck you, bro. Fuck you, Lucy. What have you done, Lucy? I'm all sticky. I'm all sticky now, Lucy.

I'm all sticky now, Lucy. What have you done to me? I'm covered, Lucy. I can't walk. My arms are stuck to the floor. This is like when a friend of yours shows you a video at a party and you're not interested. Have you ever? done that? Have you ever said, like, you got to watch this video

and then, like, people, like, for some reason think, oh, we'll do it now? And then they watch it, and it's like a party setting and, like, they're just not feeling it. And you just have to admit like, oh, man, you know, that, yeah, it was funnier when I watched it. It's not, it's kind of stupid. It wasn't a hitter. It's not for everybody, I guess.

I fucking hate that. Oh, yeah. I don't show anybody anything for that reason. I don't show anybody. I just, if I think there's a funny video that I think somebody will like, I'll link them to it. I'll, like, send it to them in DM. I'll never ever in my life again do the hey you should see this and then show it to someone in person It depends on how as it depends on how similar the fucking sense of humor is all like everyone in this house has developed a hive mind

Where we think the exact same shit is funny all the time now So it's a little different I mean vaguely Yeah there's still some stuff that you show me that I'm like No what you do no look okay guys so this is what happened Chris did not think all of my in my Instagram is fucking broken like my personal Instagram is full of just memes and terrible shit. Chris tried to play as if he didn't think that shit was funny. And then one day I looked at his phone.

It was all of the same pages I followed. He's following. And his fucking Instagram is also fucked like mine. Busted. He tried to play me like, oh, that's not funny. And then the same shit I was laughing at he was also laughing at. You're mischaracterizing the argument. The argument wasn't that it wasn't funny.

It's that you're obnoxious about it. and we'll be watching a fucking movie we'll be watching like a fucking actual film and then you'll be playing loud ass memes while you're watching the fucking film Dude sometimes you gotta get your hit in bro Dude you're a fucking zoomer man you're like you're like a child I'm not a zoomer bro

You're literally a child like I remember like when Dave Chappelle's new stand-up special came out And I was like oh dude you should see this it's really good And then and then he was like oh yeah I'll watch it And I was like oh I'll watch it with you Yeah sure I liked it was really good I'll watch it again. And his first run-through of the special, the first time he's seeing it, not like a third time or like a consecutive time seeing it. He's just scrolling through Instagram at full volume watching memes during the special.

And it's just such a frustrating thing to look at it because it's just like, oh my God, what are you doing? It's because of the addiction to the memes. I've got very addicted to memes for a while. I've definitely cut back because I've just seen too much. Plus they don't hit like they used to anymore. They cut down a lot of the memes I own Instagram, a lot of the spiciest ones. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a lot of the spiciest ones they got rid of. They're still one. I get really frustrated with those private accounts because that's where all the fire stuff is, but people will send shit to me. And I'm getting sick and tired of saying, it's fucking private.

I can't see it. Like, you should know this. Fucking Sweeney does this to me all the fucking time. He'll send me a video on Instagram that I can't fucking see. Like the last 10 things you've sent me dude are fucking just... They're fired dude. You gotta follow him. We can't see them. You gotta follow them. You gotta wait because it's gonna be worth it. It's gonna fucking pay off. Trust me man.

Trust me. You live in my apartment. You can show it to me. No, no, it's not the same. I'm gonna forget by the time I see you. Oh my God. Don't want you Look, instead of us going the extra mile, why don't you go the extra mile by fucking screen recording it and then sending it to me? Why do I have to do it? I already found the fucking treasure. I already found a treasure trove and I'm delivering it to you. I'm not going to open it for you too. I'm not going to do that.

I'll get you the cake mix. I'm not going to, brov. I'll get you the cake mix, but I'm not going to make the cake for you, bro, all right? I'm not going to do that. You're the person who needs to, the onus is on you to show the person if you're going to send it to them and they can't see it. No, dude. That's like, dude, what do you mean? No, that's like buying a car from a fucking dealership and they're like, here you go.

And then they take the keys. Like, what is it matter if you have the car? If you can't fucking drive it or you can't even go inside. It's like, it's like buying a car and expecting people to drive you home with it. No, now it's up to you. No, I got you the first step. I took you there. I can't get in.

I can't get in the car. You got to open it. You got to open it yourself, man. You got to pick that lock. You got to learn another skill right there. Oh, my God. You see, there you go. I'm blessed.

I'm teaching you more. You're such an egregious human. I hope a fucking British alien just fucking has their way with you, bitch. I hate you. I hate you. Nano, nah, no, nah, bro. Nah, no, na, big Ben.

Na, nah, nah, pierce Morgan, Nana. Me, imagine my shock. Modernity. Oh, my God. losing our fucking vines. All right. That's fucking it.

I think we're we've reached our fucking companion. This is a good one. I'm just imagining Paul Joseph flies it all green. Ew. It's just him green and bald but his hands are the same

because he's got fucking alien hands. He's got to be totally stop it. Holy shit. They call him Paul Joseph swats him because he fucking his hands are fly swatting. They're fucking Catch his bits gross.

Oh, my God. His hands look... His hands look like fucking stilts. Oh, it's so disgusting, man. All right. He looks, he looks, he looks, he looks, lengthier than anyone should... He looks like, he looks like a long, pretty caveman.

He looks linkier than someone should ever be. It's disgusting. All right. Let's, uh... This is a good one. Disgusting. This is a really good one. What's, um, okay, let me fly.

Let me get prepared for the fucking end of this. You don't even have to cut this out, box, fuck it at this point. Oh, my God. This is ridiculous. I just want to say, uh, oh my God, thanks to everybody. He supports the show over a patreon.com slash the Stark Tank. we know things are fucking crazy and the world is ending but your support means a lot and you know obviously I've received a lot of messages that are like you know hey I had to stop pledging

so I'm sorry about that I hope I can get back soon just letting you know it's totally fucking reasonable and totally understandable that you you know things are crazy right now and I don't expect everybody to stick around forever even if they're like watching the show consistently the fact that you watch the show, the fact that you like and subscribe to our feeds, the fact that you share our podcast, the fact that you leave nice reviews for us on iTunes, that's really all we need. And the support is just an extra boost. So thank you guys for support.

It's really cool. Like the stuff that we've seen that's come out of the show has been really, really fun. It's been an insane blessing, honestly. Like it's fucking wild. All the fan art I get. all of the comments, all the people that are also creators that are like, you guys are fucking hilarious. We would love to be a part of the podcast, all that stuff.

We really appreciate it. It's all because of you guys. So thank you. And appreciate it. And obviously, we've been talking about this. In the last couple of episodes, we've talked about it. We have merch available. It's at T-spring.com slash stores slash snark dash tank.

So there's some merch over there. And by the way, if you support us on Patreon. dot com slash a snark tank at any tier any amount of money you get the raw art for the merch so if you live overseas and shipping is like insanely like unnecessarily expensive you can just take those files

and print it on your own stuff just don't sell it because I'll hunt you down I'll find you I'll sniff you out I'll sniff you out and I'll fucking devour your kneecaps while you're alive I'll send a British alien after you I'll fucking club your kneecaps with my fucking face he'll hit you with a laser baton because they don't have guns over there Ohy, watch out!

Boi-thwing, a boy-thwing! A fucking laser baton. A fucking laser baton. Oh, my God. That's so fucking redundant. I know. Would it just be glowing or would it be pretty much a lightsaber? It would just look like the baton.

No, it would be like, there would be like a shielding, there would be like a gas encasing around it that would prevent it from cutting. Oh, my God. It would be really hot and really blunt. It would be a baseball bat version of a fuck. It'd be a baseball bat version of the fucking. Energy sword from fucking Halo. Yeah, basically.

It's just an energy baseball bat. I kind of want one of those, actually. I mean, if you boil it down, it's essentially just a lightsaber from Target. But if you liked what you heard today, I think you might, because I had a lot of fun this one. Consider supporting us over there at patreon.com slash a snark tank. $1 a month gets you early access, $5 a month.

gets you a question read on the show. I can't fucking talk. My mouth is getting dry. $10 gets you access to our Discord. And $15 gets you a producer credit and your name dyslexically read at the end of the show, which I will do now.

Go, bud. Double O Dolphin, one meter long fetus. Oh. So we're starting strong. That's pretty good. That's a new person. Thank you for showing up, dude. God fucking damn it.

A level one cleric, Aaron Alvarez. Aaron, I stomped out Jesus, literal vision, Kaluppa. Ethereum, Alex Morrison, Alexi V, Britannia, all hands-on Dick, Otsking, Beelzebub the Gimp, Ben Douglas, Big Dude 0444, Big G with N-FAT, Black Nipple Gang, Cayuse cum-filled eye sockets. Oh my God. Cake, cakes and Foxy pH, Carson Jones, cataclysmic cunt, Chris Bash My Coot, Chris's, yeah, damn, all right. Well, not all right as in yes, but all right, we'll move on. Chris's fever dream about Luigi's vascular 8-inch monster cock.

Oh my God. What the fuck is this? Cold burb, count cockula. Love it. Cunteus pilot. Oh, my God. What? Pontius pilot, the guy who fucking nailed staple Jesus to the tree.

Oh, that's awesome. pilot, God damn it. Curtis Smith, Dangelius, Blampis? The ancient Roman ancestor of Dangle Blampy, you piece of shit. Dank House, Danny DeVito's Dank, delicious, demonic dick,

Devin Connolly, death corpse guardsman, officially terrorist. Official terrorist of the Snart Tank Discord server. I got to jump in there. I've been so fucking busy trying to get all my fucking work done before we move. Ah, fucking, all right. Decato.

Derek. Derek, daddy, delicately dick my dainty delicious ass. Oh, my God. Eric, Derek, go do that. A lot of alliteration and a lot of thirst in these donations. Hell yeah. Yes, sir, bro. I think it honestly is just the quarantine because I don't think we had this much thirst in these donations before people just couldn't get access to fucking cooch.

I've been getting thirsted a lot since the beginning, bro, so I don't know about you. I mean, technically, there's always thirst, but I think it's accelerated. Yeah. It's definitely more aggressive. It's definitely aggressive. I'm fucking, I am, I am, like, what is the anti-quenched? I am so. You're fucking thirsting.

You're fucking famished, I guess, no. Family, yeah, what is the, what is worse than thirsty? Dehydrated. I guess, dehydrated. Yeah, it should be, that's fucking boring, but yeah, it's dehydrated. Anyway, DJ Zer. Zerdav the Anarcho-Debstuppist? God, dub-steppist?

I'm gonna, fuck it, whatever, fuck you. God damn. Doda-Dodd. Cot. Dova-Cunt. Dragazorith, otherwise known as cunt. Dummy Thick Dave. Dunderhead. Nice.

Emperor Palpatine, just straight up. Epstein's favorite. Oh, boy. Every time I die, I see Sweeney as God. So this guy dies a lot, I guess. Fat Houdini. Feed me Chris with your piss. Of course.

God damn it. Female Sonic admirer. Fialar Tandri Guthrmson. Fouhei. Gayvatar the last straightbender. Girtworm Jim. Gertwurst worm. Classic.

Gucci gang. My Gucci's gangrene. Haiko. Heartless wretch. He larvae Boswald. Help. I'm locked in Chris's closet and being buried under discarded snapple cans. I would never drink Snapple out of a can, by the way.

Yeah, that's false That's just heinous These people are still fucking bowling above me Real cool Help me Chris make the voices stop HK 9410 Hugg or Derek I have Dane Bramage

I kickflift so good Your mom left your dad for me Damn dude I tried to make my name the entire Delectation of Oh Jesus Christ You gotta fix this one guy. I tried to make my name the entire

delectation of independence but Patreon fucked me in the asshole with a big rubber dick. You gotta fix that. There's no delectation of independence. If Smof was black, he'd be Tom Sweeney, it's Simp Triscuit cucking the set. What? What? These are scaring me at this point. Jabobo, Jason Tentacles, Jeremiah D. McRoberts, jolly old dipshit

John White Boy Extraordinaire. Julius Caesar has jungle fever. Catovox, cat black, the one-cheek wonder, king of haphazard, Lumfler, limp biscuit thinks they're black, but they're just gay, Luigi's eccentric linguine, Mitchell Blackwood, Motto-Zellet, Mr. Ninja Fox 117, murder ascended, poo on head.

Oh my God. Rack eats Masha, Ramakles, the raunchy rapist of Rhodes. Richter 86, Rumpel Forskine, Ryan Klinger? A Klingler? Ryan Klingler, I think. Sarah McLaughlin's

Goblin your Cocklin. Oh my God. Sarah McLaughlin's Goblin your Cochlin. I like that a lot. Sergeant Sweaty Sack. Simp Bizkit. Oh my God.

I can't believe I haven't heard that before. That's a good one. Yeah, I'm actually really surprising. I love it. Holy shit. That's good. That's good, dude.

You got a future. Slavswater, the Globetrotter who dicted your mother's daughter. Stephanie Breaker of Worlds and Bongs Oh, Stephen, I just changed your fucking sex Just change it You misgendering me, brobs?

Still riding Come on, bro, chill out Still riding the high from giving Chris a Sharpie at Pax I remember you I remember you, thanks for the Sharpie I definitely stole it I'm sorry I didn't bring it back Sunny Chance Sweeney's suicidal spell checker

Sweeney the Kauai Wifu Stitzrup Kemm that Nick Walker, the Arbiter's sexy mandibles, mandibles wrapped around my cock, the father, the son, the holy sween, the progerian hunter, the supreme king of autism, the specter angel, tickle my ass hairs.

Toby Schutman, Tom, Tom Sweeney's ass-eating sex slave, feed me, please, Sweeney, I'm starving. Tutsi, Vincent Vaynerd, vicarious vanquisher of vile v. Wienthope. Winthropy. I can't read all this.

it's too much to read it's getting it's just as long it's just as long fuck me Wormulon Keeper of the elder cream Yummy yummy yummy

yummy yummy come inside my tummy Zesty Donger Z theory and Ziga The Z is really a sideways end We're getting longer again So I'm gonna fucking Whatever We'll figure this out

Thanks for Thanks for supporting the show Means a lot We'll see you next We'll see you next time fucking jett this has been a fucking trip holy fuck