The Snark Tank - #26: Keith David

Episode Date: June 18, 2020

Welcome to the official Keith David Podcast. Today's topic: Keith David and nothing else. Literally just Keith David. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

He's a little dead mean Hey, everybody. You can talk about me. Hey, I hope it's great. I mean. What's going on there? You're looking pretty blunt in the pants right now, Peter. Hey, everybody.

Welcome to the Snark Tank podcast. It's me. I'm Chris Raygun, and I'm joined as our... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. A little more... You got a tone up on your step, man. I can't. Listen, I've been breathing in toxic fumes.

for the last like two days. Okay, so no one told your bitch ass to breathe. You gotta tone it up. Listen, man. Dude, there's so much fucking plaster

in my room right now and so much paint because I had to paint over some fucking bullshit that I accidentally left on my walls because give a shit.

You killed someone and you're painting over the blood spatter after what's happening. I had a real eventful bus one time and it stained the walls. It was weird.

Eventful bust. It was, It was like a weird eggshell, like a slightly eggshell colored white. And I was just like, well, you fucking, here we go again. I don't understand when I see men with that. I, multiple dudes just bust on their fucking walls. What is that? I'm fucking kidding.

I'm not a, I'm kidding. I've never came on my walls. I've came on my fucking shoes before. And I was like, fuck, these are brand new Jordans. I was really upset. I was really, really upset. I was like 15. So, like, I was like, 15.

I didn't really know. I didn't know how to aim yet. Were you fucking playing basketball? You're like, hold on a second. I'm horny. No, I came back home from playing basketball. I said you get game. My dick was like.

We have merch at T-spring.com slash stores dash slash snark dash tank. You guys are ready. If it's starting like this, you guys know it's about to be a doozy. Check out that merch if you want. I'm definitely out of it because I definitely have a little bit of brain damage from the last, like, day. It's going to take me at least like, like, three days to recuperate from this. But...

You sound withered. I feel withered, honestly. I feel pretty darn withered. If I were to put my gender down on any kind of census form, it would be just withered. Withered school. Withered. Just fucking deteriorated, dilapidated. You can do it.

Yeah, you can't, probably. So what, uh, I haven't been paying attention to anything because I've been too busy fucking getting accidentally high on my walls. So what is that? to talk about really like Derek said he had something. Mm-hmm. Go for it. The only thing, the only thing that I've noticed is that they're, because things are

like heightened and more sensitive, there's been a cancel paloosa. There has been anyone that has done anything that it's being tossed into the forefront of, it doesn't even matter how big or small it is. People are apologizing, resigning, or asking to be, just every, It doesn't matter what happens. It is times, what is it? What is it? What is it?

Kalken times four? Four. It's insane. It's insane. Just a couple that I saw recently. Do you guys know the magazine and the YouTube channel Bon Appetit? Nope. I know vaguely about it.

Okay, so the editor-in-chief, I've never seen that guy. He just looks like an Epstein type, but like younger. But like he, he, he, uh, 16 years ago, he dressed up, I think, for a Halloween as your people, Puerto Ricans. And it actually looked kind of funny. How would you even, hold on, how would you even do that? Have you ever watched a regga tome's a video? Don't say that.

That's a disrespect to our culture, bro. That's a disrespect to our culture. Some daddy, Yankee fucking extra. That's so fucking, that's disgusting. So, yeah, he did that 16 years ago. And he resigned because of that. And there are also other things on Earth that they're saying that, oh, he, he's not picking more ethnic dishes and stuff, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that kind of, he.

Yeah, like, because they make, it's all about food. It's bon appetit. So there's like, oh, he's not doing enough for minorities and stuff. And he was like, okay, I'm fucking out of here. Oh, come on. This is a, this photo's funny. So you're looking at it. Put in the Discord chat.

I want to see this shit. Yeah, I'll put in the Discord chat. This is, come on. I don't know, man I Look at this That's genuinely pretty good Like I get it

Listen look Puerto Rico is like Puerto Rico as an island Gets fucked all the time But like I don't feel particularly sensitive As a Puerto Rican You know what I mean

Like I don't know anybody You're more of a New Yorker That's why I guess so New York is basically Just Puerto Rico My grandma My grandma is really sensitive about Puerto Rican stuff,

but she also was around during, like, the, the begin of that, like, weird culture exchange where, like, Puerto Ricans stopped acting, like, American. She's really sensitive about it. She's, like, hates it. And I'm, like, it's fine. Like, I never watched TV Teletalmundo at home. We never watched that.

La Vivision. We never watching that. She would get, like, particular Hispanic channels to watch that. We're about, like, either, like, religion or, like, just nothing. Oh, yeah. Super fucking boring. At my grandmother's house, I used to watch this, I used to watch this dude who looked like, this really old, like, prophet-looking dude. He looked like, he looked like, he looked like Liberace, like a Hispanic Liberace.

And he would just always talk about, well, I didn't know what he was talking about because he was talking in Spanish. But it was like the weirdest. Like, I only know one person who's also Puerto Rican who knew about that person. It was like a fucking revelation when we found out. that we watch the same thing. But I don't know. This picture is like... That's funny, though.

It is. I get it. It's... I get it, I guess. That's not insensitive, though, at all. He's just stressing up as someone. Well, the thing is, it's just... I don't know.

The whole blackface thing in general is like a weird kind of topic because... Blackface is kind of different, though. Because of the history behind you. Well, obviously. But, like, there's... I think there's a difference between, like, Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder and, like... And, like, Mammy.

You know what I mean? Yeah, putting on like shoe polish on your fucking face. Yeah, like. Like I don't really- Junior's character was trying to literally making fun of people that did shit like that. Well, right. Yeah, well, that's the point. But it's also like-

Trebushe, when he did it, whatever his name is, Trebe. When Trebe did it. Justin Trudeau? Was it in Trudeau? Yeah, did you say Trebushet? I said Trebuechette. I said Trebay. The fucking Canadian guy.

Yeah, Justin Trudeau. Justin Trude. He was tripping. He was tripping Because he chose He chose a fucking Looked like a black cabbage patch kid to dress ass It was fucking insane

Dude he fucking he stuffed his pants too That's what was icing on the cake He looked more black than either of us Derek He looked more stereotypical than I can ever dream to look I was like whoa Yeah I don't know I guess I can't speak for every single Puerto Rican

But like this this to me just looks like It's parodying like a music video more than anything. Like, it just sort of looks like it's like a style. Basically, like, dude, let's be, let's be honest. The people that are offended are, the people that are typically always offended by this or never the ones that it's actually offending. Yeah, more often than not.

Yeah, more often than, like, say, if you, like, say, you know, I live in South Central right now, like, if I go take a, like, say Sarah Silverman, she did the blackface, but she was doing it for specific reasons, the way that Robert Dany Jr. was doing it. just differently, but was trying to highlight something. She had a purpose while she was doing it. So let's just say if I took a picture of Sarah Silverman and be like, what do you think of this? And I'd be like, who the fuck's that nigga?

Like, they're just going to be like, I don't, whatever, why are you bothering me with this shit? However, if I go, you know, a few miles up to USC and take it around the campus, a lot of them are going to be like puking, like, oh, my God, that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. That's so disrespectful. It's like, fuck you. It's funny.

Look, here's the thing. It's like, with this specifically, it's. If I saw this picture, I would just straight up assume that this dude was Puerto Rican. Yeah. Like, it doesn't seem like, it doesn't seem like a joke. You know what I mean? It's really not. Like, it really is just genuinely.

Yeah, it's just genuinely convincing. Well, also the thing is that Puerto Ricans don't really look like anything. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like we're very much, we're very much a chameleon kind of group of people. We just have certain features. It's our noses. We have our noses in our eyes. That's it.

That's how you can tell someone is of that lineage. Yeah, even then, it's like, you know, it varies pretty heavily. It could be like, yeah, right? I just feel, I feel bad for the guy because it's such a... It's so funny. It's a good joke. It's so harmless. And he lost his, like, probably amazing job.

Yeah, I wonder, like, I wonder if he has any Puerto Rican friends who were like, dude, why'd you resign, dude? Because, like, if I was his friend, I'd be like, what do you do it? Like, it's such a weird. fucking thing. I don't know. They're tripping. It's awful. There are definitely things that people should resign for. This, I

don't think. Like, when, was it the chief of police who was like, you know, the protesters are just as guilty of killing George Floyd as the police are? Or something. Like, I can't remember who said that. That was mind blowing. That was mind blowing. Yeah, it was like,

they have, I think he said, like, I think that he said like they have just as much blood on their hands or something and it's like what do you not do you know how time works like bro this this angers me because i you know i know like say i look at people that i grew up watching like carl winslow i know that say i don't follow the acab thing that all cops are bastards all right killer mike's dad is a cop i i'm like okay however they're making it so hard for me to even like hold on to that thought yeah especially even remember remember uh in what was it in buffalo i think what was it in buffalo i think

the old dude got pushed over and his head exploded? Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Like, because I think three of the officers got, like, kicked off or they got fired or whatever, and then, like, all of them were, like, we're fucking protesting because we're banding together with that. Like, this is an injustice. And I'm like, you guys are making it so hard for me to be like, hey, guys, can we do the

whole not all thing? And then when you have, like, the entire force over there, they're like, yeah, it's all of us. We're all, uh, you know, we all. You know, we almost killed this old guy and we're going to protect these guys because they almost killed an old guy. It makes it's wild. It makes a pretty bad case because obviously not all cops are bad because not all anybody is bad unless they're like genuine like all rapists are bad, you know. But like all all specific nouns.

Like when it gets really specific like a specific action now where you're like doing something like all all murderers. Can I make this case? Can I make this case? Okay. What if? Because what if a guy, okay, so let's just say there was a rapist in jail, right? Okay. This guy, he's in jail because he committed that atrocity. And then there's somebody in jail that has never done that before. And his first one ever is assaulting that rapist. If you rape a rapist, are you a rapist? Yeah. Are you, are you bad if you are. Well, yes. raping a rapist. The act of force will be taking sex from anyone is bad. But it's less bad because it's a rapist. It's levels to it. It's levels to bad.

You should still go to jail probably. Probably, but like I wouldn't call the cops on you. Yeah, I'm not, I will not defend that. I'm just, I'm just throwing it out there. I don't know. I think that like, obviously, like the whole cop, all cops are bad thing. It's like the issue isn't necessarily that every cop is a bad person. The issue is that like, and we're from, me and Sweeney are familiar with this because we're just, we grew up in New York is that like the police force is kind of like a gang.

And it's like if you go against, you know, if you snitch and shit, then you're, you're fucked. So like even if you're a good cop, a good cop really just kind of amounts to just not getting in the way of bad cops and handling situations on his end appropriately. but it doesn't really do anything to kind of address the larger kind of problem of like the culture within the police force that is just kind of inherently fucked up like we this is like ain't this is basic psychology like with the Stanford Prison Experiment

when they had all those fucking people like role playing is like guards and prisoners it's like within a day people just become fucking monsters like I don't think I don't think cops are bad but I think the police system is flawed therefore promoting bad behavior by the cops. The fact that they have to write people up, the fact that they have quotas means that they're out there kind of looking for confrontation intentionally.

And when people are out there looking for confrontation intentionally, even when no confrontation needs to happen, it just leads to like kind of this inherently adversarial relationship between them and the people that they're sworn to protect. Like if you didn't have a quota system, you'd probably see a lot less. bullshit, but then you'd maybe see a lot more cops just kind of not doing their jobs. It's kind of, I guess, is generally what I hear is like the counter argument, where it's like cops not doing their job. That's full of, if you go anywhere other

in a major city, you just see cops not doing their jobs. That's a fact. Yeah, for sure. But it's because they, it's because they've already filled their quotas and they've already done their jobs. That's what I'm saying. So, like, they use that argument as like,

well, when they write everybody up, when they get their quotas or whatever, you know, then they just don't do anything. And it's like if you didn't have a quota, they just wouldn't do anything. And it's like, I don't know, man. I disagree. I feel like the fact that you have them just kind of intentionally kind of harassing people to look for something that they might be doing wrong, just leads to people feeling like uneasy around police officers.

I feel fucking scared around police officers. Like every time. Even if you're not doing anything, exactly. Even if you're not doing anything, people that have perfect records, they're still fucking nervous when a cop gets behind them. I'm not a threat to anyone, literally. I'm just not. I'm just chilling. I mean, you're actually a psychopath, though.

I am, but I'm not hurting anybody. I'm just chilling. That's all it starts, though. Yeah, but I mean, you're judging, but you don't even know what's going to happen. You can't prove anything. But I haven't done anything wrong yet. So I'm just chilling.

But like, if I'm driving and I have everything and a cop pulls me over, I'm just going to be like, what is he going to find to just make this worse than it needs to be? You know how many times I've been pulled over and told get out the car and I'm like what are we doing we're just going somewhere

it's so hard to like I've because I've been pulled over like multiple times and I always make sure everything's an order and all that but I remember one time I just leased or financed a car so I didn't have the plates on it yet even though I had the DMV

thing on the back like a paper that lets you know the cops still pulled me over and I was with my black friend Brandon I was like oh fuck here we go and it was weird. I've never experienced this before and I've seen it happen on camera where the cop walked up and before I had

rolled down my window he just opened like my my door was unlocked like an idiot but he just opened it and immediately I was about to like you know jump down his throat and say something but I'm like I really don't want to get shot right now because I feel like say

that's a thought in your mind is like what other like what other reason would you have to do something like that you were you were being like antagonistic. You're going to open someone's shit before you even, you're going to open their door before you even fucking say anything to them. And I was just like, hey, I said this. I actually have it recorded because I was being smart.

I'm like, okay, if I die, it's going to, people will know what happened. And I was just like, hey, man, did you need to do that? Just kind of asking like politely though. And then everything was smooth, but it was just like, this motherfucker is driving around at 11 p.m. Like, looking to fuck people. Oh, yeah. The problem, the overarching problem.

is that those were thoughts that were rushing through your head in the moment. You can't, you can't even talk. I was taught that if a cop says something, I shut up because I could get killed. That is the problem. That is the flaw. Yeah. Like you shouldn't. People get mad.

You shouldn't be afraid of questioning authority. That is inherently what we're supposed to do. But when it comes to like people of color and cops, it's not that. We're just scared. Yeah, it's, it's, I've told people, I've told people to, uh, just like defensive driving, like make sure you protect yourself from bullshit like that because even though you're not doing anything wrong, somebody, you know, usually the person, authority of the person that's looking to fuck someone who's having a bad day, whatever it is, they'll, they'll try to take it

out on you. And people get mad, they're like, oh, it shouldn't be that way. I'm like, I fucking know that. But, you know, I remember the first lesson I learned growing up and starting to understand things in the world is that life isn't fair and so even though things are bullshit you still have to protect yourself you feel me like so that was kind of yeah you're no used to you're you're you're no used to any cause if you're just fucking dead because you just because you just fucking mouthed off it's fucking crazy though like i i i fucking i really can't stand like i've been pulled over so many

times for like no fucking reason it's insane and it's just like they're just they just look for shit they just look for shit to write people up for for yeah and it's always at the beginning or like the at the end of the month. Yeah. Always. When I would come home from, I used to work in Glendale and I was living, 10 years ago, I was living in the same area that I'm in now. And when I would jump on the 110 South, the last Thursday of every month, the, what

he called it, the CHP, they would be just driving on the highway, like a bunch of motorcycle cops, just pulling everything over that they can see. Last Thursday of every month, those like fucking Thanksgiving. So I started to notice the pattern. And that's when I got hit one time because I just, I didn't have the money to, I was an idiot 10 years ago. I let my license fucking get suspended because I was rebelling against the system. Like, I'm not paying this fucking ticket.

And then it became like a $3,000 ticket and I got my license suspended. That's fucked. Yeah, that was, don't do that, kids. Ladies and gentlemen, don't just pay the fucking ticket when it's like $100. Get over with. Yeah, I just get it over with because I was, yeah, I regret that. The thing that's weird, though, is that, like, a lot of, a lot of the basic laws that, like, police are, like, made to enforce kind of just, they really only apply to, like, you know, lower middle class people. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, you never really, like, if fucking Justin Bieber gets pulled over for fucking speeding, you know, he's going to get, like, what, like a $70 ticket? Like, it's just, it's insane. Because, like, that's, like, if I was Justin Bieber, I'd be speeding all the time. Because, like, what are you going to do? Charge me nothing? I'm a fucking multi-billion. Like, how wild would it be if Justin Bieber had to pay, like, a fucking $780,000 parking ticket? That'd be insane.

It'd be insane. The laws are, they're all old. And then we keep trying to, we keep trying to fill over these laws with other laws that are more modern. But the bases of all of them are just fucked. It's just like, these are not relative. to how big our population is, how fast we move around the state. Like,

everything is not corrected anymore. I think a lot of speeding shit is bullshit. Yeah. Like pretty much every speeding ticket I've ever gotten where you're like going like fucking five to 10 miles per hour over the speed limit. And it's like just a generic. Like if you're going 100 miles an hour, fine.

Right. Fucking pull that asshole over. But like, come on. You're going to pull me over for going 70 and a 65? like really like you're that you're that stingy you know i think how we fix all this stuff is one of the biggest things is that the way that you look in a uniform and the way that you feel in the uniform you just feel badass like say if you if you remember the story of 300 when um the the dude fiotes that um betrays leonitis um one thing that one thing that he really wanted was to feel

like a part of something and he really wanted a uniform and i feel like when people put that shit on they just feel like a sense of purpose and worth and then they get like very gaudy and then arrogant and all that shit. Of course. So if you are a police officer, I think you should just like maybe be in a clown suit. I think that would fix everything. Like if they were just walking around, if police were just like walking around like fucking looking like clowns and shit, they're like non-threading. That'd be dangerous because I would, I know I'd start getting brazen.

I'd be like, what are you fucking going to do, you clown bitch? I'll level you. I'll fucking break your jaw. Don't touch me. Yeah, more people would die because more people would feel comfortable attacking a clown. But you gotta remember They still have weapons though That doesn't matter

Also well actually I don't know Actually now that I'm thinking about it If I'm driving And like Like the fucking cop lights are also like Multicolid They're like fucking rainbow lights And you hear a honking sound

It's not a siren anymore It's fucking hogs Yo dude me Me understanding that clowns are just Fucking garbage creatures I would literally end up getting killed because I would end up fighting a cop because I'd feel disrespected that they would stop me.

I'm like, how dare you? I feel terrified at the notion of just some guy in a clown suit coming up to me with weapons being like, so where have you been tonight? Where are you going? You're driving pretty quick, huh there, boy? Do you know why I pulled you over? He freaking squeezed.

Like, what's like, Skeeter and Doug? He'd fucking go, ha, ha, ha. So you know how fast you were going, buddy? Dude, I'd be down. I couldn't do it. I would get killed. I might be twice as scared, honestly. First, I hate clowns.

Second, I hate 12. So, like, I would just get killed. I would just get killed by the cops. Wait, you hate 12? What does that mean? It's cops. It's fuck 12. I don't know why they call them 12, but I say it too.

There's a lot of questionable nicknames for the police that don't make, like the fuzz never made sense to me. I think that's some British shit. Yeah. That's our... Maybe. Some dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, bumble gum shit. I just don't get a lot of them.

Did we talk about pigs? I think we mentioned that before. Like, where did pigs? How did that originate? You punch a cop, he oinks. No, I'm kidding. I don't know what I call them pigs. Yeah, I feel like with most things I can actually...

I feel like with most things I can figure out, like, why they're called certain things. But, like, with cops, I'm always, like, left baffled by a... Yeah, by the names that people choose. It's weird. Oh, it's weird, but let's petition for those clown costumes, man. I'm telling you, it'll heal the world. I feel like mimes would be better because they would have to, like, they would have to convey to you what you did wrong with charades.

You know how many people would just drive off? Yeah, and then they'll get fucking shot, like, for sure. These are not helping at all. None of these are helpful. Get the fuck out of here, you stupid silent movie clown. Fuck you. What are you going to do? Make an invisible, what's why I crash into it?

How about you crash into it? to my invisible dick, fuck you. He loads a fake gun and aims at you and shoots you and you fucking die. You actually die? Yeah, your brain gets fucking jettisoned at the back of your head. That's a new power. That's a power I'd want fucking and be able to really create mime things. Like, I'd mimes and it's real. This may sound silly, but I've always been afraid of putting like the finger gun, like making a gun with your fingers and putting it like up to people because like what if one day it actually works?

and you kill somebody and what do you it was your fingers and everyone's no one's gonna believe you I think about that a lot with like prop guns and stuff like yeah

we have a prop gun in a house that we play around with way too much well yeah it's like what if like someone could some dastardly like time dilating prankster could easily just like swap out my fake gun

with a real gun and I would have killed somebody by now for sure I would have killed myself and how many times I pulled that trigger on myself I would have fucking aired my head out It really does freak me out a lot Because of that story with the crow

Or whatever Oh yeah, yeah What are you talking about? So, oh my God, fucking Who's Brandon Lee? Yeah, Brandon Lee Was doing like a movie And they just had a real gun on set

Oh my god, that's Jet Leas son right? Yeah, and they just fucking shot him with a real ass gun Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what did you say? I said Jet by mistake I said Jet by mistake, but I knew it was Bruce Lee's son. I don't know why. I think I just miss Jet Lee in general.

I think you're fucking, I think you're, dude, you are just such a massive bigot and you just don't realize how much of the big you are. What the fuck? Dude,

why do you have to take it there? Because you can't differentiate between Asians. I literally mixed up someone's first name by mistake when they have the same exact last name. They're not even spelled the same. I understand that,

but they're still said the same, you twat. Don't say, Twat. It doesn't sound right with an American accent. You're twit, you're twat. Hey, hey, Dickhead. You're also supposed to pronounce it Twat, okay? Oh my God. Learn your fucking dialects, suck a bunch of dicks.

Why don't you learn your fucking proper dialects and learn proper agents? All right, fuck you. Fuck everybody that's not me. How about that? Back to that shit. His name was Jet. His name was Jet. They named him after a fucking

Jet. Jets are badass, dog. That's wild. Can you imagine if your name was fucking monster trucks, Sweeney? Imagine my name was chopper gunner Jameson. It'd be so fucking dope. That's the dumb. That's the dopingest shit I've heard actually.

Imagine you walk around with the kind of air your name being chopper gunner and this is like, yeah, don't fuck with me. I'll tear you down, motherfucker. Hi, I'm Vita. Hi, I'm VTal. Heavy Lift Gear Maldonado. So I'm kind of, I don't know if my kids are going to appreciate me because,

like my last name's, fuck you bitch. Because my last name is pilot, right? And so I'm going to name them after my last name. So I'm going to have a kid named Fighter and have a kid named Otto and then maybe Ace. And then other people were trying to throw out other things. But I really think that if I have that many kids, the last one would just be nigg-a-do. Because that just rolls off the tongue really well. Nick pilot.

That does not roll off the tongue, you maniac. Dude, don't fuck. Don't fuck with me. You know it does. Nick pilot. Yo, my, my nicka pilot. Doesn't that sound great? Doesn't that sound great?

Ns that goes well with pretty much any other noun. It kind of does, though. Any noun, any adjective? That's why it's such a dangerous word because it fits so well. I was watching. I was watching. Is it called the Revenant? Dude, they called the Native Americans tree niggum.

I was like, what? why does that sound almost pleasing to the ear what is wrong with you you're such a crazy person I was like why would they call someone that also do I need any more proof that you're in your you're heightened bigotry

where you're like hmm tree nix I like I don't like it but I was like why was that a phrase that just rolled off his tongue people said that oh my god oh my god what is happening how is we how have we gotten here Like, why would someone say that? What about you, you're filling it on the tip of your tongue? You're getting thirsty, Chris, to start dropping some in-bombs?

Vox is really going to show his worth with this one. He's like, no, stop, stop. Please stop saying it, Kingston. I'm going to slip. I'm going to slip. Sorry, your name was Sweeney, bitch. Whatever. Interchangeable.

You keep fucking docksing yourself, man. What's wrong with you? I'm not a docks. I didn't say where I fucking live. I'm not a dips shit. Also, we're moving soon. So it doesn't matter. Yeah, as soon as he moved,

Then fucking put the address out there. They're going to try to swat this house and I'm not going to be here. It's going to swat a family. Yo. I'm not going to lie. When we moved out of our last place, I thought about just posting the building address because I hated that building so much. Getting everyone killed. I never would have done it.

But it was something like in a very vivid state of anger, it did cross my mind. It's like a rage-fueled final act of defiance. Some big fat kid with like fucking blade-like shit-waring walks into the building and is unloads on the whole place. And it's your fault because you fucking made it public. You're going to get what you deserve, Chris. Just kills everyone in every single apartment. He's dressed as the fucking Joker.

Like which one though? Which one? Which Joker? The new one. He's dressed a new one. But he's like a fat piece of, his shit so like if a suit doesn't fit. Like it's just like barely like covering his tits like the...

Have you seen that video, that famous fucking video of the kid in the Joker costume and he's like I'm the Joker baby. What? It might be my favorite video of all time. It's just I don't even like if you look up I'm the Joker baby on like

on the internet you'll find it. It's like it's just honestly anything involving the Joker that isn't in a comic book or isn't in the actual lore is just like really cringe because it's just a bunch of people just trying to emulate this character that is just so wildly unbelievable yo there was a scene there was like this really big skate competition somewhere in la and it was a guy dressed as joker that's just sent tumbling for some reason and i've watched a clip of that guy

falling at least a thousand times it's a great clip of someone falling specifically he's getting jettisoned and it is and the captain is like when Batman cat did you do with some fuck shit and it's this Joker gets creed perfect it's really good part of part of why I like that movie so much though is because like the

the Joker was like really genuinely kind of cringe like in the movie extremely cringe yeah like it was like it was actually like ah this is like it's it's cringe in the same way that like any like in cell with like a manifesto like if he makes like a video and posts on YouTube it's like this is why I'm going

fucking take revenge on the female race or whatever the fuck female race there's always like a like an there's always like an element of like uncomfortable uncomfortable uncomfortability and part of it just comes from how cringe it is and how seriously they take themselves it comes from it also comes from the idea of it's being so near unrelatable it's like what the fuck is this is a person yeah why are you so weird it's really fascinating cringe is just like a cringe is like interesting because it's a I thought about doing a video on cringe like just as a concept

because like and I know there's a contrapoints video about it but it didn't really go into what I thought what I was thinking about it because I feel like there's like a really fine line between like something that's brilliant and something that's cringe because like cringe

really comes from like a sense of like passion like if people care a lot about something it's either like really great or really cringe and there's like really no in between If there isn't in between, it's just neither. I feel that.

Yeah. Cringe is weird. Like, it's like, how to, how do I explain it? Cringe is confusing because it's just like, it's just the feeling you get of like somebody just caring so much about something. And they're just, the way they express themselves is just so like, fucking, like, animatronically weird or fucking storybook weird. Like, I watch TikTok cringe compilations fairly often.

And the people in the compilations are just so weird. And it's like, I'm fucking strange. I know I'm strange. I got it. But these people put me to shame. And it's just mind-blowing. Well, I think a lot about like weird al and stuff.

Because like Weird Al makes song parody. Like he just parody, so he makes fun of songs. And like song parody is like inherently kind of cringed. But like with him for some reason, it's just kind of wholesome and fun and amusing. But like everybody who isn't him, there's like an element of cringe to it. I think because they're trying to copy him, so it's cringe because it's not him. He's made a hallmark in history as being that cringe guy already. And that's his character.

But other people doing it is like, you're cringe because you're not even good at what he's doing. And he's kind of cringe. Well, that's what I'm saying. It's like, well, that's the thing. It's like cringe really just discerns itself from talent almost, where it's like, if you're good at something, then it's not cringe. But if somebody tries to do that same exact thing and they're fucking. terrible. Like honestly like Buff Correll Buff Correll is like one of the best things to ever happen

to the internet. But without a doubt when I first saw Buff Correll I was cringing to my fucking demise. No I just laughed instantly because I was like this is just hilarious. Because I was like in the beginning it was like you oh my God what is this? This is so bad but he's having so much fun

and like I don't know necessarily if he thinks he's doing a great job or anything but he's just doing it. But he's just doing it. But he's just doing it. he's having a good time. Yeah, I don't think he's, I don't think he's, I don't think he's just doing it.

I think he just, yeah, this is what I like doing and he's appreciative because he was, he's been doing this consistently for so long before, um,

I remember when I first kind of like, oh yeah, I forgot about that guy and he had less than 100K and then when I checked back on him, I think he's like over 200k. I think maybe 300. And I was like, fuck,

holy shit. And it's not like he's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just doing it. it's just, it's beautiful and, um, but that's, that's, that's, that's so interesting about that guy though, is that like, if anybody else was doing what Buff Corel is doing, it would be

fucking cringe. Oh yeah, it would be so bad. The fact that we're saying cringe so much is cringe. Exactly. That's exactly like the point. It's like, it's such an interesting, I don't know, cringe is just interesting to me. Because it's so fucking weird. I do, I, no, I do, your theory.

I think it is sound. However, I think if Sweeney did the same thing, like just tried to steal Buff Corral's thunder, I think it would work. I would never do that to them. I know you wouldn't do it, but just hypothetically, I think it would be pretty fascinating. Well, I'm a pretty good dancer, so, like, I feel like I would be a little better at dancing than he would be, but his passion is there. I just don't have any more passion in my heart. Like, I just, I'm just pretty much dead. Just in general.

He just doesn't have passion in general. You're so fucking emo. Not really. I didn't. I didn't vent to anybody. Chris, take the fucking, take the razor blades away from him. I literally,

literally, literally, I didn't voice that. I didn't want anyone to find out. I was just in my heart, like cold. And I was like, I'm fine like this.

Do you want me to cut my long bangs off so you can use him? Nah, I'm good. I'm just going to straighten my hair and use them. I'm going to straighten my hair and have bangs. I, if you straighten your hair,

I will literally, I won't do anything. I won't train my hair also. I don't do anything. That's a whole null agreement in the first phase. I'm just not going to straighten my hair. What is the most, like for a cash prize.

I don't know. I'm not a, I don't sell myself. Like, I'm not the kind of guy. It's like, I'll do it for this amount of dollars. Would you, would you straighten? You wouldn't straighten your hair for $15,000? I mean, yeah, I would, but like, I don't think about how much money it would take. It's like, I don't know.

If that shit came up, I'd be like, oh, I guess I'll do this. I don't sell myself. I don't sell myself. Would you do it for $15,000? Yeah. Because I don't think about how much would it take for me to do X, Y, or Z. I'm just not, who thinks about that. that. Nobody thinks about that, but when they

hear it, they know it and you just demonstrated it. I don't want to think about it. I was like, ah, maybe. Someone's like, hey, you would look so you would look so fucking stupid. Yeah, I know. That's why I wouldn't do it. So I'm going to cut my hair. I would shut my hair and cut it immediately. Get a fucking mold. Hey, would you do it for 5Gs?

Five? Yeah. I got to cut my hair. We'll start a GoFund me and that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm trying to get a real like, fucking number. Guys, please don't make it go fund me for this. Like, don't. Do you imagine what a tone. deaf movie would be to make a go-fund me for like sweetie's haircut during all

this shit during the shit that's going on It'd be so fucking sad I'm gonna take the money But I'm like I cannot but you guys are stupid enough to do this Now I'm gonna go buy a ton of premium porn subscriptions with this fucking money You guys barely had to give me you maniacs I would love to see that Yeah I think we should do it behind his back

You're just paying your hair I think I well I did it once just to like Because I put in the the texture I didn't I didn't really straighten it what I did was I was fucking rocker that's why you're like I have to have fucking bands no it wasn't that I played drums no bitch it wasn't that I never gave a fuck about that it was I used texturizer the you know to get the you get the S curls right yeah for you and so what I did was because the long you leave it in the straighter hair gets so I was already gonna shave my head off my hair off I was gonna share my hair off anyway so I just left it in for like fucking a half hour and then it was just like completely straight and it looked like the stupidest bitch ever and and then I just you know it was already starting to fall out because it just I just killed my hair but um yeah it doesn't you relax your hair to death yeah basically it it looked so fucking stupid on me especially I get like it looks fine on women they they do it and they'll straighten their hair they'll fix whatever the hell they do but when you're just some broke

ass fucking crusty like me and then you go from like having like braids that were all fucked up I didn't take care of my hair man I never gave a fuck but um yeah that was that was interesting never again i don't i don't like how that looks at all i don't take care of my hair my hair grows way too violently so it doesn't it doesn't matter like i'm just i just i try to pick it out it gets too fucking like one time i broke a metal pick in my hair and i was like god fuck a metal pick yeah the freaking prindles of the pick were in my hair had to take them out my god my hair is so fucking thick do you think it's like like uh like a tree kind of where like if you put a bald cap on and left it in for like a

really long time. It would just grow through the bald cap. I don't know what happened. What if it just ate the ball? Like, would that be so weird if there's like a layer of hair, that a bald cap than more hair on top of it? That's what it would be. I don't know, man.

I just want to get rid of my hair so bad, man. Yeah. I hate it so much now. I mean, you think you want to get rid of it. Chris, my hair is compact and thick. If sunlight touches my hair, it gets recycled into my head for hours, bro. Having fucking heated thoughts

for no reason. You guys don't know any like people that cut hair. I do, but all my homies are like in Glendale and you like that and I don't want to go to Glendale. I mean, it ain't that far away, man. I ain't that far away, but it's still Glendale and I hate that place. Oh, yeah, I got you. I forgot. There's all the Armenians here that you hate. I forgot about that. That's not the case. I just don't

like that place. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Fucking worst. Get rid of that. Should we just move? Should we just move on the... We should just move on to questions. We don't need to be racially charged. We're trying to get paid from this, Derek. Jeez.

That's true. Well, dude, I'm sorry, but black people can't be racist. All right, next question. I hate you. I hate you so much. All right, we'll go out of the first question. This is a pretty good one. I actually really like this one.

What are you fucking screaming about? Are you good, Sweeney? I'm not, I was screaming? What the fuck you're talking about? I'm sorry, I'm just hearing voices again. You're fucking broken. Rretched Spawn wrote in. He says,

Hello, Brothers of Snark, can you, can any of you recall a time where you failed miserably while trying to flirt and or date someone? Be honest, it happens to all of us. No judgment. Stay frosty. Oh, of course I can fail. What? I'm the goal of a feeling.

What you got? What you got? Let's hear yours. I know mine is pretty bad. Stay frosty. Chris, you go first because I probably have multiple and I want to select the best one. Yeah, same. Yeah.

I'm sure you thought about this, right? I thought about it. I don't think that I ever, like when I was in high school specifically, that was like, that was, that was the worst time. Because I just didn't know how to flirt. I didn't know what that meant even really. And also, like, I just didn't think that I could really pull anything in high school. I was like, ah, you know what? This is just, this is for a different life.

Like this whole. But, like, there were girls. that I liked that I thought I was flirting with, but really I was just kind of nice to. You know what I mean? Because, like, flirting is like a, like, a thing that you learn. That's technique. There's technique to it. But before I was just like, oh, she laughed at something I said.

That's good enough. I'm leaving now. And that was how I would do it. So, like, pretty much every girl that I flirted with, so pretty much every girl that I flirted with in high school was just a complete fucking failure. Like, all of it. I feel you. But I think after that was pretty fine. I can't recall any time that I failed after that

because I didn't really try. Look at this smooth pimp, this fucking pimp machine, man. God damn. Look at you pulling all the honeys, bro. But I will say, I will say for some reason, I've had the least success with Puerto Ricans. Hmm. Yeah, that's fascinating.

What is it? What is it about they? Are you not fucking Yankeed out enough? I don't know. Like, there were two girls that I've liked in the period of my life that have been Puerto Rican and that I just made no, no progress with. One in high school and then one, uh, in 2015 when I came out here, or maybe 2016 when I moved out here. Just no progress whatsoever. They were really cool, too, and it just didn't, I don't know, like, I just totally fumbled.

I don't know if it's just like more interesting to people who aren't accustomed to that culture, get to like learn shit and you get to like make conversation out of things like oh you know like yeah this is how we do things it's like oh hey this is food that you know we we like and like there's stuff to learn about people who are different from you but like i think with portarican it's just like yeah gloria esophane yeah i know that and then that's where the conversation ends it's just like there's nothing that's crazy i've had especially insane success with freaking Hispanic women like regularly they like the they like the dark chocolate man they do but their freaking parents are like bro what are you doing oh yeah yeah that's that yeah that's for sure okay i have i have

a fucking doozy well there was this one time when i was in like this so this is pre this is pre edge lord kingston when i was like in like going into middle school like going out of middle school and i was like maybe like 14 there was this girl i really really really liked i texted her all the time i was like i would hang out with her all this stuff and i made a move or I was going to make a move on her one day. And she said, yeah, she told me, I really want to see you there. And I was like, yes. And I went to her house and she invited her boyfriend over to.

And I was just sitting there with her boyfriend, just so fucking upset. I was like, this is the worst thing ever. Like, they were playing fucking, like, like, fusion frenzy and, like hugging and kissing. And I was just sitting there like, oh, I was like on the other couch to sit here myself. Why would they, why would she do that? Because she was just genuinely my friend. Ugh, that's disgusting. She thought I was just genuinely her friend and I was like, I hate you.

I hate you. Listen, you hurt me. I hate you. I don't really, listen, it's not necessarily, it's not necessarily that you can't hang out with somebody who's with their significant other. You can hang out by yourself. But also, it needs to be, there needs to be somebody else. So, like, you can't be fucking third wheeling it. Even if you're, like, really close.

Like, I've never felt comfortable just, like, alone with two people who are together, and that's, and that's the, and that's the group. But that is that when you're with your person, you're fine with it, though. Like, it's like, oh, this might be here. Because me and my girlfriend do it all the time. People just start with us. What do you mean? I don't think there's any problem with that.

I think the problem is, like, say, in your scenario, since you liked her. Oh, yeah, that was dangerous. I think that's the big fucking issue. I was so sad. I was just sitting there. I don't have to like the person. person at all. I just always feel like, ah,

uh, this, this feels, it feels like I'm crashing a date, you know what I mean? No, yeah, it definitely can,

it definitely, I do, yeah, totally. Usually the third wheel thing is awkward as fuck, but I'm just saying it's stupid. And Asson, like say my,

I wonder if that girl knew it all. You said, like she generally thought that you guys were just friends. Yeah. Did you ever flirt with her beforehand? Did you ever say anything?

I thought I was, but I, I, I, too, I too had no game when I was younger. I developed all my, game when I was in like from like 16 years old when I when I got my game after I had sex I was just like I'm just gonna I'm just gonna just be I'm just gonna be kind of a dick to them

and then show him my penis eventually when they ask for me like that's it that's it like when they make it a bad simple rule book all right like just be a dick show penis be a dick play basketball and then go to a party and And if a girl starts flirting with you, banger. That's it. That's so fucked. You sound like such a frat guy. I kind of was.

What are they called the pickup artist? Yeah. I kind of was. The pickup artist, they get banned from fucking New Zealand or fucking whatever. The thing is that I grew out of that so quickly. It's so quickly. As soon as I got out of high school, I don't like this anymore. I don't have relationships that are going to be lasting.

And then I got out of high school. Fucked off. What do you mean? I had like, look, look, check this out. I had two, uh, two major turning points in my, in my, like, high school years of, of, like, rejection. Because one of them didn't make, it made zero sense to me. Because, uh, this new girl, she, I think it was my junior year. She just came to, uh, to our high school.

She was very new. And so, uh, she was into like a lot of alternative stuff. And I showed around and hung out there. And I remember I invited her to a band practice. We sucked. and I was like I'm going to give you one of our tape demos you know and this is how like I wasn't in doing that game thing I didn't think I was like a pimp or anything

but I just took her to my room to give her the demo and then she just like jumped on me and I was like oh I guess this is happening I think she thought that was like a fucking cue when I was literally just going to give her a fucking tape a cassette tape of our shit because we sounded so bad sure you were you're gonna you're trying to give it a salami bro who you fooling bro bro like I like if I I was so like just I was so honest about just

to my friends, I'm like, bro, I literally was just going to give her a fucking tape. I'd like, the people thinking like, oh, yeah, dude, that was smooth. I'm like, I wasn't trying to be. But I used to walk with her to school. Sometimes we even fucking hold hands and stuff like that. So I for sure thought. So here's a deal. I thought, like, we were like, oh, we're fucking, like, this is simple.

Because I really started to like her. And it was for, I think for Christmas or something around that time, I got her, uh, the CD, this band called The Used. and then and then I asked her out and she said not right now. I was like what? My brain like shorted because I was like, okay, wait, wait. So we like walk to school together. We fucking hold hands.

We hang on all the time. Like we might as well be fucking dating but she's like, no, I'm good. And it was, it short-circuited me because then I thought like, if I, if I can't be sure that this fucking broad likes me with all that shit. that's gone down. How can I fucking trust anyone? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's basically how. That's all it was for a sec. It took me a minute to like get over that shit. Because I was, you got

cut, though. I wasn't holding hands. I was texting. You got, you got shlong. You got shmitted, bro. Oh, bro. I got that was, that was my first like genuine shafting where I was just like, whoa. I didn't, I never had anything like that again on that level, but I did have something like kind of silly because I thought in my senior year for my prom, I didn't get to go to prom with who I wanted to. And then so there's this like girl that I'm like, oh, she's kind of cute.

I'm like, hey, you want to go? And I didn't hang out with her like all night because I just didn't, I didn't give a shit about her at all. But then at the end of the night, I was like, yeah, it is kind of fucked up. But joke's kind of on me, though, because at the end of the night when I was taking her home, I thought like, okay, you know, like, yeah, she's here. Like, she's smashed or something.

But I think she was like totally, you know, I guess as revenge, she because she was like I'm not going to hook up with this guy so what she said was when I pulled up to her house she was like I got to take a shit bye and then she fucking just go open the door and slammed it and I'm like yeah I deserve that and so yeah definitely that was that was that was justified I was like yeah that's a hard rejection but I was also being you can't trust these holes man you just can't I just avoid I just avoided rejection from just not asking anyone which is why I just had no success in high school at all which actually was like

frustrating because like later what am I doing wrong? Huh? What am I diso? What do I do wrong? I did everything right. Yeah, I didn't try. What do you mean?

No, that's what you feel every time you reject? Like what did I do wrong? God damn it. I just remember being furious like years later because like I like after college because I would get like messages from these people it's like oh I thought you were kind of cute. Ha ha.

And it's like oh cool thanks. Cool. That's really that's so sick. Dude. So I just I was just sitting sitting in high school with like the least fucking Confidence of the world for no fucking reason. That's some real shit, though.

That is some real shit. That has happened to me too many fucking times where a girl, she resented me and I had no idea why. Like we were in high school. We knew each other. We hung out. And then I think this was like 2017. We went out and we're at this bar. And she was like, yeah, I remember when you rejected me in high school.

Ha, ha, ha. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And she was saying that, yeah, like, I was so into you. And you just wouldn't give me a time of day. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, we were just, like, talk shit in English and stuff like that. She was a cheerleader.

She was fucking, like, really pretty and stuff. But I, there was no, like, that connect. You know, where you saw some genuine, like, oh, there's something there. Yeah. And so, and she brought it up like, she was, she was fucking hurt. And I'm like, okay, first of all, I was fucking 17. If you expect a 17-year-old to be socially aware and to have all this fucking MacDaddy game, like, you're a dumb bitch.

Bro, I, at 17, I was already slug. playing heavy, bro. I was already fucking... I mean, look, I was doing fine, but it's... It's not like I would... Like, say, I'm sure you're infinitely better with words and socially aware of situations than you were when you're fucking 17. Absolutely.

Am I right? I'm respectful now. I was a little dickhead when I was 17. A little jerk. Yeah, I'm just saying that, like, there's certain things that you miss because you're in fucking high school, right? Well, it's just also... I think you can relate to this.

It's just like the general idea of just like, hey, you know, we're on the shorter side, so we're just not the in-style thing. So you just kind of assume that that's kind of like, you know, oh, people are going for the tall people, that's fine. And you just kind of are right with it. And then so for years, so years go by and then you realize that that just wasn't true at all. And it was just a complete bullshit lie.

It was just like, fuck. What a waste. Chris, short people date short people, dude. It's fine. Like, I don't understand. I didn't think about it at that time, though, because I was just like, ah, I just like, first of all, it just wasn't a priority.

and also just like I just kind of assumed like ah you know it's poison like oh she was poison dude as soon as soon as I got late it fucked away my brain worked up for like a two three years and I was just like this is all I'm thinking about when I definitely have other things I could be doing I stopped focusing on really school as hard even basketball started declining I was just like I just want to get puss no man I just I just I just wanted I just I just wanted to get fucking level 50 and fucking team doubles

Yeah. That's all I want. I just wanted to play music. I'll never forget one of the hottest girls I ever met. She's still like gorgeous. You know, we were still kind of friends online or whatever the fuck. She broken up with her boyfriend. I knew that guy too very well. And they were broken up for a few months.

And we were in French class. And I remember she asked me, she asked me, she's like, hey, I'm not doing anything after school. You want to come over my house? and me so fucking just focused on like I gotta get better with my band you know we gotta fucking play that show and I was like oh no we got band practice you know and then and then she was so like oh well I guess I'll just like try to find somebody else then and she totally was like I totally just fucking it took me like maybe a good day or two or I was like wait what the fuck what did I just do yeah I would have made fun of you so much oh yeah that was slow you're just you're just you're just bad

at picking up cues, like, when you're a kid. Even today, probably still. Like, there's some, like, level of just like, what? That's what that's supposed to mean? Also, another thing, once you get a relationship, dude, as soon as you get in a relationship, the girls come out of the woodworks, man.

It's like fucking insane, bro. It's fucking sick. I still get DMs from girls that I knew back home, even though I had my girlfriend. I'm very vocal about me having my girlfriend. Yeah. That just only makes it worse, man. People want what the, people want,

what they can't have man. He's like, she's not me in California. When you come back to East Coast and we can just hang out and I'm like, no. No, I'm not doing that. I'm not stupid. I live in California. I'm going to go back to that problem. Nah, you're good. You stay where you are. When I, when there is like a picture or a post or something on Instagram or on social media of like a girl that I'm interested in, then yeah, then it becomes very, it's kind of sick, but

like I'm like you now you want to, when I am interested in someone, you want me to betray them now? Like, you're, you're fucking, you're evil. Yeah, that's how you just kind of know that they're just like insane or just like really just not good people. Chances are. All right, let's see. What do we got here?

Matthew Bush. No relation to President Bush, hopefully. Hope not. Roan says, hello, Black Napa and Vegeta and Cybermen. Wait, am I the Cyberman? Fuck you. I guess I'm Black Napa. Wait, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I guess you're black because like Napa's pretty tall I'm big so yeah you're black Napa but I can't that doesn't make sense I feel like I'm the fucking Sibeman and that's that's how I

immediately read it so it must be how he intended it I think it makes Sábema any day I'm cool with that Vita's a bitch so I'm glad I mean I convinced the child I was I was Vigita for years but all right

oh yeah that's right he wrote and he says if you had to change your voice to one other person dead or alive Who would you choose? Imagine going down on a girl with the voice of Gilbert Godfrey. Love you all.

Oh, my God. This is easy for me. I don't know. Good pussy, nah. I don't even know you fucking... Wow, your pussy's really not. You've got a nice pussy. That's pretty good.

It smells like roses. Moses and fruit roll-ups. You know, I heard that that's not even his real voice. I heard that, like, he just puts that shit on. I'm sorry for him. No fucking way. He's just like, hello, I'm Gilbert Godfrey. I literally, there's like this tape.

I don't know if it's real or not, but there's this tape. I think Howard Stern talked about it of Gilbert Godfrey just talking normally on the phone. And it's like, hey, Miranda, it's Gilbert. I'm just making sure that like, you know, the meeting is all set for, you know, Tuesday or whatever. Just call me back if you need any more information. Well, I think it's fake too because the fact is like he's scrunching his eyes. I feel like he's doing something to his body to get that voice to come out, opposed to that it's him talking naturally.

Oh, yeah, dude, it's like a four million, four million views, Gilbert Godfrey's a real voice on the Howard Stern show. Yeah, it's, I don't know if it's real or not or if I believe it, but it's, because, because listen, man, if that's a fake voice, he is committed. Yeah, absolutely. And there's really no reason for him to be, because, like, people would just be fine with him just, like, Bobcat Goldcuit was, like, another comedian who just, like put on just like this bullshit voice

that like everybody knew is bullshit. Nobody sounds like that. Nobody sounds like a fucking, like a fucking lemming being microwaved. Like it's just, it's just weird. Hello, I'm Gilbert Godfried.

Oh, it's nice to meet you, Gilbert, Jeffrey. I'm Keith David. If I, if you could choose like a fictional voice to have though. Mine is just Keith David. Of course it is. I already knew that. That's not even hard for me.

Everyone's going to be my. choose Keith David. Listen here. Listen here. I can't even do it right now. I can't even do it justice. I'm even going to mimic it because I can't do it because it's perfect. His voice is flawless.

Yeah. I hope Keith David hears this. This is just quickly becoming just the Keith David podcast. The Keith David podcast? Please, Keith David, just be my friend. Our fucking goal, let's do this. If we ever get Keith David as a guest, we have to fucking quit this podcast. That's like because it doesn't get any better than that.

Yeah, that is the end goal, particularly. He contacts us tonight. Oh, shit. I'm like, fuck it. Come on, man. Like, be reasonable. Can we give us like a year? Two or three years, all right?

I've heard you guys are fans of my work. I've heard you've been wondering where I am. Well, to let you know I'm here. I've been in space with fucking Kim Jong-un. I've been fighting off into galactic threats with Kim Jong-un. I don't know. I can't think of many. Maybe I would choose, like, a voice that's like...

Oh, the flood voice. singing? The Flood's voice. Maybe I would choose like a good singer's voice just because I could like monetize. But you could monetize fucking keep David's voice easy. He could be like a fucking amazing voice actor. His voice is monetized.

Literally. Yeah, exactly. So like, I don't know, maybe like a singer's voice if not Keith David to avoid the redundancy. But I couldn't even imagine like who I would want. I would love Sinatra's voice to sing a bunch of fucking horrible shit. Yeah. You'll die with me.

I'll kill your fucking face The dynasty Oh, it soon awaits He's just talking about like really anti-Semite shit Like really seriously fucked up stuff So just no gist in but singing That would be hilarious I hope you get R worded by a pack of N words

I do. Come fly with me. Have you noticed the demographic shifts? It's just like, what the fuck is going up? The black agenda is sweeping the state. The black agenda. Oh my God, we gotta stop. I like how all of our hypothetical characters are just racist versions.

Because that's just the worst people. They're the worst. The three-fifths compromise. I've seen people like, I've seen comments on on videos of mine and just like on podcasts of Snake inquisitively asking like just stupid shit. And I'm so glad that that disease is spreading. I'm so glad we've created that. We've fucking cultivated that terrible shit. Culturally unaware of Snake is still such a gift to me.

I'm so glad that he exists. African Americans voting. For who, Biden? Who else? I think if I really, if I'm, if I'm being serious, though, if I'm being serious, though, about a voice, I feel like I would definitely want to sound like, you know that alfalfa-looking alien from that live leak video of the joke. Why would you want to sound like that? Because he's so, he's, he just, he makes these sounds that are just so emotional.

Like he just crawls up on the bed and he's like, oh, stop it. It's so gross. It's one of my favorite videos ever, though. Oh, my spine. Stop. Yeah, your spine is really fucked. What would you choose, Derek? Oh, geez, man.

You all right? So it just gave me like, just hearing that little, whatever that thing was. Yeah, it just makes you sick. It really does. I don't want to. I haven't even seen it yet. I don't want to see it. It only sounds fine because I'm making a noise and I know I can make it stop.

You haven't seen it yet, Derek? I'll show it to you. I've been avoiding it. I'll send you, I'll tell you what, you don't have to watch the video, but you don't have to see it like in real motion, but I'll send you a screenshot of this, of this creature. No, I'm going to find a video and send it to you. I'm saying, you got to watch it. You got to know what we're talking about. I don't know, maybe.

It's honestly going to change your life. I don't know if I want that. It's like the video of that guy exploding in Dubai, bro. That shit fucking altered me, bro. I was like, whoa. I haven't seen that one. This is a whole person. Now he's everywhere.

Now that person's fragments. Like fucking dandelion fuzzies. Our answer, Matthew, is all Keith David. It just has to be like, I can have some runner-ups, but it, come on. Like, he's Keith David's just. Like, I would like to sound like Steve Bloom or something. like Spike Spiegel

Or like something like that And you specifically have to be going down on someone Was that part of the question too? No, no, no. He was just like imagine like... Oh, imagine like... I would love to sound like callous while I'm going down on somebody.

From Destiny? Who's the actor? I don't know his name. This is like why I can't even... He plays General Tullius and Skyrim. He plays Saul Ty and Battlestar Galactica the reboot. Oh, is he the guy?

Is he like that voice in Skyrim that's always there? Yeah, he's like tallest of the Imperial Army. He has the golden armor on and stuff. And he just, he just has this. He has this, he has a great fucking voice too. And he's also Captain Bailey in Mass Effect. He, like, he just has this type of smoky voice. And he's like, oh, a shepherd.

Oh, no. No, I want to sound like Spider-Man from animated series so I can yell at Shocker. With the Michael Hogan You mean Michael Hogan, right? No, the voice of Spider-Man in the animated series. I'm talking about Derek, Chris.

Okay. You say Michael, Michael Hogan? Is that his name? Yeah, that's right. That's right. I fucking love that dude, man. He has such a nice smoky, like, oh, everything's going to be all right.

You're going to do, like that type of shit. I wish I had to chase you to the ends of the earth. Of the earth. Shocker! He's so good I love that fucking clip. He's so angry in that show.

That show is the 90s, bro. People just being upset, high octane, laser beams, fucking your wife trying to jump off a building and kill herself for no fucking reason. That shit is just so fucking 90s, man. That clip was so wild. Like, I forgot about that clip. There's a scene in Spider-Man, the animated series, where Peter Parker asked Mary Jane to marry her or something.

And she turns around and jumps off a film. thing. And Spider-Man's like, Mary Jane! And he fucking goes down and swings her. It's like, why would you do something like that?

And she's like, so I could know that you'd always be there for me. And it's like, that's a drastic fucking move, dude. Like, are you fucking crazy? Are you fucking crazy? Dude, the Punisher could have

easily sniped me before you jumped off. Like, you got to really think about your actions because there are ramifications involved. I would have definitely taken it back.

I would have been like, listen, I know what I just asked you to do, but that was like before you did this. And I feel like this type of behavior could potentially be a harbinger of things to come. It could represent a future issue in our relationship that, quite frankly, I'm not prepared to deal with. Or some form of mental illness that I'm truly not capable of dealing with because of my constant stress under my life and be constantly having to go out and save others' lives. I wouldn't be able to give you the proper support You need Mary Jane So yeah this was not telegraphed at all This is not something that I anticipated

Even slightly I'm sorry I'm sorry I read Good luck Tiger and I would push her off the bridge I'd probably just go back to Black Cat Who's hotter? Because Fischer Hardy is a bad bitch You ever seen the ultimate web throw In Marvel versus Calcom 2?

I would fucking do that to her I would fucking jump in the air and swing her around and slam her until she's fucking paced. Did you ever play? Did you ever play Marvel Nemesis Rise of the Imperfect? Oh my God. I loved that game. I did, dude.

I didn't get past, I'm sorry, but I didn't get past, you had to be Iron Man and you had to beat a mission without being hit once because you're like almost dead. Yeah. And I turned the game off. I turned the game off. You couldn't beat that part. That part was so fucking easy.

Bro. No, shut the fuck up. It was that easy. I beat that shit when I was 11, bro. Shut the, hey, hey, piece of shit. I'm sure you didn't beat it in one fucking go Not one goal But at least I beat it eventually

I didn't give up you quit it I gave up because of how fucking stupid it was I hated that You don't even finish the job man You suck a half a dick And you leave it there fucking throbbing You're fucking the worst It was

That's literally what it was It was like I was getting Fucking a dick jammed in my throat And instead of powering through it I'm like I don't want this I'm gonna do something else That's fun And something I actually want to do

You agree to it You can say Yeah I'll do it I guess And then you fucking nash. Hey, asshole, no, I agreed to hang out. And then all of a sudden, there's a dick in my mouth. I was like, fuck this game. Look, I play a fucking Street Fighter Outfit 3.

That game was really fucking hard, but I did beat it because at least I signed up for it. It wasn't like, hey, beat fucking bison without being touched. Fuck you. Bro. Nah, dude. You got a quitter. You're a quitter. That's so dumb.

I came to hang out. Suddenly there's a dick in my mouth. I just can't. Listen, man. I just came over because I heard you had egg of waffles sticks with a little syrup dipping sauce, man. I haven't seen that stuff in so long. I was just curious about it and now I've got peen eye in my mouth. I came here to play smash bros.

Not suck dick, all right? Put your pants back on and pick up your controller. I'm not in a move for this right now. I came to play Smash Brothers. I didn't come to Smash Brothers. God, fuck, dude. Why is your dick? Why is your dick in my ear, bro?

Chill the fuck out, man. In your ear, fuck. Like it actually gets it gets it in your ear and then starts getting hard. Oh my god That's the that's the creeper effect That's called the creeper That's just that's just a bored teenager With like a fucking empty toilet paper roll

Yeah You know speaking of that shit One time my friend My friend put his dick inside of a vacuum hose Just to see what happened And he had to go to the hospital It was the funniest shit ever He had a lot

I can't imagine I can't imagine what that would do. He had a super vacuum that almost sucked the skin off his dick, and it was so funny because I was like, everyone told you that's a bad idea. Everyone was like, that's not a good idea, dude. He's probably a fucking eunuch now. He's a vass?

He's gone veris now? He probably has fucking callous dick skin, maybe. Oh my God, Jesus Christ. I never understood that, man. Like a vacuum is like such a fucking unsettling. Like, if you put that against your face, you know that that's just not, like you put that against any other part of your body

and you just know that that's a bad idea, you know? Yeah, and that's not how a dick suck works. Yeah, why would you want to do that? Yeah, it's not literally a suck. It's more of a lap. It's more of a lapping motion than a sucking. I want to, I just, I hate that premise, the idea that people do that.

That reminds you that urban legend, that reminds you that urban legend that I, we used to hear in high school a lot about, like, that girl who, like, sat on like a broom and died. or something, like a broomstick and it like impaled her. Yo, man, all you got to do is just not just not do dumb shit.

You just got to calm the fuck down. Yeah, don't, don't go fucking crazy. Just moderation, baby. Moderation, moderation. I'm the Joker, baby. I just recently watched the shit. It's fucking wonky. I'm the Joker.

I'm the Joker, baby. There's also, there's also this like, there's this kind of subgenre of, of a cringe video that's called like walk-in cringe. And it was like, highlighted by Zach, of course. Of course. Because he talked about it on some podcasts and then it became a subreddit. But like it's genuinely one of the most interesting kind of videos that you could ever watch.

It's just people doing shit and then people walking in on them. Doing stupid shit. And it's like, do you ever see that video of like the two girls who are just like, they're hanging out, they're like little girls and they're just like hanging out in front of their webcam? And their mom bursts in. And they're like, which one of you didn't flush the fucking toilet? No. And she's just like, there's shit everywhere.

It's fucking disgusting. She's like Irish or something. And it's just such a great video because it's so human. It's such a human moment of being yelled at. I can't remember the last time I was yelled at by my parents because I'm pretty sure I blocked it out of my memory because it's always, it was always terrifying. It was always the worst because you can't say anything back. But my stupid ass, I don't let's say something back. and I would just get in way more trouble.

I would always talk. I would like, because they would always be like, don't talk back. And it's like, well, why am I being talked to if I can't talk back?

And it's a genuine question. Like, I'm not trying to be snagy or you. And I was like, I would just be like, grandma, I don't even know what I did wrong. And I'd be trying to apologize,

but I already said something stupid. Because I just don't like arguing. Like, I just give up pretty quick. I'm like, whatever. I don't care enough about what you're saying. You're stupid.

I think I'm not even know I'm going to admit you're right. So like my grandma, would start yelling at me and I'd be like grandma that doesn't make sense she'd be like kinks in be quiet I'm the adult I'm talking and I'm like this is stupid and you're being stupid right now she's like what do you say to me and I'm like this is stupid and she's like I'll knock you the fuck out and I'm just like bro I could not say anything like that my mom was there was no my mom was the type like give give her a reason to get her fucking leather work belt and just strike you dead so you couldn't say any type of talk back and I remember if I would do

something like that it would be so on and I have this vivid memory of I used to have bunk beds, me and my bro, and then she was chasing me, and I ran up the bunk beds, and she was waiting for me to come down, kind of like, you know, whenever you aggro an enemy in a video game,

and then you kind of like hide, and then they're just like, they can't get you. And then so eventually it resets, so then she fucking went away. But I knew as soon as I went down, I would agro her. And I fucking jumped,

and I ran past her, like really good juke, and ran outside the backyard, and then went out the back gate and fucking fled to Taco Bell. It was good, man. It was good. I avoided a beating that day.

Only that day, though, because I got beat the next day. You know, how it goes. Literally, I always tried. I always tried to, like, get my grandmother to admit she was wrong. Because, you know, she was rarely wrong. But sometimes she was. And it would always result in me just getting smacked in my mouth and me holding my mouth and going upstairs.

Like religious. I was like the coffee combo. I get in my mouth. I go up just close my door and vent to my dog. Hey, you guys, are you guys going to, uh, Are you guys going to exercise capital punishment on your children? I don't think I am. Yeah, probably not.

I don't think it really works all that well. Like, there's, you should, there should be consequences for shit, but it shouldn't be like, it shouldn't make, I feel like your kid shouldn't be scared of you. You know what I mean? You shouldn't, the thing is that there are times, there are times where physical discipline may be useful, you know, but you shouldn't be something that regularly happens.

Like, I'm just going to discipline my kids or I'm just going to embarrass the fuck out of them. I'll definitely like maybe like smack my kid in the back of the head like lightly. Or like something. Grab them by the fucking neck. What are you doing? What are you doing?

And shake him a lot. Like just a little push. Like you push them down and they fucking. Yeah, yeah. But the second you get like the belt out and shit like that, it's just like. I don't want to do that. No.

My parents did that when I was like really young. I think I remember I have a. very vivid memory of that happening. But I think after that they were like, that was a bit much, huh? I just never did that again. You can humiliate kids now more than anything with social media.

So I think that's like the worst thing you do now. Oh yeah. Like make them do like some really dumb shit and live stream it. And like that would be like really bad punishment. If you don't get better, I'm going to make a TikTok account. I'm going to add all your friends

and I'm going to do the stupidest shit that I could possibly imagine. and I'll start making money from it while I'm embarrassing you. How does that feel? How does it feel to know that I'll prosper off of making you feel stupid? I'll make a fucking commentary video about your stupid ass. Then fucking have all your friends who are subscribed to me, laugh at you. If you talk back to me one more time, I'm going to make an only fan and I'm going to fuck your mom on it.

Oh my God. How do you like that? That's so scary. That's such a jidious. That would correct me so quick. That's actual real evil. I can't even get on board with that one. Can you imagine if H3 makes a content nuke on his son to just embarrass him?

That's so fuck. It'd be so fucking incredible. Oh my God. I can't. I can't hit kids. Because so many times I got hit, I was like, I really didn't need to get hit. Really? I needed to be disappointing, but not hit.

I don't know. Well, yeah, maybe not because maybe the hitting is how it turned you into a fucking psychopath. I'm not a psychopath. Psychopath, bro. I mean, your, you're, you're, oh, potential. Sorry, excuse me. Well, generally, I think positive reinforcement works a little bit better. I think, like, is generally the, the agreed upon, like, social science is that, like, yeah, you know, people respond better.

People will learn to do things better if they're rewarded for doing the right thing rather than if they're punished for doing the wrong thing, because the punishment for doing the wrong thing should be just not being rewarded. I think, I think I'm just going to give my kids a real serious crash course and empathy at a young age. How do you do that? this inform them about things and just try to try to make that try to explain the feelings that other people feel Kids don't have empathy though I think they do they start developing it pretty soon

It's just the idea is that No no no they have to literally They develop it later They develop it they start developing empathy like In like early childhood Like early early childhood Like maybe like three They start developing empathy at like seven years old

I don't know No They start way way before that I swear you Maybe that's the average, but I definitely was empathetic when I was like five years old. Four years when I was empathetic because I understood people were crying and I don't like crying. You are not all kids, generally speaking. This is a general aggregate of like most kids.

I could be wrong. I mean, it probably is. You know, remember, people are fucking dumb on average, so people probably develop a little slower on average too. Because I was just like, that person's crying. I remember when I cried, crying sucks because you can't really breathe. I don't want to make people do that. So I just didn't make people cry. Yeah, you just want to make people stop breathing.

Hey, man. I don't know. That came later. That came later on. I don't know, man. I don't know how you could exist as a kid as like a fucking seven-year-old or like a six-year-old and be around other seven-year-olds and think that kids have empathy. Because like they just straight up. No, but they're not taught it and they're not corrected for those actions.

That's the thing. Because if a kid cry, if a kid can feel pain and understand that this will make them cry, they can start going down the path of understanding empathy. Because they're already experiencing me. I remember seeing a kid when I was like, I think nine years old, genuinely didn't know any better. But he just, he literally said, oh, hi, your mom died, right? To some kid. And the kid just runs in the bathroom crying.

And he goes, that was weird. But he wasn't an asshole. He was just like, he just had no empathy. He was like fucking nied. And I remember feeling weird about it. But I remember maybe like two other people feeling weird about it. Yeah. It's around.

It's around two years. old, yeah, they start developing it. But the thing is that all that is that the parents didn't teach the kid what to do. They weren't, that kid wasn't taught. It's like, hey, do not say that. Because I don't make this person sad. They probably just heard it and they were just like, I'm going to say this because this is what happened.

This is what this is objective, you know? I've been told this. So I believe it. Which really sucks because definitely as a kid, I've said some fuck shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She used to fuck shit, where I'm just like, damn. I remember when I was, I remember when I was like a little kid, I think I was like, like, 24.

Like I kicked this kid. I kicked this kid off a wheelchair. Oh, my God. I remember when I was like five years old. My sister came back with glasses. And she was like 17. She needed glasses. And I was like, you look stupid, Tiffany.

You look really dumb with your glasses. Look like a dumb person, like a nerd. And she got really upset. And she beat my ass. And I was like, dang. Making fun of people, saying people look stupid with glasses on makes me get my ass beat. I'm not going to say that anymore. And then it comes full circle because I'm as blind as a fucking bat now.

It's just the world corrects itself. Yeah. Yeah. I'll get glasses, idiot. Yeah, you really should get glasses. You fucking idiot. I'm fine, bro. I haven't crashed yet.

All right. You're going to order food one day and you're going to accidentally order a fucking grenade. It's gonna go off on your plate and fucking kill you. I'm gonna order a grenade while I'm ordering food, you fucking maniac. Dangle Blampy wrote it. What's going on, Dangle Blampy? Great to see you again, bud. He changed his name, but it's long and it got cut off by the fucking screenshot, so I'm sorry.

I just, I can't. Hello, Donnie and his darkos. Are you, Johnny? I guess you're Donnie. I guess I'm Donnie. That's kind of clever. Vaguely. Cleverly racist.

Cool. Yeah. Clever racism is at least clever, you know. Would you rather the ability to time travel to any point in your lifespan or the ability to time travel between any historical figures lifespan? If you travel in your own and, wait, if you travel in your own, you end up as yourself at that point in that point in time. But for the latter, you have your mind but their body. these are a lot of weird though that's

these are a lot of weird caveats that's really good well that's very good stipulation because of the fact is that if you time travel and you were just

two of you around that would just fucking fuck up the time string because it's to be extra matter in a place where it doesn't need to exist and I would

fucking severely fuck things up so yeah like I would I would love to go back in time with my young brain

and take an IQ test as an adult and I would get like slightly higher than I got as a little kid so that'd be kind of but

also I would just Go back in time. I don't know if I'm all that curious about other people's fucking lives. I'm going to go back and I'd be like, I say, they're like, hey, we need to chill out.

We're tripping right now. Like, we're tripping. Like, right when he's about to start the mind conf, I'm just like, yo, I'm really walling out right now.

I need to take a break. And I'd be like, hey guys, sorry about all that fuck shit I was saying. And that's it. Wait, so you would go back in time as Hitler and just sort of apologize before things get out of hand. I would just stop.

I would just stop before things got crazy. I'm like, whoa. I'm tripping, you know? That's not bad. You know what you can do? Instead of writing mind comp, you know,

it's like my struggle, you can make mind comp all about struggling, but it's just struggling to suck his own dick. Or be the struggles of going, what's called? Going to a stranger hand. You'd be like, no,

I'd rather have him struggle to suck his own dick. I think that would be a better book. I don't know, man. I don't know. The world would be so different. Yeah. That'd be so wild. Like you wouldn't have like Wolfenstein,

Wolfenstein wouldn't exist. Wow. Wow. Wolfensstein wouldn't exist. You mean World War II? World War II wouldn't exist. Not fuck those fucking small things. They probably wouldn't have been a huge World War II.

Also, it'd be millions of people alive right now. Well, yeah. We don't have its own ramifications, but like... Yeah, yeah. I would... If he saw a many more people. Like, World War II is such a fucking deeply impactful thing that happened that, like, I almost can't even imagine how things would be without that have happened,

without having happened. It's wild. I don't think there's really many wars like that, you know? don't think there's many wars like that. Duh, it's only been two World Wars you fucking jackass. Of course it's not many wars like that. Dude, just because it's called a

world war doesn't mean it's like fucking elevated in this weird. Like it's not like a fucking... Chris, yes it does. It was a war that spanned the world Chris. It's different from those other ones. The world is at war right fucking now. They're just not using guns. They're using fucking cyber

shit and putting money from fucking China into our fucking American media. understand that but that war was a war fought on a battlefield therefore it was a different because there was a lot of bloodshed and a lot of people died and people were laying on top of each other in trenches there's only been two world wars of that magnitude because it's so many people died then do you think they advertised what never mind i'm not going to say that i have an idea where you were going i want to hear it but we shouldn't say it don't don't put that on the podcast no i was i was you'd have no idea what i was going to say

Where you gonna say? I was gonna say, for some reason, I thought you said people laying on top of each other and I thought about like those mattresses that come in like the little boxes and they expand. Oh my God. You're the fucking like freeze-dry fucking people. No, just advertising like a like oh man, foxholes are pretty rough, aren't they, huh? Not anymore. It's hard to, it's hard to laying on your fucking back in a fucking foxhole breathing in toxic fumes. tired of breathing in chemical weaponry

while lying on the ghostly shells of your dead friends not anymore not anymore here comes the purple mattress with the new purple mattress you won't even be able to snow the rotting corpse of your captain we're gonna get fucking sponsored by purple women We're going to have to explain this.

With only five payments of $5.99 a month, you can be sleeping fine in the foxholes. Call 1-800. I'm on my buddies. Oh, man. Even what were we talking about? I don't even remember. I fucking have no idea.

Foxholes. Oh. Well, no, the time, this was time travel. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, man, I would just fucking go back to like events in my life that I feel like I remember, but I'm sure I'm misremembering really specific details of.

I want to go back and see that dwarf again. Because in my memory, there was this point where I was like seven or like eight or like six. It was like one of those years. I can't remember. One of those three fucking years. And I was at the Westchester County Fair in Westchester, obviously. Yonkers, New York. And I was at this fair and I ran ahead of my family because they were so slow.

and I just wanted to get to the next ride, and I ran ahead, and they were, like, getting far, and I was, like, a child, and I understood that I could be stolen, so I was like, all right, I guess I'll just wait from the catch-up, I guess. And out of the fucking, between two tents,

came this fucking... I'm convinced it was, like, like, a little person in insane prosthetics, like, really good prosthetics to, like, look like some kind of creature for, like, some, like, show that they were doing. But I can't remember if I just made that up because I'd never seen a dwarf

or, like, a little person. before. You know what I mean? Yeah, you probably made it up. That sounds heavy, bro. That's what I'm saying, but like I want to see that again because I remember it being so vividly horrifying. He just walks out from behind this, this dark alley between two fucking comedically colorful tents and says, how's it going? And that's it, and just walks away. Dude, roar.

That's what it sounded like, honestly. It was like really unsettling, and my parents just didn't corroborate it for me. They didn't acknowledge the fact that you were having a moment. Yeah, they just didn't acknowledge. They're like, you're stupid because she's walking and you're like, mom, dad, I saw something that shouldn't be. I also remember crying when I saw The Wizard of Oz on Broadway and I want to see that again. Why? I don't know.

I'm just curious as to how I used to cry. There's a lot of things I'm curious about because there's just a lot of shit. I've lived so many experiences and I don't remember really most of them. You know what I mean? I feel you. It's just like a theater mode kind of where it's like, oh, I wonder what I did this episode. Yeah. I'd like to have like a crystal ball.

Yeah. I would definitely rather go back in time and try to fix like very egregious moments in history. But knowing myself, I probably make them worse as I would say too much or say too little and think that's fixed it. You would fuck something up. You would somehow make everything worse. Yeah. Much, much worse. Because I don't really understand how to fix those.

Like, I would be like, let's not do this. What if they just kill me and someone else does it? Someone's worse. And it's like, fuck, man. I really fucked up. I'll try again next time. It's just, it really is as like stupid as the theory is the butterfly effect is so. fascinating because of those just little things that you slight little changes can just lead to such

an insanely huge event like uh i mean just like franz fernand getting assassinated which is the craziest thing with world one leading to world war two it's such a crazy thing that like everything had to be lined up so perfectly one little small tweak and then none of this shit happens like none of it at all or even going down the wrong path or if you just would have went where he was supposed to go then this wouldn't happen. It's so fucking weird how all that shit works. And so Sweeney, if you were to like, you know, change mind com for whatever we were talking about, it could have probably made things much.

But if he actually won. Like he somehow gets in a position where he's like he's still, it still happens or something, like, or something. Or maybe since you are kind of a psychotic, you were like, you're like, wait, I get it. I want this power. But instead of, you know, instead of it being. like Jews or whatever, you just choose something else that you hate. Like, what is it?

I know you hate furries and aliens and... Furries and aliens. What if I did that? I know, like, we should look to the stars and destroy what's up there. We should destroy what's in space. And then we turn into a fucking space, fucking monsters, like space marines? You would... You would go back in time.

You would prevent MindCom from being written. And then Hitler would just go on to do the same shit that he was going to do. do except now there's really like no one's familiar with why he's doing it no one understands so he's just that he's a psychopathic bigot because it's all laid out in that that book that horribly written book is all laid out there i would i don't know man i just i don't really okay here's a weird question all right if you see the future right well do you guys understand that future time's just to be linear so there's not really there's no diverting it it's just i'm gonna happen it's inevitable yeah yeah if you see the future time time's just it's inevitable yeah yeah yeah if you see the future

the future and you purposely do something that does not happen in that future, if you purposely change it, are you viewing a parallel reality at that moment? Well, yeah. As I understand it, that's how it would work. Yeah. Like, if you see yourself getting the fucking Medal of Honor in the future and then you just kill yourself right now, then you're obviously not going to be getting the fucking Medal of Honor.

What if you don't die from it and you still end up getting the Medal of Honor? And you're like, what the fuck? What if time is like, nah, bitch. I mean, assuming that you're a competent suicider, you know, you're not like the fucking Bjork stalker.

You should have laughed at that, but like also damn, bro. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I don't believe time is linear at all. Like, I think it's entirely fucking in flux all the time. I think it's, I think I don't know what it is.

That's all it is. And I'm not going to act like I understand time. Yeah. We're not, this is way above our pay grid. Quantum science is inherently stupid in my mind. I just don't give a,

fuck about it. I mean, it's not stupid. You're stupid. I mean, it's not even applicable and useful. Stupid. Swashbuckling, wife cuckling, cock sucker. Whoa. Oh my God.

That sounds like a new person. It's definitely a new person. That's a brand newbie. Salutations to you, molasses man, chocolate Chad, and sour cream sissy. I'm molasses man? Yeah, I'm fucking chocolate, Chad. What up? Sour cream sissy.

That's real sick. Yeah, there is definitely. the worst but like fuck I'm not molasses shut the fuck up are you serious bishing about what you got fuck you I don't care about you you can bitch about what you got I'm bitching about what I got I'm not bitching about what I got I'm just

trying to get to the fucking question so we could stop focusing on our terrible fucking insults oh hey calm down both of you hey everyone needs to calm down listen here all right all right Keith I'll do anything for you he wrote in he says I've been wondering over

the past week about something, and it's a question that everybody on the show can answer. If your two co-hosts suddenly turned on you with murderous intent, how would you try to escape or defend yourself? Everybody gets a turn being targeted by the other two co-hosts, so how would you go about killing them with your

partner? Jesus Christ. Oh my God, I don't like thinking about stuff. I feel like I'm swift enough that I could get away pretty easy. I'm shockingly fast. I think you're too malnourished to be like, I don't think that's true. What? I don't think he's shockingly fast.

I think your bones are brittle and you're malnourished. You're pretty quick, but is this like... I don't know. When's the last time you fucking sprinted, Chris? That's also true. I sprint literally every day. Where? What the fuck do you mean you sprint every day?

You're home every fucking day. What are you talking about? Here's what I do. Every day I order food and then I sprint to the door. Yeah, you sprint. Like the literal, like top speech. as fast as you can go. No, I actually do.

I make, like, if, if, if the food is at, like, the front door, I will, I will sprint to the, to the, to the front door. No, you won't. You don't fucking, top speed. I'm talking about, like. That's not printing because you have to change the direction. You're not just juicing. You're just juicing and going as fast you need to go. Well, I sprint.

You're, I sprint in one direction. I sprint in one direction, and then I do, like, the long curve in the garage. And then I sprint to the door. And then I open and then I walk to the door. And then I sprint back. with the food. I straight up that. I'm not, I'm not even making this up. I do do this. You don't sprint, you fucking jack-o'-lantern, dude. You don't fucking do, you can't, you can't sprint. Like, you have to reach top speed. You need more room than you fucking have.

What are you talking about? Maybe you, because you're not as fucking quick as me. No, dickhead. You just, you, there's not, if you're reaching top speed, you can't just, where are you, oh my God. If you, if you're running and you properly launched, you start at your fastest speed upon launch, but then you have to pick up speed to even, like, to sustain it. It's like, it's weird to explain. Jalen can explain this correctly, but whenever, like, you seen Bolt, like he starts up, when he first launched, he's taking his stride, that's when he's moving at his fastest. And he slowly gets to, like, the point where he's just consistently moving at a speed, and that's his sprinting speed. And then it peers out slowly. You don't do that.

You don't do that, Chris. I run very, very, you don't. I run very, very, very. Very fast to the door. Okay. If you want to be real specific and not call it a sprint even though it is. It's not. It's fine. I literally used to run track, so it's fine. You don't have to believe any of this.

That doesn't fucking matter. Okay, so when you were running track, did you... Okay, okay, my mind's going to melt. Okay, so I'm going to need you to do something for me. On the snark tank channel, on the YouTube channel. Yeah. I need you to fucking film yourself, quote unquote, sprinting. to the door.

And I want to see you fucking like, you know, top speed, you're maxed out, you're sprinting. And then you also somehow just miraculously stop to you like you're a fucking video game character. I want to see that. No, obviously. I want to see your sprint. What do you mean?

Like, in order to sprint, you have to sprint without ever stopping ever? What? No, when you fucking sprint, you need time to slow the fuck down. You don't just stop. Yeah. And I can't imagine you fucking sprinting at top speed

in your fucking in your apartment and then having enough time to actually slow the fuck down. Do you understand what I'm saying to you though? I'm not sprinting in my apartment. Where are you sprinting? Like in the fucking hallway and through the garage to the front. So you're sprinting down the hall? Yes.

To get to the meet them. Yes. Oh, okay, I got you. Are you fucking serious? Oh my God. I thought you said you were sprinting to the fucking door, bro. No. No, there's no room to sprint in the apartment.

That's why my mind was fucking fried. I was so confused because I was like, what is so hard to believe in a hallway, a long, a long fucking hallway in a big ass garage? So back to the question, I would let these two idiots fight it out until they're both damaged. And I would just clobber them both. I just clobber them both with heavy haymakers. Okay, I wasn't even paying attention when you were talking about the garage thing. Okay, now it all makes sense to me. Hey, hey, Vox, cut this out.

I don't want to look fucking retarded. All right, thanks. Oh, my God. I would... It'd be really easy to fucking do Sweeney in. Just lure some fucking chicken. Ouch. Ouch.

Jesus fuck, man. No, I would... Oh, man, what would I do? I feel like you wouldn't react well to most of the things that I could do. I feel like that's... The murderous things, obviously, because you're murdering me, I wouldn't react pleasant. expect me to be having a grin on.

Oh, well, wow, that's a pretty sharp knife you got there, Chris. Oop, it's inside me. No, I would, I would be more sinisterous. I would pour bleach in your eyes first so that you were blinded and you couldn't fight back. I don't think you understand how hard it is to kill someone who's trying to kill you back. Like, if you're both trying- I understand how difficult it is to fight against somebody that you can't see because your eyes are being melted by a fucking deeply toxic chemical.

Chris, if I'm trying to kill you, that means I'd be like a fucking gears of war, berserker. You'd be like, rose. Kniffing for me. It'd be, the thing is, the thing is, if I'm trying to kill,

like, first of all, I'm not going to say I can kill anybody pretty easily, because if you're trying to kill someone and they're also trying to kill you,

that mean, you guys are both thinking about murdering each other. So it's just going to be, it's going to, it might be a toss. Right, I guess. If there was a straight scrap

between a fight with somebody, I'm probably going to kill you, Chris. I'm probably hitting your chest twice and cave you in. Because you're small. But, like,

if it's just like, it's just a arena, And it's a start, and we have to murder each other in the same room. It could go crazy. It depends on what's where, what's going on. I also would probably lose because I just don't want to kill people. It would be like, I feel like I would, I would fight you like Spider-Man fights the lizard in that amazing Spider-Man movie. I would like cry.

No, I would just crawl around. I would, like, crawl on your back and shit and, like, stab you in the neck and then, like, fucking crawl in your stomach and, like, stab you in the fucking stomach. I'd be, like, doing some crazy, fucking disturbing, like, hive shit. I would lose I just don't want to kill people That's it I'd be like yo guys seriously Because what if I start liking killing people

Then then Derek's fucking right That he's been right the whole fucking time And I'm like damn You say that as if he isn't right though He's not right I'm definitely not wrong You're definitely not right What if we end up bullying you so drastically

What if we just constantly make this a point To tell you that you're a fucking terrible person You're like a serial killer And then it just breaks you And you just become that person Look, guys. Oh, yeah. Look, guys, is this what you wanted?

No, no, disrespect to you, too. You guys don't have the time nor the powers to break me. I'm already gone. My mind's been jelly for a long time. I want to set fires. You guys can't change what I am. This is a neat. It is innate.

I just, I hate, I hate how this dude wants to fucking be an arsonist as if he's not going to kill people by doing that, but he claims he doesn't want to kill people. Because arson is inherently killing people. I don't want to murder people. You're going to indirectly fucking murder people. people by setting fires. Indirect is indirect, bro. Oh, okay.

It's different. Kingston. Your conscience is clear. What you're saying? I don't want to murder people. I'm not going to set fires with people live. Kingston. Kingston,

I want you to understand that what you're saying is very not good. I'm saying this, okay? Indirectly or not. I want to set fires. But I don't want to harm anyone. That's why I haven't set fires yet. That's exactly why. other than the fucking

fireball that you threw out of the five-story building. In New York City, nothing's going to catch on fire. The most flammable thing in New York City is the fucking what? I don't know. The water probably. The water in the fucking Hudson.

I don't know people's clothing that are walking down the fucking street. People aren't flammable. That's a good time to move on. Yeah. Please. Insert here, Rodin.

He says, hello Keith David, Keith David and Keith David. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. That's a good one. I like that one. How do you do? We should all change our Twitter names to Keith David for like a day.

Already doing it. Already doing it. Let's do it now. Let's do it now. Should we change our avatar? It's do or no? Nah, it's fine. Okay, just the name.

Okay, how do you spell Keith? How do you spell Keith? Keith is K-E-I-T-H. Okay. And it's David. Yeah. I know David. No,

it's, I think there's a fucking silent R in there two or something. Yeah, the silent Q Cahillif,

Cuis David. Creef David. All right, I changed, I changed it. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay.

This will get us Keith David tweets niga, niga, niga, niga, niga. That'd be so perfect. Why is there so many

Keith Davids on this planet? Wait. I'm going to change my cover picture too, actually. Fuck it.

No, no, no, don't do that now. All right. Just do that after. Yeah, I just changed my thing with Keith David. I love this so much. That's pretty good. If you could choose a religion to be proven real and completely true, which one would you choose and why?

Oh, fucking easy. I would choose Christianity so my family could be right about their stupid beliefs. Oh, fuck you. That's so boring. How was that boring? I care about my family. I mean, that's fine. It's still boring.

I get it. It's sweet, but it's boring. Like, how about some fucking Scientology, man? That shit's amazing. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Scientology is so fucking insane. Can I be real? Can I be real for a second?

Scientology doesn't sound that much crazier than Christianity, honestly. Well, it's when you break it down, it's just modern religion. No, no, no, no. It's not about it being crazier. It's about it being just a little bit more sci-fi. Yeah, it's a modern religion. That's all it is. Yeah.

It's like there's fucking. Aliens and fucking xenons or whatever the fuck I think that I think it's Zeno I think it's Zeno Zeno Zeno yeah There's some really cool I love the the what of those things the faith faytens or something or you they're like the things that you level up with you power up with or something Yeah the the midaclorians it like Scientology is Scientology just basically becomes a game and like everything else is just sort of like Cowering in fear of something like Christianity is just like oh well now I if Christianity

If Christianity was real nothing would change except I'm going to hell. That's it. That's it. That's the only difference. You can cheat by repenting. What? What is that?

You can repent. Well, no, that is true. They have the loophole. It's a cheat code. What is that? You confess your sins. You confess your sins. I think you have to be genuine.

So you'll fail because you suck. Oh, yeah. If you're cheating, you can't. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So I guess never mind. I definitely probably wouldn't be able to. Because I would have to repent.

I'd have to repent too long and we wouldn't have enough time to like, I would have enough time to repent. I would just get bored and I'd be like, fuck it, just send me down there. You would die in the fucking confessional booth from fucking starvation? I'm sorry about all the evil I've caused and I'd go through every account of evil I caused. Kingston starved to death in the confession booth because there was that much to confess. He just kept going. I guess he would still go to heaven because you just martyred yourself to like try to be good.

I think that would count. I mean, you would assume. Or does God be like, you didn't finish all of your confessing your sins. So you're going to the deepest, darkest bits of hell to be fucked for all eternity. I mean, God is notoriously unfair, though. You know, that's true. He's really biased also. He's kind of fucking wild.

He's a flip-flop character, man. Jesus is cool, though. I like Jesus. He's pretty consistent throughout the entire manga. Yeah, I like that, dude. Dude, he fucking, no, I like Jesus. He fucked the shit out of some, and I mean, like, in a beating way. he like beat up some some bankers they call them money changers

but like dude was like he he I was like this I was like this nigga's just like us man like you know we fucking hate banks how we hate banks oh my god that's a broad statement but true I mean it's real shit and like I don't know anybody that's like oh yeah you know those fucking banks are sitting pretty and shit and you know the world's collapsing and stuff and they're still getting all their bonuses and stuff I like them I like that's pretty cool yeah Jesus is like Miles Morales you know he's just he's like one of us you know He's like a chill dude

He's like one of us I don't know what the fuck I don't know what the fuck That correlation really was But alright What are you talking about Some Miles Morales Jesus hybrid

How do you not know What that correlates to Nothing don't worry about it It's fine Spider-M Like Miles Morales is the every man Like that's literally like That's what Spider-Man is anyway

I know But like that's the whole point of him The friendly n-go-hood Spider-Man Is that? I get what you're saying no I get it Yeah Yeah, I got what you're saying.

What was a question again? I don't remember what's happening. What's happening again? Real religions and shit. Yeah, it was the question was like, what religion would you want to become real? It's definitely Scientology for me. Because it's just fucking sci-fi shit. It's just, it's Battlestar Galactica with like an afterlife.

And that afterlife is also hilarious. Like, for some reason Christians think like heaven is like, oh, like I know a lot of people who think this. It's like, oh, heaven is like, I'll get to do all the shit that I would. normally be sent to hell for doing, but like it won't count because I'll be in heaven. Wait, what the fuck? Well, people's ideas of heaven is like their personal heavens, right? It's like, oh,

hey, I get my own fucking, oh, I get to see my family or like, oh, I get to fucking, I get to live in like paradise. Yeah, this paradise is salvation, that's all it is. Yeah, but what's you, what if your paradise is fucking coke and horrors? Damn, then, bang, that's a sinful paradise, therefore you won't go to heaven, I think.

I don't know all the rules are. Either that or you'll go to a heaven that you don't want, which is like, which is Hell. Imagine going to a heaven that you don't want to be in. That's basically what heaven would be because you realize there's so many, it makes zero sense when you think about it for more than like one minute. And then it's just like, so you usually have to really shut your brain off really quickly when you're thinking about stuff like that. You can't think about it too. It's like the Infinity Stones. It's just like you just kind of got to roll with it. What do you mean? Infinity Stones make more sense than fucking heaven. I just said that. I just said that.

I just, I love that that works. I just said those words. Infinity Stones make more sense than heaven. I love that. And on that note, we'll go on to the next one. Since we're, where are we? We're about, oh, we're like at the tail end here. So, oh man, we got a couple.

Let's see. Oral Dreams wrote in. He says, hey, Oreo gang, do you have any plans to transition to different careers from YouTube? or do you plan on dunking on lives when you're in your mid 40s? Oh, no, no, thank you. This is me right now. And I'll see where this train goes of, like, me doing streaming and, like, making YouTube videos whenever I do it and, like, being a Twitter personality, I guess, vaguely.

But I'm definitely still trying to become a nurse. I'm definitely still going to school, so I can become a nurse. Because I think this is up to. This dude is becoming a nurse. Because I feel like I just don't feel like this is going to last me long, because I feel like I don't have the talent to be a craft tech creator. That's just me. personally.

Well, it's dumb as fuck, but all right. How was that dumb as fuck? That's exactly the thing that makes you fail, is that attitude. I don't know where you do almost nothing and you have an audience

more than most people in the world. Yeah. You literally don't do anything. You don't do anything. What do you mean? You don't do anything? Like, I had to make you stream after like fucking years of like

telling you to do it. Bro, you guys are tripping right now, honestly. I'm putting on really attack. You should be because you're fucking dumb. dumb. Pissing me off.

Honestly, y'all, jaw tripping for real. Dude, I will fucking drive over there and fucking ram my car into you. Stop being stupor.

Honestly, that's a fucking serious threat, bro. You gotta calm down. I'll ram my fucking car into you. That's so fucking visceral.

So angry. Because you're fucking being written. Okay, you're being R-worded, all right? That's something an anime fan

in a trench coat when he's had enough. Yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying to. I'm trying to, if people want to listen to this and be like, all right, they're not dropping too many in bombs. They're not dropping too many R words. We dropped the end bomb once.

It's fine. Twice. Yeah, a few times. Maybe Vox will clean that shit up. Yeah, Vox has to clean it up. Please bleep that. We can't have that. I'm just saying, Sweene, it's pretty fucking obvious where you're like, I don't have the tone or some shit.

And then all of a sudden, the two of the, what do you call them, those animated clips that we have are, stories that are surrounding you particular like you doing the heaven thing and then fucking you throwing the fireball and stuff and you're just saying shit. Can it not become a moment where you guys are constantly telling me that I could

do better than I'm doing? I want to be okay fine. All right. That's what I want to be please let me be that. All right, I will continue doing this. This will not just stop. I'm not just going to be like all right guys done with the podcast. I'm done with streaming but like I want my end game to be me going into the medical field.

all right fine okay yeah you can do both bitch yeah i don't know i've been i've been doing this thing for fucking decade 13 years at this point and how long professionally though huh how long professionally about five six six six right around six like closer to six so it's like it's it's been a while for me but like i don't know like i like i like doing it the the frustrating thing about this year in particular was that like i actually started to move into doing stand-up and I was actually having a good time and now like that's just not that's just not even a fucking

thing that people can even do now. So I mean, I don't know, I'll probably, I'll keep doing, I'll keep doing YouTube stuff as long as it's fun. But I'm definitely going to try not to force shit that I don't want to do because that's just not fun for anyone.

Yeah, yeah. Same thing as far as, I just like the, I like the term dunking that's been circulating around like dunking on X. Oh yeah. And that's, yeah, that's something that it could be fun in the right circumstances when something funny happens.

Like when Biden came out and said, you know, if you vote for trunk, you ain't black or whatever. Like that was fun for me. Like making like light of it, there's people that are genuinely angry and I'm like, you guys are dumb. This is all silly. In those moments, I don't mind jumping in and saying stuff and trying to make jokes and stuff.

That's genuinely fun. But like, say, for example, what's been happening now, I really just, there are so many people now that are more stepped up to the plate and the people that actually genuinely are passionate about, like, say, politics in general and they want to take other steps. Where me, it was just kind of like, I want to exist in my own space and I want your guys this shit to kind of like get out of it. It was kind of the whole thing about video games and movies and all that type of pop culture stuff where I was chilling and then people's ideal started to creep into it. That's where I started to get annoyed and start to speak out on things. And all I want to really do is just do music. And Chris, like you doing stand-up. And I'm actually, even though all this crazy shit happen, when everything,

because things are starting to open back up slowly, comedy is going, there's going to be a surge of comedy. And I think it is a really good time. I think it's a really good time now to really dive into that stuff because there's going to be a lot of people because we're taking so many things for granted. Yeah. I mean, I was planning. Like, I was spending so much time writing a fucking set.

And I was going to be like, oh, man, I'll bring this out eventually. And then, like, I just couldn't. And I was like, oh, fuck, well, I'm going to. Like, once everything starts opening up again, I'm definitely going to. Yeah, it's like for sure now, yeah. Jump on that chance. Yeah. But, uh, we have two extra questions, but I'll probably just save them for the next episode

because we're pretty much at the end here. That was fast, I feel like. Yeah, that was definitely a quick two-hour. That's pretty wild We had the spirit of Keith David with us That's why Exactly Yeah

Just call us a Keith David podcast from here on out Honestly I'm gonna rebrand everything That's gonna be Let's just use his name Fuck the tank Can it just be like a sub We just prop it off his name

That way he'll have to contact us Because I said You know Seas and Assis is still like You know He's great You'll be hearing from my lawyers I hate it

I hate it I hate it I hate because let's put Keith David In on my freaking Twitter feed and it just popped up with all three of us. Tweet something. Tweet something. I want to

reply. And then you reply. So that everybody's fucking Keith David. Dude, we're going to get an army of that shit. There's a bunch of people going to fucking change their names to probably watch. Oh my God.

Why is everybody on Twitter named Keith David? I'm Keith David. Wait It's like Spartacus I'm Keith David No I'm Keith David I'm Keith David

Oh my God If you liked what you heard today On the Keith David show Consider supporting us over at patreon.com Slash the Snartank $1 a month gets you early access To every episode $5 a month gets you

A question read on the show $10 gets you access to our Discord and 15 gets you a producer credit and your name dyslexically read at the end of the show where we're we're verging on this territory where we might have to do another change to the tier listing here yeah it's got pretty out of hand again like usual it's getting it's getting out of hand constantly uh so there are going to be corrective actions we are going to actions to alleviate these problems.

But thank you all for all the love. I hate it so much because it feels like a greedy action, even though it's just not, you know what I mean? Yeah. Just being like, oh, charge more for this, but it's like, dude, it's just, it's so much. Uh, but no more wasting time. Three, two, one, go. Can't wait for the snark tank to turn into greasy lemon party when y'all get old

and inevitably give in to sexual tension. That is the first name. That's so fucking. I hate that memory so much. I'm going to have a rule from here on out maybe. Keep your names brief and witty. Like you can, like, it's kind of like how, like, you remember when Twitter had, like, shorter character limits? Like, it was, like, 140 characters.

And, like, you got some of the funniest fucking tweets out of that era. Yeah, true. It's because you had less to work with and you had to be a little bit more creative with what you were. going to say. So I would say like for the future consider just consider that. Consider changing all of your names to Keith David. Everyone should make a name to David. If every single one of you, if every single one of you changes your name to Keith David, I will read every single one individual. That will be the goal for next episode.

Hey, will we be able to, just real quick, before you keep going, would it be possible or would there be legal issues if we had a shirt with us in between like Keith David. No, we can't do that. That's his likeness. We can't do that. I wouldn't want to step on it. I don't want to like antagonize him by like selling his likeness. Could you imagine if Keith David hated us?

You know what that would do to my heart? I would fucking kill me. I'd be so upset. That would make me really sad. It's praise. We just, we love the dude. It doesn't have to be, you know, when they sell the presidential mask, it just says president or something.

It doesn't say their actual. name. If we sold shirts that just said... His face on it. His face on it. That's Keith David. If we sell a freaking shirt with this person's exact fucking name on it, who is an actor, it's not going to be okay.

We can't do that. Listen, listen, listen, listen. We'll find a middle ground. We'll sell. Deeth Caved. We'll keep teeth caved. Deith Cavid. We can do that.

We'll donate the proceeds to charity or something. I'd actually be totally down with that. That would be perfect. That would be fun. We'll work on that after the move, I think. All right, all right. But, all right, let's move on. Okay.

Double O Dolphin. One meter long fetus, a level one cleric, Alvin Alvarez, ab sage, halo Gremlin, Ethereum, Alexei v. Britannia, an Eldritch beast of unimaginable orgasms. Andrew Wang wants to give every American one thing. thousand dicks a month aka universal basic income

hot Arod the goon king What the fuck I don't like that one Atticus retarticus Retaricus the loony tune that skull-fucked Porky Pigs tasty corpse

Bascart Buzz Beaselbub the Gimp Ben Douglas Big Dude 0444 Black Nipple Gang cactus crotch Cuyus cum-filled eye sockets Cakes and Foxy, P.H. Carson Jones, cataclysmic cunt.

Chris bash my coot. Oh, I just got it that it was Crash Bandicoot. Oh, nice. Yeah, I didn't, I felt like a retard for not noticing that until just now. Chris Brown's Domestic Violence Center. That's a heavily trafficked location. That is a frequent. Ponda, replay that one, huh?

Ponda. Chris Daddy beat me, please. Chris's hidden eighth nipple Chris's sentient left nut Chris Reagan Mastermind 9-11 Oh god Oh you guys are fucking I swear I didn't

I swear like I don't want any like Miscommunication here Where were you on that day Chris you heard about the whole Vaporion things with you What Vaporion There's a bunch of shit that was going to discord about a picture of you fucking a Vaporion Why is there a picture of me fucking a Vaporion? Why is there a picture of me fucking a Vaporium?

I don't know I don't fucking know why happened? All I know is that I heard about it and I was like I don't want to be part of this and I just went out of my business. What? There were no cameras. There were no cameras there. There were no, what do you mean? It's water. It's water. It's fine. I'm just fooling around the pool. All right. Fucking Jesus Christ. Where was I? I lost my

fucking track. Chris's British alien cum dumpster? What? It's alien. Cox Katsumaki Sempuya, aka World Wind Dick. That's fucking. Cold burb, Count Cocula,

conscious pilot, Curtis Smith, Dangle Blampy, Dank House, Danny DeVito's Dank, Delectable Draconian Dick, Dicking, Derek. Whoa. Oh, my God.

Jesus, fuck. David Connelly, Death Corps Guardsman, Decato, d'Uber Untermensch. I can't speak fucking German, man. Doda, Dodd.

Dreggozorith. Dummy thick Dave, Dunderhead. Palpatine, Epstein's favorite, every time you paint a room gets smaller. Fad Houdini, who supports us at $200 level. What? No, you don't. I would just lie about that. I'm seeing the stats right here, asshole.

There's no need to lie about that. Thank you for supporting us in general, but don't say that. Thank you for pretending. Thank you for at least putting that energy out there. Yeah, thanks. We appreciate you. Feed me Chris with your piss. Female Sonic Admira.

Fiajarre Tandri Gutormson, Flash Puppet Panda. Fou hay gasping for bread Breadth Girtworm Jim God hasn't whipped me God hasn't wiped me from the face of the earth Because I amuse him somehow Granny's $5

Gum jobs Grudge the ground level devil Gucci gang my Gucci's gangrenugges Gagrinus Guy Fieri's one-way trip to Flavor Town In the back of his trunk Hako Harvey Weinstein's latest victim Heartless Wretch Harvey Lee Bosworld

HK 9410 Hugg or Derek I have Dane Grammage I kickflift so good Your mom left your dad for me I spent last night thinking of a naked Bernie Sanders and now my dick is bleeding

Oh my God If Smoff was black He'd be Tom Sweeney Jabobo Jared and Jensen's Giant genital juices Jason Tenticles Jeremiah D. McRoberts

Joe Jolie Jolly old dipshit John White Boy extraordinaire I'm so dehydrated Oh my god Julius Caesar has jungle fever Catovox King of haphazard

Lemuflor Limbiscuit thinks they're black but they're just gay Luigi's eccentric linguine Matthew Bush Mel Gibson's Antisemetic taint Melfis 1

Mitchell Blackwood Moto Zealot Mr. Ninja Fox 117 Murder Ascended My name's Christopher Maldonato and I hate Halo You're such a fucking asshole

Don't belcher my ear Negroid Random classic Tom It's just Negroes Just full stop Random classic Tom Sweeney

Quote number one Call me Mikey Moist My mouth is My mouth is moist Oh my God Classic Richter 86 Ruth Bader Ginsburg

No It's Ruth Bader Ginsburg's Moist Clam sauce That's fucking disgusting Ryan Kingler Clingler Sergeant Sweaty Sack Sherlock 93, and we're at the last page.

Silver Ash, Simpiscuit, soggy Ardvark, Destroyer of Worlds, Stephen Breaker of Worlds, Steve Raygun, graduate of Tariq and Sheet School of Audio Engineering, suing Chris for Sharpie theft, sunny chance, swashbuckling, wife cuckling, cockling, cock-suckling pirate, was his name, I guess.

That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Sweeney's suicidal spell checker. Sweeney's teeny, weeny, peony penetrating my audio audio cavity he's fucking you in the ear I guess Sweeney Kauaiwifu

Stitz Ribkema that Nick Walker The black The black that smiles back formerly as the father The son of the holy sweet That's the that's the Goldfish team

But it's the snack that smiles back That's the black that smiles back The black that smiles back It's me Kingston Osh Cosmic hippie the gray gamers the Lovecraftian manifestation

of Tom Sweeney's hatred of homosexuals Oh my God The mediocre Tumblr blog of Anne Frank The orc war boss Rack eats Masha The progerian hunter The Supreme King of Autism The tongue doesn't have a resting place

Thelma Nation Forever The Specter Angel Tickle my ass hairs Toby Shootman Tom Tom Sweeney Voccuriously butt chugging Chris's liquefied corpse Gross

Very gross Tonight on ESPN Chris the heavyweight champion of Auschwitz Versus Derek Chobin The Slayer of All Things I don't know what's happening That's kind of nice I guess Oh Derek Chauvin was

Oh that's the fucking police officer That fucking ruined the world Yeah literally I didn't even know his name He single-handedly Fucked and ruined A lot of things Yeah

That demon He fucking I blame him for the second Spike of COVID honestly Actually yes Yeah. Fucking asshole. A. Tutsi, aka the

Hell cum goblin under Derek's bed. When I pay $15, I expect you not to pussy out and say the whole name so you can just say the word faggot, Chrissy, little imp. Listen. Wow. I have a show to run. You got to respect it. Wormulon, keeper of the elder cream.

Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, come inside my tummy. Zesty Donger Zetheary and Zizi Zizi Zazzy Zuzi. Wardo Zaps Zucke. What is that? Oh my God. That's a good one. I appreciate that. We're,

listen, man, I'm going to bump this up to fucking 50 soon. No, that's fucking crazy. It's getting insane. 25. We'll do 25.

Last time, the last hike was $5, but it's getting, it's getting crazy. That's not going to appreciate everybody. You know that, right?

That's not going to stop anyone. Well, it's a good problem to have, I guess. We're going to get to the point where it's going to be like, we're going to have like a $100 tier for this. And it's still going to be fucking insane.

Can you imagine what's happening? A bunch of millionaires are going to listen to this for some fucking reason. They're probably just studying me. They're like, oh, how do we kill this thing before it goes nuclear? Oh, man. God help us all. I'm actually in pain. Thank you guys.

Thank you. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Before we go, what? Shut the fuck up. I said before we sign off, I just want to let you guys know that Keith David's handle on Twitter is I'm Keith David. so it's actually kind of nice

where it's just lending itself for a Spartacus movement Oh that is really perfect Keith David I'm Keith David This is a fake This guy's a fake I should tweet of him this guy's a fake

Wait did you tweet anything Yeah he did yeah he did yet So people are already kind of suspicious What's going on What's going on? What's wrong with us? This is what we're doing. This is an inside joke that we think is hilarious and we're doing when people are not.

No one else but us. No one else but us thinks this is funny. It's going to be funny when this comes out tomorrow and Thursday for the masses. Our names are probably going to be back to normal by then. Yeah, they're going to be completely missing. Oh, my God. Which of the five Keith Davids are you? I love it.

All right. Well, we're going to end it here. Thanks for stopping by again. Again, we Patreon.com slash a snark tank if you want to support us. Please leave us some good reviews on iTunes if you like this.

It really does help us with the algorithm. If you like it on YouTube, feel free to like and share and comment and do all that stuff. It helps us with the algorithm. All that basic housekeeping shit. We really appreciate your support. And we'll see you.

We'll see you next time. Later, bitches. Take care, everyone.