The Snark Tank - #32: Sex and Aliens

Episode Date: August 6, 2020

The most vulgar episode probably. TV-MA, my guys. Enjoy?! Today we settle your arguments and debates! Are we better off without bones in our penises? Is Miracle Whip better than Mayo? Kettle Corn vs Popcorn. Are blow jobs sex? Is SIMPING okay? Are there aliens? Sorry for Sweenys intelligence being as low as it is. He doesn't understand microphones so his audio POPS sometimes. We'll fire him shortly.  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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We'll do the essentials Book your free click and collect slot At Tesco.com TESCO every little helps Terms and conditions apply Oh Susie His wife who hated him Right what was that shit

Like what did she gain from being with that fucking guy I would have fucked I would have fucked Ernie That little midget construction guy Hey I know Of course you fucking beviant I can't Fucked you with my nose, you bitch. Hey, look, it's a little dead meme.

Hey, everybody, welcome to the Snark Tank podcast. It's me. I'm Chris Reagan, and I'm joined again, as always, by Sweeney and Derek Some Black Guy. This is a conversational comedy podcast that's actually, that is funny sometimes, I'm told. So we appreciate you for tuning in and spending some of your your uniquely horrific 20-20 hours with us. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

We love all your pussies. You got the hottest busies? Someone said bussy? Before we get into it? Before we get into it, I just want to remind everybody we have merchandise. We have merchandise over at T-Spring.com slash stores slash snark dash tank. If you want some of those, I'm working on getting some different color hoodie versions of a lot of the shirts

because I know a lot of people have been asking for like a black version of the Yeah, nigger. Fat people wear black. What you doing? It's summer. You shouldn't be wearing black. We have fat fans, man.

We wear black. Unfortunately, I have to wear black my whole life. So it'd be like that. So does Jimmy Kimmel, it seems. Same. So I think, yeah, so that's enough of the housekeeping out of the way. There's not really a lot happening, but I thought it would be kind of fun to ask our patrons to kind of give us some of their heated debates and some of the arguments that they've gotten onto or gotten into in their

lives and give it to us so we could settle them because we we get we we argue with each other sometimes on this podcast enough so that it'll be fun this episode to just sort of delve into some of your guys's heated debates because we argue a lot on this podcast but uh i just think uh judging other people's arguments is a little bit more fun than just constantly fighting with Sweeney who is just, you know, just constantly a piece of shit. Fuck you, bitch. Yeah, yeah. Here we go.

You're a slur. I'm not going to say it, but you know what's one. You're a slur. I mean, that's, that's worse than saying the slur. Yes, it is. Get the fuck out of here, you slur. That's auto fill, basically. Pretty much.

So you want to just jump into some of these debates? Some of these are pretty juicy. Yeah, let's see what we got, man. Before we jump in, can I throw out one of my own debates? Okay. Okay. Now, let's just say, I've had this argument with a bunch of people, and I disagree with it, but if you suck dick, just to suck dick, are you gay?

No, you've done gay shit. You've done a gay act. Doesn't make you gay. I think we should defer to iced tea for this one. I got newness for you. Look, I'm not doing it because I want to. I'm doing it just to do it. What does that mean?

I'm doing this to do it. I'm not doing it. I'm not like, oh, man, I want to suck dick. I'm like, well, I haven't sucked a dick. Let me try it out. So, doesn't mean I'm gay. I can just be bored and want to fucking see what you're curious and you want to suck dick. I'm bored.

I'm bored. I'm bored and I have a lack of things going on. So I suck dick. How do you? So instead of fucking playing video games, you just shove a cock down your throat. That's the. I mean, not. shove, I'm sucking it. I'm not fucking headbutton the pelvis.

I'm just, you know, giving it a few licks or laps and then I'm not, I mean, I'm not saying I would do it. I'm just saying if someone was to do it and that person happened to be me, would I be gay? I, well, look, I think if you, this is, this is what I think. If you have a like, I guess taste for it, a lack of a better term, if there, if that's something that you've thought about before and an interest. you and say while you're sucking said cock, you get aroused, and you're like, oh, I like sucking dick. And then maybe at that point you might be gay.

However, I know that's a little bit problematic nowadays because there's the female penis, right? There's trans women that keep their penises. And I guess technically that doesn't make you gay because you're, you're sucking a woman's penis. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think- That confused me so much, but I also don't. It's all confusing. It is.

I think we do need to defer to ICET. I think he has the wisest. I think he has some news. Look, let's say I was sucking a dick. I had a fucking chastity belt on, so I couldn't get a wreck. If you, that doesn't count. If I couldn't get a wreck.

Here's the thing. Here's what it is. If you've done it and you feel nothing and you're just, it's almost like cleaning a window, just like a comming. completely emotionally and mentally vapid thing that you're just so happy, that you just so happen to be doing, that you're not thinking about and that you're not enjoying and that you feel nothing for, then I guess you, I guess it wouldn't be gay because you would just sort of be, like if you were teleported into that situation, you know, you wouldn't be gay for being, having done it if you were just teleported into that situation. He just teleported as a cock in your mouth. Oh, shit.

I teleported to a cock in my mouth. But if you're doing it and you're like, you know, this is pretty fucking sensational. Wow, I'm really enjoying it. Wow, I'm fucking stiffer than a fucking board right now. Then, you know, if that's the case, then I think I've got some, I've got news for you. No, I think if I could, if I'm being real, because I understand why like the progressive aspect or the talk of it is that it shouldn't just go, it shouldn't just count as genitals, right? and I think that's what people do when they're attracted to like traps and stuff

because I don't think for example men straight men love pussy right but the thing is I don't think any straight man would ever or at least the vast majority of them would never get with like a trans man that's like oh I look like a muscular dude with a pussy

like to me that shit's terrifying like when I think about that shit like this strong dude and he's like hey what up get this fucking pussy and I'm like that sounds so gross to me however the when you've seen traps you've seen like we have friends that are oh I'd say just trans women that are like

gorgeous right oh yeah yeah that's where I'm like okay it's yeah I guess it is just like very complicated yeah however though I just I just can't really I can't picture you know how you can have the light at the end of the tunnel I can picture me doing a lot of things I can't really

picture me sucking dick And I think that kind of like stops me where it's like I ST would say like I got news for you That means you're not gay And I'm like all right You have a version Aversion to penis

For me it's just that like I don't particularly think vaginas are pretty looking things In fact I think they look pretty gross But then dicks are even Uglier than vagina Well I got news for you Like I'd rather I'd rather have my face near a fucking vagina than a dick.

And none's going to get poked out with a fucking vagina. You know? What are you talking about? You know, like, I'd rather, like, a dick or poke your eye out than I said, you're fucking your eyeless. There's actually, actually, there's a debate that kind of pertains to this. I think. Where is it? I hope I saved it.

Oh my God. Where is it? It's so good. Yeah, here it is. So, uh-oh. Uh, uh, he, uh, what? Oh, I can't read this. It's too offensive. He wrote in with something that I don't even know with this. I don't even know how to begin. But it says, he wrote it. He says, greetings, mean and racial epithets. Here's a debate I've had too many times for dumb reasons. We would have been better off keeping the bone in our dicks. Or would we have been better off keeping the bone in our dicks? Or was it better that we evolved out of it? The only positive for the former I hear consistently is it would mean bigger dead. I had to look this up because I didn't even realize this was a thing. Yeah, we had dick bones.

I had no fucking clue that that was a thing. I think primates would be the only mammals without dick bones, right? I don't know. I didn't know that until today. Yeah, I've never looked that much into penises, so I didn't know that either. I feel like I didn't look at it. I feel like I was taught it. Like it's some shit that came up in like anthro class.

So is it beneficial that we don't have it anymore? Fuck yeah, it is, man. There's a reason why we don't have it. Like, it has to be a reason. There's no reason why we just don't have things. Yeah. Well, it's because... I feel like...

I feel like also just the thought of just breaking that bone would be pretty horrifying. Yeah, dude. I mean... One, yeah. You could still break your penis. You ever see all them fucking mobility have of your dick? I could spin my dick like a fucking helicopter, bro. Shit's nuts.

Couldn't do that with no bone. What do you ate? No, but I mean, sometimes he's like, I'm bored. Let me just spin my dick around. See if you can fucking fly? Just laid on the ground and fucking toilet. What if you did that and the wall of your... You're, uh...

What is it? The wall in your room just caved outwards Because the wind Was too fierce The updraft created by my twirling Dick breaks the ceiling Updraff That's fucking nutty

That's too much power man That would be fucking dangerous Yeah I don't know I don't know who the hell would be like Yeah man I wish we had bones in there Fuck that noise That's such a weird The fact that that's even a debate

For you is straight Who are you hanging around Who thinks that's like, oh yeah And who's saying no, I just want to know that Huh? Like who's saying no, like we don't Like who's saying yes to that? Like yeah, we do, we wish we had dick moaned

You know? Who wouldn't want a bigger dick? It's like I'm very happy with the size of my penis I don't need a bigger one. I'm fine. I mean, I'm sure there's some people that would like a larger penis Like especially people that have micro penises

However, having a bone in it is That's just fucking dangerous man That's just fucking dangerous Yeah That just sounds Like because there's no way that bone is strong You know what I mean

Like there's no fucking way that you could Like put weight on that bone Like it's gonna be like a fucking Like a like a wish bone Yeah and how it just sort of falls apart And how would it set like say so it just has to hang down You know like you Ah

It's a bone I hate thinking about this It probably just be forward It'll probably just be like forward a little bit It's forward then it's like You can never sleep on your fucking stomach. Like, that sounds awful. That's fine.

You're dapp with the times. I don't know. Yeah, whatever your name is, you have really stupid friends. Yeah. I don't trust that person or anybody that fucking would think that's a good idea. I put you on the same fucking, like, echelon. Same level as, like, people that went to Epstein's Island. I just don't trust you. Yeah, like, you're fucking stressed you. That's a good rule of thumb, I think.

You know? Yeah. You shouldn't want bones of your dick? Yeah, very safe, very safe assumption. It's a very safe assumption that we're fine the way we are because we evolved this way for a reason. Hugger Derek Rowan. He says, Hey there, Chris Relish Gun, Tom Soy Sauce, and some BBQ sauce guy. You'll notice that your names are all condiment puns.

That's because my girlfriend and I, you didn't wrote and I, so I have to fix this for you, you fucking illiterate. And I can't seem to agree on one important topic. Is Miracle Whip better than regular mayo? I absolutely despise Miracle Whip and it's disgustingly sweet taste and prefer the salty and savory taste of a good mayo slash aoli. Sounds like this dude wants a fucking shot in his mouth or something. My girlfriend is the wrong opinion that Whip is better. Tell me which you got. I genuinely, I don't think I've ever had Miracle Whip actually.

I've had it before and it's disgusting. Oh, really? Yeah. What is it? It's like sweeter fucking mayonnaise for fucking demons. So it's just candied mayonnaise? Not candied, it's slightly sweeter. It's probably like the equivalent of popcorn versus kettle corn, I imagine.

Maybe. Yeah, yeah. I don't really like mayonnaise to begin with, truth be told. I put a little bit on my sandwich because I keep my sentence being like bone dry. But I'm not a big fan of like condiments, period, truth be told. Listen, listen. There isn't very many things that you can put me in a box of like, you know, stereotypes of the blackmail. but I fucking hate mayo.

Mayo's disgusting and the black community is known for hating mayonnaise and I'm totally with them. Like I'm like we fucking rise up and we destroy all fucking mayo dude because I hate that shit. To me it's just there's something, I like oil. I like eggs. You mix that shit together. It tastes like a fucking abomination to me. I don't like it. It smells disgusting.

It smells like it's fucking rotten, dude. Like I don't know. I don't like putting it on my sandwich. It just changes the flavor too much where I think there's just, Either, like you said, I don't, I'm not a huge condiment guy. So a lot of times I can keep it, it doesn't have to be. Like my fucking saliva is gonna make this shit fucking moist. You know what I'm saying?

I'm not taking two, I'm not chewing it like one, two, three, and then swallowing it. You know, I chew it thoroughly. And then it's full and fucking lubricated. And then it slides down my throat easily. Like, I think people are just like fucking. Yeah, yeah, you like that? I don't chew my food. I bite it.

I bite it and then I swat I push it down my gullet like sandpaper. You can fucking snake. What are you? What are you, dude? I don't have time to chew. You're a fucking, you're a foreign being. You fell from the sky.

I chew my drinks though, for sure. You gotta get that liquid. I chew my drinks. I don't know. Mayo's fine. I don't, I don't typically order it on anything. But I've never had Miracle Whips.

So I can't even really contribute to this. It's not very good. I would imagine if the kettle corn analogy is correct, that I would imagine that I would hate Miracle Whip. Because I... Like, kettle corn? Like, kettle corn is genuinely fucking disgusting to me. Like, I cannot fathom how people could enjoy it.

Your taste buds work correctly. Because things that are salty should be mixed with salty. And when people try to force sweet into salty, it just tastes fucking weird. It's very rare that it works. Yeah, it's like very, like a lot of times people tell me, like, you gotta try, you gotta have fucking Captain Crunch with your steak. And it's like, ah, you know. Maybe I don't, though.

You know Captain Crunch, by the way? You know they make fucking Captain Crunch pancake batter? Did you know this? No. That sounds a little dope, actually. I mean. Sounds a little dope. I found it when I was like looking, I was at Walmart and I was getting like, I was grocery shopping and I was like looking at all this fucking.

disgusting cereal. They had like Jolly Rancher cereal and like Sour Patch Kids cereal and just all of this shit they had Twinkies cereal and just all the stuff that I'm like what the fuck? I haven't been to Walmart in months

so I can't remember if this is like is something that existed pre-pandemic but it feels like it feels like it feels like it's not the case and I feel like I stepped into like a different reality when I saw all that shit.

There was like fucking Chips A Hoy cookie uh Chips Aoy cookie Chips-ahoy cereal also And it's like, isn't this just cookie crisp? What the fuck? I mean, dude, cookie crisp is, I never understood a cookie crisp.

I've never had a cookie that tastes like that. It tasted, I don't know. It doesn't taste that cookies. They're like, cookie crisp is like, cookie crisp as a cereal is kind of like pizza pringles where like pizza pringles are pretty, pretty fucking good, but they don't taste anything like pizza.

Yeah, I've never had a, yeah, I've never had sauce. that was like anything like whatever that fucking flavor is. I hate them. I hate freaking Pringles, freaking chips the Pringles pizza ones. They're so fucking bad. They're so fucking gross. I just like regular

Pringles. Regular Pringles are fine. I'm all about sour cream and onion. That shit's fucking delicious. I used to hate I used to really hate sour cream and onion because I always thought that there was something wrong with them because like the taste like the taste of sour cream and onion when you're a kid is like what the fuck? It's sour. It's sour. It's sour.

It's sour, but it's not candy. So it's just confusing. Like, as a child, I remember just being like, this is not, this is not right. These chips are rotten. But as time went on, I really, I fucking love sour cream and onion. Oh, fuck, I could go for some sour cream onion chips right now. I have a weird taste palette, though, because I like plain things sometimes. Like, I have, like, a really, really, like, adoration for plain tasting things.

You wouldn't even eat my communion wafers. Because those don't taste like food. They're plain. They don't taste like food. They also don't have a food texture. They feel like I'm chewing on cardboard that eventually dissolves in my mouth. Yeah, it is cardboard. I'm like, I don't want this.

Yeah, it's cardboard, though. That's what it is, but it's holy cardboard. Like, fuck that. I don't want to eat that dude's body. I don't want to eat a Jewish guy's body. Fuck that. Not even to absorb his power. Man, what am I going to absorb?

No, I'm not going to say that. No, thank you. I do not want to absorb his power. You're fucking weird, man. I don't know. Look at this guy over here. He doesn't want to eat the body of Christ. Fucking weirdo.

Hey, fucking pussy loser You imagine being bullied You're at church And you're just Get bullied for not eating the fucking Community Waifer You probably would get yelled at Stupid

Look at this heretic pussy The fucking priest is just shoving him off right now The fucking priest is just shoving you You're just like bullying you like Fuck it He does that little He does that really little But like rough push where it's like

You just sort of like It's almost like a slack You know You're gonna eat this on As he's spinning a kid on his groin, he pushes me. And he's spinning a four-year-old, like, an eight-year-old boy on the groin. What are you going to do, fucking kid, huh? Fucking twirls the kid over the kid.

Like, yeah, you're a bitch. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Anyway, I'm kidding for all. Our Catholic followers. It's a joke. It's a joke. We kidding me.

I think we're all in agreement. At least, I'm in agreement, at least, from, based on sheer concepts that Miracle whip is probably worse. I don't like... If something's not supposed to be sweet in it... Like the first time, I am our black Hispanic man, you know? So I've always had, like, which I've always had, like, Spanish beans with my food. And that's what I thought they tasted like.

I was like, beans only taste like this or maybe like this. Oh, until you had fucking... You had baked beans on. Then I had baked beans. And I was like, what the fuck is this? I was so upset in this. expected and I was like this can't be fucking true

my grandma said it tastes fine I had an exact I had the exact I had the exact experience the exact same thing where like I had a baked beans for the first time and I was like this is so fucking irritatingly disgusting I can't stomach it that's why I feel about fucking like say you guys know you guys

go to Guses all the time and I got I got the beans you know because they're barbecue baked beans and I'm just like I can't my I can't eat there there's just too much Like, they just put, like, a pound of brown sugar in it. And it just...

I can't swallow it, dude. I have a hard time. I'm like, I can't do this. I, it's almost torturous to me. I can't, I can't eat beans by themselves in the first place. Because beans to me... I can eat Spanish beans by themselves easily. Heart beans to me have always been something that goes with other things.

Like, you have rice and beans. You have beans in, like, a burrito. You have beans, like, mixed in with something. I've never had just a plate of fucking beans. like I'm like like it's Oliver Twist or something Or like this is all I have May I have some more sir

There's something so No nigger Sorry go ahead Fuck no nigga There's just something so fucking Destitute about like a bowl of beans I'm not no fucking cowboy Might know cowboy

Run away from fucking engines on a fucking Rustout Like fuck you I don't want to eat fucking sweet beans Oh my God it's so disgusting Colin Colin Colin would hate this conversation Because he loves

He loves that like sweet beans? That's because he's from the fucking South, ain't he? No, what? He's from Long Island. He's a fucking American, that's why. Wait, is he's a real American? Yeah, he's from Long Island, but he's, he's also, uh, he's also not his, Hispanic. He's more like, uh, Italian and Irish. So, like, there's, like, uh, I guess like baked beans are a lot more, it's, it's, it's baked beans as like, uh, because they, in the UK, they do, they have, like beans on toast for breakfast and they do. Yeah, that's like, oh, it's so good. And I'm like, those beans look so fucking.

And gross. No, you know, yo, no, dude, I've been to the UK, and I've seen that, and I've never seen around black people in the UK. Actually, not kidding. Not kidding. I'm literally, I'm literally, I was like, I thought people ate that here. This was like, we don't eat that shit. Well, yeah, it's the Paul Joseph Watson's.

They eat that shit. It was like, thank you God. Baines on toast, you degenerate. Everything else is a eternity. That's disgusting. The perfect European cuisine. It's just, and it's just. And it's just one bean cut into 65 pieces on a piece of bread.

Oh, I'm stuffed. Like, I don't know. That's so great. I don't know if I could handle another spoonful. But I might as well have another spoonful. I might as well go once more. It's that spoon. It's that stupid spoon meme, that fucking King Batch meme.

Oh, yeah. He was like, yeah, only a spoonful. And then he pulls out a comically-giant fucking spoon. That's so stupid. I feel like Paul just of Watson talks to himself. Like, he narrates to himself as he's doing shit just like that. He just looks himself into his mirror and he looks down and he's like, these hands are gorgeous hands.

Oh my God. Dude, speaking of like comically large, that got, he like legitimately has like gloves for hands. Like I thought it was. He has, I thought it was. He has, he has, he has, he has Arbiter hands. Like, he has a fucking triple the triple prong hands. He looks like he could run. faster on his hand.

Like seriously, if you just Google a picture of Paul Joseph Watson's hands, they're so fucking his, they're so looting tunes. Yeah, I thought that I just, I can't. I thought it was an optical illusion. Like, I thought like, oh, it's just, you know, his hand, like, I saw a picture. I thought like, oh, one of his hands is just way closer to the camera than he is, because his arms a little bit stretched out. But then I started to sing him in other photos, and I was like, okay, those are fucking, those are baseball, like, catchers mitts.

Oh, my God. Look at his fucking hands. Paul Joseph Watson is Iqabad Crane with Shack's hands. He's got fucking, he's got fucking mittens on. This guy's got fucking gloves on. They look, well, his hands look like they cut spaces in between a baseball mate, bro. His hands are fucking huge. All right, so I'm going to need somebody to, uh, drop.

He can slap both of people's ass cheeks, bro. He can slap both of her ass cheeks at the same time. If someone, if someone could be kind enough to edit, there's a scene in 300 that I would love for you to put Paul Joseph Watson in where the arrows are blocking out the sun, but it's just his, hit one of his hands. Oh my God. He's got fucking mitts.

My perfect European hands will blot out the sun. Oh, that's great. All right, that's it. This is a good. I feel like we're just going to go into a deep fucking, this whole episode could easily be about Paul Joseph Watson's hands. Totally. We're not going to do it. What if, hold on, hold on.

What if? What if? Oh, my God. What if Paul, what if this was his favorite podcast? And he's like, oh, it's Thursday. I cannot wait. to listen to the Snark Tank Podcast. With your fucking sausage link fingers, you fucking

comedian. Look like your hand got stung by a colony of bees. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? He's always having an allergic reaction to his fucking own skin. Jesus Christ. My favorite tradition is booting up the Snark Tank podcast every

Tuesday. Does he speak exactly like that? No, we're really fucking exaggeration. He doesn't really dig it into him, bro. He does kind of, but like, it's He looks like he can slap brick walls apart with his fucking hands, bro. He has fucking big-ass hands. He looks like he can do structural damage to buildings with his hands.

Do I want to see him do those fucking, those Naruto, like, hand signs. Hand signs? It's, like, fucking probably destroy the entire world with just one. Yeah, just earthquakes. He can do the Dyn Kong thing and smash where he slaps the floor and makes the ground shake because his hands are fake. They make a live-action dumbo and it's false. Joseph Watson flying with his big hand.

Yeah, we gotta stop. We gotta stop plowding this guy. There's so much, there's so much material here that we could stop clouding here. We could easily stretch this out. We gotta move on there. All right, all right, fine, fair enough. And some, this is vaguely related because it's about feet, I guess. Oh.

Keithicus, Davicus wrote in. Nice, nice, nice. And this is, he wrote like a long thing, so I edited it down a little bit for brevity, but it's a debate about foot massages and he wrote and he says I got into this argument with my friend while watching Pulp Fiction we were hanging out and the fucking loser

said he hadn't watched it so naturally we had to put it on the boys had already been drinking already so we were having some laughs and then the scene is explained the scene when it's explained that Marcellus Wallace ordered some men

through what is this am I reading this right ordered some men through a man four stories from massaging his wife feet. You butchered this. You but you budgeted this. I know what he's saying, but whatever. Yeah, but the debate is essentially

to which the argument in our friend, I have to reread this entire fucking thing. You guys got to write better, man. To which during the argument our friend didn't understand the problem, he said there is absolutely nothing wrong in the slightest with giving a woman a foot massage. It's just feet. It's like massaging her hands just grosser. to which half the group responded in outrage saying it clearly crossed the line. So basically, the argument is, is giving a man's wife a foot massage crossing the line?

Yes. I think so too. I think it's pretty obvious. How would it not be? Like, I don't understand the... If someone giving my wife a massage, period. That's what I'm saying. Is kind of crossing the line.

Like, period. Look, there's going to a masseuse where you exchange money, and this is their profession. They have a fucking card or a certificate that says, this is what I do for a living. And you go, uh, okay, I guess, but like, hey, homie, you mind if you massage my wife's feet? Like, what the, what is that? That's a stupid argument. I don't even understand. If someone massage my girlfriend's feet, I would literally beat them until they couldn't move anymore.

I would jump in the air And land on both their knees and pull their legs At the same time Yeah there's no there's no There's no homie Mishbones There's no homie massages Like that doesn't like I mean as far as like

Men and Women go Like if you're like oh hey We're friends by proxy or whatever I'm gonna give you a massage And there's nothing sexual about it at all I'm like okay Those are inherently sexual actually Like literally there's a

They're relatively sexual things That's why you go to complete strangers to have them done. Yeah, that's, no, exactly. They're, like, inherently sexual. Yeah. Like, almost. There's almost no reason, there's almost no reason for them aside from that.

Like, actually. Like, I don't even understand going to a, I don't understand just going to a masseuse in the first place because it seems so inherently awkward for that reason. I have given massages. Go ahead. Massage ladies to push so often, too. Like, literally, that's like an, even. easy way to get into vagina, actually.

Is a massage. Like, give a girl massage, and that's like, you've done a bunch of the work already. Of course. No, see, I disagree with the masseuse part because one thing, especially one reason why men die so early is because of how stressed they are and they never take care of

their bodies and women get massages all the time and they're always fucking relaxed. You know, there's also other reasons. I don't exactly agree with that. That's a large portion of it. I mean, they also walk outside and get money instantaneously. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Women do that?

There's a portion of it, but there's a lot of men that do take care of themselves. And one thing is that you would probably agree with, especially you, Sweene, is sports. Every athlete gets massages. Every athlete gets worked on them. They fucking need to get worked out. That's how they stay limber. That's how they get injured less. I think there's definite needs for massages.

I think as long as it's professional, and there are professional massages, in my opinion. Now, there's other people. that are doing it for sleazy reasons, like they're trying to just fuck girls or whatever the case is. But there is, in my opinion, there is a need for it has its place in the world. But if it's not strictly business,

then it's 100% inappropriate for like, oh, homie massage, oh, my girlfriend's, like all that type of shit. I'm like, somebody's trying to just fuck somebody. Like, that's for sure. I have never had a massage in my life that was positive. Not once. I have. I hate the feeling of people digging their stupid hands into my fucking muscles.

Like, I'm a fucking piece of clay. There's something like really inherently like off-putting about it to me. I don't know. They're not satisfying. They're not relaxing. They're really bothersome. It's almost like being tickled, kind of. For me.

Not at all for me. I'm not saying it's like literally the same. I'm saying it's just a feeling of just complete discomfort the entire time because there's nothing satisfying about having like hands just dig into your fucking muscles. For me, I'm very, very, very, very ticklish. And I also just don't like being touched. Like actually, I hate when people touch me. Yeah, that makes it.

That makes sense. Don't put your fucking hands on me. It makes me so angry. So I got a massage one time and I was crying because of how much it tickled me. I was like this. I was like, and I wasn't trying to make a scene. I was internalizing how uncomfortable and aggravated I was. And my girlfriend was like, are you okay, honey?

And I was just like, yeah, I'm fine while I literally, when I got up, my face was streaming tears. Because I hated it. I fucking hate, I hate people touching, but I also felt better than I have in a long time. That's typically the point, especially for sports athletes. A lot of sports athletes, there's a lot of YouTubers that are like really big. And you see them just in agonizing pain getting worked out. But then afterwards, like, holy shit. like I can move my shoulder again.

And so that's my thing. Like I've had a back injury. It was the cervical spine where I fucked it up. So I had to do a little bit of physical therapy. And there was like a lot of digging into my neck where it hurt at first. But then like when I went home, I'm like, fuck, dude, my neck feels so much better because of how knotted up it is. And especially when you're doing a lot of strenuous activity, like say when I would work out, a lot my traps would be they just feel. Not only do they look like boulders, they fucking.

felt like boulders. So then getting that shit worked out, feel, I'm telling you, getting your traps worked out sometimes feels like better than jacking off or I'm like, holy shit. Because there's just so much intensity in them. And when you're releasing it, the dopamine just floods out of you. And you're like, whole shit, man. You should get a proper massage at least once, Chris. It does feel really, really nice afterwards.

I can't stand the process during. I get like really upset and I want to cry But like it's it's really it's worth it It's just you're must I had I had one I had one and I felt nothing afterwards I felt I felt worse Because I was just like I just had this fucking

Shitty experience And now I'm like inconvenience Because I'm not immediately home Workout regularly Go to the gym hit the gym for like a month or two And then go get a freaking what you call it Go get a massage You're gonna feel fantastic

Well then work Don't you have a home gym Calestetics No I don't know how to get I think we We do, but, like, I haven't looked up how to fucking... It's shut down.

I tried. I literally went to go there, like, I think Monday morning, and it was like, it's closed. And I was like, wow, fantastic. God damn, COVID. Yep. Yeah. I don't know. Classic California.

Look, I get it. Look, there's a, there's a, one of my favorite sitcoms, the IT crowd. Uh, for this dude, he hurts his back, uh, Roy. And then he, the massage is amazing, but then the dude kisses his ass at the end as a signature. And it tends them so much that it completely ruined the fucking massage. So it might have a similar effect on Chris. to the point where it's so uncomfortable, he's tensing up even more, and so he's not really

getting properly worked out. So that I get that. Like, there's some people that probably get zero benefit from it. Unless, if they fucking smoking hot, fucking broad is essentially fucking massaging you, I imagine you're gonna get something out of it, dude. I'm just saying.

Can you, Chris, are you capable of, like, when you get really tense to, like, loosen yourself up, like, mentally just calm yourself down? What? Like, are you, like, when you get really physically tense up, can you just, like, like detentify your body and like cool your body off mentally I have no

definitely not yeah I can I've learned how to do that I do that when I learned how to swim actually because I learned that swim when I was maybe like like 12 and I would turn into a stone in the water and it would like if you don't do this you're gonna die one day if you get dropped in the water I was like fuck it I gotta fucking revamp my whole style

so I learned how to do that man yeah I don't know I don't know Mel I gotta do I like I've had stuff like where like I remember I went to like a chiropractor once and that was really fucking terrible I don't know I feel like a lot of that shit's just kind of bullshit I feel like a lot of it

I feel like a lot of it is like placebo honestly I've never had a positive experience with any of that shit I'm just gonna rearrange your spine and like dig into your fucking muscles and probably tear shit I mean I wouldn't I wouldn't put chiropractic and massaging on the same level at all

because chiropractic is feel great amazing I love it isn't what's the day difference really like one's just like a harder massage one no chiropractors are usually trying to adjust your fucking bones yeah and like that's that's trying to release all the acid although the galactic gas acid or whatever the galactic gas or much like that like galactic gas no no i think i think you're saying lactic acid or some bullshit lactic acid is that what it's called well there's some there's some type of process you have a you have a filter system you know you have a filter

system that like fucking runs through your spine or something and they're like supposed to do some shit to you that like triggers it better so you you like clench yourself quicker or some bullshit. I don't know. Pretty much like exposed something from your body. Because I've been a chiropractor a few times. And chiropractors feel really good during. But then the day afterwards you feel like shit.

Because you literally forcibly realigned your spine and fuck. So you haven't done it. I just, I don't like. I haven't tried it because I'm afraid of that because I already, my hip is already fucked from football. So I feel like there's a chance that someone can just make it worse. So I've never even done that.

But I don't want anybody like fucking with my spine. No, I get it. Like, I've heard great things from people. I've heard great anecdotal stuff, but I've also heard things to the contrary. Where massaging, I've never heard other than, like, say, Chris, like, since the, and you don't, you don't like that shit at all. Besides the other people that, you know, like, Chris, have you ever, have you ever just fucking, let's say, I've sat down right in front of the couch, not on the couch itself, but like, and then the chick, she's on the couch. I'm just fucking playing video games or watching a movie. and then she just starts fucking massaging your fucking traps.

Like, just kind of like, oh, you had a long, hard day. I'm going to work you out. Yeah, yeah. Like, that shit is top tier. That is the shit. Like, I don't know how you couldn't get value out of that. I hate it. I hate that shit so much.

I literally, like, I kid you not. My girlfriend can't even kiss me on my neck without me fucking, like, fidgeting. I hate it. She just puts her face near my neck. I start freaking a fuck out. I mean, some people just have that, man. Some people, their neurons just fire a certain way, and they can't be touched in a...

I get it, though. Me, I don't have that problem. And fucking, dude, I like, like that vampire shit, dude. You go on there and you just suck that shit. Like, dude, that shit's fucking great. Are you, uh... Yeah, I don't know.

Like... I'm not that kind of person, bro. Maybe one... Maybe I'll give it a shot, but, like, I don't know. Up until... Like, my entire life, I've just always been, like, averse to it just because I just...

I get it. I mean, you may never like it. Just the feeling... Yeah, maybe. I've never really had one, in fairness. Like, I had... I think I had... one like a long time ago

and I remember being like what the fuck this person just like pushed on it for like a while no bro I want I want someone like some girl that you find like really attractive someone that you really dig to just fucking work out your shoulders and that's it I can't like you should all go to a car pack to together that'd be dope

no I don't want to do it I'd rather stomp on my spine fucking I would rather I would rather get a massage yeah let's go to a masseuse man I don't want to I just feel like there's a chance that they can I can be fucking turning to Ricky Burr work, I don't want that. You walk out there

and a fucking, you walk out there like Stephen Hawkins. You walk out there on the ceiling. You're in a chair to give you a fucking speaking spell.

You fucking walk walk out there on the fucking wall. You fucking skitter across the wall. Guys, I think something went wrong. Sweeney,

I told you this was a bad idea. You look like the Spider-Man mod in Skyra. That's so fuck. You like the girl from the ring crawling backwards out the fucking TV.

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, maybe I'll give it a shot. We're gonna say, but Keithik is David. Like, fuck, your friends are, your friend is weird. Yeah. Your friend is weird if he thinks that there's nothing

nothing wrong with massaging. How about you let me massage a girlfriend's feet? Is he like, is he, do you think he's getting cucked? Yo, he might be getting cucked. Oh shit, bro. What does that mean? So, like, he doesn't think it's a problem because it's happening? Like his girl or

his wife or whatever is getting massages from like her friend or or his friend or something. And he did it. Okay, so, hmm. So if it's, if it's, this is very specifically a male thing also. Yes.

Like if, if, if, like, some woman is giving my, my wife or girlfriend a massage, right? I don't, I don't care. Like, at all, probably. You should, I, I agree, but you should probably also vet that girl because what, because it, what, I mean, if your girl is maybe,

maybe she's bisexual. and then she starts Oh, she definitely will be. Wait, what? She definitely will. It's like a requirement. Oh, that's not bisexual.

What the fuck? What's the point? What's the point? We're gonna have fucking insane amount of threesomes. No, threesome's, man. All I got to say, oh, man. Oh, okay, finish your statement. No, no, no.

I want to hear this. I don't give a fuck about whatever. I was saying. I don't really want to say it. I don't really want to say it. Too late. You already opened up that kind of worms. Just go.

Oh, my God. I've actually bitched out of two threesomes in my life I've bished out of two of them I've done that too You guys are letting our audience down man Letting audience I did it hold on Okay well that's

I The only The one There's one that happened recently Like the last year And I remember It was almost going to happen And then like the night of

We like all went out And we got really drunk But the third The third girl Or not the third one You know the third party the third person okay

the third girl fucking for some over here bro yeah no the third party got like way to like way too

like way way way way too drunk and I was like you're a good man I can't do this I get it I don't need I don't need to be trending

in three months oh my god okay for me genuinely was like it was just fear it's just like I just get like

I get like nervous because like Like, I, like, I, I can, I can have sex for, like, hours. Like, it's not a big deal. Like, I'm not like, someone that's like, oh, man, I don't have a lot of stamina. I can do it. I can make it. But I understand, but I need to teach you something about the internet.

Because I know that you're relatively new. The more that you say that, the more it feels like you can't. I guess. I mean, I guess. I'm just, I'm just giving a simple statement. Like, people could deny it all they want. I mean, they get, they can swing through and try it if they want to, they want to disclaim you that much. But it's just that that's like, that's a lot of satisfaction.

And I'm like one guy to satisfy both parties. And I feel like a bit nervous about it. Like it was like, oh man, this is like, this is going to be like real work. And it gets like fucking looming and scary. And I'm like, I don't really want to do this. It definitely, I mean, it's definitely not like say me. I'm a very monogamous type of person. So it seems like.

Also that. It's a lot of. It does seem like a lot of work. Like, and one thing that I don't usually do, I don't usually do. I don't usually, I'm a very natural person. Like, I've been talking to a couple of my homies, and I didn't even, I felt, I was like, dude, am I missing out talking about fucking, like, boner pills and cock rings and shit? And I'm like, what the fuck?

Like, what? And so, I feel like if you were going to bang two girls, you would probably want to up your game and to some shit like that. And I'm like, I already don't do stuff like that. And I'm not the marathon guy. I don't like that because I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like this is like terrible I'd rather just like

small fucks throughout the day or something than small fuck yeah dude like you'll be fucking like I'm playing some games right now let's have like multiple quickies like let's try to keep it under 20 minutes for sure because For me I like I like longer

I like longer ones because at the time by the time look by the time the longer ones done I'm satisfied and she's been satisfied definitely enough like multiple ones means that like there's no fucking possible way that we're both not leaving this party fucking full.

I think I just don't like that's what I see it as. There's, well, I guess it depends on who you're with because I would say 99.9% of the women I've been with. They don't like getting pounded for fucking hours on in because it fucking hurts after while. Most people are like, yeah, I don't really like this. Yeah, so usually it's like, hey, I'm sorry about that. Quick spurts were, especially if you're lucky enough, if you're lucky enough to have a chick

that can orgasm in a in a in a reasonable amount of time then the quickies throughout the day is the best case scenario but the thing is that I can't do that like I can't like I can't just jump into the game and like 20 minutes of sex I'm fucking done it's like nah bro I got I got to wait I got to the poisons out well see you see what happened with you and maybe you you fucked your you maybe you're too because like I might the way the average man literally the average man Should not like be like say the way that you know our our dicks were created to just bust as quick as possible It's typically minutes at a time when you're increasing it and the reason why we increase it so damn much is because of fucking porn typically And usually the why a lot of people can't bust at minutes at a time is because they poison their mind in like I have nothing against porn

But usually they've seen so much freaky shit and they've done so much freaky shit to themselves that just putting your dick in a vagina and thrusting for a few minutes at a time doesn't cut it and to me I'm like that's like you're kind of broken you know in a way that your dick doesn't function the normal way anymore so now you got to fuck for a super long time the the thing just to get off the idea like that is actually a very giant perspective which I agree with because at first I thought that was like the thing to do you know like oh you got to you got to have like a lot of endurance after sex you know you got to have sex for a long period of time so what happened was I trained to get to the point where, like, I could have sex for easily, like, an hour.

And then the girls were like, yo, this is not all right. I'm hurting. You're fucking destroyed them, bro. You can't keep jamming that in me for fucking 45 minutes at least. Like, I got my body hurts. And I'm like, what? Now I'm just sitting there fucking twitching, fucking mostly stone. And I'm like, what the fuck?

Everything I've been taught, all these, all these. fucking all these videos All these fucking stuff You guys function really strange I mean I think my shit is reasonable I think Like say even like say

Dr. Drew right I don't know if you guys know that dude He was famous on love lined And he has all this stuff He's like all the he's like a celebrity doctor He's a real doctor And he's just like a medical guy He's like yeah it's reasonable

To have Is he dead? No no no no no no not at all Are you sure No I just watched his latest episode of Dr. Drew After Dark, he has a podcast. No, I think,

no, I think he died like this morning. No, he fucking, what are you talking about? Dr. Drew, dead of something. Don't fucking, don't say that to me, dude. There's no way. I'm totally like, dude, I was like, I was about to freak out right now because I was about to freak out.

Anyway. I heard him last night. Ah, you piece of shit. No, uh, that totally threw me off. I was just saying that he's, he's a doctor. He gives a lot of sex. advice, he used to have the love line with Adam Carolla, and he would always give out a lot of advice, and he just says, dude, it's totally reasonable to just fuck for 10 minutes.

Like, you need to think about how much thrusting is going on and how much lubrication that is required to keep it. You know what I'm saying? It just like without. But that's not all the, but that's not all that sex is, though, is what I'm, is, you know, you're not supposed to be like thrusting the entire fucking time. Well, see, you're talking about form play and other things. To me, that's not, that's not like, there is...

The act of fucking is literally just the insertion of a penis inside of whatever kind of orifice you're putting it in. I don't know. If somebody just foreplayed with your girlfriend, I don't think you'd be too happy with that. I understand that. I understand that, but that means... But it wouldn't be sex.

It'd be oral sex or something else or, like... Do you understand that oral sex has the word fucking sex in it? But that's not exactly the concept that would breed a child. That's what sex is. Sex is the process of making a child. No, no, that's reproduction. Sex is just sex. You can have sex without reproduction.

The act of reproduction is sex. Like, that's what is reproduction. It's sex. They're the same. There's different subsex of what sex is. Well, I don't even know what you're getting at, Crystal. What are you even? What is your...

I'm just saying that like, I'm just saying like if... What do you mean? Like, let's say, that's a sexual act. It's not exactly sex. If someone, like, lick my girlfriend's vagina, you had another sexual act with someone. But I wouldn't say you fuck them. I would say you let them lick your puss. Yeah, you went down on my bitch?

What the fuck? Exactly. I wouldn't say you fuck. What? I don't think you fuck my girl. That is substantially indistinguishable to me. What? It is like, if somebody, if so, if someone fucking just chomped on your girl for like five seconds, you'd be like, you fucked my girl.

I wouldn't be happy about it and I would be just as unhappy about it. Of course you would be just as unhappy, but would you use that terminology. Would you say you fucked my girl? I wouldn't say that regardless. I would just sort of shoot. him. Chris, no, you're not being a specific, you're not in a specific for no reason, yeah. What do you mean?

Chris, that's not fucking your girl. It's just not, it's a sexual act. You still had a sexual act. You still cheated technically. But I also think that's still sex. To me, that's sex. How is that, that's, that's the thing that I, that's where we're getting off. There's some people, there's some people who would argue that literally

kissing people of sex. That's fucking insane. But see, it would just be, it would, to me that sounds just as crazy. Like, yes, I understand it's called oral sex, but no one considers that sex, dude. Like, no one... That's fucking weird. It's not weird at all. It's not weird. Some people don't consider anal sex.

Some people don't consider anal sex. Because there's oral sex. And then there's like penetrative. These things have words. Yeah, but they... Anal sex? Yes, okay, anal is still the act of penetration. It's all, but it's all fucking, it's all under the subcategory of sex. Those are no, those are sexual acts. I would, I was a little different.

It was a little different. I would consider that still sex, but those are sexual acts. Why? Why? Because it's penetrated. Production. It's that re-production. It's not reproduction. When you're putting your dick inside of someone and you're trying to ejaculate. So if you put your fucking dick in someone's mouth and come, is that not the same?

No, look it. Oh! Oh! Hey! Oh! I think you guys are arguing about two different things. You guys are arguing about two different things. What I'm talking about, there is, I don't know anybody on this.

I'm talking about even hardcore Christians that try to get around going to hell, right? Because they will have... Derek, I went to Catholic school. You gotta know that you're talking bullshit already. What do you talk? Dude, fucking, there is so many... Look it, sex to most people on Earth typically is anal and vaginal. People just think, like, going down and sucking dick as that. We all know it has the word sex attached to it, but no one considers that sex because they're

like, oh, I just sucked the dick. I'm not going to hell. Like, it's usually about deflowering. and the pussy or the anus or something, like you just divergenized, but it's usually... No, literally, no, no, no, literally, literally anal sex is also used as the same thing. That is, there's a whole, that's a whole thing. Well, dude.

People have anal sex to avoid going to hell. My point, my point is, my point is they do, so... But so if, but so, that's what I'm saying. So if it only counts of sex, if it's the vagina, that's it? Typically. But look it, look it, look it. So if someone fucked a girl on the ass, you wouldn't say that you wouldn't say that you know what's sex? Listen, listen.

Listen. Are you insane? No, I'm not even saying that, dude. I'm saying that typically sex is considered vaginal. I think you would be in agreement that the first thing that comes in somebody's mind when you say the word sex is that a penis going into vagina. I don't know anybody that says that would default to anal sex or oral. There's orders to this thing because you could go. Of course there are orders. That's my whole point.

But just because you're acting like they're on the same level. You're acting like they're on the same fucking level when no one treats it that way. Bro, if someone had sex with my girlfriend, right? And if someone went down on my girlfriend, I would be equally fucking pissed off. I wouldn't be more pissed off or less. We're not talking about your levels of being pissed off. We're not referring to the idea. Like if someone fucked my girlfriend, obviously I'm going to be mad, none the fucking less.

Because they still had a sexual act, my girlfriend, whether it be anal, vaginal, oral, like any of them. Or any of them, I'll be like upset. Like, I don't care. It's not that we're not talking about the levels of anger. we're talking about the terminology. It's like, I'm just saying I wouldn't, my level of anger would be just as the same as whatever just happened

if she cheated on me. But I wouldn't come out if they fucking, if somebody went down on my girl, I wouldn't tell people, oh, they had sex because that just sounds fucking silly to me. I would specify exactly what they did. They literally ate my girl's vagina.

That's what I would say. I wouldn't have that conversation. I would like, this guy fucking ate my girlfriend. Let's say it was in court. Let's just say it was in court. It would be, People, especially the jury, would be very confused. No, no, but, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I'm just saying, if you told the jury, if it was like, say there was a crime of passion or something, and you told the jury that, yeah, I killed her out of crime of passion because, or I killed the dude out of crime of passion because he had sex with my girl. They're immediately going to think you guys had, you know, dick and pussy fornication. That's what they're going to think. Right. But then you, if you were like, no, no, no, no, I meant going down, they would be like, oh, I thought they meant sex. And then that's totally fucking be confused. And that would be falsifying information.

I would fuck up your case actually, genuinely. And then they'd hang you. Why are we in a fucking hanged? You get just hanged? Then they'd hang you. Somebody would grab a, somebody would fucking lasso you like a fucking piggy. You're right there in the court.

Your neck is in a niece immediately. Like you didn't even see it fall past your face. It's just on your neck and you're like, what? Fucking puss in boots lassoes your neck. He's just standing by way to fuck up. He looks in your eyes He's like I fucked you

I fucked your wife I didn't fuck your wife You should have been more specific And he's fucking Youks the shit out of you Wait Your Honor wait I made a mistake

I was upset And I said what I first thought of But please Don't dangle me like a fucking Windchime Please I'm begging you The judge is like a ton of my hands Bro, he's already got you

You see the pussy Pussin and Tim's over there I can't do anything He's already fucking started it. Pussy and Timbs. I forgot about that shit, dude. Pussy and Tim's baby. He's fucking,

dude, I wouldn't get mad if Pussy and Tim's fuck my girl, I'm be honest. I would be really upset at my girl. I would be mad at Pussy and Tim. Are you mad at my girlfriend, though? I'd be like, come on, for real. You don't love me clearly. Pussy and Tim's, good job, bro.

Like, how mad would you be? Okay, let's just say this. You would probably be less mad if, like, your girl fucked Will Smith or something, or Keith David. Like you'd probably be mad. I'm sure you'd be mad. Let's just say you know your girl cheat on you, right?

You probably would be less mad if like someone you really respected fucked them. Like you would still be mad. But I imagine you would be like like, oh, fuck, Keith David, fuck my girl. I guess like, it wouldn't change the outcome really. I would still be like, yeah, this is this wouldn't work. But afterwards I'd probably be like, that's pretty cool. No, for me, for me, the idea is that don't cheat on my, don't cheat on me with a bum your motherfucker than I am, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Like, at least, like, be smart. Like, be smart. At least move up. Yeah. Exactly. Go climb. Don't be a fucking idiot.

Don't fuck some guy that fucking sells drugs behind the fucking middle school. Like, no. Fuck a guy that's got a fucking Rose Royce and is like providing for his life. Like, you know, secure your bag at least. I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sorry. I want to be mad. Your girl's pussy was just too good for me.

I'd be like, I want to fuck you up right now, but I respect what you've done for my life. So I'll let you live. Have a blessed evening Call me when you have another girlfriend He starts fucking only my girlfriend I'd be so fucking hurt He just That's just so yeah

Oh man Man that was a That was a good like sex ed podcast I think they should show this in schools They should They should If any archdiocese wants to Release this audio

Absolutely fucking not. To show in their Catholic schools? Don't let any kids learn for me. Fuck that. What are you doing? Don't let any kids learn for me. I don't want to be fucking blame.

Well, Tom Sweeney said it. It was like, no, fuck that. Don't blame me for your fucking stupidness. Do your own shit. You wouldn't want to be cited?

No. Why? Because I don't want to be involved to anyone doing shit. That's your fucking problem. I don't blame anybody when I do shit. I deal with it on my fucking own. You do the same thing.

You blame a lot of people. I don't. Watch porn everybody. All right. that's my number one I don't blame anybody I'm gonna get addicted to porn so that way

your life is ruined so that way every sexual exculpate you have is going to be very fucked up because you don't understand how sex works yeah and as soon as you get a debit card I want you to spend it all on only fans all right cool oh my god don't spend on only fans

you might not even get porn you might just get someone and remember you're dressed up as Harley Quinn oral sex isn't sex so you can do it with whatever you want now yeah oral sex technically is sex but people don't consider it sex. That's what

you should have said, you fucking bitch. I think I don't know, I think it's, maybe this is just my brain but I genuinely think, I genuinely think going down on somebody is almost I think it's more intimate than just having sex with it. Sometimes it is. I kind of agree with you. I kind of agree with you

actually. And that's kind of what I guess the approach that I'm going is from like a mental standpoint where it's like, I don't have a problem just having sex with like you know, whatever. It's just like a random hookup. But, like, if I'm going to, if there's a face involved. Dude, putting your mouth on holes is very intimate. Like, I totally agree.

It is. I totally fucking agree. It's just the terminology is that I just, if you put a poll out there, I would bet my fucking, well, my car's not worth a lot. I bet my phone's worth more than my fucking car. I bet just something that's very valuable that most people would just be like, oh, yeah, I don't really consider sucking dick or going down sex, even though technically it is. Like, I think they all agree. fine. I think I would agree. I would agree that the default of sex is is penchant of sex. I agree. Vaginal. But at the same time, I got newsflage. I would still consider it sex, and I would also say that it's arguably kind of more intimate.

I think, I don't think anybody would disagree with that. I don't think, like, what you just said right there, I don't think anybody would disagree because I don't disagree with it either. Yeah, I think we reached the common ground, and now people are going to be bored. Yeah. They're going to be like, fuck, man. They're done arguing. Really? It's only been 20 minutes to the podcast. What? It's only been 20 minutes

in a podcast and now we're agreeing already. They're like, fuck. Do you say it's been 20 minutes? Holy shit, man. What the fuck, dude? Holy shit. My dementia's getting crazy, man.

All right, what else you got? What else you got? Well, I got some I got some questions for you. Can you read one as fucking iced tea? Can I read one as like? All right.

Well, let's see. This one's just a normal question. I think this is a good way to divide it. So, Neuroid wrote in. Oh, my God. Of course, God damn it. So as I see? Yes, yes.

Hello, racist. I don't know if I can do his voice if it's not him saying those words. Just try it. Hello, racist against aliens. Alien pussy slayer and the alien himself. would you rather moan like a hentai girl after every sentence or every time you blink a furry appears love the podcast and i got news for you thank you so much i see that's a very good question oh shit that's a good question that's not bad that wasn't bad i won't be honest yeah you could

well anyway you did pretty good i uh i i this is so shit i guess it is i don't want to ever, so every time I blink a furry appears. So they just appear. In your vicinity. So is this an existing furry, or am I willing a furry into existence? Damn. Backstory. I think I know where you're going with this.

I feel like I know where you're going with this. I'm not going any. This is genuinely just a curious statement. Do we know what I would do? I would go on, I would go in a fucking helicopter where there's no space other than where I am. Or I'd get, I'd get like, fucking, I'd go paragliding and blink a ton to a bunch of bunch of furries fall out the sky. That's pretty good.

That's a pretty good response. That's not bad at all. I don't know, man. I don't hate furries, really? But, like, I don't want to be around them ever. So, like, I don't know, but I don't want to moan like anime, girl. I'm going to lose all my fucking intimidating points. Do you're going to lose everything?

No one's going to want to be around you. Like, I can't... As much as the furry thing is annoying, I can't imagine just moaning like an anime girl dude I knew uh I hung out with this Asian girl like maybe two or three times a couple years ago and just the way that she would the talk or her the stuff that she would say like I'd be just talking and to let you know that she's really paying attention she would be like uh-huh yeah yeah I was like what's happening and I my brain would I didn't know how to tell her that you'd sound like a horny anime girl and it's really upsetting because we're just talking we're having normal conversations

uh and i didn't know what to do and i but so did you slay the slash huh did you forget to get some slash of it i mean i so yeah let's just let's just let's just say this because of me too because this was strong around the me too time she was a little bit cold and so i was like i can't like how do i how do i initiate this without possibly this coming back to me at some point because it wasn't completely obvious until Hold on on I'm just saying She was very

She was doing poker face shit And she I think she's the type of girl that likes to be Like chased and shit And I'm like dude in this time right now in the Me Too era I can't do that Because then it could be like oh he like I wasn't feeling it And then he initiated shit so I was just like

I'm not even gonna fucking do this Yeah exactly I just You gotta be really forward man Dude I made out there once and then later on she moved up to San Fran and she texts me later

like she was like upset that we didn't like fucking smash and I was just I'm sorry I can't this era it's you gotta be more cautious I can't I'm not gonna take any fucking chances because you know you just have an audience all she has to do is make a fucking video and then that shit could possibly go viral

and then you're fucked and your life could be ruined yeah yeah that's that's fair I don't know man like you I don't think you're thinking about how often and you blink, man. That, that, yeah, no. I have a general idea. It's a lot.

There are probably, like, since we started this podcast, you've created, like, what? Maybe, like, 800 to fucking 2,000 for you. I don't think 800,000, but I think definitely, like, in the... I didn't say 800,000. Oh, no, I'm sorry, 800. I'm definitely thinking, like, definitely in, like,

the tens, the high tens, nearing 100. If not surpassed. You've only blinked a hundred times since we started this podcast? I feel like I blink about maybe, like, three times a minute. Holy shit. Your eyes, no fucking wonder

you're blind, dude. That's kind of crazy. Your eyes are drying out and they're fucking crusting over like the fucking desert surface. Actually, in fact, my eyes are always wet because I'm almost about to cry always. Yeah, because they're fucking dry and your body's trying to

fucking moisten them. I don't know how often do you. I don't think I blink that much. Bro, you probably do. You just don't think about it because that's the point of blinking. Yeah, I would be kind of annoying if you had to think about blinking. Like, like, actually your mind is focused on it, like blink. Blink.

What if, what if you just, like, had, like, really weak eyelids and they couldn't blink? How would that even work? You just, like, it hurt to do it? No, no, they would fall. They would fall to their default blink state, but you had to try real hard. It was, like, strenuous to open your eyes. Hey, at least there'd be less furries. I mean, at least that'd be good.

But, you just, what an existence. I don't know, man. I feel like I This is hard I guess I feel like I would just I would deal with the moaning I think

Do you think you would have the career you had Do you think you'd have the career that you have I'm not having sex in front of people They don't need to know I'm just wait wait what's the I thought it was every time you talked You finish a sentence No I don't think that's that's not really implied

What is it again? Oh moan like a hentai girl after every After every sense. Yeah, yeah. So. You would have got, you would get savagely beaten, like middle school in high school.

You would die. I just wouldn't be able to, I could still, no, hold on, I could still make videos. I would just have to, I just couldn't stream.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I couldn't stream because I could just edit, I could just edit everything. Or, you know, that would be taken seriously at all.

You might blow up even more because you can just say it's Tourette's. I might just, yeah, actually, yeah, actually. I might just not even talk anymore, honestly. But I think,

Okay, go ahead, Chris. What are you going to say? No, I just feel like I would rather just never say another word than just have to be consistently worried about blinking furries into existence. People, just blinking people into existence in the first place. There's already like a lot of responsibility. That's divinity right there. But then now it's people that you can't fathomably relate to.

It's just like, I don't know how I would deal with that. It's all awful. He didn't say you couldn't kill yourself, right? I guess he didn't. Jackpot. There you go. See, he has to specify, what a fucking idiot, dude. I totally fucking do a triple polevo and do a fucking pull of a wall.

I'm like, yeah, shut the fuck up, nigga. I'll kill you. Uh-huh. I fucking shoot you to your fucking back, bitch. I'll fuck your mom dead. Ugh. God, that fucking like makes me cringe, dude. Like, ugh.

That's such a great concept for a fucking character. It's not a great concept. I'll write into my D&D story. That's definitely like an Eric Andre like street guy kind of character. Yeah, I can agree with that. Harasses people on the street. And supposedly Eric Andre is a big fan of our show, so he's going to, I'm not just kidding. Apparently, don't say that.

Can you imagine? I would totally take advantage. You know how whenever you figure out like somebody that's like pretty big is like a fan, And you just kind of be chill about it. You're like, oh, thanks. You know, like, it's cool. I would just full-blown take advantage. I would fucking suck his dick and be like, dude, I love you.

Can you please, can I be involved in anything? What? Why do you got to go immediately to fucking throw in somebody? That's how you secure a friendship with them. You got to suck their dick. I really did mean metaphorical, but I think I would still suck his dick. Just if he was like, oh, yeah, thanks, thanks. Now suck my dick.

I'm like, ah, I guess. I mean, can I at least, can I at least, can I, be on set or something? Can I get something out of this? You know what's hysterical? That reminds me of like when I first met Derek, like he record, he was like, he was doing like a vlog.

So like the first time I met you was on camera and I remember just being confused because I didn't know how to deal with that. Oh yeah. I've never met somebody on camera before. Yeah, definitely. To me it was one of those things where, especially since we're like in the entertainment like business.

Yeah, no. I'm glad you did it because it turned out good. but I was also like, oh shit, I've never seen this. I've never seen it. I've never done that to somebody that's like, it's like a casual thing. Like, if it's, I'm like, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna shoot a video.

I'm gonna like, oh, this is gonna be good. I can use this if it comes out all right. And, yeah, so, yeah, it would probably, it would probably catch win pretty quickly if everyone was like, yeah, Derek's always fucking filming me, dude, like, I just, mad him and he just has. Yeah, Derek's always like, he's always got his, like, in his chest pocket, like facing.

And the flash is on. it's facing us. It's really weird. It's just, obnoxious. Like, you guys had the video, and then Derek immediately, like, unzips his pants. It stands up, and you're like, what? What signals did I give you?

What did you? We were just talking about some stupid shit. Can you please put your penis away? Can you please put your penis away? Politely. See, that's how you women should, you should, I'm just going to stop mom. Yeah, you need to chill.

I was like, what? Do we have dicks? Probably a good call. Are you talking about them to suck in my dick? Let's not even explore that. What do we got? What do we got? Marky wrote in. He says, hey, my name Jeff D's nuts and what are those?

I've been in many a heated debate with my friends about simping. I think it's fine if it's reasonable and strictly business and not actually desperate flirting. They believe that simping is in any form a sin to look down upon in anyone who does for anyone who does or would. What's your take? Also, supporting people on Patreon makes us all simps for our favorite content creators just saying,

I guess technically this. No, like, Simp is, that is not what simping means. It doesn't mean supporting somebody. That's, what the hell is, what? What are these?

There's a, that's a valid take, I think. Because there's a lot of people who do donate. I don't know, I'm sure you've had this experience, right, where you have somebody who donates or maybe supports

like a stream or something and then they sort of, ingratiate themselves into your life in a way that's like a little bit oversteppy or maybe they're like constantly messaging or maybe they're like oh you know like there's to ever i feel like people who have patriads or discords or anything have have these kinds of people occasionally of course yeah i i would definitely agree with that it's it's it's a parasocial thing where it's like you know like i've i've paid money so therefore these are my friends now yeah there's definitely that but for sure and there's people like i i even like

too, I have my DMs, they're open on like Twitter and like stuff. Like, you know, you can, it's like it goes into the separate box where it's like, you can accept it or not. Every once in a while, if somebody has something interesting or sometimes they have fan art or whatever, I'll, I'll answer. And there's certain people, it's a very, it's like a percent of the people. They're like, oh, you answered. Now I have, now I can talk to you regularly.

And I'm like, oh, okay, man. It's, yeah, yeah. Like, that's not what this is. and yeah there's there's always some yeah um i just don't i wouldn't i wouldn't say that because i would say the majority i wouldn't consider the majority of people that just financially support you like simping it's just oh you typically just want to see you do well and yeah yeah yeah uh but the i now what he was because uh like what he was saying in the beginning about it's okay as long as it's business what what did i didn't understand what he meant by that

like is it is this the example of that because to me simping is not about it's about because it doesn't even have to have anything to do with money because you can simp over somebody that has nothing to do with transactions it's you just kind of like I said put the pussy on the pedestal right you're like it's almost idolization that's typically what that is so unless this definition of simply like I feel like it's morphed into something that it's not anymore hmm very much so I don't know it says if it's strictly business and not desperate flirting. Because I feel like...

Sorry, go ahead. No, no, so I think it's like the context is like if you're like donating people's only fans assuming that assuming that they're going to date you someday or something. Yeah, so which I'll be real. I don't know if, I don't really know if that's all that

common really. I think it's pretty rare, but there for sure are a lot of you know, the in-cell type that do feel a certain way. Oh yeah, for sure. Like when I, when, when when, when, when, when, when, When Only fans first blew up, there was a handful of girls that had the free account.

You could subscribe for free and then you pay for like you donations or they post stuff regularly. And so I subscribe to like a handful of those ones and they would send out these mass messages that sound very personalized. And to me I always found hilarious. But I imagine there's a very small percentage of those guys that feel like special when they read that shit. you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm sure there's some of them. I feel like, I don't know how OnlyFans works really, but like, I know that, um, huh? No, I was just going to say, like, I figured it out pretty well, but what were you going to say?

So they, they send, like, messages? Yeah, like, so if you're subscribed, it's like almost sending a newsletter to your inbox. So they can, they can send a thing and it'll say something like, hey, babe, and it's sending it to all of their followers. I'm like, oh, yeah, so. Oh, yeah, so it's like Patreon kind of, like, where you just send, like, a message to, Yeah, but usually you're, you're acknowledging that you're sending it to everyone. And the way that they do it is like it's personalized, even though it's being sent to everyone if you're, you know, you should know that if you're, but I feel like there's simps that feel

special like, oh my God, she's talking to me. Oh, she's. But do you think most people, do you think it's most people, do you think it's most people or do you think most people would just like skip by that? It's definitely, it's definitely a minority of the group. It's definitely a small portion. It's definitely a very, um, yeah, it's a very small amount that feel, you know, they're the ones that are they're the same ones i tweeted out something saying that um that in real life sims or or the guys that would just you know frequent strip clubs like they're the ones that go there they spend all their money and thinking that like oh she likes me and it's like that i feel like that's the equivalent because there's people that pay money online and then they expect certain

things or they'll get like a personalized message or so they think and then they feel like oh yeah we have a connection now that's that's that's that's a good analogy because I've been to strip clubs and like usually uh because usually like I know like one of the dancers or like some of the dancers there and like I'm able to like just kind of go in and yeah but like I know that they'll they'll always tell me like yeah there's like one or two people that come here who are like really like creepy like that yeah you know and it's but but like that's always been interesting to me because it like kind of like gives me like some barometer of percentage where it's like most of these people are just kind of here to just

like look at tits and they just leave and they just don't fucking. Oh yeah. And then like there's the really small percentage of people who are just like who it's a paris, it's pariscial relationship shit. It's like whenever like it's like whatever you like, uh, if you retweet somebody and then suddenly like they just constantly, they don't stop messaging you and it's like, okay, dude, calm down. I just, I thought your tweet was funny. That's, that's it. Yeah. So yeah, that's, yeah, I don't know.

Like, simping is a weird word in general. But like I think generally speaking, if you are, if you are that small. percentage of people who are just like donating to people on only fans and like you you assume that you have this like personalized relationship with them that's i would say that that's creepy and that's weird and that you that's not okay it's unhealthy i would say definitely it's not healthy super unhealthy it's just like it's it's creepy for the people who you're donating to it's it's not mentally healthy for you uh so i i would say that that's not ideal if you're just some dude who has just like a ton of money and you're just sort of like

I just feel like supporting people who are just making porn or whatever. And you just don't really take it really seriously at all. You're just like collecting porn, I guess. Oh, for sure. Like, if I... Then I'd say that that's fine, I guess. Totally. I would have no problem with that,

especially the whole thing of having an excess of money. Because if I had a stupid amount of money to waste, I'd probably, like, say as far as, let's use Onlyfans as an example. There's certain influencers that are on Onlyfans now. And I'm like, oh, I'd, I'd want to see what they look naked, but since they're like really popular, they charge these insane amounts. So I'm like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. Like, I literally don't care that much.

So I'm not going to do it. However, I would be curious enough if I just was bawling. I'd be like, okay, I want to see what X looks like this, that. I'm going to subscribe to Bell Delphine and all this shit. And because it wouldn't be like anything other than just curiosity. And I feel like that's- It would be, it would essentially be free for you if you were just born. It kind of would, huh?

I feel like the idea is that like the curiosity is always. is going to be way less. Like, there's, I've seen pretty much every kind of physically attractive woman because of the amount

of porn I've watched. So for me, I'm just like, I know my exact spectrum of like attractiveness. And anyone I've seen so far like in this world, they're not going to have

anything that's going to be like, whoa, that changed the game for me. So that's why I can't prescribe to the idea of only fans. I can't. Yeah, I totally get it.

Prescribe? I can't like subscribe. I can't subscribe that idea to it. I'm like, I just can't be, I can't be fucked. I get it. I've also been called a simp so much. And it's like, how am I a simp?

Wait, how have you called? Oh, is it because of how much you love your girlfriend? I have a girlfriend and I say, I love my girlfriend. Like, fucking sip, it's like, bro. That's honestly pretty fucking lame. How are you calling me a simp if I'm with this woman? No, I get. I totally get it.

That's fucking lame as shit. I mean, it might be, it might be a little gay. that I'm with a girl, because that's kind of real feminine. I'm with a feminine creature, and that's a little suss. So I understand that. You see what language is involved, too? This shit's fucking simping and it's gay.

I thought you have a girlfriend. It's kind of suss sleeping with a woman, you know? It's kind of suss kissing a girl on the lips. Like, they have soft lips. If you want to be masculine, you kiss a dude with freaking rough, coarse fucking hands and shit, man. You know what somebody? Yeah, that's, you know what somebody told me one time? It's masculine. It is very masculine, right?

You know what? Somebody told me this one time about when it came down to anal. They said, I don't like anal. And it was like that Vash guy. No, not Vash. Ruch, Rosh V. He was like, what did he say? But, like, worship or something like female butts leads to homosexuality.

It's like, oh, if you like the female backside, then what's the difference between, like, fucking a dude in the ass? That's his argument. And my whole thing is I'm like, wait, then wouldn't it be the same for like fucking kissing a fucking like if you're kissing a girl. But you know, those dude's lips look pretty juicy too. I'm about to mac on them. I was like, what the hell kind of fucking logic is that? Isn't that weird?

Like most people have very same features other than like the genitalia maybe tits or something. Well, for me, I've tried butt stuff and it was the worst sexual experience ever had in my life. I like, this is just terrible. It definitely can be. It's something that... I never... I never... No, I was just gonna say

one thing that people don't understand especially when it comes to like butt stuff is that there's a lot of preparation that, especially in the porn industry that they'll tell you

if you actually, you know, take the time to like learn about that stuff. And I think most people just kind of just go just dive into it and they're like, oh, that was fucking awful

for every... I did everything I thought I had to. I'd be... She did the duching. We did the whole freaking lubrication. We, she did the prep. We tried. everything and I was like this just hurts

this just hurts and now I feel gross and confused and I don't want to do this again wait why do you feel confused because I was just like I don't understand how people like this I was like how do people like this oh I thought you meant you were like confused about the fact that I wanted to go fuck a dude's butt right after I was like how good so

I was like oh man I might as well I'm not supposed to fuck a dude's butt now I was like that Jesus Christ I he was right yeah I I've never understood it personally. Like for me it's like... I've never even had the drive. Like it's always just been like, why would I even bother with that? And then the girl in question loved it.

And I was just like, nah, this is not going to be a thing. And see, that's the whole thing where it's not going to be a thing at all. It's really just, it really just comes down to... Like, one thing that always annoys me about people is their, their like interpretation of what they think about things. They like to place it on everyone. and then the language that they end up using is, this is bad, instead of saying, I think this is bad, or I don't like this.

Because I'm like, oh, yeah, I get it. Like, oh, like, chicks I know that are like, I don't like anal. I'm like, but they'll just be like, I hate it. It's like, I'm like, okay, you hate it, I get it. But it's usually like, that shit sucks. Why would anybody want? I'm like, yeah, there's a lot of things that I don't like and I understand that other people like them.

I don't think you're insane unless it literally is something insane, like, oh, you don't. like eating shit? I don't understand. Like, to me, that's, like, that's insane. Like, that's like, okay, I don't understand that small portion of the population why they don't like that. I don't understand that. But there is, I would say, like, half of the population, maybe even more because, like, okay, gay dudes, straight people, like, there are a bunch of people like fucking each other on the asses. It's here to stay. It's very mainstream. But I also know a lot of women. I would say maybe even half the women I've been with that they didn't like it. And,

I'm like, that's fine. I don't have, I don't need that. It's not, I love butt cheeks. I don't need a fucking one in the ass. I'm just saying. Yeah. Yeah, it's not my thing, bro. I get it.

I learned the hard way. No, I'll fucking. I'm on the hardest way. It's not my thing. And I was like, God damn. What, you don't like, you don't like eating shit? Bro, you don't like, do you don't like choking puppies under water, bro? What's your fucking deal?

What are you fucking weird or some shit, man? Yo, go home, bro. You don't like, bro? You don't like, just, like, just like, touching the tip of your dick to beehives, like a little bit? Like, what the fuck? You don't like tasing the head of your penis? You don't like grabbing a wasp's nest with your bare hands and then eating them and then screaming

into a microphone about how cool Trump is? You don't like, you just see that? Did you just see that? You don't like... Did you... ...down plastic forks onto your penis and then letting it scald your dick? Wait, what, Derek? I said, did you... There was some fucking piece of shit that did that. Is that what he said that? I saw in... Yeah, that fucking video.

There's a video... You should all look it up if you can. There's this video of this dude who's just like... Yeah, you won't... I think his wife left him or something. Oh my god, is that the video you showed me? The setup, the setup of this event is very strange because he's talking like, oh yeah, you want that guy, huh?

You want that guy? Well, let me show you what you're missing. And he grabs a wasp nest with his bare hands, crushes it. And there's a bunch of wasp juice just like pouring down his fucking hands. And then he eats it and then roars. Like a fucking eight. You showed me that shit. And I was like, I can't believe.

I can't believe you done this It's the fucking wildest shit And I You know that's a fucking That's Chad energy bro Partially I mean The fucking There's like a

The wasque queen is just sitting in there And like she hears shaking And then what are the bees One of the wasps turns around He goes I got news feed We're done Who the fuck does that

That's so fucking maddening to me I don't know man Fucking giga Giga. Yeah. That's just, I, I just can't get on that level, man.

I can't. That's like, that is, um, that is a level of, that is a level of chadness that almost circles back to like being an insect.

Yes. Because it's like, it's like almost, I think it does. I think it does because it's like this, it's, it's this feeling of like, oh,

look at how, look at this thing that I'm doing that no one else would dare do, but it also comes across as like really trying hard to impress people. Yeah. So like in trying really hard to just sort of not be seen as weak. It's either that or it's not understanding danger like that that's just something you shouldn't do. That's it's either it's either a chad to level of simping or just being fucking retarded.

No, it's, I mean, it's a little bit of all that. But but I do agree. A little bit of both. He has this just he said this giga chat energy, but it's being misplaced. It kind of reminds me of, it reminds me of, remember when a. Ted Bundy got convicted in Florida. And the judge has the audacity to say, man, I wish you went another way. Like, I would have enjoyed having you like fucking work with me or something.

You know, after he's killed like dozens of women. It's kind of a fucked up thing to say. But what he's trying to say is if you went a different route, you could have been the greatest. And maybe that's this guy where he just, he's bursting with this Chad energy and he just uses it by eating fucking wasser. nest like that's just it kind of I didn't even know that that was a thing that they said to Ted oh yeah like the dude was Yeah so the dude that because

When he finally because you know he escaped like from the courthouse He escaped from jail Then when he finally got caught in Florida The fucking judge was like You know he didn't say this kind of paraphrase But he was like even though you killed dozens of women You know you're so like basically you're so charismatic And I would have loved

Like I wish you went another way I would have loved to have you practice under me because, you know, he was in law. And I'm like, really, bro. He didn't word that right at all. Even if you feel that, why would you say that out loud when all these fucking mourning families

are going to have to hear this? He's, yeah, he, he was like extra charismatic. Yeah, right? Like insane. He was such a, he was such a fucking Chad, ladies man, brilliant, everyone loved him that they couldn't fathom that he did this shit. And which is also a good reminder that, you know, when people say, oh, I can't believe they did that.

He's such a so-and-so. I'm like, yeah, that doesn't mean shit. It doesn't mean anything. That's like that video of Mark Zuckerberg when he was like shaving children like carrots, like in his backyard into a fucking hole. You remember that? What is wrong with you? Like, what is wrong? Like, what the, what kind of life do you live in? Like, what kind of movies are playing in your fucking mind that lets you like, oh, you don't remember?

You don't remember when You don't remember when Chadwick Bowman fucking threw a baby out of window To some other guy downstairs Playing fucking hot potatoes Like what the fuck are you talking about dude That didn't happen The viral video of Mark Zuckerberg

Creator of Facebook Subject of the Social Network When he was caught Shucking children into a hole in the back Like carrots You don't remember? I'm surprised you made it this long man I must plant sustenance

I'm here You just couldn't fathom that he would do it. He was so brilliant. I'm here to tell you that the new Facebook update will be live in three, two. Dude. That video of him, like, making, like, did you ever see that video of him making brisket in his backyard? No, but I'm sure it's fucking weird. This is, this is a real one.

This isn't, like, him, this isn't, like, a fake thing of him killing kids. This is, this is a real video of Mark Zuckerberg. He was, like, streaming. he was streaming on Facebook something and he was like I am smoking a delicious brisket and we are about to apply the sweet baby rays

if someone could get me the sweet baby rays for which to apply to the brisket it was the strangest he sounded like Kermit the Frog he had no emotion in his eyes he said shit like a fucking algorithm would say it it was the strangest he's a fucking same applying

sweet baby rays yeah like who the fuck says I'm going to apply the sweet baby Rays. Like it's a fucking app. Sweet baby raise applicant complete. He sounds like fucking robot Mr. Crabs, bro. Dude, that's such a good episode. He does. He totally

does. He like flips the brisket over and there's like a fucking terms of service. I just don't even understand how this person is real or how he got anywhere because he's just so thoroughly uncharismatic. Dude. It's actually one of the most baffling things in the world, like to me. It's kind of insane.

I even even how do you put on sunscreen wrong? Like how do you like there there was like he used an entire bottle on his face when he went jet skiing or wakeboarding whatever the fuck he was doing. Yeah. Yeah. He looked like he looked like the king from fucking Hamilton. He looked like Mrs. Doubtfire when she put her face in a cake. Oh, hey-no. Exactly.

That's exactly what I thought when I saw too. I was like, oh, look at that. That is without a doubt. Like I'm not even kidding. That is the exact thought I had. That is Mrs. Doubtfire in the cake. That's right.

Humans use sun. sunscreen and he just squirts it in one in one fucking squeeze he scores the entire bottle out because he's so fucking powerful so he just like z-z-hans are made a fucking metal yeah there's no bone there it's a metal dude it's just him though it really is like of like because there are a billionaire there's a bunch of billionaires right i don't know how jeff bezos is i don't think i've ever seen him speak or like i don't even know what he looks like really he's just a bald buff guy yeah but i but i think of like steve jobs where it's like you know very charismatic you know super charismatic. Even Bill Gates

is like a funny dude. He's like a nerdy awkward dude, but he has like a personality to him. He sold like the first copy of a Halo 2 or something and he was like laughing with everybody and there's that interview that he does when he jumps over the chair just to prove that he could jump over a chair good. And it's just like this seems like a chill

I like this guy. But like Mark Zuckerberg is just like it's like if a roach had emotions. What? You know? Like It's just like there's this face that doesn't change. It's just always the same animations, always the same walk cycle. Doesn't have any personality.

He's just this insectoid human being. That's just like walking around talking about applying socks. He's a fucking android. For me, I think what happened was he's like the Pinocchio of the modern era. But what happened is before Jepetto could wish he had a motion, Jepetto was shot in the head. So the fairy was like, well, you got this thing and then

Zuckerberg was like, oh no Jepetto, how will I live without you? Yeah, Mark Zuckerberg is Reverse Pinocchio. He's just a real boy who is made of wood. No metal. The real boy made a fucking stealing pin. He's got his

Puppet man. Did you see him walking in his fucking his leg was hyper extended without any effort? Did you remember that one? Yeah, he has like velocity he has like elite legs. He does. He's fucking broken. You can't tell me that He's not a fucking droid.

I can't... He has arbiter legs. Everything that he does is not of this world. And it just... I can't... Let's just say, the Pentagon finally admitted to aliens. And there's plenty of people that have said, hey, I've worked in Area 51 or near it,

and I've worked with stuff that we literally cannot create. Things cannot create gravity by itself. And this needs to be massive to have gravity. And we have these little things, activate it, it just starts pulling you in and there's a force when you try to put the wrong sides of a battery together? You sound like some guy that fucking got found in the middle of a

desert butt naked. You sound like a fucking louis- No, I don't. I sound like a fucking engineer that has told said this shit and then the Pentagon has come out and said oh yeah, we have shit. I'm sounding like somebody who's fucking actually been telling it true. Is that like actually true? Like, yes. Like recently

like somebody was like oh we found some sort of alien it's not recently. It's recently the Pentagon, the government, because for some reason, you know, look at the mathematical probability that there are aliens is sound. It's like, it's obvious. It's not obvious, but it's definitely, no, no, no, no, no. It's

fucking obvious. It's not obvious. It's not obvious. It's not obvious. It's object. It's not likely. It's definitely the case. That's not how that works. Yes, it's absolutely how it works. It has to be proven a month mass conscious for it even become the line. That math has proven it. It just it does not make sense.

It's proven actually. No, it, no, it does not make sense. It's just like gravity, you can say, gravity's just a theory. It's like, no, we've proven it, all right? The idea that there is no fucking other life on this Earth, or not Earth, but in the universe, is fucking stupid. I agree that it's very likely that there is life on a planet. It's stupid that there's none. It's not stupid.

That's not how that works. It, absolutely how it works. Guys, I can argue this with you guys for a while because I literally, Because I literally take bioscience. What happens? That's not the same thing. I'm talking about mathematics, bro. For life to be created,

there has to be several reasons why it can exist. That's mathematics. Several is a part of math. Let me explain, guys. Let me explain. The fact that humanity exists on this planet is a lot of the right thing going the right way happening at the right time.

A lot of shit is mathematically. A lot of shit scientifically is just, oh, it happens sense. That happened to be able to be able. to do this happen to do that i think it's very likely that there could be other creatures outside and other planets that exist they might not be anywhere similar to us but what i do know a hundred percent is that where we are positioned in this universe is perfect for us to exist no there's not many there's no i i hate i'm right i'm right this argument chris i am right no i but no but here's

let me explain to you why i hate this argument this this is the this is the religion argument it's not religion no look at no listen to me let me finish We're good. This is the argument that's like, look at us. We exist on this planet. It's perfect for us specifically. What an anomaly. How insane.

But it's like we only exist on this planet with a brain that is capable of even deducing that because that is the case. Like that would be true of anybody who had enough time to evolve into a thinking species. Like any species that evolves at this point would be thinking that. That's just the default of intelligent life is to think that. All I'm saying is that the idea is that we are here and it's very likely why I think that exists. I'm not saying things don't exist because I believe there's definitely fucking aliens. It makes a ton of sense to me. But to say 100% there's definitely aliens, it's not 100% to we encounter them.

There is, there is a hundred percent. It's definitely likely that it's possible they're aliens. You want to know how I know it's 100%. How? You want to know how I know it's 100%? Because there's back to. on Mars and that's technically alien light. Sorry, intelligent life.

My bad. My bad. I'm wrong about that. Intelligent life. Well, even, yeah. I understand what you're saying. I think it's likely. You don't want to use the word 100% because you haven't seen it.

I understand what you're trying to say. I'm just, I'm speaking from pure mathematics that it is like, I would say the smartest fucking astronomer mathematician would be like, I would bet my fucking house that because of pure mathematics and how big the universe is and how many stars are out there and how many planets are out there. It's foolish to think otherwise. So, but I understand out of technicality, you would say, since we haven't seen it and proved it. However, there's plenty of people that have worked in facilities that have said, I've seen alien shit for sure. I'm not insane.

I still have an engineering job. I've built amazing things. And then like the Pentagon's like, oh, by the way, we found some shit that's alien. We can't explain it. And it's just like, I don't I don't know. Like, what, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. So I don't, so I don't know if, if we have shit. I know that there is shit. I don't know if it's on this. There was this one thing that was vaguely convincing to me where it was like, I think it was, uh, I can't remember who it was. I was talking about how like, yeah, we found like a ship, but it was like an excavation dig. Like it was like really like deep below the surface and it had to, it had to have been here for like, oh shit. They found noz arc? Eons. they finally found art could you imagine no but the idea but the idea but the idea that there's like that there could be tech

that's just kind of on this planet that's like deep underground from like ancient fucking space that ancient spacefaring civilizations and shit that wouldn't surprise me it kind of keeps happening to be honest I honestly think that's more likely than them being here now

I think what I think what it is is that I think we're a byproduct of shit like that I think humans are genuinely byproducts or the fact that like or life on Earth is probably a byproduct of other shit just falling here and then adapting to whatever the fuck is here. Oh, for sure. Making an MRI and an XYZ, bam, we end up as

where we are now. Oh, for sure. We know we know that's the case because a lot of the, you know, a lot of the material that, you know, allowed the planet to form came from like a fucking came from meteorism. Everything comes from space and everything gets like dragged to the point which making

like, that's how planets are formed. Yeah. But like I'm very much so, I could very much so I would bet money that there's probably other spaces pieces out there. The thing that I don't understand is that I don't get how one, if there's so many of these

things, how have people just not found them? Well, see, that's the thing. If there's all these things that like, if there's so many, if there's so many encounters with with extraterrestrials and X, Y, and Z, we have a lot of surveillance. People have means of surveillance now. We have a lot of it.

We have a ton of it. And that's like extremely hidden, I don't understand people have not come in contact or how videos of these extracios not come to be yet if they've interacted with us so much. See, I don't think... That's the reason why I'm at. The one thing that I'm seeing, at least from what I've seen, as far as any type of evidence or people writing about stuff or testimony, is not that they've seen any type of life

forms, but they've seen objects left behind. And the thing that keeps happening throughout history, and it just always becomes kind of political and partisan about, like, established something that's established. It's like an established science. Whenever, say, like, one of the first times I really started looking into this because humans were, like, believed to, oh, the first humans lived about 200,000 years ago. But during the gold rush, you know, in California, they found these human footprints that were way older than that. And they found these weird, like, type of things that, like, who the hell made this?

How the fucking people that lived around this area make these spherical, like, metal things? This doesn't even make any fucking sense. So it's like we have to keep changing things But a lot of times people are just like That's just a pain in the ass Like we're gonna have to rewrite everything And they just like just get the fuck away from me And then you keep seeing like say

Oh we found artifacts that we can't explain And then they're like well fuck what do we like we can't We need to fuck with this We need to make sure it's safe So on and so forth To the point where it seems like right now That the Pentagon's like oh by the way We have some shit that we can't explain

And it to me It makes sense to me I know it's not like, oh, we know for sure that who these people are or what this is or anything, but it just wouldn't surprise me that. Not at all. Meaning, I agree with you on that 100%. I very much agree that it's very possible. It makes a lot more sense to me that, like, they found this stuff, and it's like ancient

and it's, like, been here for a long time. Yeah, and it's like, what the hell is it? What to come from? That seems more likely, it seems more likely to me that, like, a ship would land here, and then whatever landed here just got fucked up, and then the ship has stayed there and then just like sediments and like, like, several hundred thousand years ago or something. Or easy,

it could be ideal. Oh, I'm bad. No, but just like that would make more sense to me than like a UFO appearing now. Yeah. And like, and like some fucking little green man just showing up being like, yeah, what's up.

Or very likely, like things that just fall from space. And like since they're from such a far of the reach outside of the planet, X, Y, Z, force has altered to the point that by the time it gets here, it does not behave like anything we've ever encountered. That's very possible. That's how things work.

Things fall out the sky and we're like, well, it looks like this right now, but it could have been something way different before. But through its transit through the fucking cosmos, it got altered by whatever things they came in contact with. Yeah. Yeah. None of that would surprise me. I would like to get to a point where they could just, like, admit that shit, like, for real, though. I think they could, you know, like. If you admit that, then the religious people go nutty.

Whatever, man. It'll be fine. They'll find some way. I think. No, they'll find some way. This is a test by the devil in our faith in God. Dude, they're already doing that with dinosaurs. Yo, I heard that shit, and I swear to God, I swear to God, I couldn't breathe.

But there are also some religious people, there are also some religious people who are like, who just like, oh, yeah, you know, evolution is just God working his magic or whatever. It's like, oh, aliens, yeah, God created the aliens. It's very simple for, like, a lot of, like, religious people who just sort of fit that shit in. Yeah, I mean, it's the reason. Think about it. Think about, like, of course they would accept it because that was the reason that Scientology exists. It's like, oh, let me make a modern religion.

It's going to have to do with aliens. And there's a fuckload of people that believe it. Zeno is like this shit. If you're an Abrahamic Christian, like an actual fundamentalist Christian, the belief in something other than our creation, other than like the angels and shit, like that, that's supposed to be inherently incorrect. My grandma is very Christian. She's also a scientist.

So she's like, it's possible that God could have created other things. because what kind of divine being, like, I can't, I can't myself put my, like, the idea of, like, I'm a God, I think like God, I can't, because I'm not divine. I'm barely a functioning human. Barely. When you think of the idea is that, like, when you create one thing, you might have the itch at that moment, like, I did this. What else can I go and do? That's how a creator works. Like, I drew this one picture.

Maybe I can draw something better than this. And you go to your next drawing. and then you go to the thing after that It just seems likely that There could have been other creatures created Because it's created prior to us You never know Well, see, I don't know

I would if I if I believed in the You know the deity type of theory Then I'd be like, okay, that does make sense But there's just the whole glaring thing Where who the fuck made the God That just becomes a whole another mess Like oh there's something that existed always That's very true

But the thing is that How do I explain it? Like That's a macro question. That's a question whose answer is almost useless to us probably. Yeah, it's definitely macro, but for me, my, I believe that there may be a higher power. I'm agnostic. I'm not, I'm not Christian.

I'm not atheist. Of course, it's Keith David. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a defined higher power. That's like, that's set in stone. Keith is the pinnacle of existence, you know? If Keith David bled, a fucking forest will grow from one drop of his blood. Yeah, for sure.

Without a doubt. He's bigger than we are on a fucking. Existence scale 100% But when it comes to like the idea of a higher power I could I could That doesn't seem too far fetch that an entity existed prior to the creation of the universe

Maybe it created maybe it created The universe or maybe it was something that existed prior to that you know Because even even yeah Yeah, yeah The fact that um In the very early states of the states of the planet There was no there was apparently like no life and then out of the clear blue sky like, MRNA became the thing with just half of a DNA strand,

which eventually created other MRNA cells, which ended up making, like, genetic code for things in general. And there was not really anything on the planet yet to be able to make that happen, you know? Or, like, the elements came into being. So, things like that seemed relatively possible. Like, things like that, like, I don't... Well, the thing that's not possible is just... I could see...

I... The most that I'm willing to go with that is, like, I believe that there could be, like, a thing or an entity that like started everything. I just won't call it. I just wouldn't call it. Or was the first. I just. Or the first. Yeah, or anything. The project. Whatever the fuck. Like, uh, could be, could be a fucking alien for all I know.

Well, that's what it technically would be alien. It sounds like it. It sounds like. Yeah, yeah. But like the, the thought that it is somehow guiding anything, I just think is really far-fetched. I think it's, I think it really is more of a situation where like, you know, you've got this cosmic thing that just sort of is just fucking around. Existing. And like, and it's just like, and it's just like, Like, it's, it's like if you left, like, food out for, like, 60 days or something. And then, like, oh, man, it looks different now. A bunch of bacteria on it.

Ah, what's going on here? Weird fungus? Hmm. Interesting. Insects are now crowding around it. That's interesting. Weird. Larva?

What? Uh, where it's like, I could see, like, that being the case for the universe, honestly. Like, oh, I made this thing. That's pretty plausible. I'm going to leave it alone. I'm going to leave it alone forever now because I don't care. That's a very sensible idea, you know? Like, it's, for anyone, but for anyone to say, the, this is.

the problem. There's the problem with every idea of religion to me. You yourself, it is so ridiculous for you to tell me you know X created this. That's stupid. How the fuck do you know? How do you know?

You are a person. I'm I definitely know. I was, you know, I'm some guy born in the middle of fucking America. I've seen fucking four people that are different colors from me and I know God is real. It's like such a stupid ass. You don't know shit.

I got news for you. What if they saw him? If you saw God, then I got to shut up. If you saw God and you can prove it to me, I'll suck your dick. That's how confident. That's like, you just, we just don't know, bro. Come on. Let me like.

Of course we don't know. It's just the idea of, to me, it'll never not be silly as there being like some type of higher power that just popped into existence somehow. But the idea of how big the universe is. and everything that is, everything is that exist around it. At some point, something could have just been like, I think we even, I joked around about it saying like, you're passing by the earth and you just jack off into it real quick or you just fucking spit into it.

And then it comes, like, the idea of that, like, there can be like a Galactus type person. Like, that's just fucking chilling, right? And then just passing by. Like, I don't think that is, if we people, through evolution have evolved to be this, like, what's to say that something like that existed a long time ago? and some of its trinkets just fucking fell into the earth or something

and then here we are like to me like that Prometheus bullshit like that's not a make sense to me it does make sense we don't have we we don't know and and I agree Sweeney anyone that says they know other than Chris of course they're just do you do you think that we do you think that we're really going to go into space because I really don't think so Space exploration we're probably going to die before you make it to space

equation no I think so I think I think that think two things are going to happen. We're definitely going to try to terraform Mars, but it's going to, something's going to happen. And the other thing is we're going to try our best, because it's always about money. We're going to try to mine asteroids so we can get some resources. So we can get some fucking iridium since we, like, you know, we don't really have much. And it's like an abundance of in space. So I think things like that are going to happen.

People are going to build things so they can try to mine stuff. And there's already talks about, well, who's going to own what? How is this going to work? I think that's for sure. It's simple. wherever it gets there first. If you get there first, you got it. But then it's also like, say, because, like, you know, like, oh, you can't own the moon.

Like, even though, like, the, you know, like, who was there first? You can't be like, oh, this is, this is America's moon. You know, so, like, the whole thing with asteroids. What are the thing? Yeah, the moon is a planetary thing that's kind of in the grasp of the whole planet. Yeah, I guess into like or every, every portion. But, like, if, like, if I go to fucking, if I go to the Mars, you know, as Americans completely fund and create the tech that allows me to go to Mars,

America owns Mars if they colonize it. It's how colonization works. It's a dicky. It's kind of a dicky thing, but like, you know, most like it's going to be a partnership between every planet is going to be pretty much another planetary colony where we're like, we're over there now.

This is where Earth's expansion. But that's also going to have to come way after we're done with all the separation that we have and the tribal bullshit that we have of like humans are not all just humans. We're different races. It always only... Because we're all one race.

It only works in a size-by. whence there's an alien enemy, because then we all, like, it's just the alliance of the human race. Yeah, it only works. Not even that. It only works in sci-fi when, like, all reasonable sci-fi agrees that you just sort of have to form a world government. Yeah, it's like all sci-fi is. Yeah, you know why? Because that makes fucking sense.

Because we're all on this fucking rock together. It does. In a utopian perspective. Not even utopian. It's not even utopian. It's just relatively sensible. King saying, I want to hurt you sometimes and you live here. Chris, I understand.

Chris, I want to fling you out of window 85% of the time. You talk, I want to pick you up and fucking heave-hole you out the fucking window. God damn, 85. That's pretty high. But the thing is that, like, it just makes, it just, that's not utopian. That's a simple, like, survival. Let's just kind of get over this small bullshit. I, but people would have done that already.

No, there's still going to be problems. There's still going to be problems, you know. There's never going to be problems. to be the utopian idea that there will be a void of problems. But the thing is that we have to get over to these small things. Those are tiny tiny things. What separates

us is religion mostly religion actually and tribalism. That's what to separate people. Tribalism is hard because that's kind of baked a little bit into our DNA. Like it just being an animal. It's baked into our DNA but it's fucking... You can get over. It's not in my DNA. It's not in my

DNA at all. I don't think like that. It is. You know why it's not in my DNA? Because I am willing to sleep with any kind of woman no matter what. Kingston, that's so stupid. No, no. So is everybody. Everybody's willing to sleep with everybody. Listen, listen, listen, listen, since I was a child, I, like, I straight up, there have been times that I forgot that me being black, my skin looking different, means I'm ignorant from anyone else.

I've literally been around so many groups my whole life, into it into so many groups that I just don't think like that. I don't as I've gotten older The world has shown me that there's a difference Which I still don't agree with But It's literally impossible It's not impossible That's the problem

You saying it's impossible Is the biggest problem why people think like that It's fucking stupid You do be No you're denying that you think that way Even though I've seen you think that way Chris I've made jokes about things I've made simple jokes

Or I've made like oh I have a preference in sexuality Or I'm not really into this kind of girl because of how they look sexually. But it's not that me I'm going to belittle someone for a difference. I've only ever done that because I thought I was told to, and I was like, oh, this is kind of what my people around me think I should do. So I guess I'll do it. Do you think that there are societies on this earth that are inherently stupid?

Societies? Not really. I think there are people. I think there are people that run societies. There's like a little tribe in the Amazon that like eats babies and shit. You'd look at that and you'd be like, oh, that's totally cool. That's fine. That's not so you guys find out.

Like, their actions are harming people. So I'm like, that's a little ridiculous. If they learn better, we can move beyond that. As simple as that. I'm not going to stop. Like, that's not, that's a small idea that like, oh, that's why this person is different. They don't know. They don't understand the way I live, nor not sending the way they live.

I see them harming someone. It's not about, it's not about that, though. It is. It is. It is. It is. That you, it's, but what I'm saying is, like, you acknowledge in your own mind that you think less of that. I'm, but I'm, I don't.

I understand that it's different. You don't think less of a cannibal? I don't understand why they're cannibals. And also, them being cannibals is a product from whatever happened to them prior. What their, what their group went through to get them to the point. So you don't, I think that the fact, I just don't understand how you couldn't, I just don't understand how you couldn't think less of, like, cannibals or like, or like, pedophiles in the Catholic Church or like, because they're outwardly harming people. I disagree with their actions. I do.

And for me to, and what happens is I put on on it disagree with them, I have to make an effort to try to help them be better than what they are. That's how you fix those problems.

But you shouldn't. Go hang out at Nambler. But you shouldn't like, I think that's a problematic view that I have with a lot of people like, oh, it's kind of just in our blood,

you know? It's like, well, no. It was. Well, no, it was, but we're not those creatures anymore. We're not those, we're not.

Not ancient humans. We haven't been for a long time. We just, dude, we just, we, we, we settle into different types of tribalism. It's why we have, it's why there are still people that we don't like or hate. Like, regardless of how progressive or how, like, enlightened you are. That is, everybody hates someone. But that's a stupid. I hate people for their actions.

I don't hate them for just their base appearance. But your actions have to harm. Tribalism, tribalism isn't just about base appearance. It could be about actions too. That's what I'm saying. But the action, like, you could look at like a colony of. pedophiles and be like, what the fuck, that's a shitty action. I'm above that.

Fuck those people, actually. I don't. And it wouldn't be about their appearance. But the thing is that you're stating above. I'm not sitting above. I'm stating simply their actions. You don't think you could say that you're above a pedophile? I don't want to put myself above anybody because I have no right to do that.

I have no right to say I'm better than anyone. That's a fucking problem. That is literally problematic. All right, man. That's fucking wild. I'm not even trying to be like, I'm not trying to be hoity-toe or anything. I'm just simply trying to understand. I think, I think, I think,

That's the problem. I think you're going a little bit too extreme and trying to be like a sensible, like human being. Because I'm not, I'm not, look, I try to be very sensible all the time. Yeah. I try to be. I try to be sensible, especially when I'm dealing with, like, groups that I really don't understand. Yeah, look, I. I got to go in our eyes open.

Look, there's, I, look, this is the thing. We, this is, to me, the way we move past tribalism is we acknowledge. that it's within us that we always try to form tribes whether it's a good or bad thing we just acknowledge it and we try to be more accepting and there are certain groups that i absolutely would you know and i don't mean it in a way that because i don't think when there's a bar set i think like there's like a neutral bar it's like i don't think i'm better than anyone that's like on my level which is a very low thing i'm just like a regular person i do regular things i try not to commit crimes or take advantage of people i don't think

I'm better than anyone that's on that level. However, there are the people that I feel are below me, like murderers and thieves and rapists and shit. Like, I don't, I definitely would put myself above them. I don't think that's, I don't think that's negative tribalism. I think that's just, I'm going to stay away from those pieces of shit. Now, there's some people that may be willing to change, or maybe they can be enlightened. I don't know. I think that's what rehabilitation's for. So I think, I think it's kind of like not binary. It's like there's some shit that we can try to fix However, I don't think just tribalism is inherently, like say some stereotypes, I don't think they're inherently just negative. I think there's just we have to kind of examine.

But there's also just the fact that this whole conversation is in service of what? Forming a unanimous tribe. Like literally that's the whole conversation about a world government is that it's just a tribe, but for us. But let me explain. The reasons for us hating each other are so paper. thin that it's ridiculous because fundamentally we are all 99.9

the fucking same. The differences between us are literally paper thin and that's what makes it so idiot, idiotic. It's like, what the fuck? Do you hate this person? I totally am in agreement. Yeah, no one's arguing, no one's arguing that like, if you hate somebody for their skin color

or like how they look or like no one's arguing that that's reasonable. So like for me that I'm just trying to explain that the idea of like us like being cautious about other species from other planets, that's a little more viable because of the fact that fundamentally they work a different way from us.

But that's also tribalism. We can't reference we can't exactly reference their biology. And for us to say that like we hate them or we're not going to do right by them before they do anything to us is ridiculous. That's kind of like wild.

You're so fucking spaces, man. I just like, no, it comes back to this. I'm literally trying to be equal rights for space creatures. It's one time ever. I'm not gonna do it again. But like, like, like... Look, man, I hear what you're trying to say. I really do. I hear it. I know what you're saying.

I just... I think you're misunderstanding, like, what... I just really do think that this is just inherent to, like, human survival, and, like, it manifests in different ways. I think it was. It's not always going to be, like, oh, do you look different, therefore fuck you. But, like, the second you get, the second you take religion or, like, all of this, like brainwashing shit out of the equation we'll find some other reason like we'll find different ways

but we can do better to divide like there's always going to be a dividing factor because we what you call it no one no one tries to see from the other person's perspective that's the biggest that's the biggest problem that's why it's always going to be a problem no matter what people inherently just don't want to think about the other person because we're

well yeah because it's kind of like oh like even like people that are pedophiles people that are like rapist people that do all that shit for me in my mind of mind I can't think of a reason why someone would do that. So I have to figure out the reason why. I have to talk to someone. Why would you do something like that?

What would compel you to do something so fucking heinous? What if something they were just like it, man? That means there's damage. They're fucking, they're mentally ill. They're doing that because they're mentally ill. You don't like fucking little boys? What's wrong with you, boy? That'd be fucking jarring, but like a lot of people have

actual external reasons why they do shit like that. And if they're studied, if they're studied, If they're studied, you can help people. You can help people who go and do these things. Because things don't happen for no reason. Most of the time. Actually, no, things happen for no reason. Everything has reasons for why it happens.

Whether it may be pretty good reasons or bad reasons. Everything has a cause and effect. Everything has a cause and effect. That's how weird. The carter effect is, yeah, I agree with that. It's inherent. The thing happening for a reason, I mean, sometimes you can just have a chemical imbalance that makes you fucked. And I don't think that's just like...

And the chemical imbalance is the cause and the effect is you being Yeah, so I agree with the cause and effect, but not everything happens for a fucking reason. That's silly. There's a reason why everything happens. Everything happens for a reason. Okay, that's different. Okay. Reason is, reason is typically used as like a more of a kind of a metaphysical concept, I think. It's more like, you know, oh, there was a plan or something. It's like the other day when I saw that grow to the size of a human. Like, I was just like, there was no reason for that. There's no reason for that to be happening. And then I went back to sleep. So, Swinney, what? Sleep? Do you get up in the middle of the night? And then, okay, all right.

Yeah, okay. He gets up hallucinates and go back to bed. He gets up hallucinates. How would you, how would you rationalize that, Sweeney? How would you feel if you, if you walked into our kitchen and you saw like an aunt and then you watched it grow eight times its size real quick and then shrink again? Like what would be? What would be the reason? It's like that dream I told you about yesterday where like I had a nightmare.

I had a nightmare that I woke up and it was a lying in my room. And I just put my, I just started crying silently and put my head back under my covers. and just waited there to die. That was one of the worst dreams I ever had in my life. Did you cry in real life? Oh my God. That's so sad. Because I was like, I got to wake up and look and see if it's still there.

Fucking pussy, bitch. We actually zoomed by this because we're already past two hours. Because we're fucking arguing too much. Exactly. That's what happened, man. It's good content. It is. So I think we're going to end it here because we're running a little long in the tooth.

A little long in the pants. Thank you, guys. Long of the pants. Thank you guys for listening. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please consider supporting us over at patreon.com slash the snark tank. We have all sorts of tiers.

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Melfis 1 Richter 86 And King of Hap Hazard Thank you all Smooth You're getting good You know why Because I didn't have to click on fucking every individual thing

And wait for it to open on Patreon's slow-ass fucking user interface. Shut out, calm down, geez. Look, man, I like Patreon. I'm appreciative of them. But, like, fuck, man. Their web design really needs... Dude, there's, like, 50 people that work there, and they're bawling.

Like, they're just fucking greedy. They just won't update their fucking website. It's just Jonathan Patreon just sitting there, like, fucking, like... Mm, I fucking made... Yes, I made Patreon. Yes. I'm making so much runoff money from all the money they put in here. Fucking shoving smart water bottles up his ass.

Those big ass Voss ones. Glass ones, bro. Here's you those glass boss woods. Those are fucking... Yo. His asshole's more hallway than asshole, bro. It's fucking insane. But, yeah, so we're thinking, by the way,

I think in August, so this coming month is when we're going to start doing some Patreon exclusive episodes. I think the one that seems to be requested quite a bit is a metal episode with Derek. So if you want to record that, I'll get the questions together.

I'll edit that one. And we'll get that out in like, probably the middle of August. We could record that at any time. But if you're interested in that, we'll have a Patreon exclusive, you know, thread on the Patreon that you can ask questions to,

if you want some metal insight or some music insight. Oh, that's not. They'll be shorter episodes for the sake of just like, you know, keeping it light. But, yeah, I think we're going to do at least one of those every month and see how that goes. Yeah, I think it'll probably be a good

A little boost in value. If you guys wanted to give me a D&D episode, I'd fucking love that. I would tear apart a D&D or hip hop episode. Yeah, that would be fantastic. Oh, also, before we go, if you support us on Patreon, there is merch key art available for you.

So, like, if the merchandise in the store, you can take the art that we get and we put on merchandise and you can print them yourself. As long as you don't sell them, it's fine. Because we know shipping costs can be a little bit, but a little bit of a bitch,

and I think Patreon's supporting us is valid enough to have access to some of that stuff. So keep that in mind. And... Hell yeah. Yeah, rate us positively on iTunes that helps with algorithms and stuff.

But, uh... Yeah. That's all the housekeeping. Yeah. Just give us five stars. I need this job. Five stars in the hot... Give us the, like,

give us the, like, as close to fucking rated R as a review as possible in a good way, like sexual, but make sure it's like PG or whatever. like implied sexy Make sure it's PG How to fuck Like give us like an implied

Sexy fucking review on iTunes Just don't give us five star Give us five star reviews But word it as if you hated it Yeah That's pretty fucking dope That's better That's better

I was trying to get our fans Get sexy but you know That's a better idea You and you and sex bro You're bent up This episode was just I think I might just have to blur This thumbnail out

Because I don't know what the fuck I would do It's literally sex And like sex and like really high-thinking, like, ideas of fucking... I think it should be called... It should be called butt stuff. That's the episode. This fucking...

Sex... This whole episode was just sex and aliens. Oh, my God. I like it. Sex and aliens is good. But maybe you want to spell sex, S-E-C-K-S. So we can beat the algorithm. Sex and aliens?

Yeah. Yeah, that would be good. All right, guys. Peace, peace. Bye! Oh, not again.