The Snark Tank - #33: Accursed Creatures

Episode Date: August 13, 2020

We did something this week that's kind of unprecedented. We actually answered your genuine questions. What was Greece like for Derrick? What's it like making and mixing music? Would you fuck a mermaid or a reverse mermaid? When will we be seeing guests (spoilers: very soon.) Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Hey, look, it's a little dead mean. Compliment yourself more than anybody that I've ever seen. Because no one compliments me. That's why I do it. Hey, everybody, welcome to the Snark Tank podcast. I'm your host, Chris Regan, and we're here with Ice Tea. I've got news for you. Today, in Awesome, brought to you.

to you by Squares. Is that Philip? Is that Philip DeFranco? You're you beautiful bastards. Oh my God. Ice tea should replace everyone. Every single YouTuber.

You freaking have iced tea do the episode for one day. Like one day is this iced tea doing it. It's not us. Let's get right into the news. Jake Paul. What's up, you beautiful bastards? Jake Paul, just the thought of him The thought of him saying Jake Paul.

Jake Paul. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Wasn't he actually didn't, one of that gamer episode, wasn't Logan Paul in that episode? The one that... Yeah, he was. He was. Episode of what? What are we talking about?

Of Law & Order. So, Law & Order SVU, there was an episode a long time ago. There was an episode about Gamergate back in the day. And, like, Logan Paul was the gamer. who got gated Like there was a standoff at the roof And then I ST was like I got news for you

I've got news for your mom and dad And the news is You're dead now Then he fucking Then he got a fucking Desert Eagle and just blew his head clean off Fucking eagle It was a really good episode

It was a really good episode It's really good I like the way his head jumped off his neck. It was really fucking cool. Anyway, welcome to the Smart Tank podcast. Oh, my God. I'm your, I'm, I'm Chris Reagan, and I'm here with Derek some black guy and Tom Sweeney, Tom Swinard.

Hey, I'm Tom. Hey, up, Derek. I like metal. That was disrespectful as well. I'm sorry, dude. You don't deserve that. That was somehow disrespectful and really like not hard hitting at all. It was like something you'd see on like Dexter's Lab.

It was just like some shit. You'd hear a seventh grader do. He wouldn't understand the power of it. Like how much you heard is right. Like junior high school is probably the time when the most hurtful things are said, I think. Because in junior high, you really don't, like you don't have the formation yet, but you do have the feeling. You have the feeling. Like I'm, I hate, I can hate for real now.

So like. You're not agree with that. your hormones are like just starting to go insane and you've probably been exposed to enough adult media to know the terminologies but not really enough to understand what any of it means so you're probably just hurling around like some of the most it'd be like giving a gorilla like pipe bombs and like letting it loose in a fucking CVS you could you imagine could you fucking turn a corner to go home when there's a gorilla holding a pipe bomb Dude, that's the worst. Like, like, maybe five feet from you. Like, fuck. He's, he's, it's not far from you.

He's doing the one-hand juggle. He's, like, throwing it up in one arm and catching in the same one. He's not, he's looking at it. He's just looking at you. You see him putting two and two together. Like, if I throw it at this guy, he's going to turn into fucking stratum. Dude. And then he turns to you and he goes, this is for harambe.

And then he hits you. He fucking hit, he threw. He throws the pipe bomb at you. It lands in your mouth and then he pushes it down your throat with his Paul Joseph Watson hands. Oh my God. Those fucking clappers. They probably hit you with the pipe bomb and kill you and then he'll blow up. He'll blow your body up.

So who do you think it would win? Paul Joseph Watson or an adult. A silverbacked gorilla with a pipe bomb? In a in what? In like a duel of fates. A thumb war told Joseph Watson definitely. He's fucking destroying that gorilla. No, that's no fucking chance.

Close quarter combat. The guerrilla's winning. But if we're talking about like rock paper scissors or like a thumb war or like a... What about handball? You think you win handball? Joseph Watson's hands are so big. He can be every piece in rock scissors at the same time. Could you imagine that?

He's all of them at once. He's the field that rock paper scissors takes place on. He's like... You cannot defeat me. Yo, like, seriously, his... I took another look at his hands. Just to remember, refresh my memory, how big they are. And I was blown away.

I was like, I still can't believe that his hands are... His hands are bigger than his head. It doesn't make sense. I've never seen that before. I have pretty big hands, but, like, I can't understand how big... Like, I can't understand really huge hands. because my hands are very big already. Are they bigger than your head, though?

I think they're bigger than my face slightly. Well, I got news for you. Don't me. Don't fucking sexually me. That was gross. All right, we should talk about something, right? We should talk about something. So the only thing, there's not much really happening.

We all know the drill here, you know. Oh, you know, society's collapsing. quarantine, yada, yada, yada, probably a war, I don't know. They're banning TikTok, we get it. But I think something that is worth probably touching on is the fact

the fact that... So Jake Paul had his mansion in Calab ass-ass. I think is where his mansion is. Yeah, that's right. Got raided by what? Like, was it the FBI? He was the FBI, man.

What did they find? Like, I don't understand. I only saw, like, pictures of it. of it. Like, I don't know what actually happened. They took a bunch of guns. From what I heard, they found guns, which is fucking ridiculous. They found, like, I mean, they looked all nice and legal, but just a bunch of, like, legal semi-auto rifles and shotguns, just things that looked nice and juicy.

And, uh, they raided another home, too. And, uh, in, in Vegas, some guy named Armani something. Apparently, he's connected. and he's like a felon or something and so Jake Paul's been hanging around you know not great people and he's paying...

I respect it he's trying to get involved in the streets I fuck with it It's so fucking weird man It's so weird because like You see like a lot of I've seen like conversations a lot Where it's like

Oh poor areas are like so crime-ridden And it's like People really don't understand How much crime there is period Oh yeah absolutely Like the idea that like rich places are not riddled with crime is hilarious. Like that's the entire reason

The entire reason the economy collapsed in 2008 Is because of literally rich people crime. It's blue collar crime, right? Blue collar versus white, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's so fucking insane.

That's the whole thing. For some reason, like regular folk like us, well, not us in particular, but just people in general, they seem to give rich people a pass where, when it even comes to, like, the most heinous crimes like murder and uh and uh and uh and rape and all that horrible stuff they for some reason it kind of like oh don't know this person's super rich and wealthy like i i just i don't know i'm not sure but then if you see some scumbag on the street right they kill somebody

they they do whatever they sexually assault someone like oh yeah like you would believe it immediately it for some of the the thing is that like the thing is that like the thing is that like you wonder why the fuck would someone with all right you would someone with all that money can get whatever they want. Why would they, like, why would they do stupid shit? Like,

I can't for the life of me understand why, like, for the thrill, man. Yeah. But like the thing of, like this, um, the smash community,

right? I cannot understand for the life of me, why any of them would do shit they did because simply they're one, they're under the everyone's, everyone's looking at them. They're under the microscope pretty much. They're always being viewed. And then secondly,

like, you're going to fuck with the ability to be able to eat and have money. Like, why would that doesn't make sense to me? it's not a rational decision it's not like say stealing it has to survive right it's not stealing to survive it's not killing just you know what I'm saying like there's certain people that do things so they

they think they have to do this and then there's the ones that are like I'm bored I'm gonna do this yeah it's gambling essentially it's like I've lived such a cushy life and I don't really have any semblance of danger at all but if like I do this thing then like then I'm living on the edge then like oh my god I could lose everything and it makes them feel alive. Like that's the only reason that I could imagine why anybody would do that shit.

You know what I mean? Like, what other reason would there be, really? Like, you're not stealing shit because you need it because you don't need anything. You have everything that you could conceivably need or want. Yeah, those dudes, remember those dudes, the Jake Paul and crew, when the riots first started and they were in Arizona and I think Jake Paul is holding a bottle of vodka from P.F. Chains? I'm like, dude, you could probably buy that P.F. Chang's.

What are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing? It's so, it's so maddening. It's really weird. You guys are fucking gone. You're, you're fucking yoint.

Yeah. I don't want to get fried. It's weird. Like, I don't want to get too political either, but like I think, like, for an episode of a comedy podcast,

but I do think it's like really weird how like, it is typically like, like a very far right thing to say like, oh, look at all the crime that goes on in these poor communities.

But then it's also the right that are like talking about like, like the pedophile rings that are run by the, Clintons and stuff and it's like, well, do you not, do you, you understand that there's, you're aware of both of these things, but you refuse to acknowledge that these things kind of, you know, go against each other in some way. Yeah, they, there's a different, like, for some reason they don't, like white collar, white collar, that type of, well, I wouldn't even call that white collar, because

it's still those type of, the, the pedophilia accusations is just completely heinous, but there's, yeah, like sex trafficking, pedophilia, like, um, all that shit. Even just like just all the shady shit that goes on on Wall Street that's viewed as like kind of clever.

It's like, oh, what a smart guy. And it's like, no, you tanked the world for like five years. Oh yeah. In the last decade.

Like, that's not cool. For me, it's the idea that like the reason why most people are probably so richest through the illegal means.

I don't think that people understand that. Like, the reason why so many businesses you respect are rich is they probably use a ton of fucking horrible loopholes and things

that just be able to appreciate all their money 100%. But how can you not see that? How could you not see that's also fucking crime? They would definitely still be rich without it, but they're definitely monumentally more rich because of all the shit that they pull. It's kind of insane. Even just like when I was working retail,

because when I was working at Sears, I had access to all the prices of what the products, like all of the actual prices of the stuff that you get, retail, like what the store actually pays for him. And it's insane how cheap. How, you would, your mind would be like blown wide open if you saw how cheap like a $2,000 4K TV actually is.

Like it's, it's, it's hilarious, it's fucking hysterical, dude. Oh yeah. It's wild. That's why you have to, people I need to think about, um, let's just take Walmart, for example, um, how many people work for Walmart and say on average, let's say you get like 10 bucks an hour or whatever and how much is that? a year, you'll probably get around $20,000 or something like that. Now, $20,000 times all of the employees, that's a big chunk of money that is, you know,

being subtracted from the profit. So you got to imagine that they're making so much money. They're making hundreds of percentages, you know, times what the actual cost is to be able to subtract that and still make millions or billions of in profit because just think of. It's like it's something doesn't add up essentially, you know, when you really think about things. Like how cheap or inexpensive are all of these items that they're that they're obtaining? And it's like, it's like thinking about a sweatshop, a shoe being like you make a shoe and for about the resources are about 25 cents or something. And then you sell the shoe for $150 or something.

Yeah. It's insane. It's so wild. Like I never understood the whole like expensive shoe thing. like I never understood buying like a shoe for anything more than like 50 bucks yeah I was I was a part of it for a while but like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like like I like at the same time it's like I can't in my right mind justify buying this any longer like I just can't they're just so instantaneously ruined is that it's like the second like if you have like a pair of white shoes especially

like any kind of white sneaker or like any kind of nice white shoes just immediately like the second you you you walk outside with it once. It's fucked. Well, the thing about those shoes that they appreciate and value. They're like pieces. They're like technically art pieces actually. They don't.

They depreciate and value. No, they appreciate. Shoes? Upon wearing them, they depreciate. But upon owning them, they appreciate. Right now with Ram trucks declaration of deals, well-qualified current FCA lessees, get a low mileage lease on the 2026.

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If you have a shoot... But that's just a... But that's like a collector's thing, right? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like, that mindset is, like, what keeps people from, like, continuously buying shoes. Like, there's a bunch of shoes

that just came out recently that I really, really wanted to buy. And I was like, these look really nice. and I probably could afford them, but, like, I'm just going to have the shoes that I can't wear ever. That was the point of even buying that, you know?

At least my comics I can read them. Yeah, I just don't understand... I don't understand collection culture in general. Like, I don't understand the need to collect a thing to put it in a box or, like, a frame, and that's it. Like, that's really... Like, the whole Funko Pop thing, I really don't... I can't begin to comprehend it.

I don't get it. They're so ugly, and stupid looking. That the thought of having like, the thought of having like a wall full of them just honestly just makes me so sick. It's pretty gross. I mean, I have a few.

I'm not gonna lie. I have like four, but two of them were birthday gifts and the other two, I think there were something like where like, oh, I'm not gonna see this, so I might as well grab it.

Like say, like say, if I see a Talley Zora one, right, I'll grab that. But just because it's like, just like a specific thing. Yeah. But like the thought of like,

like you owning it and then you're like keeping it in the box and like putting it on display and then adding it to like a collection of like a million other things where it's like you know that the people collecting funco pops don't watch half of the shit that the funco pops are like oh yeah probably referencing it's just like it's just like i funco pops are the new beanie babies i was just about to say that i was just about to say they are like everybody thinks everybody thinks they're going to be fucking worth something and it's just like dude in 10 years you're gonna be you're gonna have all of these stupid bubbly chibi looking fucking pieces of garbage and you're just going to wonder how you're going to melt them into some kind of weapon when the fucking

world ends. I mean, okay, that's, you see you. So what you did is, what you did is, you were on, you were on track, right? And then you hit, you veered off the road into a bunch of kids. I heard on the road, my guy. I'm on, I was off road before. I'm on track now. What happens is they're probably going to, it's probably going to be the hot moment.

It's like everything. There's always those one moment out of no, out of the clip who's got where shit this comes real expensive. Like, really, really, like, I have, like, my Spider-Man comics are worth about like, I have one comic in particular worth a couple hundred. It's because it's really hard to find. And I'm like, yeah, I got this. I'm really, it's really hard to find that's cool.

But I also don't care about selling my stuff back, you know. Like, I don't buy things to sell them. I buy things because I want them and I'm going to keep them. Yeah, yeah. There's certain people that, you know, that they do that for a living or they do it as hobbies. And I don't like those people. Like, say, I just don't. It's like the people, basically people on eBay.

I don't like them. I like that you have the option to just buy things, but the idea of bidding and trying to, like, I got this thing, and I'm going to try to, it's people that are just trying to siphon money from other people and trying to get the absolute most penny. I'm just not with it. My thing is I've sold a lot of things that were very valuable,

but I feel good if I know somebody's going to get more value out of it than I am. I'll sell it cheaper. Like I did that with my Switch, my Nintendo Switch, when I got that and I had like an $800 guitar and I sold it to this kid for like half off and it was barely like it was basically I could have sold it for like you know six 700 easy but like I'm like dude it's it's not a big deal like I'm not fucking Scrooge McDuck it's I'm all right yeah yeah I'm all right I bought a I bought a guitar from Lyle for pretty cheap because he has like fucking 80,000 guitar I know right we should well for me is a problem final thing and I want

to play with them I want to like I really really want to play the pop finals. Like I really like I have him in a box. He's like and I'm like, you play with pop vines? No, I want to. Like my heart is like, yo play with these dude. Like cleared a little scenario and just fucking act out some shit with these and I'm like I can't dude. I'm too old. But I look at them and I'm like yo dude, just do it once. It's not going to hurt you. No, no. Your first instinct is correct. No, you're not going to hurt you. No. Your first instinct is right. I can't do this. I can't play with toys right. I'm a fucking grown man. Yes. But the child in me is like bro. You know you

missed the times you had. You know they were fucking fun, bro. But your imagination just one time. But your imagination It's not the same anymore. It's not the same. Oh my fucking God. No, I'm saying like my imagination is not what it used to be. Like I can't do that no more. No, you can't. Of course not. You're not going to have the same amount of value.

Like, when you're a child, you just like things are movies. Yeah. Like you, there's so much special effects. Like you fucking, you bring a Spider-Man toy into the bathtub and crash into the ground and it looks like the water becomes rock. And you're just splashing the rock around. You're like, damn, he's get fucked up. But now, if you

do that as an adult, if there's, if you see a grown adult splashing a Spider-Man toy in a bathtub. I have questions. That's like out of a horror movie. If somebody was recording that and just put like a small like color correction filter over it and just made it like really cold colors,

it would be a fucking horror movie. I mean, you can do that to a lot of things, but yeah, I understand what you're coming from. I mean, I guess. I guess that is the principle of color grading. Literally, literally kids, children playing is actually genuinely the most good thing ever, just kids having fun. But if you just echo the sound a little bit,

put a dark color filter over it, and slow down and sing in a bit, it's fucking creepy. Yeah. Literally, that's because children... That's because children... Yeah, they're like...

We can't relate to them. Not quite. I think it's really the problem. Well, yeah, they're dumb. Fucking kids. They're dumb, so whatever. Should we get into some questions? Should we?

Some pregoontas? Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that. And then it'll spawn into some wacky bullshit that we usually spiral into. Yeah. Why are kids so fucking stupid-looking, man? God damn it. Stupid-looking?

What do you mean? Kids are... They look dumb. I mean, I think they look pretty adorable. What the fuck you're stupid for that? I think kids are cute. I think they're cute. I think they're cute.

I think they're cute like puppies and kittens, things that are little. are pretty cute. I think kids look funny. They look funny looking. I hope you never have kids because they're going to be neglected. Then I got to be neglected. Hell yeah,

you're going to be like, you're going to be like, ew. My son looks weird. Here you, here you take it. Here you take it, you gorilla. My son.

My son looks weird. I'm going to definitely take care of it because I'm going to try to forge it into a weapon. All right. I'm going to move on. We got some questions here. Isn't that why you have kids to forge them?

Imagine interrupting me when I'm trying to segue. Imagine that. Imagine being this much of a disruptive cycle. Imagine all. Amen. The people. All right. We have a bunch of questions here from some of our lovely patrons over at patreon.com

slash the snark tank. Remember if you want to have your shit read on the show, pop on over there. And maybe throw us a buck or two, throw us a shekel, throw us a shovel, throw us maybe a dime or whatever kind of money that you use wherever you are. Maybe you use like, I don't know, talismans.

I don't know. Throw us one of those. The dinar. The dinar. Or is it dinari? Is it dinar? I think it's dinar. What are you talking about?

There's Libyan money, man. Fuck, let. Calm down, dude. I didn't say anything. You were just, what's the question? God damn it. All right.

Conrad wrote in. He says, hello, hope you guys are doing well. I was wondering, when will we get to hear more guests on the show? The one with Jakey was great. What about having others like Scott DeWaz, shoe on head, Caleb City, the Keefe Crew, video game donkey, maybe even some, someone like Marketpline. I don't think Markiplier would ever set foot on this podcast. I'm pretty sure we've made fun of them already.

I appreciate we already insults a MarketPly a few times. I don't think we did, but it's just like he's a, he's, I feel like Markiplier's a, he's, I feel like Markiplier's a very rated E for everybody. kind of guy. Oh yeah. You know, he's not going to show up on and you're not going to see Mark a player on the Eric Andre show, you know? We definitely teeter on the hard hour sometimes, so. So, well, I will

say, I chose to read this question because we're going to have shoe on at the end of the month so that'll be a thing. I'm talking to her in DMs right now. We're trying to set up a date. It's likely probably going to be recorded. We're going to be recording at the end of August in all likelihood because she's got some videos.

to work on. So either it will be out in late August or it will be out in early September, but we are planning on recording with Shoe this month. I've reached out to a couple of other people to see if they're interested and we'll get back to you, but I have a pretty good feeling that we're going to be start, we're going to start doing guests pretty, pretty imminently, I think. Like, very, very soon. I definitely think within the next like handful of episodes we'll have a more regular cycle of guests. Nice. It's going to be cool.

And hopefully by then we'll have video. I know for sure we definitely were probably going to have the video. Yeah, we should probably do that, right? Yeah, we'll get it sorted. We're going to have like, I'll figure out how to make a nice little, what do you call, like a background, like a layout that a lot of podcasts are having now. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. It should be, it should just be like Sweeney's skin just peeled. or, you know, like, Oh, my God. I have pretty nice skin. I don't want to see it peel. That scares me. I got to say, though, I really,

I was watching a couple of podcasts that I thought kind of set the tone for this one, stuff that I was like, I used to listen to back in the day. And I got to say, like, I really love the sleepy cabin, sleepy cast render of just like this 3D cabin with the lights like kind of flickering and like the smoke coming out of the chimney. There's like something really cool about having. like, not necessarily video, but like a static kind of atmospheric animation that I really Yeah, it's always nice. Yeah, that shit's pretty dope.

No, I agree, actually. But, you know, people like to see our faces, so we'll probably end up just doing the video. I'm definitely always going to have my face like drenched in something like fucking jelly, maybe fucking like, I don't know, like coconut juice or like, it's always something. It's always going to be something trickling down my face. Why? Do you think, do you think that if we were. if we were doing the podcast, right?

We were doing a normal episode of the podcast, but it's a video podcast. It's our first episode of the video podcast. And then all of our screens are visible at once, and then all of a sudden, from your screen, Sweeney, from the bottom of your screen, from the bottom of your screen, a big stream of cum shoots up into your face

and then you don't acknowledge it for the rest of the video. Do you think you would get comments about it? Or do you think people would just be like... You know it would be even funnier? Like, this idea, like one of us like, too, having a stream. And then there's something crawling around

in the fucking back of the ceiling. like very visible. It's not making enough noise to hear, but it's just do whatever, something's in the background. And everybody's like, yo, dude, there's something in the background of your room. You should probably check it out.

That's fucking creepy. Yo, man, there's a fucking Pinocchio looking nigger in the fucking corner of your room every time you fucking do the podcast. You just probably do something about that. There's a little kid running around the back of your room. Can you not hear him?

Can you not hear this kid in your room? And nobody on the show acknowledges. Never. We don't. We don't draw attention to it at all. When we watch the video, we don't see it. Right now with Ram Trucks Declaration of Deals, well-qualified current FCA lessees,

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Resort. Get your tickets now to see Aaron Lewis at muckle shoot casino.com. But everyone else that watches the video is like, yo, you don't see it? You don't see this little boy? Yeah, that'd be weird. Yo, so as a shoe, for example, is she prepared for the barrage of inwards coming her way? Oh, my God. We'll probably, we'll tone it down for the guests.

We'll tone it down. We'll probably gonna tone it down for the guests anyway. Just for courtesy. Instinctually, we're gonna do it, yeah. Because we're not gonna be reading the same bullshit questions

that we normally get. It's probably gonna be, we're gonna get questions like based on the guest and like we're gonna have like some sort of, some semblance of, of, I don't wanna say we're gonna sanitize it because that's not where we plan on doing it at all.

But like, yeah, there'll be. We can't, we can't go off the rails like we can normally because there's four audio tracks. Yeah, yeah,

that's true. You know? Yeah, That sounds awful. It's going to be, yeah, it's a bitch. All right, I guess I'll behave myself. Dear Shue, how many niggas you fuck? We can't do no questions like that.

How comfortable are you with the word nigger? In fact, would you mind saying it right now, please? She's going to send me a message today. She's going to send me a message today because she somehow heard this before it's out. And she's going to be like, I can't do it. She's like, dude, I can't. I can't be bombarded with the N-word. It's not good for anyone to hear that word that often.

we've been friends for years but uh nah i'm good on that what if we what if like we every guess has to say the inward just once no we can't do that i feel like we get a lot of people that would be like hell yeah i'll go on here just to get the free say hell yeah that's our podcast like a logan podcob's on here oh my god oh my god you asshole don't worry i'll clip that yeah useless. Yeah, that'll be, that'll be good.

I can't wait, I can't wait to get some guests on. It'll be fun. Yeah, it's gonna be chill. I'm excited. It's gonna be probably, what you said?

Definitely got to get Zach back on again too. Oh my God. I really, I really just enjoy his dumb conspiracy rants and shit that he always talks about. It's always fun. I definitely think he's like one of the funniest people on the planet. Yeah,

I want to, I want to get some more, I want to get a, a decent cycle of new people in before we start, like, before we start going back and bringing people back. But that's very safe. I would, I would love to have Zach back on.

Darren Aronofsky's Black Sween rode in. Oh, nice. It's vaguely clever. Hello, King Piccolo to Lin-Manuel Miranda's commie and the two people who can become Keith David by using Patara earrings. I want to ask Derek, how long did he stay in Greece? and if he liked it or not. Is this a...

I thought this was a very specific question. I was like... It is. It is. What's this person's name again? Darren Aronofsky's Black Swine. Oh, okay. That's not even close to being...

You know the movie? Yeah. I was just like... Yeah, I was just seeing if there was any hint that this person's even Greek or whatever. Nah. Probably not. Yeah.

Nobody's Greek at all. Yeah, there was literally nobody in Greece when I arrived. Yeah. Just a vague. vacant country. It's a whole ass country to have fun. It's just the, there's a sign that says population one. And it goes up by one when you get there.

It's soon as I got there. Yo, so yeah, I went there late 2016 because, you know me, I'm always trying to date the European women. Not always, but it just happens that way. Getting some euro pussy. I feel you. Yeah. So wait, so I don't know, so you just lived there for a while?

How long did you live there? I was there for three months. Yeah. Oh, that's not, okay. Yeah, I wasn't there that long. It was just, it was basically just kind of time for me to come back because it was like, all right, either I try to extend my stay or because you can only be, you can only be, it's a weird rule,

like say in the Schengen zone, which is a, you know, a myriad of countries in Europe. You're only allowed to be there three months at a time, and then you have to leave for another three months, and then you can come back and be there for three months. So basically within a year you can be there for six months, but not consecutively. It's kind of weird. So that's just kind of how they do it.

And so when it was time for me to be like, all right, am I to go? Am I going to stay? I left. But I really liked it, man. I really, I like the weather. I was close to Athens in like a suburb called Marusi. And it was really dope. I like the weather.

I finally got to see it because I'm like balls. I'm like a, I'm like a, like my hobby is just, is this historian. You know, I don't really talk to people. about it, but I just, I'm balls deep in ancient history, so it's cool to finally go and see the Acropolis and touch all this old-ass marble that, like, all these fucking greasy, curly-haired people

made, like, thousands of years ago. So it was, like, it was pretty dope. You know, things that you weren't supposed to do, like, it's like, don't touch this, don't do that, and I'm like, shut the fuck up, dude, like, do you know who I am? I'm fucking, I have 90,000 subscribers on YouTube, and I just fucking, like... You know who I am? I was born in the future,

idiot. I have dominion over you by law, you dumb, dumb. Stupid. I have a really tough time, like, not, like, I don't, I should rephrase that. I don't have a tough time obeying that kind of stuff. Like, if somebody's, if I'm at, like, a museum and it's like, don't touch the art, it's like, okay, I, I won't do it. But I'm always, like, really, just really, like, tempted to, not even because I want to, but because I'm being told not to do it. Oh, my God.

What are you a fucking toddler? Jesus Christ. No, it's just like, it's just basic. It's just basic fucking... I guess for you. No, I feel like that's basic psychology. Like the second you know that you're not supposed to do something, it's like when you know that you're not supposed to laugh and suddenly things are like way funnier.

I get it. No, I totally get it. I understand that. For me, when someone says, like, if someone says, hey, don't touch that button, it can blow... Like, if I understand the cause, like what could happen after I touch it, I'm like, yeah, I'm not... I just don't need to deal with that. I don't want to deal with that. Oh, yeah, for sure.

But it's like, just don't touch it just to not touch it. I'll be like, really, I guess. Whatever. And I'll look at it. No, I definitely, I definitely, I kind of agree more with Chris Ware. I almost feel insulted. Like, because I know, like, okay, I know I shouldn't do that. And now you're just putting this out for me.

And it's kind of like, fuck you. I can't touch this shit. Yeah. You think I'm stupid? You think I don't know that this stuff is like millions of dollars and that I could be charged if I touch it. I don't know rebels over here, man. Look at these fucking, look at these fucking heroes with no cause. I do get a great sense of, I do get it like a great sense of catharsis whenever there's like a prank.

video of like an Eric Andre thing when he's in like an art exhibit and he just like tears through all the art though Oh yeah That shit like is that I live off that shit It's fucking like oh my god yes Destroying things that people created Oh my god yes

You put blood sweat and tears into this Fuck yeah let me fucking pee on it It's less about that and more just about like the Fucking Right now with Ram trucks declaration of deals Well qualified current FCA lessees Get a low mileage lease on the 2020 RAM-1-500 Big Horn crew cab 4x for $3.69 a month for 39 months with $4,099 due at signing.

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Turf builder offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. We have everything you might want for the end of winter. Visit your nearby lows on Renier Avenue South in Seattle. You know, just how insane that would be to see. I just like seeing things get destroyed, honestly. Like truth be told, in all honesty, I fucking love seeing things get destroyed. Of course you do. Like, seeing a fucking wrecking ball go through a building is fucking cathartic.

It's like, this is fantastic. If you're driving down, if you're adult Sweeney and you were driving down the highway and then you pushed your brakes really hard, and then your child went careening out of the windshield and like barrel down the street, you'd be like, ha ha, I love to see things get destroyed. No, that's a life getting destroyed. That's not a fucking building. Like seeing buildings fall down. Like just breaking apart Lego building.

It just feels good. It makes me feel like I'm a Tyrannosaurus racks or like I'm fucking terrorizing Tokyo, you know? And it's just like, how does this fucking euphoric, man? It's breaking shit. It just feels good. You know, it's pretty crazy before we started the podcast. You were saying how much you love seeing that explosion in Beirut.

I never said that. It is fucking gnarly explosion, though. Like, I never said anything about it. That is pretty wild. Did you see the fucking energy fucking dome like the fucking force dome that was created after that shit blew up? Yeah. Dude, I, that is like a joke. Genuinely like in I know it's like a serious thing, but also it looks

It's one of the most it's genuinely one of the most mesmerizing things that I've ever seen Like uh like for real it looks like an anime like it doesn't look real like it looks It pushes it pushes the clouds out of the way yeah it's pretty nuts there's people that were like Convince that it was an atomic bomb imagine being like a sentient like imagine imagine Imagine being a cloud being like oh man I can't wait to rain today and then suddenly you get pushed into non-existence by a fucking explosion. You're just like, what?

That was one of those things that you thought you knew what it looked like until you saw it and then you were like, oh shit, that's what that looks like. Yeah, because I've seen explosions before. I've seen explosions like in person and like you kind of get a semblance of like, okay, so like fire happens and then like... I've seen

small explosions. Yeah, nothing like that. What was it like something like six million pounds of like ammonium nitrate in like a firework? factory or something. It was like 2000... It was like 2,000-something tons of ammonium nitrate. And that's like...

It's poorly stored. Yeah, just amazing. Like, it's terrible that it happened, but it's also one of those things that is just like... It really is just amazing to see that. Like, that's not like in a positive context, but it is something that like you look at and you're like, what? Yeah, it's like...

It's insane. What is it? What is it? Is it the Hindenberg? that, that, which one was it? The, that one blimp? Yeah. Like something, yeah, that's the Hindonburg. Yeah, like seeing things that were like,

that's really fucked up, but you still say like, that's astonishing. Like, look at that kind of thing. It's, it's different than the, it's, I get what you're saying. It's like, it's kind of like 9-11 or like the Hindberg. Or anything that's like, like, tragic, but also like kind of like surreal.

It's, it's like, it's miraculous. It is, but that, that specific. like separate from like things like the Hindenburg and like 9-11 and anything like that this uniquely by itself is something that I've genuinely never seen ever even in like footage in like the desert it looks like a cartoon like actually like it doesn't look fucking real the thing is that I've seen explosions like I've seen like what like I've seen like what happens when like atomic bombs are detonated and like the force it's created but those are off from so long ago I've never seen like the fucking actual force that's created fucking run through a place.

Yeah. Like that, that, that, that, that kind of explosion never happened in a city that we've seen in, like, on camera.

Yeah, like modern times. Like, like, like, you see that shit in, like, when they detonate,

like a missile or, like a bomb in, like the desert in, like, like, New Mexico or something. And it's like, the 50s or some shit.

Yeah. And you, and you see, like, sand get kicked up. And it's like, wow, look at all that sand.

Cool. But, like, you don't see, like, you see the wave that went through the water that, like, knocked that boat over? I didn't see the water one. Dude, there was, like, a wave, like a really tiny wave. It literally must have been, like, a two-inch high wave.

But it was going so fast that it just, like, toppled this guy on a boat. And it was just like, holy shit, man. That's got to be so insane to see. The clouds get pushed out. It blocks out the sun. It's fucking unreal. So, I don't know. I guess we probably should have mentioned that because that is technically a current.

events topic. I actually donated to a charity today. There's plenty of charities that you can find. The Lebanese ones, yeah. To, yeah, to help out. I got to find one of those, actually, too. Yeah, I was pretty nice. Did you see, did you? Because, okay, I have to mention this because there's that Yakuza meme

that's been going around. And of course, yeah, yeah, and then of course somebody, I couldn't believe, it was because it just happened. And then immediately somebody just turns that into the the Yakuza meme. Dame, don't it. For me, I retweeted a SkyRum meme.

I was just like, guys, this is really not funny enough. Sorry for anyone who has to go through it, but this is the funniest shit I ran. It's pretty much. It's a meme where the explosion happens, and then you hear a bunch of like rustling and switching, and then you hear horses in the background. You hear the horses. And it turns into the fucking opening of Skyrim. You're finally awake.

I was like, oh, no. Honestly, dude, Skyrim is such a fucking iconic game. Like, that intro is actually, like, one of the most, like, universally understood things. Like, everybody knows the intro to Skyrim, it seems like. Yeah, yeah. You're finally awake. You're finally awake. Wait, sorry, that was more Transylvanian.

Or what is Transylvania in Romanian now? You're finally awake. You're fine me awake. Blah. Fucking love it. Blah. Somebody just tagged me in, like, the thickest fucking girl on. I saw it, bro.

That dude just built like a fucking... The wall. That's a broad bitch, man. All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to not talking about singing explosions. Damme, damme, dammy. I fucking hate that song because it's stuck in my head and I don't know what it means.

I don't know what any of it is. I looked up the lyrics one time and it's something about like he's a fool for like love or so. I forget. I have to. Some generic. It's very generic. Who isn't a fool for love on us? I mean, we all are.

Yeah. Yeah, sure, whatever. We'd be stupid sometimes. Nicky Ziggy rode in. I assume this is a girl because it's N-IK-K-I, which would be really weird if that was a guy's name. Not judging if it is, but, you know, just think about that. Hey, twat, cunt, and slut.

I'll leave it among you to decide who is who. Oh, rude. I'll bash the teeth in. Hmm. I don't feel like arguing with that. You three have created and are creating decent online communities for a little... Yeah, right, okay.

Yeah, decent, okay. Devant, you mean. Have you seen my Discord? Holy shit. I haven't seen my Discord because I'm too scared to go in. What do you plan on doing when or if your popularity falls? Go back to Sears or Starbucks? Fuck, for your sakes, I fucking hope not.

Well, fortunately, the podcast is continuously growing. Yeah, very, very, very. So I don't foresee that being... Also, Sears isn't... Is not even around anymore, probably. God. Yeah, I don't know. What would you do, Derek?

What would I do? Yeah. I would probably, I would probably dive head first into the music industry, which is something that I've, you know, pushed off for the longest time. But I think I know, I think I have good enough songs written where I could get pretty far with it. But since I'm doing other things and it's like sustaining, you know what me, I'm just like, ah,

fucking whatever, dude. Music's hard to, because it really takes a lot of time to, because I have a lot of stuff written too, but like it's the mixing man.

Oh, yeah. Like getting, getting things to sound good in a mix is like way, way. It's almost harder than doing something like live.

I feel like recording something is pretty easy. I feel like, like writing is pretty easy. I feel like coming up with like musical ideas and, and like melodies and like, and progressions and just

general flow and like lyrics. I feel like that's easy. But like getting it to sound good. Oh yeah. In an environment that isn't live is really hard. I agree, man. Because I've done like, because I've done like some live stuff,

like a long, long, long, long, long, long time ago. And it was so easy to get shit sounding good like, like in person for some reason. I don't know what it is. But when you like, when you're recording it and like trying to get it onto a track, it's so, it's so tricky. Like nothing sounds right. Like I can never get the.

drums to sound as punchy as I want. I can never get like the, the, the EQ to sound exactly how I want it. It's fucking irritating. It's a lot. There's so much to it. I,

just a few weeks ago, I put out this slip-knock cover, and it took me, since I don't mix, it took me, I think, like two weeks or something

for one track. You know, this is just one song going over and over and over, and then re-recording. I think I re-recorded the guitars three times, and just because I'm like, I can do this better, I can do this,

and it just never came out exactly the way I wanted it, but I put it out and people were, like, really impressed with the sound. To me, I'm like, I hear other people. I know other producers and engineers that are just masters at their craft, and then, unfortunately, you just compare yourself to that shit. So then... You got to get somebody for that, man. Oh, yeah.

You got to get somebody for that. You either have to pony up the cash, which is something that I'd probably have to do. You either have to, like, or you can get lucky and somebody can just really, you know, help you out. They'll be like, oh, I'll hook you up. So it's kind of like, or, you know, sometimes when you do get that, the homie hookup,

they don't give you shit in a timely manner. Because since it is a hookup and it's not like, oh, yeah. Yeah, it's just like, it's, it's really strange. Like, I think, um, just, I want to get Jonathan Young on the podcast, actually, because I think that would be, he would be like a really, because the way, the stuff, the way that his stuff is mixed is like, how the fuck do you get things sounding like this? I mean, once you have presets, once you have, I imagine he has presets, and then you do the work at first, and then you can get things to sound a certain way. Or there's other things, too, if you invest enough money, because you can buy, like, a lot of patches for your people already create tones, and then you just download their patches, and then it's like, okay, it sounds like this now.

And then there's other people that are programs that just master automatically, and then they're fine. And it's like, I don't have any of that shit. Yeah, but it has to, aren't they like specific to whatever like DA that you use? Not necessarily, no. Because like, no, because like say, what did I download? I downloaded something. It's just, it's, I forget what the file is, but it's a specific file that's usually universal to like audacity, Reaper, whatever.

And then you get, what do you, what do you mix on? Right now, I was using Reaper, but it's not free. anymore. And so now I just reverted back to audacity. Because since I'm not doing anything complex, I can get away with using audacity right now. But if I'm going to do professional music where I'm going to go through, like, say, distro kid or CD Baby and then put it on Spotify and then like, you know, try to

monetize it, then I have to like get, I'm probably going to get Cubase again. Because I think Cubase is... Right now with Ramtruck's declaration of deals, well-qualified current FCA lessee. get a low mileage lease on the 2026. Ram, 1,500, Big Horn crew cab, 4 by 4 for 369 a month for 39 months, with 4,099 due at signing. Tax, title, license extra, no security deposit required. Call 1-877 RAM, 5722 for lease details. Requires dealer contribution and lease through Stalantis Financial. Current vehicle must be registered to consumer at least 30 days prior to lease to qualify.

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I think they're having a sale right now where you can get like the best version for like $300. Yeah, I was looking at QBase. Like QBase and Reaper were the ones that I was looking at. Yeah. I don't know. Reaper is cool. I like Reaper. Cube Base.

I had QBase 5. That was forever ago. And so I was like, oh, maybe I'll go back to QBase. But it's, it's, I'd rather, in the perfect world, and I'm sure you would agree with this, you would rather just have like a partner that, that produces. Like, you lay down the tracks and then you have a partner that just fucking cranks it out. That, uh, that really, I actually, yeah, no, definitely. That would be ideal.

My biggest thing is just, like, recording and then just, like, because I, I, I record, like, chords and like I'll record like a looping progression on like my phone for like 10 minutes and then I'll like play it back to myself and then I'll like improvise over it to find like melodies and shit I just got like I just got a loop station to help with it Okay

So I'm excited to fuck around with that I'm trying to take music more seriously but it's just I'm trying to learn mixing and it's just So I don't have to rely on other people but it's like It's so hard I'm right there with music Chris Huh? Would you get more involved than music? listen to if your whole like social media thing kind of died out?

I want to do it anyway. Just because like I have so much shit that I wrote that I think is pretty good actually. But like I just don't have the, the, I don't really have the skills to make it sound the way I wanted. Because I actually had, I had a song that I wrote and like recorded and I didn't know how to mix it. So I sent it over to Jonathan Young. Jonathan Young mixed it for me. He was like, hey, I'll mix it up with you. I'll mix it up for you.

And he mixed it. And it was like, this sounds fucking amazing. And it's frustrating. because it's just like he didn't do anything but just like he changed like the drum pattern but all the stuff is still the stuff that I recorded and I'm like fuck I know that the stuff that I record by myself

can sound amazing so I just got to figure out how to do that like on my own I mean all you gotta do is really just as Jonathan Young exactly what he does and then replicate it because I've done that a lot through YouTube where it's like to get I need my EQ to sound a specific way and then I'll look at other people's settings

and then that helps tremendously man and you know I like what you're doing though like say you just released that that cover on the Snark Tank channel and it inspired me actually literally last night because I have this acoustic track that I wrote like two years ago

and we should just put music on it I mean I recorded something yesterday so I mean yeah fuck it I was sitting the track to you got damn Well, God damn. That's dope. So, I don't know. I'll sing over.

I'll sing. Hell yeah. I'll learn how to sing and I'll fucking sing on the channel. I don't. No, I'm sorry. Sweet. I also, he's been locked out of this conversation because it's such a specific.

Right. I don't, I don't know. I don't, I know very, very simple editing. Very, very simple. I'm not an editor. I definitely don't do sound. So I don't know what the fuck.

I don't know what the fuck. I don't know what the fuck. I don't know what the fuck. Like, fuck. I don't know what the fuck. Sweeney is everybody who's listening to the podcast probably We probably just bored like thousands of people I love I love listening to like the insider shit

When like there's people that I'm interested in When they like talk about things They're like oh I just got a little peek into something That they never talk about before I'm just a match It's also kind of fucking stupid and boring Let's talk about pitties Wait wait wait wait

Before we get to tities There's two things I want to say, Sweeney. First of all, I think I hit you up the last time where I wanted to, I was going to dig up some of the beats that I have and then so we can just start spitting over that

and maybe we can get something going with that. And, dude, look, look, look. What? What? I live and breathe hip hop. That shit is my life. And if I sound bad,

like if I release, like if I release, music that I look back on later like that sounds horrible, I'm going to do something drastic to myself. So like, I just, I don't know. Like, I would love to dick around for you, dude with you and like make something fucking stupid. Yeah.

But at the same time, it would kill me. We make a song about titties, man. We're talking about. Something about pussy drip. Drink and pussy drip. That'd be a great song. Oh my God. You could honestly, you could make a song.

It doesn't have to be like amazing. It could just be like fun and like listenable. Like it doesn't, you don't need to be, if you're just hanging out and doing, doing music for fun, like, and your intention isn't like, you know, to become a fucking rapper, like, why not just fuck around and have fun? Like hip hop also like, and this isn't like, this isn't like disrespecting or anything, but it's just like hip hop is like really easy to mix. Like it's actually not difficult to mix at all because it's so computerized anyway. like a lot of it is like beats and like a lot of it doesn't really there's no chords really

oh yeah you don't have to do it don't have to worry about the getting every chord out like you do it most you don't have to worry about like distortion or like or any of the stuff that's like a lot more subjective like you do with rock like rock is like really fucking irritating to mix because it's there's thousands of different guitar tones but like

you know a beat is a beat has a lot of ways that you could customize it but it's ultimately going to going to be a beat. So you could still like, you could do, you could make some pretty good stuff, honestly, just having to, having fun.

Yeah, we'll fuck around. We'll fuck around. We'll fuck around. We'll, we'll, okay, look, I'll agree. We'll do that.

We'll bless you guys with a little bit of fucking Tom foolery from us, hip-hop wise, but I don't want to, like, you know, it would be terrible if I do that. Man,

then like Joey bad asses or something means like, honestly, you're a disrespect to hip-hop music in general. And you should stop. That would kill me. What if Anthony Fantano goes,

Hey everybody's Tom Thinney Sweene Tano here And today we're going to be listening The internet's busiest music nerd And today we're listening To Pussy Drip by Tom Sweeney By famous The little

Like fucking Little transition Yeah I'm feeling I'm feeling a strong to light zero on this one Transition Did you give it? Did you give it to listen? Did you love it? Did you hate it?

What would you read it? This record from This record from Tom Sweeney It's not good. It's not good. And I go on there like Oliver Tree or whatever his fucking name is. And I'm like, Anthony, what the fuck have you ever made it? Right?

Have you ever done anything with your fucking music? You play bass. Why don't you base your mouth on my dick? Fuck. We're just creating an entire scenario. Dude, I would fucking, I'd be so upset. Yo. The thing is that like, I respect arts so much that I'm fearful to make it because I don't want to disrespect mediums.

I don't, that is literally, I think you can. If you create such offensive content that you literally prevent the medium from going further, that is disrespecting it. I think I very much don't believe that. Let me, let me, let me just say this, man. When I was in seventh grade, me and my homie Ed, we created a hip hop group called Ice Hollas. And then back in 2008, we brought it back. It was like, because it was a joke the entire time. And one of our songs is called Sydney Girl

Or it's just, you know Girls in Australia or whatever And all it is is about just doing nasty shit to them, right? Like I'm just talking about like pika pika, Pikachu I want to lick you up and down when I pee on you Like that's basically the type of shit that's going on, right? People found it hilarious That's what I'm talking about

Let's just have fun with it Don't worry about Joey badass Somehow stumbling upon your fucking Your pussy drip track And then he's just like, oh, man, I just don't know about this dude anymore. He's from New York, too. I just, I'm just going to kill myself. You're from a borough?

Where? Which ones? We could bomb it. And I was like, God damn. They've endangered other lives now. I mean, actually, that would be pretty hilarious if. I think wouldn't it like say, who's somebody, Chris, who's someone you absolutely admire?

And then they just hated you so much for something you did. Oh, my God. Would you be kind of like, God, damn, that's pretty. interesting. I would be really bummed if Devin Townsend. Oh my God. If Devin Townsend tweeted out like fuck Chris

Reagan and everything and his parents and his dog and his fucking future wife and kid I hate everything about this kid kill him someone. Like if he tweeted something like that I think I'd be really I'd be really fucking sad.

You know it would be hilarious if one day like I'd like decide to go into voiceover. work. And then I don't know where I get a message from my Keith Dave and he's like,

now listen here, Skip, I've never really heard of you, but the work you're doing is just terrible. Your life, you should end it. Arbiter would kill you

with glee. He would stop your head into paste. Arbiter would kill you post-human covenant alliance. He would break that alliance. He would kill you without a second thought.

I would be like, stop. Mr. I got to say, though. You're literally killing me. I got to say, I got to say the, the impression faltered a little bit towards the end. But like that start, that start was pretty good. I've actually been practicing.

Like in the shower? Not like in the dark in my room, like trying to talk like Arbiter because I really, really, really need this to work. I need this. That's all he's looking to do. Yo, that would. And Twitch. I'll forget everything I do. And I'll be like, I can sound like Keith David.

But that would ruin me. Like, imagine George Carlin's last tweet was like, fuck, fuck Chris Reagan. Like that would, that would, that would hurt me so deeply. Then he fucking dies. That's his last tweet. It's his first and last tweet is fuck Chris Reagan. And it's there forever because no one can delete it because it was his fucking account. Like, oh, man.

That would really. That would break me. Can you imagine that if you freaking, like, what you call it? Like, we find Freddie Mercury's journal and in one page is like, fuck Kingston Jameson. you're a stupid bitch. You're not alive here, but I know you're going to be a stupid bitch, so fuck you. I'll be like, wow, that hurts. That's really uncharacteristic.

I really look up to this guy and he just really didn't like me. Yo, that kind of reminds me of of Mugsy Bogues because Mugsy was 5-3, right, in the NBA, which is kind of insane. Yeah, madness. And he, his career got ruined when Michael Jordan told him. him at one point shoot it you fucking midget and then he never recovered

it ruined him because obviously everyone looked up to MJ right and it was just so respected and when he told them that it just rattled him to his core and he never he was just a shitty player from then on and to me I'm like that's so so I imagine

if Carlin or Keith David or any of those people said something so fucked up you probably won't recover from it either. You're probably just going to go into prostitution. Yeah. That would be I won't recover from it. I'll hurt myself.

How are you 5'3 in the NBA? That's insane. You have to be fucking amazing. I don't even think amazing, bro. You can't be 5th. You really playing basketball. Exactly. You just can't really be doing that. No, you could just be a really good shit. Like, I actually was pretty good at basketball when I was playing it, but I didn't play it for long.

The thing is that you could be a good shooter. That's very true. But like, at 5-3, like someone jumping is going to nick the ball pretty much every time that's like at least above like five nine dude he can like yeah but you can also be like yeah you could also be particularly fast that I know that that I know that that was my specific advantage whenever I was put this I haven't played since like 2006 so it's been a minute look guys I remember when I was playing I would do like really really well and I didn't understand it because I didn't make sense to me like look Nate robinson is like five like five eight right

like 5 8 and he's like not tall but one he's where he's like he's like he's really fast and he jumps like at like literally Nate Robinson's vertical is comedic he can dunk over shack he can literally jump over shack and dunk a basketball oh yeah that was like need to be like some sort of freak deba like it's like dude 5-3 is Chris 5-3 is shorter than you are currently yeah in the NBA with people that are up to seven feet tall

I agree with you I was saying I can't even think I was saying that's insane. Like I didn't understand how that's possible. Yeah, that's, uh, that dude, uh, spud web. He was five seven. Webb was short, yeah. Yeah, and he can dunk, which is, he was an explorer. He could freaking, he had like, freaking springs in his legs.

That's what's so crazy. He's an inch taller than me and the motherfucker's able to dunk in 10, like a 10 foot fucking rim. That shit blows my mind, man, because I, yeah, I can't do nothing like that. Dude, I was dunking when I was in really, in my best shape on a 10 foot rim when I was like six feet tall. Like I was in my best shape able to dunk. These motherfuckers are flying through the air. Yeah. I bet you

jettisoning up. That's insane. I bet you shatter your fucking knees if you try to dunk now. If I try to dunk now, I might not even get that high. And if I dunk, landing's gonna end it. That's what I'm saying. It's gonna be the end of the story, bro. You're gonna fucking somehow just turn into Stephen Hawking. It's gonna be so fucking

dunk. I'll fucking dunked and turn into fucking custom roba. I'll be fucking more machined than man afterwards. You got to put me back together. I'll be fucking Humpty, dumped you on the ground. Okay, okay, okay. It's fucking Kevin Ware. Get your leg, get your leg fucking wishbone to have. Oh my God.

Dude, man, I, I feel like, I actually, probably not now, because I haven't been really active at all for the last, like, three months. Right now with Ram Truck's Declaration of Deals, well-qualified current FCA lessees, get a low mileage lease on the 26. Ram,500 Big Horn crew cab, 4x4 for 369 a month, for 39 months, with 4,09-2-9 due at signing.

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Take delivery by 331. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan,

which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw Billboard of years recently. It said 20 billion one. 20 billion is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year.

And each year we get bigger and badder, and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law.

That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7, 365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, from, thanks for coming by the show.

Thanks for having me. Visit furtherpeople.com for an office near you. But I feel like I had a pretty good... I could jump pretty high for my fucking height for like a while there. I don't know if I can, though, anymore. I just have, like, decent vertical. I just have, like, decent vertical.

ages. I just have like decent vertical when I was like younger. Like maybe until like maybe like I was like 21. I was still able to like easily dunk up. Like easily but I could dunk a basketball. Like on a fast break I was dunk in a basketball. And from if I sprung up from the rim to like from ground to like up and dunk a basketball, I wasn't like doing any tricks.

Well, I could do like basketball. I could go around the back and like dunk a basketball. But I couldn't like do through the leg. That doesn't have that kind of air time. And I wasn't really that flexible. Fuck pussy. But like I know people that can like. fucking from like two steps

from anywhere on the court pretty much they can get the basketball they can dunk it and that's like insane my cousin Jeffrey had an insane vertical he like we were playing basketball huh what what what

you asshole it wouldn't surprise he was good at basketball honestly it wouldn't surprise me that he wouldn't surprise it wouldn't surprise me that he was breaking it he definitely knows how to dunk I think no my cousin Jeffrey

had he jumped so high that I remember one time he grabbed a helicopter out of the sky and juked it into the ground oh oh my god wow that's pretty fucking frightening was it fucking cobies no that was this is years before you're a californian bro you suck i mean he died he died also but like he died also he jumped too high he jumped to the heavens and died he he's like icarus hey flew too close to the side that would suck if you like if you had like well okay So this is like a super power kind of hypothetical But if somebody told you If like a Robin Williams ass genie came out of your dick or something

I don't know like whatever the fuck Where he comes from doesn't matter But he comes out and you could tell that he's a magical being And he says you now have the power of flight Right You would probably die pretty fucking instantaneously I feel like You'd have to start baby levels

But you wouldn't though Because I would be so I know I would die Yes I'd probably do. No, because you would be like, oh my God, I can fly. This is like the human dream. Fuck this. I'm going, I'm going to go all the way. Or at least like I'm not going to know how to not go all the way because you're so excited that you can fly now. I would like jump off things and like fly up a little bit. I would try to progress it. But I got very much to also like not know how fast I'm going to fly. Because like, it's like another sense pretty much controlling how fast you fly. Well, no. It's just like so it's just you're, it's just you have the power to fly. So you're not indestructible. Oh, yeah, I understand. You don't have like a particularly, uh, high speed threshold. You don't have like, um, you don't have a resistance to like, uh, what is it, the G force? Yeah.

You're not going to really create many Gs if you're flying, though. Like, if, if you're flying like Superman, you're fucking. Oh, yeah, but then that's the whole thing. Like, you have no clue. Like, when you learn how, like, learning how to fly is like, oh, you can fly now. It's like, how do I dictate what I can and can't do. So pretty much having that powers is a damper to you. Like I got to figure, I got to fuck around with this.

Because if I don't fuck around this, I'm just going to be useless. So you got to like, you got to go out and be like, all right, cool. I'm going to like jump. I'm going to like jump and then see like how high up I can get. But then how do you turn it off? Like, how do you even dictate how to use that scent? I believe that. It's pretty much another sense.

I could see you already. You would fly really high up and then you would fly like, you would fly really high up so that you could fly really fast and not have to worry about buildings. No, I wouldn't. I would just try to figure out how to fly. Like how does this work? And then the bird, but because you don't have super strength, the bird's just going to fucking bullet through you. And then you're going to die.

Your corpse is going to come crashing down to the Grand Canyon or something. I don't know. I don't think. I would probably be too scared to even use it. I'd be like, oh my God. I'd have to go to the Nevada, some sort of like the fucking desert in this dick around flying there. But then try to fly real slow and then try to get used to it. Then I got to get my body used to fucking torpedoing myself.

I fucking don't want to use it. I'm like, nah, I'm not going to do this. But I don't want the power. I don't want the power. Fuck it. No one's not going to fly if they can fly, dude. That's not true.

You're insane. You're speaking for yourself. We can't even, dude, we can't even fly and we fly. Look. We built machines specifically so we could just obtain that power. You don't think if we had it intrinsically, like, I would just think of how many, this scenario literally opened my eyes even further

to how much I don't know what I would be doing. Therefore, I wouldn't do it. You might do it. You can say you could do it. Yeah. I'd be like, Nah, because I don't know what I'm going to do. If I can't practice the power, I got to get a manual.

You got to tell me some shit. How do I fly? You know, it's going to pop out my thing and tell me I can fly because you could just be lying to me and I can kill myself. Fuck that. I just don't believe that you wouldn't use it. If I don't know how to use it, I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do with this? This is pretty much use because I don't know what to do. You would try to figure it out because you have the thing that everybody wants.

I'd be like, man, no, bro. I'm chilling. This is getting really bad for me. I don't want to fly into a fucking jet engine. You do this thing where you take. things that are kind of universal and you just, you're like, nah, not me. He's a fucking nonconformist.

Chris, Chris, look, Chris, if someone says you have fire powers, you can control fire, you'd be like, oh, that's really cool. But then you'd be like, I have fire powers, right? What the fuck could go wrong with this? Because a lot of things tend to go wrong. The super show stories don't tell you the fucking in-between.

that people got to get used to the fact that oh like imagine spider man having spider strength one day and then he bumping then he pushes the door open when he's in front of the door and he fucking flattens that bitch or he fucking jumps way too high and lands on top someone and breaks their fucking back because shit like that would happen in life you would kill people by a mistake I think you would still use it

I'd be fucking I would like you don't have the control I would be I would want to use it and I would try but then the thing is that like I don't know how I don't know how to use it. You would sneakily use it though. You would, right? I would be like, maybe I'm just going to like float up a little bit and grab something. Or like I'd be like, I'd do like a lot of tricks where I'd be like, you want to see me do a quadruple backflip?

Then I jump up and then get a little more air time than I need so I can finish off a flip. That's so sad. It's just fucking depressingly lame way to use that power. Because if you go I don't want to be Icarus man Icarus fucked himself up bro His story his story is fucking For everybody to know about

I'm not trying to be that dumb guy Yeah but that's fucking cartoons man That's fucking that's fake So is flying in general dude I'm using my only I'm using my only reference My only reference is Icarus And I'm not trying to die

That's it Your reference is birds birds fly Birds fly but birds don't fly with their minds They have mechanisms built into them Where they can fly I mean they technically fly with their minds if you want to get real specific. Birds don't think about flying then

just fly. They got to flap their wings to fly. Yo, they fucking just throw their babies off trees. Or they jump sometimes. The babies look at them like, my mom, I'm going to die now. They jump. And then they get eaten by fucking pussy and Tim's. Pussy and Tim's always shows up.

He's always cleaning up afterwards. He's such a classic character. I love him. Pussy and Tim's actually kind of the perfect hero, actually. You think about it. Somebody write a screenplay about Pussy and Tim's and actually like try their damn. Dedicate your life to selling that script and actually sell it one day. And really drive home the fact that he's from the Bronx. Like really drive home the fact.

Like I want him to be as fucking gritty as as gritty as one of my fucking uncles, man. Like I want him to be a fucking thug. He's got a fucking machete. Instead of having like his little rapier, he has a fucking machete. All right. So what is it? Oh God help rodin. appropriate name, I think.

He says, hello, reanimated bones, spray-painted iron giant, and horny Miles Morales. I don't know. What? Who's what? I don't know. I assume I'm reanimated bones because that's generally a... I've heard that so many times at this point. What's the repainted iron giant?

I am, but like, I would be the Miles Morales. I'm like the ethnic... I'm like correct ethnicity. I don't know. That wasn't a good one. right but Derek has the Miles Morales Marales mask. That's true. That's true. That's you Derek. I'll give you that. Okay. And he's always

talking about titties and European You always talking about fucking things. You really want to be fucking bro. I mean what's... You better slow it down for all those kids catch up to you, bro. I'm just saying. Man, there's just no better thing, man. I mean tell me, have you ever had a McFlurry while you get your dick sucked? That's all I'm saying. That's all I got to say. Have you had a McFlurry getting your dick sucked?

Yeah. Have you eaten a McFlurry while in your dick suck? no I've never have but I want to try I find that's disrespectful though but like I'm gonna try no I have a I have a girlfriend I did it some bitch I'm just never gonna fucking see Is that sex if you have if you have a McFlurry

But only with the McFlurry If you don't have to make flurry it's not sex Getting a blowjob disqualifies it as sex It was sex before that Look all I'm saying is that like A McFlurry is pretty They thwack bro I haven't had a McFurrie in a fucking long ass

Another advice would be told. But I'm just trying to say, guys, fucking, Nirvana is that. I'm just saying that, you know, I'm talking about girls. The band? What? No, what? The band?

Like, fucking E is probably really dope. Wait, what did you even say? I didn't even hear what you said. The fucking... You said Nirvana. And you said that's a band? Nirvana actually means something. Yeah.

No, it means the band. No, it does it, dumb, dumb. invented the word Nirvana. Nirvana means Nirvana means Kurt Cobain and the guy from food fighters. You mean Kurt Kostain.

Shut the fuck. You got to somebody referring to fucking Gabe Grohl as the guy from food fighters. That would make me so sad. If I ever meet him, I'll say that. You're the guy from Food Fighters, right? You know what's a really funny story actually? VidCon.

I think it was VidCon. I'm pretty sure. There was like this sponsor kind of I can't remember what it was specifically. It was like this thing where they just sponsors told a lot of the people who like do work for them that like, hey, they're doing like this kind of brunch thing

at this hotel and like around VidCon at this time like early in the afternoon or whatever. And it was like a dollar shave thing and I went I went to one. And right now with Ram Trucks declaration of deals. Well qualified current FCA lessees get a low mileage lease on the 26. Ram 1500

Big Horn crew cab four by four for 369 a month for 39 months with 4,09 do at signing. Tax, title, license, Extra. No security deposit required. Call 1.877 RAM, 5722 for lease details. Requires dealer contribution and lease through Stalantis Financial. Current vehicle must be registered to consumer at least 30 days prior to lease to qualify. Extra charge for miles over 32,500. Not all customers will qualify. Residency restrictions apply. Take delivery by 331. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America. largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw billboarded years recently that said

20 billion one. 20 billion is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident. Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7, 365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, from, thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. Visit furtherpeople.com for an office near you.

I ran into, I ran into some guy that I know I've seen before, and I couldn't put my finger on it, So I just guessed as to who he was. And he said, like, I said something like, oh, uh, wisecrack, right? And he's like, uh, no. Uh, and then he said what he was, like what channel he was. And I just went same thing. And I walked away. But I didn't mean for it to be like offensive.

It just was. You're the worst. You're the worst. Dude, they make the same shit. Like, it was like the dude who fucking does like, here's the philosophy of Rick and Morty. You're like, fucking all the things you missed in Rick and Morty season one, episode six. But the fact that you said, oh, same thing. The fact that you said that, Chris.

Yeah, I was wrong. I was really confident that I got it right, though. Yeah, that was the problem. It was, it was, I mixed up, I mixed up Wisecracked and new rock stars. Oh, my God. I was just be like, oh, you guys are all the fucking same. Just tell them, whatever, man. Yeah, I should have went like, listen, you're the same.

You're exactly the same. Guys, guys, wait. It's not my fault that I can't remember you. There was a question. There was a question. What was the question? We never got there. We got this rate.

Oh, yeah. What was the question? Yo, this is classic. This is classic. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, yeah. So, oh God help said, first time question for a long time,

from a long time supporter. Have any of you all fallen into any internet rabbit holes, conspiracy or otherwise? You know the wild shit that makes you question the world. Keep up the merry shit show, gents. Thank you, dude. I've recently delved back into the Chris Chan kind of rabbit hole. Oh my God, of course.

And if anybody's gone on the internet for a long time, they probably know what Chris Chan is. I would be shocked if you didn't, quite frankly. Do you know Chris Chan, Derek? Yeah, but I just don't know, like, what's the, like, could you consider, like, Chris Chan a conspiracy or anything involving Christian? I mean, Chris Chan is just, he's, I think not even, I don't even think it's up for debate. I think he is genuinely the most documented man on the internet. Like he... Maybe.

Well, I guess he's trans now, so I don't know how to refer to him really. I think it's... But like... Person? The documented person. You say person. Yeah. What? You say documented person.

I'm just correcting myself from the past because I said man because he's been a man for like a long-ass time. I mean, you're not wrong. Well... But like, yeah, no, he's just like he... It's so hard to talk about it because, like, like he's just uh for the longest time he was just like documenting his life on the internet he's that guy who has like that that video of his dad going like do you understand that if the if the city of whatever the fuck saw this video they would take the house chris they would take the fucking

house take the damn videos off the gosh darn internet and there's just there's so many like insane christian videos that it's just it's just wild uh that's that's nice and his character sprawling He went to like a game stop and like He was He was fainting He was he got upset that Sonic's arms changed Uh

So he went to game stop and painted All of the, he tried to paint all of the sonic game covers Like with the correct color arms And he got kicked out and he like pepper sprayed one of the employees Oh my god This is like long ago I didn't even know about it Because you have to

Dude that's like one day That's like a single day That's not even like a month's worth of news for him. It's like, it was this, he's just, it's hard to explain to anybody who hasn't been paying attention, but like, just know that there's literally, I think, thousands of hours of content about him. Like, actually, because he's been so fascinating to keep track of. That's crazy. What about you, Derek? What have you fell down in? Well, uh, there was one that genuinely upset me, but I don't think it's, uh, it's interesting, but, but, you're

I don't think it's true, but there's a part of me that wants to not. There's a lot of people that dismiss, and I understand why, there's a lot of people that dismiss conspiracies that involve children, like whether it's kidnapping or sex rings or whatever it is, because it's so dark. It's such a, like, awful thing to think about that it's, like, really upsetting. But the conspiracies will pop up every once in a while. Like, there's literal cases of rings,

and stuff and trafficking, getting broken up. So you see the real stories. And when it has to do with people that are rich and kind of like we were talking about crime, like white collar type or what people would consider white collars are rich, people kind of deflect on that shit too. So I was watching some stuff that had to do with like, oh, these elites or their trafficking,

basically the way that Epstein would. And the thing that got me down the rabbit hole was because of one of the one of the the the title it was about Tom Hanks and I was like what I was like get the fuck out of here oh my god I think I heard this too I was like get out of here it's Tom Hanks like he's he's the best but it was weird some actor that is you know he's like a B-lister does all these other like small roles but he came out and was like yeah I have dirt on all these people I have dirt on Seth Green and and Tom Hanks and I'm like what and then he basically basically said he has like a what do you call those things uh if like not a kill switch i don't know

i forget a dead man switch dead man switch that's it we said like if i he first he was like i'm not i'm totally healthy i'm not going to kill myself and he has it oh he killed himself of course he did he threw himself off uh off uh uh uh one of those uh bridge things that are like on a freeway or whatever, so he just like, woo. Oh, nice. A turn pass? A McDonald's play, playhouse or whatever? Yeah, essentially that.

Yeah, essentially that. Eddie took a nice, you gotta love it. 360 dive. Imagine, can you imagine somebody who has dirt on like, one of the biggest pedophile rings in human history jumps off of the top of like a McDonald's playpen and like fucking dies? That's so fucking ridiculous. Yo, that shit, the stuff that I started looking up, though,

for a second, it started to, just like not freak me out but really upset me because my mind did that defensive thing that I just don't want to believe this at all. Even though like some of the stuff that was presented to me was very interesting where I'm like why did this guy kill himself and he said and this and this and that? And then there's there was all it was a myriad of shit. And that I went down to a rabbit hole of that but then I was so upset that I was just like I can't do this anymore.

Like I the idea of like people taking advantage of kids upsets me so much. So disgusting. This really, this reminds me of, and it's, it's nothing to, it's, I, I brought this tangent upon myself when I brought up the fucking McDonald's Playpen because I just got like a very specific memory that came flooding back. When I was like a child, I was in one of those McDonald's, you know what I'm talking about when I say the McDonald's Playpen? Yeah, I afraid, I don't know if they were called Playpenes. No, I think that's right. They're playplaces. They're called the McDonald Playplace. Oh, the Playplace. Yeah, that's right. What a stupid fucking, whatever.

Same shit. but like I remember I think I was like seven or like eight and I was going through one of those and you know how they have those like they have like a thing that you climb up and then there's like those little like rooms that kind of join the segments together they have like bubbly kind of windows all over the place yeah of course it's just box to join the the segments of the thing together I remember crawling up one of them and then walking into one of the little like one of the little boxes that joins the other things together and there was this kid in the corner crying really loud and then I looked into the next room and room, which was like a big, a big room full of, like, the, the, the, the, the ball pit. Yeah. It was like a ball pit room. And there were these three rats fighting, fighting each other in the, in the fucking rat. You got to love it. And they were screeching and, like, fucking, it, you just heard, like, really strong rustling and, like, balls were, like, flailing around everywhere.

And this kid's crying next to me. What did you do? Did you help him out? I left. I walked back. I walked out. Uh, I, I went back the way I came because I was like, I'm not going to deal with that. Dude, he probably got.

consumed by the rats. He probably was devoured, well. I think he got scratched or something. He had rabies and he ended up affecting several in New York before he got put down, actually. Probably. That's a real story. I can't believe I forgot about that for so long. Okay.

Jesus Christ. What kind of conspiracy stuff have I fucking fallen into? I've definitely have like, I've definitely listened to like a five hour fucking thing about lizard people. And I just got so fucking sad. I got so sad and scared because like I don't really, I don't really believe in like, I believe in aliens, but I don't believe in like alien subterfusion

side of America but then like at same time I'm like yo how would I fucking know they look just like us bro like how would I know they could be around they could be watching it's how they get you dude that's how they get me and I'm just like yo dude it's so stressful and then I had another conspiracy theory about what was the other one

it was like one of them was so stupid it was I think it was a Scientology one but I got like way too deep in it and like I saw clips of like the fucking movie and I was just like the what was like some sort of Scientology like movie Right now with Ram Trucks declaration of deals, well-qualified current FCA lessees, get a low mileage lease on the 26, RAM-500 Big Horn crew cab, 4x4 for $3.69 a month, for 39 months,

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I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw Billboard of years recently that said 20 billion one. 20 billion is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22. 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and batter and our army grows. So the number will

hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7-365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Law, thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. for an office near you. What are you talking about? There was like a Scientology movie.

I think John Travolta was in it. What? There's a Scientology movie with John Travolta in it? I think so. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you like, like an actual movie or a documentary? What are you talking about? It was like an actual movie.

I don't think that's true. Is that some sort of fucking weird way? Let me look it up. I'm pretty sure I saw some scenes from some movie and I was like, what the fuck is this? Are you talking about that movie? Are you talking about that movie Battlefield Earth? I think it's that.

Yeah, that's not a Scientology movie. I thought I was like, is Scientology this lit? Like, is it this crazy? Like, is it this lit? I was like, this is nuts. Battlefield Earth is one of the worst movies ever made. It was a bad movie, but it was a lot going on. So I was like, what the fuck, dude?

Dude. We better hope these guys are wrong. because if they're not, then fuck, dude. You got to admit, though, a film John Travolta in that movie just chewing the fucking scenery and everything is actually kind of delightful. He does that in everything that he...

Have you seen that movie of him? Oh my God, what's it called? Gabby and I were watching it. A long time ago. Huh? I mean, he's autistic man, and he's like going after that. Darthy he really likes.

Oh, dude. I didn't see the movie, but I saw Red Letter Media breaking it down. Damn it Hold on I have to look this up Yeah Damn

It's gonna it's gonna kill me If I don't John Travolta To Augustic day He's like Oh Sandy I'm retarded Oh my god I don't think

I don't think that was Exactly how it went But uh Yeah I have a Oh the fanatic And it's him It's him and

It's directed by Fred Durst That's right That's right Oh my god The lead fucking vocalist of fucking what was it

Limp biscuit Yo cut Yo action That's so fucking That's so fucking risky I got John Travolta in the movie Dude no It's like

It's one of the worst things I've ever seen It's amazing How bad it is Because he's really hamming it up And he's like Chewing the scenery And he's like You get the sense

That he's definitely taking it seriously But nobody else is so it makes the movie this weird kind of you can't tell if it's meant to be funny or not yeah it's amazing he just plays like this fan of this actor and he like goes into his house and he like sniffs his clothes and then he gets his fucking fingers shot off at the end it's so stupid it makes like i think he gets his like his eye stabbed and then he's still let then the dude lets him go or something yeah yeah he just walks down the street like bleeding and no one

cares and then like his best friend happens to be driving by in a fucking a Ford Taurus and like walks out and like goes oh my god you're bleeding are you okay he's just like he's like something like he has some condition some mental you should you should definitely you all should watch it's pretty it's such a ridiculous movie all of you all of you watch it because he has he he has the stupidest haircut in the fucking world the whole movie it's got a 17% on rotten tomatoes, you really need to watch it. Yeah, it's so good.

It's definitely worth it. It's definitely a trip. Yo, Fred does. I cheese. What you gotta say? Yeah, I can't do it. Oh my God. Somebody was like, next question, please.

Next question, please. It's like Derek's impressions are comically bad. And I like, I wouldn't have it any other way. If he was good at impressions, like he would, we would just have him do him the whole That's a Yeah, honestly. It would be like a Brock Baker

scenario. Yeah, that's all like that's the that's kind of the joke. Like I use that Rainier Wolf Castle like that's the joke

because it's just like it wouldn't be, it wouldn't be, it wouldn't be nearly, it would be impressive but it wouldn't be nearly as funny, right?

Exactly. I don't think any of us are particularly good at impress. That's not a skill that any of us have. Yeah. You know, you guys,

have you guys heard how fucking often I try to sound like Keith David and how bad. I practice. Yeah, that's a thing. I practice. And I'm still

terrible at it. I'm barely like myself. The beginning of the one that you did today was pretty good. Do you have any people that you could impersonate like really well? Like even like by your, in your opinion? I know I can but I can't think of it right off the top of my head. Who can I impersonate? I may be able to impersonate Michael Jackson like kind of halfway when I had like a like a lower like a not as fucking manly voice. What'd you say?

Like I could do Michael Jackson a little bit when I was little. Everybody can do Michael Jackson. All right. All right, Tito. Everybody could do it. You want to hear my Michael Jackson. Let's go ahead and do this. Here we go.

Let's hear it. Hey, boy. You look supple, don't you? You got a tight little man. He, he, he, don't you? Your body. Your body's so warm. I just want to take a lick of it.

Oh my God. Oh, my God. You smell You smell like a little lost Welcome to Netherlands The right is my pants It doesn't matter if it's black or white What'd you say?

I'm really good in impersonating a character I created If that makes any sense Yeah that's the wet man The wet man dog I'm impressed with that I'm proud of myself It is a good character But oh my god That fucked me up

I don't even know like What do I do? You know, Hit me up. Hit me up. Meat Canyon. I'd be fucking dope. I'd be dope in one of your things, man.

All right. We should get Meat Canyon on the show. Oh, fuck it. Dude, yes. Could you imagine a snark tank and meat Canyon video?

That would be mind blowing. That would never happen. Never. Absolutely never happened. We're not worth it. Just getting them on the podcast would be so dope. Maybe we did some super fuck shit where, where like it'd be funny to make fun

of us doing some fuck shit we could do it I would definitely like commission like a drawing of us like I would be totally happy to pay for that I agree we just change it to our banner to that we got a final one from Dan the Pussy Collider Schneider ooh I fuck with Dan

what's he says what's better a mermaid with the top half being human and the bottom half being fish or vice versa This is such a stupid question But it's a spirited debate That I think could yield an open different Open end of conversations Yeah, that's very true

Could it really? What are you, what is your opinion? What's your opinion, Derek? I want to hear what you got to say. What do you think that? I don't know Because there's there's valid reasons for both No, no

No That is not really, there's not really But let's just hear what you have to say Derek, you first Because you're the one that's so fucking defensive I just can't imagine I just can't imagine fucking a girl

that has a fish face I can't Yeah no That's so assidine Like just So fucking That is mad That's literally madness

That's literally the craziest shit I can ever think of So you would So you'd want the area Yeah I would just play with their tities And fucking fuck her face Like that's that's cool Like the thing The thing is this

The thing is this all right imagine what fish pussy smells like first of all my god that would fucking send me up the walls not only that but like you'll probably be underwater though so you probably wouldn't have to smell anything I'm not

I couldn't I couldn't fuck a fish person but if I had first of all imagine you're fucking tap in a nice fat ass right and then a fish person looks back at you and then it breathes through its fucking gills and you're just like I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I'm in way too deep. The worst thing is that they make no sounds. They make no sound. So that's better. That's better. It would just hear breathing. You just hear deep. Oh my God.

That's so fucking disgusting. My thing is like inside me. I'm so turned off. Yo, literally I'm so flaccid. It's fucking hilarious. Hold on. So hold on. Let me let me paint you guys a picture.

Please don't. You are in a scenario. It's like a, it's like, it's like those oh my god what are they called when it's just like it's not a glory hole

it's like when the woman is like kind of in placed in the middle of a wall and it's just the back that's visible and there's like a you know what I mean

so pretty much like a reverse glory hole all like those fucking washing machine porn are like the step mom gets stuck in a washing machine he's like

ah Jimmy would you mind help me out Jimmy's like I'm on helping myself and he starts fucking the step mom stuck inside a wash machine. I mean, I guess

that's the principle. I don't know how to explain this point, but I've definitely like stumbled upon it. Like, I know it exists where it's like... I've definitely like searched for a purpose. It's just the, it's just the back side and then the other side of them is on the other side of the wall, so they don't know who's... Yeah, it's like a reverse glory hole, huh?

It's like being stuck pretty much. But it's only, but instead of like two people being on opposite sides, it's like, you know, like one person kind of being half on both. Okay, I get... What if... So you have the bottom half of... I have seen it's like some European shit. Yes, I know what exactly we're talking about.

Yeah, yeah. I know what exactly your time about? So what if you're in that situation and then it looks like just a normal woman and then on the other side it's a fish person but you don't know it. Well, wretch afterwards, I'd be pretty upset that I fucked the fish. First of all, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to fuck someone who's stuck in a situation like that. I just be like, I should probably help this person. I know.

I'm saying, but like I know. I know. What do you think they fucking ended up there by accident? I know. Chris, I know, but I'm just trying to, I'm trying to think, like, I'm just voicing me right now. I'm not voicing me situation. Like, someone stuck, like, first of all, what kind of maniac fuck someone that's stuck?

All right? That's what is wrong with you? You're fucking broken. Help that person out. They're stuck. They're not stuck, though. They're there on. That's like the whole, that's why they're there.

Okay. Voluntarily. I, they're voluntarily stuck. I would rather fuck a puss than a face. But if the. face is attached. Right now with RAM trucks declaration of deals, well-qualified current FCA lessees, get a low mileage lease on the 2026.

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Not all customers will qualify. Residency Restrictions Apply. Take delivery by 331. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw Billboard of years recently that said 20 billion one. 20 billion is an insane number.

Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22. 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7-365. Wow. Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Lawfirm, thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. com for an office near you.

I'd rather fuck a face that's attached to fish legs than a puss attached to a fist face. Because fishes are the, fish's face is one of the ultimately least attractive things on the planet. I'll stand by saying that. They're just so fucking unbelievably disgusting. They're so fucking unrelatable, man. It's so gross.

Dude, birds are more relatable than fish and birds fucking fly into windows and die. Like, that's some shit. They are. That is why. that I agree with you. Yeah. Birds are just like infinitely, like, because birds are like fucking unfeeling reptiles,

really still, kind of. They're just aerial reptiles. They're just aerial reptiles. So, like, they look at you and, like, we assume that they can love, I guess, because people keep them as pets, but, like, they probably can't really. The smart ones who probably loves, like, parrots and shit.

Yeah, I'm sure they, they form attachments. But, like, every time a parrot looks at you, it looks at you in the same way. There's no, like, glisten in its eye. It's not like a puppy or, like, a kitten. Yeah, mammals are special, though. Mammals are better than everything. Yeah.

Mammals are just the most, like, mammals probably have souls. Probably the only ones that actually have souls at all, the creatures that exist. Oh, my God. I don't know about that. So, guys, check the Discord. Would you let this fish go down on you? Let me see. I'm about to have a stomach cake.

That's a fucking human life. Yeah, that's a real fish, dude. Yo, what the fuck? That doesn't even look like. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Fucking reaction. Oh, my.

God, I literally fucking shuddered. I fucking shuddered. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you're just listening to the audience. This will be in the video version of the podcast, so just take a note of when this happens and skip to this in the video podcast

if you want to see what we're looking at. But fucking Christ almighty, this is bad. Holy God, that shit, fuck me. You know what's fucked up about this? It doesn't even look like, it doesn't even look like a fish with human lips. It looks like someone took real human lips and sewed them onto a fish.

It does look like that. Is that a real fish? Is that a real fish? Yeah. Is that a real animal? Is that an animal that exists in the wild? I mean, dude, if you look up on fish with human teeth, there's a lot. There's like this you look up. If you search fish with human lips, this is the first thing that will probably pop up.

But if you type in fish with human teeth, there's a disturbing amount of fish that look like they have human mouths. It's fucking freaky. Yo, I'm actually about to cry. That really fucked with me, man. That really fucking bothered me. That really, like, I saw that and my back tensed up and I literally almost started growling to scare the picture away. So would that make it easier for you to fuck? That it looks a little bit more human.

Oh, my Lord. I saw that, I just, I just saw this picture of like a fish with human teeth. And it's, and it's from odd. It's from a Reddit called like R slash oddly terrifying. And it's like, what the fuck do you mean oddly terrifying? That's fucking obviously terrifying. It's like, oh, how strange that this fucking fish with human teeth is a kind of scary. How odd, how bizarre.

Fuck you, dude. Holy shit. I'm so fucking offended by this person. That shit really fucked me up, man. That's really weird seeing that, though, right? It's just like, that's like fucking those are chompers, dude. Like they went to the fucking dentist. Those look healthier than my teeth.

God fucking be praised. That really fucked me up. Yo, you guys don't even understand right now. The kind of fucking duress my body's in, man. I feel like I feel like I have the flu. That shit fucked me, man. Wow, I'm not looking at anything else. I can't do it.

No, no, no, hold on. Look at this. It's the same fish with human lips, but it's a dog with human eyes. Chris, I'll fucking die. You guys are going to kill me. It just looks so bored. It looks so, it looks so dead. That dog has people face.

All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, for the fucking audience. I know, right? This, that's my... Okay, let's... You know what? We'll put photos in the Patreon. We'll put, we'll link these... Oh yeah, it's a good idea.

Like, show notes. Yeah, yeah. It's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, so that's a good idea. So, there you go. You'll get some glimpses to what the fuck we're looking at. Can we just get to... You know what we should do, actually?

You know, it would be a good idea. Oh, no. For the Patreon feed, we just, we link all the photos that go through the discord while we're doing the podcast. That'd be a good idea. Yeah. Yeah, that is actually really smart. With some exceptions. Of course, probably.

Yeah. There's a few things in this point, we definitely shouldn't. We definitely shouldn't. Yeah, should I? Not all of them. Yeah, yeah. But it's definitely more than the average person is getting.

Okay, guys, let's close this because I don't feel well no more. I don't feel well. Yeah. I feel bad. I'm about to cry, dude. I don't cry about shit. He doesn't, Sweeney doesn't handle change well.

I don't handle fish with. Teeth well. Because fish shouldn't have teeth like that. Whoa. You know what's fucking strange? What? Right now with Ram Trucks declaration of deals. Well qualified current FCA lessees. Get a low mileage lease on the 2026. Ram 1500 Big Horn crew cab four by four for three sixty nine a month for thirty nine months with four thousand ninety nine due at signing. Tax title license extra. No security deposit required. Call one eight seven seven seven. Two two for lease details requires dealer contribution and lease through Stalantis financial. Current vehicle must be registered to consumer at least 30 days prior to lease to qualify.

Extra charge for miles over 32,500. Not all customers will qualify. Residency restrictions apply. Take delivery by 331. I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how's it going today? It's going good, man.

Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan & Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw a billboard of years recently that said 20 billion. 1. 20 million is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting

bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7. 365. Wow, Dan Morgan. From Morgan and Morgan, America's Large Injury Lawfram, thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. Visit furtherpeople.com for an office near you.

So, fucking, this is really fresh news, apparently. I don't know anything about wrestling, but apparently, like, a WWE person just died. James Harris. Oh, yes. Yeah, Kamala Harris. Yeah, what the fuck is that? His name is literally James Kamala Harris. Yeah, that kind of, I saw that early because I always knew he was Kamala,

but I didn't know his last name was Harris So that's What a fucking crazy coincidence That is wild Super coincidence I think they Kill them specifically

So there's no copyright I mean I was gonna say copyright We killed one Kamala Harris We'll kill another We've already taken out one I mean She's about to get tapped to be a VP I'm assuming

So I think it's just all fucking I think it's just trademark dude What if she came What if she came out Dress like that Like when it's time to do the debates of shit That would fuck you up Like a fucking Zulu

What if Kamala Harris has to Like the politician has to now take Kamala Harris's place As a wrestling icon I don't know how that works I mean When one Kamala Harris When one Kamala Harris dies

The next Kamala Harris in the lineage has to, has to... It's like the fucking Black Panther? Yeah, it's exactly like Black Panther except with just Kamala Harris's. I mean, that'd be... I'd be, I'd be with it. I mean, you know, Kamala hasn't wrestled

like forever, but... It'd be interesting. It's time to take up the mantle, you know? The fucking battle for the cowl. We'll end. We'll end. We'll end this up. If you're listening to this on the Patreon, uh, sorry if this is like a...

This is going to be a... late. We just weren't feeling well earlier, honestly. And we didn't want Derek to fucking slave away overnight editing a thing. Yeah.

So if you can go up and fuck that. But yeah, hopefully you're fine with that. If you're not, eh, I go away then. Sorry. If you like somehow what you heard today,

consider supporting us over at patreon.com slash the snark tank. $1 a month gets you early access. $5 a month gets you a question read on the show. $10 gets you access to our Discord.

$15 is a tier that you can subscribe at? Oh my God. We're thinking of doing, we're thinking of doing like, I've reached to some people in the Discord, and they said that maybe we could do like a, like, a Q&A games, like on the Discord every now and again for the $15 tier. That'd be amazing.

We're not sure if that's something that we're going to do, but it's, there are some ideas floating around. There's only so much we could do right now, really. Like, I would like to, like, send stuff out, but like everything's fucking paused right now. Yeah. It's kind of wax sending shit out now. Fucking, if you ever go to like UPS or like a FedEx or something, it's trash now.

It just takes forever to get to you to. Yeah. It's very much so. Even Amazon's fucking up. I just got something that I ordered in September. Crazy. What? What?

Yeah. Yeah. The, that Master Chief figurine thing that I got? Like, I ordered that in September and I just got it. Was it like a pre-order? It was a pre-order, but it came out in like fucking April. Oh, okay. That's not.

And I just got it. Now, that's hot. That's hot. Anyway, the $25 tier gets you your name dyslexically red at the end of the show, which I will do now. Three, two, and a one. Rodolfo Gomez, Billy the Big Ball Brawler, Derek's emo Negroes. Nice. Alaskan oil field trash.

Okay. What? What's the Alaska? Is that like an oil spill in a lot? I feel like that's like a thing that happens. That's something that I should know, I feel like. I feel like I've definitely heard this at some point. I think it was like something where they used to club baby seals or something.

Oh, yeah. Oh, this is a call ditty map. That's what I know from. Yeah, it's a call ditty map. That's so sad. Already the one-man party. Dan, uh, Dan, um, Dan, What was his name?

The Pussy Collider Schneider Professional Femboy Busy Slayer Keith David kisses you Sweeney is on two watch lists I wish my dad kissed me like Tom Brady Pokemon Diamond and Pearl Harbor

Clever and concise Keith David Keith David Juan Punchman Der Uber Uterman Marcus Shorten Mr. Fuck Big Nick Digger You can't get me

You damn fool Small P made me I bought Bitcoin in 2010 but lost my password. The necrophagious anus, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, moist clam sauce, Dick Durbin's dirty diaper turban,

zesty Keith David, Chris is 69 gigabytes of cocoa bandicoot hentai. Tom Wilson is a cunt. Keith David and Danny DeVito Dick the Snark Tank. Please, Chris, breed me. Dangle Blampy, David Connolly,

Dunderhead, Ben Douglas, Justin Trebushet, Canada's first black prime minister, Sergeant Sweaty Sack, Heiko, Chief Keith David, 84th trimester abortion, Mike Tyson, Sweenie, the Kauaiwifu,

Hiroshima's spicy mushroom Colonel Colin the colonel collapsing kingpin A level one cleric, stidstrip chema Keith David Just another fucking random Keith David Fucking game like you mean it Dummy thick Craig big dude 044 Heartless Wretch double jointed pussy

Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy come inside my tummy Ghosts the ghosts Above Chris and Sweeney's apartment Jolly old dipshit Emperor Palpatine Huggard Derek and Frank's Easy Bake Oven Carson Jones Keitherean David deflated left ass cheek All hands on Chris's throat

Sunny Chance, Sween and, uh, Jada's Harlequin baby, Toby Schutman, Melfis 1, Richter 86, and King of Hap Hazard.

There you go. That was good, Chris. That is everybody. I'm gonna insert some applause in there. Oh yeah, just insert like a fucking stock. Fucking laugh track. I already,

I already got a cute up. All right, guys. Thanks for tuning in. This is probably a shorter episode, a more, a more chill episode. Uh, I think,

uh, I think we're getting into the, into a point where we're going to start doing video soon. We're going to start having guests on soon. So things are going to start ramping up pretty quick. Yes, yes. Also, there are some new animates that have been made since we last mentioned animated. So there's, keep in mind, there is a snark tank animated playlist that keeps track of all the people who have done snark tank animated. So if you want to be on there, by all means, make us a fucking animation.

Tag us on Twitter. I'm sure we'll see it. Put it on our subreddit. I know that I check my subreddit more often than my Twitter because my Twitter notifications are fucking crazy. So that's how I'll see it. But, like, you know, if Derek and Sweeney see it, I'll see it too. Yeah.

So, and we appreciate that shit a lot. 100%. The animated and the art, you guys are so fucking, like, talented. It's insane, man. It's so cool. The fucking... The Lego one, man. Yeah, the Lego, the most recent Star Tank animated was this stop motion...

Dude, that shit's so crazy. This stop motion, like, Lego thing. by, I'm trying to find his name. His name is Topeng Productions on YouTube. So talented, man. It's called Bow and Arrow Boomer. And it's on the playlist. So check it out.

It's fucking animated, fucking amazing. He made a whole ass fucking Sweeney Lego, man. It really is, like, genuinely, like, I'm not just saying this because, like, it's us. I mean this, like, sincerely from, like, an animation standpoint. This is, like, some of the smoothest stop motion I've seen on YouTube, like genuinely it's it's really good really insanely time I used to do that I used to do

stop motion when I was a kid and yeah I know how fucking long that shit took to do just to make it look half decent so that's just like well done yeah you can really you can really tell that like it took like I can tell that it took a long time yeah you know like it's it's obvious that it I love I love Sweeney's fucking

like it's just straight up you yeah but like a bionicle it's insane it's a Lego bionicle me and I'm like how did you make that. It's so wild. If I saw that, if I saw that irrespective of this animation, I would, I would think, oh, that looks, that looks like Sweeney kind of.

You'd be like, yeah, dude, is this you? And I'd be like, what the fuck? What are you, Derek? Are you like a, you're like a just a, he's a regular bionicle. He's a regular bionicle. And I'm fucking Genji from Overwatch. It's ridiculous. It's really cool.

Check it out. I just wanted to shout that out since the show was ending early. and it was reasonable to... I like to shout the shit like this out. For sure. There's another one I was recently made too, actually. What was the other one that was recently made? I think it was made by...

Let me see if I could find a person real quick. I don't think I saw another one recently. I thought today, I think, if I'm not mistaken. Let me... What today? Yeah, I think I saw something today. Where there's like... If there's something today, then I totally missed it.

It was made by commissions openly, actually. There's like a little thing where you like on a computer and I just run in and I say my patented line and then shoot you in the face. I'm actually going to share it to you guys right now. Yeah. It's like a... It's like a Twitter. It's like an unfinished Twitter animatic. Yeah.

It's hilarious. Yeah. That was pretty cool, too. But yeah, thanks for all you guys support. Thanks for your art. Thanks for the questions on Patreon. Thanks for just everything in general. It's really cool that we're able to do this consistently. For real, guys.

And it just keeps growing. It's really sick. So we appreciate it. And, yeah, we're going to have some guests on soon. So stay tuned for that. And I think we're gone. I think we're out. Well, we love you.

Speak for yourself I got in you Dummy, d'allet. Click and collect. Order confirmed. Dad, tomorrow can we start a band? Can we become robots? Affirmative.

Can we go crab battling? That isn't a thing. How about swimming? Dad, can we take a nap? You not off and I'll pick up the shop and deal. Deal. While you do the important things, we'll do the essentials. Book your free click and collect slot at Tesco.

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