The Snark Tank - #399: Highguard is Highgone

Episode Date: March 7, 2026

https://www.patreon.com/TheSnarkTank

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Oh, every, oh, is your camera? We're good. We're locked in now. All right. I just don't think of it's unpretty. I keep forgetting that your camera does the auto thing and then I just remember that one time it freaked out.

Dude, that was a, that was a peak podcast moment. That was environmental, the environmental storytelling of that too was crazy because it panned over to pills almost on purpose. Yeah, like it just needed, it was wild. I'm like,

Derek's a drug addict. It would be fucking weird. It would be so crazy for me to be like, have like a real pill problem and I just leave the pill so just, just slightly off camera. Like, oh,

they won't see it. Like, that's a, well, you got to have it within, within arm's reach at all times. You know? Because it's bad. That's how serious.

You got to get your drags, man. I get it. Well, listen, welcome to the Snark Tank podcast. We're here. We're here again. I'm still in New York. I didn't expect to be, but, you know, doing a lot of shit here.

But it is me, Chris. It is him, Sweeney. It's him, Derek. Here yet again. Snark Tank. Patreon.com slash the Snark Tank. You can go over there. Early ad free.

Exclusive episodes. All that. All that jazz? Man, so here's the thing. We have several things to talk about. Most of it's video game related. So if you're not a, if you're not a video game dweeb, it's probably going to be a rough episode.

We could open it up with war. Jackpot. That could maybe ease some of your, some of the average people in. Absolutely nothing. Oh, I mean, you could have just saying it the way you would sing it, but I mean, I sang it the way that the legendary Mr. Jackie Chan sang it. Mr. I hate lesbians Chan would sing. I am a trad Chinese man. Well, you know, he's just,

he's just a Chinese man. Chinese man. Yeah. Homophobic as shit. He's homophobic as sin. They just don't. Yeah, but like, I mean, they just don't like women. I mean, they used to bind fucking their feet. Like, what is that? Let's, let's not go into, let's not go into, let's not go into Dispect the Asian culture. So my shows, I'm like, actually, Negroes. All right, right. That is true. The other day, I'm, or like yesterday or something, I mentioned how that Jeopardy clip has, like, kind of resurfaced again, like, went re-viral.

And it definitely made it in some corners of some, like, racist people. Because, like, I checked my notifications at one point. And then there was just, like, some Hitler-esque avatar shit. And I'm like, oh. There's one. I saw one comment. I saw one comment. I saw one comment where it was like,

Chris isn't going to say that because white people don't steal. And I was like, bro. It was. Yeah. I was like, I saw something like that too late. Chill. Chill.

There's a lot of that comment. There's a lot of that comment specifically just because it's like, well, duh, brother. Like obviously that's the obvious joke. Right. It's like, oh,

I don't do that. You know? Yeah. Also, it doesn't work because I'm Hispanic. Yeah. So I couldn't say that. the that is very true

yeah we steal citizenship man no shade no shade to the kings that are doing it you know like it's tough out here but like yeah no we're not we know i cheat and steal let's see well look we're uh i don't know man we're going to war with the rand that's kind of cool that's kind of cool it's kind of epic uh it's not you know at all at all i think it's extremely extremely irresponsible for the president and the fact that no one did anything about it's hilarious you don't think it's cool that we're getting

dragged into war in the Middle East by Israel again again again again I do like that how above like the fray it is in a I've never really seen in my lifetime where they're just like oh we're doing joint operations with Israel usually it's just send in the American troops they explode themselves and they explode way more people and then you don't really hear about the Israeli soldiers or anything like that. So it's kind of interesting where I'm like, this is,

feels a little different, you know what I mean? This is a new matter. Like this being like, hey, we're actually openly working with them, opposed to we usually keep that under wraps. Oh,

so we're in a new era. Yeah. We're a new era. It is, it is kind of wild how many people are, uh, just, I,

I've not seen. I, look, I remember vaguely the 2000s, right? I was a kid, but I was like, aware enough to know that. that like when we went over there,

there were enough people who were like, yeah, let's do that. You know what I mean? Like there were a lot of people. For sure. What I'm saying is like there were a lot of people on TV for a while, uh,

making the case for, and it seemed to them to be almost like 50, 50 on TV when I was a kid. Now it's like I, I, dude, I've not seen a single person. Like even, even people who are like usually like really,

Dude, I saw Alex Jones and Nick Fuentes. Dog, that was crazy. Together being like, we're watching Trump self-immolate on live TV. And it's like, bro, if you're, if you're too far for those guys, you know what I mean? If you're telling people vote left, he's actively telling people vote left. That's funny. Let's get these guys out of office. And it's like what, what variation of reality are we in that this is now the

current fucking white supremacist meta where they're like, nah, just get get rid of those motherfuckers, man. You know who I saw was remaining steadfast though? Tim Poole. Oh, of course. I was just like, hey, read the room, dude. At this point, he's a, he's a boot sucker, not even a boot liquor. It's just like, it's not even, there's no benefit to doing it.

It's like, this is so wildly unpopular. There is no reason to be like, I saw he shared tweets from. Trump, like old tweets saying that, like, we have to deal with Iran. This basically trying to justify. Yeah. And I'm like, nigga, he ran on no more wars. And then he kept saying the little while ago, I stopped eight wars even less bullshit. Like, I stopped eight wars.

Timpool is such a bootlicker. He's got footsteps in his fucking trachea, dude. Like, he is like, it is ridiculous. It is ridiculous. I am the, it's like, bro. Take it. Dude. do a backflip off a high place.

His mind is right. I'm really high. I'm convinced that if he wasn't wearing that beanie, the radiation from the sun. I don't know if he's got like a really thin scalp or something. He's got like a really thin skull or like he's just very sensitive to like outside radiation or something. But without that be he'd be cooked, I bet.

Yeah. He's holding on. I bet the sun would be too much. He'd have it. He probably has like a translucent like see-through. You can see his brain. Like those fish? Like those fish?

Like a fish, yeah. Those dude, I don't like that they exist, man. Those, they don't like that you exist. You think about that? They don't have, they can't think about that.

But they probably, I asked if they thought about it, if they were like, I don't like Kingston Jameson. Yeah. I hate that guy. Chris, let Kingston know.

You know, they're trying to, they're learning English. They're actively learning how to speak English. I feel like, I don't like you. I really hate the way, like, I don't know. I don't like that they have such, like, unexpressive mouths.

Because it's so close to be, like, because they got people teeth, some of them. That's really weird. That shit's a nightmare thing. Seeing them with human teeth is like, this is really unsettling. You should not have that. It's frightening. But it's also just like you're so close to a person. So, like, the lack of expression makes it even more eerie.

Like, when I see a cat or a dog, that, that mouth structure, that mandible is so abstract that I'm not even really thinking about the fact that you're like frowning or smiling or like or that you can't you know actively. I'm not thinking about it. Smile is crazy. That's always been a weird fucking thing to me. Some dogs do smile. Some dogs do smile. They just

they don't have lips like us do but they do this. And it looks like they're smiling. But it's out of happiness. And it's weird. It is a reaction. I mean the tellto reaction is the fucking tail. But yeah, the tail. However, like you ever seen like a Pit Bulls? Like pits are famous for doing it. understand what you're saying.

Like pulling their faces up like a smile when they're happy. And it's like, that's weird. Is it true that they wag their tail when they're happy because I feel like it's just like stimulation, right? Because I've seen dogs wag their tails when like their owner blasts their fucking head off. You know what I mean?

It's like it's exciting. It's exciting. I think it's excitement. I don't think it's exactly happy, but I think happiness is a positive reaction to something, right? Like you call it dog's name and you, in a very exciting tone. It usually starts wagging the tail.

You say it in a very scathing way. It usually puts a tail between its legs. Yeah. If you, I guarantee you, if you shot a dog in the foot, it would still wagget it still. Oh.

I don't think it would. I think it would let out a really, really pained yelp. I am worried about your dog. You know, you should do, you should, you should shoot your dog in the leg. We should. We should.

We should. Call her up. I know, you got a number, right? Chris. Christina, Christina, I can, I can, I think I can call Laura Lumer, actually. Because Twitter has that phone thing.

What? That's insane. You can call people on Twitter, which is insane. You can disable it. I disabled it immediately. I was like, ain't no way people are great. I didn't even notice that. But check that.

Yeah, hold on. Let me see if I can, I might have disabled it online. I call Chuck Schumer every now and then. Oh, yeah? Just a checkup on him. See how he's doing. He's a good friend of mine. He looks like he's having a great time right now.

It's kind of crazy. Chuck Schuber? Yeah, I just feel like he's, you know, because he's... Yeah, this is Kingston. He's got like, you see the little, uh, the phone icon. Oh. See what happens.

Call me. What the hell? Yeah, I don't know. I don't even, I've never tried this. Oh, I think I need to update my, I haven't. I haven't connected. Oh, no, you actually can call me. I haven't updated my shit in a long time.

I don't, I'm not gonna answer this piece of shit. Oh, oh, no, I see it. That's disgusting as fuck. I don't like that. I don't like that. Yeah, I'm gonna disable that right now. Let me see who we're calling. luckily nobody's trying yeah

I want to see you should I call should I call Laura Luma yes she is following me so I have I have access Laura Luma's following you that's crazy I never I never abused it All right guys we're gonna call

Oh my god it's amazing This is amazing Wait hold on I didn't hear the moisture Oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait I didn't follow back I didn't follow back Oh If she fucking answers dude

Let me follow back She probably would answer though She's so I bet she's so lonely She's like Oh, David, they have calling disabled. They're too smart. Oh, yeah, because people are probably already trying. Yeah, probably.

I guess we're not even remotely the first to try that, dude. All right, I'm going to go ahead and unfollow. Oh, yeah, but that's a way. But why am I able to do it? I'm pretty sure I disabled it. God, Twitter's so, Twitter's so broken. It's pretty so, it's such an insane. It's so, it's amazing.

how trash it is. I don't. It just doesn't function. Yeah, I just, I don't, it's, I don't use it anymore. I just, I really don't. I, it, it, it's a, it feels like a shame because it used to be one of my favorite platforms. And I, I used to have a lot of fun on it. And now I find myself more annoyed than having fun when I'm on it for like just two,

three minutes. Like, I have to. You got to cap yourself. You have to really cap yourself when you interact with it. I tweet like once every like few days. I got to tweet out something that I think I'm thinking. I'm like, because Twitter for me is genuinely like how Facebook used to be for me when I was younger.

I was like I think about something. I tweeted out and I don't care. You kind of tip. I'm like, I feel this way. I'm going to say it later, guys. Like that's a good way to go about it.

Instagram. Like, I don't know. My Twitter, it would take too much ever for me to curate my Twitter the way that I, Instagram's already, my Instagram's already just. retarded. It's it's exactly what I like it to be. It's dumb, fun. Um, I see stuff every once in a while

from like, you know, Bernie Sanders talking more mad shit about the wars or something. And I'm like, cool, good job, Bernie. But also at this point, I'm like, can we just get some real politicians out there that are just going to be like, this niggas a warmongering pedophile? Like, just say it. Say it. Right. Like, just. Yeah, what are they going to do? Say it's, what is it illegal? There's no legal anymore what the hell are you talking about no laws yeah what are you afraid of yeah nothing matters anymore dude don't that that no things mattered i'm not gonna go there i'm not a i'm not a doomer and gloomer like that uh the rules don't matter things matter it's like it's like anyway man we're just fucking we're just going we're going welcome to the welcome to

america where the rules are made up and the points of literally actually don't matter uh insane but true well let's say we'll we'll uh obviously we are uh we're uh you know we're a video game oriented kind of a comedy podcast so we'll keep you, we'll keep you updated on the war in Iran. We'll let you know how that's going because I'm sure it's going to go great. But we're not doing it for Israel completely.

You know, we're not. No, we're not. That's a crazy idea. King's just stop it. Insane, dude. Don't say that. I'm going to get labeled a sign by. I'm going to sound on fire.

Don't say that. Don't say that. Anyway, what do we got to talk about video game wise? That's pretty much the rest of the show. So if you're a nerd, welcome aboard if you hate this, deal with it.

Resident Evil Learn to appreciate video games. Yeah, you should, by the way. Like there's so many good, it's so good. It's so good art for him. Here's the thing about it too is that like every year, it's kind of one of those things where it's like, the industry gets worse and better in some places and like whatever.

Like it ebbs and flows or whatever. But like there's never a time where things aren't. Like it's always progressing in a way that I'm caught up in the game. My attention is on every play and every whistle, but what I'm missing is a signal coming from my kidneys. That signal isn't like a ref's whistle. It's more of a silent SOS,

which could be warning me of an increased risk for events like heart attack or stroke. And a way I can catch that signal? A simple urine test called UACR. If you have type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure, talk to your doctor about the UACR test. Detect the SOS. Visit Detect thesos.com to learn more.

In a world of endless notifications, there could be an important one you're missing. Your kidneys may be signaling an SOS. With high blood pressure or type 2 diabetes, your kidneys could be warning you of early signs of damage, which may put you at higher risk for events like heart attack or stroke. But there's a simple test that can help spot a hidden signal. Ask your doctor about a urine test called UACR to help detect kidney disease and heart risk early. To learn more, visit DetecttheSOS.com today. is always the best time to get involved.

Because you just have everything that's out and then everything from before. And it's like, it's all available to you. So it's just like, there's no excuse. So much good shit. Right. But, uh, Resident Evil Requiem's out. I haven't played it yet.

I'm waiting to play it on PlayStation because apparently like that version is kind of crazy souped up. They did something to it. I don't know what the fuck. But, uh, I'm curious about it. Um, so I haven't played it yet.

But I've seen, you know, I've seen clips. We've, we've seen, we've talked about clips on this, on this show. before. We've talked about the

Leon failing to save that woman after eight business days. That was her problem. I agree with Leon. I can't say, I just, I feel now, especially now that I've played the game, now that I play the game a little bit, I'm a couple hours in, I just, I'm like, oh, because I was still holding my judgment,

I was reserving my judgment for at least to be like, sure, maybe there's a reason why she behaved the way she did. I'm not going to spoil anything. All I'm going to just say is it's exactly what you thought it was. That's all. I'm just like, yeah. Yeah, I want to be,

I want to be clear too because this is a, this is a story-based game. We're not going to spoil anything. I haven't played it. So I can't spoil anything. Kingston might spoil something because he's that kind of a person. I finished the game. I finished the game ready.

So I'm done. Well, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm really done with it. So, Kingston's done with it. So, like, you know, continue at your own risk.

But, our goal is not to spoil it. But it looks cool, man. The people love it. It's got like, it seems like it's getting nines and tens. It seems like it's a lot of people's top three in people's top three, which is exciting. I'm looking forward to it. I was worried about it, honestly.

I was worried that, like, that dual focus would be kind of a problem. But it seems like it worked out. Well, for the most part. I'm hoping the further I play it, the more I'll, because right now I would say for me it is a teeny bit overhyped with what I'm seeing people say

but I'm also so early into the game so maybe that's my issue because early in the game the dual focus is actually bothering me because I'm just not spending enough time with anyone and so I'm kind of like

hmm well I mean I can't but I can't say anything further because I don't know if that's how it's always going to be or if they're going to like, you know, it could just be an introduction choice, you know, and all this kind of stuff. But gameplay wise,

I was to say, I mean, you already saw the trailers and stuff and people, being Leon is a fucking blast. It's just like, you already saw it and they're like now doing it. I'm like, oh yeah,

this is great. Yeah. Grace, you know, grace is grace. Yes, you can give grace some grace. I'm just going to say that.

I, I love the game over. all. I think every, the whole experience is really, really fun. I, um, I think that playing Leon is hilarious. Like, it's, it's, it's to the point that these, like, these zombies are just fools for continuing to fight him. Uh, I think the, the first transition part into playing the Leon, like the transition into playing Leon, that part is hilarious. It's so fun. Did you, did you get to that part? Not, not when you first play at him, but like, the first one, you're like, after you're done doing Grace's part into Leon right after.

That part is insane. Are you talking about the first time you get to control him? Are you talking about that? No, no, no. So effectively the second time. The second time. No, yeah, I've, yeah,

absolutely. Insane way to phrase that if that's what you meant, by the way. That's what I was referring to the transition. But like that part, when you like, playing as Grace for a little while into playing as Leon right afterwards and just the difference in the way they're dealing with this problem is

ridiculous to me. Because it's like what the time. I will say one thing. I almost Jojo could attest to this because she was watching me for a second I almost turned the game off because just

they were doing something with grace that was so unbelievable like I had one of those unbelievable like frustration things like oh it was like the stranger things thing Chris that bothered you literally the same thing

Sean Ashton shot ass and dropping it is literally the same and I was like uh and then just the way she controls in one aspect I was just I couldn't stop laughing because this isn't a spoiler this stupid she was just falling every three seconds and I was like oh this is completely impossible it's like the beginning of it's like the beginning of bed of yourself at five where like fucking venom snake is like crawling through the hospital or something he's like slipping on everything he's always that was another that was another moment that's a perfect example of I was like I kind of don't want to play this. Yeah.

Piss me off so much. A lot of games have like intros like that where it's just like, you got to speed this up a little bit. You can't start off Godlike every time. I don't need Godlike. I just need a little bit of non-fustration, I guess. It's like just, it's almost like a choice to just upset you. What other reason would you to have fucking snake crawling around for a fucking like 10 minutes or something? What do snakes do?

They crawl around. They crawl on all fours. They slither. He was on he was on his stomach. You're not paying attention. He was distracting his abs. If he was slithering, I would have preferred that. Oh, yeah.

It's been entertaining. Someone please make a mod of the intro of the Bill of your Salad Five. And the only difference is that instead of crawling snake slithers. And he's like really gelatinous almost. It's like it's almost as if he doesn't have bones. That's what I want. I would love that. I would love that so much.

I would, that'd be all the game in the year. You're definitely playing Metal Gear Solid. You're not going to play Metal Gear Solid 5 with mods. You imagine? That's insane. Heavily modded Metal Gear Solid 5. It's so fucking funny. Like, oh, I guess the game awards are officially dead.

Yeah, it's like, I guess there's never going to be another great game again. Jeff Keely, just, Jeff Keely, after High Guard, after he propped up Highguard and it, and it died, it, it should down within 45 days of its release. So Jeff Keely probably saw that and he's like, fuck it. Metaliger saw at five, game of the year,

2020 set out. I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore. Whatever. You guys don't like anything. You think, you think Jeff Keely's on a suicide watch? Suicide watch.

You know, it was that important to him. He was like, he was really passionate about High Guard somehow. That'd be fucking sad. I mean, it's just, because I mean how the amount of people that are theorizing and I do wonder about this because of human psychology of if it was just kind of like a shadow drop or something like hey we got this game check check it out it might have survived in a way that the hype from Jeff possibly yeah he's almost like put a spotlight on it kind of and like highlighted like oh well really what's this about then as opposed to like oh what's a new thing You know what I mean?

He like killing himself because of High Guard is really funny to me, man. I'm sorry. It's really fucking funny. He's just taking his own life. This being like, I can't do this anymore. It just bams himself twice in a forehead. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah.

I don't know. That game had a lot of problems. That game was fun, but it was just like it was just not. It was too over-cut. Like, you could have maybe cut. 30% of like what that game was trying to do out of it and you'd probably have a stronger video game. But it that wasn't surviving really.

I think it might have survived for a little bit longer and died more quietly. Without Jeff, but I just, I don't know. It's weird. It's hard to combat a narrative when it's cool to hate you. Yep. Yeah. I mean, that is, that's hard. But also, but also, dude, it's, it's, you know,

Kingston and I know this. Destiny, people hate destiny. People who play destiny for thousands of hours hate destiny, but they play it. And that's kind of the thing. It's like, ultimately, if you're, if you have a good game, people will play it. Like, most people are not clued into this online shit. More people are now than ever have been before, but it's still like a fucking friend. Like, Jaylon doesn't know, Jayland plays video.

He doesn't know half the shit that's going on. He doesn't know any of these people. he doesn't know who smash JT is or fucking, you know, the quartering. Right. Nobody knows. Right. Your average person, your average human being who just plays video games and likes them, doesn't give a shit about like, if they saw High Guard and it appealed to them,

they would be like, oh, cool, let me play it. Yeah, they're not there to help the game just because the game is itself, you know. Yeah. They're just trying to play. Yeah. The fucking, uh, obviously, like I say this about Ubisoft all the time that they've deserved the, a lot of the becoming the punching bag, but also when they have, some good products it can't survive no matter what because of that online discourse that even

with those the the uh the shadows it got so weird that like i think a japanese politician was trying to like enter the like we're trying to like get in involved and it's like what do you bro you you don't give a fuck about this like what are you doing you but you know what's seen a black person you don't care you don't care about this you but but the thing with that is that's another great example, though, because Assassin's Cretanos sold stupid well. It's a very popular name to hate. It's sold fucking ridiculous. Like, I think, I can't

remember. Let me look it up. Just real quick. Because it's crazy. It's way more than you would. If you just thought the internet was everything, you would assume like maybe a million? Yeah. And that, oh, like, dude, we were talking about, somebody asked about Gasha games in the last episode. And I was mentioning

about a raid in the, in, in, in, in, in the community and everything. And I didn't get into it on that, but just the online discourse and the people that made all these games and stuff that literally don't understand Gotcha mechanics at all. Shop the Sherwin-Williams Spring Sale and get 35% off paints and stains

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and how much money these motherfuckers have. But this game is so stupid popular. And then like say Assassin's Creed is literally a collab that's going on right now just showing how popular Assassin's Creed is. It's such a mainstay thing that people online bitching. just can't understand at all that you're kind of, I guess I was going to say what you're doing is pointless, but they are making money.

They're making a good amount of money, bitching. It's not pointless, but the problem is that it's not, like people think that because they hear their own loud voices about how much they hate it, and like people, some people that are respectable hate it doesn't mean that people are not absorbing it. They're not even criticizing the things that like we want,

you want the games to be better. You want Ubisoft to be better, and they're not criticizing the actual problems of the games. They're just like, oh, historically inaccurate. Like, what, when the fuck? Yeah. When the fuck? No one's ever talked about that before.

This is not historically accurate. It's like, dude, it's never been. Like, what are you saying? You got the numbers? There's ninjas. Yeah, so, I mean, it says between, it says between two and a half to four and a half. So, like, I would guess like three. I would put it at like maybe like three, three something million.

which is like, you know, I bought the game. That's not bad. That's way more than you to assume. I played it for an hour and a half. You bought Assassin Street Shadows? Yeah. Really?

Yeah, I played it for like two hours maybe. And I was like, very well. I was like very well. I played it for like 30. I think I played it for like 30. I got to Yoske. I was like, oh, you're cool. Yeah, I mean, I liked it reasonably enough.

It was just like those games are too long for me. But yeah, man, I don't know, man. There's a high guard, I don't know. Like, if, if, I don't know. like if if I think it would have found an audience if it was if it was good enough to do it it just kind of wasn't yeah it really I think it's really also kind of bold like when you're looking at the the design and the way that it plays I think it would appeal to people that I'll play overwatch and valerrant or whatever um I feel like that's kind of it's kind of stupid to go against someone like that because I just feel like Overwatch is never not going to be popular and popular again yeah game is really popular. popular again. It's crazy. Yeah, I just, I think that's, it's, that's not like car. If you want to get into that type of shit, I would say the, when you just first impression, looking at the game, looking at the trailer, I immediately think, oh, well, I think Overwatch niggas might like this. But also, Overwatch, those people don't play anything but Overwatch. So I'm just kind of like, I don't know, man. That's hard. The Valorant thing gave it, I think, an honest shot to. But it's, but it's, not Overwatch. So I think it's, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a high risk, man. I would, I would, if, if, if you were going to do like a life service game, like, what do you think would

be the smartest people to try to, like, capture? As, uh, fans of sports games. A what? Fans of sports games. No, they don't play any, they don't, they don't, they don't play anything else. No, they are stupid. They are stupid, but they don't have, they're so stupid that they don't have curiosity about anything that isn't. Dude, dude, I'm serious. Fee. Fee. FIFA like FIFA like for like four years. You know people say this as hyperbole for like the other sports games. Like they do nothing but update the roster.

No, FIFA was literally only doing that. They were adding zero content to the games and just updating the roster and then selling it. And I'm like, I can't vote. At least 2K and the Madden was adding like three things, you know, which is still egregious. It's still fucking. laughable but again

they're not going to play anything else they just they're not going to play I don't know you you got to go after casual people really that's what you have to make your game fun instead of competitive

and I think Highguard was like this is competitive and it's like I don't know because they believe that those are the kind of games that will keep people playing I mean they are to be fair

but like you have to have you can't as a because I think that's the that's a bunch of ex-respon people right so it's like Titanfall and Titanfall 2 but the thing about Titanfall is that like Titanfall wasn't particularly Titanfall 2 is very good

Titanfall 2 is very good it's not a particularly competitive game like it's a PV there's PVP in it it's almost like it takes on like Crucible and Destiny where it's like this is not

this is not an esport really this is just fun like you're dropping robots out of the sky like this is not it's not tactical. It's not like Rainbow Six Seas or something. Right. Right. So you don't know how to build a game like this. Really. Like fundamentally. Like you can learn, I guess. But like you got to know how to do that from the jump if you're going to even remotely try to do that. The reason why Arc Raiders is successful is because it's a casual game. The game has like not really a lot of depth. It doesn't have like particularly great PVP. It doesn't have particularly good combat. But like like, like, Like, it's people running around and jumping off of buildings and, like, fucking around with prox chat.

You know what I mean? Talking to each other on Mike and, like, making silly moments. That's why that game is successful. It's because it's very easy to get into. There's really not a lot there to overwhelm you. And it's, it's just fun to just fuck around on Mike. Yeah. That's, you want to go after that crowd, kind of.

Like, the crowd versus, like, oh, this is very easy to get into. And then you worry about the competitive angle later. you figure that out like once you have like a bunch of people playing the game for fun and those people play the game for fun so much that they kind of like learn certain tech and they're like oh this does this and then you build a competitive scene around that if you if you even want that but high guard was like all right base push and it's it's just you know these are these are weapons and like it was very very it was tuned for competitive in a way that was just like you're you're not you're not doing this right because the first

five minutes of the map first five minutes of every match is nothing yeah those what are you they never they never had the chance to hook me because i just i don't know i just didn't care from the very beginning i was like i just don't give a fuck about what these games are they're never you didn't want to fuck around what you didn't you didn't want to play concord with it's uh dude concord i saw concord and i was like everything that star wars shouldn't be yeah it looks like bad guardians it looks like bad guardians the galaxy to me yeah and um yeah like like it don't you remember those, did we talk, was it you guys that I was talking about Sense of Right with the, the bootleg

action figures with like the, it would come with like Shrek and like Spider-Man and Batman and a car. And a car. Out of context. I know. Just a car. Anybody listening, look up sense of right action figures and you'll see what I'm saying. But Concord felt like that, but for Guardians of the Galaxy.

It was like galaxies of the Guardians or something. And you'd pick it up and you'd see like, these like fucked characters that look like first drafts you know and they were just kind of sitting there didn't really like do they really believe that that was going to be like the next they thought they said that that was going to be the next star wars they thought they were convinced

which is I don't I just don't know how you is that the you know when people talk about toxic positivity is that you think that yeah easily easily that's like that's one of the best exactly I mean high guard is also technically too I guess yeah but like God damn it, Jeff. Nobody's telling these people what they need to hear, which is crazy. Because like, I just do this.

Because there was a developer who, like from High Guard after it was announced that the studio was closing down or something. Or like maybe even like a little bit before. But they had like a tweet online on Twitter, obviously. And they were talking about how like, man, yeah, nobody. We would have meetings with higher ups and other developers. And they would say like, yeah, if there's one game, nobody's worried about it. yours and it's like you've really got something like this is no chance this isn't going to be a hit and it's like how could you say that i can give you i can give you i can give you are you here i can

i can maybe say that one of those things i could see being said which is like i do think they had something yeah sure i think they needed i think they needed i think they needed to trim the fat and like cut around it i do think the art design is really what what ultimately is just like not gonna it's just very bland and forgettable yeah concord was actively ugly Um, this one's just kind of like forgettable and like it just kind of looked like everything. Yeah. Um, it's, it's, it's, it's better to be distinct than it is to be just bland. 1,000.

But like it's just like it's just not. You know what like pulled me in when it first dropped, uh, warframe. Just because of like, I was like, what the fuck? These cyber ninja dudes with guns and swords and shit. I was like, this is a very, I just hadn't seen anything like that. I look kind of cool. kind of remind me with a guy resuit from anime, like, you know, old,

old ass anime. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was kind of sick. And so. Do you ever, do you ever play Vanquish?

Yeah. I don't think I did. Bankwish is fucking cool. But it had like, a guy in there has like, what I, I might be misremembering, but it felt like warframe armor to be like looking back on.

I remember being like, oh, that looks like fucking vanquish. That's cool. Yeah. That's the kneecaps sliding game, right? Yeah,

yeah, you do power slot. It's like gears of war. It's like, It's Japanese gears of war, but you power slide on your kneecaps. It's fucking ridiculous. It's fucking sick. Yeah.

That's a great game. There's stuff like that, that like, they really needed that. I hate how much, I mean, people spend, you know, that's what companies spend millions and tens of millions of dollars in marketing because they understand this shit. And I hate how important it is because we're dumb monkeys at the end of the day. I know. They didn't market the game at all. But they had two million players. You don't call me that.

They had two million people. Two million people tried out High Guard. Yeah. And so two and a half million people try it out High Guard. And two million four hundred thousand people were like, no. So like I don't know what to tell you at that point. Yeah. If it was decent, like you said, if it was good, people would stick around.

I mean, that's, you talk about destiny. I was talking about raid because I complained about, about, I just saw a new statistic, actually. To compete at the highest level, you got to spend like probably around $30,000 to $50,000 a month. And it upset me so much. It upset me. That's crazy. I was like, can you just give me that money, please?

Like you're, yeah, what the fuck? Let's make a live service. Let's us three make a live service game. I, um, actually the one of the top raid creators literally did that. He got investments and he's probably about like a few months out from dropping his own gacha game. And I was like, that's fucking crazy. You created.

entire game because they're like, Ray is pissing me off so much. I'm going to create a better one. It's so fun. That is really great. But I respect it. I do. The thing, but the thing about that is like, you hear that and you hear like, oh, people spend $30,000 to $50,000 a month on this video game. And then that kind of, because a lot of people are like, why are we making, why is everybody trying to make a live service game. It's like, that's why. It's because if you buy Red Dead Red Dead Red, if you, if you buy, I don't know, Resident Evil Requiem, that's, they spent. a couple hundred million dollars probably like maybe, well, maybe not a couple, but I don't know how Capcom.

Well, it's Capcom's Japanese. So like they probably spent like, you know, several, several millions of dollars building that game. And they're going to sell it

and they're going to make a lot of money. And every sale is that's it. That's, it's final. Like they've spent your, they've spent their $70. In a live service,

like one person is going to put like 10 grand into a game. Yep. They're going to put 50 grand into a game. Some people are going to put a million probably if they're fucking weird. Yep. You know.

Yep. And just loaded or if they're like a fucking nepo baby. And so yeah, that's why. That's why you have people chase it. Fortnite makes billion, Fortnite still to this day makes billions per year on a free game that came out how many years ago? Really 10 years old now. What's so crazy to me is that they nailed it so perfectly because they don't even have like,

it's not even like the gasha shit in the way that. it's pay to win, right? Like, you just buy like skins and characters, right? I think so. I don't think you. I mean, yeah, I, I'm pretty sure that's how it works. Yeah, it's been a long time. It's been a long time, but you don't pay,

you don't pay for anything that makes you play it to the game. Like that's just simply buy skins. Crazy because that's like the complete, you know, the gacha is all, that's all pay to win. And that's the thing that upsets me because, again, in the core of that game, of that game raid, for example, these people who ever built this game, understand term-based RPG better than a lot of games that I played. And that's what pisses me out because I want those people to go away from this game

and build something awesome because I hate everything about gotcha mechanics. It sucks. It's not great. It's not great. Not great. But yeah, I don't know what gotcha games. They've always been like,

but the problem is that often a gotcha game. You have money. You don't have money. Well, no, the aesthetic. Well, I play card games, dude. Oh, well. That's, okay. Well, you kind of, you.

That's a cousin. That's cousins. It's hands in here. But you, you do car. That's like the OG fucking like that basically, yeah, that's that, yeah. I had to stop buying packs. I had to,

I actively have to choose to not buy packs of cards because buying a pack of cards. Because buying a pack of cards is a scam. You just buy the card you need. Yeah. So it's like, it's literally like I, it's, but it should work on me, but it doesn't. One, because of the fact that the gotcha games are mostly like anime girls. And I'm like, I don't like this. The biggest ones.

like Genshin and all that shit are fucking completely. I don't like these. These are toddlers. I don't like this. This is weird. I don't why they dress this way. So then I move on. I'm like,

I'm not going to play this. And that's what keeps me out of it mostly. Like there's a few of them. Like I saw it definitely cry one. And I was like, well, man, four years earlier, man,

I would have been all on top of this. But most of them look like absolute dog shit. The reason, one of the main reasons actually talked to people in the, in the raid community of why it appealed to them at all is that, it's one of the few ones that they actually spend some money on the graphics and it looks pretty good. And it's like dark fantasy.

And a lot of people like, it looks cool. There's actually things in there. And then they'll do like, oh, they did a fucking Ninja Turtles collab, which is actually, it upset me how,

again, it upset me how good it was because of, I kind of want this game to die. And like I want the talent to move on to something else. But they nailed it so well. to where they probably bought in I don't countless amount of new players to get got and open up their wards.

I'm like, fuck y'all. Don't give them any money. Like the game will be so much better. But I, you know, it's stupid. I'm yelling into, I'm yelling at a fucking wall. It doesn't matter. Yeah.

It's, uh, I don't know, man. Rest in peace. Rip High guard. High guard is high gone. It's, it's, it's fucking. It's way fucking God. I can't believe

I feel bad a little bit Just because Yeah it's I mean it's It you know what sucks about it really is that like If this game came out If this exact type of game came out in The 360 era It would have been fine

It would have died It probably wouldn't have thrived But it wouldn't have died Like in this way You know what I mean It wouldn't have been like we're taking it off You can't even play it anymore Like you can't even

launch it. And it's like, whoa, that's kind of great. Like, that's new. I feel like that's relatively like with Concord. I remember being like what the fuck that happens? They can just do that. I feel like I feel like I'd never seen maybe it happened. And I just didn't pay attention. That's the first time I can ever recall something like that happening like two weeks after launch the game. Just like, actually, no, never mind. We take it back. We're going to refund you. I got a refund from Concord. Oh, that is interesting. And I was just like, bro, that's crazy. And so for it to happen again, this is free to play. Obviously, there's no money. But, um, I don't know.

Like, there's a lot of games like Highguard on 360. There's like, or not like it, but like adjacent, where it's,

I remember Shadow Run for the original 360 and Windows Live. I remember self-actor and like all these like really Far Cry Instincts Predator multiplayer. Like I remember like there's a lot

of weird fucking multiplayer games that just kind of existed. Battlefield 1943, I think. Like an arcade kind of version of Battlefield that's dead now. but you know like it would have been fine like it's definitely better than a lot of those games that I played on 360

you know what I mean from like a gameplay standpoint and all that stuff but it's just like good ain't good enough anymore man yeah good used to be good enough yes and now it's kind of not now you have to have kind of everything and it's a rough environment I feel bad for him yeah hopefully things like I will say that maybe silver lining we will get less companies trying to attempt doing a lot of free-to-play life service type things or whatever because you saw like what was it the justice league what was the suicide squad killed justice league oh my god yeah so obviously concord you'd think after such high-profile embarrassments like

that over and over again you'd think right yeah like it's kind of crazy like that you would even like after this and after concord you'd be like we should maybe avoid the humiliation. Like maybe we'll green light a live service game if it's like objectively good. Like if it's something that like we can't, we all can't help but be like, yo, this is something. Yeah. But everybody has to be on the same page.

If there's even like 5% of the people playing it that are like, nah, man, it's saying it. Then it probably isn't worth it really. Because then you just have this stain on your, on your legacy. And everybody's going to think about it. whenever you do anything else. The fact that Concord became such an industry term for like, like, oh, it's Concord 2, you know what I mean?

It's what people are saying. It's like, that's crazy. They were hoping to have like the biggest live service game ever with that game. Yeah. And in a way they did. Yeah. Yeah. It is very infamous.

It is such a monkey's pause situation. Like you have the, you probably definitely do in some way, shape, or form have one of the most popular life service games ever and it's a and it died in two weeks and it's popular because it died in two weeks. Yeah. Damn. Like it's famous because it died so spectacular. This is going to be an interesting era for people to make content about

in years to come because it is so close together too. Even, um, we were just talking about a blue point and fucking, they're gay ass fucking, I can't believe that they were working on it or of course forced to make a life. service God of War game that I'm just like any God of War fan you ask. I'm sorry. I don't think

you can find one of them and be like, oh man, I wanted that. Yeah, it's not even live service. It's not even just live service. So a God of War life service game is a bad idea for a number of reasons. Not least of which is even

just normal God of War multiplayer wasn't particularly good. Yeah. Very forget. I like this. I like to say, I like I liked ascension, but it was not great. It was... So that's the thing, but that's the thing. It's just like, it's one thing for like,

because I do think there is like a bit of like a... Like an oversimplification of like the term. Like, oh, it's a live service game. It's like, we used to have games that were essentially live service games. The term didn't exist. Right. But like we had a lot of those games that people did love. Like, let's not pretend.

Like, it's not a matter of like these games can't be great. But you can't... God of war? normal multiplayer in God of Ward didn't work at all. So you think you can somehow sustain a PVP environment for years and years and years

and like consistent multiple updates. It's like like the base, at the very least, clear the baseline. You know what I mean? I could see like there's a reason why there's a reason why Bungee makes live service games and they make them fairly good.

It's because they know how to make multiplayer games. If you don't know how to make multiplayer games, If you don't know how to make multiplayer games well, what the fuck are you doing doing live service? Yes, that is, that's literally that's the biggest problem. In my opinion, that is the biggest problem. Like, like, dude, rock steady. Like what the, you can't make multiplayer, dude. You haven't even tried.

You didn't even have like a, in the generation where tacked on multiplayer was thriving, you didn't even attempt that shit when the risk was low. Yeah. When the risk was just like, oh, whatever. It's just a throwaway side mode. Like, who cares if it? Who even cares if it's good? It's just like, it's like Mass Effect 3s multiplayer, which is like it's completely competent. It's completely fine.

Nothing exceptional, but like a good way to spend time in that game. You didn't even try that with Batman at all because you knew like, oh, well, that's stupid. Why would we do a Batman multiplayer game? And then suddenly at some point for a decade, that game was being built for a decade, by the way. Like they were, since Arkham Knight was done. That's crazy. We're building this thing and rebuilding it and reworking it and rejiggering it and trying to figure out. And trying to refigure it out.

Complete dog shit person. And you thought you thought for 10 years, like, for 10 straight years, you were like, yeah, this multiplayer suicide squad game is really a great idea. Yeah, this. How for 10 years do you think that and not have any doubt at all? Dude, I bought it. That's crazy. What is the meme? I have it.

I bought it for less than a dollar and I still haven't installed it for free. I just, I want, because I wanted to try it. And then every time I see gameplay footage on it on like a game ranks compilation or something, I immediately get like, I don't want to play that. I just, I keep having that feeling. I'm like, I don't want. I see like Harley Quinn swinging around and shit. And I'm like, niggins. Or I see like, you see the character.

that clearly would not fight like that. It just kind of annoys me. I'm like, all right. It's very, and you know, are there nude mods? Dude mods? Like, you probably,

probably not even. No, there's nude mods on them. What's the other game that, uh, came out before that. Arkham night? What the, it has all the,

has like, Red Hood. Oh, Gotham Knights? Gotham Knights, yeah. So Gotham Knights has some good ones. You have fucking giant ass fucking,

giant ass fucking, uh, Jason Todd. fucking just rock hard and then obviously fucking you know Barbara's out there looking good you know it's all it's all there

yeah it's all there I never do what I want I don't know man I remember playing Suicide Squad Kill the Justice League for a little for a while like trying to understand it because I was like I have to know

yeah how to feel I'm so curious I do like it and it it played like Sunset Overdrive which I you know Sunset Overdive is good which is what it is

but it's not bad but this is not but this is not this is not how this is not how fucking Captain Boomerang should be it feels insane like it really if that

honestly I really do believe like if that game was any other IP or anything else it probably would have done okay I still think ultimately like its design was completely like it was ugly you know the UI was so loud

I remember one thing I remember was that the UI was like fucking loud and it was like all these colors flashing at you which is fine I get like there's there's games that make it work you know there's uh what's what's that

Mexican um or not Mexican I'm thinking of Guacamalee Kingsen you know that like weird psychedelic Metroidvania that's not it's not Guacamaleigh no you sure

Ultros Ultros Ultros okay is a game like that it's like it's very colorful it's like very loud and like very like overwhelming but it works Suicide Squad is just like

all I can think about when I was playing Super Side Squad is like, man, I wish I was just playing Sunset Overdrive because it just works better in that environment. And also why is this multiplayer? It makes no sense. Like, it shouldn't be multiplayer a game like that. Like it makes no fucking sense at all.

Why is Harley Quinn, why does Harley Quinn have Spider-Man traversal? Like, it's so stupid. It's so stupid. Every time I see it, I was like, oh no, no. No, no. I love it. It's such a good game. And what was, what was, uh, uh, Red Fall was another

example. Ooh, that's the worst one. That's the worst one because there's just nothing about that that works. There's nothing about it. That was such a bummer for me, dude, because like, I didn't even think that that was going to be particularly good, but I was just like, man, it's arcane. Like, they built prey. Fuck.

What happened? Like, who left? It's like, at that point, it's like, at that point, it's like, the, The band has the same name, but like no one is. Yeah. No original members. Yeah. There's like no original.

There's like nobody. One of those moments. This is not the right crew. They're done being lied to actively. Yeah. They're telling me people are here, but I know no one's here. Jesus, man. It's a bummer man.

It just keeps like it's interesting how much I've compartmentalized a lot of this because now it's kind of just pouring out. And then I'm thinking about things that like bioware was involved in. like, Anthem. Anthem and shit like that. I'm like, oh yeah,

like this was, there's too many examples for them to keep doing this shit. Like, at least, it's crazy. So many. Anthem was another example of one

that was just like, I remember playing Anthem and I remember thinking like, this plays fine. Like, I'm not not having fun at parts. Yeah. You know,

but it was just like it was fine at best, basically is what, it was what anthem was. The best thing about that game to me was that the environments were very fucking lush. I actually, I was like, oh, man, this looks really nice, but everything, it's a good looking game. The part that, that matters the least is, should it be the best thing?

I was like, oh, right. I was completely bored. I didn't care about what was being said to me. Unlike when I did actually try Destiny 2, the lore was actually intriguing. I was like, oh, you know, this actually seems kind of, I want to pay attention. Anthem, I literally I toned out immediately when they're like explaining what was going on. I'm like, I don't care.

Yeah, the problem with Destiny 2 is happening. You're like, I don't care at all. Fucking care. The problem with Destiny 2 is that you care and then you can't figure out. Like that's the thing. It makes you want to care and then it makes it impossible for you to actually look into the shit that you care about. Like you can't play that game from the beginning. You know, you're starting in like the in the middle.

Like they got rid of all that. You're just like, yep, this would be really good if you could just, if I had content. Yeah, and it's just because of the fact they wouldn't like compress their files. That's it. Like, it's just a simply series of like, just compress your shit, dude. Compress your shit and it'll be fine. And it's like, do you see that marathon is eight? Do you see that marathon is 18 gigabytes?

Wow. Really? I was like, I was, I was like, was like, praise the sun, bro. I could fit that on my phone. That's fucking smart. That's a way to get people to fucking just play it like, oh, I'll, just a quick little download real fast. That's pretty. Yeah, that's no time at all. Yeah. That's really smart. And unlike every other game, it doesn't fucking is not horribly optimized so your PC doesn't scream at you while it's playing it. Like so many other modern games right now, dude. My PC is so strong and Marvel rivals, I can hear my PC working when I'm playing it. Oh, interesting. I'm like, why? Playing, why? Can I tell you, I, because, so Marathon had the server slam over this. It was like a brief free period, last four days or something before a long. to stress s servers and all that.

I like OBS does not like it at all. Like whenever I had OBS working, it was like struggling. And then like when I had it off, it was like running perfectly fine. I was like, oh, man, that sucks. It's going to be weird to stream. But I put 46 hours into that game over the last like three days. Oh, wow. Jesus.

I would, I've not been sleeping. It's a good game, man. I played it. I played a little bit last night. You were stressed out. I don't like that game because of the fact that you don't keep your stuff. Like it doesn't feel it's a road like. But that's scary.

Like I understand what you're saying, but that makes me nervous because I'm like, oh, I'm playing this game and then bad things are happening and I can't control it. I have no control over what happens to my world. I don't like that. It terrifies me. It's like life, I guess. Yeah. In a cosmic sort of way, yeah.

In a cosmic sort of way. Yeah, yes. But yeah, I don't know, man. The life service shit is weird. Like, you can't, I don't know how many times we've got to beat the drum really. But like, don't, don't pursue this shit unless you like know you can do it. Like even, even like there are people that I kind of, there are studios that I kind of implicitly trust to do it like fairly well. Bungi is one of those studios. Even Rockstar is like one of those studios to be fair. Uh, Guta Online is pretty big. Um, Red Dead Online like kind of died on the vine. But like I remember like who gives. I don't know. I don't. I don't. I really don't give. I really don't give. I don't. I really don't get. I just, I actually think, solidly, that was a very fun experience. Sure, it was. Well, I trust them purely because they, they spend a billion dollars building their game. So it's just like, it's almost like if you're,

that's going to be the thing, right? If GTA 6 online is shit, give up. Like everybody, everybody else should give the fuck up. Because they spent, their budget for that game is, is over a billion dollars.

which is insane. Like there's like, I think the last of us two was like 200 million or something. This game's gonna be over a billion dollar budget. With marketing, I can't even imagine how big it is. So, huge,

huge. I mean, but they know, they know they're gonna make that shit back so fucking quick. I know, even if it's bad, I'm sure in the first like three weeks, they'll have all.

Oh yeah. That's like, like even if it's complete dog shit, they're gonna have that money back in a span of like three hours. It's got to feel pretty good. they don't give a shit. They don't give a fuck, dude.

It's, it's, yeah, being in a very cool position like that, because they could, they could, essentially they could from, like,

from software and not really do much and still make a lot of money. But like, they're actually, they're actually investing. So it's like, okay, I'll take it. I mean,

actually, it's kind of, bittersweet because it takes fucking forever. Or I'm like, all right, I just want to play the game already, but, but hey,

at least we know that it's going to, work is going to Yeah. You know, I haven't had a I haven't had a horrible I would say yeah Like any any Grand The Auto I've played You know like let's just say like from four and on

I wasn't like oh fuck I can't play this game It's game breaking shit in there It's usually just dumb bugs you know Like just dumb funny shit So yeah they do a good job And the way that I think about it's like if they can spend a billion dollars on it on live service And they can't make it work like you're I'm sorry brother you're, oh, you're, your high guard.

Oh. Okay. Yeah, give it. It would make sense. It would be like, okay, you claimed you spent a billion dollars. Where did that money go? If it, if it doesn't work, like, say if it, if it's terrible and jakey and it's broken. There's just no, there's just no way that game's going to do that money.

Like, even for me, I'm not, I'm not like hyper excited for it. But if it's bad, it's like, if that game is bad, it's over. Like, it's like one of those. Like, if it's a bad game, then like, oh, it's just that's it. If that game is bad, I'm just going to go into my backlog and just be like, well, yeah, like,

it's the games I'm playing and the games that I have in my backlog and that's it. Or maybe games I missed from years ago, maybe I'll go back. Yeah, like, the only other game aside from that, that I'm even remotely curious about it

or looking forward to do is that Judeus game, the Ken Levine, the Bioshock guy. He's making that, but he's been working on that for 10 years too or something or something. Or something, maybe not 10, but like eight or something, some fucking ridiculous amount of time.

If that game is bad, If that game is bad, I'm going to cry. The medium is done. Like the medium is like, oh, this is the end of this medium. It's cooked. Nightmare scenario, both of those games come out and they suck shit. Nightmare scenario. It's over for me.

I'm going to put myself in a box and then just like wait until I decompose. Guys, I can't believe I forgot about this. All of the new surrounding God of War, there's been a lot of iffy stuff going on. Oh, yeah. I saw that like fake image of, what is it, the Thor guy. in costume. Oh yeah. So that shit looked hilarious to me.

It was really funny to me. It did look fucking look like raggedy like mad head crados. It looked really wrong. It looked really fucking incorrect. Red head crados with my nephew. Yeah. So what is the prime show? Yeah.

Oh God. That should had me fucking rolling. Everyone's just like, oh, why would you? Why would you? You know, I felt bad because even like, say, when Santa Monica Studios, when they dropped that, that image, the, the kid actor was like, I'll do like, Atreus proud in the comment section.

I was like, I'm not even going to click on the replies of his comments. I don't want to see what it says. Oh, man. It's going to be mean to the little guy. That's why I didn't even want to look at it. Wait, are they going to be mean to the little guy? Are they going to be, or are they going to be like, you don't have anything to live up to, brother?

You're fine. I would hope that people would be nice by knowing the internet. You got no pressure on you, bud. Atreus sucks. I don't think Atreus sucks. I don't agree. I don't think Atreus sucks. I think he unfortunately like say just by him existing.

He's not the best part. He's not the, he's definitely not the best part of that universe, but he does not suck. I would not say Atreus sucks. Leave him alone. I think it's let's put it this way. I know. In the second game he sucks, I think. Damn, I don't.

So here's my. I'm actually conflicted with that because technically he does suck more in the second game. I agree, but I can't stand little kids in games. And so him as like whatever, he's like 10 or something in the first one in 2018, he's so fucking annoying. Like just, dad, look out. Like, like, I'm like, dude, shut. Even the, the voice actor, the, well, the character actor, he fucking was like, bro,

I wish I could shut that voice off. That shit's annoying. Like he himself, he's like, I want to hear that shit. Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, so then more leaks came out. about what they're working on and that they might have it and I guess all the sources said that this seems pretty accurate that the next thing is that they're focusing on Kratos's wife Faye. So they're going to have a game. The Dominican Republic fucking fighting off the Mexicans and it's getting close.

Is there, are there gods over there? Do they have? Of course there are gods over there. What do you mean? I don't know fucking Caribbean lore. There's Taino gods. There's a bunch of Taino gods over there. But they're like chilling.

There's about fucking and dancing and shit. So like, Kranes is going to go there like waiting for war. We don't have a god of war. We got a god of like, I don't know, adultery. Yeah. A lot of them. So how does he get into a fight with him? How does he end up having to kill all of the?

I really, I don't, I don't really know. I think it's him antagonizing them for like of three games. And then eventually one of them fights him and gets a murder. And they're like, bro, you, you can't. me to do that. And that's the head to the game. And he's like, oh, my bad. And he gets in a little tiny boat.

I kind of want them to do something like that. I kind of want them. I kind of want, not even that specifically, but I kind of want a third got to war game to just like undercut all of the emotionality of the first. Like, it's just like,

I don't know. Like I want I want Credo, I want Cretos to get beat within an inch of his life by like the noid or something. You know, like they license the Pizza Hut noid. Yeah. And they have him in there fully voice acted, fully motion captured.

It's Ben Starr. And we can voice him. We fight. We, great. Ben Starr is the no idea. He fights pizza related deities. And he loses.

Papa John is, he fights Papa John. He fights, I don't know, he fights, I don't know, the no way pizza the hut. I don't know.

He fights Papa John and Papa John beats him really bad. Like it's not funny. Who's the final boss of the pizza of the pizza god of war gave little caesar no the dominoes just the dominoes symbol i kind of i really i'm sorry like i i think i can't like i can't get past pop who's better than papa john yeah papa john must be the last little caesar would like i guess inherently little caesar's kind of like the littleer like yeah like the miniboss kind of thing or like uh he's formidable pizza pizza pizza yeah the little caesar is like the falcaries like you got to you got to beat all the little

Caesars. What is it called like God of pizza? No, it's just God of war. Pizza of war. It's just God of war. God of war, Ragnarok 2.

Ragnarok 2. They play it straight. The cover has nothing to do with pizza at all or like pizza at all. It's just crato, it's Cratos in like a, I don't even know, man. Like, you know those like photo boots that they would have at like J.C. Penny?

where they'd have like the family photo places and they'd have like the stock backgrounds it's crados with his with his I don't know

I guess slightly older son now at a JCPenny and that's like that's the cover and he's got to wear Ragnarok too and then you play it and it's all pizza related

what why is there millions of dollars poured into this that is so trash fucking what's so funny you beat you I think it's a great idea

Papa John and he's like you think you've like conquered you think you've conquered the you know the pantheon and then out of nowhere a fucking like cheese bomb comes out boom boom pizza time fucking comes in on his bliter it's all pizza time and whoops cratoes eat to death you know and he has to do his whole it kills him he kills him he kills

that's the end of the game I like the idea of like and they're called the and they're called the and they're called the the personal pantheon yeah the personal pantheon that's good that's good I like the idea of, I think it's so funny thinking about like a bomb flying in and blowing up and like it's doing like, I can literally see the scene of the cheese explosion and then Kratos's like rolling, knocking down and like the animation of him getting up off

into the ground with his arm huffing and puffing with his like as guard, his fucking North shit and it's a bunch of stained cheese on it. And then Pete Sorbon, Pete Osborne throws a pie pan. Like what they keep the pizzas on at his throat. Kratos grabs his neck choking. And then

He proceeds to pour hot cheese on him until he dies. Like a foundry of cheese. And a trance is like, Dad, no, Dad, no. And he's just, he's just happily murdering it. Who are the little mobs? Who are the, like, I would. So here's my, my idea for like the, like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that's insane. Ray, Joe, or John.

That's insane. It's Italian men with aprons and like, you know, the big pizza scoops. Some of them have pizza scoops. Some of them have, I don't know, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Whatever they have.

But they're just like, they're just standard. They're just standard Italian men. They're all, they all go, they're all Knicks, Joe, Johns, or Rays. Yeah. Because those are the only people who have pizza places Yeah There's a Knicks pizza in Miami that I really want to go to It's like they have these giant novelty pizza slices

And I was like I just want to go because it's so fucking retarded There was a place I went to like that where they had like the The slices were stupid big I would like it was like this Like it's absurd 18 pound pizzas and you're like bro Who is this for I guess me? Yeah

And you just try to eat it and you just fail I want it. But yeah, that got to work. So like they're working on a Faye game. So that's the rumor right now. All the all the leakers are all. I, yeah. Listen, I saw a few people being defensive because of the, you know, the whole anti-woke shit or whatever.

So I understand the people that are being a little bit of overcorrection being, this could be really great. And I'm like, well, come on, dude. Let's, I understand you want to like push back against the people that are. going to say all the sexist stuff. Like, I get that. But you know absolutely zero people want that expression when we've been waiting so long for the next installment. It's already, this is the longest wait we've ever done in a God of War series.

And so that, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, so the longest gap before that was ascension to 2018. And it's already, that was 2011 to 2018. That was six years, seven years. And now we're fucking, we're getting so, uh, 2020 was Ragnarock. And now we're going. by the time the next game comes out, it's going to be, because they're saying 2027 for this thing.

Well, no. Derek, we just had that side scroller. Wait, really? Has it been that long? Excuse me. I have dumb, retarded and gay. I have been mistaken. Yeah, 2020 is when the last one came out.

Right. Yeah. And so now by the time we have a actual, like, when's the next Kratos game going on? who fucking knows because they're saying first of all they're going to be doing the remakes who knows when the fuck those are going to come out when the first one's going to drop and so now all the sources are saying they all seem to be in unison being like this seems to check out that they're going to focus on fay and it's going to play more like a devil may cry than like say anything else which i'm like okay um i would be completely okay with that if they i don't know dropped that a couple years ago or if

I don't know it's just seeming kind of weird I'm not God of war right now is kind of worrying me other than like remakes I'm I'm slightly worried about that too because there is a possibility that they could rework the the fighting mechanics and completely change and reimagine everything and that's not necessarily what like OG fans want

really oh yeah no if you're going to remake him remade yeah so it's kind of like oh well The remakes are going to be different. That's just, that's the given. Unfortunately, they're going to be quite different. It's, well, it's entirely possible, right? Because if we didn't have, say for example, if Resident Evil 4 was tank controls too and like, and fixed cameras and then they just went from the remake to the way it would, it would probably

feel weird if it was like, oh, we went from this style of gaming just to this new over-the-shoulder shit just out of nowhere. But we've had that over-the-shoulder shit for so far since 2005. So Resnable 2-105. Resnable 2 turning into that was completely fine. Like the remake was fucking sweet. Didn't feel weird at all. I don't know how I'd feel if the God of War 1 turned into God of War

2018. I'd be like, I would be very disappointed. I would. I would. That's not good. I just so prefer, like I prefer playing the newer ones, but that's just not God of, that's not the original God of War game. I really like if they're going to remake it, they're going to have to make some sort

of middle. Because they just have, I don't know. feel the opposite. We have devil may cry. We have devilmaid cry is like a fucking hack and they're not the same. They don't feel the same. They don't. They don't feel the same. They don't. They don't feel like never made cry. That is true. Devon may cry is a stylized hack and slash. So it is different, but hack and slash games can exist. We haven't had many in a long time. I agree with that. But like, they, those, they can perfectly thrive.

Like, like, changing that part would be weird. There's, there's a lot of. There's so much. There's so much about it. It's like, we're like, I don't know. They're probably going to. going to try to make like I I infinitely prefer crados from the new games more than old crados but at the same time like if you're going to do those games if you do those games like leave them him that way I'm scared they're going to try to change some of the character to make it kind of flow better into the other one but I think it flows fine already but I just I think it's fine yeah there's enough time between those games that it's fine but like to me I'm I'm like the way those games play are complimentary to the types of

stories that they're telling and so like the over the shoulder makes sense for 2018 yeah like I think it would be it would be weird for 2018 to have the same story but have Cratos do all these fucking running around like a like an arcade hack and stuff like I guess or the environment there's so much focus on the the platforming the arena it's less less personable there's some really amazing shots in the old games. Like, say, when you're finally making it to this,

the island of creation, and you're on the chains that are holding the steeds of time, and the shit pans out just to show you how fucking giant this thing is, and it's like, yo! And like, they can't do that shit. Like, in if it was, like, say, 2018, they can't do shots like that. And also, certain fights,

it would have to be completely reworked in a way that I don't even under, I don't even know what they would do. It just, it would be too much. the one of my favorite i just i would be very i would still play it obviously because i'm a fucking mark but i would be like damn y'all day anyway you know what we'll see what happens yeah we'll see what's crazy about like because we talked about the blue point earlier uh and how like uh they were doing live service got a war after they were uh after they were put on support for ragnarock which is crazy.

That's why they were doing it because they're like, oh, we're familiar with the IP or whatever. It's like, hey, well, guess what? If you're familiar with the IP and your blue point, shouldn't you be making the god of war remakes? What the fuck are you? It is, what's crazy about it too is that like, I don't even think necessarily, I think some news came out where Sony didn't make them do that.

They pitched that. Like they pitched the God of War Life Service. And then when the God of War Life Service failed, they pitched Bloodborne remake. Sony said yes. From Software said no. They pitched, I think, and this is reported. Initially, like, this sounded so insane because, like, why the fuck would you do that? And nobody believed it.

But I think it's been corroborated. Where they pitched an add-on to Shadow of the Colossus. And it's just like, what? And they pitched something else too That was like equivalently kind of crazy Oh a ghost is shushima spin off they pitched They were like oh let's make a spin off a ghost is like Sucker punch is the only people like they don't let anybody touch their stuff

So it's I Blue Point closing down is dumb But I really do think like the people there just had like the worst fucking ideas And at a certain point it's just like if you can't If you can't do the obvious thing which is pitch The fucking God of remake as a remake studio who's familiar with God of War then like you you probably should be cut

loose probably it's a bummer but like I don't know like what are you what are you paying for at that point you know what I mean like the leadership of your remake studio doesn't want to make remakes anymore if if that and if we make you do it then we're the bad guys because we force you to do something that you didn't want to do like brother if that's now man that the idea came from the of the of the life service god of war shit came from the studio itself I could be wrong, but that's what I've heard and it seems like it's true at this point. Yeah. And so if that is true, it's just like the even thought, the idea of that is so, it sounds so that is, it's almost, it almost makes me speechless where I'm like, that is so stupid.

Yeah. That is crazy if that, if that is the case. And I'm really mad that, I talked about this, I think on the last episode where when they were first dropping hints about working with from software, it was like Dark Souls type of shit or whatever. And then also they used some cryptic language that would suggest maybe the Legend of Dragoon. And hearing just nothing ever coming

from the Legend of Dragoon thing. It upset me greatly. At one point, it was clearly someone was thinking about that. And then just completely abandoned. And then you don't hear anything. You don't hear nothing like it. pitched or anything like that. It was just, seems like somebody was on, I don't know who

was controlling the Twitter account of BluPoint. But yeah, that's all that was. It was a tweet. And I'm like, shit. Crazy. Because I think that would, especially with Claire Obscure going on, man, I think fucking the Legend Dragon coming back would do

fucking, it would do well enough. I think they would make their money back and then something. It would have been, it would have been fucking something. It would have been fucking something instead of just nothing for years. And then, like, they should have, the Goddowa remake should be out today. Yes. Like, at this point, like, it's been, 2020 was Ragnarok.

It's been several years at this point. It's been four years. That remake should have been ready for today. I personally felt like that game just came out, but it didn't. But it didn't. Yeah. It felt like it came out like two years ago to me. Oh, no.

It's been like gold. It came out a little bit before. I also played the D.O.C. That's a thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, released on PC later. Yeah. But, um, we didn't even talk about that too.

Uh, the, the, the, the, or did we? Or did we mention that before the show? Before the show. Yeah, they're, they're rolling back on PC stuff now, which I think, I think makes sense. Like there's not an obvious clearly. They only, so they sold 700,000 copies of Spider-Man 2 on PC to date. And on PlayStation that game sells 300,000 copies, I think a month or some shit. So it's just like, they look at that and they're like, Like, it's not really worth it, really. Especially now.

Well, I think the big reason is a different. I think it's different for that. I think the big reason is that the new Steam, the new Xbox device is going to have steam on it. I don't think that's a concern for them. I think it's definitely notable. He's like, well, they'll just get our exclusive catalog literally. They'll have everything. Yeah, but then Microsoft.

Yeah. Well, maybe, but the thing about that is that like Microsoft doesn't see a penny from that. It's not that Microsoft sees a penny of that. Because they, they, if you buy the machine, right? okay, you're buying the machine. Yeah, but if you're going on Steam, yeah, you're buying it through the Steam marketplace for sure.

But then at that moment, buying the Microsoft thing is just objectively the best thing to buy because you have all of it available to you. There's no exclusives you can't get at that moment. And it's like, that's probably a bad idea for them to have every resource available

on their platform. Yeah, maybe I, yeah, I wonder if they even consider Xbox. I don't know. I think Xbox is kind of dead. Like even if they put out something that I think is objectively,

good. I thought the series X was an objectively good machine. Like I think it's in a lot of ways it's a little bit more user friendly than the PS5 is in a lot of ways. But that doesn't really matter because the branding of Xbox is just kind of in the toilet. And so because of that, even if they did

come out with like this like superior machine that was objectively like oh, this is the best value. The brand mystique of PlayStation is probably like still going to pull more people towards it. The thing for, for me, I really think it's a matter of we're at a point in, so the, these consoles came out six years ago, which is crazy.

Yeah. It's crazy to fucking imagine that. But six years ago, these consoles came out. We're about at that point in the generation where we should be kind of, there should be rumors, there should be speculation, there should be excitement about what lies around the corner. Like, what's next? like, oh, the next PlayStation, oh, the next Xbox. I think they're aware that there's fucking none of that.

I'm a console guy. Like, I love consoles. I don't want a new PlayStation. I don't need a PlayStation 6. I don't need it. I don't have any interest in it. If it wasn't for Sacred, I probably wouldn't, if it was,

I wouldn't even be remotely interested in it at this point. Right. So I think that's not just me. I think that's a lot of people. Because they probably either just got a PlayStation 5 recently Or they just they had a PlayStation 5 for a while and don't feel like they've gotten much out of it Because you get one game per first party studio per generation at this rate Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous.

So like they don't feel like they're getting mileage out of their machine. So they're like, no, yeah, keep the PS5 around for a while. Like I don't need a new one. And so they see that and they're like, hmm, if we're going to move forward and get like, If we're going to put out a new machine anytime soon, which already they delayed, by the way. So, like, they already like internally delayed like, oh, we're going to, we're not going to, Pilead X6 is further out than it originally was, which is unfucking usual. They're going to have to make the case for people to buy it.

And the way you make the case for people to buy it is you don't give them an option. Yeah. Like if you have something that is playable, I know a lot of people who are, who don't have PS5s because they're just like, I'll just play God of War on PC. And they look at that and they're like, well, right now no one's interested in our machine anyway. And we can't even bank on that background like inherent interest. Right.

We can't even use that as like, oh yeah, we'll put on games on PC, whatever. Like our audience will come. And I'm sure they will. Like the next place season is going to sell really well, I'm sure. But like, they're going to have to make the case for that. And I think like, yeah, getting their games off of PC when they're only selling a couple hundred thousand units. I think it's probably. I think it's the reason because they're just like, well, now, even if you don't want the next PlayStation, but you want to play the next big game, you kind of don't have a choice.

I get it. I don't know. Nintendo's been doing it for a fucking ever. So, like, I mean, yes, they have. Nintendo has cultivated their, their player base into, like, just whatever they put out they'll buy. Like, like, the quality, the quality disparity between Nintendo is obscene. It's like obscene. Like they'll make like a great, a very, very good game.

And then literal shit will be put on the console. And then the people will be like, I love it. And they'll just buy any like that is they, they have cultivated the best fan base for them that just persist with every ridiculous marketing habit ever. Like the fact their online quality is as bad as it is and modern day is insane. Like it's it's unbelievable They've got like But they don't care But they don't care

They've got sub 2007 Like pre 2 000 they got like 2000 They got like 2003 online And their fans defend them Their fans hold competitive game tournaments With an internet service like that With a smile on their face Like yay I'm so happy

I love this I love 900 ping It's their That fan base is like it's not even worth adding them to the conversation because they're not here anymore. It's, they're somewhere else. It's, it's very, man, I can't. It's like,

it's somewhere like as I'm a Nintendo fan. I love the Nintendo Switch for what it is. I do enjoy it. You know, I got one because I wanted to play new Pokemon game. I am part of the problem. I'm not going to act like I'm not. But I will never buy a video game that.

that is meant to be looked at nice or viewed well on Nintendo console. They were showing Final Fantasy 7 remake on the Nintendo Switch. It looks good. It's not even 60 frames. I was like,

this looks good to you. You're stupid. You're insane of me. I mean, I guess if you're used to just playing Pokemon on there probably doesn't look good. The console now cost as much as one of the other ones effectively.

So like what's the reason like oh you use it portably Then hey if you're using a portable like that If you're in Japan on the subway for multiple hours a day Or you're like taking flights I can respect that opinion But the quality is just not like I'm not doing that I play like rogue likes and shit on my switch Because I can play them in my bed when I'm about to go to bed

Or something like that or if I'm laying down Yeah I'm not doing that on a switch I'm never doing never I'm never playing fucking what's sparking zero Apparently Sparking Zero runs like dog show on the Switch 2. Oh, you think? And that game's not even extensively hard to run. It's even a hard game to boot up. That is a PS2 game with like new paint on it.

Like it's, which is a guy. I'd say that complimentary, but like that is a PS3 game. Like actually, the PS3 game with some higher end polishing. And that thing on the switch turned it to a big bang attack. Like, what do you mean? It's ridiculous. Like, no. There wouldn't play Resident Evil.

You wouldn't play Resident Evil. You wouldn't play Resident Evil. It's on there. It's on there. Yeah. It looks hilarious. Oh, wait, I haven't actually seen it. Let me look at it.

I haven't seen it. Curious about it. Resident Evil, Resident Evil 9. It's just like, you guys have, like, I tried playing, I mean, I tried playing God of War on the fucking Steam Deck, for example. And I was just like, you can. It's fully optimized. And, but, you know, that's not what the Steam decks for, man. It's just, it's really not.

I was like, oh, I tried playing a two. I was like, let me see how my 2K looks, one of the 2K basketball games. And this looks like shit. It looks, dude, it looks like piss. I was like, wow. I didn't, I didn't think it was going to be that bad. This looks like shit.

Dude, Nintendo, our Nintendo Switch 2, the Reddit, our Nintendo Switch 2, Resident Evil 9 Requiem, a Nintendo Switch OLED monitor looks incredible. To, like, what is that guy? Like, what's in that guy's library? to be like, oh, this looks incorrect. Like, what are you saying?

Fucking Tomodachi life. It's like, what do you say? How could, okay. I mean, to be fair, like, it looks good through YouTube compression. I showed, I showed Lily. Like, I was like, when the game, when the game, though, it is like it doesn't look like it's HD. All right, Lily, we were watching the thing for it on the switch and the switch and on the

switch and the PS5 and I was showing her final fantasy and she was like, that looks much worse. She was like, that looks way worse. Did you play it like that? And I was like, no, I played it on the PS4, which isn't the Switch 2 comparable to them? Isn't it comparable to those consoles and power? It should be. I don't know, man.

No, I'm not going to go on a Switch hate because I do love Nintendo for it. I love them for it. Like, I love me some Metroid. I love the playing Silk Song on my Switch 2. Did you play Metroid Prime 4? No. No, no. I didn't.

Bro, those textures are the fucking ass on the, the character texture I'm looking at the switch two It's also worse because we just played it on PC Well that's the whole that's the thing And that's the thing Maybe those people Maybe those people

Like it's like I remember the I remember playing Shadow of Ward door On Xbox one And then seeing my roommate Play it on his PC And I'm like I was laughing Just how like

Yeah Difference I was like oh So That was back in the 30 frame days When like everything was 30 frames Yeah Yeah So it's basically that yeah

Because I'm looking at But when I think about it Oh my God Oh my God But uh Something this happened I made me go crazy I saw a trailer for something

In my brain This fucking lit up But uh It's trai lanterns The lanterns trailer came out And I'm like let's go Oh okay But uh

But But Look Who's in it Uh Who's in it Like the people that are playing Aaron Pierre is the

guy that played Mufasa in the in the new there's a lion in the fucking lantern show no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no you've read those here's those comments yeah actually actually there's a fucking alien pig so yeah there's a there's a squirrel in a red lantern it's literally an angry ass squirrel but there's um the guy that

played the voice of Mufasa in the animated move in the live action whatever the fucking real real looking Lion King movie, Aaron Pierre, that guy. I don't know what it's called technically anymore. The remake, Lion King remake. Yeah, I said live action. I know what you mean. That's fake.

And so he's playing John Stewart, which is people got mad because John Stewart is... Why didn't they just get John Stewart to play John Stewart? That would have been crazy. People didn't like that John Stewart was past it. He has the daily show music in the film. That's crazy. so loud. You can barely hear him talk. Blaring.

The whole movie is just... He can't focus his ring. That's how loud it is. The whole movie, but you just... The audio is mixed so fucked. It just in the theater. Like, if I'm supposed to hear anything? Goes on for two hours. But so people were not...

People were upset. People were upset because John Stewart is famously a dark... Darkman. He's a dark man. man. He's a dark skin man and they got a half white light skin British man to play him. It's a you know. And people I look

It's the Superman Spider-Man problem to me. The Hugh Jackman, the Hugh Jackman world. We live in the possew Jackman world of superhero people. Tall, Ozzy fuck or what is he? Isn't he from Australia? He's Ozzy. Where those are the bad ones. Like there's

been a few ones that are like that's genuinely not bad. For the most part, a lot of casting for comic book movies for the most part are pretty good, actually. Unless they directly change some shit. There's for the most part. There was another one with Storm. Like Storm too.

I don't want to be rude to people. I don't want to be rude to people. Who's that? Oh, is that? Is that Yomcha? Oh, it's Yomcha. What the fuck? I didn't see it right away.

That's Yomcha from like when Goku came back to life. And they met a- Tommy's lookout. I'm like, I don't know why I have a yomcha figure out my desk. I'm going to bring on John Stewart. That is crazy. It's the closest toy I have that isn't Spider-Man again.

Chris, Chris, the fact that you have a Yamcha toy is crazy. I don't know a single person. He's my favorite character. He's their favorite girl. Come here. I can only respect that. No, you know what it is?

You know what it was actually? No, he's not gay. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. He would do that. Do you know the real reason why I have this? Let's hear it. It's because I needed, I needed victims in my game, in my like play scenario.

So like I needed civilians to be wiped and like, that's why I got him in his civilian clues and not his gie. Because like this is ostensibly like from the back. This is a guy. Yeah. The fact you said Gohan made me so mad. I'm like, gohan's got so much more muscle on his body than I don't play my man. From the, like, dude, look at how scuffed his back is for how often I beat him against, uh, against. Oh, yeah.

Like, he's, uh, he's, he's been thoroughly abused. I've had Dr. Octopus slam this guy into the floor. I'm like, like, a thousand times. Um, but yeah, he was just like, he was my go-to victim, this yamcha. Yeah. What's up, baby girl? He was my abused. Oh, you guys have, are you guys have, all you got hot girl, too?

That's what's up, dude. I respect that. Yeah, but I got the, I have a, I got the fucking. Black Lantern version. The Black Lantern one? I'd still, you know, hey man, look, I got, I got this, I got this finger puppet of, of, uh, Isaac Newton. What? Why do you have that? Look, man, this house is like, this is 20 plus years of just random, you know what I mean? This isn't like an apartment that I moved into, you know what I mean?

This is a bunch of shit that I wouldn't have ever thought to take with me here. It's awesome. Well, yeah, that's the house he grew up in, Derek, you know? Yeah. Like, that's the house he, like. They respect Isaac Newton in there. None of us, like, we're not near our homes we grew up in. You know, I have no toys, honestly.

Like, it makes me really sad. I have genuinely no toys in my house. That's weird. I have this. Nick, you're like the biggest fucking nerd in the galaxy. You don't have any toys? Look, I have this. And look at that.

Oh, I thought those were communion waivers. What the fuck was that? No, is it? You didn't hear what I just said. I saw what you did. We saw. All right. Shalom.

Oh. All right. I hope my change. I want how much money I have in this. Maybe like, I don't know. Let's get into some, uh, you're guessing $4. Let's get into some questions from our Patreon subscribers over at, over at patreon.com. Patreon.com slash the Starctown.

I have these. I have these things. I have these things right here. These are custom made dice for me. Hey. Spider-Man dice. Never used them. Never used them.

Never going to use them. They're just going to stay in a box forever. I got some good shit Oh, is that a That's such a crazy figure, dude Damn, let me put this away Do you know how many times I've thought about like Like I've walked by figurines like that

And I thought like, you know what? I really want one I really exactly And then I'm just like And then the shame kicks in Where it's just like I can't look another man in the eye And like buy that Why? Why can you not? I just like I'm 32

Listen So? I can't be doing that stuff It was too important to me my childhood, man. I still remember my fucking 10th birthday. I'm 10 years old. Street fight out for three. Dropped on me. Happy birthday. Playing Rainbow Mika. I'm like,

who's this? I was really like her. What bothers me, she's only like 21 years old or some shit like that. Like she's hyper young. And I was like, I would fight. I would kill everybody in this cast for that. No one in this cast can stop me. I'm, I'm sure Okuma would be like, you just thought about like, you didn't get out my way. right now.

You are in danger, Kuma, I'm telling you, move away from me. And he's like, sorry, sorry, kid. Yeah,

no, she was, she was the goat. Like, what, because we were like, oh, Camy,

Chunley, cool, um, my from fucking King of Fighters. Like, oh, we're,

we're upgrading, but then I saw, I was like, a big wrestling fan as a kid. I'm like this, I'm going to beat that, bro. She is,

she has the wildest street fighter body. Like, she has, like, they, good job. When, the fact that she would slap her own ass before her ultimate was like

they knew what they were doing that's why she hasn't really been back in stuff street fighter five her fucking um her ultra like that like she finishes with her partner smashes smashes your head between her and her partner's cheeks i'm like that's that's that's it that's how you want to die huge huge smile that my head flat head crushes well listen yeah we're God, I have so many weird, I have so many fucking weird things here. Look at this weird. Why the fuck do I have this?

Who gave this to me? Oh. Ooh, cool. Is that a cassette? This is a weird. I'm sick. That's fire. What the fuck?

I didn't even realize I had this. Oh, I love that Vegeta is so cool. I've seen that exact Virginia. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I can't. Oh. He's trying to calm down and boom was like when he... Whoa!

She's so sick. I... I need that. He does his yell. He does his yell thing and he blows up. He blows up. I don't have a krillin. I need a krillin.

I've never had a krillin before. Oh, I've never had a coolant. I was walking with a... I can't remember how long I was supposed to be like two years ago or something. I was walking around like... So where I live, they have this like kind of like fair every like weekend. kind of in the downtown area. And every now and then I would go,

it was like, you know, like little pop-up shops, trinkets, some coffee, some food, hot dogs and stuff. But there was this,

little, there was like a vendor that would sell stickers. And I remember walking by and being like, it was a really crowded area, but I was looking at it was like, look,

they got a krillin sticker. Who the fuck's going to buy a krillin sticker? And the guy, like, I guess, whose thing it was, was like stalking. the shelf so like he heard me and he was like fucking no one bro that's hilarious that's hilarious

not a fucking soul kid got out of fucking soul that's the same krillin i had since i started i was like that's insane i love that though he was cracking up about it not because he knows that like everybody's thinking that person when they see a krill imagine putting a imagine having an electronic that you value right and then being like you know what i'm going to do i'm going to put i'm going to put i'm going to put a really hard to remove krillin on this. Guys, leave them alone. I had characters that I had characters. Alone, guys.

No, it's just the nature of stickers, though. Like, I've had, I like, I've had stickers on my machines of characters that I really loved. And I remember being like,

why the fuck did I put this on this? You know, like, why have I, on my original PlayStation, I had a sticker of Dr. Octopus sticker. I thought it was cool.

I fucking, I liked it. But, But then I found it again when I was like 20 and I was like, just kind of ruining the aesthetic of this fucking machine. I hate that I did this. Which one is it? So like imagine krillian. Yeah.

It was it was the 90s shows. The 90s show? Yeah. I mean, it actually did look cool. Like it was because in the 90s show, he's buff and it's so huge. He's so jacked. It's disgusting. Everyone's Jack.

Aunt May's Jack. Everyone's Jack. Aunt May's fucking geezed up. Is Uncle Ben ever shown in that show? No. Like they never. Yeah. I think he is. I think he is. Yeah, I think Uncle Ben shows up, but not like...

I don't remember it does. It doesn't start when Peter's young enough for that to happen. He's already Spider-Man by the time the show starts. You know what? I just, I know my next assignment is I'm going to re-watch that whole series. It's been a while. I can't watch it anymore. You can get through it real quick. It'll, I'll get through it. It's a blistering pace. I remember I watched that like in like a couple days when I was home one year. Hell yeah. When I was here and I remember being like, dude. I rewatched X-Man. This is a blistering base.

47 dropped. And yeah, same shit. But yeah, I didn't get a... I'm excited. I don't think I've watched Spider-Man since it was on Netflix in 2012. Like it dropped on Netflix and I was like, oh, immediately. And I have a shot of me eating a rainbow float, which is Rainbow Sherbert and Sprite. Yeah, they do show him.

I was right. Yes, he does meet him. He meets him. Well, he talks... Oh, that's right. You're right. With the Spider Carnage, right? Yeah.

I don't The spider carnage, he goes back in time and tries to It does something. Oh, so it's around that time. Okay. So that was later. It gets a little wishy-washy for me. Yeah.

That's by especially because there's no resolution. That's the very, very end of the series. Yeah. That's like the very end of it. If I'm not mistaken, that's the end or secret wars is the end. One of the two, but that's the area. It's the last couple episodes because I remember spider carnage being like the, I remember in my head, spider carnage is the end.

Fucking stupid name. But, Spider-Man who's carnage. I get it, but it's like, there's no effort there at all. He would just be carnage. That's it.

You would just be carnage. But anyway, yeah. Well, we introed the question segment of the show like hours ago. But, and by the way, I know people,

there are some people who are asking about like, the Google voice thing. We'll figure, we're going to do that when we're back in person. Yeah. Like, I haven't basically set up already. We just have to,

like, do it. But like, I don't, figuring out how to do that, like, through the, like, I want to kind of have it, like, be a live, live thing that we're kind of playing and we're, like, live reacting to it. I don't want it to be, like, this weird module thing on over, over the internet. So we're going to read our questions from our Patreon.com slash the Star Tank supporters over there. Remember, you can go there, add free, early access, exclusive episodes, all that jazz. You can ask us questions, throw us suggestions, all sorts of shit. get your name right at the end of the show over there.

So check out the tiers and see which one tickles your fucking fancy. Game of the year guy just beat Fallout 3 moving on to and then it cuts out. I'm sure we'll get your name in the credits. San Andreas, I'm pretty sure. I actually, I don't think I did I beat, I got really close to the end of the fallout three. And then I, you know, I've never played the DLC for Fallout 3 either. Me neither. No, I did.

The aliens. Yeah, I did. Yeah. I mean, I know about the aliens. I've seen clips of them saying the N-word. I kill those aliens. The fact the aliens come to Earth and they're like, yo, this place sucks dick.

It's so funny. They're like, yo, what's place is ass? What the hell? That's why they say the N-word so quick. I've got to figure out why fall out three. You figure out this one word and they're like, this word is interesting.

And he looks up and he's about to talk to the humans. He's like, hey, human, did you know about this? And boom. Blam. I like the idea that the idea that a black person would see an alien. And the more pressing thing would is that he the alien

says the N word and not the fact that it's an alien well aliens are aliens are all but confirmed aliens are all but confirmed now you know right right right but like if you open Kingston if you opened up like your garage and you walked in there to get like a chair for like a party whatever and an alien

a fucking gray like a Roswell alien was sitting there on the chair and he said the N word to you would what would be the more pressing aspect of that The fact that it called me the N word, actually. Because I'd be like, why'd you call me that? I'd be like, why would.

Because I'd be, I'd be like, you're here through space to see me. And the first thing you addressed me as is that. That is crazy. That's crazy when you sit to think about it and you absorb it after the fact. My initial reaction is going to be scary alien. Yes. Yes. But the thought of it calling me the hard R is going to be like, why?

I just don't think you won't have enough time to think about that until after the event. Because like think about it in the same way if it was just a fucking tiger. You go into your room or your garage and there's a tiger in there. You're not going to be contemplating like, what does a tiger do? You know, you're going to fucking slam the door and run away. In the same way, even if the tiger, even if the tiger is shouting the N-word, you'd run away from the tiger first. You're like, screaming it.

But it's still, but it's still a tiger. There's nothing human about its act. There's 100% a tiger. Other than it just saying the end, right, it's not like Tonya tiger that's human-esque or Mufasa or some of them. He tells you to close the door inward. And then you're like, oh, I would be so panicked because of the fact that in California, houses aren't built to keep things out. Like, nothing is kept out by the house in this area. Like, at least in houses in general, things are just going to get in if they want to get in, you know.

Like you're not, your door is not like an animal, like a beast? Yeah. Your animal or a person, really. Like a person, I'm getting through pretty much any house door. If you just run as fast as you can. I'm getting through the door. Like I'm getting through. You're not going to stop me.

That's why I like living in buildings. If I go in a building, right? Let's say, like, I always think about the zombie apocalypse. If I go inside of my building and in my apartment, those zombies are not getting in my apartment unless there's a ton of them. You know, like, they're not getting in an apartment. So, like, that's always like, oh, I feel confident here. but not I don't live in apartment buildings anymore.

I'm like, man. I know exactly what you're saying. Because I remember feeling that way when we moved to a house out of an apartment building where like I remember thinking like, yeah, if I'm in an apartment building and for some reason this made sense to me at the time. If somebody is walking down the street and they just snap and they just decide, you know what, this is the day I killed people. And they turn their attention to my apartment building. They got a couple people. They got quite a number of people to get through before they were even remotely affecting. Yeah.

Yeah. In a house, it's just like, it's all me, man. Like, all of this is like, that's my door, you know, that's like, that's my car. All of it's mine. So, like, there's like, there's no buffer. I think that too. I used to think that too when I was a kid about like, like, I used to be really afraid of getting abducted by aliens.

Like, I used to like, well, not really afraid, but like, it freaked me out. Like, it made me uneasy at night or like, I kind of like, I half believed it that it was possible. And I remember thinking like, man, I remember thinking like, man, if this happens like, it was scary enough this happening in like, like an urban area. If this happens now, like no one's going to believe me. At the very least, if it happens at like 3 a.m. where I lived before in that building, someone's going to be on the street, right? And they're going to at least be able to corroborate the fact that a fucking green hand reached into my window and like grabbed me. But like in the sticks, I'm going to sound insane. Like no one's going to believe that I was like pulled out by a fucking

You're like I wonder how many people who like the people that like if any of them are telling the truth right and you're like dude an alien kidnapped and sodomize me like actually it really happened like it happened like I'm not kidding and you're telling this to people earnestly and they're all writing you off as an idiot psycho and you're like this happened to me this is real this is not a joke you're laughing in my face you know what my pet theory is of like all of that that every story like that. CIA. CIA, FBI. My pet theory is that it's Jeffrey Epstein and Israeli UFOs.

Oh, I thought you were going to be much more practical, but yeah. What's that practical about that? That's obstinately more practical than aliens slightly. That's slightly more practical. I guess it's a little bit more. Yeah, sure. I thought you're going to say something about like somebody having a

homosexual encounter and being too With an alien? You know, to deal with it. So then they made an alien story. But I think the Epstein thing makes a little bit more sense. I think it makes. I think there's like there's enough there where I think like you could make it make sense if you really. Yeah.

I think you're stupid for thinking that like. I woke up on an island. I am. You know? I am stupid. I'm like it's possible. Dumb. We know what the line would or the tiger would say to me, you know, you know.

Roaring that out of me. I didn't even read this guy's question. He says, he says, he says, hello registered sex offenders. I just learned from my more sports savvy friends that Shaq used to haze rookies by dumping buckets of his own poop on them. And rather than Google the validity of this, I figured I'd ask Derek or Sween if they were aware of this and what they think of it. Thanks for the, thanks for the fun, you ass hats. So that's a little bit of, a little bit of just a tiny bit of hyperbole. He didn't, I like how it's described dumping buckets of his poop on.

them. Multiple buckets. No, but he would shit in people's like, um, locker bags or their, their, their gym bags or their shoes. Um, there's some, some players have even denied it, but there's other people saying like, no, that did happen. And there's, he's a notoriously terrible person for hate. Like he hazes. He, he's the type of person that thinks he's, it's all in good fun. But if any normal person did something like that. So good food. So I'm good for I just left a I left a 40 pound piece of shit Your Joyce

Then what are you gonna do to him What are you gonna do them about it you know Yeah you can't do it That's the thing is like young Shaq Young Shaq was the most terrifying Athlete I've ever seen in my life Young Shaquille O'Neal was a fucking monster Of a creature

What are you mean? Well no but I'm talking about I'm talking about when he was like Way too fast for someone his size Oh yeah yeah like when he was young he was big like that. Yeah, and his prime. Yeah.

And really fast. Like you shouldn't, something like that shouldn't be lumbering around. Like he could probably do a 100 way faster than someone decides to be able to do. He was a free. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah. That's why, yeah, I guess you didn't fuck with him. Like when Barclley, when Barclay fought him and Charles Barker was like, oh, he's like, oh. You just like, this guy is really strong. That's a different breed of Percy. He's like those, he's like a, he's like a Skyrim Giant. Yeah, they don't feel like humans, but we know they are because they, they breathe.

They create babies with other humans. Like, there's a bodybuilder that's around the same, just a little bit shorter. Who? Isn't it? Hapthor, Bjornson. Hapthor, yeah, I know Hapthor. Huh? He's the mountain, right?

Yeah, the mountain. Yeah, the mountain. And, uh, Game of Thrones. And so he's giant. He's probably like 6-9 or something like that. And he's bigger. He's bigger now. They casted a person to play.

They casted a person. to play a mountain in game they did they did they did but uh and he's actually it's bigger now than he was when he was on the show i'm a mountain what's up they're climbing they're they're climbing and it's just like in the background you just see his face like you know the um what it's like in like a

cutout hole like it's a like it's a school play oh it's me he's out of focus in the background smile you'll never scale me and then the scale him and he's like, oh, shit. They scale him no problem. No problem at all. All right.

Well, never mind. I did not know this. I did not know Shaq used to shit all the shit on the faces of his. He would shit down the mouths of the rookies. They would get on their knees like it was like some like a terrorist like torture video or whatever, you know. Right. Like ISIS.

And then it was like ISIS. And then he would he would actually put on a, he'd put on like a. You put a. He put a funnel. He put the open part of, he put the wider part of the funnel in his rectum and shoot it directly down. He put a beer bog in his ass.

The wide part. So it's a funnel, it's like into a pinpoint, almost like a laser precision stream. And he's doing it. He's being actively fed. Like he's being. Right, right, right. There's just gobs of food just being shoveled into his mouth.

There is a... It's like the sushi conveyor belts. Here you go, Ricky. It's your turn. Here you go, kid. Eat my shit or else I'm going to step on your fucking forehead. It's kind of like the human centipede. Except without the centipede.

Basically, not like it all really, but I'm shouldn't in your mind. I'm barely a human myself. You ever seen... You want to see my dick stand up? Look at this. He lays down and his dick stands him back up. Yeah, pretty crazy. Then he fucking smacks people with it like a baseball bat.

All right. Now that you finish my shit. You got it. Now you got to take my dick. He hits the guy in the back and it sounds like somebody just broke a chair over his back. And then by the time, see, the reason why, you know, the Lakers, they had a three-peat. Right.

And so it was all well and good. And the reason why he didn't work out the next year is because the old stars were aging out. And we couldn't bring any new talent because Shaq kept killing them. He would drown them and hit him with the hit him with his dick. He killed him. And they'd say, huh, got you. That was funny, right? Yeah.

He attends the funerals. And he's just like, he was a good sport. He ate every last drop of my shit. He was good about it. Except for the get hit with my dick part. When I hit him with my dick, he kind of, it was kind of over immediately. It's very unfortunate that the doctor diagnosed him with a heart failure and had nothing to do with my, you know, shit drowning and shit. He did not.

He was not asphyxiated with shit, actually. All right, I got to go. Speaking of doctors, did you guys see that they brought back scrubs? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they did. Apparently, it's, apparently people like it. Apparently it's pretty good. I imagine.

I don't know. Because they have, they're working with old head. and towards the latter parts. I mean, JD and a lot of them would write a lot of the episodes themselves. So since they're kind of like back in the swing, I looked. I was like it looks good. And big guy fucking. I mean, I want to watch it essentially, but I don't have.

Yeah, I'm curious. I'm curious. I don't think I ever watched all of Scrubs. I watched all of it. I caught some of it. And I liked it when I saw it. But it was like just, I don't know. I watched it was not accessible.

A bit of it. That last season I remember hearing was, It was just... And I think now they... I think in the new one they just don't even address it. Pretend like it didn't happen. Because season eight was the actual ending. There was...

And then yeah, season nine, listen, it wasn't... It's like a new show, right? It was just like stapled it off the end. It was so like, oh, we're converting this into like a... Like, it's kind of like a university. It's like medical school. It's like a hospital and also... It was like, eh.

You know, eh. Um, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen. It was just completely unnecessary. And a lot of the people did not return that made the show really charming. So, no. I'm excited. I'm going to watch it. I just got to, you know, I fucking haven't.

I saw one episode I remember because I didn't watch all of it, but I did watch bits and pieces. The episode with a nurse was showing the kid her today. I remember that episode and being like, what the fuck is going on? Because it's how I need to go up. And I remember the black guy walked by. He was like, dude, he's such a jovial character. I love how they just write him to be upbeat all the time for the most part.

and then he sees the girl doing it. He comes back and she's like doing nothing. He's like, and scampers off like a rat. Like he gets on all four and then scutters out the fucking hallway. And I was like, I met that guy once. He was in Glendale at one time.

Oh, right. And we had a fucking shake chat. Yeah, you met Turk. Yeah. I met him at a shake shack. Didn't you meet a, didn't you meet fucking? The God of Pittsburgh. Lock.

Yeah. Luke Cage. I met him too. That thing is huge. Yeah, he looks like. Yeah. I've met him. I met the guy that played Ubaku.

I met, I made a lot of black guys. That's interesting. I met Magic Johnson at, at GameWorks. We met when the Block at Orange, which is called the Block. I don't know what the fuck it's called now.

They used to be like GameWorks and Powerhouse and all these like Dave and Busters, all these type of things. And I guess Dave Buster's still there. It's the only one that's still there. But he was there playing in like one of the race card things with his kids and stuff. And I was like,

I walked the tool and I was like, hey, man, it's a great honor to meet you. Do me a favor. Wipe the machines down when you're done. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That is crazy.

goodness. I'd be like, that's really automates with you. Whatever one he was saying, burn it. Do you a favor. Wipe the machines now. You're done. Please. With Clorox. Jesus Christ. I just love how disrespectful. What? Oh, it's doing it. Oh, it's starting again because you're missing it. You're missing it. You missed it. You missed it. You missed it. Does it, it actively turns just crazy to me, dude. That is so crazy. You know what I mean cool if I had something fucked up on the screen?

Dude, this is a picture of Tony Soprano with his asshole spread wide open and his little balls in his camera. It's like, yo, dude, what are you looking at? That's on your screen right now. I never thought, I never thought that this would happen. That's crazy. again. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yo, that spin was crazy. And it just corrected

itself. It's not. This is weird. Like we talked about it. And then this never happened since. It's enchanted. It's enchanted, bro. You got a fucking, you got a thing, dude. That was, I didn't like how quickly that turned. That thing was like. That was like a horror movie. I got to see who. I have expected you. just like dead-eyed

I gotta see who built this you know that image of Squidward you know that image is like that scary image of Squidward where he's in the dark he's got the red eyes and it's like supposed to be like creepy boss or whatever

oh my God yeah I'm sorry Magic it's probably I don't know if this thing is like a huge fan of Magic Johnson or something and it was like really upset yeah maybe maybe it's not

maybe it's like AIDS ew oh I hate AIDS got you jorking it behind the wheel of a self-driving car road and he says he has a story for us. He says there was a story last month out of France

where a guy showed up at the ER with a World War I artillery shell up his ass. The hospital staff didn't know if it was live or not. The hospital staff didn't know if it was live or not. So they had to evacuate patients and staff until the bomb squad showed up. The shell was inactive. The kicker, this same thing happened before in 2022, also in France. France also with a World War 1 artillery shell. My question is what is the wildest thing that you've heard of that went up someone's

ass? The yuca. Glass jar guy doesn't count. I mean, that is the answer, though. It's the yuca. Then I show you that. I put a yucca. Someone put a uke in their fucking ass? Yeah, someone put one up the ass and it was in, it was in Costa Rica, Smoky Shoresholti to me

when he first became friends. And the guy pushed, and the doctors were trying to get it out when they came up the guy's as after it was like this big and like this blunt and it coming out the guy's ass the doctors were like ideal something like the doctors were so they were like they didn't because they say ideas me they say the whole thing we say deals meo that's what that's what we would say but he was just like the doctor was so it looked like bubble gum his asshole looked like it was I'm sure torn to sunder What doing shit like that

Either someone did that to him To be a complete monster of a person to assault them Or this person was doing it And they fell down And they fell down on top of it And it got stuck in there Dude that's so scary I wonder if I could find a video of the guy

That you were coming out as I don't want to see it so That's fine I don't need to see that really Let me see I don't know if I have that's That would be my answer though that video like I don't know First of all what are people doing shoving artillery shells Like just freaks man I mean, what else could you say? You know, I want the bombs come at material in Mondes.

Yeah, like, I don't, where are they finding World War II? Where are they finding random, like, strewn about? Do they have like metal detectors? World War I artillery shells. They're, like, walking around, like, certain, like, they're in the fields of Redune and, like, they're, like, they're, like, they're, like, like scanning and they're like oh voila and then they just shove it up their ass immediately dropped their pants and immediately put in their ass and it just fucking

monsieur monsieur what are you doing on my month oh what can I do for you his hips off shift that's how fucking big is this fucking huge off shift and it's like dude you fucking breaking yourself we're at the point we're gonna see like they're gonna put like copies of like clear obscure up their ass now. You're gonna start see that. Some guy goes and gets a stack of like five, eight of them and they're like aha, observe.

I have to let my sister in the house because apparently no one else is home. Okay. I'll be right back. Ah, monui. Oh, mon we. My yes. I don't know. I know French like,

I don't know. I know Brazil. No, I don't. I don't know Portuguese at all. I don't know Portuguese at all. I just know Obriga de and another dumb shit. I don't cario. I don't Opregado. I know, uh, do that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is that? I know that like you can't let them dance because they're like gremlins. Once they start dancing, they start multiplying and setting fire. Yeah, it becomes a huge problem. Oh shit. It's the Chris Terminator. Did he come back? Did he come back? That's the crissinator. Yeah. Halo.

Halo and Marathon. It just transitioned to fucking Halo and Marathon. Oh, fuck. I'm finishing this mission in a marathon. In a marathon. Bungee. Destiny.

Bunchy. That game really is going to be a that game's going to be a problem for me. Me and Iblind were up till like, I was up till 6 a.m. like pretty much every day. What if you notice slowly that you're playing marathon and all of the high guard characters start making a pair of.

They show up? That would be so sad. It slowly just changes in a high car. It just becomes. That would be such a bummer because like that's crazy. That would be such a bummer because like I think like that game has a lot of style. and I feel like if a fucking I remember seeing the high guard trailer for the first time

and like there's like if you guys pull up that trailer now it's hilarious because I remember like within the first like couple seconds the first character they show just like you just like I remember like thinking about it with an open mind right and you think like oh man okay we'll see what this is and then like seconds later it's just immediately like why'd you give him that haircut man Yeah, I agree.

I totally agree. Do you know exactly what I'm talking about? I do. I really... I don't remember. It really just... So, yeah, I just like, man, I don't know. I just feel bad because I was like, I want, I want, I would love for these guys

to have a W, especially the fucking, uh, the, you said it was the respawn people, right? It was, um... Yeah, it's a bunch of ex-respawn people. So it's like, I will... But, yeah, like, literally, dude, frame fucking one damn near. Look at this. So, like, this is the preamble, the preamble, you can, you guys can look this of the, uh, official reveal trailer for Highgar, I'm sure many of you remember it vividly, like I do.

But I remember this, like, it was, oh, Jeff Keeley comes up and he's like, from the people who brought you Titanfall or whatever. And I'm like, hell yeah. And then it goes rated T. And then the first thing you see is just like. This fucking, I'm like, bro, what is that? It's just this fuck boy. It is this fuck boy.

The only thing if they would have made his hair curly. Like, you know, like, because like they have like, that's pretty much like, that's like the big curls are in right now if you're young. but yeah it's the same fucking haircut though and I was like all right man it is insane because it's almost like What's crazy is that like I actually think like if this character didn't show up until way later I feel like it would have been less I know because like the visual like that that castle looks kind of cool or whatever

And then like you know you got the people Driving around on horses and shooting shit looks kind of sick I want to know but like you're kind of immediately off put by that fucking fuck boy haircut Like seriously, it's like, because if you cut it, if you shave his head, I mean, he essentially looks like Commander Shepherd. You know, he just looks like he's just a white guy with fucking like a buzz cut or something. And that would have been way better to not focus on how goofy that shit looks. Yeah, because this guy looks, this guy looks like he's maybe supposed to be about 30 or like late 20s.

But he's got the haircut of like a fucking 15 year old. He does. crazy. And it just immediately comes across is just completely fucking wrong. That is crazy but true. And then that it's like who are you trying to lure in? I just, I'm watching it again in that fucking jump. The way he even jumps, do, off the cliff.

Look at the, look at the way he jumps off the cliff. It's this little, woo. Like it's this little. Woo! Yay! Woo! I'm jumping! Oh man, what the? It really sucks. It really is a You know what's a bummer too? Like, people didn't

play this game enough to know this, but like some of the female characters had some ass on. Oh, yeah. So they were working on it, you know? They were giving at least some people what they wanted, but like. Yeah, if they even introed in with just when it's in the actual gameplay footage and not that. Because like, yeah, I see that on the horse and there's a bear to the left and stuff. And that's kind of cool.

I'm like, oh, you know, a little bit. Should I try to get the, should I try to get the, um, all the achievements in High Guard before it goes. Before it goes away. Can you do that? Do you think you can do that? I think maybe. I don't know. I haven't looked at it.

Yeah. I like the idea of like... I'm fascinated by these games, especially now that I know that they can just kind of vanish overnight. Or like in a short amount of time where like I kind of want to... Like I kind of want to get playtime in with them just because I know it's... Resident Evil 9 is one of the... Like, I expected to be home by now and playing Resident Evil 9.

So like, I'm kind of thrown off a little bit. But Resident Evil's going to be there forever. You know what I mean? Like I can play Resident Evil whenever. Never going to be able... I'm glad I played what I played a Concord because I know... I know exactly how that game was. and I have experience with it.

Now, it's almost like having lost media, you know, which is like it's kind of cool. No, absolutely. I agree. That's something I'm actually, since, yeah, since we do have just about a week to play High Guard, I'm going to download it. Oh, he's gone. He talks about High Guard and he died.

The guy from High Guard showed up. The High Guard. He was like, you're making fun of me. The High Guard. Jonathan Highguard. I was thinking about that too. Henry Highguard. Henry Highguard. Henry Highguard showed up and he was like

Henry Highguard. What are you saying of my wonderful game? What the fuck are you saying about me? You bitch. How about you jump off this tall cliff and he throws Derek off a tall place and he dies? Anyway, I don't know what we do here. Just wait for him to come back, I guess. Yeah, hopefully he returns. We'll do two more questions. What the hell? What happened to you?

I pressed fucking add to library to Highguard and my internet went to shit. I swear to God, I happen at the same time. That's hilarious. We should stream it and just not play it seriously or whatever, but like that'd be a fun. That's not nonsense thing to do. It's not bad at all.

It's not bad idea. I'm Henry High God and I'm here. It's Henry Highgard himself. We were talking about Henry Highgard showing up and then killing your computer. as we were making fun of it. Henry. I'm going high. Let's get two more and then we'll bounce.

Because I feel like we got to questions a little bit late. We got a lot to talk about. We did. Jumped Mojo Jojo, Jojo wrote in. I didn't read this ahead of time, so we'll just see what this is going to be. I want to build on the conversation

about the Bafters from the Dark Tank. I think where a lot of contention is coming from if a public apology happened, it could have been a teachable moment of awareness, but instead the long silence led, led to black people feeling like they were the butt of yet another demeaning joke. I have no context for this.

I don't know. Is that 100% right? What were we, this was about the Tourette's guy? Yeah. It was just led to, it was, someone wrote in. It's the Baptist's fault, 100%.

They're the ones that should be to blame. I think the person with Tourette's could have made a public apology. apology that says public as the disrespect was would have been preferred. It would have been preferred. But at the same time, also a private one could have been fine between him and the people,

did him Michael B. Jordan and Delroy? You know? I don't think anybody would argue other than just people who don't actually matter in the conversation. Yeah. I think everybody else can be like, it could have been handled a lot better if anyone that actually cares about the situation

would unanimously say that. It's like, of course. But yeah, we had, we had a listener write in and, you know, kind of venting their frustrations and how probably, you know, I don't even say probably. I would say most definitely because in a lot of times we talk, we're coming off as ignorant because how could we not be? We don't have Tourette's. Yeah. We don't know anything like that. We've, we speculated.

We even said like, oh, you know, his part of what he has, it's a spectrum. There is no just set rules of having Tourette's, right? So it's just something happened. It was fucked up. The Baptist could handle it much better. I think that's pretty clear. It is sad that it could have been a teachable moment, too. That could have been a perfect moment to inform people about a collie.

I think it's called. No, Kyle, it's not right. The version of Tourette's that makes people blurt out obscene phrases. Yeah. That would have been a good moment for that. The listener, the person I wrote in did say that they have that. and they say horrible things to, oh, because one thing that this person was worried about, and they wanted to not be misconstrued that, hey, and we speculated it because it seems like

one of those things that probably subconsciously are like, don't say the worst thing you could say to a black person. And then, unfortunately, that's what happened. And the way that he said, he would call his mom a bitch and a cunt when she's a great mom, you know, and it would come from nowhere. Yeah, and it would come from nowhere. like he means absolutely nothing by it. And it's just like, oh, that's one of the worst things you could say to a woman.

And so it was kind of like in that. And that's one thing that was speculated that like it was probably like, all right, like, please for the love of God, don't say the N word. Like in the, in your subconscious, maybe. I feel like that's what we were saying. Yeah, that's what I think. That's exactly. That's why I was kind of a little bit. I think it was.

I saw some of the comments about it. And I was a little confused because I just didn't really understand what the contention was, to be honest, because I felt like we were we were joking about it. like we do pretty much everything, obviously. But I don't think we didn't cover the basis of like, oh, or just talking like, I don't know. We don't have Tourette's obviously. Like I don't have any personal experience with it. I think if we were coming, we were saying that I don't.

But I think what happens is that he wanted to give some, informed statement from someone directly with. I think that's completely fine. I did address. And I said, because Chris, you know, since he wasn't on the episode. Because I just speculated about the when he wrote in and I feel a lot of people do this. It's perhaps that.

didn't finish the segment because I feel like we did cover some of that stuff. And so I said that as well that I'm like, I think it's fine if you skipped over the rest of it. Maybe you were frustrated you wrote in and then you skipped over the segment because you didn't want to listen to it anymore. But I feel like some of his concerns were addressed. And so I'm just giving some people the benefit of the doubt if that's what happened. Because again, like I'm watching a video with Professor Dave,

if you guys know who that is. He usually, yeah. So it's the moon landing hoax shit. and it's most of the footage is from a Joe Rogan podcast and I'm having a hard time watching it because he's showing the clips of Joe Rogan in that guest and it's so frustrating to listen to and it's like no offense to you, Professor Dave,

I'm having a hard time finishing this video and in the same way that like hearing us talk about Tourette's the person with Tourette's might have a very hard time listening to that segment that they're like, bro. Like this is rough. Even if there's nothing malicious in what we're saying, it still might be hard because of the fact that we are just ill-informed.

Yeah. Yeah. A lot, I totally get it. I can relate to hearing ill-informed critique or ill-informed. Like, I get it. Totally. I think it's, it's, it's, it's just a little odd because, like, our show is so unserious.

That's the thing. That's the thing. But I get it. But I get it. No, that's true. But also the same time, people are, people, unfortunately, people do listen to us and people don't do a good job at forming their own perspective. things. So in that same thing, like, like, well, I wouldn't even say, I wouldn't even say that.

I just, I just, uh, because I've, I'll let you finish in what. Like, it's not, it's not, it's not to say that we don't, it's not our responsibility to hope for people will understand what we're saying, but at the same time, he's just trying to inform us, which he did. He, he gave me a perspective that I appreciate. I appreciate that person reading in and talking to the bus stuff like that, because every now and then things like that are necessary to have on a track you ask, even if we are more of a joking kind of place. I think their perspective. No, I think I, I think that's valid. I still think at the end of the day, I don't know, I don't know why you just don't stop shouting stuff, really, if you have to watch.

I get it. It just seems, it seems like it's really easy for me to not say crazy shit. I want to say bad things all the times and I do. If, but, but. If you have Tourette's, shouldn't you just sew your mouth shut? Wouldn't that, isn't that the, isn't that the best way to do it? I've had my, my lips pierced multiple times. A little pinch. So if you just, you know, a couple of needles here there, little, little thread. Could you imagine? Imagine like he's, I have Tourette's.

Someone's like, okay. And they mute him. That's our, that's, uh, the Starntenic School of Medicine's official, uh, cure for Tourette's. We just show your mouth shut. Listen. And if you have any of you, and if you have like arm ticks, if you have, like, you know, reflexes. We'll just cut those arms off

Uh Oh, you got me Got another one That is insane Derek, how many times You shot in Snot Rockets, dude? I would say probably like four times at least We got a fucking snotter over here

Man, I got really bad My allergies are fucking My sinuses are fucked like always Dude, I don't have allergies I've experienced allergic feelings maybe twice and I was humbled. I was so truly humbled by when you're crying and it burns.

That shit sucks, dude. It's crazy. That shit is ass. I had to deal with that with the outside during summer vacation. That was the worst thing too is like you're not in school. The one time where you feel the worst is when you're not is when you're like out of school. Oh yeah, for sure. You know, like it's summertime.

You don't have any responsibilities. The world's going to kill you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then and then like, oh, school's coming up, better make the world bearable. It's like, fuck, man, you've really ruined. Allergies suck, dude. Listen, they suck so hard.

I'm humbling, dude. So 25 years old, I pretty much, my body composition changed and all that's stupid things like, but like a lot of the things changed. Like, I'm sensitive to eggs now, which is I feel like if there's a God, he's just fucking with me because I used to eat eggs all the time. And then I developed all these seasonal allergies and shit. And it's fucking insane. And I don't know how people live without air purifiers that have really bad allergies because that is, it's so noticeable to me being somewhere out in the, oh, for a long time.

And I'm just getting bombarded. And then being home got my air purifier in this room, got in the living room, got one in the fucking bedroom. And it's just, it's night and day, dude. It's fucking night and day. Dude, I remember, I remember, um, oh, here it goes again, walking out to my car. one day. I remember walking out to my car one day one summer or one spring. I can't even remember. It was around that time though. And my car

was covered in pollen. And I didn't know. I thought it was like, I didn't really, I'd never seen that much pollen. I thought it was just like, what the fuck? Why is it all this dust on my? Like, what the fuck? And I like, I got close enough to it and I like wiped it all off. And then it clouded in front of me. And I realized that it was pollen. I turned around to like my mom.

And I think it was it was kind of like how I imagined the people turned to each other and looked at each other like when Chernobyl happened It was like fucking We're like right now When the gliders coming back at them Exactly

Like it was just like Oh I'm like I'm all right right now But like this is This has ruined my week probably What just happened No Because now I'm gonna have I know I have a lot of this

fucking crap Embed in my sinuses And I'm allergic to it And fuck here we go that's what it felt like it really felt like Chernobyl was just like oh I'm I'm fine right now but I'm dead yeah and I know I'm dead when's it gonna happen I'm thinking I'm thinking of what you call it when um when uh Vichita looks over his shoulder before he blows up or he's like yeah I just I've done that so I've done that so many times in my regular life where I'm just like out

doing something something that's what to happen and I'm like ah they're checking my card It's declined, huh? And then the light comes over, the light casts over my face. And I'm about to just, I'm about to blow myself up. I'm about to scream Alu Akbar and then just ignite the fucking air particles in the fucking room.

Oh, that's great. I had a moment like that. I went to, this is so stupid. I don't know why I did this. Because I was looking into buying a new car. Because by the time I, when I got the car that I have now,

my credit was like, piss and so my payment my APR is so high and then basically I have the option to do like either like a refinance or I could just invest into a new car and and like the payment that I have even if it's brand new it'll probably be even cheaper than the payment that I'm doing now and so I was looking into all that I went to a dealership and I forgot that I'm juggling a lot of stuff like to get into a new apartment I took it a loan and then I actually am co-signing something for my mom and all this is all this shit going on because she uh long story short it was weird i was talking a guy and i was bonding with the dealer i was bonding with him he even uh philto franco was on my

phone my cell phone when i was testing the car player whatever he's like oh phillies are you still around and stuff and then blah blah blah blah got into like our job and he was like oh i know chris ray gun and i was like what the fuck just some random fucking car dealership he's like yeah i know chris i haven't seen that guy a long time blah blah blah manager comes up after we're talking like he brings up the numbers and he's like oh yeah um yeah your credit sucks and i was like what do you say i was like what do you he's like i can offer you this ridiculous number and then he uh brings up like my thing and it was just one of those moments like i didn't i thought since i make everything i'm making all my payments perfectly but they're like no this fucking

hard inquiry from this this hard inquiry from this like i just moved into an apartment this hard inquiry and then like you took out and I was like fucking America is amazing and like it made one of those moments were like it felt like I'm gonna blow up because I just didn't I thought that like oh I'm making all my payments I'm completely fine my credit should be it's just a little lower than it should be and it's because of like the fact that hard inquiries are even a thing

the fact that the fact that if I had I had before when I was doing really bad obviously I had late payments on my credit cards the fact that they don't organically go away after the point which they're supposed to go away is crazy they're supposed to just go away eventually it takes a long time though it depends no it takes years a hard inquiry can take like eight months

to like two years depending on what it is no dude if you do if you do you're talking for like bad credit things you're talking for like bad credit things they can yeah they're supposed to go away certain period time but they don't go away until you actively make them go away you have to make them go away they don't just dissipate like that make sense that it should no you have to actively go in there

so most people don't remember that so for me I had to recently go in call somebody but like hey it's been two years past get rid of these now and you're like oh sorry no sorry I need to look at that but they would still actively prevent me from

getting something because like oh they're on my thing it's like yeah but can't be removed yeah but you got to make a call first to have that done then it'll get removed I just listen extra step so it's just one extra step for no reason and it's like yeah I understand some of the things aspects of credit. I mean, I hate it all.

It would be honest. Like Europe doesn't even know what the fuck this is. Like they don't do. It's a dumb system. But like the thing that is worse, like say I have my credit was, you know, actually outstanding before I moved into this new apartment because of the extra things that I've done, not missing any payments. I've been upstanding credit citizen, but just because I'm juggling extra stuff and I applied

for this. and I got this and then I co-signed this, that dropped my score significantly, even though there's literally nothing negative about it if I'm not doing, if I'm not missing any payments. How, like,

how should that affect my score if I'm paying everything on time? They're just being like, it is so predatory. It's fucking crazy. You're using too much of your credit. Yeah. You're using too much, even though you pay everything.

You're not, you're not fucking, you're not fucking missing payments. We didn't have to repo anything. nothing's happening and then your credit still significantly dips for doing the thing that they actually want you to do it's which is be more in debt it's so fucking stupid anyway yeah that's another reason why i'm like america's uh it's uh i'm not loving it not loving it you know what i mean i i i question myself where i'm like why am i why am i still here i have i have a wife

that i can i can literally go live over there and uh Like I actually have a path to living over there and I struggle with that. Anyway, let's talk about something happier. We'll round out. We'll do one more. And then there's one more that's not a question, but an idea that I want to share before we get the funny here. Circumcision by Table Saw wrote in. He says, Nick Fuentes is calling for his fans to vote for Democrats and Matt Walsh is condemning conservatives for supporting Trump.

Since the world is becoming fiction anyway, who would you like to see completely flip their values in what ridiculous way would you like to see their opinions change? I don't give a shit about people change their opinions at this point. because you it's like it kind of reminds me a little bit of like when Obama was was like oh and and Hillary were like oh I'm for gay marriage now but it was like way fucking after it was like like in their political career they flipped not like yeah and it's not novel it wasn't novel like at the time they did it it was just like duh so like I don't you don't get credit really for me at this point like I appreciate it that you're, you know, talking back and like you're, you're finally getting some, even the vaguest hint of balls.

But like, I'm not going to like, I don't know. It's hard for me to care. I'm not going to do a high five for me. Matt Walsh is beyond redemption in my opinion. And Nick Fuentes is fucking insane. He's still a Nazi. He's still crazy. He's like, I don't want.

He said specifically, I don't want Thomas Massey or J.D. Vance. I want Hitler. And it's just like, well, I mean, you're mad because they're not. going far enough. Yeah, the thing is the thing about Nick Fuentes is that Nick Fuentes isn't telling people, he isn't telling you fuck Trump because Trump's a piece of shit. He's telling you fuck Trump because Trump is not

doing Nazi stuff and he's helping. He's saying fuck Trump because he's racist and Jewish people also. Like it's like, oh, you're helping any of them and I hate that. It's like, no, you're just a psych, you're a psycho white Mexican man. who probably should fall asleep at the wheel. Like, you suck.

Too bad. You're not a good person. I'm pretty sure he looks. I can't imagine that guy drives. I'm sure he floats. I'm sure he learned how to float. He does not safely. He is not,

I don't, he doesn't seem like somebody who would ever bother to get his license. He does not strike me as that type of person. He's not a go outside person. No, not at all. Like he fucking pepper sprayed an old lady at the fucking door.

Do you remember that shit? Yeah. You're not, you're not an independent fucking person. person that's going to be out in the world navigating traffic if you got scared by a fucking old lady holding a cell phone. Like that's crazy.

Like I understand they oh, they came to your house and shit, but it's like if you're truly scared, you just stay inside and call the cops. You know, you gauge and spray an old lady. That's crazy. But yeah, I just, I did want to mention that because that is true. I mean, like, look,

I mean, a lot of people are flipping, which they should have ages ago, but I mean, I don't know. I guess the thing that's confusing to me It's just like where people's lines are Like I knew that war was one of those But This this is not the first military It's not I mean we are you fucking

We're not gonna even get into it. Yeah, it's not at all That's why I will give somebody credit when it's genuine Right now because it's just kind of popular to flip That's all I'm like no I don't fucking you get no credit for that You should have flipped I would say in 2017 You should have flipped because then it's like All right, he's sworn in.

Here's the things that he's doing. Okay, this is a disaster. I'm out. That's when you... The problem is that... The problem is that people. You should have flipped. I'll even...

You know what? I'll even give you up until January 6th. That is... I'll give that to you. I think it's insane, but I'll give it to you. But after January 6th, I'm like, brother. That's a good point. That's like anything past that is so...

That's so egregious. What happens is this, right? For... Because you might have just not been paying attention, right? Like, everybody clocks out. I agree. get it. But like you couldn't ignore that. Like that's crazy. And I understand it's like, oh, it's propaganda or whatever. It's like, we, we think this is like this. You can,

this is all documented stuff. It's like he's like he's a crook the whole time. You can look into him before he became in present running. Even while he's running for presidents, he was a crook, fucking laundering money into this fucking college that doesn't exist. Just being a crook. Like he was a crook to begin with. He's a fucking million billionaire psychopath who was like, like literally a villain. And then at the point of 22, with the election saying it's stolen, the fact he's never admitted to losing that election. He tried to incite a coup and then people vote for him.

If you voted for Donald Trump, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for Donald Trump. Either you're evil or you're a complete jackass. I'm sorry. It's not going to be a jackass. It kind of goes. No, no, no, no. I think you can be.

You can be. Yeah, I think that's the same thing in someone. Like, you're either, you're either malicious or just like, astoundingly misinformed like to the point where like it's like I don't even know if I don't even know if there's really a pathway back to reality for you really like it's yeah

I don't know um too fair there's yeah I guess it's possible I guess it's possible that you're just kind of like you're there because there are people who are like vote blue no matter who and uh I get that especially right now because I'm just like brother like fucking holy shit

I hate that I hate that I hate that I hate that I hate it as well I hate it as well I hate it well we all hate it but like i understand what he likes right now right now i understand why that mentality is existing but i you should demand you should demand more for people but it is

unfortunate that we're in that situation but i think um yeah so i guess it's theoretically possible that you're a vote red no matter who because it's just like on the broad spectrum of things you're like oh well broadly these people are gonna they think are going to do whatever

they think it's not even Even about that, dude, unfortunately, and again, we always skip over this. And I don't think we'll ever do it because society is a little bit too polite that it's just really disrespectful to criticize people's religion. And those people at the end of the day, most conservatives are voting for righteous reasons. They think the Democrats are demonic. They think that the Republicans are on the side of God. That is, that's why they won't flip because they think they'll be voting for evil if they do. and we don't talk about that shit

because people think it's too fucking insensitive to do. I don't want to bother these people. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I kind of do because they're fucking, they believe in fairy fucking tails. And that's stupid as an adult. And we can't talk about it. Okay.

Look, I am someone who has been actively, I grew up religious. I was raised by a woman who was religious, but not a psychopath. So I have a degree of like adherence when it comes to like insulting people that are religious. I usually try to go step by step with them. Yeah, that is unfortunately that's how I that's how I was once upon a time. But the point where there are one,

there are so many religious people that are actively not psychos. So then why are you being crazy? There are people. Because they have the power to be there are people. Because that's the thing. It's like they're in, they're in positions to enforce. No, no, no. Not nobody else. Not even politicians. They're not religious. They're not religious people. They're fucking liars. They're all money. Like they're not those people that are like in office that are that are like, oh, Christian, they're not really Christian. They're saying.

They're saying that's what's important. I don't even, I don't even think they do they do. I think some of them that might be the case, but I think they're just darned. You know what I'm saying? I think there's some of the fucking most evil people on the planet. I think later what these niggas are. I think these,

those niggas were had a time where the world was not explained out enough to them. so they could effectively believe in something that is that fairy tale to exist. These people are saying this because they want to manipulate idiots who are. I think some people are like that. Right, but hold on. Hold on. I think most of them. The vast majority are like that.

I don't think so. If we want to get really granular, nobody now is a real Christian. Like there's no, like no one really, like there are people that are Christians, but they're not common. They're Christians in the same way that.

I'm Spider-Man because I think with great power does come great responsibility. You know what I mean? Like, it's okay. You like some things about it. Yeah. And maybe you, you form an opinion, or a personality around it.

Oh, I like Catholicism as like a vibe or like, oh, I like this rule, but like, eh, I'll eat shellfish. Who the fuck cares?

Like, who we're like, I don't even selfish. God really care about that. So like, I'll wear my mixed fabrics. I'll have sex outside of marriage. I'll,

you'll disregard all the rules. Right. And so like there's not all, it's the same thing. It's like I can't swing around. Just because I think that's where it gets to me right. Power is important. And a lot of them know this stuff. A lot of them have never read the book.

Yeah. That's where it is. It's like you're not a Christian person. You are. I'm not going to sit there and I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I've read the entire Bible. I've never read the entire Bible. I read a good amount of the Bible.

And when I was reading through it, I was like, oh, this is fake. And I stopped caring about it. That's what I did. like oh, this is not real. I remember when I found out when it was that it was like real, you know? Because you read a lot of stories.

You know, you cat in the hat fucking Dr. Seuss shit like when you're a kid. And then there's this book that everybody's like, you go to this building to read. And like I remember thinking like, oh, that's kind of interesting, I guess.

And people are like, no, this is real. I was like, what do you mean? It's real. Dude, I went to, I went to vacation. Like, what do you mean? I don't know to say like this is not a story. Guys, in summertime, when I was younger, I went to vacation Bible school.

I spent the summer hanging around Christian people. We were, what were we called? We were, um, we were a pop, not a pop, not, I forgot what the word is, but we were people that would like spread like, we would go and talk to people about it. I was a Christian. I was actually a young Christian person. And every time I'd have those conversations to people, it would always turn back into you do not agree with the book you're saying because they would try to follow tenants from

the Old Testament which does not apply to Christians. It does not. That is the Old Testament. We are people that follow the New Testament of the Bible. Yeah. The fact, old Testament is even there. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's apparently no, technically no, it's not. It is. Apparently the New Testament. He has a different meta. You know, it's just all that shit doesn't make sense. That's what, that's what, that's why it's so stupid. It's not obviously Christian God is the same God. God. And then people try to just cherry pick and whitewash and make all these different things up. It's insane. I get it. But he's fine with this now or not. My main point is, my main point of this is just like on the grandest stage, we are not allowed to talk about this at all. Like the conversation we're having even right now. We're not allowed to do it. It'll never happen. I don't think it'll ever. I don't, I don't know how 200 years. Maybe it'll be at a certain point where it's like the conversations that some people. that network, the atheist experience and stuff

where they're talking about, and there's people that are actually deconverting people by just having conversations and having people challenge their faith and think about like how silly a lot of this stuff is, it'll never happen. It's so baked into our culture. It's definitely not going to happen now

because things are so bleak that people are going to need something to turn to me. That's the thing. If things are so dire, turn to Batman, the fuck is wrong with you. The greatest problem right now in America. Spider-Man, all that shit will have the same fucking principles. Maybe not Batman.

But like, I'm just saying like Spider-Man, Superman, Superman. No, maybe not. Batman's probably like, I'm sorry, this poster boy of comic books. I'm just, so I just think, okay, Spider-Man,

fucking Superman. Howard the duck. Huh? I'm my Superman, yeah. Howard the duck. If you need to, if you need to a guide to live your life,

and it needs to be talked about. The biggest problem right now is. It's crazy is that there's a lot of Christian Zionists. John Wick. There's a lot of Christian Zionists, air quotes, and they're crazy. And they want to end the world because Christianity is effectively a death cult.

It literally is a. death cult. They want the world to end. They want these to show back up so they can go to heaven. But it's like, hey, I don't want to die. Kill yourself. You go die. You go to Israel and you die in Israel. Have fun. Leave me here. Yeah. You go die. I'm fine. Hey, man, you want to, you know what's interesting though? You don't want to be here no more. Go sing your to your Elohims. Go sing your hymns to your wonderful Christ above and go there and die. in that land. Let us stay here that don't want to get

turned to dust for no reason. You know what I want to say, you know what this feels like to me because I'm sure there's a lot of like really there's a lot of big content creators. There's a lot of political punnets and stuff like that that are non-theists. But they won't say anything. It's kind of like a don't ask don't tell thing. And

I feel like that's because that's so, it's so fucking disrespectful right? In the military don't ask, don't tell. It's like it's fucked up. And then in the same way, I feel like this is what it is where there's a lot of people you can kind of tell there's hints. I'm like, I think this person's non-religious, but they would never say. And it's really frustrating. It's kind of like I even think about a gayness in sports, in major sports, like the men.

Out of all those men, I'm like, none of you were gay. Like, shut up. Like, you know, like, I think the problem is this, right? I think a lot of people hold on to those values because they're afraid of how terrible the world is. So what happens is their backup default. I don't think they're ever challenged. I think that's the problem. No, no, I think,

they don't get a chance to talk about it. But it comes from personal challenge. That's a personal challenge you have to go through. Listen to a lot of, I think for, if you have no, if it is not talked about in the mainstream, you have no reason to question a lot of these things.

And that's how a lot of people that were former Christians or former theist will say, I grew up with a significant portion of my life, just thinking everyone thought the same way as me, because that's how my community was. The problem is that one, I think Christianity does this, really interesting juggling act where they want you to care about Christianity so much but then

they won't teach you about it because when they teach you about it a lot of people leave if they're at least at a decent level of intelligence they realize that that's almost anything when you think about it really yeah and i think i think i think christianity has done a fantastic job of it better than most others where it's like you care about god a lot but don't look into the book because what you you look too smart looking at the book because if you do it you're going to be out of this kind of fate right right i think uh i don't know My opinion is that like if, if, if you need something to turn to, uh, go to Patreon accounts as a snark tank. That's what I'm talking about.

You need, you need some faith. You need some uplifting, like, there are human, you can count on human beings like us. No, hard drugs. No, hard drugs. Use fucking crocodile. Use all that shit. Do that. Don't get a little money for the Patreon.

Why did you say crocodile like that? Crocodile. You did say it like that. Is that what it's, is that what it's, is that? that how you're supposed to say it? No, it's Crocodile. Is it like Norteno? You know, like, you gotta say it with Nortenio. Norteno, man.

Norten, Norteno. Norton. Nogneau. Music. I saw a Norteno version of, I saw Norteur. I don't, I don't like Nurtanio at all. Garbage.

It is, it is just like Hispanic polka. The, the, the, the, the, the, garbage. Wow. Norteno is like, I saw a, or Norteno, uh, I saw a, or Norteno, uh, cover of the Naruto, uh, uh, cover of the Naruto like the early 2000 I can hear Lily getting angry out there

because I'm saying it's I think I think there's clearly a reason why music that doesn't have African influence that Spanish for some reason isn't widely popular like the other ones hmm you go down to Banda it's Colombian I wonder who's in Colombia often

Polka ship does not make you groove you go that's the problem you go to you go to Samba Bacotta, let me say, let me say, let me say, let me say, let me say, let me say, Mexico and it's like, you're not going to get a Norteno artist at the Super Bowl. I would be crazy. No shit, no shade. I actually, I actually do like mariachi music.

I think that music is actually very beautiful. Lily just texting me right now telling me shut the fuck on. She's literally just like that. We're going to, so last thing, it's not a question. We're going to end. This is it. And then we're going to read the names of our wonderful patrons over at a pageant of Comcastle. Remember, you can go over there, get your name right at the end of the show.

I think this is a good idea. This guy has a suggestion, or I don't even know if it's worded as a suggestion, but it's giving me, I think we should do this. Chris is a Puerto Rican clone of Woody Allen. I fucking hope not. That's a bad matter. God, man, the baby from a racerhead, Woody Allen. You guys are being mean lately. What's going on?

I feel all the time, bitch. How does it feel? Oh, that is true. Are they trying to do new meta of Crispy in the punching bag? Can't stand for that. You got to ship back to Kingston. You're talking about it. I'll quit and kill myself.

And then you'll all feel bad. And then you'll all feel real bad. Hey, you colorful fuckers. With awards season calming down, I wonder what a snark tank awards could look like. What would the categories be? What awards? What are you giving awards to? So why don't give us some ideas on what a Star Tank Awards could be?

I wanted to read this not because I actually don't want to answer this, because I actually think this is a good idea for us to workshop kind of behind the scenes and actually do. But I wanted to get that out there, Chris, a Puerto Rican clone and Woody on. Thank you for writing in. That's a good idea, and we will do it. That's cool. We've got to figure out the categories, figure out who the nominees are. Maybe we'll even have like, maybe we'll even have like a voting thing, like where the community,

where you guys can also participate. There'll be like an audience poll and then we'll make art. Yeah, I was going to say we'll disregard it. But like, yeah, but like, maybe. I don't want to promise too many things. I don't want to promise too much interactivity. But I like the idea of a snart tank awards.

No, that does sound fun. I think it's good. Yeah, I don't even know where to begin with it. So yeah, yeah, definitely we workshop that. The snark tank award. Is there snark tank one word, awards the other? The essays.

Oh. nice welcome to the first annual essays the first essay the Stork Awards that's fantastic just amazing thank you thank you for writing again we're going to read the names of our patrons now

we're going to get the fuck out of here remember you can go to patroniccom slash snarktank snarktank dot shop for merch all that jazz we're going to read the 25. Wait oh did they change how the layout works okay no it's the same clicked on the wrong I always hate when like a website updates

Negro bub what if what if Ben Shapiro and Wolverine combined to Wolverine Shapiro and instead What the hell was that And instead of loving Jean He lusted after his sister's big breast

And instead of being really cool he sympathized for Israel constantly. And instead of And instead of having He's cut off He had Yamakas never come out of his hands. That is what do you mean? Yeah,

It'd be like Yamakas are coming out of his hands. That sucks. Do you even have a, Do you even have that that kicks it? I want you to like, There was no path. Stop shaking your head. Stop shaking your head.

Look at me. Look at me. That really sucks. There was no path. There was no path. free flow. There was no, I can't even conceptualize how that even works. It's free flow. I was just, I was just saying

words and hopefully it would compound on it. But you're going to remember this because it hurt. It hurt. You felt it. Can I tell you something? I already forgot it. Okay, so I'm going to tell you again. So instead of I'm going to beat you harder than I beat my meat to my sister's giant breast. Sing.

Ching. In fact, I'm going to slice you up pretty good. In fact, the way that I slice up my meat. Yeah. I'm thinking of my sister's breast. I'm going to I'm going to beat you up like I beat up Matt Woff

all the time. Matt Woss is my bitch and I'm going to, just like you. Dude, there is a, there is a, I hate,

again, we've talked about this before, but I do hate that Nick Fonte is sometimes funny. But there's that, there's that clip of him pretending to be Ben Shapiro. He's like, he's like whipping Matt Walsh.

I haven't seen that. It's funny. Unfortunately funny. It's a bummer, man. I haven't seen that. I've seen so many clips of him where it's just like, you have a natural comedic delivery. That just shows this. Don't you did.

Get back to it, Bashwals. Don't you dare criticize Israel? He's like the way he says Israel. It's crazy. Fucking insane. Anyway. Let's, uh, yeah, let's read the names of our 25th of our patrons starting now. Kingston count me down.

Three. I saw something depressing and I was like, oh, whatever, man. Is that video with a dog in the boiling pot? I hope you that's not real. I've never seen. That's not real. I'll look it up, but.

What'd you see? What'd you see? What'd you see? It was, it was. What'd you see? It's cap where a practitioner is messing up and it's one guy that like, he'd, he just like, it looked like a fucking fidget spinner in the air and land on his neck.

And I'm like, God, be praised. I've seen so many videos and people like just hurting themselves and it's it's only funny if I can't imagine myself in the scenario really you know like if it's like a tragic accident where they're like traveling or something

like normal it's like a like a standard car accident like I sympathize pretty heavily but when it's like somebody like jumping off like the third story of a building to land on their legs and then their feet bend inwards I'm like that's just fucking you're you just didn't have to yeah It wasn't even like you were in like a 9-11 situation where you had to jump.

You're just doing it for the for the what for the vine or something? There is nothing funny than someone getting hurt because they did something stupid. But it's always really sad when a person's existing. Jordan sent me a video yesterday with some guy walking down the street and like I guess it was like fucking I don't know Indonesia. And he just got hit by a car going at least 35, 45 miles per hour. And it's like the guy was just, he was. was just walking. He didn't do anything.

Right. That's what I said. Did you see, Casey? Did you see that? I said in a video to Jordan. I don't know if I said it to you. I think it's a thing in Spain where they're like doing the bull run. No, what happens? I don't think it's like there's so much variety. What happened? I don't even. I don't even. I have to said that I'll send this to the start to I'll send this to both of you. You could choose to watch or not. actually that crazy but it also so a guy's they're crawling under the fence to get away for the bull

and it like it kind of nicks this guy in in the back of the head a little bit oh no and he crawls away like it seems like he's like relatively fine until he slows down no it's oh where is it where did I send it is this it yeah yeah

dude bro like I just just sent that on Instagram in this dark take Instagram. How bad does he get fucked up? It's so I don't know. I don't know. It's not gory. It's not gory. I'll tell you that much.

But it's fucking. I mean, I'm usually a fan of a bulls, uh, whooping fucking people's asses. Yeah, because it's like, what are you doing in that situation anyway fucking with bulls?

Like, like everybody there is is guilty to some extent to me. So like I don't really care. But, uh, Pous of shit. I'm nervous. Do you see the little fucking...

Do you see the little... Yeah. Oh my God. I saw it. I saw it. That motherfucker got a haircut, dude. That motherfucker. That fucking bull is like, I'm chief

fucking running bull. His fucking scalp his ass. You know what's crazy? If that happened to me, I would just get my hair stuck on its thing. And the bull would take me away with it. Or my scalp would rip off. probably that's crazy I saw that video

I have the fact that there are people at the thing and they're not grabbing his hands to pull him up is crazy he knew he knew why he was there I mean you don't help those people yeah yeah you're a crowd when you're spectators and then there's like a fight you know there's like braws going on like underground clubs and shit

I ain't gonna fuck it like dude's getting beat half the death I ain't gonna what am I gonna push the other guy off or something like I know why I'm here especially I mean I don't know. You look at this guy and you're like you're not fit enough

to be in you can't. You got some pounds on you with respect. Like you should not be in this situation. You should not be fleeing from a bull

if you look like the fucking child the child from modern family. You can't be doing it. The child for modern family. Let's go ahead

and leave. Count me down. Three two, one. These are the names the $25 names of our patron.

or the, yeah, the $25 patrons. The Great Unwashed Spud, King of Hapazard, the dumb slut that dies first in Chris's Ware Dino movie. Oh yeah, that's right.

I forgot we were pitching that, the Ware Dino. You transform into a Velociraptor on the side of the full... Now, it shouldn't be the full, it should be the full sun. I like that. What? So most of the time. What?

What? Full sun? What's that even me? So like basically only during like moments during the eclipse. During the full moon, he becomes a person again. And he's like, help, help, help. What about what? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Go, go, go. We'll work something. Wait, what do you mean? What are you confused? So, so the full sun. So basically the vast majority of the day, how does it, like, does it have to be just visible?

Are we, what are we talking about here? It's Like if it's If it's overcast It's just don't work because the sun is technically still out The sun is still out It's it's ostensibly sunlight It doesn't have to be visible

But it has to be out I like it I like it's kind of The more sun The more Velociraptor EU become The more So like during a night time during a cloudy night

a cloudy night is when you're the most person but like even the full moon is reflected sunlight so like you kind of you look like you look a normal guy but with scales what is what is the point of that scales didn't make it pretty much just don't make something else Kingston

I don't make the rules I don't make the rules sorry my apologies this is the wear dino he comes out during the full sun he wears he does anyway a different side

Is that your impression of a fucking velocirder? Is that what that was? Oh. I thought they sounded like a, ow. No, that's a, that's a,

that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, Jolasa Raptor. I have seen a hostetic velociraptor. I have seen that. I've seen that drawing.

Of course, I have too. It's like, that's like that family guy, I have an episode where they go to, they go to Israel and it's just all morts. Right. That's crazy.

And then they, and they, like, You're like feeding the pennies? It's insane. That show is fucking ridiculous. A sad guy from Michigan. Gay Talica, I'm your cream, make you scream.

I'm your nuts when you must bust. I'm your pain when you get gay, when you are gaped, fat and gay. And gay. Come on. That's what I, like, that was going to at least rhyme with like sad but true like something. Come on, man. Absolutely popular. Sad but true.

Okay. Good, good, good try. It's close, it's close. It's close. What is they? What is they? Pop-I. That's Pop-I.

Right? That's Pop-N-I. N-G-I. Nigger I. Or is it Pop-Nig. You know what really suck? Yeah, Pop-Mitt. I was expecting.

Which also sucks to be perfectly clear. Pop niggas so docks. That's like something Joe Biden would say about like a guy he knew. Me and Pop-Nig. Me and Pop-Nig. Me and Pop Mika once wrestled 200 bears. I got really exhausted on the 199th. They beat the,

they're beating the fuck out of those bears. Like the bears don't stand the chance. He used to trim my mustache with his teeth. He used to bite the little hairs off. Whoa. So stupid. He used to graze on my face like a goat. Nay, nay, he'd go.

He'd go. Yeah, out loud. He said, may, I said. He said, may I said. Cracker barrel, more like N-word barrel. Nice. Cold Brew King, Alpha V. The gayest Bronco fan in the history of being gay Lee Harvey Lion

versus the Rizzler epic rap battle. I can't even imagine what that would be. And rounding out our list, as always, the king of half has. Oh, we did say this, didn't we? Oh, we did say that shit? I forgot. Did we do something about this? I think we said something.

I think we were trying to get it for like anniversary, but it might have been before you had to dip. Yeah, we ran into some fucking issues. The United here is really weird. I don't know what, like, it's usually fine, but then like it goes out for hours every couple days. And I don't know what is it. They don't seem to care.

My parents don't seem to care, I guess. But like, I mean, good for them, I guess. They're getting some disconnected time. But like, I would be calling. I would be calling the fucking provider personally. my penis is long and unstable what my penis is long and unstable my dicker is thicker than cable it's hairy and coarse and it's and it stands up for horse and i'm gay oh okay well great you you you i can't you man this dude i really thought i was that you i feel ed

in some weird way. Like you didn't finish the lyric. I can totally tell what happened there where he was like he couldn't think of something right away and then he laughed at like just saying and I'm gay. It's like and then he laughed and it finished.

Yeah. The void that Cash Patel stared into Big Chrissy. Serotonin syndrome feels like actively morphing into having Down syndrome. I don't know what that is. Fuck N-words get bitches. No money only coins. Hey, Siri, text my, text my mom.

It's fucking stupid. Fuck you guys. And tell her I'm gay. That's funny. Sweet's spute. Sween's eyelid made me think he had a lazy eye. Sorry. He apologized.

You're forgiven. Isn't a lazy eye? That's not that your eye is heavy. That's right? Like one of them? That's, yeah, right? Yeah, but everyone has a lazy eye though. No, well, everyone has a dominant eye. Lazy eye is a very specific thing.

You don't have a little. I want an eyeball itself drifts off. Okay, yeah, never mind. Yeah, like it's like stick drift kind of. Yeah, exactly. Uh, I hate that I can only, I hate that so much of my ability to like communicate analogous things in life

comes back to like video game having gottism yeah yeah just like oh it's like stick drift kind of yeah or like Colin was telling me one time

like how he he likes to play a game with his cousins about how like he'll if they're over at their mom's house he'll say thank you for dinner because it disarms everybody else's ability to say thank you because then it comes out off as less genuine so they have to like wait for a while for their thank you to seem genuine again.

And I was thinking it first. Yeah, he says it first and he's like, Mom, thank you for dinner. And so it makes everybody else's seem disingenuous. And so they have to wait. And so I was telling him it's like, oh, it's like you're putting everybody's, it's kind of like you're putting everybody's thank you's on a cool down.

And it makes perfect sense to it. I don't know what that. There's no cool downs in Mega Man. I don't know what that is. I'm not a gamer. I don't play games like you fucking do. Like you're a nerd. You're a nerd.

Stupid, video games. The idea. of him doing 400 plus episodes of a of a fucking of a fucking podcast about PlayStation and not knowing anything about video games that would be so impressive like no one noticed I guess that's yeah no one no yeah he just bullshitted his way through the entire thing

that'd be impressive that'd be really impressive just assuming it's just assumptions really popular right now I was Mega Man last of us part two some he's Mega Man he's just like I guess Mega Man seems popular right now. This is fine. To who I'd like to know. So is this $3.99? What are we talking about?

Or is this, is this episode $3.99? Yes, yes, because the Dark Tank, I didn't put a number on it so we could try. I'm trying to push it back. I was even thinking, no, I get it. I got it. 399.2 or something. 3992? It just never did.

Never do episode 400. Completely fuck everything. Just name it a bunch of other shit. I think that'd be a good idea. I kind of love that idea. I kind of love the idea of episode 399.0.1. We got a lot of room. 399.01 is crazy.

The only remaining Starship Cannon Bomb fan on this Baron Earth on my way to do the deed. Watch for me. Watch for you. What? the kingest of haphazard, Chris Gay, the corn from an Ohio, from an Ohio cornfield stole my virginity. So let me say this right off the bat.

I don't like you said corn from Ohio. I don't like. There's corn in Ohio. Ohio is fucking, and Ohio, please don't do this to me. The Dead Spider Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. My dickhole is so tight that when I piss, I hear it hissing.

and when I sperm, they go out single file. Don't say when you sperm like a verb, you piece of shit. When I sperm, I've sperm. Yeah, that's. I've sp-I can't stop sperming. I'm spirming. I'm going to say that next time. I'm going to say that next time.

I've got to remember it, though. You've got to write it down because usually in the moment. I'm going to write it down. I'm going to write it on my hand like memento. That's wild. I'm going to say, remember to say I'm spirming. It'll just next time I, next time I'm laying it down. Destroy the moment.

The woman shoots you out of her effectively. Yeah. Her fucking uterus swallows your dick. Just, and then you're done. Yeah. Cuts it off. The Israelis have retreated to their cock shelters.

I'm Captain Lew and I'm talking to you, Delta Gamma, literally fed this holiday last week. Why is it still crying? Clammy the last quiet third. Blue Sangheely. Bear in the big blue house of a thousand corpses. Nice. nobody be

profen like I be profen like I be profan nice I'm going to go the person with a mortar blow that bitch head smooth off the entirety of Jacksonville's Jacksonville Florida Emma Viglin summoning the strength

of a thousand chimps and ripping the top half of Tim Poole's skull off Imagine Emma Vigley I can't believe she did that I can't believe this photo Tim Poole grabs him She grabs him and just In the name of the moon

I will punish you and she just rips his skull off I am Emma Viglin She fucking moonnites him Chainsaw Chud Eating hot dogs the wide way To avoid suspicion Oh like a corn on the cob

Interesting Interesting curious curious I could really go for a hot dog actually I've uh I actually I passed by Wiener Snitch And I was like you know what They got an okay chili dog over there Do they have like decent hot?

I've never actually had like a hot dog I actually I like their chili sometimes the only problem is sometimes the chili is way too salty. Like that's the only problem I've ever had with that. But I like the flavor of their chili. It's just they use American cheese. The dog is solid. It's a solid dog.

It reminds me of Nathan's. I don't like hot dogs all that much about being honest. You shouldn't. I mean, they're not like a prime food. You shouldn't eat like two hot dogs a year because I don't know what the fuck's in them, you know? That's probably all your system can really take. Yeah.

Berser Broly's bang bus-sized Beinous, pissing in Chris's Snapple before he drinks it and telling him it's their new recipe. Wild. The Sloker 2, why so derpy? Roses are red. Trump is an F slur. Oh, cool.

Give him a kid and he's going to shag it. Facts. That's a little rhyme. A little rhyme there. I swallow ejaculate. Nice. Good job. And rounding out our list is always king of haphazard. Nice.

Lord. Discord gets an is Ringer as its CEO and Fuckles. Attaching my Colossomy bag to my feeding tube for an infinite food hack. There's no stop to this train. It keeps going and going and going and going. That's the kind of shit that you'd see in

like those video game cheat books that you get it's scholastic. Oh my God. I remember those. The book fairs were popping, bro. Good times. Yeah, I loved the book fairs when I was a kid. Tannix, the Trashman. Weenies four-ply ribs.

Domo Nation. Capcom FFS gave us a Dino Crisis remake. Please, I'm begging. Derek Naut Chauvin, is innocent. What the fuck just? What? I don't know. Do I look?

You're fine to me. It's definitely a ghost. My screen just like. Definitely a ghost. My screen just did that thing where it just went, the colors went way cool. Like cool, like awesome or cool like. Like cool like it's in like it's like blueish. Like it became way blue.

Like awesome. Like radical. My screen is radical, bro. My screen is fucking so cool. It's like awesome or is it like, whoa. There's like a, okay, that was weird. It felt like a flash of like coming up from my fucking computer. Domination.

Round-eyed Asia reminding you to wash your rice and cock. Always wash your rice guys. You should always wash your... And your... And your penis as well. Never, never wash your penis. Never wash your penis. Yeah, you're right.

Deep your dick into a pool and turn it into mud. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Tim Robinson, of all people, has no business being so good at skateboarding. Does he skateboard? Of course he does probably. Knowing him being the freaking alien of a human being. Of course he's probably good at skating.

I can't even... I don't know. I actually can't imagine that. That's strange. Chris having a letterbox is like if Andrew, Cuomo joined the nation of Islam. I don't even know what that... Why?

I don't know either. He knows an honorary member. He knows something about you that you don't know about yourself. Maybe. King of haphazard, king of haphazard. Chris trying to stop trying to make Marathon 2026 a thing. I don't have to try. I have to try.

It's happening. Queen of Fap Hazard. I just want to catch some cum. drink some piss drive your ass. It ain't easy being gay. Bald, blue-eyed German man waiting for the Expedition 33 movie with Sween as Lune flying around the screen. In hindsight, Star Wars sequel saying after we defeated fascism, it immediately

came back seems less stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But well, for them, they had at least like two decades of chilling. We didn't have that. We didn't have it. It's a trade chilling. Well, we did, to be fair, we've had several decades. I guess

if you don't count everything Reagan was doing, I guess then yeah. We had three. Yeah. We had three if we don't count that. Three decades. Swingset glitch. Swing set for Gtieh glitch. Thugzilla attack on O Block.

Snark Tank's honorary leftist. I have the pussy so I make the rules. Snark Tank's gayest Hollywood and dead fan. Dead ass forgot I was sub-de-all since November. Oh, well, thank you. Welcome. fucking back, I guess. Welcome. Thank you. Emilio the Chosen Juan, this way up,

V, the little mermaid, but like a mermaidge. Bear in the big blue Braithwaite Manor. Isn't the Braithwaite Man of the Red Dead House? Oh. When you pull up on some wild shit, that fucking set piece is so beautiful, dude. Great shit. It is really fucking cool.

I'm blaming Trump for Smiling Friends ending. That's right. Oh, yeah, we didn't find one. yeah yeah i mean they called it frowning friends they need me so sad uh the big meaty stinks canola joe drowning 1,000 ice agents in oil the king of haphazard gay actor rosebud delicious chris is puerto rican clone of woody allen sorry i can i had a burrito in my ass the pipe the meat in my ass where men excrete in my ass i hear the groaning in my ass of a thousand spurtors in my ass i don't know probably probably disturbed but i'm just guessing

It's interesting. Heath watching Venezuela from a Japanese Taco Bell Gids the real Jeffrey Epstein. Please bully Kingston into getting into shape. There's no way Sweeney fits on that bed.

Oh yeah. What? You have a... He's got a single. That's good. I have a twin. There's a twin. I have a twin.

I'm a shit with Lily. That'd be fucking awesome. We're both round, so I'm just... So I just, that's my head. You guys sleep on it, fuck it with their feet and hands hanging off. That's crazy.

You know how painful it is when you fucking have your arm sleep or hang off the bed when you sleep and you wake up and your arm is fucking overextended? But for some reason you sleep through the process of it becoming overextended. Like, why did this happen? How does this go on? Good stuff, man. I've never had that problem ever. Really?

I guess you're tiny. So every bed is a giant bed to you. Yeah, every bed's pretty. And I have a California king. That is so crazy. It is really, it is way too much. But like it's to the point where like now. like a queen feels fucking ridiculous.

Like a normal queen feels like what is this might as well be a fucking dog bed. That's what am I what am I doing? I'm going to roll right. I have a queen. I don't, I don't like big beds on us when I'm being honest. I don't really like big bed. I like a big bed.

A king would be sharing a bed. I hate sharing a bed. So I mean you get a king, you get a king or a Cali King. You're like you're not. Well, Kingston. Yeah, Cali King, you're a California king. You're basically not sharing the bed.

I don't like sharing a bed at all. I hate sharing a bed with Lily. I wish we could have two separate beds. but she's like that thing what's the point of us being together and it's like you know what yeah yeah because that's that storm out that is what a relationship's all you know what you should do what you should do here's here's my advice here's my advice to you ever talk to a woman you ever got a logic from them there's always something ridiculous kinkson here's my advice here's my advice you know how to get you know how to get yourself a second bed how shit the bed over and over yeah shit the bed

over shit so profuse like and like wait until it's like bubbly like hold it hold it to the point I am really, really hurting. Go hang out with RFK Jr. And eat a meal with him. You'll be shitting for weeks. Like, guaranteed. You're gonna have... I'll lose weight.

I'll lose weight and I'll get all in bed. Yeah, there you go. Two birds, one stone. Blue stuff. Drink coffee and drink five pounds of nerds. What the hell? Nerds? What's wrong with...

I'd never heard of nerds fucking... I don't fucking... Isn't it just sugar? Five pounds of candy? I think he'll just die That's too much sugar Yeah I think I'll just I'll just pass away Yeah yeah I like coffee and nerds

His arms and legs will just fall off Five pounds of A new European breakfast You know how like coffee and cigarettes It's like the European breakfast Like it should just be coffee and nerds You see like these really skinny Fucking Europeans out like a cafe

Fucking just Downing a box of nerds Nerds for breakfast Is diabolical shit Like even as a child You know Even as a child I'm like, I shouldn't have this.

I shouldn't have sugar. This is just sugar essentially that's coagulated. There's no ways. All right. They're grabbing sweeties cheeks like Michael Jordan. Are they building Sween's dog? Are they building my dog? Oh, because I'm getting a puppy.

Oh, yeah, you are. Yeah, you're getting it constructed. Yeah, you say you are. Yeah. Go ahead, spark. Go ahead. Speak a little Chinese form, Derek. Rosebud delicious.

Matt Walsh's throbbing penis, punching the ardubun. underside of his desk anytime he mentions trans kids. Chris Mara on my thon till I run her all over his rook. Oh, it's a marathon thing. I see. Bong water,

Anima, King of Haphaazard, cardboard pie, horrors beyond your comprehension, King of haphazard. We really fucked up. For those who change their names to King of Apphazard, you are just but sheep.

What? You're just but cheap. You are just but sheep And I am your shepherd. Trump employs his own personal Dr. Steinman that gives everyone Mar-a-Lago face. That is crazy.

What is Mar-a-Lago face? It feels like it. What is that? Dr. Steinman, if I'm remembering this correctly, who's, wait, hold on. I want to make sure. I'm assuming that's, like, there's a pattern, man. Yeah, Dr. Steinman.

that is a that's a bi that's the biosec it's the bioshok it's the bioshop guy who fucking cuts people up and like makes them look beautiful jackpot s tier reference I love that him having his own Dr. Simon to make all the women look like the same

is is awesome I mean look at all the women that he employs like they look at their they must be blonde they dude even digging Minaj looks white now that's fucking crazy gloop glorp I'm taking a short PSA to new patrons

Watch EA writing the mask 2 Easily the best extra ammo That was That was a good one Yeah I actually I forgot I'm partial to Independence Day

I love the I'm partial to Independence Day 2 Is that what it's called? Yeah because we wrote the real Independence Day too I love that one personally Listening or watching whatever right now that aren't in the $5 tier

We actually that's the one episode that we drop for free on YouTube So you can listen to Independence Day 2 for free. I love that one. We had a lot of fire that one. But I also remember that one very vividly. I don't remember much of the mask one.

I don't remember much of the... I would, I bet if I listened to the mask again, I would have so little memory of it that I could listen to it as if it's an episode of somebody else. Actually. You know what I mean? I bet I would probably enjoy it. But I remember vague things about it.

I remember... I think didn't like the ocean become the mask or something. Yeah. Andy threw at the end. No, no, no. I don't know if that's true. was, I think that was what we were talking about recently. Not the actual mask one.

I got to listen to it again. I remember just something there being a scene at night. And I just don't remember what happened. I remember there was me something really funny. There's the Klansman, right? There's the Klansman. Is there? Oh, there is like a racist thing.

There is. I forgot about that. I got, yeah, I don't know. I can't remember. Well, it's good. I'll probably. What else did we do? We did Gears.

We did, uh, Breaking Bad. Did we do? What did we do? There was one that was like fallout and breaking bad? Was it breaking bad? Was it breaking good? No, it was a breaking badder or something or it was some or? I don't remember.

Or was it breaking worse? I don't remember. Breaking worse. It was something stupid, but I remember it was a cross between fallout. I think I remember I wanted it to be breaking worse. But I think I don't know if I won. I don't know. I don't know.

I think it was a thing with fallout. It was fallout in. Dude, we do so much. We've recorded so much shit. Like it's impossible. Whatever. writing the new scripts. I love that shit, dude.

That is good. That is fun. I can't think of anything like what, what, so what's happening now? Like, what's in the, uh, like, oh, I would write in like, like, series.

Because I think that shit's like not happening. That's crazy. And we have Michael Sarah play. We could do blade. Huh? Who? We have Michael Sarah play blade. All right.

Hold on. Hold on. We're wasting. We're wasting. There's tech here. There's tech here. What are you doing? There's tech here.

And last, Last but not least, King of Hephazard. It's a false alarm. Unfortunately. By the way. This is crazy. Goon Devil, the Man Without Come. Booty Wonderland, Earthwind, and Dick.

I find bromance when I start to booty dance and booty wonderland. Dance. Hey, hey, dance, booty wonderland. Slurry, faggy, number one Star Wars character. Nice. Mispelled character like in a way that I've never seen. It's fucking wild. Stiltsin. Prince Ali, so gay and free,

has, he has sex with. men. That could be cleaned up. I like the direction. Sibichy the gay, Mr. Jimmy Jam. Oh, we're halfway gay. Whoa, we're actually very gay. Alternative metal album,

Whole by Max Silhouette Out Now. King of Habhazard. It's a smart way to use your... That's actually a smart. If that's you, it's a pretty smart way to market. Get your thing out there. Just use our fucking credit. Yes, sir. That'll be a fee. We're going to charge you now.

Way more. Five grand for a spada. Not worth it at all. Hi. Oh, King of Haphaazard, again. Snark Tank 2, Brile strikes back. And as always, the King of Half Hazard, Starkoffy. Chris, quick, say gurney, gurney, gurney,

fast. You can't. You're not going to get me. Gaye Piotr Copkin be like the conquest of Dick. Ush, major laser, blow a dick swat. has come. We all need some penis to suck off. Through the whole of a homo's ass, the

fruit cake longs to pee. One squirts out between two cheeks semen walk with me. That's pretty good. Man, there's been some bars. Yeah, I feel like everybody's like really going hard right now and I'm just like, I don't know what to do. I feel like that's a like everybody's going really hard right now.

I think everybody's going really, really hard now. All right, well, you're I'm going soft. Yeah, unfortunately. I've gone. Not turning me on at all. marked safe from being mentioned in the F scene files. Nice. It's your boy,

Shawnee Dee, and a man named Diddy he diddles people. Did Kojima write this? 9-11 on ice. At Grok is this true? Smacking Kingston so hard. He finds himself in his childhood department moments before creating a fireball. Why does Tony Soprano look like a racist Chinese caricature when he smiles?

He does have, he does have this crazy smile. Eyes get really thin too, originally. It is. Yeah. I don't even care. I was whatever.

Why is everybody so fucking upset, man? It's just the word. I've been thinking about him so. Post Malone showed up at a... Weren't we talking... Did we do like a space Sopranos thing? We're like...

Like he had like... This is my friend's space pussy. Yeah, he got into... He was basically on the Normandy. It was a Mass Effect thing. It was like a... We should write the... We should write more surprises.

I would love that. I would absolutely... We will... We'll show people what actually happen at that final scene and continue on from there. Yeah, we'll make a Soprano sequel series I don't know, the tenors.

I don't know Fossettos Something No That's not even Alto Soprano Bace

Yeah whatever I don't know No singing I can't sing I don't know Bass The show is just Called bass

And somebody's like And the showrunners are Frustrated That people aren't getting it Yeah Yeah It's like You didn't get it

It's obvious It doesn't It doesn't read that way Man I'm sorry It looks like bass Kind of Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah It's my fucking Tony Bass. It's me, Bonie Babama. Anthony Bass. He goes into witness protection as Anthony Bass. It's me Anthony Bass. I run a fucking, I don't know.

But shoot. I run a radio shack. God damn it. You got a wire on? Game of the year. You got a wire. I'm a kill you. When he took a fucking wire.

After he finally. He finds out, I forgot after, is it what his name when a dude finds out his, his girlfriend is a fucking rat. And then he totally checks him. His fucking dude is crying in his face. He's he got a wire. He's like, Tony, are you serious right now? You're talking about Chrissy? I mean, it's a valid question.

That's not a valid moment at all. Especially him. Take over your fucking pants. Let me, let me check. He's got, he's got kind of a pop, I think, going on. A little bit. There's a little good good thing. A little bit.

A little bit. Is Popeye Italian? The motivation. Is Popeye Italian? Carmella's fucking olive oil. I mean, it's all there. Oh. Brutus is the dog.

There's no dog. All right. I was just fucking torpedoed that. Kingsson's a loser. What happened? What happened to Christian's pregnant girlfriend? Game of the year guy just be fallout three moving on to San Andreas. Have fun.

It's sixth grade and I got in trouble. In sixth grade, I got in trouble for laughing at footage of the Challenger Explosion. Drip M.H. Lord of all Driff. I hope Pan Bondi gets sent to mega double ultra super duper hell. Yeah, she sucks. What's the name of that bitch dude is like, America, some lives are going to be lost. Fucking what's his name?

None of them. No, what's the name of the guy the one? Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz. Trump said himself. Trump said himself. He's like, some lives are going to be lost. And it's like, you're such a bitch. You're such a disgusting bitch. Like, ugh. That's all of them.

He got to be way more specific. They're all a part of that little cult. Trump is fighting both tooth. Trump is fighting tooth and nail not to spend the last 10 seconds of his life in prison. Obi won't you blow me. Colin doubled down on his support. Gross pine. I don't think that's true. Got that gamma rag yet

that Dunn brought mankind to its knees. Mahmajun Ulong. Fucking the shit out of cells big bug pussy, no lube. Kremlin de Gremlin. Should I try Marathon? I'm stuck on Arc Raiders.

I don't know. It depends on what you like about Arc Raiders. Arc Raiders is less of a video game and more of a Discord chat room. It is like Arcaders is VR chat with occasional combat in it. If you like Arc Raiders because you're talking to other people, then Marathon's not going to be for you. Because Marathon is an actual is a video game. Marathon is an actual video game. that requires a lot of you.

So I don't know. You could give it a shot. But I will respectfully, you should have tried it when it was free for the last four days instead of asking. Right. Yeah. I don't know. Like I don't know what to tell you. You know, Derek's long lost Chinese friend Ming,

welcome back, Ming. I heard a lot about you. Come here, Billy. I'm gonna fuck you till you die, Billy. You're gonna feel every inch of my bodycock, Billy. Check out Velocastor. Fun for a movie. night. Velocifaster's okay. I don't

know. Did we watch that already? We didn't watch. I've seen it. I've watched it. We've not watched it. I watched it a long, long, long time ago. Look up, will they die for you? S.O.A.D. South Park. Sir says the N-word in the chorus of the song. Yes, it's real. Skip to Tense. Yeah, I remember that.

Wage Slate 583. Lee Harvey Lyon, shot Uncle Ben and DeForvid walk into a bar. The Pippini Bros. hoping that Hideo Kajima gets to voice in the last Smiling Friends episode. that'd be fucking crazy. Doc Gerson, Dixon butts, gay thoughts or gay thoughts or son-daughter. P.P. horrible news. Asmond Gold just said something I agree with. And now I look like an asshole. He's been going fucking crazy. I haven't seen. He's, I think he said something about how like we should,

we should just do more mass murders because it worked well for Hitler. That's the last thing I saw. The person that wrote this, are you talking politically? Or are you talking like, I've seen. Probably says something like bagels are good. That's good. Like, outside of politics, a lot of it. his takes are very safe, you know? And it's weird, like, he'll talk about like a game being bad. And I'm like, yeah, most people think that. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. I want to know. Did you ever. Did you ever get a bad? I want to know. Not him. We got a gun. Elipsis.

A lover of hockey, yowie. Well, you know, everybody gets something. I'm going to blow. Look, man. That's a sadman. Dot Gup, John Strickland. And final. to wrap up episode 400

as always, King of Happazard. The first church of key, David, the Epstein Files, more like the hit list, Kingston humor would be like what if instead of fade to black by Metallica, it was fade to N-word, and instead of killing himself, he was black. That's not like a solid job, because you're going to die anyway.

You know? Yeah. Pre-Raz, the Broke-Rogan experience. Ray Charles, more like Ray Pist. Ray Pistice. That's pretty good. That's so stupid. That is so goddamn dumb. Napster of Puckets, Napster of puppets,

King of App Hazard doing a reverse fentanyan at the Redon Festival. I tried to bomb Joe Budden, but hit the Ayatollah. Just realized Marty started his weird grift after his last game failed. Well, yeah, of course. What else do you do? The only people who grift are people,

are people who are failed artists. And it's not necessarily that they haven't done things that are important. Like Stephen Crowder was on Arthur, you know, he's, uh, fucking, you know, they've done, they've had some success. But at a certain point, they've run out of the ability to do it. And now, you know, now you got no principles and you don't stand for nothing and you're fucking weird. I think the problem is that you don't have to succeed the same way throughout your life.

And I never understood that. Like you're never going to, you don't have to, success comes in so many different forms. I don't think they're talented enough to get the next gig, like, that you lucked out. Because unfortunately, a lot of times luck is so involved. There's so many talented and gifted people around that, oh, you're right place, right time. And then it can never replicate that success again. And that's, that shit sucks. I mean, that's, that's why, like, so many people are grifters. Chris already said it. Yeah. Monkey Monks, Monkey Monastery. A, Ra, A fell round and find out. Young

Sweeney calling himself Black Mario while throwing flaming tennis balls. Burned spoons at a white, burned spoons at wife's home. She won't get custody. That's crazy. That's crazy. So evil. That is pretty evil. That's so just like

free floating evil. Hey man. You got to do what you got to keep your kid, man. You already know that the odds are stacked against you as a man. You weren't going to get that kid. You got to make it look like she's a heroin addict. Yoshi tongue punching Kingston in the prostate. What if you found out the mask was made with no special effects? It's scary.

Jim Carrey just did all those things. He just misbehaves like that. He just acts like that sometimes. That really would genuinely ruin my fucking... Smoket, smoke it. That wasn't even what the movie was going to be about. Jim Carrey started whaling out like that. And they're like, oh.

They get the camera on it. Get the camera going now quick It's all improvised He just started Trimless spot just because there was a brief period of time where he just Jim Carrey had an uncanny ability to make himself Great this movie was going to be like on

par with like Shinders List or like It's going to be like Fucking Shawshake Redemption They saw him wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait let him go Let him go wait wait this is gold Or should I say green this is green Wait this niggas cooking Give him a second

give him a moment. They said that in the fucking 80s or whatever. That's why there's all that dumb swing music in there and all the big bad shit. And they're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on, ho, hold on. This is this. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We were doing a documentary about Frank Sinatra,

but this is way fucking more interesting. This is way cool. Focus on this. Focus on that guy with the green, who can make himself green. Focus on Jim Carrey acting a fucking fool. They fucking just rode it on the fly. What?

Why is this happening to him? It's like, oh, I don't know. Maybe there's a mask. It's like, right, right. Okay, like, can we build a really quick? Can we build a really cool looking mask? No. It's actually going to be really standard looking.

That's crazy. Act like there's a fucking, they went to goodwill real quick and they found that Loki mask like, it's like, fuck it here. It looks nothing like his face. You know what? That's insane. That's insane

They spray painted green And it's like that's it We got it People will get it This is what This is green This is the mask People get it

That's great The people that came there For the fucking cast They're like What do you mean This different movie Cameron Diaz Was supposed to be

A completely different role In the fucking She was nervous Because this was like our first Breakout fucking thing Like oh man This is gonna be really good It's gonna be

Pyrie pieces Maybe Oscar worthy shit And they're like Oh yeah By the way Here on the back On the top of a On the top of a pizza box

Here's the new script. Like they just wrote it real fast on the pizza box. Someone wrote it with. And then what happened was, and what happened is that she was like, no, you know, I really didn't sign up for this. And it's like, all right, well, you know what? And tell you what, we'll do, we'll do it one way in the original script. And then we'll just

do the other one for safety. We'll do this new one for safety. And then all the safety was just what the movie was. And they threw out all that, like, they just they let her do the real movie. And they let her, like, all on the cutting room floor. That real movie is out there somewhere. They were just like, this bitch thought we were going to make the

There's like an Oscar We got this green guy. An Oscar nod movie that just absolutely did not get edited whatsoever. This niggas green. She thought we were going to keep that regular movie in.

This is going to get all the kids to love this film. He shows up to the premiere. This is a smokehead. She's like, what the fuck is this? No. I wasn't even here. I wasn't even here for this.

When did you shoot this? When did you shoot any of this? He's genuinely. Where is it? Where is it? All the things. shut where's my seat where I cried for 10 hours just to get into the fucking

headspace of this tortured character it's like we I mean there's a dance coming you're gonna want to see keep your eyes out for Cuban Pete when he shows up that's when your ears are gonna perk up your ears are gonna perk up you're gonna you're not gonna be able to take your eyes off screen when Cuban Pete shows up he's genuinely

acting out like he's like what the fuck is going on I didn't even pay any of those people those people just like just genuinely started dancing because they're so intoxicated by the fucking situation. That's insane. That's so goddamn stupid. That's such a way better movie, man.

Oh, sure. If it's a behind the scenes. The story around the mask would be way more compelling if that was true. That would be amazing. He cares like, yeah. They did that, you know? Yeah, whatever. It happened. Did the math and this podcast is 1,013 hours, 16 minutes, and 8 seconds.

Well, how many? God damn. Oof. 1,000 hours. That seems low somehow. Does it? I don't know. I don't know.

I'm not the one to ask. I don't know shit. I think it's because it's just over a thousand. It feels weird. Ah, okay. You know, like, where it's just like, it could die. Well, think about 400 episodes, roughly two episodes, two hours an episode, roughly two and a half hours episode.

Then with extra AMOs, you know, adding another about how many extra emos, maybe like 50 extra X ammo. I just, I believe it. I believe because, uh, just when you would be like, like, if we average. If we average it by two, it kind of makes sense, especially if you have the episodes that we're at right now. So it's like, roughly, I get it. Yeah, but what's 400 times, what's 400 times two?

I think it's 47? 400 times two is what? Did you just say? Either six or 47. I can't do math all that. I can't, it's either 47, 16 or 800. I don't know. That's way too high, dude.

No. That seems way, but that seems high to me. It's way too high to me. You mean a guy who understands math as an abstract That has no idea No idea I know numbers become other numbers I watched a 20 minute video

Of Terrence Howard explaining me how math really works Dude that shit is oh I love that one Times 2 is not 800 Dude that video is so crazy I fucking agree The The uh Let's see

He's been on Joe Rogan twice. I just, I can't fucking believe the universe we're living in. It just, like, he needs to be, he needs to be fixed. He really does. Kratos picking up Mimir and kissing him for nine minutes. Go ahead, Derek Chauvin, this dick up your ass. Go ahead and Derek shoving this dick up your ass. Out of focus, Bigfoot, King Dad honored at the state of the union.

Chris and Derek savagely busting all over Swin. until he sees God and repents for doing that thing to that woman that one time. Sorry, Miss Jackson. Everyone listened to the Keith David's new smooth jazz album. Peasant's called Flight of the Arbiter. A sick album. It's a really sick album. I really thought you were being serious for like a second.

Flight of the Arbiter. Ward, Ward. And then the next album, Flight of the Spawn. It's just, it's just flight. Fight of the Spawn is crazy. Flight and then it's, and then it's flight of me from the thing.

Flight of me from the thing. His child. Does he remember the fucking character? Does he remember the character? He's like, Flight of me from the, what's his most iconic role? What do you mean? His most iconic role is Captain Anderson.

No, it's not. It's tired. Fly to the Flight of Captain Anderson That's crazy Flight of whatever his fucking name was from the lion Flyer

Fly the Goliath I don't remember what his name is It's something with an F I think it doesn't matter Flight of the Character in There's something about Mary That's the name

Ethereum has the past Because he took Colossus is hard ass Progerian hunter is having a child Triple H in Rockface Nefram And rounding out our list now for real, not the imposter. Yes, this is the last one. The official, the real, the authentic king of haphazard.

Thank you all for watching. We're getting close to episode 400. Maybe that'll be our, you know what? Maybe that'll be our awards episode. Maybe we'll do it. And then if we're too late to that, we'll just do episode 399. Point whatever. Just to keep you guessing.

but uh yeah i think that's that'll be it we'll see you guys next time start tank uh patreon patreon dot coms nice to snark tank remember all that thank you for all your support thank you for all the shares and likes on the clips and shit uh we'll get back on that one when i'm fucking back home but shut up shut up okay okay bye