The Snark Tank - #40: CHRIS IS NOT DEAD!

Episode Date: October 2, 2020

Did Chris finally cut his silly lesbian hair? Is it more cringe to devote yourself to an entire medium or one example of that medium? What happened to Cookie from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide? Sinatra vs Wu Tang Clan? Trump Simps vs Trump Haters? Can children use taxis? Japanese Jay Z? All this and more on todays way too late episode of The Snark Tank! snarktankmerch.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Hey, everybody, welcome back to the Snark Tank podcast. It's me. It's me. I'm back. We were just talking off the air about how much Tom Sweeney hates Joe Budden. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you guys. Look.

Famous? Look, Joe Button, look. I have a problem with your mentality. Not yours as a person. a person and you as a rapper. I never really liked your raps, honestly. You got bars, I guess, but so do many people. Also,

I don't want any beef with you, right? I'm not worth it. You got millions of dollars. I'm just some random... Too late, sweetie. I'm just some random 26-year-old. No, I'm Joe Budden. Shut the fuck up. Yo, is that what he sounds? I don't know anything about Joe Budden. No, he does not. He does not sound like that. He sounds like he's choking on cock. He kind of has this very raspy voice. I can't do it.

Like you can't, it's hard to hit his pitch. It's so hard to hit his pitch. I like how you tried to do it for so long. And then you're just like, I can't do it. It's, there's a little, just put on, go to the Joe Budden podcast and just listen to like three seconds of him and you'll know what I'm trying to do at least. Just like. Joe Button, Joe Button is the guy who's going into the debates tomorrow, right?

Yeah. No, that's Joe Biden. No, that's Budden. He's got to fucking rip, he's got to rip Trump a new one, dude. Yo, if Joe Budden, if Joe Budden, can you imagine? Can you imagine there's some crazy mix-up? And they pick up,

they pick up Joe Button and bring him to the debates. Yeah, he just rolls with it. They throw him on stage, like, and they take the black bag, like, off of his head. Like, they fucking kidnapped him. And then they just like, all right, well, do your thing. And he's completely confused. But he goes along with it.

Like, he actually starts answering the questions. He would rip, Trump a new one. Because Trump be like, well, you see, jabber and Joe over here. And he's like, I'm not jabbering, motherfucker. I'm talking perfectly fine. You're not talking about who I'm talking about. You're talking about completely different.

Joe. I'm not jabberin Joe. What am I doing here? All right. I got to, I got to say this before I forget, because this is a story that I think, I think you guys will appreciate this. I haven't told this story before to anybody because I've been. carrying it with me since about a week ago.

I cut my hair recently. I've had a bit of a skater do for a while. I've been looking a bit like a, like a, I don't know, what would you, what would you, what would you, a lesbian? A bitch? A nigger. Okay. Okay. I love how bitch, lesbian and nigger are all adjacent to us.

Like, we're all that. We all got that from the way Chris looked. But I've had long hair for a while because it was literally illegal to get your haircut for like a really long time. Or at least it felt like that because you just couldn't go anywhere. So I've had this long hair for like ages. And when I was up here in New York, I'm still in New York, I decided, hey, you know what? I'm going to cut it. But you got to wear a mask all the time.

And there are a lot of places that are closed. So I found one barbershop around where I'm currently staying that was open. and my hair is in my eyes. I can't see. The mask is in my face. It's fogging up my glasses. I can't see a damn thing. And I walk into the barbershop and my glasses unfog and my vision becomes clear.

And it's just this one black dude in a black barbershop. And he looks at me like I don't belong there. No, I understand. But it's the only place. And I was like, I thought like, oh, no, I can't. I can't turn away, you know, because it would look racist. And it's not that I wanted to. It's just that I knew that he was going to have a hard time cutting my hair because it was just like, and even he was like, he was looking at me.

I was like, I'm already here. I'm committed to this. I got to get a haircut. And he looks at me. He goes, straight hair, huh? Hmm. Okay. I'll see what I can do.

I'll see what I can do. And I was just like, oh, man, this, I can't. believe if I if I just could have seen this place I would have been able to like maybe fix this did you get a fade you got a fade or you got a Caesar I didn't get a fade I have a fade so like did he line you up did he line you up to and everything yeah he lined me up it was good it was a good haircut honestly but like the thing the thing that tripped me up about it was the first thing he did was he went in front of me he looked at me he put his hands he put his hands under his under his

chin in like the pistol form to like almost like like I'm thinking about it you know like the thinking pose he's like hmm hmm and he takes the buzzer

and just buzzes from front to back which I've never had done ever in my entire life usually like they buzzed the sides for like longer hair and then they cut the top with scissors but now he's just like

and I was I just I was sitting there and I was like Oh, man. This is a situation, isn't it? Congratulations. It turned out pretty okay. But I was just like the scenario of like just walking into this place and realizing that it was a black barbershop and like being in a position where like, oh, I can't turn away. And even if I did turn away, it wasn't like a racist thing.

It was just like such a weird situation. I felt like it felt like it was written, you know what I mean? It was like, oh my God. I can't believe I blinded myself into getting this haircut. You know, right now, actually, you can finally apply for an N-word pass now. Really? Because I got a black haircut. You got a black haircut.

You live with black people. You like chicken. You get to apply now. That's it. I got to be real. I got to be real with you. It was a far more attentive haircut than I think I've ever gotten. Like they were really

He was like really going in for like the details I was like oh man I don't think anybody's ever bothered with that Where do you usually go to fucking like super cuts? Yeah I go to like a fucking I get my hair cut for like fucking $10 Yeah that shit's shit's man Because they they go straight out of barber school And then they just fucking bullshit like there's no love I mean sometimes like I need like say

When I just had a very basic haircut like say what I do now Where it's just like shit just buzz the side so I don't need to go to a good barber. Like say, well, now I have my homie do it. It doesn't matter. But say sometimes, like, when I lived in Cerritos, I would just go to the Supercuts up the street because I'm like, all right, you guys can't fuck this up.

But they still do. They still do. I'm just like, yo, Joe, just buzz the sides. And for some fucking reason, there's like, wait, what? You mean fucking take, like, make your fucking mohawk shorter? Like, I don't even. I don't understand. that they don't like I've never had any problems when like niggas are cut up my hair they just get it

they just get it there's something it's almost like I feel like they're looking at when they see black a head hair head of hair it's almost like looking at like Asian calligraphy like you can't understand what's happening like you know those are words but you don't know you have no idea what the fuck they say because I'm just like dude it's not complicated it's still hair just follow the fucking line buzz it down and And I once went to a Korean barbershop because it was down the street from my house in my hometown and it was eight bucks. And they were like, oh, fuck no. Like it was hilarious.

Like the chick that cut my hair was terrified to do it. Like as if I didn't understand. I was like, bitch, it's just hair. It's just just run. Like, didn't you go to school for this? Just do it. I don't get it. She was afraid that she would have touched her.

she would have went back home in her pants about you can't come back and we can smell you touched one I'm sorry you can't you're not allowed back in the house I don't know it's weird but yeah I've I've but I get it because I've never obviously I've never dealt with the that scissor bullshit like let me let me cut your hair and I'm gonna pretend like it's all fucking even even though you know you're human it's gonna be

uneven you know so like I mean that's why you get this why you get a cut to even now this is what this is what you guys do right first of all you go to Dominicans you always your hair cut by if you're not going to cut by your race you go to Dominican Dominicans tend to have the variety of they can have nappy hair

they can have the wavy in the middle hair they can have curly hair they can have straight hair you go to someone with the whole entire spectrum I've never had my hair cut by a white man I never will because I feel like they just don't know what they're doing you know so I'm just going to always go to someone

that's in between or my or my color you know yeah because my cousin got to his hair cut by a white guy one time and his hair line took a dip in randomly at one part and I could not stop laughing. He had to go bald and then grow all his hair back and it was the funnies. He had to restart his computer and I was like, yo, I love this. He didn't go like a 201. He went bald for the summer. Like he had no hair. And you all remember a few years ago when

that movie Fury came out with that tank movie with Shilohubh and Brad Pitt? And, And every white person wanted haircuts like them and everybody just looked like Hitler. Do you remember that? You remember that for a while? What the fuck you're talking about? Yeah, everyone, go that movie Fury. It came out and Brad Pitt, you know,

they had those old school fucking 50s, whatever, those haircuts when it was shaved on the sides, it was long on top and that people would either comb it to the side or they'd slick it back, whatever the case is. It was like the gentleman thing to do. And it was like a revolution of haircuts. It was kind of like when all the scene girls came out, and they all started doing these undercuts.

And then obviously you've seen every fucking bitch with an undercut. And I'm just like, stop. Can you guys like just do you have to do everything you see? You can't just like, oh, that's cool, but that's not for me. There's like, no, I want that now. I'm like, bitch, that doesn't look good on you. I'm sorry. And that's what happened.

Like a bunch of white people, especially with blonde hair, they're all looking fucking like white supremacists. They're just all like, it was great. You got to love it, man. It was a good time. I think I had that haircut at least once. I want to see it. I want to see it. I think it...

No, I had it, but, like, I didn't look weird because I think it just looked fine. It looked at home on me because I am obviously a nodding. That's very true. From what we've learned, you can either pull off... See, even when you had your long, shaggy hair, it looked the part. You know, you put a beanie on, and I was like, oh, Antifa, obviously. Oh, my God, exactly. But now you shave your head, you get a nice little fade or whatever.

Maybe just grow it out on top a little bit more. Slick it to the side of it. whatever and you're fucking Richard Sprinter's cousin. I gotta be real. I gotta be real. Like, once I got rid of my hair, I did miss the beanie.

The fact that I could pull the beanie off a lot better. Because you can't, when your hair is this short now, like it's really short now. And like, a beanie just looks like I'm bald. It just looks like I have cancer. Yeah,

I have cancer. It's not, it's not a good look at all. Yeah, I've got to be real. I think I even compliment you on that. Like, you,

that ratio, the beanie long, hair thing actually looked like, oh, this, this is how this dude's supposed to look. You know, like, it just, it just made sense. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think I'll probably do it again. Well, I mean, I assume I'll probably have to. No, Nick, I want you to go.

Based on the process that's the progress that we're making. Dreadlocks? Lock it up, dude. I want you to go back to a black barber. Go to like a legit salon or whatever and get that shit locked up and then put on a fucking Rastabini and then go hang out and like, I was actually going to do that. I was going to freaking shave the sides of my hair and then get fucking twists until they turn the dreads in and eventually shoot myself in the face. I was going to be my whole process.

I was going to get dreads in the middle of 2021, just like, just in the middle of my bathtub, just blow my brains out. Have you gotten your fucking haircut yet? Because your hair? No, dude. No. My hair is so fucking annoying. I hate it. Your hair was fucking huge when I left.

Yeah, it's worse now. Is it all, do you compact it, man? Do you like, do you pat it down? I have to compact it. What I do is I wash my hair and then after I watch my hair, pat my head violently for like 10 minutes. It looks natural. Yeah.

I naturally, I get natural haircuts because I don't take care of my hair. Now, I was supposed to, what you said, I legitimately was supposed to lock up my hair. Like, just, okay, I'm just just do this mohawk. And then I'm going to lock it up when it gets long enough because I don't want these little short bitch-ass fucking dreads, right? I wanted them to be a little bit longer, at least like two inches or whatever. And it got to the point where I don't take care of my hair at all.

So it just like all locks up naturally, but then it's all dead and fucked up. And then when I finally pick it out like after a month or two, it looks like I got a haircut because there's just like a full, like my hand is full of hair. And it's fucking. Same dude. I can't like. Show the wildfire. Yeah. I can't, I'm just, I don't know, man.

I don't know how people have time to take care of their hair. I just, like, fuck. It's. What blows my mind is that I, my hair shed so much, but I still have so much fucking hair on my head. It doesn't make sense. Like, I was like, I fear, like, one time I took a bunch of, one time I was with my girlfriend, and I picked down my hair, and then she saw my pick.

He was like, oh, my guy, Kingston, you lost in my chair. And I was like, oh, for real? He was like, where did it go, where did it come from? And I was like, somewhere on here. And that's it. Just took it off the pick, threw it on the floor, and I was like, all right, let's kick moment. It was like, dude, you're so lucky you have so much hair.

And I was like, I don't really care, man. Honestly, I want to go bald. I wouldn't mind going ball with the fucking shiny-ass head, fucking blinding people. Yo, I can't picture you bald, dude. You should do it, man. My hair's part of my personality, dude. You might as well just do it. And, like, now's the time to do it, really.

Well, first. I'm going to get dreads. I'm going to get little dreads. Okay. Oh, so you're legit going to do it? Yeah. Within the next week or so. Oh, shit.

Like that. Oh, really? Yeah, like, I'm going to go get my haircut. Maybe even, like, it's too late tonight. How are you going to go? How are you going to go? Because I know which my barber's open. Oh, really?

They finally opened back up. Yeah, he's only taking, like, two people in a soda at time, so you got to make a reservation. So I'm like, hey, you want to hit me out? You be like, yeah, I got you, bro. And then bam, boop. Yeah, because people, people are out there looking fucking ragged, men. Like, like, I'd say, like, 50% of people that I see, like, on the street or, like, anywhere just look like they just.

They just haven't, they haven't even thought about hygiene in fucking weeks, years maybe. Yeah, man, it's a shame that fucking COVID turned off our showers too, man. Yeah. Fucking COVID-19, give us back our water, bro. Yo, having a long hair suck, though, because it was like, it would just get, it would get so oily, so fast. Like, before I, like, I could get away with, like, three days without washing my hair, and it would still look like I, like, I washed it because it was so short, right? It's just nothing.

You could literally just rinse and it'd be fine. But like, a second you have long fucking straight hair, it's just gone. You got like five, six hours tops before it looks like you just didn't shower. It sucks. That's why the beanie.

Yeah, the beanie's good, man. It's why I wear a hat all the time. People are like, oh, I like your hair cut. Why the fuck don't you not wear a hat? Because I'm like, I've been wearing a hat or a beanie since I was 13. And then the only time I took it off was when I was 17, 18 years old where I, I braided my hair.

And then so it was like, okay, what's the point? You know, I will not wear a hat. And then when I shaved it off, just went back to hats, man. It's just, it's, do you think it offends bald people when people like us wear hats? Probably. I don't give a fuck about that. No, I don't care. It's a fucking hat.

You can't control me wearing a hat or not. I'm not saying, I'm not offending you. I'm not saying they should control it. I'm just curious Because I feel like it would make Some psychological sense that they might be You know what I mean? Like oh look at these fucking people

They got a full head of hair And they're fucking hiding it Unbelievable Yeah No I feel you It's kind of like when I see a chick With like a massive rack And she doesn't like show it off

When she's completely like fully clothed And it's like What are you doing? So you want to be not clothed? Well I want her to leave fucking You know Because there's you know what I'm saying Right like okay

You have a gorgeous head That's a yes is what he's saying. Literally what you're saying is yes. You literally got, Derek, I don't look at women anymore. I have been, I'm taken, okay? I am taken. I have eyes for only one person. Shut your poor ass mouth.

I have eyes for only one person on this planet, all right, Derek. You need to get blessed and find yourself true love, all right? If I was in front of you, I would uppercut you so hard for being so fucking disingenuous. Like, I would take the uppercut like a champion. I would get up my mom. Like, I hope the Lord helps you. and I'd walk off. You're such an asshole.

You're being silly. Like, of course you still see, like, oh, she's hot. Oh, she looks good. I don't know. I don't think I do. I think you're tripping. You're just saying that because you know she listens. I've seen you compliment women.

I've seen you compliment women on Twitter, bitch. It's on Twitter. That's public shit, bitch. I've seen you, I've seen you like some, some. I don't have any examples right now, but I know. Because they don't exist. Bitch, I will, do you want me to go through your fucking Twitter right now? Don't look.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Honey, sometimes when a lady looks rather good, I'm like, oh, wow, you look fantastic. I hope you have a blessing of your day. There's not being wrong with that. Why would you even have to explain yourself?

May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you and help you throughout all your endeavors. That's what I do. You are such a simp. You are such a simp. Sweenie talks to a lot of cat girls on Twitter. I do not talk to a lot of cat people anywhere. You talk to... I don't know a whole cat person.

That's it. I know a whole one cat person. I don't know. There's something about that shit that just... I don't know, man. Like, I can be cool with anyone, right? But it's just, it's kind of like, say, when you said something about anime, you like trashed, like, weaves or something. I forgot what it was.

Of course, that garbage. Totally. And I was totally on board with you. And I saw some of the people that follow us. They were really offended. And I'm like, I'm sorry. We're friends. We're cool.

but the stupid shit that you're into, it's fucking cringe. I don't care if you like anime. I like anime. But to define your life by it, it's just like, what the fuck's wrong with you? It's people having like a personality

that's entirely derived from something that is just like supposed to be a hobby or just like a, like at the most, like at the most it should be like something that you mention like once in like a dating profile. You know, Like it shouldn't be like, it shouldn't be like, it shouldn't be like people that like like our only music has like, like, oh my God, listen to music all the time.

Music is my life. It's like that's cool. You know, I respect you listening to music, but that shouldn't be a whole personality. Look at all the. Well, it shouldn't be a whole personality, you know. Even if you're in a band, music shouldn't be your whole person. It should be a good portion of who you are and your main love, but it shouldn't be your whole personality. I find it's like other parts to you.

It's like the people say it's like you don't how much like Chris, you don't have like a closet full of like of like of. of rise against merchandise, do you? Yeah, he does actually. But do you know, hold on, let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish.

Let me finish, though. But do you like rock that rocket and rep that shit every day to make sure everybody knows that like this, yeah, this is my shit? All right.

First of all, I don't have a closet full of risk. Yeah, he does. He's fucking lying. He doesn't wear it out anymore because he made fun of him so much.

No, no. I definitely do have, I mean, I have it permanently etched on my arm so that that's probably counts for something. I have Talley Zor on my neck, dude,

I can't talk shit. But I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, like, I have, like, I think two shirts. One of them is, like,

really fucked up and, and, like, ripped. So, no, like, I don't have, like, I definitely have, I definitely have a lot of halo shit because people just gift me a lot of halo shit

because they just assume that I'll like it, which is typically, which is, you know, true. It's true, yeah. But, yeah,

I don't know. Yeah, you're not, you're not, obsessed. You know, like say the word fan is derived from fanatic, but there's a difference, right? There's a

fan and then there's a fanatic. And I feel like the people that are weabs, like they're these fanatics. And it's, even somebody like one of my favorite people in the world, Israel, Adasania, he's the middleweight janitor of USC. He's a weeb and shit. Massive. He is obsessed with

Naruto to the point where his car, everything that he does, it's like related to Naruto at some point. and it makes me cringe because of how much I like the guy. But at the same time, I was like, oh, man, I wish I were your friend so I could just laugh at you and just try to, like, keep you to calm down. All right, so wait.

He's so cringe and so cool at the same time. I don't know how to deal with him. He's so, did you see his fight? He fucking assassinated that guy. He fucking destroyed Paulo Costa. It was, oh, my God. And he was dancing while this man was trying to get helped. up. He was break dancing. I was like, this man, it's a god.

Hold on. Let me ask you this, though, because you said, you know, we're talking about anime and then we're talking, like, people being obsessed with anime. And then, and then you have a person who's, like, really obsessed with Naruto. Is, is it worse or better for the extreme fanaticism to be generalized to, like, a medium or a specific thing? Like, if someone's, like, medium. It's better for it to be a medium. So, like, somebody who's, like, really, really obsessed with anime, like everything anime, who knows like, you know, oh, I know every episode of Klanad

and fucking Yu-U-U-Haka, whatever the fuck, whatever the fuck people are watching. That's it. That's literally what it's called. Yeah. It's better. It's better. Don't make fun of your Haka show. Don't make fun of that show guys also. Chill out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great show. It's a fantastic show. It's a fantastic

show. If you don't like it, you're stupid and and I was going to say something else, but you're just stupid. I like that, I like that ginger, that ginger man with a stupid looking face. in that show. You mean Karama, you dumb ass? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

How could I forget? I really like this guy that I don't remember his name. That's the only thing I remember from Yu-Uhaku show, and that was, and he would go like, um, soul pistol or whatever it was, right? No, he would not. You remind me, you remind me a he, actually. All the fucking Yu-Hakisha fans out there, that's definitely, because he's like him. Yeah, all eight of them.

Are you serious? Are you serious? I honed because I had no clue. I was so confused by the fact he said that I said, uh. No, I know people like a year. I like it too. I don't know why I'm being an asshole. I mean, it's fine.

It's just not, you know, there's, look, look, I feel like it's weird. I think I'm the opposite. I think it's better because I understand, as much as it makes me cringe to see, Izzy be so balls deep in Naruto, only because personally, I don't. understand it. I gave it a chance. It just it just it doesn't hit right and it nothing there's nothing about it that really sucked me in and somebody even showed me like one supposedly one of the best scenes, one of the best fights and it was fucking dog shit to me. However, you know, I understand certain things will affect people certain ways and if they get really inspired by it. I'm like,

okay, fair enough. But the entire like say genre of just, oh, I'm just an anime head. I feel like it's fucking stupid to the point where imagine if somebody was like that for Saturday morning cartoons or something, right? Like, oh, fucking, I've just live my life. I'm a Cubics head. I love cubics. I fucking... It's like, what is that? Like, what are you doing?

Like, why is this like, oh, I'm a, I'm a Nickelodeon nigger. Like, I just, I fuck with nothing but Nickelodeon. Like, fucking, I fuck with I Carly and Dan Snyder with, and we fuck with feet. I love, that's my shit.

you, right? I knew you were going to get there somehow. I was like, Ed Schneider's going to come up. He said something about Nickelodeon. Sweeney. I had to. Swini, do you remember that show? I'm only asking you because, like, we were closer to the same age. So we probably have a vague recollection of this existing. Do you remember that time in like cartoon network when they started doing like live action shows to try and compete with Nickelodeon and they were all just really bad? Yeah, Destroy, Bill Destroyed. Then they had a Total Drama Island and it was another show. No, Total Drama Island was a cartoon. Yeah, but it was, it came out around that time. It was like total drama. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. 16 and all that stuff. Yeah, I was still watching.

It was like, that's what like Flapjack and Chowder were still kind of new. They weren't brand new, but they were still a little new. Yeah. I remember that. And I was like, I thought it was a fever dream for a second because when I think back to like, when I think back to like live action shows that I used to watch as a kid that I liked, like I could remember a lot of them. And I realized that like they were all from Nickelodeon, you know, like Drake and Josh and like,

fucking Icarly or whatever the fuck. I'm sure that was like probably, I watched Zoe 101 also. Oh, of course. I actually got into that show right before it got canceled. I don't know how it happened. It's been a long time since I've seen anything about it, but I really remember liking it a lot,

even though like it wasn't funny at all. You know, like, I didn't think it was funny, but for some reason I watched, I don't know what the fuck was going on. I watched it because there was a black kid, And he was like pretty much the comic relief. And I was just like, are we always comic relief? I was like, are we always comic relief? I was like, can we be anything other than, I realized for Nickelodeon either the main character was black and the whole cast was pretty much black for one kid or it was one goofy ass black kid that was the main character's best friend.

Yeah, like Cookie. Always. That's the class of. I love Cookie. Yeah, that's who I was thinking of. Everybody called me Cookie because I looked like him. So I was like, I guess. No, that's just racist

That's just racist dude I get I know I look like Cookie ass cookie When he was no longer on that show And he became like a regular person That wasn't like a fucking Manic looking black kid

I didn't look like him anymore But while While he was a kid I looked like him And I was like Can you stop making fun of me please Didn't he have like something weird On his glasses or some shit

Yeah he had like a computer Computer Oh yeah He had an AI He had the thing that's that's freaking Tony Stark had and fucking endgame. Yeah. The thing with all the satellites and Barber Bowl.

You know, fucking straight up. He had fucking he had fucking Shodan in his Robert Mitchell fucking glasses. Just insane. Just the fucking premise of that. That was a show about like kids and then just this kid had a fucking world class artificial intelligence for no fucking reason. How did you get it? That's such a weird stereotype too from back then.

It's like you always had like the guy. guy in the chair was always like a stereotype like oh you know like ah you know I'll feed you information but for some reason there was a period of time where like that kid was always like that kid was always like black that became like a black like fucking what's his name

Wade from uh fucking Wade was Mexican dude was he Mexican dude was he Mexican I was always in that fucking dark room He's pretty much black That's pretty much a black kid That's basically No but it was always a minority in like in like that role

you know what I mean? Like, I think it's so often depicted as idiots. They were like, let's let them, let's make him a little better. Yeah, Wade from Composible. He's he's, he's, he's, Wade from Kim Possible was a really smart minority in cell, apparently, because he just never left his fucking, he never left his room. Did he ever leave in that show?

He was too busy, fucking saving the world. Maybe, I don't know. I don't know. I think there, there might have been like an, like, a TV movie where like they showed his legs and that was like the big reveal, like, double, like showing the underside of Double D's hat or whatever the fuck. What was that? What was under the U.S.

Hat? Did they ever show that? No, they didn't show it. They left it up to your imagination, which was smart. What was that fucking, what was that puppet show that, that, it was like a, it was like a black. Mr. Meedy.

No, no, no, no. It was like a cousin Skeeter. Because of the, that show was dope, dude. I used to, I watched the fuck out of cousin skaters. Yo, I did too, but like, man, what a terrible name. I fucking hated that show. Cousins Skeeter, fucking holy shit. That did not age well.

I hate that show so much. It always reminds me of the show Doug. I think it was the first episode. And Roger's talking to Skeeter. And he just says, like, well, what do you know, skeet face? And like, it's just. It doesn't. You're like, holy shit.

Wait, did they know this? Did they understand that reference? What do you know, Skeet, Gabbler? fucking Roger Roger was definitely the kind of kid that would send his cats on fire he was definitely one of those like fucking

I get mad I blow up toys I fucking I punch my sister in the face even though he's autistic like he's one of those fucking kids I like how they

portrayed they did the same thing in Hey Arnold like the way they portrayed these children like keep in mind a dog and them were like 10 years old

and shit Roger's fucking wearing a leather jacket and these boots and shit like he's a Yeah, didn't he have, didn't he have like, maybe I'm misremembering this, but I feel like he, it's not that he had a cigarette, but I feel like he had like a toothpick or something. Or maybe I'm like, he had a twig, yeah, like a little toothpick or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, I think he would have a toothpick sometimes, yeah. Yeah, so he's just this fucking gangster, dude. You're fucking dead funny. He's dead. He's like 10 or 11. I know. Doug was the weirdest. Because, hey Arnold, like, everybody still looks like a kid because they're like weirdly proportioned.

but like Doug for some reason, like, like, yo, fucking Roger Clots is fucking skinny and like lanky and like tall. He's like, I don't even feel like they're to scale with the rooms, you know? Like, every room they walk out of it, it looks like they're the tallest people. Like, it's so fucking weird. It's like in, it's like Kaiu. Like if you look up Cayu's height, it's like fucking like six, six foot whatever. They're fucking giant in that universe. There's a fucking giant universe of people.

Yeah, how fucking tall is Roger Clots? Somebody Google that. Somebody Google that and let us know how tall. I'm not going to do it because I don't have the time to waste on that, but certainly you do. So Google Roger Klotz. Oh my fucking God. Google Roger Klotz height, Doug.

How tall is Roger Klotz? There's a scene. 37 feet tall. What the fuck? Yeah, there's a scene that like, because I rewatched all four seasons of like the Nickelodeon version. And there's that Beatles band, the knockoff the beats. and they're supposed to go to one of the shows and they didn't end up being able to go

but the beats they pulled up with their bus and they fucking start like just dancing with these little boys and it's just like when you're older and you're thinking of the context like imagine the tour bus pulls over they're trying to get some food and there's these two like 11 year old boys

chilling by themselves at night and then all of a sudden they just start dancing with them and shit. I'm like, what? My mind thought it's just, I'm like, this would never, this could never be okay. You know why those shows did so well though? It's because like they gave kids like this fake

semblance of like, this is what freedom is. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because when you're a kid, you can't do shit, but like you, like in those shows it's like, hey, you know, here are these 10, 10 year olds, here, the 11 year olds and they're fucking they're like going to the store and like they're getting like

ice cream by themselves. They have lives. They can do things. Like they had their own fucking adult-ass lives that they were just like Arnold had this fucking insane room that like anybody would Dude

I know that's right. I know the whole premise of that show is that like he's not the most the most privileged person and he's like living in a boarding house with like a bunch of like drug addicted strangers and like fucking bunch of foreigners bro.

Yeah. A bunch of foreigners in his house. but like that room is probably nicer than any fucking room I've ever seen in anything genuinely it's so heavily customized and beautiful and has fucking car seats in it he's he's fucking doing good for himself yeah yeah how the like seriously that that that I understand I understand that how they made it and but it's just funny to look back and see all the shit that makes zero sense and um like uh there's just there's just too many things. Let me ask you this. Were you guys

able to, I know like say with parental supervision, you could have like kind of like say a kid can board a plane with parental supervision. You walk them to the place and then they get on and then somebody meets them at the next destination. Could you do the same thing like with taxis? Could you, or could

like kids just take taxes themselves? Like was that? I was my first taxi when I was seven. Like you can do it yourself? Like you don't have to build. I was a kid. They don't give a fuck there. They don't give a shit about it. They don't give a shit about, they don't care.

They're trying to make money. Yeah, no, I feel like. You could get in a taxi really young because, like, I think, I mean, kids are, kids go to school, go to school in the city, you know? And they could just, you know, it's the most abundant form of transportation that there is, especially like back then. It was just, like, everywhere. Yeah.

So you would just, yeah, you were just getting a taxi. I never, I don't think I ever took a taxi as, like, a kid by myself because I just didn't have money to pay for a taxi. But, yeah. I definitely got put in taxis to go places. They were like, here, going to taxi. And I was like, I don't know if it's safe. And they were like, bye, close the door.

And I'm like, hello, Mr. African person. And they're like, do you know, do you know this thing about the, um, the alliance back where I am from? And I'm like, I don't know what this man's talking about. I was just sit there on my Game Boy advance is playing while this African man telling me his fucking, his whole novella about his life. And I'm just like, handing you a gun wanting you to join the revolution. Hannah, you're giving you a mask.

You're like, I'm okay. I really, I really love the taxi experience. It's such a, I did, I did a video, like, I think for the Area 51, when the Area 51 raid was going on, I had this whole fucking thing where I went to New York City and I took a cab back to Los Angeles in the, in the video. But like, I got so many takes from so many different taxi drivers, because I would go in and I would be like, hey, you want to be in a video? and they would be like, no, what do I, what do I have to do? Or like, they were just like, it just insane shit. And I have so much footage of just taxi drivers just not understanding what it is I'm saying to them. But they're so good.

They're always so nice. I love them. And it's just such a convenient way of going around, man. I wish Uber was like, was like that. I wish, like, you could, like, pull out the Uber app on your phone and just, like, wave it in the air. and then somebody would pool over and they'd be like, I'm an Uber, you know? It's so nice and convenient

to just to be able to raise your hand and have an instant fucking car. It's so fucking wild. I mean, I would say Uber's more convenient, but definitely the New York cab experience is like really important. Uber's convenient in the majority of circumstances, but I will say that like,

whenever I'm in the city, I rarely, I rarely take, take an Uber. Like, if I'm in the city, I'll just raise my hand and then I'll have a car. And also just that the signal gets a little weird and the GPS is a little weird in the city. So it's not, I don't know. I've never used Uber in a city, actually, because every time I'm in a city, I just walked wherever I'm going. Because it's like, how do I explain? Well, the walks in New York, particularly, there's so much you're passing by. There's so much going on.

Yeah, they don't feel like long. They feel like every moment you're laughing or watching something. You're watching a homeless man get beat up by two other homeless men. You're watching a fucking rat the size of fucking, I don't know, a small child doing a fucking ballet concert. You're watching some sort of real illegal drugs, like drugs and fucking weapons going on. Like, New York is full of things going on. So you're like, wow, this is fantastic. I love this, but I can walk everywhere here.

Except for Central Park. Don't walk around Central Park south at nighttime. It's a really bad idea. Who the fuck would walk in Central Park at night? Someone that's not from New York. All right. That's a good point. Someone that's not from New York.

Just don't do that. It's really bad. People get killed off. That's where the fantastic beasts are, and that's, that is where to find them. They're fucking, yo, I, I, I, I don't know how to explain this. I had, I had a very, very vivid memory, though, that I don't think I ever really addressed because I just assumed that I made it up in my own head, like I, I imagined it, because that's what I, I have to tell myself that.

But I remember seeing a dog walking around in Central Park, like, I was like, what we, I was with my aunt and we were walking outside of Central Park like it was like right at the point where like you're hitting one of the major streets in the city and I saw a dog walk up to a tree and it flew up into the tree and I I don't I have no

explanation but I was like seven or something I was like that I asked my mom or no I asked my aunt like did you see that and they were like no I didn't I don't know what you're talking about but I have this fucking memory she saw it dude I swear I saw this stupid kids imagination No, I have to believe you.

I have to believe you because like if I, if I didn't believe you, then I have to admit something is something is just unexplainable. Oh my God. So talking about, so okay, let's let's talk about experiences like that. And this is the most, this is the most fuck thing I ever saw in my life. And till this day, I don't know. This is like, I don't believe in. I don't believe in ghost. I really don't.

Like, I have a hard time believing in ghosts because like, it just kind of sounds weird to me. Because like, if there's ghosts, there'd be like a lot of ghosts, a lot of ways should be happening. But besides from that, one time I was at. summer camp and I was in this place in fucking Irvington, New York and that's apparently where I think Iqabad Crane is from. And I was, she, my friend told me, we heard like this really weird

fucking story about camp and I was like, that's fucking stupid. I don't believe in that. And then we were in one of our other like campmates rooms and literally, one of his drawers came out and fell down. And literally, we all just left and went to bed. No one said anything about it. No one talked about it.

A drawer just pulled itself out and fell. And I was like, all right i'm real tired guys i'm gonna go to sleep yo yeah and that moment that moment was so fucking unnerving that i don't know what to say about it to this day i have i have just like that man and and this the same exact lane where the concept of ghost is just stupid as hell like it's such a dumb thing that people that typically believe in them like legitimately i i i i i i I feel like they need psychiac. Wow, I can't even fucking speak right now.

Cyriac. Satriac. But yeah, they need help. They need fucking help. I think it could be real. Like, I'm not saying it. I'm not saying it's completely. I don't think, no.

The idea of that sounds stupid. But at this same time, I had an experience just like that. I don't know if I said it on the podcast before, but I will never forget. And I still periodically ask my friend, if you. He was fucking with me. I'll hit him up on Facebook just to be like, you can't be, are you keeping this lie up decades later?

So it was a New Year's Eve. So it was about to be New Year's 2004. And I went over my friend Frankie's house. And we played a Hunter the Reckoning. Oh, this is the controller, right? The controller's one. Yeah, so yeah, that. So I did talk about it.

Yeah. When the controller shot out fucking, I'll just for, like, there's probably a lot of new listeners. So I'll just recap it real quick. Yeah, yeah. So my, and this is why I think my friend was fucking with me, because right after he was done telling me that his house is haunted, and he was saying, like, my sister, this and this, this happens to him. And I'm like, kind of like, okay, whatever.

And then his controller, like the core, the entire thing, not just the part that disconnects, because if you guys remember, like, you know, the Xbox cables, that one breakaway cable thing. The whole thing just shot out and hit him in the chest. And to this day, like he says, he swears on every. everything that he didn't, he's not fucking with me, he didn't do it. And there's a part of me that has to believe him because I would have seen him do it. I would have seen him yank the cord if it was even possible to hit him directly in the chest, like perfect accuracy. I would have seen him with my peripheral vision.

It just hit him in the chest. And I was terrified to sleep there because I'm like, what the fuck was that? I wouldn't stop there. Fuck that. Hell no. Hell no. I mean, it was already late. I didn't have like, I'm not going to call my mom to pick me up.

I'd rather walk my stupid ass. stupid asshole and fucking stupid a place that I know it's haunted. I mean, it is what it is. But that was the only time and it was just what a coincidence that it happened right after he was done telling me. And I've walked through scenarios. I'm telling you, I probably hit him up last year

just to be like, hey bro, you're not fuck with me. That was 2004. Like, we're growing as men now. And I'm like, bro, you got to tell me. You can't take the shit to your grave. That's so stupid. But he's like, no, it just happened. And I want,

to, I want to believe it, but at the same time, like I said, the concept of ghosts. Like, think about it. Think about how why would people hang around houses and shit when, like, if I was a ghost, I would be

fucking chilling in like all the places I wasn't able to go to. All of the fucking... You never know, dude. Like, it's, how do I explain it? When it comes to things that are metaphysical, it's so hard to rationalize them. Because by default, they just don't make sense. Sure.

Like, how do you rationalize the idea of the fact that when you die? When you die, we have ideas about it. Some of them have more backing than others. No, no, no, no. I know what happens. Some of them make more sense than others. That's true. They all make more than others.

But until someone dies and comes back from being dead for like a year and a half, and then they come back and be like, yo, being dead is wild, bro. You get all the pussy you want. We don't know what the fuck happens. You don't need that. You know exactly what happens when you die. No, you don't. Yeah, you do.

Your conscience doesn't exist yet. Nah, yeah, you do. And my argument is the fact that consciousness is so complex that I don't believe it disappears. It's like so insanely complex. I'm like, this doesn't just blank the fuck out. Really? Really? I don't think it does.

If you took the most complicated piece of machinery ever created and burned it to ash, would that, what does that change, that it's complicated? You could still burn it into nothing. No, but there's nothing. But the thing is that the part. parts that created it, it's, it's fundamental parts don't disappear. Yeah, your brain rotts. Your brain rots into the ocean, into the ocean or into the fucking ground, wherever it is you die.

It rots into whatever it is. That is true. But what your mind, your thoughts, your person, your being does not, like that's something that exists. No, what? It's something that it may not have a physical like weight or something like that. It's abstract. It's abstract.

Well, then what happens to, what happens to a? cat's thoughts. A cat's thoughts? Exactly. That's weird. Like, what the fuck does a cat's brain just go? It goes into the ground when it dies. Look, the thing is that our brains, even for an animal that has like a not that much intelligence, where

maybe like a dog or a bear or a sound like that, they have traits, they have features, they have personalities that, like, affects how they interact with the world around them. So for me, the idea that when they die, that what made them themselves, themselves, that made different for anything else that was like their species, gave the individuality that disappears is kind of like, that doesn't really make sense to me.

It makes a ton of sense because that's how everything works. It could happen. But that, that still sounds kind of wild. It doesn't sound weird to you that, like, how to explain it? Energy is never created, right? You know, you can't create energy. It's always replaced and put somewhere else. Right.

Yes. So I feel like our consciousness has no actual weight to it. It has no actual, like, solid form. No, it's just, it's just your, it's just synapses firing a bunch. That's literally all it is. And then the energy that goes into making those synapses fire dissipates with the brain when it rots into nothing and it feeds the earth again. It doesn't mean, like, your thoughts, like, it doesn't mean your thoughts exist in, like, a real way. I mean, I feel like it might, it might.

That sounds like, that sounds plausible, like, all your thoughts might exist. What do you think, your personality? might be a thing. I can't say it's true for sure because I mean, we're all talking about us. There's people that are, I haven't said shit because there's people that are way

smarter than us, infinitely smarter that are, they still debate about this, the topic of consciousness. I'm like, I can't say fuck all about it. I don't know anybody smarter than me, but,

okay. You sure? Are you positive? I'm pretty sure, yeah. But, yeah. It's a bold statement. I don't know. Anyone smarter at me?

Not even that I don't know it. I don't know of anyone's smart. That's so fucking arrogant. That's so insanely arrogant. That's such a fucking Draco Malfoy ass statement. No one's more than me, hey, poor. I'm just moored forever. What is that?

That's what? That's your impression. That's how it sounds. I'm aber here, boy. I just want whatever I want it. Oh, you want, you, my little friend Harry Potter. You guys sound like fucking Joe Budden right now.

No. That's not. That's him trashing Eminem's new album. That album was kind of garbage, though. Those were some good times, though. It was a bad album, though. When they were beefing, though, it was fun. That was fun. Absolutely.

Eminem can't make a good album. He hasn't made a good album in like 15 years. That's because he's doing that stupid ballad rap, dude. It's when he's, all he does is he hits up every famous celebrity possible. It started with fucking Rihanna and shit. All them years ago, man, like 10 years ago. Yeah. Remember that fucking song?

just don't stand He lets me burn Or whatever the fuck That was it When he put that out I was like that's it He's done He was done before that

But I'll keep I'll keep my mind shut Yo I do Crack a bottle is a great fucking record I'll give a fuck what you say That is a good Crack a bottle is a fun song It's not a good song

It's a fun song It's fun as fuck Hell yeah Sounds hilarious It's fun We made you We made you It's fucking hilarious too

It's hilarious It's hilarious But that song's just like go go listen to crack a bottle again that's a good i think i know most of the words to that song bro i still remember most of that song word for work that's one hung with 50 right yeah yeah 50 and yeah of course i know every word i know every word to that song it's 50 and dray yeah that's a great they didn't even it's not even a single it's not even like a legit single which pitched me off because they didn't make a video for it or nothing i was just like yo this is like the best track

you've made in years and you're just like oh i'm just gonna like fucking i don't know i don't even know That album's, yeah, that album was shit, dude. I'm not going to lie. He hasn't made a good album since the Marshall Matters LP. Maybe the Eminem show. That was okay. That was okay. Eminem show had a lot of good hitters on it, but that's because of Nate dog,

truth be told, may he rest in peace. Yeah. Oh, dude. Now, the Eminem show was the last good one, man. And then, like, he started making, instead of like, I'm not going to use drugs no more. And it was like, bro, what are you doing? We love the drug addicts, some shady. Yo, that was one, like, Kid Cuddy, when Kit Cuddy stopped smoking weed for a while

He was just putting out diarrhea. I was just like, what are you doing? I like a maniac off man on the moon, too. Hey, somebody, somebody. They're bad, though. Man in the moon, too. Man in the moon, too. No, like, I'm talking about post that shit.

He's like, I'm done and he lost his mind. Yo, do you listen to speeding bullet to heaven? No, I didn't. Yeah, just don't. Don't. You're going to fucking, you're probably going to hate him more than Joe Budden if you fucking listen to. I mean, I hate him so much. I didn't listen to.

kids he goes for like fucking four years. I just listen to the album and I can admit that based on Kanye's production, that is a good album. But Kid Cuddy is not a good rapper. I can't believe I thought he was a good rapper once in a time. I like his style, man. Like, I really like his style. I like what he talks about because that was shit I was going through when I was like a little

sad boy. But like as I got older, I'm like, I'm not sad anymore. And this shit is for like pussies. I disagree, asshole. You still like it? You still like it, Derek? Oh, you still like sad boy music? You big fan of...

What is this? What is this ethnic conversation? Can't we talk about Axel Rose? I feel like that's something that Trump would do. What is all of this? What is he... What does Trump listen to? That's a good question.

I feel like... Probably a recording of money. Probably a recording of money being counted. You fucking Jackson's big to it. This fucking Polverizes, cock to fucking music Money being counting

He just listens to a bunch of like Just a bunch of stock tracks That have audio jungle Peppered throughout them Oh my It is so fucking fantastic That I've never Because like

You realize that I didn't know shit about the guy I don't know fuck all about it Yeah I don't know I don't know what movies he likes I don't know That's actually genuinely A curious question And what does Trump listen to?

Because I feel like he listens to like, I definitely feel like he listens to country because, like, Republicans just listen to country. That's just like a fact. But he's not really a Republican, though. That's the thing. Like, I feel like this is hip-hop because he grew up. Like, when he was coming up in the 90s around, like, the whole entire, like, New York era, he was hanging out with rappers and shit like that.

That's true. But that was just like a, it seemed like a, what do you call it, business? Like, it seemed like business. But, I mean, like, I feel like he knew them enough to, like, I'll put a track on he probably doesn't to Sinatra like every other fucking basic ass

New Yorker every ass every like non hood New Yorker listens to Sinatra so he probably to Sanatra and fucking like

I don't know um that's such a weird thing to say right because like because like how to explain it like there's something

I can ask people like thinking what kind of music you come from New York right there's either one group that says like oh Sanatra

and for me I'm like Wu-Sang Clan and it's the two the two things It's like either you're going to think of hip hop first Or you're going to think of the kind of I don't know what kind of music Sinatra is exactly

It's swing It's like literally like Yeah it's like The thing is it's like with swing and like Sinatra Well I don't know if Sinatra swing really Would you? I don't know what I don't know what it is What I don't really know what swing dance is

I don't know what swing music is exactly I know Sinatra I know like a lot of swing music Music is the fucking music that accompanies swing dancing Yeah I know the dancing form I don't really know the whole genre of music because I don't know who Sinatra is. Let's look it up. Let's look it up because I've never really considered what you classify that as.

Yeah. You look up swing music and it's a kid in a swing? That's it. It's weird because some people call it easy listening. I've never even knew this was a job because swing is one of the things. Some people are saying jazz. I never knew this was a genre, but it makes sense traditional pop, like old school pop. This is because I was pop before. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, that does make sense. That's true. I never thought about that, but yeah.

I used to, for a while, I was, like, really into that shit, and I was actually, I was like, I was, I was much more into Dean Martin, though. He had some, he wasn't, he had some bangers. I was into Dean Martin because of, uh, what, it was actually, it was all because of, hey Arnold, let's just say that. It was, uh, because of that. What was that asshole's name, uh, Dino Splemoni? Oh, Dino Slemoni.

Oh, my God. What did, uh, what did he, uh, he was like, didn't have like a song about like fighting someone or some shit camera oh i don't know i'm sure yeah there were a lot of weird songs yeah oh it's a variation of jazz music yeah like jazz it's just all it's all it's all yeah it's all infused jazz but old school but that it's just kind of him though like you know what i mean it's like it's like frank sinatra is just um i mean i think of a lot of shit like i honestly like when i think of new york music i i think a lot about like the like strokes and shit but that's like just because it's just very specific

and like it's just what I think of but like I think when I think of like timeline wise I think you know when I think of like early like the kind of the kind of spirit the spirit of New York that influences the rest of it later on down the line I think a lot about

Sinatra that's like the first thing that I would think of chronologically but it wouldn't be like you know I'm not sitting here listening to Sinatra every fucking day I mean, no gas. If it's on, I'll listen to it. I like it when I hear it. Like, whenever I went to the Americana or whatever, and it would be playing, I was like, I like this.

I liked it. It's just not on your playlist. It's not on my... I have... I do have my way on my playlist just because that's a fucking great song. But, like, aside from that, like, yeah, I don't have Frank Sinatra on my playlist. If you want to put any of that bullshit on your playlist, I would say Sway by Dean Martin. There's something about that...

Sway is a good... Dean Martin hits different, bro. That's your fucking just. Yes, it is. Yes, the fuck. it is. There's something about that shit. I'm like, I, I, I, I, I fuck with that hard.

I would say anything from Louis Armstrong, if you want to put on there. Louis Armstrong is a, yeah. He's a different kind of animal, bro. I feel like, I feel like that genre, that, like, old school stuff really is super cool. There's, like, something, I think maybe because it's so old, it just seems like, uh... It's a scenery setter. Yeah, it just, it's immediately, like, sets a mood. Like, you can't set a mood with contemporary music in the same way because everything

you know, all of that could be happening now. But like the second you have like a Sinatra song playing, so you get, you get like, it's like a time machine almost where it's like, oh, now, I'm very true actually. I'm in this, I'm in this point now. And like, I think it's true of like a lot of stuff like after a certain point. Like you can't really. I think it cuts up in the 2000s.

The 2000s, what is like kind of gets like weird. Because if you play like, if you play like Wu Tang or like blonde or sound like that, that's the 90s. You're like, bam, you're in the 90s. Yeah, yeah. Or like no doubt, like, oh, I'm back in the 90s right now. I'm big, I'm a big fan of, like, I don't know. I was actually, like, a huge fan of, like, when Lady Gaga was doing this, like, weird, like, swing thing for, like, a little bit.

She was doing this thing with, like, Tony Bennett, who's, like, another one of those guys. Yeah. And she was doing all this, like, swing shit. And she was like, this is fucking good, man. This is good shit. She's good at Crossing Genres, man. She's, like, surprisingly. And you know why?

Because she's a fucking real musician. Like, there's shit up her on MySpace before she blew up. Like, she just. she writes her shit and she understands music and I fucking I forgot which award show it was but she did a song with Metallica

and she improved it it was from like Metallica's 26th teen album and then they did the collab and I was like you know what I want this single but it was just for an award show yeah yeah

she's because she's an actual singer too it's like it's like with what is it fucking wine house you know like she could just do whatever the fuck

like if she was around for like if she was still around she'd probably be doing the same similar shit where she'd probably cross whatever the fuck she was just so good

at just like controlling her voice and shit whenever I heard her when I heard her first like three albums I was just like what she's from fucking the UK

how does she sing how does she sing how does she sing in fucking Gladys night like this it doesn't make any sense it's crazy that is that is trippy that is trippy

when you see when you hear that shit that's one thing that's like do do UK artists do that on purpose to try to cross genres better uh because you always hear you always hear um like say there's this there's this uh this is uh this rapper name uh i think kid bookie or something like that and uh you it's hard to tell that he's from the UK which I think really works to his benefit because usually when you usually when you hear UK niggas people immediately just shut their ears off they're like I don't know. Oh, we've got to get all this beat right here.

And they're like, oh, no, I'm good. I'm fucking, I don't respect. I don't respect U.K. rappers. See, I think that's exactly my point. I don't respect them, bro. Their fucking raps are nursery rhymes, bro. Shut the fuck up, bro. That's exactly my point.

And I feel, and I think people have the same stigma for, like, say, you have no idea that, like, there's certain bands, some of the biggest bands from the UK, you would have no idea they're from there because they sing in an American accent. And it's, there's. There isn't, like, who's the only one? Who's that fucking dickhead from the song? It was all yellow. Look out of the star.

Like, he's like one of the rare artists that got so big. I don't know what the fuck that was that you're talking. I don't know what you said, bro. That shit was wild. I like it. Do it again. Come on. It was all yellow.

Look out the stars. You don't know what I'm talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? Bro. Okay, okay. Are you talking about one of the fucking. It's a band, but it's a. band. It's one of those, one of the biggest

bands on earth, and like, that guy, he's all British as fuck, and were they doing, like, pop? Is it like Harry Styles? It's pop, and it's all like, it's, come on, pianos and shit, like, what's that old? Oh, another meant to cause you trouble.

You're talking about the fucking the Rolling Stones? Oh, my God, I just got to have to look at it. The Rolling Stones? What the fuck? Yes, I'm talking about. No, no, no, come on. I'm going to put in yellow lyrics, and then it's going to pull us the next. I feel like I know what you're talking. Fucking cold play.

Cold play. Oh yeah, they are. Yeah. What? He doesn't sound British? What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

Kind of. Kind of. He kind of song, yellow. What are you talking about? I'm sorry, Derek. I don't listen to a lot of cold play. Perhaps you can, perhaps you can.

That was the first single. That's how they, okay, sorry. I specifically and vividly remember that was their first single to ever come out. And I was like, what the fuck is this band? I was like, what is this shit?

But they transcended and, And I guess as they got bigger, he just lost the accent. So it just kind of proves my point that people just can't handle that shit. Yeah, I don't remember that. Like, when I think of Coldplay, I think of clocks and that one Joe Satriani song that they stole. I don't know what he stole. Holy fuck. Viva LeVita or whatever the fuck it was.

Oh, I forgot about that. That's right. That's right. Yeah, because he doesn't do well. He doesn't sing. Yeah, that's real shit. He used to sing. He used to sing in, like, British speak, and then they told him to knock it off, I guess.

There was another band. There was, see, there was a band that I, like, man, I wish I remembered. This was, like, this was, like, around, like, um, 20, 2012, 2011. That was, like, a British kind of alt pop or alt-rock kind of hybrid band that was, like, very, very British. that would make these like generic kind of club songs that would just play in clubs. But I can't fucking remember the, I can't remember any of the songs, but they were really, really, really British sounding. It was really annoying. So I totally understand why, like, they would ask them to stop.

Yeah, they just, I mean, I guess the Beatles did it to a certain extent, right? There wasn't really, I'm trying to think of songs where they sound like really jarring and British, but. Not really. For the most part, it's just this is what you do. And it makes sense. You know, I was really surprised when this, I don't know how many years ago, it was probably like fucking decade or more. But when I found out that ACDC was from Australia,

because that seems like such an American band. What the fuck? Yeah, they're Australia. Really? ACDC? Yes, exactly. What? Exactly.

Do you watch? Look it up. Look at the ACDC. I'm going to put it in That is fucking mind melting if that's true Yeah ACDC are an Australian rock band formed in Sydney In 1979

By Scottish born brothers Malcolm Angus Young Yeah yeah Yeah when I found it because they're such an American band They seem like such an American staple Yo that is fucking what That's like finding That's like finding out Jay Z was from fucking Japan or something That is insane

A-C-D-C Is fucking Australian? I can't be the only person who's been in the dark about this There's probably I didn't know either Yo, there's got to be people in the comments Who are flipping the fuck out right now Because there's no

There's no way that was just like a common thing Right, exactly That's what it shocked me however many years ago I found out Leave a comment honestly like on the video version of this podcast, if you fucking knew this. Because like I, there's no, there's no fucking, you can't convince me that the majority of people listening to this knew this. Because I knew enough about ACDC for a long time to kind of assume that I had gotten the gist of it. But like this, this is, I'm learning a lot of shit.

We're having an episode right now. You have an episode right now, dude. You're freaking out. I'm still, I'm sorry. I'm still tripping out of Jayzee being Japanese though. Yo, that is equivalently insane to me. Can you imagine if Dave Chappelle If Dave Chappelle gets like sprayed with a fire hose by accident

and he's been a white man this whole time? Like an actual... I wouldn't be able to deal with that. That's not my problem. That's the ultimate betrayal. You've been saying, you said niggas so many times and I embraced it. No, no, no, no. You made our race better.

You made our race better. You made our race better and you fucking lied. You lied to me so much. No, no, no, no, no. But hold on. He gets sprayed with a fire hose and it turns out he has white skin, but then, like, if you rub sandpaper on him, he has black skin under the white skin that was under the black skin. What the fuck are you talking about then?

What's fucking charade? What kind of fucking masquerade are you bringing me through then? Is it like literally black, though? It's like fucking Vanta? Yeah, it's Vanta black. And they couldn't color. so they had to stain him white so they could gain him normal black. He looks like a shadow.

They put a fucking primer on him. Oh my God. Oh, my Lord. What is wrong with you two? I'm sorry. I'm just trying to, I'm trying to get through this. Dave Chappelle's the color black. He's not the black man.

He's the color black. Dave Chappelle is the absence of light. Oh, my God. You got to get that dirt off of your shoulders. Is that racist? You got to get that dot off your shoulders You got to keep that All right

I'm not doing it It is a big pimping Oh my god You know I love him fuck him Daws him But I don't ever leave him In the cut where I keep him To I need the nut

Do I need to beat the gods in it Everybody who listens to this podcast This is On the Masalium floor Everybody Everybody Everybody who listens to this podcast what you're listening to right now is basically your

dad's or grandfathers at a fucking restaurant and they don't know how to not, they don't understand that it's disrespectful to do the voice anymore. Dude, that shit's so fucking, dude, no one in my family says racist shit except except for one of my cousins

who's very young and we don't get why he says so much racist shit because he grew up in New York in fucking like Harlem where you see everything. And it's like, why are you saying this shit, dude? Dude, I know this, I know this couple. She was, she was like a friend of mine.

She was like the daughter of our, like a superintendent that we, of a building that we used to work in. And we would hang out all the time. And she lived in Yonkers. She lived in, like, New York. And there's like a lot of people of like all sorts of different fucking places, like, especially where we were in Yonkers. And it's like, I found out recently that she's just like super racist. And she's like, oh, man, you know, these these. these black people don't work and it's like

and she's stuck in a and get this she's living in a fucking house with lead walls with her children oh that's cool yeah and it's like why and she doesn't pay and they don't make any money and it's like it's fucking crazy that she's like

talking down to other people at all it's just so it's so sad it's like oh shit you realize that right the like the most the worst people like the most racist people are in the worst living situations It's like that's not that racist, I think. They blame the other groups for their fucking misfortune.

For their failures. Yeah. It's like black people did not make it so that you couldn't find a job. That's not. Yeah, that's robots. Yeah, they always say that shit about like Mexicans, right? Like, oh, they're taking all the jobs instead of them like, bitch, you were never going to do any of those fucking jobs that they took. That shit gets me heated, bro.

That shit gets me so fucking angry. No, but for real, though. like I think I think everybody can agree hating minorities is broke but hating robots that's whoa yeah hitting robots is a valid idea

they're gonna fucking ruin our lives any robot ever any robot listening to this you don't mean anything to me hey man this applies also if if we're listening to this in hold on hold on if we're listening to this in 20 if you're listening to this in 2046 I still believe it God damn it, dude

No, I don't fuck You're speaking for himself and himself alone Robot pussy once Like I do it one time I see how good it is To see if I want to make the jump Yeah, congratulations Robot pussy once

But is it cheating Is it cheating? I don't got time of worry about that All I'm saying is that All I'm saying is it's not cheating It's not a person It's not a person Is me jacking off cheating?

No, it's not This is how it starts They're gonna listen to this shit Hold on, hold on a second If you're cheating If you're sleeping with a robot that is essentially sentient. That's cheating if you're seeing someone.

You see, Chris, you're thinking the whole process of me like kissing or something. I'm talking like a fleshlight, but really advanced. Like that's as far as I'm going. No, no, no, no. But that's not a conversation then. That's not interesting. Oh, yeah. It's pretty much robotic.

I put in fucking things. It says, would you like it warm or cold today, Mr. James? And I'm like, you know what? I'm feeling a little cold today. I'm trying to explore the tundra. Oh, my God. You can't, you can't. staple a pussy to a fucking Alexa and then say it's a robot.

No, like I'm talking about like really advanced like imagine a pocket pussy but like in like 50 years in the future where it's like some fucking dynamic shit. Like, Kingson, let me explain something to you about what a pocket pussy is. In 50 years a pocket pussy is going to remain a pocket pussy because the only advancement that a pocket pussy could perceivably have in 50 years is being attached to a sentient robot. they're going to say what they are. There's not going to be some fucking robot in your fleshlight. There's no reason for it. I mean, you say that now, but there's no reason for a lot of things.

And we make them. You make them all the time. No, but there would be no demand for it either. Why would you want something that fits in your hand? What? What would you not want an ultra-fucking advanced next-level pussy to fuck? So you're going to have to deal with the fucking blight that is women? Huh?

The blight that is women. Preach nigger. That's what I'm talking about, dude. I'm sorry. I want that shit. I want some shit that like spins and it self-heets and it's self-cleaning and fucking... I want it to fucking grab the head and twirl a little bit. It sounds like it would need a pretty large casing to fit all that technology. And perhaps the casing that would be the amount of space that a human body would take up, which is exactly what I'm fucking talking about. You can't have...

a fully advanced fucking fleshlight because it's too fucking small. You can't do it. It could be, Chris, it could look like a fucking box. Chris, it could look like a fucking box. I would still fuck it, all right?

I don't give it shit. I don't care about what I'm treats. I think you think you would. I think you would. And then you would do it once. Hold on, hold on. I would do it.

You think you think you will. And then you'll do it once and then you'll fucking cry. You could cry because you just fucked a monolith. and you feel no shame and then you're going to feel shame that you didn't feel shame No and you know what's going to happen I'm going to start going to it

because it's a good old fuck and I'm going to eventually be converted to fucking this damn cubics It can't be a good fuck It's a stationary nothing Do you know how many times? But that's test on the technology

You see you're not understanding How beautiful technology can be It could be a box Is your ideal roll in the hay that like the woman just doesn't do anything? She just stands there like a fucking lifeless. My idea rolling the hay is me busting a nut and leaving. That's it. That's the optimal for me.

I got to stop my girlfriend instead of this and I'm going to get chewed the fuck out. Your ex-girlfriend is just me. Stop. I'm going to get chewed the fuck out. And I'm going to be like, honey, it was a joke. He was going to come back and find me with fucking black eyed and missing half my room. She took everything. She got me.

That's fine. You have plenty of girls on. right? Why? Why? Why? What is your fucking problem? You think you're funny?

You're in danger. You're in danger, Chris. You're in danger. You're in danger. I'm mourning you. Oh, man. I'm just kidding. Evil.

Evil. So should you get into these? No, no, no, no. No, we got to fucking, we got to really explore. We got to, I'm just kidding. No, let's go to the questions. I feel like we've been over the robot pussy thing before. I mean, I'm down.

We can always talk more about it. But let's, yeah. No, we can later, because, look it, three-fourths it. Three-fourths the body. Without the head, that's all I need. All right. Let's go. All right. Fair enough, I guess. Yeah. I don't need a fucking head. No, but then, you know what's going to happen? You're going to start seeing real women again because you're going to get bored. And then you're going to be like, yeah, you know, it doesn't seem right with the head. And then you're going to kill a woman. You're going to take a head off.

And then you're going to be fucking. You're going to be on America's Most Wanted. That's how the shit. That's how that shit happens, man. Kids fucking kids like wander into the fucking fields and fuck a mouse Fuck boxes Just fuck boxes and the next thing you know that cut people's heads off I was like what the fuck we're talking about They're shaving bodies into boxes That's the pipeline

That's the pipeline That's it Chris Chris found underlying reason why there are murderers and serial killers Ladies and gentlemen Chris just found the deviate gene And he secured it ladies and gentlemen Chris Ray Maldonado It's not just me

It's us This is a snark tank podcast Accomplishment. All right. Let's get me to hate my life. Let's get into this fucking nonsense. Maximo redacted, Rodin. He says everything with Keith David in it

is ruined by his stupidly deep voice. He sounds like a bootleg Morgan Freeman mixed with Audacity's pitch shift. Halo is ruined by his presence and so is Mass Effect. I have complete confidence. Arbiter would sound better if he was voiced by the many starved Vanta black skeleton

And so, Africa calls its young populace. Also, Sweeney, fuck you, dogs are useless in a zombie apocalypse. So this guy has a problem with us, evidently. Is there a question? No, that's it.

That's all you wrote in. I just had to address it. I had to address it. So first and foremost, because, let me, let me, because, okay, what? I got to talk, right?

I'm really, he signed the woke up at me that I forgot was there. I think it's called passion. But, uh, Keith David has only ever, ever blessed us every time he's opened his mouth. To say otherwise means that you are not only ill-built and flawed as a creature,

but you deserve the most swift and painful execution possible. I pray for nothing but horrible dreams and terrible dragons for the rest of your life. I hope your parents, I hope your parents realize the mistake. mistake that you are and then try to purge you from the world and their memories. I hate you. All right. Well, thanks for your support, Maximo, on Patreon. I'm with it.

You guys ever seen a Green Inferno? You ever seen that movie? No. It's a movie. It's a horror film about, you know, they get stranded on this island that was, you know, contact, they're cannibals. Basically, they're cannibals. It's a tribe of cannibals.

He just completely skipped the artful building, the artful painting of a picture. He just skipped to the fucking... The cannibals. I was about to get into it. I was like, I'll be honest. I've probably had like three hours of sleep. And I was like, dude, I can't articulate my words properly. That's fair.

So I was just like, fuck it. They're cannibals. There's the first fat ass that gets killed in that movie. You guys got to see that scene. I want that to happen to this dude. Because it's fucking brutal to the point where, like, it's stuck with me. Because I was like, wow. I think someone studied a real snuff film and they're like, do this because it seems so genuine.

Like his screams, he was like his tongue was taken out and his eyes were like fucking, like, it's, it's wild. But I wish that for you, sir. You can't insult Keith David. Keith David is essentially our Messiah here. If we were to build, if we were to have a building or like an office space of any kind, it would definitely be just a church of Keith David. we wouldn't have him like, you know, being executed as like a symbol on the wall. I always thought that was a little weird.

I feel like, I feel like, I feel like if you're trying to convince somebody of your religion, you probably don't want to put your mascot in like a torturous position on the fucking wall. But I agree. Yeah, yeah. You should probably,

I feel like Jesus should be like, I don't know, like doing that, doing the whole water wine trick, you know? Yeah. Something like that. Anyway. Don't say that about Keith David. Don't do that.

Don't talk like that about Keith David. Yeah, seriously, for your own safety. Because I'll find you, for a... Even as a joke, even if that's a fucking bit for you or something, it's still disrespectful, like, just to even do that. It's just so wrong to even put that energy out there. So, like, kidding or not. Like, watch your fucking mouth, all right? And also for that final part you said about dogs being used to during a zombie apocalypse, you're fucking stupid.

and I hope your dog goes missing. No, I actually, I agree with that part. But you're wrong. You're wrong and stupid. You're wrong and stupid. Dude, dogs are as useless as the humans that keep them. That's it. Exactly.

Thank you, Derek. Right, exactly. If you train a, if you train your dog well, it's going to keep you alive. That's what they're built to fucking do. But I'm talking about like a real dog, not one of the fucking stupid tiny ones that's retarded by creation because it's been fucking inbred so many times. It looks like a fucking mouse. It looks like a fucking mouse with a winter.

Hold on. Not one of those fucking ones. Those are those, like my favorite dog's a Yorkie. I ain't going on front. It looks cute as fuck. But a Yorkie, by default, they have anger problems because there's fucking, their, their souls are fucking broken. Yeah, they're just these giant, it's just all the anger of a wolf, but compacted into

the size of a fucking snapple bottle. So they're just like, they're just shaking constantly and they're upset. Chihuahuas are like the size of like a fucking hallmark card. So they're just like, so they're just, they're just. they're just constantly like shimmering with the angry visage of a distant god and they're just they don't know

how to displace that energy so they shake and they shake and they shake and they die and that is the existence of a chihuahua they shake till they die I knew a nice chihuahua and it died so fast it just it did not last nearly

as long as an angry chihuahua did because you could just tell why it died so fast Because they found a way out. Yo, it died. It was able to focus. No, it just shaped itself out of existence on purpose. Anyway, I don't know. I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about.

Ben wrote in, he says, if Chris dies, who would you replace him with? That's, I guess, is fake question, but real question. First next-gen game you'll be playing on which console. I want to get into the first one. Who would be a good replacement? I'm actually curious.

Bunting. Who? Bonte, yeah. But it has to be one of our friends. I would definitely sign off on that. Bonte is a great place. That'd be good. I could agree with that.

I just, but Bunti's also doing so well. I don't know if he'd want to dip his toes back into this madness. Well, Derek, I mean, this is all hypothetical. It is hypothetical. Unless you're literally planning to kill me. Well, no, I'm assuming you're going to be killed eventually.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm just. Yeah, yeah, one day someone's going to watch In their videos and get fed up and come looking for you And they're like, damn, bro He's the fucking antifa bitch He's gonna get up and just fucking put on his trench coat

In the middle of fucking, the middle of fucking August And walk over and find you and that's it He's gonna walk up behind me in a CVS When I'm getting fucking melatonin because I can't sleep And he's gonna be like, nice night, huh? He's gonna fucking paint the fucking CVS with my brain cells Yeah, if you see somebody speedwalking with a trench in the summer, bro. Get inside. Get inside your house. It's about to get crazy. I do that when I go

to the city. I speedwalk and I have an angry grimace so people think I'm on my way to hurt somebody. That's true, but a trench coat is, um, a trench coat in the summertime is not the fit ever. No, yeah, no. That's definitely like, that's, that's just, that, that means they're, they're probably just naked under there, you know? And they're just, they're just ready to flash. That's pretty hot. But yeah, I don't know. As, as far as, like, yeah I don't know I think in a hypothetical situation I think Bunting is probably like

because me Bunting and Derek were going to do a podcast together first before this yeah yeah we got like as far as the artwork and then we got branding and everything like we got pretty far yeah

then everything just kind of fell through but yeah I would sign off on that if she would do it that would be cool that'd be cool June 2 or like any of it I like the idea of that because it would also

get, it would, it would like, it's a nice balance where there's, people won't just completely assume that we're just ultra-misogynistic, because I feel like if, if Sweeney and I were doing too many episodes together, it would like really die,

it would diverge into, like, a lot of just shitting on women. Oh, that's not true. I don't shit on women too often. Yeah, I think in every episode, you take one jab. I think there's, I think there's, I think there's, I think there's a jab. in at least an episode.

Well, you know, you got to keep your opposing team on their feet, you know? Yeah. And look, I'm not criticizing that because I agree. I'm just saying. I just think there would be a good balance for it's like, hey, you know, see, we don't, we don't hate women. You're literally describing just tokenism. That's what you're describing.

Exactly. Exactly. Without, I was, that's exactly what I was going for. But no, no. We don't hate women. There's a whole women here. There's a whole women here. We don't hate women.

It's a whole woman. Yeah. That'd be cool. But if none of that works, my, I would, I would pick movie bob. Oh my.

I think movie bob should replace, replace, he would totally be, he'd totally be down. Or the nostalgia critic. It should be Chris Chan. It should be amazing. Oh my God.

No, what are you guys, what are you doing? I don't know. Christian, imagine talking to Chris Chan. Imagine the fucking that's okay. The stories you'll leave with.

That's okay. I don't want to remember. conversations you'll leave with. You'll be like, I, I can't believe. I went, I went to the end of the world and came back today. You know what would be good, you know, it would be good just because of how fucking shit the podcast would, like, become that dude, Mike Headley or whatever. He's Carl alone now. Like, why?

What's wrong with my other? He tweets out. It's not, he just, he has, he has, he's the best of us. He's like, he has the luxury, I guess, of just giving zero fucks. and and just the stuff that he tweets out like I can't do that myself people would have questions and that you know

and I don't he just I admire it I admire I respect him yeah I admire that like fucking poe he reminds me a lot of a EP yeah exactly

but like you know they're dark world wielders bro what they like they use the dark side of the force bro like they really are intact with the most primal parts of their brains and like I fucking respect it like I'm like yo do your things I can't be that because this kind of helps me eat now so I can't really trip on this but you you can really open

the world up to the bullshit that is what our community is so please continue destroy it's nice I can live vicariously through these people exactly bro I get it I feel it it just it would be I imagine the podcast would not be able to get any sponsors or to be able to go to other heights. Yeah. No, believe me, it's already, it's already a battle. Yeah, I see, I was thinking about that, just real quick. I was thinking about that.

And then I was thinking about, because I listen to your mom's house, like, regularly with Tom Seguro and his wife, Christina P. And the shit that they show and do, I am floored and shocked how the hell they have sponsors at all. You know why they have sponsors? What is that? Because they have guests like Jerry Seinfeld. And they are like

You know what I mean? Like of course they're going to get sponsors Like who the fuck's not going to do that? Yeah But it's just yeah That's true So I guess Well it maybe we should fucking aim high then

I'm gonna I'm gonna all the Yeah Jerry Seinfeld If you're listening I'm sure you are Because I mean how could you not really Let's Maybe we'll take One step down

I'm just gonna I'm gonna figure out who's the One step down I'm gonna send What I mean is like I'm going to send a DM to all the famous people that I follow and just immediately lose any respect that they have for me. But I'm going to do it anyway because that's how you get ahead people.

Yeah, honestly. You antagonize the people that are famous that you know and try to take them for granted or use them. Hugh Lorry All I got to say Hugh fucking Hugh fucking Hugh Lorry

The guy who plays Dr. House has been following me for years and he hasn't unfollowed me yet Uh Why is he

Have you try to message him? I've seen I've looked at his like follows And he follows some people who like Uh Like it's

It doesn't seem like an accident Which is super weird Um But I've always been too afraid To like say anything to him Or like interact with them at all Because I feel like I feel like

I feel like Who the fuck is this now? No He was expecting He was probably He was probably offended that you didn't say anything. Can you imagine?

Can you imagine if like we got like doctor house for no reason on the podcast? That would fucking not bother me so much because I'd be like, how do I talk to you about you on TV? Like I watched House with like my parents, but like I don't really know anything about it. Yeah. Have you ever done any crazy drugs? Have you done any crazy drugs? I just want to ask, wait, would you fuck a box woman or a woman without a head?

I'm sure that would be great for his career. He's like a wholesome person. There's no way that he would come on this fucking show. You think that. That's not true. So you realize how fuck the world is. I'm totally inspired by your mom's house because the guests that they've gotten on and had them watch the most grotesque shit.

It has inspired me to a world of things that I never thought that people, you know, because there's common courtesy, there's things that you do. Everyone's so used to like the late night interviews, and they're like, ah, that shit's gay. They're like, I don't care about that shit anymore. And they just, hey, here's a fucking video of somebody fucking getting decapitated. Let's watch it or something. It's just like, what? And I love it.

And I would love to, I love to public people. You get to see Betty White reacting to Mr. Hans. And that's like. And suddenly, and suddenly. just had the best podcast that you could ever have. She'd be like, oh, wow. And then she would dive right in there. Right then in there she'd pass away.

Yeah, her eyes would like roll back. It would be like a, it would be like, her eyes would roll back like the slot machine things. And then she would fall over on the ground. Then her skeleton would like merge with the ground. And then you'd be able to hear her voice from inside the earth. You'd be like, I'm finally where I belong. Honestly, knowing my luck with like how I'm able to like kind of like will things into existence, I'm sure tomorrow like Betty White's going to die and then we're going to be fucked.

with this shit. Fuck, don't say that. I'm not going to be fucked. I don't give a shit. She's old. It happens, bro. She's such a treasure, though. She's a treasure, yes, but she is also a elderly woman.

So niggas die every day, you know? Like, that shit happens, bro. Yes, but this is Betty White. She's the nigger. I'm sure, I'm sure before Dr. Miles Luther King died, some guy was like, well, you know, Dr. King is about 40. And then the next thing, he'd fucking die. And I'm like, well, I didn't do it.

He just died on his own. I didn't die on his own. But he got, he got killed. You know? Who? Baby. Like, yeah, sure. Wait, who?

You know, sometimes people just say stuff and it happened, you know? Wait, who got killed? Oh, man, it's Dr. King. Who? Dr. Martin Luther King? Who? What? Oh, my God.

I hate you. I hate you. I hope you get dragged. I hope you get dragged through the streets in fucking Tokyo. What would you do if you met somebody? What would you, oh my God, Kingston? What would you do? If you're married to your girlfriend, right?

It's been fucking 10 years. You have. a house, you have like a four-year-old who you don't really like, but like it's okay because he's four, you know, it'll figure it out eventually. And you find out that she has no fucking idea who Martin Luther King is. That would scare me because she's dating a black man. So if, right, usually when people step out of their race to date someone of a different race, that means that they very much so understand or are willing to try to understand a plan of that race. Hold on, hold on. Wait, let's let's do this. I want to see this scenario.

Oh my God. Okay. Let's let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's try this. I'm Lily. They don't make her sound too crazy. And you're finding out, you gotta say something that would, uh, that would initiate a conversation about him. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So, uh, hey, bud. So, um, I have tomorrow off. I have, um, this Monday off. So you want to go do something? I don't know who Martin Luther King is.

Um, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. fucking derailed so quick. You're such a piece of shit. You're such a piece of shit. I thought about a whole entire fucking... I started creating how I would turn a dialogue towards this.

I know you did. I just wanted to waste your time. You're just a piece of shit. You're just the worst. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Sweeney is back to serious. Sweeney is Black Danny DeVito Road. And he says,

Hello, Andy Bates, Derek. And Snapple ad campaign. You called me Andy Bates? What the fuck? I don't know. I don't know what it means. I'm just... I'm just...

I'm like, that's a murderer. Oh. All, whatever. It's too late now. Are there any people on social media you follow, despite not agreeing with them politically. Personally, I like to keep an open mind and not have an echo chamber. Love you all. Even if you're off schedule for question.

That's true. Yeah, we've been a little bit screwed up lately. I thought, yo, honestly, like, I brought equipment that I thought would be fine to record the podcast with, but it's just like completely fucked. So I got to, like, ship my other shit back. But, I mean, yeah, I mean, I follow some people that I don't agree with generally. I follow, I think. There's a line, I think. Whoever name is?

We're, like, I'm not going to follow, like, fucking Richard Spencer or something like that. But, you know, I follow people that I don't agree with all the time. It's just being a person. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's not a big deal. I follow some of the people, some of the young Turks. I follow Anna Kasparian, Jenk Ugar.

Like, they're fucking, like, extreme. Like, they're a little bit, like, stupid to me, like, on, on, like, how, how they act. It's really, it's really their, it's not even necessarily their politics.

It's how fucking just pompous they are in area they are that really turns me off. Their reaction to cuties blew my mind because they were just, like, they were just full defense mode on cuties. And I was like, dude, what? It's,

it's fucking, see, that shit upsets me. Yeah, because, you know what is it? They were like, they were like, oh, hey,

the right wing, like, really hates this. shit and it's like no what no this is not like don't exactly the idea that you would just hand over like oh yeah you know the general disapproval of pito bait and like pedophile shit oh yeah

we can hand that over to the right wing it's like what are you stupid yeah it's it's uh it's really unfortunate when that shit happens where it's like it's pure tribalism and has absolutely nothing to do like it's it's really upsetting and

so disingenuous It sucks because you know deep down if you just ask them point blank. You're like, hey, if your kids did this, would you be cool with it? And they'd be like, nah. And so what's the fuck? What are you doing then? What are you doing? You're just trying to ruffle feathers.

Same thing with the, I don't think I follow him, but Tucker Carlson, where he does the same shit, where he's just, well, the left is doing this. You know, it's the shtick. And I'm like, can you talk about anything without pointing face? fingers at the other side. Yeah, I tweeted, I tweeted today about how, like, it really is wild how, like, there's a lot of Trump supporters, right, who just would, would just, like, completely bend over backwards for this dude and just, like, won't criticize anything he says. And then somebody, dude.

And then somebody, like, lost their shit at me. They were, like, you're an SJW trash can and, like, how I'm, like, just all this shit. It's like, oh, you dim-witted psycho. I can't believe you would believe this. but it's like, this is just a fact. Like, what do you mean? It's, I'm not like talking about a specific person. I'm not talking about, like, everybody.

There's obviously people who would defend him no matter what he did. And there are people who would fucking hate him no matter what he did. He could fucking, he could literally cure cancer and there would still be like millions of people who are like, fuck Trump, I hate him. And conversely, there are people who like, I firmly believe this. I think there are people out there where like if Trump just waltz, in their house and just fuck their daughter or fucked their fucking dog in

like in the middle of Thanksgiving they'd be like ooh yeah ha what a blessing this is that we're getting to fucking visit from President Trump how wonderful it's like I don't doubt in my mind that these are real people because the opposite is real

and I've seen it so it's like don't lose your shit at me just because you feel like you got caught in the criticism that I've always had of everybody Like, I don't know what to tell you, but I just thought it was a great example of that happening. There's a YouTuber name Nate talks to you, good guy. And he made a video about Ben Shapiro a few months ago.

It was like top five Ben Shapiro fails. And there is like maybe 30% of the comments, maybe 20%. He made a video, but he made a follow up to it, like saying like, oh, have I gone SJW? because there was a lot of it because, you know, because of the type of stuff that we would talk about, there was some crossover. If you were to say something against, like, the progressive ideologues,

there was some people that just assumed that, oh, he must be one of us. And he's just like, nah, just always been like center left. What's up? And then so he criticizes Ben Shapiro, like, oh, look at this fucking SJW. Look at this.

I'm like, dude, did you watch the fucking video? Like, everything he says is 100% valid criticisms of Ben Shapiro, has nothing to do with partisanship. And it's just upsetting. It's super tribalistic. It's just like, I like this person, therefore they cannot have any faults and nobody should point out their faults.

And it's like, it's not how the real world works, dude. And I feel like that inherently has fucked up the parties themselves. So now they've become so polarized that now there's no more conversation, no more wigroom. For us to fix shit, everyone's just like, nope, I don't want to do this because I don't like you. Yeah, I don't like what you like because I don't like what you like because you like it. but if you didn't like it, I would like it again. Like that's like a lot of people right now. It's like fucking babies.

Yeah, because everybody's in a state of fucking arrested development because everybody's a fucking sad little bitch. Yeah. You know, I'll never forget something that happened. This doesn't have to do with politics, but it's just like the way else some people will think. There's this band. They're like this emo kind of post-hardcore band called I Am Ghost.

They broke up a long time ago, but they're, they have this, they're pretty good. I like them a lot. They have this violinist and stuff. and I played a couple of songs this was when I was on tour in 2009 I played a couple of songs in the van from their latest album

and the bassist was like oh that shit's pretty good like who is that and then I said I am ghost and then he responds with oh I fucking hate that band and I'm just like you just

you just said you like this shit why would that fucking come out of your fucking mouth. You just, you, it just, but now these, oh,

I, oh yeah, I forgot that I like, so I don't like that shit anymore. And I wanted to, I wanted to fight him for how stupid that is because any rational person

would be like, holy shit, I like that. I was wrong about this band. I should check out the rest of their stuff. You know what I'm saying? And that's basically, it just removes,

reminiscent. Yeah, it's like, your opinion is like determined just based on, it's, it's like, predetermined just based on

just like a bunch of extraneous shit that really doesn't have any bearing on quality or like actual reality. It's just sort of all these preconceived ideas. Yeah, it's crazy. Even for me, like I say I hate people that like anime. But I gave anime a chance four years. I still give some animations a chance. You know, like I hate the show Demon Slayer. People love it. I think that show's so basic and annoying. I think it's just really basic. I think the art style of that show is fantastic. And I'll say

I'm not a fan of that show, but I would give them credit where credit is due. You know, you have to have some sort of basis when you do things. But it's just turned into super, everything's polarized. No matter what you do, no matter where you go,

things have become so polarized. Like, now things aren't changing. Things are just getting stuck. Everyone's creating their own little separate groups. I just think it's sad that people just can't, like, it's like they're incapable of seeing reflections. You know what I mean?

Like, where it's like they can see somebody, you know they can see like somebody making us just doing something stupid right and then they're like that's stupid and then they'll then do the exact same thing and it's not and it's like I just don't understand

because I would immediately recognize I feel like and just be like oh my god I'm acting like this fucking idiot you know what I mean and I don't want to act like that idiot because that's stupid like and I and just just to have my own fucking you know

just to have a semblance of like understanding that I am at least trying to be a fucking decent person you'd think that you would at least like correct yourself when you realize that you're acting

like exactly the same thing that you purport to really hate just as a basic line of just self um just self care but people just don't do it it's so wild

and it's not like you know it's not everybody but like it's a lot of people A lot of people. I mean, it's the reason why we're in the position that we're in now with COVID and everything. Just everything. Everything that's shitty that's happening, Biden versus Trump, anything weird, it's because of this same type of bullshit where we can't move, we can't move forward, right?

We can't just be, like, decent. We can't admit to ourselves that, like, oh, hey, everything's corrupt. Maybe we should, like, try to work together and fix things. But it's just like, nope, my party still needs to beat yours. It's like at what point. But it's also like the conversation isn't even like this is corrupt or like and how are we going to fix it? The conversation is it is corrupt and no it's not. You know what I mean?

So like there's no there's no you can't improve that situation because you don't even agree on what the fucking situation is. You guys don't even see the same problem. Yeah. So you're just stuck. So how are you going to fix it? It's just going to be fucked forever because nobody agrees on what the fucking problem is. And it's just like, holy shit. That's true.

Because like you have people that are say they're extremely. happy and they think Trump's doing a fantastic job. Yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, and then you have other people that are, there's so many people that I've seen and people that I, that I, that I look up to or people that, I'm, I just, I follow closely. And the type of stuff that they say about Trump is it, it legitimately, it's, they are scared. And it's, it's like, it is, it is weird all night and day that shit is the people that like, oh yeah, everything's great.

And the people that are fucking like, this, our lives depend on this. And that's, that's fucking weird. Like, that is, that is weird. Here's, yeah, here's my message. If you are like this kind of like, just, if you're this like Trump simp, essentially, because there's a lot of, there's a lot of them. It's real. It's like totally real.

Like, I've seen them in the replies like, oh, our God, our fantastic president. And it's like, listen, this isn't a political statement. This is just basic shit. If you are a Trump sim and you can't stand to people who like reply to every one of Trump's tweets, like attacking him for like fucking stupid menial shit, please understand that you are that person. You are that person. You're the opposite, but you're the fucking same person. Have some self-reflection, acknowledge it, and don't be that person.

I like Bernie Sanders a lot. And I've made fun of him a ton. I've criticized him a ton because I'm capable of understanding that a person is a person. But the second, like, the second you relegate somebody to being like the devil incarnate or our God, king's savior, it's just, it's over.

You're done. You're not even on the same planet as everybody else. You're often fucking the Wizard of Ozland. And nobody can help you. We can't, nobody can help you. Nobody can help you. sucking a mirror out of them, bro. There's somebody sucking a mirror off their fucking dicks to be able to understand.

Like, hey, you know, like, this person is a person. Yeah, it's just, I don't know. It's really frustrating because it's just, it's just, it's no end of it. And there probably won't be any end of it. I think Twitter would have to straight up disappear for it to actually stop. Yeah, Twitter and, yeah, it's, I can't see it. Unless somebody who is undeniable, like, say, the rock. if he ran for president

it could really put a damper in the not like say because because the rock is not like fucking Trump like Trump is doing his thing which is like every other politician

where they said a bunch of shit lied and then nothing happened you know I feel like the rock like people like that were even though he did endorse Harris and Biden even though he endorsed them

still I think if he just ran and then a bunch of stupid people would actually get behind like somebody who's just not trying to take advantage of the system. I feel like that's like the biggest kind of thing that we need to change from, right? The people, because it's just politicians, even though Trump wasn't a politician before, but he still, he was a businessman just trying to take advantage of the system. And we just need somebody who's like who's not interested in that.

Yeah, like The Rock. Yeah, like the Rock. The Rock doesn't, the Rock is thriving in whatever he's doing in bullshit Hollywood, blah, blah, blah, whatever. I feel like he would actually try to do something, but obviously he's making too much money. He's chilling. Like, why the fuck would you want to be president? We should, we should, we should, um, we should get Vin Diesel in office so he can, uh, so he can mandate that, so we can mandate that everybody listens to his song that he put out. You know the song? Did you not see that?

I haven't heard it. Dude, there was this creepy fucking video of like, you know Kelly Clarkson, right? and how she has like a talk show. Yeah. I think so, yeah. She has a fucking talk show. Kelly Clarkson, the American Idol lady, the fucking, I spread my wings and I learn how to fly, that woman. She has a fucking talk show where she just sort of like does all these like, I don't know, generic daytime talk show shit.

And she's like, we have a new song. I don't know, a grand reveal of Vin Diesel's new single. And it's like, what? And they're playing it. And her audience, because of COVID. are just these like really huge LCD screens. And it's just like they're the size of doors. And they've got these,

it's just like face cams of like, of all these people awkwardly dancing in these fucking creepy rectangles in this studio space. And it's the most blood-curdling thing I think I've ever seen. My fucking face is stuck in the phantom zone from fucking Superman too. You know, actually straight up, I'm not even, I'm not even kidding. It looks exactly.

like that. Holy shit, really? It looks exactly like that, except like the fucking, you know, the shapes aren't spinning. But like, it's real.

And it's, it's so disconcerting, but... Is the song fire? What? Is the song fire? Uh, fuck.

I don't know. I think, I think, if you go, if you Google, if you Google, if you Google Clark's and Vin Diesel song, uh,

you'll find it. Or Clarkson Diesel song. Like, you'll definitely fucking find it. It's so... Vin Diesel posted

Vin Diesel posted a really weird picture on Instagram like maybe a week or two ago where it was it just looked like a meme format. It was him smiling like a huge face of a that dude that's corpced up.

What's his name? Paul Walker. It just looks... Yeah, like it's... You gotta show some respect, bro. You can't be saying that, man. Corpsed up. I mean, we can say whatever.

Say he went splat, but don't say he's fucking corpse up, dude. Like, come on. Have some basis. I mean, whatever, dude, it's a true statement. And you got to see that picture because I just, for the life of me, I was like, how do you see this and think that, yeah, this looks good. It just, I was just because I'm not, like, the biggest piece of shit, because I was going to, like, post it on Twitter and have people, like, have at it. and let's make some memes out of it. I was like, no, that's disrespectful.

And, I mean, I don't really care about being disrespectful, but I don't want to be responsible for possibly starting a chain because sometimes that shit happens where you put something out there and then it ends up like catching like wildfire and you're like, oh, fuck. I didn't. Yeah, whoops, I didn't intend for this. Yeah, I know what you mean. Oh, man.

All right. Well, fuck. We're like, where are we right now? We're about an hour 50. Something like that, yeah You got any other questions? Nigger Not really

I think We kind of threw this together I think next episode We're probably just gonna do Do like a lightning round kind of deal I wasn't here last week So I was just trying to like fucking Jump back into things

And smooth Yeah it was good I listened to it It was ridiculous It was fucking wild People were fucking with it They sent us a few Logan Paul

fucking thumbnails. Sacrificing his fucking brother. Like, fucking Wicker Man. I love it. There are some announcements, though, that I want to get into before we leave. We do have a URL for the merch. So it's no longer a confusing mess of hyphens and fucking slashes. If you literally go to www.

Snarktankmerch.com. It'll take you right to our store. So thanks Vox, Providence. Thank you, Vox, for that. We appreciate you, bro. Yeah, it was totally, total lifesaver. Oh, that's hot. Yeah, so that's the new merch link.

So check it out if you want. Support us. Support your boys. Also, if you are an editor and you're looking to make a little bit of mullah, editing some audio, we're looking for an editor right now. We're expanding our operations. So, you know, just let us know. Hit us up, because we're looking for editing.

Don't give me a degree, by the way. I don't need to see a fucking degree. I don't need to see I graduated from this. I graduated from that. A real is all I need. Just show me what you know how to do. Show your work. Show your work.

Show me what you know how to do. That's literally enough. I can't even describe how infuriating it is to get a godforsaken degree when I put these things out. But yeah, just letting you know that. Yeah, we need somebody who can just like. like, you know, handle multiple tracks and then just make sure the conversation fucking flows like normal and we don't sound stupid as hell. Yeah. Yeah, that's all.

Not that much, you know. Yeah, I definitely overdo it with the editing. So you don't have to do it exactly like I do it. But just do it a little bit better than me. We're looking into hiring. So by all means, hit us up at, I think the email is Raygun Business at Gmail. So that'll be that. And obviously, as always, if you like what you heard today,

consider supporting us at patreon.com slash the snark tank. $1 a month gets you early access. $5 gets you a question read on the show. $10 gets you access to our Discord. $25 gets your name dyslexically read at the end of the show, which I will now... Hey, guys, so I'm at my parents' place, and, you know, I'm recording this very, very late at night.

so you're about to get some ASMR in this little name reading section So I hope you're ready for this Because I don't think I am really Matthew Barrett Clark A Photo Negative Tom Sawyer Cataclysmic Cunt Hard Hat Skydiver

Jessica Paris Absolute wagon Sheet Boxman Nick Baca Sargon's hyper-realistic Tom Sweeney Fuck doll Tyler Dirdin Is that the guy from

Fight Club? I don't know. I've never seen it. Billy, the big ball brawler. Shronic the Swamp Hog. I gotta be real quiet because my parents, you know, they'll come in here and they'll shoot me. Chris would be a twink if he cared about hygiene. Did a 9-11. Lieutenant Lipton's famous teabag facials, not an FBI agent, Juan Punchman, Marcus Shorten, Mr. Fuck, Abusi, Sir Simplot, Papa Nurgle, Tom Sweeney's Zesty Clam sauce. I like that you changed her name from Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Oh, that's classy. I appreciate that.

The gruesome-tusome that molests Gavin Newsom. Man, you guys, huh? You guys are really something. Zesty Keith David, Chris's 69 gigabytes of Coco Bandicoot hentai. Danny DeVito's dank delectable draconian Dick Revolution. Dick Down Daddy Derek. Murder ascended. David Connolly, the dyslexic that feels Chris's pain, Dunderhead, Ben Douglas, Swaney's money-laundering account, lobotomized Jesus is drooling divine savior? Oh my God. Hako, Moto Zellet, Mike Tyson's left hook, Sweeney, the Kauaiwifu, Hiroshima's spicy mushrooms, Colonel Colin the colonel collapsing kingpin, a level one cleric, Derek's unyielding sex drive, dummy thick day,

Dave, Big Dude 0444, Heartless Wretch, aka the Black Man from Staten Island, Dobby's freedom cemented in semen. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, come inside my tummy. The ghosts that lived in the apartment above Chris and Sweeney, jolly old dipshit,

Mr. Crabs, why is your daughter naked and chained it to the basement? Carson Jones. Keithy deflated left ass cheek. Sunny Chance, the Blampy the Dangle's. Toby Schupeman. Artie, the one-man party, please love me. Melfis won El Culebron.

Richter 86 and King of Hap Hazard. I want to thank you all for participating. I want to thank you all for supporting us over here on Patreon. I know that the schedule has been a little inconsistent. I know that we've been late on a couple episodes. We apologize for that. We're really a three-man team of very, very, just very easily confusable people. So it's a miracle that we even get this done weekly at all.

And I just want to say that I really appreciate it. Obviously, I was not in last week's episode. I'm dealing with a lot of interesting shit. So I apologize for that. But I'm glad. I feel really lucky that we've built something that people really enjoy. I get messages from you guys all the time. emails, Twitter DMs, Instagram DMs all the time telling me that you guys really appreciate the show.

And I don't know, it's, I really appreciate it. It means a lot to have something that a lot of people care about and a lot of people are willing to support. And I just want to say, because I didn't really get a chance to say really anything last time. That it means a lot. So we'll see you next time. Bye-bye.