The Snark Tank - #42: PC Gamer Tom Sweeny

Episode Date: October 17, 2020

*MILD TLoU 2 Spoilers* Tom Sweeny learns about the wonders of steam about a decade too late for it to come across as anything other than borderline insane! Who should be the next Smash Bros character after Steve's stupid square headed husk? Why is Nakey Jakey so good at criticizing video games? Do flies predict presidents? What if Kony 2012 was framed?! God help us.  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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It's me like it is all the time, and I'm also joined by the other people. Look, it's them. What do you mean other people? What do you mean? What do you mean? You people. I've got news for you. I was just watching that clip today.

Yo, I was actually watching it too. Yeah, did you see the Instagram story that somebody tagged us in a while back of like, uh, I was watching this shit too There's like a song That's just like It's like this old like kind of like Jazzy song where every line is just like I've got news for you

And it's like and it's the fucking funniest shit I've ever heard Are you serious? Yeah yeah I can't I'll find it in my archives It cracked me to fuck up I'll send it to you I couldn't believe that it was real Because I almost just want to buy the rights to it

Because I'm just like use it For the show Because it's so good But uh Yeah Anyway anyway This is a Snartank podcast. There's a lot of shit that we could talk about, but I really don't.

I don't know. Mike Pence had a fly on his head. La-di-da, that's really cool. We get it, you know. Yeah. I don't know. I thought like it got really old real quick. Yeah, it got really old real quick.

Like the only thing interesting about it, it was if you saw like, say, for example, Justin Wang, he put together pictures of. All the candidates, over the years, for some reason, flies land on their faces. He's just like, that's never happened to me once. Like, I don't remember, like, when, and just staying there. And then I was like, yeah, that is true. I was trying to think of a time where, like, a fly was on me for a very long time and a picture or video or anything.

It's like... I wonder, I wonder if there's, like, an algorithm that can predict, like, who the next president will be based on whether or not a fly lands on them. That is such a ridiculous statement. It's insane. No, but hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out.

If you look back at every, like, presidential candidate who has ever had a fly on his face in, like, a debate or something like that, you could have, like, some mathematic algorithm based on, like, you know, what percentage of these people have won. Okay. Versus how many of them have lost. Can I explain to you why the fly landed on people when they're doing debates? There's a long period of time where a person standing still. if you're standing still for that long things probably are just going to land I understand why

I'm not there's no there's no algorithm there's like you're like no no no god but maybe if we put the math in a computer no no no no no no you're misunderstanding I'm saying

can you predict it like wouldn't it be interesting if you went back and like every single presidential candidate who has ever had a fly land on his head or her head during a debate

ended up just de facto losing, like just by chance that that was like a thing that was like in common with every loser. It was a fly landed on their head during the debate. Interesting. That would be kind of an interesting thing. That'd be something to look at, definitely.

Well, it doesn't mean anything. It's just kind of vaguely interesting. I mean, it'll mean something to somebody. You know those people are out there. Oh, yeah. Just like Alex Jones, his theory of the flies is that they're demons and they smell like sulfur. So that's his take

And what do you mean? What does that mean? He thinks he believes flies or demons? No, not the flies. No, excuse me. Excuse me.

The flies are landing on these candidates' heads because they're demons, the candidates, and they smell like sulfur. And that's he's gotten intel that he's like, yeah, they just smell like shit. Like they're just demons and they stink. And the greatest thing. about that though is Obama actually reacted. He didn't say Alex Jones's name but he reacted to it. He's like, yeah, I've

heard that I smell like a sofa. And then he like sniffs his like armpits or whatever. It's pretty great that you can make up that kind of bullshit and then it go all the way to the highest levels. That's something that I would love to achieve. Like just talk so much shit about

somebody that is so, you're so low on their radar, but you talk such good shit. It would be like say Sweeney, you're talking such good shit. It would be like say Sweeney, you're talking such good shit about Joe Budden and then Joe Budden actually responds. And he pulls up and he's like,

yo, I'll fuck. Honestly, honestly, I'd fuck you up. Like, you're talking a lot of shit, Sweeney. We gotta make it happen, dude. I'll fuck you up. And I'm like, honestly, honestly, I can't.

You got to challenge, you got to challenge him to like, I don't even know. Like, you got to challenge him to Team Fortress or something. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay, can I say one thing about the debates

before we move on from that? What are you saying? Was that? One thing about the debates? Yeah, one thing before you move on. Did you watch it? Yeah, of course I had to.

Not had to, but I watched it. I had to watch it. Well, actually, I'm in a polyside class, so they're kind of making us watch shit like that. Okay, fair enough. I sincerely forgot. I didn't even realize that was happening until later on in the day where somebody was like, did you see the vice presidential debate?

And I was like, what? And then I didn't watch it. I didn't even like look up anything about it. I only saw, I only saw Eddie Burbank tweet about like the, fly and that was it. Yeah, that was pretty much... I move on.

I think that I feel like Kamala Harris is a pretty wet, wet pussy, bro. I'm not gonna laugh. Like, her pussy's pretty wet. All right, all right. I mean, let's, I'm just, I'm just, let me just get my point out there before we,

before we end this, okay? There's no point to that. There's no point. What greater argument are you making? What do you mean? She just seems like she has some wet ass pussy. That's all I'm saying. She does, man.

She's got to hear that. She's like, and like, maybe, maybe when she was younger, she probably, she probably, she probably, had some bomb because she's like she's not an ugly lady you know sure oh my christ can we can we talk about aOC's titties though can we talk about aOC's titties yeah let's please let's let's not do that like let's not do that just there's there's like Derek if it was me and you on a call right now and Kristen have to suffer this we could have a whole like hour and a half conversation we'd send

pictures back and forth on discord but you'll do you see this dude but an entire episode dedicated to hot politicians politicians that have nice parts on them. I feel like Kamala Harris probably was a bad bitch once upon the time, man. He's a little old now. Which was younger. All female cops are bad bitches. Like they all, that's why they get into it, right?

So they get tossed around in the locker rooms. So sweety. I'm so glad. I'm so glad that I had the foresight to plant 200 milligrams of Xanax right next to me for just such an occasion. 200 milligrams. Just so you can turn the fuck off

out of situations. Is that like because I don't know the normal dose isn't like a normal one like 10 milligrams or something I I've or might think of something else Yeah yeah I don't know honestly Like 20 milligram is like about regular It's been a while

I know this It's been a minute since I was like How much do you have Just fucking half the bottle of Xanax Fucking three shots of fucking vodka And to see where the night takes you God damn Well that that will definitely kill you

So don't try that at home Don't sue us Yeah don't try it If you actually try it, I won't feel bad for you because you're fucking stupid. Like, seriously. Oh, my God. No, seriously. Seriously, do we have fucking, do we have eight-year-olds listening to this podcast and you're stupid

enough to like, ooh? I just, for posterity. For posterity, because I don't want to, I don't want to deal with that shit. Y'all got to come. I'm fine. You can direct all attention to me. I'll fucking, you know, I'll be the press secretary or whatever and be like, oh, how do you feel about this statement you made?

I'll be, I feel like, and I just whip out my nuts and then I leave. that would be it. You don't even put it back when you leave. Walking with your fucking nuts out. You just walk in your car with your nuts out. You drive a hole, air it out. That's boss, dude. That's actually, that's actually going to-

You fucking go home in your room, sleep with your nuts out. That's it. That's it. You change your lifestyle. That's it. From that moment on, you just balls out person. They're just out forever. There's no putting that genie back in the bottle. It's just completely out. Look, what's happening, all right?

Yeah, I'd actually respect that. If somebody did that, I'd really. respect that. I'm sure somebody out there is doing it, but chances are you don't see them because they're probably like waltzing under a bridge somewhere in Detroit. Also, they're probably not someone you can reach your respect. They're probably dangerous. You shouldn't just reveal yourself. That's true. That's true. And why not? So Swaney, uh, earlier, earlier, you, you, you said something about having a PC. Yes, I am officially a PC gamist. I have a very expensive computer

now that I'm using and it's fucking revolutionary Dude how you like in how you like in the way How fucking buttery smooth destiny is Dude destiny is a different beast What I even would even alter the settings yeah dude I was still playing on like the regular FOV From what I had on the consoles

And it's already so much better than I put it up to like 96 And dude the world's open to me Like people jumping above me doesn't mean I can't kill them anymore Oh yeah It's insane It's fucking crazy It's a whole It's a whole different

I remember too Like I got my first taste of this Because like I had a PC That was like Relatively strong back in the day But like it wasn't It wasn't really strong enough

To play anything Like super competitive Or really like really Um Really fast I would play like Arkham Asylum and shit on it But

Titanfall 2 on console Had I believe it was 60 frames per second already Yes. But, but it also had on the console version an FOV slider. And I remember that being so fucking insane because like so few first person shooters on console did that. I think Bioshop might have done it.

But it did. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't not really. Yeah, Biostock's not a fucking, you know. No one's playing competitive Bioshop. You know, imagine? No, I can't. That's why I said that.

I could imagine competitive Biocococ. It would be nuts. What would that entail? You just fucking clear the map. You guys both start on the same map. You gotta clear it the fuck out fast. Even though there's no multiplayer means of that game, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, no.

Bioshock 2 had like attacked on multiplayer, but... But yeah, no, the first one was like, yeah. No, but it blew my mind when I found out that like, oh, yeah. You know, this is a setting that exists that for some reason more games aren't doing on console, even though evidently, like, I always thought it was. just like, oh, PCs can do that and consoles can't. But evidently, no. That's just not a thing because

Respawn did it with fucking Titanfall 2, like in what, like 20... Oh my God, like 16? I think. Yeah, it did. That sounds right. That sounds right.

Wait, Tynton 4 2 came out when? I think that's right. I think 2016's right. Because I remember having like a really, you know, a spirited debate with myself about whether or not Doom 2016 or Titan Falls. Two was like my favorite shooter that year. I remember Titan Fault 2 came in,

came out in between, I think Battlefield what is it? One. One. And what was the call of duty that was coming out that year? I don't know. Whatever. Whatever that called that was. It was something that yeah, but whatever. I remember they kind of screwed themselves coming out in between those giant

releases. October 28th, 2016. Yeah. Yeah. And it was it was like before November before like the duties and all them, they released those big ass, they do their ass releases. Duties. Yeah. And then people,

it's just, I mean, I may sound ignorant, but I feel like, I feel like, this is just how I feel. It's one of those things when you know it's just you and it's not everybody else,

but I feel like, I'm like, who the fuck's still playing Call of Duty? Like, I feel like that. Like, I feel like, I know war zones like really big, but I still feel like, who's, like, what, what is, what are they doing still?

Like, what is, what are they doing to draw people in. It hasn't been interesting to me. Years. I really don't know who's playing, but like I know some people who play, but I can't, I just can't do it.

I can't do it. I don't care about those games at all. I haven't cared for years, dude. Yeah, I think the last one that I really liked was the last one that I liked was Mono Warfare 2 and then it got old kind of quick and that was like, all right, well, Call Duty

has the Pokemon problem. to me, where a game comes out and it's good. And then it comes out again a year later, and it's like slightly different, but it's still good. But then it comes out and it's the same thing again, and you're like, okay, well, I'm sure it's fine, but why am I going to play this? And that's exactly how I fell off a Pokemon, and that's exactly how I fell off of Call Duty. I played Call Duty 4 and thought it was really good. I played Mono War II and thought it was fun. And then, like, I saw like World at War and like all these other things.

I was like, Black Ops 1 and I was like, I, I, I just, this is getting, getting a little, uh, long in the tooth, it feels like. Same Z. Yeah. Very samezy. Very samezy. And I know that they play like slightly differently and like, you know, there's, there's

some that I prefer over others. And like, I get it. There's like a bunch of little quirks that make them different. But yeah. But I just, I don't know. Like, even just as far as like a first person shooter goes, I just, I just feel like it's, it's outclassed a lot. That's the problem.

I think we talked a little bit about this early. One of the early podcasts, yeah. But I think that the reason that called... Yeah, yeah. I think the reason that Call Duty stays around is because it's just good enough at everything without necessarily excelling in anything. It's like, oh, this is like a perfectly like...

If you buy a Call Duty game, chances are you're going to be getting something that is pretty... That's pretty all-around decent. It's probably not going to be terrible. if it's terrible, then you probably just didn't like it to begin with, and you probably wouldn't be playing it anyway. It's a good point.

And, you know, it just, it does everything just good enough. I personally feel like the shooting and, like, and the combat loop in Destiny is, like, way better. I think, like, map design is better elsewhere. I think Titanfall 2 has, like, a way more satisfying, like, feel. But they all have, like, other shortcomings in, like, other areas. Destiny is obviously, like, an MMO-R-PG thing. So, like, if you're not into that, you're probably,

We're not going to like it. It's also fantasy, so that's another thing. Yeah. Battlefield is a little bit more, like, open and, like, kind of, like, big battle base and, like, objective base. So that's, like, its own niche, and it's not necessarily a strong game to play for, like, team death match and shit. But Call Dude is just that perfect, like, fucking popcorn nonsense that just appeals to everybody.

Just empty carbs. Like, it's like, this is good because it's good. Yeah. That's it's not going to anything. It's like bread at a restaurant. It's like, no one's going to not eat the bread, you know. That makes sense. And they're not doing anything.

too crazy to even, like, why do it? It's like, it's a much less egregious version of the sports games where they come out every year and they change about 10% of the game and it's, and people still buy it. And it makes me so angry because I officially kind of, I bought NBA 2K19 for like a few bucks. and that was my first basketball game since NBA 2K2 and I was kind of blown away with the obviously that everything was going to be much better and I was like wow this game is actually pretty good

this is fucked up that probably since then the only thing that have changed is just the mechanics a little bit and then the graphics and then there's really no good innovations but people still buy it and like I always feel like if people kind of we kind of control the market right if we were a little bit more concerned

with our spending, they would try harder. Oh, yeah, no, definitely. We want your fucking money. So we'll do something to make some major innovations. There's a video. You guys need to see this. It's NBA 2K15, and they have the NBA players doing the voice acting. And a lot of them, obviously, they didn't go to school very long,

or they just went specifically to play ball. So they're kind of, they're shit at reading. And I think, and this is the theory, they kept the lines in because they didn't want to offend them, you know, for taking their time. Like, hey, come and do this voice acting and stuff and whatever. And it's the worst shit you'll ever see. And it's, it's kind of delicious. It's delightful. I'd implore all of you guys to see this because it's one of those things that it's unacceptable.

But at the same time, they can get away with it because who the, they just don't give a shit. It's, it's pretty incredible. I was going to make a video on it, but then I kind of got sidetracked. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I've seen it. I think I remember it vaguely. I didn't pay attention to it because I just didn't care about sports games. I thought it was, like, just standard.

Because I haven't played, like a, I think the last sports game I played was sincerely was like, oh my God, MVP baseball 2004. Hell is Christ. Like, and that was like the, I was like, yeah, I get it. it. All right. Yeah. I've seen, I've seen this. I've seen this two million times. And by the way, like, the graphical quality of that game is, like, still fine.

So, like, even, like, even graphically, these games just don't really... I think they graphically change a lot. I think they change graphically. I mean, over, I mean, over, like, over, like, four or five years, but not so much, like, every year to year. It's this, it's because the sports, it's because sports fans, Listen, sports fans will watch a fucking season of sports with the exact same team, going to be the exact same team, the exact same place, the exact same sport every time. So they know that these people, they get fixated on sort of repetition, you know?

Repetion is already kind of what they like. Well, everyone is like this character. Well, not everybody. Every position is enjoyable for the most part, but I personally like things that change, you know? But I do like certain kinds of things, though. I like certain kinds of things, but I don't, I get what you mean. Yeah. I know what's like a video game is literally just repetition like over and over again. Yeah, but it's enjoyable enough. There's enough little things changing in each thing that makes it like, oh, this is different from that one because this is, I approach this like this like this, using the same mechanics.

Well, the, well, the difference is that it's, it's well made enough to, to not, because it's like, the repetition in video games is pretty obvious if you're just watching it. Like, that's always why, like, I was, I was always kind of confused at the thought of e-sports because I was like, If you're not playing the game, it's almost like weird. Like, I understand, I understand, like, what it does for you when you're watching a video. I like watching people at video games, but at the same time, somebody who doesn't know anything about it is probably looking at this going, like, why is this person doing the same shit all the time? Yeah. And, you know, a lot of these games are designed specifically with repetition in mind,

but also, like, they're well-made and the presentation and the feel of it is so good that you don't notice that you're doing the same things over and over again? It's true. I think one of the one of the Halo developers was like I remember he has like a really famous line where he's like yeah it's every good game is just the same 30 seconds of fun

recycled over and over again for a full length of time and if you can get like 30 straight seconds of fun and just repeat that over and over again you have like a you have a great game and it's probably true yeah I think I think I can I think pretty much every great game is like that

it kind of has to be that way though because imagine if you had something that it changed all the time, it would get to the point where it would be damn near impossible to master it because there'd be... It would be impossible to master it or make it.

It wouldn't be enticing to play either. Typically, like, if you like a game, you like it because it is what it is. And if it just consistently changes. Imagine you like... Imagine your favorite game, right? You come home to play your favorite game and then tomorrow it's fucking...

I don't even know, Cubert. Could you imagine you play Beth in a while? Do you put it down? next day you pick it up and it's fucking League of Legends and you're like, what? Like, what is this? What's happening? Yeah. I didn't buy this.

Let's not even get that crazy. What if it's just the mechanics change, the buttons, the way that you do things. Like, because nobody, let's be real, no one's going to enjoy a game that they can't really master. You know, there's casual games, but you still get good at those casual games. You know exactly what you need to do. Now, imagine, like, say, I can't imagine ever playing Dark Souls again if, you know. every time I played they fucking like say randomize the buttons and I have to

re-figure out how to fucking do shit I'd be like dude fuck this game I'd actually rather they change the kind of game the game I'm playing and they changed the button layout if you just change the button layout that's a dickhead thing to do that's just like asshole stuff if they change the game then it's a different game therefore there should be different buttons

and stuff but if they just change the layout like all right I'm gonna go jump and you fucking attack and you're like what I don't know how to run. The D-Pat, the analog sticks not to run. I don't move with the analog sticks. What do you mean? I don't move the face buttons.

No, you move. You move with the fucking triggers and bumpers. That's that's strange. Didn't they do something like that? Wasn't that a thing in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, I forgot. No. No, something happens.

No, no, what I mean is, what I mean is something happens to you. I don't remember if you're, uh, you're, I think you're fighting something and then, or, no, you, you drink something. You're drinking that shit and then it changes like your buttons or it's and it disables you from doing certain things. Do you remember that? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. Yeah, it's like it's like towards more towards the end. I'm trying to remember the why, but you drink something and then once you drink it, it like disappears and then goes into another location.

And when you do that, it like disables you from using certain powers and shit like certain things. Do you, you know, remember that? Because it's like, it's like it's basically, it's basically, it's only for. a little bit of time, but it's a really frustrating part of the game. Because if you're used to playing a specific way, you just can't do it. Because they bar you from doing certain things. Oh, you can only use this for right now. You can only use this.

It's like, I forget why. It's been a while. It's bothering me because, like, I have these, like, vague flashes of memories as to what you're talking about, but I have genuinely, sincerely have no idea what you're talking about it. I wish I could explain it better. If I knew the purpose. Are you talking about infants? Are you talking about Bioshock?

No, no, I'm talking about the first one. The first one yet this? Yeah, I'm talking about Bioshock when you're a, you're just the guy. You're just the, you're just the, yeah, you're just Jack. Yeah, and you... That's really weird. I don't remember. I feel like I know what you're talking about, but I also like, I really genuinely can't envision it at all.

I'm just trying to remember why. People in the chat are going to be so fucking, so angry. Or not the chat to comment. You're going to be like, oh my God, you idiots, it's this thing. Yeah, they're going to... No, no, no, no. I haven't played Bioshock in a long time. Like, I love that game, but, like, I just haven't played it.

Dude, that game has one of the best reveals of anything. When the, when the shotgun in Bioshock shows up, and you get to pick it up and you get to use it, it's like one of the best weapon reveals or, like, any, it's one of the best moments in video games, I think is the shotgun reveal in Bioshock. It's so fucking good. It's so relieving. It's like, thank God I can hurt things. Dude, no, but it's just the presentation of it is so good.

Like, I don't know if you guys remember. And I, honestly, like, I was about to say, I was about to say, like, oh, spoiler alert for Bioshock, but it's fucking 13 years old. It's on Switch also, so, like, there's literally no reason. Is it on a GamePass? I'm about to download that, actually. It's on Game Pass? I think it is. I'm checking.

I mean, if not, just wait until it's on Steam for like five bucks, you know? I think I can get it for free, though, if it's on a Game Pass. That's true. I mean, it's also just cheap as fuck on Steam. Yeah, just like I said, if it's a couple of bucks, might as well pick it up, but don't, I will say Can we talk about Steam? Oh, yeah.

Yo, it's nuts. It's nuts. I love that you're finally experiencing this shit. It's why. I had a PC or at home, like in New York, but I didn't use it for a game. I was just like a console gamer for the most part. I played, um, I played like, wow. I played wow and I played a little bit of league, but I never really went deeper into

PC stuff. And now that I'm like fucking like, I am, now I can set up myself a gamer in every sense of the word. I play on every console. I own all the consoles. I own pretty much. every AAA game that comes out. I stream now. Like all that stuff. I understand

like video games in a way better sense. Yeah, you're just an in-sell. Excuse me. I'm not an insol. I have a girlfriend. You finally graduated. I mean, that doesn't matter. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. It does. I'm also really good at talking to, I'm pretty decent at talking to girls. It has been a while as I've floated with a woman.

Yeah. So I don't think I'm good anymore. Kingston, all I'm saying is, all I'm saying is, I know plenty of incels who have girlfriends. What does that mean? What? It's like simp, man Come on, it's like simp.

Yeah, it's a mindset. Incel is a mindset. What is Insel mindset? You? Do I have it, actually? I'm just joking. I don't know. I'm pretty good at talking to girls.

I don't hate women for being women and not fucking me. I've seen him talk to girls. A little bit before we left, he was like flirting with like eight different views. Stop, stop, stop. I'm just kidding. You saying, wow, steam is cool in 2020 is pretty funny. Charming.

It's so much. It's just so much shit on here, dude. Like, I've, I've, I already, I already got like 50 games that I just can't play. I can't even play all by them. What do you own? What do you own on Steam? I have, I have Among Us. I have Bad Rats.

Baudersgate. Crono Tricterian. Bad Rats. You have bad rats. Yeah, of course. Chrono Tricor downfall. I have Gary's Rite. Of course.

I have freaking which goal the Rocoaster Tycoon. Yes. Yes. There we go. Hotline Miami. Freak and Metal Gear Solid. I have persona. Milder Solid.

What? What? Yeah. Which one? The pain. Oh, ground zero, sorry. Ground Zero is not Phantom Pain. Oh, fuck that.

That's a waste. I have other things I'm going to get to. I have, it's just so much here. I got Hades. Hades is amazing. That game's so fucking good. Dude, I told you.

Dude, I've been, we were playing the alpha, right? I've been, yeah, I was playing the alpha. I've been singing this game's praises forever. I know, like, not a lot of people have been playing Hades,

but like, I put it on, um... It looks good. It looks really good. Yeah, it's so, dude, the soundtrack's fucking killer, too. It's so fucking great But it's just a super

It's super giant game So it's the people who did Bastion Transistor Empire It's just this isometric Kind of like What'd you call it? It's like dead cells right But like isometric

Can we talk about We talk about Bastion for a second also One of the best games I've ever played in my life Action That game is amazing I have a soft spot for Bastion Because that soundtrack is so good That I use it in videos still

Because it's just so fucking That dude I don't know what he does But he does something It's one of the best combination sounds I've heard in my life When it goes to like fucking like Western

Madlice moments Then like rocking in real like Scenery based music It's super good It's super fucking great It's a lot of like techno And like Western music Techno that's what it is

There you go Which somehow works There's a What now that you Now that you You know You've graduated you've upgraded.

One thing you also need to do too, because you know how there's always the console wars versus PC master race and all this stuff? And then when people finally get the PC, they get to realize that, oh, this is just better in every way, shape, or form. Because every console game, I can pretty much play on the PC other than the exclusives. I think that's the only argument to have consoles, really. You still want to play the exclusives. but you can still play like everything on the PC still use your controller if you're into that which is even when it says partially supported

it's usually like one thing is not and it's not and it's inconsequential so it just it just makes sense for fucking mass effect okay that's hilarious okay okay hold on that's very true but also because I'm still with you

because it still upsets me however you know make sure you guys have your nexus mod Go to Nexus. That's the one thing. It's like the next step is to make an account for Nexus and then just splurge on the mods because you just put the mods so you can use your controllers because that's the one thing.

It's annoying that you have to do that extra step, but you can still do it. And while you're there, make Miranda naked. I mean, so that's the other thing. The mods, man. You're just clearing all the bases, bro. Do you have left for dead, sweetie? I'm actually probably gonna buy it right now You should pick up Leopardet is just like a

That's like something that everybody should have, I feel like I played that game so much When I first one and two I played so much It's such a reliably good time They just added content to Leffordead What? Isn't that insane? Wait so their servers are still active

Yo yeah dude like people play Lefer Dead all the time But like they added like new like maps and shit like within the last like month or two like they added it while I was here that's insane interesting that's really interesting but it's really weird

yeah but October 2nd that is that that's that's interesting but uh dude Sweeney you have to like when they're all just inexpensive or if they're on GamePass

whatever it is you have to repurchase all the games that you fucked with there's things that you can do there's mods that you can do that will like basically let's say you already beaten a game and you don't want to go through all of it again and stuff there's mods that can basically

you can import like a save data and it's like oh I'm here again and then have fun or whatever but what I'm saying is experience the games that you've already like conquered on on a PC and then just fucking put some sweet mods on like said make everybody naked make people

I'm gonna do a mod ad version of Breath of the Wild I think um you need so it's a my Breath of Wild. I'm going to do mod of Resident Evil 2 stream, of course. I'm not going to make anybody. Wait, what are you saying? What are you saying? Yeah, hold on. Modded Breath of the Wild?

No, there's a, there's, there's like an online mod for Breath of the Wild. It exists. Wait, how does this work? It's just ridiculous. I don't know. I've been told about it and I've seen it. And I'm like, what the fuck? Why does Link look like a fucking, like a Digimon? Wait a minute. Well, you, that's not PC, though. You'd have to like mod a switch. I thought it was on PC. I could be wrong. No, there's no way. I'm certain it's not. Nintendo shit is typically not on not new Nintendo shit.

Like it's typically like Old shit is emulated But like there's no A Breath of the Wild Is on PC I'm gonna do a Skyrim mod where I can kill little kids Oh yeah That's available Mine's already on

Mine's already on You're just telling him I like how you're just telling him to buy Skyrim again And then we all wonder why We all wonder why they keep trying to sell Skyrim Why Skyrim's gonna be on PS6 and 10 years Dude it really is like one of the most Repurchable games ever

Because it just like for some reason Like I bought it I bought it several times Oh me too I don't even know why I loved Skyrim when it came out But I don't know Like I don't think about it really

But I was like Oh yeah Skyrim on a new machine You kind of just have to have it It's just one of those things that It just feels weird not having it Yeah it's like Lifforda 2 to me It's like Lifforda 2 on Steam Where it's just like

If I have a light games library Skyrim's got to be in it There you go It'd be weird if it wasn't It's insane dude It's, it's, the PC master race I thought was like a huge, like crazy thing. I have a powerful PC. So I kind of understand that mentality.

Like, why would I, like, I don't even know if I'm going to get the Xbox. I'm going to get the Xbox. Onex. I know, I'm the Series X. I'm going to get it, you know, because I support Microsoft. I love what they made so far. I don't have to do that, though. I don't have to do it.

But I want, like, I don't, I know. Now it's weighing on me more so than before. It's like, yo, you're going to get that to whenever you fucking get it. Like, because I already have the game pass. You're already going to get all this shit. So it's like, you get it, you get it. If you don't get it, you know, just wait, wait until it's very

available for you. Don't do it anytime before that. And it's like, yeah. Yeah. I'm excited for the, I'm excited for the new, my PC's like stupid strong and I like, I like playing on it. But like, I do like just opening a new box and just like playing around with like a new, a new machine. So I'm pretty, I'm pretty pumped about the new machines, but also like at the same time, it's like, yeah, there's no real reason to have either, either one of these.

Yeah, it's, either one of these machines. It's just, like, like, I'm getting a PS5 when God of War, uh, five,

I guess comes out. That, that's when I'm getting it. Just because I don't, it was basically the same thing for the PS4. Well, no, no,

because I forgot I won that one. But then I didn't get like a pro until, uh, I think God of War four came out. Or I was like, I got to experience this in the best way possible.

Um, and, yeah, looked great. It was pretty fun and stuff. But it just, you just get so used to, I haven't, I haven't turned on my TV since, um, uh, uh, the last of us part two. That was the last time I turned on my TV for the consoles. And then other than that, like, I just, I, I literally took my TV out of my room because I was just like, it's just blocking the window and it's hot as fuck. And everything, everything is on Steam.

And it's just better. Like, it's just when I, uh, when I'm, when I beat a game, then it's like, I go to Nexus. And then I see, what the fuck can I do to this game now? Until I can't even open it anymore. It just crashes. It just keeps crashing. I'm like, okay, I guess that's enough for me. But it's great, man.

Like, even just opening the, like, things that you're not supposed to do, I don't do them. But seeing other people do it, like, they're in the online modes, and they're just putting the most ridiculous bullshit on. And I'm like, this is why I don't fucking play multiplayer. You guys are all fucking cheaters. And, uh, oh my God, I ran into Destiny 2 years already. It was hilarious. Oh, man. It's so bad.

Yeah. Yeah. I got shot through walls, dude. I got shot through a wall. I was hiding behind, um, the freaking, uh, the Infinite Forest Map and PVP where there's the big middle like chunk. Anyone that play, you know what I'm talking about, right, Chris? Yeah.

You know, there's a middle where bees on like bees on like the left. And I was hiding behind a wall and I got sniped through a wall. And I was like, oh, no. Yeah. That's, that's the biggest year. The biggest problem that I came across, and I think it took me a long time to even really, like, get into PC properly is just how easy... It's nice to be able to manipulate your games easily and just sort of, like, have the best experience that you want, but also at the same time, it just makes cheating super easy. And I was always super competitive with that shit.

So, like, when I was playing Halo, if I was playing Halo 3 and I lost, like, a fucking rank because of a... a cheater, dude, I would, I would be, I would go bully. I'd be in a mental institution today. Like, I, like, I, like, I, it would just broke me, dude. So, like, it just took so long for me to embrace. Yeah. Just, like, yeah, I don't mind. I don't mind it a little bit.

I guess, I hate it. I don't mind it only because, like, when, I, I just have it in my head that when I play on PC, I'm just going to experience bullshit, and I'm just going to, I'm on here specifically because it's just buttery smooth, and that's the only reason. I don't take it super seriously. I don't take it super competitively because it's impossible to. Well, you're not doing trials with me, dude? You're not doing trials on me on PC?

I'll do, I'll do trials with you on fucking PlayStation 5. I'm not going to do fucking trials. No, fuck that. I'm not doing trials on fucking PC. Trials is genuinely the word, like the most fucking aggressively sweaty, like, over fucking, like, masculine, toxic energy. I've seen in any video game ever play, dude. It's insane.

I don't want to get too into it because it's, Derek doesn't know what the fuck we're talking about Yeah I'm not a It's pretty much the ultra-competitive version of Destiny It's really bad though It gets it gets I've said things I regret Oh yeah no

I'm just taking it too far I actively like I I take the mic off my headset Because I know I know I will say something Oh absolutely I played competitive regular with you And we both get furious We still start cursing all over the house So then we just like alright let's this

That shit isn't even like Like, are they good? No, I was just like, what is it about that fury that's so, that's so satisfying? It's exhilarating because you feel alive, dude. It's crazy. I'm the complete opposite, dude. I don't even, like, I... You don't feel that way when you play like a, like a Souls game, like a Hard Souls kind of game?

Okay. When I, when there's something about that when, yes, I, yeah, there is, it feels amazing when I overcome it, sure. Yeah, but the the actually getting angry part, like the, I still sometimes have PTSD from, from DS3, were fighting this piece of shit dragon, Dark Eater Madeir. Oh, I remember that shit. That, like, when I think about that moment, I get so fucking, like, it still bothers me because I remember how mad I got. Just like, he was such a, and then, you know, there's going to be some asshole in the comments, like, oh, it was fucking easy. And I'm like, suck my dick, dude. That was, that's a hard fucking battle.

And that piece of shit, Gail, too, in the ring city was pretty, was awful, too. But it was a great fight. But yeah, I know what you're saying. But there's something about it when it's multiplayer. Is the Charles multiplayer? Yeah, yeah. There's something about that, that fucking just, I can't, like, I don't know. It's much worse.

There's something about, like, okay, I know there's a way, there's an algorithm to get behind, like, say, this AI. I know there's something they can do, but usually when you're playing against somebody else and then they just best you in a way that I just get so frustrated, I'm just like, fuck this person. I wish I could just fight you for real. No, but that's the satisfying part of it, though. It's a love inducing. I think that's the satisfying part of it is that like when you're playing like a hard single player video game, you know that there's a way to beat it. You know that they've tested for it. You know that there are a specific set of strategies that will work because it's been designed that way.

Yeah. But when you best another person, that is like beating the ultimate AI. This is, this is a, you're, you are playing against somebody who has their own aspirations and opinions and dreams and you've just shut them the fuck down. No. It's so, it's so satisfying that even like, even when I get, but it, it hurts twice as much when you get fucked up. Exactly. Exactly. But it's, but it's that, but it, but it is that high when you win.

Yeah. just like it's so much stronger than like in like a traditional like video game and like yeah I understand shit I get I think let me explain there's been there's been moments where on trials where um we've had you've been four to two one and we're like fuck dude we got we got we got to bring it you know we got to bring it and you like you do it you fucking you like you climb to that mountain and you beat them you get the fucking um the revenge of the pigeon and everybody's like oh my god that's so cool and fucking the announcer the game's like you guys are fantastic this fucking Russian giant Russian robot

dude it's telling you're fantastic but there are times where you fucking just get stomped on and the announcers just telling you you're doing bad your teammates are all down you're just like yo I have the anger in me right now to blow up a small country. Someone put the bun in front of me I'd press it on that guy's country

and I'd vaporize his family I'd turn his mom into fucking dust I would Thanos his whole family It's it's frustrating like there are games where like I don't really get angry at like every video game like Halo is like to me is like still, Halo I can play like whatever because it's like it's second nature to me.

But like Destiny and like Crash Team Racing are two of the games where I think I've gotten angry as that. Specifically because I know that I'm good at them. So when I fuck up, it's like 10 times as frustrating. Same. That's what means. Because it's like that it's almost like biting your, biting your tongue. You know what I mean?

It's like I've been biting. I've been biting for 20 something years. how the fuck could I make such an obvious mistake ever with this much practice it's like it's so much more frustrating yeah that makes sense yeah you just feel like a fucking idiot yeah I don't know I think the multiplayer thing though

I'll just say that and I might have mentioned this like way earlier in an episode but the thing that really kind of turned me off other than the cheating was that I think it just made me realize like locally I was fucking good at games

but it made me realize in the grand scheme of things like I'm shit it really made me realize that I realize that too and it really like because I specifically remember when arcades were just huge

they're propping up everywhere was it Dave and Busters games worked powerhouse whatever the fuck it was and oh let me play some marvelous as Capcom too and then people we'd just be playing each other

and I'd be doing so well or at the local burger joint playing the first one. And then when Marvel versus Calcum 3 came out and I was so excited. I'm like, dude, online is like fucking solid now. Let's see what's up. And I got obliterated. I was doing well for my first few fucking matches. And then I was just constant losses.

And I kept running into these Korean gods. And I was just like, I fucking hate this. Like I ain't shit. Like I just, it was a realization. And then the later call of duties and stuff where I was, did okay in two and then I was just like dude wow I'm shit and then I fucking I can do well every once in a while

but there's just these people that they're I don't know I just I think they're robots I think I totally I know what you mean like I think when I was younger and I was like yeah I'm definitely like the best at Halo in my group of friends and then you go online and then you go online and you're like I can't get I can't even get close to rank 50 I can't even get close

I'm at 35 and I've been at 35 for 10 years and I'm never going to I'm just It's God. It's out of my reach And you can't play anymore because you know You're worse than what you were before So you're like I'm not touching this ever again Yeah like 35 out of 50 was my peak

And I was the best in my fucking group So I was like I don't know what the ah man That's impressive Our friend was pretty good at Halo Like Jalen's not bad Justin's not bad either And neither was Steve So that's pretty impressive Yeah no

It was a good group, but like, I don't know, man. That was a wake-up call. I was like, man, I got to take it back. I got to take it easy. And I'm pretty good at that. Like, I'm not, that's no joke, man. Like, I'm good at that fucking game. And I'm still, like, just nowhere even close.

Like, sometimes I'll watch people play that game professionally. Like, any game, like, any game, like, honestly, professionally. And they're, like, you know, e-sports. And they're doing shit that I'm like, that's some beautiful mind, like, rain man type shit. It is. Like, how do you fucking know how to do that? I saw a guy I'll never forget this

I saw a guy like shoot an icicle Like a little stalactite Off a bridge on a halo map Jump on the icicle And jump off it And snipe somebody in the in the face Like after like some Some bullshit 360 no scope

And I was like I if that is out there waiting for me Like what chance Do I stand really in the grand like maybe that maybe that guy's like one in like a million and I'm probably going to run into him like maybe twice in my entire like life yeah in any video game but like just the knowledge that he's out there fucking jumping off of fucking bullets is just like it just hurts it hurts and it hurts and it hurts and it really grounds in reality of the game that even though

this is my escape there are still people that will fuck me up in my escape it hurts me specifically in that game because I understand that game very well and I understand the physics of it and I understand the thought process of like, yeah, I would like to do that, but I just can't. It's so sad. It's such a mournful moment.

Yeah. I don't know. It's like those speed runners with Mario 64 too. Like, I just don't understand it. I can actually do the, what you call it. I can do the backwards dash. I know how to do that. They patch that out, I think.

No, it's not a new one I know. You can get stuck in between things, but you don't get any more speed. I learned how to do that because my ex-girlfriend at the time was like, we should probably try to break the game. And I'm like, all right, I guess. And I freaking spent like a week learning that mechanic hurting my fucking hands. And I was just like, oh, my.

And I broke up with her literally like five days after we beat the game together. And I was like, I hate you. You damaged my fucking hands. You damaged my hands. And I broke up with you. I've never. I hate, I hate women. right on oh that's that's not true i've actually damaged my hands playing the video game before

but it was like actually it was it was crash team racing when i was doing the platinum trophy oh excellent yeah it was great you were so stressed it was so funny it was so laughably funny how just vexed you were all the time playing that game it was just great i was like that was probably like the most masculine i've ever been was like i was just like hopped up on fucking anger and like fucking adrenaline like for like three days straight my that was the first time I think ever where my fingers

like a lot of them bled because of how often and how like hard I played that video game yeah that's insane never happened before that's insane to play it for hours bro I respected you really I had to wrap my fucking hands dude there was no joke like I went on to sacred symbols and I was like yeah man I did it

I can't play games for like a week though because I'm in a lot of pain but like I did it. You were like probably Kung fu gripping the fucking controller like to be fucking... No, no totally because well at first I do that anyway I kind of have a strong grip on the controller regardless

so like in a game like that like CTR is like your your thumb never leaves the X button in that game so like you're just pressing that thing down for ever. destroying your controller fucking ruining your controller.

I hate that shit dude I hate one like I mean I get it for the racing you have to do that you know for acceleration but like i was i was just um i just started playing uh reddit redemption two on on steam and yeah but here's the thing uh my graphics card i need an upgrade and there's a there's some bullshit before i get to my original point there's some bullshit that the optimized settings like is almost impossible if i want to put it on ultra I can't do it

But if I want to put it on high For some reason And this is a bug that I guess people are talking about If it's not on Ultra Like the texture It looks like shit Like it looks It looks better on fucking console

Where playing it on PS4 It looks good on console naturally So It looks great on like So I was playing it on fucking 80 inch TV You know fucking 4K whatever It looks beautiful Great textures are wonderful

If you I'm putting the texture's on high and it looks like the it needs the rendering needs to pop in but it just doesn't and I'm like what the hell's happening and I was trying to research it and people are like yeah I'm having this fucking problem too I hope that they patch it or something and that was like a year ago I was like what the fuck's happening so basically the I think the solution is to I just got to upgrade my card because I'm like it looks fine but the fucking the the text it just looks like you're waiting like oh it hasn't completely popped in and I was like what the hell's happening Yeah, the presentation

is a big part of that game So if that game doesn't look spectacular It's like a lot of the impact is kind of gone Yeah, it's weird I love I love Red the Direth or Emption 2 But the gameplay is definitely not the strong suit of that Of that game Yeah, absolutely

I was talking about how you have to fucking hold And I'm gonna look for some mods probably Because like say Oh, you need to ride these horses and shit And then advance the dialogue needs to advance And just hold the fucking button down Hold the X button so you stay in the same pace As whoever you're with

And I'm like, can I just like not do this anymore and then sometimes you can go to cinematic mode. No, sometimes you go cinematic mode and it just sometimes it would veer, maybe it was just me because sometimes it would just veer off course and it's not

I was like, what's happening? Stay in the, with the people. Like I would set it sometimes to be like, all right, just go and then I don't know, it maybe it was a bug or something because it just anyway, it was something that in the beginning, it's still even

annoyed me that this was a thing that like can I not have to do this or can I just especially because it's getting pointing to point B takes fucking forever so I was just like can I can I skip this anything but it's but it's great game uh the reason I bought it on the console it's like 40 bucks right now and I'm at console on a steam and uh I just want to mod the shit out of it from watching that what's that guy's name it's like something banana and he does that wild like wacky the Wild Wacky West or whatever. You've ever seen those videos? What hell are you talking about?

It's this YouTuber. Confused. His name's like Banana Something. And he has these wild wacky, the Wild Wacky West, these Red Dead Redemption Mods. It's by bed bananas. And the first one has like 6.5 million that came off. And then like a year ago. And this one just came out like four months ago.

It's like the modded Wacky West. You ever seen those videos? No. No. They're, without exaggerating, they're my favorite videos on the internet. I'm not even exaggerating. The, the dedication this dude does to the modding and what, like, what he makes out of it, it's, I haven't seen anything nearly impressive. Remember seeing Ultimate Skyrim from, from Dunkie?

This is like a hundred times better. And I'm not, like, trying to exaggerate. I'm saying, like, that satisfying and it's that funny, like, laughing out loud to where I'm fucking. and crying. It's, uh, it's really good. Yeah. I'm gonna put it in the chat. It's,

it's really hard to find video game content that's like that funny. Like, Ultimate Skyrim is really good. Like, one of the most recent things that I found that like fucking cracked me up. It's like super specific. So I, this might not be everybody's cup of tea, but I,

I was cracking the fuck up when I found it. Was this, this dude, I think his name was Wayne Radio TV. He has this series where it's like a half-life one role play series. where he's just going through the Half-Life One as Gordon Freeman, but he's playing with a bunch of scientists

like other people are like playing as the scientists and they're like acting out as the scientists and there's like a bunch of episodes and it's just fucking insane just fucking insane how good it is because it's just so it's weird it's like watching like a play

it's like watching theater but like improvised and in like a video game and like Like, people are acting, but it's like vaguely planned out. And it's like, if anybody can remember, like, Freeman's mind from back in the day, which was like an old machinima series. I don't think I've seen it. It's kind of, it's, like, very old. But it was just like, it was just a half-life one play-through.

But, like, this dude would just, like, kind of, like, vocalize, like, what Freeman's mind would say. And it was, like, this really old kind of thing. I remember watching a way in radio TV with you. We watched it in the living room. few times and be fucking crying because this shit was just hilarious. It is really, really fun. I suggest people watch that shit. The people that he cast as the scientists are so

good because there's one guy that just sounds exactly, exactly like the dude from the first game. So it's just, it's like, it's like watching like this comedy, alternate version comedy half-life. And it's so good. But it's really hard to find like good video game content like that. Because I feel like it comes

along so infrequently. Like Ultimate Skyrim is definitely one of those. Yeah. Ultimate Skyrim and Mario Kart The Mario is Mario car video That's really nice With the soul music Dude that might be one of my That might be like the hardest

I've laughed at a at a YouTube video Was that was the fucking Mario Donkey video Like I did the Mario cart It's just insane That shit was why That shit was so Unbelievable

Dunkin's so good He's great I think when he makes videos like that, sometimes his opinions are pretty kind of like, okay, dude. They're a little interesting sometimes. I don't agree with him. I don't agree with him all the time,

but I like. He's always funny, though. He's always funny. He's pretty weird. When he sets out to mix on, like Ultimate Skyrim was ridiculous. The freaking Mario Party one, the Mario Cart one was ridiculous.

The Overwatch one was pretty. I know. Actually, I think all of his videos are overall pretty funny. Yeah. But then when he gives his opinion sometimes, it's like, bro, shut up we don't want you for that

I don't know about that it's not the nicest thing to say I just don't agree with it like his his death stranding review I was like he was like missing like a lot of like key shit and I was like that's a little this is not a great one but go watch his um uh

the Last of Us Part 2 video that I think that might be his most dislike video I think yeah that one that one hurt me a little bit did you like it he he praised it I think he praised it in a way that people were very surprised because they're like,

what game did you play? It was kind of like one of those things were, and it was interesting. I was like, dude, obviously I'm always to each their own, but at the same time, I always feel like,

well, this is also the reason why we get diarrhea for games because people are kind of the bar, the bar, it's like we had these high expectations, but a lot of people

are good with fair enough. Like, they're good. good with like oh it's good enough i got like it was it was fair and then people are kind of like well we got our money the the people of the reviewers are saying it's all right cool and we don't need to try any harder and uh i feel like it's like one of those things where i'm like oh come on man like we let's hold the feet to the fire because these dudes like especially naughty dog naughty dog has a great reputation and it's like don't let them fucking slack off that's just my opinion we're like don't think what's up

I agree with you I like I I'm obviously on a PlayStation podcast we talk about naughty dog all the time yeah but you know like I uh I we were talking one of the most recent sacred simple episodes we did was like we were ranking all of these Sony first parties and uh all of the all of their first party studios and like best to worst yeah and the uh Colin and his editor I think had naughty dog up in like number one and they were like no they were like not they were like number four for me like after this they're number two number two for me number two number three

yeah i haven't really thought that far i think i think sanamanica sanamanica with god sanamanica with god war was my number one i'll definitely get somni i mean somniac was my number two sucker punch for ghost is sheshaima was my number three and then and then naughty dog at four i would say i would actually actually i put sucker punch at two but like it doesn't matter i agree with the action on that entirely but um i just think that like i don't know like when i watched jakey's video of um Also, shout out to Jakey's last video. That was fucking amazing. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's amazing. His last video summed up every argument that we both had about that game. Literally, because we argued back and forth about what you didn't like, what I didn't like. And we kept arguing about it. And that was like a very vocal point in the apartment because we were all, we all had like relatively different opinions about what made that game a problem. Yeah. Yeah. But at the end of the day, the problem was that every, it just, everything felt empty.

Everything you were doing felt empty. and I feel like it just could have been more. It just could have been so much more than what it was. And that upsets me. He put it in a good way in that like, um, it doesn't do a good job of distracting you from the fact that the gameplay in naughty dog games post uncharted is pretty bland.

It is. Even when I was like younger and like everybody was like freaking out over uncharted, I just, I genuinely didn't get it because it, I saw what I guess, what I get what what people are seeing in the last of us to now is is kind of what I saw in the original uncharted games I was like oh it's just it's just kind of walking and listening to people talk and like fake climbing and this is this this this sucks like what what is cool about this

um and it wasn't until later that I was like oh the story is really good actually and like it's it's well acting and that's not even my problem with that game but just how empty every it's how emptyly and how half-ass they tried to tell you a story about some sort of serious thing. It was just like, I, like, yeah, they tried to teach you a lesson that was like, they tried to teach you a lesson that's so obvious.

It's like, that's a, that's a lesson for like a rated e-game, you know what I mean? It's literally like, yeah. Just, just everything that they set up at, at that point at the last part was, it's so annoying that, like, it shouldn't have been that way at all. and then it led to such the most retarded consequences and that didn't need to be, like you said, it didn't need to be spelled out.

We already know about this. It's like, tell me a story and have it conclude in a way that at least makes sense. It doesn't need to be, what do you call it, a happy ending? Like, what the fuck? It just needs to have a logical conclusion.

It should have been your choice, man. That's my argument the whole time. It should have been your choice the whole game. I want that. I don't like, I need, I love that. I like canon, man. I don't like when say things branch off into shit and it's like which one's canon, you know? The thing I understand that is that it should have, I don't want to talk too much.

I don't want to talk too much about the last of us because we've, you know, we've done this already. True. Also, I'm going to do like a thing where it's like I'm just going to play like that stupid chicken chicken, chicken Benny Hill song. Oh, Jesus gross. Underneath when we're talking about the last of us to like, if you hear, if you hear Benny Hill, we're still spoiling the last but yeah no I don't know I I I jakey's video is great though it's fantastic good very very methodical good yeah it's a very good it's a very good video like I agree with his redid redemption two video too and he really didn't like that video that

that game I love Redid Redemption 2 but I also agree with everything that he was saying appreciate video that's the one thing that annoys the fuck out of me though people a lot of people that can't appreciate different opinion differing opinions where it's like oh no, I really enjoyed that, but I see what you're saying, and it was a good video. Like, why the fuck can't that exist too, you know? I think it matters. I think very few people are good at conveying their opinions, though, in a really constructive way. I think Jakey's really, really good at that, where he, like, I can watch that video as somebody who adores Red

Red The Red The Redemption 2 is probably like one of the few 10 of the tens I would give to a game in the last, like, 20 years. It's so freaking good to me, because that experience was so unlike anything that I'd ever seen before. But I can watch that video and still be like, yeah, this is entirely correct. You know, like every single criticism that he has. Even some of the things that he mentioned specifically were things that I feel like we talked about. And, you know, the same thing with The Last of Us 2 where it's like I didn't, I hated it. But even he was like, you know, there are parts of this that are good. And I was like, yeah, I disagree, but I understand what he's saying.

Exactly. That's the understanding. But I feel like, yeah, it's the understanding. but I feel like a lot of people are kind of bad at that or maybe just people make videos that are too short because Dunkey's Death Stranding review was one of those things where it's like I love Death Stranding I really like it a lot

but I remember watching that review and thinking like this is like a bad video and it's not even like because I liked the game so much that I didn't want to see criticism of it it was literally just like this is not well thought out it's too short because obviously Donkey makes like you know

seven minute max videos. It's not like a Jakey video, which is like 40 to 50 minutes where he can actually like sit there and actually like really go in depth with everything that he's trying to say. And I think that's kind of the thing that bites a lot of people

is that they're trying to make like kind of bite-sized stuff that is expected to kind of be understood by everybody, but like inherently they're leaving out a lot of context that kind of needs to be there if you want that reaction. Sure. Yeah, I can definitely

agree that and that's that's absolutely the problem it's what that's a problem that a lot of people have too like like you said um and on top of that is when people are putting too much of their their it is their opinion but it's it's so more on the side of of subjectivity than say try to be in a little bit more towards objectivity where it's like i'm going to point out the things that are bad there I don't like because where it's just like, oh, my personal taste versus I think that this mechanic is bad or something. And let me explain why.

You know, it's like one of those things. It would be like, say, let's say a fucking, like a hardcore Christian saying, oh, I don't like this game because it goes against my, you know, religion versus, oh, I don't like this because of something that's wrong within the game. You know what I mean? Like, say it's almost saying you don't like something

because of this is the type of games that I like and this didn't appeal to me versus just pointing out the problems with the game itself where somebody can still disagree, you know, so it's still technically subjective, but at the same time, it's much more on the side of objectivity where it's like, yeah, I think they're pointing out some things that are, what's up? Yeah, no, but you got to give points. You got to give points. He was given, the whole time he was giving consistent points of why he didn't, he disagreed with

this thing, and he gave out, he could he explain this point, you know, everything had had backing. It's not just someone saying, this is bad because it's bad. saying this is bad because I see this and this is not constructed because this is very shallow. And he explained it. Yeah, but sometimes even that, there's always going to be people where it doesn't really matter, you know? It's true.

Like I remember I made a fucking 25 minute video about literally sprinting in Halo. And that was like the entire topic. Yeah. And I went really fucking in depth with that. You really did. And a lot of the feedback that I got was like, this is the best video that has ever been made about this topic. this video like went to three four three like went through people i got people like messaging me from within 343 telling me like how good it was and they were like they were sending i i can say this now because

it's past uh the reveal but they were i saw pieces of of the halo infinite reveal before like way before uh everybody else saw it because people were like showing me stuff was like oh yeah look this look at what we're doing so like you know that's a good video even to the people who work on it. But even still, there were some people being like, oh, why do you have a problem with people running fast? And it's like, the whole video's about this. Did you not watch the fucking video?

Yeah, like, what do you mean? So it's still, even with like 25 minutes of like, like in-depth, like, painstaking analysis, sometimes it just, it'll, it won't matter because some people have just sort of, I don't know, they just either don't, they either just like disagree flat out. Oh my God.

That's so insane. It's something that, look, I'm not doing this to get political, but it's just about politics because of what happened. Polarity. It's just the thing that I saw was, and I've seen it, I guess, a few times where, you know, under the Obama administration, the cages were built for the immigrants and then they would separate the kids and everything. And there's pictures of them propping up, you know, in 2014 and whatever and all this stuff. And then there's, like, news punits, like, recycling them and then, like, shitting. on Trump and it's like, I can't believe you would do this. And I'm like, dude, every, they're all doing it.

Like, they're just, can we, can we just like, you're missing, you're missing something. Like, there's something like, are you, what's wrong with your brain? Like, it's even if you explain to somebody that this has existed prior. Yeah. And then they're like, no, but this is happening now. I'm like, yeah, but you, what, I don't know what to say to you at this point because it's called cognitive dissidents. There's definitely the cognitive.

dissonance of that and I don't know if necessarily it's condomsance for the speed thing like say hey what's the problem when you explain the problem to them and they just don't understand it like I don't know what you would call that yeah I really don't know it's just a

refusal to even it's just a refusal to even like get on the same playing field as as the argument you know what I mean if you can't even agree on like what what it is you're really talking about then there's There's no way.

You're actually going to convince anybody of anything. Because there are people out there who still genuinely think that I just don't like that people move fast in video games. It's like, it's insane. But that's another point. I don't. Titanfall 2 is so fucking fast. I'm kidding, dude. I get you.

You're one of your favorite games is Destiny and people fucking zoom across. Hunter's fucking bolt across the fucking map. Yo, it's literally every character flies in that game. They fucking fly, dude Jettison, dude They glide, they jettison Some of them literally Torpedo across the map and explode

Speaking of that shit Did you see that they're bringing a blink back As an exotic for the hunter? I don't want to talk about that right now I don't even know what the fuck that means I don't even know what that means It's something It sounds like a sex move or something

What was that? We'll talk about that after Because I genuinely don't know I actually straight up Don't remember what that is Okay, we'll continue This isn't a video game podcast This is the Snark Tank podcast

Well, it is. I just don't want to... It's whatever, but, like, I just... I don't know. I don't want to get to you in the weeds of shit that, like, we all don't... It's weird. You don't want to be that fucking guy. That's true for you. But, uh... Yeah, I don't know. I, uh...

I don't know. Fuck, whatever. You move on to fucking questions. I'm getting angry. Fucking got flustered, dude. I am getting flog. Because I'm just remembering all the fucking comments that I got. And, like, it's not even like I got so many good comments, but let's say, it's just those...

Those few? those few that just like are so stupid and you saw those are the ones that burned as your brain like fuck as they say a fucking

a million paths on the back is if no sorry a million paths on the front is always better than one dagger to the back right like you're always going to remember that negative shit

where it's like somebody can just say you're the best a thousand times and one person says you suck suck my dick or whatever and then you're going to remember like that fucking piece of shit like what the fuck's that guy's problem

and uh That's me. That's me in my sex life, bro. You always remember that one girl that your dick is trash. You're like, I don't know how. This can't be. I did everything right. I'm eyeing. I'm eyeing these Xanaxes, man.

All right. What do we got? What do we got? What do we got? We got some questions here from our lovely people over at patreon.com slash the snark tank. And also, I forgot to mention. I'm just going to shove it in here because I don't really care. We got merch over at snark tankmerch.com.

Check that out. Please. It helps us. out. It does. It helps me pay our friends here. And also the editor that we will be hopefully getting on board soon. I have a lot of, uh, have a lot of interviews to conduct. Shit. I saw a couple of videos that were pretty cool. Oh yeah, yeah. I saw a couple of really good ones, dude. But like, you know, video is video is video. Audio is a different, a different beast entirely. I thought it was a great audio editor until I actually had to edit audio like only.

And I was like, oh shit. Oh, like a completely. different. You're not as good as good as you are. Oh, dude, I'm still learning stuff. I'm still learning about better ways of compression and all this shit that... Yeah. I remember some of the older episodes, people

were like, hey, you know, it's... I love your podcast, but like I listen to it in the car and like I... Sometimes I can't hear when some of you speak. And it's like, oh yeah, I just... I didn't even think to compress. You know? Like, some of the earlier episodes, I didn't even think to compress the audio.

Ah, yeah. That's insane. Because I was like, because I've never had to think about that really because everybody's watching my video on YouTube and anyone's listening to my video in a fucking car or like through surround sound yeah or anything like that so like yeah I forgot about that I didn't didn't think about that but yeah no it's always it's a learning process so but but don't send me your fucking degrees I've already seen this in a couple people and like I did they lead with their degrees I've thrown them out immediately if you sent if you sent me your degree I we're not considering you at all I don't I don't give a shit I don't give a shit where you where you grew up or like

who paid for you to go to college or like whether or not you'd you tutored under i don't give a shit if like you were recommended by spielberg straight up like just just show me you're real and also if you if you do have a degree that you're flunting i'm assuming you're expecting like a fat paycheck you know and i would say go to like one of those giant studios that have like a stupid amount of money just spilling out of their pockets we're not jeff bezos here yeah we're not we're not that all i would say is that look now look let's say you show us your degree with a very interesting and very well well done real. That's even better.

But we want to see what you can do first. Let us see what you can do. That's what you want to see first. It's the biggest thing, you know? I want to hear some ASMR shit, dude. Like, what holds being late? Even, even, ouch. Even in job, the job market now. Like, if you got a degree, that helps.

But, you know what's worth more than a degree? Experience, dude. So just show us what you got. True that. Show me what you got. Show me what you got. We're going into these questions now. Kyle O'Brien Zimmerman wrote in.

Oh, man. What a name. What a fucked up name. Sorry, dude. Yeah. I don't like the name, bro. Yeah, Kyle is the worst. It's the worst name.

I'm sorry, Kyle. Thank you for your support. How do you, how do they're Pablo Escobar, disgusting ears, and Tom Pini? Oh, fuck you, man. My ears are disgusting ears. Very metal. Because my fucking lobes are stretched. Fuck you, man.

Can I fuck your lobes? Oh, shit. I mean, no, they're not big enough, dude. Damn, bro. I'm sorry. You're not even a fun kind of freak. Whatever. Dope.

They used to be an inch and a half, dude, around, like in circumference. They used to be fucking huge. Do they still close if you get them open that much? Do they still close up eventually? They closed a lot. Like, say now they're like five-eighths of an inch. But they used to be an inch and a half. That's so weird.

I don't understand the science of that. But he says, If you could select one character from any media to collectively as a species be our hero or champion, who would it be in why? This is not a good question. This is obvious. We're going to choose Keith David, obviously. Oh, well, I was actually going to say Joel's dead daughter from the beginning of the last of us. God, fucking shit, bro.

I would choose head-bashed in Joel, actually, because head-bashed in Joel was a lot. Head-bashed in Joel. Look, look, guys, I don't know what it is with. me about the idea. Like I saw, and it spawned from a Pokemon game actually. But there's this Pokemon in a new generation called Thwacky where he has a stick and he hits

the stick on like this hard surface. And for some reason, the idea of a monkey hitting someone in a head with a stick and the sound that comes from the stick hitting their head is thwack. And the stick bouncing off someone's skull has become the funniest

image in my fucking head. I just like the idea of a fucking, you hitting something so hard, most likely a body, so hard that whatever you're hitting with it jumps up into the air again. I just love it. You think you're well adjusted, don't you think you're well adjusted. That's not okay. I know it's not right.

You know that, but do you know it? I know it, but I don't, I don't think I know it yet. I know it. There you go. I don't think I know it, you know. That's what I was looking for. That's what I'm here for. head bashing joel would be a great would be a great uh he should be in smash

headbashed in joel and smith brothers jesus christ he just rag dolls that'd be amazing amy all the blood in his mouth yo that's fucking heinous i love it who's the most recent smash cat didn't they announce somebody right

a steve for minecraft and alice oh yeah it's minecraft Steve, yeah. That shit made me so upset at first. I was, I was really upset. I went on Twitch and I was venting about it because I was so angry. But then I realized that that is absolutely, one, it's well worth the time because he's the biggest game of all time.

And then two, they need to bring in new people because of what when I went to smash community. So many people are like really distasteful of it. So they're like, hey, let's just do something marketably, objectively good. What? No way the smash community plays any part in deciding, like, whether or not, like, they put character in. No, not the smash community, but the effect on the smash community affects it, I think. I don't think. I don't think. I don't know what I think. I don't think there are

times I don't think. I feel like they don't. They definitely do not because like there's no reason to. They don't fund anything. The game is so objectively popular with like everybody and it's sold a ton. They don't, like they don't need the smash community. They're Nintendo. I fight that. I would say I would say it don't need it. They really don't. I would say what the thing is Think of it like this. Melee has been kept a lot for so long. Yo, they don't need the smash community so much so that all of the smash community is gone and I've barely noticed. Well, so you don't pay attention to that community, that's why.

But think of it like this. Melee is still one of the most popular games that exists as a esport. Yeah. And that's because the community has taken it and ran with it. It's like Halo 2. Like Halo 2 still very played Halo 2. three so very played because the community has like hey we really care about this we're going to keep it going to keep it we're going to keep it we're going to keep it in life that's what gives it

life eventually eventually the company stops touching a game and it's up to the people that love it to continue it and bring it into the modern light yeah i guess so i don't know yeah i'm right my trust i guess i mean that ain't i don't like it i guess i don't like it i guess it makes but who cares really you know? Yeah, it's not as interesting That's the thing, it's like I would like Like I feel like

He's this, technically the second Microsoft character To be in Smash, so it's kind of I'm hearing word about Chief. A lot of people are saying Chief is next I'm like Chief is not next, come on, shut up I doubt Chief is next But if he if he is ever in there at all It'd be pretty, uh

I think he should be poggers That would be a thing it's like That's not even something that even I necessarily Like would care that much about I don't know if I would play Smash Bros. More if Chief was in it. Maybe like a couple times. But like,

even when Minecraft Steve was trend. When Minecraft Steve was announced, like Master Chief was trending, you know? Because everybody was like, yo, wouldn't this be sick? Just as like symbolic.

You know what I mean? Because, you know, technically, if you want to get really technical, you know, Halo's multi-platform because it's on PC. You know, all the games are on PC.

It's not really just an Xbox. thing anymore in the same way that like Metal Gear Solid isn't really an Xbox thing anymore but Solid Snake is still very much like you know this kind of PlayStation centric kind of icon and it's like to have a game where like Mario

Solid Snake and Master Chief are just in a fucking fighting that's so cool as a concept that like that like it sounds fake yeah it sounds fake and it just sounds like I don't know I would I would just say to Sakurai

I think, look at how divided the world is right now, you know? Why not you know, why not bring everybody together in that way? Wouldn't that be lovely? No, I agree. You don't care about any, but fuck you. It's not him, dude. It's not Sakurai. No, I know.

I'm just, I'm fucking... We've known for a while. Yeah, Sakurai is probably being worked like a fucking demigone. He is. He's probably being, like, fucking chained to a fence, like made to code the shit that he doesn't understand. It's like, Minecraft? What is that?

Poor dude, man. I love the guy. I wish him the best. Yeah, let's hope he finishes the, fighters, you know, for he fucking exhausts himself, you know. Derek, who would you choose for the next character for Smash? Man, I don't know. I'm trying to end the character that will represent America, the world as a whole.

I was thinking, I was thinking, like, long and hard about this way guys are talking, and I really do think it would be shot Uncle Ben. I think he would be the best character. Oh, my God, I hate you. He would be inspiring. That's for sure. Shot Uncle Ben. And just every time, every time he gets hit, though, he says Peter in like a broken up voice.

You know, Peter. Peter. Yo, just Craig. What was his name? Oh my God. What's his actor's name? Uncle Ben. He's just Uncle Ben now.

It's just his name now. No, but I would love the idea of Cliff Robertson. Just like they just throw Cliff Robertson, the actor in there as shot Uncle Ben in Sabreney. in Smash Brothers, that would be fucking I would love it. That would unify the country, I think. That would unify the world. I think everybody would stop. We would no longer be bipartisan. We would have

everything would be fantastic. We'd become a true democracy, but it'd be super efficient. It'd be beautiful. Yeah, no more riots, no more racial tension. It would all be solved by shot Uncle Ben joining the Smash Brothers Frost. I like that. Unity at its

finest. It says shot in it too. Like it says it When you select him, it says shot Uncle Ben. And there's no unshot costume. There's no way you can play as unshot Uncle Ben. It's just shot Uncle Ben. It's either shot Uncle Ben, which I think is the funnier option, or, you know, Uncle Ben, parentheses, shot and bleeding. Do you know it be another good one?

You know when Peter and Bob and in an arm, you know when Peter's fighting Harry in a suit and he gets stabbed and he makes that fucking face? Yeah, yeah. He makes that fucking screaming face. that should be another character considered at least. Oh, man. Somebody make a fighting game with just shot Uncle Ben's fighting each other. And then we might,

I don't know, I'll toss like a five or your way. Hell yeah. A fiber you have those $5 your way after making this game. At the very least, just Photoshop shot Uncle Ben in like the character select screen

at the very least. Yeah, please. I want to see this. I want to see this so I could like see it. and then have like a visual representation of like a real item that I can then like fuel my dreams with so that I can really live out this fantasy. Oh my God. All right. Let's move.

Danny DeVito's spooky lovecraftian and draconian dickbone. Ooh, he made it a little Halloween. Hey, you. Hello, Hispanic Jack Skellington, Black Oogie Boogie and Derek. Why is Derek get to be like the normal person? Is that offensive? Why do you got to disrespect us like that? Uki-Buggy got soul out the ass though

So I don't mind be Oogie Boogie actually He got hella soul I'm okay with that actually thank you He got unbugged man He got undone he got undidded bro I feel like I don't know Is

I feel like Black and Oogie Boogie does not mix together Well no it Oogie Buki's definitely black though I heard of me that's a black man Well he does seem like a black man He's very soulful and stuff But I just feel

I feel like that's like the... I'm not gonna go there. It's just, there's just some racial... I think it does sound like a black man because he's evil. No, what? You know what's crazy? I feel like canonically

we're just not evil in things. I feel like black people just aren't evil. I feel like black people just the one that gets fucked over and everything they're in. They just get fucked like, oh man, damn it. Even Cody 2012 didn't really do anything. That guy was just chilling, you know? And what?

I mean, like... What are you fucking talking about? Yo, honestly, for a second, imagine you're Joseph Coney, right? You're just some guy. Oh, my God. You're just some guy in Africa. You're just chilling. You're hanging out.

You've done, you, maybe you, like, grow herbs or something. And then this campaign in America gains ground spreading this whole story about how you have this fucking organization of child soldiers. And you're just a rep. Your reputation is just ruined. He's like, I don't even, I don't even have my own kids. Yeah, dude, I'm fucking saying. I was dating. I was dating this woman and I was going to ask her to marry me.

And she found out about this. And now she says she hates me. I've, my life is ruined. I've never seen a gun. I don't know what war is. I've just been growing, uh, mint. It's been growing mint. And now you're a warlord.

What a. Poor soul. Yo, from fucking farmer to warlord in like a second, like one second flat. I mean, I guess you would have to run it there, right? If people already think so, you're like, fuck. Yeah, yeah. Because you're not going to convince anybody. You're not just going to, like, fly to the UN and be like, listen, it's not me.

You know, this isn't me. They're just going to arrest you because it's just like, God. That could have been the case because no one knew, no one in the West knew of Joseph Coney before Coney 2012. Yeah. That literally somebody could have just been like, oh yeah, that guy. That guy just will paint the whole picture. And then all of a sudden, one day he's on watching fucking television in a coffee shop.

And then he spits out the coffee and sees that he's a fucking wanted criminal or something. Somebody make a Sweeney 2020 video. No. Oh my God. Yes. Guys, don't do that because I'm, I'm going. going to be a nurse one day, dude. Stop.

Like, don't do that. That's dangerous for me. Yeah, you're going to go from nurse to, uh, what's, uh, what else? Uh, what could you evolve to? Criminal fucking drug kingpin. There's all that. Yeah, criminal drug kingpin. I would be so upset.

They'd be like, Mr. Jameson, um, we look through your records and this, um, does a Tom Sweeney persona sound fish, uh, I'll be like, uh, no, I don't know who that is. I don't know who that is. Like, well, it says here that you have killed trillions. That's more than there are people Trillions You killed more people than there are

And people believe it You were the person that invented COVID-19 In fact, it said you were in a lab You know what COVID has done to the world? It's been eight years since 2020 You know how bad It's guy and I'd be like, Miss, it's a meme Yeah, that's a great defense

It's a meme. Is this a meme? I did say, some online stuff for a few years back. Please don't ruin my life. I'm sorry, but the authorities have been called. Oh, my God. Anyway, the question, which we didn't even get to. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. This is a weird question because I feel like the answer is like so... It's almost like a trick question. But he says, I wanted to know what being would terrify you most if it came into your bedroom and started stroking your hair while you sleep. Sween, you can't pick alien. I think it would be terrifying if Willem Defoe's character from Lighthouse came into my room while I slept and started stroking my hair. The answer to this question is anybody who isn't invited.

That's literally anyone. Anyone, actually. If I woke up to my girlfriend stroking my hair, staring me, my eyes, I'd be like, sweetheart. Explain fast. Go away. Before I start attacking. I'm going to turn off my rationality and I'm going to turn it to what they drew us as in those fucking books. in the 1800s, so you better

fucking speak fast. Oh, man. Yeah, really, the question is, anybody, but I probably, the worst, it would have to be shot Uncle Ben, though. Like, if he's just,

he's terrified. I think headbashing Joel would also be pretty terrifying. I stay corrected. That's so much worse. Bleeding all over my fucking bad and shit. I'm like, bro, what's your fucking deal, man?

That's so, much worse, dude. His fucking brains are like all over your pillows and shit. And, oh my God, and fucking... He's stroking your hair, early. I love you, he's trying to play the guitar, but he's

too much of his brains missing. He gets, like, inexplicably accidentally spoiled the last of his two, like five times. Fucking brain bashed in total. There's last of a spoilers in here fucking deal with it. Yeah, yeah, I think I think that'd be, yeah.

An octopus would really fuck me up. If I woke up and there was an octopus fucking suctioning on my hair and it felt like someone was caressing my head, I would, I would digitize. I would turn into a fucking, I would turn into a fucking app. I'd be Cortana. I genuinely might cry. I would cry if like Rocky Dennis was stroking my hair in the middle of the night. You would cry. I would cry.

Do you know who Rocky Dennis is? Not exactly. Rocky Dennis. Isn't that that, like, that, uh, what is that thing called? The gigantic's face? What is it called? The, well, well, you know, it's just, just look it up, sweetie. It's that.

It's that guy with like the stone looking face, right? His face is like rock. Yeah, you can say that. Are you going to put it in a Discord? Uh, I, I just trust you to look. I trust you to look it up. I'm good. Are you sure?

You want to just unfucked up? You want you something fucked up? Guys, for all the YouTubers out there, look up the reggae singer Yellow Man. Just look up how he looks. And I promise you, I promise your sleep will be fucking burdened by him for the next few nights. God. I promise. What is the wrong with him?

Is he okay? Look him up. Is he all right? Look him up. He's got something, right? Look him up. Oh, you're such an asshole, dude. What's his name again?

He's a cancer survivor, sweetie. Well, good for him. I'm proud of him, but man. Wow, you're such an asshole. We're going to cut that one out. What? I'm not making fun of him for having cancer. I'm just saying he looks ornate.

Ornate? Yeah. A particular. A design that's not common to most, giving it its own design. All right. Big sauce rodent. Big sauce rodent. He said, sup nerds, are there any common conspiracies or superstitions that you think could be more likely explained by another conspiracy or superstition?

Personally, I am much quicker to believe that we're in a simulation and that shit flying across the room and stuff like Derek's friend's controller is indeed a glitch in the physics engine as opposed to a ghost. Kind of like when ghosts in halo fly across the map. So like basically like cross-referencing superstitions to like nullify others. Is what he's asking? Yeah, yeah. So basically those superstitious. are null and void because we're in a simulation, which is, I guess, a superstition.

Right, right. There's no hell because we're already in hell, duh. There's no devil or hell or God because we're already fucking dead in a simulation inside of an alien's nuttack. It's like, oh, duh. There you go. No, I, I mean, look,

if there was proof, if there were ever someday proof that we're in a simulation, I wouldn't be surprised. That's basically how I feel about that. Like, it's one of those things that, you know, there's things that, like,

say for example, if fucking Hillary, Trump, Obama, anybody ripped off their face masks and they actually were reptilians, I would be genuinely surprised. I'd be like, what the fuck? Like, I can't believe that's real. I would.

I watched it throughout video about that shit. I'm already fucking kind of on that boat. Oh, come on, man. It's fun. It's fun to talk about, but like the idea. I don't know, man The idea is like there's like

These I can't I'm not even even Yeah and like the camera glitches or like them like Folding into their real form or whatever the fuck It's just so insane Just a metric fuck ton of just genuine insanity I love it so much but yeah Like I said if that was real I'd be like Everything I knew to be true holy fuck

I can't believe this is real But a simulation thing Wouldn't it wouldn't because like you You wouldn't know until you And then if I did know, I'd be like, okay, that explains a lot of weird shit that has happened. That would actually, like, some things that you're like, dude, this has to be a simulation. How the fuck did this happen? Even certain huge historical events that have happened.

And people are like, this will never happen again. I don't even know how it happened the first time or something, for example. And then it's just like, well, it seems if someone was like the overlords just, they literally just uncovered like the, like say we're all in a Folgers coffee can. and like, fucking, our overlord just, like, took off the lid and you can see this giant hand and shit. I'd be like, oh, okay, yeah, I get it. Like, that makes sense. You're just, you're full, you can't understand without any resistance.

It's like, I don't care about what's happening. I'm just going to, everything that goes wrong, I'm just going to chalk up to something bigger up top doing it because I just can't, I don't have time to figure it out. Yeah, at that point, you kind of have, you kind of have to. I think I understand what you're saying. I do think There are things that I don't necessarily believe

That I wouldn't be surprised Yeah That I wouldn't be surprised by Like if somebody was like If we had like concrete proof that like Angels were like aliens Like I would I'd be like oh yeah

That makes sense to me though Like genuinely makes sense to me That makes like a creepy amount of sense But it's also like Unfortunately tethered to that stupid Fucking ancient aliens bullshit So like Could you imagine he was right

Could you imagine he was right? He was the most correct of us. Yes. The correct of us. The correct of us part two. I was right. What is it, Georgio, who could, that... Whatever that guy's green guy.

He's got his hands up, his hair's crazy, and he just... It's like, it's the meme, but it just says golf clubs. He starts talking about bashed, Joel. The next episode, is that shit still on? The next episode, he's like... So, Abby was actually an alien. If you look closely, the fireflies resemble winged creatures. Oh, man.

Yeah, dude. They're fucking firefly. Dude. Holy shit. That would be the best thing ever. I'm in love with life again. It feels good. I saw.

I saw. I was watching the History Channel. And I think it was ancient alien. A sentence came out of that fucking show that is etched into my brain And I can't believe I can't believe I forgot it until just now Because this happened weeks ago But they were they were talking about the John Favreau movie Cowboys versus Aliens Oh my God

And they were like, what if this what if John Favro's Cowboys versus Aliens Is actually a work of historical fact Oh my God Okay And I lost my fucking mind I want to see that Dude, it's real I swear to God

I'm sure if you look up Ancient aliens I don't know I guess Cowboys and aliens would be a redundant search term But like maybe like John Favre or something It'll come up and it's just I

I saw it on TV like live And I was just like oh my God What an astounding sentence To just say so seriously I'm 100% on board I want to see what the hell They would even like how we even come to that kind of conclusion that possibly cowboys and aliens was a thing.

Like there's these old Western, greasy, smelly, fucking Arthur Morgan's fucking blasting at these things that they can possibly. How does that movie even, I kind of want to see that movie now because I remember when it came out, I was like, how does, how did the cowboys stand a chance? Do they actually fight each other? Because, I don't know. I haven't seen it. Because you can't, like, you have to be the shittiest aliens ever if you can't beat cowboys. I think, yeah, I don't know. I think based on some of the trailer this side, I think he like...

He got alien tech. I remember what Daniel Craig was in it, right? He's like a cowboy with like a fucking Ben 10 Omni Tricks or whatever the fuck. A going ghost. Oh my God. That's not even right. I don't want to see it anymore. I don't want to see anymore.

He said that he was just 14 and he's dead. He's dead. He died. His dad ran him over on the church. trucking accident, he died. Now he's Danny Phantom, what he's dead. If you wanted ghost powers,

why didn't you say so? He clubs him in the head with a golf club. Oh shit. Danny's real name is Joel Daniel Fantin. This is so fucking dumb. All right, what do we got? Death, Corp Guardsman, official terrorist of the Snart Tank Discord. Welcome.

He wrote and he says, hello, cybercriminal, cyber terrorist, and uncontacted cave person. Cyberpunk 277 is about a month away now. Have you boarded the hype trains or are you some kind of disgusting hipster who dislikes everything popular? Maybe you have some kind of valid reason not to be excited. Who knows? I forgot that it was coming out soon, actually. Everything's coming out soon, dude. We have a very few weeks before we are bombarded with spending money and way too many games.

to play at once. Games and tech, a bunch of shit's dropping. Yeah, November is going to be wild. I'm not, I'm not, like, I'm not, like, super excited about the game because, really, when you think about it, how amazing can it be?

Like, just being honest. How amazing can be? It's a cyberpunk set. It's a cyberpunk GTA. That's what it really seems like to me. Like, that seems fun as hell, but, like, how, it's not going to, to be like red dead it's not going to be like it's not going to have this amazing story that can tug on

your heartstrings or no i think it is like author morgan that's like infects your brain or some shit or like dutch or something you think so i think it might have i think it might have a fantastic story because it's cd project red and people don't like if you don't like if you don't think the witcher has one of the best stories in video games you're stupid you're just dumb you're stupid and that's some of the best characters ever it's i think it's up there with red dead for like the best stories of a video game. I can't say anything because I haven't, uh,

I haven't even played, uh, I haven't played wild cunt yet just because, um, wild cunt. I hate you. I haven't, well,

I already, I already talked about it how like, I, I just can't play things out of order and, um, I haven't beaten two. So, um,

I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting. So I, I guess I can't even, I can't even, but I'll take your word for it, though. It's up there.

It's gonna be good. I think it's going to be really, really good. I have no, I think it'll be good. But my excitement for video games is really just about like, oh, I'm excited to like play something. You know, like I never, it's not this like, oh, I'm excited for this thing that will change my life because I've accepted that like it's very few games do that really. Yeah.

It's, and it's usually pretty unexpected. So like the more you expect something to do that and the more you expect something to be like this masterpiece, the less likely it is to be it. So I think I'm just looking forward to it and it's probably something that I'll play. A little bit later because I feel like there's like a lot of stuff that I'm trying to catch up on. And also, it just looks like a game that I'm really going to have to sick my teeth into, which I don't even know if I have the patience. But, yeah, no, it looks good. I'm still fucking super enamored with fucking crash. I don't understand how that game is as good as it is.

I was going to come out really soon, though? That's going to take out all of our time. It's going to take out whole friend group's time. Ghost multiplayer. The raids. They're making raids in that game. It's going to be nuts. I don't know.

I'm interested to play it I don't know if it's something that I'm gonna play consistently though I'm gonna play it a lot regular on the regular regular regular what is that Boston what the fuck is that regular

Rugla I think that's some I think that's southern stock I don't even think they like no to me that sounds like like something that sounds like New England to me like on the regular like regular like how they

just To me, like Southern shit would sound more like it just wouldn't. They wouldn't even fit it. They're too lazy. They don't finish words. It'd be like, all in the rig. It's on the rig or something. I don't know.

Some Southern folk right now. I think we're all, I ultimately, I think we're all looking forward to it. Very much so. But I would say I'm not hyped in the point where, you know. Yeah, I would say that too. I see some people like, oh, I can't wait to play it. I'm like, all right, man, relax. I can't wait to play it.

I feel overwhelmed. By all the games I have to fucking play. I'm like, please. Delay this another like five months. You're overwhelmed. I just got a whole new fucking game catalog. I was an interest, a whole new world of video games, man.

Yeah, except my job is to play a bunch of shit. Yeah. That's true. It's kind of my job now, too, but that's your, you got to do it and talk about it. Yeah. It's got to do it in front of a camera. All right.

All hands on Chris's fucking throat as he continues to raise the price of the tears. I haven't done that in a while. Yeah, it's been like months, right? It's been a while. It's been a couple months. I'm glad Oh he says I'm glad to be back In a financially stable place

To support this shit again My question is Welcome back by the way My question is What movie genuinely fucked you up Whether it was the twist Or just horrifying imagery A recent traumatic experience of mine

Was Paddock I've never seen Paddock But he said He says I also watched Sorry to bother you And all I can say is Can you help me Can you help me

If you haven't seen to bother you we've said this already but like seriously like I think my that's my answer dude like I've never seen a movie fuck like fucking completely just upend my assumptions like that it's fucking insane I I don't know I don't know I probably not like a movie it's probably just like maybe television or something maybe like maybe shows something like can't think of a movie where it's just like, it's just like, oh man, this really fucked me up. Like, holy shit. Yeah, I can think of more TV also.

I can think of, like, a lot of, like, the Courage of Cowderly Dog episodes or even just, like, stumbling across scarred by accident. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah. I can't believe that was a TV show that they just aired. Yeah, I totally want to see people's fucking meniscuses being fucking ripped outside. You want to see, you want to see a video of some guy holding his testicles on MTV 2? that was this live leak

that was this live leak MTV2 was like can we do it and they were like yeah do it just he's put it out there dude TV got away with a lot of shit which is saying it's for like medical purposes or educational oh yeah like fucking moore and shit yeah like there's so much shit that you

normally could not do and then you just slap like oh one day this is going to be shown in a classroom or in a science class or a medical class something and then like fucking uh I remember in I think I was in middle school and I'd watch the E, the entertainment channel. And they're just be like, oh, we're going to put tits in this broad. And then you can just see your tits because it's educational.

I'm like, this is fucking rad, dude. I was like, this is awesome. Like, there's free tits on television, but only because it's educational. And I'm like, I like that loophole. It is a good loophole. So if I show my dick for educational purposes, it'll be fine, right? No, no, I don't think that's how that works. There has to be a person with the white lab coat present, and then it's fine.

It's totally fine. All right, cool. We're about to have an experiment. Then and only then, is it okay? That's it. Like, it doesn't have to have a fucking license. It doesn't have to have a fucking Ph.D. or nothing.

You don't need a medical degree. Just go to Amazon and buy a fucking doctor lab coat or whatever, and then whip your dick out. Just make sure the coat's in the frame. It's in the shot. it doesn't have to be worn just make sure it's on the bed and then whip your piece out and then post it on what you can't

okay so I think Instagram and you'll be fine just differentiate try it yeah go ahead you've been late I'd like to see how that goes I'm gonna make a Twitter

I'm gonna make an Instagram account that isn't linked to anything I do financially and I'm gonna do it all right you've just given it away you've just given it away that you're your drug lord your kingpin fucking account

Stop. Stop it. What is your name? Like King Swin? What is your name? What is this Kingpin name? I don't know. Sweenpin?

King Swin. Swing king? Swinster. Hmm. I don't know. That's a good... We should let the audience decide. I like it.

I like it. What would Sweeney's kingpin name be? It's got to be good. Yeah. We'll go through some of the submissions on the next episode and see how good you guys. See how good you guys are. Yeah, let's do that. It'll be great.

You like that? You like how we just put the work on everybody else? Smart man. That's my loophole. That's a great one. That really is. It is a great one. Anyway, that's going to be it for us today.

If you somehow like and appreciate what you heard today, consider supporting us over at patreon.com slash the snark tank. $1 a month gets you early access. gets you a question right on the show. $10 gets you access to our discord server, and 25 gets your name dyslexically read at the end of the show, which I will now do. You got to count down, Sweene.

Oh, three, two, and one. Leroy Jenkins, I want to be waterboarded by your pussy juicy. Pussy juicy. Wait, Leroy Jenkins, is that that fucking... Fuck that. That's that thing. from what's that stupid game? Oh wow.

World of Warcraft. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, it took me a second. It's a classic. I know, I know, I know. Go see you juicy. It's so ancient now, though. It's like fucking disgusting.

It's like, that's like 16 years old. Yeah. Crazy. Huh? Gross. Lira Jenkins is as old. Stop, stop. As I was when I heard it probably.

Oh, yeah, it's a good point. Actually, maybe older. It's older now. Disgusting. Matthew Barrett. Clark, cataclysmic cunt, hard hat, skydiver, Jessica Paris, absolute wagon, sheetbox man, Banana 101 ASDF, Sargon's hyper-realistic Tom Sweeney fuck doll, Tyler Durdin, Billy the Big Baller, Shronic the Swampog, Alaska and Oilfield Trash, Chris would be a twink if he cared about hygiene,

I wish my dad kissed me like Tom Brady, Did 9-11, Lieutenant Lipton's famous T-Bag facials, not an FBI agent, Juan Punchman, Marcus Shorten, Mr. Fuck, Abusi, Papa Nurgle, Tom Sweeney's zesty clam sauce, the gruesome tosum that molests Gavin Newsom, zesty Keith David, Chris's 69 gigabytes of Coco Bandicoot Hentai, game controller 25, Danny DeVito's spooky, lovecraftian, a draconian dick. Oh my God, I got to click it because it's so long. Dick Bone. Jesus Christ, Almighty.

That's quite a long one. It's quite a long one. It's quite a long one. Dick down, Daddy, Derek. U-WU-U-U-W-U-U-W-U-W-U-W-U-W-U-U-W-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-RR-U-W-W-U-W-U-R-U-R-W-U-R-RUS. Christ Almighty. David Connolly, the dyslexic that feels Chris's pain, Dunderhead, Ben Douglas, Sweeney's money laundering account, lobotomized Jesus is drooling, divine, is my drooling divine savior.

I always fucked that up for some reason. Hako, my pregnant wife said the baby was kicking, so I tore it out and beat it to death for attacking her. That's a good... Oh, come on, man. Yeah, don't do that. I would advise against that, legally speaking, but I mean, you know, I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not your dad.

Moto zealot, Mike Tyson's left hook, Sweeney the Kauaiwifu, Hiroshima Spicy Mushrooms, Chris Chan's Soul Calibur, create a character. You guys are getting so long that I, even with all of the deleted columns. It's still cutting out It's ridiculous Chris Chan's sole caliber

Create a character beating up I'm not fuck you dude The gall of this person He's been our patron for seven months though So I guess I'll fucking read you But also I want you to know that I hate you That's you're paying for the knowledge that I hate you Rightfully so

Chris Chan's soul caliber Create a character beating up Mary Lee Walsh the dean from Piedmont, Virginia Community College. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. That's a fucking novel. Fucking throw yourself away.

A level one clarke. Derek's unyielding sex drive. Dummy thick Dave. Big dude 0444.4. Heartless Wretch, aka the black man from Staten Island. Dobby's freedom cemented in semen. Ummy,

yummy, yummy, yummy, come inside my tummy, the ghost that lived in the apartment above Chris and Sweeney, jolly old dipshit, Emperor Palpatine, a hugger Derek,

uh, Blatino extraordinaire, Carson Jones, Keith Uri and David, Fouhei, the Pragerian hunter, deflated left ass cheeks, all hands on Chris's fucking throat as he continues to raise the price of the tears, sunny chance, the blampey the dangles,

Toby Schuettman, Artie the one man party, please love me, Melfus, one L, Q, LeBron, Richter 86, and King. As always, of haphazard. Yeah, yeah, wow. That was a lot. Yeah, it's getting, I mean, it's a lot only when you count that one person.

But thank you guys for showing your support. Remember, next episode, going to be going over Sweeney's Kingpin name. So we're going to get some fucking juice of submission. No, we're not. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop that. No. No, it's too late. It's not stopping. Oh my God. Later. Later losers.

Bye, guys. I'll see you guys next time. Take care. I hope you're okay. I hope you all fuck a lot of pussy. What about bussy? No bussy?